Someone’s Son

There comes a time in everyone’s life, especially in Adelaide when you start chatting to someone online & realise you know them or someone they know. I met this guy who I was chatting to for a while, things were going well, we were talking about meeting up for a drink, but something made me sign up to another online site that links to your Facebook account, it then shows you friends you have in common. We had a friend in common then I realised that it was his mum, I used to work with her. So when I messaged & asked him, he confirmed & it made me feel more at ease to meet him, because I had sort of met him a while ago at his mum’s wedding, but he’d just had a kid with his then partner. But knowing he wasn’t a complete psycho I think I was much more at ease to have him come over to my house.

I think though when he sends you two texts in a row, one agreeing to catch up & one that says “can you pick me up at ****” with a very quick “that was for my mum” you probably don’t think too much of the fact that he’s still seeing the mother of his child (aka ****), because they share custody, but you should wonder why he’s needing to be picked up from there. Red flags should be waving ferociously.

We arranged for him to come over to my house a couple of times, in the end this guy copied the same behavior of Catastrophe who took FOREVER to get to my house, He actually only lived about 10 minutes maximum from me if there was heavy traffic, he said he’d be an hour, then an hour went by, I text again, he said he’d be 30 mins, that 30 minutes went by, then he said he’d be 10 minutes, I just told him not to bother, it was late & when he said he had to drop of medicine to his son, which is why he was late, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying to win back his ex girlfriend? He said he felt a bit shit about not catching up but he never made much of an effort since then anyway.

Someones son

I’m kind of glad it worked out that way, not that I won’t date someone with kids (I’d prefer if they have kids), but if they can’t even meet up with me because of the kids, there must be something that stops them. Sometimes things work out in a way you don’t get, until you get perspective & are able to look back.

I guess I also feel a bit stupid being that the same night I tried to also catch up with another guy but “he fell asleep” so I’m really not sure what is so wrong with me that I have more trouble doing this casual thing as I did actually dating!

#IBD4U

Security Guard

I start chatting to this guy on a new online app I’ve not used before. He seems to be a bit of a beef cake gym junkie looking guy & also has a black eye in his photo so I’m a bit cautious of him really, firstly I don’t think I would be his type & secondly I don’t think the beefed up gym junkie security guard is my type either.

We actually talk about just having a sex work out, so I invite him over knowing he has about an hours drive to get to my house but he wants a shower first, I tell him at 10:00pm to get in the shower & come over. At 10:45pm he says that he’s leaving his house, seriously 45 mins?! But he doesn’t arrive until 12:15am, I’m buggered, in my PJ’s & in bed.

So as I suspected, he wasn’t really my type, he was the same height as me at a measly 5’3 & was really bulky. He really reminded me of one of my friends boyfriends too, which didn’t help his case much, he talked & walked like him.

He came in & sat on the end of my bed & all he talked about was the gym, what he does at the gym, what he used to do at the gym & what I should do at the gym. The conversation was really one sided (although I’m not sure if it was because I know I am not interested so I’m not giving too much at all or if because he just has nothing else to say!)

At about 3:30am I tell him I’m getting tired & that he should go (kinda felt a little rude, but didn’t want to spend the night with this guy) yet he said he could stay, but I just said no it’s okay I’m just going to go to sleep. He text me at 4:45am to say he was home safe & how good it was to meet me & that he hopes that we can catch up again soon. I don’t reply even the next morning.

I had the next day off work so I went to the gym & was getting my outdoor setting delivered, so I set about my day, I got another text from him, trying not to be rude I text back short & sharp answers hoping that he’ll get my drift, but between 2:00pm & 5:00pm I have 3 missed calls, 2 texts & a message on the dating app. He apologises for texting me to much & asks what I thought of him, I think this is the time I have to be honest. So I said it was good to meet you but I just didn’t feel them chemistry between us, he said that it was just the first time & that if we hung out more then we might feel different, he didn’t want to make the wrong move last night.

He tries too hard to catch up with me again (& I feel so bad as it usually never happens that the guy is more interested in me than I am in him, it’s completely unnerving!) he asks me out on the Saturday, when I say no, he offers Sunday, then Monday when I again say I’m busy. I just try to ignore him, but I feel terrible. I tried the blunt route & he was still persistent, but I don’t think I can be rude & ignore him.

Security Guard

In the end, that’s what I do, I finally get rid of him, he gets the hint since I ignore message after message from him. I feel so rude & don’t want karma to come back & bite me in the ass but I have to ignore him, when I reply he writes more but he doesn’t listen when I say I am not interested.

