Month: Jun 2019

For new readers to #IBD4U, I am well aware of the triggers in this story. I apologise to any one that is upset by my story. But remember, you are basically reading my journal… People make mistakes, I’m sure you have. Just sometimes our mistakes differ from other people… So having said that I hope you stick with me & my Noodle story.

Noodle asks me what it is about him that makes me keep coming back, well this is a easy question to answer for me, but I do ask myself the same thing, because surely I can find all the things I like about him in a single guy… But I guess if that were true, then I wouldn’t still be writing this blog! Hahaha. “From my perspective, it’s cos we have amazing sexual chemistry. You’ve given me confidence, we like each other & we feel comfortable enough to say anything, usually what we want sexually… then we actually do it. Live out fantasy’s… Plus cos we don’t see each other when we want, we build up the sexual tension… which is annoying but makes it hotter. We also have mind blowing sex… Every. Time. & you’re kinda sexy!” I don’t tell him but I also think he’s funny, we have great fun banter, he is my best friend. I tell him everything without judgement, even my weight! He agrees but then he can’t believe I even complimented him, I don’t do it very often even though his ego needs it. I struggle with this to be honest, I don’t want to be the douche out there saying I think someone is hot when they don’t reciprocate. He asks me “Did it hurt a little to compliment me?” I actually laugh out loud, but I don’t tell him that, I just tell him that it did hurt. Hahaha… Fuck I’m a stubborn bitch! When I tell him that I find him sexy he is surprised & laughs at me saying he should screen shot that, luckily I’m safe, he doesn’t… Well actually he doesn’t really know I do, I mean I’ve told him that I do, but I wonder if he does & saves them in his little secret app? So while on a roll, I say “In all seriousness … I do think you’re sexy, with a cute butt… I’m horny all the time when I think about you fucking me… The sex we have is so amazing that I haven’t wanted it with anyone else. And I love Mr Dom Noodle, he’s so much fun!” HoLY FuCkInG BaTsHiT, did I just say the L word?! Fuck I hope he doesn’t freak out! But all he says “Are you alright over there?” knowing I am never like this with him. I tell him that that is the last nice message from me & he laughs.

Lately I have noticed him posting more pictures of himself in the groups, especially since he has been going to the gym, he’s proud of his improvements, which he should be, of course, he looks fucking sexy… So I should be more complimentary to him, I bet he’s not getting compliments at home & I do find him sexy as fuck – considering he’s not what I would usually go for. I get a little jealous of the pictures he posts, that my reaction is to tease him about it & he says “Oi. People need to know what I look like. I don’t have a pfp like you” (pfp means profile picture) then he says to me “You look cute af in your pfp btw. Fuck, that’s being nice. Grrr” Hahaha, people NEED to know what he looks like?! What the fuck for? He’s got a partner & me, why the fuck would he be looking for anything else… Reminds me of Max, when he acted like a douche at Switch kissing another chick while there with me & his wife – as if that’s not enough, he needs another chick?! Fuck I hate being jealous. But I know that Noodle is not looking for anyone else, he wouldn’t have the time anyway, unless he ended it with me – I wonder if he’ll ghost me? But between full time work, gym & his family, with his phone being tracked, I’m not even sure how he has enough time for me.

Later that week, I am home from work early after a regional trip & it’s his day off so he brings his iPad – well his son’s iPad, to my house so he can text message if he needs too & also check her location, but has left his phone at home so his location isn’t at my house. He’s turned it off the location settings on the iPad, fuck this is a lot of effort, so much so that I so ask him if I’m even worth it, every time he says yes, that I’m “Defiantly worth it” (yes he says defiantly every time! Hahaha) He comes over & we don’t have a lot of time, we’re in my dining room kissing & undressing each other. I love when he stands behind me kissing my neck undressing me, before spinning me around to kiss me, push me up against the wall… The passion I have for this man is matched by his passion for me, he slides his fingers between my legs making my cum so quickly, that I didn’t even think it was possible, he has to hold me up because I am weak from standing on tippy toes from tying to get away from his fingers. He takes me into the lounge room & sits on the ottoman & I kneel before him sucking his cock, he grabs my hair in only a way a guy can put your hair in a faux ponytail that they hold out of the way. Why is this act of grabbing your hair out of the way so sexy? Even when it takes them about 5 goes before they get all your hair up in one hand? Then they look at your all proud… I love that feeling. I do like my hair being pulled so I like that he uses this mock ponytail to move my head around. He moans & asks me how much I like sucking his cock, like a good little slut. He’s not really called me slut while we’re fucking before, I like it & I realise that he is enjoying this so much. He pulls on my hair when I don’t answer as I’m too busy & I look up at him to say I like it. I hate being forced to say stuff, but I also find it so sexy, I love that he’s being more dominant with me, this is what I want, this is what I love. Of course I don’t need it, but it’s very fun when he does it, I know he enjoys it too but hasn’t ever had the opportunity to be this dominant, so he struggles to have the confidence, but when he does, fuck it turns me on!

He stops me & stands me up, commanding me to sit on his lap. We sit there nose, to nose, kissing, while I rub my clit over his cock just feeling him against me before grab his cock with my hand to guide it inside me. I ride him, we are fucking like there is no tomorrow. It feels like we’ve been fucking for hours, but I look at the clock & it’s only been a short time. I’m thankful that we have more time together, usually it’s the other way around, times goes so fast. Today it feels like it’s standing still. He stops us & commands me to kneel on the ottoman, taking me from behind, I feel him so deep inside me, he spanks my ass without warning so hard that I yelp & somehow get wetter. Why does being spanked turn me on so much. He makes a noise, like he can feel how much wetter I get & spanks me again. I reach between my legs to rub my clit as he speeds up, feeling he is getting close to cumming. I cum pretty hard, with my eyes going blurry & he spanks me once more & I fall flat on the ottoman but he moves with him, not stopping fucking me hard till he cums.

It feels like hours, literally hours that he’s been at my house fucking me, time stood still but it’s only been an hour & 15 minutes before he has to go, to make it home before his partner. Of course later we talk about it, we always seems to discuss the sex we had later than night, I tell him how ridiculously hot it was, he agrees “Yeah was like pure fiction and fantasy but real, and natural… Not forced & lame kinda thing.” I ask him if it ever feels forced, because fuck I don’t want that with him, even when I tie myself up for him, I don’t want him to think that I am forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to do with me, he reassures me, “Always comes naturally. I just find that hot. Like your presenting yourself to do whatever I want to you type of way.” Well I’m glad we’re on the same page there… Imagine if I’ve been tying myself up for him to walk into & he didn’t even like it. Surely he would’ve said something by now if he didn’t. I guess I’m just as paranoid about looking like an idiot in front of him as he is in front of me. Phew…

One night he says to me “I bet your an even better fuck tipsy !” Sadly, he’ll probably nebver know, I tell him this & he tells me that “hahaha, you could always get shitfaced one day before I come over. & then let me fuck you like a whore. Bent over & fucked hard” Errr, don’t I do that anyway? He says yes I do let him “Your fucking awesome ! You are the best thing to fuck since sliced bread. Not like anyone fucks slices of bread. But your fucking amazing.” OMG he makes me laugh, I am smiling at my phone in bed, like a fucking wanker. “You make all my fantasies come true. Your like one huge fucking fantasy fucking machine. & the best part is, you suggest half the shit!” I then ask him, what would he rather “One ultimate night with me or a lifetime of carbs without getting fat?” I know how much Noodle likes his food, this will be a hard choice for him. But his reply is instant “One ultimate night with you.” Awwww, fuck!

