2022 : Eastwood #4

So before you get the next instalment of Eastwood, I need to tell you something… So if you’ve read the story Valvoline from late last year & I told you he now has a girlfriend who I have to watch them tag each other on Facebook in every post & her kids using his FB to write a message of appreciation, blah blah blah…

Well, this week (basically real time) I have now had to watch Concreter announce on FB that he’s in a relationship with of course someone gorgeous & skinnier than me, stunning. (I know his friend who tried to set us up will read this, so I will chose my words carefully for this update.)

I also still talk to J-Lo everyday & share all of this with him & how shit I feel, how ugly & fat I feel, how my personality must be so shit, that in a year I wasn’t going to date I’ve had all this happen (Stories to still come too!). On Sunday morning he’s asking if I want cuddles, I say no as I always do as I know it won’t just be cuddles & also I know if he cuddles me, I will cry. I don’t want to cry. This man isn’t my partner as I’ve said before, I don’t want him to cuddle me in bed. Friends don’t do that, especially when I know he’ll try to fuck me… Plus this shit isn’t worth my tears. Everyone says I don’t need a man & you’re right, I don’t. But I want to be the one who gets the fucking guy, just once!

J-Lo thinks he’s being sweet, but in all honestly, it makes me even sadder. The fact he won’t leave his partner who is either 100% fucking someone else or doesn’t really love him, doesn’t really compute to me – I don’t really think he loves her either but he won’t admit that… I’m not saying I want to be with J-Lo, but the fact men think that I am just a side piece they can call upon when they want too on their terms just really fucks me off. Dom Dom has been doing it too, when he’s free he’ll message – that’s fine, but don’t get fucked off when I’m not free & don’t say jump when you say how high anymore. He even asks if I want to keep talking to him… Yeah well I don’t mind chatting but I am not stopping my life when you are online like I used to do…

Well…. This update has escalated & become longer than it was intended. Hahaha, but my point is, J-Lo rocks up at my house one Sunday when he knows I am still in bed because we were messaging. It’s awkward since I got up & let him in, of course the dogs have just woken up too, so it’s not as easy as just jumping back into bed & it’s also not what I want. I am sick of being the other women. Either leave her or leave me alone & lets just be virtual friends. We can chat, but I am not “cuddling you.” When he leaves I feel like absolute fucking crap, because he put himself out there but I also hate that this is all I am worth. Clearly, men date me, leave me then find a beautiful woman who they tag on FB & have to just watch someone else get the life I never even had a chance at getting…

FUCKSAKE.

So back to this weeks post… Cos that update is seriously me in depressed mode… Let’s try to lighten the mood here…

I hear from Eastwood again of course, we chat & to be honest, the chat is good but it’s not great, it’s like it was with Motocross, I always have to be direct or he doesn’t get what I am saying or get the innuendo – even if he starts the innuendo. I mean I know he is out of practice, but he’s constantly trying too hard or then not enough or saying something about someone at his work that makes me think, is this guy even into me?!

I see him a few more times but it’s always a bit weird… I go to his house one night & he so drunk there isn’t much we can do, so we fool around & I get the apology vomit about his dick not working. The next time he comes to my house after netball & then starts talking about his, I guess, soon to be ex wife, telling me that when they are together it’s like they’re still together… Oh Righto! FUCK ME… He talks about their financial situation & how he thinks she is still after more money. I try to advise him to settle up things with her quickly, because technically she can still ask for half his house that he bought after they split… Anyway he jumps up & leave abruptly again, I think I won’t hear from him again , I’m not following up after that fucking revelation I don’t know care what anyone says, I am not messaging first, but I don’t have too, he does…

One night I am sitting at home & he asks me over, but doesn’t really ask me over, if that makes sense, he asks me what I am doing & talks about eating my pussy but says he has a friend over – Yeah Cool story bro. But he constantly messages me so I assume it’s not another chick… Anyway late that night his friend leaves & he tells me to come over, so I do even though it’s late, I reckon after 11:00pm, he’s drunk again – which leads me to really believe that he has a drinking problem.

We sit there on his couch for ages, talking about people from work – seriously after 3 months of chatting & catching up sporadically, how is there anything left to say about people he works with – & we listen to music, him saying that every song is his favourite before he finally kisses me… We don’t move to the bedroom, staying on his couch, he gets down on his knees on the tiles – it’s not a warm night, so when he takes off my pants & I’m so self conscious of the fact we’re in full light, I’m not skinny like his wife, I hate my gut that I am so aware of my top pushed up & my pants off, that I struggle to relax, even though he’s doing all the right things, he works really hard to make me cum, which seems to take forever. Then he just gets up & sits on the couch & I sit there awkwardly with no pants on, till I put them back on… We talk for a bit more but then I decide it’s time to leave.

This is when things go weird… I go to Mt Gambier for work & I’ve just met Trailer earlier these last weekend, so of course I notice Eastwood phasing out our regular conversation, even telling me to find someone else to fuck while I’m down there – He didn’t say fuck, but pretty much when I get home we barely ever speak again. I message him for his birthday thinking that might spark up the convo but I get nothing. I don’t try again. He messages me for my birthday but same thing, nothing much after a few replies. That’s it…

A few months later, I have had a few drinks. I’m not chatting to anyone consistently, I decide to message him & ask him why he’s been quiet. This sparks the conversation skills in him & we chat every days for weeks. I am doing some of my own renovations like tiling myself, plus I’m still fighting to get my 2 week renovation – which is now at the 9+ week mark completed. I am not sure what Eastwood wants or if he wants to see me, sometimes he’s chats are loaded with innuendo, then I reciprocate & he says “yeppa” or “wowzers” like what the fuck dude… I just stop putting in effort but he keeps messaging.

One night, Halloween I am out on a rare night, I never go out anymore &, but I’m out & I am in the suburb over from his house, he is messaging me. I leave my friends party which is outside, it should be warm but it is freezing so I head on home as I am still ripping up tiles to get this tiling done, I stupidly decided to do myself & want an early night, but he actually invites me over but adds in that he has to be up at 6:00 am for work tomorrow… Oh right… Not that I would have slept over anyway, but I guess that’s off the cards! So I head on over there, he says the door is open so I meet him & he’s in bed. It’s kinda weird just opening their door & walking up the stairs into their bed… Now I know how awkward they must feel when they do it at my house. We kiss as I get into bed, taking off my shoes & jumping in with him… As we kiss straight away, we get naked, we 69 but neither of us cum. I get off him because I’m cold, we chat for a bit before I feel like I am overstaying my welcome… I let myself out & leave.

Following this though, we chat every day again for weeks, then it peters off again, not as consistent, but we still chat… I assume when it peters off that he’s met someone on online dating that he prefers talking too… Maybe we’re just chat buddies? I have no fucking idea…. We can’t be considered friends with benefits or even fuck buddies… We’re literally nothing… I guess I just have to wait till he’s got someone tagging him in memes on FB. I guess then I’ll have my answer.

#IBD4U

2022 : M8

A client at my little business introduced me to M8 because I need electrical work done, I am becoming paranoid about my dogs & neighbours with the renovation so I bought cameras to put up. While I don’t need an electrician as such, I do have some more heated towel rails which are hard wired to put up so I enlist the skills of a electrician friend of a friend who’s happy to do a cash job for me.

My friend doesn’t give me his contact details, I know he’s a FIFO worker with a girlfriend. But he never comes over the last time he was home, so I post on FB looking for another one but she reminds him, he has now broken up with the girlfriend. Our friend tells me that he’s going to the gym then he’ll be over after work one night. I honestly forget he’s coming because it gets later in the evening (like 8pm – I’m such a grandma) so I’d already changed into my oodie & ugg boots. I looked like a bridge troll to be honest, hair desperately needs washing & I’m not wearing underwear. Such an embarrassing look for a first meeting, now I look back, especially because we had a bit of banter & he was quite cute.

He’s super tall, like over 6ft, quite slim, he’s wearing a hat but he’s got brown hair & wearing glasses. He looks at all the work I want done, draws me a picture of how the cameras will be & where I want them. He looks at the towel rails & says he’ll look in the roof when he’s in there for the cabling to see if he can do them without having to put holes in my bedroom wall. He gives me his number & because it’s close to my birthday, I tell M8 that I may be hungover on the Sunday if he comes over then. I have organised to go out with a bunch of friends on the Saturday afternoon but when I look at the guest list, I realise it’s all couples & one other girlfriend… I do not want to be out with all couples… So I toy with the idea of cancelling saying I’m sick – but then you need a covid test, I could be vomiting or something but praise the weather gods, the weather looks dreadful so I cancel as it’s an outdoor pub… (Ironically the weather was a perfect winter day!)

I message M8 through the week to come over Sunday, he didn’t want to be here when I am not here… He said something about my dogs, but I was like they know who you are now, so it’s all good. But he doesn’t seem to like that idea so I try to organise a time when I am home… I hate being home when tradies are here, because I feel like I should be doing something. He comes over on Sunday & the first thing he says is as he walks in the door & looks at me is “I’ve got that jumper” I laugh & say something like it’s amazing, but I am too busy trying to calm my two year old puppies – which is usually what happens when someone new comes to my house. I genuinely don’t think much of this comment, it’s just a black jumper with a green Zro Fux on it…

He stands in the dining room, going though the boxes of cameras & he starts unravelling all the cables – like for all 6 cameras, so there are cables everywhere, talking to me as I clean up the ants that are running over my kitchen – he says he’ll have a look in the roof for me as to where they are coming from (which he never does!) I also don’t even know how or why but we’re talking about dog hair on my clothes & how bad these dogs shed their fur & so it makes me conscious of the dog hair on the black jumper, that I use my lint roller, in front of him. He also asks about my birthday (he remembered?!), says happy birthday but I tell him I didn’t go out in the end… He asks my age & says that I don’t look 41, which I hear a lot.

Before he starts, I suggest we get the actual cameras synced to my phone & the DVR, so we start connecting it to my TV, it shows up. He remembers my user name & password which makes me uneasy but I don’t think much of it either. We get the cameras connected but then they won’t work when disconnected from the internet. It’s a lot of tooing & froing to get them to connect with my laptop & spare TV but the fuckers won’t connect. We spend about 3 hours trying to connect the stupid thing to my phone but it wouldn’t when we realise that I need a longer ethernet cable. We decide to give up until I get a bigger cord, I say I’ll get one from work tomorrow. So he packs up his stuff but hangs around for about another hour, just chatting & him sending snapchats to fuck knows who, which leads me to understand why it’s called snapchat – you send a snap that’s a chat. Bahahaha, I lose it & he thinks it’s hilarious that I didn’t know that. When he leaves finally – not that it was awkward, but it was a bit weird that he hung around for so long, he narrowly misses my family rocking up for dinner.

I add him on snapchat to send him a joke snapchat, but he doesn’t add me back. I do have a weird user name, so I could look like a bot, I guess… The next day I find a cord at work & send him a text picture of it letting him know I have one… When I get home from work, I connect it up & get all the cameras working on my phone so we solved the problem, I send him some pics of it working. I tell him he can come over this weekend again to install them & he says he’s going out sat night to a car meet “boy things” – his words & he’ll be free Sunday.

This banter lasts all week, we text a lot, more than you should be a random tradie doing work for you & he adds me on snapchat, where we chit chat & joke around, talk about everything non related to my electrical job. I find myself laughing & enjoying the banter with him, considering we’ve only met once… Again when I least expected to be having a connection with a guy, someone comes along… Not thinking much of the late night chats till 1:30am or waking up super early to see a message from him… He keeps the conversation going asking questions, being interested but it doesn’t get dirty cheeky which I like – even when I test the waters on a cheeky chat.

He gest a burger one night this week & it makes me really want a good burger, it becomes a bit of a joke that I never get one due to me trying another fad of Intermittent Fasting, trying to lose more weight, still. He’s not working at the moment so we joke about him driving me places, being that I’ve had to go to the Barossa for work. He seems genuine to want to do that – not that I would make someone drive me somewhere that I barely know, but I feel like there is something more there with this guy than other guys… At one point I even feel like he’s hinting that he’ll housesit for me when I have to go away for work.

We joke about a lot of things… He says things that lead me astray though, like him waiting to see my hair before I straighten it. He also says something about driving when when I say that I have to go pick up my work phone & I’m texting with him so I suggest that he takes me but it never happens for whatever reason – maybe because I wasn’t direct & it got too late & I just went on my own & was home before he said he could do it & probably all for the best, I want my cameras up so I probably shouldn’t push this friendship & just leave him as my electrician.

On Thursday our mutual friend comes to me for her lash appointment & rocks up in a weird car, I ask who’s car & she says a name & I say who’s that? & she laughs replying “Your mate who you’ve been texting all week” oh fuck. What? He’s told her… I was planning on just omitting that from our conversation if I could. I kind of laugh, I’m not pissed, I think it’s super cute & makes me think that he’s genuine & interested in me, if he’s talking about me to her – again I think if you’ve got mutual friends etc then it’s a bit more risky so you tread carefully, well I do at least. Not that Eastwood did, so maybe I’ve got guys all wrong!

She jokes with me about when he’s moving in (multiple times), which I laugh at of course – but it makes me think what else has he said that she hasn’t told me. She tells me that he told her we have the same jumper & also the same sunnies, that I used my lint roller (WTF?! What a highlight!) & that I basically have been the one messaging …. She tells me that this is what he’s like & she believes me. I tell her I can show her the messages that it was a mutual chat & I tell her that I think he’s hilarious. She continues though, to tell me that he has some major 🚩.

#IBD4U

2022 : Concreter #2

Concreter & I do continue to chat but it actually stops being as regular as it was. I am not chatting regularly to anyone else at this point, so I do feel a bit of a void here, but I don’t feel like this guy is that into me. He’s liked every post I put up on FB (& still does) despite having over 1000 friends on FB, he even comments on most of the renovation photos, but he makes no attempt to try to arrange to meet me face to face.

Both of our lives a pretty hectic, I agree, mine is off the charts hectic at the moment with August being the biggest month of my year, my little business is moving premises, I am renoing, I have to travel for work & find somewhere for the dogs to go & I am trying to study!

He also tells me that he only broke up with the most recent one 4 weeks ago – not quite what my friend said… & that they tried twice, once the broke up while living together & then they tried again recently while living apart, but he still wants her kids in his life… I have no problems with any of that… I mean it is confronting for me & something I would have to deal with but it’s not a deal breaker, but the thing that does concern me is that he can’t find a couple of hours to meet me for a drink!

He tells me that he has a funeral to go to on Friday. Now at this point it’s gone from daily messaging to missing days, to barely getting a conversation going, no phone calls, but I am not going to be that bitch & not message when he’s been at a funeral. Now remember that he knows my two rules. But I text first & say that I hope that today went as well as it could & that I hope it was a good service or something like that. So he calls me.

He sounds a little tipsy, he’s talking a lot & while it was good for a little bit, he gets a bit arrogant about his business & how much money it makes & how much money it’s worth, I don’t really care, I don’t need his money so I don’t really know what to say beside that he’s obviously done well for himself & he should be proud, because he should.

He then goes on about his ex too, bitching about her like you don’t want to hear a man bitch about a woman he was once involved with. Imagine being that girl one day? I mean I try not to speak too badly of people I’ve dated, I have my moments of course but I definitely don’t do it with someone I’m trying to date. I try to avoid the ex conversation as much as I can.

I figure that we should end this here, because he is tipsy, I can tell & this attitude isn’t bad but it isn’t good & it’s not doing anything for me. So I say that I’m about to go have a shower & go to bed. He says something cheeky about me being naked & him coming over but I brush it off. It’s 9:30 pm on a Friday night, this is not how a I want to meet someone I have mutual friends with & also he has his kids over.

As soon as we’re off the phone, he messages “where u at” I say that I’m at home, he says “hmmm”, I say “hmmm what?” & never get a reply! OMG, men are the most confusing things on the planet! I go have my shower & get into bed & I struggle to fall asleep. I can just imagine he is snoring his head off & I am lying awake stupidly thinking about this scenario. WHY?!

The next morning I get a message at 6:20 am from him saying that his phone went flat & the hmm was meant to mean that he wanted to come over but then he realised that his kids still in iso. Firstly, as if I was going to let him come over anyway. He then sends me a phone number of a electrician. I write back that I’m not interested in casual so I wouldn’t have let him cover over anyway. Again I never hear from him again. In fact that’s the last text we ever send to each other.

It’s my Birthday on the Monday, we haven’t spoken since I said I didn’t want casual hook up that I got no reply too… My friend had assured me that he wasn’t keen on casual either. If you’re friends with someone on Facebook & it’s their birthday, a reminder pops up around 7:00 am to tell you friends that it’s your birthday. I had text Concreter about 7:00 am on the day of his birthday. So anyway my point is, he’s on Facebook all the time, posting or liking posts as they go, so I call bullshit that I don’t get a message – on Facebook messenger at 10:30 pm to say that he just saw it was my birthday & hope I had a good one. I liked it the next day as I had done with every other birthday post & that is where this story ends!

Even now, though it has stopped, he likes & comments on Facebook posts, mainly my renovation pictures, liking every photo in the album. I mean this has gone from this guy sending me a cute video he thought I would like of a dog the same breed as mine with a fish – while it was cute because he took the time to think of me while at the snow, it’s so fucking odd that now I am an after thought… What the fuck could have changed so rapidly? I guess I can justify this away too, he met someone else blah blah blah… I just don’t get why men put in so much effort & then back off. I will never understand it.

Our friend sends me a meme a few weeks after Concreter & I stopped talking (it’s actually the one in this post) & I tell her that’s exactly what happened with her mate & she says she’ll suss it out. I tell her not to bother, while I do want to know what happened, it’s not my thing to put someone in the middle like that, I could just ask but I’m sure I’d get ‘its not you, it’s me’ bullshit!

Another friend told me that he ghosted me because I said I’m not looking for casual, it turned him off because apparently according to her eveything starts off as casual. I agree to a certain extent, but then that’s all I ever get is casual… I’m not saying I want to move in with the guy or see him everyday, but I don’t want to just catch up, fuck & slink home before the kids get up forever…

Anyway this came along when I was least expecting it, I wasn’t looking for anyone & it found me, yet it was the same result as every other fucker in my life. Particularly this year… What the fuck is it about this year?

A few months later, I rememeber while editing this blog that he is a concreter & ask him for a quote for my reno… He sends a chick around who measures up exactly what I asked for, but his quote came in at $30k more than the quote I had at the time… It ended up being $20k more than I am paying too… Other than that, we haven’t talked but he continues to like my FB posts.

#IBD4U

2022 : CitySwoon

Chatting with a friend one night we decide to go speed-dating. We don’t recall how this came about in the same way. I am going to support her, she seems to want to go. She tells me that she’s going to support me & even tells my other friend that ends up coming with us, that’s why she’s there. Not how I remember it going down, what whatever, we went!

I have been like 6 times before this so this is not something that I really want to do again, it never goes well & I have come to realise that I don’t make a very good first impression. However I agree, regardless of whether she’s going for me or I’m going for her – it doesn’t matter, we book in for the night in a couple of weeks. It’s $60 per ticket, you get two free wines so it’s not a cheap night out considering all that but you know, it could be a bit of fun!

This one is a little bit different to the ones I’ve done before. All the other ones that I’ve done, you get a card & a number on your name tag. You sit down & get a date with everybody in the room, moving from table to table every 5 minutes. Then you get a break in the middle to get the second free drink.

But at this one, you don’t get a dumb name tag, you don’t get to date everyone, You get your first free drink at the start then one at the end – which makes you hang around I guess. It’s all done via an app. So the anti social world we live in gets its day in the sun… You have to hold your phone in your hand, a picture will pop up with the profile of the person you need to find for you date then you can sit anywhere in the pub.

Yes, alright, there aren’t that many people in the pub so it’s not so scary trying to find the dude, most of the people are for the speed dating event. It makes it a bit difficult to want to talk to people in the breaks because you don’t know if you’ll get a date with them or not. This time because you don’t date everyone, you get 10 minutes per date. That’s a long time if they are a dud!

So when we first get there it’s really nice we just sit down &we’ve got our first glass of wine. As I said I went along with three girlfriends. There is a guy with really shiny skin & big white teeth, who makes a b line traight for us & sits down next to me & I couldn’t help but think that he’s like the cutest one out of all of the guys here, which was saying something because he’s not even that cute but he chose to sit next to me to have a conversation, because the conversation went well, I couldn’t actually wait till we got matched & get to have a proper conversation with our 10 minutes speed date.

However the first 4 dates we weren’t matched then there’s a break. I’ve had four dates with guys who couldn’t speak English. I’m not being rude, just factual. I held the conversation & if you knew me in real life, I do dominate most conversations but it’s not good to have to dominate a conversation because the other one can’t talk to you.

So it’s break time, we get a drink & I catch up with the girls to see how they’ve gone. One of my friends has been matched with the guy who came to chat to me. I go over too them but it becomes awkward when they don’t break away or stand up, they sit there on the couch intently talking while I just stand there like a weirdo third wheel.

Back to more dates but because there are more women than men at this event, I ended up with a “friend” date, which meant that I actually only get 7 dates tonight, not 8. The spare date is a woman at the even & I have more fun with her than I do with anyone else that night. Needless to say I don’t get a date with the shiny skin dude. We try to get him to come get food with us but he doesn’t. Another guy with a pointy nose & a Indian fellow come with us. Sitting there talking to them, I question the matching app. The Indian guy & I had a date but he was desperate to have kids, I obviously have on my profile no kids, so why would they have matched us?

Anyway suffice to say, the whole night was a waste of time, I got no matches – don’t even know how the matches work because you rate someone at the end of the mini date but I am able to chat to everyone on the app the next day & also everyone I didn’t date too… It’s so confusing… Who even liked me?!

But here I am yet again, going to another one when they send me a message to say it’s reduced for girls for tonight only. Lucy calls me & says she got the same message & wants to go… URGH, why the fuck do I keep saying that I’ll go? It’s a different place in a different area, no where near where I live so I am apprehensive, but yet I go along anyway.

There are two guys from the previous one here, who say hello… Fuck, will we get a date with them? We walk in & get our free drink & sit down at a table. There is no one here that I am physically attracted too at all, but then in walks a guy that looks a lot like Marvel & I stupidly say, quite loudly he’s alright or something like that I’m pretty sure may have heard me but there isn’t much I can do about it now.

Ping the app tells us that the night has started! I go find my short date & we sit on some random stools in a doorway. The night goes on & they’re all ok, they’re not great, nothing really outstanding for me that it makes me want to have more than 10 minutes with them. I mean one of them, I think, is actually mentally disabled. He spent the entire 10 minutes showing me photos of his weight loss journey – to be honest, his before photo was not much different to the after photo. He wasn’t huge to begin with but I couldn’t tell any difference. He then preched about a healthy lifestyle & how he wanted to be a personal trainer.

There was one date with a guy which went reasonably well until he told me he has three kids & is a widow. Nothing wrong with either of those things right. But when his wife died (I think of cancer) He dumped the three small kids to his parents & he fucked off overseas for THREE years!!! I don’t know why that bothers me so much but those poor kids just lost their mum & their dad. Still living with his parents, he now lives with them too. No problem with his living with his parents, but yeah I take issue with him dumping his kids on someone else.

I kept waiting for a date with the guy who looked like Marvel. It was right after the break when he face came up on my phone. Because the venue is a rabbit warren, I decided to stay put & was hoping I’d see his face pop around the corner with a smile. But he never came & time was ticking so I went to find him, he was at the bar chatting to someone else. When I approached him, he said he had to go to the bathroom, he’ll find me. So like 6 minutes into the 10 minute date he appears at my table, apologises & we talk about our dogs, mainly. He spends more time with Lucy than he did with me & when I try to interrupt their date, he doesn’t get up from her table & neither does she. I stand there awkwardly waiting for them to be done.

I get a message from the guy who left his kids behind & he gives me his number & I decide to message the Marvel guy, not wanting to give up hope. I never get a reply, even though he reads it straight away. There were lots of better looking women than me, skinnier, prettier. Even though I’ve lost a lot of weight, I now seem to still be the fattest person in the room!

So no, I don’t recommend, I do not recommend speed dating at all! I will never go again. Support or not. I am done! But I think you should still do it, if you want to try it. It was a good experience, but I am better once you get to know know me. I don’t think I am good at the first impression.

#IBD4U

2022 : Concreter

Ok first of all, I sometimes find it hard to write when I know certain people – either the guy or my friends are going to read the blog… But I always try to be honest, share my side of what I think happened & basically try to come across as bitter – even though my dating life is making me worse & worse! Hahaha.

There aren’t many things I haven’t tried to meet someone over the years, but one thing that I haven’t really done in my dating career is a blatant setup, where both people know they’re being setup, that they know, you know they know & you’re actually chatting to date – you’ve got mutual friends so there is a lot more riding on this, you won’t do the usual things you’d do to a random from a dating app. You don’t want to come across as the jerk in the equation, do you? No you’ll have to tread very carefully on these ones… Or so I thought, I mean look what Eastwood did?! So perhaps but view point on this is skewed slightly…

So when one of my friends contacts me & says that she has this friend ( I believe she’s mentioned him before but he’d only just split with his wife & then he got a girlfriend – of course he did!) anyway he’s now split up with the rebound chick & he’s ready again. She tells me that she set him up with his wife originally so she’s really good at matchmaking & she really thinks that him & I will hit it off.

She then lists his qualities on her fingers – He is really lovely, he’s really really sweet, he’s a bit rough round the edges but he will spoil any woman that is with – like little trips away all expenses paid, he’s got his head screwed on… You know, it’s everything a person wants to hear about a person that they may want to date. I don’t care about being spoiled, all I want is to find someone to laugh & have banter with, that I don’t have to see all the time but is committed to me – is that too much to ask? Hahaha.

She sends me pictures of him, it’s hard to tell because they’re not of just him, she’s in them or he looks so sunburnt but he looks good. I send her some of me too, which she will be sending to him. She shows me a message from him that says he just wants someone easy going & chilled, that he can spend time with & chill with, but he tells her that if I am looking for someone to be with every night then he can’t be that person. That’s fine. That works for me. Seems a bit too good to be true, right?!

So once the photos are approved, I allow her to give him my number & he instantly texts me to say hello. We text for a bit & then he tells me he’s going to the snow tomorrow for the school holidays with his kids & his most recent ex’s kids. Well this wasn’t a good time to start chatting, as you know I don’t like messaging for too long before we meet because otherwise you build it into something it’s not & then there’s a lot of pressure on the date for it to go well…

Every single day he’s away, I get text messages, I get photos of their food they’re cooking – he does lots of slow cooker meals, I get questions asking how I am, I get questions about what I’m doing, most mornings & nights – not all but I usually get a hello & goodbye, good morning or good afternoon. This guy also knows from another friend – we have several mutual friends now he’s also added me on FB – he knows about my two rules: that I don’t drink alone & that I don’t text first. So perhaps he’s being so consistent because he knows those rules or perhaps this is just how he is?