UPDATE: I had tickets to an event at the nightclub he works at, I freaked out that I was going to see him the whole night & I did, he wasn’t working (unless he was a plain clothed security guard) but he didn’t see me (well not that I know of! I wonder if he did & ignored me?)

#IBD4U

Hockey Puck

During my phase of ‘I don’t want a boyfriend’ I stumble across this younger but cutish guy that I think is alright & might be good for yet another one night stand. However when we start texting & he asks me to tell him five facts about myself, I think start to think that this one might be different, we text facts back & forth all night, I stayed up late waiting for his responses that make me smile. When he text first thing the next day I grinned like a fool, texting all day even though I should have been doing work – these texts all day go on for about a week before we talk about catching up.Hockey Puck

We arrange to meet up at my house to watch Netflix, he comes over & sits on the couch not really seeming interested or looking at me, but makes me watch crime shows all night, as I walk him out & don’t get a kiss goodnight, I just assume that he’s not interested at all. Jumping into bed feeling another dating disaster story for my blog, when my phone flashes with a text, it’s him! He says something about how he had a good time & wanted to kiss me but didn’t know if he should, I said I was interested but didn’t know if he was. That’s when texts get dirty, we talk about all sorts, but not in a creepy way, I still feel like this guy was a good guy. He makes me skip the gym the following week & he comes over again, he kisses me this time & we have reasonably good sex (he remembers things I like in bed, like having my hands pinned above my head, which he did a few times) & then I cook him chicken nuggets. Romantic!

I didn’t realise that I had actually started liking this guy, even though he had nothing on my imaginary list for the perfect guy. He was younger than me, was living with his parents, was studying so not working & hadn’t travelled.  But when I get nothing from him the next day, I think I should send him a text first, show that I am interested in him, but I get one word answers back, so I just stop.

The next day still nothing from him & I start to question what I look like naked & how good I am in bed, that I just think I need to see if this is it with this guy, so at one last ditch attempt, I text him & ask what happened, he responds that he’s not looking for anything serious & doesn’t want to hurt me. I remind him that I’m the one who wanted something casual but I bid him goodbye.

On my way to a regional trip the next day he texts asking what I mean by ‘casual’ I explain that a bit more sex but a lot less texting. He continues to text me for a few days saying how much he wants me & complementary things he liked about my body or what we did together (so obviously not my looks or sexual abilities) so one afternoon as we’re texting, I get home from work & invite him over, suddenly he’s not feeling well & can’t come over. A few days later the same thing, I say come over but he’s still not feeling well. In the end I crack the shits at him when I was drunk when he was texting me so I tell him to fuck off.

Weeks later I start getting texts again from him, I wrote back to one but ignored the follow up message… so stay tuned, who knows what might happen!

UPDATE: He sent me a “hey how are you” text about 3 months later, I chose to ignore him completely! I’m sick of giving men second chances.

#IBD4U

Trolls

I don’t often write about people I never meet or people that I haven’t even given my phone number too but there is a type of person on every online dating app or website that always amuses me – the Online Dating Troll.

We all know the ‘Internet Troll’ who in forums or blogs will make obnoxious comments just to get a rise out of the readers, which usually include an angry response, perhaps some name calling, from you (don’t worry I have a comment policy to discourage negative comments!) but I think there is an online dating version!

If you’ve been online dating for a long period of time you’ll have met hundreds of these people, even if you’re only just starting out your online dating journey, you’re sure to come across one or two of these people. Depending on what you are looking for, they might be good for you but trust your instincts. If you get a bad vibe, like I did with Rimmer then shut it down, it may have been harmless, but better to be safe than sorry!

Online dating trolls are the type of guys (I’m sure there’s a female equivalent but I’ve never searched for women online) that within the first few minutes will probably ask you one or more of the following:

  • What are you looking for?
  • What are you wearing?
  • When was the last time you had sex?
  • How big are your tits?
  • Are you waxed?
  • How are you still single?

Pretty much all of these will prove he hasn’t looked at your profile if you’ve got ‘looking for a relationship’ in the looking for description. It’ll also tell you that they probably aren’t looking for anything serious at all, probably just “fun” (aka sex) or want to talk dirty to you over text or via the online chat.

“What are you looking for” is probably the dumbest question to ask, firstly, it’s right there in my profile & secondly it’s a dating site. So you write back that you’re looking for a relationship, a Troll is notorious for writing ‘same here’, but then minutes later will ask you if your waxed, how big your tits are or something equally troll like.

