Play Party #2

I decide that I am going to go to another Play Party – I’m having a bit of a sex dry spell to be honest, I know I have fucked a fair few men since Noodle, trying to fill that stupid Noodle shaped void but I haven’t had sex for a couple of months… This time, I am going to go alone, however on the day on the party, the guy, LJ, that I went with last time says he’s going & I decide to ask him to meet for a drink first & we go in together. I feel a bit rude but he comes all the way from the north to the south to pick me up to take me back to the party, but he doesn’t seem to mind. We go out for a drink at a pub closer to the party & while at the pub, I see Elvis – like WTF! I point him out to LJ, because Elvis walks past us about 10 times when he didn’t really have too, I sort of look at him to at least smile a hello, but I never catch his eye. LJ says that Elvis even stares at me for the longest time. I try to ignore him since he doesn’t seem to look at me when I am looking at him. Whatever dude.

LJ & I rock up to the play party, there are way more people there than the last one, but after a quick sweep of the party there aren’t that many younger cute guys. LJ & I start the evening with a drink & play air hockey, when another guy joins in, to talk to us but then LJ & him disappear & I’m playing with a younger cute dude that was lingering around too. I say to this cute younger dude, ‘best out of 3’ to which I lose & ask what does he get for me losing. We both giggle & within about 10 minutes of being at the party, I am in a room fucking this guy! Hahaha…

The night goes quick there’s another guy I know there from the chat app, who is a little bit older than me – by maybe 15 to 20 years, so outside of my 10 year above, 10 year below rule, definitely not really my type but I do really like him as a person, but am not keen to fuck him. He’s in the spa so he asks me to get in & next minute I’m in the spa with a few people – mostly men. There are hands everywhere (which is apparently frowned upon being no one actually asked me to touch me – probably should’ve got them kicked out, now I look back), a couple of guys to get handsy, but I just keep moving away from them instead of saying stop touching me, as I am not interested in any of these guys who are apparently breaking the unwritten rules of a play party.

A couple get in the spa too & the woman is pushed to the edge away from me, but I like her – not because I am interested in women, but because she seems nice & seems to be pushed out of the group. So I try to engage her because I find it easier talking to women especially when I have men groping me! She tells me that they have been together since they were teenagers & they have been married for a long time, I think maybe close to 20 years & they are just trying to mix things up, this has been their first swingers party. I explain my experiences with the play parties, limited as it is.

When the party organiser says we need to get out, to let others have a turn, I agree, I feel a bit drunker than I was planning. A spa will do that to you… I get out, put on my bra & undies – which I usually get fully dressed but I feel ok just in my bra & undies, I do have a cute matching set on right now. So I walk around the party just in this.

The woman (that I was chatting to in the spa) & her husband ask if I will play with them & find another guy – I think why not… My first 4sum? Seems like a fun place to do it. So I decide to find the guy that was in the spa with us, that I know from the chat app. I ask him quietly & it’s like all his Christmases have come at once when I ask him to come into a room with us. Of course he agrees. We go into the back room which is my preferred room as it’s not full of personal effects, it’s just got the bed. It’s almost like a tacked on after thought building to be honest.

The couple want to play with us, so she gets started with the guy & I get started with her husband, but he is having technically difficulties with is equipment so it ended up being the other guy just fucking both of the women & the husband just played with me. Watching & touching… I’m not really sure if that’s a 4sum or not, but I guess there was 4 of us in the room so that would be the definition of a 4sum.

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Afterwards, I feel confident to just walk around in just my underwear, venturing a bit futher into the party & I hang around with the couple most of the evening now, however I don’t find anyone else to play with that night. I feel comfortable with the couple & don’t feel creeped out at all like some couples make you feel. She is in her underwear too & I feel comfortable with both of them. I decide that there is no one left for me at the party that I want to have sex with. I say goodbye to the people I know, LJ had left earlier, not feeling well & asked the party people to look after me, so I say good bye to them & let them know I have an uber coming.

