What The Fuck Is There To Do In Adelaide?

I refuse to believe that there is nothing to do in my little “country” city of Adelaide. With approx 1.3 million people living in this city, I am in disbelief that pretty much all my dates I been on, have been:

  • A drink at a pub
  • A coffee date
  • Dinner & a movie
  • Netflix & chill

I think this is lame as fuck for Adelaide & me. Surely there is more to do, something fun, something exciting that also shows my fun side. Remember my friend telling me to show my fun side way back in the first blog Pilot?!

This blog came about because I dated a guy who’s favourtie thing was playing mini golf – it was even on his profile when we met, so one night I booked us in for a game of mini golf at Holey Moley, where we ended up playing both courses. Because of his reaction about how excited he was to go before we got there & afterwards him telling me how much fun he had, talking about it days later, that we should do more fun stuff, that I started to think, what the fuck is there to do in Adelaide?

When I posed this question to myself, I was spending the next day driving to Port Pirie with a colleague so I said to her that we need to think of “fun dates” in Adelaide. So this list isn’t just complied solely by me, she had a few ideas & was also able to google as I drove but of course the blog is written by me.

Our list included all the usual things listed above, mainly revolving around food, but when I explained it was for an out of towner, who is a fussy eater (no cheese) who’s on a strict diet so doesn’t drink a lot of alcohol, but is adventurous, that we need to come up with fun things, not just dinner or drinks. However we are also restricted to a weeknight date! WOW, this sounds really hard! I wanted fun ideas like the mini golf & so this is what we came up with!052816 (2)

I’ll write a brief explanation for you too – so you can find it in your state if it’s not called the same thing where you are.

  • Holey Moley – Indoor mini golf. (https://www.holeymoley.com.au/)
  • Intensity – Arcade video games, air hockey, car racing simulators etc. (https://intencity.com.au/
  • Bowling – 10 pin bowling in gross shoes.
  • Winery Tasting – Find a winery with food & make a day of it, I love a sunny winters day & some wine tasting. Even do a brewery tour if wine isn’t your thing.
  • Adventure Rooms – Aka Escape rooms, using clues to get out of the locked room. (https://adventurerooms.com.au/)
  • Ice Skating – Find an outdoor rink, usually pop ups in Glenelg or the city.
  • Aquatic Centre – I thought this was weird (mainly cos I was worried about them seeing me in bathers, when my colleague said that she assumes he’s already seen me naked & this is something fun she does with her partner sometimes for a swim, sauna or spa.
  • Sporting Event – Football, motor sport, cricket or tennis. Amateur or professional, just get amongst the atmosphere.
  • Beach House – Used to be Magic Mountain, the waterslides, dodgem cars, mini golf, arcade games. (https://thebeachouse.com.au/)
  • Laser Tag – I did it for the first time a little while ago with work people, so was so much fun, in a group, not sure how it’d go on a date with only 2 of you.
  • Tree Climb – Adelaide has a tree climb which I’ve done with my gym friends, it was so much fun. (https://treeclimb.com.au/)
  • Bounce – Trampoline arena, pretty much a warehouse full of trampolines. (https://www.bounceinc.com.au/)
  • La Sing – A karaoke bar in the city, but probably any would be fun. (http://lasing.com.au/)
  • 8 Ball – I have a pool table in my lounge room, that we all know too well… I have sex on it more than I play pool on it. So, going out to play pool might be a better idea!
  • Trivia Night – Often at pubs, go join in with randoms or make your own team.
  • Mega Adventure – A giant obstacle course, must not be scared of heights. (https://megaadventure.com.au/)
  • Comedy Show – I’ve seen a comedian target a couple on a first date or a couple very early in their relationship, so be careful about where you sit. (https://www.adelaidecomedy.com/)
  • Paint ball – I’ve never played but think this could be fun too, even inflict a bit of pain!
  • Go Cart Racing – Careful with this as guys can get a bit too competitive.
  • Latitude – It has everything, indoor rock climbing, trampolines & am obstacle course thing. (https://latitudeair.com/)
  • Lawn Bowls – I’ve done this is big groups, but I’m sure you can do it in smaller groups too.
  • Concerts – Any concert will do.
  • Mount Lofty Hike – Any hike would be fun, even a beach walk would suffice.
  • Moonlight Cinema – cinema in summer in the park. Take wine & cheese for a fun mosquito bitten night.
  • Kayaking – You can hire kayaks so you don’t need to own them, but it’s something I love, however not been a good idea for a first date!
  • Garden of Unearthly delights – When the fringe is on, it’s an amazing place for food, drinks & a random show.
  • Day trip – Hahndorf, Victor Harbor, Whispering Wall or Gumeracha

So I think we did pretty well with the list. I never want to be a boring girlfriend & I think that this will help that along the way. Some of these things are very adventurous & I guess you might need a relatively higher level of fitness & possibly trust that the guy you’re dating isn’t just going to race ahead & not help you if you get stuck on an obstacle. Hahaha. However this also could be a good way to tell if they’re a keeper or not.

