DJ

After my friend & I both ended our relationships, obviously mine with Boyfriend, many many years ago, we used to go every Saturday night to the same club, parting all night. It wasn’t about picking up, it was just us being two free happy single women. It was some of the best times of my life. At this club back in 2008 I knew one of the dancers through a friend of a friend so I of course talked to her as I hadn’t seen her in years. She introduced me to her other dancer friend who was no longer dancing at the club since they put in poles for the girls to do pole dancing. This girl was so beautiful to me, she had perfect hair & was just a lovely person, she introduced us to her boyfriend who was a DJ at the club. I remember talking to him vaguely & never thought much of it.

Years later I was online dating & DJ came up as a prospect, I sat there looking at him for ages trying to figure out if it was him or not & should I swipe him, which I do just to see if he has liked me in return. He did, it’s a match & so I say hello, but I never ever get a response from him. He never deletes me or talks to me & a few months later I delete my account thinking nothing much of it.

Being the idiot that I am, I signed back up months later & he’s a prospect again, so I swipe to see if he’s a match again & he’s said yes too so we’re a match. I always say hello to people when I match with them so again, I said hello or something but again, he never answers or deletes me (which is what happens usually if they don’t want to talk to you.) A few months later I delete my account again.

About a year or even more later, I’m at a nightclub reunion event & I’m walking through the he crowd & who should I see but DJ. He’s not DJing but just hanging out with some people, we make eye contact before I just keep walking past, I don’t talk to him, though I am tempted, but I figure if he wanted to talk to me he had two chances online that he never bothered to utilise.

The next day I start searching his music, to see if he’s still mixing tracks & I find a site where he has uploaded mixes of dance songs that I really like. I find about five mixes so I follow him on that site & become obsessed with listening to them. Of course while listening to them I start having little day dreams, thinking that we’d get together & he would make a mix for his ‘beautiful girlfriend’ & then once we’re married his ‘amazing wife.’ Seriously my mind is just crazy! Hahaha.

A month later walking around the German festival with a friend & a friend of a friend who had lost our mutual friend, he says ‘there’s that DJ that always wears hats’ I turn & see him, I say ‘oh I know that guy’ he says ‘no you don’t’ so I tell him his name & he says yeah how do you know him. I don’t bother with my stalker story & just say from years ago in the clubs. Seeing him just makes me more obsessed with his music which I find on an obscure music app & I listen to it every day while I’m driving.

DJ

Finally I snap & think this is just stupid, so I delete the tracks I downloaded & find another artist to listen to on Thursday. I go out for dinner on Friday night, sitting on the side walk in Rundle Street & who walks past, DJ! This is typical for me, I just get someone out of my mind & they somehow appear.

It’s been ages since then & nothing has ever happened but he still pops up everywhere. I recently became friends with my hairdresser on Facebook & she’s bloody friends with him. Adelaide is just too small. I did let myself check if he’s added new mixes online every now & then, knowing that I will love it regardless, however I do notice when he uses the same song from a mix he did before. That just shows you what a fricken stalker I am!

If I was a person that believed in signs, surely that’s enough signs to make me act on it isn’t it? I was bumping into him every few months, but he never acted on it either & I figure he now just thinks of me as a stalker as I only just found out that on the music app, every time someone listens to a song it alerts the person who posted it who is listening to it. Yep, he was getting a daily notifications with my name! AWESOME.

#IBD4U

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My Friend Likes You

I agree even more with the comedian that I mention in the Moonta post, how when you have someone already then somehow you become attractive to other people. I think this is probably because you aren’t actually looking, you might even be more confident, I don’t know what it is but I totally agree with him.

While the whole debacle (Can’t really call it a relationship – What was I doing with him?) was going on with Milky, I went to a nightclub with a friend, the same night I saw Security Guard while he was off duty but we were minding our own business just having a dance & enjoying the night. My friend is in a serious relationship & I have a Milky, so we’re just there to let our hair down.

