I meet a guy online Motocross – we’re mid July 2019 for those wanting to know the timeline, I’m finally catching up?! Or am I? Fuck… I’m trying, was going to do bonus posts but am basically writing as I go at the moment! Damn me for having a life & not writing anything but notes last year!

He has pictures online of him doing Motocross & Supercross – enough pictures that I think he’s probably really into it & maybe semi-professional or a very big hobby of his. He’s 33, he says that he’s self-employed. He’s very cute – brown hair, brown eyes, doesn’t look super tall & is quite skinny, maybe a bit young for me – he looks young, but he’s in his 30’s at least. He says on his profile that he likes cheeseburgers, mini golf & “riding me dirt bike” that he likes random road trips, travelling & that he has a cool dog. He’s only 4 kms away but sometimes it says less than one km away, so he’s close by, not flying back to the UK to get away from me!

When we match on the app, he starts the conversation, which in my experience is unheard of. The men seem to wait till you chat to them, not sure what that is about but on that app, they just wait forever. So I’m pleasantly surprised to get a “Hey how are you”. Albeit with no punctuation but at least I get a message – I’m at the gym on a Tuesday night when I get it, I get in trouble for looking at my watch when he messages me & I look to see it. I yell at my instructor that I have a busy social life & to be honest, it just says their name & that they’ve sent you a message on my watch – so I have no idea who this guy even is till I get home. I am chatting to a few others, so I don’t give this guy much back but “good, you?” he says that he’s good & then adds “So question what sort of performing do you do if you dint mind me asking last photo I’m talking about” -Yes that is his exact message with spelling error & no punctuation. I have a picture of me with rope & wax on my profile, hoping that I’ll attract someone sort of kinky, sort of dominant, but with the likes of Construction & Air Force, I am not thinking anything is promising! I tell him that it’s shibari & wax, that I was at a kink event but it wasn’t a performance as such. He says that he has no idea what that is but asks how long I’ve been doing it for, I tell him that I’s been a while & I go to classes & have some fun at kink events, he asks where they hold events – I like that he’s intrigued by it, not in a creepy way (yet – wait for it). He asked what got me into & what else I am interested in. I tell him ”I’m a bit kinky & found someone like minded who went to shibari class, so I went along too & found a rope partner so kept going. He’s not a sexual or boyfriend partner. Just rope, like a dance partner” I think at this time, I was still tying with Milky Bar Kid at this time. I tell Motocross what else I’m into as well, not waiting to scare the poor boy off “I like music, writing, wineries, comedy shows, gym, running, travel & riding my bike… you?” He says that he likes my interested & his are the same but he doesn’t write & hasn’t ever been to winery – OMG really? Like not even for a wedding!? He says that he likes mini golf & riding his bike that he likes anything outdoors. I say that it’s good, need to be active. He says that he is an active person for sure & I remind myself that I never used to be active, I mean it’s only recently that I am. He says “oh really never used to be active. I’m definitely active & you wouldn’t be lazy with me around” with a winky face! You know I hate when they start talking future, especially in the first chat & why they fuck do I get wrapped up in it? Surely I have learned my lesson by now, no man is what they seem! Why do men do that? Is it because they are thinking like I am that this guy could just be the one that isn’t like the rest? Or aren’t men that deep? Are they just not thinking when they start talking about the future?! He says well done about staying active, I tell him thanks, but I still have some goals to accomplish – weight related & he says “Your welcome it’s fantastic you have goals & your sticking to them. I’m glade your focused not that you need it I think you look fantastic anyways” OMG how many spelling errors?! But I’m liking the conversation with this guy that I am willing to over look his grammar & spelling. He says that I look fine again after I say that I am still working towards fitness goals since my weight is always the same, I think that being told you look fine isn’t really a compliment – is it?! I mean who wants to look fine?! I want someone to think I look amazing, that their eyes pop our of their head when they see me, not that I look fine!

Motocross starve you fat fuck

He then asks me if I’ve had any luck on here… I mean what the fuck dude! Next he’ll ask me what I’m looking for?! I say “Um, depends what you mean by luck. Hahaha. I mean I’m still on there, so not that much luck. But have met a few… You?” I think he realises what he just asked “Ooooh true okay sory to ask a dumb question. Nah only started yesterday never actually meet anyone yet I’m actually new to the whole online situation.” I ask if he’s never online dated at all “Nope negative never until yesterday” Wow, I kind of like that but also then think, I am just a rebound type thing with this guy, he’ll want to sow his wild oats on the online dating world, I am past sowing my wild oats, I want to find someone, a partner! I tell him that I’ve been on the road a bout before but only been a few weeks on here & that it’s not very fun. He says that he hopes that I didn’t get too dizzy. I actually laugh at that! I sat that I hate it & usually don’t stay on here long, he says “Oh yeah okay then well hopefully you won’t be on here much longer” What is that supposed to mean? Because he wants to date me?! Or because I’ll delete it?!

He says “Do you mind if I ask a question?” Of course I say yes, waiting for the what are you looking for to pop up on my screen! “You mentioned you like kinky before how kinky you don’t have to answer tho if you don’t want I’d understand” I like that this guy is intrigued but not a sleeze about it & also not like Air force about it. I say “Well, I don’t have any extreme fetishes, besides lingerie… But I’m as kinky as my partner wants. I mean I enjoy rope & wax obviously… I also enjoy restraints & pain. But not something I have to have if my partner doesn’t enjoy it” I am careful with my words because I remember Noodle telling me I had to have kink. I don’t, I enjoy it but I don’t have to have it… I loved everything I did with Noodle, it was our kink & that was kinky enough for me. He says “Oh wow okay interesting” & I think I have freaked him out a little… Noodle always said I was intimidating! “I take it you’re not kinky at all?” His answer doesn’t surprise me “I’ve honestly never tried it TBH. You looking for a student?” with a winky face. I tell him my standard response when me think I want to teach them how to be kinky, that I am not a dominant, that I am mostly submissive, however I do like to switch every now & then. He says “haha oh yeah okay you like submissive. Lol team play I like it” he then asks about my lingerie & I tell him that I have a lot of stuff, a ridiculous amount of stuff, he gets s bit cheeky saying it would look good on me or the floor & I get swept up in the cheekiness too & say that one day he may say it. Seriously, this is the first chat, I need to calm the fuck down – how to I get so swept up in these conversations like this all the time?! Every single time I think they are going to be different, & they are always the same…

