Origin # 13

The last time I saw Origin, I forgot to mention about our conversation in the shower after we had sex, we were both standing in there, kissing & cuddling, washing each other when he starts having a bit of a D & M with me, writing numbers in the steam on the glass of all the women he’s been with. He tells me that I was the first chick that he slept with after the break up of his long relationship – well that explains why he never could (or didn’t want to) commit to me… He says that he hasn’t slept with that many women either, but that I was the most adventurous he’d ever been with & he really likes me. Awww, that’s so cute, that I melt while standing so vulnerable, naked, in the shower with him. But of course, remember he left that night, while I was disappointed, I don’t say anything to him.

We chat everyday via snapchat & text, working out that we should catch up next week. I am going out with a friend & suggest that he comes along. He declines to come to karaoke with us, but he offers to pick me up from the hotel & take me home. I jump at the chance, I am messaging him the whole night, while getting so legless that even for me, it’s ridiculous. I was chatting to some guy & their friends, drinking some sort of green drink (WTF? I only know this because of the pictures on my phone later) when Origin appears to take us home. He drops home my friend first then me…

I will tell you what happened, however I don’t remember ANY of it… This is all pieced together from talking to Origin afterwards & looking at my texts… FUCK! Origin & I go to my house & all I remember him not staying over. So at almost 2:00 am, as he’s probably still in my driveway, I text him “Thanks heaps Origin, I appreciate you staying over, it means a lot” How passive aggressive! Jesus… I’m surprised he even wrote back to that to be honest. “Dude” (That’s not a good start to a message from a guy) “You made me wait until like 12 to pick you up, I pick you up, I can’t even get a sentence out of you & then drop you & your friend home, I have to go to a family breky at 7, if you wanted me to stay or hang out longer you should have called me & said come get me, but it’s my fault? I don’t wanna argue talk toms xx nightDOUBLE FUCK! I reply – yeah good idea! (I feel you rolling your eyes with me right now) “I don’t want to argue either but you could’ve stayed…. It’s not your fault at all… but you left me feeling like a hooker… tonight was weird” FUCKING HELL, please stop texting while drunk!!! But he replies “Your right, sorry I thought u were heaps drunk & didn’t want a shower so I thought I would just leave. Certainly didn’t mean to have u feel like that. Agreed weird as write it off ok xx night.” Seriously, thank fuck I read it but fall asleep! Why oh why the fuck am I such an idiot when drunk… But why oh why doesn’t this guy never spend the night!

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The next morning, I wake up just before 10:00 am, feeling like shit, not only because I am supremely hung over but because even though I don’t remember what happened, I have this feeling something isn’t right, I fucked up last night… I read through the horrifying text messages… I know he’s been at breakfast with his family since 7:00 am but hasn’t text me, that he is not going too, I don’t blame him at all… So I swallow my pride & text him “Thanks heaps for dropping my friend off & picking me up. I appreciate it, truly. I didn’t realise I was so drunk that I couldn’t even talk?! I’m sorry for last night, everything I did or said or snapchatted. I hope you had a yummy breakfast this morning.” I don’t really expect him to reply either, I mean I was fucking insane. “Hahaha you’re a tripper you were blind. Meh it’s all good, yeah was sick thanks, talk soon you can make it up to me lols” I respond to him “Yeah I don’t remember much TBH… I have a bruise on my elbow. There are weird photos on my phone. I’m glad you’re still talking to me hahaha. I will make it up to you for sure.”

We eventually arrange to catch up the next weekend after my family dinner, but I end up texting him to bail as I’m not feeling well, my biggest pet hate is when people bail on me, so I apologise a lot, which he is ok with it & wishes me to get better. We decide to catch up a few nights later, I am out for dinner with friends, so text him on the way home & he says that he’s bailing on his friend to come over for a red & a movie.

We start to watch a movie that he chooses but it is so crap that we end up playing pool & talking about that infamous drunken evening. He tells me that I was biting him & when he asked me to stop I didn’t (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK) & that I was trying to suck him off when he was driving up the expressway, he said that he tried to get me to shower with him before we went to bed, but apparently I wouldn’t get in the shower so he decided to leave… OMG I am mortified… Why must I ask like a douche when drunk!?

