Air Force

I have spoken to this guy quite a few times online over the years, I think this time it’s been better because of my rope pictures that I have up… I don’t know, I mean I don’t think he’s ugly but he’s not exactly my type, but since we’re both still single, I think why not give him a go… OMG I hate myself for saying that…

He sees my rope picture of course & he asks if I’m a rope bunny. Well at least he knows the terminology. I even tell him that he’s the first one on here to even know the correct terms, he says that he’s not into rope but he is into other kinky things.

He asks the dreaded question about what I’m looking for, he says “Looking for a genuine guy with a splash of kink” Yeah, I couldn’t have said it better myself – he says he’s looking for the same thing in a girl. This could work out nicely.

He talks about where I live & asks if I ever come to the city, I obviously do as I work nearby, he suggests a pub close to my work & obviously close to when he lives, which would be out of the way for me on a non-work day to go to.

He asks me quickly if I want to meet him on Sunday, I can only do Sunday afternoons, so I suggest that we meet at Glenelg as it halfwayish for both of us. This is really quick to meet someone, but I have seen him around the traps & I like to meet quickly to stop me from dreaming up a whole relationship in my head & then find out they are boring.

He asks what else I am into, I say the usual kayaking, gym, running, music & writing. He says the that he is into the gym, camping, brunch & kink. Well he’s talking up the kink thing now… He better live up to my standard. He even says on his profile that he is a Dom so I guess he really needs to live up to it now that he’s put it out there & knows that I am into kink too.

The next day he ask how I am, really late in the day, I write back even later as I am at a 30th. We don’t chat much but the next day he messages & asks if I am still keen to meet today, which I say that I can but I have to leave about 3:30 pm – I have family dinner at my house. He suggests that we meet at 1:00pm & gives me his phone number.

I text him & ask if he wants to get food at Glenelg, but he says no that he has family bbq meat left over & offers me to go there for lunch, which I decline. I arrive at the pub in my favourite date outfit white denim skirt with navy stockings & books with my blue Fcuk jumper. I’ve done my make up nice & my hair is clean & looking good. When I see him, he’s sitting down in a booth table type area with a water. I approach feeling confident till I realise he is wearing a fucking tracksuit… WTF is with men wearing a tracksuit & t shirt on a date?! I mean I know that it’s a Sunday afternoon casual drink, but fuck me. I am now way overdressed & feel ridiculous.

We say hello & he offers to get me a drink, I say shiraz & I sit down watching him walk away, I think when the fuck will I meet a guy who puts in a little effort for me, like I do with them?

He brings back a wine for me & a water for him, I ask why he’s not drinking because now I even feel more like a dickhead, over dressed & seemingly an alcoholic. FUCK… He says that he had a big night last night & can’t drink today.

Besides this, the date goes ok, he talks openly about kink that I relax while chatting about it too, it’s easy to open up when they aren’t being a weirdo or creepy about it. I don’t drink another wine & he just has another water with me, I am feeling a little weird about this, but I’m not sure why. Is it a red flag or am I creating one because I’m not feeling that chemistry?!

We leave at 3:00pm as I say I have to go home, it’s not an awkward date & it’s not a great date, we hug goodbye & I expect never to hear from him again, but to my surprised at 3:06pm he sends me picture of his car that’s been boxed in. I tell him to suck in. we have a laugh about it & he says that he wants to catch up when I’m back from my work trip, which I say yeah. He says “I get the vibe were on the same page, which is refreshing because you seem like a really decent chick. Lets do Tuesday” I don’t want to skip my gym routine for a dude again, so I offer up Thursday or Friday, which he says Thursday.

Air force still ghost you

He’s in bed & sends me a picture when I say that I’ve been up, unpacked & packed the dishwasher, had an insurance wrote, couch cleaning guys were at my house & I had a yummy breakfast, now I’m off to work & he’s still in bed! He tells me not to be jealous. I am away for work when he messages again to ask how my day was.

On Tuesdays he’s asking me what I want to do when we catch up on Thursday. I I say that I am flexible after finishing at the gym at 6:30. He says “I bet you are” I don’t know why the cheeky banter doesn’t impress me.

On Wednesday he asks how I am & I say that I have to get up at 5:30 am to fly home. As he’s a pilot he doesn’t mind flying but I am not a good flyer, I never have been, even though I have flown every where. He says I should imagine him flying the plane, but I remind him that he can’t even park his car so I don’t want him flying my plane. He laughs & says the h can’t pack, that he even has photo proof of the lines. We talk about how close he is the lines & it’s fun banter. We talk about him driving somewhere on Thursday night, he says that he doesn’t expect anything from coming to my house, but he’ll show me his driving skills. He says that he’ll be in trackies & a hoodie – well at least this time I have warning not to bother dressing up. He says that he’ll warm up his side of the couch, oh his side?! Really… I tell him when I have just touched down, I am going to the gym & he can come over later. He says yes & heads on over at 7:00pm.

