About Me!

If you’ve been missing my blogs, I’m going to take you back in time… It’s so interesting to read the stories I’ve either forgotten or blocked! My writing style changes dramatically & I just love a trip down memory lane…

So here is where it all started…

I've Been Dating For You

I’m a 30 something single Adelaide woman, born & bred in the southern suburbs. I love travelling, music, socialising, going to the gym (now, not earlier) & live events!

Being unlucky in love comes easily for me but it’s not as fun as it used to be especially when all your friends pair off, so you no longer have anyone to go out with. But when you somehow do manage to pry these people away from their partners & go out to what used to be a cool nightclub, you walk in & the place is empty, everyone there looks about 12 & cannot walk in their high heels. You feel stupidly old & overdressed in a top & jeans that cover your bum & boobs, but then all your friends want to go home at midnight to their husband or boyfriend, while you end up in the back of…

View original post 342 more words

The End…

This is my 500th post!

As you know, I don’t honestly think I can or even want to continue my story anymore – so this is the end… The final day of a year seems fitting, so I can start a new year fresh without my blog… So this is the final post – that’s not to say I might not come back from time to time, but I won’t be posting weekly or every story I have. I might be the John Farnham of blogging! (OMG, I’m showing my age with that reference!) I will re-blog my posts from the beginning in the future – after a little break so you can all either re-read or read for the first time & it might help you understand why I am doing what I am doing at the end…

I promised myself that I would keep dating & writing about my love life until I found the guy that I can say too that “I’ve been dating for you”. Then perhaps I would continue to write more of an advice blog on dating the man you’ve been looking for for 30+ years & about our life together – I never thought it would take over 30+ years to find that I am happy alone… But with the curse of never getting the second date always looming over my head I pretty much have given up at this point…

Let’s have a look back at who I dated in 2020 & 2021 – this is just a few I wrote about…

I mean I have 500 blog posts! Yes I know some are guest posts & some are articles, not all are dating stories & there is my fiction & erotica amongst all the dating stories. But there are a lot & I still have notes on a few stories that remain untold!   

I want you to understand my life choices… I don’t owe you an explanation obviously – you read at your own risk, no one forces you to read my crazy life, so if you don’t agree with my choices or my life, you never had to read! Hahaha, but I do want to explain why I am ending this blog, the way I am ending this blog, especially before I got the ending I wanted…

Marvel isn’t committed to me. I am not committed to him either. Not in the way we once were. I know what I’m getting, multiple orgasms once or twice a month. There is no drama (from him at least) & I can do what I want, when I want too. I don’t have to compromise on spending money or making a life changing decision – while I wish I had a partner to build a life with, there are also some good points, which I don’t think are deal breakers. But lets also face it, there is no knight in shining amour nor is there the retard in tin foil.

I honestly didn’t think my blog would end this way, I didn’t think I wouldn’t have a final dating chapter quite like I have had. But as my 40th birthday looms (Was in August when I decided not to keep writing!), this blog is about a women dating in her 30’s. I am soon to not be in my 30’s & knowing that there is something about me, that makes it impossible to have a second date.

Is it because I have given my heart to someone else & never fully got it back? No because I even had this problem before Noodle.

Is it because I am too independent & strong for a man to be comfortable with? Well who knows, I’m sure it scares some dudes off

Is it because I don’t need to be saved? I don’t need a man to be fulfilled?! Again, who the fuck knows… I’ve tried the damsel in distress & it didn’t work either.

I have honestly lost all faith in everything. This is also a little odd for me, as I had done some mental work with NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) before Valvoline, before the Engineer & I discovered that I am lovable. Something I always feared I wasn’t… Something I confessed to you a while ago – my biggest fear that I would die without being loved. Something I always believed that I am not lovable. That’s probably why I always make so many jokes about my love life – to ease the uncomfortableness of being alone since 2007. I just figured that I wasn’t loveable. Now that I know that I am though the help of NLP – it’s not so funny anymore. I am loveable. I deserve love. So now I don’t make as many single jokes in real life, I don’t talk about being single as much. I know that in the last almost 5 years that I was loved, I know that Noodle loved me, I could feel it, I could see it, I know he loved me. No matter what anyone else thinks, no can take that away from me. But the timing wasn’t & has never been right with him…. I don’t know if it ever will be right to be honest… Who knows.

But having wiped those fears of being unlovable using NLP techniques & doing some work on myself mentally, I really thought that I was on the right path with someone, I was serious (about dating) & was more open & inviting of the idea of love again – perhaps Valvoline might be the right guy, given the way we met – it wasn’t on a seedy dating site. That was a serious meet cute & I was keen to not waste any more time wondering if a guy likes me or not. So I put all my cards on the table, not wanting to waste time or fuck around, telling him what I want & not settling for anything less. Only to have it shoved in my face… This being the first time that I have really done this too – so I think it’s going to go in my favour, but my life isn’t a romantic comedy!

With my life not going as I planned, I decide that at 40 I am going to stop dating. Which I can tell you is going well – so far – hahaha. 4 months in. I have my puppies who are spoilt & like my children, I have a great career even if it’s not the career I thought I would have, I have a great family, I have a great close knit group of friends, I am working towards being a foster carer, I have a small business, I now play netball & go to the gym. My life is too busy to be worrying about chatting online, to be looking for the next guy to ghost me. I am done.

I will miss this, but there comes a time in your blogging life when you are still fucking your married ex boyfriend on the regular that you to need to just stop writing about it. Look out for the reblogs of my earlier stories, coming in 2022.

For the last time…

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #28

Again – the story wasn’t ever finished, so here are some chapters that were written but didn’t line up with the story yet. So as the same as my dating life, there wasn’t much closure in this story either! Hahaha

“You’re what?” he stares at me as if he didn’t hear me

“Pregnant…” I run my fingers through my hair, I know this is not going to go down well with him, Conner has sworn not to have children & I never seemed to care because I wasn’t sure I could be a mum & give up my life as it was. This changed everything, I only took the test to rule it out, I didn’t even think for one second that it could be positive, I take my contraceptives religiously. I took the test while he was out because I didn’t want to freak him out especially if there was nothing to worry about but I also didn’t mean to blurt it out when he walked in the door. I expect him to get angry & yell, possibly leave in a huff & go get drunk with Tyler while I try to message him, he’ll ignore all the messages & come home the next day to finally deal with it. He dumps his keys on the side table by the door & walks over to standing inches from my face, his head bowed to look me directly in the eyes, his hands rest on my hips

“Really?” I nod & a tear falls down my cheek, I wipe it away hoping he doesn’t see it, of course he does, he wipes another tear as it falls. He drops to his knees pressing his lips to kiss my tummy, my hands run through his hair, I have no idea what he is thinking “Hello in there.” The flood gates open, I can’t control the sobs, blame the hormones! “Hey, what’s with the water works?” He stands & takes my face in his hands.

“You swore you’d never be a father” I pause & he exhales loudly “I didn’t know how you’d react” he wipes my tears with a sad smile.

“That was before you Kristie” he kisses me softly “The timing could be better & I…” he trails off, I look him in the eye

“You will be a fantastic father”

“I’m scared as hell I won’t be” I hug him tightly

“I know you are, but I am scared to be a mum too” he scoffs

“You excel at everything you do, as if you need to doubt yourself”

“I do though Conner, we both do”

Fleaz – next segment

I wake up suddenly in pain, my belly is contracting, I grasp it rubbing the hard round protruding stomach, I try to relax thinking it’s just Braxton hicks contractions which I have read so much about in my pregnancy books, when the next contraction pain hits me with extra force than the pain that woke me, I instantly know somehow that this is not Braxton hicks. I shake Conner trying to wake him before I can turn on the light, sitting up slight as he stirs when I feel stickiness between my legs

“Conner, something’s not right” the tone in my voice makes him sit bolt upright, in the glow of his clock radio I see him fumbling to reach the lamp, I flick the covers back as he switches it on, we both gasp as we see my legs, the white sheets & my standard pyjamas of Conner’s boxer shorts & t shirt, ruined with a thick coating of bright red blood

“Fuck” he swears, diving for his mobile on the nightstand he calls an ambulance, “I need an ambulance right away” silent tears are running down my cheeks at the sight of the blood, I am crying at the feeling of pain, crying thinking of the babies, crying thinking of Conner. I am holding my stomach as I sit up on the edge of our bed

“Get me a towel” I whisper, Conner runs off & returns with a white towel I am trying to stand up, why did I buy white towels & sheets? I guess I never thought I would ruin them with blood. I need to get downstairs for the ambulance, Conner presses the towel between my legs & picks me up in a bridal pose as if he knows I was going to try to walk down the stairs, his face is white as a ghost, I know he is thinking about his mother “I’ll be ok Dimples” & I nuzzle his neck praying that I am right. It’s the longest 8 minutes of our lives waiting for the ambulance, Conner doesn’t want to leave my side but I make him go upstairs & put some clothes on, he’s running down the stairs putting on his t shirt & he buttons up his jeans as he stands in front of me, making sure I am ok. As we hear the siren screaming around our streets, Conner sprints outside to hail it down, not wanting them to waste a minute looking for our house, the paramedics run inside with the stretcher knowing from the phone call that Conner made that I have to get to the hospital as soon as possible, I hear Conner telling them all my vital information

“She’s 29 weeks pregnant with twins, she just woke up in pain & bleeding. She’s not allergic to anything” he looks down at me as they strap me to the bed “Please be ok Kristie, please…” the paramedics wheel me out, I hear Conner on the phone as he slams the front door, he probably called my mum or sister.

“They’re just putting her in the ambulance now, I’ll call you once I know more…  Yes I will… Ok bye” Conner hangs up to deal with our neighbours who are in the street, woken up in the early hours of the morning by a siren so close to their home, Conner quickly waves & explains hurriedly to the neighbour we quite often talk too Judy & Vince, they wish me well & Vince asks if they can look after the dogs for us. As Conner climbs in the ambulance behind me he thanks Vince & the paramedic shuts the doors, Conner’s eyes fill with tears as he reaches for my hand & I squeeze it as my uterus contracts again

“Owwww” I scream & he looks at me, his face stricken with pain too, not physical pain as mine but the emotional pain that he might lose me

“Can’t you give her something for the pain?” He snaps at the paramedic

“It’s best that we don’t give her pain relief in case she has to have an emergency caesarean,” An emergency caesarean? It’s too soon!

“I can’t have the babies… Owwww” I can barely open my eyes from the pain, as the ambulance pulls up in the emergency bay at the hospital, people in scrubs come running out, I see the hospital fluro lights whip past as I am wheeled quickly into an examination room, the paramedics, nurses & doctors are all speaking in what seems like code, only its actually medical jargon I don’t understand. I feel pokes & prods as they start to identify what is wrong with me, they start with a needle stick in my arm & a nurse hangs a bag of clear fluid

“We need an ultrasound & page the on call obstetrician, stat” a doctor pressing on my belly shouts at a nurse who scurries away to the phone, Conner is standing in the corner having being pushed aside by doctors, he is biting his nails, something I have never seen him do before. Moments later another doctor appears by my side, she gently touches my belly & gets the ultrasound ready

“Mrs Reynolds, I’m Dr White, I’m the head obstetrician, can you tell me what happened?”

“I woke up… Owwww” I cry out in pain, Conner steps forward

“She woke up bleeding, less than 30 minutes ago, please is she going to be ok?”

“Who are you?” Doctor White asks

“I’m her husband, please?” She doesn’t really look at him

“How far along is she?”

“She’s 29 weeks, with twins” Doctor White examines the ultrasound, she looks closely at the screen

“Please are the babies ok?” I wince in pain again

“There are two heartbeats Mrs Reynolds, but you have placental abruption which means your placenta has detached, causing the bleeding & the babies are in distress, the only treatment option is immediate delivery via caesarean section”

“It’s too soon” I cry

“If we don’t get them out immediately, you & the babies may not survive. Mrs Reynolds we’ll do everything we can to bring those babies into the world safely today” she squeezes my arm “I’ll see you both in the operating theatre” She looks at us both, walking away, a nurse takes Conner to get him in scrubs as I am wheeled through the hospital to the operating theatre, where people are busy scurrying around getting things ready

“Hi Mrs Reynolds, I’m Doctor Mendel, I’m the anaesthesiologist, you’ll feel a sharp scratch in your hand” he pushes the needle in my hand & I start to loosen up finally being able to stretch out rather than being curled in a ball of pain, Conner & Doctor White enter the room, I can tell they were discussing my pending surgery, Conner is given a chair & sits by my head

“Are you ok baby?” he asks with a look of terror on his face that makes tears run down my cheeks freely “Don’t cry, I’m here” he pats my hair

“I love you Conner” he leans in to kiss me gently on the lips, tears streaming down his face too

“I love you” We stare at each other, crying until Doctor White interrupts us, she’s now dressed in scrubs with her gloved hands in the air

“Are you ok Mrs Reynolds?”

“Please call me Kristie, yes I’m ok”

“Ok Kristie, can you feel what Doctor Mendel is doing?”

“No”

“Great then we’re ready to get these babies out” she smiles warmly & she moves out of my sight. I make eye contact with Conner, he is stroking my hair, I can hear the doctors & nurses talking but it’s just white noise at this point. Within a few minutes, I hear my first baby cry “It’s a boy!” Doctor White announces, Conner & I start crying more

“Is he ok?” Conner asks looking over the sheet blocking my view

“Yes, he is just getting looked at by the paediatrician” It doesn’t take too long before I hear the cries of the next baby “It’s a girl” I let out a laugh that is also a little cry “She’s doing fine too Kristie” I hear both babies making crying noises, I want to touch them, to see them but they are so early I know they will be monitored carefully. We haven’t even had time to think of names for these little babies, we had always ended up in a fight.

Doctor White turns back to me & I sense some urgency in her actions to close up my incisions “I need suction” there is definite concern in her voice when she snap at the nurse

“What’s going on?” Conner snaps, standing up to look at what is going on

“Nurse, can you please escort Mr Reynolds to the neonatal unit with the babies?” the nurse moves to take Conner from the room

“I’m not fucking going anywhere” I sense there is something not right “tell me what is going on?”

“Nurse!” Doctor White shouts as the nurse standing by Conner, she jumps, startled but unsure she’ll be able to man handle my distraught husband, I know there is something wrong with me & he needs to go with the babies

“Conner, please go check on the babies, they need their daddy” He stands up abruptly, tears streaming down our faces “Take care of them no matter what”

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends, he leans down to kiss me deeply then he walks a few steps away from my he turns “Do whatever you have to do save her” he shouts as he points back at the doctor while he gets pushed out the room, threatening her, but more like a plea. Doctor White barely notices as there is a commotion with the nurses & I feel hazy

“I can’t stop the bleeding…”

It’s the last thing I remember…

***

“She’ll be ok Conner, she’s strong” I vaguely hear my mum’s voice outside my room with Conner

“How will I tell her…” My mind drifts back to sleep…

***

“Why won’t she wake up?” I hear the strain in Conner’s voice, I feel his hand in mine, I try to reassuringly squeeze his hand but mine won’t work

“She’s been through a lot Conner, the doctors say she is ok & will wake up soon” My sister is holding my other hand, I try to squeeze her hand too, but I drift back to sleep…

***

It’s silent in my room when I wake up & am able to open my eyes, I look around adjusting to my surroundings, there is a glow of the light above my head for the nurses during the night, I try to pull myself up the bed so I am more comfortable, I startle Conner awake from his make-shift bed the hospital has provided to him

“Kristie” He rushes over to my bed, standing over me, he takes my hand & he bends down to kiss me gently on my lips “Thank fuck you’re awake, it’s been killing me” I chuckle but it hurts, I wince “Are you in pain? I’ll get the nurse”

“Water” is all I can say as he presses the button for the nurse & he turns to pour me a glass of water, holding the cup & straw up to my lips, I drink the entire cup & he refills it bring it back to give me more, I take a sip & smile “You had me so worried baby, I’ve never been more scared in all my life”

“The babies?” he smiles squeezing my hand

“They are both doing well, they are in neo natal at the moment, we all visit them every day” he smiles fondly, picking up a photo that someone printed, they are in the same crib & are so tiny “The doctors are trying co-bedding with them & their stats improved the second they were together” a tear runs down my cheek, there is so much love in his voice for our babies

“How long was I asleep?” The nurse walks in

“Two days” Really, was that all?

“How are you feeling Mrs Reynolds?”

“Please call me Kristie, I’m feeling ok, a little sore”

“I’ll just check your incision” she pulls the blanket back & looks at my abdomen “That looks good, how’s the pain on a scale of one to ten?”

“Six maybe” she nods, noting on my chart

“I’ll get the doctor & something for the pain.” Conner sits down in the chair pulling it as close as he can to the bed as he can, I suspect he’d pull me on his lap if he was allowed. Doctor White arrives shortly after the nurse gives me some pain medication

“Hello Kristie, how are you feeling?”

“Just a little sore” she looks at my chart

“That’s to be expected” She puts my chart on my legs & asks to look at my incision too, she presses around gently “So Kristie while everything went well with the birth of the babies, who are adorable by the way” smiling, she looks at Conner & he takes my hand putting it to his lips “There was a slight complication after the delivery, there was a lot of bleeding, I couldn’t stop it” Conner bows his head breathing deeper onto my hand, she pauses as if she doesn’t want to tell me something. She takes a deep breath “I had to perform a hysterectomy” Whatthefuck! A hysterectomy! Her face is pained, as an obstetrician & a woman, she knows the importance of a uterus “Of course I did not make this decision hastily, it was the only way to control the bleeding & save your life” Conner squeezes my hand, I look at him, he has a distressed look on his face, I look back at the doctor who is obviously also distressed with this news.

“Thank you Doctor White, I appreciate your help” she reaches in her pocket “I know you made the right decision”

“I have some literature for you to read if you need some support, but with two beautiful babies doing so well in the NICU & this supportive man, I hope that you can tolerate this news”

“It’s just a shock, that’s all. I will be ok, I’m sure.” I smile reassuring her that I will be fine, in time “When can I see my babies?”

“I’d like you up & walking around as soon as tomorrow morning, so get some rest tonight” her pager beeps “I’m on call, babies to be delivered, I’ll pop back in the morning then we’ll get you up & about.” She smiles kindly walking out of my room.

“I don’t know how I feel about that news”

“I know me either. I was so scared to tell you” he rubs my hand on his cheek

“I didn’t know if I even wanted kids at all Conner, now I know I can’t have any more I suddenly want more” we chuckle sadly

“Well after what I’ve been through the last few days, even if they hadn’t done a hysterectomy, I was never going to get you pregnant again” I smile as his beautiful pained face “Don’t laugh at me, I was so scared, they kicked me out of the theatre & I couldn’t see what was happening, no one would tell me what was happening either, I was never going to go through that again” he speaks so fast I barely caught it all “Then I thought of the babies who needed me too, I was so torn” he pauses for the longest time “I finally understand how my father felt”

“Oh Conner, he didn’t have to choose & neither do you” I lean as far as I can without hurting my abdomen to kiss him, Conner stands up to kiss me

“I know baby” I yawn leaning back into the uncomfortable hospital bed “Sleep now” I feel the pain medication start to work & make me sleepy, I fall back to sleep.

***

Conner is not in his make-shift bed when I wake up, my mum is sitting in the chair reading a magazine

“Hi Mum” she drops the magazine, jumping up to stoke my hair & kiss my forehead

“Kristie, you had us all so worried. Poor Conner I don’t think he’s slept” She laughs “How are you? Did you speak to the doctor?

“I’m ok, really, Doctor White talked to me last night, it sucks but I’m going to be ok with it once it sinks in, you know” she nods knowing that is must be difficult for me, tears well in both our eyes

“We need names for those babies!” Mum claps her hands trying to lighten the mood. Conner & I had so many little arguments about the baby names that we had given up, we hadn’t even found out what sexes we were having yet knowing that we still had time, even my baby shower wasn’t for another three weeks.

“I know, jeez, I thought I would have more time”

“You’ll think that for the rest of your life now you have children darling” I laugh, Conner walks back into the room with his breakfast, it looks like he’s showered at least today, yesterday he’d looked like death warmed up, unshaved & unclean

“Morning Baby Cakes” He kisses my forehead too as Doctor White comes in with a nurse.

“Are you ready to see your babies Krisite?” Doctor White asks cheerfully, I nod rapidly “Let me check your wound first then we’ll get you up & in a wheelchair, you can’t walk that far just yet” She’s seemingly happy with the wound & starts to help me up out of bed, Conner gets in the way trying to help so the nurse just allows him to help me. He wheels me up to the neo natal unit with my mum & Doctor White by my side, there aren’t many babies in the room, I see two tiny infants in the same crib & Conner pushes me up close so I can look inside. They are so tiny, I realise I know nothing about them

“How much did they weigh? What time were they born? How long were they?…” Mum & Doctor White chuckle

“Whoa, one question at a time” Doctor White picks up their charts “Baby Boy Reynolds was born at 3:22am weighing 2lb 9oz & was 35cm long. Baby Girl Reynolds was born at 3:26am, weighing 2lb 3oz & she was 33cm. Both were quite a good size for 29 week twins”

“Can I touch them?” Doctor White calls over a nurse

“I’ll see you tomorrow to check on you Kristie & hopefully you can go home soon” She rubs my shoulder & she leaves. The nurse opens the little hand hole & allows me to put my hand into the crib to touch my babies for the first time since they were living inside me. I start crying, silent tears of joy, my mum joins in too, their skin is so soft & warm, they are wearing only nappies & a hospital hat

“Can I touch them too?” She asks, I look puzzled, I know she’s been up here before, why hasn’t she touched them yet? “We decided to wait until you had held them, so only Conner & the staff have been handling them until you were able to see them” I cry some more, that is so sweet!

“Thank you & of course, they want to meet their Nanna” she wipes her tears & gently put her hand in to stroke Baby Boy Reynolds arm, I snap about 20 photos of them on my smartphone

“They need names” I look over at Conner, he nods

“I want whatever you want, both names you picked out are perfect”

“Don’t you want to name one at least?” I ask as he bends down to kiss my forehead, stroking my hair

“No baby” I look up at him, my eyes glistening.

“Mum, I want you to meet our babies Hudson Jack Reynolds & Addison Molly Reynolds”


Fleaz – new segment

“So I’ve got a little surprise for you baby” Conner holds the front door as he opens it turning to face me

“What is it?” he leads me to the downstairs bedrooms. When we found out we were having twins we decided that they would have their own bedroom but we would only have one change table which would go in one of their rooms, I was planning on finding out what we were having so we’d painted the walls a warm grey colour & were going to add coloured accents later. He led me into the first room, which had pink wooden letters which spelled out Addison on the door. He’s done the nursery’s! I quickly stand on tippy toes & hug him tight, which pulls on my stiches, I wince

“Did I hurt you baby?” Conner pulls away as I hold my lower belly, I chuckle

“I hugged you & you’re worried you hurt me?” he nods, not knowing what to say, I laugh more, which hurts more

“Stop laughing, you’re supposed to be taking it easy” He shows me Hudson’s room where which is basically the same but in blue with letters on the door for his name too. He’d put together the white cribs, white change table & set up the pusher, he’d found the tree stickers that I was planning on putting up & he stuck them to the walls “I’ve also brought all your stuff downstairs to the guest room until you can manage the stairs”

“Conner, I can walk up the stairs” I pout, he grins “But thank you, that is very thoughtful”

“Your sister has been here cleaning while we’ve been gone”

“What happened to my expensive sheets?”

“I threw them out, but Samantha bought new ones which are on the bed upstairs. I had someone come & professionally clean the bed for you”

“I can’t wait till the babies come home”

“Neither can I baby, everything will be perfect”

Sorry readers that is the last of the fiction!!

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #27

So the fiction is sort of finished – I stopped writing the story after the honey moon, however I wrote a few chapters that never connected to the story, it was always a work in progress, but I thought you might like a read of what was to come?!

I couldn’t ignore the silent number that had been incessantly calling me, I finally snapped

“What?” there was a long pause, I thought it was an international telemarketer

“Is this Conner Reynolds phone?” the quiet woman’s voice catches me off guard, my heart starts pounding, WTF?

“No, this is his wife’s phone” there is another long pause, who is this bitch? “Can I help you?” I snap, the woman stutters

“I’m his… this is his… I didn’t know he was married… I’m his…”

“Spit it out!” I snap, raising my voice, causing Conner to look over at me, intrigued who I am talking too 

“I’m his sister, Jenny.” HolyFuckingBatShit! Stunned I stand there with my mouth open for so long that she starts saying ‘hello’ repeatedly until I finally awaken from my shock

“What do you want?” I ask icily, I even surprise myself, I know Conner is not going to be happy with this call but I have to know what she wants

“To speak to Conner”

“I don’t think he wants to talk to you” she scoffs as if she already knew I was going to say that 

“I know…” She pauses again, Get on with it! “Our grandmother passed away… Bessie, she died last night” my mouth is shocked open again, I just stare at Conner who has now stood up & come to stand by me, with a puzzled look on his face, I can’t speak but Jenny goes on “I know she tried to contact him a few months back” I think back to the worst weekend I’d ever spent with Conner, I didn’t want to relive that 

“Look this is all very interesting & I’m sorry for your loss but Conner wants nothing to do with you” his eye brows raise, I wave him off dismissively 

“He’s executor of her will” I think my jaw must have hit the floor because Conner snatches the phone from me

“Who is this?” he snaps, after a short pause he raises his voice “Who the fuck is it?” the conversation is one sided “You heard my wife, I want nothing to do with you” he starts pacing “What the fuck! Are you serious?” he runs his fingers through his hair “This is so fucked up” he stops pacing & I hug his back, my hands tuck around his waist, his hand rubs my hands that are laced together at his bellybutton “I can’t fucking deal with this” he hands the phone back to me & storms off

“Jenny? It’s Kristie. What did you say?”

“Not only is he executor, he is also the sole heir to Bessie’s estate” OhHolyShit! I pause for a long time & Jenny has to ask if I am still there again. 

“What does this mean?” I ask

“The lawyers want to talk to Conner to sign everything over to him” she pauses “The funeral is on Thursday at 1:00pm, do you think…” her voice trails off, she wants us to go but I can’t help but think she wants to make amends with Conner now that she knows she’s getting nothing from Bessie’s estate “I’ll text you the details. I know he probably won’t want to come but I would like him too”

“I doubt he will” 

“I want to make amends with him” I scoff “We were just little kids, I regret everything”

“You regret it now you know Bessie left you nothing” I hear her laugh

“It was my idea, Bessie left me my mother’s & her wedding rings” she pauses as if looking at them “That’s all I want, Conner deserves the house & what little money she had, I don’t need it.” I think about the last inheritance Conner received & how he felt the money was only to be used to give him what they hadn’t, I wonder what he would do with this money, we didn’t really need it now that the eight units were about to be rented out. 

“Text me the details & I’ll see what he wants to do” I hung up from Jenny, searching the house for Conner. I found him in our bedroom sitting on the edge of our bed looking at his wedding ring, twisting it around his finger, I drop to my knees beside him, I rest my forearm on his knee so he doesn’t see my touch as pity, I am trying for a more casual stance

“What are you thinking?” I try to look at him but he dips his head lower, I don’t push him to talk to me, I can tell that he’s probably got tears in his eyes he doesn’t want me to see, when he does look up he shouts angrily

“Fuck!” he stands up abruptly “When will they all just fucking go away?” I climb up to sit on the edge of the bed, Conner stands there with his hands linked behind his head staring at the ceiling “what else did she say?” 

“She gave me details for the funeral…” I paused gauging his reaction before I went on “It was her idea for Bessie to leave her estate to you, she doesn’t want the money” he scoffs, letting his hands fall to his side, loudly slapping his legs

“Neither do I” he laughs, but it’s not a funny laugh “All I wanted they took from me” he turns to look at me “I have all I want” his arms embrace my head pulling me in for a hug, he kisses the top of my head as my phone beeps with a text message 

J: Blackwell Funerals, Port Rd 1:00pm Thursday. I have passed your number onto the lawyers. I hope you come Thursday, would have been nicer to meet you under different circumstances but I do hope you come. Jenny Reynolds. 

I show Conner immediately as I don’t want there to be any secrets, especially when it comes to his family. 

“Fuck” he snaps & walks off out of our bedroom. Jesus why did this have to happen now? I stalk off after him, he’s so good at walking away

“What do you want to do Conner?” he taps his fingers on the kitchen bench, his other hand on his hip, he’s looking at me but he’s not seeing me, he’s looking right through me, deep in thought “Do you want to go to the funeral?” he shakes his head but then starts nodding it, I smile sadly understanding how he feels, I walk & squeeze him tight, my cheek pressing into his chest, his arms fold around me back “I’ll be with you the whole time Dimples” I look up at him, his hands push the hair from my face “I won’t let go of your hand”  he kisses my nose, then my lips softly, his way of saying thank you when he can’t speak because of the lump in his throat.

*

I drive Conner to the funeral in my car because I don’t know if he would actually be fit to drive in the state of silence he’s been in. As soon as we’re standing side by side, his hand seeks mine squeezing it tight. I know this is going to be tough for Conner, I anticipate that I will have to do the talking & make small talk with his family, I’m prepared with things to say to keep the topics light & away from the family drama that left Conner ostracised. I have to tug on Conner’s arm to get him to start walking towards the building, someone says ‘oh my god’ as we walk in & a few heads turn, I see a woman who looks exactly like Conner, blonde curly hair, green eyes & tall, she walks towards us, staring at him as if in disbelief

“Conner?” she whispers as a question, they lock eyes but Conner doesn’t speak, as I expected I take over talking for him

“Yes this is Conner, I’m Kristie Reynolds, his wife” I hold out my hand to shake hers

“Jenny Reynolds” she introduces herself to me but doesn’t offer her hand to Conner, she knows her brother well, he wouldn’t have shaken it, he is just staring at her icily “I’m so glad you came, I know Bessie would be pleased” Conner tries to turn & pull away, possibly leaving the building but I hold him firm, tugging him back to face Jenny “I know this is weird…” her voice trails off “Let’s find our seats, we can talk afterwards”

The service is lovely, there are many people who loved Bessie in the room, her friend who did her eulogy mentioned her biggest regret was Conner, he squeezed my hand so tightly it felt like he snapped a few bones. Afterwards there was tea & coffee in the room of to the side of the chapel, Bessie was being cremated so there was no cemetery ceremony.

“Conner Reynolds?” A man stood in front of us holding out his hand to Conner, before it got awkward I reached out & shook it introducing us both, the man introduced himself as Wyatt Harrison, when is stared at him blankly, not knowing the family tree & where the Harrison’s fitted in, he explained “I’m your uncle… your mothers brother… Bessie was my mother” I felt Conner’s grip on my hand tighten, I could only respond with ‘oh’ as I wanted to punch this man, why didn’t he take Conner in? 

“Some fucking uncle!” Conner snaps under his breath as if reading my thoughts, Wyatt flinches, it’s pretty much the first thing Conner has said all day. I squeeze Conner’s hand forcing him to look at me

“I think it’s time to go” he nods starting to walk away “Goodbye Wyatt, I’m sorry for your loss” he nods as we walk away, just outside the funeral home I hear a woman call out our names 

“Kristie? Conner? Wait, please!” the desperation in her voice made me stop & turn to face Jenny as she jogs towards us “I know this is awkward but please don’t leave”

“Awkward? Awkward doesn’t even begin to explain what today is” Conner pauses but neither Jenny or I speak “I just found out I have an uncle, an uncle who also didn’t bother to take me in either” Shit! he didn’t know he had an uncle? “Coming here was a big fucking mistake” he tugged his hand free & stormed back to the car, I slowly turned to follow him, unlocking it so he could get in, he slammed the door, I shrug at Jenny turning to follow Conner.

I put the keys in the ignition turning the car on, the soft music played in the background

“I’m so sorry Conner…” he put his hand up to stop me speaking

“I need to cry Kristie” tears were already running down my cheeks as he whispers “but I don’t want to do it in front of you” I turn to face him, pulling his head to my chest to nuzzle in between my breasts

“I won’t look, but I’m not letting you go” a manly sob escaped his throat, he kisses my breast, not in a sexual way but in a thank you kind of way, it’s the only place he can reach without me seeing his face. My heart breaks for him & I couldn’t stop the tears from running down my cheek or the sobs coming from my throat. I think it helped Conner to not be as self-conscious with his sobs, he arms wrapped around me so tightly, my hip was pressed up against the console into centre if the car, it was digging into me but I was not going to move or say anything to Conner since we were having a breakthrough moment. I’m also glad we’re not home because Conner would be stripping my clothes off trying to have sex with me as a way to forget, as much as I didn’t mind that, I felt like Conner really needed to deal with this once & for all with a manly cry not sex. I don’t know how long we sit there but as the tears subside for both of us, Conner sits up & kisses me passionately

“Thank you baby” he looks down “please don’t think I’m pathetic…” I cut him off, grabbing his face in both my hands so I can look him in the eye, they are red & swollen, I’ve never seen a man cry before

“Never, ever think that! I love you even more, if that’s even possible” I wipe the remaining tear from his cheek “You are so strong, this must be so devastating. I’m glad I am here with you” he leans forward to kiss me

“Let’s go home so I can bury myself deep inside you & forget this day ever happened”

*

Conner wouldn’t get his wish to forget that day ever happened, the lawyers called my phone on the Monday after the funeral, I couldn’t get Conner to talk to them but I set up a meeting at their offices for the next day.

