2022 : Overthinking…

I’m an overthinker. I’m an overthinker by trade. I overthink every little scenario. Any little thing, I overthink, no matter what. I think about the positive scenarios, I think about the negative scenarios, I think about the outlandish ones, the more tame ideas… I don’t, of course tell any guy I’m seeing about this – especially the every after fantasies, but I do obviously tell my friends my ridiculous ideas which is when they tell me to “just go with the flow,” I do go with the flow, but my mind goes with the wind, the rain, the stars, the sand, the sea… It goes in every direction!

Because of this burden, (& it is a burden! I fucking hate it) I can justify anything. I can justify anyone’s actions. I justified away why Marvel stayed with his wife. I justify why every guy has done whatever they have done to me. I have been able to justify it. Sometimes blaming them but mostly thinking what is wrong with me.

I mean, I’ve got excuses for all these people. I give them an out & so when they come back & do exactly the same thing to me again, I can justify that too.. Why do I do it? Well it’s a compulsion, I think I like to think up the good scenarios, the rom com scenarios that I hope will happen to me, that never do.

For example, I didn’t put all this in M8’s post because I am not going to justify his actions. I could have said that he was busy or that it was his birthday that weekend, then it was Fathers day, a really hard day for him. He even told me that, our friend even told me that. Maybe that’s why he’s my quiet while he’s away, I know I am not the same person while I’m away for work so perhaps he is hating it. Perhaps his mobile reception is bad so he can’t message as much as he has been.

I can literally make up an excuse for every thing as to why guys don’t message me like they started off messaging me. I start as I intend to go on or I would tell them, I haven’t really ever ghosted anyone that I was involved with – either catching up with, sleeping with or consistently texting. But you know what, excuses – they will be in your life, just depends on how we deal with them, how we overthink them.

I’ve been told so many times & I just ignore it now when a new guy says it to me, that we have a great connection, but we have this or we have that but you know what, I’m so desperate – I hate that word, but for lack of a better word, there it is. I’m so keen for that relationship, for that partner, for that somebody to share my life with, that somebody to make decisions with & to travel with, to do renovations to my house together & all those kinds of things. I am so keen that I am in love with the idea of being with someone, so I am able to just justify anything they say & their actions that I will overthink everything.

I think that M8 was one that I was actually hurt the most about, because it happened when I least expected it. I genuinely didn’t even think about this guy in any sort of way. I was expecting him to come over, do my electrical work & go away. I wasn’t expecting him to hang out & take me out for lunches & actually want to spend time with me. Then telling our friend how much we’ve got in common. I guess it just hit me by surprise that he was actually interested in me & I wasn’t expecting it. I also wasn’t expecting to get along with him as well as I did… I wasn’t expecting chemistry, I wasn’t expecting a spark. It’s been such a long time since I had a spark with someone, that this ending really hurt me. FUCK.

I guess also I felt it with Eastwood as well, even though there was not that kind of pulling chemistry with Eastwood, I guess I thought with the two of these guys in particular & even with Concreter I guess, that we started out as friends, with no expectations of being a couple, but then they all went to shit, even though I dreamed up a perfect life with them.

I wonder though & this is a full spiral overthink – on Snapchat I don’t really use it for anything besides a few pics & usually filters with the kids. You get a little smiley face when someone is your best friend & to be honest, you have two chats with someone & they are your best friend. After a few days of chatting it can become a yellow heart which means you are first best friends with the person – this happened with Eastwood. After 2 weeks it can become a red heart to say that you are best friends for 2 weeks… This is about the time that Eastwood backs off… He tells me to find someone else while I’m away for work. Was it a test? Or was that his way of getting rid of me?

Maybe guys don’t get the passing of time, Marvel told me that our second affair was only weeks, when it was actually months. So perhaps the red heart alerts Eastwood that he is into this deeper than he wanted? M8 & I have a flame next to our names – this means you’ve sent snaps to each other consecutively for however many days. We get up to about 12 or 13 before the little egg timer shows & I send him a snap. I get us up to 15 then give up. In my head I’m thinking we can say at our wedding that we’ve snapped each other everyday since we became friends (I mean as if I would say that, but it’s the stupid scenario I have & I’d never had a streal before.)

I can overthink until my brain explodes. I overthink until I can’t sleep. I want to be able to cry, I want to let out some emotions but I am a stone once again… After I said I love you to Marvel, I cried a lot easier, pre I love you I wasn’t able to cry. I am back there… There is nothing a man can do to me now that can hurt me. I am untouchable.

#IBD4U

2022 : M8 #5

However, I am back to the drawing board for an electrician who I won’t get a tingle of feelings for & won’t charge me a million dollars. Fuck. Why did I fuck him… I am so fucked off… I have only slept with 4 people this year & that includes Marvel – a slow year for me but I haven’t wanted to meet new people or be adding to my number, which is up there around the ‘holy fuck’ range.

After a few days of me being dramatic & overthinking about this one, I send him a happy birthday message on the Saturday, I get a thanks back & he posts on snapchat asking people what they’re doing. My overthinking optimistic brain hopes that’s aimed at me, but probably not so I ignore it.

M8 messages the next day to ask how I’ve been on the Sunday afternoon, I don’t want to reply straight away, but I can’t help myself, I wait a bit, reply & then head to my sisters but he replies instantly that I am sucked in but I don’t reply as quickly as I had once done with him & I am careful not to write too much… We chat a bit that week & a few snapchats, I know it’s not back to how it was nor will it ever get back there but I feel like it’s not all lost… I mean he is about to have a fucking baby with someone else…

Um so yeah, I don’t really understand TikTok, I’m old, but I have it, I get addicted to watching shit on there sometimes for hours, other times I forget about it for weeks… But it’s a period of time where I am watching it a lot. M8’s ex girlfriend – if we can call her that, lets call her his most recent baby mumma, keeps coming up on my TikTok as a ‘for you’ video… WTF?!

I am not usually the type to stalk – as you know, this isn’t the first time she’s come up but I watch this new video which is a filter of a old photo, scanning a circle over a recent photo, so it’s one of her pregnant & one of her not pregnant, I click on the comments & M8, along with other creepy looking dudes have commented, M8’s comment it “still taste the same” which he wrote on the Sunday that he was messaging me… FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!

I look though some of her other videos, because I am now down this rabbit hole & he hardly has commented on anything of hers, even all the videos that he’s in when they were together or the ones of her crying after they broke up… She mainly has stupid dance videos & her in lingerie asking if she’s sexy, of course there are comments galore from weirdos (or perhaps people she knows?). However now all the recent videos, have an kissing face emoji from M8… URGH! This is why I don’t stalk, FFS! It’s not good for my mental health… Well at least I know what happened with this one! Even if he still messages me. I’m not your fucking back up plan!

Needless to say I found another electrician, to do the towel rails that M8 just seemed to refuse to do… I will see what else happens with this guy though – something fucking stupid inside me tells me not to write him off just yet, I do have a lot of other electrician work that has reared its ugly head with this reno, so I may be able to get him to do some for me at a cheaper price!

A couple of days later our mutual friend asks me if I’ve heard from him, I say sporadically & she says that his pregnant ex has put his car up as her profile picture & is now in a relationship on FB – he’s not on FB. So at least it’s confirmed that I don’t need to wonder what happened here… But fuck it still is fucking hard… I mean, he fucked me a week before getting back together with her – that doesn’t make me feel good. I mean he saw me naked & then went right back to his 19 year old pregnant girlfriend that he’s broken up with twice… I mean I must be so fucking hideous. I mean his GF has a hot body – even pregnant, but she’s a young attention seeker (lingerie on tiktok all the time) & has braces, short brown hair, she’s super skinny… I am not, no matter how hard I try, I am always fat… I never move from this weight, while everyone around me does & gets boyfriends. I am just gonna eat whatever & get fat again. What’s the point of all this effort?!

I think this one’s kind of hit me hard & I feel so badly about, was because it happened when I least expected it, I genuinely didn’t even think about this guy in any sort of way at all – except as my electrician… I was expecting him to come over, do my electrical work & go away. I wasn’t expecting him to hang out & take me out for lunches, actually wanting to spend time with me. Telling our mutual friend how much we’ve got in common & telling me all the time how funny I am, how he likes hanging out with me… I guess it just took me by surprise that he was actually interested in me & I wasn’t expecting it or wanting it. But I felt so comfortable with this guy, more comfortable than I’ve felt in a long time… I mean he met me when I was like looking like a bridge troll & he still wanted to hang out with me…

But I guess the 19 days (yes, shortest infatuation ever!) it took since he came over to have a look at the job for me, to when we had sex, I was played… I was played like a fucking fiddle! I should have known better, I should have stepped away, I should have left it as a kiss… I shouldn’t have even let it get to a kiss… FUCK!

#IBD4U

2022 : M8 #4

I have instant disappointment. Fuck. I lay there unable to move with my hands over my face, willing my legs to move. He asks if I’m ok, I say I am, because I am, I just realise what a fucking mistake I’ve just made. I don’t regret it, I never regret anything, it’s the choice I made in the moment, but I wish now that I had of resisted! This is fucked. I hate this feeling… How do other women fuck a guy & end up being in a relationship with them, I do it & they run away before I can even stand up… Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I get up & get dressed, even though I can barely move my legs. I’m feeling like a fuckwit. An actual fucking idiot. I was played, by a guy I genuinely didn’t think would play me. Fuck, I’m so stupid. Like this is the most stupid I’ve ever been… Why would I think this guy wouldn’t play me?! After everything I’ve been though, how could I think this multiple red flag dude wouldn’t play me. Maybe because our friend also bought into the fact that he was keen…. FUCK. Anyway he hugs me goodbye at the door, it’s not a brief hug, it lingers but it reeks of I got what I wanted & he leaves literally less than 2 minutes after he came. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I am stripping my bed of my soaked quilt cover from my squirting all over the place, when there is a knock at my door… I am shocked to find M8 standing there, looking all casual & cute, a million things go through my mind about what he’s doing back here. Maybe he’s feeling guilty, maybe he wants to make sure I’m alright, maybe he decides he wants to stay. This could be my rom com moment – when the guy leaves but then comes back because he realises that he’s made a mistake.. NOPE! He comes back because his car won’t start & he says that his car battery is flat & asks me to help him push it out of my driveway. You’ve got to be kidding me right? Only my fucking life would rub the salt in the wounds… I do, of course, push the car out to the road but as soon as it’s on the road, I go inside… That is just the perfect ending to this fucking shit story! You fucking wanker #IBD4U.

To my surprise, though he messages me shortly after leaving asking me something about the clothes line, to continue the banter. I laugh thinking maybe it wasn’t a mistake? He is still keen on the banter, on talking to me, on messaging me… Or is this part of the charm?! He says he got the stuff for the rest of my job too. I don’t reply because I am at my little business… But just as I am finishing up, I get a message “hey hey.” I apologise for not replying to either message then we have back & forth banter until I fall asleep at 11:00pm. I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t come over for round 2, or why he was in such a rush to get out of my house… Especially since he lives with his parents…

J-Lo has an opinion of course, I mean I don’t think anyone is going to be worthy of me in his eyes, if I think about it, but I still go to him for advice. But he seems to think that M8 is heavily into drugs… Now I’m not innocent, so I can pick up the vibes that someone is acting weird, but there is no weirdness here… Also our mutual friend is an ex addict & her ex is still fucked so she’s very anti drug, so I don’t think she’d be friends with someone heavily into hard drugs… I’m sure he smokes weed, most guys do it, especially those guys into cars.

But when I send a picture of his car to J-Lo, it sets him off… J-Lo is even more convinced he got fired from his $150k FIFO job because he’s on drugs & he has a druggie car… Whatever that means… He’s like no one quits those type of jobs to live with their parents… So I ask our mutual friend & she says that he’d just had enough of it & has a casual job here but because he used to earn so much money, that’s what he wants to be paid here in Adelaide & he so he’s just doing casual work. I genuinely don’t get the drug (or hard drugs on the regular) vibe from him.

I had told M8 I’ll be home around 11am on the Tuesday, to finish off… When he doesn’t say if he’s coming or not, I wonder if I am supposed to message him or if he’s just going to ghost me but as I’m preparing my smoothies for the week, he just appears at my door. No kiss hello. No hug. No touch. So I guess that’s it, it was just sex for him, he got what he wanted, there will be no dinner dates, I guess… I just go about making my smoothies & let him do what he needs to do. He’s so fast. Like if he worked this fast when he started the job, he would have done the job in about 4-6 hours. Instead this is day 4. He’s only there 2 hours saying he’s got to get shit done before he goes away tomorrow…

There is a bit of banter but my boss sends me a weird email which throws me off my good mood axis at work. I struggle with a lot of comments at work due to my previous work experience, as you would expect, I have a PTSD of sorts from all the bullying & bullshit! So this reply from her telling me I didn’t provide constructive feedback, makes me think, well neither is your feedback… Anyway I sulk, this thing I built up in my head with this guy isn’t going to be what I’d started to hope & work is so up & down…

When he leaves, there is a bit of long hug, which hurts my neck again & I don’t hear from him again. No text. No snapchats. Yeah well done #IBD4U. I guess if he never talks to me again, I won’t have to pay him… Fuck. I’m actually a bit cut up about this one though. My usual practice is to ignore them & they go away, I let this happen with Eastwood, I let this happen with pretty much every guy. So I decide I am not going to let it just go, I text him & I ask him why today was so awkward. I also have a snapchat story which he looks at almost instantly but then he finally replies to my text 2 hours later saying that today wasn’t awkward, he just had shit to do. I decide to leave it. I understand the brush off, I’m not a fool… I am never good at the chase & clearly no one ever wants to chase me. Another one bites the dust I guess.

The next day I get a text “why so quiet” which makes me smile when I see it on my watch… Wanker. I say that I am not quiet & just try to get back to the banter & chats that we had before we had sex. This is fixable. But the chat is strained & sporadic. He doesn’t reply to a lot of the questions I ask like how’s work going or where is he. – knowing he’s away in the sticks for work but not sure where… He also says he’s been busy or that he was driving… Yeah right! He fucking text & snapped me while driving when it suited him… On the weekend we send snaps consistently as I’m building my now tool bench then nothing. Crickets.

But then I get texts like hey hey. The next day the same, snaps full on for a bit then nothing. Later that might I get a text “good day out“. I ask is that a statement or a question, he says both but he doesn’t try at all to converse with me at all, it’s gone from multiple sentences per texts to one word statements. Whatever… I knew it was stupid of my to get my hopes up with this one or anyone…

One Sunday night, we’re chatting, I say I’m in the bath, a clear invite for some cheeky chatter with a boy, right?! But he says he needs to send me his bank details, which he does, I pay & the conversation doesn’t go further. He looks at the snaps I send but doesn’t reply, leaving me on read. But then sends a sunrise pic the next morning. I reply but don’t get one back. Our mutual friend says he’s doing the same with her. Maybe things will be different when he gets home… But it is his birthday on the Saturday & Fathers Day on Sunday (which he hates cos he can’t see his kids due to the witch – she’s an actual witch apparently selling sage & doing spells!) He did quit his FIFO job because he hated being away so maybe this trip away is just getting him down. I know I am a bit different when travelling. Marvel always said so, that I was different when I was away for work, maybe it changes a person? Or maybe I’m an idiot.

#IBD4U

2022 : Plumber #1, #2 & #3

So I have fucked up – Majorly!

Foodland #1 & Foodland #2 are not written about the same man! FUCK! I genuinely have no idea who Foodland #1 is to be really honest with you, but he was someone I worked with at Foodland obviously but I can’t even picture who it is in my head reading back on it & at which Foodland, being I worked at a few. But the guy I wrote about in Foodland #2 – is a different guy that we need to discuss now! I never worked with him but he was friends with everyone I worked with at a different Foodland, because he went to school with all my friends… So what the fuck, you don’t know the story of Foodland #2 part one, so I need to go back in time & remember… So from now on, he will be called Plumber. (Are you confused?!)

Fuck, I’m confused! This is confusing. So forget about Foodland #1 – he is a stand alone story that never should’ve had a #2. However, Plumber is in the story for Foodland #2. It was the second time I dated Plumber, it was exactly as outlined in Foodland #2. However lets revisit what actually happened the first time I dated Plumber. I don’t recall a lot of it – obviously, I forgot to write about the poor bloke & I’ve dated him twice – including having sex with him! So it’s not going to be a in-depth story, but I’ll piece it together for you & give you an overview so we can get on with this story. It’s important I right this wrong, because – Spoiler Alert, there is more to this story!

So I assume I meet Plumber online (7 years ago in real time!) I can’t really remember where we start chatting or how but we worked out how we knew each other, from around Foodland (Which is why I thought he was Foodland #1). Because I know of him, or he knows people I know, I assume that he’s not some sort of serial killer or whatever, so I invite him over to my house. We watch a movie that I already had on – otherwise I make them pick the movies because I don’t want them to be sitting there hating what we’re watching.