We don’t hug or kiss hello, which I think is weird, he walks in & we sit & chat, I say that I am hungry & offer to order domino’s pizza which he looks at me like I want to shit on the pizza & eat it… He asks if there is any little pizza shops near by & I mean to be honest, I have no idea. So we decide on KFC. He drives & we go through drive though, he orders our meals as separate orders… Yes that’s right, the guy doesn’t even pay for my KFC. Ok, that’s ok, I will pay for my own, but he’s gone through drive though & expects me to pay for my own! Really?

We have a reasonable date, watch a movie & eat KFC, then he leaves… Yeah no kiss, no hug, just a bye & out the door fairly early. I have been up since 5:30 am so it’s ok, but it’s a bit of a weird dynamic.

I never hear from Air Force again! A few days later he adds me on snapchat, but after less than a week of messaging me good morning every day, he just stops. He never talks to me on snapchat when I do add him. I won’t ever understand what happened with this one!? Was it my pizza choice? Was it the KFC? I don’t get it…


Elvis #3

I see Elvis again on a dating app when I am trying to find a partner when I am actually with Noodle, we chat for a bit then we stop, I am too into Noodle anyway to be bothered with this guy. I’ve deleted Elvis from my Facebook as you’ll remember for those playing at home & have read the previous Elvis stories. They were a while ago, I mean it’s been about 2 years since I last spoke with Elvis.

After everything with Noodle, Noddy & then British, I am back online when I see Elvis face come up again, I think about not liking his profile & just moving on – been there done that, didn’t work out, but maybe it’s different, maybe he wants a partner? I’m curious to see if he’s liked my profile so I like his & it’s a match straight away! Hahaha… So now what?!

Now this is one time when I am not an idiot & refuse to chat first, if I match with them from my swipe, then I always will message hello first. If they match with me from their swipe, then they must message me first… So my rule still applies – in a way. So I say hello to Elvis, I am the one that matched with him after all, I don’t have to wait long for a reply before he’s asking how I’ve been.

We talk easily about what we’ve been doing, he’s turning his life around by not drinking or smoking weed or taking drugs which is good to see for him. I must be drunk because I say that I never get enough sex & that we could help each other out, but he agrees. I mean this guy is never going to be a boyfriend, is he, so why not just have some fun. I’m between douches at the moment, so I may as well have some fun with a guy I’ve already fucked so I’m not adding notches on my bedpost. I invite him over tonight but he says no that he’s already in bed & tired. “Wow, don’t often get guys saying no to a no strings attached sex ever… No matter how tired” He says sorry & I actually realise that Construction said no several times so clearly these guys aren’t that into me. I tell him that we can catch up another time, he suggests in the morning, that he’ll set an alarm for 8:00am & he’ll come over then. He says he can’t find me on Facebook (yeah cos I deleted ya!) & so he adds me as a friend on there & we take the chat over to there, I instantly send him a picture of me in a sexy bra?! WHAT THE FUCK… Hahaha. I send a bunch of pictures & he’s still replying saying that he’s getting excited, especially when I say that if he’s definitely coming over in the morning, then I will wear something cute to bed for when he gets here in the morning, as I am not getting out of bed. He literally goes to sleep at 8:30 pm & I get into bed in a cute nighty thing & sleep. I get a message from him at 8:30 am saying he’s going to have a shower now, I say that I am staying in bed, but will leave the door unlocked if that’s not weird for him – being we’ve never had this type of relationship, I’m mean we’ve only fucked once or twice.

Elvis braver than I

I’m watching F.r.i.e.n.d.s in bed when he finally arrives, he walks in sheepishly & I look up & we say hello. He sort of doesn’t know what to do, that he climbs into my warm bed fully dressed & we sort of snuggle. I can tell he’s sort of nervous around me or maybe just nervous around women in general, who knows… he cuddles me but not really making a move, we literally chat – albeit quite easily & watch F.r.i.e.n.d.s for a while, at least 2-3 episodes before I keep snuggling into him more to get him to make a move on me. I thought he said that he was good at making moves? I’m useless at it, but I have fucked this guy before & he is here at 9:00am on a Sunday for only one reason. Finally he gets the hint, I mean he was trying to warm up, he was pretty cold. We have sex, it’s good, he is SO good a foreplay. We change positions a few times, I get to cum a couple of times then he cums… This guy has stamina, considering he says he’s trying not to cum very quickly.

I don’t hear from him for about a month after that though, so I message & ask if he’s free. He says that’s he not, his mum is in town but he’ll keep in touch for later tonight, not this old chestnut?! Hahaha, I never hear from him again that night & so I don’t bother messaging him!