Anyway, we drink a lot of red wine before he makes a move. We go into my bed room & I get some condoms, when he asks if I like anal, I have only done it with 2 guys a couple of times who had much bigger cocks than him so I say yes we can do it. Unbeknown to me, Origin takes off the condom & slips his dick in from behind me, unbeknown to him, he is not fucking my ass… He’s sort of fucking my leg, sort of in me, but definitely not my ass. I cum from my own fingers, he cums, happily thinking he’s in my ass & that’s when I realise, he didn’t have the condom on. I ask him & he says that he took it off… Why do men do this without asking? FFS. I’m not on the pill at this point in my life so I have just had unprotected sex with this guy, who is jumping up & getting dressed, yet again not staying over! I’m quite drunk, how can this guy be driving home?


Max #3

The next night after work Max wants to catch up to take the kayaks out, I’m surprised that he would want to or be allowed to do that activity with me, being that Sweetie wants to do it too. But it seems like he can, it’s a school night so he meets me at my house right after work. We take the kayaks out for a long time, until the sun is setting low in the sky. It’s actually really nice. We of course go back to my house to have sex after we’ve packed everything away. He stays at my house till quite late… but then leaves to go home to his wife. How does he get away with not going home to help with the kids? I don’t worry about that, they seem to have it worked out I guess. I must remember he’s married though, because as he left, I find myself annoyed that I am disappointed when he leaves, a bit like every time Origin left me late at night – brings up those feelings again.

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Max tells me that his wife wants to chat to me, I must say I am intrigued, more than I thought I would be, mainly to see if he’s been telling me the truth about the open relationship etc & about her. I mean he’s told me about the previous woman that they called his girlfriend & that he still talks to her but his wife no longer gets along with her. But that could also be some story. I also wonder if I do talk to her, what will we talk about? I am also suspicious, is it actually her or is it him with a fake account? Bit of an elaborate scheme – but I’ve thought this before about Notorious Sir, but who the fuck knows what people do in their spare time! Max is also a computer programmer, so he gets technology… Finally, after much internal debate, I allow Sweetie to message me & I know I have a guard up with her, I am suspicious of her intention of why she wants to talk to me, but as the days go on, I actually don’t mind chatting to her. I know it’s her too because she sends me a live pic which proves he does have a wife – not because I ask her to prove it, but she is showing me some picture of herself or something. I actually let my guard down more with him too, being that I now know he’s not full of shit.

Max chats to me daily, of course, him starting the texts with a good morning, you know me, I never text first… Especially with married men, Dom, Max & even Sweetie have to definitely text me first because I am not chasing them! He comes over one night after work for a couple of hours, it’s the first time we don’t have sex & I think WTF has happened here… Why didn’t he want to fuck me? Is he turned off by me somehow? Should I have made a move? I talk to him about it later when we’re texting because I can’t bring it up to his face & he says he doesn’t want me to think of him as just sex, he calls me his girlfriend… Ohhh, I’m not your girlfriend, but sure whatever you want to call me. I mean I’ve only seen him like 8 times in a month or two, is that really boyfriend/girlfriend quality? I don’t think so, but ok, whatever.

The next night we go kayaking again, I hope that Sweetie is ok with this. But I don’t bother asking her – nor do we ever talk about kayaking, she’s chatting to me most days too, so it seems to be going ok with her. This night we have sex again which is good. When I say sex, it’s really not traditional sex, he generally is fingering me to make me squirt or spanking me till I bruise, just with his hand, sometimes toys… He tells me that his hand hurts, I’m like poor baby, imagine my ass!

A few nights later he says he wants to see me, but his car is getting fixed so he can’t get to me & so I offer to pick him up from his office then drop him home later in the night. His office is only a few minutes from my house, so I don’t mind & I am intrigued to see where he works, is he neat & tidy? or messy? I am interested in seeing how he operates. Maybe it’ll give me some more insight, I mean he’s been to my house a lot, I live alone so my house generally looks like a show home (according to friends) most of the time because there is no one to mess it up – even I’m away for work so much that I am never home to mess it up. I walk into his office, my eyes quickly dart around the room, taking it all in, but I don’t notice anything other than the 2 kayaks lying on the floor with everything you need to kayak, lifejackets, paddles etc. WTF? Why didn’t he tell me he already had some? I feel like such a fuckwit now. He kind of gives me a cheeky grin & says he didn’t know how to tell me but Sweetie was so jealous we’d been out so many times together & she wanted to go, so they bought some off gumtree a little while ago. I tell him that he should’ve told me & remind him that I also suggested he could of borrowed mine at any time to take her out. This is weird as fuck. I feel like a fuck knuckle.

