Rob Rob #3

So I’ve mentioned Rob Rob a lot throughout my stories, he’s always in my messages chatting to me sporadically, he’s been chatting to me again, but again always on his terms, when he’s free & when he can chat. Then he disappears for days coming back to say that he’s trying to be good & not be online – if you remember he is actually married. However I always fall in the trap of having phone sex with him over the chat app or texting him pictures of me in lingerie & all sorts. I don’t know how I get wrapped up in this guy. I guess he’s the only real dominant man in my life that sets me tasks or makes me do things I don’t really want to do but they turn me. I really need a proper dominant partner!

We’re chatting one day as usual & he asks me to add him to my kink chat app group but I say no & change the subject. Firstly if he wanted to be in it, he could just find it, he knows how to use the app, he doesn’t need me to add him… But now the shoe is on the other foot, hahaha, I don’t want to add him to the group because I know that there a chicks in the group that would message him & he’d get caught up in their sexting & he’d forget about me. What a fucking turn around! So messed up!

Rob Rob never too busy.png

One day I’m driving home, he starts messaging, I’m home early from work & he’s being suggestive so I say that he should come over, he says he wants too & really if he got in the car when he started suggesting it, he could’ve made it to my house, fucked me & then got home all before his wife, without being suspicious. However he doesn’t. I get home, get naked & video chat with him while we both cum – me more times than him, as I am told too. Again after that he disappears.

When he comes back we chat a bit, I try not to reply straight away, but I am always free when he messages, it fucks me off. One afternoon, I’m having some man trouble, with Noddy& Rob Rob just tells me to message him & stop the bullshit… It’s not my bullshit. I don’t get why this guy has suddenly changed…. But then Rob Rob asks me what I’m wearing. Next minute I’m sharing my erotica fiction – scene one – Nipple Bells while clipping on my nipple clamps & sticking a vibe between my legs while he tells me to video myself cumming. I am waiting for permission to cum as he is off doing something else as fucking usual, he’s not paying attention to me while I’m cumming for him. I tell him that he missed out because I already came. He says he was reading my story but I don’t think that’s entirely true as the messages sit at sending for a while.

I do as I’m told he tells me I’m a good girl then tells me to cum again. I ask if I can take the nipple clamps off which he lets me. I’m thankful, I was using another vibe on the nipple clamps, which turns me on even more but they were beginning to hurt. He makes me cum for him 3 more times in a 20 minute period then asks if he gives me a task would I do it? I say of course. But when he asks for me to fuck someone tonight, I know I can’t do it. I don’t want just random sex with a loser guy, I want to have regular sex with a guy. Doesn’t have to be my boyfriend but just someone regular, someone who isn’t trying to fuck everyone!

Later that day usually he’s offline as soon as he gets what he wants, so I’m surprised he’s chatting to me most of the night – where is his wife? I guess, mainly because he wants me to find someone to fuck tonight & video it, which I am not that keen on right now. As if a random guy would want to video us having sex?! He asks what I’m doing & I say that I’m watching TV & writing, he asks what I’m writing but I avoid the question, just like I do with every guy when I tell them I am writing (Why do I ever tell them that I am writing? I have told Noddy I’m a writer too!? Of course they ask what. I just say that I’m a freelance writer for some blogs about health, beauty, travel & love. Hahaha.) I don’t want them to know that I am writing a blog about them, I mean this guy is even has a couple of posts & is mentioned a fair bit… But he asks me again to I tell him. I end up telling him that I have a blog, I am not sure why I do. He asks to what it’s about & when I tell him he asks to read it. I tell him that he’s in it, which he doesn’t seem to mind. He says that the stories will turn him on because he’s heard about them as they were happening, since we used to chat a lot, I used to tell him about the guys I was fucking, I’m pretty sure he’s been one of the only guys that didn’t act jealous when I told him about the guys I was fucking. Guys say they don’t get jealous & want to hear about it but then they act weird. Rob Rob may get jealous wishing things were different, I guess, but he never acts weird about it.

He starts reading my blog & tells me that I’m a good writer (I hope so! Hahaha) & it was good for him to read his post. He starts to get worried people will know who he is, but honestly, it’s only obvious to him because he’s reading about himself. No one else will ever know, I try to be as respectful as I can to the guys I write about, it’s not entirely their fault it didn’t work out with me.

The next day Rob Rob calls me on the way to work to chat, we chat about the blog & the stuff going on in my dating life right now. He tries to get me to meet him for lunch as he’s home from work, but I say no as it’s my day in the office, however when my boss isn’t at work that day I suggest we meet for lunch as I can leave the office but he then he says no, I should wait to see what happens tonight… WTF? I don’t think I will ever understand men!

I’m also a little surprised though but also a little chuffed when he tells me that he considers us to be friends, bound by kink. I mean I agree, but I never thought he would say that to me! I guess these douchy dominate guys don’t come across to have a heart like they really do sometimes. I mean I was always the same with Noodle, when he said he loved me, I never thought those words would come out of his mouth!