The wife of the couple adds me on the chat app & says that they went home shortly after I did. She messages me a few times since that night to see what’s happening. She seems really nice. They may be just good friends. They may be nothing at all, but at this point, I am happy to make some new friends. Who knows what might happen! This could be just the friendship I need to get me to stop thinking about Noodle…

#IBD4U

Rope #2

I was intrigued about Rope enough that I decided to get out of my comfort zone & go to another class on my own this time. Noodle isn’t coming back to claim me, I have to move on from that… As much as it hurts & as much as I want to run to him & have him comfort me – beg him to be with me, I have to find something new to occupy my time, I have to try new things. He would hate this, is that why I like it? I have also recently used an app that is not even for dating but just for meeting new people. I went to couple of events & made one friend but other than that it was a bit of a waste of my time. Maybe I need to put in more effort or maybe I just need more time to be alone. I mean I wasn’t going to these events just to meet men, I went to an event purely for women, thinking I could meet some new girl friends, but yeah it didn’t really work out that way. Maybe I needed to go to a few more than just 2 events, but anyway.

I’d know that the rope teacher who tied me up will be there, Ripples, so I wouldn’t be entirely alone. I also knew the guy who ran it after I’d seen him a few times now & at Sleezeball. I go along & only really know those 2 there, but there is another chick that I chat too on the chat app who asks my my nickname on the chat app & I smile, feeling a little shy knowing some of the things I share on the chat app. I actually also become a member of the Rope club on my second night! I end up with the beginners again & used a model for everyone else to see. Ripples does some fancier ties on me so I am not always just having my wrist tied for the entire 2 hours, which is the beginning of every class. It’s good that he’s keen to show me more ties as I don’t want to just be stuck waiting for a rigger & end up with all the newbies every week.

He shows me a tie on my leg, to see what that feels like, it’s so tight, but I love the feeling of it, the restrictiveness of not being able to move. If you get into the right head space, then it’s not causing me claustrophobia, it’s all a bit of a mind game.

I talk to some other people there, getting to know people & when I realise that one of the chicks running the thing also does wax, I ask her to do something for me, she says she will & even can picture what she will do & as my nickname is an animal, I ask her to do that on me one time. She says yes, next time I’m at Switch she’ll do it for me. How exciting! I love the wax pictures, so I can’t wait for this!

I am well & truly in this world now & I’m hooked. However I don’t want to have a guy act like Noodle & say things like “You need it – I can’t give you what you want” well, I don’t need it, but I like it – this is fun but if I met someone not so kinky, then I wouldn’t need to be here.. I am still here trying to fill that void, let’s not forget that fucking void in my heart still… But my kinky lifestyle will adapt to what the guy I am with enjoys too, it’s not all about me. I always enjoyed what Noodle & I did, it was different from every other guy & I had a lot of firsts with him (even though he never believed that!), so I was definitely never dissatisfied with him ever & I’m sure that if I had more time with Noodle & he was single, our kinkiness would’ve been a lot different, but we only had short times together with lots of car sex towards the end.

I can’t wait to go back to Rope, I do want to find a more permanent rigger so I can be suspended eventually & stop having just my wrist tied. I am also bruised for a few days from the rope just being on there for a short period of time. It was tight but I didn’t realise I would bruise like that so easily… I love a naughty bruise! (Not a hickey, but a fun thigh bruise!)Rope rise from the cold to reclaim.png

This is becoming something I like doing actually, so weirdly. It’s not about sex for me, I mean it could be but I like that it’s not just a sexual thing – especially at the classes. I don’t have a rigger, again so I am used a lot as the display bunny a lot of the time when I go, which has become weekly, giving up Mondays at the gym to be here. One time I get paired with this young single rigger. He’d never been before & I’m not claiming to be an expert, but he was a bit nervous but I got along with him, it wasn’t awkward like the first guy I ever got paired with.

He ties my wrist only for ages, he struggles to get the tie right, he just keeps saying how stupid he feels, it made me think that that’s how Noodle would feel & would act. So I reassure this guy to let him know he is doing a good job & that he’d get it. When he finally mastered the tie, he said he ‘felt like a king’ I literally laugh out loud. That’s so hilarious.

When he goes to the toilet, Ripples gets another rigger – lets call him Bor who was free to tie both my legs together to get me to feel that feeling. I explained to the guy that I bruise easily & he says that he can make sure I bruise, he trundles off & get a stick, I think what the actual fuck is he going to do with that, hit my shins? I’m not sure I’m ready for a stick to the shins… FUCK..