He asks when my next event is but I tell him that the next one I can go to is for my birthday in August, but I tell him that I won’t take him as the last guy I took got super jealous & so he says “Hahah yeah right okay that’s unfortunate then how bout a private show then” with a winky face… This guy is making me smile at least! I tell him that I’d need a drink or two first, he says that he’s keen for that as I’m always typing a date two. He says “I’m listening” I mean is he?! I just gave him an in to ask me out. So I tell him to ask me out on a date. He says the he’s a little rusty at this. So I send “Hey #IBD4U, would you like to out with me sometime soon? When are you free? What would you like to do?” he replies “Haha that’s awesome I like it. Sooo #IBD4U are you interested in going out when your free next” I laugh, “Oh Motocross, this is so unexpected… I’d love to go out sometime. I thought you’d never ask!” He says “Awww thanks I’d like that very much” I reply “hahaha, when are you free?” realising that it’s after midnight already & when I don’t get a reply from him, I put my phone down & go to sleep, I expect a message first thing in the morning, surely but when it doesn’t come, I think FFS, another one bites the dust!


Holden #2

Social suicide with a bunch of people who hate me for a reason no one will tell me isn’t a worry anymore – they hate me & won’t tell me why so what difference does it make now that Holden is single?! I have always gotten along with him, so I am enjoying the chats with Holden. Most mornings I wake up to a message from him, usually simply saying “Moaning” it always makes me smile.

We talk about his Facebook because he says that he’s changed his relationship status & that didn’t go down well for him. I send him a screenshot of it, showing that he’s got all his information including his phone number & email. He says that only friends can see, but I tell him that I have had a few people from the chat app add me on Facebook that I’ve never met, such as a chick we’ll call Fruitcup. So even though I use a different name on the chat app, people still find you!

We talk about catching up at some time, he decides that when he doesn’t have the kids that he is going to come over to my house, it was always a big joke in the groups about my bath & that there should be a bath app that people could book into have a bath with me, he & Noodle always had jokes about who would get to do it.

We’re going to catch up this Friday night, he is going to come to my house & I ask him to turn off him family ‘find my iPhone’ because if you recall that’s how Noodle was tracked. I’m not saying that Holden’s ex-wife was or is doing it to him, but if she does stalk him when he has no kids, I don’t need another woman knowing where I live, even if they are split up. I’m not sure it’s entirely what either of these to want, so I need to be careful about that.

So it’s Friday, the day I’m supposed to have Holden over to my house. I know that my period is coming on Saturday, however as I am walking around work dressed in a really cute outfit ready for tonight, as I’m not sure how much time I’ll have after work to get ready. I realise that I’m having a lot of cramps, which is usual the day before, so when I head to the bathroom, I realise that fucking mother nature has given me my period a day before which is really painful, so even if Holden was ok with period sex, I can’t fuck on the first day anymore, especially since having my tubes tied.

I message him straight away with the apology vomit profusely saying I’m really sorry, but explain that mother nature is not been good to me, but that I really want to catch up anyway even if we can’t have sex. He says that it’s ok because he’s been freaking out a little bit about actually catching up with me. So we decide that we are going to meet for a drink, I suggest a place near the city with easy parking, somewhere that no one will know us if they saw us.

Holden 2 heads one brain

We hug hello & he buys a couple of drinks, the conversation is easy but I do feel like I dominate the conversation, I mean I have always felt that with this couple anyway, I do feel that most of the time with everyone, I mean it’s why I have a blog, I have so much shit to tell everyone, that I have to write it down to get it all out!

It’s actually a really good date, the time goes so fast, & I actually have a really good time with him. I guess, you know we’ve been friends for two and a half years something before we actually met for this date/drink thing. So you know, it was easy. We talk about all sorts of topics, we chat about his relationship, my relationship with Noodle, we talk about people on the chat app & we just talk general shit. A few drinks in & it’s getting late, we both have to drive, but I hope that meeting me on his own has eased his nerves. I remember that Noodle was scared to meet me, so apparently I can be intimidating! We peck on the lips goodbye with a hug & we go our separate ways.

By the time I get home he’s text me to tell me that he got home safe & that he hopes I did too & that basically he doesn’t care about mother nature, so we should catch up tomorrow night. I think well day two is usually ok, so maybe we should. I tell him that I have a 30th to go to, that I really don’t want to go to, but that we can catch up after. I figure I’ll be out & looking cute in Port Adelaide so I can just pop to his side of town afterwards.

I message when I’m about to leave the party thinking that he will invite me over but he says that he’s out with his family, so I just go home a little disappointed. I mean he was the one that suggested it. Why suggest it if you don’t want to do it? I mean I get that perhaps his family knew he was going to be all alone this weekend, so they took him out to cheer him up?! I don’t know…

He tells me that his now ex wife didn’t want him to tell me that he’d split with her & I had pretended I didn’t know at Switch, I mean I didn’t want to have to explain I literally found out on my way in. Plus they had been to Switch before together with a group of us & they hated it. I mean I caught her in a lie that night too, so I just didn’t bother telling her I knew they’d split. She had at one point talked to Noddy & told me a different story to what he said, so I’ll never know the whole story, I guess. I just hate that I am always painted the bad guy with everyone in the Rope & Switch crew. I tell him I don’t need more drama in my life but then say “Yet, I’m chatting to you, quite contradictory!” Yeah why am I talking to this timebomb?! Although, fuck it, he’s single & I get along with him – she’s clearly not interested in being friends with me, so I don’t have to worry about the friendship anymore… I’m not doing anything wrong.

The next morning, I don’t wake up to a moaning message, so I send a picture of me actually in the shower (Remember the stick figure picture?) & he says “Fuck your drawing improved overnight” with some heart eye emojis & I actually laugh out loud. He asks for a picture of my ass, so I send some & I tell him that I am standing like a man so he asks me to send him more pictures so I can try out some different poses.

