Boyfriend #3

Boyfriend & I had been “seeing” each other for a few weeks, messaging & seeing each other, not really knowing where we’re at or what we’re doing, but he asked me to his house to cook me dinner. No guy had ever cooked me dinner. I remember the store manager of our store laughing his head off when he asked what he made for me – toasties. Boyfriend only had one dish he ever made, which was a satay chicken noodles, I don’t remember him cooking anything other than that or a BBQ in the whole time we were together.

At a new years eve party the same friend that snatched my phone to text him on my behalf asks me what were doing, implying are e boyfriend/girlfriend. I say I don’t know we haven’t had the talk. So she decides to ask him. Rightio! He says I’m his girlfriend & when she tells me, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. However weirdly he & I never talk about it. We’re just a couple from then on.

That’s also the first night he stays at my house. I remember it because he’s the first guy to ever stay over at my house, in my bed. But I get up really early to sneak him out being I haven’t asked my parents or even told them – my parents are pretty cool but not sure about having boys over. But my dad is a early riser & is up playing the computer, fuck! I have to introduce him to dad at 5:00 am. I remember dads first words to him were “your mother will be angry she didn’t get to meet him” righto dad! Hahaha.

Shortly into the new year, boyfriend tells me that he’s moving house as he’s been kicked out of his unit & he’s moving in with friends to save money. Ok so a share house isn’t too bad. But when I ask who, it takes him ages to tell me that it’s his ex girlfriend. Right so my new boyfriend is moving in with his ex, who I’m pretty sure is still in love with him. I’m not happy but what can I do? I mean we’ve only been together officially for a short time & I certainly don’t want to live with him so I don’t say much.

It’s all pretty uneventful from what I remember, I realise that his ex girlfriend does still love him, even though she has a boyfriend. & his sister who I thought liked me seems to hate me. I pester him to buy a new bedroom suite, as we’ve been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. But it’s a pretty normal, boring relationship. (if I was writing at the time, I may have loads of blog posts but it was over 12 years ago now.)

Around my birthday my uncle was planning his wedding in Vietnam, of course I jump at the chance to go to Vietnam & ask Boyfriend to come too. I find it super cute when he goes out & buys the same RipCurl bag that I have so we’re matching, without me knowing. We fly out on my birthday, Boyfriend says that he’s planned something for when I get back but for now the trip is my present (The trip I paid for myself & he paid for himself?! Yeah ok) I never get a present from him that year & the next year we’ve bought our house & he buys me slippers & a fruit bowl… Men wonder why women change when they settled down, he was making me an old lady. Who buys a 25 year old slippers & a fruit bowl? Hahaha.

Anyway when we were in Vietnam, right after we have afternoon sex, I tell him that I think I love him & he says “yeah I think maybe I do too.” I get up & cry in the bathroom thinking I’m an idiot for saying it & that I’m unlovable.

We get back from Vietnam, something happens, we snap & almost break up, probably due to the L word infesting the relationship. I remember meeting him at a lookout park during the day & he leaves me there when he says we’re over. I cry & message him to go to his house, which I do & we work through it. Weirdly, that’s also the first day I meet his parents. (they live out in the country, not in Adelaide)

Next Christmas & new years come, he’s still living with the ex, though cracks are starting to show. Before the lease is up, she moves out seemly because she’s not going to win him back like she thought she might. I don’t know why. But she takes the fridge & washing machine, which we’re hers so I use the money I was saving for my working holiday to Canada to buy a fridge & a washing machine for us at his place. Yet I never officially move in with him.


Origin #4

I wait all day for the text to say that Origin is sick or something has come up, so when I hear from him at midday, I almost don’t want to open the text when I see his name come up. But he just asks how my night was & we chat for a bit. Later around 4:00 pm I expect that I’m going to get the I’m busy text when his name comes up again, but he asks me what time I want him to come over. Why am I so quick to think he wants to cancel even though we’ve now caught up three times & he’s still talking to me on a daily basis so what is it? Is it because I’ve been on so many bad dates already that I’m so jaded, plus this guy has been sick & also cancelled on me.

But when he comes over, he’s so complimentary about how I look, what I’m wearing, what my house looks like, it’s weird for me but I lap it up. I’ve never had a guy tell me how much he likes the way I look, especially since this is only our fourth date.

We go grab some dinner from a local Chinese shop & crack open wine bottle after wine bottle. We sit watching Netflix before he kisses me & we have sex. Like a lot of sex, we use five condoms & he makes me feel really good, although after three bottles of wine I can’t really remember it all, which is a shame, it was really good. I was so sore the next day. Perhaps I need to stop drinking when I have sex.

He leaves my house about 1:30 am but texts me when he gets home (again! Cute!) to say he had a good time, I’d already passed out so we text in the morning & text a bit, he did say the night before that he wanted to bring me coffee in the morning but he didn’t. He texts during the day to say that he wants to ‘pop around.’ About 1:30 pm he comes over & we just cuddle on the couch watching Netflix (I get him addicted to Downtown Abbey), it is so nice, I’ve never just cuddled & had someone put their hand up my shirt & tickle my skin, we do have some hot quick sex, using the sixth condom for the weekend & I say I should buy some more, he agrees & laughs.

While he was at my house on Sunday afternoon, he cleaned up a spider that I killed but was unable to vacuum because it wasn’t charged & I didn’t want to get the big one out, so he got a tissue without being asked & cleaned it up knowing how arachnophobic I am. It was so sweet, it actually made me like him more & at this point I was thinking he was liking me more, now I think we’re on par with each other.

We text later that day, he says “I had a super weekend, it was heaps of fun, I think you’re a rad chick” this is my time to put myself out there a bit & tell him that I had a great time & that I love that he makes me laugh. We say goodnight & he says “night sexy.” OMG I am getting attached to this guy already, it’s only been 3 weeks! People say all the time that things can happen quickly, I just never thought it could happen for me! I actually start deleting my other online profiles (I think I had five on the go at the time, so I just delete the more obscure ones!)

Origin #4

The next day about 2:00 pm he asks how my day is going, we chat for a bit, well all night really, about how much he’s thought about Downton Abbey (which I guess means he’s thinking about being with me while watching it). He abruptly stops talking to me so I assume he’s fallen asleep; I try to stay reserved so I don’t text him the next day but at about 5:00 pm he texts to ask how my day is. He says that he’s sick again with a sore throat (I have no reason to doubt the sore throat thing but I am also not sure that someone can have a sore throat so many times in three weeks, although he hasn’t seemed to rest at all since he got sick.) He agrees says that three bottles of wine & up all night having sex hasn’t helped him get better but he said it was fucking awesome though.

We text again later in the day, he’s now got a sore rib too, so I ask how he is & what he’s up too, we chat for hours via text & it’s so easy & when we have nothing to say he still finds a way to text me something. He asks if I’m getting in the shower & says that he wants to join me which I say that I’d like that if he wasn’t sick & he says he’s looking forward to it.


