2022 : Eastwood #4

So before you get the next instalment of Eastwood, I need to tell you something… So if you’ve read the story Valvoline from late last year & I told you he now has a girlfriend who I have to watch them tag each other on Facebook in every post & her kids using his FB to write a message of appreciation, blah blah blah…

Well, this week (basically real time) I have now had to watch Concreter announce on FB that he’s in a relationship with of course someone gorgeous & skinnier than me, stunning. (I know his friend who tried to set us up will read this, so I will chose my words carefully for this update.)

I also still talk to J-Lo everyday & share all of this with him & how shit I feel, how ugly & fat I feel, how my personality must be so shit, that in a year I wasn’t going to date I’ve had all this happen (Stories to still come too!). On Sunday morning he’s asking if I want cuddles, I say no as I always do as I know it won’t just be cuddles & also I know if he cuddles me, I will cry. I don’t want to cry. This man isn’t my partner as I’ve said before, I don’t want him to cuddle me in bed. Friends don’t do that, especially when I know he’ll try to fuck me… Plus this shit isn’t worth my tears. Everyone says I don’t need a man & you’re right, I don’t. But I want to be the one who gets the fucking guy, just once!

J-Lo thinks he’s being sweet, but in all honestly, it makes me even sadder. The fact he won’t leave his partner who is either 100% fucking someone else or doesn’t really love him, doesn’t really compute to me – I don’t really think he loves her either but he won’t admit that… I’m not saying I want to be with J-Lo, but the fact men think that I am just a side piece they can call upon when they want too on their terms just really fucks me off. Dom Dom has been doing it too, when he’s free he’ll message – that’s fine, but don’t get fucked off when I’m not free & don’t say jump when you say how high anymore. He even asks if I want to keep talking to him… Yeah well I don’t mind chatting but I am not stopping my life when you are online like I used to do…

Well…. This update has escalated & become longer than it was intended. Hahaha, but my point is, J-Lo rocks up at my house one Sunday when he knows I am still in bed because we were messaging. It’s awkward since I got up & let him in, of course the dogs have just woken up too, so it’s not as easy as just jumping back into bed & it’s also not what I want. I am sick of being the other women. Either leave her or leave me alone & lets just be virtual friends. We can chat, but I am not “cuddling you.” When he leaves I feel like absolute fucking crap, because he put himself out there but I also hate that this is all I am worth. Clearly, men date me, leave me then find a beautiful woman who they tag on FB & have to just watch someone else get the life I never even had a chance at getting…

FUCKSAKE.

So back to this weeks post… Cos that update is seriously me in depressed mode… Let’s try to lighten the mood here…

I hear from Eastwood again of course, we chat & to be honest, the chat is good but it’s not great, it’s like it was with Motocross, I always have to be direct or he doesn’t get what I am saying or get the innuendo – even if he starts the innuendo. I mean I know he is out of practice, but he’s constantly trying too hard or then not enough or saying something about someone at his work that makes me think, is this guy even into me?!

I see him a few more times but it’s always a bit weird… I go to his house one night & he so drunk there isn’t much we can do, so we fool around & I get the apology vomit about his dick not working. The next time he comes to my house after netball & then starts talking about his, I guess, soon to be ex wife, telling me that when they are together it’s like they’re still together… Oh Righto! FUCK ME… He talks about their financial situation & how he thinks she is still after more money. I try to advise him to settle up things with her quickly, because technically she can still ask for half his house that he bought after they split… Anyway he jumps up & leave abruptly again, I think I won’t hear from him again , I’m not following up after that fucking revelation I don’t know care what anyone says, I am not messaging first, but I don’t have too, he does…

One night I am sitting at home & he asks me over, but doesn’t really ask me over, if that makes sense, he asks me what I am doing & talks about eating my pussy but says he has a friend over – Yeah Cool story bro. But he constantly messages me so I assume it’s not another chick… Anyway late that night his friend leaves & he tells me to come over, so I do even though it’s late, I reckon after 11:00pm, he’s drunk again – which leads me to really believe that he has a drinking problem.

We sit there on his couch for ages, talking about people from work – seriously after 3 months of chatting & catching up sporadically, how is there anything left to say about people he works with – & we listen to music, him saying that every song is his favourite before he finally kisses me… We don’t move to the bedroom, staying on his couch, he gets down on his knees on the tiles – it’s not a warm night, so when he takes off my pants & I’m so self conscious of the fact we’re in full light, I’m not skinny like his wife, I hate my gut that I am so aware of my top pushed up & my pants off, that I struggle to relax, even though he’s doing all the right things, he works really hard to make me cum, which seems to take forever. Then he just gets up & sits on the couch & I sit there awkwardly with no pants on, till I put them back on… We talk for a bit more but then I decide it’s time to leave.

This is when things go weird… I go to Mt Gambier for work & I’ve just met Trailer earlier these last weekend, so of course I notice Eastwood phasing out our regular conversation, even telling me to find someone else to fuck while I’m down there – He didn’t say fuck, but pretty much when I get home we barely ever speak again. I message him for his birthday thinking that might spark up the convo but I get nothing. I don’t try again. He messages me for my birthday but same thing, nothing much after a few replies. That’s it…

A few months later, I have had a few drinks. I’m not chatting to anyone consistently, I decide to message him & ask him why he’s been quiet. This sparks the conversation skills in him & we chat every days for weeks. I am doing some of my own renovations like tiling myself, plus I’m still fighting to get my 2 week renovation – which is now at the 9+ week mark completed. I am not sure what Eastwood wants or if he wants to see me, sometimes he’s chats are loaded with innuendo, then I reciprocate & he says “yeppa” or “wowzers” like what the fuck dude… I just stop putting in effort but he keeps messaging.

One night, Halloween I am out on a rare night, I never go out anymore &, but I’m out & I am in the suburb over from his house, he is messaging me. I leave my friends party which is outside, it should be warm but it is freezing so I head on home as I am still ripping up tiles to get this tiling done, I stupidly decided to do myself & want an early night, but he actually invites me over but adds in that he has to be up at 6:00 am for work tomorrow… Oh right… Not that I would have slept over anyway, but I guess that’s off the cards! So I head on over there, he says the door is open so I meet him & he’s in bed. It’s kinda weird just opening their door & walking up the stairs into their bed… Now I know how awkward they must feel when they do it at my house. We kiss as I get into bed, taking off my shoes & jumping in with him… As we kiss straight away, we get naked, we 69 but neither of us cum. I get off him because I’m cold, we chat for a bit before I feel like I am overstaying my welcome… I let myself out & leave.

Following this though, we chat every day again for weeks, then it peters off again, not as consistent, but we still chat… I assume when it peters off that he’s met someone on online dating that he prefers talking too… Maybe we’re just chat buddies? I have no fucking idea…. We can’t be considered friends with benefits or even fuck buddies… We’re literally nothing… I guess I just have to wait till he’s got someone tagging him in memes on FB. I guess then I’ll have my answer.

#IBD4U

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