#IBD4U

On Sunday morning Noodle is sneaking into my bed at 7:00 am after not having fucked me since Monday morning! I am horny as fuck & have missed seeing him, not only because I want to fuck him, but I do miss seeing him & having him touch me… I have missed his touch, his lips, his hands, even seeing his face. Not often does Noodle send me a face pic. Usually his dick or something random at his house, but I also want to touch him, feel his skin under my touch too… I miss that! But most of all, I hate that my vagina thinks for me with him, I want to be angry & ignore him… But I am so wet that he slides into me slowly but sweetly & I am cumming so fucking easily… This is just ridiculous! I hate that I have become this person, that I am so easily turned on by him that I can’t stay angry at him… FUCK… I wonder if it’d be like this if we were a couple! No, I must not think like that!

On Tuesday night, we’re back to our usual evening fuck! He is working at a store close by but is working later than usual so he comes to my house later. I am able to keep going to the gym then shower & wait for him. He comes over; I am in bed waiting for him, with the door unlocked. I can’t wait for him to fuck me again. We are kissing so hard as he just fucks me missionary style, seems boring, but fucks me he was hitting all the right places with me… I feel like I am going to cum the whole time, his cock gets me going so easily, I didn’t even know that it could ever feel like this… I feel like I’m going to explode. As he’s fucking me, he sucks my nipples hard or kisses me so deeply, almost so I can’t breathe, this feels so good tonight, why is he able to keep me on the edge by fucking me without cumming? Noodle is literally is the best sex I’ve ever had, even Boyfriend. I don’t look away or close my eyes when he looks at me anymore, we actually look at each other, he used to not look at me either, he’d look away when I look at him & I’d look away when he looks at me – we’re so fucking weird, but maybe it’s a way of protecting ourselves. But now our eyes lock, I look at him & he looks at me, I can see deep in his eyes & I know he can see what I’m thinking on my face, I have no poker face, I have a very expressive face. I feel so vulnerable in this moments when this happens but I can’t help but feel so close to him, I don’t know what this feeling is, I’ve never had it before. What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Or if it just that we’re comfortable with each other? When he breaks eye contact, he keeps fucking me, but then works his mouth all the way down to my nipples to suck them hard, while my arms are pinned above my head (seriously my favourite move), I try to move up the bed to get away from this sweet torture, but I am cumming so loudly, without warning & for a long time that I don’t think it’s ever going to stop! Afterwards he chuckles like a douche, so super proud of himself that he’s made me cum, especially without much clit stimulation, that I tell him to shut up, but he just chuckles more & runs his hands all over me as we lay there. I’m not a huggy person, but fuck I am wrapped around him, it’s not often we get to hug after sex, usually he’s jumping up to leave, but I cherish the times we get to cuddle afterwards. After sex like that – where we connected, I really need to cuddle & almost don’t want to break the spell.

This week has been shit, Noodle did an update on his iPhone, which caused him to not be able to fake his location anymore – this means it’ll be harder to see him, so he’s not been able too on his days off. It’s almost like Apple doesn’t support cheating?! Hahaha… I mean I don’t, this is fucked. I would die if someone cheated on me, but I can’t stop this! We’ve had some great text sex, sent videos & pictures but I hate that he can’t see me because he is tracked on his mobile. So it’s almost a week later, before Noodle is seeing me again, it’s Monday Morning, he’s had the weekend off… The virtual play has been fun, but I want him so badly. We seem to only fuck at my house… For obvious reasons we can’t fuck at his, but I do wonder what his house looks like. From pictures he sends of himself in the mirror or of his kitchen, I can tell he’s not a tidy person & assuming his family isn’t either. I can tell we’re very different people, but also very similar. I come from a family of hoarders, so I am completely the opposite, I live in a house with hardly any nick nacks, with not a lot of furniture. I know he’s a bit of a hoarder, he’s told me that, I reckon he’d have furniture in against every wall with shit all over it, book shelves with books, CD’s & DVD’s that no one uses anymore. But I can just imagine it. I wonder if I’ll ever get to see his house? Ooooh, that’s not a good idea… Why am I thinking that?! Why do I keep thinking these things.

So this changes things a little. I am thinking Noodle won’t be able to see me much now that he can’t fake his location. I’m also thinking he’ll back off here too, this is a perfect opportunity to get out of this… I have tried in my head, a million times, to end it, I don’t know how too, I also don’t want too… Stupidly, I am too involved now, just like Jack Dawson on the Titanic, ‘You jump, I jump’ Fuck, this is not good! Hang on? Didn’t I say my heart was closed? I am not wanting anything but what all these men have to offer? How the fuck did I end up being monogamous to a guy in a relationship (who ironically isn’t monogamous to me!), with my walls rapidly coming down without me even realising?! FUCK.

But it doesn’t change anything, the next night, it’s our usual Tuesday night rendezvous & Noodle is on the way to my house. I don’t know what he does about his phone or what he does to hide where he is. I hope his partner never finds out that he’s at my house! Or where I live, can you imagine what will happen if she knew? This will never end well, why am I still seeing this guy? & seriously, I am not seeing anyone else – this is not wise, I’m barely talking other people because Noodle gets jealous about it – also fucking stupid. Why do I care that Noodle get jealous & why do I go to great lengths to make sure he isn’t jealous & boost his ego? Maybe because I know what he’s been through? Or am I falling for this guy? NO, my heart is closed, remember!I honestly never ask him what he does to fake his location, perhaps I should but I don’t. Sometimes he tells me but I don’t really care about the lengths he has to go to, to be with me, that’s his problem. So he’s at my house, I’m naked (what a surprise! Sorry to all of you picturing me naked all the time! Hahaha) We talk & kiss as I undress him, he’s told me that he likes when I undress him… I guess that’s something people miss as a couple, you don’t really undress each other, I remember with Boyfriend, we always had sex when we were already in bed, usually when I wanted it, I went to bed naked, so he knew & when Boyfriend wanted it, he’d just start rubbing my side, spooning me… I don’t really remember ever undressing Boyfriend to be honest, even in the beginning, so the fact that Noodle likes it, reminds me of things I need to do when I get a partner to keep the spark alive.