Anyway I trust the process & trust Ripples who has asked this guy, Bor, to do it. He ties both my legs together, really tight, I can feel that I am straining even when I try to straighten my legs a little. He then takes the stick & I think fuck, this is going to hurt, he is going to hit my shins. But he doesn’t. He slides the stick between the rope & twists. FUCK that bloody hurts. I’m wincing in agony but he just moves it up & down the rope at every join, doing the same.

I am in agony, but it’s a sweet weird agony. I enjoy it. I can feel that I am going to be majorly bruised from this. As he unties the rope I say that it hurts where one of the ropes have been & so he presses his finger into the dent & looks at me smiling – He reminds me of Noodle… SHIT. He then shows me why he has spiky wrist bands on, by using them to rub my sensitive skin from the rope. I love it & wonder to myself quietly, why the fuck I enjoy pain so much. I am so twisted. Hahaha.

I do bruise for 2 weeks after that, they are all over my legs that when it’s hot I have no choice but to wear a skirt where they all see the bruises asking me what the hell happened, I am honest with most people, because I am not hiding this side of me anymore. I mean if they are reading the blog, they will eventually read all about it anyway.

I probably won’t write about each week of rope as a blog post moving forward, but if something interesting happens, I will write about it – but I do go weekly. It’s technically not dating, but who knows what might happen! It might be that void filler I’ve been looking for… I miss chatting to Noodle but at least for one night of the week I don’t think about him.

#IBD4U

SleezeBall

At Rope, I was introduced to a few people that I knew were going to Sleezeball on Saturday night. Sleezeball is an event (or creepy dude… Hahaha), not a play party for sex but people do other types of play, such as rope or spanking, perhaps candle wax. I knew that the guy from Rope, let’s call him Ripples, was going to be there & I asked him to tie me up – he said he would. I thought this would be a good opportunity to try this out again. I was hoping there would be a few people from the chat app there too that I could hang out with & get to know in real life. I am trying to expand my friendship group & translate those friendships that I’ve made online to a real life setting. I honestly want to get off the chat apps at this point, I mean they seem to do more damage than good, but I also want to make new friendships & get away from anything online.

I had planned on going with a friend anyway, so even if Ripples wasn’t there, then it didn’t matter, I’d still just have a night out with some friends & it’d be fun. I got my dad to drop my friend & I into the city that night to save us money on taxi’s. We walk into the the venue, which I’d never been to before & it turns out that it is a teeny tiny venue, there aren’t many people there & I wonder if this was going to be a good night, since this will be the first experience of any sort of kink for my friend. She had mentioned she might want to come to a play party with me, but she was mainly vanilla from what I had heard from this relatively new friend.

I’m definitely no expert but I guess I’ve been getting more involved in this kind of thing to expand my life & also because I am still trying to fill the void, so many months later… Again mainly to fill my mind with thoughts other than Noodle fucking his now kinky partner & him fucking women alone… Fuck that hurts to think about… Why do I keep thinking about it? FUCK…

Anyway, I see a couple of people who run the Rope class & chat to them, most people are very welcoming to a new people, we have a few drinks & look around this tiny club. It’s a lot smaller than I expect so it doesn’t take us long to have a look at everything & find Ripples, who is going to tie me.

I introduce him to my friend & I feel a bit weird just hanging around waiting for him to tie me but he doesn’t know me really so I don’t want him to forget that he said he would tie me, so I feel a bit weird to be honest. I assume that there are so many people that want to be tied & are into this more than I am, plus people that he knows, so I won’t be surprised if he doesn’t tie me at all.

I must have a lot of trust in this guy, because now we’re in a setting with loud music & I can’t say much to him if I feel uncomfortable. But when he starts tying me, I automatically start to relax & it’s like my mind completely switches off, I can’t really hear the music either, all I can feel is the rope & the slight tugging & pulling as the rope caresses my skin. I will admit that this is the only time I really switch off, I actually imagine that this is Noodle tying me up (I know he would never learn to tie like this, but I imagine him doing it instead of this guy in front of me.) I have a moment, where I am just me. Not heartbroken, not really thinking about Noodle, just in the moment of feeling free of any thoughts.

