Catastrophe

As I get more & more jaded from meeting bloke after bloke who seem all interested, I then finally get interested in them & then they just stop calling or replying to me. So I thought I’d try the casual dating thing for a while – Definition: no strings attached sex.

To be honest, I thought it would be a lot easier, however it is a lot harder than you may think, not only am I busy, but of course he has a life too, so trying to arrange a time that both of you are free is quite difficult. So when this guy started chatting to me one Saturday night & asked if I am spontaneous I thought “yes I am, the new casual me is spontaneous” we swapped numbers & I text him just before 10:00pm, he said he was going to jump in the shower & would be at my house soon, being that he only lives 15-20 mins away, I brush my teeth & put on some mascara for my second ever casual encounter.

One hour later, I get a text asking if I’m still awake, I reply yes. Another hour goes by & he starts texting that he went to the petrol station but left his wallet at home so had to go home & get it, but he would drive fast to get here. Another 30 minutes go by & it’s almost 12:30am by this stage, I text & say I’m going to sleep, he hurriedly replies saying he passed my exit & now didn’t know where he was. I said get off at the next exit & turn your GPS on. Another half an hour goes by, still nothing. He starts texting quickly one or two words to say he’s lost but still on his way. Another half an hour goes by, so by this time it’s 1:30am, I’ve been sitting around for three & a half hours waiting for this guy, even when he finally texts to say he’s parked across the street, it takes him another four minutes to text he’s at my front door. The joke of this story is, that this isn’t the catastrophe part!

Because I’m already in bed, having waited so long, he sits on the end of my bed & he talks a fair bit, not letting me say anything, he mentions how fast my ceiling fan spins & how big my king sized bed is, even stretching out to measure it against his height, but the real ‘high’ point was when he starts telling a story about how Monarto zoo, ran out of water. Of course I was surprised at the topic of conversation, when he was supposed to be here for a quickie,but also when I asked what about the animals & he said it was the gift shop bottled water, but it was a catastrophe! I laughed out loud at how running out of bottled water in the gift shop could be defined as a catastrophe, to me a catastrophe would be a bushfire at Monarto zoo with no running water at all. So as he realises that he’s just dribbling shit, he rolls over to kiss me.

After not even pulling down his pants, just flopps out over the top, I ‘enjoyed’ six minutes of dissatisfaction before he was finished & said he was getting frost bite from my ceiling fan, he then goes to the bathroom & weighed himself on my scales, I’m still not even sure why. Seems like the weirdest thing to do at a random person’s house!

I did get a text from him a week later, but I ignored it. There was no way I was waiting another 3 & a half hours for the shittest six minutes of sex ever.

#IBD4U