I remember I was tipsy & it’s why I don’t recall much of this. But usually after I date someone, I write some notes. I had nothing on this guy… I know we have sex & he gets up to go right after & ghosts me. Yep they old “I-got-what-I-wanted-so-bye” trick. I think we do talk again a few years later online but he ghosts me shortly after, we didn’t meet up that time though. I don’t remember the ins & outs.

In the last 7 years I have matched with him 3 times. So the first time when we had sex, another time when we just chatted online & via text, I think this is when he tried to add me on FB but I never accepted, he was sporadic with his texts & we never met at that 2nd encounter. It basically dwindles & we just stop talking. Then about 2 years ago the Foodland #2 story happened & he’s followed me on Snapchat ever since, just like Motocross did till he deleted me & like every other guy I add has… They don’t chat to you, they just watch you story, mildly stalking you.

So onto what should be part #3 for this guy – Plumber. I don’t know how we started chatting again but we do – I’m not online, so I think he just starts replying to my snapchat stories & I engage in some light conversation, he has a girlfriend (not that he tells me that, she’s on his FB profile – his request is still in my FB notifications) & so I take every opportunity to remind him. We also talk about what the fuck happened, both times we’ve dated. So he’s recently told me that the first time – at my house, I basically wasn’t affectionate enough & that’s how he knows his prospective partner is interested in him. The second time, the movie date where he famously made me hold his hand even though I didn’t want to – probably part of the affection thing too – he tells me that he thought I would never let the first time (him ghosting me after sex) go because I kept bringing it up & giving him shit about it so he thought I would never have sex wit him again. RIGHT.

He also tells me that he wasn’t in a great head space when we went to the movies but I call bullshit because he got a girlfriend 5 months later, who he is still with right now, 2 years later! So yeah, that doesn’t make me feel fucking good at all! So very interesting though – his idea of what happened, I genuinely thought we were having a laugh the night at the movies when I kept joking that I wasn’t going to sleep with him because I didn’t want him to ghost me again. In his mind, he’s thinking I am not into him because I won’t hold his hand & I keep bringing up the past. Then when he does ghost me the next day, for me, I am proven right & then validated as to why I didn’t fuck him & that he is just after one thing…

Interesting how he can tease me all the time about not remembering the night we met the first time. I mean it was 7 years ago & I was tipsy, so of course I don’t remember. So he makes jokes & teases me, reminding me, sharing tidbits about the night. About what I was wearing, about how we had sex, like what positions etc. But I am going to get upset that he is having banter with me? No, because it’s funny. So why the fuck was he so sensitive about me doing the same thing to him?! Plumber tells me he remembers that we watched some British movie. (I must’ve been more than tipsy!) He also tells me that I fell asleep on him.. Did I really?! I don’t just usually fall asleep unless I’m super drunk, which means I probably was & he just left! Oh what a gentleman! I wish I wrote notes about this date, it probably would have saved me some trouble!

So as part of this renovation, I want to move my hot water unit & of course Plumber has offered to do it… When he comes over to have a look, I can’t put my finger on it… I don’t think he’s the type to take drugs but maybe he’s nervous, his sort of grinding his jaw & won’t look me in the eye… He has a look at the job & then tells me I have a gas leak. Well fuck. I actually smelt gas this morning actually, which I just tried to ignore, he says that he can re-pipe the house, that he’ll work out the price & text me. The price is only $600 or so, so I get him to re-pipe the house. He drops off the copper pipe on Friday morning at almost 6:00 am – I am actually on my way to the gym & dive past him then see him on my cameras. He messages me & I reply when I’m at the gym, saying I drove past him & he says that he was hoping to catch me in bed. What the actual fuck?! I ask what he would do & he asks if I want to know of can he just do it. I say that he’s confusing but he says that I am. I ask him what he would do if I said I’d left the door unlocked for him & he doesn’t reply!

He comes back the next day when I am at the gym to start the job & I then have clients so I am in & out all day. He is the same, jaw grinding sort of look, won’t look me in the eyes. I just don’t see him as the drug taking type of guy & it’s like 9:00am on a Saturday! He messages me while I am out if he can have a drink – he’s obviously already looked in my fridge. I don’t mind this either but it’s a bit weird… I come home & he is walking around trying to get the hot water service to work… but it won’t. I notice when he’s fixing my heater & the oven that he’s wearing a wedding ring – well in 2 years he’s fucking married her!? Jesus…

Plumber also uses my toilet without asking (not a big deal, as if I would say no, but very familiar) He even calls someone to get help with the hot water service. I have no hot water & that night I go to my sisters kicking myself for moving this hot water service! He comes back Sunday & his demeanour is the same. He spends ages trying to get the hot water service to work before he comes inside & says “Do you know that hot water service is 17 years old?”

Fuck so he has broken my perfectly good hot water service & now I have to go buy another one, which he doesn’t help me with at all… I run around on Monday morning getting one & dropping it home, thinking he’ll be there right after work, usually on snapchat he’s knocking off around 4:00 pm, I won’t be home so I race around to get it home so he can get it in & I text him. I get home around 6:00 pm & have not hot water service. FFS. I type out a passive aggressive text & don’t hit send. I just get dinner & sit there thinking about what I should do when Moody Plumber arrives. Barely says hello, stomps around putting in the new hot water service, saying how tired he is & being all snippy. I just stay out of his way thinking I didn’t ask for this, he offered & he assured me when I said I bet the hot water service will die that it wouldn’t! He fixes the new one & leaves in a huff – like it was my fault.

A few days later he replies to a snapchat story & he chat for a bit, he says something about being horny or something & I say that I’m always horny & he he says that he should’ve just done what he wanted to, to me on the weekend… I remind him that he is married, he tells me that he wears a ring but is not married… Um, yeah sure. Women do that, but never heard of a dude wearing a wedding ring without being married… We have these frustrating conversations, him trying to be flirty talking about how compatible we are sexually so I decide that I am going to call his bluff… I am feeling horny so I just write back “Come over & fuck me.” He doesn’t read it for over 24 hours & then when he does, he never replies.

Now this would normally be a cliff hanger, but to be honest, he’s not worth another post… When he does reply, I try my hardest not to message back but seriously I have a problem! Why can’t I just ignore them… Finally after asking him some plumbing advice, which he never reads but looks at my story, I delete the messages & move on with my life. I will find a plumber elsewhere… How fucking annoying!

Weeks later, he messages me Christmas day (2022) & asks if I had a good day… I fight so hard not to write back. & I bloody did it!!! Hahaha… You’ll see why soon!

#IBD4U

2022 : Mixed Bag #8 – Pharmacy, Work mum’s friend & Big Red.

Merry Christmas everyone! It’s a busy day for everyone, this is a scheduled post day, so I post! I have posted a mixed bag for you because it’s too busy to settle down with your morning coffee, so here is a quick read for you if you have time. If not, read tomorrow when you’re laying on the couch recovering from too much food & alcohol!

These are really really old stories, I had written them ages ago before I ended my blog but for some reason I never posted them, I guess because my plan was to elaborate on them eventually & make the a proper post but I never did, so here they are… Some more random stories.

Pharmacy guy

I met this guy online way back in 2016 before Noodle. His wife had just cheated on him & was with the guy, which oddly they were all living together for the sake of the kid… I saw him a few times but to be honest he was so skinny & weird that I struggled to want to meet him. He has been to my house & had slept over so he could get away from the wife & her new partner, but I didn’t want to be used for my bed – however the sex I recall was pretty good even though he was skin & bones.

One other thing about this guy that always turned me off was his drug taking, he would apparently open up duromine (legal speed used for weight loss) capsules & take some out then seal them back up. Not only do I not believe him as duromine comes in blister packs but who would even do that?!

Once night he’s coming over but he’s taking so long to get to my house that I go to bed & tell him not to come, but he says that he’s in my driveway… I reluctantly let him in & I think that the first night he sleeps over.

I stop seeing him, I don’t really remember why or what happens but it’s done pretty abruptly, I think perhaps he reconciled with his wife. I never asked!

Work Mum’s friend

I think at every work place we have a work family, I guess she’s my work mum though she’s too young to really be my mum so I should say she’s my older work sister. He has an electrician who she talks too about me & he says to her that I have a sexy name, I think perhaps this could be my love story… Again before Noodle. He’d just broken up with someone though so I don’t want to get involved.

A few years later, I need some electrical work done & forgetting the sexy name comment, she recommends him & I give him a call. It takes him ages to come to my house for a quote & even longer to do the job. He was cute & I would’ve gone on a date with him, so I text him afterwards to say thanks & we did chat a tiny bit but then it dwindled out… Another romantic comedy scenario bites the dust… 

Big Red

Minding my on business one night I get a random text from a guy who keeps insisting he knows me. Saying that he is sorry that when big red & I stopped each other that he lost contact with me… I have no idea who big red is, but this guy messaging me seems to know tings about me, so either he has me mixed up or some one is sitting opposite me in the pub having a good old laugh! What the fuck… This is so long ago I don’t really remember it, but it was so funny, this guy knew my name but everything else was off… Now if you know my name, you’d see why this is so weird, my name is pretty rare – especially for people my age, so not like he could have guessed it. Also he had my number, but all the other facts were so incorrect that I have no idea how this guy got it so wrong… I had to just stop replying, it was getting too weird for me & I was starting to think I had a stalker, but he stopped.

#IBD4U

2022 : M8 #3

When I’m dropping off my friends Dog home, he messages “It was good hanging out with yah today haha you are hilarious” I smile like a wanker… Why do I do that?! We chat a bit & I say thanks again for lunch when he says we can eat something else if I like, then asks what I like eating. At the time I thought he was asking me out on a date, a proper date, so I mentioned that I like steak when I go out for dinner. Then he says if I’m up for it we can do something different than a burger. So perhaps he is asking me out on a date… Like a proper, lets go out date… I don’t know why that excites me so much… I guess because I wouldn’t be the weirdo that I seem to be on dates because he’s already seen me on my worst outfits & he has gotten past my awkward stage. In fact he’s still not even seen me looking good yet!

I end up going into work for the morning & wait for him to message me because the reno has been postponed till Wednesday, which is so annoying but we didn’t make a time, so I don’t want to work from home if I don’t have too, my boss has already been kind enough to let me stay home with the dogs. In the morning, I dress so carefully for work, even putting on makeup so when I come back home & he’s comes over, I can look good – in a corporate sort of way – a grey skirt, a shirt & tights. But he’s already at my house when I get there, how did he beat me?! So we walk inside together, I let in the dogs & we chat for a few minutes, but he gets started straight on working – it’s sort of raining so he keeps whining about having to get on my roof while it’s raining. I go to my room & get changed, not sure if I should close the door or not but I get into my standard Hurley track pants & my LSKD jumper then I sit down with my work laptop.

He finds ways to chat to me & sits down to look over my shoulder, to show interest, he gets close to me when there is no need, that I think that this isn’t just him actually wanting to touch me… I help him by being a sparky apprentice by pulling cords through the wall, as I had to yesterday too… He pulls too much cord though so I poke it back into the walls when he’s not looking! Hahaha.

He looks at my work emails quickly over my shoulder & talks about how fast I type, asking if I can look at him while typing me email, which I do but I have to look away because looking him in the eye, does something to me & my clit tingles. I haven’t had that since Noodle looked at me the first time. This isn’t the same. I don’t like to think any situation is comparable, but it gave me a similar -albeit less because I was in love with Noodle when I met him – feeling.

Around lunchtime M8 is hungry & so I suggest we just get something delivered but he says that we should just go get lunch again at a place of his suggestion, Vietnamese. I wonder if this the the ‘other food’ he was talking about last night over text or is he still thinking of a proper date? He walks in to the restaurant after saying just as we get out the car that his friend works here. But he’s so familiar with her, doesn’t introduce me, let’s me pay for it – or makes it obvious I am paying, I was going to try anyway but he doesn’t even pretend that he’s going to pay, so I just stand back & let them catch up. They talk about his birthday next weekend & other general shit. She hugs him goodbye & we leave.

Eating lunch back at my house, he sends hideous snapchat filter pics to our mutual friend of me eating but also those ones with your tongue out but it’s not your tongue & she sends them to me. I laugh & don’t really care, it’s pretty funny. He heads to the shops for something else but I stay at home cos I’m supposed to be working. He sends me snapchats from whatever store he’s in & he also sends shapchats while driving – not good I know but it’s an important fact to know.

He’s done on Monday about 2:30 pmish I guess, knowing I have clients tonight so need him to wrap this up, even though he’s still not finished – putting up 6 cameras shouldn’t take this long, surely! He’s only put up 4 so far on each corner of the outside of the house but still have two more to do, so he says he’ll come back tomorrow, but he has to go home for a shower & get a cable extension or something & a plug cover. As he’s leaving, almost at the front door, I remind him to cover my man hole again because he left the cover off yesterday & it freaked me out having it open all night. I start to walk out to get the ladder & he rests his arms on my shoulders sort of pushing me (not is a rude way, in a flirty way) against his body to go out & get the ladder. Once he puts the ladder back outside, he goes to my front door again, I stand the awkwardly & turn back to the lounge room & he rests his arms on my shoulders again, I put my hand up to feel his arms & he pulls me in close, so my back moulds to the front of his body…

He turns me around after a minute or two standing there, him still chatting & we proper hug, he’s so tall, I am on a weird angle, it really hurts my back & neck so I have to squirm out of it but I don’t want to stop it, however I’m getting a sharp pain in my neck. I pull away & stand away from him but he pulls me back for another excruciating hug before we stare at each other knowing we’re about to kiss…

Fuck no.

We’re looking at each other as we move into kiss…. We kiss for so long at my front door. The only thing going through my mind right now is how much I want this but I don’t want to lose my electrician! I try to push that thought out of my mind, why does this mean I lose an electrician, maybe I’ll gain a free electrician instead! I kiss him back & finally allow my hands to roam… He’s so tall, taller than any guy I’ve ever kissed before – I think even taller than Marvel. We kiss for so long, not wanting to take this further but also I do… He slips my jumper off & fumbles with my bra for ages, bending down to take each one of my nipples into his mouth… Fuck I want this, but fuck I don’t.

He walks me into my bedroom but as soon as we lay on the bed, the dogs break though the baby gate & jump on the bed, I put them out but they break though again, so I put them outside with a treat & return to him, straddling him & kissing him with my tits out saying that we shouldn’t do this… He asks why & I say because I still have electrical work I want done, but he says he’ll still do it… Of course he’ll say he’ll do it, he’s about to get lucky so like any guy, they’d say anything to make that happen. We kiss more, it’s hot & heavy kissing… He asks if I have a condom, I say yes & he takes off both our pants but I still am in my head. This is not a good idea… If I fuck this guy & he disappears, I’ll be not only pissed I don’t have an electrician again – like Daizy but I also somehow in a short amount of time I have started having a tingle of feelings for this guy, a fucking crush… Something I haven’t had in a long time or ever.

I mean there have been guys I’ve liked of course, guys I’ve started thinking about a future with them, planning in my head, but this guy, I felt like I was living my future with him the last few days… OMG that sounds dumb but there is something more here than there has been with any other guy I’ve dated, with the exception of you know who. There is more chemistry, more spark, more banter, I am more myself because I never thought this would be anything. He sees the real me… I don’t want to fuck this up… This will fuck this up…

I’m resisting so much… He’s on top of me, kissing every inch of me… I keep saying we shouldn’t be doing this & he asks if I want him to stop. I ask if he can stop & he stops & looks me in the eyes & says if you want me to stop then yes, I’ll stop. Do you want me to stop? I moan & turn my head, he kisses my neck & I grab his dick in my hand… He moans as I stroke it. He says he really wants to fuck me & asks if I want him too… I make a noise that says yes but no. Hahaha. When he lays next to me, sliding his fingers inside me, I am so surprised that he makes me squirt so much, 4 times in fact. I normally don’t squirt with someone new, I hold it in, but I couldn’t… Fuck!

He seems pretty happy with himself & rubs my clit this time, I beg him not to stop cos he’s about to make me cum again… Which I do. He says he really wants to fuck me but I joke & say I got what I wanted & laugh sitting up to get a condom. He says something about my jar of condoms – which to be honest are probably all out of date because they’ve been there so long but I stupidly say to him that they’re there because this is how I pay all the tradies. Which is not even close to true. I have never fucked a random tradie doing work at my house before…

He puts on the condom without there being too much who-ha about it, then kisses me as he slides inside me, grabs my neck & puts my hands above my head. Fuck it’s sexy when a guy hold your hands above your head. I don’t get much time to get into the actual sex before he says that he’s cum… He lays inside me for a while, not heaps long but enough for me to think just get off & lay next to me. While he’s lying there he says something about how quick he came & I reassure him that it’s all good, I’d cum so I’m not complaining. But he jumps up & puts the condom in the bin – in my kitchen, I assume he’ll come back to bed to lay down for a minute or two, just a short time – till I regain my composure. I can’t move, my legs are still shaking but he’s getting dressed. I realise he’s leaving. No quick cuddle as we come down from cumming. Wham bamn thank you mam.