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I’ve seen other couples do this type of Rope, which I learn is called Shibari, & the bunnies seem to go into this ‘space’ where they are unaware of what is going on around them, I try to find this space, what they call ‘subspace’ but I can’t quite get there – I sort of do in a way, but not quite like I have seen. I mean I don’t really know this man, so yeah there are some trust issues, but I think when I see those bunnies go to that space, they are with someone they love & trust. I wish I had someone I love & trusted. It makes me realise, that I’m not scared to love again… I mean I know it’s not been long since Noodle shattered my heart twice & then we stopped talking, but I was so worried about becoming bitter again. After Boyfriend, I became so bitter & it has taken a long time for me to get out of the head space. I was so worried I would be bitter this time, but if you recall, the only reason I was bitter after Boyfriend was because we weren’t in love with each other & I guess I always thought we should. Paired with my fear of dying without being loved, I because a bitter old bitch… I am not scared of not being loved nor of dying alone, there are worse things in life, so I know now that I am open to something more. (Which is a good place to be!)

I enjoy the night, I don’t do anything else as in kink play at the nightclub, we dance a bit, we drink a lot & my friend tries to ‘pick up’ the bartender, getting his number before I organise for Blogger to pick us up – we all know how that night turned out.

I will admit that I did enjoy my first sleezeball, I would go again, they are on every year (The 2019 one is coming up!) It was something new, something fun, something I never would have done if I was with Noodle – not that that’s a bad thing, but I am glad for the new experiences. However, I still miss him like fucking crazy!

#IBD4U

Want vs Need

Something I noticed a lot in my life, having been single for most of it, is what people think is best for me – or more to the point, what they think will make me happy, because they want to see me happy. This is something interesting for me, as I’m not sure why people think I am not happy?! (I mean, right now, I am not – nursing a broken heart, but for the most part, I am happy with my life besides the non existent love life!) Something that has come up quite a lot for me most recently in my thoughts are all related to “Want vs Need.”

Only having been technically off the market for 3.5 years in total with Boyfriend & the 18 months I had Noodle, so I have been alone a long time & the top thing people say to me as a single women, probably more now then when I was younger is things like “You don’t need a man to be happy” or worse things like “A man won’t make you happy” I even hate when people say things about finding their other half or that they have found their better half etc.

So I thought a blog about Want vs Need – I was talking about this the other day with one of my friends & she’s also a reader & I thought there was a blog post in this topic… What does Want vs Need even mean?!

Definitions: (found via google search)

Need – require (something) because it is essential or very important rather than just desirable.

Want – have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for.

I want to be clear. I know I don’t NEED a man to be happy, I am happy, I have a successful career – that I love & am good at, a house that I am slowly upgrading on a single income, I now own an investment property too. I have lived overseas in Canada – by myself about 10 years ago now! I have traveled extensively across South Australia for work & visited most capital cities in Australia, including driving across the Nullarbor.

I have traveled to: England, Ireland, Wales, Isle of Man, Turkey, Croatia, Vietnam, New Caledonia, New Zealand, Fiji, UAE, France, Qatar, Spain, Portugal, Bali, America, Gibraltar, Scotland, Northern Ireland & Cyprus – Yes, I still have many places to go!

I have partied, I have slept around (maybe a little too much), I have taken drugs, I have drunk till I’ve vomited, I have done things I regret, I have fallen deeply in love, I got really fat & then lost all the weight, I have run away from everything, I have given second chances, (I have even given third & fourth chances) & I have grounded myself with a solid foundation of the type of person I have become. Let’s just say, I have lived a pretty good life at time of posting this, I am 38!

A lady I used to work, who had as in her 50’s she got married & had kids in her early 20’s, so she’d never been overseas, she’d never done anything but raise her 3 kids. So it bothered me so much when she’d tell me to enjoy my life. Haven’t I done that already? Arent I allowed to be ready to find a partner to travel with, to build a life with, to love.

