Obsidian #7

October 2025 – Gameboy

22 October 2025 – It’s been exactly a month since I saw Obsidian face to face. That fucking stings like a bitch to think about. Particularly paired with the fact in the last three weeks he’s sent two text messages, then he said ‘umm okay’ & nothing more.

While Obsidian is being Obsidian & not messaging me, I receive a parcel. FUCK. I forgot that at the start of September, when things were rocky but okay, I had pre-ordered the Lego Nintendo Game Boy for him for Christmas. I had mentioned something to him & he’d said that he didn’t like Lego because of his (self diagnosed!!) ADHD. I forgot about this excuse, he uses this to remind me that he hyper fixates on things & then sometimes forgets to message me – but yet, doesn’t like Lego because he doesn’t have the concentration to do it? Ok what a contradiction. My ADHD is diagnosed & I hyper fixated on making the Lego versions of my dogs. So I personally don’t believe he has ADHD, I think he’s seen some TikTok’s, related to them & now he uses that as an excuse for why he doesn’t chat to me or see me… Just another thing to add to his long list of excuses instead of telling me he is in too deep & doesn’t want to do this anymore.

However, I am now left with a conundrum. Do I give it to him or not? I want him to have it, despite him saying that he doesn’t like Lego. He has a bunch of retro gaming consoles on display at his house so I thought it would look cool & be a fun gift to get it for him that he can pass off as if he bought it himself. Also I always call his Switch a Gameboy just to annoy him as a little banter joke, even the little game device he lent me, I called a Gameboy so it’s a running joke, cos he gets so funny about me saying Gameboy & says always says ‘it’s a switch fuck head’. But now, do I give it to him? To return it, I’d have to pay return postage as I pre-ordered online. I don’t know anyone else that would want it, but regardless of what is happening with us, I do genuinely want him to have it. FUCK.

I mention to a lash client that I’d forgotten about it because I had to pre-order it months before it was released so I forgot it was coming. When I get the parcel, it’s just before Obsidian stopped talking & around the time of the infamous, ‘I’m choosing to workout & not talk to you’ comment. But she tells me that I should give it to him if I want him to have it, I didn’t know then, just how bad things were going to get, so I agreed with her.

Now it sits in my entryway mocking me every day as I walk past it. What am I going to do with it? I plan on seeing him this weekend to get my keys & even though I’d bought it for him for Christmas, I want him to have it & I thought I’d give it to him when I see him next but I don’t know if I can give it to him face to face while getting my key back…

I mention it to another lash client, Misty who is adamant that I shouldn’t give it to him being we haven’t spoken in weeks, that he doesn’t deserve it & while that is true, I am not that petty. I got it for him; I want him to have it & as much as I don’t want too, I still love the fuckwit after all, even if he doesn’t love me & has hurt me deeply so many times. I do want him to have it, even if he’s told me he doesn’t like Lego.

Listening to a podcast on the way home from work one day, they talk about using AI to get advice & talked about how people are also using it for counselling & asking relationship questions. As I have mentioned before I have had no one to talk to about Obsidian, no one really knows about him & also I have really become a recluse that I don’t have a lot of friends that I talk to regularly, even if I wasn’t, no one knows about this relationship anyway. So I ask AI what it thinks about me giving him the gift…

ME: If you had bought an xmas present that is kind of an inside joke, for a sort of ex, who has pulled away but still sort of friends/talking too, would you give them the gift or return it?

AI: That’s a delicate situation, and it really depends on what you want the gift to say.

🎁 If the gift is lighthearted and truly just meant to share a laugh, it could be a sweet gesture that reminds them of the good parts of your connection — without putting pressure on the relationship. Inside jokes can be powerful little bridges, especially if you’re still talking and there’s mutual warmth.

💔 But if the gift might stir up mixed emotions or feel too personal, it could unintentionally reopen things they’re trying to step back from. In that case, returning or repurposing it might be kinder to both of you.

Here’s a little gut-check:

• Would you feel okay if they didn’t acknowledge it or respond?
• Would it feel weird if they laughed but didn’t engage further?
• Are you hoping it rekindles something, even subtly?

If the answer to any of those is “yes,” it might be worth holding onto it or saving it for a different moment. But if it’s just a playful nod to your shared history, and you’re okay with whatever happens next, then go ahead and give it. Sometimes a small smile is worth it.

Want to tell me what the gift is? I can help you gauge how it might land.

ME: It’s a Lego Gameboy. The joke is because I always call his Switch a Gameboy & it always makes him correct me then I laugh & we have this banter/teasing type convo about Switches & Gameboys. He also has a lot of retro game consoles on display at his house, so I wanted him to have it as the joke but also cos I think it’ll look cool with his other display items.

