Month: Mar 2025

Here’s another post I found lying around in the depths of my draft posts.

I am sick, sick as fuck. I have the worst diarrhoea that I have ever had. I don’t even know what has made me sick, food poisoning? Lying in bed for a complete weekend has got me bored. I download an app, I pay $60 for a month. Why am I doing this?

I chat to a couple of people, not ever worthy to write a blog about but I chat. One dude wants to meet for coffee & after I say yes & we agree to meet 10:00am Sunday at a café that I don’t know, he tells me that he is actually 49, not 45, that he can’t change his age as ‘the app won’t let him change it’ – so many things fuck me off about this. Firstly, the app will let you change it. Secondly, if he is 49 then he wouldn’t have even come up in my search for a match, because even though I am 43 now, I still don’t think I am that old, so dating someone almost 50 just seems insane to me, but I guess in reality, he is probably an ok age bracket for me so I figure I’ll still go on the date.

Saturday night there is a terrible thunderstorm & I am awake all night. Tomorrow is my only sleep in, so I message at 2:00am letting him know that I probably won’t make it at 10:00am. I wake up at 9:00am & he’s messaged asking if I am going which I apologise & say no, I won’t make it. He asks to me at 6:00pm after work, but I don’t reply & he deletes me. Fair enough. I deserve that.

At this time, I am chatting to Ralph anyway & actually getting along with him, we chat a lot to the point he asks if we are going to meet at the beach for a walk with the dogs. I don’t really answer which I think annoys him because he doesn’t really write back to me after he asks again & I say ‘I thought we’d already agreed, no?!’ Now I mean the “no” with a French accent – you know how they say no at the end of a sentence?

When he doesn’t write back that morning, the day of the proposed date, I realise my mistake & he might have read that as if I said no, so I clarify & he messages normally for the rest of the day until we meet. He’s already on the beach when I get there, I message to say I am there & he says he’s in the red shorts on the beach. I walk down the beach & let the dogs off but our dogs (his & mine) have a little argy bargy & sort of snap at each other – well that’s not a good sign.

We walk down the beach & get to the boat ramp & he asks if I want to go up there, um to a concrete boat ramp over huge rocks? He says that it’s his happy place but I say no, I just usually walk up & back, he doesn’t seem to mind, the beach is my happy place. He talks a lot, I mean I am a talker but I barely get a word in, to be honest, I don’t even know what he says but its’s all about him or his four kids, he has two older kids & twins that he has all on a bit of a different rotation schedule, which I can’t keep up with or who’s who.

When I finally get to say something about having a trailer (top notch convo) & he asks if I reverse it, which I say ‘Of course I do, I live alone, who else will do it?’ Which he says ‘that’s aggressive.’ Um, what the fuck? My response or the fact I reverse the trailer? I ask how it’s aggressive but he just says it again & I am like what is aggressive about it? When he says ‘I said impressive.’ & I laugh, but fuck, how many times did I say aggressive before he realised I heard it wrong & corrected me…

After the walk, we chat on the footpath for ages, I notice that he is wearing Ralph Lauren shirt & shorts. I don’t know why that’s weird but wearing double brand is just odd to me. But not a deal breaker, just something I noticed as he talked incessantly about his ex’s & being screwed over with houses, twice. I fucking hate the ex talk but I haven’t been given an opportunity to ask any questions to steer the conversation away from this or been asked any questions, I’ve barely even been able to add my own tid bits. This isn’t a convo, this is a rant.

Sorry, correction, he did ask if I am smart, but not like a question, he said ‘you must be smart because you’re in *insert industry*’ which I said, yes & he moved on with his next topic before I could elaborate. He asks if I am interested in another walk & I say yes another time & that I should go, the dogs aren’t great at just standing around, they were getting restless…

I get home & start cooking dinner when I get the text message ‘So #IBD4U, what are you thinking?’ stupidly, I didn’t really think about my reply, saying the first thing in my head that I am thinking I am hungry for dinner. He knows I am going to a themed work event so people will dress up & he asks if I have other costumes. Which I say that I do, honestly not thinking about this interaction so I just say yes but not onea I’d wear to work but he presses asking what & letting me know that he knows a guy who can help with a dress rehearsal.

