So here’s what’s up:
For those of you that follow the blog on Facebook & saw a reader comment repeatedly calling me a ‘slut’, a ‘home wrecker’ & I believe that everyone who commented were labelled ‘spastic sluts’ also, then as any keyboard warrior does, it was deleted – not by me, while I don’t condone this kind of hate speech directed as someone personally, I believe everyone has a right to an opinion & so I won’t delete or block someone from having a difference of opinion to me.
However, I think it’s a timely reminder that THIS IS MY DIARY. I am not forcing you to read, I am not writing to get advice or be told how to live my life or how shit I am or what I’ve done is wrong. You may have an opinion on what I write – I know I have opinions on other blogs I read, on my choices on what I do, you often have advice for me (even though we’re still reading about 2019 – I thank you for your advice), you all engage in the story & I love that! My favourite part of my readers, is when there is an online troll, you all jump to my defence, sometimes before I even see the comments. Thank you for that.
I am not perfect.
I make mistakes.
I am not proud of some of the things I have done.
Would I change it if I could? Perhaps.
But I don’t regret my decisions.
I have read a lot over the years from other blogs, articles etc, which all have an opinion on cheaters – some good, some bad, most say don’t blame the mistress, blame the person you are in a committed relationship with – regardless if you chose to stay or not, they are the ones you need to make things right with. I get you can hate her or him, they did make a decision to fuck your partner too but they aren’t the one who did wrong by you, they aren’t committed to you.
I watched as a 20 year old, my parents go through infidelity, I never found out how long the affair was with my mums best friend, but I don’t think it was long. I don’t know if there were feelings involved, but I know my parents went to counselling to get through it, so I know that marriages can survive infidelity. I’ve never said that every marriage is doomed after someone cheats.
I have never denied that Silverlining & his partner couldn’t work though his infidelity & come out the other side stronger – I sort of hoped for that because then he wouldn’t be online ever again & maybe I would have been able to move on. But how can you come out the other side, or get over infidelity when either party aren’t willing to work on it? Lets take his partner for example, bringing me up daily, never letting him forget me. Does that sound like forgiveness? She knows he was in love with me – that he broke my heart via her stalking my Facebook, I believe that she knew the affair was over a year long too. Personally, I would never want to bring up the mistress if my partner ever cheated on me & I chose to stay, especially if I knew that he loved her. I would want him to forget her & his feelings for her but bring her up daily would remind him that he’s not with her & that I’m not over it either – I’m still punishing him in a way. If there were multiple women, with no feeling, I think that would be easier to get over, he would honestly be able to say to me that it meant nothing. I discuss this in my blog Cheat vs Affair. Lets take Silverlining for example – yes many of you say that he’d do the same to me if we were together, however if he was really committed to her, he never would have looked online for gratification that he craves. Regardless of what we think if it’s right or wrong, so many men & women do this daily, find people to chat too online, perhaps meet to fill a void they have with their relationship.
I am not an expert in relationships. I do not even pretend to know what I am doing in my own life to be really honest with you. But I do believe that happy people, in love with their partner, truly committed to their partner would never cheat on them. Use all the excuses in the world, but I don’t believe if you are happy & committed, that you’d be willing to risk all that for a bit of side sex… I don’t know, like I said I’m no expert & happy to hear your opinions, have you cheated? Why did you cheat? Were you looking for something else? Were you trying to fill a void? What does that void mean? Have you been cheated on? Did you get the apology vomit from your partner? Did you stay with them or did you walk?
But just wanted to say, again. I am not perfect. You’re just reading one side of the story, one side of a very big story. There are multiple people involved here, you hear one side. My rose coloured glasses side.
But if my story upsets you, don’t read it. It has triggers. So stop reading. I promise you if you’re hating it, just stop reading!
4 thoughts on “My Musings”
Good on you IBD4U. Stay strong sista!
You know what it’s like to have trolls on your page, I’m sure! We’re strong. We can do it.
My ex cheated on me & our son but I didn’t know it at the time. The relationship was shit & I finally worked up the courage to ask him if he could see it getting better & he said no so I made plans to leave with our son. The day I left he moved in with another woman. I never blamed her, he was the one in a relationship & I can only imagine the lies he told her. 4 – 5 years later he’s dumped her & got a new one🙄I kinda feel sorry for her
Yeah I’m not stupid. I know what they do to someone else, they’re willing to do to you. But in the moment, I can’t help but feel so special.