December 2025 – End of an Era
8 December 2025 – As suspected, the next day I don’t hear from him until after 3:00pm, it’s a Monday so he could have messaged beforehand, he says, “I bet it is exciting having a caravan.” I don’t want to talk about the van, why is he trying to be friendly after weeks of radio silence… Who’s the stubborn one? Him, I was the one to break the silence, as always… I draft a message but wait until I talk to my client Misty who’s been reading my blog & following along. She mentioned that she thinks perhaps that he is making small talk because he’s worried about what I will do next. Something more sinister perhaps… My intrusive thoughts revenge perhaps… Well I am not doing anything next, I wanted him to have the Gameboy, I know he doesn’t want to see me – he made that perfectly clear the day I picked up my keys, so I send my drafted message after she leaves, “It’s all good Obsidian, I ordered the lego ages ago because I thought it would look cool with your mini consoles & was a little gameboy joke. You aren’t obliged to make small talk, I just wanted you to have it. There’s nothing else coming, you don’t need to worry. I hope you liked it. I’m sorry for taking up your time.” I’ve reassured him & now he can go back to being busy & not caring about me, not needing to worry I am going to send something else. We are done. It is over.
11 December 2025 – Days later – because he now can’t log on daily, it’s physically impossible to do that, he sends, “You are allowed to take up time. Please tell me that your job got a tiny bit busier 🤔” I don’t write back because why bother at this point? It’ll be at least another two or three days before he even looks at it anyway. I’d have to wait for him to log on, feeling like a fool every day that he doesn’t log on, because I replied the day he sent his message…. I wait for him to try to make a amends with me, maybe this was what he wanted & his life is easier now which is why he doesn’t care… I play out the conversations in my mind over & over again. When I got my keys back I was waiting for him to ask why & I would say that ‘strangers don’t have keys to my house’ & now I want him to ask me what is going on… The question back to him is simple, ‘What emergency surgery did I just have?’ He will say something about my ovaries probably, which it was not, but I’m almost certain that he won’t know what to say & will turn it around on me being that I have been so cold towards him.
21 December 2025 – Today is three months since I last saw Obsidian face to face. Exactly to the day. He hasn’t been online for over a week now & do you know what, I am sick of fucking looking to see if there is a green dot or not for him that he’s been online. It’s not healthy & it’s fucking stupid. This week I have blocked him on that new anon app & uninstalled it because I don’t want to keep looking on there for him either. He’s never posted since I found it, but he can have the fucking stupid app. I am not talking to anyone ever again on a fucking stupid app for teens & paedophiles.
I had made a deal with myself that before my counsellor appointment tomorrow that I would delete him if he hadn’t been online & talked to me without being a narcissist asshole or I guess tried to talk to me because I’m not sure I would reply. But when I am writing & editing my blog tonight, I realise that the last time I saw him three months ago today on the 21 September 2025, I had hugged him so tight, knowing something was brewing… I didn’t know it was the last time I would ever see him again, but I did feel like it was ending…. So when I realise that it’s been three months & he only spoke to me on December because I sent him the Lego present, not because he wanted too or because he cares if I am ok since my surgery, this is well & truly over.
It’s a few days before Christmas, one of my friends is certain he is going to bring me a present or post something to me, I am certain he will not, hahaha… He can’t even send a fucking send a text because he’s so busy, as if he’s going to go to the shops, buy a fucking gift & go to the post office to send it or drive out of his 5km radius to drop it off?! That is just comical!
So my finger hovers over the ‘remove friend’ button for a while, am I going to regret it but I also don’t want to be thinking about him messaging other people. If deleted, I won’t be able to see his snap score going up & I won’t see when he was last online… I delete him from snapchat, after almost three years of being on there, in my friends list, pinned to the top, he is now gone. I have him blocked on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn & TikTok, he has nothing left to contact me on, because he doesn’t know my number, he may have an email address, but I believe he would have permanently deleted any email I had sent him by now. I don’t have his number, I don’t have his emails, any social media accounts or his Facebook page… So we have nothing left. Officially, for the first time. There is no way for me to contact him. He won’t contact me. So I will finish up 2025 without him in my life at all & I don’t see a way of being able to fix this, it cerianly won’t come from me & I don’t know if I’ll be able to believe him for a fourth time, which is what hurts so fucking god damn bad!