Guest Blogger: Rug

Another guest blogger has decided to share some stories with me too. I love that you are all not leaving me out here on my own! Thank you for that.

I like to post the ones that aren’t similar to any of my stories & this is definitely one of those!

-So Enjoy!


A few years ago I met this guy online, not on tinder, some other site I can’t remember. I’d consciously decided to try dating guys outside of my usual type… cos that hadn’t really been working out for me so well (hot, unemployed and practically homeless). So this guy had a job (tick), a house (tick) and was funny (tick), he was also pretty short and a bit squishy. We had good banter so we went on a few dates which went well.

At about date 4, I think, he invites me and my dog over for dinner. He can cook (tick) and he also has a dog (tick). Anyway, his dog is one of those rampant humpers and he went absolutely bananas over my dog, it was hilarious. My dog is a clueless asexual galloot and is just running around like a loon with his hornbag dog in hot pursuit.

My belly was sore from laughing (not just at the dogs) so we, the humans, retired inside with a glass of wine on the couch and he makes a really cheesy manoeuvre for a first kiss (think yawn and stretch), it’s nice and we progress to his bedroom. He is a bit of a watcher so he starts playing with himself while I get naked and we’re fooling around and it’s fun. We start the old P in V action and then he screams, really screams, in agony, I try to work out what’s wrong and he advises he’s got a detached or travelling ball which has decided to jump up into his body cavity not in the cosy scrotum where it should be, he insists on continuing and doesn’t withdraw but continues grimacing. Bit of a masochist maybe.

Anyway, I clamber off after bit and just play with his cock until his ball resumes a better location. We start again and I’m grabbing his arse to pull him in hard and then in the moment I grabbed his hair gently to push his head up. He freaks out and grabs his head and runs to the bathroom. I’m completely confused and it turns out I had dislodged his toupee/hair piece thing that I didn’t know wasn’t real hair. (I don’t need my eyes checked, it was really good, completely real looking).


He’s totally soft at this point and embarrassed and returns with a beanie on his head and turns the lamp off. I ask him about the hair trying to reassure him that being bald is fine and he tells me he had an accident when he was younger and he got partially scalped and there’s some ugly scarring. I figure that’s fair enough but my bullshit detector is ringing a bit, but who knows! He’s feeling pretty vulnerable so we end up getting back into it and he finishes with the beanie in place and my hands firmly pinned to the bed.

Funniest, weirdest most awkward interlude I’d had for a while…
I think we had one more date, I spent half of it looking at his hair when he wasn’t looking. The hair wasn’t the killer for me though he had some other quirks I wasn’t too keen on, so that was that!

WOW, I don’t think I’ll be able to not look at guys hair now & wonder!



After dating for more than a decade with a few peaks & troughs, many of my friends, particularly the ones in relationships, love a good ol Clichè. It’s also very interesting how when that person says a clichè to you, they use some sort of  hand gesture & act like that is the first time those words have ever been spoken to another human being. Like dude, you are not the Dali Lama.

So here’s a list of what NOT to say to someone dating or someone recently single:

  • It’ll happen when you least expect it!
  • He’s just around the corner!
  • There’s plenty more fish in the sea!
  • Any guy would be lucky to have you!
  • He won’t come knocking on your door, get out there & meet people!
  • You have to put yourself out there!
  • How are you still single?
  • The grass isn’t always greener in a relationship!
  • You’re too fussy/picky!
  • Your time will come!

OMG, if I hear any of those things again, it will be too soon!


You know I had a great aunty, who was my god mother. She recently passed away & she never married & had kids. I often wonder if I am her of my generation. She once told me that she fell in love with someone who was married I believe & he broke her heart. She never recovered. I remember when things ended with Boyfriend, she told me not to become like her. Now almost 12 years later, I am still single & wondering if I am too damaged for a real relationship?

Lets be honest, there is nothing you can say in the situation so I get why people use clichès etc, but please just stop. I think I’d rather people just listen & say nothing that tell me that I have to have faith.

Some advice I wish I wasn’t given too:

  • Give him a go
  • He might be waiting for your text/call
  • Stop looking & he will find you
  • Stop looking online, meet people organically, face to face

In my experience, if any of this was as easy as people say it is, then I wouldn’t be single. I get asked all the time why I’m single & I don’t know why. But my gut has always been right. When I haven’t got a text back from someone, it usually means they’re ghosting me. Not that they are waiting for me to message. There’s another clichè that if he isn’t messaging you back, he’s just not that into you!

I know my friends all mean well & I love them for it & I know that they just want the best for me to see me happy in a relationship, however, there are times when I just want to scream “WHY AM I SINGLE?!”


Origin #3

I get home that night, stripping off & jumping in the shower, as every minute passes, I feel more & more like an idiot for fucking him too quickly. I look in the mirror & there are two big hickeys on either side of my neck. FUCKING great! -Let me just preface this by, I bruise so easily, so a light kiss can bring on a hickey for me.

The little pink light on my phone is flashing when I get out of the shower, that means text message, my heart stops. I unlock my phone & see his name. Origin’s text me, saying he had a good time & hopes I did but the movie is still confusing him. I tell him to go to bed & that I have hickeys which he apologises for but says it was such a turn on in the bedroom with how loud I was… OMG! (I didn’t think I was that loud, I’m always too self-conscious to be loud).

Origin #3

I go out for lunch with my friend the next day & as I’m telling her about him, he texts me just to see if I’m ok & how my neck is. Really, can someone be this sweet? It’s so weird for me! We text all afternoon, I send him a picture of my hickeys. We text about crap, mainly how big my bed is & how small my feet are (What?) but then he asks ‘Did you cum last night?’ The poor guy, I put him out of his misery & let him know that I did. He was pretty happy with himself!

He asks if I’m around town that next week which I am not really, but he’s vague also of telling me when his lunch break is so I couldn’t really plan another lunch date but I suggest weds night as that’s a night I don’t go to the gym which he says yeah that would work for him. I find out that I can meet him at work on Monday but he says he’s too busy, nothing to worry about, I guess. I end up having a super shit day at work & hope that we have some friendly banter over text while I drink some wine & have a bath but he doesn’t write back but I text him good night hours later when he says that he was asleep on the couch. I was asleep when I got that so I text him in the morning. We text again in the afternoon & I say that I am free on Wednesday night which he agrees, we don’t decide what to do but he seems excited like he needs something to cheer him up & I agree.

We talk about us having sex & I say that we should have shown some restraint, he doesn’t agree but he understands. I try to organise what we should do tomorrow night but he says that I should decide. But by midday the next day he’s going home from work sick, he’s apparently got the runs. I am supremely disappointed & it takes all my might to not write something bitchy back because this is now the second time he’s bailed on a date & also he’s now been sick more in the two weeks we’ve been talking than I’ve been sick all year. I finally respond saying ‘I’m sorry, I was looking forward to it but hope he feels better soon.’ He writes that he was massively looking forward to it, I decide to go to the gym instead since I missed another class earlier in the week.

