Orbit #2

This guy is back again… This isn’t the first time Orbit has messaged me either, he had an account a few months ago but when I started chatting to him he told me it needed to be discreet as he was seeing someone. I tell him to fuck off & get off the chat app. I’m so sick of men finding someone else to be with, other than me but still talking to me, trying to fuck me! I didn’t speak to him again. So when he comes back this time, I almost don’t speak to him but I am chatting to no one when I start chatting to him again. He says that he’s single, I’m not 100% sure that’s true, but I have to take it at face value that he is.

orbit still fucking me.png

But while sporadically talking to him, Noddy comes alone, then after my second date with Noddy, Orbit’s was messaging me asking where I am, I say that I’m on my way home & he says that I should pop over to his house. I seriously think that I am spending too much time thinking about Noddy that I should probably go fuck this guy, but when I say that I just got off the expressway at my exit (Which is also his exit if he takes the expressway) when he says “Bugger, I have the kid here… but she’s asleep, maybe tomorrow night? Or can do tonight” I tell him I’m not free tomorrow night & I just go home. That was probably a good idea.

He asks me several times again to see him & he invites me over on Thursday night. Things are going well with Noddy & I’ve told Noddy that I’m not chatting to anyone on the chat app for the purpose of a hook up, which he said he’s not either. I ask Orbit though, because I just don’t care “Oh really? Is this like last time when you said come over then when I said yes, you said you had your daughter & changed your mind?” he just replies that he won’t have her tomorrow night.

Orbit asks me at like 8:40 pm if I want to come over, even though things are weird with Noddy at the moment, I don’t want to jeopardise that, so I write back 2 hours later telling him that I just got home & I have to be up early. Oddly, he never opens the message. WTF?! Even all day the next day he doesn’t open it. Almost 24 hours later he says “Sorry didn’t see this, fell asleep on couch last night, what are you up too” (Yes, that’s a quote, with the missing words like that!) I decide that I’ve put too much pressure on Noddy so I should go fuck this guy – What am I thinking!? I tell him I can’t stay long knowing I have to get up early for work on Saturday morning. When he says “I don’t have any condoms, do you have any?” Fucking hell, who invites someone over 2 nights in a row & doesn’t have condoms. Men are so bloody stupid! I have no idea how the race has survived so long – well probably because they don’t have condoms. Luckily I have some. So put them in my pocket. He offers to come to my house, but I don’t think I want him in my bed, I will save that at least for Noddy.

I don’t really remember the first time I had sex with Orbit to be honest, I mean I remember him being a bit too submissive for me but it wasn’t that memorable or maybe because it made me realise what feelings I had for Noodle, that I blocked it?

Yes, I must have blocked it! Fucking hell that was terrible… Notorious Sir was the worst sex I’ve had to date but at least he turned me on… This is shocking, how can this guy Orbit, think this is good.

Ok, so I get there & we kiss in the doorway, I try to move my head to move sides & also get his tongue out of my mouth with some pecks on the lips, but it’s like he is giving me mouth to mouth resuscitation with his tongue in my mouth not moving, like a dead fish. If the kissing is bad, the sex always will be… But was it this bad the first time I fucked him?!

The only way to pull away is to walk into his bedroom & take off my jacket, he pulls me on top of him awkwardly on to the bed. We kiss again before he takes off my top & then tries to take off my bra with one hand. I try to be cheeky & giggle along saying “That’s so sexy when you rustle around back there trying to undo it” He doesn’t really reciprocate with banter, he’s so serious, he strips off so he’s naked – Bam! & so I set about getting my boots & jeans off, he then lays on top of me & kisses me again, suffocating me, I try to move my head to catch a breath but he won’t let me move my head or come up for air. This is not in a sexy way that I like, this is like he’s trying to consume me!

He then starts sliding down my body, taking off my panties & settling between my legs. I try to relax, thinking this will be better. But OMG this doesn’t get any better. He isn’t actually close to where my clit is, I think he’s a little lost or maybe he’s doing something else, I don’t know but he’s not doing anything that feels good… He seems to not be licking or sucking anything that’s pleasurable, no matter how much I move to try to get him to actually focus on my clit he somehow goes back to wherever he is… He also seems to think that motorboating my vagina is a turn on, with his stubbly beard, it doesn’t feel good! Then he gets his fingers involved, ok well maybe this will be better… NOPE! He slips in 2 fingers & rams them into me over & over so much so that it’s uncomfortable, also while motorboating the area that he thinks is my clit with his scratchy beard. I end up kicking him off so that we can fuck, maybe that will be better. Boy, why do I keep giving this guy the benefit of the doubt? If you’re a bad kisser, generally you’re bad at sex!

He kisses me again, I’m unable to breathe or move, so much so that my jaw starts hurting (remembering I have lock jaw issues), why doesn’t this guy ever let me breathe. He reaches over for the condom, which he lays down flat on the bed next to me & rolls it on, I lay there waiting for the next move when he pulls me up on to his lap. I reach between my legs to help guide his cock into me but discover that it’s not that hard… WTF?! He thrusts against me, obviously to try to get harder, I don’t think he’s that hard when he slides inside me, it takes a few extra thrusts for me to feel it rather than a soft sausage trying to enter me. I kiss him & when I want to get away I try to kiss his neck but it doesn’t seem to be wanted, he turns his head back to my lips, so I stop.