We’re in a smaller room of the nightclub listening to my friends favorite DJ, standing right at the front, dancing with all the others, when this guy taps me on the shoulder & shouts to me ‘my friend likes you, he’s just behind you, so if you like him just turn around, he’s a really nice guy but he’s shy’ I automatically think of Milky, who is already arranged to come over to my house the nex

t night & really just can’t be bothered with someone that has to get his friend to tell me that he likes me, I really didn’t think that this would happen in my 30’s, I’d had it happen maybe once or twice before in my very early 20’s. I tell this guy that I am kinda seeing someone but thanks anyway & go back to dancing, not thinking much of it.

Later back in the main room, I am facing away on the dance floor & I make eye contact with some guy ever so briefly but he takes it as his cue to come talk to me. He says that his friend told me that he liked me, I said oh yeah, trying to just enjoy my night out dancing, but he asks if I’m having a good night (original) & I remember talking about how old we were, he was 30. I did think he was kinda cute, he wasn’t really my type but perhaps if I was in a different head space with Milky I may have kissed him at least, but I didn’t. He dances next to me for a while & tries to have a bit of a conversation, but I can see that he is really drunk by this point.

My friend likes you

He leaves the dance floor & I go back to having a good time, also having to stop some other boy from grabbing my hips & trying to pull me closer to him, when I look around & there are about 20 guys all dancing around us but no women. I say to my friend that I think we’re at the end of the road, where all the women who can’t walk in their shoes have gone home & all that are left are the people in appropriate footwear & now it’s crunch time for the men if they want to pick up.

I go to the bathroom & on the way there I bump into this guy, he stops me & says ‘hey I think you’re a really cool chick & seem heaps chilled, I just wondered if you wanted to go for coffee sometime’ Awww that’s so cute, I really don’t want to though, so I have to let this poor guy down easy. I let him know that it’s sweet he asked but I’m kinda of seeing someone so I can’t. He says ‘yeah no worries, I just wanted to see because you seem really chilled & nice’ I thank him for the invite & make my bathroom excuse to leave. I’m glad this guy built up the courage to ask me out, even though his friend probably told him that I was seeing someone, so it’s good for him.

Looking back on it now, I probably should’ve taken him up on his offer for a coffee, who knows what could’ve happened, especially since now that things have ended with Milky. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing!

#IBD4U

Wine-o

I love that time when you accept someone online, they are attractive to you, their profile seems quite good, it’s like you have some things in common & then you start chatting to them & the conversation flows easily. You chat for hours about all sorts of crap & best of all he hasn’t asked you one of the following at all (let alone within the first 5 minutes):

  • What are you wearing?
  • What are you looking for?
  • When was the last time you had sex?
  • How big are your tits?
  • Are you waxed?

When you talk about what you want from online dating you seem like you are both on the same page about everything, how you want to be in a relationship but also want your own life still, but trust & respect each other enough not to get jealous. How you both sleep with a ceiling fan on, what side of the bed you sleep on, what foods & wine you like, going out wine tasting, how you’re going to go shopping together to help him with sheets & towels, how he’ll be your spider removalist & what music you like. When we do talk about sex, it’s not weird or sleazy, its actually more about the things we like & don’t like, things we have in common more than talking about how hard they’re going to fuck you or how many hours they will go down on you.

He tells me to stop being so perfect & hopes that when we meet, we have a connection. We try to find things that we don’t have in common, like the fact that he smokes a little, I said it wasn’t a deal breaker but not something I love. But I was willing to overlook that in the hopes that this guy might be a potential boyfriend. You know my friends motto “Give him a go.”

I really love this part, before you’ve even met, where you can actually believe that he might be a guy you really like & can see yourself with in the future. I love how optimistic you feel & you build it up in your head, which is why meeting quickly is really important. I used to always put them off for a week or even two, text every day & end up with this relationship in my head but it’s best to get it over & done with, usually so you can move on.

We talk online on Sunday & talk for over four hours before he says maybe we should talk on the phone, so I give him my number & he calls me. The conversation doesn’t flow that easily, he seems to be lost for things to say so I talk a lot, but he does still ask me out for drink, knowing my week was pretty busy he said we’ll keep in touch.