While he’s sick he tries to set up a date for Friday night, I said that I’m going to a fundraiser dinner so I’m not free but I suggest that I am free to meet him for lunch on Friday afternoon, he doesn’t commit but says that’s good.

It’s about this time he somehow comes up at a ‘person I may know’ on Facebook. How does Facebook even know we know each other? I have a light stalk of his page & most of it is public. I check out his photo’s & see his ex-girlfriend & I kinda work out that they aren’t that long broken up, the last posts about the two of them are from about six months ago. Why am I even looking?!

We’d had a laugh though about the fact that I had to kill a spider (I’m really arachnophobic, like really really really phobic, can’t even look at spider pictures or see plastic ones) & when I spray them I then put the can of spray over them so I can vac up their corpse later. He says he hates spiders too which I say is not good for me, but he says he’ll man up when he has too. We also talk about tattoos & how he wants to get an arm sleeve; I tell him he would look good with a sleeve. I like those type of tattoos on the right person, he says he’s the black sheep because he is the only one is his family that has none, I am the black sheep because I’m the only on in my family with tattoos.

It gets to Friday we’ve text all week but I don’t hear from him till I text him first yet again but I’m stuck 40 mins out of the city at 12:30 pm so I don’t get to catch up with him for lunch. But we somehow lock in Saturday night to have take away dinner & a movie at my house. Let’s see if this date goes ahead!


Jerk Off

I like this guy somehow after only chatting for a short time, I think he is respectful & sweet (despite the pseudonym that I chose!), we chatted about spooning but it never went more than that or became gross. The next day he didn’t chat to me when we were both online – you know my weirdo rule, but a few days later he did.

Lots of men will ask you to chat on other apps outside of the online dating app generally because they can send pics of themselves usually dick pics. Whenever they ask for my user name, I am always firm that I will not be sending pics of myself, they say “no of course, not nude ones, just other pics” I always say no. I hate that there are probably so many pics of me online as it is. I only have two on my online dating profile usually but I still hate it.

I shared my user name with Jerk Off & while I don’t regret it, I just can’t believe what some people will send you. On this app you can send pics that don’t last every long, we start chatting on that app, I get a dick pic in his boxers, then one erect & he of course asks me for a pic of my boobs. I decline & he talks a little dirty to me, I don’t really reciprocate but I ended up with a pic of him actually jerking off & cumming. Just what I want to see when I open my phone!

He had a very different cock than what I’ve seen before, his foreskin is really large, more than I ever seen before on an uncircumcised man, but that isn’t the deal breaker, it’s more that I’m not sure I’m that open minded to get a ejaculation video sent to me before I’ve even met the bloody guy in person!

I must be too nice because I don’t stop talking to him when he chats to me the next day on the ejaculation app (as I’ve named it!) & doesn’t really say much at all, I almost think what is the point. I actually hate that I liked this boy; I thought he was a good seed. I guess that’s the thing about online dating, is that you can never tell what the person is going to be like, until you see a video of them ejaculating onto a wooden chest.

I’d love to hear from guys who have done this or send dick pics & what is going through their mind, I don’t speak for all women but my friends & I agree that we don’t want a dick pic, if you are going to send us a pic, we want to see a sexy arm (not a beef cake steroid arm) but a sexy muscular arm or a nice calf, even a nice six pack, but not a cock – especially if we haven’t met you!

Jerk off

He chats to me & sends me pictures on the other app plus he talks to me on the dating site too but we don’t really ever say much besides he says ‘cutie’ & I send a blushing smiley face back. (What else is there to say?)

He chats to me every now & then asking ‘what are you up to gorgeous?’ & things like that, I generally always respond but I don’t think it’s ever going to be anything. In my experience, if someone sends you a dick pic then you are probably never going to meet them or want to meet them.


Guest Blogger: Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll

Another story for you from my guest blogger friend, I can’t say this has ever happened to me.

Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll

(aka Woodwork Booty Call Weekend)

So the title doesn’t sound great hey? It’s actually one my regrets in my single life… It isn’t indicative of who I am as a person.
On one hand, the guys would say “Fuck Yeah” and from a female point of view, typical bloke.
Just to be clear, no drugs, not much rock n roll, shit load of sex.
So this is in between “The One” and “the Animal” for those keeping up. And yes I’m going backwards…
So after “The one” had crushed my heart, I was in need of a weekend to forget about it for a bit, all my friends had other plans on my kids free weekend, so, stuff it… I’m a confident guy that can just do this shit himself, let’s get smashed and see what I can pick up (cause you know, random sex makes you feel better!)
So, it’s Friday afternoon, thinking of just hitting City, the Union possibly, maybe Hindley st, who knows, who cares!
Random messenger text… Now I know this happens to the girls a fair bit, generally not blokes… Message from BC2 (booty call 2)
Have not heard from BC2 for 6 months… last I heard she meet a guy not long after me….
“Hey! How are you? Thought of you the other day, and how long it’s been since we caught up. How’s things? Are you seeing anyone?”
So the explanation comes if not a great experience recently and that this weekend is all about me…
“Oh no…you need some cheering up, how about we do coffees tomorrow morning after gym?”
Yeah fuck it, why not, she’s fit, super hot, and well… the sex was great, and she’s a nice girl. Play my cards right…
About a hour later….
BC3… 9 months since I’ve seen her…
“Saturday catch up? Been ages”
“Yep, how does lunch sound?”
“Awesome see you then!”
Ok, BC3… running chick, own business, funny, attractive… fuck… might get two in a day…
In very quick succession (because I’ll condense all this!)
Sex Drugs & rock n roll

