The Love Of Your Life Only Comes After The Mistake Of Your Life.

A friend shared this article on their FB page a while ago, while it’s not technically a blog nor a story about dating, it really hit home for me after the whole Noodle debacle & I really have to agree.

I hope that after Noodle, I can have the love I deserve!

The Love Of Your Life Only Comes After The Mistake Of Your Life.

“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw

Perhaps we need to be broken first before we can finally become whole.

Painful love is the worst kind of heartbreak. It’s the one we had such high hopes for, the one we gambled everything for—only to find it was a bet that would never be won.

So we break into a million small pieces of ourselves and wonder how we could have gotten it so wrong.

We make mistakes in love.

We choose people based on the lessons that our souls need to learn without realizing that it’s usually those difficult lessons we need to experience the most.

We can’t be changed by ease and we can’t have our minds broken open by the mundane—instead it can only happen when we are left with nothing but ourselves and our regrets.

Maybe there is no such thing as a mistake if we indeed needed it to learn more about who we are and how we love, but still there are those loves we wish we could rewind and just take back. The ones whose endings were too painful for us to want to permanently claim as part of our history.

But no matter how much we wished that this love was something other than what it was, it will never change the reality that the only reason we needed this love in our lives was to break our hearts.

The thing is, we need that big mistake to help propel us toward the love of our life.

We need to be broken in order to find out how we want to put ourselves back together.

Often times the biggest mistake of our lives is a relationship that we should have walked away from the minute it began—or at the very least should have let go of long before we actually did, and way before it all went downhill.

But we didn’t, and it’s not because that love was meant to be, but because without it we might never have realized what love truly is.

We always have the choice to stay in a relationship that is a constant battle of wills and ideals. Yet, no matter how many times we hope it will end differently, or just maybe work this time around—it never does.

This is because it’s not meant to.

Our mistake is meant to end, usually bitterly, and often catastrophically. Its purpose is to rock us to our core and challenge our very self and our beliefs about love.the mistake only comes after the love of your life.pngWe are meant to question what went wrong, and to wonder what love really means to us. This isn’t an overnight process , but one that we need to take the time to immerse ourselves in until we no longer hide from the truth that our hearts whisper.

It’s a state of healing that lets us know that we can send someone our love, but we can also walk away with our heads high and our faith strong knowing that we haven’t messed up the best thing we ever had.

Because the love of our life is out there waiting for us and when we meet there will be no question about why we needed to have our hearts broken in the way we did.

There won’t be battles to conquer, or qualities to be changed. There won’t be unfulfilled needs, or drama around every corner. In reality, this love is going to show us why none of our previous relationships worked out.

Because all along they were only leading us to this—the person who was created just for us, and somehow through the meandering paths that life takes, ended up not being perfect, but still being perfect for us.

Our worst mistake and our deepest heartbreak is only meant to help lead us to the love of our life—because without it, we might never know what that actually looks like.

The love of our life only comes when we are ready for it. When we have broken apart who we thought we should be and instead embraced who we are. This love only appears when we have gained the ability to believe that we deserve what we want.

The love of our life won’t look or feel like anything we’ve ever experienced. It might come softly, or it might even enter as a wrecking ball. It may come dressed as friendship, or perhaps something so hot we thought for sure we would get burned. But, because of that great mistake we are not the same people we once were, so we will approach love differently as well.

We will look for the peace instead of the intensity of the storm.

We will allow ourselves to gaze past the superficial and instead appreciate the energy that this person brings into our lives, reveling in the new-found depths of connection that we are experiencing.

Slowly we will realize that it’s not necessarily who someone is, but rather what type of person they bring out in us that determines whether it’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.

With time, an understanding develops that love should not only feel like it adds value to our lives, but it should also help us become the best possible version of ourselves.

Only a great love can raise us to greatness.

And that’s the thing about the love of our life—it may not end up being who we thought it was, and it may still not come without challenges, but there is just something about it that makes us want to be better.

It’s a love that inspires us, and shows us that perhaps we aren’t scared at all, and that just maybe we haven’t screwed up as badly as we thought we had.

Because finally we realize that our “great mistake” was really a north star all along, leading us to the love of our life.

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~ curiano.com

Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Nicole Cameron
(Source: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/11/the-love-of-your-life-only-comes-after-the-mistake-of-your-life/?fbclid=IwAR0KEcBIHZHLfPsOPHLee2h9tZ_oq8isYruQdcDWui5nMmCttiETNT2lQvo)

I can only hope that there is something better out there for me!

Please universe send me something good!

#IBD4U

Pear

I met this guy Pear online, he’s a little bit older than me & not entirely the type I like the look of, but I figured that my type isn’t going that well, so I should branch out. We chat for a bit & I tell him how I’ve been hanging at the beach a lot, he says he lives by the beach & he should bring me down a cheeky cider, we sort of arrange that we’ll catch up on Christmas eve on the beach, but we also don’t set anything in stone.

On the morning of Christmas eve he messages & asks what my plans are for the day, I say that I am in bed but am considering meeting this guy for a cheeky cider at the beach. (I’m trying to be cute here…) He says something like ‘oh have fun’ & that’s it, really? Does he think I’m talking about someone else? Get a sense of humor dude!