Noddy #4

The next morning I wake up at 5:00 am, I can’t sleep. WHAT THE ACTUAL FACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?! I toy with the idea of deleting Noddy, Demon & the guy she’s fucking (though it turns out Noddy had the wrong dude! So I would’ve deleted the wrong guy Hahaha.) But I decide not too, I calm down a bit & decide that I need to find out what happened… I actually chat to Rob Rob about it ironically, yes I’ve been chatting to him again, he’s always around, he tells me to give the guy a chance, to find out his side of the story, maybe he didn’t get lost for 3 hours with Demon? Because that’s what I think happened… My mind goes weird places sometimes… Maybe he did try to find me, but then why wouldn’t he message?

I decide to write him a message when out to brunch with my friend “Hey, what the hell happened to you last night?!” I wait with baited breath for his reply with comes 20 minutes later “Heya, was gonna ask you the same thing, you just disappeared after I went down for a smoke, I came back up & your friend said you were playing pool, but I couldn’t find you” Why didn’t he text me then? “You realise that was like 3 hours apart you going for a smoke & me playing pool? I was actually waiting for you to come back up for ages” Like really Noddy? “Fk… I didn’t… Not at all, I’m sorry, time isn’t my strong suit. Hahaha especially when drinking. You should’ve message me… like oi dick come back…” Yeah he’s right, I should’ve text him but he should’ve come back without me having to be a nagging wife… “I just assumed if you wanted to hang with me, you’d come back I’m not going to beg you. You also turned me on quite a lot, I was actually going to ask you to come home with me, I’d already kinda decided that earlier but was trying to be good, but then you were kissing my shoulders… mmmm… oh well” I hope he realises what he gave up last night “That’s fair, I feel heaps bad… I just get sidetracked so easy when I drink.. Fuck… You have no idea how much I adored you last night… You looked stunning… I’m sorry I missed that opportunity, I’ll make it up to you. Well I want to.” We chat about it & realise that we both should’ve done different things that night, He understands why I am disappointed & he says that he’s genuinely sorry he missed me in Rope. I tell him it’s ok, I do rope for me so it doesn’t matter if he missed it. He reads it & never replies the rest of the day but chats in the group… WTF dude… I don’t understand this guy sometimes.

Noddy suck at flirting

The next day again he chats in the group but not to me – again, sending pics of him working on cars & whatnot, so I take matters into my own hand, I am done with games. Either this guy is into me, or not. Doddy says he thinks I became victim of weed, losing track of time, so I think I need to see what this guys deal is – Doddy also gives me snaps for being so bold to message Noddy first. I message & ask if he is free to watch a movie at my house after my family dinner. It’s Sunday night so I don’t expect much to happen, I have the next day off, so I don’t mind if it’s a bit later, but I know he’ll have to work tomorrow about an hour from my house. He says “Hell yes” that he wants to come over. I tell him about 8:30 pm – 9:00 pm that my family will be gone, I send him my address but tell him that I will message him when they are leaving. They start packing up at 7:50 pm, it’s earlier than usual for school holidays so I message him, knowing the drive is about 45 minutes to my house. He tells me that he’s already on his way & was just going to park somewhere so he was here as early as possible… OMG that’s so fucking cute!

He gets to my house & I offer him a drink, he can’t decide what he wants but I tell him can have anything from my bar he wants, I have also bought cans of coke while at the shop for him – like some kind of loser that I am. He finally decides & we watch ‘Suicide Squad’ because the next Switch theme is Gotham & I haven’t ever seen a batman movie, which no one can believe… We cuddle on the couch but my back has been heaps sore lately that I get uncomfortable, so we move a bit then we end putting on ‘The Dark Knight’ but don’t watch it all because he kisses me, we get naked, well I am in sexy lingerie for him – which he probably doesn’t deserve, but I want to show him who I really am. He doesn’t take it off me, because I think he likes what he sees, he goes down on me which is so good, when he slips his fingers in me, I am scared I’m going to squirt so because we’re on the couch, I ask to take this to the bedroom which he agrees.

He goes down on me again, & he’s a lot better than I think he’s going to be, I cum quite hard enjoying the pleasure that I haven’t had from another guy in a few months. I push him down on the bed & suck his cock, knowing I won’t be able to get this in my mouth, but I try to take it all, he seems to enjoy it but doesn’t make a lot of noise. I climb on top of him kiss his neck, which he seems to love… He shivers the whole time but I want him inside me. He then flips over so he’s on top of me again, asking for a condom, I pull one out, he slides it on & I brace myself. But he fits inside me well, I’m surprised his giant long cock doesn’t hurt me – very surprised. He fucks me well, making me cum before he says “I’m not gonna lie, I just came” I giggle & say that’s ok, I’ve already cum so it was ok & he’d gone down on me for ages, making me cum multiple times.