Noodle & I kiss the whole time I am undressing him, him rubbing my ass, always telling me I have a nice ass, he’s told me before it’s better than his partners & that he loves my ass (those squats are paying off!), well the poor woman has had a kid & is pregnant & doesn’t gym 3-4 times a week like I do, so I hope I’d have a better ass than her, even if I am 5 years older. We move to the bed, he goes down on me which is absolutely amazing & he knows what to do now, I don’t have to guide him at all… Then once he is inside me, I am on the edge, my legs are wrapped around him, my arms around his head pulling him close, I can’t seem to get him close enough, I can’t get him in me enough, I know he notices because the look on his face is him struggling not to cum, I am close but can’t seem to get there, I am too busy pulling him as close as I can to me. I am kissing him & holding on to him so tightly with everything I have that I can’t control myself, I cum really hard & he follows me quickly. It’s almost a relief for him.

Later he tells me “Your body reacted so well to missionary tonight.” I tell him that I have no idea why or what that was about, when he says “Your body was gripping me like a vice” I tell him that something was different tonight & that I couldn’t help but feel his pelvic area was hitting me in the right spot. I have no idea what happened, he doesn’t either… All I know is that it was fucking amazing! How does it keep getting better?!

#IBD4U

So Noodle is back at work & the first day back, guess what, he’s at my house, fucking me! He’s working at a store about 10 minutes from me, but only for a few weeks then he’ll be moving to a store far away from me for a few weeks till they find him a store but we’re not sure which store. He says it’ll still be southern, I suggest my local store but that’s when he tells me that’s where she works….. Are you fucking kidding me dude…. He knows I shop there!! Why would he wait this long to tell me… What a fucking idiot! Time to change stores…

I hope that his permanent store is still close within a lunch break drive away or something will have to change, I guess. I don’t want it too, as much as I want to be with this guy (Errr, where did that come from!?) I am worried what it would be like for us if we were together. I do have a little fantasy of being with him all night, spending the whole night, sleeping in his arms… UM WHAT? I am not a cuddly sleeper, but fuck I want to be in this mans arms all night! To wake up next to him, would be a dream come true… I kind of wonder if he snores or how he sleeps, would he be a cuddly sleeper or would he want his own side of the bed? Would we wake up to have sex in the middle of the night? Or would we just be boring & sleep… I guess we would if we slept together every night, eventually…. Or would I want to fuck him every day for the rest of my life… What the actual fuck… I thought I didn’t want a boyfriend, my heart was closed?! But I can’t help but wonder if there is ever going to be a time when we can do this? I really don’t ever want to tell him about this fantasy… I mean he’ll probably freak out… I am in way too deep to freak him out at this point!

The Monday morning, we are in my bed when we end up in front of my mirror with me on my knees sucking his cock again, while he videos it, of course… I love how much we video & take pictures of us. It’s super-hot. It’s also hotter how much more dominant Noodle is with me too… It took him a while to get there, mainly because he has this fear of looking like an idiot in front of people & I know that he thinks I am this very experienced kinkster that he didn’t feel comfortable with me. Now it’s been almost 2 months since I fucked another guy & he knows that… That fact, I know makes him happy – I know he has relaxed with me a lot more! I have relaxed with him a lot more too… I’m too fucking relaxed, I am not really thinking of a future, which scares me, but I’m also not thinking of the day this ends… This will not end well for me, men never leave their partners especially when they have kids. I need to disconnect.

I am always telling Noodle about a fantasy or two that I’ve thought up, I am constantly thinking of stuff, I mean just read my Erotica series to know how my mind works. I do start to worry though that Noodle doesn’t ever ask for anything, like he tells me he wants me, but I am always suggesting things we should do, how he should tie me up & stuff, when Noodle says ‘You pretty much blow me away with the shit you ask for. Your super kinky & make my fantasies come true without me even having to ask.’ I guess I need to stop worrying about it, but I want him to suggest things he wants to do, but I guess I beat him to it? He tells me “Ummm, you think any chick will let me fuck their ass? Cum on their tits? Walk in on them using a vibe on the pool table? Let me tie them up & have my way with them? Your fucking amazing & fucking hot. & Even our vanilla sex is like something out of a movie. I do not have low standards. Your just sexy af. & you do more than just lie there… you suggest some pretty hot stuff… moan.. kiss me… suck me… touch me…” Ok wow, when he puts it like that, I guess I am pretty good in bed?! Hahaha… But it also makes me wonder, but not ask him, does his partner not touch or moan with him? I mean I guess she’s recently stopped kissing him & she’s never cum with him, so perhaps she doesn’t moan or touch him… I have no control over it… I find him too sexy to stop.

During the week, Noodle suggests coming over in the morning because he can’t come over this Tuesday night as it’s his first night at this new store. Fair enough, so a morning visit is a our usual compromise. As he goes to sleep that night he doesn’t confirm that he’ll come over, but I wake up early at like 5:30 am in case he does, I lay there for ages getting more & more pissed off… I don’t hear from him & I am fucking pissed! I don’t know why I message him first, is it my turn or do I just want him to know I am awake at 6:30 am waiting for him to come over.

“Morning ass face” The longer it takes him to reply, the more angry I get… What the fuck is wrong with me?!

“Morning Gina Face, Joking” I seethe…

“I’m not joking”

“What did I do?” He asks

“You did nothing. That’s the point!! You were supposed to do something… but anyway”

“Oooh was I defiantly (yes he spells it wrong all the time!) meant to fuck you this morning? You said you had to get to work on time & was busy, wasn’t sure you were still keen.”

“Yeah Douche, you were. If you remember correctly, I said I’m free but need to make sure I leave on time & I believe I even said 8:15 – 8:30 at the latest.” He never stays that late anyway, as he has to be at work by 8:00 am usually, so don’t know why he thought me leaving on time was a problem.

“Oh whoops, sorry. Your poor pussy needed a fuck this morning.” I calm down a little bit… but I’m still angry… I get so angry when I don’t get sex & I thought I was going too… He doesn’t really know this yet, this is probably the first time that I am really pissed with him.

“All good, I figured last night you weren’t coming, so I sorted myself out & am home now sorting myself out.” Hopefully that thought makes him hard! I have made myself cum several times this morning & when I got home from work.

“Hahaha, of course you will… You could of just asked me to come over last night to fuck you”

“Yeah maybe, it was your suggestion… Assumed if you wanted to, you’d confirm” This is our problem, I hate asking him over & I never ask… I don’t want him to say no.

“Well I did want too but also wanted sleep” Are you kidding me, what guy wants sleep over fucking their mistress? Makes me think that his partner fucked him so he didn’t need me… FUCK!

