We’ve Fucked Before #2

I know, I know I said that I wasn’t going to catch up with this guy We’ve fucked before again after we started talking about when things ended with Milky, but this guy never let up & I kept him on the back burner, maybe that’s why things didn’t work out the way I hoped they would with Origin because I kept this guy hanging. Maybe my karma is shot!

Anyway, when he says that he wants to catch up, a few days after I end things with Origin, I agree, but the second I do, I burst into tears. Like properly howling like someone died tears. (I’m not a crier at all, so this is uncharted territory, crying so much over a guy I knew for only a couple of months but we’d text EVERY DAY & I don’t even know how long we chatted online before we exchanged numbers, it would’ve been at least a week otherwise I wouldn’t given him my number.) But I work out that I’ve got more hormones in me from taking the emergency contraception pill so I am more emotional than I usually am. Yeah that’s it!

Anyway I decide that I need something to distract me, stupidly I also don’t want to have sex with this guy in case Origin comes back into my life & then I have to explain that I had sex only a day after I ended it with him. However, I guess I’d have to explain that I had sex with ‘Bowie’ the night Origin bailed on me the first time, so whatever, it’s going to be ruined even if Origin does come back but let’s face it, this blog is proof that I am not living a romantic comedy & even when I put myself out there for the first time in TEN years, I still end up alone!

I finally agree, after the whole day of texts with him & I say that he can come around at 5:30 pm, I had told him I’ll be in a robe when he gets here & we can head straight to the shower (seems to be his fantasy) but once I’m ready & tel him to come over, he text to me that he had to pick up his sister. What the actual fuck dude… I burst into tears I can’t even get a random guy I’ve fucked before to want to see me!

we've fucked before #2

I wait until 8:30 pm our regular scheduled time but he never comes over. This is technically the first time I have ever been stood up. Yet again I am the one that feels foolish, I am done. Done, Done, Done!

He texts me almost a week later saying he got a new phone after dropping his in the toilet & that’s why he hasn’t gotten in contact, I write back a bit, get another dick pic & the offer for him to come over. I just put him off, do I really want to go there? I thought I said I was done!

He messages all the time & I reply but then when I set a date & time, he doesn’t message me, I just can’t be bothered. I really can’t.


Guest Blogger: Collection

I literally laughed out loud when I read these. I love it.

Thank you to She-Wolf for allowing me to share her stories with you!


Below are a collection of my funnier sexcapades.

These are the stories my girlfriends snicker over. I still do too.

Sex should be an enjoyable experience. It should be memorable.

If anything, I hope these stories give you a belly-laugh, and make you think “thank god that’s not me”…

1. Overexcited

This guy I met walking home. He kept lapping past me, beeping his horn to get my attention. He finally realized that I wouldn’t respond to cat-calling and showboating, and decided to pull over to talk to me.

He was a little older than me, with beautiful Mediterranean features and a hint of an accent. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. These days, I wouldnt; but back then I was young and stupid.

We met a few times and on about the 3rd date we actually kissed. It wasn’t great. Too much tongue. Kissing can be taught though, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next time we met, we went for a drive. In broad daylight. He took me to a local parking spot in the middle of the afternoon. I knew what he was thinking and I knew I wasn’t up for being an exhibitionist.

He started to kiss me- thankfully, he’d taken my hints and his technique was much improved. That little kiss did way more for him than it did for me. He grabbed my hand and stuffed it down the front of his shorts, while exclaiming “see! You’ve got me all excited!”… to which I replied “you’re really not doing anything for me today; can you take me home now?!” I’ve never seen an erection deflate so fast!

2. Broke-Dick

I have known this guy basically my whole life; he’s a family friend.

We ran into each other when we were all grown up and hadn’t seen each other in years. After too much vodka and not enough thought, we bundled into a cab and went back to his place.

Initially; it wasn’t so bad. I knew him, even though I had never been this intimate with him before, so I was less hung-up than I’d normally be.

We decided to play with the handcuffs he had- which was a lot of fun. He was really physically strong, so moved me about however he liked (which I enjoyed).

After a few thrusts, we both felt a bit of pain. I told him he wasn’t doing it right. But he shook it off and tried to continue.

By now, he was really feeling sore and couldn’t work out why. He pulled out, and that’s when he saw it: blood.