We lie around talking, cuddling for so long, I lay on top of him kissing his neck which when I rub my hands through his hair, he gets goose bumps all over, I get that he likes it so I keep doing it… When he’s had enough, I look at the clock it’s almost 2:00 am. I want to ask if he’s staying but I also don’t want him to think I am trying to kick him out, I do want him to stay over but I also don’t want to be too eager. So I finally build up the courage & he says he should go, but doesn’t move, we keep lying there chatting & I just say to him “Turn off the bloody light” with a giggle, which he does & we snuggle down to sleep. It’s been so long since I slept with someone all night, it was so good. I actually don’t sleep well with someone in my bed but I do like him there. I am sort of sleeping when his alarm starts going off, we cuddle closer & he says “Good Morning Gorgeous” & I wonder what the fuck my face & hair looks like right now. We kind of close our eyes but his phone keeps going off. I want sex so we start kissing & have some hot morning sex before we get up. We talk a little bit more during sex, as I notice us loosening up with each other, where we do connect. He gets up & gets dressed but says he doesn’t want to go, knowing that I don’t have to work today. He says that he should call in sick, I say yeah call in sick & giggle knowing that he should go to work, I tell him to go. But he takes ages to piss fart around before he actually leaves.

He messages me later in the morning to wish me luck for my day, knowing that I have a job interview & I thank him for that. He knows that if I get this job, I will have to buy a car, he’s offered to come look at the car with me, being that he’s a mechanic. I am stupidly excited about this, I know I said I didn’t want a relationship, but this is a very boyfriendy thing to do & I feel myself soften to him even more. Later we talk about a 50’s housewife & he googles dresses to send to me in my signature colours, I think it’s hilarious but also adorable. We arrange for him to come over the following Wednesday after work & I almost can’t wait to see him again.

During the week though, he tells me that he’s got some bad news, I wonder what it is but I don’t want to pry. He tells me that one of his mates was beaten up by her partner. Having been though a domestic violent situation with my friend recently, I understand how it affects those around it too, because you think about the things you should of done, the signs etc. I offer him advice & let him know that I have been though a similar thing recently, I don’t talk about it much but I feel like he needs to know that I can empathise with him. He says that his friend is in the hospital & he’s going to feed her animals. This guy is so busy, he’s got so much going on, but yet he still makes time for me, he still makes me feel special. I am so glad he’s this type of friend, because it’s the same as me… I would do anything for my friends, anytime that they ask me.



A reader brought to my attention some show’s coming up at the Fringe soon & it promoted me to write this blog, not really about dating but I guess about kink – in a way – which also seems to be the number one question from my readers, always asking about kink. I am no expert, but I am more than happy to share what I know. However, the fringe for those who don’t know is a festival every year in Mad March in Adelaide. But interestingly, I had been to this fringe show that my reader suggested.

Adelaide is a small city but in March everything is in Adelaide. We have The Fringe – a festival with comedy, dance art etc events. We have a car race called Clipsal 500 – a 4 day car racing event in the streets of Adelaide, we have WOMAdelaide – A 4 day music & dance festival in the park, We have the Adelaide Festival – a festival of other arts such as dance, opera, plays etc. There is also Writers week – which involves a program of events to showcase writers. Now I believe from my research on this matter, there is now Tasting Australia at the end of March 2020 – which is for foodies… No wonder the rest of the year we are in hibernation.

So my little home town comes alive in March & the weather is usually hot, it’s just a great time to be in Adelaide. Little summer pop up food trucks & bars come out of the wood works, it’s just a great place to be… If you’re not from here & looking for a visit, I suggest March for a visit here. It’s amazing. The garden of unearthly delights is the best atmosphere & random shows are always a good laugh!

Anyway, back to my lovely reader suggestion. She sent me though the Adult only bubble show & said that I should go as they boast that they are a kinky show! OOOH… intriguing for a gal like me, right?! However I actually went to this show in 2019! Hahaha!

So the display picture for the show is a stripper heel, you know the black patent leather strappy platform – that to be perfectly honest with you, looks like it’s seen better days (why wouldn’t they get a brand new shoe for a promo poster?!) It’s an upside down foot & shoe, there is a piece of string around the heel, so one would assume that the woman is lying down using the string to being the foot up towards her… with 2 bubbles on the string that’s pulling the hell… There is a big bubble on the sole of the shoe… The lighting is dark with a purple background. it actually looks pretty cool but I am studying the picture now to describe it & it’s looking more & more tacky! Hahaha.

The event blurb:

“Mix one part physical theatre, one part bubble artistry and one part neo-burlesque, and you get a soapy concoction of kinky, in-your-face theatrics. A raucous and raunchy affair with a surprising story arc full of abstractness and the slightly grotesque, a surreal performative experience that wonderfully showcases the technical prowess of bubble art on a first-class level. Every bubble trick in the book shown in the naughtiest way possible.”


It sounds so fun, right… For a self proclaimed kinky chick like me, it sounds like it’d be right up my ally. An hour long kink show for only $20 (As I’m a member!) Yep this is something I need to go too.

A couple of friends, the couple I met at the Play party & went to Maslin Beach with were the ones who suggested it, I buy the tickets & one extra for my other friend & we head out to the Garden (As it’s called for locals) to see this show. I am actually excited, I have been to Rope shows before as you know. When I went with Milky I was mesmerized. I went to other shows as I got more & more into Rope as you know so I thought this would also wow me.