#IBD4U

2022 : Marvel #13

So I have to reveal since I haven’t mentioned him much throughout the posts, that yes I am still seeing Marvel. Once a month, we get together for a hour of passion, an hour of screaming orgasms & a little chit chat, before we go about our lives.

I know said that I wasn’t going to date in my 40’s & while that was 100% accurate information, a few of the guys in the stories this year have not been from a dating site… But yeah I guess I’ve dated Daizy, I’ve been speed dating twice, I’ve dated Eastwood – if you can call it that, I tried to date Concreter, I’ve guess you could say I dated M8.

I officially stop online dating after matching with Eastwood & haven’t been back on since. Yet somehow, people still come along when I’m not looking for someone. I get that people say that stupid cliche to me all the time, but fuck it’s never usually right… I also didn’t stop seeing men as a tactic to find someone either.

So I’m still seeing Marvel without fail, every month. It’s also like he knows too because when it’s been close to the end of the month & we haven’t caught up, he’s a bit more accommodating, saying the days he’s free, not just giving one option. He’s got a new phone, so he’s been able to come to my house, which he has done most months this year. I don’t think that I’ve been to his house once. I do wish we could go to his house sometimes, but it’s probably better at mine, much more safer.

It’s interesting how I don’t have the same feelings that I once did for him, when I see him, I now see the flaws, they’re not flaws as such but I now see past the rose coloured glasses, I guess. I no longer see the hottest man that I’ve ever seen in front of me, I see a guy who is super attractive to me, makes me cum & gives me the best sex I’ve ever had, but that’s it really… I can now differentiate between this man & the man I loved. I know they’re the same human, but we are not the same as we were. We keep our distance & that’s just how it is. That’s how it works.

Marvel often doesn’t write back to me for weeks on end & then will talk to me for a couple of messages, to dangle the carrot to so speak. I don’t know if he’s online or not during that time, but it doesn’t mess with my head anymore. I care, but I don’t care if that makes sense. Like I want it how it was but this is better without talking about our feelings. I guess my vagina gets upset & I get super grumpy, but at least I am not upset about him messaging me back or catching up with me, because I know he can’t stay away.

At one point a friend, who’s related to the one who introduced me to Concreter says to me one day “Can you please not can you please not see Marvel while you’re dating Concreter?” This was an interesting conversation for me. I said of course, because of course I would stop seeing Marvel if I became exclusive with someone, but I am not giving him up before I’ve even meet a guy or before he asks me to be his girlfriend. However, in this case, I felt it a little premature, I didn’t even get to meet this “wonderful” guy before he ghosted me for what seemed at the time, no good reason…

I’ve tried cutting Marvel out of my life, as you know if you’ve been a regular reader of my blog. It didn’t work. I didn’t have any better success at dating when I wasn’t talking to him, in fact it was worse. So for those of you that think that if I got rid of Marvel, I would find the love of my life. I didn’t speak to him for an entire year, we then were together 5 months, then didn’t talk for 5 months & during those breaks, the same thing happens to me over & over again.

So regardless of whether I’m seeing Marvel or not, at least I know what I getting from him, it’s chatting when he can – which isn’t too often & not about about thing of significance. We come together for hot passionate, steamy sex. It’s not perfect, it’s not exactly what I want but at least it’s consistent & I’m not increasing my number with another random boy. I have slept with so many people which I’m not entirely proud of the fact that my number is so fucking high. I hate that about me & I don’t want that number to go up, so I think that I am making better choices about which met I let into my vagina, yet I have the same result!

At least what I have with him is honest & at least its passionate & I know I’m going to cum multiple times that it’s going to get me through to the next time I see this guy again. I’m not saying I’m proud of what I’m doing with Marvel either but why would I give it up if he’s willing to do it. He gets sex but he still talks to me. Guys that I meet put in so much effort, get sex once & then they disappear. Almost every single guy in this blog has basically done that to me.

This year has been a dating year where I genuinely could see myself with some of the guys that are actually dated. If I didn’t have Marvel, I’m not sure I would have survived these guys this year. The heartaches (not really a break, I wasn’t that invested, but I was invested enough to be hurt!) I don’t think I would have sailed though some of this year without knowing that I didn’t have to try hard to get sex, I know that I will see Marvel, he won’t be spinning me bullshit to get me into bed & making me feel like shit.

So, if I had of cut Marvel out of my life years ago, like I probably should have, he would have always been on this pedestal. He would have always been this untouchable, unreachable, man for me, that no guy would have been able to compare too. Our perfect love would have always been the thing I compare everything else too. But now, he is not on that pedestal. There have been men this year that I actually saw myself being able to give him up for. It would hurt like fuck to give Marvel up & not see him again, but I would do it for my future & for the new person I am falling for.

I find interesting if any of you are out there judging me… Yeah this isn’t a good situation to be in, I don’t love it but you should be judging all the guys that have had an opportunity to actually date me, be with me, to actually be my partner but they for some unknown reason to probably even them, they let me slip though their fingers.

#IBD4U

2022 : M8 #2

Now let’s just talk red flags 🚩 because – yes people have them, I must do or I wouldn’t have been basically single for almost 16 years, but surely eventually those red flags don’t matter with someone you truly like… Our mutual friend tells me that red flags can turn pink… Pink is a nice colour, apparently according to her… That I shouldn’t just write people off… I am sort of on her side a bit mainly because of the banter with this guy… His red flags are – that he just quit his FIFO electrician job so he isn’t working at all, he lives at home with his mum & dad because he just broke up with his girlfriend. This recent girlfriend is 19 years old & due to have their baby in October – a kid he doesn’t want but he stayed as long as he could apparently. She also has a child with her previous partner or previous baby trap. He also has 2 other biological kids & a step-kid with another woman who is apparently horrible & she won’t let him see them plus they live regionally… All this coming from our mutual friend, not him. So that’s 5 kids in his life, all whom which he doesn’t or won’t see…

Okay, okay, that’s a lot of flags… It’s just been some fun banter – there is definitely chemistry there, there is a spark, there is attraction, I think on both sides. Chemistry that I haven’t felt with anyone for a long time… Something that isn’t forced like with Eastwood. It’s easy, it’s funny, it light & he’s definitely attractive… So I’ll just have to ignore any stupid feelings that may have been brewing, even more so when our mutual friend says to me that he has been asking her over & over if I am single… Stop it. Stop thinking he could be something. But he constantly messages me, if I don’t reply quick enough sometimes, he’ll message hey or ask what are you doing. Which of course makes me smile like a wanker… I’m always attracted to people who make me laugh & boy does he make me laugh & he gets my dry sense of humour & the best part about it, is he’s seen me looking my worst & still keen to chat to me!! I mean, Concreter didn’t even fucking want to meet me!! I decide, despite the red flags, to put out some good vibes to the universe! This guy could be a good match for me, someone not too serious being that everything in my life is pretty serious. Everyone has baggage right?! Let’s just go with the flow… Give this guy a chance.

On Sunday he messages that he coming over & he asks if it’s burger day. So I say yes but there’s just one thing. When he asks what, I say that I am vegan & only eat organic. Standing there giggling like a school girl at my phone, I hope he gets my jokes. I think he gets that I am joking because he says he doesn’t eat cooked grass. It’s a joke we talk about it for the rest of the day till we eat the burgers.

Anyway, I am about to embark on a massive backyard renovation so I have to pack up my whole backyard, empty my shed & sort shit out. My dogs are also having a play date with their friend so I have an extra dog over. (yes my dogs had a friend over!) M8 loves my dogs, he loves the extra dog (or so he makes out – I find out later that he’s not an animal lover) so my overthinking brains makes me start thinking as we walk around looking where I want the cameras, that this is how easy it would be if we were together, just casual chit chat & laughs. He stands around watching me moving crap around but he does actually help with a few things, like moving my trailer that is full out my outdoor setting & other crap & he helps pull down a gate that was only cable tied to the posts. I didn’t really want it down, but it’s all good… He finally gets the ladder out & goes to get up my man hole but because he’s 6ft 3 (or something mega tall) he can’t get in the space, so he asks for my other ladder to get up on the roof. All day, he constantly finds me when he comes down the ladder to chat or say something to me. He’s there at my house a lot longer than I feel like he needs to be or the fact he’s taking his sweet ass time doing this job, but I secretly really am enjoying the banter, so I don’t mind. It’s not like it’s awkward, I really feel like it’s mutual… & you know me, I never ever think that!

At lunchtime he says he’s hungry & we work out that I should get that burger we’ve been talking about all week so we go to Patty burgers. We drive my car to the restaurant to order & he paid, which I tried to pay being he was doing work for me seems a bit silly for him to pay.  I just order whatever he ordered, which was a patty with a mac & cheese patty too… It was good but the build up was too big & it wasn’t amazing. We laugh & joke, I remember him telling me that I have a great personality… I can’t remember why but he did & re reminds me a lot that I’m not that much older than him. We get back to my house & we eat. Just constantly laughing & joking that it’s making me really enjoy his company. Fuck, I’m enjoying it too much. Fuck. Later he sends me snapchats from my roof & I snapchat him back while I’m standing metres away from him. It’s just a fun day.

When he says he needs some drill bit which I know I have but it’s packed away, he says he’s going to go to Bunnings. He’s got an amazing car & so I say I need to get a clothesline so I’ll come with him. I don’t need it right now & I can’t really afford it but I use it as an excuse to go with him… I measure the space I need & say the measurement as 2-800 instead of 2800. He pisses himself laughing. I feel like a fuckwit but laugh too… Who says two eight hundred. (I spell it out so you understand how dumb I am!) I tell him to drive  because I want to have a ride in this sexy car… I also like how people look at us when we get out of it & when we walk into the shops… Its easy. There’s no awkwardness… I feel like this is what shopping with a partner would be like. He shows me the drill bit he’s buying & I tell him I definitely have that but I call it something else. He shows me another drill bit which I forget what’s what now but I was calling them the wrong names. But anyhow, I do have the bit he bought. He also paid & wouldn’t let me pay, however he did take them with him when he finished the job.

When we get to the clothes lines section at Bunnings, this is when things get so hilarious & I really start to feel those stupid tingly relationships vibes… He pays me out by saying ‘so we’re looking for a two eight hundred size’. When we’re looking, the only size that’ll will fit king sheets is too big for the space & these only fit double sheets according to the box – I at least want queen?! I explain that I tumble dry everything anyway to get rid of the dog hair so probably don’t even need a new clothes line anyway. But when he says it’s 15 metres of line, I ask how big that is, so I get him to stand there & I stand next to him & get him to act out 15 pairs of pants, he loses it when he says pants aren’t 1 metre wide as I suggested that it would hold only 15 pairs of pants… Maybe you had to be there but it was fucking comedy gold! He carries the one I pick out, back to the checkout, helps me buy it & puts it in his car. Offering to put it up for me but he needs a hammer drill for the bricks.

Luckily my family bail on dinner at my house that night, but I also have to drop my friends dog home who’s been messaging me about her since about 4:30pm… I was going to just go drop her home quickly, leave M8 here, but I am really trying everything to just be around him too… I feel like he’s doing the same… I don’t often feel like that about guys, I usually have no clue… But this I can sense, I can feel the connection & the pull… It’s almost 6:00pm when M8 finally leaves my house. I explain as were saying goodbye, that I’m working from home this week due to the reno starting & he’s leaving on Wednesday for a away job for a week so he says he’ll come over on Monday to finish up. I honestly can’t wait to see him again & have these laughs, it’s been a long time since I had an actual crush on someone. But this is too quick, this is too soon…

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood #4

So before you get the next instalment of Eastwood, I need to tell you something… So if you’ve read the story Valvoline from late last year & I told you he now has a girlfriend who I have to watch them tag each other on Facebook in every post & her kids using his FB to write a message of appreciation, blah blah blah…

Well, this week (basically real time) I have now had to watch Concreter announce on FB that he’s in a relationship with of course someone gorgeous & skinnier than me, stunning. (I know his friend who tried to set us up will read this, so I will chose my words carefully for this update.)

I also still talk to J-Lo everyday & share all of this with him & how shit I feel, how ugly & fat I feel, how my personality must be so shit, that in a year I wasn’t going to date I’ve had all this happen (Stories to still come too!). On Sunday morning he’s asking if I want cuddles, I say no as I always do as I know it won’t just be cuddles & also I know if he cuddles me, I will cry. I don’t want to cry. This man isn’t my partner as I’ve said before, I don’t want him to cuddle me in bed. Friends don’t do that, especially when I know he’ll try to fuck me… Plus this shit isn’t worth my tears. Everyone says I don’t need a man & you’re right, I don’t. But I want to be the one who gets the fucking guy, just once!

J-Lo thinks he’s being sweet, but in all honestly, it makes me even sadder. The fact he won’t leave his partner who is either 100% fucking someone else or doesn’t really love him, doesn’t really compute to me – I don’t really think he loves her either but he won’t admit that… I’m not saying I want to be with J-Lo, but the fact men think that I am just a side piece they can call upon when they want too on their terms just really fucks me off. Dom Dom has been doing it too, when he’s free he’ll message – that’s fine, but don’t get fucked off when I’m not free & don’t say jump when you say how high anymore. He even asks if I want to keep talking to him… Yeah well I don’t mind chatting but I am not stopping my life when you are online like I used to do…

Well…. This update has escalated & become longer than it was intended. Hahaha, but my point is, J-Lo rocks up at my house one Sunday when he knows I am still in bed because we were messaging. It’s awkward since I got up & let him in, of course the dogs have just woken up too, so it’s not as easy as just jumping back into bed & it’s also not what I want. I am sick of being the other women. Either leave her or leave me alone & lets just be virtual friends. We can chat, but I am not “cuddling you.” When he leaves I feel like absolute fucking crap, because he put himself out there but I also hate that this is all I am worth. Clearly, men date me, leave me then find a beautiful woman who they tag on FB & have to just watch someone else get the life I never even had a chance at getting…

FUCKSAKE.

So back to this weeks post… Cos that update is seriously me in depressed mode… Let’s try to lighten the mood here…

I hear from Eastwood again of course, we chat & to be honest, the chat is good but it’s not great, it’s like it was with Motocross, I always have to be direct or he doesn’t get what I am saying or get the innuendo – even if he starts the innuendo. I mean I know he is out of practice, but he’s constantly trying too hard or then not enough or saying something about someone at his work that makes me think, is this guy even into me?!

I see him a few more times but it’s always a bit weird… I go to his house one night & he so drunk there isn’t much we can do, so we fool around & I get the apology vomit about his dick not working. The next time he comes to my house after netball & then starts talking about his, I guess, soon to be ex wife, telling me that when they are together it’s like they’re still together… Oh Righto! FUCK ME… He talks about their financial situation & how he thinks she is still after more money. I try to advise him to settle up things with her quickly, because technically she can still ask for half his house that he bought after they split… Anyway he jumps up & leave abruptly again, I think I won’t hear from him again , I’m not following up after that fucking revelation I don’t know care what anyone says, I am not messaging first, but I don’t have too, he does…

One night I am sitting at home & he asks me over, but doesn’t really ask me over, if that makes sense, he asks me what I am doing & talks about eating my pussy but says he has a friend over – Yeah Cool story bro. But he constantly messages me so I assume it’s not another chick… Anyway late that night his friend leaves & he tells me to come over, so I do even though it’s late, I reckon after 11:00pm, he’s drunk again – which leads me to really believe that he has a drinking problem.

We sit there on his couch for ages, talking about people from work – seriously after 3 months of chatting & catching up sporadically, how is there anything left to say about people he works with – & we listen to music, him saying that every song is his favourite before he finally kisses me… We don’t move to the bedroom, staying on his couch, he gets down on his knees on the tiles – it’s not a warm night, so when he takes off my pants & I’m so self conscious of the fact we’re in full light, I’m not skinny like his wife, I hate my gut that I am so aware of my top pushed up & my pants off, that I struggle to relax, even though he’s doing all the right things, he works really hard to make me cum, which seems to take forever. Then he just gets up & sits on the couch & I sit there awkwardly with no pants on, till I put them back on… We talk for a bit more but then I decide it’s time to leave.

This is when things go weird… I go to Mt Gambier for work & I’ve just met Trailer earlier these last weekend, so of course I notice Eastwood phasing out our regular conversation, even telling me to find someone else to fuck while I’m down there – He didn’t say fuck, but pretty much when I get home we barely ever speak again. I message him for his birthday thinking that might spark up the convo but I get nothing. I don’t try again. He messages me for my birthday but same thing, nothing much after a few replies. That’s it…

A few months later, I have had a few drinks. I’m not chatting to anyone consistently, I decide to message him & ask him why he’s been quiet. This sparks the conversation skills in him & we chat every days for weeks. I am doing some of my own renovations like tiling myself, plus I’m still fighting to get my 2 week renovation – which is now at the 9+ week mark completed. I am not sure what Eastwood wants or if he wants to see me, sometimes he’s chats are loaded with innuendo, then I reciprocate & he says “yeppa” or “wowzers” like what the fuck dude… I just stop putting in effort but he keeps messaging.