It’s weird, now things are weird… Why wouldn’t he just tell me? I feel so stupid, thinking that we had something special that he didn’t have with her, when now he’s had these kayaks for fuck knows how long! & been out with her fuck knows how many times… The next night after this revelation, I’m feeling stupid still, but Sweetie is messaging me to tell me that her date bailed on her & she’s really annoyed as it was her night out of the house. I get it, she’s got 4 kids, plus a young interloper staying with them & her husband has been seeing me while she’s stuck at home.

She tells me about how she met Max’s last ‘girlfriend’ that the same thing happened, a date bailed on her & she ended up at the girlfriends house & they sent a picture to Max of them together, but he didn’t know that Sweetie was going there. She mentions that she’s got nothing to do, so I suggest she comes over my house for a drink – I don’t want to see him, so if she’s at my house, he can’t just pop over… I just need to rip the band aid off & to be honest after the kayak thing, I’m thinking this isn’t going to last that long anyway, I’m still weirded out by that!

She comes over to my house with a bottle of wine, I’ve already started for some dutch courage. She’s different to her pictures, she’s actually cuter in real life. She’s shorter than me which surprising since I’m basically a midget & Max is like 6 foot tall or something. We sit outside since it’s summer (I have my new outdoor setting) & drink wine. I am so uncomfortable… I have no idea what we talk about, how long she is at my house or how much we drink, but I’m pretty sure that this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done to fuck someone… – met their wife!


Erotica: Scene Four – Wake Up Call

Erotica fiction is here! I hope you’re all enjoying my fiction, or am I out here on my own with this? Let me know…

So here is instalment 4 of the erotica series, don’t forget to look back over Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call & Scene Three – His Orgasm.

Scene Four – Wake Up Call

It takes me a minute to realise we are at a party, I’m wearing a long backless black dress that he has picked out for me.
I know it is so he can touch my lower back as he guides me around the party with a wine in the other hand.
Every touch sends a shiver up my spine, I love the manly way he guides me around the party introducing me to people he knows, just with a touch of his hand to my lower back.
I sip my wine feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world, on the arm of a disgustingly handsome dominant man.
“You look sensational tonight”
He whispers in my ear & I melt like a teenager at the school dance.
I don’t think I can get a bigger smile on my face but then he pulls me in close to his side & kisses my forehead.
He knows what to do to make me instantly wet, there is no better feeling than a man kissing your forehead & with 50 of his friends close by, I feel so special that he is willing to have a PDA with me.
As we stand there he runs his fingers up my arm, I tingle & I want him, I am wet & I want him badly, I reach up to touch his hair but then I can’t move it back down, something isn’t right, his arm keeps touching my arm, across my neck, then I feel kisses on my neck, I try to move but I can’t, somehow I’m restrained.
I feel my nipple being sucked, I can’t work out why he would suck my nipples at a formal party, it’s not that kind of party, is it?
I try to move again, but I realise I am fully restrained & wet, so wet for him. So turned on.
I feel him lick my clit, then suck on it hard, that’s when I jolt up.
All I can move is my head a few inches off the bed, I’m spread eagled, my leg cuffs are attached on either side of the bed, I’m wide open for him.
My arm cuffs are attached above my head too, I look down between my legs & our eyes meet as he continues to suck on my clit.
I moan, throwing my head back on the bed, I was having a dream he was making me wet & in reality who knows how long he’s been going down on me.
I also don’t know how or why I didn’t wake up while he was tying me up, probably because I was so spent.052816 (16)I don’t even know what time it is but I know it’s not morning.
He licks all the way from my ass to my clit with a long flat slow tongue, but when he gets to my clit he just flicks it around making me squirm.