He then has me straddling him, his arms are by his side & he starts thrusting in a way I’ve never been fucked before, I actually have to check because I think he’s having a seizure. He keeps going like that & I just sort of lay against his chest wishing for it to be over, wishing I never came over. His hands are by his side & he’s literally fucking me like he is having a fit. As soon as he cums, I give him a quick peck & get off him. I lay there for a second & think this is fucking awkward, so I sit up & start getting dressed. He gets dressed too & I give him another quick peck on the lips as I say good bye. Fuck, what the fuck was that! I hate myself… My massage therapist told me not to do it, she knew it wouldn’t be good… But I did & now I regret it. There will be no number #3 for this guy, even if he messages me.

To give you an update, he did message me several times after that. In the end after trying to ignore & ghost him, I decide that’s not who I want to be, I decide that he deserves a reply. “Hey. I don’t want to ghost you but I don’t think we should see each other again… Hope you find what you’re looking for!” He reads it & replies 6 days later… “Hello… Wow that was a little unexpected.” Really? I have ignored 7 messages over the course of a month from him, was it really that unexpected?!

#IBD4U

Noddy #9

The next day, I expect that when I look at my phone there will be a good morning message, but there’s nothing from Noddy. Righto. I’m stubborn as fuck so I refuse to message him hello. About an hour into work, I look in the group & he’s chatting, sharing pics of a car accident he had this morning on the way to work… But he still doesn’t message me… I think WTF… Why wouldn’t he message me that? Wouldn’t he want me to know? The person that he’s seeing!? (Casual or not, why wouldn’t he want to tell me?!) I talk to J-lo about it, he tells me not to be stubborn & say that I saw the crash in the group & I hope he’s ok. But I feel like Noddy is messaging the group first so I can’t get angry about him bailing on seeing me tonight, which makes me sad that he’s going to bail again but of course I’m not going to be a mole when the dude has crashed his car. I hate that I again have to make the effort, but the poor guy did just crash his car.

Noddy ignoring

So I follow J-Lo’s advice, asking also if there is anything I can do, he says “No beautiful, but thanks for offering” we chat & things seem normal. Later than night we are chatting still, he never mentions coming over & I don’t say anything either as I don’t want to hear an excuse for why he can’t. We end up playing truth or dare again, he chooses truth, so I ask him what was his first impression of me. “Well my first impression online was you were really shy & were absolutely stunning & I wanted to have you… First impression when meeting you was, wow she’s tiny. Good. Fuck I hope this goes well. Exact thoughts.” Interesting that he thought I was shy… I guess that’s my guard up when I meet someone. I can’t help it but not want to show the true me… Every time I have, I get hurt…

He dares me to send a video of me fucking myself with a vibe saying Noddy, so I do – easy one. Hahaha. We also chat in the groups & people ask if we’re physically together right now, I say no, he sends the group a pic, so I do too, saying it’s lonely in my big bed…

The next day Noddy sends me a picture of him & I notice that he’s wearing my jumper that he’s supposed to give me. He says that he didn’t think I would notice, but I did, he said he’s put it on to make it smell like him, being that I said the only reason a chick ever wants a dudes hoodie is because it smells like him. Still no mention of catching up, (I thought he says that to me once that he’d always reschedule?) but he’s sore form the car accident & I don’t think his car is 100%. I also admit to him after he sent me a picture where he looks hot as fuck – he has a trimmed full beard (which I usually don’t like, but it makes him look older, when I tell him that I really like that picture, he tells me that he’ll have to grow his beard back & I agree), that I’ve saved a few pictures of his & that I have a folder called Noddy… Probably a bit creepy but he says “That’s cute as fuck,” but upon reflection, I wish I never told him that!

The next day I initiate the conversation again, I seem to be doing that a lot with this guy, very unlike me. But I figure he hasn’t dated a lot in recent years so needs to help. But by the end of the day I’m on my way to my massage when we’re chatting about him pleasuring me & I say “I wouldn’t ever be concerned about that.” knowing that he’s so good in bed that I’ll never have to worry about that. He says “Whats up hun, talk to me” but I say nothing is up & walk into the massage. As I lay there spilling the beans to my massage lady about him, she says “Whoa maybe you’re coming on a little strong, it’s only been a few weeks” I ask her what she means because I have wondered the same, but am not 100% how’s she’s picked up on it. She says she can’t explain it, so I change the topic & think about it while being massaged.

Once done, he has read my reply but not messaged back. I think not this old fucking chestnut. So I write to him to tell him I just finished my massage but I also ask why he thinks something is up. He says that because I had concerns. I explain that I actually was saying that him pleasuring me wouldn’t ever be a concern. He says Ah Fuck, I read it wrong haha. Still have to ask if you were all good though” I tell him this is why I hate text messaging & think that it was actually our issue on Monday night after rope too. He agrees, I try to explain this is why I didn’t want to chat about Monday night over text & was waiting to have a conversation with him face to face when we catch up – cos I still don’t know what happened, why did he change his mind so rapidly?

He tells me that he didn’t reply because he didn’t know what to say & he can be a dick sometimes but I explain that if we’re going to be kinky we need to have open, honest, communication even if it hurts. I mean I need to trust him to stop if I safe word him, but also he needs to know that I will safe word if I need too or he could potentially really hurt me. We finally start chatting like normal again. He says “Everything about you fascinates him about me. Not just the toys but the kink side, the professional, family, a lot actually” I fascinate him… Really? I don’t think anyone has called me fascinating before… I ask what he means & he says “The fact you can do all of it & still be sane is what fascinates me the most haha” he also knows I write, but not that I write a blog, he asks me to show him something I’ve written next time he’s over (When will that be dude?! Hahaha) but I say I’d be too shy to show him if he’s there, so I send him 2 of my erotica stories, when he begs me for something of mine to read. He tells me I’m a good writer & that he likes what I wrote. He tells me that because I was so shy about sharing it that he was worried it wouldn’t be that good… But he’s says it’s fucking hot… This I already knew! Hahaha. I ask him if he’s ever going to share his song with me, I am also in the same boat, what if it’s shit & I have to pretend that it’s good. Hahaha. I am dying to hear it I know he’s shared it with others, I kind of hate that he has but not with me… Jealous again… FUCK! He emails it to me & fuck, it’s actually good. I really like it, the lyrics are very raw, real & honest about his recent breakup & suicide attempt that it’s actually difficult to hear, mainly I think because I know him.