One night, Halloween I am out on a rare night, I never go out anymore &, but I’m out & I am in the suburb over from his house, he is messaging me. I leave my friends party which is outside, it should be warm but it is freezing so I head on home as I am still ripping up tiles to get this tiling done, I stupidly decided to do myself & want an early night, but he actually invites me over but adds in that he has to be up at 6:00 am for work tomorrow… Oh right… Not that I would have slept over anyway, but I guess that’s off the cards! So I head on over there, he says the door is open so I meet him & he’s in bed. It’s kinda weird just opening their door & walking up the stairs into their bed… Now I know how awkward they must feel when they do it at my house. We kiss as I get into bed, taking off my shoes & jumping in with him… As we kiss straight away, we get naked, we 69 but neither of us cum. I get off him because I’m cold, we chat for a bit before I feel like I am overstaying my welcome… I let myself out & leave.

Following this though, we chat every day again for weeks, then it peters off again, not as consistent, but we still chat… I assume when it peters off that he’s met someone on online dating that he prefers talking too… Maybe we’re just chat buddies? I have no fucking idea…. We can’t be considered friends with benefits or even fuck buddies… We’re literally nothing… I guess I just have to wait till he’s got someone tagging him in memes on FB. I guess then I’ll have my answer.

#IBD4U

2022 : M8

A client at my little business introduced me to M8 because I need electrical work done, I am becoming paranoid about my dogs & neighbours with the renovation so I bought cameras to put up. While I don’t need an electrician as such, I do have some more heated towel rails which are hard wired to put up so I enlist the skills of a electrician friend of a friend who’s happy to do a cash job for me.

My friend doesn’t give me his contact details, I know he’s a FIFO worker with a girlfriend. But he never comes over the last time he was home, so I post on FB looking for another one but she reminds him, he has now broken up with the girlfriend. Our friend tells me that he’s going to the gym then he’ll be over after work one night. I honestly forget he’s coming because it gets later in the evening (like 8pm – I’m such a grandma) so I’d already changed into my oodie & ugg boots. I looked like a bridge troll to be honest, hair desperately needs washing & I’m not wearing underwear. Such an embarrassing look for a first meeting, now I look back, especially because we had a bit of banter & he was quite cute.

He’s super tall, like over 6ft, quite slim, he’s wearing a hat but he’s got brown hair & wearing glasses. He looks at all the work I want done, draws me a picture of how the cameras will be & where I want them. He looks at the towel rails & says he’ll look in the roof when he’s in there for the cabling to see if he can do them without having to put holes in my bedroom wall. He gives me his number & because it’s close to my birthday, I tell M8 that I may be hungover on the Sunday if he comes over then. I have organised to go out with a bunch of friends on the Saturday afternoon but when I look at the guest list, I realise it’s all couples & one other girlfriend… I do not want to be out with all couples… So I toy with the idea of cancelling saying I’m sick – but then you need a covid test, I could be vomiting or something but praise the weather gods, the weather looks dreadful so I cancel as it’s an outdoor pub… (Ironically the weather was a perfect winter day!)

I message M8 through the week to come over Sunday, he didn’t want to be here when I am not here… He said something about my dogs, but I was like they know who you are now, so it’s all good. But he doesn’t seem to like that idea so I try to organise a time when I am home… I hate being home when tradies are here, because I feel like I should be doing something. He comes over on Sunday & the first thing he says is as he walks in the door & looks at me is “I’ve got that jumper” I laugh & say something like it’s amazing, but I am too busy trying to calm my two year old puppies – which is usually what happens when someone new comes to my house. I genuinely don’t think much of this comment, it’s just a black jumper with a green Zro Fux on it…

He stands in the dining room, going though the boxes of cameras & he starts unravelling all the cables – like for all 6 cameras, so there are cables everywhere, talking to me as I clean up the ants that are running over my kitchen – he says he’ll have a look in the roof for me as to where they are coming from (which he never does!) I also don’t even know how or why but we’re talking about dog hair on my clothes & how bad these dogs shed their fur & so it makes me conscious of the dog hair on the black jumper, that I use my lint roller, in front of him. He also asks about my birthday (he remembered?!), says happy birthday but I tell him I didn’t go out in the end… He asks my age & says that I don’t look 41, which I hear a lot.

Before he starts, I suggest we get the actual cameras synced to my phone & the DVR, so we start connecting it to my TV, it shows up. He remembers my user name & password which makes me uneasy but I don’t think much of it either. We get the cameras connected but then they won’t work when disconnected from the internet. It’s a lot of tooing & froing to get them to connect with my laptop & spare TV but the fuckers won’t connect. We spend about 3 hours trying to connect the stupid thing to my phone but it wouldn’t when we realise that I need a longer ethernet cable. We decide to give up until I get a bigger cord, I say I’ll get one from work tomorrow. So he packs up his stuff but hangs around for about another hour, just chatting & him sending snapchats to fuck knows who, which leads me to understand why it’s called snapchat – you send a snap that’s a chat. Bahahaha, I lose it & he thinks it’s hilarious that I didn’t know that. When he leaves finally – not that it was awkward, but it was a bit weird that he hung around for so long, he narrowly misses my family rocking up for dinner.

I add him on snapchat to send him a joke snapchat, but he doesn’t add me back. I do have a weird user name, so I could look like a bot, I guess… The next day I find a cord at work & send him a text picture of it letting him know I have one… When I get home from work, I connect it up & get all the cameras working on my phone so we solved the problem, I send him some pics of it working. I tell him he can come over this weekend again to install them & he says he’s going out sat night to a car meet “boy things” – his words & he’ll be free Sunday.

This banter lasts all week, we text a lot, more than you should be a random tradie doing work for you & he adds me on snapchat, where we chit chat & joke around, talk about everything non related to my electrical job. I find myself laughing & enjoying the banter with him, considering we’ve only met once… Again when I least expected to be having a connection with a guy, someone comes along… Not thinking much of the late night chats till 1:30am or waking up super early to see a message from him… He keeps the conversation going asking questions, being interested but it doesn’t get dirty cheeky which I like – even when I test the waters on a cheeky chat.

He gest a burger one night this week & it makes me really want a good burger, it becomes a bit of a joke that I never get one due to me trying another fad of Intermittent Fasting, trying to lose more weight, still. He’s not working at the moment so we joke about him driving me places, being that I’ve had to go to the Barossa for work. He seems genuine to want to do that – not that I would make someone drive me somewhere that I barely know, but I feel like there is something more there with this guy than other guys… At one point I even feel like he’s hinting that he’ll housesit for me when I have to go away for work.

We joke about a lot of things… He says things that lead me astray though, like him waiting to see my hair before I straighten it. He also says something about driving when when I say that I have to go pick up my work phone & I’m texting with him so I suggest that he takes me but it never happens for whatever reason – maybe because I wasn’t direct & it got too late & I just went on my own & was home before he said he could do it & probably all for the best, I want my cameras up so I probably shouldn’t push this friendship & just leave him as my electrician.

On Thursday our mutual friend comes to me for her lash appointment & rocks up in a weird car, I ask who’s car & she says a name & I say who’s that? & she laughs replying “Your mate who you’ve been texting all week” oh fuck. What? He’s told her… I was planning on just omitting that from our conversation if I could. I kind of laugh, I’m not pissed, I think it’s super cute & makes me think that he’s genuine & interested in me, if he’s talking about me to her – again I think if you’ve got mutual friends etc then it’s a bit more risky so you tread carefully, well I do at least. Not that Eastwood did, so maybe I’ve got guys all wrong!

She jokes with me about when he’s moving in (multiple times), which I laugh at of course – but it makes me think what else has he said that she hasn’t told me. She tells me that he told her we have the same jumper & also the same sunnies, that I used my lint roller (WTF?! What a highlight!) & that I basically have been the one messaging …. She tells me that this is what he’s like & she believes me. I tell her I can show her the messages that it was a mutual chat & I tell her that I think he’s hilarious. She continues though, to tell me that he has some major 🚩.

#IBD4U

2022 : Concreter #2

Concreter & I do continue to chat but it actually stops being as regular as it was. I am not chatting regularly to anyone else at this point, so I do feel a bit of a void here, but I don’t feel like this guy is that into me. He’s liked every post I put up on FB (& still does) despite having over 1000 friends on FB, he even comments on most of the renovation photos, but he makes no attempt to try to arrange to meet me face to face.

Both of our lives a pretty hectic, I agree, mine is off the charts hectic at the moment with August being the biggest month of my year, my little business is moving premises, I am renoing, I have to travel for work & find somewhere for the dogs to go & I am trying to study!

He also tells me that he only broke up with the most recent one 4 weeks ago – not quite what my friend said… & that they tried twice, once the broke up while living together & then they tried again recently while living apart, but he still wants her kids in his life… I have no problems with any of that… I mean it is confronting for me & something I would have to deal with but it’s not a deal breaker, but the thing that does concern me is that he can’t find a couple of hours to meet me for a drink!

He tells me that he has a funeral to go to on Friday. Now at this point it’s gone from daily messaging to missing days, to barely getting a conversation going, no phone calls, but I am not going to be that bitch & not message when he’s been at a funeral. Now remember that he knows my two rules. But I text first & say that I hope that today went as well as it could & that I hope it was a good service or something like that. So he calls me.

He sounds a little tipsy, he’s talking a lot & while it was good for a little bit, he gets a bit arrogant about his business & how much money it makes & how much money it’s worth, I don’t really care, I don’t need his money so I don’t really know what to say beside that he’s obviously done well for himself & he should be proud, because he should.

He then goes on about his ex too, bitching about her like you don’t want to hear a man bitch about a woman he was once involved with. Imagine being that girl one day? I mean I try not to speak too badly of people I’ve dated, I have my moments of course but I definitely don’t do it with someone I’m trying to date. I try to avoid the ex conversation as much as I can.

I figure that we should end this here, because he is tipsy, I can tell & this attitude isn’t bad but it isn’t good & it’s not doing anything for me. So I say that I’m about to go have a shower & go to bed. He says something cheeky about me being naked & him coming over but I brush it off. It’s 9:30 pm on a Friday night, this is not how a I want to meet someone I have mutual friends with & also he has his kids over.

As soon as we’re off the phone, he messages “where u at” I say that I’m at home, he says “hmmm”, I say “hmmm what?” & never get a reply! OMG, men are the most confusing things on the planet! I go have my shower & get into bed & I struggle to fall asleep. I can just imagine he is snoring his head off & I am lying awake stupidly thinking about this scenario. WHY?!

The next morning I get a message at 6:20 am from him saying that his phone went flat & the hmm was meant to mean that he wanted to come over but then he realised that his kids still in iso. Firstly, as if I was going to let him come over anyway. He then sends me a phone number of a electrician. I write back that I’m not interested in casual so I wouldn’t have let him cover over anyway. Again I never hear from him again. In fact that’s the last text we ever send to each other.

It’s my Birthday on the Monday, we haven’t spoken since I said I didn’t want casual hook up that I got no reply too… My friend had assured me that he wasn’t keen on casual either. If you’re friends with someone on Facebook & it’s their birthday, a reminder pops up around 7:00 am to tell you friends that it’s your birthday. I had text Concreter about 7:00 am on the day of his birthday. So anyway my point is, he’s on Facebook all the time, posting or liking posts as they go, so I call bullshit that I don’t get a message – on Facebook messenger at 10:30 pm to say that he just saw it was my birthday & hope I had a good one. I liked it the next day as I had done with every other birthday post & that is where this story ends!

Even now, though it has stopped, he likes & comments on Facebook posts, mainly my renovation pictures, liking every photo in the album. I mean this has gone from this guy sending me a cute video he thought I would like of a dog the same breed as mine with a fish – while it was cute because he took the time to think of me while at the snow, it’s so fucking odd that now I am an after thought… What the fuck could have changed so rapidly? I guess I can justify this away too, he met someone else blah blah blah… I just don’t get why men put in so much effort & then back off. I will never understand it.

Our friend sends me a meme a few weeks after Concreter & I stopped talking (it’s actually the one in this post) & I tell her that’s exactly what happened with her mate & she says she’ll suss it out. I tell her not to bother, while I do want to know what happened, it’s not my thing to put someone in the middle like that, I could just ask but I’m sure I’d get ‘its not you, it’s me’ bullshit!

Another friend told me that he ghosted me because I said I’m not looking for casual, it turned him off because apparently according to her eveything starts off as casual. I agree to a certain extent, but then that’s all I ever get is casual… I’m not saying I want to move in with the guy or see him everyday, but I don’t want to just catch up, fuck & slink home before the kids get up forever…

Anyway this came along when I was least expecting it, I wasn’t looking for anyone & it found me, yet it was the same result as every other fucker in my life. Particularly this year… What the fuck is it about this year?

A few months later, I rememeber while editing this blog that he is a concreter & ask him for a quote for my reno… He sends a chick around who measures up exactly what I asked for, but his quote came in at $30k more than the quote I had at the time… It ended up being $20k more than I am paying too… Other than that, we haven’t talked but he continues to like my FB posts.

#IBD4U

2022 : CitySwoon

Chatting with a friend one night we decide to go speed-dating. We don’t recall how this came about in the same way. I am going to support her, she seems to want to go. She tells me that she’s going to support me & even tells my other friend that ends up coming with us, that’s why she’s there. Not how I remember it going down, what whatever, we went!

I have been like 6 times before this so this is not something that I really want to do again, it never goes well & I have come to realise that I don’t make a very good first impression. However I agree, regardless of whether she’s going for me or I’m going for her – it doesn’t matter, we book in for the night in a couple of weeks. It’s $60 per ticket, you get two free wines so it’s not a cheap night out considering all that but you know, it could be a bit of fun!

This one is a little bit different to the ones I’ve done before. All the other ones that I’ve done, you get a card & a number on your name tag. You sit down & get a date with everybody in the room, moving from table to table every 5 minutes. Then you get a break in the middle to get the second free drink.

But at this one, you don’t get a dumb name tag, you don’t get to date everyone, You get your first free drink at the start then one at the end – which makes you hang around I guess. It’s all done via an app. So the anti social world we live in gets its day in the sun… You have to hold your phone in your hand, a picture will pop up with the profile of the person you need to find for you date then you can sit anywhere in the pub.

Yes, alright, there aren’t that many people in the pub so it’s not so scary trying to find the dude, most of the people are for the speed dating event. It makes it a bit difficult to want to talk to people in the breaks because you don’t know if you’ll get a date with them or not. This time because you don’t date everyone, you get 10 minutes per date. That’s a long time if they are a dud!

So when we first get there it’s really nice we just sit down &we’ve got our first glass of wine. As I said I went along with three girlfriends. There is a guy with really shiny skin & big white teeth, who makes a b line traight for us & sits down next to me & I couldn’t help but think that he’s like the cutest one out of all of the guys here, which was saying something because he’s not even that cute but he chose to sit next to me to have a conversation, because the conversation went well, I couldn’t actually wait till we got matched & get to have a proper conversation with our 10 minutes speed date.

However the first 4 dates we weren’t matched then there’s a break. I’ve had four dates with guys who couldn’t speak English. I’m not being rude, just factual. I held the conversation & if you knew me in real life, I do dominate most conversations but it’s not good to have to dominate a conversation because the other one can’t talk to you.

So it’s break time, we get a drink & I catch up with the girls to see how they’ve gone. One of my friends has been matched with the guy who came to chat to me. I go over too them but it becomes awkward when they don’t break away or stand up, they sit there on the couch intently talking while I just stand there like a weirdo third wheel.

Back to more dates but because there are more women than men at this event, I ended up with a “friend” date, which meant that I actually only get 7 dates tonight, not 8. The spare date is a woman at the even & I have more fun with her than I do with anyone else that night. Needless to say I don’t get a date with the shiny skin dude. We try to get him to come get food with us but he doesn’t. Another guy with a pointy nose & a Indian fellow come with us. Sitting there talking to them, I question the matching app. The Indian guy & I had a date but he was desperate to have kids, I obviously have on my profile no kids, so why would they have matched us?

Anyway suffice to say, the whole night was a waste of time, I got no matches – don’t even know how the matches work because you rate someone at the end of the mini date but I am able to chat to everyone on the app the next day & also everyone I didn’t date too… It’s so confusing… Who even liked me?!

But here I am yet again, going to another one when they send me a message to say it’s reduced for girls for tonight only. Lucy calls me & says she got the same message & wants to go… URGH, why the fuck do I keep saying that I’ll go? It’s a different place in a different area, no where near where I live so I am apprehensive, but yet I go along anyway.

There are two guys from the previous one here, who say hello… Fuck, will we get a date with them? We walk in & get our free drink & sit down at a table. There is no one here that I am physically attracted too at all, but then in walks a guy that looks a lot like Marvel & I stupidly say, quite loudly he’s alright or something like that I’m pretty sure may have heard me but there isn’t much I can do about it now.