So for two weeks he’s away & then about a week or so since he got back, he’s been super busy, he sends me pictures of all sorts of random shit, then he posts them on FB too. He’s got his own business so we talk about my upcoming renovation & how shit my neighbours are being, he’s helpful & offers his digger & offers to help me out… I’ve heard all this before from men, so I take it with a grain of salt. I also don’t want to owe this guy (or any guy offering their services) anything so I just pay for me own stuff, but I do pick his brain about the quote I’ve gotten etc.

We haven’t really talked about catching up much but finally he wants to lock in a date. I suggest a couple of times I’m free this week & he tells me he needs to check with Cat… I think why does he need to talk to his cat?! But he tells me Cat is PA & she runs his life – surely not his fricken social life, he can’t be that important Mr Christian Grey with a PA. I don’t hear from him the next day to confirm what his PA will allow him to do, so I just leave it.

We obviously do talk again & when he suggests tomorrow, I say I can’t till like 6:30 pm, but then says that he has the gym. Now when we first started chatting, I was being super motivated & going 4 times a week, he said he hadn’t been in a gym in years, now he’s passing up a date for a gym session?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Anyway he offers me a 30 minute date before he goes to the gym, I just say don’t stress we’ll do it another time, I am not going on a speed date with this guy. I get he’s trying to establish a routine at a the gym, but fuck that’s dedication & I get he was trying to be sweet about the fact he still wanted to see me, but also remember, he was going to be at the gym longer than he would have been out with me! Just think about that…

The day of the supposed to happen date, in my eyes it’s not happening. I told him not to stress about it, it’s all good. But I get a message from him saying that he can’t do tonight anymore, I say all good & get back to work. He asks if he can call instead later. I agree. I don’t actually want to talk to him on the phone tonight because I have been calling legal firms about advice for my renovation & my neighbours, but because I’m not on Centrelink, no one will give me advice or help me. I can do it myself, I just need to know the right procedure. I feel like I am fighting my old workplace again, lost in a sea of legal jargon while the other side has a trained lawyer. FUCK.

So it’s not a good night for him to call, but when he calls, I try that thing where you fake smile & your voice sounds happier. We chat easily & I enjoy the conversation. He invites me to this lawnmower racing thing he likes to go too & posts all over FB about it. I would go, but not by myself. The conversation is sometimes funny, it’s not hilarious, I’m not so invested but I’m also a bit guarded too. This guy did choose a gym session over me, after saying he hadn’t been in a gym for years! I mean, yes, it’s only been 3 weeks & I don’t want to get too excited & too into this, when the guys not that into me.

I do talk a little bit about my drama with my reno & he talks about how shit his day was having to fix a $100k job from his subcontractor. The conversation flows smoothly – no awkward silences & I find myself talking to him easily. But as the call ends, there is no talk about actually catching up. In fact that topic, ironically never comes up again.

#IBD4U

2022 : Trailer

If you read my first 2022 post Repeat Offenders you would have caught up on the Valvoline story. I met him on FB marketplace & of all the things I’ve done to meet a man, all I had to do was sell something… Well obviously that sale didn’t turn out very well (he’s now tagging her in a marriage meme on FB!), so perhaps buying something might go better?

In 2022 I am doing a major backyard renovation. I have to rely on trades doing eveything for me, not able to put up fences or pergolas on my own, so I am at the mercy of paying trades… I finally find some trades & lock it in.

Earlier in the year I also asked on FB for some friends to help with other jobs around the house, such as putting in sprinklers, fixing a cupboard & moving a retaining wall – I get lots of offers, even friends coming over to look before they commit. But unless I pester them – which I don’t since I’m basically paying in beers, those jobs are still yet to be done! I tell you this because it’s the same with a trailer. You ask a bloke (sorry women who own trailers!) to borrow the trailer for a task & they ask why, offer to help & the task never gets done…

One day looking through FB marketplace as the reno is about to begin – other jobs still not done, I am looking for a storage option for all my tools & crap while I have no fences, no shed & no pergola… What if it’s raining? Do I want my garden shed contents in my house? I look at the gobox things, look at hiring a trailer, toy with the idea of a shipping container… So I think fuck it. I’ll buy my own trailer, how much can they be?

A trailer listed 4 days ago looks in good condition, is only $900. I send to Dad & he says he’ll come with me to have a look… We meet the guy later that day at his house & he asks what I want it for. I explain I’m doing a reno & have dirt, bricks & other shit to move & sick of relying on other people to help me so I’m buying one.

He asks my name several times, even though we’ve been chatting on FB messanger about pick up, where my name would be listed, he shows genuine interest. He asks me weird questions about what I do for work, which I tell him. He asks about my work car when I mention this car is my car for the dogs. It’s just weird but polite & friendly…

As we’re talking & filling out the transfer of rego paperwork, dad is reversing my car in the driveway when we hear a loud crunch & I realise my dad has reversed my car into this poor guys fence… FUCK. Luckily there is no damage to either the fence or car but how fucking embarrassing. I mention that I am going to have to learn to reverse the trailer & remember that I have it on the back of my car when driving.

The conversation is a little flirty with this guy but nothing over the top. I am not really thinking about it though, since I am not wearing undies or a bra. I’m in trackies & a jumper (admittedly they’re Hurley & ZroFux but still) plus a pair of ugg boots… At least I washed my hair today!! Hahaha. There is no sign in his backyard of a girlfriend (what sign would there be, I wonder?! Hahaha) but he’s flirty back despite my appearance & my dad being there. But I just don’t really think anything of it, because you all know I am useless of picking up on signs.

Anyway I get home & transfer the rego to my name. I officially own my own trailer…! (As if that won’t make it harder to find a bloke who’s not already intimidated by me!) I send a quick message to the trailer guy to let him know I was able to transfer the rego online & its all done – because innocently, how else would he know.

To my surprise, I get a reply. “My pleasure #IBD4U. I hope you get good use out of it. Thanks for letting me know.” For some reason the ‘my pleasure’ bit makes smirk & think about a reply – why am I replying, so instantly too... “Once I learn to back it, I’m sure I’ll use it a lot.” This time I do stare at my phone waiting for a reply but it doesn’t come. No big deal.

When I see a mesaage from him later that night saying “I would be weary of lessons from your dad. You’ll get it, some practice, and you’ll be professional in no time haha” Well this is more than a quick chat with a dude I bought something from… I reply that I can’t believe my dad did that, lucky it was my car, not my work. & I say that I’ll get it eventually.

Two days later I get a reply… I’d forgotten about him to be honest, so it was a surprise to see his message “Yeah haha is all good, I was gonna chuck on a fence damage surcharge.” then about 10 mins later “Got any one else to give ya lessons?” I wish now after re-reading the meassages that I was a better texter. So many good replies to that, instead I wrote something about needing more practice & asked if he’s an expert. He says he’s not an expert but that he can do other things…

We chat a bit more, sporadically then he says I seemed shy when he met me with my dad & gives me his number & asks me to text him. As soon as I texts he replies asking when he can call. I’m away for work in a hotel that has no phone reception but he calls & we chat… Its a bit awkward & I learn he’s 28 years old. Fuck…

I don’t hear from him again till the weekend, he texts to ask to call me. I am about to go out so I say I’ll call on my way. We talk the whole drive to the restaurant, I mention that I am a munchkin & he saya that he doesn’t know what that is! Fuck. I’m showing my age…

As we talk it’s Saturday evening & he invites me out next weekend, says that he’ll think about where to go this & will let me know where. I agree, I know I said I wasn’t going to date but this is a random act, a random date! Why not get out amongst it. Maybe I need to meet guys in a different way way to find a partner. Even if this guy is 28, he seems mature & head screwed on… I’ll entertain the idea of a date, why not, what have I got to lose, right?!

On Monday night while filling in for a netball team, during the first quarter break, I look at my phone & see “Hey , gonna need to cancel on Saturday. Gotta focus on some important things and don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go dating at the moment. Wish you well, take care 🙂. Was good chatting to you, maybe catch ya on the future sometime”

I don’t reply & I’ll finish this blog post with what the actual fuck!

#IBD4U

2022 : Car Crash

No, the name Car Crash isn’t a metaphor for a date & how it went, though my dating history is a car crash that you can’t look away from, that’s not what I am referring to here. I will explain his name in due course, it is literally a car crash… Buckle up because you’ll be glad you wore you seatbelt! (OMG – What am I even saying?!)

So swiping during the Eastwood debarcle, I come across a guy I think it familiar but his name is different. He has scar on his face & would be about the same age, but I can’t work out if it is the guy I think it is or not. Anyway we match & start chatting, he says that he hasn’t been on the app long & asks if I’ve met anyone, I have so I say yes, he asks where I go when I meet these people. I say that my local is the usual place to meet someone, when he replies that we’re close. Well of course, I mean the app shows how many kms away you are!

He says that he lives in the suburb I grew up in, so I tell him that, I ask him what school he went too & sure enough it was the same primary school as me, but he says he’s a few years older so I may know his sister… I ask what her name is & when he tells me I know exactly who this guy is! Well I know the 1992/1993 – 11 or 12 year old version of me that knows him. Hahaha

So my best friend in primary school is this guys sister, she went to a different high school to me so we just grew apart, we were friends on Facebook for a while as adults & then one of us deleted the other – no love lost or hard feelings there for me… But yeah, that’s how small Adelaide is… I am now dating people I went to school with that I could have had years ago. However I was about 11 when I knew him!

So, the back story. This guy had a very serious car accident, that wasn’t his fault a few years ago, which I remember hearing about on the news & also seeing his sister post pics on facebook about it. So the scars are from that & he explains that’s why he has a different name on the app to his real name (doesn’t really make sense to me, but whatever!) When he recovered he married the girl he was dating, a girl that I happened to also go to high school with (not someone I was friends with but someone in my year level). So I assume he’s divorced or separated now… Which he later tells me that he’s been married twice – to her & another lady. Jesus, I haven’t even had a boyfriend & this guy has had two wives. FUCK. He also tells me at some point that the last one destroyed him. Oh goodie gum drops! I love a damaged guy!

On the first night we chat he says that he has friends over for BBQ so won’t be messaging much, but he pretty much writes back super quickly & consistently, but the next day I don’t get much from him – which is weirder than the night he had friends over to be honest. Then I get a random message “Whoo Port finally won a game” Um Like I care?! I say that I’m glad his team won & drinks are on him.

It takes a while but we finally go get to go on a date. We work in different jobs but for the same sector, so he seen my name on forms & sends me snapchats of them. There is an event which is on a Friday & Saturday that he says that he’s going to be at too. But when the event gets closer, he starts acting weird & doesn’t message me or show any interest. He then tells me later than he got out of going, so I am thankful because I didn’t want our first meeting to be at a work event but I am also taken back because later he tells me that in his role, he doesn’t have to go to those things but he asked to go because of me… Um but you bailed on it? That’s not a good thing to tell a girl dude…

On the day of the actual real date though, things take a turn. He calls before & says let’s do dinner, I say no worries but then by the time he hangs up, he says don’t worry about dinner, he won’t have time & he’s going to be tired. Oh great! When we meet at the pub, he doesn’t kiss me or hug me hello, I order a wine & then he orders a lemon squash… Just like a nanna, a lemon squash. Not a lemonade, a fucking lemon squash…

The football is on in the background & he watches often. I feel like a twat with a wine when he is drinking soft drink. He just says that he doesn’t drink on work nights, I’m confused then why he suggested a drink at a pub! Usually that involves alcohol, or you’d suggest a coffee, right? Or am I overthinking the squash order?!

He makes me feel like an idiot several times, like he asks me how big my dogs are & when I say their weights, he says that he doesn’t need to know their actual weight. I think ok, right, so I sit there quiet, not really sure what I can & can’t say to this guy. He makes me feel insignificant, I know he’s trying to joke but its coming off as he is superior to me.

He doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder about his accident & doesn’t hold the person who did that to him accountable for his recovery, he has a very positive attitude about the whole thing, which I admire. But that’s about all I like. The giant scar doesn’t bother me. The way he makes me feel does.

We don’t stay long because even though he’s taping the football at home, I get the feeling he’d rather be at home watching it. He doesn’t kiss me goodbye, just a hug & we go our separate ways. Of course, before I am home, I get the usual text I always seem to attract from men “thanks for meeting but I guess I won’t be seeing you again…” WHAT? I stare at it for ages! I write back oh ok or something like that. He messages back that he didn’t think I was interested. I mean I wasn’t feeling positive about myself when I left so I wasn’t jumping out of my skin to sit through another judgey date.

I don’t ever see him again, even though he’s asked a couple of times. He looks at all my snapchats & talks to me all the time on there, but do you know what, if I want to feel stupid about myself. all I have to do is read this blog, I don’t need some dude to make me feel like an idiot.

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood #3

UM, what?! That smile is instantly wiped. I am fucking fuming! Who writes that while they are still basically in your driveway! Well I have had a guy delete me while actually in my driveway so I shouldn’t be surprised – however I know this guy & we have mutual friends, surely he wouldn’t be a standard ass hat with me?!

I am so stupid, what a fuckwit for fooling around with Eastwood. I reply “Sorry, I’ve already tagged you in my FB status…” He says “oh no,” then there’s a pause “oh you was only joking” OMG. As if I would even post that on Facebook. I put my phone down & see three messages from him saying good night & that he fed the dog that I would be happy to know. I don’t reply. He’s a fuckwit! I’m a fuckwit! That was fucked. People are just wankers.

I vent to J-Lo in the morning about what happened… His take on it actually calms me down a bit. He says that Eastwood couldn’t keep it hard & perhaps because we have mutual friends, he doesn’t want them all to know so that’s why the secret… I calm down hearing that perspective… Not what I thought of course… Perhaps that is true, so I give Eastwood the benefit of the doubt & reply to his message. We chat a bit, him apologising for his cock not working, said he was tired & he he says have a good day at like 8:00 am on Sunday. Ok then, I probably won’t hear from him again after that performance.

On Monday at 8:00 pm, he asks how my weekend was… It makes me smile, because I’m a fucking idiot… But also because it seems it wasn’t just a one night stand. We do have mutual friends so this isn’t wise starting something with someone who knows everyone he knows – well not everyone but all his colleges, I guess. So while I don’t feel the passion or real chemistryy right now with him, I do like this guy because we’ve got similar personalities, he’s got his head screwed on, he’s not afraid to commit, we can chat via text & in person for hours so I am keen to see where this goes.

The next day, I fuck Marvel & something happens with him that I basically feel like there is a cut in my vagina. I try to take a photo to have a look but it’s not easy to see, but it hurts. Maybe his fingernail cut me? Of course this is when Eastwood is super keen again & actually asks to come over – something he beat around the bush doing before & to be honest, he does go back to that after this too… I have to tell him that I can’t see him because I injured myself at spin class at the gym… I didn’t know what else to say but I wear lace panties & I slipped on the bike & grazed myself. Fuck I wish I thought of a better excuse!

The following Monday is Anzac day, we’ve talked every day this week, Eastwood doing his usual thing of not always replying straight away but then reacting to my message when we haven’t chatted for a while. He makes the effort chatting to me, asking questions & when he writes “lol” & I read it & don’t write back, he’ll also sometimes then come back with a replyable response about 10-15 minutes later.

I have my nieces sleeping over but Monday is a public holiday I am wrecked but Eastwood comes over for a couple of hours. I am already in bed, so I leave the door open. This is so bizarre to me that I do this a lot now… Well not a lot but I let guys do this rather than me getting up out of bed. He lays on the bed next to me, I am basically naked & he we talk for a while before we’re kissing & fooling around. He goes down on me for ages, making me cum & I think he also makes me squirt a little. His cock does get hard but at one point when he goes to stick it inside with me out a condom, I sort of let it happen but he goes soft & so he sits up & basically is hitting it, saying ‘stupid dick.’ I try to reassure him being that I’ve already cum that it’s ok.

He hangs around for a while just chatting after we stop fooling around, we watch YouTube videos of songs we both like & it’s nice to have something more in common with this guy. It’s nice to just chat with him, but we mainly chat about his work, the conversation always comes back to his work & the people. Even at one point, he seems to even like a chick’s FB posts & talk about her so much to me, that I think he’s interested in her, so I back off… I also go though our chat & delete all my sexy pictures, feeling like an idiot… She beautiful so of course he’d want her over me.

Somehow, the next night he wants to come over again, I agree saying that I liked how he kissed my back when he got into my bed last night & that I should have given him oil to massage me, he says he doesn’t like massages – who doesn’t like massages?! I just like being sensually touched when with a guy. I have a candle I’ve never used that turns the wax when melted into oil for a massage, so I get it out & leave it burning. When he comes over, he starts off on my back, straddling me for a while before I turn over & he massages my front as well… I take off his shirt & he goes down on me, making me cum so easily, fuck how does he do it with his mouth?!

Once I’ve cum he just sits up, against the bed head, his arms folded against his chest. We chat for a bit & for those in Adelaide might find this funny, there is a service station called X Convenience, but I thought it was Convenience X, so he literally gives me shit about it for ages, we’re laughing about it & it’s a relaxed time with him that I am enjoying, but then abruptly, he puts on his shirt & says that he has a headache & he has to leave. Okay, sure thing…

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood #2

I open the door & I see Eastwood standing there looking exactly like he did when I worked with him! WTF… What weight? I laugh as we say hello, kissing on the cheek, he meets the dogs & I offer him a drink. As I predicted, he is wearing a t-shirt & jeans with a hat on. He looks exactly the same, talks the same, acts the same, we’re friends the same – meaning the conversation flowed as it did when we sat at the same office, as we have a couple of drinks while standing in my kitchen.

After a couple of drinks we go sit in my lounge room, now it’s important to know that he got there about 8:30 pm on a Saturday night. How tragic I had no plans but anyway, he’s over & the conversation is funny & witty, we have good banter. I’m always attracted to banter & laughs… He touches my leg a few times but never offers to rub the cream in my back & I never ask. When I go to make him a drink, he just sits on the couch with the dogs & watching YouTube. Usually a dude will follow into the kitchen to chat, but he doesn’t.

So it’s now about 12:30 am, we’ve been chatting for hours, I don’t even know what we talk about but we always seem to refer back to people in his workplace because I know them obviously. We have a lot of mutual ‘friends.’ He is touching me – his knee or his arm is brushing mine, sitting close by me, but he’s not making any real moves… I am romantically retarded & he’s not dated a lot so we’re both being weird or maybe it just feels weird to me because I didn’t ever think this would happen. When he says he should go because he has to feed his dog but I say that he hasn’t rubbed the cream in & he says well go get it.

I come back with the cream, take my shoulder straps down on my dress & turn my back to him, moving my hair to one side to expose my neck, ready for him to kiss it… But he doesn’t. He literally rubs cream into my back & that’s it. So I start rubbing it in to my front because that’s burnt too but that still doesn’t spark a response in him. So I just assume he’s not into me or interested & he gets up to go home at 1:30am, he leaves not giving me a hug or kiss goodbye. After having his hands all over my back, I am confused, but decide not to think anything of it & I’ll play the ‘I don’t message first rule’ here. Men can be strange!

I put the dogs to bed & put our glasses in the sink, then get undressed & as I get into bed. There’s a message from him “Felt awkward then” & I think that this can go either way – I can be offended or I can just ask why. Which is what I do, he says that he really didn’t know what to do, to kiss me goodbye… He wanted to do more but wasn’t sure I wanted too… Why do men do this? I mean I’m not judging, I didn’t make a move either because I’m so shit at it… But aren’t men supposed to be better at making a move? Hahaha. Clearly not in my experience. But why do they not do anything then message that they wanted to make a move – thus making it more awkward when/if we catch up again.

He says that he wasn’t sure what I wanted & that he feels like he missed his chance, so I tell him that it doesn’t have to be his only chance, so he asks if I want him to come back – didn’t he just leave to feed his dog? He says that he’s torn about going home & wanting to come back but he says he’ll think of me when he gets home. I assume he’s texting & driving – I decide to write a long teasing message about what I am wearing & that I wasn’t wearing a bra tonight & then tell him to get home & feed his dog.

We message for almost an hour – yes an hour when I remind him he had to leave to feed the dog & that surely he’s home already, as he doesn’t live far from me – like 10 minutes. He says that he’s parked on a street away from my house… Um, what?! I ask if he’s been home & fed the dog & come back but he says no that he’s been parked there since he left. What the actual fuck. Really? Really! I am tipsy enough now that I send him my first cheeky picture & say to him that he should come back. He offers just a good night kiss, which we both know it won’t just be that, but he messages me when he is back out the front of my house asking if he should come in.

I meet him at the front door at 2:30 am, he walks straight in & we start kissing, I have to reach up to kiss him as he’s pretty tall… He’s a good kisser. His hands explore me & I walk us backward into my bedroom where we lay down & start undressing each other. I already know he doesn’t like condoms, but I am not having sex with him without one. When he goes down on me I am surprised at his skills… I guess I always found him attractive when we we worked together but I never thought about him sexually of course because he was married & back then it would never had crossed my mind to fuck a married man.

His skills going down on me are exceptional considering he’s had a wife for 20 years & didn’t really date because he met her so young. I guess she made him better perhaps? But who knows… I don’t care, I enjoy it so much & tell him we need a condom. I know he doesn’t like them, we’ve had this conversation, no guy likes them but when I get it out & he puts it on, he goes soft & he can’t have sex with me. He says that it’s the condom & this happens sometimes… It’s not the first time this has happened to me with a guy, I try not to overthink & think that it’s about me.

To my surprise, given it’s almost 3:30 am & we just had almost sex, usually men run away as soon as they’re done, especially when that happens. But Eastwood stays, not for heaps long, but he sticks around, which is good for me to not obsess that it’s about me. When he does get up to go, he kisses me goodbye at the door. Before I am even back in bed, I get a message from him, I smile like an idiot, thinking some cute little message perhaps about wanting to spend the night or something… Especially since he’s probably still in my driveway.

“That was fun … our little secret tho hey.

#IBD4U

2022 : Mazda

I am back on online dating, hoping that Eastwood will take the hint & say “lets grab a drink” but no matter how many times I subtly suggest it, he doesn’t ever ask & I don’t ask either cos I’m a chicken. So when I match with Mazda & he says “Are you free now? buy you a drink, just catch up & chat?” I think why the hell not. However at this point I have literally only sent one message to Mazda saying that my day was good & asked how his was… I have never ever met anyone this quickly before…

I like his pictures but I’m not fully into him, he pleads with me not to say no & I say that I haven’t said no but I am asking where we should meet. We decide on a pub after some indecision & he says to tell him what I am drinking & he’ll have it waiting for me… As I start typing out Pinot Gris, I have a moment of insanity (or perhaps sanity) where I think I am going to be waking up in an ice bath with a kidney missing, my head automatically goes into “he’s going to spike your drink” mode. So I just say that I want to look at the wine list. This is also when I go into stalker/serial killer overdrive & send a screenshot to J-Lo saying if I die tonight, this is who killed me. Hahaha!

I think I see Mazda in the carpark when I arrive, standing at his car drinking from a can but when I message to say I’m there, the person doesn’t look at his phone or make any moves to go inside, so I guess it’s not him, so I walk on inside. There is a guy at the bar, who doesn’t look like the guy from the app but who knows, I don’t want to go up to him & ask because he really doesn’t look like the guy I am meeting, he’s seen me & walked to sit at another table – so I am 99% sure he isn’t the guy but people take weird pics on the app. When I look at the app, I see the writing bubbles pop up so I look over at that guy & see he’s not using his phone. Ok so that’s not him, I am not standing here like a tool looking around, so I decide to order my drink.

Mazda tells me to meet him out in the carpark, again I don’t want to meet this creep in a dark carpark so I say that I’m at the bar ordering a drink… Mazda walks up as I’m getting my drink & we don’t really say hi but sort of acknowledge each other in a weird way. He’s my munchkin height – fuck, I hate when they’re my height….  I’m tiny, I want someone at least a little bit taller than me. But he looks exactly like his photos. He’s also not wearing a mask (this is when masks were still compulsory!), so as he orders his beer, the bar tender asks if he’s got a mask, of course he has to run out to the car to get it, so I have to pay for both our drinks… Well so much for him paying for the drinks! We sit down at a table & he sits so far away from me on the opposite side of the table, but then as he sits down he changes his mind & comes to sit so close to me, I can tell he’s going to be a touchy sort of date… Which -spoiler alert- he is…

The conversation is weird because we’ve only shared a couple of messages on the app so we don’t even know what each other’s jobs are… I ask what he does & he says he’s basically in administration, he tells me he’s never been overseas, never owned a home & his car just blew up so he’s driving a crappy old car. I tell him my job title & he say’s “fuck you’re really smart, aren’t you?” I mean what do you say to that?! I’m not a bimbo but I’m not a rocket scientist, I do have my head screwed on straight so what can you say… So I just laugh – like a bimbo & shrug it off. I do the same when he talks about my age or how beautiful he thinks I am – he says I don’t like 40, but then says something about how old he is, even though he’s about 3 years younger. Which makes me wonder why he would say knowing I’m older than he himself is old…

Later he asks about what I drive, he says I bet you drive a merc or a BMW. I laugh asking why he says that & he says because I’m posh. I literally laugh, this guy has got me all wrong, I explain I have a almost brand new work car but I drive a 2010 Subaru & love it! I’m not fancy at all… He rolls his eyes.

So picture Jack Black – you know from Kung Fu Panda – but short, slim & gay. Picture the type of gay guy who says something & rolls their eyes, even if it’s not necessary. Picture someone drunk or on drugs that can’t really get their words out…Picture a friend who says something, then has to backtrack but as they back track they dig themselves into a deeper hole & rolls their eyes… This is the person I am on a date with.

I am 100% not into him, but I was enjoying the conversation until he snaps. He says something about his ex – multiple times in fact & it seems he’s either mega bitter about it or he’s still into her, I ask & that’s when he snaps my head off – that it’s so over with her, yet proceeds to bitch about her for another 10 minutes… He snaps again when I ask if he’s high – legitimate questions, but I can see now that probably not appropriate but at this point, I am not really bothered. He seems either drunk or high. Apparently neither. But he gets really upset about his ex so much that I suggest we leave & he then says “Have I fucked this up?” looking crestfallen, he begs me to take his phone number, which I do but I have no intentions of using it… As I pick up my stuff ready to walk out, he’s really apologetic & I feel a bit sorry for him. He’s done nothing wrong. I am just not interested. This doesn’t happen to me a lot, I am always willing to at least go on a second date…

I hug him goodbye & say it was nice to meet you, I don’t linger as I don’t want him to try to kiss me, so I walk away & get in the car quickly because he also said in the pub before we left that I could take him home & he’d uber back to the pub to get his car straightaway just to make sure I get home safely, when I said no, he said he’d follow me home to make sure I got there safely, I also said no, not wanting him to know where I live, so I am speeding off down the road taking a different way home, but I don’t see any headlights in my rear-view mirror at all that I am safe.

I get home & expect a message from him, which comes almost the minute I walk in the door… “I’m so sorry about tonight, I didn’t mean to be an ass. Thank you so much for meeting me.” I don’t reply… I feel awful, that he thinks he did something wrong. Look the date wasn’t bad, but the date wasn’t good… I definitely didn’t feel anything tingle when I met him…

#IBD4U

2022 : Eastwood

I could write a lot about Eastwood but I am finding writing more of a highlights reel is keeping me inspired to write & get you more blogs more regularly. I think it’s better for my mental health not to relieve some of the bullshit too, which has lead me to where I am that I’ve been though this year! Hahaha… I thought it was going to better in my 40’s. But apparently not!

