One Arm

One of the most superficial things about online dating is the fact that you have no idea how old the photo is that the person has posted & also sometimes you can’t even tell if they only have one arm or not! I’m not sure how much it would have mattered that he only had one arm but I showed about 20 people his photo to see what they thought but no one could work it out. In the end he did have two arms, so all was well but I still can’t understand what happened with this guy.

We texted for a while, spoke on the phone & arranged a date, a walk on the beach. Now at this point in my life I was feeling pretty ugly & fat, so when he suggested the beach I was so unsure what to wear, I had no cute dresses or anything beachy, having not been to the beach in about five years, I think I ended up wearing jeans & a top. It was windy as hell & we were pelted with sand the whole time, but he didn’t seem to want to leave, we talked about all sorts of crap & he offered to walk up the beach a bit to where we’d be protected behind the rocks by the pelting sand.

At the end of the date he walked me back to my car & asked if I wanted to see him again, I said sure, he seemed like a decent bloke. We didn’t kiss or hug but I felt alright about our first meeting, even though a date on the beach wasn’t something I was comfortable with, I still felt like this had prospects & maybe a future.

Later that night, he text me to say he’d had a good time, we texted a fair bit through the week & even really late at night, which is usually when guys start being suggestive, but this guy didn’t, he seemed pretty decent. Until I brought it up about catching up again with him, that he said he just wanted to be friends & didn’t feel the spark with me. I don’t really understand why these guys text me after the date to say they had a good time if they know they don’t ‘feel the spark’ I mean whatever happened to waiting the 3 days after a date before contacting the girl? I also understand that these guys are dating more that one woman at a time, but what is so wrong with me that they go from paying for the entire date & texting me less than an hour after, to not wanting a to see me again? What does this other girl have that I don’t? Well clearly nothing, because it’s a few years later & One Arm is still on a few different sites & has liked my profile on one, so let’s just see if there is “one arm #2” coming up!

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Although after all the second chances I’ve given men over the years & it ended with me feeling like a complete dick saying “shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice”, is it wise to give this guy a second chance? In the end I didn’t! Did I let “The One” go?

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Boyfriend

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of believe that you have it all at 24 I really felt like I did. I’d found a guy who actually liked me, we’d been together for a few years, we’d traveled together, we’d have bought a house together but when it all comes tumbling down around you, you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. I went out with the only man I’ve ever been in a relationship with for three & a half years before he broke my heart, waking up one day & saying ‘he can’t do this anymore’. I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered being that he couldn’t tell me that he loved me. He said that he’d said it too much & wasn’t going to say it again until his wedding day, why did I actually stay with this guy for so long?

As my first boyfriend, it was hard for me to let go, we did almost break up twice when we got back from our overseas trip & about a year before we actually broke up, I am not sure why I held onto him for so long or fought for him, but I think there is something to be said about waiting till your older to fall in love. I was 22 when we started going out & 25 when we broke up, I think that if I had of fallen in love before when I was younger my first break up might not have hit me so hard, even affecting me well into my 30’s. There is something to be said about young love.

Of course when things are going well for me almost a year after we broke up, I check my emails finding the email I’d been waiting for from the Canadian Embassy with my approved working visa when my phone beeps with a text message, I’m so excited, I can’t wait to tell whoever it is that I am officially going to Canada, but it’s a number that isn’t saved in my phone, the number looks familiar, I check my old phone contact list & my heart drops in my chest, it’s him! The ex-boyfriend “Hey how you going, what’s happening?” It’s like he had a sixth sense, “She might finally be over me & happy, so I’ll walk back in & shit all over it!”

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My head didn’t want to see him, but my heart came back to life at the thought that maybe he wanted me back. The rational side of me thought, I will not take him back but the other side of me that still ached for him, it made me excited with the prospect of getting him back. I dreamed up fantasy scenarios of us meeting in a coffee shop, he’d be sitting as I walked in, he’d look a little ragged, like he’d had a tough year without me but I would somehow look amazing, great clothes, hair perfect, face beautiful & he’d stand up as I approached, kissing me on the cheek we’d sit down & he’d sigh saying how beautiful I look, how much he missed me & that he loved me. Finally the words I’d wanted to hear for the last four & a half years, he’d say them & I’d melt, we’d have coffee while holding hands. STUPID!

It turns out that he wanted to catch up to tell me that he was moving interstate, why would I care? I kick my own butt for wanting to even catch up with him. What is so wrong with me?

UPDATE: He is now married, while I’m still on the single round-a-bout from hell.

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Pilot #2

I can’t even tell you why I would deactivate my online dating account several times in one year only to reactivate it & create another account on a different site all in one week – But I did, I must be a glutton for punishment, because I’m beginning to realise that online dating doesn’t work.

I really have to feel sorry for Batman after our first date, because on Saturday afternoon, Pilot started messaging me through one of the sites. By Sunday night Pilot gave me his phone number again & against my better judgement, I text him. We text for hours, back & forth about absolute crap, but it gets a little flirty! I mentally start to sticky tape my imaginary dreams back together!