I tell him that I think this is just a ploy to see more pictures of me & he says the he wouldn’t ever do that. I find the magic 8 ball pic from the Kangaroo Island weekend on my phone & send it to him “It is certain” & he says “Fkn traitor 8 ball” I send him a naked pic & says “Whoops that supposed to be a gym ass” but he says that’s better. This is also when things are really not good at work, I drove all the way to Pt Augusta, stayed the night & the meeting was cancelled, so I don’t even know how to call my boss & it’s the beginning of a shit few months, I mean it’s been shit already but it gets worse, so I am thankful for the chats with Holden because it’s keeping me a bit sane. But makes me miss Noodle.

He asks me later if I’m home yet, I say that I am & ask what he is up too, he says he’s working from home again. I say “Your dick in your hand & porn is not considered work…” I tell him that my pre workout is making me feel like a meth addict & he asks if it makes me horny, I’m like do I really need pre workout to be horny? No, I don’t think so! Hahaha.

The next day, I don’t get a message again, so I figure I need to message him, show him that I am interested too… I mean I always make them make the effort so I message & ask how his day is & if he’s masturbating at home. Then I send Damn auto correct. I mean working from home” He just say that he’s son is home from school sick. I say that sucks & he says that he can’t watch porn. I sort of get a no chat vibe so I just leave it with that – we had sort of planned on me seeing him tonight, I was going to rock up in the trench coat, the fantasy I still haven’t done & was supposed to do with Abs but because he hasn’t said anything & didn’t message this morning, I just assume he doesn’t want to catch up. But later that night he asks how my days been, I say it’s pretty good & we chat for a bit, I tell him about the Port Lincoln flight I have to do tomorrow. I say that I assume it’s not happening tonight & I should just get in the bath. He says “Ohhh I didn’t wanna mention it cause it’s so far for ya & sounds like ya have a huge week. I should really be the one coming to yours. I need a bath” I tell him that I wouldn’t have suggested Wednesday if I didn’t want to, he says I can come now but I’m like it’s 8:00 pm now but the time I got there it would be 9:00pm but just assumed he was being a dude with excuses, you know the type, oh my sons sick, blah blah blah. He says “Oh hell no sorry didn’t mean to be silent I thought you were cause you were busy as” I decide to be cheeky & not upset about the fact I didn’t get sex when I thought all week about it & just tell him that I’ll just get into bed, naked, horny & use my toys. He says that it’s unfair but I tell him that he has no one to blame but himself, I even had my outfit out, I had actually laid out the lingerie, the knee high boots & the trench coat, deciding what to wear, I even had the stupid magnet in the jacket pocket… Remember the Easter egg incident with Noddy?! Well this is just a repeat, I do stuff like this then feel like an idiot! Noodle was the only one that was ever thoughtful like that, remember him leaving cheezels at my front door?! I wonder if he felt like a dickhead doing that?

Holden will get all the kids back this weekend so there is no sneaking me in with 5 kids there. He then doesn’t reply to me for ages & when he comes back he says that he had his parents, brother & sister all drop in, I don’t get the message as I’m asleep & I reply at 5:30am saying well that’s good then. I fly to Port Lincoln & later tell him that this is a fucked day that again no one has come to my meetings & so I have to ring my boss & tell him for the second time this week that my travel plans were a waste of time. I tell Holden & he says “Ohhh Shit” I get the feeling he isn’t interested in talking so I don’t reply & wait for him to write to me. He never does, I never hear from him again. Not really sure what went on with him to be honest. I assume he got back together with his wife. I delete him off Facebook after a while too, not wanting to know any more. I mean like I said it was probably for the best with the groups that we’re in.

Interestingly a few months or so later, I’m chatting to Fruitcup & she mentions how she was also going to meet Holden! OH REALLY?! They were chatting at the same time as me & he was super keen, they were sending pictures, she said she never met up with him because he stopped messaging her as well…

The thing that fucks me off about this, is that I was actually friends with this guy & his wife… I now don’t even speak to him, or his wife. I miss that. I kind of hate that I am losing friends & have people not liking me without me even knowing why or what I did…



I have mentioned Holden a fair bit throughout the Noodle story. I met Holden & his wife on the chat app & we became good friends – I became friends with both of them. I knew that Holden wanted to fuck me, his wife had told me that & they were exploring an open relationship of sorts.

When I was seeing Crows, we even had a group with the four of us because I thought that might be easier as I knew that Holden’s wife was uneasy about the whole open thing & very jealous. I know that she has been with other guys but to my knowledge he hasn’t been with anyone.

I also knew that Noodle would fucking hate me if I ever fucked Holden, he said that many times to me. I mean if I didn’t fall in love with Noodle & Holden’s wife wasn’t so jealous & if I didn’t become good friends with her, then I would have probably fucked him. He’s a decent looking guy, not 100% my type, I prefer a man with hair, Holden has a shaved head & a beard, he’s fair & tall, quite nice body & a pretty big looking dick – from pictures I’d seen!

The night of Switch that I saw Noddy & his snapchat chick at, I see Holden on a dating app, I screenshot it & send to him with a laugh, thinking that he is looking for a woman with his wife. But when Holden had told me that he & his wife had split up, she had someone else & he left. I guess I am skeptical of them “splitting” I mean Noodle told me it was over for him & yet he went back to his partner. So I just think I’m sure these two will get back together, they have four kids together & have another two they foster, these two aren’t breaking up anytime soon…

However he tells me that he’s moved out! OH HOLY FUCK… He’s in his own place & one of his son’s has moved in with him. This was totally unexpected. I mean I didn’t think these two would ever break up – they had only just gotten married less than a year ago, I think… I have been friends with both of them since I got on the chat app & have caught up with both of them a few times for dinners & Switch. I consider them both friends. However she has deleted me from Facebook & re-added me a few times, so I’m not sure what that is about. I always talked to him more anyway, so it’s not a big deal.