I decide while lying there awake on Monday morning, thinking about what the drinks date would be like, that I need to rearrange my gym schedule & meet this guy tonight. I text him & let him know I can do some rearranging & meet him tonight if he is free at 7:30 pm, he says yes but maybe earlier. I agree to 6:30 pm, but at 5:30 pm, I’m stuck in my bosses office so I text him letting him know that I won’t make it by 6:30 pm but will let him know when I am leaving work.

At 6:30 pm I leave work & text him apologising profusely, as I don’t want to be one of those women who dick guys around & I really hate running late, but say we can meet at 7:30 pm & he agrees. I race home, shower, fix my make up & shove my hair into a messy bun, find a casual yet appropriate date outfit & I’m out the door.

He’s there when I arrive already having a beer, so I sit down & say hello with an apology vomit before going to get my own drink. He looks a little different to his photos, mainly due to his glasses, but I remember thinking throughout the date that he was cute & we had so much in common that I’d give him a go. However the conversation lacked something & I felt like I talked a lot again. He got a second drink & we struggled a bit to make the conversation flow, so he skulls the rest of his beer & put the empty glass on the table saying ‘we should head off.’ Outside the pub he says that it was nice to meet me & goodbye, no touching.

I knew it was a short date but I was so surprised when I got in my car at 8:30 pm! Wow, that must be a record – Worlds shortest date. At about 9:30 pm he texts saying ‘Thanks for meeting me this evening, it was nice to meet & you seem like a nice lady but unfortunately I think we can both agree that there wasn’t a chemistry worth pursing, I wish you well with your search. Thanks.’

I guess the thing that is annoying about that, is not that there was no chemistry, I thought so too but I always get told “you’re too fussy, give him a go” & when I do, I end up feeling like shit. I mean is there ever going to be a guy that I can reject before they beat me to the punch? No because I always give them a bloody go! I go out with people I don’t think are that attractive to me, I go out with people who are boring, I give people a second chance that have hurt me yet they can’t even spend more than hour with me? Even Milky stayed on a date for two hours with someone because he didn’t want to be rude, until I text him. I’m actually getting genuinely concerned about what might be wrong with me?

A few nights later, he hasn’t deleted me off his contact list & starts chatting to me, saying how much of a shame it was that we didn’t connect. I say that I kinda got a vibe from the phone call which is why I rearranged my Monday night to make sure we met quickly for a drink. I said I would’ve at least tried another date but didn’t feel it either. He then says ‘it’s a shame, I’m sure you give great head.’ Well I guess you’ll never know!

He keeps the conversation going, more than he did on the night we met, he says he thinks I’m pretty & how much of a shame it was we didn’t connect, I feel like he’s buttering me up for something. Then he asks ‘so are you just looking for a relationship or are you open to something casual?’ BINGO! I knew it. I reply that I am open to something casual & he says we could do that. I think about it for a while & think if we didn’t have chemistry then is the sex just going to be shit? I mean I don’t need any more shit sex in my life! However, since I haven’t had sex in a few weeks now, I am really keen. At least this won’t get complicated like Milky? Or will it?

Wine-o

He ends up messaging me the next day to say it’s probably best if we don’t start something, we should just focus on finding someone. I reply that I said that last night, he says I hope you find what you are looking for & I delete him before he can change his mind again!

#IBD4U

Too Eager

So my online profile ‘post Milky’ has ‘looking for a relationship’ in my looking for description & I come across Too Eager who in our first conversation was very keen to delete his online profile when we become a couple. Red Flag! Already warning bells are ringing for me, this isn’t a guy who’s interested specifically in me, this is a guy who is just desperate to be in a relationship. I’m non-committal to set a date for our date, he tries to get me to come to his house or a wine bar, I suggest a movie.

Before I go on, it’s just under 2 weeks since I ended it with Milky & have just stopped thinking about him as much as I was – that was probably my big mistake! At Easter, Good Friday family event, he texts! Yes Milky texts to see how my weekend is starting out, I reply a while later after my mind has settled down, just saying to him that I’m at a family thing nothing exciting. He replies almost instantly saying ‘just boring family stuff hey, well hopefully you get some good eggs out of it!’

FUUUuCCCcKKKkK!