He messages me about 2 weeks later saying he’s been super horny & thinking about me, looking at my pictures – another line I fall for. He says he’s at the gym but will go home shower & come over. I have told him that I have a dinner to get to by 6:00pm & it’s already like 4:00pm but he sends me a video if him in his jocks stroking his cock…

He messages me that he’s outside, we meet at my front door & kiss immediately, we go into my bedroom & because he doesn’t last long when he actually fucks me, he is very attentive prior to fucking me, however we don’t actually have penetrative sex today, he gets me off several times & then he cums when I’m sucking his dick, he says he can’t hold it in. I kind of like it when you know a guy is enjoying it so much that he is trying not to cum but then can’t hold it in any longer – not just a douche canoe that cums quickly & leaves. He is so attentive to my ass today, that I am sure he’s going to try to fuck it, but he doesn’t, he spend s lot of time with his fingers & tongue but never sticks his dick near it…

I’m not sure I’m a fan of rimming btw, just as a side note… I like my ass being fucked (as we all know! Sorry friends!) but someone licking my ass is disconcerting for me. I am petrified that I am going to fart! I mean does that happen? I assume it could, I assume it has for some people, your butt is exposed & open, I’m scared that may not be able to hold it in… Crows licked my ass a few times actually & seemed to love it, I thought it felt good, obviously but I couldn’t relax, what if I relax too much & I fart… OMG, so mortifying! I get your ass & vagina make noise when being fucked which sounds like farts, but 99% of the time it isn’t an actual fart, but there is no way you could pretend a fart isn’t a fart when your ass is being licked, can you? (How many times can I say fart in a blog!?) When it’s being licked, air isn’t getting pushed up there to come out… Omg. This is so much detail about farts… Bahahaha.

Anyway, I send Elvis a picture of me going to Switch, as a nurse, a switch I was trying to get Construction to go to too & that I send British pictures of me too, all I get back from Elvis is “That’s a cheeky one” & nothing much else, that I leave it with him. It’s around this time that I see him being tagged in meme after meme on facebook, so I assume he’s seeing someone & as I am actually seeing someone, that is going well (Yes I know, story to come!) I don’t bother too much with writing back to him!


Construction #2

Sorry about Friday, I wasn’t supposed to post Construction #2, as I hadn’t written it. Sorry to those who looked at the blog thinking they were getting a juicy second post & it was empty! hahaha. Here it is…

I’m disappointed Construction didn’t come to switch but I figure that we’ll go together at some point, he seems pretty keen to go. We also talk about lingerie & he says that he prefers me naked, I am kind of a bit sad about that. I mean I love the look I get when a man looks at you when you take off your clothes & are wearing lingerie underneath for them. Trust me, when a man looks at you like that, you never forget it. I remember Crows not caring about lingerie either which annoyed me after what I’d just experienced with someone else. I wish Crows did because I wanted to wear it, I wanted that high of that look they give. To be honest, I almost got that look with Noddy, but I think he might’ve taken the lingerie thing for granted with me.

Construction says that instead of pictures of me in lingerie he’d prefer videos of me squirting… Well that might be hard to record alone, when he says that he’ll duct tape a camera to his head & so I laugh at him, I mean am I supposed to be able to cum while looking at his phone duct tapped to his forehead?

Because we’re being cheeky, I send him a picture of my legs in the bath – seductive pic that usually sends men into a frenzy & he says “Very nice! How did u cut the wine bottle in half?” I have a candle that I bought in the UK that is a wine bottle cut in half with a label of shiraz on it & the candle actually smells like Shiraz wine. It’s amazing. I used to use it all the time, now I don’t because I don’t want to waste it. I say “Errr… You do realised that I’m naked in the pic?! Right…?” He says “yes what’s your point” Alright, 2 seconds ago you were being cheeky about lingerie & making me squirt, I send a picture & he changes to a grumpy old man. I just say no point & that I bought the candle like that, he must pick up on my tone “Sorry my head hurts & I’m tired, Lets say goodnight & chat 2morro” I don’t reply… Fucking hell, it’s always on men’s terms… I can’t ever be in control of any situation, can I?

After that, I am not fucking messaging first… I feel like a right twat! He can get fucked. Men are stupid (hahaha) & I hate that I feel foolish. He doesn’t message me till almost 10:00pm the next day, well fuck you dude. We chat normally over the next few days, but it takes a while to get cheeky again – I’m a bit reserved, however I invite him out for brunch before the weekend with included the Krav story but he says that he’s at work… Alright whatever dude. I’m trying my hardest to not just be in a sexual thing with chatting all day long, I want something more that. He says that he might come down to Hindmarsh Island for the weekend, but I highly doubt that he will… Why do men suggest things they have no intention of doing? He said he wanted to come to switch, he didn’t. He says he wants to come to Hindmarsh Island & you guessed it, he didn’t… There was some excuse. He messages all weekend, but I am in no mood to reply & be cute & flirty, so I barely give him any decent replies. But when my friend has a go at me & calls me a cow, I want to leave & tell him that if I hadn’t had a few wines, I would leave now. I feel like an outsider at my own mini holiday.