The next day I message him first but he reads it almost immediately, but doesn’t write back for hours. I don’t know what to say but then we start chatting, he tells me that he’s read my 2 erotica stories a few times when I admit to him that I listened to his song a couple of times in the car too. He sends me a work selfie & his dick when I say that reading the erotica is not helping, I send him the rest for him to read & he says that he’s been picturing him & I as he reads it, even though he knows that it was written well before him, he imagines us. Fuck that’s hot & maybe I’ll get these fantasies lived out as I wrote them? He talks me into sharing some of my writing with him when we catch up next, it actually forces me to start looking at previous stuff I’ve written, knowing I can’t send him stuff from my blog, which is my main writing now. I usually tell guys that I wrote freelance for another blog, pieces on travel, love, beauty & money. Hahaha… Not completely untrue. I do write about all those things to you guys! But also part of the reason I have decided to drop the guest blog on Wednesday & focus on some other writing too.

Friday night, still no plans to see him (I thought he said in our first conversation that he won’t stand a woman up & will rearrange things to fit it in?! I’m hating that I did let my guard down with this guy… Stupidly the first guy since Noodle that I have done that with & now look where I am…), it’s now been over a week since we have seen each other, I know that’s not very long but I don’t think seeing someone weekly is an unreasonable request. He messages me to ask what I’m doing & sends me a picture where he looks ridiculously stoned & says that he’s writing songs. He sends me a video of a song that’s pretty good even though he says it’s supposed to be a joke. I say that not everything needs to be recorded, but it’s good to have back up stuff & say I do that with my writing, he says “Yeah it’s a good idea, at least that way you will have something when you have nothing… Make hay while the sun shines…” I say “Yeah definitely.” But he reads it & never replies. I get home & should go to bed, but I don’t… See next post, however after that, I get into bed & go to sleep.

The next day, I figure I need to back off – clearly I am more into him than he is into me, I won’t message him first… I go to work on a Saturday morning & get my hair done, chatting in the group but never saying hello to him. By 11:00 pm that Saturday night I am crest fallen that he hasn’t messaged me first & the only thing I can think is that stupid book ‘He’s just not that into you.’ Noddy had been telling me all week & basically for the last month, all the time how much he likes me, how gorgeous he thinks I am, what he wants to do with me, all the we things that we’ll do but why the sudden change of heart? This will be the first day that we haven’t chatted since I messaged him in the beginning… I hate that he’s breaking this statistic

Has he decided to go back to his ex? I can’t help but wonder also if he’s keen on Demon? I know they’re good friends… I hate this… I finally let down my guard with someone then they pull away, why do guys do that? Try to break down the walls so persistently, then when they do, they don’t like what they see!?

#IBD4U

Mixed Bag #6 – Alcoholic, Planet & Fruit & Veg

Here is another mixed bag… Every time I sit down to write one of these, another 20 stories pop up in my head, not necessarily long enough for their own post, but part of the reason I am who I am. These are from many moons ago, close to 20 years ago… I fear that stories like this have shaped my low self esteem because here I am 20 years later & still single!

Anyway here they are.

Alcoholic

This story goes back to about 1999 when I was just out of high school & turning 18. I used to go to a nightclub called The Planet on Pirie street, does anyone else remember it? It’s oddly still empty almost 20 years since it closed…

Anyway it was the first nightclub I ever got into underage, it was the place we went every Friday night. Other friends would meet us there, couples & friends of friends, I was always single, as you may know I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 22, so hanging out with couples all having sex, all being lovey at the nightclub bumping & grinding, I still hadn’t even had sex yet! I had barely even kissed a boy, I hadn’t kissed a boy that I like, only random people when drunk as fuck at a nightclub.

I was jealous, I was so jealous of all my friends with boyfriends, I will admit that & probably part of the reason I became bitter after my relationship with Boyfriend ended, because I was jealous that others got to get married & I was 25 & single again…

My friend was dating a dude we worked with so sometimes his friends outside of the work people would come out with us. This guy ‘Alcoholic’ came along, he was always trashed, even more than me, which is saying something. He was always so super drunk every weekend that it was disturbing that he didn’t ever get kicked out of places or was even let into places. But we’d end up kissing pretty much every time he was there, even if I was sober & driving but most of the time it was when we were both drunk!

I can’t remember what the deal is with this guys drinking, but he was always a terrible drunk, stumbling around the club & finding me. I always kissed him & we’d spend hours locked lipped at a nightclub.

But something snapped in him one day & he stopped drinking, cold turkey. However he still came out the nightclubs every weekend. We wouldn’t really kiss as much when he was sober but I remember one night that I was so drunk & vomiting in the club (yes, I was that chick!) when my best friend at the time got him to take me home. She came with us while I was begging for water unable to really talk, he stops at a service station to get me a bottle of water. He walks out with a bottle of Mt Franklin, probably the only type of water you could buy back then & my response was “I hate this water” then I basically drank none of it. My best friend woke up my sister & got me into bed & I am thankful that I had a ride home. However, I never really see this guy again, he drove me home & bought me water & I was rude about it… I mean I’m sure him kissing me all the times he was wasted & I was sober should counteract it. But we after this, we don’t see each other ever again & we don’t keep kissing…

Planet

Following on from that story, like I said we used to go to the planet every Friday night. I don’t even remember where I met this guy to be honest, but I do know that I never knew what he looked like. However he had my mobile number… This was also before text messaging was a real thing, they used to cost 25 cents each. Which seems like nothing now, but they added up fucking quickly! Think about how many texts you send now, if you send 100 in a month it adds up…

Now I hate speaking on the phone & tell every dude to text me, don’t call me! Hahaha. You all know that, you know that I hate it, I have a work mobile so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone when I get home.