I delay writing back because I think he doesn’t get me & so I search for something else to do because I am so alone & thinking heavily about Noodle, so I think fuck it. I message back Pear & ask him when he’s free, he says he’s free now, so I say give me 30 minutes & I’ll be there. I rub sunscreen on (thinking I’ll get him to do my back, might be kinda fun – everyone says to be tactile on a date) & put on my bikini & shorts, then head out the door. I ask him if he wants a chair & my umbrella & he says yes.

I see him as I’m parking, he is sitting at the table with nothing but a small 6 pack cooler bag, obviously the ciders. I get out my bag, the 2 chairs & the umbrella & walk over to him, he pretends not to see me until I’m basically standing on top of him, he gets up we kiss hello & hug, then we introduce ourselves. Hahaha. I did say I wasn’t sure if we knew each others names. Apparently I’m now even so open to dating people I don’t even know their names. WTF.

We head down to the sand, he doesn’t offer to carry anything that I have, yes I’m carrying my bag, 2 chairs (1 for him) & an umbrella – he has a 6 pack esky. We walk to the sand & set up camp. He at least sets up the umbrella by digging it into the sand. We sit & chat fairly easily. He offers me an apple or pear cider, so I ask for apple, but then I realise he’s brought Somersby ciders which is fucking disgusting, but I bite my tongue & await the disgusting taste. After I ask for apple, he says ‘I only brought pear’ ok, dude, why did you offer me apple? He profusely apologises saying he can run home & get one, but I say don’t worry. At least the pear Somersby isn’t as sweet as the apple.

I ask what kind of music he listens too, he says Fresh FM which is what I listen to too, so I put a mix on spotify & we just sit there chatting. The conversation kinda dies off & I end up just sunbaking but get so hot, that I say I’m going in the water. He says he’ll join me & for the first time in my life with someone I took off my singlet & wore just my bikini top & shorts into the water. Eek! I’m getting more confident! We swim for a bit, or basically just float around. I didn’t have a hair tie & didn’t want to get my hair wet because its very curly & will look like a mop. But I get drenched after a few bigger waves get me.

We get out & lay on the beach, he gets himself another drink but doesn’t offer me one. Maybe the whole pear/apple debacle put him off asking me. I lay down in the sun & almost fall asleep since we’re not talking & he’s not trying so I can’t be bothered. I fake that I have to be at a friends at 7:00 pm so I ask what the time is. It’s just after 6:00 pm so I think that works well. I don’t know how else to leave. I start getting dressed & pack up my stuff, he at least carries his chair back to the car for me (I’m not sure why that bothers me, I mean I can carry it all, but that’s not the point! I want a gentleman.)

We hug & kiss on the cheek goodbye but I don’t say anything about catching up again, I’m not sure I am keen anyway. I thought about Noodle a lot (I can’t believe how much I am thinking about him – he did the unforgivable to me.) & I almost fell asleep o the beach, I mean, that can’t be a good sign.Pear bleed heal the hurt.pngIt’s a 6 minute drive from the beach to my house, & I walk in the door to a message from him saying that he’s sorry he didn’t bring apple cider & that if there’s a next time he’ll bring apple & not to hate him. I don’t reply. I get a merry Christmas on Christmas day too, I don’t reply. I get another message the next day, I don’t know what to say. I always hated men playing the “chemistry” card with me, but since I have experienced that crazy crackling chemistry with someone, I don’t want anything less. I have been single so long because I won’t settle & now I have another element I won’t settle for. I want passion, fireworks & ‘can’t keep your hands off each other’ love.

I mean, I also didn’t ask him to put cream on my back, does that mean I would prefer to get sunburn than have Pear’s hands on me?

He messages me every day but I ignore for a while, until I’m at the beach with a friend & I tell him to come on down – mainly because I think she will be more suited to him, I tell her this & she tells me to invite him along. It takes him like 5 hours to reply but he responds saying he can’t see my umbrella. I’m like dude, we’re home already! He asks if I’m trying to palm him off to my friend, but gives me his phone number, so I have to be honest, I tell him that I didn’t feel the chemistry, he deletes me…

Another one bites the dust!

#IBD4U

The New List

Telling people about my failed whatever with Noodle is so fucking hard, mainly because hardly anyone knew about it… I couldn’t tell people I fell in love for the first time at 36 with a married man – imagine how much judgement I’d get (though now, through this blog I realise that my situation is not uncommon!) Now that it’s over, it seems easier to tell people…

So one day at the hairdressers, I’m telling her about it & we were just having general conversation, I didn’t go into too many details, when she said that when she was single, she wrote a list of every single thing she wanted in a man – including stupid stuff like not a snorer, she read it everyday & then she got it… She said she put it out in the universe what she wanted & for the most part, the guy she’s engaged too is basically the guy on her list – except I think he snores! Hahaha. She said she read it every day putting it out there in the universe & she got it, so I should try it.

