Birthday

As I get older the birthdays become more classy & less about going out & getting smashed at the hottest nightclub we can find. Well that’s probably what should happen!

I have five really close girlfriends, one of them decided to get a scoopon for a lunch for four in the Barossa at a winery & I thought this was a great idea, it was classy & something different. She also had a night off from the kids so she booked a hotel down at Glenelg. I was actually coming down with something & had had a day off work before, but I wasn’t going to bail on my birthday lunch. I got a little tipsy with the bottle of wine at lunch & the wine tasting after. We have the most hilarious time using a selfie stick & making some really great memories.

One friend had to go home to her husband but the other two from lunch came to the hotel room, not before stopping for more drinks! We order room service for dinner & have a few drinks listening to music & just generally chatting about shit. We get ready for a night out, thinking we’ll go to a bar close by & have a few more drinks (like I need them!). That’s where my other friend joins us & we’re back to a group of four.

We decide to leave this club & go across the way to another, where we find a booth, order some drinks & go have a boogie on the dance floor. Two of my friends don’t want to dance so they stay with our stuff & drinks. When we come back, there are three very young boys sitting with them chatting. I go back out onto the dance floor, this time only leaving one friend at the booth. The place then shuts, the ugly lights come on & we find our friend plus our new friends & walk outside.

It’s a bit cold, being it’s August but for some reason, even though we have a hotel room like 100 metres away, we stand outside talking to these young boys. But my voice has been reduced to a whisper! I can barely be heard over all the commotion of boys jumping all over each other. I end up kissing one of them, talking to him & his friends a lot too, some how another guys joins in talking to us & I kiss him too… I’m not 100% sure how that happened, but my friend kindly took a photo so there is evidence!

We all get too cold so we go back to the hotel room, bringin back with us four boys. My friend was kissing one of the older ones but he wasn’t with the three that I was talking too. Back at the hotel we have a few more drinks (Like WTF? as if I needed anything, my voice is a whisper & I am already really drunk!) Drunk enough that I end up pulling the first guy I kissed, who was also wasted, into the bedroom.

Birthday

Now in my experience with drunk guys it can go either of two ways

  1. They can’t keep it hard or
  2. They are hard but can’t climax

Of course if they can’t keep it hard it’s just a disappointment & even though it’s really about them, not you, I’m sure there are other women out there who think the same as me & believe that it has something to do with them. ‘He’s not attracted to me’ or ‘I’m not sexy enough’ are just a few thoughts I’ve had, however, it’s really usually about them.

This guy, was like Vesty ! The best kind of drunk man to have sex with because it lasts so much longer, which means that there is much more chance of you being able to climax & if you’re lucky enough more than once! So I can tick that off my list, having sex with a 21 year old when you’re in your mid 30’s! At least I got a pretty decent birthday root!

#IBD4U

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Irish

A few days after Rotisserie Chicken & the start of a New year, I need some new sex memories to erase all the shit sex I had last year. I start talking to this guy online who was Irish who seems pretty cool, he’s a few years younger than me, but I’m a sucker for a accent so I think he’ll hopefully be better than the last.

I invite him over fairly late, I’m still on holidays from work so it doesn’t matter about the time. He asks if he can wear casual clothes (Why do men keep asking what they should wear to my house?!), which I laugh at but tell him I’m in my pyjamas, he hopes that they are sexy pyjamas & I say yes. Why do I say yes? I don’t really have sexy pyjamas. I rummage around in my pyjama draw while Irish makes his way to my house. I find one nighty thing that I’ve hardly ever worn that is like a baby doll dress, low cut lacy bra cups & just a black bottom – I think I bought this nightie thing for Cruise/Cruise#2. I decide to put a bra on too so that I feel like my boobs aren’t sagging.

I invite Irish in & we go straight to my bedroom, he sits on the side edge of my bed telling me about his knee surgery. I think how is this guy going to have sex, he still had bandages on. He tells me how much he likes what I’m wearing & he doesn’t try to undress me, it’s hot & it gives me more confidence as I’m less self conscious especially being on top because of his knees, about how my body looks because he can’t see my imperfections, my thighs or tummy, so I can push him down & have sex my way, I take charge & feel amazing. It’s probably the best I’d ever been (up until that point at least) in bed, because usually I am so concerned about how I look that I don’t often offer to get on top.