“Hmmm, you taste so good” his hands pinch my nipples “I want you to cum in my mouth”
“Yes sir”
“Good girl”
He slides his arms under my legs then links his fingers together over my hips, to rest on my lower belly, holding me still.
His torture intensifies, long slow licks paired with flicks over my clit then a suck, then he licks again, flicking over my clit then another suck, he continues this pattern over & over, I arch my back as far as I can, I start to build up as he quickens his actions.
“Please sir, can I cum for you?” my whole body is shaking.
But somehow he doesn’t stop licking but his words are clear
“Cum now”
I do as I’m told, hard & fast into his mouth, he never stops & my orgasm rolls on, my legs shake, my breathing so rapid that its the only thing I can hear.
I wonder when he is going to stop, I am convulsing on the bed with ecstasy, but he just keeps licking, I’m afraid I won’t stop cumming.
He slows down a little & my body regains some equilibrium, but it’s not long before he is building up speed again & my body is only too happy to oblige him.
“Cum now”
Somehow on command my body does, I cum, writhing against my restraints, wanting him to stop but also wanting him to keep going.
“Stop Sir, I can’t cum again”
He smiles against my wet folds, I know that this was the wrong thing to say.
He nuzzles his nose into my clit then slides two fingers inside me.
He finds my G spot easily & starts stroking me on the inside.
“Please, fuuuucccckkkk”
It’s not long before I am close to cumming, this time I know I will squirt.
I try to wriggle away, I’ve always been self conscious of squirting.
Something only one other man has been able to make me do, besides myself & he acted like it was unusual.
“Now, cum now”
As if on command, my body does & I squirt, cumming hard against his hand inside me, his palm on my clit making gentle circles
“Good wake up call?”
“Oh… My… God… Sir…” I say in between breaths “You… are… amazing…”
“You. Are. Amazing.”


Guest Blogger: The Wedding Cake

Here is a guest blogger who also has a blog!

The true romantic in me believes this story & hopes that it is as wonderful as it says it is, however the cynic in me thinks this story is a load of bollocks… Which one are you? Romantic or Cynic?

The Wedding Cake

After all, it’s easy to lose hope when you’re looking for love, isn’t it?

So many tales of betrayal, broken relationships, swiping left and right, dick pics and commitment phobic men (and women) out there in our culture. Sometimes it seems that people have become so interchangeable, so disposable, that it’s become acceptable to discard them without any warning in the cowardliest of the cowardly act of ‘ghosting’ (If we have a term for it, it must be a thing!).

It’s easy to lose hope, right? That good people are out there, looking for the same thing we are: to love and be loved in return – isn’t that the holy grail – or the wedding cake, if you will? But how do you believe in that when so many people lie about their intentions to get what they need?

When friend after friend tells you of their failed attempts to find what they’re looking for: a love so strong, that not even years and/or miles between two people can dull its lustre, that someone would choose them over all the other options they have out there, how can you not become cynical about love?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine; a fairly busy woman, full-time single mum, upon full-time Italian teacher, upon part-time student who was seeking a moment of tranquillity in her otherwise hectic day at the park in front of the Arts Centre – you know the one?! She sat on a bench in front of a pond and took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling herself relax. She noticed that a man had sat down next to her, and turned to see an elderly, fairly short, weathered-looking man smiling at her. Now, this happens to her all the time, people tell her their stories without any encouragement from her – she has one of those faces – so she smiled back. He asked her, ‘Are you Italian?’ ‘Yes, I am’ she replied, ‘are you?‘ No, he explained, ‘I’m French, but in the war, I fought in Italy. While I was there I met an Italian woman and I never forgot her.’

A secret sucker for a love story (a closet romantic, but she’d be mortified if people knew), she asked him to tell her more. They met when he went to her village in Italy, and after the shortest time, they fell in love. He was mesmerised by her, and though they couldn’t understand each other well (a recipe for a happy relationship in my opinion) they felt like they had known each other forever.

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‘And then what happened?’ she enquired. ‘A friend had told me about Australia, I wanted to go there, and for her to marry me and come with me, but she was promised to another man by her parents. She said she could not come with me, it was not the right time.’ And so he left, unable to pass up the opportunity for a better life, settled in Melbourne and met his wife. They had children and he had a great life here, exactly as his friend had promised, but he confessed that from time to time he thought of his Italian girl. He always wondered what she was doing, but didn’t have any way of contacting her.