Naturally; his first instinct was to ask if it was mine. It wasn’t. When he realized the bleeding was coming from him, he let out an almighty girl-scream and ran through the house naked, waking his housemates in the process.

He ran a shower and as the warm water lashed at his ripped frenulum, he screamed anew.

I’d managed to get loose of the cuffs and get changed to go check on him.

His housemates burst into fits of laughter when they realized what had happened and started chanting “broke-dick”. The name has stuck.

3. Banana-bender

I met this next one online. We had a really lovely date (anything with messina makes me happy) and there was a lot of chemistry.

He’d been in some kind of fitness competition and really badly hurt himself. I graciously offered him a massage. He accepted my offer, even though I told him that this wasn’t going to be one of those massages like in porn.

There will be no happy endings here!

Pfft! That bit of wishful thinking didn’t last long. I can’t help myself, after all.

When he pulled it out for me to look at, I had to choke back my laughter with a fake cough; it was literally so bent I bet he could pee around a corner! No joke- it’s basically a right angle.

Yes; we somehow managed to do the deed. Yes; it felt really weird. But surprisingly not that bad. A little bit of a quick-draw, but flawless technique.


4. The Thrill of Brazil

I’d been on a really lovely date with this guy. Date number two was at my place; I was cooking.

Naturally, the privacy of my home gave us both other ideas. He’d said to me that he was “very dominant” and that he wanted to do something “special” with me.

As we started to get into it, he took out his “python”- the name he gave to it (really, it was not bigger in overall dimensions than a pork sausage- delusions of grandeur, perhaps?!) And proceeded to basically rub the tip of it over my face, like he was drawing an invisible mask of zorro on me, or performing some kind of weird blessing.

As he did this, he repeatedly whispered the word “special” to me. I was literally too stunned to move; face screwed up in a curious mix of distaste and disbelief.

I mean, come on! Who the hell does that in real life and finds it erotic?!

The python spat too early and he was so embarrassed about his performance that I haven’t heard from him since.

5. The Convict

I met him after a work party that I ditched in order to go party at a strip club instead.

One of his friends mistook me for an escort and tried to worm his hand up my skirt. The slap to the face I gave him made him see otherwise.

My convict called me over to him to apologize for his friends behavior and make sure that I was ok. He and I spent the rest of the night together- drinking, dancing and getting to know one another.

He propositioned me and I accepted. He had the bad – boy look. I didn’t think twice.

After a marathon round of gymnastic Sex , I said goodbye and he swore up one side and down another that he’d call me.

I was pretty “whatever” about it. But to my immense surprise, he did!

Though he would only call me on Wednesdays. And he’d flat out text and call me on weekends, trying to arrange to see me again.

It wasn’t until sometime later, when I questioned the pattern and asked him if he was secretly married or something that he finally admitted to me the truth- he was on weekend release from jail and gets a phone call every Wednesday.

Soon after this, he got into some more trouble and his weekend release was discontinued. I never heard from him again.

6. The ANZAC Day Punter

Let it be known that the wine they serve in RSL clubs played a massive part in this bad decision.

We met around the two-up table. I won most of his money. He kept betting with me to try and win it back, but also to have a reason to stay close to me.

By the end of the night I was well past the point of making a good decision. To drunk me, he was at least a solid 8/10, with short, curly hair, broad shoulders and kind eyes.

I dragged him home and had my way with him, apparently. I don’t remember it at all.

The next morning I woke up with a raging, head-splitting hangover… and a foreign arm draped across me. I carefully peeked over my shoulder to see what I’d done and threw up in my mouth a little. My 8/10 in the harsh light of day was barely a 2.

I sent my mum a message and asked her who he was. She said I apparently really liked him. I told her she was awful for letting him take me home.

I made him a coffee, then feigned a busy day ahead to force him to leave. I thought that’d be the end of it.

I was so wrong.

About 3 months later, I was in bed asleep; blissfully unaware that someone was calling my name from the front yard.

Yes- it was him.

The noise woke my mum though; so she went to investigate. And, in a move so awful I can only describe it as a lesser form of child abuse, she let him in and woke me up to speak to him.

He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me and that he thought he was in love with me. I tried to mask my distaste as i told him there was someone else in my life (there wasn’t) and asked if he could get home ok.