We chat a lot, most days, pretty much all day, I tell him that I get the whole falling in love online, which is what I think happened with his wife, he tells me “Yeah but you & Noodle were crazy, everyone could feel the chemistry off you two” Oh, fuck could they?! I tell him that there are a couple of guys that I used to chat too a lot that aren’t allowed to chat to me anymore, like I am going to fall in love with every guy I chat too…

We talk a lot & because he used to have a really hot Holden car in green, that I used to joke about having sex with him in, I tell him that if only he still had it then I would have sex with him! Hahaha.

I send him some pictures of the Krav weekend away & some of the switch pictures too, I show him wax dripped on me & he says that he wants to do it, which I say that I can help him out anytime. I invite him up to the weekend away but he has the kids, so I say another time & he says definitely. (I actually can’t believe how many men I was juggling!)

I tell him that us meeting up might cause some drama so we have to keep in on the down low, like no one could ever know! He agrees & I tell him that I am good at discreet, obviously being the other woman a few times, however this time I wouldn’t be the other women, this man is now single but I know that people would hate me for doing anything with this guy. I mean people hate me from the Private Play Party weekend & he asks what happened, I tell him that I don’t know & he says That’s fkn weird, you were fine at the Play party weekend” He says that he’s on the outs now too since the split, so I say that he can join me! Hahaha.

He sends me pictures of his new house, not that I knew what his house looked like with her but he looks really set up with it fully set up with a couch & bed. I kind of expected it to be empty, so I relax a little… It is over with her. I start being cheeky with him, telling me that I’ve had a few wines, he says he’s going to delete all his pictures with his wife & start a new folder with my name. I send him a lingerie picture & tell him that it’s to start your collections. I send him a picture of how I looked & he says “Jesus Christ you scrubbed up pretty damn good”

We swap numbers again I see that he used to have me in his phone at Sexy #IBD4U & I send that to him & he then sends something back saying “She’s back” I tell him to be careful about me being in the family address book since I know they all have iPhones. I tell him that it will be a death sentence for me, I’ve already had enough crazy women after me, I don’t need anymore. He tells me that he thinks his wife realises they are done but he agrees we need to be discreet if we are going to meet.

When he says to me “Can I keep a pair of ya panties? I think they’d look real good on my fridge” I literally spit my drink everywhere & can’t help but laugh! I still can’t believe that’s how my life came crashing down around me, over a pair of my favourite green lace panties! I know this story with Holden isn’t going to end well, this is just playing with fire, even though this guy is single, living alone, I know that this is not a good idea. I am stupid for even considering it… I send him pictures of lingerie to get off this topic, I mean I don’t want think about that part of my life anymore.

I tell him that recently I have been playing a game called Lemmings from the 80’s on my phone to stop me from talking to boys… I say “Look at how well that is turning out” Jeez, I am chatting to this guy daily & I look forward to his chats to be honest. He was always quite shy & a genuine friend, I really miss the genuine friendship thing & I like that even though the chat is cheeky with Holden, it’s good to have a male friend.

He says that he needs to save some money & stop using it for games so that he can afford a TV in his room when a hot chick in a trench coat rocks up. I still haven’t done that, I bought the trench cost but never got to do that fantasy. Holden says that he has a bedroom door that goes outside so I wouldn’t have to go through the house which is why he needs the tv so that he can see me when his kid is there! He son is 15, so he’ll understand one day that his dad had chicks over.

He’s a massive star wars fan, but I confess that I’ve only seen the original 70’s ones & haven’t seen another others, so he tells me that he’ll watch them with me & explain what is going on… I would watch but I don’t think I will enjoy them so I would probably end up trying to have sex with him when I’m bored.

I am going away for work, yet again! Like am I ever home FFS. I get to the hotel & send him a picture of the shower, it was always a running joke about me catching some disease from the hotels that had foul shower curtains, but this one doesn’t so I had a laugh with him. I ask him if he want’s a shower picture of me & he says hells yes! So I am giggling like a school girl as I use my phone to draw a stick figure with boobs in the shower picture. I send it & he says Literally just burst out laughing”


Because I’m away he asks for something for his fridge – like a souvenir & we’ve been talking about catching up so as a joke so I actually buy him a magnet from Port Augusta & think when I rock up at his house in a trench coat I can give him the magnet in a little brown paper bag it came in – I’ll be awkward about it but it’ll be funny.

I add a peach to the stick figure where my butt would be & I add white dots all over so it looks like I am covered in soap (I should post this picture, it’s quite funny!) He says that he needs to book some leave & come on a road trip with me… I start to think about how that would work! I hate myself for starting to plan the things in my head when a guys says that he’s going to do something… I really hate myself, but I also can’t not smile about this thought… I’ve always liked this guys sense of humour, I know how shy he always was, but I wonder if that’s because he always had a wife so didn’t want to be too forward.

I need to not do this when I meet a guy, start planning our future… This is not a good idea on so many levels… Yes he’s single, but he’s also fresh out of a relationship… This is not a good idea, so why can’t I stop it… It’s like a freight train!?



I met this guy online & we chatted pretty easily, I say that I just got out the bath but am trying to get the motivation to dry my hair & he says that he will come over & dry it for me… I’m like are you are hairdresser? (because that would be amazing if dated a guy who was a hairdresser, imagine the money I’d save!) But sadly he says that he’s not a hairdresser. But he says that he’ll dry my hair anyhow, he’ll need some instruction but he’ll do it… I have pretty curly hair so I am not sure that he could dry my hair & straighten it. I tell him that I am laughing out loud at this thought when he says “You never know, I could be the best you’ve ever had” I say that he’d be the only one that I’ve ever had. He tells me that my hair is safe with him. I tell him that I would like a little tug because that’s enjoyable but I don’t want him out rip out my hair.

We talk about bootcamp & I tell him how cold it was going to the gym, he says that I don’t need the gym – of course they all say that! But I do need to go to the gym… I say that if I want to fit into my clothes, I do need to go to the gym & he says that I’d look better without clothes, why am I letting these guys flirt with me in this manner, I don’t want a hook up, but I am promoting that!