Oh, she thought, disappointed… but the story didn’t end there. Many years later, his wife died and, noticing that he was lonely, an Italian friend of his invited him to his home for his granddaughter’s birthday party. He could not believe his eyes when, at his friend’s house, he saw a woman who bore a striking resemblance his Italian girl!! He wasn’t sure that it was her, but he asked, not prepared to lose the chance again. They spoke at length of their lives; her husband had passed away also after they had come to Australia together. All this time, they had been in the same place, but had no way to contact each other! Somehow, fate had led them back to each other, and now they are together.

It’s easy to lose hope, right? But then you hear a story like this…

Here is her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/60


Milky #9

I don’t see Milky again for a while, I don’t make much effort with him to be honest, I am not feeling it with him. Something has changed, in me? In him? I don’t know, but I realise that what I felt for Milky was just lust. He was the first guy to keep seeing me on a regular basis & since I’ve had some regulars since him, I realise they weren’t feelings for him but more about my strong desire to be in a relationship & loved. It’s much easier this second time around to compartmentalise my feelings, they weren’t feelings, I was in love with that idea. Now with multiple men on the roster & having much better sex with some of them, I know that Milky will just be a friend, we’re very different people, I know I was changing myself to be with him because of my fear of dying alone. I must remember that just because a dude is single, it does not mean that they are the one for me.052816 (17)7 months into this weird relationship we seem to have, he asks me a few times to go to wineries or out with him, but I decline for whatever reason, I’m busy or don’t have any money… When he asks me if I want to go to the Fringe with him where there is a rope show, I think hell yeah. For those not in Adelaide, the fringe in a festival in March of every year where there are cabaret acts, comedy shows, music events and even dancing shows, it’s a great time to be in Adelaide, there’s a buzz around the city. When he tells me that Adelaide Peer Rope are doing a show & he wants to go, I get us tickets, I pick him up & drive to the venue. He knows a couple of people, but I of course I know no one but him. It’s weird that he doesn’t introduce me either, he just leaves me standing there awkwardly.

It’s not till we’re out at the event that I realise we are on a date. FUCK. Our first date. DOUBLE FUCK. Do I want to be dating this guy? Why is he blurring the lines? Does he want to date me? Or is he trying to give me what I wanted a year ago? Is this what I want though? I am seeing a couple of other guys, I am now even chatting to Origin again (WTF that’s a whole other story!), do I even like this guy? Did I even like this guy or was he just the first real FWB I ever had? I mean I had lots of guys say they were my FWB, but he was basically the first guy that I hung out with & fucked on a regular basis.

At the rope show I am thinking ‘what if I was here with another guy?’ literally any of the other guys I am seeing right now. I think that it would be less awkward. The conversation is harder with Milky now we’re out & not watching the TV, which is usually what we talk about. He doesn’t introduce me to the people he knows at the event, does he not know my name? or does he not want to be seen with me? He knows my name, he uses it in texts. So maybe he doesn’t want to be seen with me? Why did he even invite me here?

I am absolutely mesmerised by the rope show. It’s amazing, how quickly they get tied up & how intricate it is. It looks amazing. One of them are a couple & I love how it seems like he tickles her skin with the rope or kisses her on the cheek or forehead. I look over at Milky & know that this isn’t the guy who is going to be with me forever – or even the rest of this year – or maybe even month. I’ve been feeling it for a while as you know, but this evening confirms it. I mean it’s taken a year to get this guy on an actual date & even though he’s seen me naked 100 times. I feel so… what is the word? I don’t even know. Yes, I do… I feel so exposed.

We go home to his house that night, I stay over (of course! hahaha) We fuck, you guessed it, at the end of his bed with my legs in the air. What a surprise! Ironically this is very last time I ever fuck Milky, however the story with him is not over! Nor is it the last time I ever see him…


Notorious Sir

On my quest for some extra kink, I meet this guy Notorious Sir, on you guessed it on the anonymous app. How does this keep happening?! We exchange chat app accounts & chat on there, as it’s a much easier interface, where I actually get chat notifications.