Anyway this guy & I would chat for hours, we’d talk about all sorts of crap. We tried to meet a few times but it never panned out. This is also before the time when it wasn’t illegal to talk on your phone while driving, he called me while I was driving with friends, I was so caught up in the conversation I didn’t notice anything happening beside my friend saying “Red, Red, Red” then shouting “Red” when I realised that I just drove through a red light! Fucking hell… Now it wasn’t the holding the phone to my ear that was the problem, it’s actually the conversation. So I now refuse to have work conversations while driving in the car, even via Bluetooth!

I had many Nina Proudman (TV show Offspring) type fantasies about how I would meet this guy… I always imagined that he would be the one who said how gorgeous I was, which would be for the first time back then… That he would look me in the eyes, that he would kiss me, that we would be as compatible in real life as he have been via the phone. This was probably the first time that I really dreamed I would have a boyfriend…

I remember telling him about a example of how we’d meet, he’d be in the line-up at the planet nightclub with his friends, I’d be walking with my friends on the phone to him trying to find him, but there are crowds of people everywhere, so I ask him to jump to find me, he & all his friends start jumping but then he somehow comes to the front of the crowd like in a movie & he’s standing there with a rose for me, I walk up & it’s love at first sight, we kiss while our friends cheer! -OHHH EMMM GEE… I think I’ve had one too many romantic comedies…

But of course you know my story doesn’t end up like that, I never meet this guy, I don’t even remember what happened with him. I wish I could find my diary I used to keep back then, I would totally post it just to remember what the fuck happened!

Mixed back serious relationships or drunk.png

Fruit & Veg

Back at this time, I was partying every weekend, does anyone also remember Zanzibar at Marion? OMG that place was the place to be on a Saturday night & that’s where I always was. Everyone from my work would be there on a Saturday night, in fact there are nights that I went down there with one group of friends & come home with someone else. Or I’d even go down with no one but find people to hang out with.

One night I’m there with friends, I don’t know what happens to them but I end up being there with the guy from fruit & veg. I know that I am not into this guy at all, he’s older & not physically attractive to me, but also I know that one of my close friends is infatuated with him. However we end up in a taxi together, he lives in the suburb I actually live in now, which is past the suburb I lived in when I was living with my parents, so I’m not sure why we went back to his house, especially since he still lived with his mum.

I remember his house very well, it’s was where nick nacks went to die… They were everywhere… This house was tidy but it was also somehow a mess. It’s a typical grandma style house.

At this point in my life, I don’t think I had ever had sex & I certainly didn’t want this guy to be my first so I tell him that I don’t want to do anything with him, I don’t even kiss him to be honest. This is the first time I’ve ever slept over a guys house too… I hate that this is the first guy that I have done that with… Why am I climbing into his bed?!

We do cuddle in bed, but I get too hot & barely sleep. I get him to drop me home in the morning thinking about what my friend will think, thinking about how things will be Monday at work? He’ the quiet type so I don’t think anyone ever knew. It was a bit awkward at work but it wasn’t long after that that he left for another store.

So there you have it, another mixed bag. Definitely not the last. I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane. I can tell you that I am surprised how much I remember about this time in my life, I was pretty much drunk for about 5 years straight! hahaha.

#IBD4U

Noddy #8

After Anzac day, Noddy & I chat daily as usual, I ask him what he is doing on the Saturday night because I know he’s home working on songs to go to the studio on Sunday, so I think rather than making him come all the way to my house, we’re both at home, we can catch up for a couple of hours. I will invite him out for dinner or something, he says “I want to say yes but I’m broke as shit because of this week… And I don’t expect you to pay. Haha. Don’t know if you noticed that” Of course I noticed that he’s paid for everything & basically because of all the public holidays with Easter & Anzac day, he hasn’t worked much this week, which is fine, I earn quite a lot more than him so I offer to pay for dinner being that he’s paid for every date almost, I also suggest the free movie tickets that I have too. He says “I don’t want to be a dick, but probably not tonight. Don’t think anything bad, I just wanna nail these songs tomorrow & as you know I get distracted so easy. Haha” I get disappointed, like fuck, how tragic am I that I finally ask this guy out & he says no… So I say that “I’ll stop distracting you & that I hope it goes well tomorrow” thinking that he needs time to write these songs but he says he’ll keep messaging me, but I think WTF?

Anyway I try not to read much into it – even though I can’t help but think of that stupid book ‘He’s just not that into you’ – which says basically in the whole book, if a guy isn’t trying to fuck you, he’s just not into you! Later we’re chatting & he asks how my night was & I say boring as fuck, he tells me that he should’ve come up… That just pisses me off even more, but I try not to show it. Why the fuck didn’t he come over? So I try to lighten my mood, I tell him that I know that there is a group on the chat app that if you do an autocorrect fail & someone calls you out on it, then you have to play truth or dare. So when he does a spelling error I tell him & say “So… Truth or dare Spark Plug?” surprising to me, he picks truth! I totally thought he’d be the dare type of guy but then he says that he’s in the “longest room” which was meant to be lounge so I call him out on another truth or dare. We play the game all night, he gets me to do a video of me cumming (easy), I never pick truth because I’m so scared what he’ll ask me about my past, with men or anything…. I find out his most interesting/weirdest place he’s had sex which was behind the school shed & in a fire escape. I also ask him to show me his most embarrassing piece of clothing & a screenshot of his camera roll (most of the photos were to me!) – Both dares would be terrible for me, I screenshot conversations all the time & save every photo he sends me, how would I explain that!?