New list healing.png

I wrote a list myself. I read it a few times then tucked it in a draw & forgot about it until my next hair appointment when she reminded me about it. I thought maybe sharing the list with you now might help the universe send me the right guy.

  • SINGLE!!!!
  • My Best Friend
  • Good looking to me – brown or blonde hair, tall, nice body & teeth, smells good & good dresser
  • Funny
  • Living a healthy lifestyle
  • Gym enthusiast but not a muscle man
  • Good job that pays well
  • Good car
  • Not a snorer
  • Has kids already or doesn’t want them
  • Kinky, mostly a Dom but sometimes a switch
  • Motivated
  • Mature, not a party animal but likes to go out
  • Adores me, loves me & wants me
  • Supportive of me & my career
  • Chemistry & Passion with me
  • Open & honest communication
  • Mutual Trust
  • Mid 30’s
  • Family orientated
  • Traveller
  • Loyal & Respectful
  • Thoughtful
  • Affectionate but not over the top
  • Sleeps with the ceiling fan on every night
  • Tidy & likes to do stuff around the house
  • Tattooed
  • Not too into sports/video games
  • Wants to marry me

Fuck this is really personal thing for me to share! But in the interest of honesty, I want to share this with the universe & you all. I hear it works. Hahaha. So send him my way universe!

I have bolded the absolute must haves for me, but again, at this point remembering the previous Checklist blog post, I have changed a lot & I am not just willing to settle for someone that likes me.

I want to look for that insane love again. A love that changes you. However I’m not 100% sure there will every be that type of love again for me. I mean do we get unlimited chances at love?

#IBD4U

Cowboy

Noodle hated Cowboy, he was banned from every group Noodle was in & that he was admin in because of some rivalry, I’m not sure what it was – I don’t understand men. (Clearly) I do know very well that Noodle was jealous of any guy that talked to me or showed interest in me, any guy who asked to private message me, or any guy that flirted with me in the group. Noodle would come in & basically piss around me marking his territory but this was next level. I got along quite well with Cowboy in the beginning but he was a bit of a dick towards then end just before he was banned from everything. I hated Cowboy just because he made Noodle so jealous & then I had to deal with it – Calm him down, stroke Noodle’s ego for ages to make sure he realised that I only wanted him. I hadn’t fucked anyone new in months & had stopped private messaging other men because I knew it upset Noodle. I know Noodle has his partner that he goes home to every night & is fucking on a weekly basis, but I hated that I had fucked Orbit & kissed T-bone when I thought I was this loyal person, just like my star sign, a Leo.

Cowboy shattered heart still beating.png

I always got along with Cowboy, I didn’t think he was that bad, in fact before I even met Noodle in person, I was in Port Pirie for work & was supposed to meet Cowboy for a drink, however he never messaged me & I was chatting to other men at the time so I didn’t bother since he lived out that way, so he wasn’t going to be anything anyway. Also I knew that Noodle would be back online soon & I would miss chatting to him if I was out with Cowboy. What a fucking idiot, I am.

I spent the following weeks after it ended with Noodle chatting to everyone on the chat app, I tried not to talk about him, but everyone knew we were together now – after his outburst, so I always ended up talking about him to people on the chat app. Mainly about how shit I feel for things he’s said, I actually spend more time defending him & justifying why he did what he did. I mean I still justify it… I can’t help it. Probably because I am still stupidly in love with him & had hopes that he will come back to me when things did go to shit with his partner.

Cowboy begs me for Noodle’s new user name on the chat app & his partners username so he could send a screenshot of Noodle telling the group that he used to fuck the shit out of me. Wow that would be such an easy way to get what I want! Or would it? It wouldn’t come from me at all, she would get a copy of a screenshot of the chat, a group I wasn’t in & it would have nothing to do with me. My hands would be clean… Or would they? I mean I would have to pass on the info I know to Cowboy, which could also be screenshotted & used against me. It’s not a good idea!

I do come so close to telling Cowboy, so many times. Especially when Noodle is boasting about their sex life to me. But my conscience always stops me. I could easily ruin things for both of everyone here. Including me…! But again, I’m not like that… Fuck sometimes I wish I was, because you know what, I doubt that his partner wouldn’t hesitate to throw me under the bus if she could… That would be so easy, because I would be out of the equation, I guess. But it wouldn’t get me what I want – or would only get me what I want for a short time till Noodle found out I took part in the deception. I mean what do I want? Do I really want Noodle at this point? He’s a liar, I know that, he’s hurt me worse than I thought anyone could hurt me… He’s treated me with disrespect, someone that I thought I could trust & loved me. Lets face it, she is never going to let Noodle go & he’s not strong enough to walk away, so I just have to be the one that walks away, even though it hurts with every single fucking heartbeat.

I’m back in Port Pirie for work, Cowboy says he’s there too, it’s only been a few weeks since Noodle & I ended, I’m dying that we’re not talking at all – he hasn’t replied to my messages on his new chat app account, even tried to get his attention via text message. I tried to contact him & get no response. I’m only meeting Cowboy because I am so hurt & I want to hurt Noodle, if he ever finds out, he will hate me for it. What a stupid fucking reason to meet this guy… FUCK.