“I don’t want anything more to do with it” he snapped

“I know you don’t, so let’s get it over with” I caress his arm, he looks up at me & smiles

“I’m so glad I have you” he kisses my hand.

FLEAZ – Next Segment

The next day standing outside of the lawyers office, Conner’s breathing increases looking at the tall building, it is overwhelming. Inside, on the 16th floor, we’re led into a conference room where three lawyers sit with paperwork in front of them

“Mr Reynolds, Mrs Reynolds” We all shake hands “Let’s get down to business, in plain English, Beatrice Harrison left her estate to Conner Reynolds”

“What if I don’t want it?” he asks, the lawyer looks down at the papers, reading out loud

“In that case, the will states that it all goes to your finance, Miss Kristie Callan” he looks up realising his mistake “Of course your wife, Mrs Kristie Reynolds” my mouth drops open Whatthefuck! Conner scoffs & looks down at his hands, surely she doesn’t have that much to give him anyway, maybe he should take it & put it towards his business he wants to start, then we can really put this behind us. The lawyer continues “Her estate includes the solely owned property valued at $549000” WHAT? Half a million dollars? “All her possessions have already been allocated, do you want to see the list?” Conner shakes his head, the lawyer looks back down at the paper as the others note down on their paperwork “Now that all of Mrs Harrison’s affairs are in order her bank balance of $328749.57 is allocated to Conner Reynolds after probate” Jesus! The lawyers look at us, my mouth is wide open, Conner is looking at his hands “Do you accept Mr Reynolds?” there is a long silence, so long in fact that the lawyers all look at each other, one even clears his throat.

“Can I have a moment alone with my wife?” They all jump up scurrying out the room nodding & agreeing. Once they close the door Conner turns to me

“This is fucking insane” he shakes his head, exhaling loudly “Do we take the money?” I shrug

“I don’t know Dimples” I pause for him to sound it out with me but when he doesn’t speak I continue “You really could start that business…” he looks at me raising his eye brows, his eyes brighten

“I could get the life I always wanted” I squeeze his hands, leaning in to kiss him gently “I never wanted anything from them”

“I know, but the offer is there, I think you should seriously consider it”

“You could finally quit & become my sexy assistant” he chuckles, running his thumb over my knuckles “I want to accept this money for you”

“I don’t need it Conner, I only need you” he raises his hand to kiss mine that is linked with his

“I know, but I want that future we always talked about” he stands abruptly going to the door of the conference room to call the lawyers back in “We accept, where do we sign?”

**

In the weeks that followed, Conner researched starting his own business, we planned for him to use the money Bessie left him to fund it. I resigned from my 9-5 horrible job that I hated, Conner had written my resignation letter & was over the moon the day I said I was going to hand it in to my workplace, I never felt so good about anything in all my life.

We had taken John to the block of eight units to show him how far they had come since we bought them, now that they were basically finished & ready to be rented out, we needed to know how much we would get for each one

“Wow! The facade looks amazing” he snaps a photo, in the end Conner had ripped out all the plants & driveway redoing the entire building & surrounding yard, basically all that was original was the bricks & mortar. Conner had saved so much money by putting in the hours & doing as much as he could on his own, he believed it would help get us more rent, we step inside the first unit which is now all painted, installed with the simple but elegant kitchens & bathrooms. I had picked all the features myself, apparently according to Conner it was my forte. I had everything painted exactly the same, the floors were all stripped back to the floor boards & sealed the only difference was in the kitchen, in the white tiles there was a thin strip of feature tiles which I choose a different colour for each unit “These are so fantastic, I am impressed. Kristie you do have an eye for this stuff.” John took more photos. We led him though all eight & he is impressed that they are all look the same but have a different feature “I would put them all on the rental market for $350 per week each” my jaw drops, it’s been doing that a lot lately! That is more than I expected, John notices my astonishment “You did a great job with the finishes, the colour choices so neutral but not stark white, this type of place so close to public transport, the university & close to the city will be snapped up by the end of the week.” He is right, all eight had rental contracts signed by the end of the week, people were going to be moving in over the next few weeks, Conner couldn’t be more ecstatic.

*

“My next plan of attack is to see if we can knock down Bessie’s house, subdivide the land & build two or three townhouses” we hadn’t even received the deed or keys yet but Conner had been to the her house twice with John to see what opportunities could be there. John said that was our best option, especially since we wanted to expand our portfolio & Conner wanted the maximum return he could on each property, it was exactly what Conner had hoped he’d say, subdivide the land. Conner spent the week with an architect & council men to reach a happy medium on what we could do with the block, it turns out that there is enough room for four town houses & Conner does the math & thinks it’s best to put a little extra in for the business fund to get the extra property.


Fleaz – next segment

“Hello?” I answer my mobile to a private number

“You’re knocking down Bessie’s house?” Shit, it’s Jenny.

“Yes, demolition starts tomorrow” I say as calm & as monotone as I can

“I can’t fucking believe it”

“Do not swear at me, the estate was left to Conner, there was no stipulation that he had to keep it as it was”

“I thought he would have one sentimental bone in his body” I scoff at her

“What is there to be sentimental about?” I snap, Conner walks into the room & his interest in my conversation is enticed

“It was the house I grew up in” She sniffs as if she’s crying

“Well do you know where Conner grew up?” I don’t wait for her to answer, my tone is steely “In shitty foster homes before he ended up living on the streets, that house means nothing to him” Conner raises his eyebrows, trying to take the phone off me

“I didn’t know…” I vamp up ready for the worst thing I will probably say to someone I don’t even know

“No you wouldn’t fucking know would you? Because while you were warm in your bed in that precious fucking house on freezing cold winter nights, Conner was lying in the street with only the clothes on his back” I lower my voice to get my point across “You knew perfectly well that Conner didn’t want anything from any of you, so don’t act all high & mighty about sentimentality when you have no fucking clue what he went through, when you all left him like a dog at the pound”

“I just…” I interrupt her

“I suggest you delete my number Jenny, I, for one can say that I do not want to hear from you again” I don’t wait for her to reply before I end the call.

“What the fuck was that all about?” I wave my phone at him

“That was your fucking sister all bent out of shape because we’re knocking down Bessie’s house tomorrow”

“Why didn’t you let me talk to her? I don’t want you to have to deal with this shit from my family”

“I think I dealt with her quite well, I don’t think she’ll be calling us again” I laugh, even though I am far from happy

“I was pretty fucking scared” he chuckles pulling me close “you were like an ice queen” he kisses my nose “I don’t think that is the last of my family drama though”

“Well Dimples, it’s our family drama” he laughs 

“I love you so much, I don’t know what I would do without you”

“Well lucky I’m not going to let you find out”

**

Conner & I stop off at Bessie’s house on the way back from picking out the carpet for these four new town houses, I think, for Conner, watching the house get torn down, was symbolic of his childhood being torn away from him, so he could start fresh. As the workmen unloaded the bulldozer, Conner & I get out of the car to watch, there are people across the street, watching also, Conner had talked to all the adjoining neighbours so they knew what to expect, just as he had at the block of units, but underneath dark shades I could still make out that one of the onlookers is Wyatt. 

As the bulldozer gets in place & as the arm comes down & slices though the house like a hot knife in butter, everything goes into slow motion, I see Wyatt raise his arm, I could tell he was holding something that he was pointing at us Holy Shit is that a gun? With the noise of the demolition no one hears me scream ‘he’s got a gun’ even Conner who is mere centimetres away from me, doesn’t even bat an eyelid, Wyatt is pointing the gun but he hasn’t shot it, is he too scared or is it just a scare tactic? Before I can move Conner out of the way, I heard the gun fire, one single shot, one single life changing moment, the bulldozer operator heard it too, he’s looking around trying  to work out what the noise was, he turns off the bulldozer, all noise stops, the world stands still, there is just a deafening silence as I see Conner go down, clutching his arm, rolling on the ground in agony, I’m paralysed, this can’t be real, this can’t be happening?

Some work men sprint over to our aid, one is already on the phone with police & ambulance, no one wants to chase down Wyatt in case he turns on them too, another man applies pressure to Conner’s wound, he is now covered in blood, a man asks me if I am ok, wrapping his arm around me I hug him tightly, a workman I don’t even know! I can’t look at Conner yet I can’t look away.

Sirens blare as police arrive to secure the scene, workmen cooperate giving as much information as they can as to what direction Wyatt went in, a squad car speeds off in the direction the men point, an officer tends to Conner as the sirens scream as the ambulance is still on its way. An officer takes out his notebook approaching me

“Ma’am do you know who the shooter was?” I nod unable to speak “do you have a name?” I stutter my response

“Wy…Wya…Wyatt Harr… Harrison” then my words come in a rush “it’s his uncle, this is his mum’s house. It was left to Conner in the will, we’re obviously tearing it down…”

“Ok calm down ma’am, we’ll get a statement from you later, the ambulance is ready to leave with your husband” the officer helps me in the back of the ambulance. I finally see that Conner is seemingly in good spirits, they have him sitting up with his arm raised across his chest

“Looks like it’s just a flesh wound, I need stitches or something but looks like I’ll be ok” a sigh of relief washes over me & the water works start “hey, hey baby, don’t cry!”

“Jesus, Conner, your family is fucking nuts!” he scoffs

“You can say that again”       

“Jesus, Conner, your family is fucking nuts!” he laughs & leans over to kiss me.

*

At the hospital, as Conner is getting his arm fixed up, the police officers come to take our statements, I tell them the most of back story, including details from Jenny’s phone call the day before. The police advised us that Wyatt was already in custody, they found a gun in his backpack when he was arrested.

“I don’t want to press charges, I want to forget these crazy people ever existed”

“Are you sure sir?” 

“Yes, I was this all behind us.”

“I’d advise against that Mr Reynolds…”

“Just fucking leave it…” Conner snaps but I cut him off

“Thanks officers” I usher them out of the treatment room

“Let us know if you think of anything else” the officers hand me a card with their details on it.

“We should be able to discharge you in a few hours Mr Reynolds, you are a very lucky man” without hesitation, Conner looks at me, winks & says 

“That I am Doctor, that I am” I don’t miss the double meaning but the Doctor just smiles & leaves the room. 

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #26

It turns out that there is something equally as good, waking up with your husband still inside you, snoring loudly wrapped tightly around you, when you kiss his neck, the only part you can reach, you feel his cock twitching inside of you as he stirs…

“Good morning beautiful” he turns his head to kiss my neck, up my cheek & to my lips, kissing me until he is rock hard inside me, as slowly as the night before Conner makes love to me with such slow passion, like he is trying to remember every touch & every movement. We come together, moaning, it makes me wonder how we are ever going to get out of bed during our honeymoon, neither of us seems to get enough of the other.

“I want to be inside you all day” he murmurs, kissing my neck, I laugh looking at the clock

“We have to check out in 30 minutes”

“Fine, then I’ll stay here for 29 minutes” I try fruitlessly to push him off me laughing, we have to shower & pack up our bags, he kisses me passionately again “Thank you for being you” He pulls out of me, rolling off the bed, he scoops me up & carries me to the shower “I love you wet” I laugh at his double meaning as me puts my down under the running stream of water “I have to control myself, because I don’t want you out of action” he rubs his cock against my rear, leaning down to kiss my neck, I can feel him smiling

“Oh my god Conner” I laugh “Is your cock always hard?”

“Only when I am with my naked wife or thinking about my naked wife or touching my naked wife…” his hands cup my breasts & I automatically lean back into his shoulder pushing my breasts into his waiting hands, I moan “Yes for you baby, I am always hard” his lips find mine & we kiss as I turn to face him, his hands find my butt & he lifts me up to impale me on his cock, taking a step back to lean me against the wall, he holds me in his strong arms as he quickly brings us to a loud satisfying orgasm

“We’re going to get in trouble for checking out late” I quip as he puts my feet on the floor, I start soaping up the sponge when Conner takes it from me to wipe it all over us

“When the concierge people see how sexy you are, they’ll understand why” I burst out laughing, I don’t think so Conner!

“Sure!” I roll my eyes “Anyway I thought you were going to control yourself?”

“It’s your fault” he grins at me cheekily, I giggle, trying to look annoyed

“How is it my fault?” He pulls me close & whispers

“Cause you’re so damn sexy when you talk about my cock” I giggle more, he kisses my forehead “Get out of the shower Mrs Reynolds, we can’t possibly check out late!” I playfully hit his shoulder & get out of the shower.

*

“I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off you for the next 10 hours” Conner whispers in my ear as his arms wrap around my hips when we line up to check in for our flights to Bora Bora, the beginning of our honeymoon

“Newlyweds?” The airline assistant asks as we hand over our passports “I see you’re already in first class, seats 2A & 2B’ I gape at Conner, shaking my head, he is purposely not paying attention to me but he is smirking, he says thankyou & walks away ignoring my stare

“Conner Jack Reynolds!” I stop walking, tapping my foot, he turns to face me, looking over my head, he bends to kiss my forehead

“Only the best for you baby” he looks down at me, wiping the tear welling in my eye

“You had us booked first class from the beginning didn’t you?” he nods & I can only shake my head smiling insanely with how ridiculous this man is “You know I don’t need first class” he puts his arm around my shoulder & leads me to the first class lounge

“How do you know you don’t need it, you’ve never travelled first class before. This could be just what you need to be complete” we laugh

“You are what I need to make me complete!” I kiss him.

*

Ten hours later we’re in sunny Bora Bora being taxied by boat to our ‘over water’ villa at the stunning St Regis hotel, the water is crystal blue, the temperature is perfect 29 degrees, the whirl of the breeze cools our skin as the boat slows down to dock at our villa. The hotel attendant carries our bags inside, Conner carries me over the threshold of the villa, the attendant makes himself scarce after showing us where all the important amenities are & how to get to the restaurant.

“This place is so beautiful, that water is so clear but I’m sure were didn’t book the pool suite” Conner only smiles, we booked over an ‘over water’ villa but I’d chosen the cheaper one that didn’t have its own pool & completely private balcony. I figured we had the ocean right there that we didn’t also need a pool. I know he’s upgraded the room without telling me, I just shake my head & open my suit case to pull out my navy blue bikini, holding it up with one finger “Swim?” I take off my singlet & shorts, standing there in my underwear as I assess how tangled my bikini is, laying it out on the bed in order, Conner comes up behind me grabbing my hips & dry humping my rear

“I didn’t know I would get a strip show” he jokes, I playfully slap his hands away, I reach around & take my bra off, as I bend to pick the bikini top, Conner thrusts rapidly into my butt & his hands caress my breasts, I stand up straight arching my back as I tie the halter straps around my neck, I slap Conner’s hands away & pull the straps around the back, Conner takes over after I tie the knot.

“I don’t like covering you up Kristie, but if a swim is what you want, we’ll swim” He walks over to his suitcase stripping naked, I see his erection standing proud, he finds his board shorts, putting them on he turns back to me “But afterwards, I get to peel this off you” he says flicking the bikini bottom elastic “& we’ll be naked the rest of the night.” I agree laughing & pass him the sunscreen, lifting my hair & turning my back to him “Are you fucking kidding me?” he scoffs, I let my hair fall & turn around

“What?” I ask puzzled, he holds up the sunscreen bottle

“I’m already hard from your little strip show & now you want me to rub sun cream all over your sexy little bikini wearing body?” I nod, smiling innocently as I can, I didn’t even plan that at all, he squirts the cold sunscreen on my shoulder, I flinch & he laughs but his hands warm it quickly as he rubs it onto me “That’s for turning me on” he murmurs as he kisses my neck, still rubbing the lotion in, my head leans back slightly but I abruptly have to pull away because I know if I don’t we won’t ever swim “Tease!” he slaps my butt gently, hands me the lotion. As I am rubbing the lotion into Conner he keeps grabbing my hips or tries to kiss me, it takes twice as long as it should to cover him in cream

“The longer you struggle with me, the longer it takes to get in the water, which only makes it longer till we get out & get naked” He instantly stops moving, I finish rubbing in the lotion & he scoops me up in his arms, I squeal “Swim” he kisses my nose, I think he’s going to throw me in the ocean, I hold on tighter to his neck but he sets me down at the ladder “Get in hot stuff” I can’t help but laugh when he says things like that to me will I ever get used to it? He obviously likes what he sees otherwise he wouldn’t have married you, but I can’t help but feel a little self-conscious about my appearance, I think that’s just a woman’s prerogative.

The water is cool & beautiful, Conner & I dive around for about five minutes before we are floating together in his muscly arms, kissing & caressing

“Enough swimming, I am so fucking hard it hurts” I reach down to rub his balls & length though his board shorts, he moans “I will fuck you in the ocean” he glares at me intently, he’s serious! I turn away swimming to the ladder, I’m barely inside the villa, as I walk a step away I feel the strap from my bikini top coming undone as Conner holds onto the ties, I stop moving & feel Conner stand close behind me, untying the strap around my neck, my bikini top falls to the floor, his hands quickly slide my bikini bottoms down my legs, I feel him moving behind me & hear his board shorts drop to the ground, he doesn’t make any move movements, so I turn to face him. His intent stare runs up & down my body in appreciation, he leans down to kiss me, pulling me against him, he steps backwards towards the bed, he sits on the edge pulling me onto his lap, with my legs far apart Conner has easy access to dip two fingers into me, circling my clit as my hips gyrate in his lap & make his fingers go deeper, his lips kiss my neck while the other hand finds a nipple to tweak, making me come violently in his hand, I feel his lips smile against my neck as his fingers continue slowly inside me, he moves us up the bed, lying down flat, guides my hips to lift & lower onto his cock. His hands stay on my hips helping them move as I am still weak from my orgasm

“Touch yourself for me” As I move up & down on his shaft, one hand finds my breast & fondles the nipple as Conner would, my other hand surprises me by finding my clit & making little circles of pleasure “That’s it baby, you look so sexy doing that, I’m close” I moan as everything increases & I clench around Conner with another orgasm “Yes you are so tight when you do that, Fuck” He cries out with his own release, I collapse onto his chest “I love you” I smile, unable to speak, I kiss his chest “Five days here is going to be tough, we’ve been here less than two hours & the whole time I was hard” I laugh, snuggling into Conner closing my eyes, he sits me up with him “No sleep for those who tease their husbands, stripping then parading around in a tiny scrap of material” he rolls us over with a cheesy grin on his face, pinning me underneath him “I am not even close to being done with you!” He moves down my body kissing as he goes, he kneels in between my legs lifting my hips so he can tease me with his mouth, I am moaning with the first lick, still over sensitive from the orgasms he’s already given to me, he only teases me to the brink of an orgasm before he sits up straight on his knees, with his cock at my entrance, he rubs it along the length of me, not entering me, his arms grab my legs at my knees so they are on a 90 degree angle, he keeps teasing me with his length, every time I feel I am close to coming, Conner stops & I am left bereft, he repeats this action several times until I am whimpering underneath him

“Jesus Conner” I pant “Fuck me” he slides his cock against me until I am about to come again, then stops “Please, I want to come” he smiles, leaning down quickly to kiss my lips, whispering in my ear “That’s how you make me feel all the time baby” he slides his cock inside me & I come intensely as he pumps hard inside me before he shouts out my name.

#IBD4U

Marvel #12

This is my last Marvel post. But not my last #IBD4U post… yet… While I could have written about 50+ more stories with extra details about what happened between Marvel & I, it’s just been too hard to relive it, to rehash all the things we said & did so it’s hard to keep motivated to write about him. Especially when I know what happens & how my story ends! Hahaha.

One day I am feeling cheeky when I see him but also want to know what he’d do so when we’re kissing inside his front door, I pull away & look him dead in the eye – I can see love there still, maybe not like it was before but there is love & affection there – so I say “Marvel, I need to ask you something important?” He pulls away further with a look of semi horror on his face, when I say “Where do you want to cum today?” He smirks & says his usual answer “There’s so many choices with you.” After that day, he doesn’t message me afterwards as he usually would, if he takes to long I message & we at least chat a bit before he goes offline for 2 weeks… This becomes a regular thing.

So now I can’t say that we speak every day, I mean hell, we sometimes don’t speak for weeks…  But at least once or twice a month we catch up & have sex still…. I am ok with this… As much as it hurts not to have my best friend, I figure I either need to be ok with it to end or I need to be ok with it as it is… To be honest I am neither, I don’t want it to end & I don’t want to lose him any further, but I also don’t know if we can be anything more than what we are right now. Can we ever go back to how it was if he left her? I am not sure… I fantasise about him being with me the way he was the first time, the vulnerability we both showed, the pure love & lust with passion we shared… Could or would that ever be again?

Now technically this is stuff that happens after I turn 40 (which covid kills my party plans & I don’t even tell Marvel it’s my birthday, let alone a new decade) – so this part shouldn’t be in my blog, but Marvel gets a new phone, finally after almost 5 years fucking this man & his phone being tracked, he switches to android. I assume she’s going to go off the rails about it but I don’t think he’d tell me of she did… Around this time too, he stops making up the little bed in his lounge room every time I see him, opting for towels on the couch.

Now that he’s not being tracked, I ask him to come to my house to christen my new bed, we also talk about the idea of a 3sum with another guy, he is so open to it all but when I actually invite him to my house, he says that if it’s easier with my work to just go to his house. Well no it isn’t easier, I live like 4 minutes from work, he lives 25 minutes from my work, but I go to his house thinking it’s probably not a good idea that he comes to mine, especially when Marvel’s wife’s friend or colleague – whoever she is, lives 3 doors down! I had given Marvel the heads up to park in the side street & walk up to my house which he was going to do but I think he chickened out as he tells me to come to his house instead.

When he gets his new phone he starts video us having sex again, saying that he’s got a special place on his phone, that he can hide apps, meaning that he doesn’t delete the apps anymore. Annoyingly for me, I can’t see when he’s been online or not like I used to be able too, so I start chatting to him on a fake account I made ages ago – well in fact, he started chatting to my fake account. I didn’t seek him out to chat. He always chats to that account before he chats to the real me… Something he never used to do… It fucks me off. He doesn’t know its me nor will I ever tell him, so he isn’t doing it to piss me off – he’s trying to keep his distance from me. As much as I try to keep my distance from him, not writing back instantly, sometimes not for hours (go me!), I can’t ever go weeks without replying like he can. I hate myself for it.  

So I don’t really have a conclusion for you with Marvel… He & I, are always a thing… We will always have a connection – maybe not a deep one right now, maybe never deep again, but we are connected. I don’t know what might happen in the future, I don’t know what my future holds with this man, how this will end, how my love life will end up like – but all I know is that I don’t want it to end – well not until I am ready for that… Will I ever be ready?

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #25

Conner carries me through the door to the honeymoon suite in the hotel he booked for us to stay, once inside, he puts me down & I walk into the room looking around to see where everything is, checking out the complimentary bottle of chilled champagne on the counter, Conner just stands at the door watching me silently, with his hand resting on the door handle

“Do you know how stunningly gorgeous you are?” I shyly smile “I keep pinching myself to make sure this is real” he unties his tie as we walk to each other, meeting in the middle of the room

“I am real Dimples & we’re married, you’re stuck with me now” I giggle holding up his left hand to show him his ring

“You’re the only one I want to be stuck with” he looks me up & down “I love this dress, it is the perfect choice, never in my wildest dreams did I think something could make you more beautiful” He grins “but I am very interested in what is underneath” I turn around as a way of explaining to him silently how to get me out of it. As he unzips the zip his hands graze my bare skin, more than he needed to get the dress off me, he pushes the straps off my shoulders letting the heavy dress fall to the floor. I am not really traditional so I wasn’t wearing white underwear, I was wearing green, my favourite colour, which also to matched the bridesmaids & Conner’s tie. I hadn’t shown Conner anything I was planning on wearing beforehand & I can only hope that he likes what he sees, his hands glide over my skin he has exposed, he nuzzles my neck

“You are sexy Mrs Reynolds” I make a hmmm noise, loving that he called me by my new last name, his hands link with mine to help me step out of my dress, he doesn’t turn me to face him but hugs me tightly to his front, I can tell I have turned him on “I feel like I keep saying clichés but I am seriously the luckiest man alive right now” I tilt my head to the side as Conner kisses my neck & shoulder, I turn to face him, & I start unbuttoning his shirt, I run my fingers along his rippled chest & stomach before I push his shirt & jacket off in one sweep. He cups my face with both hands as he kisses me with such passion, his tongue darting in & out of my mouth, urging mine to join his, I reach for his belt & let his pants fall around his ankles, without breaking contact with me, Conner slips off his shoes & steps out of his pants walking me backwards to the bed, he lets go of my face but continues to kiss me as his hands discard my bra & then slide my lace G string down my legs. He pushes back gently until I am lying down, his lips leave mine to kiss his way to my breasts where he fondles one while kissing the other, my hands are in his hair, my back arches pushing my nipples into his waiting mouth

“Always so eager” he chuckles. He sits up a little, taking both my hands above my head & pinning them to the bed with his strong hand, the other hand slides down my body to nestle between my legs, his mouth continues to torture my nipples, as my legs part on their own accord his leg rests on mine further pinning me down. His fingers glide around like long soft circles, stopping only to dip inside me quickly, I am panting, being unable to move is such a turn on

“I need you Conner” I moan but he doesn’t change any of his movements

“I know baby” he suckles on my nipples more “But I could do this all night”

“Please” my head bobs from side to side on the mattress, his fingers push inside me darting in & out quickly, he increases his torture to my nipples too, within a few seconds I am screaming out his name in my first orgasm as a married woman. As I am coming back to earth, Conner is taking off his boxer briefs & he flips me over, entering me from behind, he pulls me up to sit on his lap with my back against his front, he bucks me off of him to get the rhythm started, his hands cupping both my breasts as I put my hands behind his head, his thrust builds until I am calling out an expletive with my second orgasm

“You are so tight when you come” Conner grabs my hips pulling me deeper as he finds his own release “Yeah… Fuck” he shudders & leans forward on me, seemingly exhausted, I am too weak to hold us both up & we slide onto the mattress, completely exhausted from today.

*

I don’t think I have been asleep very long when I hear running water in the bathroom, Conner is not lying in bed next to me, before I have even rolled over, he is standing gloriously naked next to the bed, he bends down to give me an eskimo kiss

“Don’t you ever sleep?” I laugh

“Not when I have the chance to be in you” He gives me a cheeky grin as I stretch out “I’m filling the spa, want to join me?” I nod sleepily sitting up & taking Conner’s hand to help me off the bed, then he pulls me tightly to his front, kissing my neck we walk awkwardly to the bathroom. We step in the bath, he turns the jets on & sits first, holding my hips to guide me as I sit between his legs. He soaps up the sponge & runs it over my arms & shoulders

“Was it a perfect wedding?” he asks nervously in my hair

“It was better than perfect” I turn my head to meet his lips, my hand slides up to grip the back of his neck to hold him in place, he responds, kissing me back, I feel his erection growing against my back, he breaks the kiss & I turn to face him, straddling his lap, it’s my turn to hold him down, I grab his hands & pin them to the side of the bath as I lower myself onto him, I don’t arch my back & give him access to suck my nipples, I start to move up & down on his length, the water sloshes around even with my slow movement, I lock eyes with him, pushing up & down fast each time

“Jesus Kristie” I know he can easily break his hands free but he doesn’t, he likes it as much as I do, as I quickly kiss him, he tries to kiss me more & when he can’t, he tries to kiss anywhere he can, but he isn’t able to move, we lock eyes “You are… amazing” he shouts as I feel him come, it ignites my own orgasm, I shout out his name, releasing his hands which immediately pull me against his chest “I didn’t know sex would get better once we were married” he grins “that was fucking hot” he turns the jets off & the water settles

“Come to think of it, now we’re married I’m not supposed to put out so easily” I laugh, he tweaks my nipple

“You want it just as much as I do” he quips

“I can’t get enough of you inside me Conner” I say seriously, moving slightly with his cock still inside me

“Do you only want me for my body?” He cheekily grins

“What else do I need you for” we laugh, I slid off him, looking at my wrinkled hands, I stand up to get out. Once I’m dry, I reach for a white hotel robe

“No baby, I want my wife naked” Wife!

“I will be naked underneath” I try to reason with him, he puts the robe back on the hook, pulling me in close our hips touching

“But I won’t be able to see you naked” I laugh, pushing him off me, I walk back into the bedroom, eat a strawberry & hold the bottle of champagne up for Conner to open, standing there naked we cheers to us, we drink, looking out the window at the twinkling city lights

 “How sore are you?”

“Deliciously sore” he polishes off his champagne & puts his glass down, he stares into my eyes, ever so slowly pulling me close as he speaks

“I want you flat on your back while I make slow passionate love to you, until you pass out moaning my name & then I want to fall asleep inside you” HolyFuckingShit! How does he make me so wet with just his words & that intense stare, a shiver runs through my body & he chuckles “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ hey?” he lifts me into his arms

“Take that as ‘Fuck yes’” He laughs, placing me gently on the bed, manoeuvring me to move the covers down the bed, I lay on my back as he suggested & as he lays beside me, I can feel a more intense connection between us than ever before, we are looking deep into each other’s eyes, Conner playing with my hair that has fallen loose

“You are the man of my dreams” I whisper & he smiles

“You are the woman in mine” he leans forward to meet my lips, we kiss slow & soft, his tongue not probing my mouth with the urgency he usually does, his hands cup my face, as he shifts to lie on top of me, he doesn’t enter me, but I feel his cock as my wet entrance “My life was nothing until I met you…” he pauses “I really love you” a tear rolls down my cheek, he kisses it away & with that slight movement up my body, he’s in a position to slide into me so slowly connecting at the most intimate part while holding my eye contact, there’s no urgency, there’s no teasing each other with caresses, his elbows rest by my side, my hands just resting on his sides as his moves slowly in & out of me

“This is my favourite moment of the day” I whisper, he smiles lowering his head to kiss me slowly

“Mine too” he doesn’t speed up as he entwines his hands with mine & moves them above my head, he kisses my neck as he keeps his motions steady, I moan in appreciation for his love & affection, this is the most tender moment of my life & I’m sure it is for him too. Even though he doesn’t speed up, both of us are close to orgasming, its more about the connection that we have than the movements “I want to come with you baby” we lock eyes, he still doesn’t speed up but pauses when he is deep inside me, it takes me to the edge

“Oh Conner… I’m there… Con…ner” as my body clenches around his cock,

“I’m with you baby… Ahhhh…” he dips in deeper as he spurts into me, it extends my orgasm

“Conner…” I moan as he predicted & he moans my names as a response as he lays flat on my thoroughly satisfied body. What could be better than making sweet passionate unhurried love with my husband?

#IBD4U

Guest Blog – The Assest

A good friend of mine was inspired to write. I haven’t done a guest big in a while… Hope you all enjoy… I know I did & I asked her for more! Hehehe.

The Asset

So, I use this chat app and I started talking to this guy in a group forum, we flirt every time we are both online and people notice and begin to write things like to “get a room. ” So after a week or so we arrange to meet in public (my rules of online dating, I never invite a strange boy over to my house no matter how horny I am or nice they are at the time) after we chat for a bit I feel like we have the same “I want to fuck you senseless connection” as we do online and I say to myself this guy is nice and has his head screwed on, this could be a good thing!

The flirting gets more heated within the group chat and in our private chat we have secret jokes, and the tension builds so its not long until we arrange to meet this time at my house for “coffee.” I know we would end up fucking because of the intense flirtation we’ve had, its been addictive as we are online every chance we get plus I was on leave from work so I had heaps of time to up my sleeve, he’s said he’s just looking for fun in our private chat and I was cool with that because my friend with benefit I was seeing said 2 weeks prior that he needed a time out (great I’m wearing my fwb’s out ha-ha!) Seriously I can’t be that bad right?!

He comes over and we chat over a coffee just about everyday stuff and about this guy I was dating about 3 months prior, he went away for work interstate, he had messaged out of the blue he’s coming back in a few week’s and wants to see me, The Assest gives me a male’s perspective and I appreciate it. When I’m nervous I ramble on about shit and tend to over share and I’m sure I sound like a crazy fucktard.

We finish our coffee and I put our cups on the sink, on the way back to the couch he pulls me in for a kiss, and I land in his lap, we kiss it starts to get hot and heavy I’m thinking it’s clearly time we move this to the bedroom, he’s a good kisser yes!

Love it when a guy can kiss me so passionately (This is one of my biggest turn ons) , as we are heading to the my bedroom we start undressing ourselves and doesn’t take long to get the rest of our clothes off, he kisses me briefly then bends me over my bed with force, I feel instantly wet as the dominance is something I haven’t had in a while he puts a condom on and I’m patiently waiting for his cock to nudge up against my pussy and he does not long after he sticks his cock in and slowly fucks me, I’m so wet!