If you reply that you’re looking for fun & see where it goes or something casual, then it’s easy to get caught up in sexting, (which I just find completely hilarious & for me not much of a turn on with a random stranger) especially when they ask what you’d do to them if they were there or they start telling you what they would do to you. (& in my experience, they haven’t ever done what they said they were going too.) I’d rather let things happen organically, especially if it’s the first time you’re going to meet this person or the first time you’re going to have sex with them & they’ve built themselves up to be this amazing lover & then they can’t even fuck you for more than six minutes.

“When was the last time you had sex” has always baffled me, I don’t understand why they would want to know. What is the correct response? Do they want someone who hasn’t has sex in a while or someone who has so that they might be in with a chance? I really don’t know. I would interested to hear people’s theory’s on this one. I’ve asked a few guys & they just say they are curious, but there has to be more to it than curiosity.

Trolls

“What are you wearing” is also another one I always answer honestly, I’d say ‘jeans & a top’ or ‘pyjamas’ ‘Oooh, sexy pyjamas?’ No dude, I’m in my 30’s it’s winter, I sleep in a long sleeved top, singlet & shorts. Do they think we sit around in our sexy lingerie chatting online, no the purpose of online is so you can sit in your crappy oversized hoodie with unbrushed hair but to them you look amazing because you’ve picked your favourite picture of yourself, so let them visualise that on a sexy nighty.

“How are you still single” is just fucking offensive, if I knew that dip shit I wouldn’t be here writing this blog would I? Probably the funniest part about that question is that it’s not even a guy that will ever ask you out or really make an effort with you, so why say it?

Another type of troll is the married man or relationship man. It doesn’t matter if he tells you that his wife knows & is ok with it, I say bullshit! My philosophy is not to accept people with this type of talk in their profile, even while I was doing the casual thing. I hate when you accept a guy then he tells you he’s got a girlfriend who knows what he’s doing, blah blah blah, but hasn’t written on his profile. Jerk!

Anyway the point of this post, is I probably have about 5 of these trolls talking to me at any given time when online, they’ll generally never ask you about work or how was your day & will only ever talk to you while you’re online, usually starting off with the very original “hey”. I just want to warn newbies to the online dating world because I think the first one is always a bit of a shock, but if you don’t like it, there’s a wonderful button labelled ‘delete’ & you can use it freely!

#IBD4U

Birthday

As I get older the birthdays become more classy & less about going out & getting smashed at the hottest nightclub we can find. Well that’s probably what should happen!

I have five really close girlfriends, one of them decided to get a scoopon for a lunch for four in the Barossa at a winery & I thought this was a great idea, it was classy & something different. She also had a night off from the kids so she booked a hotel down at Glenelg. I was actually coming down with something & had had a day off work before, but I wasn’t going to bail on my birthday lunch. I got a little tipsy with the bottle of wine at lunch & the wine tasting after. We have the most hilarious time using a selfie stick & making some really great memories.

One friend had to go home to her husband but the other two from lunch came to the hotel room, not before stopping for more drinks! We order room service for dinner & have a few drinks listening to music & just generally chatting about shit. We get ready for a night out, thinking we’ll go to a bar close by & have a few more drinks (like I need them!). That’s where my other friend joins us & we’re back to a group of four.

We decide to leave this club & go across the way to another, where we find a booth, order some drinks & go have a boogie on the dance floor. Two of my friends don’t want to dance so they stay with our stuff & drinks. When we come back, there are three very young boys sitting with them chatting. I go back out onto the dance floor, this time only leaving one friend at the booth. The place then shuts, the ugly lights come on & we find our friend plus our new friends & walk outside.

It’s a bit cold, being it’s August but for some reason, even though we have a hotel room like 100 metres away, we stand outside talking to these young boys. But my voice has been reduced to a whisper! I can barely be heard over all the commotion of boys jumping all over each other. I end up kissing one of them, talking to him & his friends a lot too, some how another guys joins in talking to us & I kiss him too… I’m not 100% sure how that happened, but my friend kindly took a photo so there is evidence!

We all get too cold so we go back to the hotel room, bringin back with us four boys. My friend was kissing one of the older ones but he wasn’t with the three that I was talking too. Back at the hotel we have a few more drinks (Like WTF? as if I needed anything, my voice is a whisper & I am already really drunk!) Drunk enough that I end up pulling the first guy I kissed, who was also wasted, into the bedroom.

