October & November 2025 – 7 Messages
25 October 2025 – As you know, I told Obsidian on Tuesday when he finally came back online after being so busy that he couldn’t possibly log on & even say hi, that I need my keys back & that I will go see him on Saturday to get them. Of course, he didn’t come online on Friday & he hasn’t even confirmed that he’s working this weekend, but I stupidly dick around my lash clients to factor in that he never knows when his break will be on a Saturday & he will only be able to give me maybe 20 minutes notice & it’s a 20 minute drive so I can go get them & relax – stop fantasising that he’s just going to rock up one day to surprise me, or come over during the day & leave me a gift or that he just drops them off in my letterbox without seeing me or worst of all, she finds them & comes over. Given that Obsidian hasn’t even asked what surgery I had, instead, asking like an acquaintance how my health is days after I told him, he will 100% not protect me if she does find my keys. I mean he never protected me the first time when he wasn’t even married, so he sure as shit aint gonna protect me this time!
I just need them back – just like the first time he had keys & we ended, I keep thinking that he’ll use them & I let my imagination run away with me, when I know he won’t, I always fantasie that my life is a romantic comedy, but as I’ve said before, it’s just a comedy of me laughing at my own jokes… In fact he does the exact opposite of what I hope for – as always & has now become predictable, he just shuts me out acing like the victim. I’m not going to be the fool anymore, push me away all you want mate, because I’m no longer going to fight for what I never had in the first place.
On Saturday morning, I get a message around 8:15am, it’s Obsidian typing, I am not going to reply quickly because I just want to keep some distance, but if he’s said he’s going on his break in 20 mins, I need to get on the road so I look at it, “Work is fucked today so not sure when I can be free . Im working to 12 next Saturday and can be free a bit after work if you wanna catch up next sat.“ Of course work is fucked today of all days, that never stopped him before telling me when his break was & with something so important. I just cannot wait another week to get my keys back. It’s not a statement of this ending, its not a gesture that I don’t want to see him anymore, I just need them back for my mental health & to stop my stupid fantasies. I cannot keep waking up to noises thinking it’s him, like the first time he snuck in at like 6:00am one morning, using my keys & I had no fucking idea what was happening, so I have been waking up, hearing a noise, hoping it’s him & then never being able to get back to sleep. It never is him. So I reply, “I’ll just come up shortly & grab them, I need my keys.“ I think he’ll ask why so I can respond that ‘strangers don’t have keys to my house’ but he never asks… I hate when you have a good comeback but they never allow you to say it! Hahaha.
About 50 minutes later, I get in the car, not putting in heaps of effort to how I look but I am wearing a dress to show off the fact I have now lost 12 kgs – which he does not know but you can really see now that I’ve lost weight, finally & he hasn’t seen me for over a month so it will be a lot more noticeable for him than it is for me. I don’t message, I don’t want him to know I’m on my way. But he messages me & even though I don’t want him to know I’m on my way, I don’t want to drive all that way if he tells me that he didn’t bring my keys – as at one point they were hidden in his computer desk. So I click on Snapchat which updates my location, he’ll be able to see I’m on my way & driving down to his work, I am about eight minutes away, “Im on break now but I left your keys on my front seat. I will be on checkout for the rest of my shift i reason as the duty manager, store manager and even area manager was filling load all morning.” Right then. I start hyperventilating. FUCK YOU OBSIDIAN. Seriously you are a bigger cunt than I ever could have imagined. He didn’t ask if I was on my way – fine, he can fucking see that I am on my way & just a suburb over & he can see that I’ll be there shortly, while he is on his break but he left the keys on his fucking car seat?! Instead of seeing me?! He’ll deny he looked at my location but it’s at the top of the chat, it would have said ‘driving in suburb.’ There is no way to deny that he looked at it, he’s on his fucking break, so he can’t say that he quickly replied while working! What a declaration from him, crystal fucking clear message.