This show, while amazing what they do with bubbles was not kinky nor was it at all risque. I mean when the woman took off her bikini top, they covered her in bubbles then she quickly ran off stage & had a different costume on – so you didn’t even see boob or nipple really… I would expect nudity at a kink show. The show is dripping with innuendo & sexual themes, but it’s not really what I would call kinky… Definitely R18+ because they do have a lot of innuendo, (plus they do do a kids show, this one is adults only) but not what I would call a kink. I guess unless bubbles get you off!

I may be desensitised to kink perhaps, with all the things I have seen, done & experienced in the past few years to really find this a kinky show, while I enjoyed it, laughed a lot & really was thinking “How the fuck do they do that with bubbles?” I didn’t really think it should be given a kinky tagline.

I think if anyone is looking for a show this year in 2020, they should see this, it was a great show! I am not at all saying it was shit (like some shows I have seen over the years) This was a great show, they are supremely talented with bubbles & I was intrigued the whole show. But just don’t go expecting it to be kinky… I mean I am not sure what I was thinking it would be like, but maybe like I said I am just too close to kink now…

If anyone goes to see it this year, it’s about $25 or cheaper if you’re a member, please let me know what you think! Or if there are other kinky shows I should go too, let me know!


Noddy #3

On the morning before date 2, Noddy messages me to say “Good morning gorgeous” & to tell me that he’s sick… OMG not this old chestnut! Origin was synonymous for this, always waiting till the day of our date bailing… I feel like Noddy is setting this up so he can bail on me! However Noddy says that he hopes it’s nothing because he wants to see me tomorrow night. I say “I hope you feel better” after he says to me “Hope you have a great day today” almost cutting off the conversation, which he reads then never replies too – righto!

When he starts chatting to me again later in the day he tells me later that he was overthinking that I didn’t want to chat to him… I mean he was the one who kind of ended the conversation, so I don’t know where he got that, but he finally messages me hours later, to see how my day was. I always refuse to write to them if they read my message & don’t reply. I never not reply to messages – I try to think of something to say, so why do they do it to me?

Later that night he has me in absolute fits of laughter when he tells me he has a walk in robe, he sends a picture of it & I say that’s just a fucking cupboard – not a walk in robe, so he sends me a picture of him standing in his actual cupboard! Fucking hell I laugh so hard at that… This guy is just so funny, with those type of one liners. I like this banter, the funny jokes! I like that he can make jokes, but is still quite mature.

The next day as I get ready for work, I do so as if I am going to see him tonight but also feeling like a fuckwit knowing that he is going to bail because he’s set up the sick card & broken toe card to play, he’s got a cold & a broken toe. He’s also been talking about coming to Switch on Friday night – so if he does he’ll see me then anyway, maybe a mid week date is too much? I toy with the idea of inviting to come to my house prior & come in with me & my friends. but I decide not to. But strangely enough, he doesn’t bail tonight – I had told him to get vitamins, he said he had but who knows if he actually did. That same day in the group it’s “Wangs out Wednesday” & Noddy shares 2 dick pics… Not my favourite thing, being that I don’t like to see them before I’ve seen them in really life but when I see it, I think fucking hell that’s a very long dick, I have no idea how that will fit inside me! You all know I don’t like a big dick because they usually hurt me & now I’m scared to fuck this guy…

10 minutes before I finish work, I ask where he is & he says “I’m almost there but you said 8:30 pm” I say it’s all good, I was just wondering if he was waiting for me to message him. I drive past the restaurant, twice but it’s closed, so I go to the local pub & message him to tell him I’m there waiting. He arrives & kisses me on the cheek sitting down, we order dinner & drinks which he pays for again, but at least both times, I’ve been able to pay for the second round. I wonder if this guy realises that he doesn’t have to pay for everything, that I probably earn about $400 a week more than he earns plus I have a work car. (I’ve kind of worked that out from what he’s said about his pay, not a judgement, I couldn’t care less what he earns, just as long as he works!)

We talk easily for a few hours over 2 drinks, I say that we should’ve cancelled tonight being that he’s going to come to Switch but he tells me that he wanted to see me. Awwww, that’s so cute. I did want to see him more before Switch because I am worried about what it’ll be like, I mean we haven’t even kissed yet. I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to come to Switch but I can’t say no… I also let him know that I am being tied up at Switch & he says that he can’t wait to see it. I can’t wait to show him either. I have picked some lingerie & a skirt that I am wearing, I am getting my makeup done again so just have to do my hair. I am pretty excited, I have thought about inviting Noddy back to my house after switch if things go well & I will drop him home in the morning.

During the few days between our dinner & Switch, he is writing to me about another friend who seems to have noticed in the group we’ve dated, so I ask if he’s told him, he says no he didn’t tell him but on Friday night they will all know anyway. Says he doesn’t think they will have to ask (assuming he’s going to kiss me finally!) but then he oddly says “She said she has a fat ass. I said it’s ok, I’ll help you work it off. I’m good at helping. She’s knows I run & my times & distance. So she said but you’re too fast for me” I think what the actual fuck?! Who is that too? That is basically word for word what I just wrote to him… What is he doing? I ask & he says that he’s been talking to Demon, she asked how it was going with me. I am fine with him chatting to others but unsettled that he’s basically sending her word for word account of what I said… I mean I shouldn’t be surprised, he did send me screenshots of what the other chick said to him & I saw on his other chat to Doddy that he sent a screenshot of how he asked me out the first time. I am ok with her but I am taken back to the time with Noodle being friends with the chick Max kissed at Switch that one time… Noodle was good friends with her & told her a lot about me… This is the part I don’t like, I don’t want people to know everything about me… Noddy tells me that Demon encourages him heaps about me, which I appreciate. But I am always skeptical. I know that chick that Max had kissed offer her virginity to Noodle when they first started chatting, so I am jaded of peoples intentions I guess on the chat app.