I still had a niggling feeling about Pilot so I continued to text Batman too, not sure if I am one to play the field, but I took some advice from friends, & decided to possibly date two guys at once. I’d never done it before & with all the dating disasters in my life, I feel like I need this, to boost my confidence or something. I felt so amazing, two men that I was attracted to, actually wanted me, I was pretty busy that week with another Christmas looming that I had to organise a date with Batman on Friday night & Pilot on Saturday night. WOW, would I actually be able to pull this off?

Pilot was texting me more often & getting supremely dirty, I was a little taken back by his brazen sexual innuendo in every text he sent, including sending me a picture of his cock. I couldn’t help but ask him, ‘only 10 months ago, we dated & you couldn’t even look me in the eye & never touched me, now you send me a picture of your cock’ he just said he was sick of being single & shy. Secretly I agreed with him about myself, but this was taking things a little too far & I wondered what he would act like when we finally caught up again.

Pilot #2

By Thursday Batman bailed saying he had to work on Friday & wouldn’t be able to make it, what bothered me most was that he didn’t try to make another date with me, just said he couldn’t make Friday & hoped we could catch up another time. I don’t hear from Batman again the whole weekend & I assume he met someone else, as it’s pretty common to date more than one person at a time when on online dating, so I thought nothing of it. But its ok because I have the date with Pilot, so I am not too upset, just disappointed. I was actually looking forward to playing the field, I’ve never done that before.

By Friday night, the night before our date night, I haven’t heard from Pilot so I just text him to see what’s happening & make plans for the following night. Radio silence! I never got a reply from him, technically, to this day – another few years on, I’m still waiting.

I am just so stupid for allowing myself to believe that I would have two guys chasing me by the end of the weekend like a freaking romantic comedy, when reality is that I am alone with my cat, trying to cry – tears that will not come no matter how hard I try!

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Crush

I had a crush on a guy, for the first time in a very long time but what is a crush? The Urban Dictionary defines a crush as: a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special. Is it really a desire or is it just an over thinkers nightmare?

Personally I am a major over thinker, ask my friends, I think they get sick of me talking their ears off about the same scenario over & over. With every guy that dicked me around I would analyse what they said, what I did, what I could have done differently, what was my fantasy scenario if I had of done that differently… Jeez, no wonder my head is always at the point of explosion!

But what is the point of a crush? With all the idiots that I’ve dated I was at a point where I just couldn’t bring myself to make the first move & so there is no way I could approach a crush! I envy those people who would; they’d say “what have you got to lose?” I can only reply, nothing but dignity! I’m not a shy quiet person by any means but when it comes to men that I like I become super shy & act like an idiot, I feel like it really takes a while to get to know me properly, so approaching a crush would be crippling for me. I would be like Chandler Bing from Friends saying “blarh blarh, flannin!”

I play the scenario in my head, we would meet in the lift (our usual place that we bump into each other), he would smile at me, I would smile back admiring his brown unruly hair, we would chat, the conversation would get a little flirty & in the 20 seconds it takes to get to the third floor, he would ask me out for a drink, I would accept & he’d say he’d email me later in the day to confirm. Of course as soon as my computer has booted up, my email would ping alerting me that my crush had sent me the confirmation email, complete with ‘can’t wait!Ha! In your dreams IBD4U!

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So my question is this, is it really a crush if you are never going to act on it? I mean I like this guy, we’ve interacted a tiny bit at work but we work on different floors, we’re polite as we walk in the building but stalkbooking them & knowing their schedule so you can arrive at work at the same time just so you can say hello, doesn’t necessarily make you a match made in heaven, that just makes you a stalker?

I think Urban Dictionary should change the meaning of crush to: a human who lightly stalks another human in the hopes of an insignificant interaction, that will probably go nowhere because one human in too chicken & the other human is completely unaware!

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Roommates

After my boyfriend moved out of the house we owned together, I decided that it would be a good idea to get a roommate, help with the mortgage & also maybe make some new friends as I was in a pretty low place in my life.

I advertised in the local newspaper & two boys called, one was 18 years old & the other my age, however he never got back to me, so I asked the 18 year old to move in, by the time he was settled the other guy asked if he could move in too, both of them agreed so I ended up with two boy roommates. Big Mistake!

It was also about the time my friend dumped her fiancé & we started partying together a lot. Both going through similar things, we went out every weekend & also some week nights. We partied with my roommates too, inviting them to her birthday party at the local pub near our houses.

It didn’t take long for me to get pissed off with the boys & asked them to move out & I started looking for a rental myself to get out of the house that had so many memories of me & my ex. I planned to live in a unit & rent out my house. The youngest roommate left first & so one night when my cousin was over, the remaining roommate had a friend over, who I ended up having sex with somehow, I don’t really remember how that happened, but I know it was on the living room floor as my cousin was in my bed. I did have to tell him to get off me because I was starting to chaff & he was taking too long!