So when people say you don’t need a man to be happy, they are absolutely 100% right. YES! I agree! But fuck it pisses me off when people say it to me. I have never said I need a man to be happy, in fact, sometimes I have made the decision to be single because I don’t want that to get in the way of my life goals.

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However, that word… Want…

But I will admit this… I WANT a partner… Someone who marks off a fer things in my new list. I do not want to be alone forever, I want someone to share my life with. I want someone to talk to every night & sleep next to everyday. I do not need it. But why the fuck do people make me feel shit about wanting that?! Especially those who have it, it’s always weird that they are the ones who are so anti me wanting a partner.

Is there something wrong with wanting that?

I know relationships aren’t perfect, I have had one recently with Noodle that I know wasn’t perfect & took a lot of effort from both of us to keep it going (putting aside all the external factors) just us being us, was a lot of hard work. I have also never said I want something perfect. I don’t believe we have a other half that completes us – if I did believe that, I have just lost my other half. But I don’t think we are destined to walk this earth alone forever… I think we complete ourselves & compliment another person…

So next time a single friend says to you that they want a partner, don’t reply telling them they don’t need it or that relationship are’t always what they’re cracked up to be – as a single person, on the outside looking in, having had an 18 month affair, I know that relationships aren’t easy, I know they aren’t that great, I know that they aren’t the be all & end all of life… But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t want it.

If you’re in a relationship with someone, I want to you to look at them right now & pretend they aren’t in your life anymore… Suddenly & abruptly like what happened with Noodle – where your partner just ghosted you. How does that make you feel – even to just think about that?? Think about getting in to bed alone tonight – for the 4380th night in a row? Does that make you happy? (if you said yes, then you should probably end it with your partner) but if you feel a complete heartache – not because you’re alone but because that person isn’t with you – that’s how I feel dialy, ultimate devastation. What would be something someone could say to you to make it better for you? Could anyone make you feel better?

Interestingly when I was over 100 kgs, when I turned 30, I realised that my wants & needs were very different for a healthy lifestyle change. I wanted to be skinny but I needed to make a change to reach that goal. I didn’t need to be skinny, but that was what I wanted. Focusing on the need was more important then because I needed to be healthy to avoid serious health issues. I want to maintain my weight now, but I don’t need too. It could fluctuate a few kgs & life would be ok… So it’s very important not to confuse these two things… Wants vs Need.

I have done a blog on cliches before which I guess is a similar type of blog to this, however, I want to raise awareness on the Want vs Need. It is different for everyone, while the definition doesn’t change, it does mean something different to people. But just remember, I am more than happy with myself (there are some people out there who need to work on being alone & being happy with themselves) so for me, I am at a point in my life where I want something special with someone. But I don’t need it.

#IBD4U

Hook Up

I am serious about proper dating now. No more hook ups, no more FWB, no more married guys… Yes, new me! New profile (yet again) on a different website that I haven’t used for ages that I know Noodle, Max or Crows won’t be on – well I hope they aren’t, will kill me if I see Noodle or Crows at this point online trolling for women.

I only add men who have a profile picture & who are in my state – as so many from interstate try to add me, I do not want a penpal, I only add guys that I like the look of their pictures too & of course then I look at what they write in their profile as some are ridiculous. I get a lot of men trying to add me, there aren’t many I add back – maybe I’m too fussy as people have told me in the past, but maybe I don’t want to settle with someone I am not attracted too?! The ones that I do actually add to my account, barely chat to me & then I delete them a few days later. What a great way to start the new me…

After not having sex for 3 weeks – I know this seems like nothing to some people in relationships or even single people, but for me, that’s the longest I’ve gone in 2 years without sex. I know that I have gone 4 years without sex after the whole thing with Travel Agent, so 3 weeks should be nothing, but it is… I hate it, I hate thinking about the sex that Noodle is having, what he might be doing… It’s fucked! All I can say, is thank god I invested wisely on rechargeable bed side table friends because otherwise I think energizer would be making a killing from me! (Tip for buying vibrators, get rechargeable or ones that plug in! ALWAYS!)