I am a little early for the coffee date, so when I pull into the Maccas carpark to meet Cowboy face to face for the first time, I look at every app but with no new notifications, while bored & looking at my phone, I decide to just quickly look at my junk emails, clean them out & I see three, yes three fucking emails from Noodle! FUCK… Why the fuck are they going to my junk mail? I have emailed him before, shouldn’t my email account know who’s junk & who’s someone I email?! Mother fucker.

The first one is in response to why he hasn’t been on his old chat app account & why he’s not replying on his new one to me – ‘Hey wife is poking around chat app, not trying to message you, will chat when I can.’ & then hours later after I text him he says ‘Hey please don’t message my phone thanks, I’ll return your keys next weekend if you want to meet up for lunch, don’t want to lose you as a friend, Noodle.’ & there is a super long one in response to my goodbye email – finally (Which I will discuss in a specific Noodle Post – Yes there are going to be more! -When will I shake this man?). I read them all several times before going in for coffee with Cowboy. I send a quick reply “Sorry, all your emails went to my junk box. I can meet you for lunch this weekend? Was going to just pop into your work & get them…” He doesn’t know that I did pop into his work after the psychic fair, but I was planning to pop in again, it’s doing my head in that he’s got my keys still & I hear cars pull up & I think it’s Noodle. I can’t stop looking out the window. At least once I have my keys back, it’ll finally be over. I wonder if he told her that he had my house keys?

I actually just want to curl up in a ball & cry. Finally he’s going to meet me so I can get my keys back, maybe I can get some answers, maybe I can change his mind & perhaps get him to see my side of the story & be with me? But first I have to meet Cowboy for this coffee then go to work & drive the 3 hours home. My tummy is in knots, I walk into maccas & see Cowboy (as he’s got a cowboy hat on) standing out the front so I walk up to him & say hey, but he’s on the phone. He nods at me then we walk into maccas, we order coffees (me a lactose free hot choc) & sit down at a table.

Cowboy & I talk easily, I find him attractive, he’s pretty short though, like my height & it makes me miss Noodles 6’1 stature. I mean if I wore heels with Cowboy I’d be towering over him. I enjoy the conversation, however it’s mainly about Noodle – I’m not sure why I can’t keep my mouth shut but I can’t, I don’t go into the whole story but I do overshare. Cowboy again begs for their user names on the chat app & do you know what, if it wasn’t for finding those emails from Noodle prior to going into the coffee date, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to restrain, being Noodle’s just cut me out of his life like that so easily – again, fuck men are so lucky I’m not crazy & that think before I do things!

I was thinking seriously about showing Cowboy Noodle’s new user name, I didn’t want to put it in writing in case Cowboy screenshotted it & saved it for blackmail, so I was toying with the idea of telling him – then I would be completely out of the equation. I’m so glad I didn’t, I mean I’m only human to have these thoughts, but again like I said, it’s never going to get me what I want. Not that I even know what I want at this point! Lets be honest, I say I want Noodle, but what kind of life would we have now?

At the end of the coffee I hug Cowboy goodbye, I feel shit for him because I’ve talked of nothing but Noodle, as if he’s going to want to see me again nor will he probably talk to me again! Lucky that Cowboy lives out here in the middle of nowhere, I don’t need to ever see him again, I guess.

#IBD4U

What The Fuck Is There To Do In Adelaide?

I refuse to believe that there is nothing to do in my little “country” city of Adelaide. With approx 1.3 million people living in this city, I am in disbelief that pretty much all my dates I been on, have been:

  • A drink at a pub
  • A coffee date
  • Dinner & a movie
  • Netflix & chill

I think this is lame as fuck for Adelaide & me. Surely there is more to do, something fun, something exciting that also shows my fun side. Remember my friend telling me to show my fun side way back in the first blog Pilot?!

This blog came about because I dated a guy who’s favourtie thing was playing mini golf – it was even on his profile when we met, so one night I booked us in for a game of mini golf at Holey Moley, where we ended up playing both courses. Because of his reaction about how excited he was to go before we got there & afterwards him telling me how much fun he had, talking about it days later, that we should do more fun stuff, that I started to think, what the fuck is there to do in Adelaide?

When I posed this question to myself, I was spending the next day driving to Port Pirie with a colleague so I said to her that we need to think of “fun dates” in Adelaide. So this list isn’t just complied solely by me, she had a few ideas & was also able to google as I drove but of course the blog is written by me.

Our list included all the usual things listed above, mainly revolving around food, but when I explained it was for an out of towner, who is a fussy eater (no cheese) who’s on a strict diet so doesn’t drink a lot of alcohol, but is adventurous, that we need to come up with fun things, not just dinner or drinks. However we are also restricted to a weeknight date! WOW, this sounds really hard! I wanted fun ideas like the mini golf & so this is what we came up with!052816 (2)

I’ll write a brief explanation for you too – so you can find it in your state if it’s not called the same thing where you are.