“Pretty sure you said in the group several times sleep is overrated… you hate sleep, waste of time”

“I do hate sleep. Doesn’t mean I don’t need it” Who hates sleep? I guess someone with a partner who sleeps 15 hours a day, you’d resent it. I snap & I am aware I am being a bitch…

“Jesus, I’m even further down the priority list than I thought. I’m off to the gym to burn off some excess energy. Chat you later if I’m not interrupting your precious sleep”

“Hahaha na your above sleep, but I struggled getting up this morning so bad! Now now don’t get bitchy” I go to the gym for an hour & ignore him for a change! Fuck you Noodle, see how it feels when I ignore you. After the gym, I finally reply to him…

“Sex only once a week makes me bitchy” He’s offline, of course, so I wait for his response, which pisses me off more.

“Hahaha does it? So I have to fuck you twice a week minimum eh?”

“No you don’t ‘have’ to fuck me at all” Fuck, I don’t want him to think he has to fuck me…

“Stop you getting all bitchy? I actually thought I had seen you twice this week”

“You don’t have to see me twice a week.”

“Haha, I don’t have to see you at all… But I do enjoy fucking you for some reason”

“No you don’t. Hmmmm, not as much as sleeping, apparently!”

“OMG I’ve been up to like 1 am like every night chatting to you this week”

“You don’t have too, you know. I don’t want to be an obligation for you” I remember Max telling me that he didn’t want me to be an obligation but kind of implied that I was making our relationship an obligation for him. It made me feel like shit when he said it, when all I wanted was to know was when he’d make time for me & I don’t want Noodle to think that he has to do anything, just because we made that stupid agreement.

“Your not an obligation you twat“

“Well… Hmmm… Yeah, I don’t want that” I’m actually a little cut from this… I don’t want to be an obligation to him, I want him to want to see me.

“I want to fuck you just as much as you wanna fuck me don’t forget”

“But to get that, you don’t have to chat to me till 1 am” He doesn’t need to talk to me to get sex, I guess.

“I don’t? Yaye… Hahaha, you’re not an obligation, stop going all weird… You shitty?”

“Only cos I was horny & thought I was getting sex this morning” I hate that I’m like this sometimes…

“Oh I see… Sorry” I bet he’s not actually sorry, I know him, so I ask

“Are you actually even sorry?”

“Not really, I feel a tiny bit bad for getting you excited & not following thru I guess. Guess I better fuck you soon.”

“Douche. Not following though is my biggest pet hate.” He agrees that he should’ve said something, but I am so surprised that he is still talking to me after that… Fuck I’m am actual bitch! I could’ve also said something…! But I’m too stubborn… Although, all I’m asking from this guy & even Max is for them to message me & fuck me regularly… I don’t think that’s too much to ask… Maybe this is why I am single?

#IBD4U

The next day is my birthday, Noodle is going away for a few days with his family after “the gym” & I don’t think he realises it’s my birthday until someone in the group messages me. He’s worked out that he’s going to be at my house at 8:00 am after pretending to be at the gym & then the barber (Who apparently takes ages so gives him some extra time as an alibi…)

He messages me at 6:30 am to say happy birthday & says that I should’ve reminded him that he was going to fuck me on my birthday. I shouldn’t have to remind him, my bloody birth date is in my user name on the chat app, not that you look at the user name a lot, but he should know… However, I guess he is a dude, as if he knows when peoples birthdays are, probably doesn’t know when his son’s is…. I am not too upset about it, but at least he says Happy Birthday I guess. Hahaha.

He climbs into bed with me & we’re having amazing sex as always, Noodle has also really mastered the art of going down on me, he knows what I like & how to do it… He’s gotten better at doing it too, he wasn’t that great at it to start with. He gets me going so easily, that it’s just insane. Like I know I keep saying this, but how does this keep getting hotter? Doesn’t the passion & desire fizzle out? I want this guy more & more every time I see him… How am I going to go 10 days without him when I’m in Hawaii? I’m sad that he goes home & goes away to a place where he has no phone reception, so I don’t talk to him again until I am in Hawaii, the next day. What is this feeling I’m feeling of not wanting to be here in beautiful Hawaii, but also wanting to be here because I love travelling?! I want to be here with him! FUCK – where did that come from?

So after my birthday, I go to Hawaii for 10 days & don’t see him… We chat everyday even though there is a time difference; we still get to message when we can. I’m surprised we get in some decent chats, I look at the world clock on my phone every time I’m back in the hotel to try to get some decent conversation with him, thinking about her bed time & what he might be doing. Plus I don’t want to piss off my friends by constantly texting so I try to only do it when they are showering or getting ready too, but I know that I probably am using my phone too much!

The day I fly into Adelaide from Hawaii, Noodle is over my house at 5:00 pm & fucking me within a minute of being at my house… I am dying for his cock to be inside me. I hate that I haven’t felt his touch for 10 fucking days… I know it seems like nothing to you probably, but I have never had this type of passion or desire for someone in my life – ever. I cannot get enough of him, I cannot fuck him enough! I want to please him & I want him to feel desired, I want him to feel like I do when I am with him. I sometimes think he does, but I also just think perhaps I am just his mistress… Surely I am more than that now? This guy has become my fucking best friend… FUCK!

Over the weekend we are talking, as usual, I mean let’s just say here & now, that we talk every day all day when he’s not with her. I talk to him more than I have ever talked to someone in my life… I tell him that I think I look pregnant, I have been a bit of a yo-yo dieter & also struggle to get below a certain weight all the time. “You do not look pregnant. You have a beautiful & curvy body. Not in a fat chick way, in like a Marilyn Monroe type of way” I laugh out loud, because I know he means it but I also don’t take compliments very well, so I say, “OMG. You know I’m already fucking you right?” he says “You know I don’t bullshit you right? Guys can lie all they want to get laid about a woman’s body… But my hands don’t lie… My hands can’t stop touching you.” He even tried one day to not touch me as we lay there after we fucked, but his hands kept moving all over my body. I remind him of our pesky hands & he says “Your body feels amazing. Hahaha those pesky hands. Sometimes we need to tie them”

I get a little needy & he starts to piss me off with how he disappears when he gets home or can’t talk anymore, not even saying goodbye to me or anything… It fucks me off. Domused to do that to me all the time, he’d cum then hang up & not be back online, sometimes for days. Noodle will just not reply to my last message for hours on end & it does my head in… He stops replying & I crack the shits but today, he sends me a live shower picture, letting me know he’s in the shower, which he usually talks to me when he’s in there. When I call him out on not saying goodbye to me, he says “Only reason I do that is so I can chat to you as long as I can… Loser me” FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK! So he doesn’t just disappear? He fucking chats to me as long as he can? I can’t fucking believe it… All this time I’m thinking that he just logs off & goes about his family life, when he is actually thinking about me… This is not what I was expecting! I really thought that he didn’t care that I was sitting there waiting his response all the time, I sit there like a loser waiting & see that the little grey d (showing me he’s got the mesaage but not online) stays there for a while & I know that he’s logged off for the evening. It’s cute that he does chat to me for as long as he can, but how fucking hard is it to say goodbye so I’m not waiting like a fucking dickhead!? Why don’t married men think about their loser mistresses waiting around for them? I know that he probably thinks I don’t care about him, I can just imagine what his mind is thinking, that I don’t care, but I fucking do, I fucking care too much & I want him to say goodbye to me. Shit!

