For a while I am going to go off topic, well not off topic because all my stories are about dating, however, they won’t always be in chronological order for a while. You will get my whole story eventually but there is some method in my madness as always! Hahaha.
So during a time of dating, I meet someone online that I am not 100% attracted too, but this has been something that people have been telling me to do, date someone you’re not that into looks wise because they may have a great personality & maybe that’s where I am going wrong. I agree with this & attempt it. “Give him a go” comes to mind. URGH.
To be completely honest, even though he’s a similar age, I feel like I am out of his league, he looks bulky, he looks greying & pretty much like an older dad. So when we match, I don’t make too much effort, in fact we barely talk at all before he’s asking me on a date.
I don’t know why but when men suggest a coffee date especially with someone I don’t want to go on a date with, I say “I hate coffee” not only is this a fact but it’s also a way to explain that this is the worst date idea ever – I need alcohol for a date – I hate meeting new people. He persists & offers, wine, tea, soft drink, water… So as a wine enthusiast, I suggest a wine instead of coffee, he agrees & he is suggesting a date & time, of a Sunday afternoon in the middle of winter. I agree & he suggests a place that I’ve been on a few dates before.
Despite my better judgement, I say yes to this date after such minimal chat – this is unlike me to do this, unlike me to meet someone so quickly, with a gut instinct that I am not going to enjoy this at all, I arrange a date with this guy. I don’t know anything about this guy, what am I doing?
Days before the date, I have barely spoken to him & he hasn’t tried to talk to me, but on the day of the date he messages to confirm & he should know from the rate of my replies, that I am not into him? I feel sorry for him to be honest. I feel sorry for me for doing this to myself…
When the date comes, I am still not feeling it, I have a slight cough & think I should just cancel, I don’t know why I don’t but I feel too bad, so I just decide to go. I run late though, which is 100% unlike me to do that too, as I drive past the restaurant looking for a carpark, I see him sitting outside, my snap judgement is that I am still not interested but maybe he is a really great guy & we could even be friends.
I walk up to him at the restaurant, he isn’t like his picture at all, he is greyer, he is a little chubbier & my instant vibe is that he’s gay. I have great gaydar, so I will be surprised if I am wrong. He’s wearing a t-shirt with an unbuttoned shirt over the top, both short sleeved. He is also wearing shorts, it is the middle of winter but I guess he’s not cold. His whole outfit is sponsored by Billabong. I’m not judging because I am a brand whore however, you don’t wear everything in one brand all at once… That’s just weird?! I don’t know what to wear & think about it a lot, usually a cute outfit with heels but I couldn’t be bothered, I put on a nice top, a skirt & my converse sneakers… Like wtf. Cute outfit but not first date type outfit. However it is just a casual coffee… So the outfit is ok, but neither of us are dressed weather appropriate.
We hug awkwardly as I walk up to him, he gets off the stool & he offers me a coffee. WTF? Didn’t I say I don’t drink coffee – that wasn’t a joke (even as a budding writer, I don’t like the smell & coffee breath… OMG.) So I say, “Aren’t we getting a wine?” he seems flustered by this suggestion, like it was brand new to him. I know it’s 2:00 pm on a Sunday afternoon but we can have a wine.
At the bar, he says to the bartender, that we are going to have a wine. So has he talked to the bartender about coffees? Anyway he takes ages to pick a wine, I look at the list but just order the house shiraz, he looks for a long time & then settles on the house shiraz too. I think that took longer than it needed too.
We look around for somewhere to sit & he suggests outside. We are not dressed for the weather, I am in a skirt & bare legs however I agree & we sit outside on the stools he was at. I can’t decide which stool to sit on, the one directly next to him or the one that is one away so we can look at each other more, the table is like a wine barrel so I can’t really sit opposite. As I sit in the stool directly next to him, I am reminded of some guys on dates who have sat to close to me on dates & now I feel weird sitting next to him but I can’t move. I feel so awkward.
