Too Eager

So my online profile ‘post Milky’ has ‘looking for a relationship’ in my looking for description & I come across Too Eager who in our first conversation was very keen to delete his online profile when we become a couple. Red Flag! Already warning bells are ringing for me, this isn’t a guy who’s interested specifically in me, this is a guy who is just desperate to be in a relationship. I’m non-committal to set a date for our date, he tries to get me to come to his house or a wine bar, I suggest a movie.

Before I go on, it’s just under 2 weeks since I ended it with Milky & have just stopped thinking about him as much as I was – that was probably my big mistake! At Easter, Good Friday family event, he texts! Yes Milky texts to see how my weekend is starting out, I reply a while later after my mind has settled down, just saying to him that I’m at a family thing nothing exciting. He replies almost instantly saying ‘just boring family stuff hey, well hopefully you get some good eggs out of it!’

FUUUuCCCcKKKkK!

Then I can’t get him out of my head again, I wake up really early on Saturday & clean! (I’m like Monica Geller from Friends, she cleans when she anxious! If my house is spotless, there’s something I’m worrying about!) I over think, why would he text, is it because he actually misses me? or is it because he’s just interested to see if I’ll sleep with him again? Or has he not found anyone else to sleep with him & hoping I won’t find anyone else if he keeps dangling the carrot & wait till he’s ready. Seriously, I feel like this shit only ever happens to me!

Too Eager

Anyway I secretly hope that Milky texts again on Saturday but when he doesn’t, I text Too Eager & ask him to the movies. I feel bad about it because Too Eager seems actually interested in me (well a relationship with someone at least!)

We meet at the movies, that I bought the tickets for, he tries to give me money but I say no, he buys the drinks at the candy bar. We go straight into the movie & I ask him about 10 questions but get none back, he doesn’t even ask the same question back to me & I can’t help but think about Milky & how easily the conversation flowed with him. This then leads to a stupid line of thinking about what it would be like to be on a date, an actual date with Milky. Would he have held my hand? Would he have snuggled in the seat with me? STUPID!! STOP!! Milky never even asked me on a date!

This doesn’t help poor Too Eagers case either, because I then start to pick on everything I don’t like about him, not only have I made his nickname Too Eager but his nose whistled – one of my pet peeves including loud breathing & chewing, he didn’t ask me anything or say anything interesting at all. We chatted a few times since the date on the online app, but I never see him again.

#IBD4U

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Hockey Puck #2

So after I ended things with Milky, I start up another online account on a different site & delete my stupid profile on the other site. (There may be something wrong with me!)

I get a super like from Hockey Puck & I consider it for quite some time before liking him back, just so I can say WTF to him. I start out like a bit of a bitch saying to him “haven’t we done this before” & he says yes but he tried to message me late last year but I never wrote back. (Mainly because I was ‘seeing’ Milky & I felt pretty shit about how Hockey Puck & I ended being that we were texting for hours on end then we slept together & he disappeared.) He tells me that his ‘tactics’ weren’t the best. Ya Think?! I can’t help but think that he’s not had sex with anyone since me so he thought he’d try again with me.

I proceed with caution trying not to get caught up in it again because he does like to text all day long being he’s not working & has the time. I try to keep my texts vague but within a couple of days I am caught up in his banter, asking me what I’m wearing, telling how much he wants me & I can’t believe I am here again! Yet I stupidly can’t stop myself.

We text for less than a week before I am considering catching up with him again – Seriously… What is wrong with me?! I was going out on the Saturday night but thought he could come over afterwards. But when I text him to see what he is doing, he says he just went to bed coughing his guts up. I really can’t believe it, shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice! Right? What is with this guy?

I tell him to delete me but he says he doesn’t want too, telling me that he really is sick & he’d call me to prove it. But honestly, what is this guy’s game, was he like some women who like to string guys along & never meet them or have sex with them.

Deleted your number

He texts me the next day & the following days asking when I am going to invite him over etc, I make him so hard blah blah, I just ignore it. I can’t be bothered with this guy really. I mean he was a good distraction especially in the weeks post Milky but I cannot be so stupid to get involved with him again.

I swear men must think they can find someone better so they ditch me & then in a few months’ time after another dating disaster & I sign up online again, they come track me down because they haven’t found anyone better but they are clearly still looking! I tell you now that I am really over it & I’m not sure how any guy I do meet now will ever see the real me?