Noddy auto correct fail.png

The next afternoon he chooses dare & I dare him to send me a video of him saying “You’re so sexy IBD4U” I instruct him not to move (in case he’s in the lounge room – hehehe), just do it where he is even if he’s with his roommates. He takes ages to do it but does send it telling me that he was driving. But in the video he’s walking. I think, well, that’s a dare fail. He says it’s not but he couldn’t do it while driving, I agree he shouldn’t do it while driving, however his video should’ve been in the car when he parked if I dared him not to move. He decides that because he fails, he loses a piece of clothing, I ask if he means forever, which he says yes. I say he has to give me his favourite jumper. He agrees that next time I see him, he’ll give it to me. He says he’ll come over after rope on Monday night. Well that’s an annoying late night for me, I don’t get home till about 10:00 pm but I figure that I want to see him, I need to make some sacrifices since we didn’t catch up over the weekend because of his lack of funds.

He dares me to show him my favourite rope picture, which isn’t a hard dare, he’s probably seen them all – so I send a few, he says things like “Fuck I love you in rope” the L word catches my breath as I read it… I know he’s said he loves having out with me etc but this is the first time I see it properly… I move on sending another picture “Fuck… it looks great though, like actually amazing hahaha not gif amazing” since we have this way of describing if something is amazing or not being that he says it all the time, I asked him once if it was gif amazing or sex amazing. He says “Fuck you are gorgeous” & the last one I send to him he says “Fucking hell… OMG woman, that is stunning. Fuck.” I dare him to send me a screenshot of his last text message, which I think he’ll probably hide some or something, but he doesn’t. He shows me a picture of his chat with Demon, of him sending her his song. I must admit, I get a little jealous… He hasn’t sent the song to me that he recorded… Did she ask or did he offer it up? & it reminds me of when Noodle didn’t tell me what they called the baby. Why is Noddy making me jealous, I’m not usually the jealous type… When I’m jealous, it means I like someone, more than like them, that I am scared of losing them… Am I starting to actually fall for this guy? A guy I didn’t even want to date?

The next day he tells everyone in the chat group that “This postie is making deliveries tonight. Hahaha” I like that he’s telling everyone that he’s coming to see me because there’s not backing out once he’s told everyone… I’m chatting at the same time, so it’s obvious that he’s talking about coming to see me. I actually feel pretty special & I think it’s cute that he wants everyone to know about “us” (for lack of a better word!) but also finally I’m not a secret for someone – it’s refreshing.

During the day, I’ve had some changes with my rigger & had ended up working things out that I would be changing riggers tonight, I guess it’s sort of like a dance partner when things change. Basically Ripples asked me if MilkyBar Kid was leaving town, I didn’t know he was leaving so I messaged & asked, he says “Not till the end of the year but why?”, I feel bad for telling him that I’ve been offered an opportunity with an advanced rigger to potentially work with & go to Melbourne with him & if he was leaving then perhaps I shouldn’t pass this opportunity. He says “Go for it” & I think what is the catch here?! MilkyBar Kid tells me that he was going to talk to me tonight about potentially finding a new rigger anyway but doesn’t elaborate, just says it’s nothing to do with me. I don’t get it but tell Ripples I will tie with him tonight.

I race home from work knowing Noddy is coming over tonight, I change my sheets, because I’ve been sleeping in our sex sheets still, I shave myself all over, clean the house & put the cans of coke I bought him in the fridge (Yeah another box, fucking loser!). I’m walking into rope, I want to talk to Milkybar Kid before it starts but can’t find him, I also want to chat to Ripples before we get started. Just so there is no weirdness being we’re swapping partners. But Noddy is messaging me with a photo of him in his favourite jumper that he has to give me tonight, but says “Haha… So I’ll have to give you the jumper next time I see you… I haven’t washed it yet haha… Was just in my toolbox & I got cold haha… Smells like mechanic” I ask him if he’s just trying to keep it longer & he says “I can’t lose my baby” I remind him that he shouldn’t have failed the dare or suggested giving up a piece of clothing (God knows what he’ll want of mine if I fail a dare! -Giving away panties has not gone well for me in the past!) I tell him to wash it now, so it’ll have time to dry before he comes over tonight then he says “Haha… Well would you rather I come over tomorrow & have dinner with you as well… That way it will be clean & ready to go… Just means no postie delivery tonight hehe…” I am walking into rope, it’s starting so I quickly write a reply “Up to you… I don’t really care about your hoodie TBH” As if he’s bailing on me as I walk into rope… Is this guy serious?! He says “I know that, but a dare is a dare. Plus I wouldn’t be able to stay tonight” Like WTF?! Why can’t he stay? Because it’s a Monday? We both have to work tomorrow. I can’t believe he’s bailing right when he knows where I am & what I’m doing… I shouldn’t reply while he’s just pissed me off but I say in a disappointed tone “Whatever, you’re the one that suggested tonight” It comes across way more bitchy that I intended, it’s supposed to be more a sigh, but he writes back straight away “Woah, I didn’t mean that to sound bad there hun… Not at all… Just knew you would be in a good mood from rope… but we would have more time together tomorrow” Well now I’m in a bad fucking mood, I hate with a passion when people bail! I have gone to effort by cleaning & shaving for the fucking guy to bail! I didn’t even want him to come over because I knew I’d be home late & rope relaxes me so I get really sleepy but I didn’t want to say no & then not see him this week.

