March 2026 – Ressuss Team
12 March 2025 – Tonight I am went to G Flip, this was something I had thought way back when I got the tickets that he & I would be able to go to together, but who knew that our story wouldn’t even be continuing. I go with a friend & G sings the song ‘In Another Life’ which makes me want to cry on the way home… I will be waiting, waiting for when it’s right… Though there is really only one way now that Obsidian & I could ever be friends again, let alone lovers.
I sing, I dance, I enjoy my night, going home alone… I have a new staff member starting tomorrow I was going to take the day off but I decide to just go in, but u get home late, after 11:30pm, knowing I have to get up around 6:00am, all I want to do is get into bed. Which I do but around 11:50pm, I hear a car pull up out the front of my house, it’s kind of loud, that I think it’s my neighbours, but it seems weird so I look at a camera & it’s not a neighbour but someone pulling up in a ute right by my caravan. So I watch like a modern day Mrs Mangels to what they are doing, are they here to do something to my caravan, are they here to visit a neighbour? I watch them fart arse around for a bit before the two people in the car walk off down the walkway which is next to my house. There is a cul-de-sac down the walkway, so the drill is that they park around my house, walk down the walkway for their drug deal in a house in the cul-de-sac then the house doesn’t draw attention right. Well I have been noticing cars out the front of my house more & more, so I download the video for some reason. I roll over, ready for sleep & yawn, I must yawn so wide because my fucking jaw locks open.
My first thought is that all I want to do is sleep so I just rub the sides & try to ease it back closed, but it won’t budge. Ten minutes later, I am walking around with it becoming more & more painful, googling how to get it closed. I try a wheat bag & relaxing, but 20 minutes later it’s still open. It’s now after 12:00am, I am tired & want to go to sleep. But I am really thinking that I am going to have to go to emergency. I think that is stupid, but another 10 minutes later, about 30 minutes since I yawned, I get dressed, sort out the dogs, write a message to myself that I can show them at the hospital – because I can’t talk, & get in my car to drive myself to the hospital. I think that this is so stupid, I figure it will pop closed as I am in the car, sitting outside the hospital, but it doesn’t. I walk into the hospital & I walk up to the desk, trying to speak that she probably thought that I was a drug fucked idiot at 12:45am, so I show her my message I wrote myself so she can see that my jaw is locked open. I expect to sit in the waiting room for hours, as this isn’t really an emergency, but where else do you fucking go on a Thursday night when you live alone & have no idea how to close your jaw?
The triage nurse tells me to wait by the window, that I will be going through shortly, I think just to another waiting room or to give me some pain meds via an IV because obviously I can’t swallow anything. They have me in a gown within a few minutes of being in the ER & a IV in my arm. They tell me that they are going to give me some fentanyl. Before I get any drugs, another nurse comes to get me & says they are taking me into the resuss room… I say with my wide-open mouth voice “Resuss?” she just says something about being the treatment room or something, I climb on a bed & they start going about pumping me with fentanyl. Of course, I can’t talk but they all seem to be asking me questions about my shoes or what I was doing, they of course usually get you to recite your name & date of birth for drugs, which I can’t do. Once I am woozy from the IV fentanyl, two doctors put their thumbs in my mouth & push my jaw down & back to put it back in, saying it’s properly dislocated now & because I am awake, I am resisting & they can’t get it closed.