He said he couldn’t, and suggested to sleep in my bed with me. I gave him two options; my lounge, or my lawn.

Thankfully; he had left by the time I woke up.

7. The Pro Soccer Player

We met in a nightclub and he wouldn’t let me go from the moment he came and introduced himself to me.

He was really sweet; a genuinely lovely guy. He was really humble, and was polite to everyone who came to speak to him that recognized him. That kindness impressed upon me.

We went back to my place and got stuck into it. Mum was supposed to be staying at her mates place that night, so I figured I’d have the place to myself. Midway through, I thought I heard the lock turn on the front door, but I wasn’t 100%, so I just kept going, until mum flicked on my bedroom light and screamed in shock.

I did plenty of screaming myself (“Mum! Close the door! ”). The mood was instantly killed. And I sent him packing through the back door.

Clearly, mum recognized him.

She had told her friends, too.

Who were all waiting to greet me in the morning with a Mexican wave, screaming “goal” and singing “ole! Ole! Ole!” at me.

It took a few weeks for that incident to die down.

She-Wolf xx

Yep, I got a big chuckle at the office when I read these on my lunch break! Hahaha…

For those wanting to read, here is the link for She-Wolf’s blog.



Origin #8

The next day I am in a better mood, all is right with Origin, I can’t be mad he’s online, were not exclusive. I wait to hear from him, all day but get nothing. All afternoon nothing. All evening nothing. I go to the gym for two hours & think he’ll text me while I’m there, nothing. This would be the first day that we didn’t text since we swapped numbers if we don’t text today. I don’t want that. So I ask how he’s feeling & if he died on me. He doesn’t write back & I’m home & stalker like online (which he is not, phew!) so I jump in the shower & wash my hair. He texts while I’m in there saying he just got home from cooking his mum dinner.

When I head into my bedroom I see that he is online & not only online but his tag line that shows up under his name (that should be like ‘who wants to chat’ or something like that) & he has some chicks user name. I fucking look up her profile, (What am I doing?! This isn’t me!) she’s gorgeous, I think a tad out of his league & I am laughing now because that will scare her off with her user name in his tag line, also he’ll scare off anyone else in his list as well. Plus, if they haven’t accepted each other then she can’t even see it, so it’s just a bit weird.

With this, paired with how much he’s been pulling away & hormones racing through my body from the morning after pill, I think that I have to find out what he wants. I hate to do it over text but I can’t go on this week feeling like shit, stalking him online & waiting for him to ask me out. I just am not this person, I am never like this, so I ask him if wants anything more than what we’re going at the moment, takeaway & Netflix? He takes ages to reply to me, but says that he’s been waiting for me to ask him this. That he isn’t sure what he wants, he just got out of a five-year relationship & normally he’d jump right into the next thing but he thinks I am awesome & enjoys being around me & having fun, but doesn’t want to rush into anything he doesn’t think he’s ready for. He respects me as a person & if it means it’s not what I want at the moment he understands. He says he’s a good person with morals & wasn’t just using me for sex.

I take a while to respond. Do I keep seeing him? Knowing he’s actively looking for other people? Am I that ok with being someone’s second choice? I respond saying that I didn’t want to do this over text but I get the feeling he’s lost interest; we’ve gone from texting all day every day to barely texting at all & I explain that I am not secure enough in myself to keep going in the hopes that he likes me back one day.

He says that he does like me & think I’m an awesome chick but he’s having family issues (Err… that’s new?!) & he’s been so sick lately (yeah because he hasn’t rested at all) that it’s got him down but the last thing he wants to do is hurt me & understands how I am feeling. He really enjoys spending time with me but is not sure he wants a serious thing at the moment which is unfair on me but he was expecting this message from me but also didn’t want it. But he’s not someone that wants to hurt me while he is working out what he wants. He understands & will respect my decision.

What is my decision? Go on & be hurt anyway or go on & maybe have the relationship I’ve always wanted or end it now so I don’t get a chance at being hurt? I hate when people list your qualities on their fingers, if I was that great, then surely he’d want to be with me, or make more of an effort to hang on to me. I don’t want to be a backup while someone works out what they want.