After Daizy, I do take a break from everything except on one lonely night when I download a dating app & start swiping. I pay for it for a month which is stupid but also works in my favour because I can see the people who have liked me without swiping on them & waiting around till I’m a skeleton to find out that they never swiped on me. When I see Eastwood pop up, a guy I used to work with & I see that he’s liked my profile, I think WTF, isn’t he married? Every guy was fucking married at that workplace & on this app! I’m intrigued so I swipe & we match so I say hey what are you doing here?

So some back story – Eastwood & I used to sit next to each other at work just before I left that workplace, we didn’t always sit next to each other, to be honest we weren’t in the same team till near the end of my employment there & this was almost 10 years ago. We were some of the only sane ones there, about the same age, he’s a year older but he was married. He probably the cutest man in the workplace full of married middle aged bitter women. I always got along with him & we’ve been friends on FB for years. He never really uses it or likes anything I post. Except recently he did uncharacteristically comment on something random, but I just replied & thought nothing of it.

He tells me that he & his wife have split & they sold their house almost a year ago. Fuck, I did see him share that on his FB but again, I am not that close with him, I didn’t think anything of it – but I can confirm this isn’t a lie at least, he’s not just spinning me bullshit. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s single because when we were sitting next to each other I remember him talking about her partying. When their kids had grown up a little bit, she started partying a lot & staying out really late while he stayed home with the kids… I honestly thought she was cheating on him then, so what surprises me that is that it’s taken this long for them to break up.

Wow, so this guy is single… We’ve matched – he liked me first… He also knew me when I was over 100kgs. I was smaller when I left that workplace but he also hasn’t seen me in real life forever. Actually, that’s not true, I did see him one evening at a pub & I went up to him to say hello. But he knows where I’ve come from. I mean his wife was always tiny, so I am no where near close to that small, but he still matched knowing I was a lot bigger at some point in my life.

We chat for about a week mainly about the old days at the workplace & what we’ve both been up too before it fizzes out & we stop making any effort. No big deal… I meet someone else (see next post Mazda) but at the risk of spoiling it for you, it doesn’t go great & so I decide that there is something worth pursuing with Eastwood, so I message him on the app – first (uncharacteristically for me! Hahaha) & we continue to talk, moving over to FB messenger. We talk about work – mainly his work & general chit chat, it sometimes goes all day, sometimes just a few messages but he will often just like my comment. Or read it & not reply, then hours later I will get a notification that he has liked or loved my comment. It is a bit weird, almost like he didn’t know what to say so he just would react to my message so I would get a notification about it & we’d start talking again perhaps?

But it’s just chatting & chatting… I like to meet quickly… He makes an effort to say how’s your night or what are you up too, when we haven’t talked for a few hours. We chat into the night a lot of the time, sometimes past midnight & there would usually be a message in the morning… He is putting in some effort but for what? We haven’t talked about what he wants, what he’s looking for but he does tell me in a round about way that he has been with other women since breaking up with his wife. At least I’m not going to be a rebound if we go there. So we just talk & talk for weeks, it’s not a good sign in my eyes, I like to meet quickly to see if there is anything there, so see if is worth this amount of effort. I wonder what the chemistry would be like now that he’s single? Would there be any?

I try to hint at catching up, my chiropractor tells me to be direct (why have I talked to my chiro about this guy?!) but I am not good at that when it comes to men. One night we’re texting & he is at the football, so I don’t really understand why he is texting me incessantly. Enjoy the bloody game dude… I joke with him about him having a big night because he’s out with mates & that he had had a big night the other week where he got home at 5:00 am. He says that he’s driving, which I automatically say that’s famous last words, that he’ll be picking up his car tomorrow, having had to taxi home.

During the day I have been sunburnt, not badly but enough to be pink & warm. It’s a warm night & I know he’s probably wearing a t shirt because I don’t remember seeing him in anything else ever, when he asks what I’m wearing, I explain that I am burnt & trying to rub cream in my back which he asks if I need some help… I wonder if tonight might be the night we catch up? He tells me the games over & I ask what he’s going to do, he says that he can go anywhere on the way home because he has his car, I ask where he is going to go & he says that he doesn’t know & asks for suggestions. I just say cheekily that if he finds himself in blah blah suburb that he might help a girl out with cream on her back. He stupidly replies who’s in blah blah suburb?

He does end up in my suburb, well the suburb over at a Macca’s when he finally reveals that he is just sitting in his car. I don’t know if he’s being an idiot or not but somehow I am giving him my address. He say’s he’ll be a few minutes, that he’s only coming to rub cream on my back – yeah right & then he sends another message saying “You may not recognise me, I have put on heaps of weight” OH HOLY FUCK. So look, I am superficial (we all are in some way!), would I be attracted to him if he’s bigger? How much weight has he put on that I won’t recognise him for fuck sake?! I quickly suss out his profile pictures on his dating profile. One I know is old because he’s cut out his wife, I remember it from FB profile picture. I’m imagining him over 150kgs. This guy is 6ft something, he was always slim the whole time I worked with him, he’s the type who only ever wears Ripcul t-shirts & pants. He wears hats, usually a surf brand, though I don’t think he’s ever surfed.

I pour myself a drink because lets face it, I now have a guy on the way to my house who sounds like he needs to be a contestant on the biggest loser… When I hear a knock at my door, I down my drink wincing on the taste of burning alcohol as it goes down my throat & go to the door bracing myself to not look surprised at how much weight he’s put on…

#IBD4U

2022 : I’ve Been Dating For This Podcast

So this is a special post for you all!

This is our draft recording of the concept. Now you know that the podcast is again down the drain, I can share this with you…

We struggled with a name for the podcast, I couldn’t think of anything, when I just decided that it would be “I’ve been dating for this podcast.” I made a dodgy intro with some free music to test it out… I’m not good at all this stuff but I felt like it was coming together… Above is also the dodgy adaptation of what would/could have been the logo. Just to tie it into the blog.

We played around with a few different ones but this more casual chat seemed to work better. I originally had the idea that I would read out a blog post & then the others would butt in with their questions about the post. But when we were recording it that way, it didn’t seem or feel right. It felt like I was talking too much & talking about myself without giving them room to be themselves as well.

So we tried me just reading it with no interruptions, me reading it with interruptions but again they just didn’t feel right. So we played around with more of a breakfast radio type format, of short segments about a topic, I wouldn’t read a blog post but I could bring up one if it fitted the topic. This would then make the blog & podcast separate.

So when we recorded these, on my phone without microphones, it was just to get the feel of the format, which I think worked the best. We were going to re record these or just move onto other topics, so this is a completely raw, unedited version, complete with Lucy’s dog barking in the background!

These are the two with recorded Horror Dates & Ghosting… I still feel like we needed to prep more because some of the examples we used, we not the best, but it was our first recording session.

Horror Dates!

Ghosting!

Let me know what you think of the crazy unedited versions!

#IBD4U

2022 : Daizy #4

I walk past Lucy pretending not to see her because I don’t know what else to do to be honest, I’d asked Daizy if we go up to her or if we just walk past & he didn;t know either… So when she calls out my name, we go over to her & say hello. The guy she is with isn’t what I expected her to be with but he seems nice & says hello to us as I say we are just heading outside for Daizy to have a smoke.

When we come back inside we get another drink, we sit with them & we decide to play pool together, it’s a great afternoon to be honest, the cheeky banter with Daizy, has the guy Lucy is with, thinking that we are a couple & have been together for years. We have a few drinks & a few games of pool. I find out that Daizy fucked someone the night he had the hotel room, so I am glad that I didn’t fuck him that evening too…

We tell this new guy about the podcast & what we’ve been doing, what we’re planning etc & he thinks it s a good idea. I think Lucy may try to get him involved but honestly, it’s hard enough getting the three of us together & then three of us (particularly me) not talking over someone else without adding in a fourth person.

When we leave the pub, I drop Daizy back at his car, we go inside for a bit & some more random recordings, mainly for ideas. As I drive off, I am not one street away before Daizy calls me – also let me tell you he has an old bomb of a car & a tablet for a phone so there is no bluetooth but he’s asking me what I am doing, where I am going. I say that I am going home, it’s a Sunday night, it’s late, I have an hour drive to get back down south. He asks me to pull over & he’ll catch up to me, to go back to his place.

I pull over & he gets in my car. We sit & talk for about an hour. A whole fucking hour on why we shouldn’t have sex… I want too because there is some tension there, but I also don’t want to ruin the podcast, I finally have someone willing to commit to it. I’ve been able to find girls easily but never a guy & I definitely think it needs a guy on it. I finally convince Daizy that I am not coming to his house (his dads house or his sisters, it was never quite clear where he was going to take me) & that I am going home to my house. He calls me again when I am driving home. As does Lucy.

The following week he’s doing a cash job for his mate at Port Adelaide, he’s an electrician so he asks me to come down & see him, which I do… but there is no power so we sit in my car & he sits outside the car smoking, just chatting about the podcast, having a beer while we chat. To be honest, I don’t know what the purpose of this visit was because it was pitch black inside & he was still working there after I left with no power. He wasted the daylight chatting to me! We have the same conversation about us having sex & the podcast. It doesn’t really extend beyond those two topics anymore – not that it really ever did anyway. When it does, I feel like Daizy is talking at me, he isn’t really paying attention to my face because I feel like I can’t say anything against his rants. So I just don’t, I just listen. & then he apologises because he knows that he’s ranting.

He also offers to do a cash job for my brother, so I swap numbers & he meets my brother, his wife & their two kids… I guess he doesn’t care, money is money. But I feel weird about it. He is also been offered a job in Port Pirie, which he starts in a few weeks. He talks about Lucy & I coming up to Moonta to meet him & do some recordings, smash out a whole bunch, which I am keen to do now that we’ve recorded some, I want to record some more & get this going!

The next weekend I have a friends birthday & I am hoping he’ll come with me to it, it’s casual & low key at her house. But he never messages me to say he’s on his way so I get pissed off… He calls to tell me he’ll come over to mine after I’m home that he doesn’t want to be around a lot of people… Yeah ok, whatever. But when I get home I am tipsy & I get into bed, he takes ages to get to my house that I basically just go to sleep. We’ve slept together a few times without sex. The first night be was wasted, another time my boy dog slept between us & he called him a cock blocker & now this time…

The next morning, roll over & hug him, I am not sure what comes over me. I know he is leaving soon so I guess we should get this over with, have sex so he can ghost me. We fool around, I suck his dick but he doesn’t make much noise at all that I stop, he rolls over onto me & slides his fingers inside me, making me cum in a way I haven’t ever cum before that I can remember from fingers. We don’t have sex but I figure that’s enough to see what he will do… He leaves the next day to go to Port Pirie to start his new job on Monday. He calls me on the drive up there & he starts to say things like he’s got to focus on himself & he’s not sure he can commit to the podcast etc. Well that came a lot quicker than I expected & I guess at least he told me, rather than ghosting me.

A few days later, it’s Australia day – I think it was a Wednesday this year, Daizy messages me really early saying that he can’t do the podcast, that he’s walked away from his new job & just needs to focus on himself. I don’t reply as he says that he’s switching off his phone, also as much as I saw this coming, I’m fucked off! I can’t believe this. Against my better judgement, I didn’t get feelings for this guy but I did like him as a friend & really enjoyed the banter & company.

Later Daizy rings me – I thought his phone was off? – to tell me that he has to focus on himself & he needs to get his head right. He’s going to Moonta to sort himself out or some shit. Would you believe that Daizy was in my life for only 18 days before he pulled this stunt! From when I first met him to him bailing on me. 18 days!

I do hear from him in February, he calls at random times like 4:00 am & then says he was messed up, I reply that I thought he was off the drugs & he says shit reply. Well fuck, I’m not here to sugar coat your bullshit. I hear from him again in March when he is in Adelaide & trying to catch up with me but I don’t want to travel north & he doesn’t have a car. When we do talk on the phone he explains what was going on during those 18 days before & after. But he says that he was homeless… Ok that makes a lot of sense because he could never tell me what suburb he lived in. He also says he thought I liked him more than he liked me & felt like I was falling for him. I actually laugh out loud at that & ask what I did, he just said he had a feeling. I’d really love to know what I did to make him think that. However he ends the call by saying “I love you” I assumed as a friend but I have no fucking idea…

I message him in June to see how he is, mainly I want to tell him that his blog posts are going up, I feel like he has a right to know but I get nothing at all from him. Even now…

#IBD4U

2022 : Guest Blog – The Rebound Guy

Here is a blog post written by Lucy.

The rebound guy
So, I’ve been chatting to this guy on a dating app we are connecting well, and the conversation is flowing, this goes on for a few days until he gives me his mobile number the ole line “this app doesn’t give me notifications” and “I’m hardly on here”. So, I think what the hell he must be a good guy right?!

So, we end up texting and he starts to get a bit cheeky, and I like it, which I get pretty cheeky back, we arrange to meet for a drink on this coming Saturday at lunchtime while our work schedules have lined up. We continue to text every day until Saturday as he becomes more cheekier, I’m getting more turned on for this guy, I want sex, it’s been a while.

He’s nice and charming and says he’s going to book into a hotel for the night if I want to join him for dinner and or go to the casino on Saturday. I said to him I have dinner plans with a girlfriend that weren’t confirmed yet, so I could leave it open as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to at that point, I never make future plans with someone I’ve never met before on a dating app, I mean let’s face it some people put up old pictures on their profiles (I have no idea why its false advertising) and I knew where this was leading.

The day we meet I think he’s cute and funny has those muscles in all the right places, we have a couple of drinks and chat over an hour and a half he asks me about my plans tonight he must think I’m cute to or wouldn’t have asked, he had the I want to fuck you vibe about him which was confidence boosting at that point as I was a bigger girl and fresh on the dating scene after a 3 year relationship.

At this point I’m thinking I want to meet him later for dinner and have a hot night of fun and whatever else (I haven’t had sex in 6 months, I just split with my ex-partner 3 months prior to our date.) We finish the date no hug or kiss, but he says he’s going to check in his hotel, and he will message me when he gets there and unpacks. I say ok I’ll talk to you later.

When I get home, I start to panic WTF am I going to wear?! I literally have nothing! I try on what dresses I have, and I don’t like any of it (my legs look fat in this dress). He texts me saying any news as I said I would text my friend about our “dinner plans” I reply with my friend has bailed on me and I’m free to catch up if he still would like to. He seemed happy to hear and asks what I’d like to do I said how about dinner and drinks, he said that sounds perfect. I’ve never been to that hotel before, so he was considerate enough to meet me in the carpark, he grabbed my hand and held it all the way to the room even when it was sweaty, and I wanted to let go HAHA.

When we get to the room, he gives me a can of CC (Canadian Club) dry, and we sit on opposite sides of the bed it was huge the room had concrete walls kind of ugly I thought. He gets up and comes over to my side of the bed and sits down next to me, he kisses me and he’s actually a good kisser bonus when you find someone who you like to kiss, I said “let’s start in the shower” didn’t take long before we end up in the shower first kissing and touching each other I washed him he washed me you know the lead up to jumping each other like you haven’t fucked in years my hand stroking his cock and his hand on my clitoris, after soaping each other up and rinsing off we dry off a little and take this to the bed!
He says I want to taste you and my reply was I taste fucking amazing! HAHA.

He pretty much shows me he’s in control by throwing me into position god that’s so hot being thrown around the bed as a heavier girl you don’t get that from guys like they might hurt themselves or something. He grabs my hips and goes in for a taste as he’s sucking and licking my clit, I can feel myself getting wetter as the intense feeling of someone’s mouth pleasuring me feels so good, my juices are dripping onto the bed, God I just want this guy inside of me! It’s been too long, and I want to orgasm while we are fucking and not before, he comes up for some air and a kiss (I find it a turn on tasting myself on a man’s lips Lol), I start to suck his cock I believe it’s only fair he has a nice cock its so much nicer if they are circumcised must be the clean freak in me HAHA. I get a condom from the nightstand yes I come packing lol (we used them all through the night). Turnover he says while putting a condom on I’m thinking to myself ‘oh taking me from behind’ ‘I like it!’. I turn over onto my knees and he takes me from behind, OH MY GOD does it feel good to be fucked again, we change positions to me on top men love playing with boobs, we fuck for an hour between three positions and then get ready to go downstairs for dinner.

During dinner it’s a standard conversation I don’t eat all my food as I’m cutting my portion sizes at this point, but he polishes his steak off and half of my schnitzel he pays for my drink and dinner which was lovely of him to do.

We head back upstairs and lay down for a bit still drinking CC’s it’s not long before we are kissing again, if they’re a good kisser, it’s an instant turn on for me. So, we are at it again starting in the shower as I won’t let him go down on me unless I’m clean I’m sure every woman can understand or I’ just super clean and a freak LOL. Trying to fuck in the shower it’s awkward so we dry off and walk to the bed kissing, lips locked all the way which isn’t very far in a hotel room, we fuck for another hour or so in multiple positions, me on top, him on top, doggy, binding ( It’s where I’m on my side with one leg in the air and he is inside me apparently they can get in deep) when we have both orgasmed we are pretty Knackered and just lay on top of the bed naked and fall asleep after a while.


I wake up at 4am and I’m so fucking horny my vagina is screaming at me wanting more WTAF!! (haven’t you had enough?!), he needs his sleep we both study a degree and have assignments due in the next week or so and both of us had said that Sunday was to get some of our assignment done, so I get dressed and go for a walk on the way out he says wait I’ll come with you I’m like No. that’s ok I just have some energy to burn I’ll be fine (sweet of him to ask though) I walk about 3km and return not feeling like I’ve burnt to much energy when I return to the room but I get into the shower as it was a warm summers night and I was all sweaty.

I crawl back into bed and snuggled up to this guy he puts his arm around me and I’m wide awake (rolls eye’s) I lay there thinking I want round 3! WTF is wrong with me?!
I don’t want to wake the poor guy, but I end up fidgeting and moving around as I can’t seem to stay still or get in a comfortable position which wakes him up and he asks if I’m ok, I say I’m fine just wide awake and might need something to wear me out again, he says at this hour of the morning? I guess he’s not an early riser like me. I doze off for an hour or so, and when I wake up, I start to touch him I want more before we get up and leave and he responds with “morning” I say, “are you ready for round 3?’
He kisses me and we are into it before I know it, he takes me from behind and in the binding position and he’s pounding me I have the vibrator handy, and I put it on my clit and I’m coming in minutes I’m so loud! He doesn’t take long to come after me and somehow, I’m still not feeling fully satisfied. Is this normal for other women?

We get dressed and walk to the car park together he says goodbye and gives me a brief kiss and says I’ll talk to you later, we had assignments due in the coming weeks so we won’t have to time catch up again for a bit so I’ll just play it by ear…

#IBD4U

2022 : Daizy #3

Daizy comes out of his hotel… Why is he staying in a hotel? Something is not right about this guy, something doesn’t add up. We go up to his room & share a beer, the room is literally smaller than my bedroom & it also includes a bathroom. We sit there talking & I think that he’s going to make a move but he doesn’t. I get angrier with my friend for taking so fucking long when I am the one who’s worked two jobs & made it here exactly when I said I would be here, now I’m stuck in this tiny room that I could die in, I mean I don’t really know this guy, do I?

My friend & her friend rock up & they refuse to come up to his room or to the little balcony where we could talk more openly, so Daizy & I head down to the bar. As much as I know Daizy is not my boyfriend – not even & there is something about him that I can’t figure out – much like Motocross – I like walking into a pub with him, easy, casual, not awkward, not looking around trying to find someone for a first date, I’m with someone, a friend… I think with this guy I do let the thrill of what it’s like to have someone by your self get the better of me.

The double date is a bit weird. We’re here to see if Lucy’s friend will work well on the podcast. To be honest with you I am surprised this is the type of guy that Lucy is interested in, he doesn’t come across nice or offer to buy her drinks. She has to go buy him one, but maybe they have some sort of arrangement. I find out later that he didn’t have any money & the only way she could get him out tonight was to say she’d pay for drinks. I don’t vibe well with him & I don’t think Daizy does either, but we got about the night having a couple of drinks & planning out the podcast.

When the night comes to an end, I walk Daizy back to his hotel room & he invites me up, I say no as it’s a school night, also I know that if I sleep with him that he will disappear. There is sexual tension there but there isn’t that spark as such. Like sometimes I feel like he is putting me down or judging me or too self helpy. He’s not but that how he makes me feel sometimes… He also it very good at saying all the right things to make me want to fuck him. But I want the podcast more & I think the sexual tension will make the podcast hotter. SO I AM NOT GOING TO FUCK HIM!

He calls me on the way home, he says so me that if that guy is on the podcast he doesn’t want to be a part of it. While I 100% agree with him, I don’t want that guy on the podcast, I now think 4 will be way too many but I don’t like the threat of him walking away when it’s like like he wants it. I reassure him that he won’t be on the podcast at all. As it turns out Lucy & him had a massive fight on the way back to his house & she told him not to call her again.

The rest of the week we chat & text a fair bit via text & arrange with Lucy to actually do some recordings of the podcast! OMG It’s actually happening, I am so excited. We get together at Lucy’s house which is out his side of town, she’s also got a date with a new guy later & is a bit nervous that she tries on all her outfits for me, then when Daizy gets there, she shows him too & I’m surprised when he picks something different to me…

We do some recordings over a couple of hours, mainly working out the format. I had an idea that I would read a blog & then we would discuss sort of like the format of “My Dad Wrote A Porno” but when we recorded it, it was boring & I didn’t like it. So we tried another format, which again didn’t work really well so we ended up with more of a conversation type podcast format… We recorded two of our chosen format for about 10 minutes each, because I wanted to keep them shorter for the commute to work. It is funny – well it is to me, it is unplanned & raw but I like what we are going for. If anyone is interested, I am happy to post the two which are unedited & there is a dog barking in one of them, I am happy to post them for you guys to listen too!

After we do some recordings & work out our format but it gets too close to Lucy’s date so she gets ready & we hang back at her house. I have a feeling Daizy is going to try to make a move, but he doesn’t. Lucy has asked us to go to the pub that she is at & “surprise” interrupt the date. I agree but as we’re walking in to the pub, I tell Daizy that I feel like an absolute fuckwit. As if this guy isn’t going to know that this is a set up.

Again I love the excitement of walking in the pub with Daizy, laughing & having good banter with him. I genuinely like the tension between us, it makes me more cheeky. He buys us a drink & he says he wants to put money in the pokies, which he shoves $50 in the machine & I sit in the chair as he’s just standing -like he knows he’s about to blow this whole $50.

I sit there cheekily rubbing my leg against his, opening up the top button so he can look down my top or brushing his cock with my knee though his pants… Why can’t I be like this with others? Is it because I want a different kind of relationship with this guy so I can be more myself without fear of his ghosting me in a few weeks time? He tells me I have made him hard & he steps back to show me the budge in his pants, he spins his last few dollars in the machine, so I stand up & tell him we need to go find Lucy with a cheeky grin.

#IBD4U

2022 : Daizy #2

So as you can imagine, I can’t help it, but I get so pissed off by people who run late or people who say they’ll be somewhere but aren’t. I am always insanely on time & if I say I am going to be somewhere, it is fucking rare that I am not there or that I run late. I’m not sure if this is a good or bad quality of mine…

Precisely 7 minutes later I get “5 my phone died.” Rightio. But yet it takes him another 10 minutes to get to my house, another pet hate. Why can’t people just be fucking on time. I always over estimate so that I show up a bit earlier, or should I say 5 minutes & really mean 10? Actually, I usually tell people exactly what my GPS says, so there are no surprises. Maybe I’m a weirdo, but whatever, I can’t help it. I hate waiting around, my time is just as precious as other peoples, why do I have to sit around waiting for someone that I didn’t really want to come to my house anyway?

When he walks in Daizy kisses me on the cheek and I notice that he’s changed his clothes – um why?! He’s now wearing tracksuit pants. He meets the dogs, we both get a drink – he’s brought some cans of something & we sit on the couch, but somehow even though he only had 2 beers at the bar about 3 hours ago now, he looks so fucking wasted like he’s drunk 10 beers. How did he get so drunk on the drive up here?! Did he drink on the way? Had he taken drugs? How could be be so wasted… He also has brought in a head massager, you know those wire things that look like a wire hat, he tries to get me to take my hair down so he can massage my head but I say no. WTF.

He acts (or is) so fucking drunk that he’s stumbling around my lounge room, unable to sit still but unable to stand. The dogs sit on the couch with him & he calls them cock blockers – I think that’s not what’s blocking your cock dude! Would it even work at this point? I figure he’s going to have to stay here the night, he’s so off his head right now & I don’t know what on because there is no way he is just drunk! He confesses later that he smoked weed – which I suspected, this isn’t a surprise, but this isn’t stoned type behaviour. I press him further on what else he’s had & he tells me that he’s also had some Xanax. Oh FFS. I guess he’s definitely not driving home then!

We don’t kiss or have sex that night, I mean he’s fucked off his head, I didn’t want to have sex with him anyway so this isn’t surprising. He does try to leave at one point, when I won’t have sex with him, like a petulant child & I just tell him to get back into bed & go to sleep, which he does, I can’t let him drive in this condition all the way back out north. He falls sleeps easily, snoring most of the night so not only do I not sleep but he also is passed out on my side of the bed, basically on my pillow, so I have no room in the bed to move or any covers to cover me & because he’s so passed out, he’s harder to move than my 30 kg dog! I haven’t slept overnight with a lot of people before, but usually you can kick a person a bit & they roll over, he did not. He didn’t move all night & when I wake up – if you can say I woke up, I awake up to a huge dribble patch on my sheets where he slept.

I get up & get the dogs up & start to get ready for my clients, I wake him up when I need to get ready to go to my little business. I don’t normally open on Sundays but sometimes I have a client. He hasn’t left my room & I need to get change, so I slip last nights dress off over my head, standing in just my undies, no bra, I put a bra on & then another dress quickly, but he looks up as I am mostly naked putting on a bra & says “Aww, don’t do that!”, I giggle & innocently say “What?” Well I guess he likes what he sees in the sober light of day…

I get him out of my house fairly quickly, having to leave early & I leave him in the driveway saying goodbye, honestly, expecting not to see him again because not only did I not fuck him, he was fucked off his head & seemed a bit embarrassed by how fucked up he was… I like the guy to hang out with but there will be no hard feelings if he ghosts me.  

I am with my client just before 9:30 am & he texts “Your bed is so comfortable” which stupidly makes me smile when I see it on my watch, then a follow up text asking for my email, that he’s going to set up some checklist app that we can all share ideas for the podcast on. Well he’s keen & remembers what he told us he’d do last night. I like that about it, his motivation for the project is infectious.

When I get home, on the bedside table on his side of the bed (not that it’s his side, but the side he was supposed to sleep on) I find what looks like some tubular sports bandage & an eye mask – what the fuck was he planning on doing last night… I shove it in my top draw so my family don’t see when they come over tonight for dinner. Also why did he have that in his car?!