  • Holey Moley – Indoor mini golf. (https://www.holeymoley.com.au/)
  • Intensity – Arcade video games, air hockey, car racing simulators etc. (https://intencity.com.au/
  • Bowling – 10 pin bowling in gross shoes.
  • Winery Tasting – Find a winery with food & make a day of it, I love a sunny winters day & some wine tasting. Even do a brewery tour if wine isn’t your thing.
  • Adventure Rooms – Aka Escape rooms, using clues to get out of the locked room. (https://adventurerooms.com.au/)
  • Ice Skating – Find an outdoor rink, usually pop ups in Glenelg or the city.
  • Aquatic Centre – I thought this was weird (mainly cos I was worried about them seeing me in bathers, when my colleague said that she assumes he’s already seen me naked & this is something fun she does with her partner sometimes for a swim, sauna or spa.
  • Sporting Event – Football, motor sport, cricket or tennis. Amateur or professional, just get amongst the atmosphere.
  • Beach House – Used to be Magic Mountain, the waterslides, dodgem cars, mini golf, arcade games. (https://thebeachouse.com.au/)
  • Laser Tag – I did it for the first time a little while ago with work people, so was so much fun, in a group, not sure how it’d go on a date with only 2 of you.
  • Tree Climb – Adelaide has a tree climb which I’ve done with my gym friends, it was so much fun. (https://treeclimb.com.au/)
  • Bounce – Trampoline arena, pretty much a warehouse full of trampolines. (https://www.bounceinc.com.au/)
  • La Sing – A karaoke bar in the city, but probably any would be fun. (http://lasing.com.au/)
  • 8 Ball – I have a pool table in my lounge room, that we all know too well… I have sex on it more than I play pool on it. So, going out to play pool might be a better idea!
  • Trivia Night – Often at pubs, go join in with randoms or make your own team.
  • Mega Adventure – A giant obstacle course, must not be scared of heights. (https://megaadventure.com.au/)
  • Comedy Show – I’ve seen a comedian target a couple on a first date or a couple very early in their relationship, so be careful about where you sit. (https://www.adelaidecomedy.com/)
  • Paint ball – I’ve never played but think this could be fun too, even inflict a bit of pain!
  • Go Cart Racing – Careful with this as guys can get a bit too competitive.
  • Latitude – It has everything, indoor rock climbing, trampolines & am obstacle course thing. (https://latitudeair.com/)
  • Lawn Bowls – I’ve done this is big groups, but I’m sure you can do it in smaller groups too.
  • Concerts – Any concert will do.
  • Mount Lofty Hike – Any hike would be fun, even a beach walk would suffice.
  • Moonlight Cinema – cinema in summer in the park. Take wine & cheese for a fun mosquito bitten night.
  • Kayaking – You can hire kayaks so you don’t need to own them, but it’s something I love, however not been a good idea for a first date!
  • Garden of Unearthly delights – When the fringe is on, it’s an amazing place for food, drinks & a random show.
  • Day trip – Hahndorf, Victor Harbor, Whispering Wall or Gumeracha

So I think we did pretty well with the list. I never want to be a boring girlfriend & I think that this will help that along the way. Some of these things are very adventurous & I guess you might need a relatively higher level of fitness & possibly trust that the guy you’re dating isn’t just going to race ahead & not help you if you get stuck on an obstacle. Hahaha. However this also could be a good way to tell if they’re a keeper or not.

Have you got any other ideas?

#IBD4U

Noodle #32

To celebrate 1500 likes on my FB page https://www.facebook.com/Ivebeendatingforyou/ – here is a bonus Noodle post!

The next morning, post T-bone (I suggest you read that post before reading this! It’s part of this story!) – FUCK! I feel like absolute shit! Not only from a ridiculous hangover that I haven’t had like this in years, in fact the whole time I’ve been seeing Noodle I’ve barely been drinking in case he wants to see me at short notice & I need to drive to see him, which is stupid but fuck I can’t help it. I feel shit from the fact I have kissed another guy – AGAIN! What is wrong with me, why aren’t I the loyal person I thought I was? To be honest, that disturbs me more that kissing or fucking other guys… I am not who I thought I was! I know I am midst affair here, but it’s not my affair, I’m not cheating on anyone & if it weren’t for that stupid agreement, I doubt that Noodle & I would be in this mess! But why do I keep doing this? But why am I like this, is it to test my feelings for Noodle? Is it because I self-sabotage? Am I too scared of being happy? I mean can I be happy with this man? Is that even possible in this situation?

Noodle messages me a good morning message – pretty much before I am waking up out of my drunken stupor, he’s at work asking how the night was. I am in 2 minds about telling him what really happened before someone in the group says something, should I just come clean about the kiss before someone says something or should I just hope to fucking god that no one says anything? I risk it & I just tell him I’m supremely hungover, that I drank too much & came home with Sweetie – not a lie… When he asks me to come see him that day for lunch, I say yes & I think that I will tell him in person – then he won’t get too jealous & I can reassure him how much I do like him & that is isn’t what I want, I can gauge his reaction rather than him just not replying to me after I tell him or him saying “I’ll live” which will make me feel even worse, if we’re together, I can kiss him better & make sure he is ok about it.