Similar messages, same reaction… stuff it, why not? The common theme here? All from 6 months to 12 months since we had been on a date… and sad to say, hadn’t worked out, yet after two three dates had slept with all of them. So you just never know, could come to something… yet ladies and gentleman, my mind was just on sex. Nothing else. And where was theirs? Well… you guessed it.
You may be asking where’s BC1? That’s coming!! (or did… anyway!)
So with a heap of dates set(?), the last three set for Saturday night, and Sunday Brunch and a Sunday afternoon drink… away we go. 5:00 pm hits, and into town I head…
Waymouth St. Beer and Vodka. Normal crowd building by 9:00 pm, chatting to some random people, couple I know, a few really pissed guys in suits… that’s keeping me entertained for sure.
9.30 pm… order a Vodka lime and soda…
A tall, blonde lady catches the eye… I know that girl?
Walks in with a guy… shit, that sucks.
Alcohol fuzziness eludes me of the name…
Uh huh! Got it! BC1…
Shit! Been 18 months at least… must be kid free… fuck it… have to say Hi, that one night… hot.
Wander over as she is standing at bar…
“Hey there Miss, can I buy you a drink? Grenache perhaps?”
OMG… get the biggest “Hey” I’ve ever had.. Awesome! In!
Pleasantries completed, drinks ordered, life story of last 18 months talked over…
Guy she was with kept trying to butt in, eventually introduced as a guy she meet down the road… yeah whatever.
Conversation continues, more drinks added.
“Cmon, come to the dance floor”
“What about the guy?”
“Oh my dear, you’re hotter, so shit your arse out there “
Uh huh! Bingo! Dressing well works! (By the way… he was in some weird cotton t-shirt that didn’t look like it had been washed at all, shit denim jeans and some really bad flip flop things… Chinos and shirt all the way!)
Ok… dancing… gets closer… then kissing… then hands moving freely…
More drinks
More dancing (by this time the guy had worked it out, and left)
BC1 “I’m ready to go home, no more for me”
“Ok, I’ll come out and wait for the taxi with you”
“Naaw, sweet”
Stumble out, bundle lovely lady into a taxi… not gracefully mind you, and considering she had a one piece black, shirt dress on and heels, didn’t leave a great deal to imagination when she couldn’t get in!
“Shit!, my knickers are showing!” yeah, not shit! Anyway…
In she gets… lean in to kiss good bye (thinking stuff it, I may as well just jump in)
“Are you coming or not?” (Not yet I’m not LOL!)
The usual back of taxi antics, and yes, he would have been privy to a almost poem style show… wait for it…
Arrive at her address…
Me… ”Nice house!”
“Just moved here… it needs christening!”
Happy friggin days!
Now, this whole time, I had actually had flashbacks to the “One”, however not now… I’m about to fuck a super hot blonde…
Taxi takes off…
“I left my knickers in the taxi!!!!!” She cries
Doh… ah well….
In we go….
Clothes of in the hallway, you can guess the rest… thank god she had the condom supplies… needed 3.
(Please remember this is all pretty condensed)
Sleep time… spooning… all that nice stuff we all miss.

5:00 am…. beep beep beep
Alarm…. are fucking serious? 5:00 am!!!!!!!
“WTF is the alarm going off for????”
BC1 “Oh, it’s gym time”
WTF? I love my gym, seriously? 5:00 am on a Saturday? Guess to have the hot bod, got to the work! (Don’t I know it!)
“You can sleep though, in fact don’t think I’ll go”
Fall back to sleep… all good right? Might get some morning action?
Wake at 8:00 am… hungover, shagged out, tired.
Roll over… WTF. She’s not there… maybe she’s up already. Walk out to kitchen. Nope. Toilet. Nope.
Note on Kettle.
‘Make yourself a coffee, use the pods, I’ve gone to gym. Just pull front door closed when you leave, I won’t be back until this afternoon. Great to see you again. May run into again sometime. Had a great night as always spunky man. xxxxx’
What???? She has left me here by myself! WOW! Ok.
Coffee done. Felt really weird cause it wasn’t my house… anyway, washed up, got dressed and walked outside.
Pretty sure I was still pissed, and needed a way to get home, yet didn’t want to spend a fortune on a taxi or Uber.
Shit. I’ll call my mate and see if he will come and get me…
“Hey mate, Where is this suburb in relevance to the city? And can come and get me so I can get my car?”
“Sweet Jesus dickhead, that’s like halfway across the state!”
Google maps…. holy shit! Don’t remember the taxi ride being that long!
“See you in 45, you can tell me the rest when I get there”
Cheers mate! Love your work…
Mate arrives… story told… as is the rest of the weekend planned…
His reply “I bet you won’t fuck all of them, and if you do I will laugh”
Challenge accepted….
His last piece of advice… which is very true…
“You know if you do this though, it won’t bring her back to you, and it won’t help with the hurt, you need to process it before you start doing anything else… you will regret this in the end”
Yeah whatever, I’m not listening, not interested… I’m hungover, need a shower, and need to get my arse to the eastern suburbs for my coffee catch up…
Those words from my best mate… still hear them, and he was right. Didn’t make it better… yet I wasn’t in mindset to listen…
On we go to coffee catch up with BC2… and possibility of more sex…
Very interesting advice from his friend! Definitely agree.
Also who leaves a guy in their house that they don’t know to go to the gym?

Origin #2

Later that day Origin texts me to see how the rest of my day was. We text for a bit & every day afterwards. We kinda arrange to catch up on Friday night, without any set plans, but when I was getting ready in the morning I poke myself in the eye with a cotton tip (Good one idiot!) & I get a blood spot on my eye. I go to work not thinking about it but as the morning wears on it hurts more & more, plus I’d been in training for work staring at a PowerPoint presentation so my eyes were strained. They’re so sore. After training I head to the pharmacy for some drops to ease the dryness & the pharmacist tells me to get to the doctor ASAP. FREAK OUT! I make an appointment & take the afternoon off. Of course my eye is fine but it was best to get it checked out. I text Origin to let him know that I am at home with a demented eye & send him a picture so he doesn’t think I am lying about why I need to cancel our date – probably didn’t need to cancel, but I did. He tells me I look pretty, even though he can only see the side of my face & my eye.

The Doctor has told me not to use screens too much that are close to my face, just relax & watch TV, so I’m sitting at home not doing a great deal when my phone rings, it’s Origin! He rings to ask how I am & if my eye is ok, what the Doctor said. OMG how fucking adorable! We don’t talk for long but I say how sweet it is that he called to see how I am. I also text him after the call to say how sweet it is (I’m not sure why I did that, I normally wouldn’t do stuff like that, perhaps that’s why I’m single?) he likes that I did text but he called because he was worried about me. Awww, too cute! I text him goodnight at about 9:30 pm when I go to bed like a grandma, he texts back after midnight saying he hopes I feel better & to enjoy my king sized bed.

We text on Saturday & he says he’s hungover & doesn’t feel like going out but if I want to come to his house to watch a movie. I agree, feeling nervous but he suggests I bring a bottle of wine. I knock on the door & his two dogs go mental & it takes a minute for him to open the door. I let the dogs sniff my hands then they walk off to their bed. We kiss briefly hello, he tells me I look nice & he leads me into the kitchen where he pours me a glass of wine & he inspects my eye saying it doesn’t look that bad. He gives me a tour of his house, which I find a bit awkward – why do I need a tour? But then we just sit on the couch.

He suggests a movie on Foxtel which I hadn’t seen so I said that would be good, it didn’t start for an hour so we watched some crap on TV drinking the wine & chatting fairly easily. Chatting so much that we missed the beginning of the movie, so we just started watching something else, when he said “come here for a cuddle” so I moved over & then we kissed properly, FINALLY!

I probably should’ve shown some restraint, one of my friends says that I shouldn’t have sex with any man for at least three months, another friend had said it was a bad idea to go to his house knowing that I’d probably have sex with him & then I’d be in the same position I was in with Milky – just having casual sex with no idea what he’s thinking, then I’d end up alone again!

But with all that perfectly sensible advice, I didn’t listen to any of it, it was a good kiss, I ended up sitting on his lap straddling him, kissing him like we were the last people kissing on the planet. We fooled around & ended up having sex, he took me to his room then went to take the dogs outside & for some reason he never took off my singlet, so I just left it on.