After rope, the whole way home, I think that he will be in my driveway waiting for me, with his hoodie, knowing that he shouldn’t have bailed… Yes, I bet he’s there at my house ready to make it up to me! (Hahaha, as if, this is my life after all!) I read his message but I take ages to respond because I want to see if he’s at my house before I say something I’ll regret. I pull up to my house & he’s not there, my heart sinks, but I am not angry anymore, just fucking hurt & upset, so I just write “I’m not even sure what to say to this convo TBH… Tomorrow is ok” He writes back straight away “I’m sorry, neither do I really. We will work it out.” I roll over & go to sleep, I’m really upset, I get so fucking angry when I don’t get sex, when I thought I would, I know this, but I am also sad that I am not worth the drive for a couple of hours… Didn’t he say to me in the beginning that he’d jump in the car?

#IBD4U

Noddy #7

Noddy always sends me pictures of himself at work or home, sending me pictures of what he’s doing, which is usually writing music, I love how motivated he is… For a guy that left home at 13, I am surprised he has so much ambition. I did wonder if the weed smoking would be a problem, being that it’s not really my favourite thing, but it’s not. I mean he constantly looks stoned in every picture he sends me but I guess, it’s only ever going to be a problem if we get serious together.

I tell Noddy about the feature on our phone, we have the same phone! (OMG that’s a sign! Hahaha… Everyone is usually apple!) We have a pen that you can use to write on the screen for notes etc. I always said I wouldn’t ever use it, but I actually use it all the time. Noddy said he’s never used it, so I write him a note saying that he should use the pen it’s amazing. So he uses it to write me a message back saying that’s cute as fuck then draws abs on a shirtless pic of him. I can’t help but laugh when I see the detail he’s gone too…

He tells me that he’s had a headache all day & gone home from work. I suggest water, so he sends me a picture of the water bottle, it look like it’s had 2 sips out of it. I show him the bottle that I’ve drunk & he uses the pen to show me that there is a ladybug on my desk at work. I ask him how his hickey is (that he asked for – but I’m paranoid about him giving one to me.) He sends me pictures all night of his night, having a few beers with the boys. I like that we have our own lives, but that he wants me involved in this way, via messaging…

The next week it’s Anzac week – therefore a public holiday & Noddy says that he’s going to come over after work & stay the night. I am more excited than I should be… I wanted to take things slow with this guy & I’m seeing him like 2 – 3 times a week at this rate & it’s only been 3 weeks… Noddy gets to my house & I’m watching Revenge so we seem to just watch that. I can tell he’s tired, he’s had a lot of work going on, he’s working on his music, his mum had the accident, his friend in is hospital, his ex is sending him messages all the time, he’s got me – I’m not a walk in the park… I tickle his back & he slowly inches his way to lay his head on my legs… I keep tickling his back & I know he’s going to sleep & really relaxed. I bet he hasn’t been this relaxed in weeks. We lay like that for a while, just tickling his back.

We go to bed & have sex, him tying me up again to the x restraints, even though he’s tired, afterwards, we’re laying there with the lights off & cuddling, when I start rubbing his chest & cock… This is so unlike me to make the first move with a guy, but I want him again. He climbs on top of me & fucks me, but says after I’ve cum a few times that he won’t cum again this quick. I ask him to make me cum again before he stops, which he does & we fall asleep in each other’s arms…

He leaves fairly early the next day being that it’s a public holiday, I’m surprised by this, but I guess we can’t spend all day together, however I was hoping to exercise with him for a change. Hahaha. We’ll probably never do that! I guess we have had lots of sexercise.

Later that night he’s messaging me about how amazing it was when I was tickling his back, he says that he loved it but it should’ve been the other way around… No way, I love doing that stuff for him too… I want to make him feel wanted, I do want him, so I want him to feel that – I have trouble verbalising it, so I need to show him. As a submissive I don’t get to do that often. “I’m so glad… last night was amazing… Just being there & almost falling asleep on you like that was so nice… I’m glad you like doing it hahaha. I do like be sub every now & then haha. But I like being dom way more. I like the control in the bedroom hahaa. Everything outside I think is an equal thing. Showing affection and stuff like that. Hahaha. And I also don’t believe it’s a man’s job & woman’s job. Like sewing and washing. I think if you can do it why not?” He did offer to sew my dress up as I’d ripped it – it actually surprised me that he can sew… I can’t sew… He talks about the future so much that is scares me. Or talks about the things we will do, that I am getting caught up in it… I know from past experience, that generally the “we” stuff never happens with men I’ve me, yet I fall for it every time… I mean just look at all the sex toys I have bought over the years, even the trench coat for Abs, the lingerie for Noodle & have talked to numerous guys about using sex toys or bought them to use with them, but they never have enough time to use them with me!