Around lunch time he tells me to come to the beach for a swim, but I am asleep, having a nap, something I rarely ever do! I was so tired, I think we slept at 3am? But I also had terrible heartburn, something I get from eating or drinking too much sugar. Then when I don’t reply I get a bunch of messages in a row “ill buy you dinner” “no tryna fuck ya, just business” “ya can’t blame me tho course ur pretty hot. It won’t happen again” “imma hang at the beach & read all the blog” I haven’t even seen one message yet when they all come through. I reply that he wouldn’t have remembered having sex with me anyway & that my family come over tonight, so I don’t hear from him again.

There’s something odd though, why is he always at the beach? Why doesn’t he seem like he has somewhere to go… I can’t put my finger on it. But there is something not entirely right about this guy… My curiosity will make me keep dating/meeting him to find out.

My family are over, they’ve been there for about 2 hours at this point & I go into the bathroom to wash my hands, when I see a fucking bright yellow condom in the decorative plant on the vanity. Daizy had gone out to his car in the morning & brought one back in saying I’d have it for next time. I show him my stash & say that I don’t need it & to take it with him but that’s where he leaves it. FUCK. I quickly hide it in the draw & hope no one saw it, especially the kids. I message him to tell him off – obviously as a joke & he just sends a winky face back. I ask him if it’s flavoured, trying to keep the conversation going & he says try it. But I say that there is no point in a flavoured condom, I mean who sucks a dick with a condom on? I say that glow in the dark, flavoured & ribbed are a waste of time, he says that “even talking about condoms is a waste of time” I ask why & he calls me. I can’t answer so I reject it, I can text but I can’t chat on the phone. Sometimes people don’t get that, I mean I can text quickly while doing stuff like working (when on a call or in a video conference) but a phone conversation about condoms is going to take a bit longer, I’m not having that conversation around my parents. So I ignore him & call later.

By Monday Daizy has created a account on an app that we can use to brainstorm ideas for the podcast. He tells me to call him when I can & he’ll give me a crash course, but when I get a chance to play around with it, it’s pretty simple, I’m not an idiot when it comes to app & computers… I call him later in the evening & we chat for a while… Mainly about the podcast & sometimes he slips in how much he finds me attractive & we chat flirty for a little bit too. I like the chemistry that we have, the flirty chats we have… It’s so refreshing to have a guy want to talk, not just to get sex… This is a lot of fucking effort if that’s all he wants…

Tuesday night I get a message asking what I’m doing & that he’s got a hotel room in the city, that if I’m free we could grab a meal. I have a couple of clients after work but say that I can be there around 7:00pm. He says yeah & I think this is a perfect opportunity to see if Lucy & her mate that she wants on the podcast – see if there is dynamic there. I rush through my client, with Daizy messaging me to bring drinks to his hotel & we can all meet there, there is a private balcony, I don’t reply as I am with a client, so then he calls me, a few times, I have told him that I am not going to be finished until 6:30pm & it’s now 6:35 pm when he says “is this happening or imma go get laid” Oh for fuck sake, I am not going to have threats & shit like that when I am on my way to meet him… I got held up for fuck sake, not that I am playing games! He knew I was at work.

I call him to tell him that I am running late – he should understand this concept very well & that I’ve also spoken to Lucy who won’t be there till 8:00pm. Jesus, they all knew about this at 5:30pm, I’m the only one who’s had to do a client after work & get into the city… He also tells me that he’s not ready & will need some time to get ready. Oh fucking hell. We hang up after I’m snappy with him, he’s trying to get me to come to the hotel because he’s not ready & Lucy is on her way, like fuck me. What the fuck have these people been doing for the last hour?!

Daizy calls me again to buy him cigarettes but I say no, I tell him I’m on my way still & he says to come up to his hotel room. But instead, I go park in a side street & send a video to Marvel of me sticking my fingers inside me, something cheeky to make him want to see me this week. But Daizy calls again & again so I go park near his hotel & wait outside it, for him to come get me, like a hooker…

#IBD4U

2022 : Daizy

I know I said I wasn’t going to date in my 40’s & technically that is true, except that over Christmas holidays, after I end my blog & Covid is running rampant though Adelaide due the boarders being opened, I find myself just sitting at home playing games on my phone. Marvel is offline (as you know I was still seeing him when I signed off my blog last year.) – because I know they are on holidays thanks to the whiteboard by his front door. He won’t come online till they’re back at work & he doesn’t – Mr predictable.

So during this time, I create a online account, why I am not sure but I get matches pretty quickly. I had also during this time asked Valvoline for a catch up, he took days to reply that yes he was keen but I never replied, thinking what is the point, he has moved even further north & in late January 2022, he’s commenting on someone’s posts all the time & I’m assuming they’re about to get together – which they do, so much for not wanting to be in a relationship. Much like what happened with Elvis – who I also noticed deleted me from Facebook, also happened with Milky, also Origin (who now has a kid with the chick he was with after me). So all a guy needs is to date me to find the perfect girl & all a girl needs is to be friends with me & she’ll find the man of her dreams too. FUCK.

I join a dating site that has a friend section on it too because to be honest, I have started playing netball – with a club but everyone in my team is either a little bitch, too young or not very friendly – lets just say, like my life, netball isn’t going how I thought it would. I wanted to meet new people, hang out etc but that hasn’t happened so I join online thinking that perhaps I can make some new friends. Having spent 2020 & 2021 losing people in my life that I thought were friends due to the letting them live with me & fighting my old workplace, I decide on another option.

Like I said I get matches pretty easily but they never go anywhere, I match with a guy that is in a band that one my friends used to make us stalk every weekend, we have a great chat, he even tells me that they made it big in LA & shares his Spotify with me, he asks me out & I say yes then decide I better listen to their album, which I do but I never hear from him again… WTF. This reminds me why I gave this up!!

But I stick it out because stupidly I paid for the fucking app – without meaning too, it keeps a reoccurring payment for a couple of weeks before I remember to turn the fucker off. But I meet Daizy on there – it’s not a long time chatting (Like minutes’ worth of chatting) before he tells me that he wants to meet at the beach, that he’s on the way down there for a top secret chat with his mum. One of the things that always makes me cautious is someone that wants to meet quickly & keeps wanting to meet even you clearly aren’t interested in doing so. But he gives me his number & I message which prompts him to call… He’s a caller… It’s Thursday night, it’s at 9:54pm. I am a nanna in her 40’s so I am already in bed. We chat on the phone – he talks like a tradie, you know the type that swear & sound a bit rough around the edges, but I like his sense of humour, it draws me in. He’s funny!

He tells me about the thing he’s got going with his mum, a raw chat with her son about a topic he won’t disclose… & while I like the deeper side to him, considering the way he talks, it’s kind of becomes frustrating that a) he won’t tell me what he’s doing but also that never shuts up about it – always saying I won’t go into it now & b) when he gets to self helpy, I just want a frivolous conversation sometimes, not a D&M every time we chat (spoiler – we chat more than once!). In fact it’s not even a D&M because sometimes he just talks at me & I don’t even know what to say, nor do I want to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing, because he pulls me up on it – making me feel childish. I honestly am realising from a bit of a fall out with another friend when I went to visit her, that clearly I don’t know how to be a friend… This clearly proves it.

But I tell him that I’ve actually been working on a podcast too, a recording if you will (Which is true, since I ended writing in December 2021, I’ve been focusing on finding the right people for it, a friend wants to be on it & I think because she’s dated a lot she will be good for it, with stories but really she’s just a clueless as me (hahaha) as to why things happen so that makes me apprehensive about her but it’s only going to be fun so who cares, lets all give it a shot, now to find a boy! (still yes, years later!) I tell this guy all about the idea of a podcast but don’t really go into depth about the blog. A friend once told me that I shouldn’t ever tell a guy about it – that I’m interested in, that I should take it to my grave!

Daizy & I text a bit, later on, once he’s done his thing with his mum but it’s after 11 & I am almost asleep so even though he says he’ll let me sleep, he tries to call about 30 minutes after we stop texting but I ignore it as I can’t be bothered talking while almost asleep.

The next night, Friday night, he tries to come to my house again – a few texts & a call & he wants to either meet by the beach or at my house both sound like a murder mystery waiting to happen so I decide on no, he does another recording with his mum which he says that perhaps I might be able to help with my writing knowledge & passion for a podcast, I still don’t even know what he is doing or what the topic is so how can I even begin to help… So I just try to go with it & keep saying to him to say hi to his mum for me. But again it’s late & I just say that I am headed to bed.

The next day Saturday I get a message “time & place tonight & ill see ya there” did we make plans & I was so sleepy that I don’t remember… Well I figure that I should perhaps meet him, he’s more persistent that any other guy… We make plans then he calls me to confirm the plans – I like that he doesn’t forget things easily, I have to giggle when he asks me what I’ll be wearing, I say that I don’t know but later text him to say that I’ll be fairly casual. I mean when you think about it, it’s not a date, we’re meeting in the interest of helping each other with our little side projects right…? I don’t need to look perfect in a date outfit with perfect hair & make up – besides we have to wear a fucking covid mask anyway…  

We meet at the pub, he calls me as I am sitting in the car – I am waiting a few minutes so I am not super early, he walks over to me as I am getting out of the car, we hug a hello & he looks at what I’m wearing & says “you are casual, aren’t you?” Um… am I? I’m wearing a navy hoodie dress in my favourite brand LSKD with little white sneaker things. My hair is up in a top knot & I think I look cute & casual… Short dress but basically a long jumper. He’s not wearing anything special, I mean he’s wearing a red hat that makes me think of Fred Durst – which I tell him later would probably be his blog nickname & jeans & a t shirt. Like not like he put on a dinner jacket, why is he commenting on what I am wearing!?

We go inside, he pays for a drink & we sit down chatting, it starts off with me spilling the beans about my blog & podcast… He asks lots of questions, again avoiding any that I ask about the shit he has planned with his mum but he says multiple times that it’ll change the world basically… Well it’s never going to change the world if you won’t even tell me about it. It’s like he’s scared that I am going to steal his idea or something… Believe me, I have my own ideas, I don’t need to steal his to develop.

By 8:30pm I have sent him the link to the podcast I was on in America & a link to the start of my blog! Within another 10 minutes, I’m on the phone to my friend – who is going to be on the podcast – Lucy, asking her to come meet us for a drink too.

Daizy is witty, enthusiastic & while he’s easy to talk to, it’s also hard to talk to him too. I can’t explain it. It’s like he always wants depth to the conversation but he talks like a proper foul mouth tradie that he doesn’t know how to get the depth so he talks at you, not with you, if that makes sense. But as I said before, I think I have trouble having those in depth conversations with people. I mean I can express myself in my blog but I struggle with that type of intimacy, even with a friend…

I am though having a good time with my new friend Daizy & my friend Lucy, when Daizy messages me in front of my friend “Tonight at the beach?” Hmmm, what? I blurt out why have you text me tonight at the beach, he instantly says oh sorry that’s not for you & so I get pissed off… I couldn’t care less if this guy is fucking someone else, but fuck me, accidently texting me while on a sort of date (or whatever this is) with me that’s meant for someone else is just fucked up… I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before. But whatever, I am over this date/meeting now, it’s getting late so I pick up my stuff & we all leave, I don’t want to be here anymore, so I stand at the car, hug him goodbye. Lucy & I chat, saying what a fuckwit for texting someone else about the beach to me accidentally, he had said that he hadn’t saved my number in his phone so I guess it could have been an honest mistake… Whatever…

While I’m standing there chatting with Lucy about Daizy & if he’ll be good for the podcast or not, which I think he will, Daizy then sends me a text “Wanna fuck or ill never bring it up again” then “Come to west beach boat ramp.” Well first thing I am not fucking this guy at a boat ramp after he’s just text someone else to meet them at the beach – is he fucking kidding me?! Not only that but it’s the first day of my period & I am in agony (my first day is always so painful!). I tell him to just meet his friend at the beach, which around 9:30pm, no stress. All good.

I’m on my way home now anyway. But he calls… FFS. He asks where I am, which I have already left & too far to turn back now to meet him at the beach – probably not but I can’t be assed with this shit. I also have a client in the morning at my little business, I’m a nanna so it’s time for bed. But by 9:40pm when he assures me that the message to meet at the beach was for me (yeah right, I bet whoever it was for said fuck off too, so he’s trying again with me!), but he says that I made him embarrassed in front of Lucy asking about it & so he panicked & said it was for someone else. WHAT? That’s so much worse than just admitting that he wanted me alone… I mean why would you say it’s for someone else if it wasn’t?! Does he not understand the woman’s brain at all!?

Somehow he talks me into letting him come to my house, I explain that I won’t be having sex with him. But somehow, I am texting my address to him. If he’s right behind me – which he is, he’ll be there shortly after me so I need to get home & sort the dogs out & tidy up a bit, I have no idea what my house looks like at this point… FUCK. I get home just before 10:00pm & listen out for every car that drives past, stalking my outdoor camera. I am getting tired, my wine buzz is wearing off, knowing I have to get up for work tomorrow… Fucking hell, it’s 10:10pm, almost an hour since we left the pub & nothing… I start to get angry, but I did tell him to get mixer as I only have wine or spirits in my house, perhaps he’s stopped at the petrol station for some soft drinks. But even then he shouldn’t be this long… So I text at 10:30pm “Are you far away?” because at this point, I’m about to turn the lights off & go to bed!

Crickets!

#IBD4U

2022 : Repeat Offenders

Welcome to some new 2022 content! This is a long one but you asked for it to be long, not two short posts, on my Facebook page, so here it is!

As you all know (if you were a regular reader) I decided to finish writing this blog in 2021 & not date… However I was planning on reblogging more of my old ones, but this website doesn’t make it easy to schedule a reblog! So I’ve not been good at it… I wanted to post all my blog posts again before I posted new content, but we’d be here forever!

On to 2022, I’m not going to spoil it with my current relationship status but you all know (again if you were a regular reader) that at the end of 2021 when I posted “The End” that I was still single. So it makes sense that there will be some dating in 2022 to write about – which I have, despite me also swearing off dating, pretty much every 2 weeks!

So what has been happening in 2022, I hear you ask! Well, fuck all because I haven’t really been dating however it wouldn’t be my dating life if there wasn’t something going on right? Why is this called repeat offenders. Well because 2022 has been the year of the call back. Somehow random boys have come back in 2022.

Below is a link to the original post or posts that I posted about these repeat offenders for you to refresh your memory about what happened with them & then I will explain what has happened in 2022! I’ve done it this way because there isn’t much to report on some of them to get their own blog post, but these are stories I need to tell… It all shapes who I am!

  • Tom Cruise / Tom Cruise #2
    • Yeah fuck, I dated this guy twice already & he basically ghosted me both times. When I match with him again he calls me instantly – it’s after midnight on a school night, I am almost asleep in bed. But I was just chatting on the dating app, so I answer the phone.
      He talks about how he can’t believe that I am single & that I am perfect, the perfect 10. I am literally not buying this bullshit from this guy. I get off the phone after I agree to go out with him.
      3 days later I hear from him again – I figure if I’m so perfect, I shouldn’t have to chase this guy, that I am not that keen on anyway. When he says that he has his daughter & her mother came over for dinner & she (mother – doesn’t read as he means his daughter) is his number one, I think this is a little weird. He asks if it’s ok with me – I say it’s good they’re both in his life. But yeah it’s a bit fucking full on if he is saying his ex & daughter are his number one… Why isn’t he with her?
      I then get a message “My ex wants to talk to you and go for coffee” ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? First how does she even know about me at this point. I haven’t even had sex with this guy or met his child, to be meeting his ex & mother of his child! WTF. Then he writes “I’m joking babe fyi” OMG. Heart failures.
      He asks if I am free the next day, I say “Probably free around 7:30” he says that’s fairly early but he’s happy to do breakfast. I explain I mean PM but he says lets do something different. Yeah ok, being I think this guy has a drinking problem, I think that a breakfast will be good – however he suggests a place near his house – remember he lives 40 mins from me. I now work 4 mins from my house so if I meet him at 7:30am, I have to leave the restaurant at 7:50am to get to work on time! He offers up lunch in the city, again I work 50 mins from the city, I would have to turn around before I made it to the city to have lunch, to be back at work. He says “let me know when you can then.” Oh whatever dude!! Don’t pick a time when I can’t make it then crack the shits when I have to say I can’t make it.
      The next morning, after feeling semi shit, I do a RAT & I am covid positive. I let him know so he doesn’t think I am being difficult & why I can’t see him for 7 days. 3 days later, no reply, so I say “Thanks for caring.” Nothing!
      10 days later at 7:33 pm, I get “I only realized you msg on the other day! Late reply and sorry, how are you?” No fucking way! Not even proper English! I don’t reply & never hear from him again!
  • Goodwin / Goodwin #2 / Goodwin #3
    • This fellow is always trying to catch up with me, but the days that he say he wants too, I am reluctant but say yes – because I still need sex right but then he’ll message & say he can’t meet or something has come up – usually he’s still in his office. Oh whatever!
      He still comes back into my inbox asking to catch up or seeing how I am. If you remember this guy is super ripped & could probably get any girl he wanted, he’s a cute Heath Ledger type but he keeps going for me. Saying he wants good sex, not a relationship. He keeps messaging, in fact he asks me to join him for a 3sum one night, which I ignore the message till after its over & reply then, saying that I hope it was fun. Yeah – Great tactic!
  • Foodland / Foodland #2
    • I dated this guy twice over the course a few years, only twice. I think we had sex on the first date & then he made me hold his hand on the second date even though I had said I didn’t want too because I thought it was too intimate. Yet he grabbed my hand then ghosted me.
      Over a year later, he still watches my snapchat stories & has been recently sending me snapchats & replying to mine a lot. I know he has a girlfriend, she’s on his Facebook cover picture. He also confirms that he has a girlfriend when he asks about my relationship status.
      One day I’m entertaining the chat with him, against my better judgement when he says he wishes he was stalking me or some other cheeky comment, I remind him that he could’ve had me twice. “u didn’t msg me either by the way not saying I’m in the right cos clearly I’m not but just saying” OMG does he really want to go there? Because I can go there! I send him a screenshot of our texts the last three were from me, with no replies. “Thanks. you’re welcome. I had fun too.” (After the date) “… Can I just ask, why did you even want to hold my hand so desperately?” (A few days after that message) “You’re a strange unit. Best of luck. ” (A few days after that message.)
      When he sees that screenshot, he says “Shit well I am sorry” Why is he even bothering now when he has a girlfriend anyway, who he tells me he met 4 or 5 months after our hand holding date. Fuck you Foodland. 4 or 5 months! He had me but he kept online dating anyway… Fucking prick!
      When he keeps saying shit about how he wishes we did more etc, I remind him how many opportunities he’s had with me, then he says “I think it’s worth noting that sometimes actions don’t line up with what someone wants in their head. Plus I’m someone who’s not good at communicating feelings and what I really want. Not that I blame u but I’ve always said to you u perception of what I think about you isn’t what I actually think… saying that I understand why u feel that way” WTF does that even mean?
      He continues to reply to my snap stories & he offers to help me with a plumbing issue, but yeah I don’t understand this guy at all…
  • Max / Max#2 / Max#3 / Max#4 / Max#5 / Max#6 / Max#7 / Max#8 / Max#9 / Max#10 / Max#11 / Max#12
    • One morning I wake up to a message “Hey freaky girl, you still on this account” from Max. His cute little face in a round messenger circle on my phone, I toy with the idea of not replying because lets face it, if you read these 12 instalments, you’ll probably see why. But, yet again, against my better judgement, because it goes exactly how I think it will, I say yes. Then a day & a half later, he says something about how he snuck into my house to find me in bed. I read it & decide not to reply. I mean in 2020, I messaged him to ask if he could give me some insight on what I am like as a person on a date, perhaps I am doing something that puts guys off & this guy has dated me & is honest with me, but he replies saying something about the brain & how I am asking the wrong question, I shouldn’t ask what I am doing wrong but ask what can I do to make my next date better. But he gives me nothing. Yeah thanks dude!
      The next day he says “Not going to bite?” I reply saying what is there to say? Like really, he’s still married, he still has issues with communication so what can really happen here? Part of me wants too, but all of me is sick of being treated like shit by men. When he replies “You had a lost to say on your blog” I think about what to reply to that.
      I explain that my blog – like I say all the time on here, that it is my diary, my version of events & it’s just how I saw things playing out. He doesn’t have to agree with my story, he obviously reads it so he can write a reply if he cares so much, I’ll publish it, cos I’m just as intrigued as you are about what goes through men’s minds. He says a woe is me reply though “Sorry to have bothered you.” I don’t know why I reply, I know this guy is going to ghost me again, it’s just a matter of time. I ask what did he expect & he says that guessing what women think isn’t his superpower being he thought I would say we had fun. I’m not going to deny that, we did have some fun, but the bad outweighed the good in the end. He says “You seeing anyone seriously at the moment?” I say no so he replies “Have any new things in your toy box that you’ve been waiting to try out?” I say nothing new & he reads it & ghosts me. again.
      Well that interaction actually lasted longer than I expected but I am still kicking myself that I was the fuckwit that was ghosted. Why did I message this guy…
      If you read this Max – you know who you are, either make a consistent effort (especially when you’ve got. Lot to make up for) or just don’t pull at that thread!
  • Dom Dom / Dom Dom #2 / Dom Dom #3 / Dom Dom #4
    • So I’ve never really stopped talking to Dom Dom, he’s always been around. Comes & goes in my life when he makes the time to talk to me. This year is different though, I am more standoffish with him & it makes him act like a needy chick – I even say this to him at one point… What is it? Now I don’t reply to every message instantly then wait days for him to reply, he asks if I want to see him, if I want to keep talking to him, chucking a tantie. Really.
      He even tries to catch up with me one day when he is in my area. I say that I don’t want too, I know that he says that it’s just to catch up & chat, like he wants to do, but I can guarantee when he is in my house, he’ll start stroking his dick, then he’ll get it out. Because I am attracted to him, I’ll do it, even though I really don’t want too & then he’ll cum & leave instantly, leaving me feeling like shit… What is the point?!
      He doesn’t understand this of course, he assures me that it’s just to say hello, I know it won’t just be a hello. I am stupid when it comes to men, but I am not that stupid with him… I don’t want to keep seeing married men & never getting what I want. What I deserve. Just a snippet of a man when he has time. I never catch up with him, but we do still chat – however he really doesn’t like that it’s on my terms when we do!
  • Donkey
    • I just love a call back. We chat a few times since his blog post. I never caught up with this guy, nor did I ever intend too, he was so much drama & seems even though he’s left his wife, or she left him, he still has drama on the app…
      He messages & I don’t reply so I get a message “bump” which is apparently a new things to make their message go to the top – okay then!
      He asks how things are going & how things are with my renovation, I say nothing has changed really, that I’m not on the app much, but even having said that & having taken days to reply to his message, he adds me to a group which I am kicked out of like 5 days later for being inactive.
      I don’t know why this guy keeps messaging me, I have never shown any interest in him to catch up, he’s a slut on the app & constantly shows his dick to anyone who will look at it, so why would I want to go there… Again, I am trying to wait for what I want & what I deserve, not some loser chasing every chick on the apps.
  • Valvoline
    • So after posting the post about him in late 2021, I knew that I wasn’t 100% attracted to this guy, but thought we could be friends, see each other a little & see where it goes- maybe attraction needs to build sometimes – so I’ve been told. He’s told me he’s not looking for a girlfriend, so that’s ok, we can be friends.
      I send him a message to see if he has time off over the Christmas break that we could catch up for a drink or brunch, not a schnitzel? I don’t think much of his delayed replied, but I get one 24 hours later “Hey, I think I’ll be working through except for public holidays but I’d still love to catch up from brunch.! Hahaha yeah maybe not schnitzel lol” I don’t ever reply – for 2 reasons. Looking back I realise now while writing this, he didn’t say no, but in my mind at the time, I felt like his late non committal reply, with no date offered, that he wasn’t that interested. So I didn’t message him back. (Reading back on this I realise how dumb that is) but it’s how I felt at the time.
      A week or into the new year – there he is tagging & being tagged on Facebook with a chick, who is now his girlfriend & less than 6 months after saying he’d love to go on a date with me, he is being tagged in house listings on Facebook by her every day! It’s uncanny how I can predict the future! Hahaha.

The saying “you can’t make this shit up” I wish wasn’t true… I don’t know why this crap keeps happening to me, or what I do to attract it considering I have been working so hard on myself too. I thought the blog was part of the reason I attract shitty men, because it’s a funny story. But having ended it, I realise that there are so many weirdos out there, all willing to come back for more!

So I hope you enjoyed this insight into 2022 & what some of the last 6 months has been like! It feels so good to write again!

#IBD4U

The End…

This is my 500th post!

As you know, I don’t honestly think I can or even want to continue my story anymore – so this is the end… The final day of a year seems fitting, so I can start a new year fresh without my blog… So this is the final post – that’s not to say I might not come back from time to time, but I won’t be posting weekly or every story I have. I might be the John Farnham of blogging! (OMG, I’m showing my age with that reference!) I will re-blog my posts from the beginning in the future – after a little break so you can all either re-read or read for the first time & it might help you understand why I am doing what I am doing at the end…

I promised myself that I would keep dating & writing about my love life until I found the guy that I can say too that “I’ve been dating for you”. Then perhaps I would continue to write more of an advice blog on dating the man you’ve been looking for for 30+ years & about our life together – I never thought it would take over 30+ years to find that I am happy alone… But with the curse of never getting the second date always looming over my head I pretty much have given up at this point…

Let’s have a look back at who I dated in 2020 & 2021 – this is just a few I wrote about…

I mean I have 500 blog posts! Yes I know some are guest posts & some are articles, not all are dating stories & there is my fiction & erotica amongst all the dating stories. But there are a lot & I still have notes on a few stories that remain untold!   

I want you to understand my life choices… I don’t owe you an explanation obviously – you read at your own risk, no one forces you to read my crazy life, so if you don’t agree with my choices or my life, you never had to read! Hahaha, but I do want to explain why I am ending this blog, the way I am ending this blog, especially before I got the ending I wanted…

Marvel isn’t committed to me. I am not committed to him either. Not in the way we once were. I know what I’m getting, multiple orgasms once or twice a month. There is no drama (from him at least) & I can do what I want, when I want too. I don’t have to compromise on spending money or making a life changing decision – while I wish I had a partner to build a life with, there are also some good points, which I don’t think are deal breakers. But lets also face it, there is no knight in shining amour nor is there the retard in tin foil.

I honestly didn’t think my blog would end this way, I didn’t think I wouldn’t have a final dating chapter quite like I have had. But as my 40th birthday looms (Was in August when I decided not to keep writing!), this blog is about a women dating in her 30’s. I am soon to not be in my 30’s & knowing that there is something about me, that makes it impossible to have a second date.

Is it because I have given my heart to someone else & never fully got it back? No because I even had this problem before Noodle.

Is it because I am too independent & strong for a man to be comfortable with? Well who knows, I’m sure it scares some dudes off

Is it because I don’t need to be saved? I don’t need a man to be fulfilled?! Again, who the fuck knows… I’ve tried the damsel in distress & it didn’t work either.

