November 2025 – Revenge
03 November 2025 – After the Saturday ‘he was free after 12‘ without a message or him even coming online to check if I messaged, I had started using snapchat as I had prior to the whole Obsidian/Phoenix fiasco – it wasn’t a relationship as I thought it was, he wasn’t my boyfriend, he wasn’t a lover, he wasn’t a friend. He played me when he was bored & not having sex with his wife, to pull me in & then make me walk away for good, cut the ties & feelings I had for him. It was a fucking cruel & immature way of dealing with what he got us both into. Instead of being an adult & letting us both walk away with dignity & the remnants of a ‘friendship,’ he has destroyed any connection or any feelings I had for him. What type of human hears their lover/ girlfriend/best friend, fuck, even their FWB has had emergency surgery & their first response to that is, ‘I’ve been busy’ & then says that they hope you are doing well or asks, ‘how’s your health?’ but NEVER fucking once asks what the fuck happened!!!!! No one & I mean NO ONE… NO FUCKING CUNT IS THAT MEAN…!! Oh yes, Obsidian is, because he has to be the most angry & because I didn’t write back to his epic message of ‘how’s your week been’ at the start of the week, at the start of the school holidays because I was having a surgical procedure done while all alone, no one to support me, so he didn’t log back on for another week spouting his busy line.
Anyway as I head out to lunch for my nephews birthday, I look at Snapchat having posted just before I left home & see that he’s been online. My location is off, but he’ll see that I have posted a story – which he doesn’t look at, what a surprise & he doesn’t message me. He ended this, I wanted my keys & he chose to give them to me in the most heartless & horrible way that he could, so I am done. I am just angry, hurt, foolish & broken.
As I have said for a number of years, I am just one more heartbreak away from my goal weight. Thanks to Obsidian, I am literally now 6kgs away from where I wanted to be, now having lost 15kgs in the last two months. While I’m now on weight loss injections myself, not cheap Wegovy, but I admit when I have help with weight loss, using weight loss drugs but after every break up – Boyfriend, Noodle & Silverlining, I don’t eat well because of the stress, the upset & the hurt that I naturally lose weight, but paired with the weight loss drug, it’s a lot quicker than I expected.
I wasn’t going to write anything following October & getting my key back, but that wasn’t an end for me, maybe he thought it was which is why he acted like he did, but it turns out that it was the death of Obsidian & #IBD4U. But as I am writing as a journal, he has had almost nine years of airtime & fucked up every single opportunity he’s had with me – taking me for granted again, yet I’m the biggest fuckwit for sticking around & letting him… The posts have returned to a monthly synopsis, if that… I’m done letting him treat me like an option, letting him say he’s busy & not chat to me, letting him act like the narcissistic prick that he is & that he is the victim here.
I’m not & have never claimed to be innocent in this, I could have done things differently, I see when I could have let things go & I didn’t, but I was in it, in it deep that I couldn’t see that then (reading back I could have been more relaxed & just let him walk all over me even more) but if he had told me that he had surgery – emergency or not, I would’ve dropped everything & done anything I could to make sure he knew I cared, valued & loved him – then I would have seen him as quickly as we could arrange, given the circumstances to physically show him I cared. But I get the Obsidian party line ‘I was busy’ oh yeah, doing what? Painting? Cleaning the house? Working & commuting to work? Making dinner that you’ve done every night since you met the woman you married…? Yeah all those tasks were always in your life. He made it crystal clear that I am & never was a priority, not even my vagina was a priority, only his dick was.