The next morning I am on my way home when he starts messaging, asking what I am doing. He says he’s trying to sort out his morning glory & I say that I can help with that, which he invites himself over. I agree, I mean I need something to erase this shitty weekend.

He says “I’ll message when I’m out front. Leave the door open. Then go back to your room & lay down on all 4’s with your ass up” Ooohhhh… ok – this sounds like fun!! I agree. But then he sends me a message about 20 minutes later “Do you want to greet me at the door or go along with the plan?” OMG, why is he changing his mind. It’s freezing so I’ve already unlocked the front door & got back into bed with just panties on, I tell him the door is open, I’m a bit over this game now, just come in. I’m lying in bed with the tv on & the covers up, keeping me warm.

He comes into my room & he gets undressed, saying something about his dog & kids (he doesn’t have kids though) which makes me think that he’s recently just broken up with someone (I forget what he said but it was weird & that was my first thought) He climbs into bed with me & sort of snuggle & talk a bit, we have sex, not hot sex like I thought I was going to get from his ordered text, but just normal sex, still good sex but nothing too out of the ordinary.

He stays over for a couple of hours & leaves, but then I don’t hear from him again… 5 days go past & you know me, I refuse to message, I mean the guy was inside me for fuck sake, surely he can message me?!

Anyway I get a bit horny & message asking how his week was. He says busy “I thought of messaging you yesterday but went out last night.” OMG… Why would he say that? Is that supposed to be a good thing? Hahaha. Because when I read it, it doesn’t sound that good to me!

A few days later, he messages but I’m away for work & asleep in the hotel room, when he says that he found a picture. He shares it with me. It’s picture of a naked chick tied to a chair. However the wrists are tied to the front legs, her back in basically on the seat & her legs tied to over her head to the top of the backrest… Hopefully you can picture it, she’s basically in a ball, exposed, ass & pussy on display & completely tied to a chair. I will admit that it gives my clit a little tingle to think about that – however I don’t trust this guy yet to tie me up. He asks if I have a suitable chair, but I don’t so he says that he’ll source one from Facebook market place or gumtree.

A few days later, I say that my plans were cancelled & invite him over for a drink, but set the preface that I have to be up early for a work flight at 7:00am, so he knows it won’t be a late one. But he says that he has to dig up some emails for a legal meeting… Yeah whatever. I say have a fun night & asks me what I’m doing on the weekend, which I just reply “busy Friday & not sure about the rest,” he says that we’ll try to sort something out. I go away & come home without hearing from him again.

He starts messaging again with pictures of chairs he’s finding, they are all over $100 for the ones he’s looking at, I hope that he’s not going to ask me to pay for some!? This is his idea! I tell him that I want to have regular sex with him a bit more before I trust him enough to tie me to this chair, so I invite him over again & he says no that he’s at work… I say it won’t be till later, dinner or drinks, he says that he has dinner plans but to keep in touch… Fuck off, I’m done now “Right, I’ll leave it with you… Not going to keep asking you all the time. If you’re free, you’re free.” He writes back that he has a lot going on at the moment. I read it & don’t reply… Whatever… I’ve seen this old chest nut before, I’m sick of it… Men telling me how busy they are is so fucking insulting, I work fucking hard, travel for work, go to the gym 4-5 times a week & have a life, no one is so busy they can’t fucking see me!

I have a meltdown at work & end up with a dr’s certificate to have the week off after someone else is sent to do my work in a country town, something I have been doing for 5 years – yes 5 fucking years & I get cast aside & someone else is sent in my place like I’m completely incompetent – among other things that happened at this time. I loved my job, I was passionate about it & now, completely unprecedented, I am on leave because of work… Fuck.

Construction messages me & asks how I’ve been days later & I tell him I’ve been off work, he asks what I’m up to on the weekend then stops replying.

A few days later, I get messages again, he says that he wants to come to the next switch (so it’s a month since I saw him last – not through lack of trying on my part) He says that he trying to fit a million things into a weekend. I don’t reply. A few days later he asks “how things are miss” & I ignore it. I am done with this & am interested in someone else by this point (hehehe, stories to come!) & I don’t want to deal with a man who didn’t want me…

Construction cheating on crush

A month later he says to me “Happy birthday for the other day” I ask how he knew & he says that he was stalking my Facebook profile but he says “All locked though” (Remember this fact for future blogs – My Facebook profile is all locked!! Oooh, more intrigue!)

He says that he wants to go to events that he’s found of fetlife, I tell him to go, he asks if I’m inviting him, I say “no, I’ve invitied you to things & you’re always too busy” He says that he’s timid but our chats phase out, I’m done with this guy. Later he says that he’s fantasising about tying me up & making me squirt. I say “Hahaha, keep fantasising that” I am never letting this guy tie me up, I can’t trust him! He asks if he’s burnt that bridge, which I say that “Well I don’t just let anyone tie me up… Need to trust them, can’t earn my trust when I never see the guy! Hahaha. I’m worth more than a snippit of some guys time.” Fuck I know this is true he messages a few times over the next few months, but I don’t give him much to reply too.