Have you got any other ideas?

#IBD4U

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50 Reasons Why We Love Guys…

So I had this for ages… I just found it recently & thought how relevant it is. Plus I think we all need a break from Noodle! -It’s fucking intense right now, we all need a breather! Hahaha…

I admit that I didn’t write this, it’s been around for years, you probably read it when we used to send a million bullshit email jokes to everyone in our contacts but I also don’t know where it came from, so I can’t refer you to the site… However, it’s worth a read, because OMG it’s so true!

50 reasons why we love guys…

(Kinda depressing for single girls!)50 reasons why we love guys.png

  1. The way they look when they step out of the shower dripping wet, with a towel wrapped low on their hips!
  2. How they proudly make you spaghetti for dinner and act as if it’s a gourmet meal!
  3. Their deep, husky voices in the morning!
  4. Uncensored talk about how great you are in bed – during movies, sporting events, funerals… in fact anywhere!
  5. Shower Mohawks!
  6. Little boy bed-hair!
  7. The moment when you stroke them under the table at a restaurant and they instantly lose 75 per cent of their basic brain-functioning ability!
  8. How they lick their fingers with abandon (just like you want to) while eating spare ribs, cake and all things sticky!
  9. How they lick you with abandon too!
  10. That rush you get when you open your eyes and share one of those in-love gazes while the two of you are kissing!
  11. Their knack for being harsh, loud-mouthed jock-heads with the boy’s one minute, then turning into shy, sweet ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ S-N-A-G’s when they come over to ask you out on a date!
  12. The way they look like a frog in a blender while they dance!
  13. The sloppy cursive chicken scratch or super-neat handwriting that somehow always looks like a guy’s!
  14. Even better when it’s passionately scrawled throughout a three-paged love letter!
  15. Boxer briefs!
  16. That rush when they sneak up behind you and throw their arms around you in a ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane’ clutch!
  17. Brad Pitt, Heath Ledger, Jude Law!
  18. Their endless fascination with your breasts!
  19. How they offer you their coat when it’s freezing – even though they’re in a tee shirt and you’re wearing a jumper!
  20. How they help solve your petty fights with girlfriends and rarely over analyze!
  21. How they can’t believe how soft your hair is when they play with it!
  22. When they ‘accidentally’ leave the button of their Levi’s open!
  23. Even better if they are button fly!
  24. How before sex, they take their watch off and put it on the bedside table so it doesn’t scratch you!
  25. That dent they get in their forehead when they’re thinking really hard!
  26. Six-packs!
  27. How they swap plates with you at a restaurant if you don’t like your meal!
  28. The incredible feeling of being kissed on the back of your neck!
  29. The way they turn into boy scouts if your mother calls… even if the two of you have just been up to no good!
  30. That cute yet frustrated look they get when they’re trying to work out how to undo your bra!
  31. The way they willingly (but not always so ably) step up to the challenge of fixing your hairdryer, bookshelf, stereo, kitchen sink…
  32. The simple way they try to cheer you up by looking into your eyes and pulling a stupid face until you start laughing!
  33. The times they spontaneously go out and buy you something when you know they detest shopping!
  34. The way they take their tee shirts off differently to us – by pulling them by the back of the neck over their heads – without even trying to be sexy… But it is!
  35. How they can crash and burn on their motorbikes but completely freak over a simple blood test!
  36. The funny, misspelt, all-lower-case emails they send you at work – which keep you smiling all day!
  37. Those thigh tingling times when they use their teeth to take off your underwear, little by little!
  38. How when they sit you on their lap and you worriedly ask if you’re too heavy, they always say “No, you’re fine. Stay!”
  39. How they act when watching football – as if their life depends on the outcome!
  40. The cool, smooth, feeling of their fresh, clean-shaven faces!
  41. Perfect two-day stubble works too!
  42. How when you tell them they shouldn’t kiss you in the morning because of your morning breath, they ignore you and kiss you anyway!
  43. How cute their faces look when they’re covered in shaving cream!
  44. How they think it’s sooooo cool when you accidentally burp out loud!
  45. That mesmerized “Ohh, baby” open-mouthed expression when you take off your clothes!
  46. The way they put their hand lightly on the small of your back as they guide you through a crowd at a party!
  47. The way they say your name out loud during sex, like it’s the only word left in the English language!
  48. The fact that they take an average of 4 minutes and 30 seconds to get dressed, even on formal occasions!
  49. Their secret appreciation of how you’re not afraid to ask for directions when you’re running late for a function in an unfamiliar area – and are hopelessly lost!
  50. The silly irrational way they get possessively jealous when a sales assistant, bartender or waiter flirts with you!