Then I can’t get him out of my head again, I wake up really early on Saturday & clean! (I’m like Monica Geller from Friends, she cleans when she anxious! If my house is spotless, there’s something I’m worrying about!) I over think, why would he text, is it because he actually misses me? or is it because he’s just interested to see if I’ll sleep with him again? Or has he not found anyone else to sleep with him & hoping I won’t find anyone else if he keeps dangling the carrot & wait till he’s ready. Seriously, I feel like this shit only ever happens to me!

Too Eager

Anyway I secretly hope that Milky texts again on Saturday but when he doesn’t, I text Too Eager & ask him to the movies. I feel bad about it because Too Eager seems actually interested in me (well a relationship with someone at least!)

We meet at the movies, that I bought the tickets for, he tries to give me money but I say no, he buys the drinks at the candy bar. We go straight into the movie & I ask him about 10 questions but get none back, he doesn’t even ask the same question back to me & I can’t help but think about Milky & how easily the conversation flowed with him. This then leads to a stupid line of thinking about what it would be like to be on a date, an actual date with Milky. Would he have held my hand? Would he have snuggled in the seat with me? STUPID!! STOP!! Milky never even asked me on a date!

This doesn’t help poor Too Eagers case either, because I then start to pick on everything I don’t like about him, not only have I made his nickname Too Eager but his nose whistled – one of my pet peeves including loud breathing & chewing, he didn’t ask me anything or say anything interesting at all. We chatted a few times since the date on the online app, but I never see him again.

#IBD4U

Hockey Puck #2

So after I ended things with Milky, I start up another online account on a different site & delete my stupid profile on the other site. (There may be something wrong with me!)

I get a super like from Hockey Puck & I consider it for quite some time before liking him back, just so I can say WTF to him. I start out like a bit of a bitch saying to him “haven’t we done this before” & he says yes but he tried to message me late last year but I never wrote back. (Mainly because I was ‘seeing’ Milky & I felt pretty shit about how Hockey Puck & I ended being that we were texting for hours on end then we slept together & he disappeared.) He tells me that his ‘tactics’ weren’t the best. Ya Think?! I can’t help but think that he’s not had sex with anyone since me so he thought he’d try again with me.

I proceed with caution trying not to get caught up in it again because he does like to text all day long being he’s not working & has the time. I try to keep my texts vague but within a couple of days I am caught up in his banter, asking me what I’m wearing, telling how much he wants me & I can’t believe I am here again! Yet I stupidly can’t stop myself.

We text for less than a week before I am considering catching up with him again – Seriously… What is wrong with me?! I was going out on the Saturday night but thought he could come over afterwards. But when I text him to see what he is doing, he says he just went to bed coughing his guts up. I really can’t believe it, shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice! Right? What is with this guy?

I tell him to delete me but he says he doesn’t want too, telling me that he really is sick & he’d call me to prove it. But honestly, what is this guy’s game, was he like some women who like to string guys along & never meet them or have sex with them.

Deleted your number

He texts me the next day & the following days asking when I am going to invite him over etc, I make him so hard blah blah, I just ignore it. I can’t be bothered with this guy really. I mean he was a good distraction especially in the weeks post Milky but I cannot be so stupid to get involved with him again.

I swear men must think they can find someone better so they ditch me & then in a few months’ time after another dating disaster & I sign up online again, they come track me down because they haven’t found anyone better but they are clearly still looking! I tell you now that I am really over it & I’m not sure how any guy I do meet now will ever see the real me?

Anyway another two weeks on I am still yet to catch up with him, yet he texts all day long, then ‘sexts’ me all night saying how much he wants me & how hard I make him, yet he never sets a date to catch up. I don’t push it because I figure he is a good distraction from thinking about Milky & other dates that I am making myself go on!

While I’m away for work one week, he sexts me all day, it’s actually the first time I’ve really enjoyed it. He says he wants to make me wet just by his texts & he does. I quickly rush back to the hotel to get some relief before I have to out for a work dinner. I’ve never done that before; it was actually really good. I was turned on all day & thought about how awesome it would be to actually have sex with someone after all that build up. I look forward to that happening in the future with someone!