I pull up, shaking, heart beating so fast I don’t think I can breathe. I’m thinking maybe he’ll be sitting in his car while on his break at least, because he’ll have at least 15 minutes left, we can at least say hello or something. But he isn’t there, I pull up next to his car, I look at my snapchat – which updates my location to being at his work now & I think I should write him a message that I’m here but my fingers are shaking over the buttons that I can’t type. His declaration by leaving the keys on his car seat, while being on his break inside, are enough to make me so disappointed & heartbroken that he didn’t want to even see me for five minutes, after not seeing me for a whole month. I get out the car, I don’t know how my legs are carrying me right now, I open his car door & seeing the keys, coloured keys that I had cut especially for our anniversary, a gift for him to show him how much I trust & love him & had put them on a heart key ring. They are just sitting on his drivers seat like he just threw them there (I mean he could have placed them, but lets keep the dramatics going – he threw them there like he didn’t care) makes my heart shatter, it shatters so much that I actually feel it, I actually feel it crumble in my chest. I grab them, shutting his car door, I walk back to my car thinking he’ll see that I am here from my location while on his break & message me or call. I look again at my snapchat, willing him to message. Should I write saying thank you & leave it at that? I sit there for a second thinking I shouldn’t drive in this state, but I can’t stay here willing someone to write to me who hasn’t even asked what emergency surgery I’ve had, that I put my phone down, put my car in reverse & leave his work without seeing him, talking to him or even messaging him– exactly what I feared about him leaving them in my letterbox. This is worse than that option – an option I didn’t even think of! But this is how he chose for this to go down, this is how he wanted to play it, I get he probably didn’t want me going in his work getting the keys off him, probably because LMA is working, he wouldn’t want her to see me getting keys from him, she’d think I was his wife. But I can’t wait another week, with his sporadic messages to me, I can only imagine that next Saturday I’ll get a message that ‘work is fucked & his wife is home sick’ or some other bullshit excuse about how busy he is that he can’t make time to see me after work for a bit like he suggested – because you know, all the other catchup have just been us being lucky, it wasn’t supposed to be this remember? I need my keys this weekend, I mean I’ve wanted them before this but he didn’t log on for a fucking extra week. You know what, he could’ve gotten subway today – something he got often when talking to me on the phone & sat in the car, knowing that I would be there soon, but he didn’t… He dumped the keys & went back into work, so he didn’t have to see me. So I say nothing, I don’t send a message. I drive away, shaking, willing myself to cry, which doesn’t happen & I don’t open snapchat again, so when he looks at it, my location will still be at his work 2-3-4 hours ago, whenever he looks at it again. I wish I took the Lego, which I almost did, but didn’t want to give to him face to face, but this would have been perfect to leave it behind.
Predictable Obsidian, doesn’t message me again today though.
Am I saying that he is completely in the wrong? No. Could I have done things differently & better? Yes. Did I make a decision based on how I felt in the moment? Yes. I feel like I have put in the effort over the last three months to make things better, he thinks he has too but from my perspective he’s just pulled away a little more each day to not even logging on to message me some days, making things more strained. I am always here to respond when he messages me. He has no clue what that feels like to have me not message back – & when he did get a taste of it in the school holidays, he didn’t like it & so he doubled down & took an extra week to message me. & now he’s doubling down even more! He said once that this wasn’t supposed to be what it was, that he wasn’t supposed to see me as much as he did – I called bullshit when he said it & I call bullshit now, I never asked to see him, it was always on his terms. So he made it what it was & he changed it to what it is now. When you think about it we didn’t see each other more than once a week & we only had four proper day dates, I wasn’t expecting him to see me as much as he was, I never asked for that… It was all about his communication online for me. For him, it was about my bitching about the lack of communication & apparently not being easy going…
All I know, is that I am done being disrespected & the rose agrees as the final rose petal falls, symbolising that our connection is finally severed.
I’m free…
26 October 2025 – Sunday I log on to snapchat just after lunch time, having spent time focusing on sanding my little caravan, I click on his profile & the green dot is gone for him meaning that he hasn’t been on in 24 hours. He logged off after work around 12:00pm & so I turn off my location for him forever, I have had it on for the almost four years we’ve been friends on here but it’s time to turn it off – I know I’ve been switching it back on, but this time it stays off. Why does that little action hurt me so much?
31 October 2025 – What a surprise, Mr predictable didn’t come online on Monday but Tuesday afternoon, I don’t know what time, he came online & didn’t message. Could he be more tragic with his victim stance of not messaging me? I see that he was online on Wednesday but again not on Thursday & I suppose he won’t come online Friday being he always has the day off with her now. I’ve lost track of her weekends on & off, but assuming that as he’d offered to see me this weekend that it’s her weekend on. I am 100% certain I won’t hear from him or see him on Saturday like he offered, but my fucking heart & brain are wishing like fuck that he’ll just rock up to my house or the very least message me to ask if we are catching up. I know deep down he won’t because he has literally sent me seven messages in total in October, he’s not seen me, he’s not called me, he’s not even acted like a friend… Plus he’ll think I have clients so he won’t just come over, I know this, I need to make peace with this, but I can’t help my fucking brain for thinking that he will just come over or at the very least try to call me… But fuck, I picked up my key & he dumped it in his car, running inside knowing I was on my way, so he didn’t have to see me, avoiding any confrontation like a gutless wonder that he is, so why the fuck do I think he will put in any effort now?! Fuck I hate my brain…
Being he hasn’t been online for over a week now, & it’s been ages since he looked a one of my snapchat stories, I start using the only social media I have used in years again, my snapchat story. I had stopped posting because of him but fuck it, I am here, he knows I use this, he’s seen my posts in the past, so as I get ready for a black tie work event, feeling so great, having lost weight – wearing a dress that at the beginning of the year I was trying to zip up but couldn’t, looking beautiful & feeling confident, I take a selfie – the first one in months & post it. Obsidian, of course doesn’t see it, I don’t expect him too, but I am taking back my social media platform!!