You know when you talk to someone so much, I guess especially via message like we do that you start to pick up on dumb little quirks of theirs, well we start doing that, I think I notice me doing it more than him, like he starts sentence with “Errr” or “Pfft” or “Whatever” when I ask him if I’m hot or something, it’s quite funny & people in the group even notice that I start using it too… Holden (a admin guy I’ve talked about before, even tells me off, in a joking way! Hahaha FUCK. That’s fucked that people notice.) I can’t believe that people notice that I am talking like Noodle, it’s not good…

Noodle also tells me one morning that after we fuck he gets really hungry, I do too in fact, he says that it must be a bit of a workout & I agree, I’m always so sweaty & tired after fucking him too, I’ve never been that bad with a guy, I mean we do have very active sex, so I shouldn’t be surprised… I tell him that I just came hard to a fantasy of him & that I’m hungry now & he says “Sad thing is… I would get you breakfast… After I fucked you of course!” I tell him to bring me some as he says he’s cooking his breakfast, he says “Hehehe, I would if I could” & I actually believe him, I know he’d come over if he could.. I actually think that he’d prefer to be with me than at home while his partner sleeps… I wonder what our life would be like if i woke up to him every day? FUCK, where did that come from? What is wrong with me!? Jesus…

Noodle is back at work, after 5 weeks off, it didn’t change our routine, like I thought it would. We still talked every day, even with me in Hawaii, even with him on a camping trip with no mobile reception. We also still fucked more than once a week while he was on holidays, which was the thing that surprised us both, I guess. We definitely always chat, he finds time every day for me by getting up early or going to bed late (not that it’s ever that early or late really, she’s in bed a lot) or even I get a message when he’s in the toilet or shower or cooking dinner when he can hide his phone. But she could ask at any time to give her his phone so she can go through it, so he has to be careful – not sure if I’ve told you that fact before, but that’s why he has to delete the app when he’s at home & have a secret email where he keeps stuff that I’ve sent him. He also has bought an app that’s a calculator, it costs $5 a month, but it 100% looks like a calculator, however once you put in a certain code, it opens up to a file storage app! FUCKING HELL, I never knew there was a thing. But Noodle now has it to save all my pictures that I send him! He’s shown me his phone before it’s got so many apps on it, in folders & so many pages that it would completely fuck me off, mine is so ordered & organised. Hahaha. I guess he keeps his so disorganised so that she can’t really keep up with what he has on there & what he doesn’t…

It’s seriously insane to me what these 2 are like together… & the lengths he is going too to be with me… How can she be ok with living a life like this, being this paranoid? It would absolutely do my head in, I definitely wouldn’t be able to function, thinking my partner is cheating & being so untrusting that I would have to go through his phone. Like I’ve said, I guess she now has a reason to be paranoid, but she never did before…

#IBD4U

OMG, I have just realised that I haven’t told you the best part about Noodle … I’ve never had this happen with another guy before either… Not only do we have crazy chemistry & passion, plus you know how his cock makes me squirt cum within 2 thrusts, but once Noodle cums, his cock stays hard. It never goes down unless we stop completely! Yes, it never goes down! He just stays hard… He doesn’t cum again but he can keep fucking me to make me cum if he cums first (which isn’t very often, let’s face it!) I don’t even know how he does it but now we’re not using condoms, he seems to cum quicker but he can still fuck me. It’s fucking hot…!

Anyway, I go away for work for a few days so I don’t see Noodle till the following Friday morning when he pretends to go to the gym but comes over to my house at 6:30 am… She was right about the gym… She was right to try to stop him from going… Not for the reason she thought, I mean he was already fucking me regularly when he joined, but she was right. I do ask him at one point if he joined the gym, partly so he’d have an alibi to see me & he says part of the reason why he joined – he did actually want to use the gym too.

During this week we sext, sending videos & pictures to each other every day & night, turning each other on so much, to the point that when he climbs in my bed, I think I cum within 30 seconds, this worries me because we’ve got a routine down, we fuck the same way when we’re in bed & I don’t want him to get bored with me. But he tells me that “Sex & boring should never be in the same sentence with you… Sex with you is fucking amazing… Sometimes mind-blowing” he goes on & on telling me I’m a sexual goddess & that I don’t realise how insanely hot I can be… Yeah I don’t sometimes, but I’m starting to get the idea! Hahaha.

I also screenshot a conversation with Noodle where he was so descriptive this week that I got so wet from it, we have this conversation where I am pretending not to be turned on by him or missing his cock this week so he sends me this “As if you don’t want my hands touching you all over your body, grabbing your tits, then my tongue all over your body, start in your mouth, then make its way to your ear? Then kiss down to your nipples? Maybe lick & suck them while you’re tied up? Then kiss along your stomach to your thighs & lick along them & tease that pussy of yours? Just breathe over your clit a little while you’re tied up?” JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! Yeah fucking hell Noodle, I want you!

But the jerk burger, tells me that I am not allowed to cum until he sees me in the morning… Fuck that turns me on when he tells me what to do when I am not with him! I tell him that I am not even touching myself, which I’m not sure he believes, but I go to sleep frustrated & excited that he will fuck me first thing in the morning! When gets there, I am so wet having not been allowed to cum but literally being so turned on the night before. So I’m pulling him on top of me as soon as he gets into my bed, guiding his cock straight inside me, then he moans as I pull him inside me deeper. I cum so quickly, what a surprise & so does he.

He tells me at one point that his partner has said he’s a bad kisser & that they should practice kissing. First of all, I disagree with her… If a guy is a bad kisser, I can’t do anything with him – kissing is a big thing for me, but Noodle is not a bad kisser at all. I love kissing him… I ask him later how the practice is going & he said that she’s now decided that they aren’t going to kiss anymore, that he isn’t good at it. I’ll never understand how different she sees him than I do… I love kissing… I remember how shit it was that Boyfriend never wanted to kiss me… So this relationship between Noodle & his partner seems to me like it’s got a lot of negatives sexually, she’s never cum with him & now she doesn’t want to kiss him… She has friends but he seems to not have friends (He says it’s because he’s lazy & doesn’t maintain friendships, but I think it’s because she tracks his phone, asks so many questions so he just can’t be bothered.) How are these 2 even together? I know it’s been a while since I’ve had a relationship, but seriously, 10 years together & you have to practice kissing? Wouldn’t you address that in the first few months?

While he’s on holidays, he tells me that his partner left him a list of things to do. I don’t usually engage when he talks about her, trying to keep her out of the picture as much as possible, but I can’t help it… What type of fucking list? He sends me a picture of it… Now I’m not one to judge but I can’t help but laugh out loud at it to be honest… This woman is almost 30 & writing her partner a list – in different coloured pens? Have I just not been in a relationship for so long, that I think this is weird but actually is the norm? Is this something women do? I can’t even imagine how that conversation would go with a partner?!