My friends & I get to Switch & Noddy is already there with Demon. Well right, that was unexpected… I know they’re friends but he didn’t tell me & also didn’t tell me he was wearing an outfit borrowed from her – I hate that that makes me jealous! Noddy & I kiss & chat a bit, it’s the first time we’ve kissed, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to kiss him because of his teeth, but I do find this guy attractive… The first floor show goes on & then Ripples takes me over to tie me up but everyone disappears, I get tied & its over when I see Noddy come up & sit down to watch, but then he gets up & walks off, I thought he wanted to see this? By the time he comes back with a drink for me, I am back in my shoes & skirt & really disappointed. He can tell, I can’t hide it. I know I do rope for me, but I wanted him to see what I enjoy. I tell him it’s ok but I can’t hide my disappointment, not just of him but all of my friends, they all went outside smoking & didn’t see any of it. I try to change my face to be happy, but I am really upset. FUCK I hate that I do this… Why I can’t I just be happy? He stands behind me kissing my shoulders & turning me on, that I melt, yes I am going to invite this guy home with me tonight! I hope he says yes… He kisses & touches me though out the whole next show, that I forget that he didn’t see me get tied up, he seems genuinely disappointed that he didn’t get to see it, he says that he wished he did. After the show finishes, he kisses me & says that he’s just going outside for a cigarette. I watch others get tied & some wax play, some other impact play, but as I walk around the nightclub all night waiting for Noddy to come back up, I never see him again that night!

I go downstairs & play pool before my friends take me home, after a couple of friends leave my house, I start crying to my friend. So unlike me, since I said the L word with Noodle, I can’t stop crying now! Hahaha… I can’t believe that Noddy never came back to see me, he told me how much he wants me but then disappeared for 3 hours. In hindsight, I probably should’ve gone downstairs to the beer garden & dragged his ass back up, but I didn’t… I didn’t even message to say goodbye but I’m also angry that he hasn’t messaged to ask me where I am!

WTF, we’re both acting like idiots…



Abs is in the groups I’m in on the chat app for a while before I finally allow him to chat to me privately. I am very funny about private messaging people but that is how I got in to trouble with Noodle. I am also not convinced when a man doesn’t show his face on the app that they aren’t single.

He tells me that he’s been waiting for me to private message him & that he’s gotten a message from my friend, which I knew she would message him as she messages everyone new to the group, plus he has a hot picture up of his body & abs. I tell him that I will leave him for her as we’re in different stages of life, I am not wanting to just fuck anyone, I know my friend is just keen to have sex & this guy is probably looking for just sex. However he said that he wants me & he won’t fuck her. I tell him about myself as he asks, telling him that I’m a little kinky & love my job plus I do a lot of exercise. He says that I sound like fun! He’s a couple of years younger, says he’s single with no kids & has a huge sex drive… Ding Ding Ding!

I tell him that I’ve been going to rope classes every week & really getting into that. I send him some of my less erotic rope pics, literally me in gym gear at class & explain why I deem trust the number one thing when thinking about getting kinky with someone.

We start by sharing pictures & I start to let my guard down a bit with him – maybe he isn’t so bad, showing him my other kink & that is lingerie. I got obsessed with it when I was with Noodle, I’ve yet to find a man who’s eyes pop out their head like his did when they see me in lingerie.

I find out that he lives miles away from me, in the northern hills of Adelaide. I’m a southern chick near the beach that I realise, this probably won’t work out. However I find myself telling him my real job, not sales rep like I usually tell everyone & I suggest a drink halfway on the weekend to see if we click & then we can see where it goes. I say something about fucking on his desk but he says he has about 40 employees & suggest my desk, but I work in an open office. He asks me to turn up to the weekend drink in a trench coat. This is a fantasy I’ve wanted to do for a while, I wanted to do it with Noodle but I always thought we’d have more time, so I never bought a trench coat. That fucking time bullshit… I always thought we’d have more of it… Always.

I send Abs a lot more lingerie pictures, loving the reaction from him, it’s been a while since I get this kind of reaction. Crows didn’t really care about lingerie when I wore it & I haven’t been with anyone multiple times for them to deserve me in lingerie. This guy seems to appreciate it & even says that he used to buy Honey Birdette for his ex. I show him some of my Honey Birdette. I also shop online for a trench coat, finding a cheap one at Cotton on with free postage, I purchase it thinking that this little fantasy might not be with the guy I thought it would be with, but I will get it at least. Another way to distract myself from thinking about Noodle.