At this point I am so fucking angry that I am ready to do something to fuck up his whole life, he has ruined mine, destroyed my faith in anything positive, wasted almost nine years of my life – regardless if he never said that he was leaving her, he always gave me nuggets of hope that I was special & meant something – not that we were going to be together but just dangled the best friend carrot – that now, I figure that he doesn’t deserve his miserable life with his wife & kids!! His wife deserves to know that he’s a cheating cunt for almost nine years & for the entire (they just celebrated their six-year wedding anniversary) marriage. That I’m probably not the first or will be the last. He trusted me with a lot of information, but I trusted him with a lot of information as well & he never gave a second thought to bring his mentally unstable partner to my house & then let her message & stalk me for years. I never did a fucking thing to her. Or him. He let his fucking friend – Cowboy’s Mistress publicly humiliate me in chat groups, while he was planning when & where to fuck her… All the while, spouting his love for me! I never did anything to him, besides ask for better communication… So maybe it’s time for some real payback. Especially since the way he pushed & pushed the Phoenix style relationship on me & how he ended it in Obsidian style thinking he’s got off scott free…
I can see how it will play out, if I did do something, like leaving this blog (& e-books) – as that’s all I have left now on her car in the form of a USB or write the link on a piece of paper – I don’t know… But afterwards he would message me, the first chance he gets, accusatory of how I fucked up his life & he’s lost his kids, his house & life… It will 100% be my fault & I will be the wretched one. Do you know what? He’ll have also lost me too. I was his fall back, the place he could come (keys or not) & I would take him in… But I can see that I will be the bitch & the one who ‘ruined’ his life, nah mate, I am single & am allowed to be online, fucking anyone I want, I am not in a committed relationship – where I married the person I cheated on for a year & also while planning my wedding to her, I was fucking my side piece on my soon to be wife’s couch only ten days before the wedding… Fucking gutless cunt. You get everything you deserve Obsidian! I only hope I am that fucking psychotic to actually do this to him… He deserves it, but you know who doesn’t? Their fucking innocent kids. However, if I believe what he’s told me, his wife brings me up or him cheating regularly in front of the kids… So it’s not a happy home really is it? So I’m not going to be fucking up the kids any more than they already do… But also, NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM! Don’t want someone to ruin your life, Obsidian? Simple, then don’t ruin theirs!
22 November 2025 – As you can tell when I wrote the above I was in the angry phase of November. He hasn’t spoken to me at all since the key incident & has only been online twice in those two weeks, so even if I did write something to him, he wouldn’t even know anyway, so what’s the point in me reaching out? He just proves to me daily that he started V2.0 to get rid of me for good… I don’t know why he chose to do it that way, come back with full force & pull away so much that he can’t even fucking see me when he’s on a break & knows I’m at his work… So yeah…
Another week & two days that his little green dot doesn’t come on Snapchat, when it finally does, the best friend emoji disappears. He is now nothing to me… No super BFF, not even a best friend. It’s been 17 days since he chose not to see me when I got my keys & he’s been online twice in that time. He’s not bothered to reach out, he hasn’t even tried to find out if I’m OK after surgery, not even a hello… Can you imagine, spinning your mistress all that fucking bullshit he did as Phoenix & then ghosting her? He is so fucking lucky I am not crazy because I am so fucking hurt & angry, if she finds out, I won’t have the same courtesy from him & certainly won’t from her.
23 November 2025 – I started posting again on the blog, in August 2025, not knowing at the time what was actually gong to happen with us, I was writing about the good times still then, posting in the hopes that he is reading & remembers the things he said & the good times we had at the start of this. So at the time of writing this, in November 2025, I am editing the posts & writing more detail where I can & I note there is something that I wish I never said… He said it first actually about not saying I love you all the time… I then didn’t want it to be an obligation & something we just say when we left each other or hung up the phone. I realise later that he reminded me that I said it to him, when in actual fact I was following his lead… Could that be part of the reason? I doubt it. I doubt I will ever fucking know.
A lash client asked me the other day how I feel about posting about our story knowing he is probably reading… I mean I like to think that he is, but Mr Stubborn probably wouldn’t know I started posting regularly again. I doubt he would check now, once he read it all… I definitely don’t think that I write differently, because this is my journal & words come out my head onto the computer screen so quick sometimes that I really don’t even realise what I am writing. It’s not till I read it back that I think ‘did I really write that? Do I actually think that?’, didn’t Bridget Jones say ‘It’s only a diary… everyone knows diaries are just… full of crap.’ Mine is the epitome of that quote!