Origin #2

Afterwards he just got up & went to the bathroom, then went to let his dogs in, so I went to the toilet too, he asked me at the door if I wanted water, I said yes & he pokes a bottle through the door. I laugh, saying I didn’t need it right that second (& dude get away from the toilet door, I don’t want him to hear me pee!) I come out of the toilet & go wash my hands, he’s standing in the lounge room holding my pants, he hands them to me so I get dressed. That was weird…?! Feeling quite stupid I think that perhaps I should’ve listened to my friends & not rushed into having sex with him, after all, this technically is only our third date!

I hang around for a short time, watching a stupid movie that I have to keep explaining to him but feel more & more awkward so I say I better leave, he says he’ll walk me out, he does, right out to the footpath, we kiss, then I stupidly turn my head & he kisses the side of my face like a weirdo, we say bye & I jump in my car thinking to myself ‘what a fucking idiot!’


Why Are You Single?

One thing I get a lot, not necessarily from single men, but from all my friends, colleagues is ‘Why are you single?’ & then they proceed to list your qualities on their fingers, usually no more than five but at least three things that they like about you, that they think men are looking for in you & while you agree with the qualities they’ll list, you know that generally these aren’t the reasons why you are single.

So why am I single? I own my own home & have done for more than a decade, I hold steady job where I am quite successful & passionate, I am very well-traveled including having lived overseas in my mid-twenties, I am smart, I am funny & love to laugh, I don’t think I’m hideous to look at (though you may never know the answer to that!), I have a wide variety of interests – now including sport & recreation activities or music/comedy gigs, I don’t have kids & never been married so have no baggage & I love to go out but also love to stay in.

So what is it about me that people love to chat to me online & will say how perfect I am & how much they can’t wait to meet me, then when we meet, there is something that changes for them. They either say ‘do you want to catch up again’ I say yes but may never see them again. Or they leave after one hour & say there was no chemistry for them.

Why are you single

I honestly don’t know what it is & the more good dates I go on with a bad ending the more jaded I get & the harder it is for me to let someone in. I think that’s what scares me the most, is that now I am too damaged, to be a girlfriend. I mean I say I don’t have baggage because I don’t have an ex hanging around or kids but I might have even worse baggage that those ladies (at least their baggage is out in the open, mine is hidden so that I don’t even see it & am only really coming to terms with it).

So I’m trying a new thing, dating a guy from online that I may not think is that good looking or that I am that into. By trying other things as well, when a friend suggests to set me up, I am going to go. If nothing else happens with these men that I’m not attracted to, I’m sure there will be a blog post out of it.

So that’s what I’m trying to move forward doing, being more open! It seems good in theory but I’m not sure that it’s going to be good in practice, because usually what will happen for me (I’m sure you’ve all experienced this) is that a guy you’ve gone on a date with that you aren’t really that attracted to, is the one that finds you amazing, your friends will say give him a go, so you’ll go on a few boring dates, he’ll get attached, perhaps a little needy & turn you off. Then once you end things with him your friends will say “you’re so picky.” Well I don’t want to settle with someone & if there are alarm bells in the first few weeks, I don’t think those alarm bells go away just because you give the guy a go.

So perhaps my friends are right, I am too picky but I’m like Carrie Bradshaw, I’m looking for inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.


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One of my no no’s for a profile is to write that you want “a girl who looks after themselves”, I hate it with a passion, I don’t even know what they mean by it & do men not understand what type of message it sends to a woman? So I almost didn’t add this guy because of it, plus he is younger & I wasn’t really sure about his pictures either – he doesn’t exactly look like he looks after himself, but we started chatting a bit & it was quite good, he gave me his number & we started texting. We text a lot, like every day all day, that I was getting to a point that if I don’t meet this guy soon I am going to get too attached. So when he asked to go out on the weekend I say yes. He texts me all day of the date night but then at like 3:00 pm he says his mum called & wants to do Mother’s Day dinner. I say it’s all good, have a great night & end up going out with a friend & the ‘Bowie’ evening happened (probably also because Bowie said that it was bullshit that Origin had to go to a family thing.) Red Flag!

Anyway he continues to text me the next day when I’m feeling sorry for myself, hungover & shameful that I had sex with someone the night I was supposed to catch up with Origin. But all through the next week, we text every day, we send each other random pics of our furniture & we joke a lot with great banter calling each other names & about him not having a TV in his room & me having a king sized bed. We also text about everything that we hate about meeting people, I say how I hate that you never know what to do when you walk up, give them a kiss on the cheek? A handshake? or worse, wave at them? There’s also the awkwardness if they go to kiss you on the cheek but you go to shake their hand, then you end up with their dick in your hand. Bahahaha. Origin says he agrees & that he’ll kiss me on the cheek hello. I also talk about how my friend always tells me that I might come across superficial because I always talk about my renovations or where I’m travelling too next, I explain that it’s not to make them feel bad or to prove that I am better than them, it’s because I am finally in a place in my life that I can finally do things to my house. I think we’ve got all the awkwardness out of the way!

He finally asks me out again to have a drink. He texts me all day before the date but I also think that he’ll bail so I plan the coffee date with Woody because I also think that this will be the end of chatting to Origin, as per every other date I have been on.

All throughout the day he messages to say he’s been shopping to have something to wear & he’s a brand snob so he’s bought a Ralph Lauren jumper, so I start freaking out thinking I need something nice & new to wear. After a long three hours at the hairdresser I have one hour until my next appointment for the day to go shopping, I run into my favourite shop & try on ten tops before running out with three. I run into another shop for tops to wear underneath & then into a cheap funky jewelry shop to buy a necklace or ring.

We plan to meet at & 7:30 pm but he’s texting saying he’s ready when I’m on the date with Woody, so I say perhaps 6:30 pm. He’s there when I arrive, drinking a beer, he stands up & gives me a kiss on the cheek as previously discussed (Cute!) & he asks if I want a drink, I say I’ll get it but he follows me to the bar & buys me a wine. We chat easily, about all sorts, he says he got there at 6:10 pm because he didn’t want to be late. When he asks me which football team I go for, I say that I don’t really follow football but if I have to I just go for the team my primary school friend went for because they were the only games I ever watched, he says which team & when I tell him he gets excited as it’s his team! Scored some points there without even trying!

We have a few more drinks & he says he’s hungry, I agree & he says ‘we’ll do Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets a menu’ I wish I had of played instead of saying ‘I’ll get them, I don’t mind’ but anyway we’re trying to decide what to eat because he wants a schnitzel because I talked about it all week, but he doesn’t want a whole one, so I suggest we share & get an entrée too. He agrees & I go up to order since he’s paid for all the drinks so far. I don’t know what type of gravy he wants so I order & when I get back I ask which gravy he would’ve wanted, he says pepper, I say no, he says Dianne & I say yes. Cute, scoring more points now!

We share dinner & 3 & a half hours later we decide it’s time to go, he walks me to his car & he’s parked almost nose to nose with me, he asks if I want to catch up again, I say yes. (I actually had a really good time & he’s better looking in real life that his douche selfies.) he says give us a kiss pecks me on the lips & does this cute tickle on my stomach – which makes my tummy jump, before we go our separate ways.