A song comes to mind with this hurt I’m feeling. Nothing hurts more than this being the end of the road… Still I can’t let go, he belongs to me. I belong to him…
End of the road – Boyz II Men
Girl, you know we belong together
I don’t have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You’ll be mine forever baby, you just wait
We belong together
And you know that I’m right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we’d be forever
Said it’d never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say goodbye?
When I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head, oh, I’d rather be dead
Spinning around and around
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Girl, I know you really love me
You just don’t realize
You’ve never been there before
It’s only your first time
Maybe I’ll forgive you
Maybe you’ll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I
Will you love me again like you loved me before?
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road (End of the road)
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Girl I’m here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care
You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?
I’m here for you
I’m not out to go out on cheat you (Maybe I’ll forgive you)
Just like you did baby but that’s alright
Hey, I love you anyway (Maybe you will try)
And I’m still gonna be here for you ’til my dying day baby
Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby (We should be happy together forever)
‘Cause you just won’t come back to me (You and I)
Will you? Just come back to me
Yes, baby, my heart is lonely (Lonely)
My heart hurts baby (Lonely)
Yes, I feel pain too (Lonely)
Baby please
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural (It’s unnatural)
You belong to me (You belong to me)
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Kenny Babyface Edmonds / Daryl L. Simmons / Antonio M. Reid
End Of The Road lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Franmar Music, Boobie And Dj Songs, Boobie And Dj Songs, Inc., Hipgnosis Songs Fund Limited, Hipgnosis Side B
02 November 2025 – So the following week from picking up the key, it’s November, he didn’t speak to me via voice or see me in October at all. I have overstayed my welcome here. Severely. By months. Which looking back is so embarrassing & foolish! I wanted nothing more than to feel significant, loved & appreciated, not necessarily seen more or talked too more like he think, that I stayed longer than I should have & now his keys are back in my possession, I am relieved. Not because I don’t love him or I don’t want him in my life but because I don’t want to be insignificant & an obligation because I have ‘records’! Rest easy, all the records, besides what is in this blog – which aren’t that easily identifiable – are gone. There is no record or proof that we were even connected or knew each other, I guess unless you at at my social media blocked list – there are two people, Obsidian & his wife… We’re still friends on his fake snapchat & even that mocks me when I look at his profile.
It’s the Saturday that he said he’s free after 12:00pm, but it comes & goes without a message from him, without him even coming back online to see if I have messaged & suggested catching up… Nada, Zip, Zilch. I am absolutely gutted at how much he wanted me out of his life that he did it in the most cruel way instead of just fucking telling me – in fact the way he’s done it has made my intrusive thoughts worse than if he had of just had a conversation with me telling me that it’s too complicated, that he made a mistake & we need to end. He has destroyed my faith in us, my faith in love, in our connection, that I think up crazy shit to do to him… He’s so fucking lucky I am not crazy (even though he calls me crazy) – he plays a fucking dangerous game & he should fucking watch his back because who knows when I might snap – you know what, it’s not fucking far away. He spouted me lies for almost nine years, dragging me along like a fucking fool for a slither of his time, when in fact this was all just a fucking big joke. He never cared for me, never loved me. He loved himself & the hot sex. He always told me that I should never question his love for me, the bracelet was a sign of that love & that he’s thinking of me. When in fact the bracelet was just a thing I wore making a mockery of our relationship, when I was wearing it towards the end, reminding me, this man doesn’t & never did love me, he just loved that I would do things sexually for him that no one else would do. His wife is smart not to give him kinky sex & save it for her side guy – that I’m almost certain she has or was fucking at one point. Most people don’t give the best of themselves to a fucking cunt of a human…
Apparently, though, I am the exception.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 