Ping the app tells us that the night has started! I go find my short date & we sit on some random stools in a doorway. The night goes on & they’re all ok, they’re not great, nothing really outstanding for me that it makes me want to have more than 10 minutes with them. I mean one of them, I think, is actually mentally disabled. He spent the entire 10 minutes showing me photos of his weight loss journey – to be honest, his before photo was not much different to the after photo. He wasn’t huge to begin with but I couldn’t tell any difference. He then preched about a healthy lifestyle & how he wanted to be a personal trainer.

There was one date with a guy which went reasonably well until he told me he has three kids & is a widow. Nothing wrong with either of those things right. But when his wife died (I think of cancer) He dumped the three small kids to his parents & he fucked off overseas for THREE years!!! I don’t know why that bothers me so much but those poor kids just lost their mum & their dad. Still living with his parents, he now lives with them too. No problem with his living with his parents, but yeah I take issue with him dumping his kids on someone else.

I kept waiting for a date with the guy who looked like Marvel. It was right after the break when he face came up on my phone. Because the venue is a rabbit warren, I decided to stay put & was hoping I’d see his face pop around the corner with a smile. But he never came & time was ticking so I went to find him, he was at the bar chatting to someone else. When I approached him, he said he had to go to the bathroom, he’ll find me. So like 6 minutes into the 10 minute date he appears at my table, apologises & we talk about our dogs, mainly. He spends more time with Lucy than he did with me & when I try to interrupt their date, he doesn’t get up from her table & neither does she. I stand there awkwardly waiting for them to be done.

I get a message from the guy who left his kids behind & he gives me his number & I decide to message the Marvel guy, not wanting to give up hope. I never get a reply, even though he reads it straight away. There were lots of better looking women than me, skinnier, prettier. Even though I’ve lost a lot of weight, I now seem to still be the fattest person in the room!

So no, I don’t recommend, I do not recommend speed dating at all! I will never go again. Support or not. I am done! But I think you should still do it, if you want to try it. It was a good experience, but I am better once you get to know know me. I don’t think I am good at the first impression.

#IBD4U

2022 : Concreter

Ok first of all, I sometimes find it hard to write when I know certain people – either the guy or my friends are going to read the blog… But I always try to be honest, share my side of what I think happened & basically try to come across as bitter – even though my dating life is making me worse & worse! Hahaha.

There aren’t many things I haven’t tried to meet someone over the years, but one thing that I haven’t really done in my dating career is a blatant setup, where both people know they’re being setup, that they know, you know they know & you’re actually chatting to date – you’ve got mutual friends so there is a lot more riding on this, you won’t do the usual things you’d do to a random from a dating app. You don’t want to come across as the jerk in the equation, do you? No you’ll have to tread very carefully on these ones… Or so I thought, I mean look what Eastwood did?! So perhaps but view point on this is skewed slightly…

So when one of my friends contacts me & says that she has this friend ( I believe she’s mentioned him before but he’d only just split with his wife & then he got a girlfriend – of course he did!) anyway he’s now split up with the rebound chick & he’s ready again. She tells me that she set him up with his wife originally so she’s really good at matchmaking & she really thinks that him & I will hit it off.

She then lists his qualities on her fingers – He is really lovely, he’s really really sweet, he’s a bit rough round the edges but he will spoil any woman that is with – like little trips away all expenses paid, he’s got his head screwed on… You know, it’s everything a person wants to hear about a person that they may want to date. I don’t care about being spoiled, all I want is to find someone to laugh & have banter with, that I don’t have to see all the time but is committed to me – is that too much to ask? Hahaha.

She sends me pictures of him, it’s hard to tell because they’re not of just him, she’s in them or he looks so sunburnt but he looks good. I send her some of me too, which she will be sending to him. She shows me a message from him that says he just wants someone easy going & chilled, that he can spend time with & chill with, but he tells her that if I am looking for someone to be with every night then he can’t be that person. That’s fine. That works for me. Seems a bit too good to be true, right?!

So once the photos are approved, I allow her to give him my number & he instantly texts me to say hello. We text for a bit & then he tells me he’s going to the snow tomorrow for the school holidays with his kids & his most recent ex’s kids. Well this wasn’t a good time to start chatting, as you know I don’t like messaging for too long before we meet because otherwise you build it into something it’s not & then there’s a lot of pressure on the date for it to go well…

Every single day he’s away, I get text messages, I get photos of their food they’re cooking – he does lots of slow cooker meals, I get questions asking how I am, I get questions about what I’m doing, most mornings & nights – not all but I usually get a hello & goodbye, good morning or good afternoon. This guy also knows from another friend – we have several mutual friends now he’s also added me on FB – he knows about my two rules: that I don’t drink alone & that I don’t text first. So perhaps he’s being so consistent because he knows those rules or perhaps this is just how he is?

So for two weeks he’s away & then about a week or so since he got back, he’s been super busy, he sends me pictures of all sorts of random shit, then he posts them on FB too. He’s got his own business so we talk about my upcoming renovation & how shit my neighbours are being, he’s helpful & offers his digger & offers to help me out… I’ve heard all this before from men, so I take it with a grain of salt. I also don’t want to owe this guy (or any guy offering their services) anything so I just pay for me own stuff, but I do pick his brain about the quote I’ve gotten etc.

We haven’t really talked about catching up much but finally he wants to lock in a date. I suggest a couple of times I’m free this week & he tells me he needs to check with Cat… I think why does he need to talk to his cat?! But he tells me Cat is PA & she runs his life – surely not his fricken social life, he can’t be that important Mr Christian Grey with a PA. I don’t hear from him the next day to confirm what his PA will allow him to do, so I just leave it.

We obviously do talk again & when he suggests tomorrow, I say I can’t till like 6:30 pm, but then says that he has the gym. Now when we first started chatting, I was being super motivated & going 4 times a week, he said he hadn’t been in a gym in years, now he’s passing up a date for a gym session?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Anyway he offers me a 30 minute date before he goes to the gym, I just say don’t stress we’ll do it another time, I am not going on a speed date with this guy. I get he’s trying to establish a routine at a the gym, but fuck that’s dedication & I get he was trying to be sweet about the fact he still wanted to see me, but also remember, he was going to be at the gym longer than he would have been out with me! Just think about that…

The day of the supposed to happen date, in my eyes it’s not happening. I told him not to stress about it, it’s all good. But I get a message from him saying that he can’t do tonight anymore, I say all good & get back to work. He asks if he can call instead later. I agree. I don’t actually want to talk to him on the phone tonight because I have been calling legal firms about advice for my renovation & my neighbours, but because I’m not on Centrelink, no one will give me advice or help me. I can do it myself, I just need to know the right procedure. I feel like I am fighting my old workplace again, lost in a sea of legal jargon while the other side has a trained lawyer. FUCK.

So it’s not a good night for him to call, but when he calls, I try that thing where you fake smile & your voice sounds happier. We chat easily & I enjoy the conversation. He invites me to this lawnmower racing thing he likes to go too & posts all over FB about it. I would go, but not by myself. The conversation is sometimes funny, it’s not hilarious, I’m not so invested but I’m also a bit guarded too. This guy did choose a gym session over me, after saying he hadn’t been in a gym for years! I mean, yes, it’s only been 3 weeks & I don’t want to get too excited & too into this, when the guys not that into me.

I do talk a little bit about my drama with my reno & he talks about how shit his day was having to fix a $100k job from his subcontractor. The conversation flows smoothly – no awkward silences & I find myself talking to him easily. But as the call ends, there is no talk about actually catching up. In fact that topic, ironically never comes up again.

#IBD4U

2022 : Trailer

If you read my first 2022 post Repeat Offenders you would have caught up on the Valvoline story. I met him on FB marketplace & of all the things I’ve done to meet a man, all I had to do was sell something… Well obviously that sale didn’t turn out very well (he’s now tagging her in a marriage meme on FB!), so perhaps buying something might go better?

In 2022 I am doing a major backyard renovation. I have to rely on trades doing eveything for me, not able to put up fences or pergolas on my own, so I am at the mercy of paying trades… I finally find some trades & lock it in.

Earlier in the year I also asked on FB for some friends to help with other jobs around the house, such as putting in sprinklers, fixing a cupboard & moving a retaining wall – I get lots of offers, even friends coming over to look before they commit. But unless I pester them – which I don’t since I’m basically paying in beers, those jobs are still yet to be done! I tell you this because it’s the same with a trailer. You ask a bloke (sorry women who own trailers!) to borrow the trailer for a task & they ask why, offer to help & the task never gets done…

One day looking through FB marketplace as the reno is about to begin – other jobs still not done, I am looking for a storage option for all my tools & crap while I have no fences, no shed & no pergola… What if it’s raining? Do I want my garden shed contents in my house? I look at the gobox things, look at hiring a trailer, toy with the idea of a shipping container… So I think fuck it. I’ll buy my own trailer, how much can they be?

A trailer listed 4 days ago looks in good condition, is only $900. I send to Dad & he says he’ll come with me to have a look… We meet the guy later that day at his house & he asks what I want it for. I explain I’m doing a reno & have dirt, bricks & other shit to move & sick of relying on other people to help me so I’m buying one.

He asks my name several times, even though we’ve been chatting on FB messanger about pick up, where my name would be listed, he shows genuine interest. He asks me weird questions about what I do for work, which I tell him. He asks about my work car when I mention this car is my car for the dogs. It’s just weird but polite & friendly…

As we’re talking & filling out the transfer of rego paperwork, dad is reversing my car in the driveway when we hear a loud crunch & I realise my dad has reversed my car into this poor guys fence… FUCK. Luckily there is no damage to either the fence or car but how fucking embarrassing. I mention that I am going to have to learn to reverse the trailer & remember that I have it on the back of my car when driving.

The conversation is a little flirty with this guy but nothing over the top. I am not really thinking about it though, since I am not wearing undies or a bra. I’m in trackies & a jumper (admittedly they’re Hurley & ZroFux but still) plus a pair of ugg boots… At least I washed my hair today!! Hahaha. There is no sign in his backyard of a girlfriend (what sign would there be, I wonder?! Hahaha) but he’s flirty back despite my appearance & my dad being there. But I just don’t really think anything of it, because you all know I am useless of picking up on signs.

Anyway I get home & transfer the rego to my name. I officially own my own trailer…! (As if that won’t make it harder to find a bloke who’s not already intimidated by me!) I send a quick message to the trailer guy to let him know I was able to transfer the rego online & its all done – because innocently, how else would he know.

To my surprise, I get a reply. “My pleasure #IBD4U. I hope you get good use out of it. Thanks for letting me know.” For some reason the ‘my pleasure’ bit makes smirk & think about a reply – why am I replying, so instantly too... “Once I learn to back it, I’m sure I’ll use it a lot.” This time I do stare at my phone waiting for a reply but it doesn’t come. No big deal.

When I see a mesaage from him later that night saying “I would be weary of lessons from your dad. You’ll get it, some practice, and you’ll be professional in no time haha” Well this is more than a quick chat with a dude I bought something from… I reply that I can’t believe my dad did that, lucky it was my car, not my work. & I say that I’ll get it eventually.

Two days later I get a reply… I’d forgotten about him to be honest, so it was a surprise to see his message “Yeah haha is all good, I was gonna chuck on a fence damage surcharge.” then about 10 mins later “Got any one else to give ya lessons?” I wish now after re-reading the meassages that I was a better texter. So many good replies to that, instead I wrote something about needing more practice & asked if he’s an expert. He says he’s not an expert but that he can do other things…

We chat a bit more, sporadically then he says I seemed shy when he met me with my dad & gives me his number & asks me to text him. As soon as I texts he replies asking when he can call. I’m away for work in a hotel that has no phone reception but he calls & we chat… Its a bit awkward & I learn he’s 28 years old. Fuck…

I don’t hear from him again till the weekend, he texts to ask to call me. I am about to go out so I say I’ll call on my way. We talk the whole drive to the restaurant, I mention that I am a munchkin & he saya that he doesn’t know what that is! Fuck. I’m showing my age…

As we talk it’s Saturday evening & he invites me out next weekend, says that he’ll think about where to go this & will let me know where. I agree, I know I said I wasn’t going to date but this is a random act, a random date! Why not get out amongst it. Maybe I need to meet guys in a different way way to find a partner. Even if this guy is 28, he seems mature & head screwed on… I’ll entertain the idea of a date, why not, what have I got to lose, right?!

On Monday night while filling in for a netball team, during the first quarter break, I look at my phone & see “Hey , gonna need to cancel on Saturday. Gotta focus on some important things and don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go dating at the moment. Wish you well, take care 🙂. Was good chatting to you, maybe catch ya on the future sometime”

I don’t reply & I’ll finish this blog post with what the actual fuck!

#IBD4U

2022 : Car Crash

No, the name Car Crash isn’t a metaphor for a date & how it went, though my dating history is a car crash that you can’t look away from, that’s not what I am referring to here. I will explain his name in due course, it is literally a car crash… Buckle up because you’ll be glad you wore you seatbelt! (OMG – What am I even saying?!)

So swiping during the Eastwood debarcle, I come across a guy I think it familiar but his name is different. He has scar on his face & would be about the same age, but I can’t work out if it is the guy I think it is or not. Anyway we match & start chatting, he says that he hasn’t been on the app long & asks if I’ve met anyone, I have so I say yes, he asks where I go when I meet these people. I say that my local is the usual place to meet someone, when he replies that we’re close. Well of course, I mean the app shows how many kms away you are!

He says that he lives in the suburb I grew up in, so I tell him that, I ask him what school he went too & sure enough it was the same primary school as me, but he says he’s a few years older so I may know his sister… I ask what her name is & when he tells me I know exactly who this guy is! Well I know the 1992/1993 – 11 or 12 year old version of me that knows him. Hahaha

So my best friend in primary school is this guys sister, she went to a different high school to me so we just grew apart, we were friends on Facebook for a while as adults & then one of us deleted the other – no love lost or hard feelings there for me… But yeah, that’s how small Adelaide is… I am now dating people I went to school with that I could have had years ago. However I was about 11 when I knew him!

So, the back story. This guy had a very serious car accident, that wasn’t his fault a few years ago, which I remember hearing about on the news & also seeing his sister post pics on facebook about it. So the scars are from that & he explains that’s why he has a different name on the app to his real name (doesn’t really make sense to me, but whatever!) When he recovered he married the girl he was dating, a girl that I happened to also go to high school with (not someone I was friends with but someone in my year level). So I assume he’s divorced or separated now… Which he later tells me that he’s been married twice – to her & another lady. Jesus, I haven’t even had a boyfriend & this guy has had two wives. FUCK. He also tells me at some point that the last one destroyed him. Oh goodie gum drops! I love a damaged guy!

On the first night we chat he says that he has friends over for BBQ so won’t be messaging much, but he pretty much writes back super quickly & consistently, but the next day I don’t get much from him – which is weirder than the night he had friends over to be honest. Then I get a random message “Whoo Port finally won a game” Um Like I care?! I say that I’m glad his team won & drinks are on him.

It takes a while but we finally go get to go on a date. We work in different jobs but for the same sector, so he seen my name on forms & sends me snapchats of them. There is an event which is on a Friday & Saturday that he says that he’s going to be at too. But when the event gets closer, he starts acting weird & doesn’t message me or show any interest. He then tells me later than he got out of going, so I am thankful because I didn’t want our first meeting to be at a work event but I am also taken back because later he tells me that in his role, he doesn’t have to go to those things but he asked to go because of me… Um but you bailed on it? That’s not a good thing to tell a girl dude…

On the day of the actual real date though, things take a turn. He calls before & says let’s do dinner, I say no worries but then by the time he hangs up, he says don’t worry about dinner, he won’t have time & he’s going to be tired. Oh great! When we meet at the pub, he doesn’t kiss me or hug me hello, I order a wine & then he orders a lemon squash… Just like a nanna, a lemon squash. Not a lemonade, a fucking lemon squash…

The football is on in the background & he watches often. I feel like a twat with a wine when he is drinking soft drink. He just says that he doesn’t drink on work nights, I’m confused then why he suggested a drink at a pub! Usually that involves alcohol, or you’d suggest a coffee, right? Or am I overthinking the squash order?!

He makes me feel like an idiot several times, like he asks me how big my dogs are & when I say their weights, he says that he doesn’t need to know their actual weight. I think ok, right, so I sit there quiet, not really sure what I can & can’t say to this guy. He makes me feel insignificant, I know he’s trying to joke but its coming off as he is superior to me.

He doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder about his accident & doesn’t hold the person who did that to him accountable for his recovery, he has a very positive attitude about the whole thing, which I admire. But that’s about all I like. The giant scar doesn’t bother me. The way he makes me feel does.

We don’t stay long because even though he’s taping the football at home, I get the feeling he’d rather be at home watching it. He doesn’t kiss me goodbye, just a hug & we go our separate ways. Of course, before I am home, I get the usual text I always seem to attract from men “thanks for meeting but I guess I won’t be seeing you again…” WHAT? I stare at it for ages! I write back oh ok or something like that. He messages back that he didn’t think I was interested. I mean I wasn’t feeling positive about myself when I left so I wasn’t jumping out of my skin to sit through another judgey date.