He, of course says there are better ways to get cardio, like I haven’t heard this before… I say that I used to get it a lot before I was single & he says “Really? We should rectify this” I tell him that I am looking for someone a bit more regular but I’m struggling to find that. He says that he isn’t far from me & he could be easy & regular. He’s only a suburb away from me. He says that it’s basically walking distance, but I say it’s minus 12 outside (not literally, but it’s cold) & that I am not walking anywhere. He says that he won’t either but he would drive to me. I tell him that my hair can’t get wet or sweaty because it’ll go frizzy. But he says that it’ll be a mess anyway. I do get bad sex hair. He does say that if my hair was neat, then it would probably be boring sex…. I agree then I say “Or we were just ready to go out & couldn’t resit a quick fuck… So you bent me over the pool table to keep my hair nice… That’s not boring.” He says “True, but if I’m bending you over the pool table, I’m most likely going to be pulling your hair to kiss & bit your neck” Oooh, yes please. He says that we might be a bit late! He says that he’ll definitely be fucking me before we go out… This is the kind of chit chat that gets me into trouble, I start planning this fantasy relationship in my head about all the things that we will do & all the fun we’ll have if we’re in a relationship… To be honest, the only really friends with benefits that I’ve had & that has worked & worked well was Milky. I don’t know why but he’s the only one I didn’t dream up a relationship with, I thought I started to like him, but I think that I was just wanting a partner so badly, that I made it into something that I wasn’t. I know that I do that with men too, I have had a taste of a real relationship & I know that’s what I want, so even though we’re probably talking about this guy being a friends with benefits, I still can’t help but think this shit, think that there is a future with this guy… With any guy who uses the “we” stuff.

He asks me if he should come mess up my hair now, I tell him that I don’t just invite boys to my house without them buying me a drink first. When he says that he’ll bring a bottle of Jamison, which I say I don’t drink, so I am not sure that that is buying me a drink. I tell him my wine rack is empty & he tells me that he’ll pick up a bottle of shiraz on the way.

At this point, I realise that he is 10 years younger than me, I tell him to give me his number & that I will text him with a glass of wine & then I might invite him over. He tells me to have couple of wines. So I move over to text & tell him that he doesn’t want me too drunk.

In the time I am messaging this boy, both Construction & Elvis have said no to me tonight, I ask them both to see me but both are SO busy! I am done with this shit… I am sick of even just trying to be casual with men who are so busy, like who gives up the opportunity to have casual sex with someone?! I mean what the actual fuck!?

Jamison sucking dick soul mate

I tell him that I only have white wine & he says that he can bring me red wine but I can use the white for courage. I find some vodka in the freezer, so I break my rule & drink alone… Even if this guy does come over, I am breaking my rule to drink alone. I have been ditched by two men I have fucked & tried to see tonight. This stupidly makes me feel shit, I know I don’t need a man to validate me, but do you know what, I am low… I need it tonight.

I ask him how often he meets someone online that night & then meet that night, he says that he’s never done it – I wish I could say the same to be honest. I tell him that I’m in trackies with no make up (at least I have eyelash extensions so I don’t need to worry about looking too shit!) He says that he won’t be complaining, I said that it would be weird at this point if he did complain.

I tell him that I have lots of coke – from the Noddy debacle & that I have sugar free lemonade. He says that he’ll bring shiraz, I say that he doesn’t have too because I am drinking vodka now. He says that he’ll bring Jamison tonight but shiraz another time. I tell him that I have plenty of spirits & send him a picture of my little bar that I have & he says wow, but he won’t’ come empty handed. I tell him to bring it his Jamison but I won’t drink it.

I then say – OMG, I can’t believe I say this… “Want to come over? Or are we going to text about it all night?” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!

He says that I haven’t told him my address yet but I say that he hasn’t asked yet. He says “What’s your address #IBD4U? I want to come see you” with a winky face emoji. I am being cheeky, obviously “Oh wow really!? This comes as such a surprise, why yes Jamison. You may have my address” to which I send.. OMG! I send him my address!!! He says that he’s on his way & that he’ll see me soon.

He rocks up at my house at just after 11:00pm – yes, we were messaging at booty call o’clock, with his bottle of Jamison & he’s cute, I don’t look the best to be honest, but I am not hideous, we make a drink & go sit on the couch, we talk a fair bit & it’s easy, nothing awkward, he’s pretty cute, looks pretty much like his pictures.

We chat, we have a few drinks. It’s easy, it’s fun, I like hanging with this guy, eventually he makes a move on me & we have sex. The sex is good but uneventful, I mean I can’t really remember it so it can’t be that amazing. I mean I know that it was good but there was nothing that memorable about it. He leaves my house & I think that it went well & that I will probably hear from him in a few days.

By Tuesday I haven’t heard from him & I had realised that he’s left his bottle of Jamison at my house, so I decide to text him – which you all know that it took all of my stubbornness to actually do & say “Hey, how have you been? Did you know you left your bottle of Jamison here?” I wait, thinking that I will get a reply a few hours later, I am not fussed, you know, I mean he could be at work… Here I am almost 12 months later, still waiting for his reply & still have his bottle of Jamison.


Air Force

I have spoken to this guy quite a few times online over the years, I think this time it’s been better because of my rope pictures that I have up… I don’t know, I mean I don’t think he’s ugly but he’s not exactly my type, but since we’re both still single, I think why not give him a go… OMG I hate myself for saying that…

He sees my rope picture of course & he asks if I’m a rope bunny. Well at least he knows the terminology. I even tell him that he’s the first one on here to even know the correct terms, he says that he’s not into rope but he is into other kinky things.

He asks the dreaded question about what I’m looking for, he says “Looking for a genuine guy with a splash of kink” Yeah, I couldn’t have said it better myself – he says he’s looking for the same thing in a girl. This could work out nicely.

He talks about where I live & asks if I ever come to the city, I obviously do as I work nearby, he suggests a pub close to my work & obviously close to when he lives, which would be out of the way for me on a non-work day to go to.

He asks me quickly if I want to meet him on Sunday, I can only do Sunday afternoons, so I suggest that we meet at Glenelg as it halfwayish for both of us. This is really quick to meet someone, but I have seen him around the traps & I like to meet quickly to stop me from dreaming up a whole relationship in my head & then find out they are boring.