We never actually catch up; I find out that he’s online still & he’s moving to the UK the next year. So I end up telling him that I am over talking to him & while I am, I also don’t want it to stop because it’s not like I have anyone else. He’s a great distraction & always texts back when I text, plus he says stuff about how much he wants me, that it makes me believe it, even though we’ve only had sex once.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Liza

One of my fabulous readers sent me this dating story. With his permission, he has allowed me to share it with you.

This had never happened to me (yet! hahaha!) & it really opened my eyes that women can be just as bad as some men.

Thank you for sharing your story with me & allowing me to publish it, I feel very privileged to have you trust me!

Here is is:

Liza

12 months ago, chatted to a lovely lady on Zoosk, lets call her Liza, chatted for weeks, professionally employed, rather senior. Super intelligent yet the banter and jokes were abundant.
Thinking here we go, a little older in mid forties is ok, has kids, busy professional lady, keeps fit and healthy, drop dead gorgeous… just my type!
Finally agree to catch up. Kid free weekend for both… fabulous!
Had not yet established what each other where looking for (pitfall one) or how long each other had been single for (pitfall two)
Meet at a well known eastern suburbs hotel, quite close to her suburb. There’s a tick… ease for her to get there.
The usual customary meeting out front, looking stunning in a summer floral dress and heels (a holy shit moment!)
Order the wine, which she pretty much skulls the first one, ok, shall I get another? Yes please…
A bit slower on the second (Thank god… otherwise she will hammered)
Banter and BS conversation continues, rather enjoyable.
Talked about careers, and where we grew up… Country towns pops up in conversation… have where we lived in common, great!
Do you know this person and that one… lovely!
Share a platter, a couple more wines, more cheekiness and banter…
Time to head home, enough drinks to be had safely.
Ok, will do the gentleman thing as I always do and walk her to her car…
Customary kiss on cheek and hug… then moved to kiss… very quickly turned slammed against a garden fence with hands being used liberally….
Common sense prevails from my end ”hang on, a little over the top for standing in the wide open view of the eastern suburbs residents, think I should bid you farewell and catch up another night”

Answer… think you best come to mine for a coffee…
Now, not being completely naive, knew where this was going…
Short drive, told to just wait a few minutes for house to be ready to enter…
Ok then.

Arrive, knock on door… meet at door with Liza in a see through slip… ok, so no coffee first then!

You can imagine the rest after this…

When leaving at 5am next morning, the last goodbyes, the question of catching up again completed with ”a maybe, let’s see how things go” (so that’s a no) from her end… the last question from Liza is… ”Do you know ******** from ****** area?”

Me… ”Yes I do, why’s that?”

Liza ”He’s my ex husband”

Me “Oh”
Me again ”You’ve only been broken up for a few months?”

Liza “that’s right”

Oh dear…

Me ”does he know you’re dating”

Liza “no essentially “

Me “Ok, then”

Liza “He does know you, and also knows that I caught up with you last night, and will now know that you stayed here last night and what went on”

Me ”What!!!????? how’s that?”

Liza “I sent him a message to tell him, also a pic of you sleeping on his side of bed”

WTF!!!!
And few words of disbelief, I bolted, and basically could not believe I’d been used etc

A text a few days later from Liza basically said… ”Thanks for the fun night, the pic worked, pissed ***** off!”
My exchange was “you’re a nutter”

Her reply “Well, couldn’t date you seriously because you know him anyway, you’re a hot guy and I just needed some and in the end you were perfect ammo… But don’t despair… just know that the sex was fucking awesome and enjoyed fucking you. Cheers”

WTF!😂😂😂😂

 

Wow! Just wow…

#IBD4U

Milky #4

Why I do these things to myself, I will never know but I set up an account online because I figure I need to find someone new, clearly Milky & I are on different paths here, right? But then curiosity starts to eat at me & I start to keep an eye out for Milky’s profile. After about a week of searching all the 36/37 year old men, I am relieved that he is not on there & I start to relax that perhaps is becoming more than a casual thing for him too. I start to sticky tape my dream back together, only when I get home one Wednesday night & log in after a few days of inactivity, do I see his face in the tiny box because he’s ‘liked’ my profile! Rippppppp!