 

16, 34, 46 are my favourites! What one are your favs?

#IBD4U

Guest Blog: Erotica – For Her

Erotica Thursday’s is back (for today only!) This is a erotica story written by my male friend… I like reading stuff from the men too!

This is a similar fantasy that I’ve enjoyed but have also experienced (Story to come!)

Here’s a link to my erotica scenes… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call , Scene Five – Blindfold, Scene Six – Shower, Scene Seven – Anticipation, Scene Eight – Watching, Scene Nine- Quick Fuck, Scene Ten – Her Surprise & Scene Eleven – Prick.

Enjoy!

For Her

The mood in the house is quite uplifted. I bounce around the living room to my favourite song. The bass from the speakers reverberates from the floor boards. The warmth from the fireplace radiates throughout the room. I pour myself another glass of wine and lay back in the recliner, gazing out the window. I look at the clock. 5pm. A smile appears on my face. A sense of excitement overwhelms me as I see his car pull in to the driveway. My man is home. I take one last quick look in the mirror. I’m wearing his favourite red lace lingerie. Letting him know that I’m in desperate need of hot animal sex. The thought of his hands on me, controlling me, has me ready and eager. I watch him get out of his car. The greasy, dirty, hi-vis outfit encompassing his body, is my favourite sight. His dark sunglasses covering those baby blue eyes. The image of him is something of my dreams.

He retrieves his esky from the boot of his car and walks towards the front door. I take a deep breath to centre myself as I open the door. His smiling face drops to a sly, cheeky grin as he sees me. He stumbles on the front step. I reach for his hand and pull him inside. Without taking my eyes off him, I take his esky from his hands, throwing it on the floor like it doesn’t have feelings and slam the door behind him.

“Don’t worry about your day, or what happened outside that door!” I instruct sensually. “Tonight, I am yours to do with whatever you please, do you understand?”

With that, I push him hard against the door and press my lips to his. I work my tongue into his mouth and melt with the flavour of his tongue that I’ve been craving all day. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He reaches down and firmly grabs my ass, lifting me onto his hips. I remove his sunglasses and gaze deep into his eyes. There’s something about them when they look at me. When he looks at me, its like I’m the only girl alive. I know he cares for me deeply. As I do him.

I passionately kiss him as he starts walking away from the door. Pulling away so he can see where he’s walking, he looks at me and says, “Whatever I want, hey?”. I nod childishly, knowing exactly where he’s taking me!

As we reach the doorway to the attic, he kisses me one last time and puts me down.

“Kneel” he commands.

Looking up at him gives me a feeling of being in complete surrender. My master and protector. He reaches above the door frame and retrieves the door key from the hiding spot. He opens the door and instructs me to crawl up the stairs. Knowing this is his favourite part, I crawl up slowly, accentuating my movements. Looking backwards I notice his adoring grin. His eyes fixated on the red lace.

“Whack!”. His hand connects with my right butt cheek, sending delightful tingles of pain through my body. I scurry up the stairs.

“On the cross!” he orders.

I slide my body against the cold, hard, polished St Andrew’s cross, expertly crafted by my masters very own hands. The cold, smooth varnish awakens my skin. The feel on my back is so harsh, but comforting. He straps my hands to the restraints above my head. Running his hands lightly down my body, he grabs my ankles. Spreading my legs, he attaches the straps around my ankles. I cannot move. He walks to the cabinet and retrieves my favourite blindfold. Placing it on me, he presses his lips against mine. His taste electrifies me. Without the sense of sight, I’m more aware of his many other attractive traits. His dirty, oily smell from his work clothes makes me reach out to taste him. He grabs me by the throat and pushes my head back. I moan as he instructs me to be good. I can feel my panties getting wetter as I yearn for him to touch me.

“Bad girls get punished!” he remarks, as he ties a neck tie over my mouth to muffle my sound. Preventing me from trying to taste him.

Suddenly, a sharp pain scorches my breasts. The pressure increases as he tightens the nipple clamps. The pain is intense but pleasing. He tugs on the chain, stretching my already compressed nipples. He pulls further. In my mind I’m waiting for my nipples to tear, but I know that he is in complete control and cautious with his every move. He would never hurt me more than my limits.

He lets go rapidly and my nipples return to my chest. Rebound pain is more intensely pleasurable than the feeling of them being pulled on. My moan is muffled by the necktie. I love being able to scream behind the mask.