I live about 3 minutes from the pub, so I’m home & in bed within about 8 minutes when I get a text from him, saying he had a good night & would’ve stayed longer if his dogs weren’t inside. I respond letting him know I had a good time too, when he says ‘sorry about that shitty kiss, I’m better than that’ I again say that’s ok & maybe next time it’ll be better.


He texts me the next day to see how I am & he revels his sick with a sore throat, so I say that I’m glad he didn’t kiss me. He agrees & we chat a fair bit for the next few days, he takes the days off work so I keep asking how he is & we text a bit. On Wednesday morning I ask how he’s doing & he says he’s back at work, what are my work plans for the day, I say I’m in the city most of the day & he suggests we catch up for coffee, so I rearrange my lunch break to meet him for coffee near his work. I thank god silently that I got up that morning & put on a full face of makeup & had washed my hair the night before as I am going out for dinner with a girl friend. I also was going to wear the top I wore on Saturday night but wore another one, which was bloody lucky!

I’m in the coffee shop when he arrives looking like a homeless person, t-shirt, jeans & beanie but he’s still cute. He offers to buy me a coffee & we talk really easily for 25 minutes before he has to go back to work. I can’t believe how quickly the time goes. We walk out of the shops & he says ‘Gee you are short aren’t you?’ I laugh as he’s not that much taller than me & I say that to him, but he says he feels tall. I get the feeling he doesn’t want to show me which building he works in but I parked my car that way so we walk together. He says he doesn’t want to kiss me & get me sick so he’s not being a prick, I agree so we just stand awkwardly saying goodbye, he says ‘we’ll catch up again’ I say yeah & he imitates me saying yeah & laughs, I say ‘fuck off’ with a giggle & he says ‘see ya jerk’ & we both laugh & walk off…


Guest Blogger: Sex On The Beach

Another one from my guest blogger & fellow blogger. Anyone remember MIA Undies? Kinda seems like I’m not 100% alone, except maybe for the loosing my undies part. Hahaha.

Sand paper condom! Oh god, that brings back memories.

The link to her new FB page to follow her is  –

Thanks again for sharing. This is exactly why I started blogging. So I know I am not alone!


Boyfriend #2

I haven’t ever really talked a lot about my one & only real relationship that I’ve had with Boyfriend. So I’ll give you a little insight to what our relationship was (over a few blog posts – spoiler alert – no cliff hangers on these ones, because you already know we broke up!) & there are some things about our relationship that may help you understand why I maybe like I am, or maybe it’ll just confuse you more.

Boyfriend & I met at work, which was a supermarket, I was probably around 21 at the time, him a couple of years older. He was the new night fill manager & I had worked at the store for a few years & was recently promoted to the assistant deli manager. When he started, he had a girlfriend but I thought he was cute. Our paths always crossed on nights out with work people – which was quite often being in our early 20’s, plus we went to Big Day Out (the festival that is no longer) & always chatted at work.

After he broke up with his girlfriend, we were both given the opportunity to do a in-house retail management course, which meant that we studied together once a week with other employees from the company. I hoped to sit next to him because I knew him but still didn’t think there was anything there.

We swapped numbers to so we could contact each other about the course, I remember being in Sydney with my sister when he first start talking to me via text asking me a really dumb question (which I find out later was just a way to start the conversation with me). We text a bit – this was also when texting wasn’t unlimited so we didn’t just text all day, however it was a lot, especially at 30 cents a pop!

I remember feeling like a teenager when I was out one evening with friends, I think at the Christmas carols in the park when he was messaging me. This was before people were always looking at their phones & had them on silent, so it kept beeping, my friend snatched my phone off me & started replying for me. How mortifying!

Around this time too, I realised when I was on late nights, every time he would come to the deli to get his hot dinner & I surprised myself by always giving him a cheaper price on all the left over crap that was in the hot food counter.

I went to Fiji with a friend & met Swiss, then when I came back, all the work people went out one weekend & I remember being really drunk & telling him how I didn’t want a boyfriend & I was happy being a single 22 year old. We end up back at his house, I’m not sure how or why I went to his place at Magill, miles away from where I live with my parents. Nothing happened, we both just feel asleep on separate couches.

The following weekend, I’m at a family event. I am tipsy & am thinking of him. I send him a text “I’ve got the hiccups” next minute I have texted him the address of my uncles & he comes to pick me up. My aunty decides that she’s going to go talk to him in the driveway, again I am mortified, this guy is going to be scared off by my family! We go to his place, then to a bar for some drinks (like I need any) then back to his house. This is where he kisses me. I have sex with him on the first official date (just him & I), but I figure that we’ve been friends for ages & basically been on heaps of dates, have been messaging back & forth. I realise that I really like him & I hope that I’m not just a root for him.

Later I asked Boyfriend when he started to like me, because I wanted to know who liked who first. He said he started to like me after Big Day Out (we all went as a group) but I didn’t start thinking about him until we were doing that course together in the middle of the year. I guess it is feasible that a guy would like me before I liked him!



Sometimes there are guys out there that are honest about what they want & I respect & thank them for that because then I can make the decision about what you want to do, rather than them stringing me along. When this guy said he just wanted casual hook ups, I explained I’d just got out of something like that & wasn’t interested in getting back into that because I feel like I barely made it out of that one alive, with my dignity intact.

Anyway he keeps chatting to me after the first chat which I’ll give him points for that – I always struggle to be the first to message. So one night I was planning a date with a guy but he bailed (Story to come), Bowie starts chatting to me online & says that he thinks it’s bullshit why the other guy cancelled. I don’t know if it’s to make me feel shit so I’ll sleep with him or what but I had told my friend that I would go to a gig with her because I had nothing else to do plus she had a spare ticket & while chatting to this guy he says that he might come too. I don’t think too much of it, many guys say that sort of stuff all the time. I so tell my friend how this guy was perhaps going to come to tonight, but we just enjoy ourselves.

Two bottles of wine down, we’re having a great night, my friend goes to the toilet & I stay in the main room, she comes back & says that there’s a band in the other area & this gig was depressing her so we walk into the other room. A guy & her point at each other & start laughing, I have no idea what is going on but then I realise it’s Bowie! He realises who I am & he tells me that my friend had lent him $1 when he was at the smoke machine that wouldn’t take his $20 note. What are the odds?

We talk for a while, I have no idea what about but when his friend rocks up we end up hanging out together & all go back into the he main room (we snuck them in as they didn’t have tickets!) We kiss on the dance floor, I mean he’s there so I may as well. Might not be a lasting relationship but at least it’ll get Milky out of my head!

At the end of the night, I don’t really remember a lot, three bottles of wine & I am quite drunk, we’re sitting outside & he gives me his jacket to wear, even though I have a little jumper to put on, but somehow (I don’t know the conversation) but he gets in the car with us & comes back to my place for the night. I don’t really remember a lot which is probably not good, but we had crazy wild drunk sex & fell asleep, with the covers everywhere.