I reply saying, ‘yeah I know I’m awesome hahaha, just not awesome enough.’ I say it was great to meet him & hang out with him & that I’ll drop his beanie back. I say take care & hope he find what he wants. I expect that will be it, but he texts again.

He says I’m an awesome chick & seriously a few months down the track when he knows where his head is at, he’d seriously ask me out. He says he hopes I don’t see him as someone that was just after one thing because it wasn’t true. He had a super time enjoying my company, some fine wines & some of the best sex he’s had in ages. If that has to be it he can understand but wishes me the best babe & hope I find what I am looking for.

Doesn’t this idiot realise that he is what I am looking for! Without even realising, he is the guy I want, he’s funny, I find him hot regardless of how fat he thinks he is, we have so much in common & I am totally myself around him. Why is he online when he doesn’t even know what he is looking for? That’s why I believe that if I was hotter, like the girl he was trolling, he’d have jumped into a relationship with me.

I respond saying that I want to keep seeing him but my head is too scrambled with overthinking but that he should look me up when he is ready, as no doubt I’ll still be single! He says it’s understandable & he respects me & that he’ll miss our Netflix sessions.

I don’t respond, it only takes about ten minutes for me to be howling, like heaving crying – which is so unlike me, I hardly ever cry, especially over a guy. Again I put it down to the hormones. This is so ridiculous.

I cry on the way to work & am barely there mentally on Wednesday, when I get to the office in the afternoon, I burst into tears when a colleague asks me what is wrong. I go out for a drink with a friend in the evening who I have known for over five years & have never cried in front of, but tonight I cry while telling the story. An old couple walk off & as they do, the man tells her to watch the stairs, I burst into tears, my friend doesn’t know what to do, to be honest, neither do I. Hahaha. I had this guy’s phone number for just over 2 months! I need to get a grip!

Not only did I genuinely put myself out there & gave this guy way more than I’ve ever given anyone before & I really thought that he was going to say that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but was willing to give up looking for other women online, otherwise I might not of said anything so soon. That was all the commitment I wanted for now. My friend told me to text that to him but I think it’s over, I’ve made my decision. I have to drop his beanie back (in his letterbox) but then I will move on.

Origin #8

I guess now I am concerned about where I am ever going to meet anyone again, how I am ever going to let someone into my life again. I think that is why I keep crying so much too, how do I keep doing this to myself? My friend said that I am closer, the more I’ve opened up the further the relationships have gone, I just need to keep putting myself out there. I think I need to hibernate for the winter.

I somehow get through the first full day without a text from him or me texting him. I cry a lot but try to go to bed early, I wake up all through the night & call in sick the next day like an idiot. I know I can’t give 100%, even 50% at work if I am constantly on the verge of tears but how stupid, I knew this guy for just over 2 months, how can I be that attached?


Bonus Post: How to Blog

I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank those who ask me questions about blogging but also I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a professional or an expert on anything – especially dating, blogging or writing. Hahaha. However I do get asked a lot, how to blog, how did I get into it, how do I do it? It’s been a long windy road for me, so here is what I know…

First, I did a little short course in Adelaide at the adult learning centre (WEA) about 5 or 6 years before I started posting which was called blogging for beginners. The trainer said that 90% of blogs will fail in the first 6 months. I was like “pfft, it’s ok dude, I got this – I’m hilarious, I’ll get a million likes each post.” So I set about designing my logo, branding my blog, buying the domain name, setting up social media & getting an email. Little did I know that mine would fail within the first 3 months!

Secondly, I started to write. The stories came out easily, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to write about then started the writing – I am still working through that list! I planned a whole bunch of blogs before I started posting because I wasn’t sure I was ready for this! I also want to make sure of longevity of the blog, what would I do if I get writers block?