I don’t ever see him again, even though he’s asked a couple of times. He looks at all my snapchats & talks to me all the time on there, but do you know what, if I want to feel stupid about myself. all I have to do is read this blog, I don’t need some dude to make me feel like an idiot.

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood #3

UM, what?! That smile is instantly wiped. I am fucking fuming! Who writes that while they are still basically in your driveway! Well I have had a guy delete me while actually in my driveway so I shouldn’t be surprised – however I know this guy & we have mutual friends, surely he wouldn’t be a standard ass hat with me?!

I am so stupid, what a fuckwit for fooling around with Eastwood. I reply “Sorry, I’ve already tagged you in my FB status…” He says “oh no,” then there’s a pause “oh you was only joking” OMG. As if I would even post that on Facebook. I put my phone down & see three messages from him saying good night & that he fed the dog that I would be happy to know. I don’t reply. He’s a fuckwit! I’m a fuckwit! That was fucked. People are just wankers.

I vent to J-Lo in the morning about what happened… His take on it actually calms me down a bit. He says that Eastwood couldn’t keep it hard & perhaps because we have mutual friends, he doesn’t want them all to know so that’s why the secret… I calm down hearing that perspective… Not what I thought of course… Perhaps that is true, so I give Eastwood the benefit of the doubt & reply to his message. We chat a bit, him apologising for his cock not working, said he was tired & he he says have a good day at like 8:00 am on Sunday. Ok then, I probably won’t hear from him again after that performance.

On Monday at 8:00 pm, he asks how my weekend was… It makes me smile, because I’m a fucking idiot… But also because it seems it wasn’t just a one night stand. We do have mutual friends so this isn’t wise starting something with someone who knows everyone he knows – well not everyone but all his colleges, I guess. So while I don’t feel the passion or real chemistryy right now with him, I do like this guy because we’ve got similar personalities, he’s got his head screwed on, he’s not afraid to commit, we can chat via text & in person for hours so I am keen to see where this goes.

The next day, I fuck Marvel & something happens with him that I basically feel like there is a cut in my vagina. I try to take a photo to have a look but it’s not easy to see, but it hurts. Maybe his fingernail cut me? Of course this is when Eastwood is super keen again & actually asks to come over – something he beat around the bush doing before & to be honest, he does go back to that after this too… I have to tell him that I can’t see him because I injured myself at spin class at the gym… I didn’t know what else to say but I wear lace panties & I slipped on the bike & grazed myself. Fuck I wish I thought of a better excuse!

The following Monday is Anzac day, we’ve talked every day this week, Eastwood doing his usual thing of not always replying straight away but then reacting to my message when we haven’t chatted for a while. He makes the effort chatting to me, asking questions & when he writes “lol” & I read it & don’t write back, he’ll also sometimes then come back with a replyable response about 10-15 minutes later.

I have my nieces sleeping over but Monday is a public holiday I am wrecked but Eastwood comes over for a couple of hours. I am already in bed, so I leave the door open. This is so bizarre to me that I do this a lot now… Well not a lot but I let guys do this rather than me getting up out of bed. He lays on the bed next to me, I am basically naked & he we talk for a while before we’re kissing & fooling around. He goes down on me for ages, making me cum & I think he also makes me squirt a little. His cock does get hard but at one point when he goes to stick it inside with me out a condom, I sort of let it happen but he goes soft & so he sits up & basically is hitting it, saying ‘stupid dick.’ I try to reassure him being that I’ve already cum that it’s ok.

He hangs around for a while just chatting after we stop fooling around, we watch YouTube videos of songs we both like & it’s nice to have something more in common with this guy. It’s nice to just chat with him, but we mainly chat about his work, the conversation always comes back to his work & the people. Even at one point, he seems to even like a chick’s FB posts & talk about her so much to me, that I think he’s interested in her, so I back off… I also go though our chat & delete all my sexy pictures, feeling like an idiot… She beautiful so of course he’d want her over me.

Somehow, the next night he wants to come over again, I agree saying that I liked how he kissed my back when he got into my bed last night & that I should have given him oil to massage me, he says he doesn’t like massages – who doesn’t like massages?! I just like being sensually touched when with a guy. I have a candle I’ve never used that turns the wax when melted into oil for a massage, so I get it out & leave it burning. When he comes over, he starts off on my back, straddling me for a while before I turn over & he massages my front as well… I take off his shirt & he goes down on me, making me cum so easily, fuck how does he do it with his mouth?!

Once I’ve cum he just sits up, against the bed head, his arms folded against his chest. We chat for a bit & for those in Adelaide might find this funny, there is a service station called X Convenience, but I thought it was Convenience X, so he literally gives me shit about it for ages, we’re laughing about it & it’s a relaxed time with him that I am enjoying, but then abruptly, he puts on his shirt & says that he has a headache & he has to leave. Okay, sure thing…

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood #2

I open the door & I see Eastwood standing there looking exactly like he did when I worked with him! WTF… What weight? I laugh as we say hello, kissing on the cheek, he meets the dogs & I offer him a drink. As I predicted, he is wearing a t-shirt & jeans with a hat on. He looks exactly the same, talks the same, acts the same, we’re friends the same – meaning the conversation flowed as it did when we sat at the same office, as we have a couple of drinks while standing in my kitchen.

After a couple of drinks we go sit in my lounge room, now it’s important to know that he got there about 8:30 pm on a Saturday night. How tragic I had no plans but anyway, he’s over & the conversation is funny & witty, we have good banter. I’m always attracted to banter & laughs… He touches my leg a few times but never offers to rub the cream in my back & I never ask. When I go to make him a drink, he just sits on the couch with the dogs & watching YouTube. Usually a dude will follow into the kitchen to chat, but he doesn’t.

So it’s now about 12:30 am, we’ve been chatting for hours, I don’t even know what we talk about but we always seem to refer back to people in his workplace because I know them obviously. We have a lot of mutual ‘friends.’ He is touching me – his knee or his arm is brushing mine, sitting close by me, but he’s not making any real moves… I am romantically retarded & he’s not dated a lot so we’re both being weird or maybe it just feels weird to me because I didn’t ever think this would happen. When he says he should go because he has to feed his dog but I say that he hasn’t rubbed the cream in & he says well go get it.

I come back with the cream, take my shoulder straps down on my dress & turn my back to him, moving my hair to one side to expose my neck, ready for him to kiss it… But he doesn’t. He literally rubs cream into my back & that’s it. So I start rubbing it in to my front because that’s burnt too but that still doesn’t spark a response in him. So I just assume he’s not into me or interested & he gets up to go home at 1:30am, he leaves not giving me a hug or kiss goodbye. After having his hands all over my back, I am confused, but decide not to think anything of it & I’ll play the ‘I don’t message first rule’ here. Men can be strange!

I put the dogs to bed & put our glasses in the sink, then get undressed & as I get into bed. There’s a message from him “Felt awkward then” & I think that this can go either way – I can be offended or I can just ask why. Which is what I do, he says that he really didn’t know what to do, to kiss me goodbye… He wanted to do more but wasn’t sure I wanted too… Why do men do this? I mean I’m not judging, I didn’t make a move either because I’m so shit at it… But aren’t men supposed to be better at making a move? Hahaha. Clearly not in my experience. But why do they not do anything then message that they wanted to make a move – thus making it more awkward when/if we catch up again.

He says that he wasn’t sure what I wanted & that he feels like he missed his chance, so I tell him that it doesn’t have to be his only chance, so he asks if I want him to come back – didn’t he just leave to feed his dog? He says that he’s torn about going home & wanting to come back but he says he’ll think of me when he gets home. I assume he’s texting & driving – I decide to write a long teasing message about what I am wearing & that I wasn’t wearing a bra tonight & then tell him to get home & feed his dog.

We message for almost an hour – yes an hour when I remind him he had to leave to feed the dog & that surely he’s home already, as he doesn’t live far from me – like 10 minutes. He says that he’s parked on a street away from my house… Um, what?! I ask if he’s been home & fed the dog & come back but he says no that he’s been parked there since he left. What the actual fuck. Really? Really! I am tipsy enough now that I send him my first cheeky picture & say to him that he should come back. He offers just a good night kiss, which we both know it won’t just be that, but he messages me when he is back out the front of my house asking if he should come in.

I meet him at the front door at 2:30 am, he walks straight in & we start kissing, I have to reach up to kiss him as he’s pretty tall… He’s a good kisser. His hands explore me & I walk us backward into my bedroom where we lay down & start undressing each other. I already know he doesn’t like condoms, but I am not having sex with him without one. When he goes down on me I am surprised at his skills… I guess I always found him attractive when we we worked together but I never thought about him sexually of course because he was married & back then it would never had crossed my mind to fuck a married man.

His skills going down on me are exceptional considering he’s had a wife for 20 years & didn’t really date because he met her so young. I guess she made him better perhaps? But who knows… I don’t care, I enjoy it so much & tell him we need a condom. I know he doesn’t like them, we’ve had this conversation, no guy likes them but when I get it out & he puts it on, he goes soft & he can’t have sex with me. He says that it’s the condom & this happens sometimes… It’s not the first time this has happened to me with a guy, I try not to overthink & think that it’s about me.

To my surprise, given it’s almost 3:30 am & we just had almost sex, usually men run away as soon as they’re done, especially when that happens. But Eastwood stays, not for heaps long, but he sticks around, which is good for me to not obsess that it’s about me. When he does get up to go, he kisses me goodbye at the door. Before I am even back in bed, I get a message from him, I smile like an idiot, thinking some cute little message perhaps about wanting to spend the night or something… Especially since he’s probably still in my driveway.

“That was fun … our little secret tho hey.

#IBD4U

2022 : Mazda

I am back on online dating, hoping that Eastwood will take the hint & say “lets grab a drink” but no matter how many times I subtly suggest it, he doesn’t ever ask & I don’t ask either cos I’m a chicken. So when I match with Mazda & he says “Are you free now? buy you a drink, just catch up & chat?” I think why the hell not. However at this point I have literally only sent one message to Mazda saying that my day was good & asked how his was… I have never ever met anyone this quickly before…

I like his pictures but I’m not fully into him, he pleads with me not to say no & I say that I haven’t said no but I am asking where we should meet. We decide on a pub after some indecision & he says to tell him what I am drinking & he’ll have it waiting for me… As I start typing out Pinot Gris, I have a moment of insanity (or perhaps sanity) where I think I am going to be waking up in an ice bath with a kidney missing, my head automatically goes into “he’s going to spike your drink” mode. So I just say that I want to look at the wine list. This is also when I go into stalker/serial killer overdrive & send a screenshot to J-Lo saying if I die tonight, this is who killed me. Hahaha!

I think I see Mazda in the carpark when I arrive, standing at his car drinking from a can but when I message to say I’m there, the person doesn’t look at his phone or make any moves to go inside, so I guess it’s not him, so I walk on inside. There is a guy at the bar, who doesn’t look like the guy from the app but who knows, I don’t want to go up to him & ask because he really doesn’t look like the guy I am meeting, he’s seen me & walked to sit at another table – so I am 99% sure he isn’t the guy but people take weird pics on the app. When I look at the app, I see the writing bubbles pop up so I look over at that guy & see he’s not using his phone. Ok so that’s not him, I am not standing here like a tool looking around, so I decide to order my drink.

Mazda tells me to meet him out in the carpark, again I don’t want to meet this creep in a dark carpark so I say that I’m at the bar ordering a drink… Mazda walks up as I’m getting my drink & we don’t really say hi but sort of acknowledge each other in a weird way. He’s my munchkin height – fuck, I hate when they’re my height….  I’m tiny, I want someone at least a little bit taller than me. But he looks exactly like his photos. He’s also not wearing a mask (this is when masks were still compulsory!), so as he orders his beer, the bar tender asks if he’s got a mask, of course he has to run out to the car to get it, so I have to pay for both our drinks… Well so much for him paying for the drinks! We sit down at a table & he sits so far away from me on the opposite side of the table, but then as he sits down he changes his mind & comes to sit so close to me, I can tell he’s going to be a touchy sort of date… Which -spoiler alert- he is…

The conversation is weird because we’ve only shared a couple of messages on the app so we don’t even know what each other’s jobs are… I ask what he does & he says he’s basically in administration, he tells me he’s never been overseas, never owned a home & his car just blew up so he’s driving a crappy old car. I tell him my job title & he say’s “fuck you’re really smart, aren’t you?” I mean what do you say to that?! I’m not a bimbo but I’m not a rocket scientist, I do have my head screwed on straight so what can you say… So I just laugh – like a bimbo & shrug it off. I do the same when he talks about my age or how beautiful he thinks I am – he says I don’t like 40, but then says something about how old he is, even though he’s about 3 years younger. Which makes me wonder why he would say knowing I’m older than he himself is old…

Later he asks about what I drive, he says I bet you drive a merc or a BMW. I laugh asking why he says that & he says because I’m posh. I literally laugh, this guy has got me all wrong, I explain I have a almost brand new work car but I drive a 2010 Subaru & love it! I’m not fancy at all… He rolls his eyes.

So picture Jack Black – you know from Kung Fu Panda – but short, slim & gay. Picture the type of gay guy who says something & rolls their eyes, even if it’s not necessary. Picture someone drunk or on drugs that can’t really get their words out…Picture a friend who says something, then has to backtrack but as they back track they dig themselves into a deeper hole & rolls their eyes… This is the person I am on a date with.

I am 100% not into him, but I was enjoying the conversation until he snaps. He says something about his ex – multiple times in fact & it seems he’s either mega bitter about it or he’s still into her, I ask & that’s when he snaps my head off – that it’s so over with her, yet proceeds to bitch about her for another 10 minutes… He snaps again when I ask if he’s high – legitimate questions, but I can see now that probably not appropriate but at this point, I am not really bothered. He seems either drunk or high. Apparently neither. But he gets really upset about his ex so much that I suggest we leave & he then says “Have I fucked this up?” looking crestfallen, he begs me to take his phone number, which I do but I have no intentions of using it… As I pick up my stuff ready to walk out, he’s really apologetic & I feel a bit sorry for him. He’s done nothing wrong. I am just not interested. This doesn’t happen to me a lot, I am always willing to at least go on a second date…

I hug him goodbye & say it was nice to meet you, I don’t linger as I don’t want him to try to kiss me, so I walk away & get in the car quickly because he also said in the pub before we left that I could take him home & he’d uber back to the pub to get his car straightaway just to make sure I get home safely, when I said no, he said he’d follow me home to make sure I got there safely, I also said no, not wanting him to know where I live, so I am speeding off down the road taking a different way home, but I don’t see any headlights in my rear-view mirror at all that I am safe.

I get home & expect a message from him, which comes almost the minute I walk in the door… “I’m so sorry about tonight, I didn’t mean to be an ass. Thank you so much for meeting me.” I don’t reply… I feel awful, that he thinks he did something wrong. Look the date wasn’t bad, but the date wasn’t good… I definitely didn’t feel anything tingle when I met him…

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood

I could write a lot about Eastwood but I am finding writing more of a highlights reel is keeping me inspired to write & get you more blogs more regularly. I think it’s better for my mental health not to relieve some of the bullshit too, which has lead me to where I am that I’ve been though this year! Hahaha… I thought it was going to better in my 40’s. But apparently not!

After Daizy, I do take a break from everything except on one lonely night when I download a dating app & start swiping. I pay for it for a month which is stupid but also works in my favour because I can see the people who have liked me without swiping on them & waiting around till I’m a skeleton to find out that they never swiped on me. When I see Eastwood pop up, a guy I used to work with & I see that he’s liked my profile, I think WTF, isn’t he married? Every guy was fucking married at that workplace & on this app! I’m intrigued so I swipe & we match so I say hey what are you doing here?

So some back story – Eastwood & I used to sit next to each other at work just before I left that workplace, we didn’t always sit next to each other, to be honest we weren’t in the same team till near the end of my employment there & this was almost 10 years ago. We were some of the only sane ones there, about the same age, he’s a year older but he was married. He probably the cutest man in the workplace full of married middle aged bitter women. I always got along with him & we’ve been friends on FB for years. He never really uses it or likes anything I post. Except recently he did uncharacteristically comment on something random, but I just replied & thought nothing of it.

He tells me that he & his wife have split & they sold their house almost a year ago. Fuck, I did see him share that on his FB but again, I am not that close with him, I didn’t think anything of it – but I can confirm this isn’t a lie at least, he’s not just spinning me bullshit. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s single because when we were sitting next to each other I remember him talking about her partying. When their kids had grown up a little bit, she started partying a lot & staying out really late while he stayed home with the kids… I honestly thought she was cheating on him then, so what surprises me that is that it’s taken this long for them to break up.

Wow, so this guy is single… We’ve matched – he liked me first… He also knew me when I was over 100kgs. I was smaller when I left that workplace but he also hasn’t seen me in real life forever. Actually, that’s not true, I did see him one evening at a pub & I went up to him to say hello. But he knows where I’ve come from. I mean his wife was always tiny, so I am no where near close to that small, but he still matched knowing I was a lot bigger at some point in my life.