Is he thinking I am going to some sort of kink event? I am going to a day time work function where the theme is magic! Like wtf does he think I am going to be doing…

I tell him “Hahaha after one walk on the beach, you think you get to know all the cheekie secrets??” he then writes to tell me that he has full length mirrors. I tell him that I have a wall of mirrors in my room – which is true & I get no reply…

Later on, I realiae that he’s just after casual, so I test & say I’m not looking for casual & I should have been more upfront… I mean I am not interested in a casual thing at all & certainly after one 30 minute walk on the beach I am not going to be doing any sort of fashion parade no matter if it’s my lingerie or just a normal costume for a work event.

He relies the next morning “I’m a believer in everything starts casual, I find it funny how it’s thought you can jump into a relationship. 🤷‍♂️” um what? When did I said I wanted to jump into a relationship?? After that he never replies but months later when I am bored on a dating site, he pops up & likes my profile… Really dude??

Moving on…

#IBD4U

I found this post in the drafts… Thought I’d share!

After being fired for the third time in my life, when I am dedicated, hard working individual who isn’t always the perky Elle Woods, but I am not awful to work with or to manage – well not in my opinion. I would only admit this now but many years ago I probably wasn’t the best worker, always pissed off about what others were doing or getting & not focusing on what I was doing or trying to achieve, I probably should have been performance managed at one point, for sure but not now. Yet here I am having been fired from a third job & feel like utter shit. I have no clue what I am going to do. I have no savings, I have no partner to back up my missing salary. I have no prospects to get a new job.

Luckily when I was fired for the second time I had done some random temping for an agency & received rav reviews – they were even looking for a senior role for me but knew I wouldn’t stay in the role I was doing. So this third time I called that woman and she got me into a temp job for 4 – 6 weeks & when I hadn’t gotten anywhere with gaining an ongoing role, she straight away placed me into another temp job, knowing that the temp jobs I am doing are beneath my skills, so I obviously get rav reviews as I am doing way more than expected abd asking for more, which makes gee also look for a more senior role for me.

There aren’t many options to get money quick. I signed up for Uber Eats again to deliver some food but as it’s the middle of winter, it’s dark by the time I get home from catching the train to & from the city – not usually a problem, but maybe from listening to too many murder podcasts, I have to have a photo up on the Uber app, which of course I look good so I’m scared someone is going to jump out the bushes & get me while I’m delivering thier food to their dodgy front porch!

Last year, after the second firing, I did sign up for OnlyFans – which is basically an adult content facebook, I got one follower. But it is all self promoted, there is no suggested “videos you might like.” section. So my first issue was the fact I didn’t want my face up, what a surprise. So that made promotion difficult & I had to create accounts on other apps to post the content first like Instagram, Snapchat & Reddit.

My second issue is that I didn’t want anyone to see it, especially a prospective employer or anyone from my past I guess. I edited every photo to remove any tell tale signs it was me, including a freckle in my leg or the dark skirting boards in my bedroom. It took ages. I never posted anything too bad, was feet pics or lingerie but like I said I removed any tell tale sign it could be me. So I used reddit to promote my OnlyFans but I have no clue how to use it & as always I wasn’t consistent so I made no money & then I got a job eventually so I deleted it.

So what can I do for money? Well a friend who I used to work closely with has made his desire for me clear – I suspect as he might read this blog, not many guys know about it but I just have a feeling. One day he rings me, clearing his throat every second word that I think what the fuck is he going to ask, we were just having a normal friend convo. He says that he’d offer me $1000 to *cough* you know *cough* to eat your *cough* pussy. I don’t remember how I even said no & got off the phone but I did & we hung up.

He messages later ‘Would like to clarify on last conversation. I was pretty nervous to raise the issue with you so probably didn’t come out well. Absolutely not interested in starting something, really am only interested in a one off For me is more like a bucket list type thing, absolute could not and would not want to go there again. The other thing I didn’t say was I really only have an opportunity tomorrow, Thursday evening as my partner is away. And I have some money put aside at the moment. So that’s what it was all about. You have always been a fantasy for me as well for so long and you only live once so I’m going to put it out there one last time $1.5K for about 1 hour of your time it’s just between you and me.’ I stare at it for so long, could I do this??

My initial reaction is still no, which to my surprise, eveyone who I told says to me that I should do it. It’s Monday, I need money. A chick from the temp job who I’m friends with on snapchat tells me to do & is adamant that she would do it. When I chat to some clients about it, they say that I should 100% do it. There is only one person really aganist who even offers me the money to borrow if I am desperate.

Look financially it isn’t a good time for me, I am hanging in by a thread to everything I have. Luckily I never have to sell anything but I come close a few times. But am I going to do something I really have no desire to do for money? One point I hear, is that no one likes work, think of it like a job. Also another client asks, how many people have I fucked that I wish I hadn’t/haven’t enjoyed & for free!!! Well she has a point. Hahaha.