I consider private messaging some of the people in the group that were at the drinks thing, to ask them not to say anything, however I think that will draw more attention to it, not only will I have to admit that I’m fucking Noodle but I will have to ask them not to say anything to him & I actually think that it would make me want to say something more if I knew I couldn’t or was asked not to, it’s a bit too suspicious. Plus I know that some of these women are or were after Noodle too, so would they private message him & tell him about the kiss so that he ends it with me? I mean I remember when he got really upset that I didn’t tell him about the afternoon with Shark & Leblek. We weren’t really seeing each other exclusively then like we sort of are now, I guess, so I knew it would upset him so I didn’t tell him. Should I tell him about T-bone? Then if I tell him about this dude, should I tell him about Orbit? Should I just shut my trap & know that this guy is fucking his partner & it’s all part of the deal?! To use Noodle’s catch phrase?!

But I get to his work, I message him that I am there & when I see him walking towards my car, all manly & sexy even if his shirt is too big because he’s lost a lot of weight that I melt, when he gets in the car & he leans over & kisses me hello, I smile & I must have a stupid look on my face because he asks “What?” I reply “Nothing” & we drive off to find a spot. I can’t do it, I can’t tell him, I don’t want to hurt him, it kills me that I might hurt him – I’ve never hurt a guy before that I care about… We’re not exclusive obviously but I don’t want to hurt him… & I know that he will be so jealous & he will think he is not good enough for me. I know how he thinks. It seems so ridiculous to even say this knowing the situation we’re in but he is good enough for me, he is the one I truly see myself with! I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want him to feel like he’s not good enough. So I decide that it’s best not to tell him & I just pray to god that no one in the group says anything.

I get away with it, phew. Noodle never mentions that he knows about the kiss, but it did take him ages to admit he knew about Shark & Leblek so maybe he’s just saving this to throw back in my face one day? I don’t know… I guess I’ll find out one day… Though weeks later, I am still freaking out every time someone in the group brings up that night – will they mention me kissing a boy? Thankfully, unless he reads my blog, I believe I got away with it. If he was told, I know he would say something eventually, he wouldn’t be able to help himself! He’d use it in some way against me when I get crabby about him fucking his partner… But he never mentions it.

We fuck that afternoon in the back of the car in the backstreets by his work. When I get home I am either feeling guilty or sexy that I send him some naughty pics to remind him how sexy we are together. I guess I do this a lot but he senses that something is up because he mentions that I don’t do that often while he’s at work just after he’s fucked me… SHIT.

Noodle tells me one day that “I’d much prefer you cumming the same time with me” Yeah I agree, I love when that happens & it’s happened a few times now, it kind of scares me a little but it also somehow feels amazing “Hmmmm… Fuck you, that made my clit tingle I tell him that “It’s really hot & probably the most intimate thing I’ve ever done..” He agrees & says that it “Only happens every now & then.” But fuck when it does, it’s like the whole world stops, I look into his eyes while he’s looking into mine & we really connect, like nothing else exists…

Noodle proud.png

The next day it’s Noodle’s birthday, I make sure I am awake early & message him first saying Happy birthday. It’s a Sunday & he’s not working today, so I am not sure when I am going to see him but I want too… He made the effort to see me for my birthday that I want to see him but of course it’ll be up to his schedule & if he goes to the gym tonight. My 2 weeks of annual leave are at an end, so I’m hoping he doesn’t go to the gym too late as I have to get up for work tomorrow, however he starts his annual leave for his brother’s wedding. At 10:00 pm, he messages me to tell me he is going to the gym, I tell him that I want to give him a birthday blowjob & that I am on my way. I know he is happy that I am going to see him today. I’m assuming there has been no sex from his partner. I meet him in the car at the gym, he hasn’t bothered to go inside. I jump straight into the back seat & kiss him as soon as he sits down. I’m rubbing him through his shorts & pulling them down as quickly as I can, he is hard straight away, like he even needs foreplay to make him hard around me?! Hahaha. I suck his cock till he is almost about to cum when he tells me that he wants me to fuck him. I get up & straddle his lap & we both make this noise as I slide his cock inside me, looking into each other’s eyes. I ride his cock till I’m cumming & he then flips me to lay on the back seat to fuck me, when I ask him to fuck my tits (which he loves when I ask him to do that) he wastes no time switching positions, making himself cum all over me. Afterwards, my favourite part, Noodle sits back while I remain laying on the backseat covered in his cum when he see it, he rubs it into my skin… I won’t shower when I get home, sleeping covered in his cum & I’ll remind him in the morning that I am dirty bitch still wearing his cum.

