Every year or so I jump back on online dating – usually to remind myself why I don’t online date anymore. I need to move on so this time I put the good energy out there into the universe, pay for the app for a month & match with a few people… One guy I was chatting too, that I was starting to think about meeting & he sends me a message then deletes me so I have no idea what his last message was! Oh the joys of online dating.
I match with Fisherman & I instantly know who he is… A person I am still friends with on Facebook, who was probably my best friend about 15-20 years ago was engaged to this guy fairly recently. I never met him, or ever saw her when she was with him, so I figure that it’s ok? I don’t know the rules of this type of thing, but we haven’t been close for a very long time!
I decide not to mention to him though because honestly, it’s a non issue. We exchange numbers & he wants to call me. I am not against phone calls but I spend a good portion of my day talking on my work mobile phone so it’s not something I enjoy when I am at home or during my lunch break. I also can decide when I reply to a message – like between clients at my hobby business or between meetings at work. When you’re on the phone, you can’t do much else…
When we exchange numbers, I ask him a deal breaker question. Pineapple on a pizza, yes or no? He says he doesn’t care either way, which is just a cop out answer, I make him decide & he says no. Hmmmm, I am enjoying the banter – as you know I haven’t been texting anyone for a while now & so I tell him that it’s ok, we can just get two pizzas.
Anyway, he calls me & we speak at lunch & it’s funny. He’s at work so I know that he’s told all his workmates about me & probably shown them my pictures as he keeps chatting to them too while chatting to me. He says he hasn’t shown them my picture but whatever… He asks me a deal breaker question, if when we are camping would I shit in a bucket? I ask why I can’t dig a hole & shit in that, he laughs & explains his toilet bucket, has a toilet seat so he laughs & says that I am a keeper.
We hang up & he texts to ask if I want to meet him tonight for a walk on the beach with the dogs, I change my plans with dad & tell him that I have changed times with dad, so that I can. I meet him, getting out the car with two dogs, it’s sort of hard to say a hello as a hug or anything, so we walk straight down to the beach & I let the dogs off their leashes & we walk & talk for a short 30 min walk. He tells me I look amazing & that I am better in real life than in my pictures – well I think that’s a first… When we finish the walk we stand around chatting for about 10 minutes at the car before I say I better get the dogs home, I hug him goodbye (no kiss) & he says “I’ll wait to hear from you” & I replied “No you can message me first.” Which he does not long after the date, he says that he had a good time & hopes we can catch up again. I am quietly confident about this one, for a change!
I am deep into scrubbing my floors with a bloody scrubbing brush on my hands & knees & putting down builders plastic while I am still midst backyard renovation & muddy paws, when Fisherman texts asking me to dinner tomorrow night, I assume at his house because he wants to make roast pork over coals… I don’t really want him at my house while it is like it is & I can also leave when I want too. We agree on dinner & have a few funny texts… I can’t help but smile & think this guys could be more than s flig.
About 2 hours after I got home from the walk with him, having agreed to a second date, I see that Fisherman is calling me. I do toy with the idea of just letting it go to voicemail because I am really trying to get my house in some sort of order but I answer & fuck I wish I trusted my gut!
Fisherman talks at me for 45 minutes… He told me on the walk how much super he has in his account, how his boss fucked him over with the Easter public holidays & making him permanent. He tells me all this again on the phone…. He tells me that his daughter is ‘frothing’ about the fact I am a lash tech & she can’t wait to get her lashes done – WTF, why does she know about me, we’ve been on one walk!!
He talks & talks & I am wondering if he is drunk or high, it’s just a fucking ramble of topic jumping to new topic…. He talks about the pork he’s going to cook, when I say he’s not coming to my house, he says that he lives in a caravan at his work. Oh this just keeps getting better. He talks about his previous living situation but I don’t really know how he ended up renting a room to living in his caravan. He tells me about his debt of paying off a car he doesn’t have. How much child support he has to pay – I mean I get the full run down.
I’m not going to go into the details of his childhood trauma but he talks about it in detail & starts going on about his ex stealing his therapy dog… I don’t ask but he talks about what I thought was her dog (she had him before she dated this guy from my knowledge) & when that dog died, she got another, he tells me that when they broke up she was letting him have the dog on weekends but then she got a restraining order on him… I ask him if the chick is the chick I know, saying her name & he yells “FUCK, I’m never gonna get away from her, am I? Well I guess that’s it for you & I” Um… ok! He then goes on to tell me that it takes two people to break up a relationship “a woman…. and her mother” FUCK SAKE. I don’t know why they broke up, I just know they are over & I just assumed it was because she never wanted to get married from my recollection.
I think out of all the things that he told me in that 45 minutes one way conversation, talking about exs are absolute warning signs for me that the person it not over their ex, but I think the thing that bothered me the most was that he talked a lot about his tiktok account & how many likes & views he had & how he’s trying to get paid for his posts. All the other stuff, is standard stuff – like unhealthy relationship with ex, childhood trauma, loss of a pet, unstable living situation, under employment, excess debt, child support payments – all of those things we’ve all experienced at some point or know someone going though some of that, its tough… But the get rich quick schemes bother me the most. I work hard, I work hard at two jobs. I haven’t had everything handed to me on a silver platter, but I have had help along the way to get where I am. But it’s also mainly hard work, not a quick get rich scheme.
Anyway I get off the phone by telling him that this is a lot & I’ll talk to him later. He messages me when I am asleep “Hope we are ok because I like u alot I think we r goin to click very well. Hope u give it a chance. Once again than u for a grate walk along the beach. Hope there more to come. Good night #IBD4U sweet dreams. Hope to hear from u tomorrow. Ps I bet u did a outstanding job on ya floor” OH Fuck.
The next day I get out of dinner by reminding him that my dad is coming over & I say that he’s bringing mum & staying for dinner, so I am able to dodge that bullet of him knowing where I live & also having to go to his house… We do text a little bit after that for a few days, he asks when we can catch up, I offer a drinks date on Wednesday & he says that he has no money but could do coffee on Saturday, I agree – but a chick at work forbids me to go… Hahaha. By Thursday I never hear from him again, he never texts or calls.
So now I’m being ghosted by guys who are punching well above their weight (& you know I never say things like that! – I am glad to have a bit of confidence back.) It so happens that Saturday the ex post something on FB about being free so I decide to message her… She tells me that he was draining on her financially, mentally & he was also physically abusive. Yeah right… OK I dodged a major bullet here!