He asks what else I am into, I say the usual kayaking, gym, running, music & writing. He says the that he is into the gym, camping, brunch & kink. Well he’s talking up the kink thing now… He better live up to my standard. He even says on his profile that he is a Dom so I guess he really needs to live up to it now that he’s put it out there & knows that I am into kink too.

The next day he ask how I am, really late in the day, I write back even later as I am at a 30th. We don’t chat much but the next day he messages & asks if I am still keen to meet today, which I say that I can but I have to leave about 3:30 pm – I have family dinner at my house. He suggests that we meet at 1:00pm & gives me his phone number.

I text him & ask if he wants to get food at Glenelg, but he says no that he has family bbq meat left over & offers me to go there for lunch, which I decline. I arrive at the pub in my favourite date outfit white denim skirt with navy stockings & books with my blue Fcuk jumper. I’ve done my make up nice & my hair is clean & looking good. When I see him, he’s sitting down in a booth table type area with a water. I approach feeling confident till I realise he is wearing a fucking tracksuit… WTF is with men wearing a tracksuit & t shirt on a date?! I mean I know that it’s a Sunday afternoon casual drink, but fuck me. I am now way overdressed & feel ridiculous.

We say hello & he offers to get me a drink, I say shiraz & I sit down watching him walk away, I think when the fuck will I meet a guy who puts in a little effort for me, like I do with them?

He brings back a wine for me & a water for him, I ask why he’s not drinking because now I even feel more like a dickhead, over dressed & seemingly an alcoholic. FUCK… He says that he had a big night last night & can’t drink today.

Besides this, the date goes ok, he talks openly about kink that I relax while chatting about it too, it’s easy to open up when they aren’t being a weirdo or creepy about it. I don’t drink another wine & he just has another water with me, I am feeling a little weird about this, but I’m not sure why. Is it a red flag or am I creating one because I’m not feeling that chemistry?!

We leave at 3:00pm as I say I have to go home, it’s not an awkward date & it’s not a great date, we hug goodbye & I expect never to hear from him again, but to my surprised at 3:06pm he sends me picture of his car that’s been boxed in. I tell him to suck in. we have a laugh about it & he says that he wants to catch up when I’m back from my work trip, which I say yeah. He says “I get the vibe were on the same page, which is refreshing because you seem like a really decent chick. Lets do Tuesday” I don’t want to skip my gym routine for a dude again, so I offer up Thursday or Friday, which he says Thursday.

Air force still ghost you

He’s in bed & sends me a picture when I say that I’ve been up, unpacked & packed the dishwasher, had an insurance wrote, couch cleaning guys were at my house & I had a yummy breakfast, now I’m off to work & he’s still in bed! He tells me not to be jealous. I am away for work when he messages again to ask how my day was.

On Tuesdays he’s asking me what I want to do when we catch up on Thursday. I I say that I am flexible after finishing at the gym at 6:30. He says “I bet you are” I don’t know why the cheeky banter doesn’t impress me.

On Wednesday he asks how I am & I say that I have to get up at 5:30 am to fly home. As he’s a pilot he doesn’t mind flying but I am not a good flyer, I never have been, even though I have flown every where. He says I should imagine him flying the plane, but I remind him that he can’t even park his car so I don’t want him flying my plane. He laughs & says the h can’t pack, that he even has photo proof of the lines. We talk about how close he is the lines & it’s fun banter. We talk about him driving somewhere on Thursday night, he says that he doesn’t expect anything from coming to my house, but he’ll show me his driving skills. He says that he’ll be in trackies & a hoodie – well at least this time I have warning not to bother dressing up. He says that he’ll warm up his side of the couch, oh his side?! Really… I tell him when I have just touched down, I am going to the gym & he can come over later. He says yes & heads on over at 7:00pm.

We don’t hug or kiss hello, which I think is weird, he walks in & we sit & chat, I say that I am hungry & offer to order domino’s pizza which he looks at me like I want to shit on the pizza & eat it… He asks if there is any little pizza shops near by & I mean to be honest, I have no idea. So we decide on KFC. He drives & we go through drive though, he orders our meals as separate orders… Yes that’s right, the guy doesn’t even pay for my KFC. Ok, that’s ok, I will pay for my own, but he’s gone through drive though & expects me to pay for my own! Really?

We have a reasonable date, watch a movie & eat KFC, then he leaves… Yeah no kiss, no hug, just a bye & out the door fairly early. I have been up since 5:30 am so it’s ok, but it’s a bit of a weird dynamic.

I never hear from Air Force again! A few days later he adds me on snapchat, but after less than a week of messaging me good morning every day, he just stops. He never talks to me on snapchat when I do add him. I won’t ever understand what happened with this one!? Was it my pizza choice? Was it the KFC? I don’t get it…


Elvis #3

I see Elvis again on a dating app when I am trying to find a partner when I am actually with Noodle, we chat for a bit then we stop, I am too into Noodle anyway to be bothered with this guy. I’ve deleted Elvis from my Facebook as you’ll remember for those playing at home & have read the previous Elvis stories. They were a while ago, I mean it’s been about 2 years since I last spoke with Elvis.

After everything with Noodle, Noddy & then British, I am back online when I see Elvis face come up again, I think about not liking his profile & just moving on – been there done that, didn’t work out, but maybe it’s different, maybe he wants a partner? I’m curious to see if he’s liked my profile so I like his & it’s a match straight away! Hahaha… So now what?!

Now this is one time when I am not an idiot & refuse to chat first, if I match with them from my swipe, then I always will message hello first. If they match with me from their swipe, then they must message me first… So my rule still applies – in a way. So I say hello to Elvis, I am the one that matched with him after all, I don’t have to wait long for a reply before he’s asking how I’ve been.