I have honestly lost all faith in everything. This is also a little odd for me, as I had done some mental work with NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) before Valvoline, before the Engineer & I discovered that I am lovable. Something I always feared I wasn’t… Something I confessed to you a while ago – my biggest fear that I would die without being loved. Something I always believed that I am not lovable. That’s probably why I always make so many jokes about my love life – to ease the uncomfortableness of being alone since 2007. I just figured that I wasn’t loveable. Now that I know that I am though the help of NLP – it’s not so funny anymore. I am loveable. I deserve love. So now I don’t make as many single jokes in real life, I don’t talk about being single as much. I know that in the last almost 5 years that I was loved, I know that Noodle loved me, I could feel it, I could see it, I know he loved me. No matter what anyone else thinks, no can take that away from me. But the timing wasn’t & has never been right with him…. I don’t know if it ever will be right to be honest… Who knows.

But having wiped those fears of being unlovable using NLP techniques & doing some work on myself mentally, I really thought that I was on the right path with someone, I was serious (about dating) & was more open & inviting of the idea of love again – perhaps Valvoline might be the right guy, given the way we met – it wasn’t on a seedy dating site. That was a serious meet cute & I was keen to not waste any more time wondering if a guy likes me or not. So I put all my cards on the table, not wanting to waste time or fuck around, telling him what I want & not settling for anything less. Only to have it shoved in my face… This being the first time that I have really done this too – so I think it’s going to go in my favour, but my life isn’t a romantic comedy!

With my life not going as I planned, I decide that at 40 I am going to stop dating. Which I can tell you is going well – so far – hahaha. 4 months in. I have my puppies who are spoilt & like my children, I have a great career even if it’s not the career I thought I would have, I have a great family, I have a great close knit group of friends, I am working towards being a foster carer, I have a small business, I now play netball & go to the gym. My life is too busy to be worrying about chatting online, to be looking for the next guy to ghost me. I am done.

I will miss this, but there comes a time in your blogging life when you are still fucking your married ex boyfriend on the regular that you to need to just stop writing about it. Look out for the reblogs of my earlier stories, coming in 2022.

For the last time…

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #28

Again – the story wasn’t ever finished, so here are some chapters that were written but didn’t line up with the story yet. So as the same as my dating life, there wasn’t much closure in this story either! Hahaha

“You’re what?” he stares at me as if he didn’t hear me

“Pregnant…” I run my fingers through my hair, I know this is not going to go down well with him, Conner has sworn not to have children & I never seemed to care because I wasn’t sure I could be a mum & give up my life as it was. This changed everything, I only took the test to rule it out, I didn’t even think for one second that it could be positive, I take my contraceptives religiously. I took the test while he was out because I didn’t want to freak him out especially if there was nothing to worry about but I also didn’t mean to blurt it out when he walked in the door. I expect him to get angry & yell, possibly leave in a huff & go get drunk with Tyler while I try to message him, he’ll ignore all the messages & come home the next day to finally deal with it. He dumps his keys on the side table by the door & walks over to standing inches from my face, his head bowed to look me directly in the eyes, his hands rest on my hips

“Really?” I nod & a tear falls down my cheek, I wipe it away hoping he doesn’t see it, of course he does, he wipes another tear as it falls. He drops to his knees pressing his lips to kiss my tummy, my hands run through his hair, I have no idea what he is thinking “Hello in there.” The flood gates open, I can’t control the sobs, blame the hormones! “Hey, what’s with the water works?” He stands & takes my face in his hands.

“You swore you’d never be a father” I pause & he exhales loudly “I didn’t know how you’d react” he wipes my tears with a sad smile.

“That was before you Kristie” he kisses me softly “The timing could be better & I…” he trails off, I look him in the eye

“You will be a fantastic father”

“I’m scared as hell I won’t be” I hug him tightly

“I know you are, but I am scared to be a mum too” he scoffs

“You excel at everything you do, as if you need to doubt yourself”

“I do though Conner, we both do”

Fleaz – next segment

I wake up suddenly in pain, my belly is contracting, I grasp it rubbing the hard round protruding stomach, I try to relax thinking it’s just Braxton hicks contractions which I have read so much about in my pregnancy books, when the next contraction pain hits me with extra force than the pain that woke me, I instantly know somehow that this is not Braxton hicks. I shake Conner trying to wake him before I can turn on the light, sitting up slight as he stirs when I feel stickiness between my legs

“Conner, something’s not right” the tone in my voice makes him sit bolt upright, in the glow of his clock radio I see him fumbling to reach the lamp, I flick the covers back as he switches it on, we both gasp as we see my legs, the white sheets & my standard pyjamas of Conner’s boxer shorts & t shirt, ruined with a thick coating of bright red blood

“Fuck” he swears, diving for his mobile on the nightstand he calls an ambulance, “I need an ambulance right away” silent tears are running down my cheeks at the sight of the blood, I am crying at the feeling of pain, crying thinking of the babies, crying thinking of Conner. I am holding my stomach as I sit up on the edge of our bed

“Get me a towel” I whisper, Conner runs off & returns with a white towel I am trying to stand up, why did I buy white towels & sheets? I guess I never thought I would ruin them with blood. I need to get downstairs for the ambulance, Conner presses the towel between my legs & picks me up in a bridal pose as if he knows I was going to try to walk down the stairs, his face is white as a ghost, I know he is thinking about his mother “I’ll be ok Dimples” & I nuzzle his neck praying that I am right. It’s the longest 8 minutes of our lives waiting for the ambulance, Conner doesn’t want to leave my side but I make him go upstairs & put some clothes on, he’s running down the stairs putting on his t shirt & he buttons up his jeans as he stands in front of me, making sure I am ok. As we hear the siren screaming around our streets, Conner sprints outside to hail it down, not wanting them to waste a minute looking for our house, the paramedics run inside with the stretcher knowing from the phone call that Conner made that I have to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I hear Conner telling them all my vital information

“She’s 29 weeks pregnant with twins, she just woke up in pain & bleeding. She’s not allergic to anything” he looks down at me as they strap me to the bed “Please be ok Kristie, please…” the paramedics wheel me out, I hear Conner on the phone as he slams the front door, he probably called my mum or sister.

“They’re just putting her in the ambulance now, I’ll call you once I know more…  Yes I will… Ok bye” Conner hangs up to deal with our neighbours who are in the street, woken up in the early hours of the morning by a siren so close to their home, Conner quickly waves & explains hurriedly to the neighbour we quite often talk too Judy & Vince, they wish me well & Vince asks if they can look after the dogs for us. As Conner climbs in the ambulance behind me he thanks Vince & the paramedic shuts the doors, Conner’s eyes fill with tears as he reaches for my hand & I squeeze it as my uterus contracts again

“Owwww” I scream & he looks at me, his face stricken with pain too, not physical pain as mine but the emotional pain that he might lose me

“Can’t you give her something for the pain?” He snaps at the paramedic

“It’s best that we don’t give her pain relief in case she has to have an emergency caesarean,” An emergency caesarean? It’s too soon!

“I can’t have the babies… Owwww” I can barely open my eyes from the pain, as the ambulance pulls up in the emergency bay at the hospital, people in scrubs come running out, I see the hospital fluro lights whip past as I am wheeled quickly into an examination room, the paramedics, nurses & doctors are all speaking in what seems like code, only its actually medical jargon I don’t understand. I feel pokes & prods as they start to identify what is wrong with me, they start with a needle stick in my arm & a nurse hangs a bag of clear fluid

“We need an ultrasound & page the on call obstetrician, stat” a doctor pressing on my belly shouts at a nurse who scurries away to the phone, Conner is standing in the corner having being pushed aside by doctors, he is biting his nails, something I have never seen him do before. Moments later another doctor appears by my side, she gently touches my belly & gets the ultrasound ready

“Mrs Reynolds, I’m Dr White, I’m the head obstetrician, can you tell me what happened?”

“I woke up… Owwww” I cry out in pain, Conner steps forward

“She woke up bleeding, less than 30 minutes ago, please is she going to be ok?”

“Who are you?” Doctor White asks

“I’m her husband, please?” She doesn’t really look at him

“How far along is she?”

“She’s 29 weeks, with twins” Doctor White examines the ultrasound, she looks closely at the screen

“Please are the babies ok?” I wince in pain again

“There are two heartbeats Mrs Reynolds, but you have placental abruption which means your placenta has detached, causing the bleeding & the babies are in distress, the only treatment option is immediate delivery via caesarean section”

“It’s too soon” I cry

“If we don’t get them out immediately, you & the babies may not survive. Mrs Reynolds we’ll do everything we can to bring those babies into the world safely today” she squeezes my arm “I’ll see you both in the operating theatre” She looks at us both, walking away, a nurse takes Conner to get him in scrubs as I am wheeled through the hospital to the operating theatre, where people are busy scurrying around getting things ready

“Hi Mrs Reynolds, I’m Doctor Mendel, I’m the anaesthesiologist, you’ll feel a sharp scratch in your hand” he pushes the needle in my hand & I start to loosen up finally being able to stretch out rather than being curled in a ball of pain, Conner & Doctor White enter the room, I can tell they were discussing my pending surgery, Conner is given a chair & sits by my head

“Are you ok baby?” he asks with a look of terror on his face that makes tears run down my cheeks freely “Don’t cry, I’m here” he pats my hair

“I love you Conner” he leans in to kiss me gently on the lips, tears streaming down his face too

“I love you” We stare at each other, crying until Doctor White interrupts us, she’s now dressed in scrubs with her gloved hands in the air

“Are you ok Mrs Reynolds?”

“Please call me Kristie, yes I’m ok”

“Ok Kristie, can you feel what Doctor Mendel is doing?”

“No”

“Great then we’re ready to get these babies out” she smiles warmly & she moves out of my sight. I make eye contact with Conner, he is stroking my hair, I can hear the doctors & nurses talking but it’s just white noise at this point. Within a few minutes, I hear my first baby cry “It’s a boy!” Doctor White announces, Conner & I start crying more

“Is he ok?” Conner asks looking over the sheet blocking my view

“Yes, he is just getting looked at by the paediatrician” It doesn’t take too long before I hear the cries of the next baby “It’s a girl” I let out a laugh that is also a little cry “She’s doing fine too Kristie” I hear both babies making crying noises, I want to touch them, to see them but they are so early I know they will be monitored carefully. We haven’t even had time to think of names for these little babies, we had always ended up in a fight.

Doctor White turns back to me & I sense some urgency in her actions to close up my incisions “I need suction” there is definite concern in her voice when she snap at the nurse

“What’s going on?” Conner snaps, standing up to look at what is going on

“Nurse, can you please escort Mr Reynolds to the neonatal unit with the babies?” the nurse moves to take Conner from the room

“I’m not fucking going anywhere” I sense there is something not right “tell me what is going on?”

“Nurse!” Doctor White shouts as the nurse standing by Conner, she jumps, startled but unsure she’ll be able to man handle my distraught husband, I know there is something wrong with me & he needs to go with the babies

“Conner, please go check on the babies, they need their daddy” He stands up abruptly, tears streaming down our faces “Take care of them no matter what”

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends, he leans down to kiss me deeply then he walks a few steps away from my he turns “Do whatever you have to do save her” he shouts as he points back at the doctor while he gets pushed out the room, threatening her, but more like a plea. Doctor White barely notices as there is a commotion with the nurses & I feel hazy

“I can’t stop the bleeding…”

It’s the last thing I remember…

***

“She’ll be ok Conner, she’s strong” I vaguely hear my mum’s voice outside my room with Conner

“How will I tell her…” My mind drifts back to sleep…

***

“Why won’t she wake up?” I hear the strain in Conner’s voice, I feel his hand in mine, I try to reassuringly squeeze his hand but mine won’t work

“She’s been through a lot Conner, the doctors say she is ok & will wake up soon” My sister is holding my other hand, I try to squeeze her hand too, but I drift back to sleep…

***

It’s silent in my room when I wake up & am able to open my eyes, I look around adjusting to my surroundings, there is a glow of the light above my head for the nurses during the night, I try to pull myself up the bed so I am more comfortable, I startle Conner awake from his make-shift bed the hospital has provided to him

“Kristie” He rushes over to my bed, standing over me, he takes my hand & he bends down to kiss me gently on my lips “Thank fuck you’re awake, it’s been killing me” I chuckle but it hurts, I wince “Are you in pain? I’ll get the nurse”

“Water” is all I can say as he presses the button for the nurse & he turns to pour me a glass of water, holding the cup & straw up to my lips, I drink the entire cup & he refills it bring it back to give me more, I take a sip & smile “You had me so worried baby, I’ve never been more scared in all my life”

“The babies?” he smiles squeezing my hand

“They are both doing well, they are in neo natal at the moment, we all visit them every day” he smiles fondly, picking up a photo that someone printed, they are in the same crib & are so tiny “The doctors are trying co-bedding with them & their stats improved the second they were together” a tear runs down my cheek, there is so much love in his voice for our babies

“How long was I asleep?” The nurse walks in

“Two days” Really, was that all?

“How are you feeling Mrs Reynolds?”

“Please call me Kristie, I’m feeling ok, a little sore”

“I’ll just check your incision” she pulls the blanket back & looks at my abdomen “That looks good, how’s the pain on a scale of one to ten?”

“Six maybe” she nods, noting on my chart

“I’ll get the doctor & something for the pain.” Conner sits down in the chair pulling it as close as he can to the bed as he can, I suspect he’d pull me on his lap if he was allowed. Doctor White arrives shortly after the nurse gives me some pain medication

“Hello Kristie, how are you feeling?”

“Just a little sore” she looks at my chart

“That’s to be expected” She puts my chart on my legs & asks to look at my incision too, she presses around gently “So Kristie while everything went well with the birth of the babies, who are adorable by the way” smiling, she looks at Conner & he takes my hand putting it to his lips “There was a slight complication after the delivery, there was a lot of bleeding, I couldn’t stop it” Conner bows his head breathing deeper onto my hand, she pauses as if she doesn’t want to tell me something. She takes a deep breath “I had to perform a hysterectomy” Whatthefuck! A hysterectomy! Her face is pained, as an obstetrician & a woman, she knows the importance of a uterus “Of course I did not make this decision hastily, it was the only way to control the bleeding & save your life” Conner squeezes my hand, I look at him, he has a distressed look on his face, I look back at the doctor who is obviously also distressed with this news.

“Thank you Doctor White, I appreciate your help” she reaches in her pocket “I know you made the right decision”

“I have some literature for you to read if you need some support, but with two beautiful babies doing so well in the NICU & this supportive man, I hope that you can tolerate this news”

“It’s just a shock, that’s all. I will be ok, I’m sure.” I smile reassuring her that I will be fine, in time “When can I see my babies?”

“I’d like you up & walking around as soon as tomorrow morning, so get some rest tonight” her pager beeps “I’m on call, babies to be delivered, I’ll pop back in the morning then we’ll get you up & about.” She smiles kindly walking out of my room.

“I don’t know how I feel about that news”

“I know me either. I was so scared to tell you” he rubs my hand on his cheek

“I didn’t know if I even wanted kids at all Conner, now I know I can’t have any more I suddenly want more” we chuckle sadly

“Well after what I’ve been through the last few days, even if they hadn’t done a hysterectomy, I was never going to get you pregnant again” I smile as his beautiful pained face “Don’t laugh at me, I was so scared, they kicked me out of the theatre & I couldn’t see what was happening, no one would tell me what was happening either, I was never going to go through that again” he speaks so fast I barely caught it all “Then I thought of the babies who needed me too, I was so torn” he pauses for the longest time “I finally understand how my father felt”

“Oh Conner, he didn’t have to choose & neither do you” I lean as far as I can without hurting my abdomen to kiss him, Conner stands up to kiss me

“I know baby” I yawn leaning back into the uncomfortable hospital bed “Sleep now” I feel the pain medication start to work & make me sleepy, I fall back to sleep.

***

Conner is not in his make-shift bed when I wake up, my mum is sitting in the chair reading a magazine

“Hi Mum” she drops the magazine, jumping up to stoke my hair & kiss my forehead

“Kristie, you had us all so worried. Poor Conner I don’t think he’s slept” She laughs “How are you? Did you speak to the doctor?

“I’m ok, really, Doctor White talked to me last night, it sucks but I’m going to be ok with it once it sinks in, you know” she nods knowing that is must be difficult for me, tears well in both our eyes

“We need names for those babies!” Mum claps her hands trying to lighten the mood. Conner & I had so many little arguments about the baby names that we had given up, we hadn’t even found out what sexes we were having yet knowing that we still had time, even my baby shower wasn’t for another three weeks.

“I know, jeez, I thought I would have more time”

“You’ll think that for the rest of your life now you have children darling” I laugh, Conner walks back into the room with his breakfast, it looks like he’s showered at least today, yesterday he’d looked like death warmed up, unshaved & unclean

“Morning Baby Cakes” He kisses my forehead too as Doctor White comes in with a nurse.

“Are you ready to see your babies Krisite?” Doctor White asks cheerfully, I nod rapidly “Let me check your wound first then we’ll get you up & in a wheelchair, you can’t walk that far just yet” She’s seemingly happy with the wound & starts to help me up out of bed, Conner gets in the way trying to help so the nurse just allows him to help me. He wheels me up to the neo natal unit with my mum & Doctor White by my side, there aren’t many babies in the room, I see two tiny infants in the same crib & Conner pushes me up close so I can look inside. They are so tiny, I realise I know nothing about them

“How much did they weigh? What time were they born? How long were they?…” Mum & Doctor White chuckle

“Whoa, one question at a time” Doctor White picks up their charts “Baby Boy Reynolds was born at 3:22am weighing 2lb 9oz & was 35cm long. Baby Girl Reynolds was born at 3:26am, weighing 2lb 3oz & she was 33cm. Both were quite a good size for 29 week twins”

“Can I touch them?” Doctor White calls over a nurse

“I’ll see you tomorrow to check on you Kristie & hopefully you can go home soon” She rubs my shoulder & she leaves. The nurse opens the little hand hole & allows me to put my hand into the crib to touch my babies for the first time since they were living inside me. I start crying, silent tears of joy, my mum joins in too, their skin is so soft & warm, they are wearing only nappies & a hospital hat

“Can I touch them too?” She asks, I look puzzled, I know she’s been up here before, why hasn’t she touched them yet? “We decided to wait until you had held them, so only Conner & the staff have been handling them until you were able to see them” I cry some more, that is so sweet!

“Thank you & of course, they want to meet their Nanna” she wipes her tears & gently put her hand in to stroke Baby Boy Reynolds arm, I snap about 20 photos of them on my smartphone

“They need names” I look over at Conner, he nods

“I want whatever you want, both names you picked out are perfect”

“Don’t you want to name one at least?” I ask as he bends down to kiss my forehead, stroking my hair

“No baby” I look up at him, my eyes glistening.

“Mum, I want you to meet our babies Hudson Jack Reynolds & Addison Molly Reynolds”


Fleaz – new segment

“So I’ve got a little surprise for you baby” Conner holds the front door as he opens it turning to face me

“What is it?” he leads me to the downstairs bedrooms. When we found out we were having twins we decided that they would have their own bedroom but we would only have one change table which would go in one of their rooms, I was planning on finding out what we were having so we’d painted the walls a warm grey colour & were going to add coloured accents later. He led me into the first room, which had pink wooden letters which spelled out Addison on the door. He’s done the nursery’s! I quickly stand on tippy toes & hug him tight, which pulls on my stiches, I wince

“Did I hurt you baby?” Conner pulls away as I hold my lower belly, I chuckle

“I hugged you & you’re worried you hurt me?” he nods, not knowing what to say, I laugh more, which hurts more

“Stop laughing, you’re supposed to be taking it easy” He shows me Hudson’s room where which is basically the same but in blue with letters on the door for his name too. He’d put together the white cribs, white change table & set up the pusher, he’d found the tree stickers that I was planning on putting up & he stuck them to the walls “I’ve also brought all your stuff downstairs to the guest room until you can manage the stairs”

“Conner, I can walk up the stairs” I pout, he grins “But thank you, that is very thoughtful”

“Your sister has been here cleaning while we’ve been gone”

“What happened to my expensive sheets?”

“I threw them out, but Samantha bought new ones which are on the bed upstairs. I had someone come & professionally clean the bed for you”

“I can’t wait till the babies come home”

“Neither can I baby, everything will be perfect”

Sorry readers that is the last of the fiction!!

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #27

So the fiction is sort of finished – I stopped writing the story after the honey moon, however I wrote a few chapters that never connected to the story, it was always a work in progress, but I thought you might like a read of what was to come?!

I couldn’t ignore the silent number that had been incessantly calling me, I finally snapped

“What?” there was a long pause, I thought it was an international telemarketer

“Is this Conner Reynolds phone?” the quiet woman’s voice catches me off guard, my heart starts pounding, WTF?

“No, this is his wife’s phone” there is another long pause, who is this bitch? “Can I help you?” I snap, the woman stutters

“I’m his… this is his… I didn’t know he was married… I’m his…”

“Spit it out!” I snap, raising my voice, causing Conner to look over at me, intrigued who I am talking too 

“I’m his sister, Jenny.” HolyFuckingBatShit! Stunned I stand there with my mouth open for so long that she starts saying ‘hello’ repeatedly until I finally awaken from my shock

“What do you want?” I ask icily, I even surprise myself, I know Conner is not going to be happy with this call but I have to know what she wants

“To speak to Conner”

“I don’t think he wants to talk to you” she scoffs as if she already knew I was going to say that 

“I know…” She pauses again, Get on with it! “Our grandmother passed away… Bessie, she died last night” my mouth is shocked open again, I just stare at Conner who has now stood up & come to stand by me, with a puzzled look on his face, I can’t speak but Jenny goes on “I know she tried to contact him a few months back” I think back to the worst weekend I’d ever spent with Conner, I didn’t want to relive that 

“Look this is all very interesting & I’m sorry for your loss but Conner wants nothing to do with you” his eye brows raise, I wave him off dismissively 

“He’s executor of her will” I think my jaw must have hit the floor because Conner snatches the phone from me

“Who is this?” he snaps, after a short pause he raises his voice “Who the fuck is it?” the conversation is one sided “You heard my wife, I want nothing to do with you” he starts pacing “What the fuck! Are you serious?” he runs his fingers through his hair “This is so fucked up” he stops pacing & I hug his back, my hands tuck around his waist, his hand rubs my hands that are laced together at his bellybutton “I can’t fucking deal with this” he hands the phone back to me & storms off

“Jenny? It’s Kristie. What did you say?”

“Not only is he executor, he is also the sole heir to Bessie’s estate” OhHolyShit! I pause for a long time & Jenny has to ask if I am still there again. 

“What does this mean?” I ask

“The lawyers want to talk to Conner to sign everything over to him” she pauses “The funeral is on Thursday at 1:00pm, do you think…” her voice trails off, she wants us to go but I can’t help but think she wants to make amends with Conner now that she knows she’s getting nothing from Bessie’s estate “I’ll text you the details. I know he probably won’t want to come but I would like him too”

“I doubt he will” 

“I want to make amends with him” I scoff “We were just little kids, I regret everything”

“You regret it now you know Bessie left you nothing” I hear her laugh

“It was my idea, Bessie left me my mother’s & her wedding rings” she pauses as if looking at them “That’s all I want, Conner deserves the house & what little money she had, I don’t need it.” I think about the last inheritance Conner received & how he felt the money was only to be used to give him what they hadn’t, I wonder what he would do with this money, we didn’t really need it now that the eight units were about to be rented out. 

“Text me the details & I’ll see what he wants to do” I hung up from Jenny, searching the house for Conner. I found him in our bedroom sitting on the edge of our bed looking at his wedding ring, twisting it around his finger, I drop to my knees beside him, I rest my forearm on his knee so he doesn’t see my touch as pity, I am trying for a more casual stance

“What are you thinking?” I try to look at him but he dips his head lower, I don’t push him to talk to me, I can tell that he’s probably got tears in his eyes he doesn’t want me to see, when he does look up he shouts angrily

“Fuck!” he stands up abruptly “When will they all just fucking go away?” I climb up to sit on the edge of the bed, Conner stands there with his hands linked behind his head staring at the ceiling “what else did she say?” 

“She gave me details for the funeral…” I paused gauging his reaction before I went on “It was her idea for Bessie to leave her estate to you, she doesn’t want the money” he scoffs, letting his hands fall to his side, loudly slapping his legs

“Neither do I” he laughs, but it’s not a funny laugh “All I wanted they took from me” he turns to look at me “I have all I want” his arms embrace my head pulling me in for a hug, he kisses the top of my head as my phone beeps with a text message 

J: Blackwell Funerals, Port Rd 1:00pm Thursday. I have passed your number onto the lawyers. I hope you come Thursday, would have been nicer to meet you under different circumstances but I do hope you come. Jenny Reynolds. 

I show Conner immediately as I don’t want there to be any secrets, especially when it comes to his family. 

“Fuck” he snaps & walks off out of our bedroom. Jesus why did this have to happen now? I stalk off after him, he’s so good at walking away

“What do you want to do Conner?” he taps his fingers on the kitchen bench, his other hand on his hip, he’s looking at me but he’s not seeing me, he’s looking right through me, deep in thought “Do you want to go to the funeral?” he shakes his head but then starts nodding it, I smile sadly understanding how he feels, I walk & squeeze him tight, my cheek pressing into his chest, his arms fold around me back “I’ll be with you the whole time Dimples” I look up at him, his hands push the hair from my face “I won’t let go of your hand”  he kisses my nose, then my lips softly, his way of saying thank you when he can’t speak because of the lump in his throat.

*

I drive Conner to the funeral in my car because I don’t know if he would actually be fit to drive in the state of silence he’s been in. As soon as we’re standing side by side, his hand seeks mine squeezing it tight. I know this is going to be tough for Conner, I anticipate that I will have to do the talking & make small talk with his family, I’m prepared with things to say to keep the topics light & away from the family drama that left Conner ostracised. I have to tug on Conner’s arm to get him to start walking towards the building, someone says ‘oh my god’ as we walk in & a few heads turn, I see a woman who looks exactly like Conner, blonde curly hair, green eyes & tall, she walks towards us, staring at him as if in disbelief

“Conner?” she whispers as a question, they lock eyes but Conner doesn’t speak, as I expected I take over talking for him

“Yes this is Conner, I’m Kristie Reynolds, his wife” I hold out my hand to shake hers

“Jenny Reynolds” she introduces herself to me but doesn’t offer her hand to Conner, she knows her brother well, he wouldn’t have shaken it, he is just staring at her icily “I’m so glad you came, I know Bessie would be pleased” Conner tries to turn & pull away, possibly leaving the building but I hold him firm, tugging him back to face Jenny “I know this is weird…” her voice trails off “Let’s find our seats, we can talk afterwards”

The service is lovely, there are many people who loved Bessie in the room, her friend who did her eulogy mentioned her biggest regret was Conner, he squeezed my hand so tightly it felt like he snapped a few bones. Afterwards there was tea & coffee in the room of to the side of the chapel, Bessie was being cremated so there was no cemetery ceremony.