He grabs my face and kisses my neck. The polar opposite soft, sensual, contrasting feeling makes me weak at the knees. I love when he creates contrasting sensations!Erotica, for her.pngHe kisses me downwards. Along my neckline. Over my breasts. I’m yearning for him to continue. He complies. He grabs at my waist and kisses me just above my spot. I push my hips into him. The warmth of his tongue gently touches my button. I moan louder as he starts drawing circles around it. Pulling me apart, he pushes his tongue slightly inside and my body collapses slightly into my restraints. He pulls away, back to my clit and runs his fingers around my opening. Pressing ever so slightly on my muscles, he makes me relax around them. Timing my hips with his fingers, I rotate around him. Slowly he pushes his way inside, pressing firmly along my front wall. He pushes his fingers in their full extension. I scream as he presses hard upon my pleasure spot, that he knows all too well where to find. His mastery of his fingers inside my body makes me grind my hips, harder against him. Faster and faster his fingers move against my front wall. The pressure is building, I can feel that familiar feeling is coming. He can sense it too. Increasing in speed and pressure he presses firmly against my spot. My muffled screams get louder and louder behind my necktie gag. The sensations swell throughout my body and the blood rushes to my head. I feel the liquid escape my body. The sound of his fingers, squelching inside me as he slaps them around, in complete control of my body. I collapse further in my restraints as the feeling subsides throughout my body. My head drooped as low as my neck will allow.

He removes my gag and presses his fingers into my mouth. Making me taste myself. I clean his fingers diligently, knowing that it turns him on immensely. I don’t mind my taste either, mixed with the flavour of his hand. He removes my blindfold and I stare at the floor beneath me. My satisfied face stares back at me in the wet polished floorboards. Totally spent and exhausted from the attention that my man just gave me.

As he massages his hands along my legs, I feel the blood return. The sensation of touch appears in my legs once more and I find the strength to stand on my own feet again. The sensations continue as he runs his hands up my torso, over my breasts and to my face. Lifting my head, our eyes meet. His face is awash with content smugness. He kisses me on the lips and returns the blindfold to my face.

The feeling of the rope around my waist is soft and sensual. As he ties my hips to the St Andrews cross, I feel something unexpected is about to happen. I cannot see what he is doing. I feel something spherical being pushed against me. As I feel the rope cinch tight against my body, I realise what he’s done. He’s tied it against me, pushing firmly on me.

“Im going to have a shower, I will be back shortly!” he exclaims.

“Don’t you fucking dare you bastard!” was my desperate reply.

He kissed me on the lips and then I feel him move away. My focus turned to the spherical pressure on my button, knowing that in any second, I may or may not be in severe uncontrollable discomfort until his return.

The feel of the headphones being placed over my ears was distracting enough. My favourite band starts playing. My master knows me well. The intro builds. The singer’s voice screams through my head. I cannot see or hear what my master is doing. I cannot move, restrained to the cross. Almost all my senses have been removed and I am unaware of my surroundings. The song builds toward the bass drop. A gentle kiss on my lips just before it hits, then as it does…..

“Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. Trapped in restraints, with no awareness of what’s around me, and a hitachi wand tied firmly against my clitoris while my master leaves to have a shower…….

#IBD4U

 

Canada

Before Boyfriend came along, I was happily single & planning a trip to Canada to live for 6 to 12 months on a working holiday. I’d been talking about going for years, I’d even started saving for it & ready to apply for my visa. I’d also gotten the travel bug having just come back from Fiji (Where I had Swiss), then Vietnam with Boyfriend, but I settled down & bought my house, that I didn’t get go overseas again for many years… So after Boyfriend & I broke up, I moved back in with my parents, rented out my house & went to Canada on a working holiday.

Disclaimer: This is actually my journal from 2008 when I went to live in Canada. I have edited it & added some info to make it make sense for a blog post, but it is mostly the journal I kept.

Here it is!

When I told my friend that I was going to live in Canada, she was positive that I would sit next to my soon to be husband on the plane. She wasn’t the only one to tell me that I would meet the love of my life in Canada & never come back to Adelaide… (Spoiler alert – we all know where I live now! Hahaha)

Well my flight from Adelaide to NZ sure didn’t have ‘the one’ on it as they were ladies next to me & this would require a very different lifestyle change. However getting onto the plane from NZ to Vancouver, two guys were in front of me & of course there are hold ups along the way as people put their stuff in the overheads & stuff about getting into their seat, where they put on their seat belt only to have to take it off again to get something out of their bag, which of course is in the overhead. I was stuck behind these two guys when I noticed they were getting into my row & I had the window seat so I stopped them & as I got into my seat I laughed, thinking that one of these 20 year old boys could be my perfect match! However sitting next to these boys, I realised that these were not the perfect match for me when they started going through the movies that were available on the in-flight channels, where they found a movie & decided that they needed to be started at the same time so that they could watch them together, restarting the movie twice to make sure they would watch it together.