We talk easily about what we’ve been doing, he’s turning his life around by not drinking or smoking weed or taking drugs which is good to see for him. I must be drunk because I say that I never get enough sex & that we could help each other out, but he agrees. I mean this guy is never going to be a boyfriend, is he, so why not just have some fun. I’m between douches at the moment, so I may as well have some fun with a guy I’ve already fucked so I’m not adding notches on my bedpost. I invite him over tonight but he says no that he’s already in bed & tired. “Wow, don’t often get guys saying no to a no strings attached sex ever… No matter how tired” He says sorry & I actually realise that Construction said no several times so clearly these guys aren’t that into me. I tell him that we can catch up another time, he suggests in the morning, that he’ll set an alarm for 8:00am & he’ll come over then. He says he can’t find me on Facebook (yeah cos I deleted ya!) & so he adds me as a friend on there & we take the chat over to there, I instantly send him a picture of me in a sexy bra?! WHAT THE FUCK… Hahaha. I send a bunch of pictures & he’s still replying saying that he’s getting excited, especially when I say that if he’s definitely coming over in the morning, then I will wear something cute to bed for when he gets here in the morning, as I am not getting out of bed. He literally goes to sleep at 8:30 pm & I get into bed in a cute nighty thing & sleep. I get a message from him at 8:30 am saying he’s going to have a shower now, I say that I am staying in bed, but will leave the door unlocked if that’s not weird for him – being we’ve never had this type of relationship, I’m mean we’ve only fucked once or twice.

Elvis braver than I

I’m watching F.r.i.e.n.d.s in bed when he finally arrives, he walks in sheepishly & I look up & we say hello. He sort of doesn’t know what to do, that he climbs into my warm bed fully dressed & we sort of snuggle. I can tell he’s sort of nervous around me or maybe just nervous around women in general, who knows… he cuddles me but not really making a move, we literally chat – albeit quite easily & watch F.r.i.e.n.d.s for a while, at least 2-3 episodes before I keep snuggling into him more to get him to make a move on me. I thought he said that he was good at making moves? I’m useless at it, but I have fucked this guy before & he is here at 9:00am on a Sunday for only one reason. Finally he gets the hint, I mean he was trying to warm up, he was pretty cold. We have sex, it’s good, he is SO good a foreplay. We change positions a few times, I get to cum a couple of times then he cums… This guy has stamina, considering he says he’s trying not to cum very quickly.

I don’t hear from him for about a month after that though, so I message & ask if he’s free. He says that’s he not, his mum is in town but he’ll keep in touch for later tonight, not this old chestnut?! Hahaha, I never hear from him again that night & so I don’t bother messaging him!

He messages me about 2 weeks later saying he’s been super horny & thinking about me, looking at my pictures – another line I fall for. He says he’s at the gym but will go home shower & come over. I have told him that I have a dinner to get to by 6:00pm & it’s already like 4:00pm but he sends me a video if him in his jocks stroking his cock…

He messages me that he’s outside, we meet at my front door & kiss immediately, we go into my bedroom & because he doesn’t last long when he actually fucks me, he is very attentive prior to fucking me, however we don’t actually have penetrative sex today, he gets me off several times & then he cums when I’m sucking his dick, he says he can’t hold it in. I kind of like it when you know a guy is enjoying it so much that he is trying not to cum but then can’t hold it in any longer – not just a douche canoe that cums quickly & leaves. He is so attentive to my ass today, that I am sure he’s going to try to fuck it, but he doesn’t, he spend s lot of time with his fingers & tongue but never sticks his dick near it…

I’m not sure I’m a fan of rimming btw, just as a side note… I like my ass being fucked (as we all know! Sorry friends!) but someone licking my ass is disconcerting for me. I am petrified that I am going to fart! I mean does that happen? I assume it could, I assume it has for some people, your butt is exposed & open, I’m scared that may not be able to hold it in… Crows licked my ass a few times actually & seemed to love it, I thought it felt good, obviously but I couldn’t relax, what if I relax too much & I fart… OMG, so mortifying! I get your ass & vagina make noise when being fucked which sounds like farts, but 99% of the time it isn’t an actual fart, but there is no way you could pretend a fart isn’t a fart when your ass is being licked, can you? (How many times can I say fart in a blog!?) When it’s being licked, air isn’t getting pushed up there to come out… Omg. This is so much detail about farts… Bahahaha.

Anyway, I send Elvis a picture of me going to Switch, as a nurse, a switch I was trying to get Construction to go to too & that I send British pictures of me too, all I get back from Elvis is “That’s a cheeky one” & nothing much else, that I leave it with him. It’s around this time that I see him being tagged in meme after meme on facebook, so I assume he’s seeing someone & as I am actually seeing someone, that is going well (Yes I know, story to come!) I don’t bother too much with writing back to him!


Construction #2

Sorry about Friday, I wasn’t supposed to post Construction #2, as I hadn’t written it. Sorry to those who looked at the blog thinking they were getting a juicy second post & it was empty! hahaha. Here it is…

I’m disappointed Construction didn’t come to switch but I figure that we’ll go together at some point, he seems pretty keen to go. We also talk about lingerie & he says that he prefers me naked, I am kind of a bit sad about that. I mean I love the look I get when a man looks at you when you take off your clothes & are wearing lingerie underneath for them. Trust me, when a man looks at you like that, you never forget it. I remember Crows not caring about lingerie either which annoyed me after what I’d just experienced with someone else. I wish Crows did because I wanted to wear it, I wanted that high of that look they give. To be honest, I almost got that look with Noddy, but I think he might’ve taken the lingerie thing for granted with me.

Construction says that instead of pictures of me in lingerie he’d prefer videos of me squirting… Well that might be hard to record alone, when he says that he’ll duct tape a camera to his head & so I laugh at him, I mean am I supposed to be able to cum while looking at his phone duct tapped to his forehead?

Because we’re being cheeky, I send him a picture of my legs in the bath – seductive pic that usually sends men into a frenzy & he says “Very nice! How did u cut the wine bottle in half?” I have a candle that I bought in the UK that is a wine bottle cut in half with a label of shiraz on it & the candle actually smells like Shiraz wine. It’s amazing. I used to use it all the time, now I don’t because I don’t want to waste it. I say “Errr… You do realised that I’m naked in the pic?! Right…?” He says “yes what’s your point” Alright, 2 seconds ago you were being cheeky about lingerie & making me squirt, I send a picture & he changes to a grumpy old man. I just say no point & that I bought the candle like that, he must pick up on my tone “Sorry my head hurts & I’m tired, Lets say goodnight & chat 2morro” I don’t reply… Fucking hell, it’s always on men’s terms… I can’t ever be in control of any situation, can I?