It’s later at night when I get home in my gym gear, he asks me to show him what I’m wearing, which I do & then he tells me to take it off. I am already in my underwear so I take a picture of myself. Then between me hitting send & his reply, my friend something about him to me on the chat app & how they are chatting… WTF?! He said he wasn’t going to chat to her…! I feel like a fucking fool. I write “Well I’m sorry I sent that because I feel like a fool for trusting you… & now even more foolish for sending pics” (Nothing I hate more than feeling like a fool, Noodle made me feel like a fool!) he says that he doesn’t understand but I considering just ghosting him, but I’m trying to change my karma… I don’t want to be that person, I have it done to me enough, maybe that’s why I am ghosted, because I treated someone bad in the past? You all know that these men are not all at fault, I play a part in the failures just as much as they do.

Abs forwarded email.png

So I decide to write back “So you know… I trusted you, you said you weren’t chatting to anyone (especially my friend) & I let my guard down, PMed you, sent pics which I never do! You would have seen I said no to PMing last night… I’m very different to my friend, I need to trust inexplicably to do what I want sexually, I’m not looking for a quick one off fuck…” I am so sick of people trying to fuck everyone… Don’t they want someone they can get to know? “I didn’t ever say I wasn’t chatting to anyone… I chat to a lot of people. I don’t know what I’m after… drinks & a meal with someone, blowjobs & a movie with someone else, three ways with someone else, I’m up for anything but I’m not going to limit myself to just one option…” Ok, so I guess that answered my question. “Well I don’t care what anyone does with others, except like I said even though it was a bit of a joke, I do want to be the priority with a guy for a change & I care about my friendships with people on here.” My friendships mean more to me than a random guy… Plus I do want to be the priority for a fucking change… I never am, I don’t know what it is about me that guys don’t want to prioritise me, but they just don’t! “Ok… I didn’t mean to upset you my apologies. Just to be clear I’d love to keep chatting & meet up, but I’m going to be chatting to other people too.” I mean I can’t really be angry about that or his honesty, I mean I was chatting to other people even when I was in love with Noodle, so I can’t expect anything less from a stranger. “Yeah I don’t expect exclusivity. Lets not get carried away… However just don’t spin me bullshit about not talking to my friend then talk to her behind my back. I expect honesty because like I said, what I like to do in the bedroom requires a lof of trust & not just a one off fuck.” Hours later he writes back “Hope you’ve had a good night.” I delete him, what the fuck. I am sick of stupid games.

A month later, Abs comes back into my chat room & then PM’s me. We’d chatted in the room so he says that he thought I hated him. I never said I hated him, I mean I don’t even know the guy to be honest. I was just pissed about what happened. I tell him that I feel like an idiot, an idiot for buying a tench coat for when I met him too, He can’t believe that I did, I can’t believe that I did either. He asks me out for dinner & drinks but he’s been chatting to my friend the whole time that I don’t want a guy to come between me & our friendship, so she can have him. He says that she started the conversation & he wasn’t going to say go away. I agree, he can talk to whoever he wants, but I am also going to bow out. He tells me that he thinks I am awesome & that he wants to catch up but I am not letting a guy come between him & I.

We basically stop chatting after that, I get that I am hard work for this guy, he lives far away anyway but he’s obviously doesn’t understand what I am trying to say here about my friendship.

Looking back, now on this story, lets be fair to this guy, he didn’t tell me he wasn’t talking to my friend, all he said is that he wouldn’t fuck her…I just assumed he’d stop talking to her… That’s what I wanted. I want an exclusive friends with benefits…. WTF is an exclusive FWB if not a boyfriend?! Fuck I’m so confused at what I want…


Noddy #2

The next day I write back to Noddy & explain again that I just don’t want to be just one of the many, it’s not what I want. I want open, honest communication whether it’s serious or casual relationship. He tells me that he was up all night thinking about me & even wrote me a song… (He’s also a budding song writer! Mainly hip hop rap type stuff but he used to be in a heavy metal band.) I am driving when I see the notification come up on my watch saying he’s written me a song… I look out the windows & then in the mirror on the visor & say out loud to myself like a freak in a movie I don’t know how I feel about that!” Then I sort of laugh – yeah while diving by myself! I mean I haven’t even met this guy yet, we’ve only chatted a couple of days so far, it’s like surreal, no guy has ever written me a song before!

He screenshots it & sends it to me, it’s time stamped of last being edited was 2:56 am, so I know he’s not all full of shit…


See I fucked up                   but I’m making it right

Thought about you            all night

You see I like you               I don’t wanna fight

Just wanna hold you         oh so tight


See there’s this girl

They call her lady bug

In the street ya wanna hug

See all the men

That wanna give her love.