He begins to fuck me so hard because in our chats I’ve said I like it rough and OMG! Did he deliver. I orgasm once and he blows in the condom, it’s been a while for both of us, him longer and it was good that he waited for me to cum first, I know it would have been hard.

The next day I see some bruises coming out on my thighs, I smile because I’ve just re-lived what happened the previous day. We fuck once, sometimes twice a week if we both have time, after a couple of months he tells me his chatting to this girl in the group. She’s an online friend of mine and we have this pact not to cut each other’s lunch, she doesn’t know this guy and I are fucking and he has no interest in her sexually but I’m annoyed anyway. Why??

I know this is casual sex and yet I still feel annoyed. I end things with him, its no big deal as I have no emotional connection with him, but he was a friend, I would of liked to keep in touch with (He’s good value) I hardly speak to this girl online anymore and I’m not bothered by it she is a bit of a gossip and I’m a private person so is maybe why I feel annoyed as I don’t want to be spoken about behind my back and ended things with him.

 

What do you all think?! Sexy right… Though my friend & I havr discussed at length, I don’t understand why she’s annoyed at either person… The chick didn’t know they were FWB & they weren’t exclusive, so why end a good thing for no reason & you definitely can’t be pissed at the chick if she didn’t know… What do you think?

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #24

As I stand in front of the mirror on the morning of my wedding, dressing in my white Vera Wang wedding gown, that is cut low at the front & back with a deep V, my favourite neck line for me, I added a green satin sash low on my waist but the ribbon flowed all the way to the floor, the skirt is slightly fitted but full with many layers, I so feel beautiful, I feel like I finally see what Conner sees in me.

Conner has given Samantha a gift to give to me, he was thoughtful, I hadn’t even thought to get him something for our wedding. Lucky Samantha gave it to me before I had my makeup done, tears flow freely as I read the attached note.

Kristie,

You are more beautiful & precious than this gift, you are my everything. My happily ever after…

I can’t wait to marry you today.

All my love

Conner x

I open the small box that Conner has given me, inside is a platinum necklace with a bezel set large square emerald pendant, I gush over the necklace showing the girls asking Savannah to put it on me.

My hair is curled & loose around my shoulders, my hairdresser has clipped a few tendrils up from near my ears pulling them loosely to the back meeting in the middle with a comb that was encrusted with green coloured stones & I didn’t want to wear a veil. I slip on my bright green heels with the help of my sister & the photographer snaps a picture, I had told the photographer I didn’t want many posed photos because I wanted more candid shots of the wedding party & us.

The girls fluff my dress at the end of the aisle as Pachelbel Cannon starts to play over the sound system. I am not nervous, I am excited to marry my best friend, the person who I tell everything to, the strongest person I know, the man in my own personal romantic movie who wants to take care of me in so many ways. Sophie, Savannah, Hannah & Samantha all walk down the aisle before me in different green dresses, once they all  reach the end it is my turn to walk, it’s the longest two minutes of my life before my favourite part of the song plays as I step down the aisle slowly, with my dad on one arm & my mum on the other holding me steady, I look up the aisle to the man I love who is looking at me the way I always hoped he would, with a smile on his face that proves to me how much he loves me. I reach the end of the aisle, Conner has a tear in his eyes, he is so breathtakingly handsome in his wedding tuxedo, I can’t believe that I am this lucky! My parents both kiss me & my dad gives my hand to Conner, he takes it leaning into to me, pecking me on the lips so softly but I can feel the passion he has for me, as he pulls away he whispers

“You look stunningly beautiful” he squeezes both my hands.

We recite the traditional wedding vowels with the celebrant but we also wanted to add our own, I am first to recite mine

“It took a long time for me to get here, I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my prince & I found him in you” some guests laugh as I hoped “You are my rock, my knight in shining armour, the man of my dreams. I can’t believe how lucky I am to marry you today. I love you with all my heart” he squeezes my hands tightly, his eyes watery, mine are too, my sister hands me a vintage handkerchief for me to wipe my eyes discreetly

“Kristie, I stand here today marrying the most amazing woman I know, I fall more in love with you every minute. With you, my past doesn’t matter as I have everything I ever wanted standing in front of me. My life only started when I met you, I can’t wait to build that life with you.” He pauses as he reaches in his pocket & holds up his hand in-between us, his fingers slowly open out flat, revealing our rings “You are my happily ever after” he holds them up to show me the inscriptions, his has been engraved with ‘Our Happily’ & mine is engraved with ‘Ever After’ When did he do that?

We then exchange the rings with the same vow “I give you this ring as a visible & constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live” There is not a dry eye in the crowd as the celebrant declares us husband & wife, announcing that Conner may kiss his bride, we look deep into each other’s eyes as we solidify our union with a soft passionate kiss, he cups my face pulling me in closer to him, as we pull apart & hug for a long time, he spins me around in the air, I squeal & all our guests clap

“I love you Wife” he says putting me back down

“I love you more Husband”

“Not possible.” He winks at me, I swoon, he is so sexy when he winks & he’s your husband now!

We sign the register, posing for a few photos that the photographer insisted had to be staged, however he did clicked away taking several candid shots too, while Sarah McLachlan sings a cover of Wild Horses, Conner holds my hand as we walk back to the aisle but before we walk down Conner raises our hands in the air & shouts ‘we’re married’, everyone claps & cheers as we start to make our way back down the aisle together hugging all our friends & family, who congratulate us, Conner holds onto my hand the entire time.

When the canapés are served as we are away from the party, around the grounds of Carrick Hill having some photos taken, it finally gives me a minute to talk to Conner

“When did you engrave the rings? That is so special” Our weddings bands had also come from Tiffany’s, mine was the matching platinum band with round brilliant cut diamonds, Conner’s ring was a plain platinum band, it suited him.

“I had it done last week so you wouldn’t know” I look down at his left hand, now with a wedding ring on

“You know” I toy with the ring, twisting it on his finger “There is nothing sexier than a guy with a wedding ring on” I smile sexily at him

“Then… I’m never taking it off” he pecks me on the lips

“You’d better not”

*

We walk back to the reception to be introduced officially as Mr & Mrs Reynolds, our bridal party is introduced first with Happy Together by The Turtles being played in the background our MC announces us, we have only opted for a main meal so that there isn’t too much sitting down & we can mingle with everyone. Conner doesn’t seem to want to let go of my hand, we walk around talking to everyone but when I have to go to bathroom he reluctantly releases my hand, I can’t help but smile. I talk to a few people on my way back in when I hear our song start, Conner is in the middle of the dance floor the crowd parting, we lock eyes, it is totally like a movie! I walk towards him, he twirls me around & dips me before shuffling around the floor

“I am so fucking lucky, I am the happiest man alive right now with you in my arms”

“I am too, although I’m a woman but you know what I mean, you make me so happy” I laugh at my stupidness but he kisses me gently

“You look so beautiful” he kisses my nose “I can’t wait to get you naked” He pulls me tighter, I laugh

“We can be naked the entire three weeks of our honeymoon” he chuckles & kisses my forehead

“I can’t wait” he leans down to kiss my mouth “I can’t stop kissing you”

“I don’t want you to stop kissing me” He squeezes me tighter “I almost forgot to say thank you for this beautiful necklace” I finger the pendent

“It is nothing compared to you baby” We stare at each other with stupid looks on our faces, it’s enough to make anyone sick, as our song ends & the MC invites the bridal party onto the floor with our second song In The dark by DJ Tiesto, an usual song but one of my favourites, the MC then invites everyone to dance continuing with regular wedding music I chose a few weeks ago.

As our wedding comes to an end I am sad that the day went by so quickly I’m but also excited to leave with my husband, it’s traditional for family & friends to make an arch way for us to exit through so we can say goodbye to everyone, Moon River by Andy Williams sets the tone for us to leave & see the world, in two days’ time we were heading off on our amazing honeymoon.

“You look stunning today Kristie” My mum whispers in my ear as I say goodbye, we are not going to have much time to see anyone before we leave for Bora Bora so I hug her tightly “I’m so happy that you are so happy, he loves you so much, the way he looks at you… it makes me jealous” I laugh & as I open my mouth to respond, I hear my dad shout ‘You better look after my baby girl’ & slaps Conner on the shoulder, he wraps his arms around my waist kissing my neck quickly “I fully intend to Max” Conner smiles at me as I kiss my dad goodbye too, turning to face my husband & start my new life as a married woman.

#IBD4U

Marvel #11

So I’ve alluded to the fact that when I get my new job, I continue to find time to meet with Marvel & have hot, sexy, sweaty sex. I can’t stop. I don’t know how to stop…

I always go to their house. His phone is still tracked. Nothing has changed for either of us. He logs off the chat apps for days, weeks sometimes now & comes back online to see me once but mostly twice a month. Not as much sex as I would like but at this point in my life, I have deleted all my online dating profiles. I have been through so many debacles – I mean by the time I finish this blog you will only have heard about 10 years of my almost 40 years on earth.

Is anyone starting to see why I am still doing what I am doing? Marvel is still the best sex I have ever had, he makes up a little bed using his sons mattress on the floor in the lounge room & we kiss as soon as I walk in, the electricity flying between us is just the best & most indescribable feeling I have ever felt.

I honestly don’t have much to write about Marvel besides the sex. Our conversations online have dwindled to just talking about sex, this really gets me & it’s the only thing I hate about my life… I miss my best friend more than any other friend I have lost, I miss talking to him about everything, I miss telling him about my day or something at work – I hate that I went though a massive legal fight & didn’t have him to talk to about it.

When my uncle dies & my aunty won’t allow my family at the funeral (don’t even get me started on that story!), I want to talk to him about it, I see him the day of the funeral – thankful for the distraction, but also it makes me sadder. Sad that I dnt have the friendship with Marvel anymore… I still talk to J-Lo who I guess has become a bit of a replacement, I mean I always chatted to him about everything but I wasn’t the same as it was with Marvel.

The only time Marvel & I talk about anything other than sex, is when we’re face to face, after we’ve had sex, usually for just a few minutes as we catch our breath & while I’m getting dressed. The topics range from him telling me all about OnlyFans (not entirely sure why it was the topic or why he thought I cared, but I listened, just enjoying that we’re talking about something other than the sex we’ve had or the sex we want!) I talk about my roommate & he predicts what happens, that she leaves & I never speak to her again… We talk a lot about pets, he knows I’ve just gotten two dogs & that they have 3 dogs & a million cats – he tells me multiple times, in fact any time I talk about my dogs he tells me he’s more of a cat person, I guess just another way for him to keep his emotional distance from me. Something he’ll probably use as a reason for us not to be together.  

A fact that he likes to remind me of that no other guy has ever made me cum like he does & in fact that some men can’t even make me cum – I mean he’s right & I have told him this in the past but when I say why I ask why I can’t stop fucking him, he reminds me that other men don’t make me cum… Fuck I hate that he’s right!  

I may or may not have told you this before, that there is a creature that I am named after on the chat apps. Everyone knows me as this creature. It’s distinctive & obvious, everyone including Marvel’s wife knows this nickname. So I am more than surprised when I notice this creature in their front yard, on a garden stick, out by the letterbox… My mind goes into overdrive to be honest, did she put it there knowing I have been fucking her husband for almost their entire marriage? I also notice their daughters brush & a shirt with this same creature on it. For me, if I knew that was my husbands mistress’ nickname, I would literally hate it & wouldn’t want anything around my house to remind me, or even remind him of what he’s missing… The mistress he fell in love with that he never got over, I would make sure there is no reminder of her anywhere ever… I never see the brush or top again but I notice that the garden stick gets faded, rusty & covered in spider webs as the weeks pass by. But it’s still there… A constant reminder.

As an insurance policy, I sometimes take photos inside his house. I sometimes take photos of his car in the driveway as I walk down it. Just to prove I was there on certian dates or even to prove I was there so long ago – if these are ever needed in the future. But then I remember that my google maps tracks me to his house & even tracks the time I am there, I have enough evidence that I am having an affair should I need it – or should my sister need it if something happens to me.

One of my favourite things that happens is that his wife puts up a daily whiteboard, with their shifts & while hers never change, his are up for me to see while I am there fucking him. I can see that she is going on holidays from work. During this time, he doesn’t come back online at all… I am glad I know or I’m sure that I would go crazy – but I also know that he doesn’t have that power over me anymore. I know things are generally on his terms, but now at least I am no sitting at home thinking about him & why he’s not talking to me, knowing he’s at work & choosing not to talk to me. Well he doesn’t usually talk to me when she’s off or on the days that he has his daughter. This is ok with me. I am trying also to stay emotionally detached from him.

It’s all I can do to get through this year.

It’s all I can do to keep Marvel in my life… That little glimmer of hope that one day we might be together…    

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #23

A month later & one month before our wedding, we had acquired the two storey block of eight flats, it had used most of our budget, so much so that we had to wait until after the honeymoon to start renovating the whole building, Conner planned to get started with the top floor first then afterwards we’d renovate the other four & render the outside before we could rent them out. Conner stopped working so that he could focus on the flats which meant he wasn’t bringing in any money at all, all the rent money from the other properties ended up having to pay for all the last minute wedding preparations.

I continue with my 9-5 job & the money I earn is what we have to live on & save for the honeymoon. Conner tried to keep to those working hours too but he has been working more now that he had the whole time we’d been together & it was starting to make it difficult to see each other. I cooked dinner every night & when Conner wasn’t home at 8:00pm for the fifth time this week, even after several phone calls & text messages, I cracked the shits & left his plate I’d dished up on the counter & went to bed.

I don’t even know what time it was when I woke up & heard the shower running, I pick up my phone, its 1:38am, I have three texts from Conner

C 8:55pm: Be home soon baby… sorry x

C 10:22pm: Tyler just got here so will be a bit longer sorry x

C 1:02am: R U awake baby? On my way sorry… x I wonder if he really is sorry, he seems to say it so often now. Does it have any meaning anymore? I roll over & snuggle down into my side of the bed. I know he is doing this for us, but I don’t want to be alone in the process, I hear him turn off the shower & I close my eyes pretending to be asleep. I don’t want to be angry at him & start a fight so pretending to be asleep is a better option for both of us. We’ll both just get angry at each other, he’ll be angry because I’m angry that he’s never home & because he’s home so late means he’ll be asleep when I go to work, then he’ll start work at the block late & get home late again. It’s been happening for weeks, we’d hardly spent any time together at all, we hadn’t had sex in over a week & for us that was a long time. I knew that was something that bothered Conner as the last time we’d had sex was only because he came home had dinner, made love to me then rushed back to the block. I had felt used but I hadn’t said anything to him, I had to remember that the effort he was putting in was for me too & our future. Also by doing the demolition himself with the help of my family & Tyler he was saving us a bucket load of money.

“Baby are you awake?” he whispers, why do we whisper if you want to wake someone up? I feel him climb into bed next to me, I hadn’t planned on letting him know I was awake but when he curled up against my back, I felt his naked skin, his erection poking into my legs, he places his arm over my hip, letting out a deep breath as his snuggles in to my back, his hand slid underneath my singlet to cup my breast, he doesn’t move his hand to arouse me but I involuntarily moan, he lifts his head slightly “Did I wake you baby?” I open my eyes, turning to look at him, he leans on to one elbow & I roll onto my back as his mouth consumes mine, he kisses me for the longest time, not making any moves to take it further, he pulls away from my slowly, looking deep into my eyes “I miss you so much” I can’t reply “How angry are you?”

“I don’t want to be angry at all” he stokes my hair, is there anything better than someone playing with your hair?

“But you are?” he asks, I don’t feel he’s baiting me but he wants to talk about it, especially since he wants to start a business.

“Yes” I whisper “But I don’t want this development to mean that we never see each other” I whine, hugs me tightly

“Once the wedding is over & we’re back from our honeymoon, things will calm down, I just have to get the demolition done before we go” He smooths my hair, kissing my forehead “I love you so much, I hate being away from you, I hate that you’re asleep every night I get home. I hate that we haven’t made love in so long, I want nothing more than to show you how much you mean to me Kristie, I want to be inside you” he stares at me intently as if asking my permission, raise my head to meet his lips as a way of responding. He pulls me close to him, kissing me with passion that proves to me that he has missed me & hates this as much as I do. He moves so that he is between my legs, he tugs on my underwear, I lift my butt off the bed to help him take them off, his hands graze my legs as he leans back down to kiss me, pulling my legs up between his arms. I feel his cock, hard at my entrance, I want him inside me so badly, but I don’t want this to be over quickly. Conner tugs on my singlet guiding me to sit up slightly so he can pull it over my head, once he tosses it aside, his lips find my nipples, I moan arching my beck to push them into his mouth further, between kisses Conner looks up at me “Let’s make a pact, we never go without sex for longer than two days again” I giggle

“It’s not my fault, I was here ready & waiting every night”

“Jesus Kristie” he moves lower down my body kissing as he goes “Thinking about you ready & waiting makes me want you even more” he reaches the sensitive spot between my legs & starts licking “Since I made you wait…” he continues his assault “I’ll have to make it up to you” I moan loudly lifting my hips to his mouth, my hands find his hair tugging gently as he laps at my clit.

“Fuck Conner… I’m coming… I’m com… ing…” I moan & my hands fist at the sheets as they fall beside me, as I’m convulsing, Conner sides up my body, kissing as he goes, he nips my nipple which makes me shudder as I am still coming, his cock enters me slowly as his body engulfs mine, his lips meeting mine while my breathing is still rapid. Conner moves in & out of me slowly, he holds his weight on his elbows but leans down to kiss me passionately, his tongue lapping in my mouth, my head lifting to taste him more, as Conner speeds up my breathing increases, we make eye contact & I can’t look away, I miss looking into his green eyes as he made love to me

“Never again Kristie” he pants “this is where… I want to be… in you… making you come…” His stare, his words, his rhythm

“Fuck” I scream & contract around his hard cock, it sets off Conner’s orgasm & I feel him spurt into me, calling out my name. He lays down flat on me nuzzling my neck

“I love you more than anything” his breathing returning to normal “I can’t wait till our honeymoon, I’m going to make you come everyday” I clench around his cock again, he chuckles & we fall asleep still connected.

*

My alarm startles me awake, I can’t move with Conner on top of me, soft & inside me still, I try to wake him as I reach for my beeping phone, as he wakes, I feel him getting harder inside me, it turns me on right away, I love morning sex & since it has been so long, I am relishing in the fact we actually had sex last night.

“Call in sick baby!” he breathes before I even know he is awake, I can’t do that. Conner is now fully hard inside me, I am wet from last night but also from how it turns me on to feel him expand inside me, my hips start moving as Conner moves in & out of me, kissing my neck, caressing my breasts with his hands, he rolls us over pulling me on top of him, his hands guide my hips pumping me up & down on his length, I caress my own breasts which result in a delighted Conner pumping harder into me from below, as we come loudly, shortly after one another, I collapse on his chest. Conner’s arms pin me down to his body, I try to get up so I can shower & go to work “I mean it, call in sick” he smiles at me wickedly when I look up at him with a look of ‘I can’t.’ We’re about to go on a three week honeymoon & I am taking a week off before the wedding & a week off after we get back from Mexico, so I don’t think I am in a position to call in sick for no reason “I want you to come see the block & how much we’ve done, then…” he pauses for effect “I want to make you come a different way, in each & every one of them!”

I didn’t plan on falling back asleep but when my body clock jolts me awake, I have no choice but to either go to work really late & have to make up the time or call in sick. Conner is ecstatic when he hears me talking to my boss, he winks at me getting out of bed.

I’m so surprised at the block of units when we arrive there a few hours later, Conner is so excited, he’s holding my hand pulling me around the block showing me all the things they’d done, pointing out specifically what he’d done himself. All the carpets had been ripped up & the floor boards were sanded ready to be sealed, all the walls were freshly painted with the grey tone colour I’d chosen from Dulux paints called Tranquil Retreat, all the rooms were basically ready for the new kitchen & bathrooms to be installed then they would be ready for people to move in. Conner moves behind me in the first unit, his hands graze my leg, moving up beneath my skirt he hooks his fingers in my underwear & pulls them down, as he stands back up his hands slide up my thigh at the front & back only stopping as they reach my butt & clit where he starts to circle, driving me crazy

“So hot Kristie” I’m moaning tilting my head back “Let go baby, the first of eight orgasms” I shudder just thinking about it, coming loudly in his hands. He pulls me quickly into the next unit which is the exact opposite to the one we were just in, the work in this one had also progressed to the same stage, Conner made me come quickly by pinning my to the wall & entering me until I was screaming out his name. Barely recovered, Conner pulled his pants up guiding me into the next unit, he faces me sliding his fingers into my wet core & letting his thumb tease my over stimulated clit until I am coming hard & weak in his arms. Conner has to carry me into the last upstairs unit, he puts me down, I am weak from my previous orgasms, but it doesn’t stop him, he stands behind me again but this time his hands move to stroke my nipples, I know that he is planning on making me come by just touching my breasts, I let go, arching into it allowing myself to come loudly against him.

“Well done baby” he chuckles as he nuzzles my neck “Let’s have lunch before I show you the bottom floor” I mentally thank him for giving me a break but my bodies heightened senses make me want more.  

“Can I have my underwear back?” Conner laughs loudly shaking his head with a cheeky grin.

After lunch I am already horny for Conner’s touch & excited with anticipation for the four orgasms that he’s promised me, Conner leads me in to the first downstairs unit, which has been painted & the carpets ripped up by the original kitchen is still in, Conner lifts me onto the kitchen bench easing me back as he leans down to make me come by teasing my clit with only his tongue, it doesn’t take long at all before I shout out, screaming his name. In the next unit Conner bends me over the kitchen bench entering me from behind, his hand teasing me from the front, I’m surprised as how quickly I come, especially before him, Conner grabs my hips pulling me hard against him as I build again, as Conner comes hard into me, my body sets off on another orgasm shortly after his.

“Greedy baby, did you want two in every unit?”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“Just making up for lost time, there is nothing better than hearing & feeling you come”

The next unit Conner takes advantage of the kitchen bench again lifting me up & easing me back to lay down, this time he uses his fingers and tongue to bring me to another orgasm.

I can barely move but there is one more unit to go, Conner pins me quickly as we walk into the next unit, I can barely stand but he pushes his cock into me with one leg trying to support me & Conner holding the other leg at my knee with his strong arms. He thrusts hard & fast knowing that I am not going to be long again, I shout out completely spent unsure how I am going to walk after this but Conner is strong & holds me until he comes himself, he doesn’t let me go once he’s done, knowing that I am too weak to stand alone. “I guess we can consider this christened now” I laugh but it is so pathetic sounding as I am so weak, he lifts me into his arms in bridal pose & carries me to the car, so strong, so perfect, I rest my head on his shoulder, pulling at my skirt to make sure my butt is covered. I can’t believe in just over one week this man will be my husband.

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #21 & #22

Through free flowing tears, I call Conner’s phone several times, from my now smashed screen smartphone, it’s so broken, I’m surprised it is even working. Conner doesn’t answer, I knew he wouldn’t but I need him to know that I love him & I thought finding out what Bessie wanted would help him move on. I try to think places Conner might have gone, I don’t even know where he go, maybe to Tyler’s? I text Conner

K: Please tell me you are ok Conner. I love you xxx I know he won’t reply but I can only hope that he will. I text Tyler next

K: Hi Tyler, is Conner with you? I just need to know he’s ok.

I wait for the longest time before Tyler finally responds

T: Yes.

Is that all you’re going to give me? He may have not even bothered. I curl up in a ball, crying more, while on Conner’s side of the bed, my broken phone in my hand. I hadn’t intended on falling asleep but the sound of the incoming text wakes me up instantly, with one eye open & one eye closed, I read the slurred text from Conner

C: Wht did u fukibg do tat for I trustd u.

I burst into tears, he had trusted me, I don’t know what I was thinking

K: I’m so sorry Conner, I love you, please come home. Where are you? I’ll come get you xxx

He doesn’t respond, I try to call him but his phone it’s off. I cry myself back to sleep, I hate this, I hate being without Conner, since we moved in together, we haven’t spent a night apart & most nights we would make love, but mostly I just missed his strong arms around me, holding me close, his breath on my neck, I even miss his snoring.

When I wake suddenly for no reason, I hear his snoring, am I dreaming? I sit up abruptly in bed, it’s loud, he must be here somewhere in the house, where is he? I search the spare rooms, I find Conner in the spare bed, a room & bed neither of have ever slept in before, he is fully dressed & snoring loudly when did he get home? I don’t know what to do, should I wake him so we can talk about this? Instead I decide a greasy breakfast is probably what he’ll need when he wakes up with how drunk he probably was last night, Mum always said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! I pull out bacon, eggs & tomatoes to fry up for him, I put two pieces of bread in the toaster. Standing there cooking the man I love breakfast in his clothes I feel this uncontrollable urge to run to him & hug him, tell him how sorry I am. I turn around to do just that, I freeze when I see Conner is leaning on the door frame, just staring at me.

“I have to go pick up my car” neither of us moves

“Do you want some breakfast?” I motion to the fry pan, he shakes his head, tears well in my eyes, I don’t know what to say to fix this “Please eat something first” I dish up a plate & walk it over to the table, I gesture for him to sit & walk back to the stove knowing he probably doesn’t want me to touch him. He sits & eats, I busy myself in the kitchen, he finishes his breakfast quickly, leaving the room abruptly, after cleaning up I head up the hallway to find him, Conner has showered & is getting dressed when I find him.

“Do you want me to drive you?” I ask softly as I stand in the doorway

“I’ll get Tyler to come get me”

“Conner, please” I stifle a sob, knowing he doesn’t want to hear my cry “Can we talk about this” he turns slowly to face me with a look of disgust

“Yeah, sure, let’s talk about this, let’s talk about how you betrayed me, I told you to leave it alone & what did you do? You went behind my back & fucking called her anyway” he runs his fingers through his hair, he talks low & harsh “What the fuck did you think would happen when you told me?” I think I would prefer if he yelled

“I knew you’d be upset…”

“But you did it anyway. What the fuck for?” he raises his voice slightly

“I think it will help you” I whisper

“When did you get a phycology degree?” His sarcastic remarks hurt me the most “Did you think that is the first letter that woman has sent?” I don’t want to speak “Do you think I haven’t thought about calling her myself?” his voice cracks, I am paralysed knowing he doesn’t want me touch him & I am too scared to do so, he whispers “I’ll just end up hurt all over again” I step towards him, he holds up his hand “Don’t… I can’t” he sits on the bed with his head in his hands, I know there are tears in his eyes he doesn’t want me to see, I sit on the edge of the bed too, not close enough to touch him

“I didn’t do this to hurt you, I wanted to help you. You need to know why she did what she did” He shakes his head & I see tears fall from his eyes “I know now that is was a mistake to do it behind your back, but you at least need to hear why, I really think it’ll help you” I move in closer to his side but still don’t touch him “I love you Conner, please don’t shut me out” after the longest time he speaks

“What did she tell you?” I take a deep breath, I’m glad I didn’t ask him if he was sure he wanted to hear it.

“That you would have been more alone with her than living on the streets” He scoffs “I don’t know what the right answer is but I think you should talk to her” I take his hand but he snatches it away

“I’m not fucking talking to her, the right answer was to take a seven year old boy in & love him” I move & get down on the floor to kneel in front of Conner, I put my hands carefully on his knees

“I love you Conner” I pause till he looks at me “But I don’t want you to be that lost little boy”

“I’m not lost” he stands up “You shouldn’t have gotten involved. I’m not healed because you talked to her” he snaps, I bow my head “I just need to get my fucking car” I stand up, hiding my tears

“I’ll take you” He stalks out of the room.

*

In the car the tension is palpable, Conner doesn’t talk to me at all & just stares out the window, I don’t try to start a conversation with him and I know he doesn’t want to talk to me. I pull up at Tyler’s house & he gets out without speaking a word to me, slamming the door, I watch him stalk down his driveway & opens Tyler’s front door without knocking, he doesn’t look back at me as he shuts the front door. I cry all the way home, cranking the music so I stop myself from thinking. As I turn into our driveway I try to pull myself together, I don’t want Conner to see that I have been crying, I set about cleaning up the breakfast dishes expecting Conner to walk in the door any second.

An hour later, I am still alone… where is he?

K: Where are you? What time will you be home? xxx I don’t really expect a reply but when he does, he may as well have not bothered

C: Later. Insightful!

As the sun starts to set, I realise that Conner & I have never had a fight like this before, we’ve barely spent this much time apart at all since we moved in together, especially on a Saturday, this is the day from hell!

K: Is it later yet? Please tell me you are ok xxx I climb into bed without Conner for the second night in a row, but I don’t fall asleep, I lay on his side of the bed, breathing in his scent on his pillow, looking at my broken phone willing him to call or text.

Hours later when I hear his keys in our front door, I sit upright, switching on the lamp on my bedside table. I want to run to him, but I’m sure he’ll turn away from me. I hear him rummaging around in the kitchen before he walks up the stairs into our bedroom, I stare at him as I have no idea what to say to him, he strips off his t shirt & jeans & wordlessly he gets into my side of the bed, switching off the lamp, I lie down unsure of this arrangement, as I do, he pulls me in close to his front, wrapping his arms around me, he breathes in my hair

“I’m sorry” he whispers & tears instantly roll down my cheeks

“I’m sorry too” I whisper as he squeezes me tighter & we fall asleep on the opposite sides of the bed.

When I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, as Conner stirred beside me, I wait for him to speak first unsure of his mood, I didn’t want to make things worse again if he was willing to forgive me. He pulls me close so we are nose to nose

“I’m sorry for being a jerk” he kisses my lips softly

“I’m so sorry I called her, it was stupid…”

“Shhhh, let’s forget it” he sighs “I don’t want her to ruin something else for me” I hugged him tightly

“I love you so much, I never meant to hurt you”

“I know” he kisses my forehead “I love you too” he pauses for the longest time “Please just leave my past alone”

“I promise Conner” He rolls me over so I am lying on top of him, I can feel how hard he is, I wonder for a second if that is why he apologised to me, I try to shove that thought out of my mind Conner’s not like that, making up to just have sex! I sit up stripping off his t shirt over my head, Conner moans, I wriggle out of his boxer shorts & pull his down with his help, I take charge showing Conner that I am truly sorry, show him much I love him & need him.

I straddle Conner taking his full length deep inside me, I lift up & down hard & fast, this is not for me, but for Conner, his hands are guiding my hips as he moans

“I’m close Kristie, come with me” I’m struggling to get there with him, I move faster & harder, watching Conner’s face I know he’s waiting for me, I don’t ever want to fake it with him, especially after we’ve just stopped fighting

“Let go Conner” & he does thrusting hard up towards me, coming hard

“Fuck me…” his eyes squeeze tight as he pulls my hips down on him, he pulls me to lean on his chest, stroking my hair “Thank you baby” as if he knows that me not coming while we had sex was a sign of how sorry I am for everything I had done, he rolls me over so that we are parted quickly, I sense that he is still annoyed with me, but I know deep down that he does want to forgive me, he slaps my butt as he flicks the covers off “Let’s get up & finishing planning this wedding”

Fleaz #22

“Tell me, how do you have this endless supply of money?” he finches, I know it’s probably not going to be a happy story, one that I’ll probably also have to fight out of him but I know he only works casually so he’s not earning mega bucks, it has to have something to do with his family. I’ve always wondered how he maintained such a fabulous lifestyle when he only working casually, he drove a hotted up fairly new car, he owned a home – well the bank probably did & he had nice things, he had travelled, I was barely making ends meet with my mortgage, car loan & trying to travel with a full time job, how did he do it? He kept saying money wasn’t an issue every time I tried to offer a cheaper solution.

“It’s not endless” is that all he’s going to give me?

“Where did it come from?” he huffs, I regret asking him in light of what has happened between us the last few days

“You won’t let this go will you?” I smile sweetly at him

“I will if you really want me too” I wrap my arms around his waist “But we’re getting married soon, we shouldn’t have secrets” he sighs, pulling away from me so he doesn’t have to look at me, he takes a long time to start talking

“My parents must have written their ‘wills’ before they had kids because it stated that equal portions will go to any child that they bear” He pauses “My father is probably rolling in his grave knowing I have his money” he scoffs, pausing again for the longest time, I don’t want to speak, I’m not sure if he’s finished “My share went into a trust until I was 18, but the only thing I ever wanted was a family & a stable place to live, so I only ever touched it to pay those things, I bought a unit shortly after I found out about the trust fund” I must look confused, Conner doesn’t have a unit, he takes my hands “I own a unit, which I’ve rented out since I bought my house & both are mortgage free” he then gestures around the room “We don’t have a mortgage on this house either” Whatthefuck! Then what have I been paying for then? “We only have your mortgage which we can pay off now too…” he trails off, my jaw drops open “I’ve started to tell you so many times but I didn’t know how, especially since you think you’re paying off two mortgages” he takes a deep breath “but all your payments & rent money from all three houses have been going onto your mortgage account, I wanted to pay it off but knew you’d get suspicious & I know you never look at that account so you don’t notice the extra payments…” His voice trails off & he looks at his hands worried about my reaction

“I was not expecting that” I smile “I’ve been too scared to look at the mortgage account because I feel like I’m going backwards, especially with the wedding”

“How mad are you at me?” he looks up

“Not mad, just upset you didn’t tell me sooner” He pauses for another long time, looking into the distance

“I needed to know that you wanted me for me, even if it meant we’d be drowning in debt”

“Oh Conner” I hug him tightly. He’s so unsure of himself, yet he’s so perfect in my eyes but he can only see his flaws “So let me get this straight” I release him from my hug, holding him at arm’s length “Technically you have three houses & one unit all of them don’t have mortgages”

“Yes we have & enough money to buy another one or two” Whathefuck!