While I’m job hunting, this guy is a referee for me – let’s face it he’s had to do a few recently for me, so we’ve kept in contact because of that. I mean don’t get me wrong he was a good friend. At one point when I was at my fittest, we were doing park run together & working together (at the first job I got fired from!)

Let’s back track too, he was in my team at the job I was at the longest, you know the one where I travelled a lot & then they started treating me like shit – apparently firing me because I started my little lash business. Well he was in my team & I know his wife. I always just thought wr were friends I never knew he had a fantasy of being with me for one night only… As I said earlier, I have a feeling he’s read the blog & honestly, I am not like he thinks I would be, I can assure you.

Anyway, he tells me to apply for this job, I get an interview but don’t get the job – even though he is my referee & apparently one of the interviewers are his close friend. Oh well, guess it’s not meant to be but I would have loved that job.

He has some health issues (trying not to give this guy away) but it’s pretty serious & it makes him up the price to $2500 because apparently “you only live once” right. I am starting now to get more desperate that I think maybe we should discuss it, so I try but he wants to talk on the phone about it, I don’t because it’s fucking awkward. This is what makes me think I can’t do it. How will it even go down?

I ask how he wants this to go down, he asks if I want the money transferred or cash – I personally think that’s the least of my concerns right now. As I start to talk about how it will happen, definitely not my house, not sure I want to go to his but ask what his thoughts are, what he is expecting from me & that cash is probably best but a transfer is less awakward, he takes like 18 hours to reply saying “currently wrestling with my conscience.” oh FFS.

I know it’s going to be awakward because I am not into it, I never want anyone to find out I went through with it – especially Marvel (yes I’m still seeing him) & I know what he’ll say, however to my surprise, after sex one day when I mention it, he basically tells me to do it. I don’t think he is serious but I guess I have his approval & I do really need the money. But Marvel is in my mind, I don’t want to keep fucking other people, I don’t want to keep adding notches to my bed post. Plus it’s been so long since I have been with someone else.

I say to Referee that I knew this would happen, that he would pull away as soon as I entertained the idea, I mean I can tell by how awkward he was to ask. I also don’t want someone whos not sure & going to make me take the lead. Yeah that can be fun, but it’s not entirely my vibe. I want someone more dominant & sure of what to do – unfortunately for me, I want a Marvel type, which I am certian this is not it.

He says to me, “I’m really torn, I really want to- in some  ways I can’t even believe it’s a possibility but my conscience is giving me a  hard time. These are the things on my list – deep passionate kissing, playing with, licking and sucking your tits, eating your pussy, you sucking my cock and licking my balls – so I am not even sure if you would agree with these things anyway. Well if those things are acceptable for you, I am happy to proceed. Let me know if you want to proceed.” Happy to proceed? What a sexy offer! Hahaha… So transactional, maybe that’s the best way to get through this?

I reply saying that kissing isn’t on my agenda & sucking his dick & balls would be on a mood type thing, I don’t want to force that & if I’m not feeling it, I don’t want to just suck his balls because hes paying me… That’s not a fav thing to do with a random guy but a friend says do whatever he wants for $2500. I mean just cos he’s paying doesn’t mean I have to just do what he wants, does it? Don’t I get a say? I know it’s his fantasy but I still should get a say in what I willing to offer?? He says “the non kissing is really disappointing. I could probably move past that but a maybe on some things depending on the mood wouldn’t work for me. Yes not at yours agreed.”

That’s about where it ends, we don’t really talk about it again. I mean I am not entirely sure I could’ve gone through with it anyway, I mean I could just picture him walking into my house – he’s been here before, he took me to lunch when I got fired from the job we worked at together, he bought my flowers & told me not to post it on Facebook, so I knew there was some attraction for him but he would be awkward in a sexual scenario & I’d have to take charge & I just don’t want too.. I also really don’t want to have sex with someone new. Someone who doesn’t know my body or what I like that I’m going to have to probably guide to do what I want & see my naked body which I am so concious of these days.

I eventually get a job, which I need him to be a referee for, which he does & I am so thankful for it, so I don’t end up doing it. There might be a week between my temp job & going to Melbourne that I am not working, which freaks me out & I would probably have to do it but luckily, I don’t have too… I don’t want to force it.

But I guess I’ve established my price. Hahaha $2500 for one session. Not a bad pay day.

#IBD4U