She shuts herself off

Her heart is like a dove

Pure and clean

She could never be mean

The girl of your dreams

She’s so perfectly clean

When I talk to her man

I feel like it’s a dream

But they call her lady love

The one lady bug


See I fucked up                   but I’m making it right

Thought about you            all night

You see I like you               I don’t wanna fight

Just wanna hold you         oh so tight


Words can’t describe

My feelings inside

Felt I fucked it up

Now I wanna hide

Wanna fix it all

Take her for a ride

Not the sexy kind

I’m talking drive through the night

Sunrise, sunset

She’s the one I gotta her

So I wrote this song

So she knows

I want her all along…

Well that’s fucking cute as fuck… I actually can’t believe that worked on me! Hahaha… But it does… When he invites me out for lunch & a drink on Saturday afternoon, his treat, no pressure, I find myself saying yes. I’m also chatting to a friend Doddy (Yes they have matching names, Noddy has a man crush on Doddy!) who’s in the group too who’s in a relationship with my other friend, the one from the story Middle Aged Backpacker & he tells me that Noddy has been talking to him because he’s not sure what to do, he tells me that Noddy told him that he liked talking to others but wanted me. My friend told him to “Make a choice & stick to it either be a single player that’s not hurting anyone or commit to a girl & see where it goes.” (Good advice!)

Doddy also knows about the song so tells me that it wasn’t a generic song, you can’t just write those lines & change the name, unless it was for a Doug… He also shows me a screenshot from Noody that says “Well… I took the leap, asked her out for a late lunch & drink on sat… See how I go” Doddy says to him “Good. now be a gentleman or deal with me” Noddy tells him “After the other day, you have no fear of that haha” Doddy shows me another message from Noddy when I say yes to lunch “…Fk yeah buddy, she said yeah.. Woop woop. Haha.” I can’t help but smile, realising that this guy is actually into me.

Later that day Noddy & I are talking as usual, he chats a lot even though he’s at work – I’m not sure how he does that considering he’s a mechanic. Later in the evening though, he tells me that he wants to be honest with me, I’m worried about this honestly, I am not ready to be completely honest with him, so I brace myself “I don’t want to be a sooky cunt & get sympathy, but 3 weeks ago… I tried to hang myself because of the break up. Ended up in hospital. I’m working past it & realising that I am meant to be here for a greater purpose. So I’m gonna see where life takes me. If the wind blows me in your direction my lady, I will float that way. Hahaha. Philosophical shit” Wowsers! He tried to kill himself when she cheated on him (I’m no stranger to this stunt!) & fuck only 3 weeks ago… Major red flags here… This is too soon for him to be dating… Really way too soon! This is either going to hurt me or be completely fucked… What if I don’t like him? What if I do then I realise he’s not ready for me? He tells me that he is ready & he’s ok, he’s working through it… I mean here I am a year later still in love with someone who was a complete ass to me, how could this guy be over his ex in 4 weeks & over the issues that caused him to try to commit suicide. FUCK!

I feel like I can’t back out now, I have already told this guy I would meet him, so I go through with it… He suggests a Mexican place (knowing Mexican is my favourite) in the central markets at about 1:00 pm. I wanted somewhere with easy parking, but I don’t try to change where he picked, he obviously googled it & found a decent place for lunch. Also it’s nice to have a guy pick where we’re going to eat, I’m usually so dominant in life that I kind of like it when a guy takes charge.

I’m at home waiting to hear that he’s on his way, when he actually tells me at 12:50 pm that he’s just parking. FUCK I’m still at home. I’m ready but I’m 30 mins away so I jump in the car & leg it into the city. I get there & the markets are packed, the car park is packed, but I swindle a decent park, walking quickly to the Mexican restaurant. I hate when people keep me waiting, so I hate that I have done this to him! I have no idea where it is so I message & ask him. He explains where it is, but I get so fucking lost, I have no idea where I am in this place & it’s mentally busy, I am looking at my phone when I look up & I see him walking towards me, he’s come to find me. He’s in a t-shirt & jeans with a thick silver chain around his neck, he has a green hat on backwards, he’s so skinny, he definitely looks like a white rapper. He’s a bit taller than me, not by heaps but I’m in heels, we hug hello & we walk back to the restaurant. We sit down at 1:45 pm for lunch & order, it comes out quickly. The conversation is easy, I can’t help but notice his teeth, they need a good clean at the dentist. The chipped tooth doesn’t bother me but the build-up of plaque is distracting. Otherwise I find him quite attractive, I do mentally envisage him is different clothes, I know he would look good done up a bit. But then I am reminded of the scene in Sex & the City when Miranda is buying Steve a suit… Remember that?! Plus I remember giving Boyfriend a makeover – made him better for someone else to have him…

Noddy is so easy to talk too, though I ask him more questions than he asks me & I find out that he left home at 13 years old, living by himself or on peoples couches. He’s got 15 brothers & sisters, all of them half siblings or step siblings, he talks about his nephew & how one of his sisters just had him but went off the rails on drugs so another sister has him at the moment. WOW, my life is so boring compared to him. I want to know more about why he left home at 13 being he still speaks so highly of him mum, but it’s only the first date, I don’t want to be too deep with him just yet – I also don’t want to dive too deeply into the ex chat, as I don’t want to have to tell him about Noodle especially since Noddy was just recently cheated on, I’m not sure how he’ll feel about that story. I am going to avoid that at all costs. Noddy also tells me that his name is not what is says on the chat app & he explains the story as to why, he gets called 2 names & I don’t know what to call him after that, but I pretty much call him his real name.