Noodles First week of holiday’s list!

• Wash all the spare bedding when we have a day without rain
• Take bottles for recycling
• Clean & organise the top of the microwave
• Dust your console area
• Clean spare room & organise camping gear
• Give book shelf a tidy
• Clean off lounge room chair
• Find all tax stuff for us to claim
• Dinner cooked every night 😛
• Any clothes on hangers hung in the wardrobe
• Deep clean bathroom & shower

This should keep you busy for your first week

Right, well then! So I decide to write him my own list in the only coloured pens I can find, not only to show him how ridiculous this list is but also to show he that I’m a pretty funny cool easy going chick.

Noodles list of things to while on holidays…

• Tie me up…
• Tease me till I beg…
• Fuck any hole he wants…
• Repeat!

Again, the fact the Noodle does all the tasks on her list surprises me, He even shows me before & after pictures… I mean he tells me that he’s a asshole to her & obviously I see him being a dick in the chat groups – I witness that for myself, so the fact that he does the chores she tells him to do in the first week, really surprises me. I never ask him, but I wonder if it’s his guilty conscious? He has told me that he doesn’t feel guilty for cheating, but I wonder if that is actually true or not… However I don’t have a guilty conscious at all like I thought I would… I wonder why that is… It’s also around this time that she buys him one of those friendship bracelet things, that he actually wears. I mean I guess he can’t not wear it if she bought it, but when I ask him about it, he even seems embarrassed by it… I guess that’s a normal reaction when your lover sees something from your partner.

Over the weekend we’re chatting as always, turning each other on, I mean this is part of the appeal with him, the fact that I can’t see him all the time so we have virtual play, it’s basically like days of foreplay. He asks me how I make him want me so badly & I just say it’s a gift. Hahaha. “Find you so fucking irresistible… Find you so fucking hot… Tell you what, I’m glad I didn’t friendzone you now… With the combination of fucking dirty… kinky & sexy you can be” I say “I’m glad I didn’t let you friendzone me, what type of wanker does that anyway” but he says “A fucking dumbass. I could of missed out on the best sex of my life & with the dirtiest chick I have ever been with. Your like the perfect combo of dirty, kinky & sexy. I don’t think it gets hotter than you.” Fuck I love it when Noodle tells me that he didn’t want to friend zone me, that he wanted to fuck me all along, then he says “But… You are the only other person I want to fuck now so go figure” He asks me what I did to him & I just say that I have a magical pussy. Hahaha. “I only get hot, passionate, like movie sex with you… or porn star sex with you… or get to fuck you like a whore. Fucking amazing sex every time. Fuck I need to fuck you again.”

I am about to go away to Hawaii for my birthday so I there is going to be a week that we can’t fuck. He’s on holidays & I’m on holidays out of the country. I scared that I’m not going to see him before I go & then it’ll be like 2 weeks before we fuck again. I kind of sad that our statistic of fucking every week for the last 4 months, actually more than once a week, will be dashed because I am going to Hawaii… I am almost pissed off that I have this birthday trip planned, but also I want to go. I just don’t want to miss him… FUCK! I will miss him… NO, I cannot have these feelings… I will not miss him! I don’t care about him or this… this… I refuse to call it a relationship… What ever it is!

The morning before my birthday, I have a dude coming over to give a quote on my new roof & another workman for something. The roof guy won’t leave, but I’ve been messaging Noodle to say come over that this guy will be gone by the time Noodle get here… However the dude is still here when Noodle gets here. I know he’s worried about someone seeing him at my house, in case he knows the roof guy – which would be highly unlikely as I’ve not heard Noodle talk about a friend yet. Anyway, Noodle walks in the door & it’s probably the first time that we haven’t been naked instantly. The man in packing up in my kitchen so I kiss Noodle & rub my hand over his cock, it’s hard & I wish that the man was gone. I leave Noodle to usher the roof dude out my house, as he & I walk through to the front door, Noodle hides in my kitchen, the roof dude looks for him but can’t see who I answered the door too, so the roof dude is probably thinking I’ve made it up. As I shut the door, Noodle is behind me, kissing my neck & playing with my tits… We don’t have long & we’re naked & fucking straight away, that was probably the longest time that we were together without fucking… That’s kind of tragic, it was like 5 minutes! Hahaha.

#IBD4U

There’s that one guy in your extended group of friends who is single. He’s been single as long as since I’ve known him – a few girlfriends along the way but nothing lasting (however not as eternally single as me!). I never thought he was that attractive at all, but he lost a lot of weight & I personally think it made him worse. He was always an arrogant ass & I think now that he’s skinnier, he is much worse, thinking he’s god’s gift to women. However, his skinner face made his hair line recede & he looks a lot older than he really was. Well to me anyway… I guess I was lucky when I lost weight, I somehow got better looking, my whole face changed. (That’s probably the first positive comment I’ve made about my looks! GO ME! Hahaha.)

I always got the feeling, every time we were at an event together, that he was always thinking that I was interested in him & so he never talked to me. I didn’t ever fancy him I always thought he was too arrogant for me (which is funny since I’m with Noodle right now – however this guy was way before Noodle…) but many, many years ago, one night after I’d lost a lot of weight too, I was at my skinniest ever (at that time) we all went out, both of us staying at our mutual friend’s house. We went out drinking, I don’t remember the night well, but we were all drinking shooters – which are never good for me & so much alcohol. I am never good with shots… Why did I do shots?We get back to our friends house; they go to bed. I go into the room I’m sleeping in & settle in to sleep when the door opens, it’s him. I don’t remember if he ever said anything to me or how we started kissing but we fooled around in bed, he tries put his dick in me & I realise that there was no condom, I push him off & say he needs one, he gets up, leaves & never comes back. I’m assuming sleeping on the couch as planned… Jesus men can be complete assholes!

The next morning my friend comes into my room to see if I’m awake & is sitting on my bed talking about the night when she spies his shirt on the floor, she asks why it is there & I just say because he took it off in here… What else can I say, it’s true… Hahaha. OMG how embarrassing. She asks what happened between us & I say nothing, because nothing really did happen, I mean we kissed & that was about it…

Later I find out from my friend that he didn’t just leave me there in the room alone, he went in search of a condom.  He did text our friends to ask if they had any, which they didn’t so he just decided to sleep on the couch as planned. Rightio, I’m sure there were other things we could’ve done, but his loss!

Every time I see him since that night it’s even more awkward than before, he makes it awkward. I try to just chat & be nice to him. We do have mutual friends that we see a lot. We then are supposed to go on a group trip to the Falls Creek in the snow. I am not looking forward to spending a week with him there… There will be 2 single guys there & me, who I have to share a room with both of them. I am relieved then this one doesn’t have the money to go but then that means that I have to share a room with another single guy.