25 November 2025 – It’s now been a full month since I got my key back, we haven’t spoken since, but at the end of November, for the first time he looks at my snapchat story. FFS. I didn’t post a lot in October, so much so a few friends noticed & asked if I was ok – random fucking snapchat friends asked if I was ok!!! Just let that sink in! I didn’t post much in November either because I didn’t want Obsidian to see, but I did post a few stories, he didn’t look when he came online, on average once a week so I thought I was safe that he wasn’t going to look at them. I had been posting about my ongoing renos of the caravan, something I didn’t want him to know about but something I wanted so badly for him to see, for him to christen with me… Guess that it is never going to see sex & be christened. Of course, this is the snap he sees, not one of me looking hot, he sees one thing I didn’t want him to know about. But you guessed it, he doesn’t message me.
When I look back at all the things he said to me & all the signs, particularly when I’m not in it anymore & reading what I wrote back when it was happening, I see things more clearly – or I over analyse things trying to make sense of what has happened & how it went so fucking wrong that he’s not even talking to me, but I can now see when he started pulling away. Shortly after ws confirmed the boyfriend/girlfriend status, in early June I started noticing it but didn’t get it at the time, & by the end of July, he told me he was planning a trip to Japan & his wife had clearly booked holidays for it in October… So instead of managing my expectations, Obsidian chose to start pulling away, knowing that when he was in Japan & when she was off work that he wouldn’t be able to talk to me because his wife was home (yet if you recall, he was able to message me while lying in fucking bed with her!). There is always a reason this man pulls away, I just never know it until afterwards & every time he could have just told me the truth, not spin bullshit & we could have managed how we will communicate while he’s away – but no doubt he wouldn’t have been able to message because they would share a hotel room & of course he wouldn’t have a second alone – because when she showers, she quite obviously takes his phone with her… God he fucks me off! I mean I don’t know if this is the ‘big’ thing, but it’s definitely obvious that we change our relationship status & he’s planning a family holiday, that doesn’t include me, obviously, so he pulls away.
I keep saying that I am shattered & that he’s shattered me, a song comes to mind that I listened to a lot when I was in Canada in 2008, I listened to this on a little MP3 player on repeat – that’s how old it is… But it keeps coming up now in my memory, reminding me that I can’t keep breaking & I need to change this narrative.
O.A.R – Shattered
In a way, I need a change from this burnout scene
Another time, and another town, another everything
But it’s always back to you
I stumble out, in the night in the pouring rain
And I made the block, sat and thought, there’s more I need
It’s always back to you
But I’m good without ya
Yeah, I’m good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But how many times can I break ’til I shatter?
Over the line, can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break, let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time I’m shattered
I always turn the car around
Had no idea that the night gonna take so damn long
And I took it out on your street and the rain still falls
Push me back to you
But I’m good without ya
(I’m good) without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But how many times can I break ’til I shatter?
Over the line, can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break, let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time, I’m shattered
I always turn the car around
Just give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now
How many times can I (break ’til I shatter?)
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always (yeah) turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I’m faking
Taking my time, but it’s time that I’m wasting
I always turn the car around
How many times can I break (’til I shatter?) Yeah, y’all got me
Over the line, can’t define (what I’m after)
I will always turn the car around
Don’t wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Marc Roberge
Shattered lyrics © Emi April Music Inc., G Watt Music, Old Man Time Music Inc
They say that 90% of ‘I love you’ is non verbal… I showed him by taking lunch to him every week – even if I was grumpy, he showed me by calling most days… When that disappeared, it started to hit me & I tried to believe it wasn’t true, but I know now that I wasn’t loved – my biggest fucking fear in life, has come true, with the person I never thought would not love me. Realising I am not loved fucking destroys me or any chance we have of any friendship…
I am fucking lost…
How could I have been so stupid to ever think he loved me…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 