Birthday

Now in my experience with drunk guys it can go either of two ways

  1. They can’t keep it hard or
  2. They are hard but can’t climax

Of course if they can’t keep it hard it’s just a disappointment & even though it’s really about them, not you, I’m sure there are other women out there who think the same as me & believe that it has something to do with them. ‘He’s not attracted to me’ or ‘I’m not sexy enough’ are just a few thoughts I’ve had, however, it’s really usually about them.

This guy, was like Vesty ! The best kind of drunk man to have sex with because it lasts so much longer, which means that there is much more chance of you being able to climax & if you’re lucky enough more than once! So I can tick that off my list, having sex with a 21 year old when you’re in your mid 30’s! At least I got a pretty decent birthday root!

#IBD4U

Irish

A few days after Rotisserie Chicken & the start of a New year, I need some new sex memories to erase all the shit sex I had last year. I start talking to this guy online who was Irish who seems pretty cool, he’s a few years younger than me, but I’m a sucker for a accent so I think he’ll hopefully be better than the last.

I invite him over fairly late, I’m still on holidays from work so it doesn’t matter about the time. He asks if he can wear casual clothes (Why do men keep asking what they should wear to my house?!), which I laugh at but tell him I’m in my pyjamas, he hopes that they are sexy pyjamas & I say yes. Why do I say yes? I don’t really have sexy pyjamas. I rummage around in my pyjama draw while Irish makes his way to my house. I find one nighty thing that I’ve hardly ever worn that is like a baby doll dress, low cut lacy bra cups & just a black bottom – I think I bought this nightie thing for Cruise/Cruise#2. I decide to put a bra on too so that I feel like my boobs aren’t sagging.

I invite Irish in & we go straight to my bedroom, he sits on the side edge of my bed telling me about his knee surgery. I think how is this guy going to have sex, he still had bandages on. He tells me how much he likes what I’m wearing & he doesn’t try to undress me, it’s hot & it gives me more confidence as I’m less self conscious especially being on top because of his knees, about how my body looks because he can’t see my imperfections, my thighs or tummy, so I can push him down & have sex my way, I take charge & feel amazing. It’s probably the best I’d ever been (up until that point at least) in bed, because usually I am so concerned about how I look that I don’t often offer to get on top.

Irish

A few weeks later Irish texts me again to try & catch up telling me how good the sex was, I agree with him but for some reason I never see him again, I can’t actually remember what happened with this guy, but I never saw him again… This is why I needed a blog few years ago!

#IBD4U

Bonus post: FAQ’s

I’ve been asked a a few times why my blog is called “I’ve Been Dating For You”

IBDFU Logo File

It’s a play on words of “I’ve been waiting for you” & I just thought it was funny!

I also get asked a lot how old these stories are. I don’t post as I am dating these guys, mainly because I want to live in the moment & enjoy it but also because I never know what might happen. Many of these stories are quite some time ago, some more recent, they aren’t in any particular order but I do try to keep the time line straight. Especially when posting multiple stories about a guy & when they intertwine with other stories (When I’m trying to juggle men). But rest assured, I do have enough stories over the last decade to keep this blog alive!

I am currently busily writing about the last few years plus still dating to ensure the survival of the blog & find my retard in tin foil but if I do say so myself, my life does get a little juicer as I get older. (They don’t call it dirty thirties for nothing!) So stay tuned, but read at your own risk of knowing too much about me!

I started writing because so many people told me too but I also felt a little alone in my dating life. Pretty much all of my friends have partners & the single ones don’t seem to have the same experiences I do. But I thought, I surely can’t be alone in this. So I started writing, then finally posting them & now the feedback I get is how relatable it is to people. So if I can make even one person not feel alone in their dating journey, then I feel successful.

I believe with the title, this blog may live on also post dating life, if & when I do get a partner. I can discuss my relationship rather than all the douches that I keep meeting & dating. I’m not an expert but I like to think that I am not the only one going through these type of things, so this is about being honest with you all & making sure no one feels alone!

I hope that one day I can actually be hugging a beautiful man, inside & out, that I genuinely think “Wow! I’ve been waiting for this guy, I’ve dated all these shit guys, so I can appreciate what I have in front of me” & I will look deep in his eyes & say “I’ve been dating for you.” then we kiss & the movie credits roll…

Oh whoops.

Sorry, forgot this isn’t a rom com!

#IBD4U