Month: Nov 2021

 “My mother died giving birth to me, there was a haemorrhage & they couldn’t save her” he pauses letting that sink in “My father never forgave me for it, his last words to me were ‘you’ll never be good enough for anyone Conner’ then he killed himself in front of me” HolyFuckingShit! He pauses for an even longer time, just looking at the wall as he remembers it all, I don’t even know what to say or if I should say anything but he starts talking again “His words have plagued me all these years, I’ve been in therapy before but nothing fucking helps, everyone I ever loved left me a shell of a man. All I ever wanted was my father to love me just a fraction of how much he loved my sister & mother, but I was the accidental pregnancy that killed her, he hated me so much & he never let me forget it.” He pauses again recalling the memories, my heart goes out to him, he is so angry, pacing back & forth “My sister hasn’t spoken to me since his funeral when she said ‘now I have no parents thanks to you’ & what could I say to that? It’s fucking true.” He shrugs

“Conner you aren’t responsible for your father’s death.” I say carefully because I don’t want him to stop talking but I feel I need to say something reassuring

“I know I’m not the one who pulled the trigger, but I am the reason why it was pulled.” He sits down next to me

“How old were you?” I whisper

“Just seven” I reach out & brush my hand over his, he snaps it away “I don’t need your fucking pity”

 “It’s not pity, I’m showing you how much I care” He’s silent as if he’s finally realising that I do care for him, he scrapes his fingers through his hair “What happened to you both?” I ask, wanting to hear more.

“My sister is 5 years older she went to live with my grandma, I was put into state foster care & moved from place to place until I left at 16.” Jeez this is worse than I expected. I don’t even know what to say & now I am so reluctant to touch him, I thought he was fucked up because some girl hurt him, not a major family tragedy. “I loved my mother, even though I didn’t know her, I did love her, my father would tell me & my sister how wonderful she was & all the things she did. She sounded like a person I would want to be. But my father reminded me every day that I was an accident & he wished my mother had an abortion.” I take a sharp intake of breath, that is a fucked up thing to tell a seven year old. “Sometimes I wish she had” He pauses “I loved both my sister & dad too but neither would love me because of what I took from them, they resented my presence every day. They were never physically abusive, I almost wish they were because I think that would have been easier to recover from” He pauses, carefully choosing his words “I vowed that I would never become a father” That explains why he‘d never had sex without a condom before.

“Why didn’t you live with your grandma?”

“She didn’t want me either, I killed her daughter” he scoffs, I feel sorry for this poor boy, he didn’t do anything but survive & yet he was cast aside from all his family members, I shake my head. He continues “After I left foster care, I lived on the streets, in rescue centres, where ever I could. I fell into drinking & drugs easily but I am thankful that I never got as messed up as some of the people I used to know, I was lucky to find a stable home at 18” He sighs, I’m thankful he was able to pull himself out of the scene “I had a series of girlfriends, some who I thought I loved & loved me, but every single one of them cheated on me. I know that seems like nothing, but after a loveless childhood, I craved love from a woman & I’ve never fucking got it. I swore never to love anyone ever again, I promised not to let anyone close enough to hurt me” He looks up at me, his hand brushes my cheek, “but then you came along” He smiles “You changed everything” he wipes the tear from my eye “Please don’t cry, I know I fucked up with you, I don’t deserve a second chance, but I know that you’re my happily ever after” More tears slide down my cheeks, he wipes them as quickly as they fall, looking deep into my eyes

“Conner you had me at ‘are you having a good night’!” he laughs, I sniff loudly trying to control my emotions. He holds my hand, not tearing his eyes away from mine

“I love you Kristie Mary Callan” My heart melts “I fought it for so long because of my past & I hurt you in the process but I want to make it right, if you’ll let me?” I reach out to hug him, he responds by gripping me tightly

“I didn’t handle things well either” I pull back to look him in the eyes, speaking slowly emphasising each word so he really hears them “I love you Conner” We hug for what seems like eternity, I never want to let him go.

“I really want to make love to you Kristie.” OMG! I stand up, taking his hand & leading him to my bedroom. We stand there staring at each other, I start unbuttoning his shirt, one slow button at a time, Conner’s eyes are burning with desire, his hands caresses my butt, he flicks the band of his boxers

“These are my favourites, I can’t believe you stole them.” He chuckles as I finish the last button, running my palms up his ripped chest, I run my hands over his nipples, he groans & I push his shirt of his shoulders. My hands runs back up his muscly arms, across his shoulders, down his chest to rub his nipples again, before stopping to undo his belt, I push his pants down far enough to allow gravity to take them all the way down, Conner steps out of his shoes & pants, eyeing me greedily. He swiftly tugs on the bottom of his t shirt pulling it over my head, we’re standing there in only matching boxers, both his hands circle my breasts

“Hmmm, I’ve missed these.” He smiles, I am not shy or blushing, I know he means it, Conner loves me. I moan in appreciation for what he is doing to me, his hand slide down my side, swiftly removing my boxers, letting them fall to the floor. His hand comes between my legs, gently moving his fingers around to see how wet I am “I’ve missed this too” I part my legs slightly to give him more room to move, I slip my hands into the band of his boxers & push them down, grabbing his cock in my hand, gently giving it a squeeze

“& I’ve missed this!” He laughs, bending down to kiss me while his fingers still probe me, I push him back so he sits on the edge of my bed, his hands come to my waist as I sit on his lap to straddle him, my wrists resting on his shoulders, with my legs further apart, Conner takes the opportunity to insert two fingers inside me, his mouth coming down to find my nipple, he bites gently & elongates it as he tugs on it, I moan loudly

“Do you like that baby?” I can only make an incomprehensible Hmmm noise, he laughs, moving his lips to assault my other nipple.

“I want you inside me.” I lift my hips up, with Conner’s help he lowers me so slowly onto his long hard cock. We sit there nose to nose, connected at our most intimate part, not moving, without any friction, only him filling me & his gaze, I feel myself building towards an orgasm “This is going to make me come, if you don’t move” he laughs his hands still holding my hips down on his cock

“Either way, you are going to come… & come… & come…” His words so sexy, oh this is heaven but it’s also hell, my hands find the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, maybe that will get him moving, he doesn’t move or let go of my hips, he breaks the kiss, moving his mouth back to my breasts he kisses them so softly, licking them with just the tip of his tongue, I can barely feel it but it is enough as I arch my back to push them up into his mouth, I am panting so hard, these soft touches to my nipples, his cock twitching ever so slightly inside me, being unable to move, I am so close to coming & yet nothing has really even happened yet.

“Oh My God… Conner… How do you…do…” I can’t get any more words out, I am clenching around him “Fuck…” I scream as I orgasm, he releases his hold on my hips & they gyrate with my orgasm, he guides them, lifting me up & down, Conner has me constantly screaming with pleasure as he bucks me on & off his cock finding his release quickly, his mouth kissing me where ever he can, my neck, collar bone even my arm, as he looks at me with love in his eyes, I can’t look away, even though my eyes are blurry with the longest orgasm of my life

“Oh Kristie, you amaze me, fuck…” He comes inside me, tickling my skin all over as he tries to regulate his breathing. I rest my head on his shoulder, I can barely move “Are you ok baby?” That was so incredible, I can’t reply. He laughs, taking me in his arms to move me to lie down on the bed “I love you.” He kisses my nose.

It’s after 4:00am when I wake up boiling hot, wrapped in Conner’s limbs, I am so content, that was amazing, not only did I have the best sex of my life, Conner told me he loved me & why he has so many issues. It was the perfect night, he opened up to me & finally let me in, we’re no longer building a relationship on a house of cards that will come tumbling down, we are both open & in love, that was the perfect way to start our new chapter. I wriggle out of Conner’s hold & grab a glass of water, standing in the kitchen, naked, with only the glow of the open fridge, I am startled when Conner wraps his arms around me, kissing my neck, his hands find their way to my breasts. I instantly feel his cock firm up against my rear

“Want something a little rougher?” he asks into my neck, serious & sexily, I am so turned on, I moan ‘yes’, one of his hands parts my legs, rubbing the wetness from our previous love making around, as I groan, he moves me forward to the kitchen table, taking his hand away from the front “Move that chair out of the way.” I obey “lie flat on the table & hold onto the edge” I do as I’m told, liking his commanding tone, the table is a freezing contrast to my hot skin, it feels incredible “I want to fuck you hard & fast from behind, don’t let go, ok?” his hand tickles my spine, as he waits for my response, I can only nod already panting, wanting him inside me. His hands come to hold my hips as I brace myself for his first thrust, he doesn’t move right away, what is he doing? I twist my head as much as I can to see, he’s just looking at me

“What are you doing?”

“Just looking at how fucking amazing you look like this.” His hand moves between my legs to move the wetness again, this time across both my entrances oh my god, is he going to fuck me there?! As if sensing my thoughts,“Don’t worry Kristie, not tonight” I hear a smile in his voice “but one day I’d like to fuck your hot ass if you want me too?”

“May… be…” I stutter & he chuckles

“We’ll work on it babe, but for now, brace yourself.” His hands find my hips to hold me steady & he thrusts into me, hard! Again & again, his rhythm is relentless, his hips make a slapping noise as they smack against my butt “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m so close Conner, faster” He chuckles, pounding a little harder & faster, his thumb finds my other entrance & he slips it in slowing, pulling it in & out matching his cock’s rhythm “God… Ohhhh…” I come without further warning, Conner thrusts twice more, coming himself through gritted teeth

“Kris…tie… Arggghhh” He lies flat on my back, regaining our normal breathing, when I realise we are on my kitchen table. I giggle. “What?”

“I have to eat off this table” He laughs, standing up straight, he helps me back up too & pulls me into his arms

“Sorry baby, I just couldn’t make it back to the bedroom” I laugh, he looks me directly in the eyes, reaching down to pinch my ass “I meant what I said about fucking your hot ass, I want to have you every way possible.”

“I’ve never…” My voice trails off

“Me either, but if you want to try it, I’d be happy to help out.” He winks, of course he would. Our first night back together & we’re discussing anal sex, who would have thought this is how this night would end!

“It felt good… with your finger… I might like it…” He’s smiling, bending to kiss my nose

“I love it when you tell me what you like, don’t be shy”

“I like everything we do.”