Anyway another two weeks on I am still yet to catch up with him, yet he texts all day long, then ‘sexts’ me all night saying how much he wants me & how hard I make him, yet he never sets a date to catch up. I don’t push it because I figure he is a good distraction from thinking about Milky & other dates that I am making myself go on!

While I’m away for work one week, he sexts me all day, it’s actually the first time I’ve really enjoyed it. He says he wants to make me wet just by his texts & he does. I quickly rush back to the hotel to get some relief before I have to out for a work dinner. I’ve never done that before; it was actually really good. I was turned on all day & thought about how awesome it would be to actually have sex with someone after all that build up. I look forward to that happening in the future with someone!

We never actually catch up; I find out that he’s online still & he’s moving to the UK the next year. So I end up telling him that I am over talking to him & while I am, I also don’t want it to stop because it’s not like I have anyone else. He’s a great distraction & always texts back when I text, plus he says stuff about how much he wants me, that it makes me believe it, even though we’ve only had sex once.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Liza

One of my fabulous readers sent me this dating story. With his permission, he has allowed me to share it with you.

This had never happened to me (yet! hahaha!) & it really opened my eyes that women can be just as bad as some men.

Thank you for sharing your story with me & allowing me to publish it, I feel very privileged to have you trust me!

Here is is:

Liza

12 months ago, chatted to a lovely lady on Zoosk, lets call her Liza, chatted for weeks, professionally employed, rather senior. Super intelligent yet the banter and jokes were abundant.
Thinking here we go, a little older in mid forties is ok, has kids, busy professional lady, keeps fit and healthy, drop dead gorgeous… just my type!
Finally agree to catch up. Kid free weekend for both… fabulous!
Had not yet established what each other where looking for (pitfall one) or how long each other had been single for (pitfall two)
Meet at a well known eastern suburbs hotel, quite close to her suburb. There’s a tick… ease for her to get there.
The usual customary meeting out front, looking stunning in a summer floral dress and heels (a holy shit moment!)
Order the wine, which she pretty much skulls the first one, ok, shall I get another? Yes please…
A bit slower on the second (Thank god… otherwise she will hammered)
Banter and BS conversation continues, rather enjoyable.
Talked about careers, and where we grew up… Country towns pops up in conversation… have where we lived in common, great!
Do you know this person and that one… lovely!
Share a platter, a couple more wines, more cheekiness and banter…
Time to head home, enough drinks to be had safely.
Ok, will do the gentleman thing as I always do and walk her to her car…
Customary kiss on cheek and hug… then moved to kiss… very quickly turned slammed against a garden fence with hands being used liberally….
Common sense prevails from my end ”hang on, a little over the top for standing in the wide open view of the eastern suburbs residents, think I should bid you farewell and catch up another night”

Answer… think you best come to mine for a coffee…
Now, not being completely naive, knew where this was going…
Short drive, told to just wait a few minutes for house to be ready to enter…
Ok then.

Arrive, knock on door… meet at door with Liza in a see through slip… ok, so no coffee first then!

You can imagine the rest after this…

When leaving at 5am next morning, the last goodbyes, the question of catching up again completed with ”a maybe, let’s see how things go” (so that’s a no) from her end… the last question from Liza is… ”Do you know ******** from ****** area?”

Me… ”Yes I do, why’s that?”

Liza ”He’s my ex husband”

Me “Oh”
Me again ”You’ve only been broken up for a few months?”

Liza “that’s right”

Oh dear…

Me ”does he know you’re dating”

Liza “no essentially “

Me “Ok, then”

Liza “He does know you, and also knows that I caught up with you last night, and will now know that you stayed here last night and what went on”

Me ”What!!!????? how’s that?”