“Conner Reynolds?” A man stood in front of us holding out his hand to Conner, before it got awkward I reached out & shook it introducing us both, the man introduced himself as Wyatt Harrison, when is stared at him blankly, not knowing the family tree & where the Harrison’s fitted in, he explained “I’m your uncle… your mothers brother… Bessie was my mother” I felt Conner’s grip on my hand tighten, I could only respond with ‘oh’ as I wanted to punch this man, why didn’t he take Conner in? 

“Some fucking uncle!” Conner snaps under his breath as if reading my thoughts, Wyatt flinches, it’s pretty much the first thing Conner has said all day. I squeeze Conner’s hand forcing him to look at me

“I think it’s time to go” he nods starting to walk away “Goodbye Wyatt, I’m sorry for your loss” he nods as we walk away, just outside the funeral home I hear a woman call out our names 

“Kristie? Conner? Wait, please!” the desperation in her voice made me stop & turn to face Jenny as she jogs towards us “I know this is awkward but please don’t leave”

“Awkward? Awkward doesn’t even begin to explain what today is” Conner pauses but neither Jenny or I speak “I just found out I have an uncle, an uncle who also didn’t bother to take me in either” Shit! he didn’t know he had an uncle? “Coming here was a big fucking mistake” he tugged his hand free & stormed back to the car, I slowly turned to follow him, unlocking it so he could get in, he slammed the door, I shrug at Jenny turning to follow Conner.

I put the keys in the ignition turning the car on, the soft music played in the background

“I’m so sorry Conner…” he put his hand up to stop me speaking

“I need to cry Kristie” tears were already running down my cheeks as he whispers “but I don’t want to do it in front of you” I turn to face him, pulling his head to my chest to nuzzle in between my breasts

“I won’t look, but I’m not letting you go” a manly sob escaped his throat, he kisses my breast, not in a sexual way but in a thank you kind of way, it’s the only place he can reach without me seeing his face. My heart breaks for him & I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my cheek or the sobs coming from my throat. I think it helped Conner to not be as self-conscious with his sobs, he arms wrapped around me so tightly, my hip was pressed up against the console into centre if the car, it was digging into me but I was not going to move or say anything to Conner since we were having a breakthrough moment. I’m also glad we’re not home because Conner would be stripping my clothes off trying to have sex with me as a way to forget, as much as I didn’t mind that, I felt like Conner really needed to deal with this once & for all with a manly cry not sex. I don’t know how long we sit there but as the tears subside for both of us, Conner sits up & kisses me passionately

“Thank you baby” he looks down “please don’t think I’m pathetic…” I cut him off, grabbing his face in both my hands so I can look him in the eye, they are red & swollen, I’ve never seen a man cry before

“Never, ever think that! I love you even more, if that’s even possible” I wipe the remaining tear from his cheek “You are so strong, this must be so devastating. I’m glad I am here with you” he leans forward to kiss me

“Let’s go home so I can bury myself deep inside you & forget this day ever happened”

*

Conner wouldn’t get his wish to forget that day ever happened, the lawyers called my phone on the Monday after the funeral, I couldn’t get Conner to talk to them but I set up a meeting at their offices for the next day.

“I don’t want anything more to do with it” he snapped

“I know you don’t, so let’s get it over with” I caress his arm, he looks up at me & smiles

“I’m so glad I have you” he kisses my hand.

FLEAZ – Next Segment

The next day standing outside of the lawyers office, Conner’s breathing increases looking at the tall building, it is overwhelming. Inside, on the 16th floor, we’re led into a conference room where three lawyers sit with paperwork in front of them

“Mr Reynolds, Mrs Reynolds” We all shake hands “Let’s get down to business, in plain English, Beatrice Harrison left her estate to Conner Reynolds”

“What if I don’t want it?” he asks, the lawyer looks down at the papers, reading out loud

“In that case, the will states that it all goes to your finance, Miss Kristie Callan” he looks up realising his mistake “Of course your wife, Mrs Kristie Reynolds” my mouth drops open Whatthefuck! Conner scoffs & looks down at his hands, surely she doesn’t have that much to give him anyway, maybe he should take it & put it towards his business he wants to start, then we can really put this behind us. The lawyer continues “Her estate includes the solely owned property valued at $549000” WHAT? Half a million dollars? “All her possessions have already been allocated, do you want to see the list?” Conner shakes his head, the lawyer looks back down at the paper as the others note down on their paperwork “Now that all of Mrs Harrison’s affairs are in order her bank balance of $328749.57 is allocated to Conner Reynolds after probate” Jesus! The lawyers look at us, my mouth is wide open, Conner is looking at his hands “Do you accept Mr Reynolds?” there is a long silence, so long in fact that the lawyers all look at each other, one even clears his throat.

“Can I have a moment alone with my wife?” They all jump up scurrying out the room nodding & agreeing. Once they close the door Conner turns to me

“This is fucking insane” he shakes his head, exhaling loudly “Do we take the money?” I shrug

“I don’t know Dimples” I pause for him to sound it out with me but when he doesn’t speak I continue “You really could start that business…” he looks at me raising his eye brows, his eyes brighten

“I could get the life I always wanted” I squeeze his hands, leaning in to kiss him gently “I never wanted anything from them”

“I know, but the offer is there, I think you should seriously consider it”

“You could finally quit & become my sexy assistant” he chuckles, running his thumb over my knuckles “I want to accept this money for you”

“I don’t need it Conner, I only need you” he raises his hand to kiss mine that is linked with his

“I know, but I want that future we always talked about” he stands abruptly going to the door of the conference room to call the lawyers back in “We accept, where do we sign?”

**

In the weeks that followed, Conner researched starting his own business, we planned for him to use the money Bessie left him to fund it. I resigned from my 9-5 horrible job that I hated, Conner had written my resignation letter & was over the moon the day I said I was going to hand it in to my workplace, I never felt so good about anything in all my life.

We had taken John to the block of eight units to show him how far they had come since we bought them, now that they were basically finished & ready to be rented out, we needed to know how much we would get for each one

“Wow! The facade looks amazing” he snaps a photo, in the end Conner had ripped out all the plants & driveway redoing the entire building & surrounding yard, basically all that was original was the bricks & mortar. Conner had saved so much money by putting in the hours & doing as much as he could on his own, he believed it would help get us more rent, we step inside the first unit which is now all painted, installed with the simple but elegant kitchens & bathrooms. I had picked all the features myself, apparently according to Conner it was my forte. I had everything painted exactly the same, the floors were all stripped back to the floor boards & sealed the only difference was in the kitchen, in the white tiles there was a thin strip of feature tiles which I choose a different colour for each unit “These are so fantastic, I am impressed. Kristie you do have an eye for this stuff.” John took more photos. We led him though all eight & he is impressed that they are all look the same but have a different feature “I would put them all on the rental market for $350 per week each” my jaw drops, it’s been doing that a lot lately! That is more than I expected, John notices my astonishment “You did a great job with the finishes, the colour choices so neutral but not stark white, this type of place so close to public transport, the university & close to the city will be snapped up by the end of the week.” He is right, all eight had rental contracts signed by the end of the week, people were going to be moving in over the next few weeks, Conner couldn’t be more ecstatic.

*

“My next plan of attack is to see if we can knock down Bessie’s house, subdivide the land & build two or three townhouses” we hadn’t even received the deed or keys yet but Conner had been to the her house twice with John to see what opportunities could be there. John said that was our best option, especially since we wanted to expand our portfolio & Conner wanted the maximum return he could on each property, it was exactly what Conner had hoped he’d say, subdivide the land. Conner spent the week with an architect & council men to reach a happy medium on what we could do with the block, it turns out that there is enough room for four town houses & Conner does the math & thinks it’s best to put a little extra in for the business fund to get the extra property.


Fleaz – next segment

“Hello?” I answer my mobile to a private number

“You’re knocking down Bessie’s house?” Shit, it’s Jenny.

“Yes, demolition starts tomorrow” I say as calm & as monotone as I can

“I can’t fucking believe it”

“Do not swear at me, the estate was left to Conner, there was no stipulation that he had to keep it as it was”

“I thought he would have one sentimental bone in his body” I scoff at her

“What is there to be sentimental about?” I snap, Conner walks into the room & his interest in my conversation is enticed

“It was the house I grew up in” She sniffs as if she’s crying

“Well do you know where Conner grew up?” I don’t wait for her to answer, my tone is steely “In shitty foster homes before he ended up living on the streets, that house means nothing to him” Conner raises his eyebrows, trying to take the phone off me

“I didn’t know…” I vamp up ready for the worst thing I will probably say to someone I don’t even know

“No you wouldn’t fucking know would you? Because while you were warm in your bed in that precious fucking house on freezing cold winter nights, Conner was lying in the street with only the clothes on his back” I lower my voice to get my point across “You knew perfectly well that Conner didn’t want anything from any of you, so don’t act all high & mighty about sentimentality when you have no fucking clue what he went through, when you all left him like a dog at the pound”

“I just…” I interrupt her

“I suggest you delete my number Jenny, I, for one can say that I do not want to hear from you again” I don’t wait for her to reply before I end the call.

“What the fuck was that all about?” I wave my phone at him

“That was your fucking sister all bent out of shape because we’re knocking down Bessie’s house tomorrow”

“Why didn’t you let me talk to her? I don’t want you to have to deal with this shit from my family”

“I think I dealt with her quite well, I don’t think she’ll be calling us again” I laugh, even though I am far from happy

“I was pretty fucking scared” he chuckles pulling me close “you were like an ice queen” he kisses my nose “I don’t think that is the last of my family drama though”

“Well Dimples, it’s our family drama” he laughs 

“I love you so much, I don’t know what I would do without you”

“Well lucky I’m not going to let you find out”

**

Conner & I stop off at Bessie’s house on the way back from picking out the carpet for these four new town houses, I think, for Conner, watching the house get torn down, was symbolic of his childhood being torn away from him, so he could start fresh. As the workmen unloaded the bulldozer, Conner & I get out of the car to watch, there are people across the street, watching also, Conner had talked to all the adjoining neighbours so they knew what to expect, just as he had at the block of units, but underneath dark shades I could still make out that one of the onlookers is Wyatt. 

As the bulldozer gets in place & as the arm comes down & slices though the house like a hot knife in butter, everything goes into slow motion, I see Wyatt raise his arm, I could tell he was holding something that he was pointing at us Holy Shit is that a gun? With the noise of the demolition no one hears me scream ‘he’s got a gun’ even Conner who is mere centimetres away from me, doesn’t even bat an eyelid, Wyatt is pointing the gun but he hasn’t shot it, is he too scared or is it just a scare tactic? Before I can move Conner out of the way, I heard the gun fire, one single shot, one single life changing moment, the bulldozer operator heard it too, he’s looking around trying  to work out what the noise was, he turns off the bulldozer, all noise stops, the world stands still, there is just a deafening silence as I see Conner go down, clutching his arm, rolling on the ground in agony, I’m paralysed, this can’t be real, this can’t be happening?

Some work men sprint over to our aid, one is already on the phone with police & ambulance, no one wants to chase down Wyatt in case he turns on them too, another man applies pressure to Conner’s wound, he is now covered in blood, a man asks me if I am ok, wrapping his arm around me I hug him tightly, a workman I don’t even know! I can’t look at Conner yet I can’t look away.

Sirens blare as police arrive to secure the scene, workmen cooperate giving as much information as they can as to what direction Wyatt went in, a squad car speeds off in the direction the men point, an officer tends to Conner as the sirens scream as the ambulance is still on its way. An officer takes out his notebook approaching me

“Ma’am do you know who the shooter was?” I nod unable to speak “do you have a name?” I stutter my response

“Wy…Wya…Wyatt Harr… Harrison” then my words come in a rush “it’s his uncle, this is his mum’s house. It was left to Conner in the will, we’re obviously tearing it down…”

“Ok calm down ma’am, we’ll get a statement from you later, the ambulance is ready to leave with your husband” the officer helps me in the back of the ambulance. I finally see that Conner is seemingly in good spirits, they have him sitting up with his arm raised across his chest

“Looks like it’s just a flesh wound, I need stitches or something but looks like I’ll be ok” a sigh of relief washes over me & the water works start “hey, hey baby, don’t cry!”

“Jesus, Conner, your family is fucking nuts!” he scoffs

“You can say that again”       

“Jesus, Conner, your family is fucking nuts!” he laughs & leans over to kiss me.

*

At the hospital, as Conner is getting his arm fixed up, the police officers come to take our statements, I tell them the most of back story, including details from Jenny’s phone call the day before. The police advised us that Wyatt was already in custody, they found a gun in his backpack when he was arrested.

“I don’t want to press charges, I want to forget these crazy people ever existed”

“Are you sure sir?” 

“Yes, I was this all behind us.”

“I’d advise against that Mr Reynolds…”

“Just fucking leave it…” Conner snaps but I cut him off

“Thanks officers” I usher them out of the treatment room

“Let us know if you think of anything else” the officers hand me a card with their details on it.

“We should be able to discharge you in a few hours Mr Reynolds, you are a very lucky man” without hesitation, Conner looks at me, winks & says 

“That I am Doctor, that I am” I don’t miss the double meaning but the Doctor just smiles & leaves the room. 

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #26

It turns out that there is something equally as good, waking up with your husband still inside you, snoring loudly wrapped tightly around you, when you kiss his neck, the only part you can reach, you feel his cock twitching inside of you as he stirs…

“Good morning beautiful” he turns his head to kiss my neck, up my cheek & to my lips, kissing me until he is rock hard inside me, as slowly as the night before Conner makes love to me with such slow passion, like he is trying to remember every touch & every movement. We come together, moaning, it makes me wonder how we are ever going to get out of bed during our honeymoon, neither of us seems to get enough of the other.

“I want to be inside you all day” he murmurs, kissing my neck, I laugh looking at the clock

“We have to check out in 30 minutes”

“Fine, then I’ll stay here for 29 minutes” I try fruitlessly to push him off me laughing, we have to shower & pack up our bags, he kisses me passionately again “Thank you for being you” He pulls out of me, rolling off the bed, he scoops me up & carries me to the shower “I love you wet” I laugh at his double meaning as me puts my down under the running stream of water “I have to control myself, because I don’t want you out of action” he rubs his cock against my rear, leaning down to kiss my neck, I can feel him smiling

“Oh my god Conner” I laugh “Is your cock always hard?”

“Only when I am with my naked wife or thinking about my naked wife or touching my naked wife…” his hands cup my breasts & I automatically lean back into his shoulder pushing my breasts into his waiting hands, I moan “Yes for you baby, I am always hard” his lips find mine & we kiss as I turn to face him, his hands find my butt & he lifts me up to impale me on his cock, taking a step back to lean me against the wall, he holds me in his strong arms as he quickly brings us to a loud satisfying orgasm

“We’re going to get in trouble for checking out late” I quip as he puts my feet on the floor, I start soaping up the sponge when Conner takes it from me to wipe it all over us

“When the concierge people see how sexy you are, they’ll understand why” I burst out laughing, I don’t think so Conner!

“Sure!” I roll my eyes “Anyway I thought you were going to control yourself?”

“It’s your fault” he grins at me cheekily, I giggle, trying to look annoyed

“How is it my fault?” He pulls me close & whispers

“Cause you’re so damn sexy when you talk about my cock” I giggle more, he kisses my forehead “Get out of the shower Mrs Reynolds, we can’t possibly check out late!” I playfully hit his shoulder & get out of the shower.

*

“I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off you for the next 10 hours” Conner whispers in my ear as his arms wrap around my hips when we line up to check in for our flights to Bora Bora, the beginning of our honeymoon

“Newlyweds?” The airline assistant asks as we hand over our passports “I see you’re already in first class, seats 2A & 2B’ I gape at Conner, shaking my head, he is purposely not paying attention to me but he is smirking, he says thankyou & walks away ignoring my stare

“Conner Jack Reynolds!” I stop walking, tapping my foot, he turns to face me, looking over my head, he bends to kiss my forehead

“Only the best for you baby” he looks down at me, wiping the tear welling in my eye

“You had us booked first class from the beginning didn’t you?” he nods & I can only shake my head smiling insanely with how ridiculous this man is “You know I don’t need first class” he puts his arm around my shoulder & leads me to the first class lounge

“How do you know you don’t need it, you’ve never travelled first class before. This could be just what you need to be complete” we laugh

“You are what I need to make me complete!” I kiss him.

*

Ten hours later we’re in sunny Bora Bora being taxied by boat to our ‘over water’ villa at the stunning St Regis hotel, the water is crystal blue, the temperature is perfect 29 degrees, the whirl of the breeze cools our skin as the boat slows down to dock at our villa. The hotel attendant carries our bags inside, Conner carries me over the threshold of the villa, the attendant makes himself scarce after showing us where all the important amenities are & how to get to the restaurant.

“This place is so beautiful, that water is so clear but I’m sure were didn’t book the pool suite” Conner only smiles, we booked over an ‘over water’ villa but I’d chosen the cheaper one that didn’t have its own pool & completely private balcony. I figured we had the ocean right there that we didn’t also need a pool. I know he’s upgraded the room without telling me, I just shake my head & open my suit case to pull out my navy blue bikini, holding it up with one finger “Swim?” I take off my singlet & shorts, standing there in my underwear as I assess how tangled my bikini is, laying it out on the bed in order, Conner comes up behind me grabbing my hips & dry humping my rear

“I didn’t know I would get a strip show” he jokes, I playfully slap his hands away, I reach around & take my bra off, as I bend to pick the bikini top, Conner thrusts rapidly into my butt & his hands caress my breasts, I stand up straight arching my back as I tie the halter straps around my neck, I slap Conner’s hands away & pull the straps around the back, Conner takes over after I tie the knot.

“I don’t like covering you up Kristie, but if a swim is what you want, we’ll swim” He walks over to his suitcase stripping naked, I see his erection standing proud, he finds his board shorts, putting them on he turns back to me “But afterwards, I get to peel this off you” he says flicking the bikini bottom elastic “& we’ll be naked the rest of the night.” I agree laughing & pass him the sunscreen, lifting my hair & turning my back to him “Are you fucking kidding me?” he scoffs, I let my hair fall & turn around

“What?” I ask puzzled, he holds up the sunscreen bottle

“I’m already hard from your little strip show & now you want me to rub sun cream all over your sexy little bikini wearing body?” I nod, smiling innocently as I can, I didn’t even plan that at all, he squirts the cold sunscreen on my shoulder, I flinch & he laughs but his hands warm it quickly as he rubs it onto me “That’s for turning me on” he murmurs as he kisses my neck, still rubbing the lotion in, my head leans back slightly but I abruptly have to pull away because I know if I don’t we won’t ever swim “Tease!” he slaps my butt gently, hands me the lotion. As I am rubbing the lotion into Conner he keeps grabbing my hips or tries to kiss me, it takes twice as long as it should to cover him in cream

“The longer you struggle with me, the longer it takes to get in the water, which only makes it longer till we get out & get naked” He instantly stops moving, I finish rubbing in the lotion & he scoops me up in his arms, I squeal “Swim” he kisses my nose, I think he’s going to throw me in the ocean, I hold on tighter to his neck but he sets me down at the ladder “Get in hot stuff” I can’t help but laugh when he says things like that to me will I ever get used to it? He obviously likes what he sees otherwise he wouldn’t have married you, but I can’t help but feel a little self-conscious about my appearance, I think that’s just a woman’s prerogative.

The water is cool & beautiful, Conner & I dive around for about five minutes before we are floating together in his muscly arms, kissing & caressing

“Enough swimming, I am so fucking hard it hurts” I reach down to rub his balls & length though his board shorts, he moans “I will fuck you in the ocean” he glares at me intently, he’s serious! I turn away swimming to the ladder, I’m barely inside the villa, as I walk a step away I feel the strap from my bikini top coming undone as Conner holds onto the ties, I stop moving & feel Conner stand close behind me, untying the strap around my neck, my bikini top falls to the floor, his hands quickly slide my bikini bottoms down my legs, I feel him moving behind me & hear his board shorts drop to the ground, he doesn’t make any move movements, so I turn to face him. His intent stare runs up & down my body in appreciation, he leans down to kiss me, pulling me against him, he steps backwards towards the bed, he sits on the edge pulling me onto his lap, with my legs far apart Conner has easy access to dip two fingers into me, circling my clit as my hips gyrate in his lap & make his fingers go deeper, his lips kiss my neck while the other hand finds a nipple to tweak, making me come violently in his hand, I feel his lips smile against my neck as his fingers continue slowly inside me, he moves us up the bed, lying down flat, guides my hips to lift & lower onto his cock. His hands stay on my hips helping them move as I am still weak from my orgasm

“Touch yourself for me” As I move up & down on his shaft, one hand finds my breast & fondles the nipple as Conner would, my other hand surprises me by finding my clit & making little circles of pleasure “That’s it baby, you look so sexy doing that, I’m close” I moan as everything increases & I clench around Conner with another orgasm “Yes you are so tight when you do that, Fuck” He cries out with his own release, I collapse onto his chest “I love you” I smile, unable to speak, I kiss his chest “Five days here is going to be tough, we’ve been here less than two hours & the whole time I was hard” I laugh, snuggling into Conner closing my eyes, he sits me up with him “No sleep for those who tease their husbands, stripping then parading around in a tiny scrap of material” he rolls us over with a cheesy grin on his face, pinning me underneath him “I am not even close to being done with you!” He moves down my body kissing as he goes, he kneels in between my legs lifting my hips so he can tease me with his mouth, I am moaning with the first lick, still over sensitive from the orgasms he’s already given to me, he only teases me to the brink of an orgasm before he sits up straight on his knees, with his cock at my entrance, he rubs it along the length of me, not entering me, his arms grab my legs at my knees so they are on a 90 degree angle, he keeps teasing me with his length, every time I feel I am close to coming, Conner stops & I am left bereft, he repeats this action several times until I am whimpering underneath him

“Jesus Conner” I pant “Fuck me” he slides his cock against me until I am about to come again, then stops “Please, I want to come” he smiles, leaning down quickly to kiss my lips, whispering in my ear “That’s how you make me feel all the time baby” he slides his cock inside me & I come intensely as he pumps hard inside me before he shouts out my name.

#IBD4U

Marvel #12

This is my last Marvel post. But not my last #IBD4U post… yet… While I could have written about 50+ more stories with extra details about what happened between Marvel & I, it’s just been too hard to relive it, to rehash all the things we said & did so it’s hard to keep motivated to write about him. Especially when I know what happens & how my story ends! Hahaha.

One day I am feeling cheeky when I see him but also want to know what he’d do so when we’re kissing inside his front door, I pull away & look him dead in the eye – I can see love there still, maybe not like it was before but there is love & affection there – so I say “Marvel, I need to ask you something important?” He pulls away further with a look of semi horror on his face, when I say “Where do you want to cum today?” He smirks & says his usual answer “There’s so many choices with you.” After that day, he doesn’t message me afterwards as he usually would, if he takes to long I message & we at least chat a bit before he goes offline for 2 weeks… This becomes a regular thing.

So now I can’t say that we speak every day, I mean hell, we sometimes don’t speak for weeks…  But at least once or twice a month we catch up & have sex still…. I am ok with this… As much as it hurts not to have my best friend, I figure I either need to be ok with it to end or I need to be ok with it as it is… To be honest I am neither, I don’t want it to end & I don’t want to lose him any further, but I also don’t know if we can be anything more than what we are right now. Can we ever go back to how it was if he left her? I am not sure… I fantasise about him being with me the way he was the first time, the vulnerability we both showed, the pure love & lust with passion we shared… Could or would that ever be again?

Now technically this is stuff that happens after I turn 40 (which covid kills my party plans & I don’t even tell Marvel it’s my birthday, let alone a new decade) – so this part shouldn’t be in my blog, but Marvel gets a new phone, finally after almost 5 years fucking this man & his phone being tracked, he switches to android. I assume she’s going to go off the rails about it but I don’t think he’d tell me of she did… Around this time too, he stops making up the little bed in his lounge room every time I see him, opting for towels on the couch.

Now that he’s not being tracked, I ask him to come to my house to christen my new bed, we also talk about the idea of a 3sum with another guy, he is so open to it all but when I actually invite him to my house, he says that if it’s easier with my work to just go to his house. Well no it isn’t easier, I live like 4 minutes from work, he lives 25 minutes from my work, but I go to his house thinking it’s probably not a good idea that he comes to mine, especially when Marvel’s wife’s friend or colleague – whoever she is, lives 3 doors down! I had given Marvel the heads up to park in the side street & walk up to my house which he was going to do but I think he chickened out as he tells me to come to his house instead.

When he gets his new phone he starts video us having sex again, saying that he’s got a special place on his phone, that he can hide apps, meaning that he doesn’t delete the apps anymore. Annoyingly for me, I can’t see when he’s been online or not like I used to be able too, so I start chatting to him on a fake account I made ages ago – well in fact, he started chatting to my fake account. I didn’t seek him out to chat. He always chats to that account before he chats to the real me… Something he never used to do… It fucks me off. He doesn’t know its me nor will I ever tell him, so he isn’t doing it to piss me off – he’s trying to keep his distance from me. As much as I try to keep my distance from him, not writing back instantly, sometimes not for hours (go me!), I can’t ever go weeks without replying like he can. I hate myself for it.  

So I don’t really have a conclusion for you with Marvel… He & I, are always a thing… We will always have a connection – maybe not a deep one right now, maybe never deep again, but we are connected. I don’t know what might happen in the future, I don’t know what my future holds with this man, how this will end, how my love life will end up like – but all I know is that I don’t want it to end – well not until I am ready for that… Will I ever be ready?