On to bigger & better things!


Guest Post – How Can You Still Do This To Me?

This is a bit of a different post from me, this is actually a Facebook status update from a guy – a public figure, called Tyran Mowbray – Facilitator, Speaker, Mentor for men around masculinity, Sexuality & Relationships. It’s hard to send you to the link for this exact post but it was posted on the 16 January 2020 & here is the link to his Facebook page. 

I know this was written by a man about a woman – presumably, but it’s so relevant with things that have happened recently, that you are yet to find out about too & I know I should forget about Noodle but I wonder if he’s thinking like this about me? 




It’s been over a year now and still when I get a message from you it can send me into a wild frenzy of emotions.

I lose my boundaries, I lose my centre.

I can feel the longing of the love I experienced with you reactivate. I know it was dramatic, I know it was painful, I know it wasn’t really healthy, but I also know there was love.

A love that I haven’t experienced since and a love that I deeply yearn for.

And I can see the unhealthy pattern that wants to play out. So clearly. I can see the part of me that wants to scream at you and tell you, you dont love me.

I can see the part of me that wants to hurt you and hate you.

I can see the parts of me that wants you to prove your love to me.

The parts that want to be chosen above anyone else. The part that wants to own you. The parts that want to get lost in the wild, chaotic expression of love with all the darkness and light mixed into one upside down inside out relationship.

AND I can see the part of me that just wants to let go, surrender and cry in your arms.

It’s like my little child or wounded feminine inside that just can’t maintain their emotions and wants to go wild and destroy anything and everything.

It takes every ounce of strength that I have to rationalize and hold my centre.

I guess time will tell how this continues to unfold.

#menhaveheartstoo #lovealwayswins

How can you do this to me

I find it astounding that a man wrote this & how much it speaks to me – not that men can’t write, but that it’s written so well that it speaks to me as if I wrote it. I know men have feelings & emotions but I am so used to never seeing them from a man, especially a man like Noodle that I find it difficult to remember that they have feelings just like me. But honestly, I feel like I could’ve written this – I feel like I did write this… 

For those that didn’t understand the connection I had with Noodle, I hope this helps you to understand it just a little bit better… It’s a fucking drug, it’s an addiction, it’s a feeling, it’s un-explainable.

But I hope this helps somewhat to understand what I felt, what I feel…   



I match with a guy who looks too much like Noodle for my liking – fuck I must have a type! What is wrong with me?! He skinnier though & I can tell a lot shorter than Noodle! Not as cute, but still in the same type bracket as Noodle… I really need to branch out here!

At this time I still have a rope picture on my profile as I’ve been going to Rope a lot & still looking for someone to do this more full time with, not something I’m obsessed with but an interest that I would like to pursue if there is a who wants too, if not, it’s not the end of the world for me.

He says he’s a construction manager within about 5 messages when we ask the normal questions to each other & my initial reaction is “Do you wear sexy high viz & come home scruffy or nice suit & tie?” What the fuck is wrong with me, no wonder I end up with only shags & no real boyfriend material… I mean I have a rope picture & I say things like that… Jeez!

I also don’t know why I invite him to Rope classes, I tell him that I have a regular rigger but he could still come along, like what are you doing? He doesn’t get it because he asks if it’s a sexual thing, well the classes aren’t, obviously they are for learning the skills that you can use for sex or just because you like it. I explain that I am not in a sexual thing with my rigger so it’s not sexual for me, I like being tied & I like the feeling. I would like it more if I had a partner, if he was into it. But again, like I said, I don’t have to have rope or be tied down.

We talk about my work & how it’s changing & that I’m not going to be travelling much soon, which is what I asked for but not to not travel at all. He asks if I’ve ever been married & if I have kids, I say no to both obviously & he says “What’s your excuse? You’re beautiful & seem like you have your stuff sorted?” Yeah if that were the only things I needed to get married… I mean do you have to be beautiful to be married? I say I don’t know why, that maybe I’m a bitch, I tell him that I don’t want kids, as I may as well get that out in the open & he sort of stops replying so later I ask if it changes things for him & he says he’s thought about not having kids but it doesn’t change his opinion of me, but then doesn’t really talk to me much & is a bit sporadic with his massages. So I just move on to chat to others. But I do something out of the ordinary & I suggest we catch up. I never do that, I usually wait for them to ask. But the next day, it’s Sunday, I don’t have much to do & my family dinner isn’t on either. So he asks if I want to catch up for lunch. I get dressed in my new date outfit, a navy FCUK jumper, a white skirt with navy tights & brown heeled boots, I feel good, I look good in this outfit.

Construction back together with your ex

The date goes well, we eat lunch late at the pub & we chat easily, enjoying a few wines. He is the one that suggests leaving the pub because he needs a nap so I don’t think much, we hug goodbye & I think that the whole date was all in my head, that I dreamt that there was something between us, but anyway, moving on. Whatever.