After that, I am not fucking messaging first… I feel like a right twat! He can get fucked. Men are stupid (hahaha) & I hate that I feel foolish. He doesn’t message me till almost 10:00pm the next day, well fuck you dude. We chat normally over the next few days, but it takes a while to get cheeky again – I’m a bit reserved, however I invite him out for brunch before the weekend with included the Krav story but he says that he’s at work… Alright whatever dude. I’m trying my hardest to not just be in a sexual thing with chatting all day long, I want something more that. He says that he might come down to Hindmarsh Island for the weekend, but I highly doubt that he will… Why do men suggest things they have no intention of doing? He said he wanted to come to switch, he didn’t. He says he wants to come to Hindmarsh Island & you guessed it, he didn’t… There was some excuse. He messages all weekend, but I am in no mood to reply & be cute & flirty, so I barely give him any decent replies. But when my friend has a go at me & calls me a cow, I want to leave & tell him that if I hadn’t had a few wines, I would leave now. I feel like an outsider at my own mini holiday.

The next morning I am on my way home when he starts messaging, asking what I am doing. He says he’s trying to sort out his morning glory & I say that I can help with that, which he invites himself over. I agree, I mean I need something to erase this shitty weekend.

He says “I’ll message when I’m out front. Leave the door open. Then go back to your room & lay down on all 4’s with your ass up” Ooohhhh… ok – this sounds like fun!! I agree. But then he sends me a message about 20 minutes later “Do you want to greet me at the door or go along with the plan?” OMG, why is he changing his mind. It’s freezing so I’ve already unlocked the front door & got back into bed with just panties on, I tell him the door is open, I’m a bit over this game now, just come in. I’m lying in bed with the tv on & the covers up, keeping me warm.

He comes into my room & he gets undressed, saying something about his dog & kids (he doesn’t have kids though) which makes me think that he’s recently just broken up with someone (I forget what he said but it was weird & that was my first thought) He climbs into bed with me & sort of snuggle & talk a bit, we have sex, not hot sex like I thought I was going to get from his ordered text, but just normal sex, still good sex but nothing too out of the ordinary.

He stays over for a couple of hours & leaves, but then I don’t hear from him again… 5 days go past & you know me, I refuse to message, I mean the guy was inside me for fuck sake, surely he can message me?!

Anyway I get a bit horny & message asking how his week was. He says busy “I thought of messaging you yesterday but went out last night.” OMG… Why would he say that? Is that supposed to be a good thing? Hahaha. Because when I read it, it doesn’t sound that good to me!

A few days later, he messages but I’m away for work & asleep in the hotel room, when he says that he found a picture. He shares it with me. It’s picture of a naked chick tied to a chair. However the wrists are tied to the front legs, her back in basically on the seat & her legs tied to over her head to the top of the backrest… Hopefully you can picture it, she’s basically in a ball, exposed, ass & pussy on display & completely tied to a chair. I will admit that it gives my clit a little tingle to think about that – however I don’t trust this guy yet to tie me up. He asks if I have a suitable chair, but I don’t so he says that he’ll source one from Facebook market place or gumtree.

A few days later, I say that my plans were cancelled & invite him over for a drink, but set the preface that I have to be up early for a work flight at 7:00am, so he knows it won’t be a late one. But he says that he has to dig up some emails for a legal meeting… Yeah whatever. I say have a fun night & asks me what I’m doing on the weekend, which I just reply “busy Friday & not sure about the rest,” he says that we’ll try to sort something out. I go away & come home without hearing from him again.

He starts messaging again with pictures of chairs he’s finding, they are all over $100 for the ones he’s looking at, I hope that he’s not going to ask me to pay for some!? This is his idea! I tell him that I want to have regular sex with him a bit more before I trust him enough to tie me to this chair, so I invite him over again & he says no that he’s at work… I say it won’t be till later, dinner or drinks, he says that he has dinner plans but to keep in touch… Fuck off, I’m done now “Right, I’ll leave it with you… Not going to keep asking you all the time. If you’re free, you’re free.” He writes back that he has a lot going on at the moment. I read it & don’t reply… Whatever… I’ve seen this old chest nut before, I’m sick of it… Men telling me how busy they are is so fucking insulting, I work fucking hard, travel for work, go to the gym 4-5 times a week & have a life, no one is so busy they can’t fucking see me!

I have a meltdown at work & end up with a dr’s certificate to have the week off after someone else is sent to do my work in a country town, something I have been doing for 5 years – yes 5 fucking years & I get cast aside & someone else is sent in my place like I’m completely incompetent – among other things that happened at this time. I loved my job, I was passionate about it & now, completely unprecedented, I am on leave because of work… Fuck.

Construction messages me & asks how I’ve been days later & I tell him I’ve been off work, he asks what I’m up to on the weekend then stops replying.

A few days later, I get messages again, he says that he wants to come to the next switch (so it’s a month since I saw him last – not through lack of trying on my part) He says that he trying to fit a million things into a weekend. I don’t reply. A few days later he asks “how things are miss” & I ignore it. I am done with this & am interested in someone else by this point (hehehe, stories to come!) & I don’t want to deal with a man who didn’t want me…

Construction cheating on crush

A month later he says to me “Happy birthday for the other day” I ask how he knew & he says that he was stalking my Facebook profile but he says “All locked though” (Remember this fact for future blogs – My Facebook profile is all locked!! Oooh, more intrigue!)

He says that he wants to go to events that he’s found of fetlife, I tell him to go, he asks if I’m inviting him, I say “no, I’ve invitied you to things & you’re always too busy” He says that he’s timid but our chats phase out, I’m done with this guy. Later he says that he’s fantasising about tying me up & making me squirt. I say “Hahaha, keep fantasising that” I am never letting this guy tie me up, I can’t trust him! He asks if he’s burnt that bridge, which I say that “Well I don’t just let anyone tie me up… Need to trust them, can’t earn my trust when I never see the guy! Hahaha. I’m worth more than a snippit of some guys time.” Fuck I know this is true he messages a few times over the next few months, but I don’t give him much to reply too.

On to bigger & better things!