I chat to a guy for a few days, he asks the dreaded question “What are you looking for?” I thought that was obvious from my profile, I had laid it all out there for them to read, I’m a not looking for a FWB or one night stand. I am being serious abut finding a partner. However, this guys still asks what I am looking for, I practically roll my eyes at the questions but I explain that I’m looking for a partner – I add that I know that this takes time to evolve, but I am not looking for just hoot ups etc & he says he’s not looking for the same thing. I go to delete him but for some reason I decide not to… This is another lesson in trusting my gut! Why don’t I trust my gut, is it because my heart is so lonely that I just ignore every warning sign ever?

One night a friend bails on me for drinks at my house, I’ve done a million things at home lately & am bored sitting in bed chatting online – this is never a good idea to be honest, loneliness & late night online dating… When this guy comes online so I ask “What are you up too?”, he says nothing but asks what do I want & I say “sex”. This guy is on a different page to me, we don’t want the same things, but I am trying to fill a void here… Fuck I hate that I am doing that, that I am trolling online again for another guy when all I want is Noodle, all I think about is Noodle… FUCK!!! I chat to this guy for a while & I don’t really understand why this guy hasn’t asked for my address yet, being he just wants a fuck too & I wonder why he’s not in his car coming to fuck me. An offer of no strings should have the guy running… He sends a pic of his cock, ok so it’s a nice cock, but dick pics don’t do a great deal for me from a random stranger.

Hook up

We chat & chat some more, I’m thinking that maybe this guy isn’t interested or just wants a penpal?! Who the fuck knows with these men these days… He doesn’t ask for my address, so I finally think that I’ll just give it to him, but just as I go to type it out, he asks for a picture of my tits. Now I’m not opposed to sending pictures obviously however not to some random weirdo that I haven’t even met or trust. Who knows what they’ll do with them or who they’ll show them too. I also have a pic on my face, body & part of my boobs in a top that you can see how good they look on the app, so he doesn’t need a picture of them now. However, I say I don’t send pics then he never responds to me again. EVER! I send him another message but he doesn’t respond either. He’s still online, I can see the green dot. Another 10 minute go by, nothing, I message again & get nothing so I just delete him…

OMG, I feel like shit… Now I can’t even get a dude who wants a fuck buddy to come fuck me on a Friday night when I am bored. What has happened to me! I start thinking (Well I never stop to be honest) about Noodle fucking his partner – having wild sex with her or even worse marrying her & I feel even fucking shit! When will I stop thinking about him? It’s only been a few months, but fucking hell! I hate this feeling…

#IBD4U

Blogger

I didn’t think this blog would generate its own blog post, but it has! After I ended with Noodle but before we stopped officially talking, my friend J-Lo helped me get back into writing & focusing on getting my story out there, which I did – obviously. Not because of Noodle, but because I enjoy writing, he was trying to get me to do things I like again… But I didn’t want people to know who I am, I shared it once on my personal Facebook page (remember that, this is something suspicious thing to note for future blogs! -Oooooh Intrigue!) & told a few friends but that was all. But how do I get followers & people to read my stories? Well, I pay for some Facebook advertising to get the blog out there – it’s worked, lots of you are reading because of the advert… Others have found me through friends of friends. Most of you don’t actually know who I am, but a lot of you do too… I am thankful for both (& all the comments of support from those who don’t know me, it means a lot from both, but I love it when it’s from people who don’t know me at all!) I am always so excited when people I don’t know comment, like & share posts. It is even more exciting when people I don’t know write me messages about how relateable this is, how they have or are going through something similar or even some people that have been with their partner forever & they enjoy living vicariously through me. (Probably making them a much better partner as they don’t want them to leave them & have to deal with fucking dating! Hahaha)

So when the blog started getting popular about a year & a bit ago, I notice a guy liking a lot of posts & commenting on a lot too & eventually he writes me a message just to say how relatable it is, even as a guy & how much he enjoyed the stories from a woman’s perspective. I reply to the messages thinking nothing of it, when he says we probably would get kicked out of a coffee shop for the stories we could tell. I say it would have to be a cocktail. He says we should meet up & before I know it, I’m giving him my availability for the next few weekends.