More recently I haven’t seen him much when I see my friend, which is good – even though he’s now living with them. We seem to do things without the guys a lot more – it was always a bit weird anyway, all the couples then me & him. I don’t want to be awkward around him or have him think that we should hook up again – that is never going to happen.. I also have been working hard to keep the weight off & I know he put some of it back on but I haven’t really seen him for ages. But I think people in our group think that because we have both been single the whole time we’ve known each other then we should be together. If only it were that easy!

#IBD4U

So Noodle is on holidays & says that he’s in my area that he can come over & see me for a few hours. I’m suspicious of why he is in my area, knowing that he can’t get out much without raising suspicion with her. When he gets to my house, we have sex immediately on my kitchen table, unable to make it any further before we are naked. But afterwards, I am able to ask him why he’s in my area – not normally something I would do because I don’t want to know the answer… He says that he met his partner for lunch to smooth things over about going to the gym & that he also joined. Well at least he joined & stood up to her, but I can’t believe that he had to go visit her for lunch to smooth it over. Obviously they had a fight about it & he had to go make it up to her… I asked him what he said to her & he just said that he asked her why she didn’t want him to better himself. She said that she was afraid he’d leave her for someone at the gym.

This is showing me a different side to Noodle that I never knew existed. He really is a different man than I thought… I am still into him a lot but this is not the type of thing I expected to be an issue for him – I expected him to be douchy about it & put his foot down with her, not be this guy who bows down to her threats! I can’t dwell on it too much, I don’t know what their relationship is like, clearly she wears the pants, I mean she did get pregnant with their first kid without him knowing, so I guess I don’t really know this guy at all… Maybe that’s why he’s such a douche online because he’s so suppressed at home?

One morning, I am horny (as per everyday) & I send him a little fantasy I used this morning to make myself cum, it was about him tying me up & teasing me… He says “How do you do this to me. Fuckkkk. So horny now” I laugh & say that I didn’t mean too. “Bullshit. This is why your sexy af…” I just keep playing my innocent card saying that it’s just harmless chats with my sex friend. “Harmless pfft… This is why I can’t stop fucking you… Making me dying to fuck you” I just laugh at him. He calls me a sexual goddess & we talk about how I’m sad that I don’t have any firsts really left for whoever I end up with, but Noodle says “He’ll be a very lucky guy.” He tells me that “You’re better in person than in my dreams. You’re a fucking fantasy. Like a walking living fantasy” *Screenshot!*We have also been during this time sending & receiving a fair few videos of us playing alone, being that we basically sext every night cumming in our own houses with each other virtually before we go to bed. His videos always are him jerking off & cumming all over their red carpet. I always think about that the most when I see him cum, does he wipe down the carpet afterwards? As soon as I start talking dirty with him, he’s there. Not like Dom, who hangs up when he’s done or disappears saying his phone went flat, conveniently right after he’s cum. (I’m not talking to Dom anymore, but that’s what he used to do.) Noodle is actually invested in me when I talk, he wants to be with me when I talk dirty & show him a video of what I’m doing. While we do virtual stuff because of the circumstances, he always says that he wishes I was there with him, sucking his cock or fucking him. I wish that too…

I still play the sweet innocent card with Noodle all the time. He says “So nice, sweet and innocent girls send me a video of a vibe in their pussy & a butt plug in her ass?” Hahaha… yes I did that! It was super-hot… I tell him he’s corrupted me so he says “I can deal with a corrupt single woman… cos she’s turned out to be this amazing sexy kinky fucking sexual goddess of a woman” HOLY FUCK!

The next afternoon, Noodle couldn’t keep away because I got him so horny this morning. I decide to try something that I’ve not ever done before. I get naked with a vibe & I wait for him to arrive. He walks in now, because he knows the door will be unlocked for him – he doesn’t even knock. I am naked on the pool table with a vibe between my legs… Our eyes meet & I can’t look away. He walks slowly towards me saying “What are you doing?” as I sit there teasing myself in front of him. He stands a few feet away from me but I ache for him to touch me, he stands there looking like he wants to touch me too. I tell him that I want him to touch me; he hesitates because he knows that if he does we’ll probably end up fucking. But we’ve sort of talked this scenario though, I want him to watch me & not touch. He kisses me & touches me a little; I of course kiss him back. But then I push him away & tell him to sit on the couch & watch. He’s naked before he takes the 3 steps to the couch & he sits down, stroking his cock as he watches me pleasure myself in front of him.

He gets out his phone & I know he’s videoing this, telling me to cum for him. I do, of course, I mean I can’t hold it in, even if I tried. He ends up not being able to take it anymore, so he comes over to fuck me on the pool table. Fuck it’s hot & quick & I now love the feeling of him cumming inside me. I reckon that is the hottest thing I have ever done for a guy! Later he tells me “Well once again you give me mind blowing sex” I ask him what his favourite part is “Watching you use a vibe while on the pool table… That was mind blowing hot… that’s like straight out of a fantasy or porno… Fuck you can be insanely fucking sexy” Well then! Hahaha. “That’s the hottest thing I’ve seen in my life” I tell him that I’m glad I can give him what he doesn’t get from his partner & he reminds me that “Don’t think you realise we only have boring sex, haven’t done anything exciting in ages” I kind of feel sorry for her & a few months ago, I would’ve tried to get him to talk to her about it – I mean I did try to get him to talk to her about their sex life, but I’m in too deep now to want her to change. I tell him that I’m nothing special that he should try to have some exciting sex with her but he says “You are special you twat… You’re like the most amazing chick I have ever fucked” I say that he’d probably get bored with me after 11 years but he says that he’d never get bored with me.

Look after all the married guys I’ve talked too & now this affair; my biggest fear is being cheated on because of the sex, or lack thereof. So I’m pretty sure no guy is ever going to cheat on me because I am now more open to the element of an open relationship of some sort. Definitely not like Max & Sweetie who have girlfriends & boyfriends but some sort of open mindedness about wanting someone else. Don’t judge me on that, but I’m not 100% sure what the rules would be but there would be something open about my next relationship. I know I get jealous, so I wouldn’t do it right away, but eventually I am open to it.

One day Noodle & I are still talking about how hot our sex is & I just say that I can’t help it, I like sex. He says “There’s liking sex… & then theres you…” I have to laugh at that… Yeah that’s true, I do like sex a lot! Noodle is the closest I’ve found to matching my sex drive.