Irish

A few weeks later Irish texts me again to try & catch up telling me how good the sex was, I agree with him but for some reason I never see him again, I can’t actually remember what happened with this guy, but I never saw him again… This is why I needed a blog few years ago!

#IBD4U

Bonus post: FAQ’s

I’ve been asked a a few times why my blog is called “I’ve Been Dating For You”

IBDFU Logo File

It’s a play on words of “I’ve been waiting for you” & I just thought it was funny!

I also get asked a lot how old these stories are. I don’t post as I am dating these guys, mainly because I want to live in the moment & enjoy it but also because I never know what might happen. Many of these stories are quite some time ago, some more recent, they aren’t in any particular order but I do try to keep the time line straight. Especially when posting multiple stories about a guy & when they intertwine with other stories (When I’m trying to juggle men). But rest assured, I do have enough stories over the last decade to keep this blog alive!

I am currently busily writing about the last few years plus still dating to ensure the survival of the blog & find my retard in tin foil but if I do say so myself, my life does get a little juicer as I get older. (They don’t call it dirty thirties for nothing!) So stay tuned, but read at your own risk of knowing too much about me!

I started writing because so many people told me too but I also felt a little alone in my dating life. Pretty much all of my friends have partners & the single ones don’t seem to have the same experiences I do. But I thought, I surely can’t be alone in this. So I started writing, then finally posting them & now the feedback I get is how relatable it is to people. So if I can make even one person not feel alone in their dating journey, then I feel successful.

I believe with the title, this blog may live on also post dating life, if & when I do get a partner. I can discuss my relationship rather than all the douches that I keep meeting & dating. I’m not an expert but I like to think that I am not the only one going through these type of things, so this is about being honest with you all & making sure no one feels alone!

I hope that one day I can actually be hugging a beautiful man, inside & out, that I genuinely think “Wow! I’ve been waiting for this guy, I’ve dated all these shit guys, so I can appreciate what I have in front of me” & I will look deep in his eyes & say “I’ve been dating for you.” then we kiss & the movie credits roll…

Oh whoops.

Sorry, forgot this isn’t a rom com!

#IBD4U

Speed Dating #2

Why oh why did I say yes to going to speed dating again? I am a sucker for punishment, that’s why! Although this time I am a different person, I am totally over my ex, I am on this casual sex dating path that is making me more confident with men & I’m not as shy as I was when I first meet them, plus I’m in a better place with my body image, coming to terms with how I look, so maybe this time might be different.

I’m with a gorgeous skinny friend, so I don’t feel that great about myself with her, but I go anyway I talk to the guys in my usual manner, but as soon as I mention my job title (my real job) I get a few reactions that don’t invite a lasting relationship. One guy reads my palm and tells me something which fingers I wear my rings on, that each has a significant meaning, he was a tripper.

speed dating #2

I had an ok time to be honest, but I knew that the next day my friend would end up with more matches than me & I would feel shit about myself again! Plus a few of the guys & girls ended up hanging around the bar after it was over, we had to go shortly after but they were all still kicking on & I reckon there would’ve been some hook ups that night, therefore if they did match you on the card they probably wouldn’t email you the next day anyway because the’d already found someone.

Waiting for that dreaded email, I don’t even want to know how many matches my friend got, I know it’ll be more than me & it was, I think I got four or five while she got eleven! However I didn’t bother to contact any of them & they didn’t contact me either, so it was a complete waste of time, however I had a fun night out with a friend so that’s all that matters I guess.

My friend went out a date with two or three of them, falling hard for one guy who ended up being a player & wouldn’t ever text her back or waiting ages to finally respond, so she just let that one go. Finally she went on online dating too, she’s now happy with a guy she’s known for a few weeks, they are officially an item! (Update: they have a house & are engaged) I don’t understand how she does it, I know she puts herself out there more than me but she was online dating for like a month & went out with two guys & fell in love with the second one!