I arrived in Banff & found a job within a few weeks at a currency exchange – I had no idea what I was doing there to be honest. I gave away money all the time by accident but I never got fired… But before I got the job, I had done a tour for 6 days to get to Banff, I met lots of people as a younger backpacker. When I settled in Banff though, I got stuck in a room with 7 other people – all boys! Now I’m no prude, that’s fine, but they didn’t they have to put me in a room with only boys in it… How weird for them, 1 chick?! I wonder if one of these boys could be the one I’m going to stay in Canada for? Not likely, as they’re all fucking Australian! But who knows… Lets just hope they don’t snore!

Ok so the boys snore & they have no respect for anyone because some of them came home, talked at a normal volume & stuff around going through their stuff, peeing with the door open until they finally get into bed & start snoring! So I slept with my mp3 player (Yes, I had a MP3 Player then!) on which meant I didn’t sleep very well at all.

I don’t spend a lot of time in my room because the boys are not really that friendly, so sitting in the common room when I talk to my first Canadian, that’s right I have been in Canada for 8 days now & I’ve only just met my first real Canadian & he seemed quite nice, a bit quiet & didn’t have a good sense of humour plus half the time he didn’t understand what I was saying, which made the conversation a bit stale. But he tried & I tried… I need to make some friends here!

I sit in the common room most of the day trying to meet some new people, but is so hard just butting into people’s conversations & trying to get them to be your friend. A couple of girls came & sat next to me on the couch for a bit & we talked which was really good, but once their dinner was ready they left. They were really nice to talk to & I think that I will probably talk to them again. So at this stage still not job or friends yet. But I’m hopefully, I have only been here on my own for two days. While still looking for my job, I am spending a lot of time in the common room, because I’m not going to meet anyone new in the all boys dorm room!

I chat to the Canadian guy every day when he is in there too… We chat a bit before he goes off to break in his new ski boots. He seems to keep going out to get coffees & break in his boots, I feel like I’m his only friend too, which is a bit sad considering he is from this country – but it’s good to have someone I guess.

I change rooms because I can’t handle being with all these aussie boys. I’m here to meet a Canadian! Though now I’m going into a girls dorm I probably won’t meet any boys, however I am at least going to make some friends.

One morning, I was having some breakfast, in the common room, now looking for some places to live, when the Canadian Guy asked me if I wanted to go up Sulphur Mountain with him, as I had my job interview that afternoon, I had to say no. That kind of sucks, but hopefully he’ll ask me again or we can do something another time.

The girls that I was talking to in the common room have become a bit of a friendship group for me, I have found out that they are sisters & here on a working holiday too but are struggling to get a job too. They invite me out one night to bingo, which I am not sure about but decide to go. We get there & they are closing the doors & not letting people in, like they are turning people away!

This is where the sisters, tell me about how weird this Canadian guy, who I’ve been chatting too thinking, he’s not a bad guy, Apparently. he’s a bit of a stalker, asking both the girls to kiss him one night when they were out, when the both said no he said “Come on its Banff” so now I am glad that I didn’t go on the walk with him. He didn’t have a very good sense of humour anyway – something I am very attracted too, he didn’t really get any of my jokes or understand what I was saying to him & from what I hear, he is pretty close to being kicked out of the hostel. Also, do you know what I just realised, he has worn the same outfit everyday that I have been here!

The bar we’re at closes at 2am so we go back to the hostel only to find the Canadian Guy out the front doing something very strange, which is a little hard to describe, but he was kind of throwing his arms up in the air & walking backwards, looked like some sort of rain dance. He came inside & told us that the lighter he was trying to blow up wasn’t going to blow up. At this point I snuck out & went to bed. It was after all 3am & WTF!