Thirdly, I started reading other blogs & started to think about how I wanted my blog to be, what format I would use, who my audience would be & what did I have to say! I saw other dating blogs posting sometimes right after a date, I didn’t want to do that (I like to edit & let the story evolve before I post), but I didn’t see any other blogs doing it like I planned, to post after the fact & not be in real time.

how to blog

If you’re thinking about blogging, google is your friend… I learned so much from my course & so much from google. But here are a few tips from I’ve Been Dating For You:

  • Pick a topic
    • Choose a topic you’re passionate about
    • Write what you know! (It’s true what they say.)
    • Write as you would speak it, don’t try to be fancy, you’re not writing War & Peace, this is your time to be you
    • Be specific, don’t change your topic half way though
  • Pick a blog name
    • Make sure the name will evolve with you, your topic & your readers.
    • Make sure its identifiable & catchy (you know like I’ve Been Dating For You – hahaha)
  • Get a logo, email address, social media & domain name
    • Keep them all the same. This help builds your brand & consistency making your blog easier to find
    • Unless you can make the logo without using word clipart, then pay someone to do it for you
    • I suggest buying your domain so your web address if just your blog name ie: ivebeendatingforyou.com not www.i’vebeendatingforyou.com/wordpress as it looks cleaner & more professional
  • Find a site that can host your blog
    • I use WordPress, but you can use Tumblr, Wix or Blogger, any site for hosting a blog unless you can build your own website
    • Learn the site before you post, you don’t want to change your themes & keep updating your look while posting & confusing readers
  • Keep entries short
    • I suggest no more than 1500 words per blog but no less than about 700 words
    • People are busy, they don’t have time to read a never ending story – that’s what books are for
  • Post blog content regularly
    • At least 2 or 3 times per week on set days
    • People need to know when your going to post, if it’s too random & they haven’t subscribed, they won’t come back to look for new content
    • Don’t post too often, again people are busy & don’t have time to keep checking
  • Don’t start posting too soon
    • I started before I was ready & ended up taking another 2 years to continue to post. I know I have a lot to share, but you have to be ready to share with people you know first because that’s how you build your audience
  • Know your audience
    • You need to keep relevant by knowing your audience, knowing what they want to read & not deviating from your topic
  • Plan, Plan, Plan
    • Depending on your subject, you might not want to post as things are happening, you may prefer to edit, edit, edit before you post.
    • Be prepared for writers block. You need to be consistent so by posting a story you’ve just written you are running the risk of not having content for tomorrows post
  • Schedule your posts
    • I have a set schedule for my posts, so they are automatically posted at the same time every week, this saves time because I am also busy but keeps the consistency
    • I schedule mine a month in advance, that way if anything happens, there is a buffer
  • Don’t post too often
    • People don’t have time to read more than a couple of blog posts a week, don’t be too eager to get it all out there (this is hard for me, because I want to you to read everything I have coming up!)
  • Advertise your blog
    • Be prepared to be out of pocket $$$
    • Don’t expect to make money or be famous, blog because you want too, not because of what it might get you!

Initially when I started posting, I wasn’t getting any readers, why? Was my content not good? Maybe not. Was it because I wasn’t consistent? Yes, it was because I wasn’t prepared for how much time it took me to write content (writers block, over editing & second guessing that I was funny), to post, to keep up to date & to get readers! I wasn’t prepared for the amount of work (& money) it would take to get readers.

It’s been a rewarding experience for me & I can’t wait for you to all read it all. It’s made me more open to new things because I keep thinking that I will get a blog post out of it & I hope that you have all learned something or not felt alone (which was my main purpose for blogging). I can also see my writing evolve & myself as a person since my first blog post to what I am writing now. I hope you all stick with me…

Don’t expect it to happen overnight, I have been online for over 2 years but have only been regularly posting for the last 6 months. It’s been very difficult but fun. I look forward to hearing from you all, it’s so amazing to hear your feedback!


Boyfriend #4

Shortly after Boyfriend’s ex girlfriend moves out with all the major furniture, we buy a lounge room suite , dining table, couch, lamp tables, coffee tables, but it’s not even delivered to his house before he gets an eviction notice & has no money saved, owes money to the landlord & is basically homeless.

I don’t want to rent, so I say that if we live together we need to buy a place together. He agrees but we need to save some money first. My sister & her now husband offer for him to move in with them, so we do. We stay with them & then one night per week at my parents, as I officially still live there. I’m not sure if we ever pay them rent, but I know we borrow money from my parents to pay boyfriend’s landlord.

When he tells his parents that we’re planning on buying a house, they transfer us $10k for our deposit. I’m so excited that we are able to start looking for a house. Around this time my sister gets married to her partner & goes on their honeymoon. Boyfriend & I start looking at houses to see what we can get, but we find it. The House. The place we both love at a reasonable price. We speak to a loan guy & he says we haven’t had the $10k long enough to be deemed as savings. So we ask my parents to be a guarantee for our loan. I struggle to do this while my sister is away because I need her advice. But my parents come look & agree it’s the perfect house for us & they help us buy it too.