I tell Noodle that I love the way he looks & that I find him really sexy, but for some reason he seems to not believe me, the woman who’s been fucking him weekly for months & chatting to him daily, but when someone else tells him he seems to believe them instantly. Or even if his partner says something to him about how good he looks now. I say “I would’ve thought that it’d mean more coming from me that I think you’re sexy cos I can apparently have anyone I want & I choose you. But maybe I spoil you & tell you too much. I’ll stop” Noodle tells me all the time that I can have anyone I want, I of course don’t believe this nor is it true, otherwise I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Noodle sends me a picture of him flexing his arms in the gym mirror & tells me “No, keep thinking I’m sexy. My arms have gotten bigger hehe. Maybe I think they are sexy now. You were fucking me before I went to the gym tho” He’s right, I was, I remember being the one that was suggesting he go to the gym. “I thought you were pretty sexy before you went to the gym TBH… But you look better now too…” I’m reminded of his first profile picture & how much I liked him when I first even saw his face “Well you were dying to fuck me before… Your more touchy now tho…” Fuck am I? Must control those pesky hands “I wasn’t dying… Get a grip. I’m gonna stop touching you!” We both know this is a lie, but fuck he’s being an arrogant idiot as usual. Hahaha “Nooooo. Makes me feel good about going to the gym… And Sexy…. Ummm considering you were fucking a ton of people & had lots lined up, you were pretty keen” Ok, so Noodle is in this type of mood! “That’s what I mean… It should mean more from me! I don’t have to fuck you!” He doesn’t seem to realise that I choose him “Hmmm but you want to badly all the time. So it does I guess.” Finally he gets it. But then adds “I like the way you didn’t deny anything I just said. Must have been a good fuck for you.” So we’re going to go here… I need to stroke his ego, I know the type of mood he’s in but I’m also in a mood, hating that I constantly have to do this “What’s there to deny? I mean, if I do, you say pfft. & I was fucking others & had potential guys but not as many as you think.” His first reply makes me laugh “Pfft. Miss popular, you had couples lined up, other people on the chat app. All lined up to fuck you. Even arranged meetings that failed for a couple of them. So whatever!” OMG I can’t deal with this. “Yeah…? Well I’m single. Part of the deal” I know that he is going to hate that response “Haha Bitch. But didn’t arrange to meet me or fuck me… Poor me!” OMG, really! “No, I just rearrange my gym, my work, drive to your work, your home, your gym… Poor Noodle!” Fucking hell, we’re doing this are we? “Hehe, opps. Don’t make me feel special or anything!” So I keep going “I bought lingerie specially for them all too! Gave them all a key to my house! Let them fuck any hole or cum anywhere they want.” He tells me that I can reuse the lingerie for other guys & that Max had keys to my house “Max had my spare keys… I had those cut for you… Not that you believe that either!” I am sick of this fucking shit! I was careful not to give him keys someone else had, these were keys for him, I didn’t want him to have my spare keys, I wanted him to have his own keys, I knew he wouldn’t believe I did that, but I did think about how I’d feel if I was given keys other women had… So I got some cut for him, like the loser that I am, knowing he wouldn’t believe me. “Hmmm, really? They look pretty new… Hmmm I’d kiss you right now if I could!”

#IBD4U

Guest Blog: Erotica – For Her

Erotica Thursday’s is back (for today only!) This is a erotica story written by my male friend… I like reading stuff from the men too!

This is a similar fantasy that I’ve enjoyed but have also experienced (Story to come!)

Here’s a link to my erotica scenes… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call , Scene Five – Blindfold, Scene Six – Shower, Scene Seven – Anticipation, Scene Eight – Watching, Scene Nine- Quick Fuck, Scene Ten – Her Surprise & Scene Eleven – Prick.

Enjoy!

For Her

The mood in the house is quite uplifted. I bounce around the living room to my favourite song. The bass from the speakers reverberates from the floor boards. The warmth from the fireplace radiates throughout the room. I pour myself another glass of wine and lay back in the recliner, gazing out the window. I look at the clock. 5pm. A smile appears on my face. A sense of excitement overwhelms me as I see his car pull in to the driveway. My man is home. I take one last quick look in the mirror. I’m wearing his favourite red lace lingerie. Letting him know that I’m in desperate need of hot animal sex. The thought of his hands on me, controlling me, has me ready and eager. I watch him get out of his car. The greasy, dirty, hi-vis outfit encompassing his body, is my favourite sight. His dark sunglasses covering those baby blue eyes. The image of him is something of my dreams.

He retrieves his esky from the boot of his car and walks towards the front door. I take a deep breath to centre myself as I open the door. His smiling face drops to a sly, cheeky grin as he sees me. He stumbles on the front step. I reach for his hand and pull him inside. Without taking my eyes off him, I take his esky from his hands, throwing it on the floor like it doesn’t have feelings and slam the door behind him.

“Don’t worry about your day, or what happened outside that door!” I instruct sensually. “Tonight, I am yours to do with whatever you please, do you understand?”

With that, I push him hard against the door and press my lips to his. I work my tongue into his mouth and melt with the flavour of his tongue that I’ve been craving all day. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He reaches down and firmly grabs my ass, lifting me onto his hips. I remove his sunglasses and gaze deep into his eyes. There’s something about them when they look at me. When he looks at me, its like I’m the only girl alive. I know he cares for me deeply. As I do him.

I passionately kiss him as he starts walking away from the door. Pulling away so he can see where he’s walking, he looks at me and says, “Whatever I want, hey?”. I nod childishly, knowing exactly where he’s taking me!

As we reach the doorway to the attic, he kisses me one last time and puts me down.