The moral of the speed dating story is DON’T BOTHER! No, honestly I think it works for some people, people who make a good first impression or aren’t uncomfortable with that first meeting would do well at speed dating. I’m more the type of girl you need to get to know because I come across shy at first but then once you know me, you’d say that’s absolute bullshit!

#IBD4U

Rotisserie Chicken

New Years Eve plans were to go to a friends house for drinks with a bunch of couples! WHOO HOO! There would be no random hook up, there would be no midnight kiss, there will be no semi-flirtatious banter with a cute single guy (who will probably end up with someone else anyway) & there would be no love story starting in the new year for me.

So I searched online to find someone to hook up with before I went out, Rotisserie Chicken was available, cute & we exchanged phone numbers. We were texting for a bit & I stressed the urgency of his visit since I was getting picked up at 6:00pm, however I told him it was actually 5:00pm so I would have time to get ready again.

He said he’d bring some drinks over, so brought a can or two of something & we just stood in my kitchen & talked. He looked out into my backyard & talked about bullshit, I don’t really remember how but we ended up in my lounge room, standing by the TV cabinet & I saw the clock & thought this is going to have to happen soon or it won’t happen at all. So I stood on my tippy toes (cos I’m short!) & kissed him.

He kisses me back & I lead him into my bedroom undressing as we go. We have sex but it’s not that good, he changes positions so often that it means that I am never going to get to climax, it never gets close to feeling good before he turns me a little bit, he pounds me a few more times then turns me again. I’m sure you’ve all had sex like this before, it has the potential to be good but it never gets there. I feel like I am spinning like a rotisserie chicken in the oven, getting hot but never achieving anything else.

Once he’s done, we just get up & get dressed. I know I am never going to see him again but he talks about texting me tomorrow to catch up. I say yeah, thinking I’ll never hear from him again. Which is exactly how this story ends. I don’t text him either, but with bad sex the first time, usually doesn’t get any better, no matter how hard you try.

Rotisserie Chicken

I’m not sure if I am happy I got a New Years Eve root or depressed that it was so bad & there was no way to erase it with another guy at the party. I settle for being happy that I had sex & try to forget that it wasn’t that good, I mean it certainly wasn’t the worst sex I’ve ever had but it was no where near even reasonable sex.

#IBD4U

Dating Sites

I never seem to use the name of the dating sites I use, I’m not sure why, I guess because they don’t pay me to advertise but also it’s kinda irrelevant what site I met all of these dip shits on, they are all the same in the end. But I want to talk about the options, what I’ve been on & how they work for those of you thinking about joining!

OASIS: Free site with app to like someone then chat to them if they like you back. It’s more about the profile & picture information, but you can opt not to have a picture & you can have very little information.

TINDER: Free superficial app, swipe left for no & swipe right for yes. Good thing is there are no dumb usernames because it links to Facebook. You can also superlike people by swiping up which means it’s not anonymous but then they at least know you like them & its not just wait until you die to find out that they never liked you!

BADOO: Is a paid site with app, which encompasses Oasis & Tinder, there is swiping left & right, but you can also chat to someone who is not your friend or accepted you at all. You can also see who is close to you, as in km’s away from you, which can be a bit creepy when they say, hey pop by.

POF: Paid app that I used years ago, but haven’t actually used since I started this blog, might have to reactivate an account & see what happens.

RSVP: I don’t know a great deal about RSVP anymore, it has probably changed so much since I used it. But I‘m sure people have success on it. Another option to check out in a few months when I am still single as the day I was born!

EHARMONY: Paid site with an app which I haven’t worked out the app at all & am not getting any regular matches even though I have paid for three months’ membership. Yet it doesn’t send matches ever & when it does they are always from interstate. Maybe there are no men left for me?

ZOOSK: A paid app that links to Facebook (a friend didn’t even know she had an account because of Facebook) but basically all the same people as the other apps.

CLOVER: Free app but I didn’t get it at all, but got one guy to chat to me, who I found on other apps, then didn’t talk to me on them once I deleted clover.

