Middle Aged Backpacker

While I was seeing Noodle, I made lots of friends on the chat app. There was a chick on there that I became good friends with. I had met her face to face at a meetup for the group one night a while ago, the infamous night that I kissed T-bone, but she & Shark had left early to go to another party with some other people. A few months before it ended with Noodle, she asked me if I would be interested in a 3sum with her & her friends with benefits as a birthday present surprise for him – let’s call him backpacker – mainly because he looks, acts & sounded like a middle aged backpacker. I said I was flattered but that I was kind of seeing someone & didn’t want to jeopardise what I had with him. She was ok with that & said she was happy for me. Not a surprise but I never told Noodle about it because I knew that he would just get jealous or say something hurtful to guard his feelings like ‘do whatever you want.’ I never lied to Noodle, I just omitted the truth sometimes because I knew how he’d react.

A few weeks after I stopped talking to Noodle, right after his partner found my underwear & Noodle tells me they are in an open relationship. So this was a little while ago, I forgot about this story, but you know what, every story I tell you leads me to where I am today, writing this almost 18 months after it happened… So it’ll all make sense one day why I do the things I do… Or maybe you’ll just be as confused as me as to why I do the things I do, but if you do know why I am like I am, please get in touch! Hahaha.

Anyway I message this friend & ask if she is still looking for a third, that I would be interested, she said yes, even though his birthday long ago – they were still keen to play with another woman. What a surprise, it’s every mans dream. Ironically though, Noodle told me after his 3sum with Sweetie & I, that it’s really hard work & he didn’t enjoy it as much as he thought he would because it was tiring trying to please 2 ladies at once. I always wanted 2 men, but I wonder if I would feel the same?

I meet them at Backpacker’s house, I take 3 beers because I don’t want to stay & I need to drive later. Also because I am in a kink chat group with her, she has asked me to bring a few toys with me, I don’t really know what to pack so I pack a flogger, a paddle & some wrist ties – I’ve never really been the teacher of kink. I mean I had to top from the bottom a little bit with Noodle sometimes when we used toys & things but he was naturally a dominant guy, he just didn’t know about the kink stuff, which lets face it neither did I, even though he thinks I’m the most kinky person in the world, I am totally not even that kinky at all…

I get to Backpacker’s house & we all sit chatting, I chat easily to my friend & like a fucktard with no filter, I spill the beans about the entire relationship to her, she knew some of it obviously being she was in the group with us but not all of the nitty gritty, I obviously was discreet about most of it because I knew they were on the chat app too. But now that it’s not in writing, able to be screenshotted, I went into a bit of detail with both of them, how in love I was (am!) with Noodle, the phone tracking partner, the way she found out – finding my undies. (Remember that this story was before Noodle’s partner tried the pill overdose.)

They sit there & listen, she asks a lot of questions. I am barely holding it together & am even wondering if I can go through this. The break up is still raw & I am holding out hope that Noodle will come back to me, I am hoping & praying for that. I think it’s only been a month but we’ve talked again since he stopped talking to me.

Backpacker shares a bit of a story about how he never wants to be in a relationship with another woman again as he has some legal proceedings going on with his past girlfriend who sent text messages to herself from his phone while he was asleep… Ok so I have some crazy thoughts sometimes, like about going to Noodle’s home or work to tell his partner everything, but I mean I never do any of this shit… How am I still single when this woman is texting herself from her partners phone while he’s asleep to set him up – to make him seem abusive? Or Noodle’s partner tracking his phone? How the fuck am I single?! I can’t even comprehend how these women get men & I have been single most of my life, struggling to get a guy to even go on a second date with me.

Anyway I talk the whole fucking night about Noodle, that it gets late when she asks if they can bring the mattress out to the lounge room, that they usually bring it out to the lounge room when his roommate isn’t home. I agree. They ask what toys I brought & I show them, neither have used a flogger or paddle so I use it on both of them, taking it in turns. He seems to like being hit a lot & she enjoys it too. They then try out on me, not taking it too far. We all take it in turns & then then end up just sitting on the mattress talking about kink, not about Noodle & past fucked up relationships this time. I realise that I am not in the frame of mind to have a 3sum with these two, well it’s not about them, it’s about any one right now. I shouldn’t be fucking any one right now. I am too distraught to be doing anything, this was a bad idea & I feel terrible for giving them hope, but I make my excuses & leave.

A few months later, post the pill overdose, I am trolling online for god knows what, filling a void of losing the daily chat to my best friend, filling a void of having amazing sex with my best friend. When I match with someone, I don’t recognise him at first but when I do, I ask him if he is the middle aged backpacker. He is… I ask if he’s still with my friend & he says they aren’t exclusive but yeah he still sees her. I tell him that I am not interested in getting involved with him but he keeps trying to get me to catch up with him without her.

One night after a couple of drinks, he is messaging me to come to his place to see him – he says that he hasn’t had sex in a few months, but I tell him again that I am not going to let him come between him & my friend. Not only do I not want to meet him without her knowing, but I also have seen in the last few months how quickly things got back to me with Noodle that I know that I am not going to take that risk either. That’s when he gets nasty, telling me that it I am missing out on an opportunity (even though he’s the one that hasn’t had sex in months?!), that he’s really good & even though he didn’t call me names, there was some real bitterness to his messages. I delete him after that. I mean why would I even go there after that display of whatever it was. Because I’m not willing to compromise my friendship, I am not even worthy of his conversation? I said that we could see her together, but I wouldn’t see him without her.

She had moved on to a new guy & so now he has no one at all. I see him every now & then when I have been on dating sites & he has been on there. As always I ignore any advances from him! I mean really… What a nasty piece of work!

#IBD4U