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A few weeks later, out one night with my friend, the roommate & another of his friends, we come home to my house & he says he’s going to come cuddle me, just give him a minute. Not sure what he needed a minute for, but anyway he came into my room, we cuddled & he tried to have sex with me but also wasn’t very good & struggled to keep himself hard. He acted like the girl in the scenario in the morning, making his friend come over, almost to chaperone like I wanted to go back there with him or something. He moved out & I never saw him again.

Five years pass by & who should pop on online dating as a prospect? My friend popped over & I told her who he was & she swiped right & we were a mutual match. We chatted a little, I was wondering if he knew who I was, but after asking me for a blow job, he promptly deleted me, so I guess I’ll never know if he actually knew it was me, or maybe that’s why he deleted me because he realised. It’s funny how tiny Adelaide really is!

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Marlborough

Marlborough was one of the first guys I ever met up with from online. We texted & chatted on the phone for about an hour, I remember him saying ‘how easy it was to talk to me’. We met for coffee & a movie, he was quite late, but text me that he was stuck in traffic so I bought my hot chocolate so I wasn’t sitting there like a loser. He showed up (thank god) & the date went well, we were laughing easily over the selection in the candy bar. He paid for the movie which was sweet, I tried to pay for the candy bar selection but wasn’t allowed to do that either. At the end of the movie, he suggested another coffee which he paid for, during which he tried to set up another date for Thursday but I couldn’t commit as I wasn’t sure what I was doing (this was before electronic diaries!) but I said I wanted to & we would work out a time.

At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, kissing me properly goodbye, my first proper kiss in a really long time & by the time I got home, he’d texted to make sure I got home safe & to let me know he had a good night, making me swoon in the process. I actually really liked this guy & I really think he likes me, this could be it! He is really everything I am looking for.

Marlborough texted a little & we arranged “to do something” one night after work, as no plans were set in stone, when I hadn’t heard from him on the Wednesday, I texted with no response, but because we’d talked about the possibility of Thursday night, I got ready early in the morning for a date for that evening, knowing I wouldn’t have time to get home & back down the hill. I again texted on Thursday about lunch time to start to arrange this date & starting to feel a little needy but still no response. I felt like crying at 5pm when I got in my car to drive home alone, but halfway up the expressway, he calls, I can’t answer while driving, so I let it go to voice mail. I listened when I got home, He said “sorry blah blah blah, I left my phone at my mum’s on Wednesday night, she lives far away so only just got it back now blah blah blah” I text him to let me know when he is free again for this date & I never hear from him again!

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To analyse this guy was quite easy, well according to my friend it was, he was obviously dating me & another girl & things with the other girl went better so he dicked me around while he worked out which one of us he liked better… Great analysis & probably very true but I’m not sure it helps me feel any better! Or is it because I didn’t commit to the second date while we were on the first one? I guess I’ll never know what happened with this one!

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House Arrest

I met ‘House Arrest‘ on a beautiful summer’s night at an outdoor type bar, I was actually feeling good about myself for a change & was practically wearing a piece of underwear as a top but had never felt better when two guys started talking to my friend & I. One was better looking that the other, but the better looking one was so over the top & continually talked about himself while the other one was quite shy. House Arrest was the latter & when he went to the toilet the obnoxious friend asked me for my phone number so he could pass it on to his friend, who had hardly spoken a word to us, I thought it was a weird set up, but reluctantly I agreed, with my friend egging me on.

House Arrest texted the next day & we arranged our first date, I had an idea in my head of where I wanted to go for our first date, I didn’t think that I would end up going for a drink back at the same bar at 5pm, he said he lived close by so it was convenient, yeah for him! If all went well, then I figured dinner would be on the cards, Nope! He had to rush home to cook dinner, I still had a quarter a glass of wine when he stood up looking at me, saying with his eyes ‘I have to go.’ I skulled my wine, thinking ‘What the hell…?’ By the time I got home, he had texted me to say he had fun… Really?

I persevered with this guy, we set up another date, to go to the movies at Marion, which is still close to where he lives, we met for the movie & I thought we’d grab dinner or a coffee afterwards, Nope! He scurried off making some excuse about why he had to be home. Yet still by the time I got home, he’d text me again & said what a great time he’d had. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, so far we’d been on two dates that lasted exactly two hours before he rushed off making an excuse & hadn’t even kissed me.

When he suggested dinner at the same bloody bar for our third date, I kept thinking ‘Dude are you ever going to suggest anywhere else?’ I tried suggesting other places, but he was keen to stay close to when he lived. That third date night, we ate dinner, then he rapidly said he had to go home, being awkward in the car park, not sure if he should kiss me or not, he opted for a kiss on the cheek. Again I got the ‘I had a great time text’ by the time I got home. I just couldn’t figure this guy out, if he really had a great time, why wouldn’t he want them to go on?

We tried to find each other at a German Festival but failed…What is it about that German festival? I never saw him again after that & he didn’t text much either, I didn’t pursue him, it wasn’t until I hashed it out with a friend that I realised we only ever had two hours dates, then he rushed off & they were all only minutes from his house… Was this guy under house arrest? I didn’t stick around to find out!

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