He wakes up early, I think I’m still drunk but I did say I’d drop him home, he says to drop him at a train station but I just can’t do that, I’ve had similar happen to me (remember Travel Agent?!) & it sucks, but then I remember his house is about an hour or more from mine. We talk easily on the way to his house, it’s not awkward which is nice, he kisses me quickly goodbye when he gets out the car & I haven’t heard from him since, yet he hasn’t deleted me from the app. But we were clear about what it was so that’s the good thing. I don’t have to wonder the stupid range of questions that seem to plague me after I meet someone new:

“Does he like me?”

“Will he call me?”

“Will I see/hear from him again?”

“Am I good in bed?”


The next week he messages me for a bit & I tell him that I don’t remember much, he tries to tell me that we didn’t do anything, which I know is a lie, so he tells me the truth what he remembers & what he liked. He asks me what I liked & what I would get him to do to me if I was there. He tells me that makes him hard. We talk a little more that day but a few days later when I log on to the site, I see that he’s deleted me. I mean, what the fuck DUDE! I know we weren’t looking for the same thing but my god, what is wrong with these people?



Reactivating my account, I get more likes than I ever have before, I chat to an electrician guy who asks if I’m free to catch up. He looks alright on his profile & we’ve chatted a fair bit so I think why not, what could it hurt. If worse comes to worse, then it’s just a good story for my blog!

He suggests the worst local pub near my house to catch up & I immediately say no & suggest one that has just been done up, so we decide to meet there. I walk in & don’t see him straight away so I go to the bar to get a wine so I turn around he’s at the other end of the bar so I walk up to him & say hello. He’s pretty much like his pictures but in real life he reminds me so much of Cruise & I am kinda not really attracted to him.

The drink goes well, I talk a lot which is what I do when they are quiet & I make him laugh a lot but he doesn’t really make me laugh at all. It’s easy for me when I don’t find them that attractive to be the person I am, not the shy person that guys I like see which is probably why the men I don’t like get to see the real me & actually want to see me again.

We have a couple of drinks but it’s so windy & cold that we decide to go, he walks me halfway to my car & asks if I want to catch up again, which I say yes, then he says he’ll hug me goodbye & I kinda do an awkward kiss on the cheek at the same time, not really thinking & so we kinda leave awkwardly as I didn’t actually kiss his cheek. SUPER!

I get home & minutes later there is a message on the app from him saying hey cutie, thanks for tonight, here is my number, hope we can catch up again. Why when things go ok with a guy, do I start thinking about Milky? We weren’t ever a coupe for fuck sake, he didn’t like me, he was short & lied about his age, why would I want to be with that? But I also thought about the Seacliff guy, I was actually really interested in him.


So I don’t want to lead on this guy by messaging him but I also don’t want to give up on something that could be good just because I like someone else who doesn’t like me at all. But I message him & a few weeks later after about 10 texts in total we arrange another date, coffee on a Saturday afternoon & possibly a walk.

We catch up for a coffee, he arrives & buys the coffees – Well hot choc for me as I don’t like coffee, we chat for a bit, it’s a little awkward & hasn’t gotten any better to be honest, there are a few silences which make me uncomfortable, when he finally says that the sun is in his eyes, we get up less than an hour later to go. We have an awkward goodbye & he says we should catch up again, I say the usual yeah, but don’t really mean it. I think he gets it too because I haven’t heard from him.


Guest Blogger: The Animal #2

Well I don’t know about you… But I’ve been waiting The Animal to call!

I wonder what will happen, this woman (or animal) is a little out there! Even by my standards!

The Animal #2

So we left this at The Animal going to call me, after her antics, wasn’t quite sure I wanted the call!
Yet, I did like this girl… Fit, intelligent, reasonably good sense of humor… maybe it could work? Even with the “Outdoor” escapade desires!

Anyway, so two days later I get a call…
The usual ‘Hi how are you?’ etc… Then the apology for going off her nut.

Apology accepted.

Would you like to come over, I’ll cook dinner and we’ll have a wine or two?

Yeah, why not!
In to the city, meet at apartment foyer, kisses, cuddles, all the nice stuff.
Up we go. Extremely nice dinner with Salmon and healthy stuff we are both in too.
White wine to start, followed by a lovely Pinot from the Adelaide Hills… Going well. No signs of the crazy side coming!
Discussion had of the antics, plus the loss of plot!! All good, stress from work and ex can do that to you (Right? We have all been there!!)

So after a wine or 3, the glass keeps getting filled… At this point very aware I can’t drink too much more, have to drive.
“No, you can stay here” she says…

Ok, well I guess we have done the deed already, so what is that going to hurt?

More wine…
Turns to romance…
Then fun in the kitchen…. (Kitchen is fun by the way… Just saying… Sturdy bench???? You get the picture…)

“Let’s move to the bedroom “

Not going to say no at this point, as there are things that have to be dealt with…
Didn’t think about the last time with a tree branch… Surely this will be normal…

So to keep condensed and not go into all the gory details, just before we end up completely naked, she asks
“Have you ever been tied up, and had sex with a Tiger?”
Being a lad from way out of the city, sheepishly reply “Nope”
Then notice the dog like collars on bed head….
“Would you like to?”

There’s alarm bells going on here already, yet the little head was talking not the big head… Mmmmm…. Fuck it, only live once hey….

So strapped in….
Rather different not being control…

This is the part where the nickname comes…. May not seem nuts for others, yet my naive country upbringing comes out here…

She starts to growl, then scratch and claw at my chest…. And very close to drawing blood…
And the mind is going ”WTF!!!!!!!”
At this point… Yep, have to say I’m not enjoying this and the more I bucked, the more she seemed to be getting off…


Then thought, Na… I’m done with this… I have to say so….
But before I could she says
“You’ve gone limp”

Yep… It happened….

“Yeah well, not sure having sex with a Tiger was on my agenda this evening”

Boom! Released the “Animal”

Still tied up, out came a horse whip…
Laying completely starkers, I’m thinking ‘Holy shit!!’
“What the hell are you going to do with that?”

“I’m going to punish you and “him” for spoiling my fun”

Now this is when I lost it and pretty sure most of the CBD heard me…
I went off my tree ”Get me the fuck out of this shit!”
“Really?” Was her reply
“Fuck yes… NOW!”

With that, and a very forlornly face, she undid the collars….
Out of bed like a jackrabbit, with the “Animal “ quickly behind trying to apologise for being so forward…
Clothes gathered, put on, completely ignoring every single word…
Dressed and bolted…
No parting words from me except this… ”Animal, please, next guy you want to do this with, take it easy on him”

Never heard from her again…

Did run into her going up Lofty once, with the new guy. Ignored each other. One good thing though, as I was coming down and she was on way up… Fuck did I run faster!!!