“I like to hear specifics.” He grins cheekily at me, I feel brave

“I like a good hard fucking on my kitchen table” he chuckles, nuzzling my neck “I like it when you pin me down, lick behind my ear…” he licks behind my ear for effect, I shudder

“Hmmm, we need to go to bed & sleep before I fuck you again & you can’t walk tomorrow. I’m looking forward to making love to you in the morning, your favourite, morning sex, if I recall?” he pulls me back to the bedroom, as we get into bed, he pulls me close to him spooning my back “I think you should wake me up just as I’m about to come” I brazenly suggest before closing my eyes.

Fleaz #16

I wake up to Conner following through on my suggestion, I’m lying flat on my back, he has my knees spread wide, he’s holding them down with his hands, his tongue tickling me ever so slightly on my clit. I don’t know how long he’s been at it, but I am so close. I raise my arms to grab the top of the leather head board, I can’t move my knees, which is so annoying but so hot, it really intensifies his actions

“Hmmm… Ahhh…”

“Is this… what you… had in… mind?” He’s licking long luscious licks in the middle of his sentence

“Oh… Fuck… Yes…” I arch my back, not wanting to let go of the headboard, he sucks my clit, then laps at the rest, then returns to suck again, it feels amazing “I’m coming” I moan as he licks up & down faster, giving me a long sensual orgasm. As I go limp on the bed, he moves up my body kissing as he goes, he reaches my lips & kisses them

“See how good you taste… Hmmm” His cock slides into me easily, he is slow & tender, raising himself so he’s not too heavy on me, with a gap in between our bellies, I can see his cock moving in & out of me

“Look how hot we are” he tilts his head to see what I am looking at

“Oh fuck, I’m going to come if I watch that” he groans, I smile, stealing his line & licking behind his ear

“Either way, you are going to come… & come… & come…” & he does, he shouts out ‘Fuck’ but it’s an angry shout, rather than a ‘Fuck I just came’ kind of shout. He rests his head in my neck, when he comes up for air, he looks angry

“I’m sorry” I look at him perplexed

“What for?”

“That was a little quick, you didn’t come”

“Don’t be stupid, you just woke me up coming” he scoffs, it makes me angry “If we’re keeping count, you’ve made me come a lot more times than you have” He still scoffs again, like he’s just done the worst thing ever. He rolls off me & huffs, I have to laugh “Oh my god Conner, do not be angry about that, or I will get angry that you’re angry about something you shouldn’t be angry about” He laughs

“Does that even make sense” he rolls over to face me, smiling

“I like that I turn you on so much that you come quickly, it doesn’t have to be a long session every time”

“That was pretty hot looking at that, but you stole my line” He smiles “I see why you like behind your ear being kissed” he grins at me pulling me close “Let’s not get out of bed today baby.” I smile as he kisses me long & deep, like he’s never going to stop, I feel his cock growing again against me, my leg moves to rest on his hips, it prompts him to roll onto his back taking me with him, so I am straddling him “There is nothing hotter than you on top of me.” I rise up on my knees, his hands guiding me to lower myself on his cock. We come together quickly, Conner pulling me down on his chest as we’re coming back down from our orgasmic high.

“I love you so much” he tickles my skin, I shudder, it always feels so good when he does that while my skin is so sensitive from sex. “I didn’t know I could feel like this ever.” I kiss his chest

“Me either. You’re so sexy, funny, kind, sweet, smart, brave, amazing in bed…” he cuts me off, like it hurts him to hear how wonderful he is

“There is no better place in the world than here.” I laugh kissing him deeply.

*

I love it when I hear Conner call me his girlfriend, it makes me tingle inside. I wonder if it has the same effect of him when I introduce him as my boyfriend? Probably not! We are inseparable, staying at each other’s houses every night, even on week nights, which always seemed off limits before, we’d been living in coupled bliss for a few short weeks before Conner dropped a bombshell on me over dinner.

“Move in with me” I spit my wine across the restaurant table, covering Conner in my spit & a $40 bottle of wine “Jesus” he stands up half annoyed, half laughing, my face goes bright red as I choke out a verbal diarrhoea of sorry’s, trying to dab his shirt & face with my cloth napkin, the waiter scurries over to see what the fuss is about, Conner shoos her away “I’m ok” he shoos me away too, guiding me to sit back down in my chair opposite him, he chuckles “I wasn’t expecting you to spit on me when I asked you that”

“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting you to say” I reply

“But what do you think though?” he plays with the beads of condensation on his beer glass “Do you want to move in with me?” he looks up nervously, I honestly hadn’t thought about it yet, I’d only really known Conner for about four months in total, two of those weeks we were broken up & for most of it we were just casual, could I live with him? Would he move to my place or would I move to his?

“I don’t think we should move into a place one of us already has” I say slowly, he lets out the breath that he was holding & looks relieved.

“I agree we can rent out our places & buy something together” Whatthefuck! Buy something together, I choke on my wine again. I put my glass firmly down & stare at him.

“Just like that hey?” I laugh

“Just like that” he leans forward giving me the biggest school boy grin “you are my happily ever after, I’m not letting you go again” I melt, agreeing to buy a house with him. Just like that! 

*

Conner called his friend John who is a realtor in the morning, to get him to come look at his house & tell him how much rent he’ll get, he’s also already started packing when I get up in the morning, he has boxes labelled ‘things to give away’ & ‘things to take’. Conner thinks it won’t take long to find a place we both like, but in the meantime he is packing up & moving into my house which is slightly bigger than his. We decided to give away our doubles, keeping whichever one is the better of the two, most of his kitchen stuff was crap & was being piled into the giveaway boxes.

Within a week, Conner had everything neatly stacked in my small spare room & was moving his clothes into my wardrobe. His house is rented out quickly, with one major obstacle out of our hands, we spent the weekends looking for a place together & at night Conner insisted on packing things at my house that we didn’t use much, ready for the move. I love how eager & organised he is, I wasn’t sure at first but his energy rubbing off on me & I can’t wait to live with him in a place we paid the mortgage together. Conner had the same realtor friend come out to assess my house so we could confirm with the bank that we would indeed be able to make the repayments on three houses. Jeez, what a big step, three mortgages! I didn’t really look into the financial side of it much, Conner took care of all that, sending our pay slips to the bank & organising the loans, I just signed when I needed to sign.

After two weeks of living in my house that was now full of packing boxes & little much else, I was starting to lose hope that we’d find something in our price range that we both like, in the area that we wanted. Conner never gave up, he looked at the websites & papers every day, even making calls to realtors in the suburb we wanted to buy in so that he could get a first look at houses before they were advertised.

“Baby I found us a place,” he shouts as he walks through the door “we have to leave in two minutes” he’s walked into the bedroom striping off his high visibility work shirt, boots & pants “because it’s not on the market yet & the realtor is waiting for us there now” He kisses me quickly, changing his clothes, usually he showers as soon as he gets home but tonight he is excited & doesn’t have time.

The drive to the house is tense, Conner is beating the steering wheel with his still grubby hands from work, to the beat of the music, convinced that this is the place. We pull up outside & my breath catches, he is right, this is the place!

It’s a modern two storey house, but it has quaint features that make it look a little retro too. The realtor meets us at the front gate & walks us through the house, it’s love at first sight for me, but I don’t think this is in our price range, we have a tight budget because we want to keep our other houses, but I realise how much I want this house & this life with Conner when I think ‘I’d be willing to sell my house in order to buy this.’

When the realtor finally leaves us alone, Conner is the first to talk

“I want it” I laugh

“Me too” He smiles hugging me tightly “but is this out of our price range?”

“All good baby, do you want to put an offer in?” I nod eagerly, of course I do, five bedrooms, two bathrooms, swimming pool, the main bedroom has two balcony’s, one overlooking the pool & the other overlooking the hills where the house faces. This is my dream home, with my dream guy!

Conner puts in an offer & we wait to hear if we got the house or not which is so tense, I can’t concentrate on work, the realtor was going to ring Conner when he knew if the vendors would accept. I checked my phone 100 times to see if Conner sent me a text, finally it vibrates on my desk, I hold my breath

BF: Offer accepted! 😉 x

I had changed Conner’s name in my phone from Fuck Buddy to Boyfriend.

K: OMG! Best news ever, can’t wait to celebrate. Love you xxx

BF: Love you more x

*

Four weekends later, Conner & I were officially moved in to the dream house, which is what I had taken to calling it & my house was being rented out by a young couple, it seemed like everything was falling into place.

                       “Let’s get dressed up & go out to celebrate our new place now we’re finished unpacking” I laugh at him

“Aren’t we supposed to stay in to celebrate in the house?” he laughs, patting me on the ass “Be ready at 6:00pm, don’t be late!”

#IBD4U

He looks as sexy as ever, as I knew he would, in a black tuxedo, his hair in its usual disarray state that I wonder if he’s even brushed it. He’s standing with two other men who are talking across him, he’s pretending to listen, without taking his eyes off me, he smiles & lifts his beer glass in a cheers gesture. I cannot move but I cannot tear my eyes away from him, has it really only been two weeks since I last saw him? I remember the fight that ended our arrangement, when he told me to stop loving him. My heart constricts in my chest & I know I am still in love with the man capturing my attention. He doesn’t love you back though Callan!

Kyle interrupts my interlude with him, I break eye contact trying turn my attention to Kyle & give him a smile, he puts his hand on my lower back, something He used to do, Don’t start with that! Kyle leads me to another group of people

“Are you ok?” he leans in to whisper in my ear

“I’m fine, I just have to go to the bathroom” Coward!