BUMBLE: Free app which is like Tinder to swipe left & right, only women have to start the conversations, men can’t even if they match with you.

Dating Sites

I’m not an expert & I have no idea what gets you more hits or likes that other profiles but I will offer some of my own advice (my pet peeves) to those thinking about starting an online profile:

  • Have a picture, a recent picture of your face, of just you, not all your mates (cos chances are I’ll like one of them better!), not your abs or shirtless or chicks with a duck face & tits out. Also don’t have five different pictures that all look like a different person. Remember you are only as good as your worst picture! (DEEP!)
  • Don’t bitch about how shit other users are on the site. Talk about yourself, your hobbies, you interests, use positive language, it’s your time to shine not bitch about how other users won’t write back when you to initiate a chat.
  • Don’t write that you won’t add someone if they don’t have a photo. Sure, have that policy but don’t advertise it. I mostly have that policy too but don’t have it written on your profile.
  • SPELL CHECK & correct grammar! I can pass by a few errors but not entire sentences on the profile. Chat mistakes are ok but not on your profile!
  • Do not use text speak ever on your profile, especially LOL
  • Don’t be too generic.
    • I prefer pubs not clubs
    • I like walks on the beach
    • I like to go out but also like to cuddle on the couch with a movie
    • Not looking for hookups (then proceed to only talk dirty to me)
    • I’m a nice guy/girl
  • In the what you’re looking for don’t write “someone who looks after themselves” I hate it, it could mean you won’t date someone who’s fat, it could mean you want them to be high maintenance – spray tan, fake nails, fake hair, always in high heels, anyway it’s just dumb, don’t say it.

That’s just my two cents worth, I don’t know what I am talking about clearly not an expert, but this is just my opinion & trust me I’ve dated so much & been online for so long that I think I could at least go Pro.

#IBD4U

Rimmer

“Would you rim me?”

“WTF is that?” I text back, completely perplexed & obviously a little naive back then.

“Doesn’t matter” So I google – good ol Urban Dictionary! “To lick someone’s anus with your tongue. Called ‘rimming’ because it’s done around the rim of the anus.” Why would a random guy I’ve never even met & I’m about to give my address to, to come over for a booty call, text & ask that, he said it doesn’t matter. Clearly it does otherwise he wouldn’t have asked. I’m not 100% sure I would want to do that, especially not with a random guy.

Is this something that men like? Is this something I would do, especially since this guy is potentially going to be a one night stand. I text this back to the guy & he assures me that it’s not going to be a one night stand, we’ll catch up again. I give him my address but that’s where things take a turn. Nothing he says is totally out of the ordinary or particularly horrible, but I just get a vibe from him that it was probably the best thing that my instincts are usually pretty good on these types of things.

He said “I’ll walk in & you suck my cock & then I’ll fuck you” & another text “I’ll finger your ass” then when he asked if “he could let himself in” I really started to get a bad vibe, as if I would just let this guy open my front door & walk in. Then he asked if I would “fuck without a condom” & then he built up the courage to ask if I would “lick his ass” & when I said no, he then said “cock straight in your mouth though? Will you answer naked/in underwear” that I said ‘I want casual sex, but I’m not a whore he said “Like we aren’t going to sit around and have a chat, you will open the door and lead me to the room & I’ll get my cock out”

I called it off with this guy, like I said it wasn’t anything terribly wrong with anything he said & yeah I wanted to have casual sex but it already makes me feel like a cheap whore that I don’t need him to vocalise to me that I am just three holes, which he would use as he saw fit, I do still want to be treated with a little bit of respect.

Rimmer

I was a bit worried I’d hear from him again or he’d just rock up at my house, that I said to him that it’s not a good idea & my roommate is finishing work & would be home soon anyway. I didn’t ever hear from him again & he didn’t come over to which I was thankful. Talking it through with my friend later, she told me I did make the right call, that I should trust my instincts. I just think some of these guys have read a little too much Fifty Shades of Grey or actually haven’t read it at all & just think that woman want someone to dominate them.

We do, but only if it’s Christian Grey!

#IBD4U