26 December 2025 – Tomorrow will be two weeks since he was last online & six days since I deleted him, I haven’t been on snapchat much but of course when I do open it up later in the afternoon, guess who has the fucking green dot when I stupidly search him? I had deleted him before Christmas as I didn’t want to think in my fantasy brain that he would send me a Merry Christmas message, so I’d deleted him so he couldn’t & so I wouldn’t think about it all day wishing him to message me but knowing he won’t & he didn’t… He sent me a very clear message by leaving my house keys in his car while on a break & not seeing me, I have now sent a very clear message by deleting him… But it’s not the message he will think it is.
30 December 2025 – One thing I didn’t notice until it was well & truly over with Obsidian & I was reviewing all my information & posting a lot, my investigative juices flow & I realise that I deleted my blog in mid-April to stop the fighting & Obsidian to stop looking for holes in my story & reasons to think he is not sexually special to me – to this day (of writing & posting!!), he is the last man I have touched, kissed or had sex with – he can’t say the same about himself with women, can he? He never could!
So shortly after deleting my blog, I wrote Phoenix #30 – Setting the scene. In this post, I notice Obsidian setting up the expectation that he won’t always be able to chat to me every day, despite him doing just that for months on end when he started this new dynamic & continuing to do it too… But in this post he says that he won’t always be able to do that… It’s interesting to see the evolution now as I review our story, from him finding the blog & having the balls to reach out & turning it into something more – really pushing to be in my life more than he was, allowing me to call him my boyfriend, telling me how much he loved me & realising how he took me granted, to when I deleted the blog & him changing completely, saying he wouldn’t be able to talk to me all the time, not saying goodnight, logging off for hours or even coming back online at night saying his usual excuses that he ‘fell asleep’ or that ‘I’m a busy person’ & ultimately him now taking me granted again, which led to the complete demise of our relationship, friendship & connection.
I don’t want to go into 2026 thinking about him daily, his birthday is very early January, I won’t be saying or sending anything to him. So this is where it ends, I can’t say that it will ever be anything again, I can say that I will never put in effort like I have every other time he’s popped up online to restore our friendship. I won’t be doing anything to repair what he destroyed, three times. & at this stage, I don’t know if it can be fixed, but I can tell you safely, that it 100% won’t be me doing anything to rectify this situation! We are now just somebody that we used to know.
The disrespect is so loud, but I didn’t hear it for so long because he was my favourite person…
He still is my favourite fucking person…
It just fucking sucks to realise, slowly, but very obviously, that he loves his wife, I was never special to him – he could allow her & Cowboys mistress to treat me so poorly when I did nothing to them directly, as they did to me… He defended both of them to me – multiple times, but never defended me to them, ever. I honestly doubt our chemisty now, it was just an act, he was a fucking good actor… & the worst part I’ve realised, is thay he didn’t love me, not even a little bit, because no one who knows someone, could do even one of the things he’s done to me & despite convincing me & himself that he did love me, no one could be that hurtful, he should have just fucking ghosted me when he realised himself that he didn’t love me…
The most embarrassing part of that, is that I believed he did & all the things I did to prove my love & how special he is to me, only to be disrespected every chance he got… I am actually so foolish & so fucking embarrassed. This isn’t his fault. This is 100% on me. & I fucking hate that I let myself get so wrapped up in making him feel special – taking him lunches & calling him nicknames, sending the lego…
One take away, even though I was nothing to him, but I am not nothing. I may be in my mid 40’s & now realising that I have actually never been loved, is crushing to say the least, but maybe it’s what I need to move on, since he has so easily.
So anyway, I am still stupid, I love him… That I’ll leave you with this, at the very end of our era…
Take of it what you will…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 