“Hurry back” He winks & I scurry off to find the bathroom. What is Fleaz doing here? I don’t know if I can stay here in the same room as him, there is so much unfinished business, I haven’t even told Kyle about him at all. Maybe you should fake a tummy ache, but I know Kyle would rush me home & take care of me, I can’t do that to him, this is his night I just have to get a grip, I will just ignore him & if he comes to talk to me, I will just make an excuse about getting a drink or going to the toilet & just avoid him all night. I dab my face & neck with water, it has the effect I needed, refreshing me, I take a deep breath & pull the bathroom door open, I freeze with the green piercing gaze starting back at me

“Hello Kristie” his deep voice more sensual than I remember, he’s leaning against the wall, exactly like he did that first night in the bar, tonight in the tuxedo he looks even sexier, I’ve never seen him in a tuxedo before. His smell is still intoxicating a mixture of his aftershave Le Male & himself, it makes me instantly wet. I want to hug him, I want to kiss his lips, I want him to fuck me right here in the hallway, my body is already responding to him. I try to shake those thoughts & remain impassive.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is icy, it surprises me because I feel anything but icy, I feel hot & bothered immediately when He is this close to me.

“This is my work function, what are you doing here?” he quips, I try to walk off but much like that night in the bar he blocks my path with his arm “Is that your boyfriend out there?” his hand reaches my wrist & lifts my arm with the corsage on it, he eyes it suspiciously. It embarrasses me as he looks at the ridiculous flowers tied to my wrist, I snatch my hand away taking the stupid thing off & look at the arrangement so carefully put together, that I now am humiliated by

“What? I snap, trying to pass again but he blocks the way, it’s a bit premature to call Kyle my boyfriend, he has been persistent for a while, but I never felt anything for him, he asked if I could come to this work function with him & I had just said yes, I don’t think Kyle will ever be my boyfriend but I don’t want to make that declaration to Fleaz. Does he really think I have moved on that quickly?

“Do you love him?” Whatthefuck!

“That’s none of your fucking business” I know I don’t love Kyle, but I could, one day… maybe, the thought pangs me, I know I am still in love with this gorgeous man in front of me, making me hot & wet just by looking at me. He leans in closer to my face, my breath automatically increases, I hate myself for reacting this way with someone who told me to stop loving him only two weeks ago & now I have someone perfect who I feel like I am cheating on just by reacting to his presence

“You look so beautiful”

“Don’t” I whisper, he holds my gaze, his hand runs down my cheek, a shiver runs down my spine, one single touch turns me on more than anything Kyle has said or done to me ever. I loathe myself.

“I miss you” he whispers & I crack at his revelation, a tear slides down my cheek, so now my tear ducts decide to work! He wipes the tear away carefully, dropping his hand to my hip “I know you still feel something for me Kristie” he paused staring deep into my eyes “I can feel it” he is so close to my face, I feel his breath on my cheeks, I feel like he is going to kiss me. I lick my lips instinctively & hate myself for it immediately.

“I was never the problem” I snap, he chuckles bowing his head briefly, closing his eyes as if he knew I would say something like that

“Meet me for coffee tomorrow” I hesitate, can I meet him for coffee? Get sucked back in? “Please, I promise I’ll explain everything” he drops his arm from the wall, I see Kyle standing out of earshot, but his glare intent. Fuck! Fleaz follows my stare & sees Kyle, “Tomorrow then?” I nod, he smiles, bending down to kiss me on the cheek, time stands still as I know Kyle is watching & I am pressed up against a wall. He smiles again before he walks back to the party, nodding at Kyle as he walks past hime. Shit, why did I agree to meet him? Kyle approaches me carefully

“I came to make you sure you were alright, who was that?”

“No one” I pause hating myself for what I am about to say & do “Kyle I’m not feeling well, I’m going to go home.”

“I’ll come with you”

“No it’s ok, I want you to stay & network. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He tries to give me $20 for the taxi home. He is so sweet that I really hate myself as I give him a pathetic peck on the cheek as I jump in the taxi. What are you doing Kristie?  I wish I knew.

My phone beeping several times, jolts me from my stare, lucky I haven’t had to give directions to the driver, I look at my phone with trepidation, I don’t want it to be Kyle but I know that it’s unlikely to be Fleaz, but when I see the name, shit he’s still saved in my phone as Fuck Buddy! His sexy sleeping photo pops up too, my breath hitches, what does he want?

FB: You are the most gorgeous woman in the room x

I can’t stop staring at the text, he is dragging me back in already. This is not a good idea! That’s what I said last time. The second text is from Kyle

K: Hope you feel better, let me know when you get home safe xoxo

I throw my head back in the taxi, I feel like I’m the biggest bitch on the planet, stringing Kyle along like other guys have done to me, but my heart… I can’t deny the feeling in my heart. I can’t rely on Fleaz but I can’t lead on Kyle. This is why I had decided not to date anymore, I can’t take this bullshit, I don’t know what the right thing is & I may never know. Do you follow your heart or your head?

I walk in my front door kicking off my high heels at the door, I undo my dress & step out of it up the hallway, letting it fall on the floor where it slips off, I flop onto my bed crying. I’m not really sure why I’m crying, maybe because you haven’t cried at all in the last two weeks? I know what I have to do, it’s kind of a relief that my tears are flowing, I feel like it’s lifting a weight of my shoulders. I don’t know what Fleaz wants to tell me, I don’t know if I can start things up with him again, but I know that until I am over this thing with Fleaz, I can’t keep leading Kyle on, the worst past is, I am doing to Kyle what so many guys have done to feel & I feel terrible.

K: I am home & in bed, talk to you later.

K: Wish I was there, night babe xoxo

I start crying again, he is the sweetest guy, but I don’t feel attracted to him at all, I just have to let him know that it’ll never happen between us & that I am still in love with someone else Honesty is the best way. I hate that I am intrigued with what Fleaz has to tell me though, I can’t help but think what a stupid idiot I am being for even considering meeting with him, but without even thinking, I coldly reply to him

K: Meet me at Coffee Club @ 2pm.

FB: Did you leave?

K: Yes.

FB: Why? Your boyfriend is still here. Why didn’t that prick take you home?

K: He’s not a prick & he’s not my boyfriend.

I put my phone down & head straight for the shower, I need to do something to take my mind off this whole day. As I’m dressing in my standard stolen pyjamas, Fleaz’ Fresh Jive T shirt & Diesel boxer briefs, there is a knock at my front door. I groan, I told Kyle I would talk to him tomorrow, I go to the door angrily not wanting to deal with this now

“Is he really not your boyfriend?” Fleaz’ face is pained as he stands there with his bowtie undone, the top button of his shirt is open & it’s half untucked, his hand in one pocket, his other hand leaning on my front door, looking sexy as hell, he looks me up & down, his face breaks into a huge smile “I wondered what happened to those” talking about his stolen clothes, I pull at the hem of the shirt, blushing. He steps a foot in my door, I can’t believe he is here, I can’t move, he grabs my face, pushing me back against the wall, he kicks the door shut, his hips pin me to the wall, I am panting already, his effect of me is intense, he is inches from my face, I can feel his is hard “Is he your boyfriend or not Kristie?” His tone is forceful

“No, he’s not”

“Thank fuck for that” he says breathily as his lips crush mine, he kisses me in a long passionate kiss, our tongues lapping at each other’s mouths, the kiss leaves me breathless when he finally pulls away “I wanted to do that as soon as I saw you tonight at the party, but when I saw you with him, I thought I’d really lost you” His thumb caresses my cheek “Have I lost you Kristie?” I take a deep breath Has he lost me? I still love him but I can’t live with the crappy relationship he can offer me, I want more, so much more.

“I meant what I said but you won’t give me what I need.”

“What if I can?” I break free of his hold & walk into the lounge room, I play with my loose hair nervously

“I don’t know if you can do that.”

“I can… I want to…” He takes a deep breath, looking at his feet “I need too Kristie, I can’t lose you.” I sit on the couch, extending my arm for him to sit next to me.

“Ok, I’m listening, what is it that you have to tell me?” Indicating he needs to tell me why he says he can’t be my boyfriend, why he can only offer me a half arsed relationship.

He takes off his tux jacket & puts it on the coat hook, he comes over to the couch, he isn’t sure if he wants to sit or not. He runs his fingers through his hair, he looks like he’s in pain, I desperately want to hug him to comfort him, but I must remain strong. He has to tell me what is so wrong with him that he can’t commit & I really need to hear that he loves me. I was in a relationship for 3 years & Dominic never said it to me, I have never really recovered from that, since then I haven’t really had a real relationship, I am starting to think I am unlovable. If Fleaz is willing to fight for me & doesn’t want to lose me, I need some reassurance. He paces the room, looking for the right words, I sit patiently, just wishing he would start, can it really be that bad?

#IBD4U

I call in sick on Monday because I just can’t face people asking me how my weekend was. It seemed childish but I knew I couldn’t face people today, especially since they didn’t even know I was seeing someone, some close colleagues suspected since I was always whispering with Sophie.

I lie in bed in a ball most of the day, wearing his clothes, which still smell like him, trying to cry, my tear ducts won’t obey me. They remain out of action & I just feel like I need a good cry to be able to put this behind me. There is no feeling inside me beside emptiness, my tear ducts know it, my heart knows it… I am just a hollow shell.

I torture myself by continually looking at my phone, willing Fleaz to text me, I look at his contact picture that I took of him a few weeks ago while he was sleeping to replace the driving picture I took the first weekend, he looked so peaceful & devastatingly handsome, his blonde hair dishevelled from fucking me, his arm was above his head, his skin smooth with no worry lines, his dark tan from working outdoors, everything about him was sexy. I can’t bring myself to delete the photo or his number.

When I don’t hear from Fleaz, I am not surprised. I compose several texts to him to ask how he is… to apologise… to see if he wants to apologise… I really just want to see if he’ll respond, but I delete them all, I wonder if he’s doing the same thing. Probably not! I jump every time my phone make a noise, even when it’s my email tone, I pick up my phone wearily hoping that it is from him, willing it to be him, it won’t be from him! But I secretly hope it is. It’s Sophie, she’s the first to text wondering where I was when I didn’t show up for work. 

S: Are u ok sweets? Why aren’t u at work?

K: Great Aussie sick day, need to clear my head! 

S: What happened?

K: Nothing, don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow! 🙂 

S: Just fucking tell me! I loved Sophie directness, it was what we both like most about each other. I knew she would understand, I knew she wouldn’t judge but just saying or texting the words to someone would make it real

K: I ended things with Fleaz!

I had taken to referring to him as his disgusting nickname ‘Fleaz’ in the hope that it would help me get over him, with a nickname like that, he could only be bad news. It wasn’t helping but I just couldn’t bear to say his name.