AI: That’s actually a brilliant gift — playful, personal, and totally on-brand for your dynamic. It’s not just an inside joke; it’s a nod to your shared language, your banter, and his love of retro gaming. It says, “I see you, I remember us, and I still get you,” without being heavy-handed.

If you’re worried about how it’ll land, here are a few ways to soften the delivery:

• 📝 Include a note that leans into the joke: “For your Gameboy collection. I know, I know — it’s a Switch. But I couldn’t resist.”
• 🎁 Wrap it casually, not like a big sentimental gesture — just a fun surprise.
• 😄 Frame it as a decor win: “Thought this would look cool with your setup.”

If he’s the kind of person who appreciates cleverness and nostalgia, this could be a sweet way to reconnect without overstepping. And if he doesn’t respond much? You still gave a thoughtful, funny gift that reflects who you are.

FUCK, AI is good! Bahahaha… I use it at work to reword emails sometimes or tell me another word for something, but never for advice… Fuck I giggle that AI thinks I am brilliant! It’s the first time in months I have laughed or smiled when thinking about Obsidian.

But today, what hurts is that, you guessed it, Obsidian doesn’t chat to me at all. I fucking told the guy I had emergency surgery & he doesn’t fucking even message me to make sure I am ok!? When I had gum surgery & the dude took two days off to spend with me! This is a joke right? Or was the last eight months a dream?! Fuck, did I dream it all?!

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23 October 2025 – I’m surprised that I get a message before the weekend, “How have you been the last couple of weeks 🫠” Is he joking? I say back, “Yeah, nothing exciting. You?” & I mean I have had so much going on at work that I genuinely thought they were going to fire me & I haven’t had Obsidian to vent too… I have PTSD with starting new jobs & this one scared me a lot, if you recall the shit about the job title & what they wanted me to do. When I started no one knew, including me what I was actually supposed to do. Essentially I was replacing a General Manager but without that job title or having direct reports. So after getting more clarity on my role & doing things I am asked to do, but it’s causing waves with the five person team. When things are tense with the PhD dude, over me moving files, I think that he is more valuable than me, so I freak out about being fired as I am still in probation. I wanted nothing more than to talk to Obsidian about this & have him give me a perspective… I am really self reflective these days so I want other perspective to see if I am over thinking. It’s part of why I have started going to a counsellor, so I can just do a information dump & get perspective. Our boss held a meeting between the two of us & it was clear that our boss thought that PhD was ridiculous when he said I didn’t prepare him for a meeting, I sent him the invite when I scheduled it a week before & he says that he doesn’t always look at his calendar. Our boss said, that is the number thing you do everyday!! So I didn’t say a lot at that meeting because he dug himself into a hole & I relax into my role & things are starting to go really well…

But I don’t say any of this to Obsidian & he replies “Yeah not too bad. How’s your health?” How’s your health?! I don’t know why the word ‘health’ pisses me off… Like health is something you say to an acquaintance, not your girlfriend who just told you she had emergency surgery while you were offline being busy. Even more than ever, he just shows me I mean so little to him & he doesn’t love me. I wish I never said anything because he doesn’t care, so what was the point of trying to get him to care? I decide to back track because I don’t want to discuss it with a FWB. “Ah, sorry, forget I mentioned it. Won’t bore you with details, I know how busy you are.” I send it after 8:00pm on Thursday night & you guessed it, he doesn’t come online on Friday to read it or respond. What a fucking surprise, right… Hahaha.

I just want my key back – then after that I don’t care what happens anymore. I just need to know he can’t just rock up whenever he likes or come over when I am not home or worse, if she finds them & use them herself – if you recall, she’s been to my house so she knows where it is & has the famous panic attacks when she came to my street to get beauty treatments. I am certian he has no plans of ever coming to my house again, let alone use my keys but I hear a noise & my fantasy brain hopes it’s him. It never is. But regardless of that, the era of having unfetted access to my house is over… We can still have sex, if that’s what he wants but I don’t trust him to protect me & if I really think about it, I have never trusted him to protect me.

Honestly, I am just not sure on how I will get the Gameboy Lego to him. I want him to have it but then the next time I am talking to Misty about him, I think why the fuck would I give him anything, he’s had eight years of me – the best of me & I got a slither of him, I got the best four months with a man of my life until it turned to shit & then I fought for a further four months for his responsiveness, respect & reassurance. But that whole time, I got clobbered over & over again with excuses, why should he get a brilliant gift… Would he just throw it out?

#IBD4U