Before I know it, there are a lot more people in the room, I am feeling super self conscious looking like a clown at the show that you stick the balls in their mouth to win a prize, yet there are dr’s just standing by, when the main dr that I have been dealing with says that they are going to put me sleep & put it back in. She explains that the drug they are going to be using to put me under can cause people to stop breathing, so they have the resuss team… Errrr WHAT THE FUCK!!! I’m thinking, we better check the degrees of these Dr’s because I have a resuss team for a fucking yawn?! OMG. I am relaxed because of the fentanyl but I am a little on edge that I say “sumoy etta all my istea, no oe ows I ere!” (translation: Somone better call my sister, no one knows I am here!) It’s almost 2:00am at this point & I haven’t told anyone I am in emergency & here I am in the resuss room with a resuss team so I think someone should fucking know…
I call my sister a couple of times & she when she answers, she’s disorientated & I can’t talk properly that I just hand the phone to the nurse who tells her who she is & where I am. Then within a few minutes, the dr’s are talking over me about the procedure. Introducing themselves to each other & their role, whos’ running the procedure. I guess they need to know who is calling the shots should something go wrong. But then they say they need to oxygenate me, so they stick two of those tube things over my ears so they go up my nose. Ok so I don’t have big nostrils, so these two tubes up there are already uncomfortable, but then they turn on the tornado’s blowing air up my nose at the speed of light & if you’ve ever had air blown up your nose with your mouth open, so it’s coming straight out & causing my eyes to water & making it difficult to actually breathe, that I try to pull it off explaining that I can’t breathe… They turn down the air but fuck that was so awful that I am glad that I am knocked out & back awake with my jaw back in place without further issues.
By 2:20am, my sister is in emergency picking me up, not being allowed to drive for 24 hours after this drama. My jaw is so sore & achy that my sister takes me to the 24 hour pharmacy to get the pain meds they prescribed & I am home & in bed asleep finally by 3:30am. The point of the story is that well, it’s fucking hilarious – who has a resuss team because of a yawn, but I have had a night at a concert where I thought of nothing else by Obsidian & the whole time I was at the hospital, all I wanted to do was message him to tell him & get his support. But I am quickly reminded of the fact we aren’t talking & last time I had to have an emergent procedure, I told him about it & he didn’t give a fuck. But also he wouldn’t even be online anyway even if we were on good terms, so it’s like the perfect ending to a night where all I wanted to do it talk to him, thought about messaging him, to ending with a stark reminder that he no longer cares about me, if he ever did at all….
24 March 2025 – Today would have been our nine-year anniversary & if you told me a year ago when Obsidian was spouting his love for me & buying me jewellery, that he wouldn’t be in my life in a years time, I would – in the words of Pink!, I would stand up & punch you out, cos you’re wrong, I knew better! Writing & posting about this latest chapter of us has been cathartic but also so brutal. There are days when I think about him so much, waiting so much to call him, to talk to him about general day to day bullshit & there are days when I am glad he’s out of my life, but if I am honest, the latter doesn’t happen that often.
I don’t check his snapchat status as much anymore but I haven’t seen a green dot for him for a long time, I figure that he’s turned it off or just not even logging on to see if I have messaged… I guess he’s genuinely glad our affair fizzled, neither of us ending it, just me not putting in any effort & typical Obsidian only puts in effort when his wife or LMA weren’t paying him attention. I was always his fall back, I was never his number one & now he not obliged to log in to that fake account, doing the two factor authentication that is so difficult to do & having to delete it daily, he’s got a wife who’s showering him with attention & sex. As his snapchat says, he’s an easy going guy… Now he has an easy breezy fun, young, hot chick to chat too on a app that doesn’t require hiding for when he’s bored – he’s got LMA on his real Instagram & in real life at work. He’s got his wife & his new mistress, what does he want or need me for? Especially when I’m a criticising, needy, cranky bitch.
Papa Roach – Before I die
I’m out here on my own
Giving it a go alone
Begging on my knees
Is there a god to save me?
I’ve been a wretched soul
From my heart down to my toes
I was lost in my disease
And you were right there screaming
Don’t change when it’s too late
Maybe I said the right things wrong
And my one last shot is too far gone
But if I can, I swear that I
Will live for you before I die
Maybe I pushed you way too far
To pull you back from where you are
But if I can, I swear that I
Will live for you before I die
From the valley of the dead
I’m hearing every word you said
I’m trying to apologize, but I can’t feel my feelings
Are you giving us some room to grow?
Or digging us a deeper hole
And killing any shred of hope for us to believe in?
I am discarded & no longer needed.
No longer a hidden secret…
No longer having to use obscure ways of communicating…
His life is just as he wanted…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 