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #25

Conner carries me through the door to the honeymoon suite in the hotel he booked for us to stay, once inside, he puts me down & I walk into the room looking around to see where everything is, checking out the complimentary bottle of chilled champagne on the counter, Conner just stands at the door watching me silently, with his hand resting on the door handle

“Do you know how stunningly gorgeous you are?” I shyly smile “I keep pinching myself to make sure this is real” he unties his tie as we walk to each other, meeting in the middle of the room

“I am real Dimples & we’re married, you’re stuck with me now” I giggle holding up his left hand to show him his ring

“You’re the only one I want to be stuck with” he looks me up & down “I love this dress, it is the perfect choice, never in my wildest dreams did I think something could make you more beautiful” He grins “but I am very interested in what is underneath” I turn around as a way of explaining to him silently how to get me out of it. As he unzips the zip his hands graze my bare skin, more than he needed to get the dress off me, he pushes the straps off my shoulders letting the heavy dress fall to the floor. I am not really traditional so I wasn’t wearing white underwear, I was wearing green, my favourite colour, which also to matched the bridesmaids & Conner’s tie. I hadn’t shown Conner anything I was planning on wearing beforehand & I can only hope that he likes what he sees, his hands glide over my skin he has exposed, he nuzzles my neck

“You are sexy Mrs Reynolds” I make a hmmm noise, loving that he called me by my new last name, his hands link with mine to help me step out of my dress, he doesn’t turn me to face him but hugs me tightly to his front, I can tell I have turned him on “I feel like I keep saying clichés but I am seriously the luckiest man alive right now” I tilt my head to the side as Conner kisses my neck & shoulder, I turn to face him, & I start unbuttoning his shirt, I run my fingers along his rippled chest & stomach before I push his shirt & jacket off in one sweep. He cups my face with both hands as he kisses me with such passion, his tongue darting in & out of my mouth, urging mine to join his, I reach for his belt & let his pants fall around his ankles, without breaking contact with me, Conner slips off his shoes & steps out of his pants walking me backwards to the bed, he lets go of my face but continues to kiss me as his hands discard my bra & then slide my lace G string down my legs. He pushes back gently until I am lying down, his lips leave mine to kiss his way to my breasts where he fondles one while kissing the other, my hands are in his hair, my back arches pushing my nipples into his waiting mouth

“Always so eager” he chuckles. He sits up a little, taking both my hands above my head & pinning them to the bed with his strong hand, the other hand slides down my body to nestle between my legs, his mouth continues to torture my nipples, as my legs part on their own accord his leg rests on mine further pinning me down. His fingers glide around like long soft circles, stopping only to dip inside me quickly, I am panting, being unable to move is such a turn on

“I need you Conner” I moan but he doesn’t change any of his movements

“I know baby” he suckles on my nipples more “But I could do this all night”

“Please” my head bobs from side to side on the mattress, his fingers push inside me darting in & out quickly, he increases his torture to my nipples too, within a few seconds I am screaming out his name in my first orgasm as a married woman. As I am coming back to earth, Conner is taking off his boxer briefs & he flips me over, entering me from behind, he pulls me up to sit on his lap with my back against his front, he bucks me off of him to get the rhythm started, his hands cupping both my breasts as I put my hands behind his head, his thrust builds until I am calling out an expletive with my second orgasm

“You are so tight when you come” Conner grabs my hips pulling me deeper as he finds his own release “Yeah… Fuck” he shudders & leans forward on me, seemingly exhausted, I am too weak to hold us both up & we slide onto the mattress, completely exhausted from today.

*

I don’t think I have been asleep very long when I hear running water in the bathroom, Conner is not lying in bed next to me, before I have even rolled over, he is standing gloriously naked next to the bed, he bends down to give me an eskimo kiss

“Don’t you ever sleep?” I laugh

“Not when I have the chance to be in you” He gives me a cheeky grin as I stretch out “I’m filling the spa, want to join me?” I nod sleepily sitting up & taking Conner’s hand to help me off the bed, then he pulls me tightly to his front, kissing my neck we walk awkwardly to the bathroom. We step in the bath, he turns the jets on & sits first, holding my hips to guide me as I sit between his legs. He soaps up the sponge & runs it over my arms & shoulders

“Was it a perfect wedding?” he asks nervously in my hair

“It was better than perfect” I turn my head to meet his lips, my hand slides up to grip the back of his neck to hold him in place, he responds, kissing me back, I feel his erection growing against my back, he breaks the kiss & I turn to face him, straddling his lap, it’s my turn to hold him down, I grab his hands & pin them to the side of the bath as I lower myself onto him, I don’t arch my back & give him access to suck my nipples, I start to move up & down on his length, the water sloshes around even with my slow movement, I lock eyes with him, pushing up & down fast each time

“Jesus Kristie” I know he can easily break his hands free but he doesn’t, he likes it as much as I do, as I quickly kiss him, he tries to kiss me more & when he can’t, he tries to kiss anywhere he can, but he isn’t able to move, we lock eyes “You are… amazing” he shouts as I feel him come, it ignites my own orgasm, I shout out his name, releasing his hands which immediately pull me against his chest “I didn’t know sex would get better once we were married” he grins “that was fucking hot” he turns the jets off & the water settles

“Come to think of it, now we’re married I’m not supposed to put out so easily” I laugh, he tweaks my nipple

“You want it just as much as I do” he quips

“I can’t get enough of you inside me Conner” I say seriously, moving slightly with his cock still inside me

“Do you only want me for my body?” He cheekily grins

“What else do I need you for” we laugh, I slid off him, looking at my wrinkled hands, I stand up to get out. Once I’m dry, I reach for a white hotel robe

“No baby, I want my wife naked” Wife!

“I will be naked underneath” I try to reason with him, he puts the robe back on the hook, pulling me in close our hips touching

“But I won’t be able to see you naked” I laugh, pushing him off me, I walk back into the bedroom, eat a strawberry & hold the bottle of champagne up for Conner to open, standing there naked we cheers to us, we drink, looking out the window at the twinkling city lights

 “How sore are you?”

“Deliciously sore” he polishes off his champagne & puts his glass down, he stares into my eyes, ever so slowly pulling me close as he speaks

“I want you flat on your back while I make slow passionate love to you, until you pass out moaning my name & then I want to fall asleep inside you” HolyFuckingShit! How does he make me so wet with just his words & that intense stare, a shiver runs through my body & he chuckles “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ hey?” he lifts me into his arms

“Take that as ‘Fuck yes’” He laughs, placing me gently on the bed, manoeuvring me to move the covers down the bed, I lay on my back as he suggested & as he lays beside me, I can feel a more intense connection between us than ever before, we are looking deep into each other’s eyes, Conner playing with my hair that has fallen loose

“You are the man of my dreams” I whisper & he smiles

“You are the woman in mine” he leans forward to meet my lips, we kiss slow & soft, his tongue not probing my mouth with the urgency he usually does, his hands cup my face, as he shifts to lie on top of me, he doesn’t enter me, but I feel his cock as my wet entrance “My life was nothing until I met you…” he pauses “I really love you” a tear rolls down my cheek, he kisses it away & with that slight movement up my body, he’s in a position to slide into me so slowly connecting at the most intimate part while holding my eye contact, there’s no urgency, there’s no teasing each other with caresses, his elbows rest by my side, my hands just resting on his sides as his moves slowly in & out of me

“This is my favourite moment of the day” I whisper, he smiles lowering his head to kiss me slowly

“Mine too” he doesn’t speed up as he entwines his hands with mine & moves them above my head, he kisses my neck as he keeps his motions steady, I moan in appreciation for his love & affection, this is the most tender moment of my life & I’m sure it is for him too. Even though he doesn’t speed up, both of us are close to orgasming, its more about the connection that we have than the movements “I want to come with you baby” we lock eyes, he still doesn’t speed up but pauses when he is deep inside me, it takes me to the edge

“Oh Conner… I’m there… Con…ner” as my body clenches around his cock,

“I’m with you baby… Ahhhh…” he dips in deeper as he spurts into me, it extends my orgasm

“Conner…” I moan as he predicted & he moans my names as a response as he lays flat on my thoroughly satisfied body. What could be better than making sweet passionate unhurried love with my husband?

#IBD4U

Guest Blog – The Assest

A good friend of mine was inspired to write. I haven’t done a guest big in a while… Hope you all enjoy… I know I did & I asked her for more! Hehehe.

The Asset

So, I use this chat app and I started talking to this guy in a group forum, we flirt every time we are both online and people notice and begin to write things like to “get a room. ” So after a week or so we arrange to meet in public (my rules of online dating, I never invite a strange boy over to my house no matter how horny I am or nice they are at the time) after we chat for a bit I feel like we have the same “I want to fuck you senseless connection” as we do online and I say to myself this guy is nice and has his head screwed on, this could be a good thing!

The flirting gets more heated within the group chat and in our private chat we have secret jokes, and the tension builds so its not long until we arrange to meet this time at my house for “coffee.” I know we would end up fucking because of the intense flirtation we’ve had, its been addictive as we are online every chance we get plus I was on leave from work so I had heaps of time to up my sleeve, he’s said he’s just looking for fun in our private chat and I was cool with that because my friend with benefit I was seeing said 2 weeks prior that he needed a time out (great I’m wearing my fwb’s out ha-ha!) Seriously I can’t be that bad right?!

He comes over and we chat over a coffee just about everyday stuff and about this guy I was dating about 3 months prior, he went away for work interstate, he had messaged out of the blue he’s coming back in a few week’s and wants to see me, The Assest gives me a male’s perspective and I appreciate it. When I’m nervous I ramble on about shit and tend to over share and I’m sure I sound like a crazy fucktard.

We finish our coffee and I put our cups on the sink, on the way back to the couch he pulls me in for a kiss, and I land in his lap, we kiss it starts to get hot and heavy I’m thinking it’s clearly time we move this to the bedroom, he’s a good kisser yes!

Love it when a guy can kiss me so passionately (This is one of my biggest turn ons) , as we are heading to the my bedroom we start undressing ourselves and doesn’t take long to get the rest of our clothes off, he kisses me briefly then bends me over my bed with force, I feel instantly wet as the dominance is something I haven’t had in a while he puts a condom on and I’m patiently waiting for his cock to nudge up against my pussy and he does not long after he sticks his cock in and slowly fucks me, I’m so wet!

He begins to fuck me so hard because in our chats I’ve said I like it rough and OMG! Did he deliver. I orgasm once and he blows in the condom, it’s been a while for both of us, him longer and it was good that he waited for me to cum first, I know it would have been hard.

The next day I see some bruises coming out on my thighs, I smile because I’ve just re-lived what happened the previous day. We fuck once, sometimes twice a week if we both have time, after a couple of months he tells me his chatting to this girl in the group. She’s an online friend of mine and we have this pact not to cut each other’s lunch, she doesn’t know this guy and I are fucking and he has no interest in her sexually but I’m annoyed anyway. Why??

I know this is casual sex and yet I still feel annoyed. I end things with him, its no big deal as I have no emotional connection with him, but he was a friend, I would of liked to keep in touch with (He’s good value) I hardly speak to this girl online anymore and I’m not bothered by it she is a bit of a gossip and I’m a private person so is maybe why I feel annoyed as I don’t want to be spoken about behind my back and ended things with him.

 

What do you all think?! Sexy right… Though my friend & I havr discussed at length, I don’t understand why she’s annoyed at either person… The chick didn’t know they were FWB & they weren’t exclusive, so why end a good thing for no reason & you definitely can’t be pissed at the chick if she didn’t know… What do you think?

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #24

As I stand in front of the mirror on the morning of my wedding, dressing in my white Vera Wang wedding gown, that is cut low at the front & back with a deep V, my favourite neck line for me, I added a green satin sash low on my waist but the ribbon flowed all the way to the floor, the skirt is slightly fitted but full with many layers, I so feel beautiful, I feel like I finally see what Conner sees in me.

Conner has given Samantha a gift to give to me, he was thoughtful, I hadn’t even thought to get him something for our wedding. Lucky Samantha gave it to me before I had my makeup done, tears flow freely as I read the attached note.

Kristie,

You are more beautiful & precious than this gift, you are my everything. My happily ever after…

I can’t wait to marry you today.

All my love

Conner x

I open the small box that Conner has given me, inside is a platinum necklace with a bezel set large square emerald pendant, I gush over the necklace showing the girls asking Savannah to put it on me.

My hair is curled & loose around my shoulders, my hairdresser has clipped a few tendrils up from near my ears pulling them loosely to the back meeting in the middle with a comb that was encrusted with green coloured stones & I didn’t want to wear a veil. I slip on my bright green heels with the help of my sister & the photographer snaps a picture, I had told the photographer I didn’t want many posed photos because I wanted more candid shots of the wedding party & us.

The girls fluff my dress at the end of the aisle as Pachelbel Cannon starts to play over the sound system. I am not nervous, I am excited to marry my best friend, the person who I tell everything to, the strongest person I know, the man in my own personal romantic movie who wants to take care of me in so many ways. Sophie, Savannah, Hannah & Samantha all walk down the aisle before me in different green dresses, once they all  reach the end it is my turn to walk, it’s the longest two minutes of my life before my favourite part of the song plays as I step down the aisle slowly, with my dad on one arm & my mum on the other holding me steady, I look up the aisle to the man I love who is looking at me the way I always hoped he would, with a smile on his face that proves to me how much he loves me. I reach the end of the aisle, Conner has a tear in his eyes, he is so breathtakingly handsome in his wedding tuxedo, I can’t believe that I am this lucky! My parents both kiss me & my dad gives my hand to Conner, he takes it leaning into to me, pecking me on the lips so softly but I can feel the passion he has for me, as he pulls away he whispers

“You look stunningly beautiful” he squeezes both my hands.

We recite the traditional wedding vowels with the celebrant but we also wanted to add our own, I am first to recite mine

“It took a long time for me to get here, I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince & I found him in you” some guests laugh as I hoped “You are my rock, my knight in shining armour, the man of my dreams. I can’t believe how lucky I am to marry you today. I love you with all my heart” he squeezes my hands tightly, his eyes watery, mine are too, my sister hands me a vintage handkerchief for me to wipe my eyes discreetly

“Kristie, I stand here today marrying the most amazing woman I know, I fall more in love with you every minute. With you, my past doesn’t matter as I have everything I ever wanted standing in front of me. My life only started when I met you, I can’t wait to build that life with you.” He pauses as he reaches in his pocket & holds up his hand in-between us, his fingers slowly open out flat, revealing our rings “You are my happily ever after” he holds them up to show me the inscriptions, his has been engraved with ‘Our Happily’ & mine is engraved with ‘Ever After’ When did he do that?

We then exchange the rings with the same vow “I give you this ring as a visible & constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live” There is not a dry eye in the crowd as the celebrant declares us husband & wife, announcing that Conner may kiss his bride, we look deep into each other’s eyes as we solidify our union with a soft passionate kiss, he cups my face pulling me in closer to him, as we pull apart & hug for a long time, he spins me around in the air, I squeal & all our guests clap

“I love you Wife” he says putting me back down

“I love you more Husband”

“Not possible.” He winks at me, I swoon, he is so sexy when he winks & he’s your husband now!

We sign the register, posing for a few photos that the photographer insisted had to be staged, however he did clicked away taking several candid shots too, while Sarah McLachlan sings a cover of Wild Horses, Conner holds my hand as we walk back to the aisle but before we walk down Conner raises our hands in the air & shouts ‘we’re married’, everyone claps & cheers as we start to make our way back down the aisle together hugging all our friends & family, who congratulate us, Conner holds onto my hand the entire time.

When the canapés are served as we are away from the party, around the grounds of Carrick Hill having some photos taken, it finally gives me a minute to talk to Conner

“When did you engrave the rings? That is so special” Our weddings bands had also come from Tiffany’s, mine was the matching platinum band with round brilliant cut diamonds, Conner’s ring was a plain platinum band, it suited him.

“I had it done last week so you wouldn’t know” I look down at his left hand, now with a wedding ring on

“You know” I toy with the ring, twisting it on his finger “There is nothing sexier than a guy with a wedding ring on” I smile sexily at him

“Then… I’m never taking it off” he pecks me on the lips

“You’d better not”

*

We walk back to the reception to be introduced officially as Mr & Mrs Reynolds, our bridal party is introduced first with Happy Together by The Turtles being played in the background our MC announces us, we have only opted for a main meal so that there isn’t too much sitting down & we can mingle with everyone. Conner doesn’t seem to want to let go of my hand, we walk around talking to everyone but when I have to go to bathroom he reluctantly releases my hand, I can’t help but smile. I talk to a few people on my way back in when I hear our song start, Conner is in the middle of the dance floor the crowd parting, we lock eyes, it is totally like a movie! I walk towards him, he twirls me around & dips me before shuffling around the floor

“I am so fucking lucky, I am the happiest man alive right now with you in my arms”

“I am too, although I’m a woman but you know what I mean, you make me so happy” I laugh at my stupidness but he kisses me gently

“You look so beautiful” he kisses my nose “I can’t wait to get you naked” He pulls me tighter, I laugh

“We can be naked the entire three weeks of our honeymoon” he chuckles & kisses my forehead

“I can’t wait” he leans down to kiss my mouth “I can’t stop kissing you”

“I don’t want you to stop kissing me” He squeezes me tighter “I almost forgot to say thank you for this beautiful necklace” I finger the pendent

“It is nothing compared to you baby” We stare at each other with stupid looks on our faces, it’s enough to make anyone sick, as our song ends & the MC invites the bridal party onto the floor with our second song In The dark by DJ Tiesto, an usual song but one of my favourites, the MC then invites everyone to dance continuing with regular wedding music I chose a few weeks ago.

As our wedding comes to an end I am sad that the day went by so quickly I’m but also excited to leave with my husband, it’s traditional for family & friends to make an arch way for us to exit through so we can say goodbye to everyone, Moon River by Andy Williams sets the tone for us to leave & see the world, in two days’ time we were heading off on our amazing honeymoon.

“You look stunning today Kristie” My mum whispers in my ear as I say goodbye, we are not going to have much time to see anyone before we leave for Bora Bora so I hug her tightly “I’m so happy that you are so happy, he loves you so much, the way he looks at you… it makes me jealous” I laugh & as I open my mouth to respond, I hear my dad shout ‘You better look after my baby girl’ & slaps Conner on the shoulder, he wraps his arms around my waist kissing my neck quickly “I fully intend to Max” Conner smiles at me as I kiss my dad goodbye too, turning to face my husband & start my new life as a married woman.

#IBD4U

Marvel #11

So I’ve alluded to the fact that when I get my new job, I continue to find time to meet with Marvel & have hot, sexy, sweaty sex. I can’t stop. I don’t know how to stop…

I always go to their house. His phone is still tracked. Nothing has changed for either of us. He logs off the chat apps for days, weeks sometimes now & comes back online to see me once but mostly twice a month. Not as much sex as I would like but at this point in my life, I have deleted all my online dating profiles. I have been through so many debacles – I mean by the time I finish this blog you will only have heard about 10 years of my almost 40 years on earth.

Is anyone starting to see why I am still doing what I am doing? Marvel is still the best sex I have ever had, he makes up a little bed using his sons mattress on the floor in the lounge room & we kiss as soon as I walk in, the electricity flying between us is just the best & most indescribable feeling I have ever felt.

I honestly don’t have much to write about Marvel besides the sex. Our conversations online have dwindled to just talking about sex, this really gets me & it’s the only thing I hate about my life… I miss my best friend more than any other friend I have lost, I miss talking to him about everything, I miss telling him about my day or something at work – I hate that I went though a massive legal fight & didn’t have him to talk to about it.

When my uncle dies & my aunty won’t allow my family at the funeral (don’t even get me started on that story!), I want to talk to him about it, I see him the day of the funeral – thankful for the distraction, but also it makes me sadder. Sad that I dnt have the friendship with Marvel anymore… I still talk to J-Lo who I guess has become a bit of a replacement, I mean I always chatted to him about everything but I wasn’t the same as it was with Marvel.

The only time Marvel & I talk about anything other than sex, is when we’re face to face, after we’ve had sex, usually for just a few minutes as we catch our breath & while I’m getting dressed. The topics range from him telling me all about OnlyFans (not entirely sure why it was the topic or why he thought I cared, but I listened, just enjoying that we’re talking about something other than the sex we’ve had or the sex we want!) I talk about my roommate & he predicts what happens, that she leaves & I never speak to her again… We talk a lot about pets, he knows I’ve just gotten two dogs & that they have 3 dogs & a million cats – he tells me multiple times, in fact any time I talk about my dogs he tells me he’s more of a cat person, I guess just another way for him to keep his emotional distance from me. Something he’ll probably use as a reason for us not to be together.  

A fact that he likes to remind me of that no other guy has ever made me cum like he does & in fact that some men can’t even make me cum – I mean he’s right & I have told him this in the past but when I say why I ask why I can’t stop fucking him, he reminds me that other men don’t make me cum… Fuck I hate that he’s right!  

I may or may not have told you this before, that there is a creature that I am named after on the chat apps. Everyone knows me as this creature. It’s distinctive & obvious, everyone including Marvel’s wife knows this nickname. So I am more than surprised when I notice this creature in their front yard, on a garden stick, out by the letterbox… My mind goes into overdrive to be honest, did she put it there knowing I have been fucking her husband for almost their entire marriage? I also notice their daughters brush & a shirt with this same creature on it. For me, if I knew that was my husbands mistress’ nickname, I would literally hate it & wouldn’t want anything around my house to remind me, or even remind him of what he’s missing… The mistress he fell in love with that he never got over, I would make sure there is no reminder of her anywhere ever… I never see the brush or top again but I notice that the garden stick gets faded, rusty & covered in spider webs as the weeks pass by. But it’s still there… A constant reminder.

As an insurance policy, I sometimes take photos inside his house. I sometimes take photos of his car in the driveway as I walk down it. Just to prove I was there on certian dates or even to prove I was there so long ago – if these are ever needed in the future. But then I remember that my google maps tracks me to his house & even tracks the time I am there, I have enough evidence that I am having an affair should I need it – or should my sister need it if something happens to me.

One of my favourite things that happens is that his wife puts up a daily whiteboard, with their shifts & while hers never change, his are up for me to see while I am there fucking him. I can see that she is going on holidays from work. During this time, he doesn’t come back online at all… I am glad I know or I’m sure that I would go crazy – but I also know that he doesn’t have that power over me anymore. I know things are generally on his terms, but now at least I am no sitting at home thinking about him & why he’s not talking to me, knowing he’s at work & choosing not to talk to me. Well he doesn’t usually talk to me when she’s off or on the days that he has his daughter. This is ok with me. I am trying also to stay emotionally detached from him.

It’s all I can do to get through this year.

It’s all I can do to keep Marvel in my life… That little glimmer of hope that one day we might be together…    

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #23

A month later & one month before our wedding, we had acquired the two storey block of eight flats, it had used most of our budget, so much so that we had to wait until after the honeymoon to start renovating the whole building, Conner planned to get started with the top floor first then afterwards we’d renovate the other four & render the outside before we could rent them out. Conner stopped working so that he could focus on the flats which meant he wasn’t bringing in any money at all, all the rent money from the other properties ended up having to pay for all the last minute wedding preparations.

I continue with my 9-5 job & the money I earn is what we have to live on & save for the honeymoon. Conner tried to keep to those working hours too but he has been working more now that he had the whole time we’d been together & it was starting to make it difficult to see each other. I cooked dinner every night & when Conner wasn’t home at 8:00pm for the fifth time this week, even after several phone calls & text messages, I cracked the shits & left his plate I’d dished up on the counter & went to bed.

I don’t even know what time it was when I woke up & heard the shower running, I pick up my phone, its 1:38am, I have three texts from Conner

C 8:55pm: Be home soon baby… sorry x

C 10:22pm: Tyler just got here so will be a bit longer sorry x

C 1:02am: R U awake baby? On my way sorry… x I wonder if he really is sorry, he seems to say it so often now. Does it have any meaning anymore? I roll over & snuggle down into my side of the bed. I know he is doing this for us, but I don’t want to be alone in the process, I hear him turn off the shower & I close my eyes pretending to be asleep. I don’t want to be angry at him & start a fight so pretending to be asleep is a better option for both of us. We’ll both just get angry at each other, he’ll be angry because I’m angry that he’s never home & because he’s home so late means he’ll be asleep when I go to work, then he’ll start work at the block late & get home late again. It’s been happening for weeks, we’d hardly spent any time together at all, we hadn’t had sex in over a week & for us that was a long time. I knew that was something that bothered Conner as the last time we’d had sex was only because he came home had dinner, made love to me then rushed back to the block. I had felt used but I hadn’t said anything to him, I had to remember that the effort he was putting in was for me too & our future. Also by doing the demolition himself with the help of my family & Tyler he was saving us a bucket load of money.

“Baby are you awake?” he whispers, why do we whisper if you want to wake someone up? I feel him climb into bed next to me, I hadn’t planned on letting him know I was awake but when he curled up against my back, I felt his naked skin, his erection poking into my legs, he places his arm over my hip, letting out a deep breath as his snuggles in to my back, his hand slid underneath my singlet to cup my breast, he doesn’t move his hand to arouse me but I involuntarily moan, he lifts his head slightly “Did I wake you baby?” I open my eyes, turning to look at him, he leans on to one elbow & I roll onto my back as his mouth consumes mine, he kisses me for the longest time, not making any moves to take it further, he pulls away from my slowly, looking deep into my eyes “I miss you so much” I can’t reply “How angry are you?”

“I don’t want to be angry at all” he stokes my hair, is there anything better than someone playing with your hair?

“But you are?” he asks, I don’t feel he’s baiting me but he wants to talk about it, especially since he wants to start a business.

“Yes” I whisper “But I don’t want this development to mean that we never see each other” I whine, hugs me tightly

“Once the wedding is over & we’re back from our honeymoon, things will calm down, I just have to get the demolition done before we go” He smooths my hair, kissing my forehead “I love you so much, I hate being away from you, I hate that you’re asleep every night I get home. I hate that we haven’t made love in so long, I want nothing more than to show you how much you mean to me Kristie, I want to be inside you” he stares at me intently as if asking my permission, raise my head to meet his lips as a way of responding. He pulls me close to him, kissing me with passion that proves to me that he has missed me & hates this as much as I do. He moves so that he is between my legs, he tugs on my underwear, I lift my butt off the bed to help him take them off, his hands graze my legs as he leans back down to kiss me, pulling my legs up between his arms. I feel his cock, hard at my entrance, I want him inside me so badly, but I don’t want this to be over quickly. Conner tugs on my singlet guiding me to sit up slightly so he can pull it over my head, once he tosses it aside, his lips find my nipples, I moan arching my beck to push them into his mouth further, between kisses Conner looks up at me “Let’s make a pact, we never go without sex for longer than two days again” I giggle

“It’s not my fault, I was here ready & waiting every night”

“Jesus Kristie” he moves lower down my body kissing as he goes “Thinking about you ready & waiting makes me want you even more” he reaches the sensitive spot between my legs & starts licking “Since I made you wait…” he continues his assault “I’ll have to make it up to you” I moan loudly lifting my hips to his mouth, my hands find his hair tugging gently as he laps at my clit.

“Fuck Conner… I’m coming… I’m com… ing…” I moan & my hands fist at the sheets as they fall beside me, as I’m convulsing, Conner sides up my body, kissing as he goes, he nips my nipple which makes me shudder as I am still coming, his cock enters me slowly as his body engulfs mine, his lips meeting mine while my breathing is still rapid. Conner moves in & out of me slowly, he holds his weight on his elbows but leans down to kiss me passionately, his tongue lapping in my mouth, my head lifting to taste him more, as Conner speeds up my breathing increases, we make eye contact & I can’t look away, I miss looking into his green eyes as he made love to me

“Never again Kristie” he pants “this is where… I want to be… in you… making you come…” His stare, his words, his rhythm

“Fuck” I scream & contract around his hard cock, it sets off Conner’s orgasm & I feel him spurt into me, calling out my name. He lays down flat on me nuzzling my neck

“I love you more than anything” his breathing returning to normal “I can’t wait till our honeymoon, I’m going to make you come everyday” I clench around his cock again, he chuckles & we fall asleep still connected.

*

My alarm startles me awake, I can’t move with Conner on top of me, soft & inside me still, I try to wake him as I reach for my beeping phone, as he wakes, I feel him getting harder inside me, it turns me on right away, I love morning sex & since it has been so long, I am relishing in the fact we actually had sex last night.