He’d left the supermarket before we bought the house & I left not long after, for a store manager of a snobby shoe store. But I apparently had complaints made about me & was asked to leave. It was the first time I’d ever been unemployed in my life. Boyfriend supported me for a month before I got a job with a telco. I also hated that job, trying to save customers from cancelling. I wasn’t there long either. I then got a job as a store manager at another shoe store & was so excited to finally be doing something I love.

However as one part of your life goes well, another part falls apart. Cracks started to show with Boyfriend & I moved back in with my parents. I can’t really remember what it was about but I do remember him saying he’ll live there, I can rent out my part & we’ll own it together but not be together. I said absolutely not, if we’re not together, I’m not owning something with him. We somehow sorted it out & I moved back in after 6 weeks.

A year goes by & just after the Christmas I found another job as I was moved stores & hated it. I found a job with the federal government in a call/processing centre. One day, I’d called in sick to go to another job interview as the government job was with an agency.

One night we were out for dinner & he says that he wants a baby… What the Fuck! I haven’t ever really wanted kids, but I guess this is the path for an adult couple. I say that I will need some books to read on pregnancy, we go straight to the shops, buy some books & I start reading them. I tell him that I will finish this pill packet & then we’ll just have unprotected sex but not actually “try” to get pregnant. I don’t really want kids, but I guess this is the adult path to go down.

A couple of weeks later, Boyfriend was on holidays having spent the weekend in country SA where he was from. We went to bunnings to buy some plants to make a hedge out the front of our place & when we got back he came into our room & said “I can’t do this” What?! I assumed it was something to do with the plants but he was talking about us.

I don’t really fight for him to be with me. I toyed with the idea of telling him I was pregnant when my period was late – I’m not going to lie, it crossed my mind more than once… But what’s the point of tricking someone into being with you? If he doesn’t want to be with me, then I am not going to delay the inevitable!

I am genuinely upset about the break up. I find out later that he rekindled a friendship with a chick he went to school with while he was back home that weekend. He moved out of our house after a week of trying to live in our spare room, to be with her. My cousin saw him walking holding hands with her, that was hard to hear but I’m glad my cousin told me. Boyfriend had taken her to a hotel for the weekend. Funny that I never got a weekend away!

I packed up all his stuff in the spare room after he moved in with friends but before he moved his shit out. I got my sister to help me, wanting to remove any trace of him in what will soon be my house. His bedroom suite is in the spare room & I open the draw of the wardrobe to put some of his stuff in & find a big black bag. What the fuck is this? I snoop, having lived with this guy for over a year, been together 3 & a half years & having moved houses twice, I’ve never seen this bag!! I unzip wondering what it could be & it’s a giant bag of porn! Being a bit of a sexual being, I am half hurt that he never showed me but half surprised he was able to keep it a secret this whole time. I slip the pregnancy books into the top of the bag, zip it closed & shut the door of the room. I never went back in there until he was officially moved out.

One thing weird about our relationship was that we never kissed, like we’d peck on the lips all the time – hello/goodbye etc but he’d never kiss me properly with tongue (one of my favourite things to do), even during sex, I’d get a few pecks but nothing more & every time I asked why we don’t kiss, he never had a response & just said ‘I knew you’d ask me this’.

Also Boyfriend never said he loved me. I wasn’t loved by him. I think that’s what hurts me the most & actually probably still hurts me a little now, especially now having to relive this relationship while I write it for this blog. But I also know now that I wasn’t in love with him, I half said it once (yes, once in 3 & a half years) but I’m 100% sure I didn’t feel it. (Knowing what I know now!)


When we broke up, over a few years I put on 30 odd kgs. I was bitter about our relationship & only now I know why. I didn’t know what love was… I feel like I am a good person & that surely someone should love me.

This is a very personal thing for me to say – that I have only just really worked out for myself in the last few years, but my absolute biggest fear in life is that I will die & I will not be loved by a man….








UPDATE: I have lost the 30+ kgs & am now probably smaller than I was when I was with him, living a healthy, happy lifestyle! – No other spoilers about my relationship status now! Hehehe.