Right so a few things, what the hell was I planning to do with the information that he’s online dating still, has he been on there the whole time? Or has he been getting a vibe from me that I’m not keen for more & re-joined? Unlikely because his profile was exactly the same. A few lies I picked up though after getting to know him, he says he’s 35 (that’s why I couldn’t find him because he’s is 36/37!) & also says that he’s 5’7. Pfft, he’s my height 5’3, at a push he’s 5’4. How does he think lying is going to get him anywhere?

So my profile has hardly anything on it, just some song lyrics. After I add him he says ‘Hey I’m milky, your profile doesn’t have a lot on it, but it made me laugh. I see you like wine, do you ever go to tastings?’ Can it be that he likes the idea of the fake me better than the real me? Or have I just had a guard up too long & now he thinks I’m not interested or still just want something casual? Have I really fucked this up this time!?

I decide that since I am getting a little too emotionally invested in this, it’s time to have “the talk” with him, find out where he is at & let him know that I want more than just hook ups. Whatever the answer is, I need to know. I ask him over, which is the first time in about a month that he’s been to my house, we grab a pizza, watch some crap on tv, kiss, have sex & go to bed. I’m actually feeling better about having the talk, he did a few little things to make me feel like he was actually interested, like while we were ordering the pizza he would brush my arm & helped himself to a drink (my friend thinks it’s couply that he brings his own pillow when he stays over too). But while we were watching TV, there is a woman with an annoying voice, I mention how annoying it is & he says “yeah I met someone the other day who had an annoying voice but I didn’t want to be rude so I was stuck with her for 2 hours, but then you text me so I said I had to pick a friend up from the fringe” Great, so now he was so open he was telling me about dates that he was going on?! & used me as an escape route. That just solidified the fact I needed to have the talk with him. But after 2 bottles of wine now, I had to wait till morning.

I barely slept all night, I kept waking up wondering if he’d put his arm around me or spoon me like other nights, give me some reassurance that he was feeling even a little like I was. I am not ready for anything full on but something at least monogamous or with some feeling at least. However he was again distant & got up, got dressed & then just stood over me till I got up. I plucked up my courage when he was sitting there waiting for me & said “So I know I said I wanted casual, but I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m kinda over it & need something more” he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious & that he thought I was busy with work. I agreed that I am really busy with work but I need something more than waiting for his texts or catching up every couple of weeks. He said “so that’s it then?” & he seemed genuinely disappointed. But I said yes, he kissed me, said he’d wait to hear from me & then left. I was a stone & unable to cry!

Milky #4

I was unable (because I’m a masochist or something!) to delete my account online that he’s talking to me on. I never talked to him again on it though, I just kept it open a while to see when he was online. I sometimes wish I was one of those vindictive women who could play games with him via that account or even call him up now to tell him I’m pregnant to see what he would do. But lucky for him, I am not like that at all. I have those thoughts, after all I am human, but I’d never do it. Whats the point of trying to trick someone who doesn’t want to be with you, into being with you?

I guess the thing that really is upsetting me, is that I had a huge list of firsts with this guy & technically this was the second longest ‘relationship’ I’ve ever had. How sad!! It wasn’t even a relationship! A friend told me I can’t be upset because we weren’t exclusive & that’s not why I’m upset. I did actually think I liked this guy & did want it want it to be more, I put off seeing other men because I didn’t want to jeopardise anything with someone who wasn’t even interested in me! & after 5 months I still couldn’t get a guy to see how fun & cool I am.

I keep going over & over it in my head, what I did, what I said, what I could have done differently, but I don’t think it’s that simple. Even though he talked about how much money I made almost every time we caught up (& my friends say I do talk a lot about things I am doing to my house or trips I’m planning, but I don’t do that to be superior, I am genuinely excited to finally be able to do those things, not to make anyone else feel bad) & he always seemed so comfortable at my house, getting himself drinks that I really thought we were on a different track to what we were.

Milky did a lot for me though, he really opened my eyes not only sexually (I’m a lot more open to things & confident than I was), I have a lot to thank him for! But I did also realise my worth. I am worth more than just a fuck buddy & I deserve someone to love me.

Anyway closing that 5 month chapter & back to square one. At least this blog will now live on!

#IBD4U