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I suggest that we take some photos & video when we have sex next & he agrees… I mean what guy wouldn’t… He says that he doesn’t need it for inspiration when I say he can use it to rub one out, he says he doesn’t do that very often… What a lie! Hahaha…

I forgot, as he went to leave at Easter I was on his side of the bed (Fuck I’m calling it his side of the bed!) & I passed him the Easter present I gave him. He put it on my dresser & left it there… Well either he didn’t want it & I shouldn’t have given it to him, like a dickhead that I am or he just plain forgot it… He never mentions it though the week… I consider asking him how it was to see what he’d say but I don’t. He finally takes it at Anzac day & sends me a picture of him eating it… At least now I don’t feel like such a wanker for giving it to him. I thought honestly that he would have something for me for Easter, which is why I got him an egg… He’s talked about flowers & how he does that for no reason & that I deserve flowers… So I figured with how thoughtful he is with other things, he’d have something for me… But it’s not big deal that I have nothing from him. We have plenty of time for that stuff…

I, for some reason start calling him Spark plug, when I start thinking of nicknames that are related to cars. Ironically, though he has car trouble the next day & he tells me that it’s his spark plugs that were the problem! I kind of feel bad for his car but I don’t stop calling him spark plug. It’s a cute nickname, just for him. I have nicknames, but everyone calls me them!

I am, for once, looking forward to seeing where this goes…. There is no pressure or expectations like I thought there would be, we are just seeing where it goes & for the first time in my life, I don’t need a definition or a label. I am so content with this as it is, seeing each other every few nights & chatting daily when we can. It’s absolutely what I am looking for right now.

#IBD4U

Screenshots

So this isn’t my usual thing but I notice a lot of people on Instagram posting screenshots of chats from guys – I’ve always thought that was weird… But I guess I wrote about the guys I meet or chat to all the time… Hahaha, so what’s more weird talking about it or showing you a screenshot?!I guess it’s weird that I save the screenshot? But I do that for research & blog purposes only now. However some of the things people say don’t warrant a full 1000+ word blog post but perhaps they deserve a blog post in some way!Some post the persons name & pictures etc, but I will protect their identity & have blacked out (used the bomb emoji) what I can. But these are actual screenshots I saved of conversations that I’ve had on various sites over the course of my dating life. Some are these are from sites when I was just looking for sex, some are from sites when I was being serious about finding a partner, some are just random texts. See if you can tell what site is what. Hahaha.Thought it might be a fun change of pace for my blog posts… Hope you enjoy this format.

 

I never did get a knock knock joke from this guy… Did I ruin the chances with this guy by being a normal adult who doesn’t do knock knock jokes with other adults?!

 


 

Bahahaha… I’m a 10? Not quite sure that’s true, but what a way to get into my DM’s. However smooth lines no longer work on me.

 


 

Wow. I must be really boring… My dinner plans would usually result in them asking me out. Not this guy, I never got a reply, ever.

 


 

I will never understand why guys are so intrigued by a wax photo or rope picture but then not want to speak to me afterwards!? Apparently I am intimidating, does this make me more intimidating. Does it scare them?

 


 

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OH GOOD GOD!

 


 

Clearly not that keen to see me, as I never hear from him again! WTF is with that?

 


 

I tried for a while having rope pictures up on my profile to attract a kinkier type of man, however lots obviously think that because they can tie down a trailer, they can tie me up & I’ll allow it… Maybe this was a mistake.

 


 

OK what?!

Is this a bucket list thing for any woman? I mean I don’t mind cars & being interested in things a guy is, but don’t think this is the top of my bucket list!

Ironically, I realised I used to work with with this guy at the supermarket. I’m assuming he figured it out & that’s why he stopped replying? Who really knows…

I hate when a profile says stuff like this, this isn’t even the worst one I have seen, but why oh why don’t men just use the profile to talk about themselves, why do they talk about how shit other women are on these apps?!

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I cannot stand spelling errors in a profile. This is their time to shine… With all the auto correct failures theses days, this seriously can’t be one of them?! Surely this is satire?

This had to be a case of the wrong number… I have no idea how they got my number, or who they are. But I was having a few drinks with a friend so we had a laugh, but I didn’t get a reply. Hahaha.

Maybe my interesting fact wasn’t that interesting? I mean this guy never wrote back… Maybe that was a boring fact?! 

 

 


 

I honestly couldn’t be bothered writing back to this one, I hate the what are you looking for question. However at least when they ask & I answer, we’re both clear about what we doing… There’s no grey area.

 


 

What type of weirdo wishes their weekend was over?!

So there you have it… A difference in my blog posts… Hope you enjoyed this format. Something different. Let me know what you think. I might do some more like this if you like it.

#IBD4U

Noddy #6

Noddy & I wake up in the morning, it’s Easter. My rolling around wakes him up & he says “Morning gorgeous” & tells me he loves waking up next to me. I can’t really reply to that because I am emotionally retarded, I mean I do actually love this, I haven’t done this for a fucking long time & it was biggest fantasty with Noodle but I have a stupid brain that basically won’t let me tell this guy how much I like this… But I have also stupidly bought him a Easter egg, which I am now too embarrassed to give him. I get up twice before I get the courage to say to him “Oh look the Easter bunny has been.” He doesn’t really say thank you or seem to appreciate it, just putting it on the bedside table. I feel a bit dumb but he cuddles into me, then later on he does the same as yesterday, he makes me a cup of tea then goes outside for a smoke before coming back into fuck me.

We’re chatting about the group & he says something about sending a picture to the group of him in my bed… While I want him too because I remember how much I hated that Noodle & I were a secret, I am very aware that it’s only been a few weeks with Noddy. This will put pressure on us from everyone in the group. I don’t want to push this guy, I am very aware that I am liking him too much being that he’s stayed at my house basically all weekend, & there are so many red flags with him. He’s only just got out of a relationship… I am not over my previous relationship or whatever the fuck that was… I don’t want to hurt him just as much as I don’t want him to hurt me…

But he sends the picture & everyone knows… He’s in my bed… I secretly am happy but I am also concerned about what this will do to us… This is still new & fragile… I don’t want pressure on it.. I want to see where this goes without pressure or expectations.