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously” He looks away from me “I’ve been poor before, I’ve been homeless, I’ve had nothing” he nervously runs his fingers through his unruly hair “I invested wisely, spent only what I had to & then bought my second house at 20. I have saved every cent of rent from the unit plus the interest because I only wanted to use their money to give me what they couldn’t, a family & a home” he pauses, looking down to the ground, when he looks up at me grinning, it surprises me after what he’s just said “Do you want to go house hunting this weekend? If we build up our portfolio we could live off the rent & travel the world” oh how wonderful that sounds! I pull him in close, looking up to give him a kiss

“I love you regardless of your portfolio”

Our portfolio” he emphasises the ‘our.’ I laugh, could I really call it ours when I hadn’t even paid off a quarter of my house, we just look at each other for the longest time, then he raises his eye brows at me as if prompting me to answer him

“Okay Conner, I’ll go along with this ‘let’s pay off Kristie’s house’ scenario” I gesture air quotes “If you agree that if we break up, all I take is my house, you can have the ones you bought before we were together & this one”

“We are not going to break up & if the unspeakable happens, you may as well have them all because I will have lost everything anyway” I hug him tightly

“You aren’t going to lose me, I love you so much it hurts me to even think about it, this weekend was the worst…” he kisses my hair

“Shhh, let’s not talk about this weekend” he smooths my hair, he cups my face looking down at me “I want to talk to you about something else too”

“Sounds ominous” he chuckles

“I don’t want you to get all feminist on me but…” he chooses his words carefully, looking me in the eye “I want you to consider working part time, or giving up altogether” I open my mouth to speak but Conner puts a finger over my lips to stop me “It took me 33 years to find you Kristie, I haven’t really started living, I want to start now, I want to spend my spare time travelling with you, making love to you in exotic locations, not dealing with the hustle & bustle of a 9 to 5 jobs that we hate, I don’t want to waste another minute” The idea is appealing, I do hate my job & I love travelling. Conner is right in a way, we both haven’t ever really lived & even though I’ve travelled a bit, I haven’t ever travelled with a partner before, just flitting off overseas when I feel like it “Do you think you can do that?” Do I? I mean if we’re debt free what is the problem, I hate my job & never really found my passion for a career but the thought that I did earn it plays on my mind.

“Maybe after the wedding?” He picks me up & spins me around, I squeal

“I’ll text John to see if he has any promising investment properties we can look at & I’ll call the bank about the mortgage, I’ll take care of everything.”

*

Conner did take care of everything, paying out the only existing mortgage we have, organising for us to see a few investment properties that John found for us, I am so caught up the whirlwind that I am still finding it hard to believe that this is even all happening. Conner & I join bank accounts after that, being that there are no secrets anymore, I am so surprised at Conner’s sizable balance especially compared to my measly total. He tells me that I can spend what I want on whatever I want, it’s our money now, I shouldn’t look at it & think of it as his money & ask if I can buy something, he wanted me to act like it was mine. Could I do that?

As we’re walking around an empty block of flats which John explains all the flats have been empty for a while as it was owned by a man who just passed away & the family want to get rid of the block quickly, Conner is caught up quickly with the idea of buying the whole block & doing all eight of them up. I have no idea what needs to be done to do all that, but Conner seems to be talking to John about things I never even thought he knew about, they are talking developers & builders, discussing our equity. It’s really hot to see him talking like this & being all authoritative with John. I hadn’t really liked any of the other places John had shown us, but I hadn’t really cared too much being that we don’t have to live in it. Conner is looking at rental prices in the area in his smartphone while John uses his tablet to look at how much things would cost to fix, Conner looks over his shoulder explaining that he should talk to our accountant about what we could claim on tax. I am so overwhelmed, I have no idea about any of this stuff. The two of them googled for what seemed like hours, while I just trolled a few design sites, knowing if we bought these units, I would be on the decorations committee.

“What do you think about the block?” Conner asks as we get in the car but he doesn’t wait for me to answer “I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this, something big!” he grins at me quickly “I think we should put in an offer, John thinks we’ll get it for $20k less than they are asking being it’s been empty & on the market so long” he’s paying attention to the road, but I know that the wheels in his head are turning

“You are so sexy when you talk property”

“Really?” He looks at me with a cheeky dimply school boy smile

“Yes” I squeeze his knee “So fucking sexy!”

“Oooohh, don’t say things like that when I’m driving Kristie” he winks “I’m already hard” I look at his bulging pants

“So am I” He laughs, I feel the car speed up a little, I smile, he wants to get home quickly now.

“So what do you think about developing the block?”

“I really don’t know anything about developing property” I reply honestly “What would you do if I wasn’t around?”

“Kill myself…” I glare at him, he laughs “I would buy it, do it up & rent them out if I had the money” he rubs my knee “But I want us to decide together”

“If you think we can do it, then I say let’s go for it”

“Really? Because I think I’ll have to take time off work to pull this off. It’s not going to be quick to give us a return, even with the other properties rent money. It might be tight for a while”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m used to not having money anyway, plus I’ll still be working, so it’s not a problem, especially since now I’m not paying over half my wage into a mortgage account”

“I know but I wanted you to be able to go part time, this will change everything”

“Yeah but if we do this now, we can both quit instead in a year or two!” he smiles

“Maybe we could start a business, RPD – Reynolds Property Developing”

“Okay dude, you’re getting way ahead of yourself, let’s just see how this goes before we bite off more than we can chew”

“Did you just call me ‘dude?’” he laughs “But that can be our goal if this works out, we can work together, travel together, live together”

“That’s a whole lot of together!” I laugh

“I was alone for 33 years Kristie” he hesitates “I don’t want to be apart from you, even to work.” Oh Conner!

“I don’t want to be apart from you either. I love the idea”

“You can be my sexy assistant, running around in tight shirts & short skirts”

“Ha, I am not going to be your assistant, you can be my assistant, maybe your uniform will be Calvin Klein boxers & you can peel my grapes as I make all the decisions for the business”

“I’ll peel your grapes baby” How did he make that sound so sexy! “I’ll do anything to make you happy”

“I am happy Dimples”

“What is this Dimples business?” He snickers

“It’s your nickname, I love your cute dimples” I poke his cheeks dimples as he smiles “& since I’m going to your boss, I can call you whatever I want”

“So should I start calling you boss?” we laugh

“Yes, yes I think you should!”

#IBD4U

Pregnant?

I know what you must be thinking, what the fuck, how can #IBD4U be pregnant. Didn’t I read the blog about her getting her tubes tied.

Why, yes, yes you did… I did about 2 years ago, I had my tubes clipped shut. The pain from that was excruciating. Every period since is painful. I am like clockwork, every 24 days for 3 days, I have my period, I always log it in an app so I know when I’m going to get it but to be honest, without taking hormone pills to control my period, not only have I lost weight, I also am very aware of my cycle & my body. I can feel when I am ovulating, I can feel when I am about to get my period. I have become a huge advocate for women not taking hormones.

But there is something else… I have terrible heart burn, so I go to the dr’s for medication that I used to take when I was really fat & had heart burn all the time – due to how much sugar I consumed… I didn’t think much of this at the dr’s visit at all… I haven’t been eating that well, so I put it down to that.

I had my period in early June when I saw Marvel last. Then I saw him late June. I know that she’s taken 3 weeks off because they now have a schedule on their wall of both their shifts – even though hers never change. So I don’t see or hear from Marvel most of July, it doesn’t bother me like it used too, I am not as attached as I once was to him. At the end of July, my app pings to tell me that I am 10 days late & I need to log my period.

OH HOLY FUCK STICK!

I go through the app, I think, surely I am not 10 days late… What is going on here… I try to think about the sex we’d had last, did him cum in me or on me? Where the fuck did he cum?! OMG.

Another 5 days later, still no period. I am having other weird symptoms, not only heart burn, but I am extremely tired, sleeping though the dogs waking up in the middle of the night, sleeping poorly for 10 hours per night. Surely I can’t be pregnant.

But I go buy a home pregnancy test… I don’t want to take this test… What if it’s positive…? I wouldn’t have an abortion, I know that, however, I don’t want to find out I’m pregnant to my married ex-boyfriend when I have 10 month old puppies & a new amazing job. FUCK this is the worst timing & probably why it would happen now. Just to fuck up everything!

NEGATIVE.

Phew. Relief washes over me… But another 7 days go by & I am still late. I feel nothing going on inside me. I am now nauseous at different times throughout the day, I am not really hungry but I am not loosing any weight either, in fact I have been putting on weight. What the fuck is going on with me.

At 22 days late during a bout of Adelaide Covid Lockdown, I choose to make an appointment with a GP, I can’t get into my regular Dr, so I see another woman who I explain what is happening & that I have had my tubes tied, so if I am we need to know because it could be ectopic. She refers me for a blood test. Should I tell Marvel? He’ll say something like a dick & piss me off. I decide I won’t say anything to him until I know anything, no point causing drama if I don’t need too.

I head to the blood test place & the woman asks me, how many weeks I am… WHAT THE FUCK. How many weeks… From the date of your last period, right? Then its 7 weeks. OMG. I can’t be 7 weeks pregnant…

My mind goes into overdrive. What will I say to Marvel. I know I would have to say it to him in person. I daydream (Not in a good way) about sitting in his work car park by his car waiting for him to finish to tell him. I know that I would have to be explicit because he will ask immediately “Is it mine?” which would fuck me off to no end. He would ask what I am doing at his work, so I would say 3 statements. In quick succession.

“I’m pregnant.

It’s yours

I’m keeping it.”

I wonder what he would do. Would he leave her? Would I want to be with him? My mind is ticking over & over with scenarios. The thing that scares me the most about this pregnancy scare, I am more worried about not being pregnant & then realising that I want kids. FUCK. Fuxkitdy fuck sticks.

I stupidly think about our life together with a child. I think about what I would name it. I think about how my life would be if I had it & he didn’t want anything to do with it… That would hurt, but I wouldn’t ever keep a child away from their father, even if I hated his guts with all my might for hurting me…

The night before I am supposed to get the test results, I have a brainwave, I remember my cousin came to stay at the beginning of July & I am sure I had my period then & I remember talking about it with her… Or did I? I message her to ask, she said that there were tampons on my toilet shelf but then they were gone. So did I just forget to put my period in my app? 

Result day. The surgery calls me at 8:00 am, I think to put me out of my misery, but they tell me that the Dr is sick & they will get another Dr to call me. FUCK. It’s torture waiting… When the Dr calls, she asks what she can do for me, I say that I had a blood test & need the results… She reads the results carefully. Not pregnant. I laugh & breath a sign of relief & I think she does too, thinking that perhaps I wanted to be pregnant, because of my age etc.

So now, what the fuck is wrong with me, not pregnant, I’m not even 40 yet, still a few weeks away, the real diagnosis, is that I clearly have Alzheimer’s, I mean this whole saga was caused because I forgot to log a period in my app? Why have I had all these other symptoms?!

Well there is no answer, a week later my period comes – possibly a few days late but to be honest, I’ve fucked up the app so who knows when it should be! Some one remind me every 24 days or so to log my period so I don’t have to go though this again…

So what does this all mean? Mid to late 2020 I started the process of becoming a foster carer. But I had my friend & her baby living with me, I have just gotten 2 puppies & I was unemployed, this was not the right time to start this but I did anyway but put it on hold when shit started getting too much… But after getting a job, becoming financially stable again after not working for a year. I worked on myself mentally with NLP & my psychologist. Eveything is settled with my old workplace, I am back to living alone… My life is sorted again…

I can hear you saying “but you don’t want kids #IBD4U” yeah I never really wanted kids of my own, people say I’m not maternal, but I am just in a different way to those who yearn to get pregnant. But I’ve also never had the opportunity to have kids either, I mean during my peak baby making years I was single & in love with a married man… I always thought I’d have kids in my life in the form or a step child from my partner, in fact the day I met Noodle’s kids solidified that for me but since that hasn’t ever worked out with him or any other man, I have been exploring other options & now I am well into the rigorous process… Lots of paperwork, home visits & training. I’m still not 100% sure I’ll be good at it but I am looking forward to it.

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #20

As he storms off, I stalk off after him, he is not going to treat me like that when he is angry & then walk off, we are going to fight it out

“Conner it’s your family” he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, he doesn’t look at me “Don’t shut me out.” He runs his fingers through his wet hair

“I’m not” his voice has returned to normal “please just drop it”

“Really? You want to just forget it?” He looks up at me, his face is pained, I’ve seen that look before, my heart breaks for him

“Yes.” I sit next to him, he takes my hand in his “You’re all I need” He kisses my hand, leaning his forehead to mine, he lets out a deep breath & chastely kisses me on the lips before standing up & leaving the room. I sit there staring at the wall, did he really want to forget it? I don’t know what I would want in his position but his grandmother had somehow found him & he still believed that he wasn’t worthy of love from his family, but she was reaching out to him, even it was over 20 years too late. I thought it was perfect timing as he could have some family at the wedding too. She didn’t say much but it sounded a little desperate in her plea’s to contact him.

Conner was stubborn, she’d hurt him in a way a child should never be hurt, I understood that, but he didn’t need to hurt her back. I put myself in his shoes, could I meet the only adult family member that abandoned me as a child & put me into state care? I don’t know if I could, but I would be so intrigued to hear what she has to say but on the other hand, I would be scared that I would end up hurt all over again.

I knew with Conner’s reaction to the letter, that he wouldn’t make the first move, so the next day as I dialled Bessie’s mobile number, my stomach churned. What are you doing Kristie?

“Hello?” a frail sweet older sounding lady that I wasn’t expecting answered

“Hello, is that Bessie?” I asked

“Yes, who is this?”

“You don’t know me Bessie, my name is Kristie Callan, I am your grandson’s Conner Reynolds fiancé” I hear a sharp intake of breath it takes a few minutes for both of us to regain our equilibrium & understand the magnitude of what this call means

“Thank you for calling, I take it Conner was too stubborn to call himself?” she pauses “He doesn’t know you are calling me does he?” I smile, how did she know? I guess it’s not too hard to predict otherwise he would have called himself.

“You’re right, yes. I only know Conner’s side of the story, which I believe…”

“It’s all true” She cuts me off & I wince, I knew it was but I somehow hoped she would tell me he exaggerated it “You don’t know how much I hate myself for doing that to a child. I was so bitter, I just couldn’t get past it” her voice is sad & I feel for her

“Why have you taken so long to find him?”

“I’ve tried so many times, I don’t know if he’s ignoring me or if he even gets my letters” She sighs “I don’t blame him for ignoring me, I don’t know if I would want to talk to me”

“So why bother?” I’m starting to hate myself for calling her

“I have to make things right” she pauses “I’m old & sick. He has nieces & nephews he’s never met, his sister will be alone when I go.”

“Maybe then she’ll know what it feels like” I snap

“We deserve that, but Kristie, you don’t know how you would react in that situation.” She replied softly. I know I wouldn’t leave a child alone to fend for themselves, regardless of how I felt “It was better for him to get away from the bitterness we felt, we would have destroyed him”

“You destroyed him anyway” I snarl “He lived on the streets, he lived without love, he couldn’t love anyone…”

“Until he met you” Bessie interrupts

“He took 33 years to find me” I snap “He is so broken because of what you did. Living with bitterness has to be better than living alone without love.”

“Is it?” She is getting angry now too “Think about it, he would have lived with people who couldn’t stand the sight of him, didn’t love him because of their own idiocies. Yes, he would have been with family but he would have been more alone than ever” She pauses “Which is better?” I ponder that for what seems like hours

“I don’t know” I really didn’t & I believe her reasons for giving him away were sincere, but I still didn’t believe that Conner would agree & want to meet her.

“I did what I thought was best for him, honestly” She pauses “It was not the best thing for me, I hated myself & have lived with the guilt all these years. I thought I was giving him a better life, I prayed he’d live with a family who love him & wanted such a sweet boy. I didn’t know that he would end up on the streets.” I hear her stifle a sob, it makes my eyes well too but I didn’t want her to know that her story touched me.

“I’ll try to talk to Conner” I hear myself say, Really Kristie? He is not going to like it!

“I won’t hold my breath, but at least if you could at least tell him why I did it, it might give him some closure – for lack of a better word” I hang up from Bessie & wonder how I am going to broach this subject with Conner.

I’m home before Conner as usual & I’m preparing dinner when he walks in, sexy in his fluro high vis work shirt, blue cargos & yellow Mack boots, his hair messy as usual, his hands & face dirty from a hard days labour, his arms wrap about my waist & he kisses my neck

“Hey baby” he rubs his growing cock against my rear “Come shower with me” He’s so playful & sexy I can barely resist, he’s already pulling the hem of my singlet over my head, I’m not wearing a bra since I changed when I got home from work, my shorts & underwear are the next to fall on the floor “Looks like you have too now that you’re naked” he picks me up & carries me to the bathroom, he strips quickly & he joins me in the shower. He must have a sixth sense that I want to talk to him because he pins me to the wall with his hips, stretching my arms above my head with his, his foot urges my feet apart, his pinning me to the wall like a starfish, he leans in to kiss my neck, along my collar bone, I moan, loving the way Conner knows exactly how to tease me, he kisses up my neck to find my lips, his right hand flattens my hand on the shower wall, I know I need to keep it there as he tickles my skin, dragging his fingers down my arm, over my nipple, down my stomach to find my sensitive core where he teases before slipping two fingers inside me

“Ahhhhh, that feels so good” His head is at my neck, I feel him smile, he always loves it when I tell him what I like & his hand speeds up, pumping in & out of me, my free hand finds the top of the shower screen for support, his thumb finds my clit & he only has to circle it a few times softly before I am contracting around him, screaming out “Fuck… Conner…” In true Conner style, before I have even finished my orgasm, Conner lifts my leg with his free hand, angling me so he can enter me, hard & fast, he pumps so vigorously, his other arm is still outstretched with mine above our heads, he locks eyes with me, leaning down to kiss me passionately, I have barely come down from the previous orgasm, but Conner bends his knees slightly to change the angle & he thrusts twice more slightly upwards until I come around his pulsating cock “Je… sus…” I scream out more incomprehensible words, Conner pumps his hips a few more times shouting out my name as he fills me. I am limp as he still pins me to the shower wall slowly pumping inside me with the aftermath of his orgasm, he kisses behind my ear & I shudder further clenching around him

“Fuck that felt so good” he kisses behind my ear again & my body involuntarily shudders again, I feel his cock twitch inside me with his reaction, he chuckles.

*

“What’s up baby?” He senses my nervousness over dinner, I don’t know how to talk about this Conner, I know he is going to be angry, I only hope the shower sex calmed him down a little, we’re sitting at the table in matching boxer briefs, Conner is shirtless but I am wearing one of his t shirts. I have to just rip the band aid off quickly, get this argument over with

“Don’t be angry but I called your grandmother today” I expect him to yell like he had when he opened the note. He glares at me intently, trying to find words but instead he picks up his plate takes it to the sink, dropping it with a loud crash, I jump but he just stares out the window “Say something Conner” He shakes his head & walks out of the room Silent brooding Conner is not a good sign! I take my own plate to the sink when I hear Conner yelling ‘Leave my fiancé the fuck alone’ I hear another crashing noise & rush into the bedroom, Conner is standing there with his fists clenched, I see my smartphone on the floor in the corner of the room, I can only assume he called her from my history & then he threw it across the room

“I told you to leave it the fuck alone Kristie” he says in a low voice that makes me heart break, I wish he would yell at me because I think I could handle that better than this

“I just wanted…” “I don’t give a fuck, it’s my problem & you had no fucking right to call her” he’s now shouting at me, staring at me with such anger that I regret calling her, I bow my head & tears flow, I try to hide my face from him “Don’t start with the fucking water works Kristie” That doesn’t help! More tears flow “Jesus, you really don’t fucking get it, do you?” I shake my head more tears falling down my face, Conner pulls on a pair of jeans & finds a black t shirt, he stalks out of the room, by the time I reach him in the lounge room he’s putting his wallet & phone in his back pockets, he picks up his keys without saying good bye & slams the front door. Shit have I gone too far?

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #19

Conner & I shower together in the morning, he is so sweet & being so careful with me, it was a first for both of us but it won’t be the last, it was certainly something I want to do again. Conner soaps up the sponge & caresses me all over with it, I am turned on, I can visually see that he is too, but this isn’t about sex, Conner wants to prove, more to himself than me, that even though we had anal sex last night, that it was still making love. I get his obsession with it, he’d been objectifying women & trying to find love for years until he met me, hell he’d even been given the nick name Fleaz because he slept with so many women & his workmates joked that his cock would be covered in fleas. If only they knew Conner’s other obsession about not becoming a father & incessantly wearing condoms! Because of his childhood, he wanted love & to be loved, it was the reason he would get angry if we didn’t make love, but fucked instead, I think I had finally gotten through to him that even if it’s fucking, we’re still in love & sometimes a woman needs a good hard fuck! But this was his way of making up for it, I didn’t mind, I loved that he wanted to soap me up & be tender with me in the shower

“How are you feeling this morning baby?”

“Incredible… although…” he gives me a terrified look “This is indecent” I hold up my engagement ring “I’m an engaged woman” he face breaks out into a huge dimply smile & he laughs, slapping me gently on my ass cheeks

“Well let’s hope your fiancé doesn’t find out” he winks “he’s one lucky dude” I laugh too, Conner pulls me in tightly “I am one lucky dude, you amaze me. Why me Kristie?” his question catches me off guard, I have a million reasons why I love him but I retort with

“Why me Conner?” immediately I regret it as Conner tenses up, turning to rinse the sponge, I stand on tippy toes & kiss his shoulder “You’re so smart, hilarious, generous, sexy, sweet, brave, honest, determined, strong, loyal, trusting & you’re also damaged, moody, possessive & stubborn” he turns to me, looking at my quizzically “All of which make you who you are today, the caring, sensitive hot man in front of me, who I couldn’t live without either” His mouth crushes mine, he pulls away abruptly

“I know you’re sore & I already want you” I grasp his cock

“Why should you miss out just because I’m out of action?” I make Conner come quickly, his hands on either side of the shower tightly holding himself in place, he calls out my name & it’s just as satisfying for me as it is him.

As I stand back up, I glance at my ring

“Did you ever secretly hope we’d become this?” I look at my engagement ring “You know” I grin cheekily at him “When you propositioned me in the bar?”

“Subconsciously maybe” he looks down at my ring too, watching it sparkling as I twitch my fingers in the light & spray of the shower “But I honestly thought I was too damaged” he picks me up & spins me around making me squeal “Propositioning you that night was the best decision I ever made” he pauses recalling that night “But I actually almost wimped out”

“Really?” that surprises me, he seemed so confident & so sure of himself, I never would have guessed that he was scared

“Yeah, I was absolutely shitting my pants just thinking about it, I had picked up a women like that before but I knew you were different, I knew I had to be honest with you & not treat you like the others but I knew you wouldn’t be a one night stand” he chuckles “So I almost didn’t ask you but then you looked at me with that twinkle in your eye, you blushed & I knew I had to have you at least once”

“Would you have chased me if I said no?”

“What are you talking about? I did chase you, all across the bar, you kept running away & then I had to chase after you from my work party” he caresses my cheek “I never should have let you walk out that night, I was so fucking scared, I knew I was falling for you too but I couldn’t bring myself to believe you might feel something for me too… then you said it & I didn’t believe it.”

“Do you now?” We look deep into each other’s eyes

“Yes” he strokes my cheek “I knew that first time we made love, that I wanted you to know me, really know me, I wanted you to be the only other person who knows the shit I’ve gone through, but I got scared so I asked you to suck me off in the shower” I pull a face at the memory, I didn’t hate it but I had felt a little used “I’m sorry for that, more than you’ll ever know” he brushes his lips to mine so gently  before looking at my with a questioning look “Did you ever think we’d become this?” I knew he would ask me in return

“I hoped… dreamed… fantasised… I’m a woman, as much as I said I didn’t want to date, which was true in my mind, I still think about the possibilities but my life isn’t a romantic comedy so I wasn’t surprised when it ended”

“I never wanted it to end” he quips “If you had of given me some more time I reckon…”

“I disagree, I think we’d still be fuck buddies” I rub my hand reassuringly on his chest “It took you seeing me with other guy to realise what you really wanted” he makes an odd grumbling sound

“You didn’t fuck that loser, did you?” I pull out of his embrace, appalled, I glare at him before I open the shower door & grab my towel

“I can’t believe you’d ask me that” I snap

“I need to hear you say it” he gets out of the shower, grabbing his towel too & wraps it around his waist, but doesn’t dry himself at all

“You know the answer already Conner…” he cuts me off 

“I didn’t fuck anyone & barely even jerked off the whole time we were apart Kristie” I sigh & laugh at the same time, I know he’s going to press the issue especially since he’s just confessed to me

“No, I did not fuck him”

“Did you fuck anyone else?”

“Jesus Conner” I snap trying to walk out of the bathroom

“It doesn’t matter if you did”

“Then why do you need to know?” Why don’t you just tell him the truth? I don’t know why this has pissed me off so much.

“Because …” His voice trails off, I look up at him but he’s not looking at me, he’s afraid of my answer but he should already know that he knows the answer

“No, I didn’t fuck anyone” I snap angrily, but before I can escape he pulls me in so close & tight, kissing the top of my head he whispers

“I love you baby” I can’t help but smile, I’d also hoped he hadn’t slept with anyone else but I didn’t want to ask him because I wasn’t sure I could deal with it if the answer happened to be yes, I mean we were only apart a few weeks & even though I thought he was with someone else, I prayed that he wasn’t.

*

Conner is like a little school boy on the day of our engagement party, he’s running around cleaning the back yard, moving the outdoor furniture twenty times to make sure he’s put it in the perfect spot, he spent so long at the decoration store picking out balloons & banners. It was so cute, I didn’t want to interfere, this was his first ever party of his own, that he has to share with you! Well that’s not so bad is it?

As I make the salads & put together the nibbles platter, Conner dashes inside searching for his keys

“Where the fuck are my fucking keys?”

“What are you doing?” I ask unable to hide my amusement

“I haven’t got any ice!” oh no, first world problem! I laugh wrapping my arms around his waist.

“I love you” he softens & hugs me back

“Am I being bridezilla?” I burst out laughing & nod

“A little, besides, there is plenty of time to get ice & we can ask Damon to pick up on the way over, pay him when they get here” I reach up to kiss him gently on the lips “I love how excited you are”

“Oh shit” he pushes me away & strides off up the stairs to the bedroom

“What?” I call after him but I don’t follow knowing it is probably something miniscule that he’s probably worrying about. He returns with a printed piece of paper & folds it neatly in his pocket. I don’t even ask.

As the guests start arriving at 5:00pm, Conner takes on the host role like a duck to water, ensuring everyone has a drink as they arrive & offering up the nibbles platter to them. Less than an hour later Conner corners me to ask if he should start cooking the BBQ, if we want to eat by 6:30pm

“Was that piece of paper a schedule for tonight?” I laugh reaching into his pocket to get it out, he stops me

“No, that’s up here” he taps his temple twice, I can’t help but laugh.

After dinner is cleaned up Conner shouts out asking for everyone’s attention, Whatthefuck is he doing? We never discussed speeches, is he doing a speech?

“I just want to say a few words, everyone get a drink” he pulls out his piece of paper & clears his throat as people return from scrambling to get a refill, I stay paralysed in my seat, he finds my gaze, barely needing his piece of paper, which is shaking in his hands as he starts “There is only one person in the world who knows all my deep dark secrets & even though she knows them all, she is still with me & agreed to marry me” A few people cheer, a tear wells in my eye “She makes me the happiest man alive & I plan on spending the rest of my life proving that I am worthy of her” Tears slowly fall, Conner hasn’t broken eye contact with me “I want you all to raise your glass to my stunning Bride-to-be, Kristie” in unison, everyone raises their glasses & says ‘to Kristie’. Conner makes his way over to me, taking me in his arms, he kisses me passionately, his best man & best friend Tyler shouts ‘Get a room’ everyone laughs & we part, both smiling like a Cheshire cat. I hug him so tightly

“You are worthy of me Conner” I whisper in his ear, he hugs me tighter, all eyes are still on us, he turns back to the crowd not loosening his grip around my waist

“Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to this amazing woman, not make her cry” We all laugh & others who are crying wipe their eyes too “Thank you all for coming, for the gifts, even though we said no gifts & I personally thank Kristie’s parents Max & Violet for bringing up such a wonderful person, I want to thank the wedding party Samantha, Hannah, Savannah & Sophie for agreeing to help Kristie on the wedding day, to my groomsmen Tyler, Carter, Damon & Bentley I appreciate you guys more than anything.” He looks down at me, I am a blubbering mess that I can’t say anything “So let’s get back to partying not crying” then my dad shouts out

“To Conner & Kristie” everyone chants in unison & raise their glasses. I turn to Samantha & then it’s her cue to play the slideshow I prepared for Conner to surprise him, I had put together all the photos he used in the invitation & found some others too then added our song & my sister organised a big screen to project it onto so I could play it tonight. As it started, he pulled me in close to him, I could only hear his heartbeat & Matthew Bellamy singing our favourite song he pulled me closer

“I can’t wait to marry you” he whispers kissing the top of my head.

*

With the engagement party over, the focus was on the wedding, we had booked Carrick Hill for our wedding & reception in just five months’ time, there had been a cancellation & since Conner didn’t want to wait too long, we booked it. The same day we locked down the menu & table decorations. The bridesmaids & I had been shopping for their dresses, I wanted them to all wear different dresses in the same colour, so they could pick whatever they wanted or suited them most, as long as it was floor length & came in the green I’d chosen, Conner had insisted on paying for their dresses. I really didn’t want to think about the money he had stored away for this but I couldn’t help it, when had he saved all this cash?

I was having my dress made & of course as the wedding was only five months away, Conner had thrown some money at the seamstress & she agreed to have it done on time.

It was going to be a relatively small wedding, we hadn’t even invited the minimum number of required guests for the room we wanted at Carrick Hill, so Conner paid for the minimum of 120 guests & didn’t bat an eyelid. I wanted to fight them on it, but he didn’t seem fazed at all.

Everything seemed to be moving along smoothly, everything going according to plan, we had spoken to my friend who is a travel agent, booking & paying for five blissful nights away in a private over water villa in Bora Bora. As if that isn’t enough, Conner wasn’t just happy with five nights away so he planned for us to fly to Mexico, stopping in Mexico City, Acapulco & Cancun for two weeks, I was dying to go to go to Mexico & I couldn’t wait, three weeks on a blissful honeymoon with Conner was more than I could ever want.

All seemed to be going well until Thursday, when the post arrived, it was addressed to Conner, he opened it when he got home from work, he read it & yelled ‘Fuck you’, screwing it up & throwing it in the bin, he stalked off up to the bedroom, stripping as he went, by the time I got to him, he was in the shower.

“What was that all about?” I asked as I pulled the shower door open, he didn’t turn to look at me

“Nothing” he snapped

“Don’t pull that shit with me Conner.” He sighed washing the shampoo out of his hair

“I don’t want to deal with this fucking bullshit Kristie” he pulled the shower door shut, leaving me glaring at him. I would just get it out of the bin if he wouldn’t tell me what it was. It was a small note that smelled of an older lady’s purfume, the neat cursive reminded me of my grandmothers writing.

Conner,

I am sorry for everything, I should never have left you. I regret it every day, it’s not what your mother would have wanted. You must understand why I did it.

I need to speak with you, please contact me urgently on 0411 262 626.

Your grandmother, Bessie

I screwed it up myself but before tossing it back in the trash I realised that this is Conner’s chance of a family of his own, what could she want?