Liza “I sent him a message to tell him, also a pic of you sleeping on his side of bed”

WTF!!!!
And few words of disbelief, I bolted, and basically could not believe I’d been used etc

A text a few days later from Liza basically said… ”Thanks for the fun night, the pic worked, pissed ***** off!”
My exchange was “you’re a nutter”

Her reply “Well, couldn’t date you seriously because you know him anyway, you’re a hot guy and I just needed some and in the end you were perfect ammo… But don’t despair… just know that the sex was fucking awesome and enjoyed fucking you. Cheers”

WTF!😂😂😂😂

 

Wow! Just wow…

#IBD4U

Milky #4

Why I do these things to myself, I will never know but I set up an account online because I figure I need to find someone new, clearly Milky & I are on different paths here, right? But then curiosity starts to eat at me & I start to keep an eye out for Milky’s profile. After about a week of searching all the 36/37 year old men, I am relieved that he is not on there & I start to relax that perhaps is becoming more than a casual thing for him too. I start to sticky tape my dream back together, only when I get home one Wednesday night & log in after a few days of inactivity, do I see his face in the tiny box because he’s ‘liked’ my profile! Rippppppp!

Right so a few things, what the hell was I planning to do with the information that he’s online dating still, has he been on there the whole time? Or has he been getting a vibe from me that I’m not keen for more & re-joined? Unlikely because his profile was exactly the same. A few lies I picked up though after getting to know him, he says he’s 35 (that’s why I couldn’t find him because he’s is 36/37!) & also says that he’s 5’7. Pfft, he’s my height 5’3, at a push he’s 5’4. How does he think lying is going to get him anywhere?

So my profile has hardly anything on it, just some song lyrics. After I add him he says ‘Hey I’m milky, your profile doesn’t have a lot on it, but it made me laugh. I see you like wine, do you ever go to tastings?’ Can it be that he likes the idea of the fake me better than the real me? Or have I just had a guard up too long & now he thinks I’m not interested or still just want something casual? Have I really fucked this up this time!?

I decide that since I am getting a little too emotionally invested in this, it’s time to have “the talk” with him, find out where he is at & let him know that I want more than just hook ups. Whatever the answer is, I need to know. I ask him over, which is the first time in about a month that he’s been to my house, we grab a pizza, watch some crap on tv, kiss, have sex & go to bed. I’m actually feeling better about having the talk, he did a few little things to make me feel like he was actually interested, like while we were ordering the pizza he would brush my arm & helped himself to a drink (my friend thinks it’s couply that he brings his own pillow when he stays over too). But while we were watching TV, there is a woman with an annoying voice, I mention how annoying it is & he says “yeah I met someone the other day who had an annoying voice but I didn’t want to be rude so I was stuck with her for 2 hours, but then you text me so I said I had to pick a friend up from the fringe” Great, so now he was so open he was telling me about dates that he was going on?! & used me as an escape route. That just solidified the fact I needed to have the talk with him. But after 2 bottles of wine now, I had to wait till morning.

I barely slept all night, I kept waking up wondering if he’d put his arm around me or spoon me like other nights, give me some reassurance that he was feeling even a little like I was. I am not ready for anything full on but something at least monogamous or with some feeling at least. However he was again distant & got up, got dressed & then just stood over me till I got up. I plucked up my courage when he was sitting there waiting for me & said “So I know I said I wanted casual, but I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m kinda over it & need something more” he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious & that he thought I was busy with work. I agreed that I am really busy with work but I need something more than waiting for his texts or catching up every couple of weeks. He said “so that’s it then?” & he seemed genuinely disappointed. But I said yes, he kissed me, said he’d wait to hear from me & then left. I was a stone & unable to cry!

Milky #4

I was unable (because I’m a masochist or something!) to delete my account online that he’s talking to me on. I never talked to him again on it though, I just kept it open a while to see when he was online. I sometimes wish I was one of those vindictive women who could play games with him via that account or even call him up now to tell him I’m pregnant to see what he would do. But lucky for him, I am not like that at all. I have those thoughts, after all I am human, but I’d never do it. Whats the point of trying to trick someone who doesn’t want to be with you, into being with you?

I guess the thing that really is upsetting me, is that I had a huge list of firsts with this guy & technically this was the second longest ‘relationship’ I’ve ever had. How sad!! It wasn’t even a relationship! A friend told me I can’t be upset because we weren’t exclusive & that’s not why I’m upset. I did actually think I liked this guy & did want it want it to be more, I put off seeing other men because I didn’t want to jeopardise anything with someone who wasn’t even interested in me! & after 5 months I still couldn’t get a guy to see how fun & cool I am.

