In December I see Marvel only 10 days after major abdominal surgery, but fuck it’s worth it. We don’t message each other after he leaves, I am too stubborn for that, clearly he is too… Christmas comes & goes… A new year… His birthday is coming up when I finally hear from him.
Unlike Marvel he actually sends me an unsolicited dick pic before logging off for January. I don’t hear from him again… I am being stubborn & think I’ll hear from him the week before school goes back, he’ll send a message to initiate the chat to catch up being that there are only 2 days in January that will be left for us to have sex in Jan (remember we’ve fucked every month since we started up again) Finally when I don’t hear from him, I send him a message with my availability for those two days & it sits at sending for days.
Overthinking goes into overdrive. He abruptly left me hanging earlier in the month, maybe she caught him & he’s not online anymore? Maybe he’s dead? Maybe he did the Samsung update & his phone was wiped, therefore he can’t remember his password to the chat app? The anonymous app we used to use has basically been deleted so I can’t stalk that anymore to see if he chats to me on there. Maybe they broke up? Nah he would come crawling to me right away if that happened… I literally think up every scenario…
Insomnia kicks in for various reasons, I’ve had a mini fight with J-Lo as you know & my vagina has been angry from no sex. I’ve also been dealing with this surgery not healing properly also trying to renovate with dickhead tradies & so I’m just fucked off. I cry. I cry for the first time in 2 years… I’ve taken off my lashes also because I can’t find a good lash tech, so I cry.
So with this insomnia, I realise that I have Marvel blocked on everything. Maybe he’s trying to find a way to contact me some where else?! What if he is?! I go to instagram & unblock, he’s posted 4 things. One of them is from a trip he took interstate… Maybe they moved to be with her parents?! I mean I’d seen him 4 times since he posted the picture but maybe he just couldn’t tell me they were planning on moving? I go to my snapchat & unblock – nothing interesting there. I head over to FB & I unblock him but leave his wife safely blocked.
Upon unblocking him on FB, it’s all the exact same, I can’t click him to add a friend (not that I would). There is all the same pictures available but I do discover his group/page. Remember he told me after we were over that he had a FB page. Well I find it (which I couldn’t fucking find when he told me about it) & I stalk it. FUCK. I hate this – what does this stalking achieve?! I want to click ‘like’ but I just check it daily instead, like an actual factual wanker because I don’t want him to know I have found it & am looking at it. This is tragic #IBD4U, get a life.
Literally 4 days into this fucking spiral stalking meltdown, he messages & says that the chat app is fucked & offers up this week to see him. Are you fucking kidding me… I am such a fucking wanker. Fuck sake – he just had fucking app issues…
Now remember last post when I said there was more to the Dom Dom story… Well he always says stuff to me about Marvel, like asks if I’ve seen him & if I have he always asks for a exact description of what happened, which I used to give him some additional details so he could jerk off to it… Towards the point of the L word with Marvel, I didn’t share as much, so since then I just give him snippets, usually more about positions & that’s about it.
Dom Dom doesn’t understand why I will fuck Marvel & not him. They’re both in the same situation right?! Dom Dom offers his cock for riding when I say that I haven’t heard from Marvel in ages & don’t know what is going on with him either… Dom Dom doesn’t get that I NEVER wanted to fuck a married man, I am so against cheating. Yet somehow due to falling for Marvel & poor choices following the demise of that love, I have been the other woman. Not a fact I am proud of. So I choose not to engage with married/partnered men in sexual activity, even if I’ve fucked them before – Marvel the exception to that choice. While chatting & talking sexy is considered cheating to some people, I am not as pedantic when it comes to what is cheating, having spent so much time on the chat app as I have in the past, I do understand the need for texting so don’t necessarily call that cheating.