“Throw that back in the fucking bin” Conner snapped through gritted teeth, his voice low & commanding, I turn as my face flushes at being caught red handed, his face is stern & he is angry, like I’ve never seen before, he’s standing there in only his towel, he hasn’t wiped himself, wanting to stop me from reading the note, there are beads of water dripping from his hair, gliding down his ripped body

“But it’s from…” he cuts me off angrier than before “I don’t give a flying fuck” he shouts, he rarely raises his voice at me, it takes me by surprise, he strides over & snatches the note out of my hand ripping it into small pieces & throwing it back in the bin, he leans close to my face “Just leave it the fuck alone Kristie”

#IBD4U

Valvoline

Including today’s post, there are only 15 posts left! (Which include the rest of my fiction) have you got any predictions on how it will end? I’m excited to get this all out…

As if 2021 isn’t a shit enough year for everyone, but for me, lets go through a few things. My friend has moved out – still not talking to me, I’m fighting my ex workplace, I am unemployed – I have my hobby business at least there to keep my mind active, I am still fucking my now married ex boyfriend on a regular basis, my 40th birthday is looming & dating has become an absolute disaster, that I know this is it for me. I am not going to date anymore. I have lost a couple of other friends in 2020/2021 with the longer I take off work the harder it is to feel connected to the world outside my 2 puppies & cat.

On top of all that, my dad has a heart attack – luckily it was mild enough that he is ok now & had to have a couple of stents put in his heart but he is ok. Now my dad & I are very close, I call him when I have a decision to make, I get him to help me with handman work I need done around my house. So this was hard for me to take. But finding out the reason behind his heart attack was worse. I am sure I have mentioned before that my parents are hoarders, their front yard has 5 cars in it, there is piles of pavers & old car batteries. There is just shit everywhere – stuff that might be useful one day. Dad didn’t tell me or my siblings but they were sent a letter from the council that their yard needs to be cleaned up or they will be fined. While dad was moving things around the yard he had the heart attack. So when he got out of hospital, he couldn’t do much but we ordered a skip & because I wasn’t working, I was able to load up the skip for him.

Where’s the dating story, I hear you ask?! Well, there is a lot of stuff in the backyard that dad was going to do up, or fix up that is now basically trashed from years of bugs & weather exposure. So there are a few things I can salvage & convince him to let me sell on facebook market place.

There’s a car, toy thing. Not sure what it is but it’s got Valvoline all over it. I get a few different people asking if it works, if we have a charger etc. I’m like dude look at the pics, it’s a fucking dust bowl. When someone out the other side of town messages & says he really wants it & can’t come till next week but will pay me via direct deposit. Everyone else I didn’t get a good vibe from so I allow this guy into my back account & send him my number in case when I mark it as sold the listing sometimes disappears.

When he messages to say that he’ll come pick it up from my parents house, I’m hoping dad will go out & complete the transaction, but dad doesn’t & I have to deal with the guy. I don’t really realise it at the time but he’s cute & I am blatantly flirting with him like a fucking creepy chick! He’s flirting back as I help lift it into his car & when I go inside I am flustered that my parents ask me what happened. I giggle like an idiot & then lightly stalk the boy on facebook.

Weeks go by I have forgotten about the cute interaction with Valvoline & started a new job, a job I have no idea how I got, it’s a dream that I got it because I love what I do & I am working in the industry that my previous boss had told me that I would never work in – ever. (Again I can’t give much away about my career, I do seem to have niche jobs, in niche industries!) But here I am doing a job I am good at – so even though my previous boss will probably never know I am smug about the fact I got a job I really like doing, without being berated every day.

So when I get a message from Valvoline showing me pictures of the car he did up – I’d said on the day I met him after he said he was going to clean it up for his man cave, that I wanted to see pictures to show dad. He did a great job, it looks amazing to be honest! I am glad I chose him to buy it. But the chats keep going, somehow we both keep replying even though really, the transaction is over. We talk for days, weeks even everyday until we swap numbers (again) & we chat on there too… We talk most days & it’s definitely flirty.

When we arrange to actually meet after talking about how much we love brunch, we decide on brunch then a movie, the new Cruella movie. Before I meet him, I decide that this is my last first date ever. If this goes well, if this goes badly, I don’t even care. This is the last date I am going on. I can not do anymore forced conversation, I can not do any more fun dates with a message afterwards then them saying they don’t like me.

Anyway we meet for brunch, he is shorter than I remember. He has perfect teeth & he is cute, there isn’t as much chemistry as I remember the day we met, but I still enjoy his company.

As we go to order we are told we can’t order brunch, it’s 11:00am & the lunch menu is only available. We both look at our watches it’s 11:01am & if they had of served us right away, it would still be brunch menu. Anyway we end up having to order schnitzels, which is weird for this early in the morning & since I had expected poached eggs, I am not prepared for this. The date goes well, nothing much to write home about (or blog about!) but we chat & continue to chat again for weeks, until we meet for an actual brunch again. We get brunch this time. Again, not the chemistry I remember but still a good date & we kiss on the cheek hello & goodbye.

He’s flirty & funny but I don’t really know what he is after – so I think fuck it. I’ll just ask. Typical man answer he says that he isn’t really looking for anything but happy with whatever comes his way – ok fuckwit, you have someone asking what you want, you either want it or you don’t. Don’t dick me around!!

But after that conversation over a couple of days, he backs off, I tell him to add me on facebook which he does immediately, loving every photo I post but I never see him again. The old chestnut of how far I live away from him (but he said he didn’t mind driving, live driving blah blah blah!), how set up he is out north, how set up I am south, plus he has his daughter. We just never never see each other again but often he’ll comment on my snapchats but it seems while I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him – perhaps to explore the chemistry at least kiss the fucking guy on the mouth at some point, but before we can ever get to that it looks as though I have been benched in the friend zone.

Now all I have to wait for is him to change his profile picture to his stunning new girlfriend that he’ll find now that he’s dated me…

FFS.

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #17 & #18

I am dressed in a sleeveless lace crimson dress that comes just above my knees, the front & back are both cut into a V neck, I am ready to go,

“You look beautiful Kristie, I’ll just finish getting ready & meet you downstairs in a minute” I walk downstairs with my shoes in my hand, standing by the front door, Conner told me not to be late & now he’s stuffing around in the bedroom. What is he doing? I slide on my strappy black heels as he walks down the stairs, catching my gaze we lock eyes, he’s in a suit, looking devastatingly handsome with a crimson tie that matches my dress, that is so cute!  I didn’t know he was going to wear a tie, let alone match it with my dress, I didn’t even know that he took that much notice of what I put on tonight, he stops at the bottom of the stairs looking nervous, when I see he’s holding something, it looks like a Tiffany’s blue box with a thick white ribbon, I mentally wonder what the hell he might have bought me & what the occasion is. I know how expensive it can be but I become so excited to get my first Tiffany’s piece. I smile at him, my annoyance disappears from him keeping me waiting, he slowly takes one step closer to me

“I love you” he pulls on the ribbon undoing the perfect bow, “so much, those words don’t even seem adequate” I freeze, the ribbon falls to the floor, I am paralysed as he takes another slow step closer, “You are my everything” lifting the lid off the box, dropping it to the floor, I can’t see inside it “I have never felt this way before, I know that I cannot live without you.” He tips the box upside down & a black box slides into his waiting hand. My breath catches. “I don’t want to find out what life would be like without you” the blue box drops to the floor with the ribbon, he takes the final step, standing directly in front of me “You are my happily ever after” he drops to bended knee, a tear wells in my eye, he opens the black box presenting it to me “Kristie Callan, will you marry me?” I stop breathing. Inside is a platinum band with a huge claw set princess cut diamond, with complimenting round brilliant cut diamonds channelled in the band, it’s the ring I pinned on Pinterest about 5 years ago as my dream ring that I never in a million years ever thought I would get. The tears are blurring my vision, I try to find my voice, but I am lost for words, this is so unexpected, we hadn’t ever really talked about marriage. I really thought that Conner never wanted to get married & here he is on his knee in front of me, looking so worried, I am smiling from ear to ear, tears streaming down my face, but I cannot speak. He takes the ring out of the box, holding it up to me, I put my left hand out flat to him, he hesitates before pushing it on my hand, as I haven’t been able to answer him yet

“Yes” he slides it on my finger & it fits perfectly “a thousand times, yes” I say again to confirm. I don’t know how he has pulled this off. I don’t even care, that was the most perfect moment of my life, I didn’t see it coming yet I was lucky enough to have the most perfect man giving me my perfect ring. I bend down grabbing his face in my hands, kissing him, he stands during the passionate kiss to embrace me tightly “I love you Conner. You’ve made me the happiest woman alive. How did you… it’s so perfect.” I am crying, ruining my make-up I spent ages doing for this evening.

“Perfect ring for a perfect girl” I laugh as his looks at my hand “I have everything I ever wanted, I want to give you everything you want”

“You are everything I want” I don’t know how long we kiss for but I know that if we keep going we’ll end up in bed & late for dinner. “Aren’t we going to be late?”

“No, I told you 6 so you’d be ready, but the reservation isn’t till 7” he winks, I swoon “You have to call your family” I call mum & dad, my sister Samantha & my brother Bentley to tell them, I cry most of the time & Conner has to take the phone to finish telling them before they think someone has died. They are all so excited for us, they don’t know Conner’s full story, he doesn’t want anyone else to know but they know something happened & he has no family left. Once I have calmed down a bit I call Sophie & Savannah, they are both so excited. I take a photo of Conner & I holding hands showing off my ring with my phone & send it to a few other friends including my extended family. On the way to the restaurant, our phones are constantly beeping with congratulation texts, we ignore them for now, just wanting to enjoy each this moment

“I don’t want to wait long before we are married” His statement surprises me, I never thought that Conner ever wanted to get married “I have savings, enough for whatever your dream wedding is, so all we have to do is organise it”  Whatthefuck?

“Really?” I gape at him, he takes his eyes off the road for a second to meet my gaze

“Yes, really” We’d never really talked about money before, we both paid our way, generally equally, although Conner paid for more than me but it wasn’t like we kept tabs on it

“This ring must have taken a good chunk of that savings though & with the new house…” I knew the ring was expensive, especially from Tiffany’s plus we’d just bought the new house, he couldn’t have too much savings left

“Nope, still plenty. So what’s the dream?” I laugh, I have been dreaming of my wedding since I was a little girl, I always wanted a huge wedding with all the trimmings, princess style dress & 6 or 7 bridesmaids, but as I play with the stunning ring on my finger, I shift in my seat to look at Conner

“I don’t really care about a perfect wedding anymore, I want a marriage, I want you” He takes his hand off the wheel & entwines his fingers with mine

“You got me babe” as if on cue the music changes & Muse ‘Endlessly’ comes on through the sound system in the car “I want to dance my first married dance with you to this song” my mouth falls open wide “What? Too corny?”

“No, it’s the song I always wanted” We laugh

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s perfect.”

“Song choice done!” he seems proud of himself like that is the biggest decision we have to make, he checks it off his imaginary list “What else? Honeymoon? Somewhere we can be naked the whole time” he winks, I can’t help but laugh, I always pictured my honeymoon somewhere tropical

“Bora Bora maybe, but it’s really expensive…” He squeezes my hand

“Bora Bora it is! What else? What type of wedding do you want? Church? Beach? Outdoor?”

“I always wanted to get married in the church my parents got married in but I’m not churchy, I think maybe outdoors?”

“Any thoughts where because then we can check availability & book a date” I really had to laugh at that

“You’re so keen, what’s the rush?” he squeezes my hand again but let’s go to turn into the restaurant car park, I barely hear his response

“I’ve never had a family” I almost start crying, he leaps out of the car so fast I don’t even get time to respond or take in what he said. He opens my car door helping me out, I embrace him as soon as I am standing

“I am your family, married or not” I snuggle into him “but we will book a date soon, I don’t ever want you to feel like you don’t have me” he kisses my hair, I hear him sniff, he squeezes me tighter before releasing me, taking my hand & pulling me into the restaurant.

After we’re seated & being served an expensive bottle of wine, we order entrée & mains, the waiter leaves us alone.

“I think I would like to get married at Carrick Hill, then have the reception there afterwards” Conner’s face lights up, once we’ve picked a location, the date will be set & plans will start to fall into place “I’ll call them tomorrow to see if we can go have a look?”

“I don’t need to look if you know it’s what you want” I smile “What else do you want? Colour?” I almost wonder if Conner has researched a ‘wedding to do’ list so we can organise everything tonight. 

“Green” Easy choice, my favourite colour, also the colour of his eyes

“Bridesmaids?”

“Samantha will be my matron of honour” I always knew my sister would be mine as I was her maid of honour “Maybe Hannah, Savannah & Sophie, depending on who you want”

“My best man will be Tyler, maybe Bentley, Damon & Carter?” I was touched he wanted my brother Bentley & brother in law Damon in his wedding party, I understand why he wants my family, who I am so close with, in our wedding. “Do you want an engagement party?”

“If we’re getting married quickly we probably don’t need one” He leans over the table in close to me, reaching out to touch my hand

“I didn’t ask if you needed one” he winks “we could have a BBQ or something in a few weeks? Could be like a housewarming too?”

“Good idea, engagement party sorted! I’ll do a Facebook invite” he laughs & our entrée arrives at the table

“Facebook invite, really?” I nod taking a bite of the haloumi entrée

“Yeah why not? It’s free”

“It’s tacky & money doesn’t matter” I ignore the money comment, of course money matters!

“Who cares if it’s tacky?” I ask

“I do” Conner is serious but I can’t help but laugh, he is a man of surprises tonight!

“Really? Why?” he doesn’t look at me, I can’t work him out tonight

“I’ve never had a party before” I almost blurt out ‘ever’ & I realise that of course he hasn’t, foster parents probably never thought to plan a party.

“I’ll make proper invites, there’s a few good websites I can use”

“Thank you” he reaches over & squeezes my hand

“Conner it’s your wedding too, you can tell me what you want”

“I want whatever you want baby, honestly, if you want to do a Facebook invite, I will be ok with that, as long as I get you in the end forever, it all doesn’t matter” I smile shyly, I pull out my phone & look at the calendar “Have you posted that photo to Facebook yet?” I shake my head

“Do you want me too?”

“Yes, I want everyone to know” I giggle, of course he does, I post the photo of our hands showcasing my ring & go back to looking at my calendar

“So we’ve got nothing on the next four Saturdays”

“Three weeks then. We’ll just do a BBQ, I’ll speak to Ado at the butchers. I’ll get some cartons of beer & some wine and you can do a salad or two, just something small to celebrate this with our friends” I couldn’t love him more than when he talked about planning this party. My heart aches for the little boy who never had a party.

Fleaz #18

When I walk into our bedroom after washing my face & brushing my teeth, Conner has the laptop fired up & on his lap, he was sitting there in just his boxers, googling something

“What’s the website for invites?” he looks up as I walk in

“Vistaprint or Moonpig are both good” he basically ignores me to get back to designing the invites. I check my Facebook notifications & respond to the texts from earlier, when I walk back into our room, Conner is still designing away, I ask him to unzip my dress, he is so distracted he barely even looks at my zipper, I turn to face him letting my dress fall in a puddle by my feet, I am wearing crimson lace bra with matching g string, that gets his attention, I bend over purposefully to pick up the dress making sure he gets a good view of my cleavage, I walk away, opening the wardrobe & hanging the dress up, I walk over to the dresser taking off my jewellery, all but my new sparkling diamond ring, Conner doesn’t take his eyes off me, he shuts the laptop & puts it on the floor next to him, he kneels on the bed, crawling towards me, as I continue to ignore him, I bend over again to pick up some of his clothes

“Are you teasing me?” I look at him sweetly, folding his discarded clothes, I try to get past him, but he catches my elbow pulling me hard against him “because it’s working” he leans in to kiss me, his hands running all over my skin, his hands find my bra clasp & rapidly discard it on the floor “I can’t believe you are all mine sometimes” he kisses my breasts, giving each one attention until they stand erect for him, my body is writhing for him already, I can feel how wet I am becoming, I tug at his boxers, bending down to pull them to his bent knees, I lower myself to my own knees, he leans back on his heels to make himself the same height as me, he knows what I have planned, I take his cock in my mouth, he smiles at me wickedly, groaning loudly, I only use my hands to pump his length a few times, before I put them behind my back where he likes them. His hands find my hair, pulling tightly which only spurs me on

“Oh yeah” his hips push him further into my mouth “You are so good at this” I suck the length of his cock, taking him deep into my throat, he starts to move faster & I know it won’t be long “I’m coming” he alerts me so I have time to pull away if I want to, I keep going, sucking his cock harder till his spurts his semen into my mouth, “Jesus… Fuck…” his palms flatten on my hair as he releases me. Licking my lips, I kiss his inner thighs as he straightens up to kneeling position, I stand back up, he immediately kisses my nipples, his hands push my g string down, allowing gravity to do most of the work, he pulls me in closer but doesn’t lay me down, his fingers find my wet centre, he looks pleased at how wet I am for him. As his fingers enter me, I arch my back, his mouth finds my nipples, his thumb gently circles my clit, I know he is going to make me come standing up without support, I know he will catch me, he pulls one of my legs up to edge of the bed, it gives him easier access to my clit, I rest my hands on his shoulders as his fingers toy with me & his mouth assaults my nipples.

“Conner I can’t stand for this” I groan, I can’t move either, I am coming already

“Yes you can baby” he increases his speed “you feel so good” his words always make the difference, I am coming quickly, his arm grabs me around the waist as my knee buckles as I come, I shout out a garbled version of Conner’s name, as he leans back onto his heels again, pulling me onto his lap. His cock fills me as I kneel on him, his lips kiss my neck, finding my mouth he kisses me as I come down from my orgasm. As I feel the pulses slow, Conner picks me up & places me so I am lying on the edge of the bed, he is standing, still inside me, he has my feet up in the air by his shoulders, he holding my ankles tightly as he starts to pull in & out of me, the speed & force is pushing me up the bed, but he holds my ankles tightly, his slapping against me

“Touch your breasts” I open my eyes & look at him is he serious? “Go on, pretend your hands are mine” I do as he asks, I run my hands all over my breasts, tweaking my nipples till they are standing up stiff, I then flatten my palms & rub my fingers gently over them but now I am matching Conner’s rhythm over the top of my nipples ever so slightly “that’s it baby, do to them, what I can’t” he gestures to his hands on my ankles, “Soft & fast” I speed up as Conner thrusts harder, then I tweak each nipple & come hard squeezing tightly around his cock, I scream out not able to say any words, Conner thrusts only a few more times before he fills me shouting out my name & an expletive too. As his cock twitches inside me, he lets me legs fall & he lies flat on me, as his standing he only reaches my nipples which he takes in in his mouth, my body shudders & I feel his cock flitch again. Our breathing comes back to normal Conner is looking a little pissed off

“What’s wrong?” I ask & he huffs

“You noticed?”

“Of course I have, spill it before I think it’s me?”

“Baby, it’s never you” he pauses “We got engaged tonight, I wanted to make love to you, not fuck you with your legs in the air” I crack up laughing, his lips break into a sideways grin “Are you going to be angry at me for being angry at something I shouldn’t be angry at?” He chuckles, pulling his cock out of me

“Yes” I run my hand through his hair “We always make love Conner, just because it’s a little rougher, which I like remember, doesn’t mean it’s not love.” I pull him in to kiss me, “We have intimacy, we love each other, that is more important to me than slow sweet sex,” I grin at him “Besides…. I like it with my legs in the air” he pulls me tight against him

“Fuck I love you” I smile

*

I wake up in the middle of the night, Conner has the laptop on his lap, he is still naked, as am I and I am lying on my stomach wondering if Conner has been to sleep yet & how long I have been out for

“I didn’t wake you did I?” I lifted my head to peer around to see what he is working on so late. It is the invites, I smile

“No Dimples” I kiss his leg, because I didn’t feel strong enough to move “Do you want to show me?” he turns the computer towards me, I swear in the glow of the laptop I can see he is blushing. He’s made an engagement invite using a collage of photos of us, some of the photos I don’t even remember being taken but in all of them we are smiling or kissing, some a stupid selfies we took at sporting events or concerts we’d been too. He’d written over the top in bold black writing ‘Join us celebrating how happy we are now that we have each other at our engagement party’ a tear wells in my eyes.

“Is it too lame?” I scramble to sit up on my knees as close to his leg as I can

“Not lame at all, I love it” I throw my arms around his neck & kiss him deeply, when I pull away I have tears flowing down my cheeks “So much better than a stupid Facebook invite!” he laughs, wiping my tear

“So I can order them?” I nod snuggling into his nook, he puts his arm around me & turns the computer back to him to finish the order, he doesn’t look at how much they cost, ordering envelopes to match, I am so blissfully happy that I don’t care either. I notice he has another google tab open, the title is ‘Carrick Hill’ I smile but don’t want to embarrass him so I just hug him tighter & notice his cock starting to stand to attention between him & the laptop. My hand resting on his chest slides down to grasp it, he moans, I run my hand up & down the length of it, making him harder, he pushes the laptop down his legs, he entwines his fingers in each other & they find the back of his head as he throws it back in the pillows & leather headboard, this spurs me on, I pump his cock hard, giving it a squeeze “Shit Kristie” I spread the moisture from his tip down his shaft, I sit up a little so I can use both hands, the other hand cupping his balls & tugging on them gently, he sucks in a deep breath, as I know he close already, I lean down & take him in my mouth, it surprises him as his head is tilted back & he can’t see what I am doing, he groans louder “I’m coming” he doesn’t given me much warning before I am swallowing his hot liquid, I pump a few more times to take his orgasm further, he shudders & his hands fall down to his sides, he lifts his head as I come up from his cock too “I’m glad I get you forever” I giggle licking his come from my lips, I lean into kiss him. He moves quickly, pushing me backwards on the bed, pinning me down kissing every inch of my neck, his fingers enter me & he feels me flinch “Are you too sore baby? I want to repay the favour” he kisses my nose, he doesn’t move his fingers around, I pull his hand out from between my legs, wincing slightly as his fingers leave me, I am so horny & wet still but I am sore & don’t know if I can take it there, I roll over instead & lift my hips in the air so Conner gets the idea “Are you sure?” he asks as I nod

“I want you to have me every way possible”

“You have to tell me if it’s too much” I nod again. He positions himself behind me, my legs on either side of his knees, he lifts my hips higher so I am more exposed. His hand comes between my legs spreading the moisture around to my other opening, he caresses my butt cheek with the other hand. He spends a lot of time lubricating me & pays special attention to my clit, I know I need to relax, I take a deep breath & enjoy what he is doing, he slips his thumb in & out of my back opening, I didn’t even expect it but I come loudly & quickly, instantly Conner rubs the new moisture around again, he slides his cock between my legs, he pumps back & forth, lubricating himself on me, it feels so amazing as I am still coming down from my orgasm “We can stop at any time baby, just tell me” he’s still rocking his length back & forth on my folds

“Just go slow” I dig my forearms into the mattress to give me support, he withdraws his cock from rubbing my outer lips & his hand does a final sweep taking as much moisture as he can before he rests the tip of his cock at that entrance

“Anytime, just say stop” his hands rest on my hips holding me steady, he pushes inside me ever so slightly, I moan, it feels weird, but also really good “Is that ok?” I nod, unable to speak, he pushes in a little further, I let out another moan, it hurts a little but it still feels good, “Last little bit baby, how does it feel?”

“Weird… Amazing…” he pushes in the last bit until I feel his hips against my cheeks. I feel like he doesn’t even need to move to make me come, I am already building with his cock filling me so full, he pulls out a tiny bit & pushes back in, he lets out a sigh, I know this feels good for him. It doesn’t hurt like I thought it would & it is so erotic, I thought it would be gross.

“Sit back against me baby” he pulls me up so I am sitting on his lap “I don’t want to hurt you, you go as fast as you want” I link my hands behind his head, his hands grip my breasts as they push forward, tugging on my nipples, I lift up off him & down ever so slowly, still getting used to this foreign feeling, “Does that feel good?” he kisses my neck, rubbing my nipples with his flat fingers, I can only moan in appreciation of how amazing this feels “This feels incredible Kristie, I’m not going to last long” one of his hands heads down my body & assaults my clit, it spurs my rhythm faster, it hurts a little but it doesn’t seem to matter once my body starts building towards another orgasm

“I’m going to come Conner…” I push up & down only a few times, his hand speeds up on my clit, his fingers tweak my nipple & I am coming hard, I cry out loud, my eyes go blurry, I hands go weak, I am limp on his lap. Conner grabs my hips & steady’s me for his own release, he gently keeps my rhythm & thrusts before coming loudly in my ear, he fills my back passage & it feels strange but that was one of the best orgasms of my life. He doesn’t stay in me like he usually does till our breathing slows, he gently pulls out of me carefully, I basically pass out, falling on the bed, Conner lays gently next to me, caressing my skin

“Wow Kristie that was…” he kisses my lips “… Mind blowing” & I fall asleep, completely & thoroughly fucked.

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #15 & #16

 “My mother died giving birth to me, there was a haemorrhage & they couldn’t save her” he pauses letting that sink in “My father never forgave me for it, his last words to me were ‘you’ll never be good enough for anyone Conner’ then he killed himself in front of me” HolyFuckingShit! He pauses for an even longer time, just looking at the wall as he remembers it all, I don’t even know what to say or if I should say anything but he starts talking again “His words have plagued me all these years, I’ve been in therapy before but nothing fucking helps, everyone I ever loved left me a shell of a man. All I ever wanted was my father to love me just a fraction of how much he loved my sister & mother, but I was the accidental pregnancy that killed her, he hated me so much & he never let me forget it.” He pauses again recalling the memories, my heart goes out to him, he is so angry, pacing back & forth “My sister hasn’t spoken to me since his funeral when she said ‘now I have no parents thanks to you’ & what could I say to that? It’s fucking true.” He shrugs

“Conner you aren’t responsible for your father’s death.” I say carefully because I don’t want him to stop talking but I feel I need to say something reassuring

“I know I’m not the one who pulled the trigger, but I am the reason why it was pulled.” He sits down next to me

“How old were you?” I whisper

“Just seven” I reach out & brush my hand over his, he snaps it away “I don’t need your fucking pity”

 “It’s not pity, I’m showing you how much I care” He’s silent as if he’s finally realising that I do care for him, he scrapes his fingers through his hair “What happened to you both?” I ask, wanting to hear more.

“My sister is 5 years older she went to live with my grandma, I was put into state foster care & moved from place to place until I left at 16.” Jeez this is worse than I expected. I don’t even know what to say & now I am so reluctant to touch him, I thought he was fucked up because some girl hurt him, not a major family tragedy. “I loved my mother, even though I didn’t know her, I did love her, my father would tell me & my sister how wonderful she was & all the things she did. She sounded like a person I would want to be. But my father reminded me every day that I was an accident & he wished my mother had an abortion.” I take a sharp intake of breath, that is a fucked up thing to tell a seven year old. “Sometimes I wish she had” He pauses “I loved both my sister & dad too but neither would love me because of what I took from them, they resented my presence every day. They were never physically abusive, I almost wish they were because I think that would have been easier to recover from” He pauses, carefully choosing his words “I vowed that I would never become a father” That explains why he‘d never had sex without a condom before.

“Why didn’t you live with your grandma?”

“She didn’t want me either, I killed her daughter” he scoffs, I feel sorry for this poor boy, he didn’t do anything but survive & yet he was cast aside from all his family members, I shake my head. He continues “After I left foster care, I lived on the streets, in rescue centres, where ever I could. I fell into drinking & drugs easily but I am thankful that I never got as messed up as some of the people I used to know, I was lucky to find a stable home at 18” He sighs, I’m thankful he was able to pull himself out of the scene “I had a series of girlfriends, some who I thought I loved & loved me, but every single one of them cheated on me. I know that seems like nothing, but after a loveless childhood, I craved love from a woman & I’ve never fucking got it. I swore never to love anyone ever again, I promised not to let anyone close enough to hurt me” He looks up at me, his hand brushes my cheek, “but then you came along” He smiles “You changed everything” he wipes the tear from my eye “Please don’t cry, I know I fucked up with you, I don’t deserve a second chance, but I know that you’re my happily ever after” More tears slide down my cheeks, he wipes them as quickly as they fall, looking deep into my eyes

“Conner you had me at ‘are you having a good night’!” he laughs, I sniff loudly trying to control my emotions. He holds my hand, not tearing his eyes away from mine

“I love you Kristie Mary Callan” My heart melts “I fought it for so long because of my past & I hurt you in the process but I want to make it right, if you’ll let me?” I reach out to hug him, he responds by gripping me tightly

“I didn’t handle things well either” I pull back to look him in the eyes, speaking slowly emphasising each word so he really hears them “I love you Conner” We hug for what seems like eternity, I never want to let him go.

“I really want to make love to you Kristie.” OMG! I stand up, taking his hand & leading him to my bedroom. We stand there staring at each other, I start unbuttoning his shirt, one slow button at a time, Conner’s eyes are burning with desire, his hands caresses my butt, he flicks the band of his boxers

“These are my favourites, I can’t believe you stole them.” He chuckles as I finish the last button, running my palms up his ripped chest, I run my hands over his nipples, he groans & I push his shirt of his shoulders. My hands runs back up his muscly arms, across his shoulders, down his chest to rub his nipples again, before stopping to undo his belt, I push his pants down far enough to allow gravity to take them all the way down, Conner steps out of his shoes & pants, eyeing me greedily. He swiftly tugs on the bottom of his t shirt pulling it over my head, we’re standing there in only matching boxers, both his hands circle my breasts

“Hmmm, I’ve missed these.” He smiles, I am not shy or blushing, I know he means it, Conner loves me. I moan in appreciation for what he is doing to me, his hand slide down my side, swiftly removing my boxers, letting them fall to the floor. His hand comes between my legs, gently moving his fingers around to see how wet I am “I’ve missed this too” I part my legs slightly to give him more room to move, I slip my hands into the band of his boxers & push them down, grabbing his cock in my hand, gently giving it a squeeze

“& I’ve missed this!” He laughs, bending down to kiss me while his fingers still probe me, I push him back so he sits on the edge of my bed, his hands come to my waist as I sit on his lap to straddle him, my wrists resting on his shoulders, with my legs further apart, Conner takes the opportunity to insert two fingers inside me, his mouth coming down to find my nipple, he bites gently & elongates it as he tugs on it, I moan loudly

“Do you like that baby?” I can only make an incomprehensible Hmmm noise, he laughs, moving his lips to assault my other nipple.

“I want you inside me.” I lift my hips up, with Conner’s help he lowers me so slowly onto his long hard cock. We sit there nose to nose, connected at our most intimate part, not moving, without any friction, only him filling me & his gaze, I feel myself building towards an orgasm “This is going to make me come, if you don’t move” he laughs his hands still holding my hips down on his cock

“Either way, you are going to come… & come… & come…” His words so sexy, oh this is heaven but it’s also hell, my hands find the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, maybe that will get him moving, he doesn’t move or let go of my hips, he breaks the kiss, moving his mouth back to my breasts he kisses them so softly, licking them with just the tip of his tongue, I can barely feel it but it is enough as I arch my back to push them up into his mouth, I am panting so hard, these soft touches to my nipples, his cock twitching ever so slightly inside me, being unable to move, I am so close to coming & yet nothing has really even happened yet.

“Oh My God… Conner… How do you…do…” I can’t get any more words out, I am clenching around him “Fuck…” I scream as I orgasm, he releases his hold on my hips & they gyrate with my orgasm, he guides them, lifting me up & down, Conner has me constantly screaming with pleasure as he bucks me on & off his cock finding his release quickly, his mouth kissing me where ever he can, my neck, collar bone even my arm, as he looks at me with love in his eyes, I can’t look away, even though my eyes are blurry with the longest orgasm of my life

“Oh Kristie, you amaze me, fuck…” He comes inside me, tickling my skin all over as he tries to regulate his breathing. I rest my head on his shoulder, I can barely move “Are you ok baby?” That was so incredible, I can’t reply. He laughs, taking me in his arms to move me to lie down on the bed “I love you.” He kisses my nose.

It’s after 4:00am when I wake up boiling hot, wrapped in Conner’s limbs, I am so content, that was amazing, not only did I have the best sex of my life, Conner told me he loved me & why he has so many issues. It was the perfect night, he opened up to me & finally let me in, we’re no longer building a relationship on a house of cards that will come tumbling down, we are both open & in love, that was the perfect way to start our new chapter. I wriggle out of Conner’s hold & grab a glass of water, standing in the kitchen, naked, with only the glow of the open fridge, I am startled when Conner wraps his arms around me, kissing my neck, his hands find their way to my breasts. I instantly feel his cock firm up against my rear

“Want something a little rougher?” he asks into my neck, serious & sexily, I am so turned on, I moan ‘yes’, one of his hands parts my legs, rubbing the wetness from our previous love making around, as I groan, he moves me forward to the kitchen table, taking his hand away from the front “Move that chair out of the way.” I obey “lie flat on the table & hold onto the edge” I do as I’m told, liking his commanding tone, the table is a freezing contrast to my hot skin, it feels incredible “I want to fuck you hard & fast from behind, don’t let go, ok?” his hand tickles my spine, as he waits for my response, I can only nod already panting, wanting him inside me. His hands come to hold my hips as I brace myself for his first thrust, he doesn’t move right away, what is he doing? I twist my head as much as I can to see, he’s just looking at me

“What are you doing?”