He tells me that he’s married (Oh seriously! FFS!! Where are all the single men?) & his wife has no sexual interest at all, they are not exactly in an open relationship, she knows he sees other women & that’s he has a mistress however she’s not entirely ok with it either – but because she won’t fuck him, she lets him do it. (What the fuck does that mean?!) This sounds too fucking complicated & why the hell does he need me if he has a Mistress? I guess she has a life too. Fucking hell I get myself in to some weird situations!

Anyway I keep chatting to him, for some fucked up reason dudes seem to make the effort to keep me conversing with them when they are married. Like I am not going to put in any effort with a married guy… What’s the point, they clearly don’t want to leave their wives if they’re allowed to fuck other women. I’m not 100% certain that I believe his story here, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. He does actually give me his Mistresses chat account & I chat to her too, she has a very hot ass in the profile picture that I also have to wonder what he wants with me too, however I am not certain it’s actually a chick, I can’t help but wonder that it’s just him pretending to be a mistress, perhaps?

He tells me that he’s very dominant & gives me tasks to do during the day, like show him my panties (I used to hate that word, but I’m getting more used to it) while I’m at work, or show him my cleavage while at work. I complete all my tame tasks, enjoying the little bit of kink from a Sir, that expect you to do things for them. But when Nortorious Sir tells me to write my address on a post it note & take a live picture of me with it, I ask why, he says do it. But I am apprehensive. However I am a little excited by this game, that I do it. This is probably the most excited I’ve been by a guy I haven’t met in a long time. I mean I am still talking to Dom sometimes when it suits him & he also asks in some ways for me to do tasks but not like this…

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One morning before work he tells me that he’s coming over, he wants me to unlock the door, bend over the kitchen table in just my panties & wait for him. I am turned on at the thought of such instructions. No guy that I am fucking right now is like this, nor are they turning me on so much just from the mere thought of them. I do as instructed, bending over my table & waiting, starting to feel excited, my heart pounding in my chest. This is going to be unreal.

I hear the door open & heart pounds harder, if that’s even possible… I wait for him to walk through the lounge room to find me in the dining room bent over the table in just panties at 7:00 am, like he instructed. He makes a grunting/hmmm sound when he sees me, I can tell I have pleased him. His rough manly tradie (He’s a plumber) hand caresses my exposed ass cheek from my lacy brazilian panties that I wear everyday & he says “Hmmm, very nice” he pulls me back up so I am leaning against his chest & he kisses me, it’s kinda sloppy & amateurish, maybe it’s the position. He rubs my butt & pulls my panties down, rolling on a condom, he’s inside me quickly. Lucky that there has been virtual foreplay, otherwise I would have just been dry fucked

It’s weird, I’m not sure if his cock isn’t big enough for this position or what it is, but he can’t get it in me without it slipping out every couple of thrusts. So he pulls out, then his pants down, lying on the floor he tells me to ride him. We try that position but again, it doesn’t seem to work well for us. He gets up & pushes me against the wall, sloppy kisses follow as he presses me into the wall, raising my hands above my head (I do love it when guys do that), but I think that if those positions didn’t work, then fucking me against the wall isn’t going to work. But he pushes me to my knees & makes me suck his cock. Telling me that I’m a good girl (I used to hate that until Dom says it like every time we chat & when we talk, it’s growing on me more & more). Once he’s done, he stands me up, kisses me, says “that was worth it” & leaves without another word.

As the door shuts behind him, I’m standing there naked feeling like an actual fuck wit. “That was worth it?” WTF does that even mean? Was he being sarcastic? Or did he actually mean it? The build up to that was better than the sex. That was (& still remains) the worst sex of my life – Maybe this is why his wife doesn’t want to fuck him?! (OMG that’s SO mean, but maybe!) He messages me a hour or so later, but I am feeling so ridiculous that I try to ignore him. I can’t believe I just did that. He keeps messaging me then I snap, I unload & tell him how I feel about what happened this morning. He doesn’t understand that I felt used & dirty after he left. I hated it. Even though the sex was bad, it was more the way he left it. This is the first time I met this guy & that’s how he treats me… What about some aftercare dude?! (Aftercare in a dominant/submissive thing is basically where the Dom will spend time with the Sub making sure they are ok before the end a scene)

We end up fighting about it & it leads to his mistress blocking me on the chat app when I try to talk to her about it. I never see him again (big surprise) & over the next year he pops up in every group I’m in on the chat app, however as you will hear in stories to come, I did have a bit of influence over the chat app Adelaide groups for a while with admin duties & I ban him from every group, mainly to save other women from the worst sex of their lives with a douche too.