And with that Ladies and Gents, that’s when I ceased to use anything online for dating…
And also pretty much lost interest in any sort of meet and greets…
Sit back these days and smile a little about this, as in “Holy shit I find myself in some pickles”
Not willing to do find myself in those situations again. However, still believe the fairytale exists… Think everybody should…
Moral of the story…. Enjoy your time being single, yet if you don’t like it, never accept anything that is less than your standards…
If it doesn’t fit with who you are, say so. Be honest. Honesty is better than silence.

I am really lost for words with this one! But thanks to my reader for being brave & sharing with not only me, but with all of you!



Have I not learnt from reactivating my closed accounts on stupid online dating sties? Well clearly not because I reactivate an account & meet someone that I think is really cute, we chat & we end up chatting for ages. We talk about quite a lot, never getting dirty, which at this point in my dating life is refreshing. He tells me straight away that he had kids, that he has for a week on & week off, tomorrow night would be his last kid free night for the week.

We talk some more, even though I am dying to go to sleep & he says that he can tell I’m not crazy & even though it’s really soon, he wants to meet me tomorrow night for a drink. I agree that it’s fast but I end up saying yes because it’s better to meet them quickly than to have it go on for weeks & then get semi attached & them meet & find out they are a tool.

So we arrange to meet the next night for a drink at a bar. Why are these the days that I get stuck in the office doing really important work until 6:00 pm, when I said I would be there at 7:00 pm, I look like crap so have to go home & change, fix my make up & get back to the pub! But somehow I made it but was a few minutes late. He did message me a few minutes to 7:00 pm & said he was at the bar, I messaged back & said I was just a few minutes away.

The conversation flows pretty easily about all sorts of topics, dating stories (I share some of mine – we’d be there all day if I shared everything!) & he tells me a lot about his exes & kids, which kinda sets my mind at ease. (As the only reason I don’t like to date men with kids is because I don’t want to have to deal with the crazy exs.) We have a couple of drinks & the place clears out so we decide to leave.

I really hate this part, after a date like this, where is wasn’t amazing (like everyone else’s dates I hear about. ‘Oh we talked for hours & we have been inseparable since’ –Oh give me a break!) Anyway the date went well, nothing over the top but you can’t really work out if he likes you, you think he looks nice & has been quite funny, yet who knows what he thinks. So you walk out the car park, I point to my car, knowing that last drink I went out for where the guy (Wine-o) just said bye & walked off, so I was getting a similar vibe from this guy, so I say it was nice to meet you, while getting my keys out my purse & he launches at me kissing me, I start kissing him back instantly. Oh how nice it is to be kissed, I haven’t been kissed since Milky, even though I’ve been on a dates, so I just lean into it, really enjoying that type of kiss where you know isn’t going to lead directly to sex.

We kiss in the car park for about 5 minutes before he pushes me up against my car, we start running our hands over each other when he says “Am I the only one that’s thinking it?” I ask what? He says “that I want to start ripping clothes off” I giggle saying not here, then kiss him but add, “yeah I’m thinking it too.” He laughs & says that “you could of led with that” but I say I thought it was pretty obvious. We continue kissing before a couple of cars come into the carpark so he says we should stop but will talk to me soon, we say good bye & go our separate ways.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days, I assume because he’s got his kids. I know he’s got Friday off so my friend says I should message him first, maybe he doesn’t think I’m interested because of the ripping off clothes incident that will forever be burnt in my memory of the wrong thing to say… So I message him hoping he has a good day off & fun with the kids, thanks for meeting me the other night I had fun, I get a response a full work day later saying he had fun with the kids & that he’s getting sick, I say I hope he feels better soon & that’s been it. I know he’s got the kids till next week so I just leave the ball I his court!


He deletes me from the app a few weeks later. No love lost but it’s always baffling to think that he wanted to rip my clothes off one night, yet he deletes me a few weeks later, after barely talking to me. I’m sure that’s not about me. Of course people will say that he was dating multiple people, which is fine, I get that, I’m not that naive, I am dating a few people too but I can’t believe that EVERY single guy is choosing someone else over me EVERY time, especially when he says when we’re chatting that he’s never gotten along with someone so well!


We’ve Fucked Before

Having deleted my accounts several times, I forget who I’ve chatted to in the past. Nicknames look familiar but you never know if they’ve deleted their accounts & changed their nicknames as often as I do. So there comes a time in little ol Adelaide when you start chatting to someone that you start to feel a little connection with, think might be really cool then they start to talk dirty to you. I reply saying that I don’t want to fuck random guys anymore, I’m looking for more. Expecting to be ignored & him stop talking to me, so I’m surprised when the little icon comes up to say that he’s typing. I wait to see what line this dude has, like I haven’t heard every line in the book yet… But I was not expecting him to say ‘We’ve fucked before!’

FUCKING HELL, how slutty can I be not to remember someone I’ve slept with? I start to go through my mental list of men I’ve slept with & cannot remember this guy, I ask him when & he says last year. That doesn’t help, that was about the time I was just about screwing a different guy each week. I ask why we never saw each other again. He says that I went away for work & he got busy, which is fair enough, I do travel a bit for work but I think why wouldn’t he message me when he wasn’t busy. I also ask him what his name is again & he gives me a different name to when we first started chatting. Who the fuck is this?!

So he asks if we can catch up that Friday night, he wants to have a shower with me so I figure, it’s not going to be another notch on my bedpost that maybe I could meet up with this guy. Clearly our first meeting wasn’t significant that I didn’t have a story about him or even remember it so it couldn’t have been that bad, right? I give him my number, which I NEVER do, I always ask for theirs, I thought this might help the previous text messages in my phone from him & piece together the evening we caught up. He never texts me but later than night on the dating app, he starts talking to me, I’m like what are you doing dude. He asks to come over after the gym in the morning when I have my shower, I say sure, text me. He doesn’t so I don’t bother with him anymore. I end up going away for work again & he chats to me so many times on the app but never texts me.

Somehow, we exchange details to get off the dating app and onto a different chat app, where he sends me dick pics (Yaye – Not.) & I question him more about when we caught up. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of info so I go though my phone & find text messages that I think might be his, then it all comes together… Oh god!

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The night I slept with him, I went out on a winery tour all day with my friend, I was drunk & trying to get Hockey Puck to come over again, but of course he was playing his ‘I’m sick’ game. So I cracked the shits with him & told him to fuck me or fuck off. I got online & as I’d been talking to this guy, we text & he came over as I was getting dropped off. I still don’t really remember the sex with him but he does tell me that we talked a little, kissed then I sucked his cock, we had sex but then he was embarrassed because he came so quickly, so he didn’t want to see me again. I say that there are so many more reactions that he could have had besides getting up & leaving. He doesn’t ask me what I mean, but for the regular readers, he could of stayed a little longer so I didn’t feel like a whore, he could have spent some time on me being that I didn’t cum during our short sexcapade, he could of waited till he was ready to have sex again & tried to go a bit longer than the first time. He didn’t need to get up & leave making me feel cheap.

Now that I think about it, do I really want to catch up with this guy again?