He also wrote a few blogs for me too, which is stuff that hasn’t happened to me, such as Liza or The Animal. So I enjoy reading his stories & posting them for him. I miss the guest blogs, so get writing people! I can’t be the only one out here sharing all my secrets! I have a lot of friends that want me to do a podcast because they don’t have time to read. I don’t just want it to be me reading my blogs out so I’ve been discussing options for ages with my friend about what a podcast would look like. I have been looking for a guy for a trio & a male perspective on what these men think in my stories, not that the guy will know for sure but at least we can have his perspective. He sounds interested in being part of this, so I explain to him that this meeting will be like an interview being that I am not really interested in him & I also am still recovering from a shattered heart. It hasn’t been long since the very end of Noodle. I don’t want to tell him that though because I don’t want to spoil the story, I don’t even think I was posting about Noodle at the time when I met this guy… Why am I always so far behind in this blog?! I am catching up, I promise.

Before we meet I ask if he actually wants to see a picture of what I look like & actually know my name, he says either way but might be fun if I don’t show myself or tell him. I give him the opportunity to guess my name & I say that he can do anything he wants to me if he can guess my name. Those of you who know my name understand the difficulty, I told him what letter is started with but about a whole lot of wrong guesses & him running out of ideas, he gave up… No one would ever just randomly guess my name, while I was born in Adelaide to caucasian parents, they chose a unusual name for me & one other sibling. Guess he has to wait to see who I really am. I, of course, can see everyone on my page & could see his name & what he looked like. Eventually the next day after giving him some massive hints, he guessed my name but it was too late, he’d miss out on doing anything he liked to me. Hahaha.

We meet for a drink Saturday afternoon, I messaged to say I was on my way, he said he was already there. I walked up to him & couldn’t gauge what he thought of me – as in what I look like. But we sat & chatted like old friends, it was quite easy to talk too, he’s quite touchy – like my leg & he grabs my hand when I’m flicking it around, I’m a bit of a hand talker. We talk for ages but we both have some where to go so we leave. It’s like 6:00 pm & the sun is still shining yet he walks me to my car, it’s a little awkward but I kiss his cheek & we have a long hug before I say goodbye.

You all know I won’t message first, he also knows that from my blog, so he does, what a good lad. We message again most of the day for another week. I wasn’t really interested in him in a sexual way or as a potential partner, but I think he might be alright for the podcast.  I invite him to an event with a friend but he says that he has no money but will come in & pick us up if we give him petrol money. I don’t really know what the deal is here, will he stay at my house, is he expecting sex? I mean we live on opposite ends of Adelaide so it’s not a short drive – he’s not going to pick us up & go home, surely? But I am not sure I want to have sex with this guy if I want to start a business partnership with him though the blog & podcast.

He picks us up & drops us back to my place, I invite him in. I pour us all some wine, I don’t need it to be perfectly honest. When my friend goes to bed, we end up kissing & I straddle his lap taking off my top… This is not a good idea. We end up going into the bedroom, we’re kissing in bed, I’m down to just wearing my underwear when he says that he needs to go to the toilet. By the time he gets back, which isn’t long, I am asleep… Yes I fucking fell asleep. I wake up the next day a bit disorientated, there is a man in my bed & I’m semi naked but know that I haven’t had sex…Blogger ghosting.pngHe gets up & leaves, I have to transfer him money for petrol as I don’t have cash. We chat a few times after that night, but it dwindles off & he also stops liking & commenting on my Facebook blog posts, so I don’t really know what happened there – Assuming he got a girlfriend, he was trying harder than I was to date seriously… I didn’t put in a lot of effort to be honest either, I mean I did break my rules & message first sometimes, but I have also been told, if a man wants you, he’ll do anything he can to have you… But I am broken hearted, I probably shouldn’t have even kissed this poor guy to be honest. I never got the podcast thing off the ground either actually, I probably should look at doing that. My friend doesn’t want to do it with me because she thinks we’ll fight – she did a lot of planning work but then got busy with her own stuff too so maybe two of my readers want to do it with me? I am thinking another woman & a dude… Any takers? Hahaha…

#IBD4U

Rope

I was intrigued while I am with Milky, Max & Noodle to have someone tie me properly in rope, but none of them were very good with rope as in proper knots & suspension – or at least they never uses those skills with me.