S: WHAT? R u serious?  

K: I was in too deep, he wouldn’t swim with me so I got in a life raft & floated away. I cringed as I hit send, her texts came quickly 

S: U r fucking hilarious!

S: Wanna chat?

S: I’m so sorry BTW. That’s shit.

S: I wuv u! 

K: Nah, I just need to lie in bed all day. Thanks Soph, serves me right for getting involved with another loser!

S: Call me if u wanna chat!

K: Should have known better with a name like Fleaz! 

S: LOL. Mwah xoxo

K: Mwah xxx I really just wanted to lie in bed for the rest of my life & do nothing, not face anything, just forget there was a Fleaz.

*

When I finally make myself get up & shower, I am just going through the motions. I am not really with it, I remember this feeling from when Dominic & I broke up, however my tear ducts were overactive then, I cried at everything, now I still can’t even get a single tear to slide out. I drink copious amounts of alcohol, watch sad movies, romantic comedies, watch YouTube videos of soldiers coming home to their pets & new babies they haven’t met, I feel like I have listened to every sad song that I could think of & still no tears. What is wrong with me? Sophie says it’s because she thinks it’s not the end, but we both know that is a lie. That was the end & I am devastated, more so now that I was when Dominic & I broke up. How can that be right? Dominic & I went out for three years, it only took a few weeks to be more in love with Fleaz that I had been with anyone before. Why didn’t I fight harder for him? Why didn’t he fight harder for me?

I walk around in a complete daze for the next week, everyone at work keeps asking what is wrong, of course only Sophie knew about Fleaz so I took the easy road & just said I still wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t tell them I had fallen for an unavailable guy, who told me from that the beginning, but sent me mixed signals & then I ended things abruptly when I realised that I was in love with him. What a joke my life has become!

I’d only ever loved two men, one left me for no apparent reason until I actually found out later that he rekindled an old friendship & had left me for her. The second, not unlike the first, couldn’t commit & had no idea what he wanted. In my 20s I didn’t see it coming with Dominic, I mean he was my first boyfriend, attractive, older & he wanted me, plain old boring me! Even my aunty said to us, supposedly as a joke, that he was out of my league. In my 30s I should have known better with a guy like Fleaz, I should have read the signs better, I should have just stayed away from the ship wreck that I knew it would turn out to be. Why was I so desperate for a boyfriend that I kept going after emotionally unavailable men? I mean, Fleaz even told me from the beginning, it wasn’t like I should be blindsided like I was with all the others who claim to want a relationship only to screw you over in a few weeks.

My anthem became an old Avril Lavigne song that was hidden on her first CD ‘Why’, but it wasn’t making me feel any better, in fact listening to the lyrics just made me more depressed but somehow that felt like what I needed, maybe that would help me cry. I couldn’t imagine Fleaz sitting around listing to sappy songs & thinking about what he could have done to change the outcome of what happened between us, I bet he’s already moved on to the next girl. He didn’t love you so of course he has!

There is no way to stop myself thinking about him, as much as I try & forget about him, to stop thinking of his looks… his smell… his touch… his kiss… Stop it!

A week later & with no word from Fleaz, I had to stay strong & not text or call him. It took everything I had not to pick up my phone & just send a random text, maybe I could send something & pretend it wasn’t meant for him. I laughed at myself for even toying with the idea of doing something so childish. I had walked out with a very good reason, I had ended it, it had been my decision, and maybe he’s waiting for you to call!  I really need to stop that stupid thought process, he was not waiting for me to call. I distract myself by texting other friends just to stop myself from sending the saved text I had composed for Fleaz

K: Hi, it’s Kristie. Just thought I send a text & see how you are? Hope your well. Like a loser, I almost hit send so many times, but what is the point, what is he going to write back to that lame excuse for a text. My overthinking usually gets me into trouble & I have a habit of misreading every situation that I’m in, I usually dream up some romantic comedy scenario & then reality sets in & usually it’s just me sitting on the couch daydreaming! I pictured Fleaz reading my text & rushing to my front door or other scenario is him calling me immediately after reading it to say how much he missed me, was glad I text him & he finally was able to tell me that loved me. The reality would probably be Fleaz ignoring it, which would be even worse than if he texted back simply: Fuck off!

*

I needed a distraction, I needed something to stop from me over thinking & dreaming up these absolutely stupid never-going-to-happen scenarios. So when my friend Kyle who I’d known for years & fooled around with a few times years ago, but I never felt anything for, found out I was ‘single’ again he started texting, calling & facebooking incessantly, I couldn’t help but encourage the contact as the distraction I needed so much.

Kyle is the perfect guy on paper, he always tells me how much he likes me, anytime I am down he picks me up by telling me how gorgeous he thinks I am but for some reason I have never felt the ‘spark’ with him, even after we fooled around, which was my way of seeing if there where chemistry there. I hated myself for it, how much easier my life would be if I felt something for him. I had always kept him at an arm’s length because I didn’t want to be like all those guys that had stuffed me around & I didn’t want to do that to him, but the selfish side of me kept him around, dangling the carrot just so I wasn’t reminded that I was alone & Fleaz was moving on.

Kyle was exactly what I needed, a nice distraction but I felt like a bitch every time I texted him, every time I answered a Facebook message & I felt even worse when he asked me to go to him work function with him, I knew his feelings for me were more than mine for him. He denied it but I felt it, there was no way a man would be that persistent if they didn’t have feelings for someone. Stupidly as I had nothing to do & since it was a Saturday night, I agreed to go with Kylie, I had a new party dress that I hadn’t worn so I figured that I should catch up with him properly since he’d been asking me to catch up since before I started seeing Fleaz.

As I get ready for the party my thoughts automatically float to Fleaz, it’s been two weeks since I last saw him & I hadn’t heard from him at all. But I still imagine that I am going to his work party, I pretend that he is here with me while I am getting ready, he is sexy in a rented tux, he comes up behind me as I put my makeup on, zipping up my white cocktail dress for me, his hands brushing my naked back unnecessarily as he pulls up the zipper, it sends a shiver through my whole body, I would turn around to face him & we would lock eyes before he bent down to kiss me… softly, his hands stroking my bare arms… Stop it!

Kyle has hired a limo with some other work people, he picks me up at my house, he hands me a flower corsage & kisses my cheek, you are going straight to hell Kristie!  I’ve only ever been in a limo for my school formal so I feel like royalty but with this oversized corsage on my wrist, I do feel like I am back in high school. I didn’t even know that people still wore corsages, but when I get in the limo & see two other women wearing similar flower arrangements, I realise the guys either organised it or I am so starved for romance that I don’t even see it! Champagne is popped immediately & I down half my glass, I will need some alcohol to make myself feel better about coming to this with Kyle. I hope he doesn’t expect to hook up with me tonight!  

We arrive at the party, there is a red carpet type set up & when the driver opens the door for us, there are a few people dancing around outside like they are paparazzi. Kyle leads me inside with his hand on the middle of my back, I don’t feel the same electricity as I didn’t when Fleaz used to lead me around with his hand there.

Inside the hall is decked out with tables with glamorous decorations and dinning settings, this is a major party. Not at all what I was expecting, it is as elaborate as a wedding, over 10 tables, people everywhere, a dance floor & band set up

“Drinks?” Kyle asks & I nod. Yes I need more alcohol for this!

“Sav Blanc please” I smile as Kyle walks off to get us a drink

Work parties are always mundane, even more mundane when they aren’t your work party & worse when you don’t know anyone at all. Kyle is networking with people, I just walk around beside him, he introduces me to everyone and I play the part of the supportive date, making niceties with other girlfriends/wives who are just as bored as me. I down another wine, it seems to be the only way I can get through this night. As I stand quietly next to Kyle, who is talking to his male colleague who’s partner isn’t with him for me to make small talk with, suddenly I feel all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as I slowly turn around, searching the crowd, my eyes flicking around the room trying to find the source, I feel something & my heartbeat quickens when I lock eyes with him. I stop breathing, my tummy does a somersault, what the fuck is he doing here?

#IBD4U

Conner is snoring beside me, when I wake up stiff, I am still on my stomach with my arms outreached, I try to move & it hurts, I’ve laid in this position too long & now I’m stiff. As I wince trying to roll over, Conner wakes up too.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m alright, I just don’t normally sleep like that.” I start rubbing my arms but Conner takes over, his fingers working out the knots & stiffness easily. “Thanks” His hands skim to my breasts tweaking my nipples awakening my senses “Hmmm” his lips find my neck as his hand slides between my legs, I’m already wet, so his fingers slip in easily, they circulate the moisture around before he is on top of me, his cock filling me quickly & swiftly, he lays inside me still for a few moments, his lips kissing my neck softly, then he begins to move with force, we are coming together within a few thrusts

“Jesus Kristie, I can’t get enough of you” I giggle “Are you sore?”

“I’m getting used to your big cock” he laughs

“Big huh?”

“You know it is”

“It likes to hear it every now & again” I burst out laughing

“Does it really?” I laugh at his playfulness, I laugh at how easy such an intimate conversation is, I laugh at how stupid I am for getting involved, I feel myself being pulled deeper & deeper by the second & I know I will end up drowning. I roll away from him trying to distance myself

“Hey, where did you go?” he’s talking about my headspace. I roll back & kiss him hard & deep, I need to remind myself what this is, just sex. He pulls away not fooled “What is it?” I have to lie

“Just thinking I should get home” he pulls me in tighter

“Not yet” I sigh pulling away from him

“I really should go” I throw the covers back, sitting on the edge of the bed looking for something to cover me, he slides over on his stomach & kisses my leg, he looks in the distance not wanting to look at me, he sighs

“This is new for me Kristie” he says quietly “I didn’t lie when I said I don’t date, I am not boyfriend material, but this thing, with us…” he stops talking & looks at me “I don’t know what it is, but I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” I melt, stupidly! I lay back on the bed & Conner engulfs me, his body hard & heavy, he consumes me as he kisses me, he pins my hands above my head entering me slowly at first but building faster as I come hard around him, his release coming shortly after mine.  How am I ever going to get out of this alive?