Origin #7

I don’t hear from Origin so I text him in the morning when I get to the gym at 9:00 am, thinking I’ll have a cute text from him when I’m finished & he might want to try to catch up again this weekend, even though I’ve got a few things to do, I’ll squeeze him in. I’m at the gym for an hour, nothing. I’m at the dentist for an hour, nothing. I have a shower & wash my hair then straighten it (which takes about an hour with curly hair), nothing. I go to work about 1:00 pm & finally he texts to stay that he just woke up & his throat is so sore but he hopes I don’t get sick. I text him back but get no reply.

I am also freaking out about being pregnant & STI’s, he didn’t cum in me but I am just worried, I head to the pharmacy & get the Emergency Contraception Pill for the first time in my life. I wish I could talk to him about it, that I am responsible (since we both have said we don’t want kids) but also I want someone to be there for me as I go through stuff like this. I don’t tell him though. I plan to when we catch up next.

Later that night about 8:00 pm, I text to see how he is, mainly because my friend was egging me on to invite him where we were having a drink so she could meet him. He says he’s down south having a few beers but asks how my day was (I thought he had a sore throat?!). I respond but just get ‘nice’ back, I send a smiley face & get one back but then he finally has a conversation, asks if I’m having some reds, I say yes. He asks where I am, my friend immediately gets excited that he’s going to just rock up, but I’m 100% certain that my life is not a romantic comedy & he won’t. He says that he’s about to go home at 9:30 pm & my friend wants to go so she tells me to invite him over. He’s been weird all day & we don’t have that kind of relationship yet, so I just say we’re on our way home too. He says ‘expressway bang’ so I assume he’s on the southern expressway, so I casually mention he should get off at my exit, but then he says he hasn’t even left the pub yet. What? I don’t get why say he’s on the expressway if he hasn’t left yet? Red Flag! I don’t understand this guy anymore… At least I know he’s not out with a girl, because he wouldn’t be texting me if he was. He says goodnight about 11:30 pm.

The next day I stay in bed all day & I login to my online dating account but stay invisible to just to check my messages, when I see that Origin is online. He hasn’t text me & it’s almost 2:00 pm but he’s online. Has he been online this whole time but because I haven’t been at all, I didn’t even know? I text to see how he is & he says he’s feeling shit again we text a little bit but it’s not a great interaction. It feels weird & knowing that he’s online all day has really made me realise that I have no idea what this guy is playing at. I really thought he liked me.

I try not to dwell on it, we aren’t exclusive, I’m not that naive that I don’t think people online are dating other people, so I think that I’ll back off & let him text me. But fate… Fate steps in of course! My brother is playing with my phone changing my profile photo on Facebook to his own face like a douche, when he somehow dials Origin (he’s a iPhone user, I had a BlackBerry at the time), not only once but twice! He fucking called him twice! My heart pounds in my chest, For Fuck Sake! Now I’ll never know if he was going to text me. He calls me back & I explain that my brother was playing with my phone (as if he believed that) but he asked if I was free through the week & in the city to catch up for coffee, I said yeah maybe I could work it. He said we’ll work it out.

I text him to say sorry for calling & that I could work it out on Monday if he has an early break, he says he’ll let me know in the morning. We text a bit I get confused because he called me ‘shorts’ as in short for the nickname he gave me of ‘shorty’ but I thought he was talking about wearing shorts so we have a few laughs over texts & he says that he could use a cuddle & that we would talk to me in the morning.

On Monday morning, fate fucking steps in again… on the way to work, I am on my work phone to a colleague through the blue tooth in the car when I grab my personal phone out of my back pocket & put it in the centre console of the car. About five minutes later I get a message & check it but realise that my phone has called someone, FUCK ME HARD! It’s pocket dialed Origin!! What a fucking stalker, I am so stupid! Why oh why did it call him when I had a weird weekend with him & I wanted to see if the lunch date would go ahead. I text him to say sorry pocket dial, he said ‘some guy was talking LOL WTF’ . I explain I was on my work phone, he says ok, that he’s at work with the worst sore throat ever (again?! Really?!) I say that I have deleted him out of my recent calls because I feel like a fucking stalker. He says ‘yeah you stalker 😀 & beanie stealer 😉.’ I just respond that I’ll get it back to him & he doesn’t reply.