We chat for about a week mainly about the old days at the workplace & what we’ve both been up too before it fizzes out & we stop making any effort. No big deal… I meet someone else (see next post Mazda) but at the risk of spoiling it for you, it doesn’t go great & so I decide that there is something worth pursuing with Eastwood, so I message him on the app – first (uncharacteristically for me! Hahaha) & we continue to talk, moving over to FB messenger. We talk about work – mainly his work & general chit chat, it sometimes goes all day, sometimes just a few messages but he will often just like my comment. Or read it & not reply, then hours later I will get a notification that he has liked or loved my comment. It is a bit weird, almost like he didn’t know what to say so he just would react to my message so I would get a notification about it & we’d start talking again perhaps?

But it’s just chatting & chatting… I like to meet quickly… He makes an effort to say how’s your night or what are you up too, when we haven’t talked for a few hours. We chat into the night a lot of the time, sometimes past midnight & there would usually be a message in the morning… He is putting in some effort but for what? We haven’t talked about what he wants, what he’s looking for but he does tell me in a round about way that he has been with other women since breaking up with his wife. At least I’m not going to be a rebound if we go there. So we just talk & talk for weeks, it’s not a good sign in my eyes, I like to meet quickly to see if there is anything there, so see if is worth this amount of effort. I wonder what the chemistry would be like now that he’s single? Would there be any?

I try to hint at catching up, my chiropractor tells me to be direct (why have I talked to my chiro about this guy?!) but I am not good at that when it comes to men. One night we’re texting & he is at the football, so I don’t really understand why he is texting me incessantly. Enjoy the bloody game dude… I joke with him about him having a big night because he’s out with mates & that he had had a big night the other week where he got home at 5:00 am. He says that he’s driving, which I automatically say that’s famous last words, that he’ll be picking up his car tomorrow, having had to taxi home.

During the day I have been sunburnt, not badly but enough to be pink & warm. It’s a warm night & I know he’s probably wearing a t shirt because I don’t remember seeing him in anything else ever, when he asks what I’m wearing, I explain that I am burnt & trying to rub cream in my back which he asks if I need some help… I wonder if tonight might be the night we catch up? He tells me the games over & I ask what he’s going to do, he says that he can go anywhere on the way home because he has his car, I ask where he is going to go & he says that he doesn’t know & asks for suggestions. I just say cheekily that if he finds himself in blah blah suburb that he might help a girl out with cream on her back. He stupidly replies who’s in blah blah suburb?

He does end up in my suburb, well the suburb over at a Macca’s when he finally reveals that he is just sitting in his car. I don’t know if he’s being an idiot or not but somehow I am giving him my address. He say’s he’ll be a few minutes, that he’s only coming to rub cream on my back – yeah right & then he sends another message saying “You may not recognise me, I have put on heaps of weight” OH HOLY FUCK. So look, I am superficial (we all are in some way!), would I be attracted to him if he’s bigger? How much weight has he put on that I won’t recognise him for fuck sake?! I quickly suss out his profile pictures on his dating profile. One I know is old because he’s cut out his wife, I remember it from FB profile picture. I’m imagining him over 150kgs. This guy is 6ft something, he was always slim the whole time I worked with him, he’s the type who only ever wears Ripcul t-shirts & pants. He wears hats, usually a surf brand, though I don’t think he’s ever surfed.

I pour myself a drink because lets face it, I now have a guy on the way to my house who sounds like he needs to be a contestant on the biggest loser… When I hear a knock at my door, I down my drink wincing on the taste of burning alcohol as it goes down my throat & go to the door bracing myself to not look surprised at how much weight he’s put on…

#IBD4U

2022 : I’ve Been Dating For This Podcast

So this is a special post for you all!

This is our draft recording of the concept. Now you know that the podcast is again down the drain, I can share this with you…

We struggled with a name for the podcast, I couldn’t think of anything, when I just decided that it would be “I’ve been dating for this podcast.” I made a dodgy intro with some free music to test it out… I’m not good at all this stuff but I felt like it was coming together… Above is also the dodgy adaptation of what would/could have been the logo. Just to tie it into the blog.

We played around with a few different ones but this more casual chat seemed to work better. I originally had the idea that I would read out a blog post & then the others would butt in with their questions about the post. But when we were recording it that way, it didn’t seem or feel right. It felt like I was talking too much & talking about myself without giving them room to be themselves as well.

So we tried me just reading it with no interruptions, me reading it with interruptions but again they just didn’t feel right. So we played around with more of a breakfast radio type format, of short segments about a topic, I wouldn’t read a blog post but I could bring up one if it fitted the topic. This would then make the blog & podcast separate.

So when we recorded these, on my phone without microphones, it was just to get the feel of the format, which I think worked the best. We were going to re record these or just move onto other topics, so this is a completely raw, unedited version, complete with Lucy’s dog barking in the background!

These are the two with recorded Horror Dates & Ghosting… I still feel like we needed to prep more because some of the examples we used, we not the best, but it was our first recording session.

Horror Dates!

Ghosting!

Let me know what you think of the crazy unedited versions!

#IBD4U

2022 : Daizy #4

I walk past Lucy pretending not to see her because I don’t know what else to do to be honest, I’d asked Daizy if we go up to her or if we just walk past & he didn;t know either… So when she calls out my name, we go over to her & say hello. The guy she is with isn’t what I expected her to be with but he seems nice & says hello to us as I say we are just heading outside for Daizy to have a smoke.

When we come back inside we get another drink, we sit with them & we decide to play pool together, it’s a great afternoon to be honest, the cheeky banter with Daizy, has the guy Lucy is with, thinking that we are a couple & have been together for years. We have a few drinks & a few games of pool. I find out that Daizy fucked someone the night he had the hotel room, so I am glad that I didn’t fuck him that evening too…

We tell this new guy about the podcast & what we’ve been doing, what we’re planning etc & he thinks it s a good idea. I think Lucy may try to get him involved but honestly, it’s hard enough getting the three of us together & then three of us (particularly me) not talking over someone else without adding in a fourth person.

When we leave the pub, I drop Daizy back at his car, we go inside for a bit & some more random recordings, mainly for ideas. As I drive off, I am not one street away before Daizy calls me – also let me tell you he has an old bomb of a car & a tablet for a phone so there is no bluetooth but he’s asking me what I am doing, where I am going. I say that I am going home, it’s a Sunday night, it’s late, I have an hour drive to get back down south. He asks me to pull over & he’ll catch up to me, to go back to his place.

I pull over & he gets in my car. We sit & talk for about an hour. A whole fucking hour on why we shouldn’t have sex… I want too because there is some tension there, but I also don’t want to ruin the podcast, I finally have someone willing to commit to it. I’ve been able to find girls easily but never a guy & I definitely think it needs a guy on it. I finally convince Daizy that I am not coming to his house (his dads house or his sisters, it was never quite clear where he was going to take me) & that I am going home to my house. He calls me again when I am driving home. As does Lucy.

The following week he’s doing a cash job for his mate at Port Adelaide, he’s an electrician so he asks me to come down & see him, which I do… but there is no power so we sit in my car & he sits outside the car smoking, just chatting about the podcast, having a beer while we chat. To be honest, I don’t know what the purpose of this visit was because it was pitch black inside & he was still working there after I left with no power. He wasted the daylight chatting to me! We have the same conversation about us having sex & the podcast. It doesn’t really extend beyond those two topics anymore – not that it really ever did anyway. When it does, I feel like Daizy is talking at me, he isn’t really paying attention to my face because I feel like I can’t say anything against his rants. So I just don’t, I just listen. & then he apologises because he knows that he’s ranting.

He also offers to do a cash job for my brother, so I swap numbers & he meets my brother, his wife & their two kids… I guess he doesn’t care, money is money. But I feel weird about it. He is also been offered a job in Port Pirie, which he starts in a few weeks. He talks about Lucy & I coming up to Moonta to meet him & do some recordings, smash out a whole bunch, which I am keen to do now that we’ve recorded some, I want to record some more & get this going!

The next weekend I have a friends birthday & I am hoping he’ll come with me to it, it’s casual & low key at her house. But he never messages me to say he’s on his way so I get pissed off… He calls to tell me he’ll come over to mine after I’m home that he doesn’t want to be around a lot of people… Yeah ok, whatever. But when I get home I am tipsy & I get into bed, he takes ages to get to my house that I basically just go to sleep. We’ve slept together a few times without sex. The first night be was wasted, another time my boy dog slept between us & he called him a cock blocker & now this time…

The next morning, roll over & hug him, I am not sure what comes over me. I know he is leaving soon so I guess we should get this over with, have sex so he can ghost me. We fool around, I suck his dick but he doesn’t make much noise at all that I stop, he rolls over onto me & slides his fingers inside me, making me cum in a way I haven’t ever cum before that I can remember from fingers. We don’t have sex but I figure that’s enough to see what he will do… He leaves the next day to go to Port Pirie to start his new job on Monday. He calls me on the drive up there & he starts to say things like he’s got to focus on himself & he’s not sure he can commit to the podcast etc. Well that came a lot quicker than I expected & I guess at least he told me, rather than ghosting me.

A few days later, it’s Australia day – I think it was a Wednesday this year, Daizy messages me really early saying that he can’t do the podcast, that he’s walked away from his new job & just needs to focus on himself. I don’t reply as he says that he’s switching off his phone, also as much as I saw this coming, I’m fucked off! I can’t believe this. Against my better judgement, I didn’t get feelings for this guy but I did like him as a friend & really enjoyed the banter & company.

Later Daizy rings me – I thought his phone was off? – to tell me that he has to focus on himself & he needs to get his head right. He’s going to Moonta to sort himself out or some shit. Would you believe that Daizy was in my life for only 18 days before he pulled this stunt! From when I first met him to him bailing on me. 18 days!

I do hear from him in February, he calls at random times like 4:00 am & then says he was messed up, I reply that I thought he was off the drugs & he says shit reply. Well fuck, I’m not here to sugar coat your bullshit. I hear from him again in March when he is in Adelaide & trying to catch up with me but I don’t want to travel north & he doesn’t have a car. When we do talk on the phone he explains what was going on during those 18 days before & after. But he says that he was homeless… Ok that makes a lot of sense because he could never tell me what suburb he lived in. He also says he thought I liked him more than he liked me & felt like I was falling for him. I actually laugh out loud at that & ask what I did, he just said he had a feeling. I’d really love to know what I did to make him think that. However he ends the call by saying “I love you” I assumed as a friend but I have no fucking idea…

I message him in June to see how he is, mainly I want to tell him that his blog posts are going up, I feel like he has a right to know but I get nothing at all from him. Even now…

#IBD4U

2018 : Bonus post: FAQ’s

This blog stemmed from readers asking me questions, in the height of my hey day of blogging! I started posting consistently & it ended up with me posting 5 times a week at one point! Just a few questions answered in the bonus blog!
#IBD4U

I've Been Dating For You

I’ve been asked a a few times why my blog is called “I’ve Been Dating For You”

IBDFU Logo File

It’s a play on words of “I’ve been waiting for you” & I just thought it was funny!

I also get asked a lot how old these stories are. I don’t post as I am dating these guys, mainly because I want to live in the moment & enjoy it but also because I never know what might happen. Many of these stories are quite some time ago, some more recent, they aren’t in any particular order but I do try to keep the time line straight. Especially when posting multiple stories about a guy & when they intertwine with other stories (When I’m trying to juggle men). But rest assured, I do have enough stories over the last decade to keep this blog alive!

I am currently busily writing about…

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2018: Speed Dating #2

I genuinely don’t know how I’ve done this some many times… Always with that glimmer of hope that this will be the one that works! I put it out in the universes that it will be the one that works & then it doesn’t… Yet I still go every time I’m asked…
#IBD4U

I've Been Dating For You

Why oh why did I say yes to going to speed dating again? I am a sucker for punishment, that’s why! Although this time I am a different person, I am totally over my ex, I am on this casual sex dating path that is making me more confident with men & I’m not as shy as I was when I first meet them, plus I’m in a better place with my body image, coming to terms with how I look, so maybe this time might be different.

I’m with a gorgeous skinny friend, so I don’t feel that great about myself with her, but I go anyway I talk to the guys in my usual manner, but as soon as I mention my job title (my real job) I get a few reactions that don’t invite a lasting relationship. One guy reads my palm and tells me something which…

View original post 378 more words

2022 : Guest Blog – The Rebound Guy

Here is a blog post written by Lucy.

The rebound guy
So, I’ve been chatting to this guy on a dating app we are connecting well, and the conversation is flowing, this goes on for a few days until he gives me his mobile number the ole line “this app doesn’t give me notifications” and “I’m hardly on here”. So, I think what the hell he must be a good guy right?!

So, we end up texting and he starts to get a bit cheeky, and I like it, which I get pretty cheeky back, we arrange to meet for a drink on this coming Saturday at lunchtime while our work schedules have lined up. We continue to text every day until Saturday as he becomes more cheekier, I’m getting more turned on for this guy, I want sex, it’s been a while.

He’s nice and charming and says he’s going to book into a hotel for the night if I want to join him for dinner and or go to the casino on Saturday. I said to him I have dinner plans with a girlfriend that weren’t confirmed yet, so I could leave it open as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to at that point, I never make future plans with someone I’ve never met before on a dating app, I mean let’s face it some people put up old pictures on their profiles (I have no idea why its false advertising) and I knew where this was leading.

The day we meet I think he’s cute and funny has those muscles in all the right places, we have a couple of drinks and chat over an hour and a half he asks me about my plans tonight he must think I’m cute to or wouldn’t have asked, he had the I want to fuck you vibe about him which was confidence boosting at that point as I was a bigger girl and fresh on the dating scene after a 3 year relationship.

At this point I’m thinking I want to meet him later for dinner and have a hot night of fun and whatever else (I haven’t had sex in 6 months, I just split with my ex-partner 3 months prior to our date.) We finish the date no hug or kiss, but he says he’s going to check in his hotel, and he will message me when he gets there and unpacks. I say ok I’ll talk to you later.

When I get home, I start to panic WTF am I going to wear?! I literally have nothing! I try on what dresses I have, and I don’t like any of it (my legs look fat in this dress). He texts me saying any news as I said I would text my friend about our “dinner plans” I reply with my friend has bailed on me and I’m free to catch up if he still would like to. He seemed happy to hear and asks what I’d like to do I said how about dinner and drinks, he said that sounds perfect. I’ve never been to that hotel before, so he was considerate enough to meet me in the carpark, he grabbed my hand and held it all the way to the room even when it was sweaty, and I wanted to let go HAHA.

When we get to the room, he gives me a can of CC (Canadian Club) dry, and we sit on opposite sides of the bed it was huge the room had concrete walls kind of ugly I thought. He gets up and comes over to my side of the bed and sits down next to me, he kisses me and he’s actually a good kisser bonus when you find someone who you like to kiss, I said “let’s start in the shower” didn’t take long before we end up in the shower first kissing and touching each other I washed him he washed me you know the lead up to jumping each other like you haven’t fucked in years my hand stroking his cock and his hand on my clitoris, after soaping each other up and rinsing off we dry off a little and take this to the bed!
He says I want to taste you and my reply was I taste fucking amazing! HAHA.

He pretty much shows me he’s in control by throwing me into position god that’s so hot being thrown around the bed as a heavier girl you don’t get that from guys like they might hurt themselves or something. He grabs my hips and goes in for a taste as he’s sucking and licking my clit, I can feel myself getting wetter as the intense feeling of someone’s mouth pleasuring me feels so good, my juices are dripping onto the bed, God I just want this guy inside of me! It’s been too long, and I want to orgasm while we are fucking and not before, he comes up for some air and a kiss (I find it a turn on tasting myself on a man’s lips Lol), I start to suck his cock I believe it’s only fair he has a nice cock its so much nicer if they are circumcised must be the clean freak in me HAHA. I get a condom from the nightstand yes I come packing lol (we used them all through the night). Turnover he says while putting a condom on I’m thinking to myself ‘oh taking me from behind’ ‘I like it!’. I turn over onto my knees and he takes me from behind, OH MY GOD does it feel good to be fucked again, we change positions to me on top men love playing with boobs, we fuck for an hour between three positions and then get ready to go downstairs for dinner.

During dinner it’s a standard conversation I don’t eat all my food as I’m cutting my portion sizes at this point, but he polishes his steak off and half of my schnitzel he pays for my drink and dinner which was lovely of him to do.

We head back upstairs and lay down for a bit still drinking CC’s it’s not long before we are kissing again, if they’re a good kisser, it’s an instant turn on for me. So, we are at it again starting in the shower as I won’t let him go down on me unless I’m clean I’m sure every woman can understand or I’ just super clean and a freak LOL. Trying to fuck in the shower it’s awkward so we dry off and walk to the bed kissing, lips locked all the way which isn’t very far in a hotel room, we fuck for another hour or so in multiple positions, me on top, him on top, doggy, binding ( It’s where I’m on my side with one leg in the air and he is inside me apparently they can get in deep) when we have both orgasmed we are pretty Knackered and just lay on top of the bed naked and fall asleep after a while.