*

Later we’re sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch I feel brave, but I am not really sure I want to hear Conner’s answers, but I have to ask, I have to know what the deal is with Conner, I’m now in my 30’s, I am not just looking for fun, I am not necessarily looking for a marriage proposal but I am looking for a partner & for someone to love me. I think I could love this man & I believe he could love me, but I look intently at my lunch taking a deep breath before I ask Conner the questions that could end up ending this relationship

“Why do you think you aren’t boyfriend material?” He sighs as if he knew it was coming & knows he has to answer me

“I just know I can’t be what you want” That’s not an answer!

“How do you know?”

“I just know”

“That’s insightful” I snap, he huffs at me

“I’m fucked up Kristie, you don’t want me as your boyfriend” He says quietly standing & taking his plate to the sink, “We need to keep things as they are.”

“I don’t even know where things are Conner, you’re hot & cold all the time, how is anyone supposed to be happy with that?”

“Am I?” He turns to look at me, genuinely surprised

“Yes, one minute you hold my hand while we’re out then next you won’t even look or talk to me”

“Well that’s who I am Kristie. I never promised hearts & flowers” I look down at my empty plate

 “I know” He looks over at me from the kitchen sink

“Are you still ok with that?” I pause for the longest time, I don’t know if I am ok with that. Can I be ok with that? He smiles at me as I look up at him, in my head I know I need to say ‘no’ but as I look at him with his sexy school boy dimpled smile I hear myself say ‘yes’

“Really?” he strides over to me so easily, looking at me intently, I try to say ‘No, I am not ok with it’ but as he sweeps me up into his arms, I lose my words again & nuzzle his neck. I feel tears welling in my eyes but I can’t let him see them “This is usually when the girl leaves, normally I don’t care, but I cannot lose you Kristie.” I sob escapes my mouth, I try to hide it with a cough “Hey, why are you crying?” I try to compose myself discreetly

“I’m not crying, I’m ok, really.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re ok if you’re not, it’s not going to work if you aren’t honest with yourself” I stare at him in silence for a while, I keep telling myself I don’t want to date & he is the perfect guy who doesn’t want to date either, I just have to stick to my plan

“Really I’m ok, I don’t date, you aren’t boyfriend material, it’s…” I almost say perfect, but don’t want him to think that I mean perfect relationship, he finishes for me

“…a match made in heaven?” he laughs, squeezing me tight, I cannot speak anymore, I know my voice will give me away. I turn to Conner pulling his face into kiss me, it’s the only way I know how to connect with him & feel like we’re on the same page. He responds of course, kissing me back, passionately, I lift his shirt off which urges me to stand with him, I pull him, as we kiss, to his bedroom, I need to erase this conversation with the thing that we do best, but I can feel that this is the end, I think he can feel it too, it feels like the last fuck. The passion between us is different than usual, it is thick & hot, I am turned on but somehow my mind is trying to savour every moment, knowing this will never happen with Conner again. It’s slow, sweet & tender, we make love missionary style while Conner leans on his elbows above me, we don’t lose eye contact with each other, the only noise in the house is our rapid breathing & moans, neither of us prompting the other to go harder or faster, we don’t need words now, we only need this connection between us. Our speed & force increase naturally, our breathing increases as we both strive to come together, we say each other’s names in a heated passion & Conner falls on top of me, nuzzling my neck. We lay there as our breathing slows, Conner still inside of me for the longest time, neither of us wants to move, it’s unspoken but we both know that once he pulls out of me, things will fall apart for us & this will be over.

At this point I figure that I have nothing else to lose, as we’re lying in his bed in our satisfied state, his fingers in my hair, I cannot get our earlier conversation out of my head & the way our love making just felt, I am realising more & more that I am falling in love with him, without even wanting to find a boyfriend, I found a guy who is emotionally unavailable & I start to fall in love with him, exactly why I didn’t want to date!

“I really need to know why you don’t date.” I ask, he shakes his head, pulling out of me & rolling away, lying on his back

“Why don’t you date?” he retorts

“Because I always end up hurt” he rolls towards me on his side

“And you think this” he wiggles his finger between us, signalling he’s talking about us “will be any different?”

“No, honestly I don’t.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Moth to a flame” I say simply, he smiles sadly

“I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I’ve been honest with you about what I can offer you.”

“So we will always just be fuck buddies” I snap, getting up out of bed, finding clothes that are strew around the bedroom

“You gave it that label Kristie, not me” he runs his fingers through his hair, then his fists hit the bed by his outreached legs “You are more than a fuck buddy… but this is it, this is how it’ll always be.”

“Why? I don’t fucking understand”

“You don’t need to know why, just know I want this with you, more than I’ve wanted anything but this is as ‘boyfriend’ as I get.” He sits up, looking at me with a pleading look that makes me want to stop getting dressed in a huff, this is not how I want to end things with Conner, Am I really ending things with Conner?

“Just tell me why, what is so bad that you can’t give me more?

“No” he bows his head

“For fuck sake Conner” I pull on his t shirt, raising my voice “You better print out another fucking rule book because clearly you’re the only one with one.”

“Just back off Kristie” he runs his fingers through his hair again “Fuck!” he shouts, swinging his legs out of bed facing to the wall, but he doesn’t get up.

“You’re going to end up alone if you don’t let someone in.” I whisper, he doesn’t turn around, I don’t expect him too.

“That’s the way it should be.” I walk to his bedroom door

“Wake up Conner, there’s someone right in front of you…” My stomach churns, I take a deep breath, it’s now or never “…someone who loves you.” He shakes his head, still not turning to face me

“Well, stop.” There’s a long pause as his words soak into my brain, I think I am waiting for him to take it back, he doesn’t correct himself, I snap.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” I turn on my heel, grab my bag & walk out. I know he won’t follow me, but that doesn’t stop me from secretly wishing that he would the whole drive home. What is his problem? The tears well in my eyes, No I am not going to cry over a fuck buddy! Ha, if only that term were ever true for me, he didn’t want to label it, but I insisted & I end up alone again. I’m such an idiot, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle stringless fun with a guy I already had a crush on, I am getting what I deserve for not being smarter, I should have set a time frame, I should have… You shouldn’t have even started! 

#IBD4U

The next weekend as we’re out to lunch, Conner goes quiet again, I can’t work him out, so playful sometimes then acts like he doesn’t care. He is so frustrating but I can’t help the pull I have towards him. If he didn’t want to do couply things with me, such as lunches out, then why did he keep suggesting them? I have said all along I don’t want to date so why does he force the issue to take me out to lunches or dinners & then insists on paying like it is a date, then clams up as soon as we’re at the restaurant. I wish that I knew what he was thinking, where he really saw this thing going with me, because I am falling for him, harder than I thought I would or ever could fall.

“What are you thinking about?” He gives me a sexy smile, that make me think he is not going to tell me the truth but something else, something that’ll turn me on, he lowers his voice, looking directly into my eyes

“I’m thinking about you, naked… Covered in this mousse” he holds up the spoon “& me licking it off your hot… sweaty… skin… while you beg me to make you come” He snickers & he’s proved his point, I shift in my chair already turned on, already becoming wet. I swallow loudly, he knows what effect he has on me. His response turns me on but I realise that I may never really know Conner, he will always use sex as a distraction. There is something inside him, maybe something that has happened to him, that has made him act like this, Will I ever be privy to this information? I really doubt that Conner will ever let me in & the more I try to distance myself, the more I feel myself being pulled towards him. Conner interrupts my musings “What do you think?”

I blush, as usual, then try to act sexy

“I’ll beg now.” He cracks up laughing, jumping out of his chair to go to the counter. He comes back with a small shopping bag, he grabs my hand & leads me back to the car.

“What’s in the bag?” Although I suspect I already know the answer

“Chocolate Mousse” He says as a matter of fact. Grinning the whole way home, Conner rests his hand on my knee, every so often he shifts it higher up my thigh, my breath hitches as he does, but then he has to turn a corner & takes his hand away to manoeuvre the car. He returns his hand to my knee again, loving his tortuous game, I am so horny by the time we get to his house, I hope he just fucks me in the hallway again. He doesn’t even seem affected by this last hour of foreplay, he seems so calm, when I’m about ready to combust.

My wish is granted, we’re barely in the door, Conner has me pinned against the wall, his mouth invading mine, our tongues fighting each other to get further in each other’s mouths, our hands everywhere, I can feel that the last hour of foreplay has affected him, his hard cock presses into me. Conner has the bag with mousse in his hand down by our side, he rustles the bag, as if realising he still has the bag, he pulls away from me. He walks off into the kitchen leaving me panting & wanting calling over his shoulder ‘better get this in the fridge’ I hear him chuckle as he walks off. Bastard!

He walks back turning on the TV & lies on the couch, with an arm above his head, he flicks the channel a few times before settling on a program, I can’t believe he’s not even affected at all, actually I can see where I have affected him as his cock strains against his zipper

“What?” He’s grinning at me, his dimples making me weak at the knees, he tries to pull an innocent face

“You know what!” I stand with my hand on my hip, pouting

“No I don’t” His smile is from ear to ear, He’s such a jerk! “What?”

“I’m horny & you’re just casually lying there.” His grin couldn’t get any wider, he sits up, looking a little more interested

“Really? Horny huh? What would you like me to do about it?” Do I really have to say it out loud? He nods as if reading my thoughts

“I want you to fuck me” he turns off the TV, his eyes darkening, he stands up & walks to me, but doesn’t touch me, my breathing hasn’t returned to normal but somehow it increases more.

“I think I want dessert first!” He grins picking me up over his shoulder, I squeal, he slaps me on the butt before putting me down in front of him in his bedroom, he pulls my dress off me quickly & abruptly, I didn’t even know he was going to pull it off. I am wearing no bra which seems to please him “Fuck, did you wear my boxers out all day?” He’s grinning, I nod “That is so fucking hot, I wish I knew, I would have fucked you on the restaurant table” he picks me up in the bride pose & plonks me down on his bed. I lay there panting as he looks down at me, I am so ready for him, he doesn’t need to eat chocolate off me to turn me on. “Do you trust me Kristie?” I nod, I realise that I do trust him but I wonder what he has planned, all I want is his cock inside me, but I know that he is in a playful mood & will want to tease me “I want to tie your hands to the bed & blindfold you” it’s more of a statement to let me know what he’s planning, I automatically put my hands up over my head without even thinking about it, he smiles, pulling a satin robe tie out of his wardrobe, he ties my hands carefully so it’s not too tight but so I am secure, then he takes his t shirt off, kissing my lips, he places the t shirt just over my eyes, it somehow makes my breathing increase. I feel his weight shift off the bed & I think I hear him leave the room, where the fuck has he gone? I hear the fridge open in the distance & then I understand, he’s going to cover me in mousse while I’m blindfolded.  