“Just looking at how fucking amazing you look like this.” His hand moves between my legs to move the wetness again, this time across both my entrances oh my god, is he going to fuck me there?! As if sensing my thoughts,“Don’t worry Kristie, not tonight” I hear a smile in his voice “but one day I’d like to fuck your hot ass if you want me too?”

“May… be…” I stutter & he chuckles

“We’ll work on it babe, but for now, brace yourself.” His hands find my hips to hold me steady & he thrusts into me, hard! Again & again, his rhythm is relentless, his hips make a slapping noise as they smack against my butt “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m so close Conner, faster” He chuckles, pounding a little harder & faster, his thumb finds my other entrance & he slips it in slowing, pulling it in & out matching his cock’s rhythm “God… Ohhhh…” I come without further warning, Conner thrusts twice more, coming himself through gritted teeth

“Kris…tie… Arggghhh” He lies flat on my back, regaining our normal breathing, when I realise we are on my kitchen table. I giggle. “What?”

“I have to eat off this table” He laughs, standing up straight, he helps me back up too & pulls me into his arms

“Sorry baby, I just couldn’t make it back to the bedroom” I laugh, he looks me directly in the eyes, reaching down to pinch my ass “I meant what I said about fucking your hot ass, I want to have you every way possible.”

“I’ve never…” My voice trails off

“Me either, but if you want to try it, I’d be happy to help out.” He winks, of course he would. Our first night back together & we’re discussing anal sex, who would have thought this is how this night would end!

“It felt good… with your finger… I might like it…” He’s smiling, bending to kiss my nose

“I love it when you tell me what you like, don’t be shy”

“I like everything we do.”

“I like to hear specifics.” He grins cheekily at me, I feel brave

“I like a good hard fucking on my kitchen table” he chuckles, nuzzling my neck “I like it when you pin me down, lick behind my ear…” he licks behind my ear for effect, I shudder

“Hmmm, we need to go to bed & sleep before I fuck you again & you can’t walk tomorrow. I’m looking forward to making love to you in the morning, your favourite, morning sex, if I recall?” he pulls me back to the bedroom, as we get into bed, he pulls me close to him spooning my back “I think you should wake me up just as I’m about to come” I brazenly suggest before closing my eyes.

Fleaz #16

I wake up to Conner following through on my suggestion, I’m lying flat on my back, he has my knees spread wide, he’s holding them down with his hands, his tongue tickling me ever so slightly on my clit. I don’t know how long he’s been at it, but I am so close. I raise my arms to grab the top of the leather head board, I can’t move my knees, which is so annoying but so hot, it really intensifies his actions

“Hmmm… Ahhh…”

“Is this… what you… had in… mind?” He’s licking long luscious licks in the middle of his sentence

“Oh… Fuck… Yes…” I arch my back, not wanting to let go of the headboard, he sucks my clit, then laps at the rest, then returns to suck again, it feels amazing “I’m coming” I moan as he licks up & down faster, giving me a long sensual orgasm. As I go limp on the bed, he moves up my body kissing as he goes, he reaches my lips & kisses them

“See how good you taste… Hmmm” His cock slides into me easily, he is slow & tender, raising himself so he’s not too heavy on me, with a gap in between our bellies, I can see his cock moving in & out of me

“Look how hot we are” he tilts his head to see what I am looking at

“Oh fuck, I’m going to come if I watch that” he groans, I smile, stealing his line & licking behind his ear

“Either way, you are going to come… & come… & come…” & he does, he shouts out ‘Fuck’ but it’s an angry shout, rather than a ‘Fuck I just came’ kind of shout. He rests his head in my neck, when he comes up for air, he looks angry

“I’m sorry” I look at him perplexed

“What for?”

“That was a little quick, you didn’t come”

“Don’t be stupid, you just woke me up coming” he scoffs, it makes me angry “If we’re keeping count, you’ve made me come a lot more times than you have” He still scoffs again, like he’s just done the worst thing ever. He rolls off me & huffs, I have to laugh “Oh my god Conner, do not be angry about that, or I will get angry that you’re angry about something you shouldn’t be angry about” He laughs

“Does that even make sense” he rolls over to face me, smiling

“I like that I turn you on so much that you come quickly, it doesn’t have to be a long session every time”

“That was pretty hot looking at that, but you stole my line” He smiles “I see why you like behind your ear being kissed” he grins at me pulling me close “Let’s not get out of bed today baby.” I smile as he kisses me long & deep, like he’s never going to stop, I feel his cock growing again against me, my leg moves to rest on his hips, it prompts him to roll onto his back taking me with him, so I am straddling him “There is nothing hotter than you on top of me.” I rise up on my knees, his hands guiding me to lower myself on his cock. We come together quickly, Conner pulling me down on his chest as we’re coming back down from our orgasmic high.

“I love you so much” he tickles my skin, I shudder, it always feels so good when he does that while my skin is so sensitive from sex. “I didn’t know I could feel like this ever.” I kiss his chest

“Me either. You’re so sexy, funny, kind, sweet, smart, brave, amazing in bed…” he cuts me off, like it hurts him to hear how wonderful he is

“There is no better place in the world than here.” I laugh kissing him deeply.

*

I love it when I hear Conner call me his girlfriend, it makes me tingle inside. I wonder if it has the same effect of him when I introduce him as my boyfriend? Probably not! We are inseparable, staying at each other’s houses every night, even on week nights, which always seemed off limits before, we’d been living in coupled bliss for a few short weeks before Conner dropped a bombshell on me over dinner.

“Move in with me” I spit my wine across the restaurant table, covering Conner in my spit & a $40 bottle of wine “Jesus” he stands up half annoyed, half laughing, my face goes bright red as I choke out a verbal diarrhoea of sorry’s, trying to dab his shirt & face with my cloth napkin, the waiter scurries over to see what the fuss is about, Conner shoos her away “I’m ok” he shoos me away too, guiding me to sit back down in my chair opposite him, he chuckles “I wasn’t expecting you to spit on me when I asked you that”

“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting you to say” I reply

“But what do you think though?” he plays with the beads of condensation on his beer glass “Do you want to move in with me?” he looks up nervously, I honestly hadn’t thought about it yet, I’d only really known Conner for about four months in total, two of those weeks we were broken up & for most of it we were just casual, could I live with him? Would he move to my place or would I move to his?

“I don’t think we should move into a place one of us already has” I say slowly, he lets out the breath that he was holding & looks relieved.

“I agree we can rent out our places & buy something together” Whatthefuck! Buy something together, I choke on my wine again. I put my glass firmly down & stare at him.

“Just like that hey?” I laugh

“Just like that” he leans forward giving me the biggest school boy grin “you are my happily ever after, I’m not letting you go again” I melt, agreeing to buy a house with him. Just like that! 

*

Conner called his friend John who is a realtor in the morning, to get him to come look at his house & tell him how much rent he’ll get, he’s also already started packing when I get up in the morning, he has boxes labelled ‘things to give away’ & ‘things to take’. Conner thinks it won’t take long to find a place we both like, but in the meantime he is packing up & moving into my house which is slightly bigger than his. We decided to give away our doubles, keeping whichever one is the better of the two, most of his kitchen stuff was crap & was being piled into the giveaway boxes.

Within a week, Conner had everything neatly stacked in my small spare room & was moving his clothes into my wardrobe. His house is rented out quickly, with one major obstacle out of our hands, we spent the weekends looking for a place together & at night Conner insisted on packing things at my house that we didn’t use much, ready for the move. I love how eager & organised he is, I wasn’t sure at first but his energy rubbing off on me & I can’t wait to live with him in a place we paid the mortgage together. Conner had the same realtor friend come out to assess my house so we could confirm with the bank that we would indeed be able to make the repayments on three houses. Jeez, what a big step, three mortgages! I didn’t really look into the financial side of it much, Conner took care of all that, sending our pay slips to the bank & organising the loans, I just signed when I needed to sign.

After two weeks of living in my house that was now full of packing boxes & little much else, I was starting to lose hope that we’d find something in our price range that we both like, in the area that we wanted. Conner never gave up, he looked at the websites & papers every day, even making calls to realtors in the suburb we wanted to buy in so that he could get a first look at houses before they were advertised.

“Baby I found us a place,” he shouts as he walks through the door “we have to leave in two minutes” he’s walked into the bedroom striping off his high visibility work shirt, boots & pants “because it’s not on the market yet & the realtor is waiting for us there now” He kisses me quickly, changing his clothes, usually he showers as soon as he gets home but tonight he is excited & doesn’t have time.

The drive to the house is tense, Conner is beating the steering wheel with his still grubby hands from work, to the beat of the music, convinced that this is the place. We pull up outside & my breath catches, he is right, this is the place!

It’s a modern two storey house, but it has quaint features that make it look a little retro too. The realtor meets us at the front gate & walks us through the house, it’s love at first sight for me, but I don’t think this is in our price range, we have a tight budget because we want to keep our other houses, but I realise how much I want this house & this life with Conner when I think ‘I’d be willing to sell my house in order to buy this.’

When the realtor finally leaves us alone, Conner is the first to talk

“I want it” I laugh

“Me too” He smiles hugging me tightly “but is this out of our price range?”

“All good baby, do you want to put an offer in?” I nod eagerly, of course I do, five bedrooms, two bathrooms, swimming pool, the main bedroom has two balcony’s, one overlooking the pool & the other overlooking the hills where the house faces. This is my dream home, with my dream guy!

Conner puts in an offer & we wait to hear if we got the house or not which is so tense, I can’t concentrate on work, the realtor was going to ring Conner when he knew if the vendors would accept. I checked my phone 100 times to see if Conner sent me a text, finally it vibrates on my desk, I hold my breath

BF: Offer accepted! 😉 x

I had changed Conner’s name in my phone from Fuck Buddy to Boyfriend.

K: OMG! Best news ever, can’t wait to celebrate. Love you xxx

BF: Love you more x

*

Four weekends later, Conner & I were officially moved in to the dream house, which is what I had taken to calling it & my house was being rented out by a young couple, it seemed like everything was falling into place.

                       “Let’s get dressed up & go out to celebrate our new place now we’re finished unpacking” I laugh at him

“Aren’t we supposed to stay in to celebrate in the house?” he laughs, patting me on the ass “Be ready at 6:00pm, don’t be late!”

#IBD4U

Engineer

During my dating seriously for 2021, to be honest, it’s not going that great. Lameroo was a  waste of time, Engineer s has been chatting to me for ages & we’ve not caught up so I am starting to just hate chatting to new people, so I just keep chatting to him. He seems ok & has also done some work on himself with NLP – I think perhaps this is a guy that I could get a deeper connection with perhaps.

But I am always hoping that one of these guys could be the right guy, the guy to change my dating life. They aren’t going to change my whole  life because I don’t need a man to change me, I just want a partner to share my life with.

I chat to this guy for weeks, he works away & when he’s home, he has his 3 young kids. I always saw kids in my life, I just never pictured myself having them – so this doesn’t put me off even though he asks me about it & if I am ok with it.

I don’t remember what I wear on this date, I know I felt good & was excited for this date… after the previous date with Lameroo, I am confident that this date will be better – I mean nothing can be worse that that date?!

On the date with Engineer, it’s nice, we’re sitting there talking comfortably & it’s easy. The bar tender walks around saying last drinks & I remember feeling a little disappointed that this date will end, when the conversation is flowing that well, it’s rare. He’s making a lot of eye contact & shifting closer in his seat – I think he’s interested in me too…

A huge group of people walk in to the bar & order drinks, so Engineer asks if I want another & he goes up to pay for another drink… As he sits down, he sits a lot closer & I start to relax into the date even more, opening up & talking, seeing that he is actively interested in me. I don’t pick up on this vibe very often – I’m sure it’s happened before while on a date but I’ve not noticed it because I’m always waiting for them to ghost me. This feels a little different. I don’t get the vibe this guy will dick me around… He’s obviously interested, he’s buying drinks, moving close, wanting to stay longer. Even though the bar tender called last drinks before we got our second drink, we’re now on our third, sitting chatting & having a great time.

Finally the bar tender comes around again saying last drinks, which we make a joke with him about & he says definitely last drinks, which we laugh at but I think that we both know the night is coming to a close…

As the date draws to a close, we go outside, remember it’s winter so it’s freezing, he walks me to my car & I start the awkwardly before I lean in to kiss him goodbye which he turns & catches my kiss on the cheek with his mouth & we lock. The kiss is good. More than good… He kisses well & makes me feel – I don’t know – but like I might kiss this boy again, not something I again think before the first kiss is over.

He pulls back & says “I could kiss you forever” I swoon over his words & kiss him more deeply, smiling to myself, he doesn’t ask me to come home with him & he doesn’t ask if he can come home with me, nor do I offer, however when we part ways, I feel confident & excited where this could lead. For the first time ever (I think) I sort of expect the message before I go to bed telling me what a wonderful time he had. When I fall asleep still waiting, I think perhaps he doesn’t want to see too keen so I try not to think too much of it.

The next day while talking to J-Lo about it, I say that I don’t like to message first because I need to know that they like me or are interested in me, when J-Lo tells me that he thinks that maybe Engineer is thinking the same & that’s why he won’t write to me? Well the same thing was true of Noodle. So before I go to bed, I decide to message just to ask how his day was. Ages later I get a reply saying he was busy & had a busy day. He goes on to say that he had a great time with me last night but he doesn’t want to persue anything further with me. I laugh because apparently this is a joke, which I ask him if it is & he says no. He thinks I am great but he doesn’t see a future with me. I could say a lot worse but I say that he shouldn’t have said to me that he could kiss me forever if that wasn’t true but he says that it is true, he could kiss me forever but he doesn’t see a future with me. Seriously what the fuck.

Anyway another one bites the dust… I don’t know what happened here, I wasn’t in love with the guy but again I would’ve have had another date or two & see if the chemistry built… I mean I can’t say that he was just looking for sex, because he didn’t ask. So I have no idea what this guys deal was…

Now that my intuition is fucking me over, which used to always be 100% spot on – if I trusted it-  I think it’s time to be done with dating, right?!

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #14

He looks as sexy as ever, as I knew he would, in a black tuxedo, his hair in its usual disarray state that I wonder if he’s even brushed it. He’s standing with two other men who are talking across him, he’s pretending to listen, without taking his eyes off me, he smiles & lifts his beer glass in a cheers gesture. I cannot move but I cannot tear my eyes away from him, has it really only been two weeks since I last saw him? I remember the fight that ended our arrangement, when he told me to stop loving him. My heart constricts in my chest & I know I am still in love with the man capturing my attention. He doesn’t love you back though Callan!

Kyle interrupts my interlude with him, I break eye contact trying turn my attention to Kyle & give him a smile, he puts his hand on my lower back, something He used to do, Don’t start with that! Kyle leads me to another group of people

“Are you ok?” he leans in to whisper in my ear

“I’m fine, I just have to go to the bathroom” Coward!

“Hurry back” He winks & I scurry off to find the bathroom. What is Fleaz doing here? I don’t know if I can stay here in the same room as him, there is so much unfinished business, I haven’t even told Kyle about him at all. Maybe you should fake a tummy ache, but I know Kyle would rush me home & take care of me, I can’t do that to him, this is his night I just have to get a grip, I will just ignore him & if he comes to talk to me, I will just make an excuse about getting a drink or going to the toilet & just avoid him all night. I dab my face & neck with water, it has the effect I needed, refreshing me, I take a deep breath & pull the bathroom door open, I freeze with the green piercing gaze starting back at me

“Hello Kristie” his deep voice more sensual than I remember, he’s leaning against the wall, exactly like he did that first night in the bar, tonight in the tuxedo he looks even sexier, I’ve never seen him in a tuxedo before. His smell is still intoxicating a mixture of his aftershave Le Male & himself, it makes me instantly wet. I want to hug him, I want to kiss his lips, I want him to fuck me right here in the hallway, my body is already responding to him. I try to shake those thoughts & remain impassive.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is icy, it surprises me because I feel anything but icy, I feel hot & bothered immediately when He is this close to me.

“This is my work function, what are you doing here?” he quips, I try to walk off but much like that night in the bar he blocks my path with his arm “Is that your boyfriend out there?” his hand reaches my wrist & lifts my arm with the corsage on it, he eyes it suspiciously. It embarrasses me as he looks at the ridiculous flowers tied to my wrist, I snatch my hand away taking the stupid thing off & look at the arrangement so carefully put together, that I now am humiliated by

“What? I snap, trying to pass again but he blocks the way, it’s a bit premature to call Kyle my boyfriend, he has been persistent for a while, but I never felt anything for him, he asked if I could come to this work function with him & I had just said yes, I don’t think Kyle will ever be my boyfriend but I don’t want to make that declaration to Fleaz. Does he really think I have moved on that quickly?

“Do you love him?” Whatthefuck!

“That’s none of your fucking business” I know I don’t love Kyle, but I could, one day… maybe, the thought pangs me, I know I am still in love with this gorgeous man in front of me, making me hot & wet just by looking at me. He leans in closer to my face, my breath automatically increases, I hate myself for reacting this way with someone who told me to stop loving him only two weeks ago & now I have someone perfect who I feel like I am cheating on just by reacting to his presence

“You look so beautiful”

“Don’t” I whisper, he holds my gaze, his hand runs down my cheek, a shiver runs down my spine, one single touch turns me on more than anything Kyle has said or done to me ever. I loathe myself.

“I miss you” he whispers & I crack at his revelation, a tear slides down my cheek, so now my tear ducts decide to work! He wipes the tear away carefully, dropping his hand to my hip “I know you still feel something for me Kristie” he paused staring deep into my eyes “I can feel it” he is so close to my face, I feel his breath on my cheeks, I feel like he is going to kiss me. I lick my lips instinctively & hate myself for it immediately.

“I was never the problem” I snap, he chuckles bowing his head briefly, closing his eyes as if he knew I would say something like that

“Meet me for coffee tomorrow” I hesitate, can I meet him for coffee? Get sucked back in? “Please, I promise I’ll explain everything” he drops his arm from the wall, I see Kyle standing out of earshot, but his glare intent. Fuck! Fleaz follows my stare & sees Kyle, “Tomorrow then?” I nod, he smiles, bending down to kiss me on the cheek, time stands still as I know Kyle is watching & I am pressed up against a wall. He smiles again before he walks back to the party, nodding at Kyle as he walks past hime. Shit, why did I agree to meet him? Kyle approaches me carefully

“I came to make you sure you were alright, who was that?”

“No one” I pause hating myself for what I am about to say & do “Kyle I’m not feeling well, I’m going to go home.”

“I’ll come with you”

“No it’s ok, I want you to stay & network. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He tries to give me $20 for the taxi home. He is so sweet that I really hate myself as I give him a pathetic peck on the cheek as I jump in the taxi. What are you doing Kristie?  I wish I knew.

My phone beeping several times, jolts me from my stare, lucky I haven’t had to give directions to the driver, I look at my phone with trepidation, I don’t want it to be Kyle but I know that it’s unlikely to be Fleaz, but when I see the name, shit he’s still saved in my phone as Fuck Buddy! His sexy sleeping photo pops up too, my breath hitches, what does he want?

FB: You are the most gorgeous woman in the room x

I can’t stop staring at the text, he is dragging me back in already. This is not a good idea! That’s what I said last time. The second text is from Kyle

K: Hope you feel better, let me know when you get home safe xoxo

I throw my head back in the taxi, I feel like I’m the biggest bitch on the planet, stringing Kyle along like other guys have done to me, but my heart… I can’t deny the feeling in my heart. I can’t rely on Fleaz but I can’t lead on Kyle. This is why I had decided not to date anymore, I can’t take this bullshit, I don’t know what the right thing is & I may never know. Do you follow your heart or your head?

I walk in my front door kicking off my high heels at the door, I undo my dress & step out of it up the hallway, letting it fall on the floor where it slips off, I flop onto my bed crying. I’m not really sure why I’m crying, maybe because you haven’t cried at all in the last two weeks? I know what I have to do, it’s kind of a relief that my tears are flowing, I feel like it’s lifting a weight of my shoulders. I don’t know what Fleaz wants to tell me, I don’t know if I can start things up with him again, but I know that until I am over this thing with Fleaz, I can’t keep leading Kyle on, the worst past is, I am doing to Kyle what so many guys have done to feel & I feel terrible.

K: I am home & in bed, talk to you later.

K: Wish I was there, night babe xoxo

I start crying again, he is the sweetest guy, but I don’t feel attracted to him at all, I just have to let him know that it’ll never happen between us & that I am still in love with someone else Honesty is the best way. I hate that I am intrigued with what Fleaz has to tell me though, I can’t help but think what a stupid idiot I am being for even considering meeting with him, but without even thinking, I coldly reply to him

K: Meet me at Coffee Club @ 2pm.

FB: Did you leave?

K: Yes.

FB: Why? Your boyfriend is still here. Why didn’t that prick take you home?

K: He’s not a prick & he’s not my boyfriend.

I put my phone down & head straight for the shower, I need to do something to take my mind off this whole day. As I’m dressing in my standard stolen pyjamas, Fleaz’ Fresh Jive T shirt & Diesel boxer briefs, there is a knock at my front door. I groan, I told Kyle I would talk to him tomorrow, I go to the door angrily not wanting to deal with this now

“Is he really not your boyfriend?” Fleaz’ face is pained as he stands there with his bowtie undone, the top button of his shirt is open & it’s half untucked, his hand in one pocket, his other hand leaning on my front door, looking sexy as hell, he looks me up & down, his face breaks into a huge smile “I wondered what happened to those” talking about his stolen clothes, I pull at the hem of the shirt, blushing. He steps a foot in my door, I can’t believe he is here, I can’t move, he grabs my face, pushing me back against the wall, he kicks the door shut, his hips pin me to the wall, I am panting already, his effect of me is intense, he is inches from my face, I can feel his is hard “Is he your boyfriend or not Kristie?” His tone is forceful

“No, he’s not”

“Thank fuck for that” he says breathily as his lips crush mine, he kisses me in a long passionate kiss, our tongues lapping at each other’s mouths, the kiss leaves me breathless when he finally pulls away “I wanted to do that as soon as I saw you tonight at the party, but when I saw you with him, I thought I’d really lost you” His thumb caresses my cheek “Have I lost you Kristie?” I take a deep breath Has he lost me? I still love him but I can’t live with the crappy relationship he can offer me, I want more, so much more.

“I meant what I said but you won’t give me what I need.”

“What if I can?” I break free of his hold & walk into the lounge room, I play with my loose hair nervously

“I don’t know if you can do that.”

“I can… I want to…” He takes a deep breath, looking at his feet “I need too Kristie, I can’t lose you.” I sit on the couch, extending my arm for him to sit next to me.

“Ok, I’m listening, what is it that you have to tell me?” Indicating he needs to tell me why he says he can’t be my boyfriend, why he can only offer me a half arsed relationship.

He takes off his tux jacket & puts it on the coat hook, he comes over to the couch, he isn’t sure if he wants to sit or not. He runs his fingers through his hair, he looks like he’s in pain, I desperately want to hug him to comfort him, but I must remain strong. He has to tell me what is so wrong with him that he can’t commit & I really need to hear that he loves me. I was in a relationship for 3 years & Dominic never said it to me, I have never really recovered from that, since then I haven’t really had a real relationship, I am starting to think I am unlovable. If Fleaz is willing to fight for me & doesn’t want to lose me, I need some reassurance. He paces the room, looking for the right words, I sit patiently, just wishing he would start, can it really be that bad?

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #13

I call in sick on Monday because I just can’t face people asking me how my weekend was. It seemed childish but I knew I couldn’t face people today, especially since they didn’t even know I was seeing someone, some close colleagues suspected since I was always whispering with Sophie.

I lie in bed in a ball most of the day, wearing his clothes, which still smell like him, trying to cry, my tear ducts won’t obey me. They remain out of action & I just feel like I need a good cry to be able to put this behind me. There is no feeling inside me beside emptiness, my tear ducts know it, my heart knows it… I am just a hollow shell.

I torture myself by continually looking at my phone, willing Fleaz to text me, I look at his contact picture that I took of him a few weeks ago while he was sleeping to replace the driving picture I took the first weekend, he looked so peaceful & devastatingly handsome, his blonde hair dishevelled from fucking me, his arm was above his head, his skin smooth with no worry lines, his dark tan from working outdoors, everything about him was sexy. I can’t bring myself to delete the photo or his number.

When I don’t hear from Fleaz, I am not surprised. I compose several texts to him to ask how he is… to apologise… to see if he wants to apologise… I really just want to see if he’ll respond, but I delete them all, I wonder if he’s doing the same thing. Probably not! I jump every time my phone make a noise, even when it’s my email tone, I pick up my phone wearily hoping that it is from him, willing it to be him, it won’t be from him! But I secretly hope it is. It’s Sophie, she’s the first to text wondering where I was when I didn’t show up for work. 

S: Are u ok sweets? Why aren’t u at work?

K: Great Aussie sick day, need to clear my head! 

S: What happened?

K: Nothing, don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow! 🙂 

S: Just fucking tell me! I loved Sophie directness, it was what we both like most about each other. I knew she would understand, I knew she wouldn’t judge but just saying or texting the words to someone would make it real

K: I ended things with Fleaz!

I had taken to referring to him as his disgusting nickname ‘Fleaz’ in the hope that it would help me get over him, with a nickname like that, he could only be bad news. It wasn’t helping but I just couldn’t bear to say his name.

S: WHAT? R u serious?  

K: I was in too deep, he wouldn’t swim with me so I got in a life raft & floated away. I cringed as I hit send, her texts came quickly 

S: U r fucking hilarious!

S: Wanna chat?

S: I’m so sorry BTW. That’s shit.

S: I wuv u! 

K: Nah, I just need to lie in bed all day. Thanks Soph, serves me right for getting involved with another loser!

S: Call me if u wanna chat!

K: Should have known better with a name like Fleaz! 

S: LOL. Mwah xoxo

K: Mwah xxx I really just wanted to lie in bed for the rest of my life & do nothing, not face anything, just forget there was a Fleaz.

*

When I finally make myself get up & shower, I am just going through the motions. I am not really with it, I remember this feeling from when Dominic & I broke up, however my tear ducts were overactive then, I cried at everything, now I still can’t even get a single tear to slide out. I drink copious amounts of alcohol, watch sad movies, romantic comedies, watch YouTube videos of soldiers coming home to their pets & new babies they haven’t met, I feel like I have listened to every sad song that I could think of & still no tears. What is wrong with me? Sophie says it’s because she thinks it’s not the end, but we both know that is a lie. That was the end & I am devastated, more so now that I was when Dominic & I broke up. How can that be right? Dominic & I went out for three years, it only took a few weeks to be more in love with Fleaz that I had been with anyone before. Why didn’t I fight harder for him? Why didn’t he fight harder for me?

I walk around in a complete daze for the next week, everyone at work keeps asking what is wrong, of course only Sophie knew about Fleaz so I took the easy road & just said I still wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t tell them I had fallen for an unavailable guy, who told me from that the beginning, but sent me mixed signals & then I ended things abruptly when I realised that I was in love with him. What a joke my life has become!

I’d only ever loved two men, one left me for no apparent reason until I actually found out later that he rekindled an old friendship & had left me for her. The second, not unlike the first, couldn’t commit & had no idea what he wanted. In my 20s I didn’t see it coming with Dominic, I mean he was my first boyfriend, attractive, older & he wanted me, plain old boring me! Even my aunty said to us, supposedly as a joke, that he was out of my league. In my 30s I should have known better with a guy like Fleaz, I should have read the signs better, I should have just stayed away from the ship wreck that I knew it would turn out to be. Why was I so desperate for a boyfriend that I kept going after emotionally unavailable men? I mean, Fleaz even told me from the beginning, it wasn’t like I should be blindsided like I was with all the others who claim to want a relationship only to screw you over in a few weeks.

My anthem became an old Avril Lavigne song that was hidden on her first CD ‘Why’, but it wasn’t making me feel any better, in fact listening to the lyrics just made me more depressed but somehow that felt like what I needed, maybe that would help me cry. I couldn’t imagine Fleaz sitting around listing to sappy songs & thinking about what he could have done to change the outcome of what happened between us, I bet he’s already moved on to the next girl. He didn’t love you so of course he has!

There is no way to stop myself thinking about him, as much as I try & forget about him, to stop thinking of his looks… his smell… his touch… his kiss… Stop it!

A week later & with no word from Fleaz, I had to stay strong & not text or call him. It took everything I had not to pick up my phone & just send a random text, maybe I could send something & pretend it wasn’t meant for him. I laughed at myself for even toying with the idea of doing something so childish. I had walked out with a very good reason, I had ended it, it had been my decision, and maybe he’s waiting for you to call!  I really need to stop that stupid thought process, he was not waiting for me to call. I distract myself by texting other friends just to stop myself from sending the saved text I had composed for Fleaz

K: Hi, it’s Kristie. Just thought I send a text & see how you are? Hope your well. Like a loser, I almost hit send so many times, but what is the point, what is he going to write back to that lame excuse for a text. My overthinking usually gets me into trouble & I have a habit of misreading every situation that I’m in, I usually dream up some romantic comedy scenario & then reality sets in & usually it’s just me sitting on the couch daydreaming! I pictured Fleaz reading my text & rushing to my front door or other scenario is him calling me immediately after reading it to say how much he missed me, was glad I text him & he finally was able to tell me that loved me. The reality would probably be Fleaz ignoring it, which would be even worse than if he texted back simply: Fuck off!

*

I needed a distraction, I needed something to stop from me over thinking & dreaming up these absolutely stupid never-going-to-happen scenarios. So when my friend Kyle who I’d known for years & fooled around with a few times years ago, but I never felt anything for, found out I was ‘single’ again he started texting, calling & facebooking incessantly, I couldn’t help but encourage the contact as the distraction I needed so much.

Kyle is the perfect guy on paper, he always tells me how much he likes me, anytime I am down he picks me up by telling me how gorgeous he thinks I am but for some reason I have never felt the ‘spark’ with him, even after we fooled around, which was my way of seeing if there where chemistry there. I hated myself for it, how much easier my life would be if I felt something for him. I had always kept him at an arm’s length because I didn’t want to be like all those guys that had stuffed me around & I didn’t want to do that to him, but the selfish side of me kept him around, dangling the carrot just so I wasn’t reminded that I was alone & Fleaz was moving on.

Kyle was exactly what I needed, a nice distraction but I felt like a bitch every time I texted him, every time I answered a Facebook message & I felt even worse when he asked me to go to him work function with him, I knew his feelings for me were more than mine for him. He denied it but I felt it, there was no way a man would be that persistent if they didn’t have feelings for someone. Stupidly as I had nothing to do & since it was a Saturday night, I agreed to go with Kylie, I had a new party dress that I hadn’t worn so I figured that I should catch up with him properly since he’d been asking me to catch up since before I started seeing Fleaz.

As I get ready for the party my thoughts automatically float to Fleaz, it’s been two weeks since I last saw him & I hadn’t heard from him at all. But I still imagine that I am going to his work party, I pretend that he is here with me while I am getting ready, he is sexy in a rented tux, he comes up behind me as I put my makeup on, zipping up my white cocktail dress for me, his hands brushing my naked back unnecessarily as he pulls up the zipper, it sends a shiver through my whole body, I would turn around to face him & we would lock eyes before he bent down to kiss me… softly, his hands stroking my bare arms… Stop it!

Kyle has hired a limo with some other work people, he picks me up at my house, he hands me a flower corsage & kisses my cheek, you are going straight to hell Kristie!  I’ve only ever been in a limo for my school formal so I feel like royalty but with this oversized corsage on my wrist, I do feel like I am back in high school. I didn’t even know that people still wore corsages, but when I get in the limo & see two other women wearing similar flower arrangements, I realise the guys either organised it or I am so starved for romance that I don’t even see it! Champagne is popped immediately & I down half my glass, I will need some alcohol to make myself feel better about coming to this with Kyle. I hope he doesn’t expect to hook up with me tonight!  

We arrive at the party, there is a red carpet type set up & when the driver opens the door for us, there are a few people dancing around outside like they are paparazzi. Kyle leads me inside with his hand on the middle of my back, I don’t feel the same electricity as I didn’t when Fleaz used to lead me around with his hand there.

Inside the hall is decked out with tables with glamorous decorations and dinning settings, this is a major party. Not at all what I was expecting, it is as elaborate as a wedding, over 10 tables, people everywhere, a dance floor & band set up

“Drinks?” Kyle asks & I nod. Yes I need more alcohol for this!

“Sav Blanc please” I smile as Kyle walks off to get us a drink

Work parties are always mundane, even more mundane when they aren’t your work party & worse when you don’t know anyone at all. Kyle is networking with people, I just walk around beside him, he introduces me to everyone and I play the part of the supportive date, making niceties with other girlfriends/wives who are just as bored as me. I down another wine, it seems to be the only way I can get through this night. As I stand quietly next to Kyle, who is talking to his male colleague who’s partner isn’t with him for me to make small talk with, suddenly I feel all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as I slowly turn around, searching the crowd, my eyes flicking around the room trying to find the source, I feel something & my heartbeat quickens when I lock eyes with him. I stop breathing, my tummy does a somersault, what the fuck is he doing here?