We get up & eat leftover pizza for breakfast. I’m brushing my teeth walking around doing stuff when I see him in a bandanna & he says “Well… Obviously” just like Antoine Dodson & I literally spit my toothpaste everywhere & choke on the toothbrush. Fucking hell this guy is so hilarious, just exactly the sense of humour I want. Exactly what I am attracted too!

We sit around on the couch again watching Revenge & I now wish because of our conversations, if I offered to go exercise, I want to exercise with him, show him that side of me, but all I did was show him the fat slob side. As we’re sitting on the couch, I tell him that my family will be there soon for family dinner & he says that he better go, but he starts kissing me & we end up fucking quickly, both cumming hard. He tells me that I gave him “Fuck me eyes” I remember Noodle saying that I gave him ‘fuck me’ eyes before, but what the fuck are fuck me eyes? Whatever – who cares, I mean if I gave him that sign, it’s fine, I did want him to fuck me before he left. How much sex have we had this weekend!

As soon as he leaves, I empty the bathroom bin of the condom graveyard, have a shower & my parents rocks up 20 minutes after he leaves… Fuck that was close! Hahaha… My parents are never first to my house, nor are they ever early – like EVER! I message Noddy to tell him that was fucking close! Hahaha… No guy has ever met my family, well besides boyfriend. I wonder how some guys would react if they did meet my family?! I think he’d be ok with it…

Over the next couple of days Noddy & I talk a lot… He tells me that he’ll always be there for me to lend an ear & he’d do that for any of his friends because they’ve all helped him… He tells me that brought a tear to his eye… I tell him that he’s a good guy & he tells me I’m amazing. I offer up a hug if I could (which is so unlike me, but I am feeling for this guy right now) he says “I know you would. And that’s why you are amazing too” I tell him that we’re very alike in some ways but very different in others. He says “Yeah… I agree, it’s great having you in my life even if this ends up going nowhere & it’s just a fling… I’d be glad to call you my friend & someone I know. You are a great person” He wants this to be a fling? FUCK… I am so stupid! I have been really thinking about this man & being in his life & he wants me to be a fling?! I write back thanks with a smiley face because I have no fucking idea what to say to that… “Sorry, not trying to scare you away haha. That sounds bad… yeah.. I don’t have a great vocabulary when it comes to some of these things” I say that he didn’t scare me, but I am not sure what to say, because it’s true… He says that he just wanted me to know & I ask “You want me to know that I’m a fling?” he replies instantly “What no… that you are amazing & even if it ends I still wanna be friends” I have heard this from Noodle before… & look how well that turned out!! Hahaha… I mean can you really be friends with someone who’s been inside you?

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I tell him later that I am surprised at how much I actually like him, which is so unlike me, I never tell guys how I’m feeling because it usually comes back to bite me in the ass. I surprise myself by telling him this & he says “Nwwww, that’s cute as fuck. Thanks heaps that means a lot to me. You are amazing #IBD4U. I love spending time with you.” WOW… I didn’t expect that from him… Though I guess this guy does tell me more than any other guy so far how much he likes me… He sends me a shirtless picture & I tell him off because I’m horny. I say “I’ll send you naked pics when you’re horny & see how you like it” Then I realise that’s a stupid threat. He tells me it’s the best threat ever. But he’d prefer the real thing than a picture “Fuck pictures… I’d rather get in the car” It’s good that the distance isn’t going to be a problem, I really was worried about that… So many guys tell me that the distance isn’t an issue, then it becomes one. I tell him that I don’t send nudes often anyway because of my breast reductions scars from 6 years ago. He says “Yeah… I get that… but they look amazing… Fuck the scars. I think they just define your beauty even more… Shows how much you’ve been though” JESUS CHRIST this guy is smooth as fuck!

I need to put a wall back up here… I mean I met this guy in the chat app & I’ve seen it ruin lives… I mean, mine for one with Noodle… It ruined his & his partners… I am so cautious of people, but I’m also trying not to tar him with the same brush. He says “Even if you do, I’ll wash that away & show you a different colour… Take as much time as you need. I’ll be here, it’s what I do” Oh really? Wow… While he doesn’t know my history & I’m going to avoid telling him the ins & outs if I can about Noodle, if we get that far, but I am glad he’s willing to take this slow & see where it goes. I pose the same question that I posed to Noodle once or twice “Why me?” he says “The mystery. The previous encounters. The beauty. Something I’m not used too. Maturity, deep conversations. I won’t lie, I used to go for stupid little girls all the time… Sick of the drama.” Well I’m sure there is drama with me, I won’t deny that! Hahaha but he says there is a lot less.

He tells me about some drama with his ex girlfriend today, he tells me that she’s been messaging him, wanting him back… FUCK, I feel a pang of jealously! Most people do go back, I mean look at Noodle… However I listen & try to be subjective, not like a jealous chick listening into his private conversations with a conflict of interest. He says “It’s good to talk to someone about this shit, & when I’m with you, I forget all about that shit.” I am glad he can talk to me & I say so, but “I don’t want to just be your rebound fling & get hurt myself” Even though I know that I’m the first he’s been with since her, he says “I don’t want to hurt you at all. That’s the last thing I want to do. You are an amazing person” I tell him that his fling comment has me a bit worried. I’m not going to lie either. “Yeah but please don’t panic… I don’t want you to think anything into it too much… I don’t want this to be a fling. It’s just I wanna be 100% honest with you about what’s happening. I feel it’s the only right thing to do” Fuck I love how mature this guy can be… While he doesn’t always say the right thing, he sometimes says the most perfect thing to put me at ease… Maybe too at ease… But I am glad I am letting my guard down with this guy… It kind of feels right…

#IBD4U