2022 : Eastwood

I could write a lot about Eastwood but I am finding writing more of a highlights reel is keeping me inspired to write & get you more blogs more regularly. I think it’s better for my mental health not to relieve some of the bullshit too, which has lead me to where I am that I’ve been though this year! Hahaha… I thought it was going to better in my 40’s. But apparently not!

After Daizy, I do take a break from everything except on one lonely night when I download a dating app & start swiping. I pay for it for a month which is stupid but also works in my favour because I can see the people who have liked me without swiping on them & waiting around till I’m a skeleton to find out that they never swiped on me. When I see Eastwood pop up, a guy I used to work with & I see that he’s liked my profile, I think WTF, isn’t he married? Every guy was fucking married at that workplace & on this app! I’m intrigued so I swipe & we match so I say hey what are you doing here?

So some back story – Eastwood & I used to sit next to each other at work just before I left that workplace, we didn’t always sit next to each other, to be honest we weren’t in the same team till near the end of my employment there & this was almost 10 years ago. We were some of the only sane ones there, about the same age, he’s a year older but he was married. He probably the cutest man in the workplace full of married middle aged bitter women. I always got along with him & we’ve been friends on FB for years. He never really uses it or likes anything I post. Except recently he did uncharacteristically comment on something random, but I just replied & thought nothing of it.

He tells me that he & his wife have split & they sold their house almost a year ago. Fuck, I did see him share that on his FB but again, I am not that close with him, I didn’t think anything of it – but I can confirm this isn’t a lie at least, he’s not just spinning me bullshit. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s single because when we were sitting next to each other I remember him talking about her partying. When their kids had grown up a little bit, she started partying a lot & staying out really late while he stayed home with the kids… I honestly thought she was cheating on him then, so what surprises me that is that it’s taken this long for them to break up.

Wow, so this guy is single… We’ve matched – he liked me first… He also knew me when I was over 100kgs. I was smaller when I left that workplace but he also hasn’t seen me in real life forever. Actually, that’s not true, I did see him one evening at a pub & I went up to him to say hello. But he knows where I’ve come from. I mean his wife was always tiny, so I am no where near close to that small, but he still matched knowing I was a lot bigger at some point in my life.

We chat for about a week mainly about the old days at the workplace & what we’ve both been up too before it fizzes out & we stop making any effort. No big deal… I meet someone else (see next post Mazda) but at the risk of spoiling it for you, it doesn’t go great & so I decide that there is something worth pursuing with Eastwood, so I message him on the app – first (uncharacteristically for me! Hahaha) & we continue to talk, moving over to FB messenger. We talk about work – mainly his work & general chit chat, it sometimes goes all day, sometimes just a few messages but he will often just like my comment. Or read it & not reply, then hours later I will get a notification that he has liked or loved my comment. It is a bit weird, almost like he didn’t know what to say so he just would react to my message so I would get a notification about it & we’d start talking again perhaps?

But it’s just chatting & chatting… I like to meet quickly… He makes an effort to say how’s your night or what are you up too, when we haven’t talked for a few hours. We chat into the night a lot of the time, sometimes past midnight & there would usually be a message in the morning… He is putting in some effort but for what? We haven’t talked about what he wants, what he’s looking for but he does tell me in a round about way that he has been with other women since breaking up with his wife. At least I’m not going to be a rebound if we go there. So we just talk & talk for weeks, it’s not a good sign in my eyes, I like to meet quickly to see if there is anything there, so see if is worth this amount of effort. I wonder what the chemistry would be like now that he’s single? Would there be any?

I try to hint at catching up, my chiropractor tells me to be direct (why have I talked to my chiro about this guy?!) but I am not good at that when it comes to men. One night we’re texting & he is at the football, so I don’t really understand why he is texting me incessantly. Enjoy the bloody game dude… I joke with him about him having a big night because he’s out with mates & that he had had a big night the other week where he got home at 5:00 am. He says that he’s driving, which I automatically say that’s famous last words, that he’ll be picking up his car tomorrow, having had to taxi home.

During the day I have been sunburnt, not badly but enough to be pink & warm. It’s a warm night & I know he’s probably wearing a t shirt because I don’t remember seeing him in anything else ever, when he asks what I’m wearing, I explain that I am burnt & trying to rub cream in my back which he asks if I need some help… I wonder if tonight might be the night we catch up? He tells me the games over & I ask what he’s going to do, he says that he can go anywhere on the way home because he has his car, I ask where he is going to go & he says that he doesn’t know & asks for suggestions. I just say cheekily that if he finds himself in blah blah suburb that he might help a girl out with cream on her back. He stupidly replies who’s in blah blah suburb?

He does end up in my suburb, well the suburb over at a Macca’s when he finally reveals that he is just sitting in his car. I don’t know if he’s being an idiot or not but somehow I am giving him my address. He say’s he’ll be a few minutes, that he’s only coming to rub cream on my back – yeah right & then he sends another message saying “You may not recognise me, I have put on heaps of weight” OH HOLY FUCK. So look, I am superficial (we all are in some way!), would I be attracted to him if he’s bigger? How much weight has he put on that I won’t recognise him for fuck sake?! I quickly suss out his profile pictures on his dating profile. One I know is old because he’s cut out his wife, I remember it from FB profile picture. I’m imagining him over 150kgs. This guy is 6ft something, he was always slim the whole time I worked with him, he’s the type who only ever wears Ripcul t-shirts & pants. He wears hats, usually a surf brand, though I don’t think he’s ever surfed.

I pour myself a drink because lets face it, I now have a guy on the way to my house who sounds like he needs to be a contestant on the biggest loser… When I hear a knock at my door, I down my drink wincing on the taste of burning alcohol as it goes down my throat & go to the door bracing myself to not look surprised at how much weight he’s put on…

#IBD4U

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