“Kneel” he commands.

Looking up at him gives me a feeling of being in complete surrender. My master and protector. He reaches above the door frame and retrieves the door key from the hiding spot. He opens the door and instructs me to crawl up the stairs. Knowing this is his favourite part, I crawl up slowly, accentuating my movements. Looking backwards I notice his adoring grin. His eyes fixated on the red lace.

“Whack!”. His hand connects with my right butt cheek, sending delightful tingles of pain through my body. I scurry up the stairs.

“On the cross!” he orders.

I slide my body against the cold, hard, polished St Andrew’s cross, expertly crafted by my masters very own hands. The cold, smooth varnish awakens my skin. The feel on my back is so harsh, but comforting. He straps my hands to the restraints above my head. Running his hands lightly down my body, he grabs my ankles. Spreading my legs, he attaches the straps around my ankles. I cannot move. He walks to the cabinet and retrieves my favourite blindfold. Placing it on me, he presses his lips against mine. His taste electrifies me. Without the sense of sight, I’m more aware of his many other attractive traits. His dirty, oily smell from his work clothes makes me reach out to taste him. He grabs me by the throat and pushes my head back. I moan as he instructs me to be good. I can feel my panties getting wetter as I yearn for him to touch me.

“Bad girls get punished!” he remarks, as he ties a neck tie over my mouth to muffle my sound. Preventing me from trying to taste him.

Suddenly, a sharp pain scorches my breasts. The pressure increases as he tightens the nipple clamps. The pain is intense but pleasing. He tugs on the chain, stretching my already compressed nipples. He pulls further. In my mind I’m waiting for my nipples to tear, but I know that he is in complete control and cautious with his every move. He would never hurt me more than my limits.

He lets go rapidly and my nipples return to my chest. Rebound pain is more intensely pleasurable than the feeling of them being pulled on. My moan is muffled by the necktie. I love being able to scream behind the mask.

He grabs my face and kisses my neck. The polar opposite soft, sensual, contrasting feeling makes me weak at the knees. I love when he creates contrasting sensations!Erotica, for her.pngHe kisses me downwards. Along my neckline. Over my breasts. I’m yearning for him to continue. He complies. He grabs at my waist and kisses me just above my spot. I push my hips into him. The warmth of his tongue gently touches my button. I moan louder as he starts drawing circles around it. Pulling me apart, he pushes his tongue slightly inside and my body collapses slightly into my restraints. He pulls away, back to my clit and runs his fingers around my opening. Pressing ever so slightly on my muscles, he makes me relax around them. Timing my hips with his fingers, I rotate around him. Slowly he pushes his way inside, pressing firmly along my front wall. He pushes his fingers in their full extension. I scream as he presses hard upon my pleasure spot, that he knows all too well where to find. His mastery of his fingers inside my body makes me grind my hips, harder against him. Faster and faster his fingers move against my front wall. The pressure is building, I can feel that familiar feeling is coming. He can sense it too. Increasing in speed and pressure he presses firmly against my spot. My muffled screams get louder and louder behind my necktie gag. The sensations swell throughout my body and the blood rushes to my head. I feel the liquid escape my body. The sound of his fingers, squelching inside me as he slaps them around, in complete control of my body. I collapse further in my restraints as the feeling subsides throughout my body. My head drooped as low as my neck will allow.

He removes my gag and presses his fingers into my mouth. Making me taste myself. I clean his fingers diligently, knowing that it turns him on immensely. I don’t mind my taste either, mixed with the flavour of his hand. He removes my blindfold and I stare at the floor beneath me. My satisfied face stares back at me in the wet polished floorboards. Totally spent and exhausted from the attention that my man just gave me.

As he massages his hands along my legs, I feel the blood return. The sensation of touch appears in my legs once more and I find the strength to stand on my own feet again. The sensations continue as he runs his hands up my torso, over my breasts and to my face. Lifting my head, our eyes meet. His face is awash with content smugness. He kisses me on the lips and returns the blindfold to my face.

The feeling of the rope around my waist is soft and sensual. As he ties my hips to the St Andrews cross, I feel something unexpected is about to happen. I cannot see what he is doing. I feel something spherical being pushed against me. As I feel the rope cinch tight against my body, I realise what he’s done. He’s tied it against me, pushing firmly on me.

“Im going to have a shower, I will be back shortly!” he exclaims.

“Don’t you fucking dare you bastard!” was my desperate reply.

He kissed me on the lips and then I feel him move away. My focus turned to the spherical pressure on my button, knowing that in any second, I may or may not be in severe uncontrollable discomfort until his return.

The feel of the headphones being placed over my ears was distracting enough. My favourite band starts playing. My master knows me well. The intro builds. The singer’s voice screams through my head. I cannot see or hear what my master is doing. I cannot move, restrained to the cross. Almost all my senses have been removed and I am unaware of my surroundings. The song builds toward the bass drop. A gentle kiss on my lips just before it hits, then as it does…..

“Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. Trapped in restraints, with no awareness of what’s around me, and a hitachi wand tied firmly against my clitoris while my master leaves to have a shower…….

#IBD4U