I was asked to go to a rope night with a chick from the chat app. I decided to go, who knows I might just make some friends & have a good time. Again, just trying to fill a void, fill a night with something I can do & hopefully I won’t think about Noodle… I forgot about the night until a chick in the group asked if I was going, I had a friend from work following me home to get ready for the gym – she was starting at my gym so I was going with her to a class (my gym instructor will be happy that I prioritised the gym this time instead of skipping it for a dude! Hahaha…) I went to the gym & raced back down the hill to the rope lesson.

I wasn’t sure what to expect because I hadn’t really talked much about it, but they said I could go on my own & I’d be partnered with someone. I tried not to be nervous but I am freaking out… What would this place look like, what would the people be like? I met my friend outside (which was also the first time I had met her & her husband face to face) & as I was a little late because of the gym, I was ushered into the room. The girl I know introduces me to her husband & also another guy from the chat group who is one of the rope teachers.

There is scaffolding type structures around & chairs, wasn’t what I was picturing at all but also kind of matched what I did picture, if that makes sense. It’s just like a hall really, everyone seemed friendly. I learn that the people tying are called Riggers or tops & the people being tied are called a Bunny or bottoms.

The newbies all get put into a corner of the room & the teacher guy pairs us off for those that aren’t a couple. There’s a guy more my type & a geekier looking guy plus 2 other chicks, one stunning & one average. The teacher keeps the stunning one for himself, puts the average one with the guy & pairs me with the geeky one. I automatically feel weird about this. How am I going to let this guy tie me?

He introduces himself & he has the same name as Boyfriend, so that also puts me off. Hahaha, poor guy! The teacher shows us a knot & the guy asks for my consent, if he can tie my wrist, he ties a few up my arms & then get another piece of rope & goes higher. It actually feels pretty good & I really like it, but I feel a bit weird with someone I don’t know tying me up. However I am not restrained completely & I feel safe in this space. My friends are over in another area so I can’t really talk to them.

The teacher shows us another type of knot & tying, but my rigger just tries the same ties up my arms again. The teacher asks what he’s doing but he says he’s trying to work out this knot. I just stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do, with my arm out, not only is this guy my height, a little geeky & talks so quiet I can barely hear him & he’s only centimeters away from me.

After he ties the second knot, he decides he needs a smoke & the toilet. He puts on his jacket & picks up his backpack like he’s leaving. I stand around awkwardly while the teacher is tying the stunning girl in an awesome looking tie, he says he has to leave early but otherwise he’d tie me the same just so I can experience it. It really makes me wish I had a rigger partner, because I feel like a loser.

The girl I met there called over the guy we know from the chat app & asked him to the do the tie on me, he said ok, but since he was teaching his group of intermediate people, he took me over to them & as he was about to start on the beginner tie, one of his students asked about a suspension tie, so the teacher asked if he could do it on me. I thought, now we’re talking! Yes please.

He asks me to put my hands on my head but then start tying them up, and ends up tying me to the scaffolding then starts tying around my waist & chest, showing everyone what they need to do. I felt amazing. I loved being the teachers bunny (for lack of a better word!)

He unties that & then ties my hands behind my back in the beginner knot (that I have no idea what the names are), he does it quickly & swiftly that I feel comfortable & not at all weird, like I did with the other beginner.

Play party missing someone

My friend takes some photos & sends them to me, which I adore – this was much more fun that I was expecting, I did feel a little awkward but I do enjoy it mostly. He unties me but then his student asks for a leg tie, which the teacher demonstrates on me again. I didn’t think I would like being centre of attention, but apparently I do. I thought I would feel self conscious but I didn’t. I actually enjoyed the evening & while I do wish Noodle was here with me, I know again he would hate this & would feel stupid if he couldn’t get the tie, but if I am at anything like this, I want to be with him.

I realise that how much I am a rope bunny & wish that I had a rigger partner to keep coming back to these classes – which makes me miss Noodle even more… I know you all think I’m stupid for wanting him still, but when you feel that kind of connection with someone, it’s hard to shut off. I think I will end up liking going to rope classes – finally a moment of sort of being happy after months & months of doom & gloom, but I am just concerned about going again & being paired with someone awkward.

#IBD4U