After about a month or 2, living & working in Banff, I was in a bit of routine now. One day I went & had some dinner, bought a book being that I have finished the one I brought with me, I walked home to see some deer or elk on the road wandering around a little bit lost – it’s a small town & there isn’t a lot to do to… I came home to a phone call from one of the women at work. She said she had someone to talk to me, WTF? Who would be calling me at work? It turns out that it was this guy that my boss thinks likes me as he flirts & stuff when he comes in. I just joke around & said that he seemed nice – never thinking that a man would be interested in me. Of course the chick at work, took it further & told him to ask me out, which is kind of weird because I don’t really date in Australia (I guess I do now! Hahaha), usually I would meet the guy with a group of friends so if he’s a loser then you can ditch him, so on the phone with this guy, he asks me out & for my phone number & said he’d give me a call. My boss rang me after he left & said he did a little jump when I gave him my number.Canada travel dickhead.pngI never get a call from that guy, what a surprise! My boss told me that the chick at work had forced him to call me, which I knew because it was her number that came up when she called. But my boss tells me that he came in to work to get my number again because apparently he lost it, so my boss gave it to him on a piece of paper when he passed it back to her & said how about you write your number down too. So that confirms it, guys are all jerks, no matter what country you are in! Nothing changed either, no matter how old you get.

#IBD4U

Guest Blog: Locked Out Of Heaven

Another Guest Blog from a reader of mine. I love these stories… I hope you do too! Breaks up the ongoing stories I share.

I believe this was another bloggers stories, but I don’t have the link of where it is posted!

Bit of a short one, but a good one! Hahaha.

Hope you enjoy anyway.

Locked out of Heaven

I hadn’t been separated very long, and as any newly single woman does, I went through a bit of a wild phase.

My favourite drink went from hot milo to tequila, my clothes from mumsy to classy single lady on the prowl, hooker heels, red lips, and a whole lot of sass.

Now considering I’ve never been a huge drinker I had to learn to manage my drinks and to handle my liquor.

I was out with the girls, frocked up to the nines, a few drinks under my belt when I saw him. We had locked eyes a few times and I gave him that cheeky smile, liquor induced of course.

Bruno Mars Locked out of Heaven came on and I’d made up my mind. I wanted to dance. I wanted to sexy dance. I wanted to sexy dance with him.

So with that extra dutch courage I hopped down from the stool I was on and strutted over to him, lets just call him Mr Hottie. Not only because he was sexy as fuck, his body was rock hard muscle, but when my hands found their way under his shirt he was warm, no, hot, to touch. Argh! Got there way too early. Rewind…

As I swayed my hips over to Mr Hottie, I reached for his hand and asked him to dance expecting him to oblige, however, he chose this point that he decided to play shy and told me he couldn’t dance.

I laughed and told him “there’s no such thing as can’t dance. Dancing is just like sex and I bet you rock in bed”. Yep. Good old dutch courage because this girl would never have said that to a stranger sober.

And with that I led him to the dance floor, stood in front of him with my hands on my hips, rolled my hips and then raised my hands in the air and with one I slowly sexily ran one hand down the inside of my still raise arm, down my throat, between my breasts to my hip, then lifted my hand and bit my finger and purred to him “tell me you can’t dance again”, before hooking my finger into the keeper of his jeans above his crotch and pulled him toward me.

Girl was on fire!

I placed my hands on each of his hips and stood with one of his legs between my two. I whispered in his ear and gave him the sultriest look I could manage, “show me how you can dance, just pretend you are having sex”.

And as the music blared in the club we proceeded to sexy dance to the sound of Bruno Mars. Hips rolling, hands wandering, neck kissing, ear sucking, heart rates increasing.

And by the end of the song, Mr Hottie showed me he definitely could dance, and later on that evening he showed me that those dance moves were incredibly arousing, orgasm building, sexy as fuck sex moves as well.

And that ladies is my memory of Locked out of Heaven, Mr Hottie and the night I got crazy on tequila and had the confidence to approach the hottest guy in the club.

Thanks dutch courage. Love you!052816 (3).png

#IBD4U

Profile Picture

One very odd thing about online dating is what people think is appropriate for their online dating profile pictures. I know I’ve talked about online profiles before but this blog will be profile picture specific… (When I started writing this post, I didn’t think I’d have much to say, but boy was I wrong!)

As I’ve said before this is your time to shine, your time to show women or men what you look like, who you are via pictures & if they want to swipe on you or not. Why waste this opportunity with a shit picture?!

However, in my experience, on the many occasions I have been online dating, I am still perplexed about men’s choices of profile pictures, I don’t look at women’s profiles so I can’t comment – but I’m sure there is a female equivalent to this blog, things men hate… It any guy wants to send me their thoughts, please do! I’m happy to hear if I am also doing something wrong!

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So, I want to ask. Why do men put up weird photos? Unflattering photos or really unsexy photos?! The most common unsexy one for me is them on a boat, looking proud as punch with a giant fish, that they’ve clearly just caught… Let me tell you something guys, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, sexy about a fish!!! They’re slimey, they’re cold & wet & do you know what? They aren’t cuddly or cute… They’re so unattractive, I just don’t get what message you’re trying to send a chick? Is it a that you’re a mans man? Or that you’re a hunter & gatherer? You will provide for her? I just think, ewww, every time I see one, especially if there is blood on the poor fish! I’d say probably one in every ten profiles contain a fishing charter photo of some sort.