Noodle suggests lunch while he’s on holidays still, I think that this is first since our first actual meeting date that he’s offered to see me with the potential to not having sex. I tell him that I think that this is the most functional FWB that I’ve ever had but he says “Hahaha. Really? You don’t get anything friendship wise from me except to chat a lot…” Yeah dude, that’s friendship – I get a lot more than he realises from him. I talk to him more than I’ve ever talked to anyone else in my whole life. I say there’s no blurred lines, no bullshit. He says “Yeah we don’t bullshit each other. Even tho sometimes I’m a dick & think you are… Which is my own fault because that comes from my terrible self-confidence” Whenever I tell him that I like his cock or something like that, he reckons I’m lying to him or whenever I tell him that I am not fucking anyone else but then flirt with someone in the group, he thinks I am lying to him. I’m not, I’m telling the truth! If only he could read this! But even then I doubt he’d believe it… He’d seriously be reading this thinking I wrote it to boost his ego… Well I’m not, I don’t do that about any guys in this blog! Why start now?

#IBD4U

One thing I hate is someone saying “You’re attractive” I don’t know why I hate that word so much, I guess it’s something you say to someone when they’re not beautiful or they don’t know what else to say to them about their looks. I used to get called attractive when I was fat so now that I am not & my face has changed a lot, I get called gorgeous or beautiful, things I don’t associate with me at all… (I know the self esteem issues of being a fat single girl for 12 years will always prevail! I’m working on it.)

So when Noodle calls me attractive, my heart sinks & I think that he isn’t into me at all – slight overreaction, I know but this is where my head goes. So when I explain why I hate attractive, he says to me “You are gorgeous & beautiful too – attractive just means attractive to me.” Well fuck he knows the right thing to say sometimes. I, of course, still find it hard to believe him so he reassures me further “You don’t believe my hands when they touch your body?” I do believe his hands but I think that’s just because I’m a different person to his partner, who he’s been with for 10 years & she’s also bigger than me (Apparently from what he says) – that doesn’t mean that I should think I am sexy. “Even if you are different… My hands still find you sexy & hot… & gorgeous & beautiful. & sometimes I might find you cute” FUCK…

Noodle knows I am not fucking anyone else anymore & haven’t for almost a month, I feel like he’s let his guard down a little bit more with me, not being as douchy & really boosting my ego a lot more. This is weird for me, this is usually when the guy pulls away from me. This seems to be drawing Noodle closer.

The next week, I have a week off work; he is now finished at his store & starting 5 weeks of holidays himself. I am worried things will be different for us, that we won’t get to see each other. But with him able to fake his location on his phone, it makes it easier; however he doesn’t do a lot outside of working, like play a sport or have a lot of friends to use as an alibi. I wouldn’t have a problem coming up with an alibi & I often think up things that he could do or say but he doesn’t seem to want to draw attention to the fact he’s having an ongoing affair.

On the weekend we are chatting, as usual, the whole time she’s at work or asleep, which let me tell you, is a lot. They don’t spend a lot of time together, nor do they spend a lot of time as a family, as I would if I had a family, like going out to parks or whatever but they never see to do anything like that. When he says something about his food, it’s not unusual, we talk a lot about food as always, but then he says something about his partner not being able to eat a lot of things right now. I think what the fuck does that mean? When it hits me… She’s fucking pregnant. He dances around the subject until I force him to admit it to me how far along is she, she’s just over a month along… So I get why he hasn’t told me. Shit… He tells me that he’s happy but they’d had quite a few miscarriages so he was at a point of not wanting to keep trying to get pregnant. I also get the feeling that he isn’t entirely happy about the pregnancy, now that he has me… Maybe that’s wishful thinking… Obviously this guy is having an affair, he seems to think that it’s purely because of their sex life, but that is absolute fucking bullshit. It’s never just about sex if they are chatting to the same woman or seeing the same woman. If it was about sex, he’d pick up any woman & fuck her, then discard her… It’s easier to cover your tracks then… A guy wouldn’t build a connection with someone, they wouldn’t tell their mistress any personal details or talk to them for hours on end if it was just about sex. For me there would be no last names, no job titles – I would even be weird about them seeing what type of car I drove! I know all of this about him.

I don’t know how I feel about her being pregnant. I guess, I am not entirely happy because it ties him to her even more – a second child… There is no hope for anything with him now… JESUS, where did that come from?! I need to stop thinking that shit right now, there was never any hope with this guy. It’s the wake up call I need. However, I don’t start seeing other people. I still stay right where I am, just fucking Noodle.

On the Tuesday morning, we have some more time together, he comes over later in the morning – not at the crack of dawn like usual, & stays till almost lunch time. We’re in bed teasing each other, we’ve been getting better at actually doing longer foreplay than just wanting his cock deep inside me within seconds of being naked. We’re kissing in bed, he’s on top of me, we’re about to fuck, I’m begging him to be inside me, he’s resisting because he hasn’t put a condom on yet. I say “Just fuck me” (meaning put on the condom & fuck me) but as he slides his cock inside me, without a condom, I don’t stop him… I want this… I haven’t fucked a guy without a condom for quite a while, I almost forgot how different it feels. It feels so divine, I never thought it could or would feel like this… I almost wish I’d been fucking him without a condom the whole time, this feels right. He tells me how good it feels for him too & we look at each other with this look of knowing there is no going back now – but also a look of should we be doing this? This changes everything. This changes the dynamic of what we have together, I know it seems like a small thing, but it’s significant. It’s only been 3 months since we started fucking, so this is fast, considering he’s got a partner who he definitely isn’t using condoms with. FUCK. Later he tells me “That was so hot this morning, Gonna have to try & NOT think about it all day” Yeah, I’m not sure how I’m going to get through the day without thinking about it either.

We don’t really talk about not using condoms anymore, but after that, we never use one again & it’s so much better… I forgot that there’s no interruption to get it out the draw & open it, put it on… Makes sex flow even better… Though I will miss when he’s kneeling above me, leaning over to get it out of the draw & him trying to open the packet, so I surprise him with a quick suck of his dick… I won’t do it AC (After condom hahaha) because it takes like plastic. Noodle has only gone down on me once after he’s fucked me & he said it tasted rank… Thanks Noodle! Hahaha. He just meant the plastic taste.

The next day driving to Murray Bridge for work, I see a message from Noodle saying “My wife says she’ll leave me if I join the gym” I literally look at the message for the longest time & don’t even know what to reply. Noodle & I have been talking about the gym a lot, I go a fair bit having found a little independent gym that I actually like & he’s been saying that he’s needing to go to the gym too. My first thought though to her wanting to leave him & his message to me is “Are you kidding me, that he’d let an ultimatum stop him from joining a gym?” but also I briefly think “What if she does leave him? Would we be together?” I don’t know what to say I am surprised at how weak he is really. I ask him if he’s going to let that stop him & he says “I don’t know, I didn’t think she’d threaten that.” I mean she’s been threatening to leave him for ages, he’s told me numerous times that she threatens to leave when things get tough or when she asks him if he’s cheating, saying that she’ll move to Tasmania, where her parents are going, taking their Son with her & he’ll never see him again. He tells me that he asks her why she doesn’t want him to go to the gym & she says “Cos I said so” WOW… Mature… Why would someone threaten someone else to make them stay with them? Also who are these women & why do they have a partner & I’m still single?

#IBD4U