When he returns, he starts pulling his boxers off me, I lift my butt & knees to help him, he doesn’t touch me further, without my sight I am trying so hard to hear what he is doing, I can’t hear anything over my breathing.

“Don’t move” Then I feel it, the cold mousse touches my stomach in a blob, the next blob over my nipple which stands erect underneath the coolness of it, he places a blob on my other nipple, my thigh & neck, then his hot mouth is on the first blob, but he doesn’t just eat it off, he spreads it around with his tongue, it’s sticky & cold, but with the heat of his mouth it’s warm. I pull against my restraint as his kisses my breasts, he moves lower kissing my thigh, dragging mousse with his tongue to my clit, my legs shamelessly part & he chuckles, sucking on my most sensitive part.

“Oh… Conner” I am writhing, my head tossing from side to side “Fuck me, please!” He keeps going, he kisses from my clit to my inner thigh & back up to where he put the first blob on my stomach, he kisses each nipple, then his mouth is on mine, I can taste myself & chocolate mixed with the taste of Conner, it’s so sexy but I just need him inside me. He pulls away, I can tell he’s undressing himself “Please, I just want you inside me”

“I want to be there too.” He starts at my toe, working his way up my leg, kissing each inch as he goes, he reaches my clit & sucks against it as I struggle against my tied arms, he puts two fingers inside me

“Oh… Yeah!” he pumps his fingers in & out a few times before he takes them out, he’s kneeling in between my legs, I can’t work out what he is doing, he’s making ‘Hmmm’ sounds

“You taste so good mixed with chocolate” He’s licking his fingers after they have fucked me!

“Oh my god Conner, please.” Without warning his cock fills me hard & fast, I groan, “Yes, harder!” He pulls his t shirt off my eyes, he’s looking directly at me when they adjust back to the light, he obliges my last request & I come, clenching around him, he doesn’t stop his rhythm & I know he’s not ready to come yet.

He pulls out of me abruptly, turning me over with ease so I am on my stomach, my restraints twist in front of me, he unties my hands quickly, grabbing my hips & pulling them up but he pauses before he enters me from behind, I move myself to support my weight on my forearms, Conner’s hands glide over my butt, his thumb finding that entrance, toying with the outside before he slowly penetrates inside with his thumb. I thought that would feel weird, but it feels amazing, his other hand slides between my legs to find my clit & moving in the same gentle motion as his other thumb. My body is still coming hard, he retracts his hand from between my legs, sliding into me slowly this time, gripping my ass he uses it for leverage, pulling back & forth with a slapping force, it feels so good to be fucked hard. My body matches his pounding rhythm, I’m rocking back & forth on my forearms & knees, I am close to coming again when his thumb gently pushes into my back entrance ever so slightly again, with only one more thrust I am coming loudly again, I didn’t even know it was possible to come that many times! I arch my back as I absorb the pleasure, pleasure that is coming at me from all directions, my body doesn’t even know what is going on, it’s on pleasure overload, trying to concentrate on how amazing Conner is at what he’s doing but my vision is blurry from the pleasure. Conner grabs my hips for his final thrusts, coming spectacularly inside me

“Ohhhh… Kristie!” he’s kneeling but he rests his body flat on my back, my weak arms give way immediately with his weight & I slide to the mattress. Conner is now lying on my back breathing rapidly, he nuzzles my neck, his arms sliding along mine which are outstretched in a T shape. That was fricken intense!  I never knew I would like anything in that hole, I’ve had guys try to stick they cock up there before but this wasn’t forceful or sinister, it felt really amazing, I wonder what his cock would feel like there? Where did that come from?

“You ok baby?” There’s that term of endearment again!

“Amazing” It’s all I can say before I fall asleep with Conner still on my back & still inside me. 

#IBD4U

I spend all week daydreaming & looking forward to the weekend when I see Conner again, we haven’t ever suggested to each other to catch up during the week, I personally thought that was a little too much, it was a good idea to keep it to the weekends. Most of my weekends had been pretty boring before Conner so now that I filling up my calendar by being filled up with Conner’s cock, I was pretty busy every weekend. I tried to book things with friends during the week, leaving the weekends free for uninterrupted Conner time. Damn, you’re in trouble!

I can’t wait until Conner gets to my house, it’s the first weekend since we started sleeping together that we didn’t spend Friday & Saturday together, I had a party on Friday night & had to work on Saturday so we planned to meet at my place for dinner Saturday night. I had another plan!

I had never dressed up in sexy lingerie before, the red demi bra only just contained by breasts, the barely there g string was a tiny scrap of triangular material, I wore a garter & matching thigh high stockings with sky high black heels. I felt sexy but also a little slutty but Conner always made me feel so at ease with my body & my sexuality that I wanted to do this for him, I did want to do this for my own confidence but mainly it was all about him. 

I hear my front door open, I can sense that Conner has found the note that simply says ‘Come find me,’ I hear him chuckle & his footsteps stalk quickly up the hallway to my bedroom, I stand up straight, hoping he likes what he sees, in the middle of the room by my bed holding two beers, I have already had a beer & a half to give me some liquid confidence

“Fuck” he stops dead “You are…” he searches for the right words “Come in my pants… Smokin’ hot…” he smiles & takes the beer I hand to him

“That’s a good thing?” I question as he swigs on the beer, never taking his eyes off me, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

“That’s the biggest compliment ever” he hasn’t moved to touch me “I’m torn between not wanting to stop looking at you & throwing you down on bed, fucking you senseless” he makes a throaty sound, swigging on his beer that is now half gone

“Well, there’ll be no throw down Conner” I walk towards him drinking my own beer before putting it on the chest of draws “Tonight you’re mine!” I reach for his belt & seductively, I slowly undo it making eye contact with him as much as I can, as I let his pants fall, I bend to unlace his yellow Mack boots so he can step out of them, I pull each sock off before running my hand up his muscly legs as I stand back up. I unbutton his navy & orange high visibility shirt, revealing a navy wife beater singlet, which I struggle to pull off over his head, Conner helps me eagerly, after his beer bottle joins mine on the chest. I can see how hard he is with only his grey boxer briefs on, I lightly caress him through the thin fabric, he lets out a loud moan of appreciation, I move my body close enough so he can feel me but so my hand can stay teasing his cock, his eyes are burning as we look at one another

“Jesus Kristie” I smile sweetly, standing on tippy toes to kiss him, he responds hungrily taking my mouth as deep as he can, he doesn’t touch me which is exactly what I want, as our kiss deepens I glide my hand into his boxer shorts to clasp his naked cock. I play with his balls in my palm before I decide the boxers are restricting my actions, I pull them down, bending with my actions till I am on my knees, I stare greedily at his cock standing proudly erect

“Your cock is so hard” I say breathily, he moans at my words, I know he likes it when I talk dirty. I use my hands to stroke it, licking the length, taking his balls in my mouth & sucking on them, pulling on them slightly

“Fuck” he hisses How many swear words I can make Conner say tonight! I lick the length of Conner again & again, resting my hand right at the base, across his pubic hair, my other hand grabs his tight ass & I open wide to accommodate his cock inside my mouth “Ssss…hhhh…iiii…tttt” Conner grabs my hair in a tight fist, it’s only slightly painful, in a good way, I continue to suck, harder & faster “Fuck… Oooh you are so fucking good” his hips gyrate, pushing his cock further, his grip on my hair tightens again “Fuck… Yes… Oh fuck… Jesus… Yes” he shouts as he comes in my mouth. I lick his cock clean before I gaze up at him, he’s looking down at me with a cheeky dimpled grin “Now that’s a hello!” I giggle, standing up with his help he crushes his lips down to mine, pushing me back until I feel the bed at my calves, I push him away to break the kiss

“No, no throw down, I meant it. It’s all you Dimples!” he pulls a perplexed facial expression, I’ve not told him about my nickname for him, but he doesn’t mention it

“No way, especially when you look like that, there is no way I can stop myself from fucking you”

“No Conner, I’m going to fuck you!” I say with as much innuendo as I can

“Christ, you’re making me hard again” he looks at his cock “Not that it went down” he looks back at me “I’m always hard around you. I got hard on the way here just thinking about us, but never did I expect you to look this fuckable” I turn us around & push him hard onto the bed, he falls laughing lying up on his elbows to watch me

“What should we do first? It’s man’s choice tonight” I stand there taping my lip with my pointer finger, thinking about what I want to do with him

“Sit on my face” I almost blush HolyFuckingBatShit! 

“Is that really what you want?” I ask sweetly “Not a hand job or another blow job?”