#IBD4U

J-lo #2

Sorry about last week, I am really struggling to be inspired to write, which sucks. Something I loved doing is becoming a struggle. I will let you in on a little secret, by the end of 2021, the blog will be done! There are a few more stories I need to get out & some more fiction.

I have been reading my blog from the beginning & I have to say that it’s so funny how my writing style changed & my view point on things. Also my fiction, that is just hilarious to me now, I wrote that all before I was even messing around with kink & the chemistry I describe between the two main characters is that of what I felt with Noodle. I didn’t even know that would be a real feeling, but I hope that comes across if you’ve been reading the fiction story.

Anyway onto the blog for today, I’ll summarise because J-Lo #1 was so long ago. I will link to it so you can read also. I met J-Lo shortly after I started talking to Noodle the first time, we met online but never met, we talk every day. Even now 4 years later we still talk most days. He’s a good friend, someone I confide in, someone I overshare with – I often wondered why we aren’t together, he says he loves his partner, I was in love with Noodle, but I sometimes wonder if he could be the one to break that spell with Noodle…

The first time I ever meet J-Lo is after Noodle & I end for the second time. I can’t remember what was happening – things were mega shit at work, things were over with the love of my life, again, nothing was going right for me, so I don’t know exactly what shit was happening but I know I hadn’t showered for a few days (gross, I know but when you’re in a shitty place, sometimes you don’t take care of yourself) anyway these are thing things I share with J-Lo, stuff I never want to say out loud, I say to him things that I don’t think I could ever say out loud to someone, but I guess since we’ve never met I still have that level of protection.

So on this day I am unwashed, I am depressed, I am naked in a feral dressing gown – that is never my style of outfit for lounging around the house but here I am, we’re texting as we always do & J-lo has joked plenty of times about meeting, he knows where I live, he’s driven past before & because I’ve shown him pictures of my house he knows my house. So when I get a message saying “Knock knock” I just send back “hahahaha.” Not thinking anything I decide not to look at his next message & then I actually hear a knock at my door. I almost think I’m going to ignore it assuming that it’s some delivery so when I get a message from him saying “oi answer your door” I literally can’t believe that he has just rocked up, knowing I am unwashed & feeling like shit. But it’s fucking J-lo. Is he serious. My house is a fucking disaster, I have crap all over my couch from my recent online purchases & I haven’t cleaned in ages. This is the first time I am meeting this guy, a guy I’ve talked to for years, a guy who knows everything about what’s happened in my life & knows about my depressive state that I’m in.

He’s shorter than I pictured, even though he’s told me he’s short, it still catches me off guard, he’s about 5’6 or so, so not much taller than me, he’s cute, I will give him that, I know a lot about him & he knows a lot about me, so I’m surprised when he just comes in & sits down, knowing I am in my tragic dressing gown & I’m naked underneath.

I know he doesn’t want to cheat on his partner, while the idea seems great in theory, I know he will regret it. When he says that he’s surprised that I haven’t made a move, I am equally surprised that he doesn’t know me at all, I mean this is the first time we’ve met so I guess he hears the stories about me being sexy & confident, but I am really not. I am shy when I first meet men & I am never one to make a first move, I mean even with Noodle, I never really made a first move because when he walked in the door, we would not be able to keep our hands off one another. So I’ve never really had any experience making a move.

J-Lo is just as awkward, sitting there talking shit, then asking me to take my boob out… WTF. This is the most fucking awkward moment ever, I don’t want to, I know he doesn’t want to cheat & to be honest, I don’t want to be a mistress again – if a guys wants me, he needs to want me & only me not because his partner won’t fuck him… I guess I always felt if we met, we would both be single & we would meet for a proper date, I didn’t ever picture us meeting like this… This is not how I wanted it to go…

Against how I feel right now – I think perhaps this might make me feel better, when he says that he just wants to jerk off on me & I need to show him a boob, I do & he starts jerking off. I refuse to touch his dick… I end up getting a vibrator & let him jerk off over me as I writhe around squirming but knowing I am never going to cum, so I make some noises – lets be honest, I never fake it & I have no intensions of faking it but if I make some noises like I am enjoying this, he’ll cum & go. Which is exactly what happens. I clean up his cum from my stomach & he leaves, not even kissing me or hugging me. I hate myself instantly for allowing that to happen… Our conversation from that day forward is a little weird. I explain that I felt used & shit after our encounter & I make him work hard to keep the conversation going because I am in a shit place & don’t need to feel worse!

Months later I have had a friend & her 18 month old kid live with me & it’s not going well because of many reasons. Both of us aren’t working so we’re both home a lot – she keeps extending her maternity leave, she’s leaving her partner & while she owns 3 houses & has a job to return to, but she’s spending a lot of time trying to get money from centrelink. She’s not paying me rent – which I never asked for but she’s also not doing anything around the house, she tidied up the backyard & has helped when I got the puppies when they were small but her daughter keeps playing in their water bowl & so my friend takes the bowl away – so then my dogs don’t have fucking water… I always feel like I have to keep the dogs away from her & her daughter as one day I witness her daughter walk across my backyard with a fire poker & hit my dog with it… The 18 month old child isn’t told off at any point… That’s about the point I hate her living with me, I have puppies to train & I don’t need them scared of being hit.

Anyway things don’t get better & she moves out after 3 months, destroying over 20 years of friendship because she moves out like she is in a domestic violent situation with me, she gets a bunch of people to come over & get her stuff all in one day – where were these people when she needed a place to stay? She had sat down with  me a few nights before to discuss the difficulties but had already decided to leave so why not just leave without telling me that her uncle has said to her “no wonder she’s single. ”

I am devastated & sitting in my bedroom while my best friend moves her stuff out of my house when J-Lo says he’ll come over, but he stinks like a brewery. He had been calling me throughout the early hours of the morning when he was drunk & I was asleep. He says that he’ll come over & we can just cuddle – I don’t want to cuddle him. I know I will cry, I don’t want to cry. Things could not be more shit for me. I am fighting my ex employer, my best friend is talking to her uncle about me, then repeating his thoughts about how shit I am to live with – something I already feared, but have now had that voiced by a fucking uncle that doesn’t know me at all & while I am still regularly seeing Marvel, I don’t have him the way I want him nor does he talk to me like we used too…

So when J-Lo rocks up much to my protests, he walks in the door & hugs me & I instantly start crying, trying to hold it back – he doesn’t get it. This guy isn’t my partner, while he’s a friend, this is only the second time we’ve met & I don’t want to be sooked up by someone who isn’t going to be there for me. It made sense that day but now writing it down, it seems a bit stupid – I mean how is it any different to a girl friend coming over to console me. But anyway I didn’t want this, so when he suggests we lie down, I just want to hide my face & hide the fact that I am crying. I don’t let it all out, I can’t in front of someone else.

Of course we both know it won’t just be a cuddle, but I am not going to have sex with him, but he runs his hands all over me, it’s been a long time since someone just explored my body with their hands. He ends up turning me on enough that I let him go down on me, something his partner doesn’t do & as soon as I’ve cum, he doesn’t hang around long.

Again this causes our friendship to be more strained & it’s not what I need right now… The next & last time I see J-Lo we do have sex – I don’t really remember how or why it happens but afterwards he doesn’t speak to me for 2 days. After this sexual encounter which isn’t epic, it’s good but not off the charts, I tell him that I am never having sex with him again & I think he knows why. Again, I always thought that if I did anything sexual or met J-Lo it would be because he is single. That he wants to date me. But he constantly tells me how much he loves his partner & that he’s never going to leave her – not this old chestnut. I tell him that he should stay with his partner, that Marvel was right not to leave his wife for me, because apparently it’s no wonder I’m single…

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #12

Conner is snoring beside me, when I wake up stiff, I am still on my stomach with my arms outreached, I try to move & it hurts, I’ve laid in this position too long & now I’m stiff. As I wince trying to roll over, Conner wakes up too.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m alright, I just don’t normally sleep like that.” I start rubbing my arms but Conner takes over, his fingers working out the knots & stiffness easily. “Thanks” His hands skim to my breasts tweaking my nipples awakening my senses “Hmmm” his lips find my neck as his hand slides between my legs, I’m already wet, so his fingers slip in easily, they circulate the moisture around before he is on top of me, his cock filling me quickly & swiftly, he lays inside me still for a few moments, his lips kissing my neck softly, then he begins to move with force, we are coming together within a few thrusts

“Jesus Kristie, I can’t get enough of you” I giggle “Are you sore?”

“I’m getting used to your big cock” he laughs

“Big huh?”

“You know it is”

“It likes to hear it every now & again” I burst out laughing

“Does it really?” I laugh at his playfulness, I laugh at how easy such an intimate conversation is, I laugh at how stupid I am for getting involved, I feel myself being pulled deeper & deeper by the second & I know I will end up drowning. I roll away from him trying to distance myself

“Hey, where did you go?” he’s talking about my headspace. I roll back & kiss him hard & deep, I need to remind myself what this is, just sex. He pulls away not fooled “What is it?” I have to lie

“Just thinking I should get home” he pulls me in tighter

“Not yet” I sigh pulling away from him

“I really should go” I throw the covers back, sitting on the edge of the bed looking for something to cover me, he slides over on his stomach & kisses my leg, he looks in the distance not wanting to look at me, he sighs

“This is new for me Kristie” he says quietly “I didn’t lie when I said I don’t date, I am not boyfriend material, but this thing, with us…” he stops talking & looks at me “I don’t know what it is, but I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” I melt, stupidly! I lay back on the bed & Conner engulfs me, his body hard & heavy, he consumes me as he kisses me, he pins my hands above my head entering me slowly at first but building faster as I come hard around him, his release coming shortly after mine.  How am I ever going to get out of this alive?

*

Later we’re sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch I feel brave, but I am not really sure I want to hear Conner’s answers, but I have to ask, I have to know what the deal is with Conner, I’m now in my 30’s, I am not just looking for fun, I am not necessarily looking for a marriage proposal but I am looking for a partner & for someone to love me. I think I could love this man & I believe he could love me, but I look intently at my lunch taking a deep breath before I ask Conner the questions that could end up ending this relationship

“Why do you think you aren’t boyfriend material?” He sighs as if he knew it was coming & knows he has to answer me

“I just know I can’t be what you want” That’s not an answer!

“How do you know?”

“I just know”

“That’s insightful” I snap, he huffs at me

“I’m fucked up Kristie, you don’t want me as your boyfriend” He says quietly standing & taking his plate to the sink, “We need to keep things as they are.”

“I don’t even know where things are Conner, you’re hot & cold all the time, how is anyone supposed to be happy with that?”

“Am I?” He turns to look at me, genuinely surprised

“Yes, one minute you hold my hand while we’re out then next you won’t even look or talk to me”

“Well that’s who I am Kristie. I never promised hearts & flowers” I look down at my empty plate

 “I know” He looks over at me from the kitchen sink

“Are you still ok with that?” I pause for the longest time, I don’t know if I am ok with that. Can I be ok with that? He smiles at me as I look up at him, in my head I know I need to say ‘no’ but as I look at him with his sexy school boy dimpled smile I hear myself say ‘yes’

“Really?” he strides over to me so easily, looking at me intently, I try to say ‘No, I am not ok with it’ but as he sweeps me up into his arms, I lose my words again & nuzzle his neck. I feel tears welling in my eyes but I can’t let him see them “This is usually when the girl leaves, normally I don’t care, but I cannot lose you Kristie.” I sob escapes my mouth, I try to hide it with a cough “Hey, why are you crying?” I try to compose myself discreetly

“I’m not crying, I’m ok, really.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re ok if you’re not, it’s not going to work if you aren’t honest with yourself” I stare at him in silence for a while, I keep telling myself I don’t want to date & he is the perfect guy who doesn’t want to date either, I just have to stick to my plan

“Really I’m ok, I don’t date, you aren’t boyfriend material, it’s…” I almost say perfect, but don’t want him to think that I mean perfect relationship, he finishes for me

“…a match made in heaven?” he laughs, squeezing me tight, I cannot speak anymore, I know my voice will give me away. I turn to Conner pulling his face into kiss me, it’s the only way I know how to connect with him & feel like we’re on the same page. He responds of course, kissing me back, passionately, I lift his shirt off which urges me to stand with him, I pull him, as we kiss, to his bedroom, I need to erase this conversation with the thing that we do best, but I can feel that this is the end, I think he can feel it too, it feels like the last fuck. The passion between us is different than usual, it is thick & hot, I am turned on but somehow my mind is trying to savour every moment, knowing this will never happen with Conner again. It’s slow, sweet & tender, we make love missionary style while Conner leans on his elbows above me, we don’t lose eye contact with each other, the only noise in the house is our rapid breathing & moans, neither of us prompting the other to go harder or faster, we don’t need words now, we only need this connection between us. Our speed & force increase naturally, our breathing increases as we both strive to come together, we say each other’s names in a heated passion & Conner falls on top of me, nuzzling my neck. We lay there as our breathing slows, Conner still inside of me for the longest time, neither of us wants to move, it’s unspoken but we both know that once he pulls out of me, things will fall apart for us & this will be over.

At this point I figure that I have nothing else to lose, as we’re lying in his bed in our satisfied state, his fingers in my hair, I cannot get our earlier conversation out of my head & the way our love making just felt, I am realising more & more that I am falling in love with him, without even wanting to find a boyfriend, I found a guy who is emotionally unavailable & I start to fall in love with him, exactly why I didn’t want to date!

“I really need to know why you don’t date.” I ask, he shakes his head, pulling out of me & rolling away, lying on his back

“Why don’t you date?” he retorts

“Because I always end up hurt” he rolls towards me on his side

“And you think this” he wiggles his finger between us, signalling he’s talking about us “will be any different?”

“No, honestly I don’t.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Moth to a flame” I say simply, he smiles sadly

“I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I’ve been honest with you about what I can offer you.”

“So we will always just be fuck buddies” I snap, getting up out of bed, finding clothes that are strew around the bedroom

“You gave it that label Kristie, not me” he runs his fingers through his hair, then his fists hit the bed by his outreached legs “You are more than a fuck buddy… but this is it, this is how it’ll always be.”

“Why? I don’t fucking understand”

“You don’t need to know why, just know I want this with you, more than I’ve wanted anything but this is as ‘boyfriend’ as I get.” He sits up, looking at me with a pleading look that makes me want to stop getting dressed in a huff, this is not how I want to end things with Conner, Am I really ending things with Conner?

“Just tell me why, what is so bad that you can’t give me more?

“No” he bows his head

“For fuck sake Conner” I pull on his t shirt, raising my voice “You better print out another fucking rule book because clearly you’re the only one with one.”

“Just back off Kristie” he runs his fingers through his hair again “Fuck!” he shouts, swinging his legs out of bed facing to the wall, but he doesn’t get up.

“You’re going to end up alone if you don’t let someone in.” I whisper, he doesn’t turn around, I don’t expect him too.

“That’s the way it should be.” I walk to his bedroom door

“Wake up Conner, there’s someone right in front of you…” My stomach churns, I take a deep breath, it’s now or never “…someone who loves you.” He shakes his head, still not turning to face me

“Well, stop.” There’s a long pause as his words soak into my brain, I think I am waiting for him to take it back, he doesn’t correct himself, I snap.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” I turn on my heel, grab my bag & walk out. I know he won’t follow me, but that doesn’t stop me from secretly wishing that he would the whole drive home. What is his problem? The tears well in my eyes, No I am not going to cry over a fuck buddy! Ha, if only that term were ever true for me, he didn’t want to label it, but I insisted & I end up alone again. I’m such an idiot, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle stringless fun with a guy I already had a crush on, I am getting what I deserve for not being smarter, I should have set a time frame, I should have… You shouldn’t have even started! 

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #11

The next weekend as we’re out to lunch, Conner goes quiet again, I can’t work him out, so playful sometimes then acts like he doesn’t care. He is so frustrating but I can’t help the pull I have towards him. If he didn’t want to do couply things with me, such as lunches out, then why did he keep suggesting them? I have said all along I don’t want to date so why does he force the issue to take me out to lunches or dinners & then insists on paying like it is a date, then clams up as soon as we’re at the restaurant. I wish that I knew what he was thinking, where he really saw this thing going with me, because I am falling for him, harder than I thought I would or ever could fall.

“What are you thinking about?” He gives me a sexy smile, that make me think he is not going to tell me the truth but something else, something that’ll turn me on, he lowers his voice, looking directly into my eyes

“I’m thinking about you, naked… Covered in this mousse” he holds up the spoon “& me licking it off your hot… sweaty… skin… while you beg me to make you come” He snickers & he’s proved his point, I shift in my chair already turned on, already becoming wet. I swallow loudly, he knows what effect he has on me. His response turns me on but I realise that I may never really know Conner, he will always use sex as a distraction. There is something inside him, maybe something that has happened to him, that has made him act like this, Will I ever be privy to this information? I really doubt that Conner will ever let me in & the more I try to distance myself, the more I feel myself being pulled towards him. Conner interrupts my musings “What do you think?”

I blush, as usual, then try to act sexy

“I’ll beg now.” He cracks up laughing, jumping out of his chair to go to the counter. He comes back with a small shopping bag, he grabs my hand & leads me back to the car.

“What’s in the bag?” Although I suspect I already know the answer

“Chocolate Mousse” He says as a matter of fact. Grinning the whole way home, Conner rests his hand on my knee, every so often he shifts it higher up my thigh, my breath hitches as he does, but then he has to turn a corner & takes his hand away to manoeuvre the car. He returns his hand to my knee again, loving his tortuous game, I am so horny by the time we get to his house, I hope he just fucks me in the hallway again. He doesn’t even seem affected by this last hour of foreplay, he seems so calm, when I’m about ready to combust.

My wish is granted, we’re barely in the door, Conner has me pinned against the wall, his mouth invading mine, our tongues fighting each other to get further in each other’s mouths, our hands everywhere, I can feel that the last hour of foreplay has affected him, his hard cock presses into me. Conner has the bag with mousse in his hand down by our side, he rustles the bag, as if realising he still has the bag, he pulls away from me. He walks off into the kitchen leaving me panting & wanting calling over his shoulder ‘better get this in the fridge’ I hear him chuckle as he walks off. Bastard!

He walks back turning on the TV & lies on the couch, with an arm above his head, he flicks the channel a few times before settling on a program, I can’t believe he’s not even affected at all, actually I can see where I have affected him as his cock strains against his zipper

“What?” He’s grinning at me, his dimples making me weak at the knees, he tries to pull an innocent face

“You know what!” I stand with my hand on my hip, pouting

“No I don’t” His smile is from ear to ear, He’s such a jerk! “What?”

“I’m horny & you’re just casually lying there.” His grin couldn’t get any wider, he sits up, looking a little more interested

“Really? Horny huh? What would you like me to do about it?” Do I really have to say it out loud? He nods as if reading my thoughts

“I want you to fuck me” he turns off the TV, his eyes darkening, he stands up & walks to me, but doesn’t touch me, my breathing hasn’t returned to normal but somehow it increases more.

“I think I want dessert first!” He grins picking me up over his shoulder, I squeal, he slaps me on the butt before putting me down in front of him in his bedroom, he pulls my dress off me quickly & abruptly, I didn’t even know he was going to pull it off. I am wearing no bra which seems to please him “Fuck, did you wear my boxers out all day?” He’s grinning, I nod “That is so fucking hot, I wish I knew, I would have fucked you on the restaurant table” he picks me up in the bride pose & plonks me down on his bed. I lay there panting as he looks down at me, I am so ready for him, he doesn’t need to eat chocolate off me to turn me on. “Do you trust me Kristie?” I nod, I realise that I do trust him but I wonder what he has planned, all I want is his cock inside me, but I know that he is in a playful mood & will want to tease me “I want to tie your hands to the bed & blindfold you” it’s more of a statement to let me know what he’s planning, I automatically put my hands up over my head without even thinking about it, he smiles, pulling a satin robe tie out of his wardrobe, he ties my hands carefully so it’s not too tight but so I am secure, then he takes his t shirt off, kissing my lips, he places the t shirt just over my eyes, it somehow makes my breathing increase. I feel his weight shift off the bed & I think I hear him leave the room, where the fuck has he gone? I hear the fridge open in the distance & then I understand, he’s going to cover me in mousse while I’m blindfolded.  

When he returns, he starts pulling his boxers off me, I lift my butt & knees to help him, he doesn’t touch me further, without my sight I am trying so hard to hear what he is doing, I can’t hear anything over my breathing.

“Don’t move” Then I feel it, the cold mousse touches my stomach in a blob, the next blob over my nipple which stands erect underneath the coolness of it, he places a blob on my other nipple, my thigh & neck, then his hot mouth is on the first blob, but he doesn’t just eat it off, he spreads it around with his tongue, it’s sticky & cold, but with the heat of his mouth it’s warm. I pull against my restraint as his kisses my breasts, he moves lower kissing my thigh, dragging mousse with his tongue to my clit, my legs shamelessly part & he chuckles, sucking on my most sensitive part.

“Oh… Conner” I am writhing, my head tossing from side to side “Fuck me, please!” He keeps going, he kisses from my clit to my inner thigh & back up to where he put the first blob on my stomach, he kisses each nipple, then his mouth is on mine, I can taste myself & chocolate mixed with the taste of Conner, it’s so sexy but I just need him inside me. He pulls away, I can tell he’s undressing himself “Please, I just want you inside me”

“I want to be there too.” He starts at my toe, working his way up my leg, kissing each inch as he goes, he reaches my clit & sucks against it as I struggle against my tied arms, he puts two fingers inside me

“Oh… Yeah!” he pumps his fingers in & out a few times before he takes them out, he’s kneeling in between my legs, I can’t work out what he is doing, he’s making ‘Hmmm’ sounds

“You taste so good mixed with chocolate” He’s licking his fingers after they have fucked me!

“Oh my god Conner, please.” Without warning his cock fills me hard & fast, I groan, “Yes, harder!” He pulls his t shirt off my eyes, he’s looking directly at me when they adjust back to the light, he obliges my last request & I come, clenching around him, he doesn’t stop his rhythm & I know he’s not ready to come yet.

He pulls out of me abruptly, turning me over with ease so I am on my stomach, my restraints twist in front of me, he unties my hands quickly, grabbing my hips & pulling them up but he pauses before he enters me from behind, I move myself to support my weight on my forearms, Conner’s hands glide over my butt, his thumb finding that entrance, toying with the outside before he slowly penetrates inside with his thumb. I thought that would feel weird, but it feels amazing, his other hand slides between my legs to find my clit & moving in the same gentle motion as his other thumb. My body is still coming hard, he retracts his hand from between my legs, sliding into me slowly this time, gripping my ass he uses it for leverage, pulling back & forth with a slapping force, it feels so good to be fucked hard. My body matches his pounding rhythm, I’m rocking back & forth on my forearms & knees, I am close to coming again when his thumb gently pushes into my back entrance ever so slightly again, with only one more thrust I am coming loudly again, I didn’t even know it was possible to come that many times! I arch my back as I absorb the pleasure, pleasure that is coming at me from all directions, my body doesn’t even know what is going on, it’s on pleasure overload, trying to concentrate on how amazing Conner is at what he’s doing but my vision is blurry from the pleasure. Conner grabs my hips for his final thrusts, coming spectacularly inside me

“Ohhhh… Kristie!” he’s kneeling but he rests his body flat on my back, my weak arms give way immediately with his weight & I slide to the mattress. Conner is now lying on my back breathing rapidly, he nuzzles my neck, his arms sliding along mine which are outstretched in a T shape. That was fricken intense!  I never knew I would like anything in that hole, I’ve had guys try to stick they cock up there before but this wasn’t forceful or sinister, it felt really amazing, I wonder what his cock would feel like there? Where did that come from?

“You ok baby?” There’s that term of endearment again!

“Amazing” It’s all I can say before I fall asleep with Conner still on my back & still inside me. 

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #10

I spend all week daydreaming & looking forward to the weekend when I see Conner again, we haven’t ever suggested to each other to catch up during the week, I personally thought that was a little too much, it was a good idea to keep it to the weekends. Most of my weekends had been pretty boring before Conner so now that I filling up my calendar by being filled up with Conner’s cock, I was pretty busy every weekend. I tried to book things with friends during the week, leaving the weekends free for uninterrupted Conner time. Damn, you’re in trouble!

I can’t wait until Conner gets to my house, it’s the first weekend since we started sleeping together that we didn’t spend Friday & Saturday together, I had a party on Friday night & had to work on Saturday so we planned to meet at my place for dinner Saturday night. I had another plan!

I had never dressed up in sexy lingerie before, the red demi bra only just contained by breasts, the barely there g string was a tiny scrap of triangular material, I wore a garter & matching thigh high stockings with sky high black heels. I felt sexy but also a little slutty but Conner always made me feel so at ease with my body & my sexuality that I wanted to do this for him, I did want to do this for my own confidence but mainly it was all about him. 

I hear my front door open, I can sense that Conner has found the note that simply says ‘Come find me,’ I hear him chuckle & his footsteps stalk quickly up the hallway to my bedroom, I stand up straight, hoping he likes what he sees, in the middle of the room by my bed holding two beers, I have already had a beer & a half to give me some liquid confidence

“Fuck” he stops dead “You are…” he searches for the right words “Come in my pants… Smokin’ hot…” he smiles & takes the beer I hand to him

“That’s a good thing?” I question as he swigs on the beer, never taking his eyes off me, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

“That’s the biggest compliment ever” he hasn’t moved to touch me “I’m torn between not wanting to stop looking at you & throwing you down on bed, fucking you senseless” he makes a throaty sound, swigging on his beer that is now half gone

“Well, there’ll be no throw down Conner” I walk towards him drinking my own beer before putting it on the chest of draws “Tonight you’re mine!” I reach for his belt & seductively, I slowly undo it making eye contact with him as much as I can, as I let his pants fall, I bend to unlace his yellow Mack boots so he can step out of them, I pull each sock off before running my hand up his muscly legs as I stand back up. I unbutton his navy & orange high visibility shirt, revealing a navy wife beater singlet, which I struggle to pull off over his head, Conner helps me eagerly, after his beer bottle joins mine on the chest. I can see how hard he is with only his grey boxer briefs on, I lightly caress him through the thin fabric, he lets out a loud moan of appreciation, I move my body close enough so he can feel me but so my hand can stay teasing his cock, his eyes are burning as we look at one another

“Jesus Kristie” I smile sweetly, standing on tippy toes to kiss him, he responds hungrily taking my mouth as deep as he can, he doesn’t touch me which is exactly what I want, as our kiss deepens I glide my hand into his boxer shorts to clasp his naked cock. I play with his balls in my palm before I decide the boxers are restricting my actions, I pull them down, bending with my actions till I am on my knees, I stare greedily at his cock standing proudly erect

“Your cock is so hard” I say breathily, he moans at my words, I know he likes it when I talk dirty. I use my hands to stroke it, licking the length, taking his balls in my mouth & sucking on them, pulling on them slightly

“Fuck” he hisses How many swear words I can make Conner say tonight! I lick the length of Conner again & again, resting my hand right at the base, across his pubic hair, my other hand grabs his tight ass & I open wide to accommodate his cock inside my mouth “Ssss…hhhh…iiii…tttt” Conner grabs my hair in a tight fist, it’s only slightly painful, in a good way, I continue to suck, harder & faster “Fuck… Oooh you are so fucking good” his hips gyrate, pushing his cock further, his grip on my hair tightens again “Fuck… Yes… Oh fuck… Jesus… Yes” he shouts as he comes in my mouth. I lick his cock clean before I gaze up at him, he’s looking down at me with a cheeky dimpled grin “Now that’s a hello!” I giggle, standing up with his help he crushes his lips down to mine, pushing me back until I feel the bed at my calves, I push him away to break the kiss

“No, no throw down, I meant it. It’s all you Dimples!” he pulls a perplexed facial expression, I’ve not told him about my nickname for him, but he doesn’t mention it

“No way, especially when you look like that, there is no way I can stop myself from fucking you”

“No Conner, I’m going to fuck you!” I say with as much innuendo as I can

“Christ, you’re making me hard again” he looks at his cock “Not that it went down” he looks back at me “I’m always hard around you. I got hard on the way here just thinking about us, but never did I expect you to look this fuckable” I turn us around & push him hard onto the bed, he falls laughing lying up on his elbows to watch me

“What should we do first? It’s man’s choice tonight” I stand there taping my lip with my pointer finger, thinking about what I want to do with him

“Sit on my face” I almost blush HolyFuckingBatShit! 

“Is that really what you want?” I ask sweetly “Not a hand job or another blow job?”

“That’s what I really want, I want to taste you” I put my hands on my hips

“This was supposed to be all about you Conner” he laughs

“Giving me what I want is all about me” He winks & it gives me the push I need to do this, it wasn’t what I was expecting from him but I wanted to give him what he wanted. Grinning, I crawl slowly up the bed brushing his skin with every move I make, I straddle his sides, briefly stopping to rub his cock across my satin covered wet core, he grabs my ass, taking in a sharp intake of breath

“Ah uh” I say smacking his hands away knowing he’ll probably push me down on his cock, I keep crawling up the bed, bending to kiss his lips, not giving his tongue long enough to explore my mouth. I’ve never done this before & I feel a little self-conscious but he obviously likes it. He licks me gently through the satin of my G string & I moan, I’m already soaking wet so the moisture only builds as he teases softly through the fabric, his hands come to grab my butt & pull me closer, I feel like I am suffocating him but he doesn’t seem to mind, his hand reaches around & pulls the scrap of red material to one side, he moves his hand & his tongue darts in to lap at my clit

“Fuck!” I groan in passion, my underwear gets in the way so I eagerly hold it aside, giving Conner both hands to hold my hips down on his face. My other hand grips the bed head, digging my fingernails into the leather as I rock back & forth on his face. Without being able to put any fingers inside me it’s only Conner’s tongue that teases me, licking, lapping long luscious stokes “I’m coming Conner…” he pulls my hips further down & sits his head up slightly as he sucks my clitoris hard pulling it into his mouth, I can barely breathe, my body convulsing violently. I sit there limply coming down from my high as he continues to lick me. Suddenly I am conscious that I am suffocating him so I quickly slide down his body, flopping back to lie on Conner’s legs, he sits up spreading his legs to make himself comfortable, I’m sitting in his lap both our legs looking like frogs legs bent around each other at the knee. I am still breathing like I have run a marathon as Conner’s hand reaches my bra, pulling it down to free each breast so that each one is being pushed up with the force of the bra. He tenderly caresses them which doesn’t help my rapid breathing

“Nnn…ooo” I try to stutter, this is supposed to be about him, but my head falls back as he teases me

“Shhhhh, baby” his hand glides down my sides, pushing aside my G string & two fingers enter me

“Ahhhh, Conn… er” he’s not doing it to make me come this time, it’s like he just wants to feel the inside of me. As I slowly regain my equilibrium, he removes his fingers, I sit up so we’re nose to nose, his hands caresses the top of my stockings

“No one has ever dressed in anything like this for me before”

“I’ve never done it before but I wanted to for you” Shit, was that too much, too girlfriendy?

“You look insanely sexy” he pulls me closer on his lap, gripping my butt cheeks, his lips find my exposed nipple tugging on it until it stands erect for him “But then again” he grins cheekily at me “You make anything look sexy” I laugh, he’s deluded, but I lap up the compliments, blushing in the progress. I lift up on my knees, pushing him back on the bed, I kiss him deeply rocking my body back & forth so my nipples graze his chest, I sit up, abruptly as he moans loudly

“Now Conner” I rock up & down even though I am not on his cock “About that fucking…” he smiles, his dimples exposed, I look into his eyes & realise I am falling for this man Shit, did you have to think that now?

“Hmmm?” he prompts after I am lost in my thoughts, I push back off the bed, leaving Conner laying there with his hard cock standing proudly, he sits up on his elbows, I grab our beers, which gives me a chance to take a deep breath, I pass him his, he downs the content, I take the bottle from him but stand in front of him, staring at each other.  

Slowly, I hook my fingers in the elastic of my g string, pulling it slowly down my legs until it’s at my knees & falls the floor on its own, his eyes tell me he likes what he sees

“Jesus, you’re killing me Kristie” he sits up fully in bed, I take this as my cue to sit on his lap pushing him back on the bed kissing him deeply, I crawl up as he lays down so my opening is grazing his hard erect cock. I kiss him passionately, darting my tongue in & out of his mouth, my hands support my weight by his shoulders giving me the leverage to rub his cock along my folds, teasing us both, he breaks the kiss with me, taking my nipple into his mouth, we moan together, I smile, we are so in sync that it scares me. I pull away sitting up on his legs with his cock in front of me, I take it with both hands, rubbing his length making him groan with pleasure “Oh fuck” I see he is getting ready to come, I hold him steady & lower myself on him, resting my hands on the bed, back by his shoulders, his hands hold my hips as they move up & down on his cock bringing up closer to the brink of orgasm “I’m going to come, you are the hottest little thing ever” his words spur me on, I rock harder & deeper, I want to come with him, one of his hands tweak my nipple as I feel him come hotly inside me, he pulls me down hard on his cock & it sets me off too, he tweaks my other nipple as I convulse tightening around his already spent cock.