My biggest pet hate for online profiles pictures is a picture with a kid… Especially when they note in their profile bio that the kid is not theirs… WHY! I hate it because I don’t think anyone should put kids on an online dating site… Its weird. So many internet creeps out there, do we really need to expose kids to that when they can’t consent to their picture being shared? Secondly, as someone who doesn’t want kids of my own, I don’t like to see someone that I’m attracted too, with a kid who’s not theirs, because it tells me that they want them, regardless of what they say. However, I do prefer a man with children, so I do want to know that they have kids, but I don’t need to see a picture of you with them to know that you’re a good dad… But seriously, if its not your kid, did you get permission from the parents to post it? Would they be ok with it being on a dating site for you to attract women? Also if you say you’re not looking for a relationship, could you put up a more contradictory photo?! It’s just plain weird, so stop it.

The blurry photo… What is that all about? Why post a blurry photo or even one where you can barely see your face because it’s such bad quality – this happens ALOT… Its 2019, take another selfie, delete that one & start over – did you know, it costs nothing to do that?? Same as the half face picture… It still costs nothing to take a picture of your whole face… Unless you are the phantom of the opera, show me your whole face!

Oooh, sunnies pictures! Fuck guys can look really hot in sunnies & then you look at their next picture & think fuck you were hot till you took them off! It’s not their fault, I get it… Maybe I look better with my sunnies on? Perhaps not though, because I do get lots of comments on my eyes… I’m also a bit like this with hats because I prefer hair so usually when they have all pictures with a hat on, they’re bald. Not much you can do about sunnies & hats but it makes a difference.

So the ol group photo, especially as their first picture, I look at the hottest one in the group hoping that it’ll be you & I’m devastated when its not. I find myself wishing you were the hot one, then I toy with the idea of swiping to get to know you so I can date your hotter friend! (hahaha not really, but what a great blog post that would make!) If you want to post a group shot, to show your fun side, make sure it’s not your first picture. Or all of your pictures – why do men post every single picture of him in a group?

This also follows on with drunk pictures or nightclub pictures… I don’t want to see that you’re a party animal. I am happy for you to go out, I also like to go out but if every picture was taken by a nightclub photographer, then you’re probably not going to be putting in any effort to be with me, even if we are just casual…

What about a photo with another chick? I don’t care if it’s your sister or just a friend, if I think she’s hotter than me, I definitely won’t be liking your profile because I will automatically assume that I am out of your league… Even if she’s not that hot, I always wonder what the deal is & why your not dating the chick your snuggling – who you’ve deemed worthy of your dating profile but not worth enough to date. It always gives me a weird vibe to be honest, but chicks are constantly in men’s profiles, probably more than fish…!

Selfies! I’m all for selfies, most of my pictures are selfies however, do we really need a flexed muscle in the gym bathroom? Or a dirty mirror selfie? (yes I look at the marks on the mirror!) Or a urinal in the background? Lets also not forget the ‘looking down’ selfie – usually in a car, why do men do that?? It gives you a double chin, even if you don’t have one. It’s not a flattering look… & oh dear God, selfies with bloody snapchat filters… Just as men hate them for women, women hate them for men – save them for snapchat not your online dating profile!

What is with pictures of only inanimate objects such as your car, truck, boat or motorbike? You’re not even in the picture! What is with that?! I don’t care what you drive to be honest, even if you’re standing next to it… It just sends the message that I will be always number 2 in your life behind your pride & joy. This goes the same with holiday pictures that you’re not in, I like to see holiday pictures with you in it, or that could be anyone’s picture. Same with a sunset, you’d be surprised how many sunset pictures there are.

I’m not a smoker & never have been, so nothing makes me click the no button faster than a cigarette picture… Fine for you to say you’re a smoker in your bio, most sites ask that now & I do prefer to know this fact prior to dating you, it’s not a deal breaker for me so I’m not opposed smokers but do I really need to see you with a fag hanging out your mouth, usually looking drunk as fuck or blowing smoke rings? Nope!

Memes… Why oh why do men post memes! It’s a online dating profile not bloody Instagram…! Most of the them are offensive & I am pretty open minded, so the fact I find them weird to post, I wonder what other women think. We want to see your face, not how good your google skills are at finding lame dad jokes.

Pets, ok I’ll let them off for having their pet up in their profile, however, if it’s just your pet & you’re not in it, I’m probably going to like your animal more than you, so probably best you just put your face up!