After the date, I’m am surprised that he messages to say “Thanks for a great afternoon miss” I fucking hate being called miss. But I allow it because the date did go well & I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again. I say that I am considering going to bed or having a bath & he asks where is his invite, really dude? You were the one that wanted to go home for a nap!

He says that he’ll forgo a nap & come over?! Really… 2 dates in one day? Have I had this happen before? Before I know it I am typing out my address & he is asking where to buy bubble bath at 7:30 pm on a Saturday night (remembering for those not living in Adelaide, that Adelaide shuts down at 5pm on a Saturday!) He even says “Well that escalated quickly” Yeah it fucking did, we haven’t even kissed & this dude is coming to my fucking house for a bath… Fucking hell…

He gets to my house, I am of course not in the bath because that would be weird, wouldn’t it? I mean he said he was bringing bubbles, which I hate in a bath, but would accept them since I haven’t bathed with anyone since Noodle. We didn’t use bubbles but I had seen that man naked 100 times, he’d been in every hole of mine & seen every angle of me, so in the bath didn’t matter, with this guy, he’s not even seen cleavage… Except in pictures on the dating app.

We sit & watch shit on tv, drinking red wine & chatting, we chat pretty easily actually, I really enjoy the proper conversation. I notice that he brought nothing, no bubbles, no bottle of wine, I mean he was asking me what to bring & said he was getting something, then didn’t. People are weird, I wouldn’t rock up to someone’s house after saying I was bringing something & then not bring something. Not that it’s a big deal but just tells me something about him – I guess – yes I am overthinking it… I know! It is me after all… Hahaha.

When he makes a moves on me & we get naked on the couch & have sex – I sit on his lap, I love sitting on guys laps & riding them on a chair… Chair sex is hot! Somehow this guy makes me squirt… On the couch too… I don’t know how I feel comfortable doing that but I do…

We have sex a couple of times & he stays till really late in the night, he says he’s going to stay then he isn’t – next minute he’s snoring in my bed, I move to get the covers on & he wakes up & he can’t decide if he’s staying or not so I just tell him to leave so I can go to sleep without snoring.

I’m not feeling well the next day so I don’t go to work… I don’t think I will hear from him & I refuse to message but to my surprise at like 9 pm he messages & ask if I’m tired, we chat for a bit & he says that he had a lot of fun yesterday & that it’s easy when you get along. I agree, I mean it’s good that we do, I mention that it was sneaky of him to use a bubble bath to get my address & he says next time. Ok, so there is going to be a next time… I invite him to Switch, which probably isn’t a good idea after what happened with Noddy, but I really loved the feeling of being there with a guy. It will be a bit weird I guess as Construction & I aren’t a couple or touchy feely, but at least I’ll have someone there with me, I won’t feel like an outcast. I am desperate for him to come to be honest as it’s the first Switch I am going to alone, it’s the one that’s a mask event where I see Noddy & snapchat girl as I walk in. Then get yelled at by people for doing wax & rope… Construction never comes to Switch, but he does at least message to say he’s not coming…




Strong language warning in this post! Hahaha…

I walk in to my small independent gym, for my favourite class, I have been going to this gym for about 4 years now & it’s mainly women that go here. I wish I could tag it sometimes so you can all enjoy it too, but I can’t give away too much about my real life & where I live. Hahaha. (Besides all the kinky sex!)

As I walk into the gym tonight, nothing is unusual, I walk in but I stop dead when I see him…. There is a tall guy with dark hair & beard, he has his back to me but I can tell he has a beard. It can’t be… No way would he come here! WHAT THE FUCK.

This guy is standing next to a small blondeish woman, is that fucking Noodle & his partner? What the actual factual fuck is he doing here? He knows this is my gym! I know it’s close to his partners work, but fuck he wouldn’t be so stupid to bring her here?! He knows this is my gym. But I mean he did bring his partner to my house when he said he wouldn’t, so fuck!

But this woman doesn’t look like Noodle’s partner, she was quite a bit bigger than me, even though it’s been a year & a half since all that drama, I doubt she could get that tiny that quick – it’s not her… Is it?!

Noodle has done really stupid things before, for someone so smart, he can be really dumb like showing his partner where I live right after she tried to “kill” herself… So I guess I can’t be surprised if he bloody starts coming to my gym with her! Is he fucking kidding me!?

Jesus Christ, the way this guy stands, his shoes, even his fucking gym clothes is just like Noodle. His dark hair, which is a bit shorter than Noodle’s as his was longer on top & the full beard… Could he seriously be here?! My heart pounding, I’m sure everyone will be able to see it beating out my chest, maybe it is Noodle but that’s his sister? No, I also know what his sister looks like, it’s not her. FUCK.