I keep going over & over it in my head, what I did, what I said, what I could have done differently, but I don’t think it’s that simple. Even though he talked about how much money I made almost every time we caught up (& my friends say I do talk a lot about things I am doing to my house or trips I’m planning, but I don’t do that to be superior, I am genuinely excited to finally be able to do those things, not to make anyone else feel bad) & he always seemed so comfortable at my house, getting himself drinks that I really thought we were on a different track to what we were.

Milky did a lot for me though, he really opened my eyes not only sexually (I’m a lot more open to things & confident than I was), I have a lot to thank him for! But I did also realise my worth. I am worth more than just a fuck buddy & I deserve someone to love me.

Anyway closing that 5 month chapter & back to square one. At least this blog will now live on!

#IBD4U

MIA Undies

Many years ago in my 20’s, even way before Boyfriend, I used to go out drinking every weekend with friends & I think this particular incident happened at one of my birthday outings, or at least is was someone’s birthday. This was also the night that I lost my brand new phone, it was a Nokia 5110! (Fuck I’m old!). I was always the most drunk out of everyone, not something to proud of but it’s what I used to do. Not that much has changed but I am a lot less ridiculous!

Drunk on the dance floor used to be the place I would pick up most, bumping & grinding with the dude that wrapped his arms around your waist, some of the time it would end there, but this night, at a nightclub by the beach he asked me to go for a walk. We left the club & went to the beach. I don’t really remember it that well but from what I remember, we didn’t really go to a less populated area before we sat & then ended up having sex on the beach. Once we were done, I kinda of remember thinking ‘What the fuck (WTF wasn’t invented then!) am I doing?’ I jumped up still fully clothed but missing my undies, I look around for them, I can’t find them. I ask him where they are, he can’t find them either.

I go back to the club & find my friends, I think leaving sex boy because I don’t remember ever talking to him again. But I enlist a guy friend that we’re with to come outside & help me find my undies. This is also before torches on your phone so we’re just looking, maybe not even in the right spot, for my missing undies. We can’t find them so I end up going home undie less, yet while we’re out there looking for them I make my guy friend who was helping me take off his shirt & give it to me because I’m cold. He’s got a singlet underneath so I apparently think it’s ok to take someone’s shirt, which I never gave back. It hung on the back of my door for years, till I think I gave it to Boyfriend.

MIA Undies

So how would I rate sex on the beach, well sand is just dirt, cold, damp dirt that sticks to everything, gets in crevasses that it shouldn’t, chafes you in places that should only be treated nicely. I imagine that it would be like for him wearing a condom made out of sandpaper. Perhaps people have had better experiences than me but I’ve never tried it again, maybe one day I’ll venture outdoors again.

I’ll never know what happened to that brand new purple Bonds g string but I have a sneaking suspicion that the boy I had sex with took them, put them in his pocket when he took them off to keep them as a souvenir, where else could they have gone?

#IBD4U

Checklist

Most women have one, I’m sure of it, a checklist of what their dream guy would have, not necessarily in looks, unless they have a specific type, but all their other attributes. I’ve talked about it a few times, mine is long, but I never ever expect anyone to have all of it, this is just my dream list:

  • Makes me laugh
  • Likes music, live events & going out
  • Honest
  • I find them attractive
  • Chemistry
  • Well-travelled
  • Own a house/unit/apartment
  • Educated
  • Working full time
  • Drives a Holden or decent car at least
  • No kids, doesn’t want kids or has kids of his own already.
  • Single
  • Family orientated
  • Good in bed
  • Love an accent!

But let’s face it, no guy is ever going to have all that & if they do, they are usually with one of my friends! (Hahahha… eh)

Checklist

None of this actually matters with someone you actually like, for example Milky hadn’t been overseas, he did own a house, don’t think he was tertiary educated, he didn’t have a job for almost two months while we were seeing each other, he drove a ford, he didn’t have kids & I assume he was single, he made me laugh, he said he liked going out yet we never did, he was family orientated, fairly honest, I found him attractive the more & more we caught up & he was good in bed!

You can see why my friends think I am fussy, but this list stems from my own accomplishments that I think would be attractive to a man, I have a house, I’m educated, I’m very well travelled, my job is great, I don’t have kids or baggage but all this equates to for most men is that I’m intimidating. I scare them off by being a smart independent woman.

I generally only use this list when I know I am never going to see them again, it protects my heart a little, I can say to my friends ‘Well he had nothing on my list anyway’ when probably in truth, the list means didilly squat..