I wake up at 4am and I’m so fucking horny my vagina is screaming at me wanting more WTAF!! (haven’t you had enough?!), he needs his sleep we both study a degree and have assignments due in the next week or so and both of us had said that Sunday was to get some of our assignment done, so I get dressed and go for a walk on the way out he says wait I’ll come with you I’m like No. that’s ok I just have some energy to burn I’ll be fine (sweet of him to ask though) I walk about 3km and return not feeling like I’ve burnt to much energy when I return to the room but I get into the shower as it was a warm summers night and I was all sweaty.

I crawl back into bed and snuggled up to this guy he puts his arm around me and I’m wide awake (rolls eye’s) I lay there thinking I want round 3! WTF is wrong with me?!
I don’t want to wake the poor guy, but I end up fidgeting and moving around as I can’t seem to stay still or get in a comfortable position which wakes him up and he asks if I’m ok, I say I’m fine just wide awake and might need something to wear me out again, he says at this hour of the morning? I guess he’s not an early riser like me. I doze off for an hour or so, and when I wake up, I start to touch him I want more before we get up and leave and he responds with “morning” I say, “are you ready for round 3?’
He kisses me and we are into it before I know it, he takes me from behind and in the binding position and he’s pounding me I have the vibrator handy, and I put it on my clit and I’m coming in minutes I’m so loud! He doesn’t take long to come after me and somehow, I’m still not feeling fully satisfied. Is this normal for other women?

We get dressed and walk to the car park together he says goodbye and gives me a brief kiss and says I’ll talk to you later, we had assignments due in the coming weeks so we won’t have to time catch up again for a bit so I’ll just play it by ear…

#IBD4U

2022 : Daizy #3

Daizy comes out of his hotel… Why is he staying in a hotel? Something is not right about this guy, something doesn’t add up. We go up to his room & share a beer, the room is literally smaller than my bedroom & it also includes a bathroom. We sit there talking & I think that he’s going to make a move but he doesn’t. I get angrier with my friend for taking so fucking long when I am the one who’s worked two jobs & made it here exactly when I said I would be here, now I’m stuck in this tiny room that I could die in, I mean I don’t really know this guy, do I?

My friend & her friend rock up & they refuse to come up to his room or to the little balcony where we could talk more openly, so Daizy & I head down to the bar. As much as I know Daizy is not my boyfriend – not even & there is something about him that I can’t figure out – much like Motocross – I like walking into a pub with him, easy, casual, not awkward, not looking around trying to find someone for a first date, I’m with someone, a friend… I think with this guy I do let the thrill of what it’s like to have someone by your self get the better of me.

The double date is a bit weird. We’re here to see if Lucy’s friend will work well on the podcast. To be honest with you I am surprised this is the type of guy that Lucy is interested in, he doesn’t come across nice or offer to buy her drinks. She has to go buy him one, but maybe they have some sort of arrangement. I find out later that he didn’t have any money & the only way she could get him out tonight was to say she’d pay for drinks. I don’t vibe well with him & I don’t think Daizy does either, but we got about the night having a couple of drinks & planning out the podcast.

When the night comes to an end, I walk Daizy back to his hotel room & he invites me up, I say no as it’s a school night, also I know that if I sleep with him that he will disappear. There is sexual tension there but there isn’t that spark as such. Like sometimes I feel like he is putting me down or judging me or too self helpy. He’s not but that how he makes me feel sometimes… He also it very good at saying all the right things to make me want to fuck him. But I want the podcast more & I think the sexual tension will make the podcast hotter. SO I AM NOT GOING TO FUCK HIM!

He calls me on the way home, he says so me that if that guy is on the podcast he doesn’t want to be a part of it. While I 100% agree with him, I don’t want that guy on the podcast, I now think 4 will be way too many but I don’t like the threat of him walking away when it’s like like he wants it. I reassure him that he won’t be on the podcast at all. As it turns out Lucy & him had a massive fight on the way back to his house & she told him not to call her again.

The rest of the week we chat & text a fair bit via text & arrange with Lucy to actually do some recordings of the podcast! OMG It’s actually happening, I am so excited. We get together at Lucy’s house which is out his side of town, she’s also got a date with a new guy later & is a bit nervous that she tries on all her outfits for me, then when Daizy gets there, she shows him too & I’m surprised when he picks something different to me…

We do some recordings over a couple of hours, mainly working out the format. I had an idea that I would read a blog & then we would discuss sort of like the format of “My Dad Wrote A Porno” but when we recorded it, it was boring & I didn’t like it. So we tried another format, which again didn’t work really well so we ended up with more of a conversation type podcast format… We recorded two of our chosen format for about 10 minutes each, because I wanted to keep them shorter for the commute to work. It is funny – well it is to me, it is unplanned & raw but I like what we are going for. If anyone is interested, I am happy to post the two which are unedited & there is a dog barking in one of them, I am happy to post them for you guys to listen too!

After we do some recordings & work out our format but it gets too close to Lucy’s date so she gets ready & we hang back at her house. I have a feeling Daizy is going to try to make a move, but he doesn’t. Lucy has asked us to go to the pub that she is at & “surprise” interrupt the date. I agree but as we’re walking in to the pub, I tell Daizy that I feel like an absolute fuckwit. As if this guy isn’t going to know that this is a set up.

Again I love the excitement of walking in the pub with Daizy, laughing & having good banter with him. I genuinely like the tension between us, it makes me more cheeky. He buys us a drink & he says he wants to put money in the pokies, which he shoves $50 in the machine & I sit in the chair as he’s just standing -like he knows he’s about to blow this whole $50.

I sit there cheekily rubbing my leg against his, opening up the top button so he can look down my top or brushing his cock with my knee though his pants… Why can’t I be like this with others? Is it because I want a different kind of relationship with this guy so I can be more myself without fear of his ghosting me in a few weeks time? He tells me I have made him hard & he steps back to show me the budge in his pants, he spins his last few dollars in the machine, so I stand up & tell him we need to go find Lucy with a cheeky grin.

#IBD4U

2018: Rotisserie Chicken

Has everyone had sex like this? Where they are just so erratic that you can’t get into it? I wish I couldn’t have but it was way too may positions in a short time that there was no way it was every going to happen. I like a guy being in charge, but this was really not being in charge, he was just confused!
#IBD4U

I've Been Dating For You

New Years Eve plans were to go to a friends house for drinks with a bunch of couples! WHOO HOO! There would be no random hook up, there would be no midnight kiss, there will be no semi-flirtatious banter with a cute single guy (who will probably end up with someone else anyway) & there would be no love story starting in the new year for me.

So I searched online to find someone to hook up with before I went out, Rotisserie Chicken was available, cute & we exchanged phone numbers. We were texting for a bit & I stressed the urgency of his visit since I was getting picked up at 6:00pm, however I told him it was actually 5:00pm so I would have time to get ready again.

He said he’d bring some drinks over, so brought a can or two of something & we just stood…

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2018: Dating Sites

I’m sure I could triple this post with dating sites & things you should & shouldn’t do… But for now I’ll just reblog what I said originally. Because I know I do blog about profiles at some point!
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I've Been Dating For You

I never seem to use the name of the dating sites I use, I’m not sure why, I guess because they don’t pay me to advertise but also it’s kinda irrelevant what site I met all of these dip shits on, they are all the same in the end. But I want to talk about the options, what I’ve been on & how they work for those of you thinking about joining!

OASIS: Free site with app to like someone then chat to them if they like you back. It’s more about the profile & picture information, but you can opt not to have a picture & you can have very little information.

TINDER: Free superficial app, swipe left for no & swipe right for yes. Good thing is there are no dumb usernames because it links to Facebook. You can also superlike people by swiping up which…

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2018: Rimmer

I guess this is why I was still naive about sex, I mean I had no idea what rimming was! Now I’ve tried it & I don’t love it personally so this blog makes me laugh so much at how innocent I was & how far I’ve come!
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I've Been Dating For You

“Would you rim me?”

“WTF is that?” I text back, completely perplexed & obviously a little naive back then.

“Doesn’t matter” So I google – good ol Urban Dictionary! “To lick someone’s anus with your tongue. Called ‘rimming’ because it’s done around the rim of the anus.” Why would a random guy I’ve never even met & I’m about to give my address to, to come over for a booty call, text & ask that, he said it doesn’t matter. Clearly it does otherwise he wouldn’t have asked. I’m not 100% sure I would want to do that, especially not with a random guy.

Is this something that men like? Is this something I would do, especially since this guy is potentially going to be a one night stand. I text this back to the guy & he assures me that it’s not going to be a one night stand…

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2018 : Construction

Sometimes all a girl wants is some good hard rough sex!
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I've Been Dating For You

Construction came up on every site that I was on, he added me on one of the more obscure ones & we chatted for a fair bit because I had a few guys I was texting at the time that I thought I might like more or was further along in the process of hooking up so I just kept him in the background.

Eventually we swapped numbers & were texting late one night, when he asked to come over. I said sure that I was in bed in my pyjamas, he said he’d just wear footy shorts (not sure why he told me that).

We didn’t talk very long before we had sex, all I really remember talking about was how someone died on his worksite that week, he seemed to be a bit vague about it but he’s the one who brought it up. I think perhaps that…

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2022 : Daizy #2

So as you can imagine, I can’t help it, but I get so pissed off by people who run late or people who say they’ll be somewhere but aren’t. I am always insanely on time & if I say I am going to be somewhere, it is fucking rare that I am not there or that I run late. I’m not sure if this is a good or bad quality of mine…

Precisely 7 minutes later I get “5 my phone died.” Rightio. But yet it takes him another 10 minutes to get to my house, another pet hate. Why can’t people just be fucking on time. I always over estimate so that I show up a bit earlier, or should I say 5 minutes & really mean 10? Actually, I usually tell people exactly what my GPS says, so there are no surprises. Maybe I’m a weirdo, but whatever, I can’t help it. I hate waiting around, my time is just as precious as other peoples, why do I have to sit around waiting for someone that I didn’t really want to come to my house anyway?

When he walks in Daizy kisses me on the cheek and I notice that he’s changed his clothes – um why?! He’s now wearing tracksuit pants. He meets the dogs, we both get a drink – he’s brought some cans of something & we sit on the couch, but somehow even though he only had 2 beers at the bar about 3 hours ago now, he looks so fucking wasted like he’s drunk 10 beers. How did he get so drunk on the drive up here?! Did he drink on the way? Had he taken drugs? How could be be so wasted… He also has brought in a head massager, you know those wire things that look like a wire hat, he tries to get me to take my hair down so he can massage my head but I say no. WTF.

He acts (or is) so fucking drunk that he’s stumbling around my lounge room, unable to sit still but unable to stand. The dogs sit on the couch with him & he calls them cock blockers – I think that’s not what’s blocking your cock dude! Would it even work at this point? I figure he’s going to have to stay here the night, he’s so off his head right now & I don’t know what on because there is no way he is just drunk! He confesses later that he smoked weed – which I suspected, this isn’t a surprise, but this isn’t stoned type behaviour. I press him further on what else he’s had & he tells me that he’s also had some Xanax. Oh FFS. I guess he’s definitely not driving home then!

We don’t kiss or have sex that night, I mean he’s fucked off his head, I didn’t want to have sex with him anyway so this isn’t surprising. He does try to leave at one point, when I won’t have sex with him, like a petulant child & I just tell him to get back into bed & go to sleep, which he does, I can’t let him drive in this condition all the way back out north. He falls sleeps easily, snoring most of the night so not only do I not sleep but he also is passed out on my side of the bed, basically on my pillow, so I have no room in the bed to move or any covers to cover me & because he’s so passed out, he’s harder to move than my 30 kg dog! I haven’t slept overnight with a lot of people before, but usually you can kick a person a bit & they roll over, he did not. He didn’t move all night & when I wake up – if you can say I woke up, I awake up to a huge dribble patch on my sheets where he slept.

I get up & get the dogs up & start to get ready for my clients, I wake him up when I need to get ready to go to my little business. I don’t normally open on Sundays but sometimes I have a client. He hasn’t left my room & I need to get change, so I slip last nights dress off over my head, standing in just my undies, no bra, I put a bra on & then another dress quickly, but he looks up as I am mostly naked putting on a bra & says “Aww, don’t do that!”, I giggle & innocently say “What?” Well I guess he likes what he sees in the sober light of day…

I get him out of my house fairly quickly, having to leave early & I leave him in the driveway saying goodbye, honestly, expecting not to see him again because not only did I not fuck him, he was fucked off his head & seemed a bit embarrassed by how fucked up he was… I like the guy to hang out with but there will be no hard feelings if he ghosts me.  

I am with my client just before 9:30 am & he texts “Your bed is so comfortable” which stupidly makes me smile when I see it on my watch, then a follow up text asking for my email, that he’s going to set up some checklist app that we can all share ideas for the podcast on. Well he’s keen & remembers what he told us he’d do last night. I like that about it, his motivation for the project is infectious.

When I get home, on the bedside table on his side of the bed (not that it’s his side, but the side he was supposed to sleep on) I find what looks like some tubular sports bandage & an eye mask – what the fuck was he planning on doing last night… I shove it in my top draw so my family don’t see when they come over tonight for dinner. Also why did he have that in his car?!

Around lunch time he tells me to come to the beach for a swim, but I am asleep, having a nap, something I rarely ever do! I was so tired, I think we slept at 3am? But I also had terrible heartburn, something I get from eating or drinking too much sugar. Then when I don’t reply I get a bunch of messages in a row “ill buy you dinner” “no tryna fuck ya, just business” “ya can’t blame me tho course ur pretty hot. It won’t happen again” “imma hang at the beach & read all the blog” I haven’t even seen one message yet when they all come through. I reply that he wouldn’t have remembered having sex with me anyway & that my family come over tonight, so I don’t hear from him again.

There’s something odd though, why is he always at the beach? Why doesn’t he seem like he has somewhere to go… I can’t put my finger on it. But there is something not entirely right about this guy… My curiosity will make me keep dating/meeting him to find out.

My family are over, they’ve been there for about 2 hours at this point & I go into the bathroom to wash my hands, when I see a fucking bright yellow condom in the decorative plant on the vanity. Daizy had gone out to his car in the morning & brought one back in saying I’d have it for next time. I show him my stash & say that I don’t need it & to take it with him but that’s where he leaves it. FUCK. I quickly hide it in the draw & hope no one saw it, especially the kids. I message him to tell him off – obviously as a joke & he just sends a winky face back. I ask him if it’s flavoured, trying to keep the conversation going & he says try it. But I say that there is no point in a flavoured condom, I mean who sucks a dick with a condom on? I say that glow in the dark, flavoured & ribbed are a waste of time, he says that “even talking about condoms is a waste of time” I ask why & he calls me. I can’t answer so I reject it, I can text but I can’t chat on the phone. Sometimes people don’t get that, I mean I can text quickly while doing stuff like working (when on a call or in a video conference) but a phone conversation about condoms is going to take a bit longer, I’m not having that conversation around my parents. So I ignore him & call later.

By Monday Daizy has created a account on an app that we can use to brainstorm ideas for the podcast. He tells me to call him when I can & he’ll give me a crash course, but when I get a chance to play around with it, it’s pretty simple, I’m not an idiot when it comes to app & computers… I call him later in the evening & we chat for a while… Mainly about the podcast & sometimes he slips in how much he finds me attractive & we chat flirty for a little bit too. I like the chemistry that we have, the flirty chats we have… It’s so refreshing to have a guy want to talk, not just to get sex… This is a lot of fucking effort if that’s all he wants…

Tuesday night I get a message asking what I’m doing & that he’s got a hotel room in the city, that if I’m free we could grab a meal. I have a couple of clients after work but say that I can be there around 7:00pm. He says yeah & I think this is a perfect opportunity to see if Lucy & her mate that she wants on the podcast – see if there is dynamic there. I rush through my client, with Daizy messaging me to bring drinks to his hotel & we can all meet there, there is a private balcony, I don’t reply as I am with a client, so then he calls me, a few times, I have told him that I am not going to be finished until 6:30pm & it’s now 6:35 pm when he says “is this happening or imma go get laid” Oh for fuck sake, I am not going to have threats & shit like that when I am on my way to meet him… I got held up for fuck sake, not that I am playing games! He knew I was at work.

I call him to tell him that I am running late – he should understand this concept very well & that I’ve also spoken to Lucy who won’t be there till 8:00pm. Jesus, they all knew about this at 5:30pm, I’m the only one who’s had to do a client after work & get into the city… He also tells me that he’s not ready & will need some time to get ready. Oh fucking hell. We hang up after I’m snappy with him, he’s trying to get me to come to the hotel because he’s not ready & Lucy is on her way, like fuck me. What the fuck have these people been doing for the last hour?!

Daizy calls me again to buy him cigarettes but I say no, I tell him I’m on my way still & he says to come up to his hotel room. But instead, I go park in a side street & send a video to Marvel of me sticking my fingers inside me, something cheeky to make him want to see me this week. But Daizy calls again & again so I go park near his hotel & wait outside it, for him to come get me, like a hooker…

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