However, stalker that I’ve become, I look at my online dating app all day & he’s online most of the day on & off, is he looking for someone else? Have I not given enough of an indication that I am interested in him for him to not want to be searching online for someone else? I put my stalker tendencies down to the fact that I have more hormones running though me than usual due to the morning after pill.

But to my surprise at 7:45 pm he texts to see how my day was, things are better, but the whole time we chat, he is online (I am now in full stalker mode just sitting online but invisible so he can’t see me) we talk like normal, he says how sick he is & how he might die off like the chauffeur’s wife in Downton Abbey, I actually laugh out loud & say ‘dude, she dies in child birth’ (Spoiler alert!). We laugh about how he might die being he’s been sick for so long, I say don’t die though because I like spending time with you & he says that he enjoys seeing me as well.

Origin #7

We kinda stop texting, so I put my phone down but then he asks me ‘what else is new babe,’ do I assume he still wants to talk but I stupidly I think that he was meant to send that to someone else. But I reply anyway & we talk about how OCD I am & how his mum is the same & how he can’t sleep with dishes in the sink. We get onto whipper snippering & how he likes to do that in footy shorts so I said he can do it for me anytime, I think that would be hot. He gets a bit of a complex when I say I think he’s got hot arms & nice legs. Eventually he says after 11:00 pm that he wants to get some sleep so we can watch some more Netflix soon. I go to sleep a happy little Vegemite. Even though he was online the whole time, he is still keen to see me!


Guest Blogger: April Fools

This comes from the same guest blogger who wrote Rug. This story is very familiar!

Thanks for sharing with us again!

April Fools

So, this is about a first date, not all that remarkable in terms of where we met or how, but it’s one that is firmly burned into my memory banks with the chemistry that we shared and for the journey that followed.

It started with a somewhat tentative swipe right based on an intriguing bio (switch, BDSM, kink, all of which I had no idea about at the time). And he was hot, really, really hot. We chat and we click and it’s fun and easy so we arrange a date for two days later. We both had plans with friends but agreed to meet later in the evening after we’d caught up with our friends properly and it would be fine to cross mingle.

We meet at a bar, I saw him approaching and we just locked eyes and smiled. We hug, grab a drink and head to the dance floor. It’s immediate chemistry. I announce I’m hungry after dancing and chatting for a bit and he disappears leaving me with his friend and my girlfriend. He reappears 5 minutes later with a sneaky cheeseburger, which is a semi drunk girls best friend. I was smitten.

Our friends all slowly disappear and we’re left on own own. Still hungry, we go have some blueberry pancakes and chat and laugh and flirt away for an hour or so. We leave, I insist on a piggy back ride, he happily obliges and we run off looking for a cab. In the interests of full disclosure I advise that I’m at the end of my period but I’d like him to come home with me anyway. He’s in and we’re off back to my place. I do love a man that’s not scared of the female body in all its sometimes gory glory.

It’s hot, primal and accepting. We get back to mine and it’s on, there’s kissing and more kissing and not tentative boring kissing, but really good, passionate hard kissing. The kind that leads to clothes coming off and being literally thrown down on the bed and being masterly attended to. He starts with finger fucking me in a way I never have been and I squirt and cum all over the place (note… I did not know what squirting was or what was happening at the time… but hey it felt good). I lost all inhibition that night and got absolutely lost in the moment. He’s clearly enjoying the experience and fucks me hard and well (and yes there was momentary pausing for condom action, because I’m not completely mad and nor was he).


After all was said and done, I slept like a well sated nymph. I awake to a gorgeous adonis entangled up in the sheets with me and a bed that looks like a raging storm has blown through. I may have also had a mild hangover… We breakfast on coffee, tea and tiny teddy biscuits as I’m not by any stretch a chef or home maker. I drop him home and kiss him and say see you later friend. I did see him later, again and again for six months and it was a journey, my own personal sexual awakening. It was one I went into with my eyes wide open, knowing that it would lead to heartbreak (mine). But I’d do it all over again (and again).

Where do these people go after an experience like that? Why do they disappear? I don’t get it!

I wonder if we’ll get another installment? I don’t think this story is over!