Now my list is:

  • Someone who actually likes me

#IBD4U

Milky #3

At this point, Milky gets a new job so I guess that’s why I don’t see him for a couple of weeks, he still is reliable & texts on Thursdays at 7:30 pm to ask how my week has been & then we always text for a bit, working out if each other is free on the weekend on not. We only catch up twice in a month when before that we were seeing each other weekly, so I keep my casual hat on even though I stayed over at his house before having to meet for a friend’s birthday lunch, where everyone said how amazing I looked, yeah because I woke up, he spoon fucked me before I came to lunch – of course I look good, I’m rocking the ‘just fucked look!

But then he’s busy one weekend, the next weekend I’m away in the infamous Moonta doing stupid things with a complete jock of a boy! He texts me to catch up the following weekend on the Friday night (we usually do Saturday nights) & I’m busy, I have friends coming over, so I say come over after, but he said he’d be asleep by then & he’s got a 21st on the Saturday night.

I’m not sure if any of you have read that book ‘He’s just not that into you’? Well basically it says that if a guy isn’t trying to sleep with you, then he’s just not that into you. There is no variation on this rule; any excuse a guy uses means he’s just not that into you. I mean that book should be burned, because I always come back to it, assuming that because Milky wouldn’t stay awake long enough to come to my house means ‘he’s just not that into you’ so I should say no worries & move on.

Sitting all alone on Saturday night, about 7:30 pm when he texts to say he’ll be finished about 10 pm so I could come over then. I don’t know why, but I pretend that I’m out for dinner & say ‘yeah sure, I should be finished dinner by then so let me know.’ So while getting ready for being ‘fake out for dinner’ it gets to 10 pm & still nothing more from him. At 10:30 pm I think he’ll text me soon, so I’ll get in my car, go for a drive closer to his house to presume the dinner pretence that I’m not 40 mins away at my house. I make a deal with myself that if he hasn’t text by half way, then I’ll put petrol in my car & go home (like a loser!)

He doesn’t text & I get all the way home, in my Pj’s & think I’ll just send him a quick ‘Sorry we didn’t catch up text but I’ve just dropped my friend home & I’m on my way home too.’ (WTF? There is something wrong with me…) Anyway he finally texts apologising saying his sister is his ride but should be home soon. We text a bit & I end up saying that I could still go to his house, if he was still awake. So I go… Yes I’m stupid but at this point my vagina is thinking for me. So I rock up about 1 am, like a booty call, and we have a drink watch some ridiculous Asian subtitle movie, that had to be some sort of satire before he kisses me, we fool around for a while before I realise what his game is, he’s prepping me for some ass sex. I seriously lose count of how many times he makes me cum with his fingers, his mouth, his fingers again, I’m so relaxed & satisfied that he’s able to slip it in my ass before I even really notice it. It doesn’t hurt me at all like it had with other guys who do the “surprise anal”, it just feels amazing, I had a feeling I would like it, but I didn’t realise just how much! He switches positions & I end up lying on my front for him to finish & me to go again! We shower & go to bed, everything seeming normal. The next morning, he gets up, gets dressed but comes back to bed & says he doesn’t want to kick me out but his dad is coming over at lunchtime, I basically jump up & leave. I’ve never felt more used than I did that morning.

Milky #3

When his usual text doesn’t come at 7:30 pm the following Thursday night, I feel even worse about having anal sex with him, but I have to be up at 5:00 am on Friday, so I text him as it’s the time he wakes up too. I don’t get a response till about 6:00 pm where we text a bit, but I’m out so I text back later when I am on the tram & say how I’ve parked at the entertainment centre (which is close to his house) but by the time he invites me over or says ‘you could have stopped into my place after the show haha’ but I’m over halfway home & bloody buggered as it’s almost 10:00 pm & I’ve been up since 5:00 am.

The next night I am at a wedding, I text him as I’m leaving about 11:00 pm to ask what he’s up too, he says just drinking & watching TV. I said I’m leaving & driving home now. He cracks a joke about me falling off furniture & that’s the last I hear from him that night. I can’t help but feel like he’s pulling away, I know we’re not exclusive & we’re not in a relationship but have I stuffed up something that wasn’t even anything with the first boy I’ve really liked in ages?

#IBD4U