I used to imagine Noodle going to the gym with me – it was one of the reasons I joined his gym because I wanted to work out with him. I know how awkward Noodle would be here, how he’d feel stupid doing a class where there is a routine involved, but he would put in some effort to impress me & we would enjoy it together… I loved working out with him at his gym, I know he would enjoy my gym, eventually when he didn’t feel like an idiot.

But right now, I am paralyzed, I don’t know what to do, I want to turn & run out the class, but people have seen me & I’ve said hello to people. FUCK. I can’t be melodramatic… I have to just do it. If it’s him, he’s here for a reason, he knows this is my gym, there is no other gym like it. He knows… I just have to get through this, I walk over to the equipment & get everything I need. As I turn, I can’t help but look at the guy, I finally see his face… My heart still beats fast but it’s not Noodle! Thank fuck for that! While it’s not Noodle, this guy looks almost exactly the fucking same. Brown short hair & a full beard. He has a tattoo on his arm, Noodle was a clean skin but I guess it’s been a year, I got another tattoo after we ended, so he could’ve got one too. But thankfully it’s not Noodle. However the likeliness is fucking unsettling – I think this post has a record number of fucks in it! Sorry about that… Hahaha… You have no idea how this feels unless you’ve experienced it. If I didn’t know any better, I would think this guy is Noodle’s older brother… I know Noodle is the oldest, so they’re not related, but fucking hell they look so similar.

Doppleganger soulmate fid me

Ok so crisis averted for tonight, but now I have the issue of how am I going to get through this?! He stands in front of me, I usually always go to the back of the class by the air conditioner, he is there with his partner, they are new to the gym & haven’t joined yet. Good, well hopefully they won’t join!

I cannot take my eyes off him the whole class… So much so he probably catches me looking at him a lot. He even exercises like Noodle would, I can’t even cope with this at all. I’m sure his partner notices how much I look at him too… How could she not, I am acting like a fucking weirdo!

Ironically though, I work out harder than I ever have before, hoping that he notices… WTF! This guy doesn’t even know me! Hahaha. But right now it’s about what he represents!

WHY is the higher power (who ever that may be – God or spiritual?) such a asshole to me?! This guy & his partner are at almost every session that I go to – I go to these sessions because of the time slot – the only ones I can make with work commute & the hardness of the class – I avoid dance type routine classes for weights & bootcamps. FUCK. I can’t stop looking at him & while I do work out harder than ever, I think about Noodle a lot… I am also at this time in real life, posting the Noodle story for you all so I’ve been reliving the relationship (I think I am posting about us saying we have feelings!) & thinking about him a lot anyway, but this is making it so hard to get over. This guy looking exactly like him, talking like him, acting like him… FUCK. I cannot cope. I see on the Facebook gym page that this couple have joined, as they post to welcome new people. DOUBLE FUCK.

I find out that they are getting married later in the year, it’s only a few months away, I assume he’s getting into shape for the photos (just like Noodle did for his brother’s wedding!) so hopefully once they’re married they go back to their previous lifestyle of not going to my gym! Yes, only a few months & they’ll be gone! Phew.

One of the bootcamp sessions, we have to kick people off their station, once we’re kicked off, like a snowball effect or something. I refuse to kick him off or go anywhere near him, but somehow I seem to end up opposite him or close to him & I can’t help but watch him. It really fucks me off because while I know I am not really over Noodle, I thought I was moving on, I thought I had moved on. This is bringing up all these feelings & all I want to do is message Noodle & see if he’s ok. I miss him a lot. I miss his friendship! FUCK!

I notice what car Doppelganger has so when I drive in to my favourite class & their car isn’t there, I am relieved, I can relax – good I can have the gym to myself (not really to myself but I don’t have to think about Noodle or look at this poor guy who knows nothing!) But then sometimes they come running in after me. FUCK.

The most annoying thing about this guy being at my gym with his partner, is that they are fucking lovely people! I really like them but I just can’t look at him & not have my heart break a little or think about their wedding & then imagine Noodle & his partners wedding… or worse imagine my wedding with Noodle.

I got partnered with Doppelgangers partner one day at bootcamp, she was lovely & we’re about at the same fitness level so it was good to push myself because I didn’t want her to think I am weak. To be honest though it makes me work a little harder when he is in the class, thinking me might be looking at me – which let’s face it, he probably isn’t watching me or even looking in my direction however, it really pushes me harder! But if he is looking at me, it’s probably because he’s wondering why I keep looking at him!

Another bootcamp, we’re doing shuttle runs & I somehow get behind him a lot. He does his run but as he turns he pulls a face as he walks off to the side & I think FUCK that’s exactly the fucking face Noodle would’ve pulled at me too! I cannot help but think about Noodle when I am around this guy!

As predicted, they get married in October 2019 & they don’t come to the gym as often as they used too, which makes me happy! Ironically I find out about 4 months after they got married, that someone else significant to me got married on the same day… Story to come! (Ooooh intrigue!)