“That’s what I really want, I want to taste you” I put my hands on my hips

“This was supposed to be all about you Conner” he laughs

“Giving me what I want is all about me” He winks & it gives me the push I need to do this, it wasn’t what I was expecting from him but I wanted to give him what he wanted. Grinning, I crawl slowly up the bed brushing his skin with every move I make, I straddle his sides, briefly stopping to rub his cock across my satin covered wet core, he grabs my ass, taking in a sharp intake of breath

“Ah uh” I say smacking his hands away knowing he’ll probably push me down on his cock, I keep crawling up the bed, bending to kiss his lips, not giving his tongue long enough to explore my mouth. I’ve never done this before & I feel a little self-conscious but he obviously likes it. He licks me gently through the satin of my G string & I moan, I’m already soaking wet so the moisture only builds as he teases softly through the fabric, his hands come to grab my butt & pull me closer, I feel like I am suffocating him but he doesn’t seem to mind, his hand reaches around & pulls the scrap of red material to one side, he moves his hand & his tongue darts in to lap at my clit

“Fuck!” I groan in passion, my underwear gets in the way so I eagerly hold it aside, giving Conner both hands to hold my hips down on his face. My other hand grips the bed head, digging my fingernails into the leather as I rock back & forth on his face. Without being able to put any fingers inside me it’s only Conner’s tongue that teases me, licking, lapping long luscious stokes “I’m coming Conner…” he pulls my hips further down & sits his head up slightly as he sucks my clitoris hard pulling it into his mouth, I can barely breathe, my body convulsing violently. I sit there limply coming down from my high as he continues to lick me. Suddenly I am conscious that I am suffocating him so I quickly slide down his body, flopping back to lie on Conner’s legs, he sits up spreading his legs to make himself comfortable, I’m sitting in his lap both our legs looking like frogs legs bent around each other at the knee. I am still breathing like I have run a marathon as Conner’s hand reaches my bra, pulling it down to free each breast so that each one is being pushed up with the force of the bra. He tenderly caresses them which doesn’t help my rapid breathing

“Nnn…ooo” I try to stutter, this is supposed to be about him, but my head falls back as he teases me

“Shhhhh, baby” his hand glides down my sides, pushing aside my G string & two fingers enter me

“Ahhhh, Conn… er” he’s not doing it to make me come this time, it’s like he just wants to feel the inside of me. As I slowly regain my equilibrium, he removes his fingers, I sit up so we’re nose to nose, his hands caresses the top of my stockings

“No one has ever dressed in anything like this for me before”

“I’ve never done it before but I wanted to for you” Shit, was that too much, too girlfriendy?

“You look insanely sexy” he pulls me closer on his lap, gripping my butt cheeks, his lips find my exposed nipple tugging on it until it stands erect for him “But then again” he grins cheekily at me “You make anything look sexy” I laugh, he’s deluded, but I lap up the compliments, blushing in the progress. I lift up on my knees, pushing him back on the bed, I kiss him deeply rocking my body back & forth so my nipples graze his chest, I sit up, abruptly as he moans loudly

“Now Conner” I rock up & down even though I am not on his cock “About that fucking…” he smiles, his dimples exposed, I look into his eyes & realise I am falling for this man Shit, did you have to think that now?

“Hmmm?” he prompts after I am lost in my thoughts, I push back off the bed, leaving Conner laying there with his hard cock standing proudly, he sits up on his elbows, I grab our beers, which gives me a chance to take a deep breath, I pass him his, he downs the content, I take the bottle from him but stand in front of him, staring at each other.  

Slowly, I hook my fingers in the elastic of my g string, pulling it slowly down my legs until it’s at my knees & falls the floor on its own, his eyes tell me he likes what he sees

“Jesus, you’re killing me Kristie” he sits up fully in bed, I take this as my cue to sit on his lap pushing him back on the bed kissing him deeply, I crawl up as he lays down so my opening is grazing his hard erect cock. I kiss him passionately, darting my tongue in & out of his mouth, my hands support my weight by his shoulders giving me the leverage to rub his cock along my folds, teasing us both, he breaks the kiss with me, taking my nipple into his mouth, we moan together, I smile, we are so in sync that it scares me. I pull away sitting up on his legs with his cock in front of me, I take it with both hands, rubbing his length making him groan with pleasure “Oh fuck” I see he is getting ready to come, I hold him steady & lower myself on him, resting my hands on the bed, back by his shoulders, his hands hold my hips as they move up & down on his cock bringing up closer to the brink of orgasm “I’m going to come, you are the hottest little thing ever” his words spur me on, I rock harder & deeper, I want to come with him, one of his hands tweak my nipple as I feel him come hotly inside me, he pulls me down hard on his cock & it sets me off too, he tweaks my other nipple as I convulse tightening around his already spent cock.

As our breathing slows we look at each other, with stupid grins on our face

“I hope that I’ve filled the brief?” I ask while he’s still inside me, he chuckles

“The one that you set yourself?” he responds stealing my answer to him when he asked me the same question, I laugh “You get full marks too baby”

#IBD4U

As we come back down to earth, he pulls away from the kiss & looks back into my eyes, it’s as if Conner realises the intimacy between us & quickly shifts me off his lap so abruptly I wince as he pulls out of me, he pushes me aside so I am sitting on the bed. It has the effect he wants, it puts some distance between us, He felt it too! My heart sinks as he throws the cover back quickly, swinging his legs out of bed & stands up

“Shower” he snaps, not waiting for my response, he’s already in the bathroom with the shower running, I’m not sure if it’s a statement or an invitation. I sit on the edge of his bed trying to get my head around what just happened. He obviously felt it too & it scared him, Hell it scares me too! He said he doesn’t do the boyfriend thing, so why did he just make love to me, so sweetly & tenderly? It’s not like I asked him too, it’s not like we are in a relationship & that’s what he felt he had to do. Could I have changed the outcome of that exchange by saying something dirty to him?

I decide that it was an invitation to shower with him so I walk into the bathroom, he’s all lathered in soap, rubbing his fingers through his hair with such force I wonder if he always washing his hair like that or if he’s tense. When I open the shower screen, he steps out of the running water to let me in, I let the water cover my body, Conner doesn’t look at me but he moves us again so he is under the running water & can rinse the soap out of his hair. I really wish I knew what he was thinking, I reach for his body wash & lather up my hands, I rub all over my body & as I look down, I see my little display is turning him on, he pulls me close, tugging on my hair to tilt my chin to him, he kisses me hard & roughly

“Suck my cock, sexy!” he commands, I smile innocently, I understand why he is acting this way toward me, I start kissing his neck, moving down his body till I’m on my knees & his cock is near my mouth. The water is splashing on his back so I am virtually protected from the stream of running water, I reach up to grab his cock “No hands” he growls, so I put my hands behind my back, looking up at him sweetly & take him in my mouth. He groans as his fingers grab my wet hair, I take him in as far as I can go, then pull back sucking hard, I repeat as his hips rock, his hand keeping my head steady so I take more of him each time. “Oh yeah…” he moans, it doesn’t take very long before I look back up at him & he’s looking down at me, his hips gyrating, making me take more of his cock “Fuck… Hmmm… if you don’t want me to come in your mouth, stop” I keep going, sucking harder, he tilts his head back & tightens his grip in my hair “Oh, fuck” he comes in my mouth, hot & wet, well that’s a first, it tastes funny, but not unpleasant, I try not to think about what it actually is as I make eye contact with Conner, I swallow his come, licking my lips, “Baby, that is beyond hot!” Baby? Better not read too much into that.

Conner he rinses his cock, turning to me to kiss my forehead before he snaps the shower door open & steps out, I’m still on my knees as he barely dries himself & stalks out of the bathroom. Jeez! Way to make a girl feel used Conner! But it gives me time to think.

I always hated being asked to suck a guy’s cock or having my head pushed down there. Don’t get me wrong, I like doing it but I don’t like being told when to do it, I’ve also certainly never let a guy or ever even wanted a guyto come in my mouth, much less swallow it before. But I oddly liked doing it for Conner & I love his reaction, it made me feel so unashamed & bold.

I understand he’s confused about our intimate sex, I am too, I’ve never made love before, not even with my only boyfriend Dominic, it never felt as intimate with him like it just had with Conner. I don’t know what his issue is but I know he doesn’t want a girlfriend & that was definitely boyfriend/girlfriend sex, so he jumped in the shower to wash away the memory & he told to me do something less intimate & more primal, it’s probably why he said no hands.

I wonder if Conner has ever had sex like that before. Maybe not, that’s why he’s so freaked out? I decide that he couldn’t have had sex like that before with anyone because that was the best sex of my life, it had to be for him too. What we have is nothing compared to what he has had in the past. Dangerous territory Callan, doing sex comparisons! How did we get here so soon, it’s only our second weekend?

*

Conner has laid out a T shirt & boxer briefs on his bed, I can only assume they are for me & that he’s already dressed because I can hear him cooking. I smile at how confusing he is, he’s asked me to stay tonight, or has he changed his mind? & now he’s laid out his clothes for me. I get dressed & join him in the kitchen, he is dressed like I suspected, in a matching outfit of a t shirt & boxer briefs 

“Omelette?” he doesn’t look up, he’s still weirding out 

“Yum, perfect, want me to do anything?” I come over to stand next to him, elbowing him in the ribs playfully, trying to lighten to mood a little, he chuckles giving me a sideways glance, he notices my clothes

“No you can just look sexy in my boxers” he kisses my nose & he’s back. I grab the OJ from the counter & pour myself a glass, sitting down on the stools, my muscles ache as I sit down, Conner notices my reaction as he walks over with the fry pan to put the Omelette on the plates in front of me “Are you sore?”

“A little, feels good though.” he smiles but doesn’t really look at me, sitting down next to me & demolishes his omelette.

It’s 10:30am as we finish clearing up breakfast, I wonder what he plans to do for the rest of the day, I don’t think I can have sex as often as he might want too, so far I haven’t eased myself back into it after four years of celibacy & since I’ve been here less than 24 hours & he’s made me come how many times, I’ve lost count now.

“So if you’re sore, what can we do today so I can still have my wicked way with you tonight?” He grins at me cheekily, I giggle, loving this side of Conner, much better than brooding Conner! I try to think of something not coupley that we can do but nothing springs to mind “It’s a nice day we could go for a walk on the beach, grab some lunch?” he suggests, Hmmm so much for not coupley but with no bright ideas of my own, I agree. A walk on the beach doesn’t have to be coupley! Does it?

We get ready in silence, I’m wearing a summer dress in a florally pattern, I ponder for a moment if I should take off his boxer shorts, but he told me not to bring underwear this weekend & I can’t go out to a windy beach commando in a short summer dress. I decide that technically I am not wearing my own underwear so it wouldn’t be breaking his rules. Conner pulls on some cargo shorts & he’s ready. My hair is in complete disarray & can only be tamed by putting it in a messy bun, it’s really not messy on purpose but that’s how it ends up.

In the car, I have silent Conner, I look over at him, even with his Ray Bans on, I can tell he’s frowning, thinking about something, I wish I knew what it was. Is he an over thinker too? He parks the car easily, jumping out quickly to meet me at my door, which I’ve already opened & am getting out of but he shuts it for me, resting his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the stairs which lead to the beach.