As our breathing slows we look at each other, with stupid grins on our face

“I hope that I’ve filled the brief?” I ask while he’s still inside me, he chuckles

“The one that you set yourself?” he responds stealing my answer to him when he asked me the same question, I laugh “You get full marks too baby”

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #9

As we come back down to earth, he pulls away from the kiss & looks back into my eyes, it’s as if Conner realises the intimacy between us & quickly shifts me off his lap so abruptly I wince as he pulls out of me, he pushes me aside so I am sitting on the bed. It has the effect he wants, it puts some distance between us, He felt it too! My heart sinks as he throws the cover back quickly, swinging his legs out of bed & stands up

“Shower” he snaps, not waiting for my response, he’s already in the bathroom with the shower running, I’m not sure if it’s a statement or an invitation. I sit on the edge of his bed trying to get my head around what just happened. He obviously felt it too & it scared him, Hell it scares me too! He said he doesn’t do the boyfriend thing, so why did he just make love to me, so sweetly & tenderly? It’s not like I asked him too, it’s not like we are in a relationship & that’s what he felt he had to do. Could I have changed the outcome of that exchange by saying something dirty to him?

I decide that it was an invitation to shower with him so I walk into the bathroom, he’s all lathered in soap, rubbing his fingers through his hair with such force I wonder if he always washing his hair like that or if he’s tense. When I open the shower screen, he steps out of the running water to let me in, I let the water cover my body, Conner doesn’t look at me but he moves us again so he is under the running water & can rinse the soap out of his hair. I really wish I knew what he was thinking, I reach for his body wash & lather up my hands, I rub all over my body & as I look down, I see my little display is turning him on, he pulls me close, tugging on my hair to tilt my chin to him, he kisses me hard & roughly

“Suck my cock, sexy!” he commands, I smile innocently, I understand why he is acting this way toward me, I start kissing his neck, moving down his body till I’m on my knees & his cock is near my mouth. The water is splashing on his back so I am virtually protected from the stream of running water, I reach up to grab his cock “No hands” he growls, so I put my hands behind my back, looking up at him sweetly & take him in my mouth. He groans as his fingers grab my wet hair, I take him in as far as I can go, then pull back sucking hard, I repeat as his hips rock, his hand keeping my head steady so I take more of him each time. “Oh yeah…” he moans, it doesn’t take very long before I look back up at him & he’s looking down at me, his hips gyrating, making me take more of his cock “Fuck… Hmmm… if you don’t want me to come in your mouth, stop” I keep going, sucking harder, he tilts his head back & tightens his grip in my hair “Oh, fuck” he comes in my mouth, hot & wet, well that’s a first, it tastes funny, but not unpleasant, I try not to think about what it actually is as I make eye contact with Conner, I swallow his come, licking my lips, “Baby, that is beyond hot!” Baby? Better not read too much into that.

Conner he rinses his cock, turning to me to kiss my forehead before he snaps the shower door open & steps out, I’m still on my knees as he barely dries himself & stalks out of the bathroom. Jeez! Way to make a girl feel used Conner! But it gives me time to think.

I always hated being asked to suck a guy’s cock or having my head pushed down there. Don’t get me wrong, I like doing it but I don’t like being told when to do it, I’ve also certainly never let a guy or ever even wanted a guyto come in my mouth, much less swallow it before. But I oddly liked doing it for Conner & I love his reaction, it made me feel so unashamed & bold.

I understand he’s confused about our intimate sex, I am too, I’ve never made love before, not even with my only boyfriend Dominic, it never felt as intimate with him like it just had with Conner. I don’t know what his issue is but I know he doesn’t want a girlfriend & that was definitely boyfriend/girlfriend sex, so he jumped in the shower to wash away the memory & he told to me do something less intimate & more primal, it’s probably why he said no hands.

I wonder if Conner has ever had sex like that before. Maybe not, that’s why he’s so freaked out? I decide that he couldn’t have had sex like that before with anyone because that was the best sex of my life, it had to be for him too. What we have is nothing compared to what he has had in the past. Dangerous territory Callan, doing sex comparisons! How did we get here so soon, it’s only our second weekend?

*

Conner has laid out a T shirt & boxer briefs on his bed, I can only assume they are for me & that he’s already dressed because I can hear him cooking. I smile at how confusing he is, he’s asked me to stay tonight, or has he changed his mind? & now he’s laid out his clothes for me. I get dressed & join him in the kitchen, he is dressed like I suspected, in a matching outfit of a t shirt & boxer briefs 

“Omelette?” he doesn’t look up, he’s still weirding out 

“Yum, perfect, want me to do anything?” I come over to stand next to him, elbowing him in the ribs playfully, trying to lighten to mood a little, he chuckles giving me a sideways glance, he notices my clothes

“No you can just look sexy in my boxers” he kisses my nose & he’s back. I grab the OJ from the counter & pour myself a glass, sitting down on the stools, my muscles ache as I sit down, Conner notices my reaction as he walks over with the fry pan to put the Omelette on the plates in front of me “Are you sore?”

“A little, feels good though.” he smiles but doesn’t really look at me, sitting down next to me & demolishes his omelette.

It’s 10:30am as we finish clearing up breakfast, I wonder what he plans to do for the rest of the day, I don’t think I can have sex as often as he might want too, so far I haven’t eased myself back into it after four years of celibacy & since I’ve been here less than 24 hours & he’s made me come how many times, I’ve lost count now.

“So if you’re sore, what can we do today so I can still have my wicked way with you tonight?” He grins at me cheekily, I giggle, loving this side of Conner, much better than brooding Conner! I try to think of something not coupley that we can do but nothing springs to mind “It’s a nice day we could go for a walk on the beach, grab some lunch?” he suggests, Hmmm so much for not coupley but with no bright ideas of my own, I agree. A walk on the beach doesn’t have to be coupley! Does it?

We get ready in silence, I’m wearing a summer dress in a florally pattern, I ponder for a moment if I should take off his boxer shorts, but he told me not to bring underwear this weekend & I can’t go out to a windy beach commando in a short summer dress. I decide that technically I am not wearing my own underwear so it wouldn’t be breaking his rules. Conner pulls on some cargo shorts & he’s ready. My hair is in complete disarray & can only be tamed by putting it in a messy bun, it’s really not messy on purpose but that’s how it ends up.

In the car, I have silent Conner, I look over at him, even with his Ray Bans on, I can tell he’s frowning, thinking about something, I wish I knew what it was. Is he an over thinker too? He parks the car easily, jumping out quickly to meet me at my door, which I’ve already opened & am getting out of but he shuts it for me, resting his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the stairs which lead to the beach.

We take off our matching Havaiana thongs, mustn’t think too much about that either, when we reach the sand & head toward the water. The waves lap at our feet, we walk along the shore line with the sun warming our skin. Conner’s arm brushes mine every now & then, I feel the electricity between us, he catches me off guard when he casually entwines his fingers through mine. We’ve not spoken a word since we left his house, which was all I could think about but now I can’t help but think about the fact that he’s holding hand, he’s just looking ahead not saying anything at all. What is he thinking? 

“It’s such a beautiful day” I break the silence, finally I have thought of something to say. He smiles but doesn’t look at me, he tucks our hands behind my back, not letting go of my hand, to pull us closer together, he kisses my forehead

“You’re beautiful” Swoon!  We walk like that for a long time, maybe 30 minutes have passed, unexpectedly he picks me up around the waist, spinning once before heading into the water, I scream but I’m laughing at his playfulness

“Conner don’t you dare” I scream trying to break free of his strong hold, he’s laughing too, other passers-by watch us, we seem like two people in love playing joyfully in the surf, he puts me down in knee deep water, taking my face in his hands he kisses me enthusiastically, his tongue parting my lips, finding its way to stroke mine, his hands don’t move from my face, my hands rest on his hips as the waves crash into us, wetting my bottom of my dress. He pulls away from the kiss, wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling my head to his chest, I can hear his rapid heartbeat, he sighs.

“What are you doing to me Kristie?” it’s barely audible over the waves & I’m not sure if I am supposed to hear him. He takes a deep breath, speaking louder “Come on, let’s go back” he kisses the top of my head, putting his arm around me pulling me into his nook, we walk back towards the car, again in total silence. 

#IBD4U

Goodwin #3

I’m pretty sure I replied to a comment on Facebook ages ago, for Goodwin #2 that I was never going to go there again with this guy… Well… Apparently I while I didn’t know it then, I lied! When he pops up again on the chat app with a new account I start chatting to him, we chat a lot actually & never get to plan a time to catch up. This guy isn’t going to be anything, this guy isn’t going to be the love of my life but he might be some fun.

You have to remember that I have been dating now for almost 15 years & am yet to date a decent guy, so what’s the point? While I have Marvel, I also don’t want to keep all my eggs in his basket, while I don’t think marvel is seeing anyone else, I don’t really know or will ever know what he’s doing on the side.

Remember when I went speed dating for the last time? Well the next night, despite how much I hate that I did or allowed that to get to me, I am at my lowest, I mean – for fuck sake – I didn’t even get a match at all… How fucking sad is that?! Like I don’t mean to brag, you all know I have very low self-esteem, but this is the best I have ever looked in my life. So I am feeling low because if how good I look yet I am a still fucking single & dating absolute wankers, what is it about me that makes me so undateable?!

Anyway Goodwin has arrange to come over but as I wait & wait & wait like a wanker, he messages to tell me that his sister has been in a bun crash & that he’s at the women’s & children’s hospital with her. Okay, plausible story, I can’t fact check to be honest but I don’t even care. I write the standard thing, like I hope she’s ok & then stop replying – but he doesn’t read it.

We arrange another date to catch up a few weeks later, much to my better judgement & all I get from him before we’re supposed to catch up is “Today isn’t going to work.” Eh whatever dude, I write him off & never reply. This has to be done, I mean what is with this man, It’s so weird, it’s not like I am interested in him like that & I haven’t been clingy so fuck know what he wants….

Three months later I get messages from him & against my better judgement, again I reply – like I am so fucking sad that I keep replying to this guy, this fuck wit who is just playing games with me, saying that he’s moved to New Zealand. Like, ok, why are you messaging me? What am I going to do with that, I mean he’s in another country!! What’s the purpose of this char?

But then just as quick as he had gone, he’s home & messaging me. This time he actually does come over & when he gets there he spends so much time massaging me that I think he’s going to have to go before we even have sex.

I’m not sure why he’s massaging me, but I have to say I like it. He says he’s a physio but I’m sure he’d said at the beginning that he was a podiatrist, but whatever he is, I like this massage, it’s the longest massage a guy has ever given me leading up to sex too. Most men rub your back for 10 minutes then roll you over, however Goodwin is on a mission, he messages me a lot & works his way down so he’s fingering me, I have to admit that I am really turned on from the massage that he’s able to finger me & with each pump of his hand going into me slowly, he adds a finger… I try to relax because I work out what he’s trying to do & I’ve never had a guy do this to me before so I go with it. He’s trying to fist me & he gets close, but I can’t relax enough & I wonder if it’s because I don’t really know this guy that well & I don’t really want a first with him… I suck his dick after he makes me cum then he rushes off before the cum is even dry.

I see him again before the end of this story, but it’s much the same, he tries to fits me unsuccessfully & then rushes off quickly after he’s cum. I chat to him sporadically, he talks to me about a threesome, the threesome I want with two guys – but he’s just not one of the guys however he says that he has a friend that will do it with us, which I am reluctant about. Being I haven’t seen Goodwin that much to really trust him to fuck my ass or stop the other guy if he goes too far. I get Dom Dom on board for this threesome, the guy I wanted to do it with Marvel back in the day. They agree but then when I tell Goodwin that Dom Dom is married he says no judgement but never raises the subject again. So I guess that isn’t going to happen then! Hahaha.

I guess I don’t really have an end to this story to be honest, we don’t catch up again & sporadically talk but I am non-committal to everything because, do you know what? He doesn’t deserve my time, but like any other guy still dangling in my life, I sometimes have nothing better to do than to write to them so I use them for a bit of company – just as much as they are using me for whatever they are using me for.

#IBD4U

Lameroo

When I decide in 2021 to date properly, no having sex with the guy on the first date, I am actually going to date them. I’m going to put in some serious effort to date & look for a proper partner, a partner I deserve!

This guy while not 100% my type, he’s cute, brown curly hair, brown eyes, tall. He lives in Lameroo – now this is about 3 hours away from Adelaide so I think that there is no point this guy – but then sometimes I have days of thinking about what would happen if I moved to a small town, what if I did move out of Adelaide. I could finally give up Marvel, I could move on with my life. But with a brand new job I honestly don’t know how this would work but he says that he can live anywhere with his work. His parents apparently live in Mt Barker, one day when I’m driving through there he tells me that he stays with them often & we could catch up closer to me, that he doesn’t mind driving. OMG if I had a dollar for every time a dude said that to me “I like driving” or “I don’t mind driving” & then when it comes to catching up they use that as an excuse.

Anyway we decide to meet for dinner. We decide to meet in a country town between his parents & my house, I consider catching an uber & having a few drinks to let my hair down a bit but decide that I will drive. He’s there when I get there & it’s freezing but he’s waiting outside for me. He’s just like his pictures, he’s wearing a casual outfit, more casual than mine & a hat. We go inside & the fucking country pub is packed, during a peak covid time before we had to wear masks 24/7 but we can’t get a table. We have to wait. As we are waiting I see a family friend sitting in the corner with a lady I don’t know, but without thinking, I say hello & walk back to my date. I’m pretty sure I’ve just sprung him cheating on his wife! Hahaha…

As we get a table I spy a woman from work, I have been in my job only a few weeks, it’s Friday night & she sees me, waves & comes over. She’s got the red wine lip – you know the joker lip when you’ve had too much red wine. I don’t introduce the dude I am with but she leaves us alone.  

We order dinner & eat, he pays for dinner – I get steak so I’m always impressed when they offer to pay for my $40 dinner, Hahaha. He also pays for a drink as well. We wat 7 the conversation flows, not insanely easily but similar to how it did on our text, so it’s easy & a nice night. After we finish dinner, the bar crowd is thinning out, so he suggests we have another drink & go sit by the fire. It’s nice that he’s suggested to stay when we clearly could go home at this point. We sit & chat some more, the conversation flowing. I find myself finding him more attractive as we talk – sometimes I think that happens when you talk to someone more & more. I don’t think there is a full on chemistry, but there is something I think might be worth pursuing here.

He goes to the bathroom & the woman from work says they’re going home & they live across the road that she asks if we want to go back to her house. I say that I’m on a first date & she asks if I’m having fun, I say yes but she says that if I want to ditch him & go back to hers for some fun, I could. I still don’t know what type of “fun” she meant.

Shortly after Lameroo & I leave the pub, it’s a small country town in a valley so it’s icy outside & I am dreading the stand at our car awkwardness, we get to mine & his is further away so we stand at mine, it’s too cold for me to fart ass around being awkward, so I hug him, he doesn’t go in for a kiss so we kiss on the cheek & I get in my car & crank the heater to head home.

What do you know, as I’m walking in the door I get a long message from Lameroo – because we didn’t kiss goodbye I don’t even know what he will say but I get a whole message about how he likes me, would really like to see me again & understands if I am not interested but he would like to catch up again. I say sure that I am open to that etc. I go to sleep with a little smile on my face.

A few days later the messaging with him has come to a halt, so try to keep messaging but he’s making it too difficult, I stop & it stops altogether. This is coming from a guy who works in a tractor that apparently messages all the time while working & now he can’t message? I decide I deserve to know happened so I ask him why he would message me after the date asking to see me again but never actually trying to see me again. He says “yeah sorry I’ve been busy with work.”

I never write back, I never hear from him again… I honestly do not get it!

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #8

I’m jolted awake again, I don’t really understand in the pitch blackness what is happening or where I am, it takes a second to realise that there is nothing wrong, I am so content, Conner lying behind me, his strong arms still holding me tight, his steady breathing is a signal that he is asleep. I roll out of his arms & turn to face him, now that my eyes have adjusted to the light & from the glow of his clock radio, it 3:02am, I can see how peaceful he looks, I snuggle in closer to him, he stirs, I wrap my arm around his back & pull him in close

“Hmmmm” he’s waking up, I feel his erection growing, he kisses my hair & his arms pull me in closer still, I look up at him, his lips crush down on mine, not holding back, he rolls over on top of me with such force & passion. He groans moving down my body to give himself room to pull off his boxer briefs, there is no preamble, I am already wet for him he slides back up my body, my legs part & he enters me slowly & easily, then he’s a little rough, it’s so satisfying, I dig my fingers into this back, he’s looking directly into my eyes, I can’t look away as he thrusts hard & fast, I know it not going to be long, when he bites the skin on my collar bone, I clench around him, we both come quickly each shouting different expletives.

“Fuck Kristie” he sighs loudly, kissing my neck as our breathing returns to normal “That wasn’t too rough for you?” there’s a hint of a smile in his voice, but he’s serious

“No, I like it” I practically whisper while my face turns beetroot red, thank god it’s dark, will I ever stop blushing at everything he says?

“Really?” he slips out of me, lying next to me on the bed, his hand rests on my stomach as our noses touch “You like it a little kinky huh?” I shrug, not that he can see it, but I know he knows I responded as best I can, even though he’s done all manner of things to me I still feel shy when it comes to vocalising it “Tell me what you like” I take a deep breath

“I like it when…”

“Yeah?” he prompts after I pause

“You pin me down, my hands above my head” he chuckles but doesn’t say anything, hoping I’ll say more, it makes me brave since we’re in the dark & as his hand rubs appreciatively over my stomach “But I like morning sex the best”

“Hmmm, I can’t wait until morning then!” he kisses my shoulder, pulling me back into him so he’s spooning me again, I fall into a doze & I’m not sure if it was a dream, but I swear I heard him whisper “How will I ever let you go?”

*

I stir as the sunshine hits my face in the morning, the clock says its 7:33am, Conner is sleeping peacefully next to me on his back with one of his arms up behind his head, I turn to face him, taking this opportunity to study his face, he’s so attractive, his strong jaw, his full lips, long eyelashes, his blonde curly hair that is never in any sort of style. How will I ever let him go? It makes me  think back to what I think he said as I was falling asleep & even though I don’t think I was supposed to hear it & as much as I think he meant it to be sweet, it dawns on me that it’s not at all sweet. He’s already planning to let me go, he just doesn’t know how he’s going to do it. I don’t want him to let me go, Shit! I’m in way too deep! It was his plan from the start to just be casual so I shouldn’t be surprised, but why does he have to let me go? Does he think that’s what I want because I told him I don’t date? What a mess already!

I feel tears welling in my eyes, I move my hand to come up to run my fingers through his hair, it feels so soft, I let an unruly curl outstretch in my fingers, he stirs as I run my hand back through his hair, down the side of his face to his shoulder, I keep it moving down his hard abs, he moans not opening his eyes but I know he is now awake, I find my target, he’s already hard, I take it in my hand giving it a light squeeze before I move my hand up & down his length. He groans loudly, which spurs me on, I move in closer to him, kissing his neck as he’s done to me so many times, as his breathing increases I move my hand faster. In a split second, before I realise what is going on, Conner has grabbed me with both his hands & lifted me up to straddle him, his hands guide my hips as I lift up on my knees to impale myself on his cock, as I start moving up & down slowly, he sucks in a deep breath, his hands run from my hips to tweak my nipples as I pick up the pace, his hands return to my hips to guide me

“You look fucking sexy riding me” I don’t blush, first time for everything, his words make me feel amazing, they don’t make me feel shy. This is the first guy I’ve ever slept with that tells me how much he likes the way I look & it gives me the confidence I need. 

“This feels… so good” I say as I rest my hands on his hard pecks, I never say stuff like that during sex, I like how he reacts to it with a smile, which encourages me to do it in the future. His hands help me move faster as we both start breathing more rapidly

“I like you on top” he grins, I smile cheekily, lifting my hands from his chest, I run them up my stomach across my breast, teasing them as I know I’m close, his eyes widen at my brazen show of self-pleasure “That is so hot Kristie” I look him in the eyes, tweaking my own nipples more, he groans. My hands run up my neck flicking my matted sex hair & as my arms reach up, my knees lifting me up & down, Conner teases my clit & I come 

“Oh God… Conner… Yes, Yes, Yes!” I scream out loudly, his hand moves back to my hip to pull me down for a few final thrusts as he comes too. 

“Holy fuck!” My hands come back down to my sides, Conner is still bucking slightly underneath me, while my body pulsates around him. I’m still straddling him with his cock inside me when he pulls me down to rest my chest on his so he can kiss me, both his hands cup my face, kissing me with such passion, not caring about our morning breath. As he pulls away from the kiss he whispers ‘wow,’ I smile & lean down to kiss him again. You’re fucked Kristie, in more ways than one!

I lift myself off his cock but stay lying on the length of his body, my head resting on his chest, he holds me close with both his arms, one of his hands stroking my hair, I hate to think what the mattered mess feels like, his fingers keep getting caught in the knots, but he continues carefully, like he is trying to untangle it

“I like you making the first move” I giggle, I hate making the first move, I’m always scared they are going to say no & I’ll feel like a fool but I can hear the smile in his voice “& I like you riding me while playing with your nipples, so freaking hot!” I giggle again, I try to roll off him but he holds me tight “stay tonight” he whispers, it’s a statement, I smile even though he can’t see, maybe I am affecting him like he’s affecting me, I nod slowly, knowing that I don’t want to go home, I don’t want to spend a weekend night without him, I fall back to sleep while Conner plays with my hair. 

*

When I wake again at 9:15am, I am still lying flat on Conner’s chest, pinned to him with his strong arms around me, one of his hands in my hair still stroking it, I wonder if he’s been back to sleep

“Good Morning!” he says cheerfully as if he hasn’t already spoken or given my an orgasm this morning 

“You’re chipper” I raise my head to look at him, his hands slide down to rub my butt

“Who wouldn’t be chipper when I wake up with this on top of me?” he slaps my butt before pulling my thighs up so I’m straddling him again, I’m still flat on his chest, he sits up with ease taking me with him, I position myself back a little on his lap, resting my hands on his shoulders, I lean back outstretching my arms. I feel his cock hard & proud between us, Conner holds me tight around my back but puts a hand between my legs, I can feel how wet I am from our previous sexcapades & Conner is pleased as he gently inserts two fingers, “Hmmm” I dig my nails into his shoulders, tilting my head back which pushes my breasts up into Conner’s waiting mouth. I buck in his lap, on the brink of another orgasm as his thumb comes to tease my clit 

“I want you inside me” I plead, Conner chuckles but keeps going, my hips are gyrating on his lap, his mouth going from one nipple to the other, taking them between his teeth & elongating them with gentle but erotic tugs. I can’t believe how horny he makes me & how much I want him all the time, I have never wanted to have as much sex with another man as I do with Conner. He is very attractive, but there is something more about this guy, something dark & ominous that turns me on, so much so, I think he could look at me & I’d come for him “Please Conner, fuck me hard” he smiles against my nipple

“I will” sucking it full into his mouth & thrusting his fingers deep inside me & I am lost

“Conner… yes… Aahhhhh…!” I have barely stopped coming when Conner lifts my butt to impale me on his cock again, we are so close, nose to nose, he holds me close & he starts to move slowly, my body does the same, we move in time with each other, already so in tune with each other’s movements, my body eager to feel his length in me. We don’t look away from each other, his green eyes piercing me, looking deep into my soul. As he moves us, he kisses me passionately, his tongue lightly stroking mine, urging me to reciprocate, this feels so intimate, his hands tickle my skin on my back, making me tingle all over, it makes my clench & Conner moans with appreciation. Our breathing is rapid but not heaving, we’re both quiet & feels somehow different to other times we’ve had sex. He still hasn’t broken eye contact with me, we move together in unison easily without words, climaxing together, for the first time, calling out each other’s names like it is the only word left to say.

As we grip each other tightly as our movements stop, Conner doesn’t look away from me, but leans into kiss me deeper, longer & slower than we’ve ever kissed before, his hands are tickling my skin still and I never want him to stop.

If I didn’t know any better, that was not fucking, we just made love. 

#IBD4U

Fiction : Fleaz #7

Sorry I forgot to finalise a blg post, so you have fiction today! I’ll get the blog asap.

Conner races off into the kitchen stark naked shouting expletives, I pick up his t shirt & put it on before following him, he’s standing at the stove stirring something in a saucepan. He’s cooked for me? Is that what fuck buddies do?

“Is it ruined?” he turns with a smile then when he sees me in his t shirt, his face falls

“Why did you get dressed?”

“I’m hardly dressed.” I scoff pulling at the hem of his t shirt that is barely covering my butt, he smiles again, I like it when he smiles, Jesus, you have to stop thinking like that Callan! It’s a one way ticket to ‘hurts-ville!’ I really need to distract myself around him “What are you cooking?”

“This is creamy garlic white wine sauce” He smiles, proud of himself, I raise my eyebrows “I’m grilling some chicken & steamed veges, I hope that’s ok with you?” I nod, that is more than ok! Smelling the garlic sauce my tummy rumbles. “It’s not ruined” he takes the saucepan off the heat & walks towards me, pulling my hips to his “but if I had of known I wouldn’t be able to control myself the second you walked in the door, I would have turned off the stove” he gives me a cheeky dimpled grin that is so infectious.

“I just need to… um… wash up” I blush, his hand automatically moves between my legs & he fingers the wetness there, he chuckles Bastard! I slap his hand away & make my way to his bathroom.

After I’m as clean as I can be without a shower, I find my g string & put it on to complete my just fucked t shirt look. It is not a good look at all. Conner is back in the kitchen, he’s put on his boxer shorts but all our clothes are still in a pile at his front door.

“There’s wine in the fridge if you want it? There’s glasses in that cupboard there” he points to a cupboard, as I make my way to the fridge, there are three bottles of white wine on the shelf, a Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc & a Moscato standing next to a six pack of beer. “I don’t drink wine & I thought you drank that one” He says pointing at the Sav Blanc “but I couldn’t remember so I just bought the popular ones according to the sales dude.” I laugh but then I find it hard to stop. He smirks at me effected by my laughter “What?”

“You don’t drink wine at all?”

“No” I laugh more.

“So you bought three different bottles?” I’m still giggling.

“Yes, why’s that funny?” he acts a little shy but has a cheeky grin on his face

“Nothing at all, it is so cute.” I stand on tippy toes & kiss him on his lips.

“Cute?” He laughs, cocking his head to the side to take in that I just called him cute, I grab the Sav Blanc & reach for a glass.

“Yes, so unbelievably cute.” I’m smiling thinking how boyfriendy that is, Watch it Callan, he is not your boyfriend! Nor does he want to be! My smile fades, he doesn’t see, he comes up behind me, rubbing his hands on my butt as the t shirt rides up slightly with my outstretched arms.

“I thought I told you not to pack underwear this weekend?” Am I staying for the whole weekend? He flicks the band at my hip, I smile, pouring the wine into the glass, I take a sip & turn to face him

“Technically, I didn’t pack them, I wore these here” I say innocently “Well for about seven seconds” He laughs, pinching my rear, he pulls the edges of my g string, sliding them down my legs, with a cheeky grin, I obligingly step out of them, as he stands back up he cups my butt pulling me in close

“That’s better” He kisses my nose, releasing me to cook dinner.

*

Dinner is delicious, he’s a good cook & I wonder where he learnt how to cook, but I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to ask personal questions & get attached to him, which I will if he tells me he learnt from like his dying mother or something. We keep our conversation safe, nothing about our pasts or what we plan for future, just general chit chat I wonder how long that can last? 

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure, you pick one, I’ll get us more drinks” I walk to the fridge to grab him another bottle of beer & myself another glass of wine. Conner is stretched out on the couch when I come back, with the remote in his hand, one arm under his head, he looks so casual & sexy in just his boxer briefs, he catches me staring at him with the drinks in my hand.

“You alright?” He asks with a little concern in his voice & starts sitting up to make room for me, I blush Forfucksake! He grins at the sight of my reddening face, realising that nothing is wrong.

“Just admiring” I try to say casually & sexily, but I sound a little stupid but he grins from ear to ear, I pass him the beer, sitting on the couch, my bare ass sticks to it & I realise I’m going to have to be careful if I don’t want to make fart noises as I move

“Oh Yeah? How was the view?”

“Pretty sexy” he chuckles

“So is mine!” He leans over & kisses me, but as he does he puts his cold beer on my leg, I jump & hit his hand away, he cracks up laughing then presses play on the movie. He’s put on The Wedding Singer! I can’t help but smile, it’s one of my favourite movies, Adam Sandler is hilarious, he interrupts my thoughts “Is this movie ok? It’s one on my favourites” I gape at him, we have something in common!

“Me too.” I laugh, quoting my favourite line “I have a microphone & you don’t…”

“…so you will listen to every damn word I have to say” he finishes for me laughing. He leans in the corner of the couch, pulling me back to rest against him, between his legs. It feels so coupley & I can’t help but wonder if it means as much to him as it does me? As much as I keep trying to pretend we are just fuck buddies, I can’t stop thinking about how much I want more & all these little gestures keep making me think he does too.

I’m too distracted to watch the movie & take it in, I’m not even aware when Conner starts rubbing my arm, I’m already in too deep with him. His hands explore their way under his t shirt, across my belly & up to my breasts, I shift a little so he can pull my shirt up & have free reign with what he finds under there. He gently plays with my nipples & rubbing my breasts in a circular motion then he drags his fingers down the side of body & across my pubic line, my body reacts with a little convulsion, he laughs. He sits up, pushing me forward & tugs the t shirt over my head, he pulls me back to lean against him again, I now feel his erection in my back. His legs link around my own, the one on the couch pinning my leg against the backrest, his other leg links around my other leg much the same but he pulls it off the couch so my legs are spread wide.

“Put your hands behind my head.” He whispers seductively in my ear, I obey & moan as the movement pushes my breasts into his hands & leaves me feeling exposed. His hands work their magic over my nipples making me so horny & wanting, I can feel his breath increasing in my ear, which is a turn on its self, knowing that my body is turning him on, he flattens his hands & gently rubs my nipples in an up & down motion. “I want to make you come like this again” I groan so loudly, his words igniting a pre orgasm sensation, I want him to make me come, but I also want him inside me while he does, it’s so hard to decide which way I want Conner. I don’t get much time to think about it, I’m writhing against his body as much as I can, with my legs pinned down so far apart

“Oh God…” He doesn’t stop, it all feels so good, as I arch my back, pushing my breasts further into his hands, my breathing becomes short & fast, he takes this opportunity as he knows I’m about to come, to tweak my nipples, once… twice & I scream out “Conner… FUCK!” as I orgasm, Conner moves his hands down my sides, causing that same convulsion as before, he circles my clit with one hand & slips two fingers in me with the other, I don’t think I can’t stand it, my body instantly builds again, or has it not even stopped coming yet?  I am just making noise, it’s incomprehensible, I try to close my legs, Conner keeps me pinned down, I want move my hands but it feels so good that I can’t bring myself to move them, I tug on his hair, as I scream out again & again, expletives, his name, moans, Ahhhs, I come again within the shortest amount of time. Conner feels me go limp against him & stops stimulating my clitoris but his fingers slowly move inside me. I am puffing so loud, it feels like I may never get my breath back. I am vaguely aware of Adam Sandler singing ‘somebody kill me’ as Conner takes his fingers out of me, running them up my belly, between my breasts, up my neck, leaving a damp trail as he slips it into my mouth,

“See how good you taste?” HolyFuckingShit! That’s so weird, yet so kinky, I start sucking his fingers “Mmmmm, that is so fucking hot Kristie” I’m so glad he can’t see me blush, although it’s such a regular occurrence, that I think he should be used to it by now, even if we’ve only really been together two nights.

He doesn’t release my legs straight away, my arms haven’t been able to move from above his head, Conner caresses my breasts again, this time not in an effort to make me come but just to appreciate them, his tickling my skin all over & it feels so amazing. I am so limp when he does release my legs but they just stay where they were & he has to help move my arms back down to my sides, he wraps his arms around me & he goes back to watching the movie as if nothing has happened.

*

I am being jostled around, I realise its Conner getting up from behind me off the couch, Shit, I must have fallen asleep! The TV is off, he’s now standing over me, I’m only slightly aware that I am completely naked & vulnerable, he bends to pick me up under my knees & back He’s never going to be able to carry me. I try to protest but I am still so blissfully weak & sleepy, that my protests go unnoticed or ignored by Conner & I give in. Once I’m in his strong arms, I nuzzle into his neck, as he walks me to his bedroom with ease, he puts me in his bed, I snuggle straight into the covers, he gets into bed behind me, spooning me, holding me so tight, I fall straight back to a deep sleep. 

#IBD4U