Something that disturbs me about this guy though is that he acts a little like my brother. So my brother does this thing with his fingers when he’s talking & has a bench or table in front of him, he taps the table with his fingers, leaving his palm on the surface he’ll drum his fingers when making a point. It kind of freaks me out a bit that this guys the same & has a few other mannerisms the same as my brother, I try to give him a chance & ignore this.
We talk fairly easily. I am going through a lot in my work life at this particular time that I even say to the guy that it’s probably not a good time to be meeting me as it’s all I can talk about. To his credit, he listens & asks questions engaging me & himself in the conversation that is not light hearted or good in any way. We talk about travel too, I am more general with countries I have been too saying things like “A bit of Europe, all of the UK, lived in Canada” keeping it very general – I have travelled to a lot more countries than that, but he lists every single country he has been too… OMG. Every. Single. Country. Was that amount of detail needed? Is this is actual conversation style & this boring or am I that boring that he has to fill like he has to fill the conversation with other topics besides my work. I think a little of both, because he also told me every single career he had too. dating back to when he was in school… Maybe I am fucking boring?! All of you wouldn’t still be reading if I was! Hahaha.
We have only one wine & we leave, hugging awkwardly goodbye. I am hoping he doesn’t ask to see me again & he doesn’t, because I would have stupidly said yes & then end it via text. I think he felt it too, so I don’t hear from him after the date. As I am about to drive home, I message J-lo & tell him that I hate dating, he asks why & I tell him that I went on a date that didn’t look like his pictures & acted like my brother, plus I think he might be gay.
A couple of days later, he says hey how are you? I write back that I am ok & ask how he is to which he replies that he is ok thanks. There’s nothing really exciting about that for the blog, is there?! Hahaha… So saucy! I just assume that he doesn’t want to keep the conversation going & hope it fades out.
Almost a week goes by & I haven’t heard from him but haven’t deleted him, when I get a message “Hey #IBD4U how was your weekend?” I don’t get a chance to even look at it all day however when I do open the app to look at the message there is also a picture of a women with a caption “Think I’ve got potential?” HOLD UP! WHAT??? Is he a crossdresser? Is he trans? What the fuck is this about… To be honest, he actually looks much better as a woman. I’m still not interested but he looks better. I don’t know how I feel about it to be honest.
First before you all jump down my throat, I am not at all fussed about him/her (Whatever they identify as) being a cross-dresser or transgender, even gay or bisexual, pansexual or whatever. I couldn’t care less what people chose to define themselves as, as you all know I am not into labels so don’t really care what people identify as. However, I feel like this is not the way to reveal this information to someone that you’ve been on one date with.
I get that this topic is not an easy topic to bring up with anyone, coming out to family & friends can cause a lot of anxiety & I’ve watched a close friend, lets call her Elle, who I met on the chat app who I’ve only known as transgender, I’ve watched her finally come out to everyone on Facebook & tell their child. I was and am extremely proud of her for her bravery, however I’ve only known her as transgender, I’ve only know her as one thing, no label will define who or what she is, but the only label I care about & that is that she is my friend.
So I don’t know how I feel about this, I mean I am on a dating site, with the transgender/gay setting turned off as this is not what I am looking for, I do not want someone without a penis or someone who will steal my clothes. I get that this is not a topic you want to talk about openly with a prospective date, however, do you just blindside them with a photo a week after the date instead?
I talk to Elle about this date because I think perhaps I am in the wrong here & because it’s a difficult subject maybe I should cut the guy/girl some slack? Maybe I am being too judgemental. I mean lets be fair, I wasn’t interested in this person before this revelation, however Elle says that she thinks this person should have been honest with me prior to the date. Especially with the protection of online dating, being online, there is no reason to not be honest. & her advice is to “Fuck him off” If they were honest, then it would have been my decision & to be perfectly honest with you, I would not have gone on the date. I’m glad I never gave him my number & delete the app shortly after. I swear to god, you can’t make this shit up! Hahaha…
What do you all think? Should he have told me prior to the date?