“Call in sick baby!” he breathes before I even know he is awake, I can’t do that. Conner is now fully hard inside me, I am wet from last night but also from how it turns me on to feel him expand inside me, my hips start moving as Conner moves in & out of me, kissing my neck, caressing my breasts with his hands, he rolls us over pulling me on top of him, his hands guide my hips pumping me up & down on his length, I caress my own breasts which result in a delighted Conner pumping harder into me from below, as we come loudly, shortly after one another, I collapse on his chest. Conner’s arms pin me down to his body, I try to get up so I can shower & go to work “I mean it, call in sick” he smiles at me wickedly when I look up at him with a look of ‘I can’t.’ We’re about to go on a three week honeymoon & I am taking a week off before the wedding & a week off after we get back from Mexico, so I don’t think I am in a position to call in sick for no reason “I want you to come see the block & how much we’ve done, then…” he pauses for effect “I want to make you come a different way, in each & every one of them!”

I didn’t plan on falling back asleep but when my body clock jolts me awake, I have no choice but to either go to work really late & have to make up the time or call in sick. Conner is ecstatic when he hears me talking to my boss, he winks at me getting out of bed.

I’m so surprised at the block of units when we arrive there a few hours later, Conner is so excited, he’s holding my hand pulling me around the block showing me all the things they’d done, pointing out specifically what he’d done himself. All the carpets had been ripped up & the floor boards were sanded ready to be sealed, all the walls were freshly painted with the grey tone colour I’d chosen from Dulux paints called Tranquil Retreat, all the rooms were basically ready for the new kitchen & bathrooms to be installed then they would be ready for people to move in. Conner moves behind me in the first unit, his hands graze my leg, moving up beneath my skirt he hooks his fingers in my underwear & pulls them down, as he stands back up his hands slide up my thigh at the front & back only stopping as they reach my butt & clit where he starts to circle, driving me crazy

“So hot Kristie” I’m moaning tilting my head back “Let go baby, the first of eight orgasms” I shudder just thinking about it, coming loudly in his hands. He pulls me quickly into the next unit which is the exact opposite to the one we were just in, the work in this one had also progressed to the same stage, Conner made me come quickly by pinning my to the wall & entering me until I was screaming out his name. Barely recovered, Conner pulled his pants up guiding me into the next unit, he faces me sliding his fingers into my wet core & letting his thumb tease my over stimulated clit until I am coming hard & weak in his arms. Conner has to carry me into the last upstairs unit, he puts me down, I am weak from my previous orgasms, but it doesn’t stop him, he stands behind me again but this time his hands move to stroke my nipples, I know that he is planning on making me come by just touching my breasts, I let go, arching into it allowing myself to come loudly against him.

“Well done baby” he chuckles as he nuzzles my neck “Let’s have lunch before I show you the bottom floor” I mentally thank him for giving me a break but my bodies heightened senses make me want more.  

“Can I have my underwear back?” Conner laughs loudly shaking his head with a cheeky grin.

After lunch I am already horny for Conner’s touch & excited with anticipation for the four orgasms that he’s promised me, Conner leads me in to the first downstairs unit, which has been painted & the carpets ripped up by the original kitchen is still in, Conner lifts me onto the kitchen bench easing me back as he leans down to make me come by teasing my clit with only his tongue, it doesn’t take long at all before I shout out, screaming his name. In the next unit Conner bends me over the kitchen bench entering me from behind, his hand teasing me from the front, I’m surprised as how quickly I come, especially before him, Conner grabs my hips pulling me hard against him as I build again, as Conner comes hard into me, my body sets off on another orgasm shortly after his.

“Greedy baby, did you want two in every unit?”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“Just making up for lost time, there is nothing better than hearing & feeling you come”

The next unit Conner takes advantage of the kitchen bench again lifting me up & easing me back to lay down, this time he uses his fingers and tongue to bring me to another orgasm.

I can barely move but there is one more unit to go, Conner pins me quickly as we walk into the next unit, I can barely stand but he pushes his cock into me with one leg trying to support me & Conner holding the other leg at my knee with his strong arms. He thrusts hard & fast knowing that I am not going to be long again, I shout out completely spent unsure how I am going to walk after this but Conner is strong & holds me until he comes himself, he doesn’t let me go once he’s done, knowing that I am too weak to stand alone. “I guess we can consider this christened now” I laugh but it is so pathetic sounding as I am so weak, he lifts me into his arms in bridal pose & carries me to the car, so strong, so perfect, I rest my head on his shoulder, pulling at my skirt to make sure my butt is covered. I can’t believe in just over one week this man will be my husband.

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #21 & #22

Through free flowing tears, I call Conner’s phone several times, from my now smashed screen smartphone, it’s so broken, I’m surprised it is even working. Conner doesn’t answer, I knew he wouldn’t but I need him to know that I love him & I thought finding out what Bessie wanted would help him move on. I try to think places Conner might have gone, I don’t even know where he go, maybe to Tyler’s? I text Conner

K: Please tell me you are ok Conner. I love you xxx I know he won’t reply but I can only hope that he will. I text Tyler next

K: Hi Tyler, is Conner with you? I just need to know he’s ok.

I wait for the longest time before Tyler finally responds

T: Yes.

Is that all you’re going to give me? He may have not even bothered. I curl up in a ball, crying more, while on Conner’s side of the bed, my broken phone in my hand. I hadn’t intended on falling asleep but the sound of the incoming text wakes me up instantly, with one eye open & one eye closed, I read the slurred text from Conner

C: Wht did u fukibg do tat for I trustd u.

I burst into tears, he had trusted me, I don’t know what I was thinking

K: I’m so sorry Conner, I love you, please come home. Where are you? I’ll come get you xxx

He doesn’t respond, I try to call him but his phone it’s off. I cry myself back to sleep, I hate this, I hate being without Conner, since we moved in together, we haven’t spent a night apart & most nights we would make love, but mostly I just missed his strong arms around me, holding me close, his breath on my neck, I even miss his snoring.

When I wake suddenly for no reason, I hear his snoring, am I dreaming? I sit up abruptly in bed, it’s loud, he must be here somewhere in the house, where is he? I search the spare rooms, I find Conner in the spare bed, a room & bed neither of have ever slept in before, he is fully dressed & snoring loudly when did he get home? I don’t know what to do, should I wake him so we can talk about this? Instead I decide a greasy breakfast is probably what he’ll need when he wakes up with how drunk he probably was last night, Mum always said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! I pull out bacon, eggs & tomatoes to fry up for him, I put two pieces of bread in the toaster. Standing there cooking the man I love breakfast in his clothes I feel this uncontrollable urge to run to him & hug him, tell him how sorry I am. I turn around to do just that, I freeze when I see Conner is leaning on the door frame, just staring at me.

“I have to go pick up my car” neither of us moves

“Do you want some breakfast?” I motion to the fry pan, he shakes his head, tears well in my eyes, I don’t know what to say to fix this “Please eat something first” I dish up a plate & walk it over to the table, I gesture for him to sit & walk back to the stove knowing he probably doesn’t want me to touch him. He sits & eats, I busy myself in the kitchen, he finishes his breakfast quickly, leaving the room abruptly, after cleaning up I head up the hallway to find him, Conner has showered & is getting dressed when I find him.

“Do you want me to drive you?” I ask softly as I stand in the doorway

“I’ll get Tyler to come get me”

“Conner, please” I stifle a sob, knowing he doesn’t want to hear my cry “Can we talk about this” he turns slowly to face me with a look of disgust

“Yeah, sure, let’s talk about this, let’s talk about how you betrayed me, I told you to leave it alone & what did you do? You went behind my back & fucking called her anyway” he runs his fingers through his hair, he talks low & harsh “What the fuck did you think would happen when you told me?” I think I would prefer if he yelled

“I knew you’d be upset…”

“But you did it anyway. What the fuck for?” he raises his voice slightly

“I think it will help you” I whisper

“When did you get a phycology degree?” His sarcastic remarks hurt me the most “Did you think that is the first letter that woman has sent?” I don’t want to speak “Do you think I haven’t thought about calling her myself?” his voice cracks, I am paralysed knowing he doesn’t want me touch him & I am too scared to do so, he whispers “I’ll just end up hurt all over again” I step towards him, he holds up his hand “Don’t… I can’t” he sits on the bed with his head in his hands, I know there are tears in his eyes he doesn’t want me to see, I sit on the edge of the bed too, not close enough to touch him

“I didn’t do this to hurt you, I wanted to help you. You need to know why she did what she did” He shakes his head & I see tears fall from his eyes “I know now that is was a mistake to do it behind your back, but you at least need to hear why, I really think it’ll help you” I move in closer to his side but still don’t touch him “I love you Conner, please don’t shut me out” after the longest time he speaks

“What did she tell you?” I take a deep breath, I’m glad I didn’t ask him if he was sure he wanted to hear it.

“That you would have been more alone with her than living on the streets” He scoffs “I don’t know what the right answer is but I think you should talk to her” I take his hand but he snatches it away

“I’m not fucking talking to her, the right answer was to take a seven year old boy in & love him” I move & get down on the floor to kneel in front of Conner, I put my hands carefully on his knees

“I love you Conner” I pause till he looks at me “But I don’t want you to be that lost little boy”

“I’m not lost” he stands up “You shouldn’t have gotten involved. I’m not healed because you talked to her” he snaps, I bow my head “I just need to get my fucking car” I stand up, hiding my tears

“I’ll take you” He stalks out of the room.

*

In the car the tension is palpable, Conner doesn’t talk to me at all & just stares out the window, I don’t try to start a conversation with him and I know he doesn’t want to talk to me. I pull up at Tyler’s house & he gets out without speaking a word to me, slamming the door, I watch him stalk down his driveway & opens Tyler’s front door without knocking, he doesn’t look back at me as he shuts the front door. I cry all the way home, cranking the music so I stop myself from thinking. As I turn into our driveway I try to pull myself together, I don’t want Conner to see that I have been crying, I set about cleaning up the breakfast dishes expecting Conner to walk in the door any second.

An hour later, I am still alone… where is he?

K: Where are you? What time will you be home? xxx I don’t really expect a reply but when he does, he may as well have not bothered

C: Later. Insightful!

As the sun starts to set, I realise that Conner & I have never had a fight like this before, we’ve barely spent this much time apart at all since we moved in together, especially on a Saturday, this is the day from hell!

K: Is it later yet? Please tell me you are ok xxx I climb into bed without Conner for the second night in a row, but I don’t fall asleep, I lay on his side of the bed, breathing in his scent on his pillow, looking at my broken phone willing him to call or text.

Hours later when I hear his keys in our front door, I sit upright, switching on the lamp on my bedside table. I want to run to him, but I’m sure he’ll turn away from me. I hear him rummaging around in the kitchen before he walks up the stairs into our bedroom, I stare at him as I have no idea what to say to him, he strips off his t shirt & jeans & wordlessly he gets into my side of the bed, switching off the lamp, I lie down unsure of this arrangement, as I do, he pulls me in close to his front, wrapping his arms around me, he breathes in my hair

“I’m sorry” he whispers & tears instantly roll down my cheeks

“I’m sorry too” I whisper as he squeezes me tighter & we fall asleep on the opposite sides of the bed.

When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, as Conner stirred beside me, I wait for him to speak first unsure of his mood, I didn’t want to make things worse again if he was willing to forgive me. He pulls me close so we are nose to nose

“I’m sorry for being a jerk” he kisses my lips softly

“I’m so sorry I called her, it was stupid…”

“Shhhh, let’s forget it” he sighs “I don’t want her to ruin something else for me” I hugged him tightly

“I love you so much, I never meant to hurt you”

“I know” he kisses my forehead “I love you too” he pauses for the longest time “Please just leave my past alone”

“I promise Conner” He rolls me over so I am lying on top of him, I can feel how hard he is, I wonder for a second if that is why he apologised to me, I try to shove that thought out of my mind Conner’s not like that, making up to just have sex! I sit up stripping off his t shirt over my head, Conner moans, I wriggle out of his boxer shorts & pull his down with his help, I take charge showing Conner that I am truly sorry, show him much I love him & need him.

I straddle Conner taking his full length deep inside me, I lift up & down hard & fast, this is not for me, but for Conner, his hands are guiding my hips as he moans

“I’m close Kristie, come with me” I’m struggling to get there with him, I move faster & harder, watching Conner’s face I know he’s waiting for me, I don’t ever want to fake it with him, especially after we’ve just stopped fighting

“Let go Conner” & he does thrusting hard up towards me, coming hard

“Fuck me…” his eyes squeeze tight as he pulls my hips down on him, he pulls me to lean on his chest, stroking my hair “Thank you baby” as if he knows that me not coming while we had sex was a sign of how sorry I am for everything I had done, he rolls me over so that we are parted quickly, I sense that he is still annoyed with me, but I know deep down that he does want to forgive me, he slaps my butt as he flicks the covers off “Let’s get up & finishing planning this wedding”

Fleaz #22

“Tell me, how do you have this endless supply of money?” he finches, I know it’s probably not going to be a happy story, one that I’ll probably also have to fight out of him but I know he only works casually so he’s not earning mega bucks, it has to have something to do with his family. I’ve always wondered how he maintained such a fabulous lifestyle when he only working casually, he drove a hotted up fairly new car, he owned a home – well the bank probably did & he had nice things, he had travelled, I was barely making ends meet with my mortgage, car loan & trying to travel with a full time job, how did he do it? He kept saying money wasn’t an issue every time I tried to offer a cheaper solution.

“It’s not endless” is that all he’s going to give me?

“Where did it come from?” he huffs, I regret asking him in light of what has happened between us the last few days

“You won’t let this go will you?” I smile sweetly at him

“I will if you really want me too” I wrap my arms around his waist “But we’re getting married soon, we shouldn’t have secrets” he sighs, pulling away from me so he doesn’t have to look at me, he takes a long time to start talking

“My parents must have written their ‘wills’ before they had kids because it stated that equal portions will go to any child that they bear” He pauses “My father is probably rolling in his grave knowing I have his money” he scoffs, pausing again for the longest time, I don’t want to speak, I’m not sure if he’s finished “My share went into a trust until I was 18, but the only thing I ever wanted was a family & a stable place to live, so I only ever touched it to pay those things, I bought a unit shortly after I found out about the trust fund” I must look confused, Conner doesn’t have a unit, he takes my hands “I own a unit, which I’ve rented out since I bought my house & both are mortgage free” he then gestures around the room “We don’t have a mortgage on this house either” Whatthefuck! Then what have I been paying for then? “We only have your mortgage which we can pay off now too…” he trails off, my jaw drops open “I’ve started to tell you so many times but I didn’t know how, especially since you think you’re paying off two mortgages” he takes a deep breath “but all your payments & rent money from all three houses have been going onto your mortgage account, I wanted to pay it off but knew you’d get suspicious & I know you never look at that account so you don’t notice the extra payments…” His voice trails off & he looks at his hands worried about my reaction

“I was not expecting that” I smile “I’ve been too scared to look at the mortgage account because I feel like I’m going backwards, especially with the wedding”

“How mad are you at me?” he looks up

“Not mad, just upset you didn’t tell me sooner” He pauses for another long time, looking into the distance

“I needed to know that you wanted me for me, even if it meant we’d be drowning in debt”

“Oh Conner” I hug him tightly. He’s so unsure of himself, yet he’s so perfect in my eyes but he can only see his flaws “So let me get this straight” I release him from my hug, holding him at arm’s length “Technically you have three houses & one unit all of them don’t have mortgages”

“Yes we have & enough money to buy another one or two” Whathefuck!

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously” He looks away from me “I’ve been poor before, I’ve been homeless, I’ve had nothing” he nervously runs his fingers through his unruly hair “I invested wisely, spent only what I had to & then bought my second house at 20. I have saved every cent of rent from the unit plus the interest because I only wanted to use their money to give me what they couldn’t, a family & a home” he pauses, looking down to the ground, when he looks up at me grinning, it surprises me after what he’s just said “Do you want to go house hunting this weekend? If we build up our portfolio we could live off the rent & travel the world” oh how wonderful that sounds! I pull him in close, looking up to give him a kiss

“I love you regardless of your portfolio”

Our portfolio” he emphasises the ‘our.’ I laugh, could I really call it ours when I hadn’t even paid off a quarter of my house, we just look at each other for the longest time, then he raises his eye brows at me as if prompting me to answer him

“Okay Conner, I’ll go along with this ‘let’s pay off Kristie’s house’ scenario” I gesture air quotes “If you agree that if we break up, all I take is my house, you can have the ones you bought before we were together & this one”

“We are not going to break up & if the unspeakable happens, you may as well have them all because I will have lost everything anyway” I hug him tightly

“You aren’t going to lose me, I love you so much it hurts me to even think about it, this weekend was the worst…” he kisses my hair

“Shhh, let’s not talk about this weekend” he smooths my hair, he cups my face looking down at me “I want to talk to you about something else too”

“Sounds ominous” he chuckles

“I don’t want you to get all feminist on me but…” he chooses his words carefully, looking me in the eye “I want you to consider working part time, or giving up altogether” I open my mouth to speak but Conner puts a finger over my lips to stop me “It took me 33 years to find you Kristie, I haven’t really started living, I want to start now, I want to spend my spare time travelling with you, making love to you in exotic locations, not dealing with the hustle & bustle of a 9 to 5 jobs that we hate, I don’t want to waste another minute” The idea is appealing, I do hate my job & I love travelling. Conner is right in a way, we both haven’t ever really lived & even though I’ve travelled a bit, I haven’t ever travelled with a partner before, just flitting off overseas when I feel like it “Do you think you can do that?” Do I? I mean if we’re debt free what is the problem, I hate my job & never really found my passion for a career but the thought that I did earn it plays on my mind.

“Maybe after the wedding?” He picks me up & spins me around, I squeal

“I’ll text John to see if he has any promising investment properties we can look at & I’ll call the bank about the mortgage, I’ll take care of everything.”

*

Conner did take care of everything, paying out the only existing mortgage we have, organising for us to see a few investment properties that John found for us, I am so caught up the whirlwind that I am still finding it hard to believe that this is even all happening. Conner & I join bank accounts after that, being that there are no secrets anymore, I am so surprised at Conner’s sizable balance especially compared to my measly total. He tells me that I can spend what I want on whatever I want, it’s our money now, I shouldn’t look at it & think of it as his money & ask if I can buy something, he wanted me to act like it was mine. Could I do that?

As we’re walking around an empty block of flats which John explains all the flats have been empty for a while as it was owned by a man who just passed away & the family want to get rid of the block quickly, Conner is caught up quickly with the idea of buying the whole block & doing all eight of them up. I have no idea what needs to be done to do all that, but Conner seems to be talking to John about things I never even thought he knew about, they are talking developers & builders, discussing our equity. It’s really hot to see him talking like this & being all authoritative with John. I hadn’t really liked any of the other places John had shown us, but I hadn’t really cared too much being that we don’t have to live in it. Conner is looking at rental prices in the area in his smartphone while John uses his tablet to look at how much things would cost to fix, Conner looks over his shoulder explaining that he should talk to our accountant about what we could claim on tax. I am so overwhelmed, I have no idea about any of this stuff. The two of them googled for what seemed like hours, while I just trolled a few design sites, knowing if we bought these units, I would be on the decorations committee.

“What do you think about the block?” Conner asks as we get in the car but he doesn’t wait for me to answer “I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this, something big!” he grins at me quickly “I think we should put in an offer, John thinks we’ll get it for $20k less than they are asking being it’s been empty & on the market so long” he’s paying attention to the road, but I know that the wheels in his head are turning

“You are so sexy when you talk property”

“Really?” He looks at me with a cheeky dimply school boy smile

“Yes” I squeeze his knee “So fucking sexy!”

“Oooohh, don’t say things like that when I’m driving Kristie” he winks “I’m already hard” I look at his bulging pants

“So am I” He laughs, I feel the car speed up a little, I smile, he wants to get home quickly now.

“So what do you think about developing the block?”

“I really don’t know anything about developing property” I reply honestly “What would you do if I wasn’t around?”

“Kill myself…” I glare at him, he laughs “I would buy it, do it up & rent them out if I had the money” he rubs my knee “But I want us to decide together”

“If you think we can do it, then I say let’s go for it”

“Really? Because I think I’ll have to take time off work to pull this off. It’s not going to be quick to give us a return, even with the other properties rent money. It might be tight for a while”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m used to not having money anyway, plus I’ll still be working, so it’s not a problem, especially since now I’m not paying over half my wage into a mortgage account”

“I know but I wanted you to be able to go part time, this will change everything”

“Yeah but if we do this now, we can both quit instead in a year or two!” he smiles

“Maybe we could start a business, RPD – Reynolds Property Developing”

“Okay dude, you’re getting way ahead of yourself, let’s just see how this goes before we bite off more than we can chew”

“Did you just call me ‘dude?’” he laughs “But that can be our goal if this works out, we can work together, travel together, live together”

“That’s a whole lot of together!” I laugh

“I was alone for 33 years Kristie” he hesitates “I don’t want to be apart from you, even to work.” Oh Conner!

“I don’t want to be apart from you either. I love the idea”

“You can be my sexy assistant, running around in tight shirts & short skirts”

“Ha, I am not going to be your assistant, you can be my assistant, maybe your uniform will be Calvin Klein boxers & you can peel my grapes as I make all the decisions for the business”

“I’ll peel your grapes baby” How did he make that sound so sexy! “I’ll do anything to make you happy”

“I am happy Dimples”

“What is this Dimples business?” He snickers

“It’s your nickname, I love your cute dimples” I poke his cheeks dimples as he smiles “& since I’m going to your boss, I can call you whatever I want”

“So should I start calling you boss?” we laugh

“Yes, yes I think you should!”

#IBD4U

Pregnant?

I know what you must be thinking, what the fuck, how can #IBD4U be pregnant. Didn’t I read the blog about her getting her tubes tied.

Why, yes, yes you did… I did about 2 years ago, I had my tubes clipped shut. The pain from that was excruciating. Every period since is painful. I am like clockwork, every 24 days for 3 days, I have my period, I always log it in an app so I know when I’m going to get it but to be honest, without taking hormone pills to control my period, not only have I lost weight, I also am very aware of my cycle & my body. I can feel when I am ovulating, I can feel when I am about to get my period. I have become a huge advocate for women not taking hormones.

But there is something else… I have terrible heart burn, so I go to the dr’s for medication that I used to take when I was really fat & had heart burn all the time – due to how much sugar I consumed… I didn’t think much of this at the dr’s visit at all… I haven’t been eating that well, so I put it down to that.

I had my period in early June when I saw Marvel last. Then I saw him late June. I know that she’s taken 3 weeks off because they now have a schedule on their wall of both their shifts – even though hers never change. So I don’t see or hear from Marvel most of July, it doesn’t bother me like it used too, I am not as attached as I once was to him. At the end of July, my app pings to tell me that I am 10 days late & I need to log my period.

OH HOLY FUCK STICK!

I go through the app, I think, surely I am not 10 days late… What is going on here… I try to think about the sex we’d had last, did him cum in me or on me? Where the fuck did he cum?! OMG.

Another 5 days later, still no period. I am having other weird symptoms, not only heart burn, but I am extremely tired, sleeping though the dogs waking up in the middle of the night, sleeping poorly for 10 hours per night. Surely I can’t be pregnant.

But I go buy a home pregnancy test… I don’t want to take this test… What if it’s positive…? I wouldn’t have an abortion, I know that, however, I don’t want to find out I’m pregnant to my married ex-boyfriend when I have 10 month old puppies & a new amazing job. FUCK this is the worst timing & probably why it would happen now. Just to fuck up everything!

NEGATIVE.

Phew. Relief washes over me… But another 7 days go by & I am still late. I feel nothing going on inside me. I am now nauseous at different times throughout the day, I am not really hungry but I am not loosing any weight either, in fact I have been putting on weight. What the fuck is going on with me.

At 22 days late during a bout of Adelaide Covid Lockdown, I choose to make an appointment with a GP, I can’t get into my regular Dr, so I see another woman who I explain what is happening & that I have had my tubes tied, so if I am we need to know because it could be ectopic. She refers me for a blood test. Should I tell Marvel? He’ll say something like a dick & piss me off. I decide I won’t say anything to him until I know anything, no point causing drama if I don’t need too.

I head to the blood test place & the woman asks me, how many weeks I am… WHAT THE FUCK. How many weeks… From the date of your last period, right? Then its 7 weeks. OMG. I can’t be 7 weeks pregnant…

My mind goes into overdrive. What will I say to Marvel. I know I would have to say it to him in person. I daydream (Not in a good way) about sitting in his work car park by his car waiting for him to finish to tell him. I know that I would have to be explicit because he will ask immediately “Is it mine?” which would fuck me off to no end. He would ask what I am doing at his work, so I would say 3 statements. In quick succession.

“I’m pregnant.

It’s yours

I’m keeping it.”

I wonder what he would do. Would he leave her? Would I want to be with him? My mind is ticking over & over with scenarios. The thing that scares me the most about this pregnancy scare, I am more worried about not being pregnant & then realising that I want kids. FUCK. Fuxkitdy fuck sticks.

I stupidly think about our life together with a child. I think about what I would name it. I think about how my life would be if I had it & he didn’t want anything to do with it… That would hurt, but I wouldn’t ever keep a child away from their father, even if I hated his guts with all my might for hurting me…

The night before I am supposed to get the test results, I have a brainwave, I remember my cousin came to stay at the beginning of July & I am sure I had my period then & I remember talking about it with her… Or did I? I message her to ask, she said that there were tampons on my toilet shelf but then they were gone. So did I just forget to put my period in my app? 

Result day. The surgery calls me at 8:00 am, I think to put me out of my misery, but they tell me that the Dr is sick & they will get another Dr to call me. FUCK. It’s torture waiting… When the Dr calls, she asks what she can do for me, I say that I had a blood test & need the results… She reads the results carefully. Not pregnant. I laugh & breath a sign of relief & I think she does too, thinking that perhaps I wanted to be pregnant, because of my age etc.

So now, what the fuck is wrong with me, not pregnant, I’m not even 40 yet, still a few weeks away, the real diagnosis, is that I clearly have Alzheimer’s, I mean this whole saga was caused because I forgot to log a period in my app? Why have I had all these other symptoms?!

Well there is no answer, a week later my period comes – possibly a few days late but to be honest, I’ve fucked up the app so who knows when it should be! Some one remind me every 24 days or so to log my period so I don’t have to go though this again…

So what does this all mean? Mid to late 2020 I started the process of becoming a foster carer. But I had my friend & her baby living with me, I have just gotten 2 puppies & I was unemployed, this was not the right time to start this but I did anyway but put it on hold when shit started getting too much… But after getting a job, becoming financially stable again after not working for a year. I worked on myself mentally with NLP & my psychologist. Eveything is settled with my old workplace, I am back to living alone… My life is sorted again…

I can hear you saying “but you don’t want kids #IBD4U” yeah I never really wanted kids of my own, people say I’m not maternal, but I am just in a different way to those who yearn to get pregnant. But I’ve also never had the opportunity to have kids either, I mean during my peak baby making years I was single & in love with a married man… I always thought I’d have kids in my life in the form or a step child from my partner, in fact the day I met Noodle’s kids solidified that for me but since that hasn’t ever worked out with him or any other man, I have been exploring other options & now I am well into the rigorous process… Lots of paperwork, home visits & training. I’m still not 100% sure I’ll be good at it but I am looking forward to it.

#IBD4U