Origin #12

Swiping left & right one day, minding my own business, not thinking about anyone that could come up (That’s where the mistake lies – when you stop thinking about someone… BOOM they appear!), so of course, that’s when Origin reappears. Oh Holy Fuck! What do I do? It’s been 8 months since we last spoke. Do I want to get into this again? I don’t know… If I swipe left, I may never know if he’s liked me or swipe right & have to wait to see if he swiped or I could also swipe right & match then have to decide if I say hi or not? I sit there staring at him for ages… What should I do? I close the app, yes, yes good idea, just close the app. Out of sight, out of mind… (Yeah right!)

A few days later, I’d forgotten about my swiping encounter with Origin so I open the app, swiping happily away when his fucking cute face with cheeky smile pops up again. Bloody hell! I shut down the app again, quickly, like he can see me or something if I have it open too long. One afternoon with my friend, we’re talking online dating, all my relationship friends are so interested to see what these apps are about, they want to swipe for me, but he comes up again, so I show her his profile & she bloody swipes right for me over my shoulder quickly & we match! FUCK… Now what do I do? I have to message him, don’t I? So I just say ‘hey’ trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing but then he replies & we start talking.

My Nanna had just passed away on valentines day, who I was relatively close with, we saw her every week for a family dinner. I don’t know why I tell him that, I guess I am desperate for a man. I mean Max was amazing the day she died & talks to me everyday, but it’s not the same, he’s married, I’m not a priority for him. I never will be. Origin says to let him know if I ever need a wine & a hug – yep I need one right about now. So we swap numbers again, he sends me a selfie straight away, then asks me to add me to his snapchat. I hate snapchat. I hardly ever use it & the conversation disappears so quickly. Plus given my past experience of jerking off videos & dick pictures, I try not to ever use this app. Also stupidly when I created the account, I used my real first & last name as my user name which can’t be changed. So since I realised that, I don’t ever give it out to anyone anymore.

Origin #12

It’s the day of my Nanna’s funeral, also its the next night after getting his number so I ask if the offer is still good for a wine & a hug because it’s been a difficult day, my friend has picked me up & taken me to a bar after it was all done, so I’m a bit drunk & my friend is taking me home at 10:00 pm, however I didn’t want to be alone & I could really could use an Origin hug but he says that he has to pick up his brother from a wedding, so he’s not free, I just say I hope he has a good night & I leave it at that. This was a pretty emotional day anyway, probably not a good idea to be really honest. I don’t cry a lot over anything & I definitely don’t cry in front of people.

He texts me the next day to see how I am, I say that I’m not doing that great & he offers to come over tonight to see me. I jump at the chance, wishing that I actually had a partner, because this has been harder than I want to admit to a random fuckboy. He brings wine & we sit chatting, I love that he asks about my Nanna & comforts me. We put on a shit movie but talk most of the way through it, he then asks me to move closer to him for that cuddle, I say “No, you move closer to me”, so he challenges me to a game of rock, paper, scissors. This time I agree to it – not like our first date, showing my fun side but I bloody lose, I offer best out of three but he laughs & just tells me to just move over on the couch. He cuddles me tightly & tells me that I smell good. As my head is against his chest, he can’t see me, a tear trickles down my eye… WTF! I never cry, it took me four days to cry over my Nanna & now I can’t stop! This safety of his arms around me when I am at my most vulnerable, means something to me… This guy wouldn’t bother coming to see me at this time if he wasn’t interested in me, this is a shit time in my life, a very personal time & it requires him to make sure he’s a decent guy… No one wants to be the asshole breaking someone’s heart when there’s a death in the family.

We kiss & cuddle on the couch having a few wines for a while, not actually watching the TV. When we have sex later that evening, it’s sweeter sex than we’ve had, I guess he knows that’s what I need. However, he still gets up to go home with some excuse that his dogs are inside.