The “I looked so good in 2009, so I’ll put that picture up” photo… WHY? You do realise it’s a dating site & when you meet the person & you don’t look like your picture, they’re probably not going to be interested anymore… How dare you waste my time like that! Note to everyone, use recent pictures!

Only having one picture up irks me the most. Especially when it’s just one of the ones listed above… Because after all these guys I’ve already talked about above, they take off their sunnies or have a clear photo & they aren’t attractive to you, but you’ve only got one photo to go by, so when you meet they look nothing like you’ve seen, it makes the date awkward, unless they’re hotter, which lets face it, they generally aren’t… So please put up several clear photos & be confident in how you look!

Now let’s face it, I’ve swiped & matched with all of these guys over the years, I’m not saying I ignore them & you shouldn’t either… But I’m hoping this blog post will help educate those online dating to actually sell themselves, not their friends or bike or someone’s kid or fish… Hahaha…

#IBD4U

Guest Blog: The Writer

Another Guest Blog from a reader of mine. She’s written some stories for us before, this is another story she has for us…!

This is similar to some stories for me, I feel like I am not alone & am thankful that you share your stories with me & allow me to share them!

I love that you’re all involved in my crazy dating life & want to share your similar stories…!

Bit of a short one today, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

The Writer

So, I had been using a kink dating app, testing it out and it linked to my FetLife profile. After I deleted the app I got a message from a man on FetLife explaining that he’d followed me from the app and he wanted to chat with me, if I wanted too. Now, that maybe sounds a little creepy but he writes beautifully and I’m interested in having a chat. I’ll start by saying he’s not my normal type, he’s older by quite a bit and he lives interstate, he’s also in an open marriage. I normally don’t invest my time in people that will be hard to meet up with or married men, even open marriage men. But anyway… I do and I’ll call him The Writer.
We chat on FetLife for a bit and then we move to another chat app. I’m loving the conversations we are having, they’re intellectual, sexy, emotive, curious and we talk about everything, even mundane day to day stuff. I like him. He loops me into a group chat with his wife after a bit, she wants to know who I am as she’s been hearing so much about me. She’s lovely but a little aloof. She’s happy for me to be chatting with her husband, she’s got her own partners outside their relationship that she spends time with and is happy with the arrangement.
After a few months of intense chatting we’re starting to make plans to meet. While this has been going on I’ve met someone locally that I’ve started a relationship with, I’ve been open with him about The Writer and the relationship we have and local boy is onboard for me to meet up with him…until it gets too real and then he wants to tap out and wants me to cease contact.
I really like local boy and want to respect his boundaries and want to give our relationship a reasonable chance of making it. So, sadly I chat with The Writer and tell him where I’m at, he’s sad but understands. We only occasionally message each other to say hi, happy birthday etc… No sexy chats at all.

Guest blog the writer spouse or murdered.png
Fast forward about a year and my relationship with local boy has gone wonky and we break up. Not long after The Writer contacts me to say hi and we have a bit of a chat about what’s been going on. We chat a bit more over a few weeks and we decide that we’re going to meet, I book some cheap flights and we spend a few days picking an air bnb to stay in. He’s going to come and meet me in Melbourne and we’re going to talk and hug and cry and laugh and maybe have some kinky sexy fun.
Finally the day comes to fly out to meet him, he meets me at the airport and it’s lovely, like meeting an old friend. We check in and head out for an afternoon of exploring the city. Afterwards we head back to the bnb, I nap and when I wake up we make love, it’s tender and heartfelt and nice.
The next day he wakes me up, kisses me and then blindfolds me, he’s touching and licking and playing. My wrists get bound and then my thighs, he walks me carefully down some stairs and sits me on a swing in the lounge. My ass is hanging off the back of the swing, he ties me up harder and ties me to the swing, I’m tied up like a mummy. My senses are heightened and I’m really turned on. He pulls out a flogger and starts flogging my ass, it feels amazing, pleasurable pain. I’m still blindfolded. He stops flogging and I find a hard cock in my mouth he gently fucks my mouth for a bit before getting out a small whip and teasing me and whipping me. He’s playing and teasing. He then fucks me from behind. I’m suspended, tied and blindfolded, I can’t do anything but ride it and it’s amazing. We finish and he lays me on a cowhide rug on the floor and unties me, my body is tingling and buzzing with the release of the ropes and I can feel the sunlight that’s streaming through the windows caressing my skin. He takes my blindfold off and I see the play scene around me and I want to do it all again.
But we don’t and that’s another story.
I leave the next day, The Writer and I still chat, I’m still swooned by his amazing way with words that paint a vivid picture and hit you in the emotions. It’s an odd, endearing relationship we have. I’m glad we have it.

#IBD4U