Later in the year, I sit opposite them at the Christmas dinner & chat to him more. They’re so fucking lovely that it kills me. I don’t know what is worse though, the fact that I don’t have Noodle anymore or the fact that this guy is exactly like him & married to someone else or the fact that I am still fucking single!!

As predicted though, 5 months after their wedding, I hardly ever see them anymore, which is weird but great since I am now at the gym a lot more that I ever was before! However, I do get disappointed when I don’t see them or him there…



Oh I’m sorry to those settling down with their morning coffee again, this isn’t a long one today… #SpoilerAlert!

Chatting to a guy after the failed attempt of British… I mean how am I still online dating after the things I’ve been through this year?! It’s only June 2019 FFS!! Even the things I have been through in the last 2 years, how am I still doing this to myself? Missing the man that I am still in love with – trying to forget & fall out of love with, being broken up with via snapchat & now a man runs back to the UK after spinning me so much bullshit! Seriously, how does this stuff keep happening to me? Do I invite it? I get some of it could be things I do, but seriously, not all of it! Surely?! How am I still doing this to myself? Why am I online…?

Anyway I chat to this guy Athlete, who looks amazing, tanned, toned, athletic that I honestly think this guy is too good for me, he won’t want someone like me, average sized, average looks, apparently average personality.

We chat a bit & we get along quite well, he’s witty & cheeky, I really enjoy the banter again. I tell him that I’m short & not fit like him & he says that I have a killer body & that we should catch up & compate tans. However he lives quite far south from me, in a small coastal town, so he’s not down in Adelaide a lot, however we’re chatting one day when he says that he’s in Adelaide & asks if I want to catch up for drinks. I get ready in record time, trying to look like this is how I always look, not like I got ready to meet him.

He says that he’s a professional surfer & so he’s always out in the sun & quite fit. Well definitely from his pictures he looks fit & tanned from being in the sun. I am actually quite worried about meeting his guy to be honest.

We go to the usual local pub by me that I usually pick & it’s cold, so I sit inside with a wine waiting for him to rock up. When I look up I see a guy bee lining it for me & I think FUCK!

Athlete does not look like his pictures at all… Not even close… I usually say the opposite, better than his pictures, but this guy is not. I can tell that it’s him, even though his photos are probably from 1998… I’m 100% sure that they are well over 10 years old or more! Standing in front of me is a blonde guy that is now greying & thinning, he’s wearing glasses, his teeth are really crooked, he is not tanned, not even a little, he has a little gut – there would be a lot of work to do to get those abs in the picture back & while I don’t judge people on their beer bellies or their outfits & I know he’s come from his friend’s house, not knowing he was going to be meeting me & as he lives far away, he hasn’t gone home to change, but he rocks up in a tracksuit. A fucking god damn tracksuit! Ok let’s not judge, But how old are those fucking pictures?!

Anyway this date is a complete bore, not only does this guy not look at all similar to his did 10 years ago in his pictures, he is a big dull dud. I struggle to keep the conversation going, asking so many questions about his surfing, that I don’t give a fuck about to be quite honest but he can’t seem to talk about anything else nor does he ask me any questions about me or my interests. I try to talk about kayaking as it’s a hobby of mine, it’s on water so at least a little similar to surfing, but I barely get a conversation going before I am just vaguigng out as there are very little responses.

Where is the guy I chatted too so easily online?! How can he change so much? I don’t get it… I mean I understand people have online personalities, but I think mine is pretty much the same in real life. Witty, funny & cheeky… I don’t change online to real life (Maybe that’s my problem! Hahaha) but this guy, my god, it is hard work to keep talking too!

Athlete friendship first

Maybe he doesn’t like me? Maybe he doesn’t think I look like my pictures (though I can verfy that I’ve been told by everyone I’ve ever asked that I do look like my pictures) or maybe my personality is overwhelming because I am compensating for the dead fish in front of me not talking?!

I am fucking bored!

This is shit…

I fake a dinner engagement & leave after one drink, he offers a second drink but I say no, I have to go, also implying for him that he has a long drive a head of him to get home. I am so bored I’ve been counting bottles in the bar display. 32. Yes – 32.

Obviously my personality wasn’t the problem as he tries to chat to me online later that night, telling me to enjoy my dinner & that my skirt was cute (Actually he did a fingers emoji that represents looking good). A few days later as I don’t really give him much, saying he had a good time & that he’d like to do it again. I reply for a few times, not wanting to be rude but in the end I delete him. What is the point, I am never going to see him again, I mean I wouldn’t put my worst enemy though a date like that, why would I put myself through it?

This brings up an interesting point though, is online dating giving us the ability to just be whoever we want to be?! I am always scared that my online personality or the chemistry you feel with someone won’t translate to an in-person relationship or chemistry. With Noodle obviously it did but other men, I have sometimes struggled with it. I’m not blaming them at all, I mean I could be the problem, I am part of the problem at least I mean clearly I’m hard to date or I wouldn’t have men running back to the UK to stop seeing me. Hahaha…