The restaurant closes at 3:00 pm, Noddy pays the bill, not allowing me to pay, just as the central markets close too, fuck this is the world’s shortest date. I don’t really want it to end just yet, I sense that he doesn’t either, but I could have this all wrong here, so I just decide to suggest a drink somewhere. He says that there’s a pub down the street so we walk to it but it’s closed. We try to google pubs close by but our phones come up with nothing. We walk back to the central markets to walk through them but we see a beer sign we both say that there must be a pub somewhere here so we find a pub that has happy hour from now until 6:00 pm so we have a beer each. They don’t have the carb free beer I usually drink so I feel like a fuck wit when I have to ask the bartender for a low carb beer… This guy knows I’m health conscious but I don’t want him to think I’m a freak. But the guy lets me try a few before I settle on one.

The conversation flows easily still over 2 beers, he tells me later that when I went to bathroom that he checked me out. Hahaha… We have a good afternoon, we hug, a tad awkwardly goodbye then he messaged the group with a picture of him by his car in the carpark before even messaging me… Weird huh? Why would he message the group saying he hopes everyone had as good a day as him? But not message me to say that? I mean he must know I’m going to see it?

He finally does message me (I of course refuse to message him first as my usual stubbornness kicks in, post any date) & we chat a bit, he says that he’s keen to see me again. I know I am busy the next weekend so I ask him if he wants to meet for dinner on Wednesday night, I have to work late so I suggest a place near my work that I want to try & I hear is good for a date night. He agrees to meet me.

The next night he kicks his toe & after an x-ray, he is diagnosed with broken little toe. I think this is his going to be his out to bail on our next date. We chat a lot & he sends me so many pictures, usually him shirtless or of his bruised toe. He has been respectful & not sent me a dick pic, which I appreciate! Finally a decent guy!


Cheat vs Affair

I want to start this blog post by saying this is just my opinion! I am not giving advice nor do I think every situation is the same, but this is just my thoughts. Remember when I said this blog is my diary, well here are my unedited thoughts. Please don’t take offence if you don’t agree but let’s have a discussion about why. I’m not even sure that this is going to be clear for you or me… It’s clear in my head but as I put pen to paper (Or start typing on my computer) I don’t know if it is clear… But I want to try to explain my thoughts on what I was a part of with Noodle.

Having been online dating for more than a decade, I have seen my fair share of men & women online that are looking to cheat. As soon as you start to call them out on it, they always say “You don’t understand, it’s complicated” or “I’m not unhappy.” Noodle said the same. Crows said the same, hell even Rob Rob says the same. Yeah they’re right I don’t understand why someone would stay miserable with someone & hurt them rather than walk away before they do something they regret. I also don’t understand how you can be happy with someone but want to cheat on them. If I was with someone & I was happy with them, I would talk to them about the thoughts I’m having of cheating on them… I have obviously been the other woman before & let me tell you, the mistress also gets hurt. No one walks away alive after a cheating situation.

Regardless of children, I’ve always maintained that I would prefer that the parents break up & show their kids what true love actually is, rather than stay together for the children. People don’t understand the damage they are doing to the children but staying together. A friend once said to me, “Imagine how the kid will feel – Oh you stayed unhappy because of me?” I actually feel that way about my parents to be honest & it’s not a good feeling. I was in my early 20’s when my dad cheated on my mum, however I did have a relationship after that then nothing ever since, I was hurt by the shit that went down when that happened in my family & then hurt when Boyfriend basically left me & shacked up with another woman… So I do know what it’s like to be on both sides – sort of.

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However, having said all that…. I think there is a significant difference between cheating & an affair. Let me explain before you say they’re the same thing.

Cheat by definition on google is to ‘act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage’ & affair by definition on google ‘an event or sequence of events of a specified kind or that has previously been referred too.’

When I think about cheating I think about my partner picking someone up in a nightclub or bar, fucking them & never speaking to them again. When I think affair, I think of what Noodle & I had, where we text everyday & have an emotional connection as well as physical. I believe if someone cheats on you, you can actually get over that – it was meaningless, but if there was an emotional connection, could you get over that? Could you really stay with a partner who potentially talked about you behind your back to another woman/man? That he made time for her while not with me. That he had her house key for months? That he bought her presents? That they went on dates, while I thought he was somewhere else… That she came to my house?! That he got pissed off when he couldn’t chat to her because I am awake?! That would honestly be the killer for me. Wondering what my partner said about me behind my back to another woman. Did he paint me as a villain or someone who’s sexless? Noodle showed me pictures of their life together & sent me screenshots of her messages to him, I don’t think I would ever be able to get over that, that is more of a betrayal than him just sticking his dick in someone for a one night stand. However if he picked someone up in a bar, there is no emotion, where I probably wasn’t even mentioned, he could honestly say to me “it was just sex, it meant nothing” but I think if he was trolling online or hiding things from me, that’s when it’s an affair. Do you see the difference?! Am I explaining myself at all?

So while cheating & affairs are the same thing not by definition but by what they mean, I still think they are different. It may start out as cheating, no connection, no feelings but Noodle & I just didn’t just cheat on his partner, we had a relationship, we had love, we had feelings & emotions. Yes that’s cheating, but that was an affair… don’t think that all cheating turns in to an affair. Everything starts out as cheating, everything starts out with one person being dishonest. However not everything turns into an on going affair…

Does this blog post make sense?!