One day I do decide to meet Dom Dom, which he insists must be at his house… I would be happy with a coffee shop but he says it must be his house. He has small kids & puppies, his house smells like dogs & I smirk when I see a bunch of kid stuff & dirt juet swept under the TV cabinet, like he poked it under then knowing I was coming. I rock up knowing that he will try to get his dick out given the chance & that he will try something, which he does, he tries to kiss me multiple times. One of his dogs is sitting on my lap, which I am grateful for. The conversation is a bit strained, I know because Dom Dom wants more, trying to hold my hand or lift my long skirt to see a bit of leg… But I leave, not without a scuffle to get a kiss from me before I go.
I owe no loyalties to Marvel. Especially after the way he’s treated me. I have in the past had sex with other men, I am not going to deny that in the last almost 6 years that I haven’t had sex with others, of course I have. But I don’t want this with Dom Dom because of his wife & kids. At least Marvel’s wife knows what he’s done to her in the past & to be perfectly honest, she must know what he’s been doing for basically the last 3 years too… Dom Dom has the chance to do the right thing by his family… To leave & find his happiness or stay & be faithful as much as he doesn’t want to be.
I fell in love with & became best friends with someone so unavailable that it killed my heart to end it. I don’t ever want that again. I am not willing to put myself out there even if its just sex to another married man or partnered man. Dom Dom has always kept his distance over the years we’ve talked. Rightfully so! So I don’t see why it’s a struggle for him to see why I don’t want anything with him, a physical connection is out of the question. I am not getting caught up in that with someone else ever again. I struggle to explain it but have to over & over because Dom Dom doesn’t get & literally becomes so needy.
But back to Marvel… Within two days of Marvel being back online chatting to me, he is giving me three options when to see him next. I accept & see him on the first day he gives me, as if I want to wait…
After we have sex, for the first time in a long time we chat. Ironically he tells me about his FB page & I have a look at it while lying next to him, knowing full well that it’s in my search history & he talks about the posts & team of admin he has helping post daily. I mention that the name of the group is misleading to the content & laugh about the FB profile picture it has. I’m surpised, when I look (ok I stalked) later that night, the name of the group has changed & so has the profile picture with a note saying that the name of the group no longer serves the purpose it did 10 years ago when he started the page… OMG. Are you kidding me…? It makes me smile so much, I didn’t know I had any influence left with him besides my vagina. But clearly I do…
We also talk about the chat app & how shit it is now, with ads & bots all the time that he says he wants to chat to me via snapchat instead… He says he has it hidden on his phone & that he can chat to me there… He also tells me that I keep coming up on his tiktok – he says he doesn’t watch my videos, just scrolls past them when I come up as a suggestion – I call BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. As if he’d just swipe my videos away – to be fair they are basically always of my dogs, but what a load of crap that he is not looking when I come up as a suggestion!
Usually, he’s only at my house for a maximum of one hour, but when he gets up to leave at that hour mark, I remind him that he’s not cum yet but he says he’s soft & I tell him that I am sure I can get him hard again, he gets back onto the bed & lays next to me just kissing me & says in less than 30 seconds that he is hard again. Yeah baby, I’ve still got it. Just from a kiss.
I haven’t been writing notes or recording dates & times of when he is over my house like I did before, to create a timeline. These times exist only in our memories now, I don’t have a minute by minute description of what we did & what we do, so this is a bit of an unusual post, but it’s also the first sex I’ve had in a long time that made me feel wanted again & the thing that fucks me off about that is that it’s not the sex that I liked about the two hours he spent at my house – I mean, of course I liked the sex & I came so many times – but my favourite part was when we talked & at one point his hand rested on my back or when he rolled into me to cuddle a bit.
I don’t deny this is dangerous territory, we know our limits now. I know he has love for me as I do him, I’m not sure he’s in love with me like he was but I know that we love each other. This man was my best friend & god if I could have that back, I would accept it in a second. But I am ok with the intimate moments where we let down our guard a little & put them back up when it’s over…
I don’t know what the future holds for Marvel & I. I don’t know what the future holds for me at all… All I know is that I am so much happier not fighting for a mans attention, like M8 or Eastwood – who I know is single, who seemingly liked me. I am much happier not texting someone every day – I miss it of course sometimes.