J-Lo

I could honestly write so much about J-Lo, but I wasn’t writing much when I was actually chatting to him, so I can’t really remember everything about our interactions. But he is relevant to my story & relevant to my life, so I’ll give him a post at least & I will probably mention him a lot through the blog posts…

I started chatting to J-Lo on the chat app, just after I started seeing Noodle & chatted to him most days for over 2 years! We chatted about my relationships, my stupid life & what I was doing at the time. J-Lo is a few years older than me, who is divorced with 2 kids. He has a partner who seems to always have her period, is sick or is away interstate for work, so much so that they never have sex ever, so I always wonder what he is still doing with her considering he doesn’t seem that happy, or he wouldn’t be online chatting… I don’t get it, I mean I want sex daily, so I don’t understand how this woman has a man with a sex drive that matches mine & yet here I am single & she has a partner… I know that it’s not all about sex, but it’s a big part of a relationship for me – being close & intimate with someone is just as important as any part of a relationship. I mean even Noodle said I put sex on a pedestal & I guess I do, I don’t ever want to be in a situation where my partner is looking online for something else when he could have me! J-Lo gets less sex than I do & I’m fucking married men… But he seems to me like he feels like he is stuck, I try & help him but I think I just make it worse by suggesting that he leave & not understanding why he’d stay if he’s so unhappy… For me, cheating isn’t just the act of sex or kissing, for me it’s the emotional connection my partner has with someone else, even if it is online… I wouldn’t want a stranger knowing intimate details about me… It was bad enough that once Max told Sweetie that I had my period & she messaged me to tell me we had the same cycle. I don’t really like talking about my period to be honest – I know I go on & on about kink not being taboo, so I’m trying to be more open about my period but I didn’t need him to tell his wife! So the fact I know so much about J-Lo’s partner & his life with her, is to me, worse than anything physical we could’ve done.

I’ll be honest with you, even though he may read this as one of the few men that know about this blog, in fact he’s actually the one who encouraged me to get it off the ground the second time. So I thank him for that… There were many times when I could see J-Lo & I together, even though I have others in the picture, I still could potentially see myself with him. But even though he could’ve met me many times when his partner was away for work, we never did… Not even for a drink, I did try to get him to meet me a couple of times, but he always had an excuse for it… Probably for the best to be honest. However he became a very good friend, I valued his opinion & asked him advice on the men I was seeing – which could’ve been part of our problem I guess? I did always sense that he got jealous of other men in my life or more so the kinky sex I am having…

Chatting one day, as usual, we actually drive past each other on a country road out by Keith, I was going to the South East for work & he was in Naracoorte the night before so he was driving home as I was driving down there, that was the only time I ever see him face to face, sort of, he waved, I waved & that was it. We continued to chat but just before Christmas, after 2 years of chatting almost daily, he just stopped writing back to me… On Christmas day I sent a message & it sat at sending forever. I check every now & then to see if he read it. But it never changes to a R for read.

I decide that if he does ever message me I’ll just read it & never reply. But I never speak to him again. It’s saddens me because he was with me through the whole life debacles & even though I never met him, I miss chatting to him. But he never wanted to physically cheat on his partner, that’s why we never met. He said he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

I actually overthink about what happened to him & I assume he died or that his partner found out about the chat app. I am crushed, I am at an all time low point in my life for other reasons – you’ll find out if you keep reading & then this guy who I really thought was different, who I thought was a friend, just acts like every other douche guy!

j-lo silence dating sex new meet

Months later, mid-April, I am looking though my chats & see that his profile picture has changed! WTF DUDE! I am so angry that I type out a message before I can even stop myself “WTF you’re still on the chat app” he reads it almost straight away, my heart is pounding… This guy knows everything I’ve been through & he just deserted me. I plan not to reply to whatever bullshit excuse he will spin me but he is typing for ages that I think fuck something happened here…

He tells me that he had some health issues & was put into hospital over Christmas, that he only recently came back onto the chat app but didn’t know how to talk to me after the way he stopped talking to me… FUCK. I can’t be angry at this & so I soften & start chatting to him. He’s still with his partner & enjoying his new job, but he’s also still got some health issues that he’s dealing with. He asks about me & well, I won’t spoil what is happening in my life, just yet, keep reading to find out!

#IBD4U

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2 thoughts on “J-Lo”

  1. Married or partnered men are at least 60% of men on dating/chat apps (or hook-up apps) and I take what they say with a pinch of salt. I have been intimately involved with married men in my time, and even half-way fell in love with one, and what they say about their partners can be deeply distressing if you think about it from the woman’s perspective. I made it a rule never to denigrate or even discuss the ‘wife’ (unless he wanted to vent, which is usually often), and I always tried to carve out a special niche that is ours alone. Tbh the number of married people cheating is what started me out determined to investigate non-monogamy, which I did under the banner of poly solo for more than 2 years. I am now happily monogamous, but I still don’t believe that in the 21st Century, with our longer life spans and raft of social changes, we are supposed to be monogamous – or with one person for life. I still believe that is totally unrealistic. I do hope, however, that my current relationship – in my second phase of life, will last for the long term 🙂

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