We take off our matching Havaiana thongs, mustn’t think too much about that either, when we reach the sand & head toward the water. The waves lap at our feet, we walk along the shore line with the sun warming our skin. Conner’s arm brushes mine every now & then, I feel the electricity between us, he catches me off guard when he casually entwines his fingers through mine. We’ve not spoken a word since we left his house, which was all I could think about but now I can’t help but think about the fact that he’s holding hand, he’s just looking ahead not saying anything at all. What is he thinking? 

“It’s such a beautiful day” I break the silence, finally I have thought of something to say. He smiles but doesn’t look at me, he tucks our hands behind my back, not letting go of my hand, to pull us closer together, he kisses my forehead

“You’re beautiful” Swoon!  We walk like that for a long time, maybe 30 minutes have passed, unexpectedly he picks me up around the waist, spinning once before heading into the water, I scream but I’m laughing at his playfulness

“Conner don’t you dare” I scream trying to break free of his strong hold, he’s laughing too, other passers-by watch us, we seem like two people in love playing joyfully in the surf, he puts me down in knee deep water, taking my face in his hands he kisses me enthusiastically, his tongue parting my lips, finding its way to stroke mine, his hands don’t move from my face, my hands rest on his hips as the waves crash into us, wetting my bottom of my dress. He pulls away from the kiss, wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling my head to his chest, I can hear his rapid heartbeat, he sighs.

“What are you doing to me Kristie?” it’s barely audible over the waves & I’m not sure if I am supposed to hear him. He takes a deep breath, speaking louder “Come on, let’s go back” he kisses the top of my head, putting his arm around me pulling me into his nook, we walk back towards the car, again in total silence. 

#IBD4U

I’m jolted awake again, I don’t really understand in the pitch blackness what is happening or where I am, it takes a second to realise that there is nothing wrong, I am so content, Conner lying behind me, his strong arms still holding me tight, his steady breathing is a signal that he is asleep. I roll out of his arms & turn to face him, now that my eyes have adjusted to the light & from the glow of his clock radio, it 3:02am, I can see how peaceful he looks, I snuggle in closer to him, he stirs, I wrap my arm around his back & pull him in close

“Hmmmm” he’s waking up, I feel his erection growing, he kisses my hair & his arms pull me in closer still, I look up at him, his lips crush down on mine, not holding back, he rolls over on top of me with such force & passion. He groans moving down my body to give himself room to pull off his boxer briefs, there is no preamble, I am already wet for him he slides back up my body, my legs part & he enters me slowly & easily, then he’s a little rough, it’s so satisfying, I dig my fingers into this back, he’s looking directly into my eyes, I can’t look away as he thrusts hard & fast, I know it not going to be long, when he bites the skin on my collar bone, I clench around him, we both come quickly each shouting different expletives.

“Fuck Kristie” he sighs loudly, kissing my neck as our breathing returns to normal “That wasn’t too rough for you?” there’s a hint of a smile in his voice, but he’s serious

“No, I like it” I practically whisper while my face turns beetroot red, thank god it’s dark, will I ever stop blushing at everything he says?

“Really?” he slips out of me, lying next to me on the bed, his hand rests on my stomach as our noses touch “You like it a little kinky huh?” I shrug, not that he can see it, but I know he knows I responded as best I can, even though he’s done all manner of things to me I still feel shy when it comes to vocalising it “Tell me what you like” I take a deep breath

“I like it when…”

“Yeah?” he prompts after I pause

“You pin me down, my hands above my head” he chuckles but doesn’t say anything, hoping I’ll say more, it makes me brave since we’re in the dark & as his hand rubs appreciatively over my stomach “But I like morning sex the best”

“Hmmm, I can’t wait until morning then!” he kisses my shoulder, pulling me back into him so he’s spooning me again, I fall into a doze & I’m not sure if it was a dream, but I swear I heard him whisper “How will I ever let you go?”

*

I stir as the sunshine hits my face in the morning, the clock says its 7:33am, Conner is sleeping peacefully next to me on his back with one of his arms up behind his head, I turn to face him, taking this opportunity to study his face, he’s so attractive, his strong jaw, his full lips, long eyelashes, his blonde curly hair that is never in any sort of style. How will I ever let him go? It makes me  think back to what I think he said as I was falling asleep & even though I don’t think I was supposed to hear it & as much as I think he meant it to be sweet, it dawns on me that it’s not at all sweet. He’s already planning to let me go, he just doesn’t know how he’s going to do it. I don’t want him to let me go, Shit! I’m in way too deep! It was his plan from the start to just be casual so I shouldn’t be surprised, but why does he have to let me go? Does he think that’s what I want because I told him I don’t date? What a mess already!

I feel tears welling in my eyes, I move my hand to come up to run my fingers through his hair, it feels so soft, I let an unruly curl outstretch in my fingers, he stirs as I run my hand back through his hair, down the side of his face to his shoulder, I keep it moving down his hard abs, he moans not opening his eyes but I know he is now awake, I find my target, he’s already hard, I take it in my hand giving it a light squeeze before I move my hand up & down his length. He groans loudly, which spurs me on, I move in closer to him, kissing his neck as he’s done to me so many times, as his breathing increases I move my hand faster. In a split second, before I realise what is going on, Conner has grabbed me with both his hands & lifted me up to straddle him, his hands guide my hips as I lift up on my knees to impale myself on his cock, as I start moving up & down slowly, he sucks in a deep breath, his hands run from my hips to tweak my nipples as I pick up the pace, his hands return to my hips to guide me

“You look fucking sexy riding me” I don’t blush, first time for everything, his words make me feel amazing, they don’t make me feel shy. This is the first guy I’ve ever slept with that tells me how much he likes the way I look & it gives me the confidence I need. 

“This feels… so good” I say as I rest my hands on his hard pecks, I never say stuff like that during sex, I like how he reacts to it with a smile, which encourages me to do it in the future. His hands help me move faster as we both start breathing more rapidly

“I like you on top” he grins, I smile cheekily, lifting my hands from his chest, I run them up my stomach across my breast, teasing them as I know I’m close, his eyes widen at my brazen show of self-pleasure “That is so hot Kristie” I look him in the eyes, tweaking my own nipples more, he groans. My hands run up my neck flicking my matted sex hair & as my arms reach up, my knees lifting me up & down, Conner teases my clit & I come 

“Oh God… Conner… Yes, Yes, Yes!” I scream out loudly, his hand moves back to my hip to pull me down for a few final thrusts as he comes too. 

“Holy fuck!” My hands come back down to my sides, Conner is still bucking slightly underneath me, while my body pulsates around him. I’m still straddling him with his cock inside me when he pulls me down to rest my chest on his so he can kiss me, both his hands cup my face, kissing me with such passion, not caring about our morning breath. As he pulls away from the kiss he whispers ‘wow,’ I smile & lean down to kiss him again. You’re fucked Kristie, in more ways than one!

I lift myself off his cock but stay lying on the length of his body, my head resting on his chest, he holds me close with both his arms, one of his hands stroking my hair, I hate to think what the mattered mess feels like, his fingers keep getting caught in the knots, but he continues carefully, like he is trying to untangle it

“I like you making the first move” I giggle, I hate making the first move, I’m always scared they are going to say no & I’ll feel like a fool but I can hear the smile in his voice “& I like you riding me while playing with your nipples, so freaking hot!” I giggle again, I try to roll off him but he holds me tight “stay tonight” he whispers, it’s a statement, I smile even though he can’t see, maybe I am affecting him like he’s affecting me, I nod slowly, knowing that I don’t want to go home, I don’t want to spend a weekend night without him, I fall back to sleep while Conner plays with my hair. 

*

When I wake again at 9:15am, I am still lying flat on Conner’s chest, pinned to him with his strong arms around me, one of his hands in my hair still stroking it, I wonder if he’s been back to sleep

“Good Morning!” he says cheerfully as if he hasn’t already spoken or given my an orgasm this morning 

“You’re chipper” I raise my head to look at him, his hands slide down to rub my butt

“Who wouldn’t be chipper when I wake up with this on top of me?” he slaps my butt before pulling my thighs up so I’m straddling him again, I’m still flat on his chest, he sits up with ease taking me with him, I position myself back a little on his lap, resting my hands on his shoulders, I lean back outstretching my arms. I feel his cock hard & proud between us, Conner holds me tight around my back but puts a hand between my legs, I can feel how wet I am from our previous sexcapades & Conner is pleased as he gently inserts two fingers, “Hmmm” I dig my nails into his shoulders, tilting my head back which pushes my breasts up into Conner’s waiting mouth. I buck in his lap, on the brink of another orgasm as his thumb comes to tease my clit 

“I want you inside me” I plead, Conner chuckles but keeps going, my hips are gyrating on his lap, his mouth going from one nipple to the other, taking them between his teeth & elongating them with gentle but erotic tugs. I can’t believe how horny he makes me & how much I want him all the time, I have never wanted to have as much sex with another man as I do with Conner. He is very attractive, but there is something more about this guy, something dark & ominous that turns me on, so much so, I think he could look at me & I’d come for him “Please Conner, fuck me hard” he smiles against my nipple

“I will” sucking it full into his mouth & thrusting his fingers deep inside me & I am lost

“Conner… yes… Aahhhhh…!” I have barely stopped coming when Conner lifts my butt to impale me on his cock again, we are so close, nose to nose, he holds me close & he starts to move slowly, my body does the same, we move in time with each other, already so in tune with each other’s movements, my body eager to feel his length in me. We don’t look away from each other, his green eyes piercing me, looking deep into my soul. As he moves us, he kisses me passionately, his tongue lightly stroking mine, urging me to reciprocate, this feels so intimate, his hands tickle my skin on my back, making me tingle all over, it makes my clench & Conner moans with appreciation. Our breathing is rapid but not heaving, we’re both quiet & feels somehow different to other times we’ve had sex. He still hasn’t broken eye contact with me, we move together in unison easily without words, climaxing together, for the first time, calling out each other’s names like it is the only word left to say.

As we grip each other tightly as our movements stop, Conner doesn’t look away from me, but leans into kiss me deeper, longer & slower than we’ve ever kissed before, his hands are tickling my skin still and I never want him to stop.

If I didn’t know any better, that was not fucking, we just made love. 

#IBD4U