I know I said I wasn’t going to date in my 40’s & technically that is true, except that over Christmas holidays, after I end my blog & Covid is running rampant though Adelaide due the boarders being opened, I find myself just sitting at home playing games on my phone. Marvel is offline (as you know I was still seeing him when I signed off my blog last year.) – because I know they are on holidays thanks to the whiteboard by his front door. He won’t come online till they’re back at work & he doesn’t – Mr predictable.
So during this time, I create a online account, why I am not sure but I get matches pretty quickly. I had also during this time asked Valvoline for a catch up, he took days to reply that yes he was keen but I never replied, thinking what is the point, he has moved even further north & in late January 2022, he’s commenting on someone’s posts all the time & I’m assuming they’re about to get together – which they do, so much for not wanting to be in a relationship. Much like what happened with Elvis – who I also noticed deleted me from Facebook, also happened with Milky, also Origin (who now has a kid with the chick he was with after me). So all a guy needs is to date me to find the perfect girl & all a girl needs is to be friends with me & she’ll find the man of her dreams too. FUCK.
I join a dating site that has a friend section on it too because to be honest, I have started playing netball – with a club but everyone in my team is either a little bitch, too young or not very friendly – lets just say, like my life, netball isn’t going how I thought it would. I wanted to meet new people, hang out etc but that hasn’t happened so I join online thinking that perhaps I can make some new friends. Having spent 2020 & 2021 losing people in my life that I thought were friends due to the letting them live with me & fighting my old workplace, I decide on another option.
Like I said I get matches pretty easily but they never go anywhere, I match with a guy that is in a band that one my friends used to make us stalk every weekend, we have a great chat, he even tells me that they made it big in LA & shares his Spotify with me, he asks me out & I say yes then decide I better listen to their album, which I do but I never hear from him again… WTF. This reminds me why I gave this up!!
But I stick it out because stupidly I paid for the fucking app – without meaning too, it keeps a reoccurring payment for a couple of weeks before I remember to turn the fucker off. But I meet Daizy on there – it’s not a long time chatting (Like minutes’ worth of chatting) before he tells me that he wants to meet at the beach, that he’s on the way down there for a top secret chat with his mum. One of the things that always makes me cautious is someone that wants to meet quickly & keeps wanting to meet even you clearly aren’t interested in doing so. But he gives me his number & I message which prompts him to call… He’s a caller… It’s Thursday night, it’s at 9:54pm. I am a nanna in her 40’s so I am already in bed. We chat on the phone – he talks like a tradie, you know the type that swear & sound a bit rough around the edges, but I like his sense of humour, it draws me in. He’s funny!
He tells me about the thing he’s got going with his mum, a raw chat with her son about a topic he won’t disclose… & while I like the deeper side to him, considering the way he talks, it’s kind of becomes frustrating that a) he won’t tell me what he’s doing but also that never shuts up about it – always saying I won’t go into it now & b) when he gets to self helpy, I just want a frivolous conversation sometimes, not a D&M every time we chat (spoiler – we chat more than once!). In fact it’s not even a D&M because sometimes he just talks at me & I don’t even know what to say, nor do I want to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing, because he pulls me up on it – making me feel childish. I honestly am realising from a bit of a fall out with another friend when I went to visit her, that clearly I don’t know how to be a friend… This clearly proves it.
But I tell him that I’ve actually been working on a podcast too, a recording if you will (Which is true, since I ended writing in December 2021, I’ve been focusing on finding the right people for it, a friend wants to be on it & I think because she’s dated a lot she will be good for it, with stories but really she’s just a clueless as me (hahaha) as to why things happen so that makes me apprehensive about her but it’s only going to be fun so who cares, lets all give it a shot, now to find a boy! (still yes, years later!) I tell this guy all about the idea of a podcast but don’t really go into depth about the blog. A friend once told me that I shouldn’t ever tell a guy about it – that I’m interested in, that I should take it to my grave!
Daizy & I text a bit, later on, once he’s done his thing with his mum but it’s after 11 & I am almost asleep so even though he says he’ll let me sleep, he tries to call about 30 minutes after we stop texting but I ignore it as I can’t be bothered talking while almost asleep.
The next night, Friday night, he tries to come to my house again – a few texts & a call & he wants to either meet by the beach or at my house both sound like a murder mystery waiting to happen so I decide on no, he does another recording with his mum which he says that perhaps I might be able to help with my writing knowledge & passion for a podcast, I still don’t even know what he is doing or what the topic is so how can I even begin to help… So I just try to go with it & keep saying to him to say hi to his mum for me. But again it’s late & I just say that I am headed to bed.
The next day Saturday I get a message “time & place tonight & ill see ya there” did we make plans & I was so sleepy that I don’t remember… Well I figure that I should perhaps meet him, he’s more persistent that any other guy… We make plans then he calls me to confirm the plans – I like that he doesn’t forget things easily, I have to giggle when he asks me what I’ll be wearing, I say that I don’t know but later text him to say that I’ll be fairly casual. I mean when you think about it, it’s not a date, we’re meeting in the interest of helping each other with our little side projects right…? I don’t need to look perfect in a date outfit with perfect hair & make up – besides we have to wear a fucking covid mask anyway…
We meet at the pub, he calls me as I am sitting in the car – I am waiting a few minutes so I am not super early, he walks over to me as I am getting out of the car, we hug a hello & he looks at what I’m wearing & says “you are casual, aren’t you?” Um… am I? I’m wearing a navy hoodie dress in my favourite brand LSKD with little white sneaker things. My hair is up in a top knot & I think I look cute & casual… Short dress but basically a long jumper. He’s not wearing anything special, I mean he’s wearing a red hat that makes me think of Fred Durst – which I tell him later would probably be his blog nickname & jeans & a t shirt. Like not like he put on a dinner jacket, why is he commenting on what I am wearing!?
We go inside, he pays for a drink & we sit down chatting, it starts off with me spilling the beans about my blog & podcast… He asks lots of questions, again avoiding any that I ask about the shit he has planned with his mum but he says multiple times that it’ll change the world basically… Well it’s never going to change the world if you won’t even tell me about it. It’s like he’s scared that I am going to steal his idea or something… Believe me, I have my own ideas, I don’t need to steal his to develop.
By 8:30pm I have sent him the link to the podcast I was on in America & a link to the start of my blog! Within another 10 minutes, I’m on the phone to my friend – who is going to be on the podcast – Lucy, asking her to come meet us for a drink too.
Daizy is witty, enthusiastic & while he’s easy to talk to, it’s also hard to talk to him too. I can’t explain it. It’s like he always wants depth to the conversation but he talks like a proper foul mouth tradie that he doesn’t know how to get the depth so he talks at you, not with you, if that makes sense. But as I said before, I think I have trouble having those in depth conversations with people. I mean I can express myself in my blog but I struggle with that type of intimacy, even with a friend…
I am though having a good time with my new friend Daizy & my friend Lucy, when Daizy messages me in front of my friend “Tonight at the beach?” Hmmm, what? I blurt out why have you text me tonight at the beach, he instantly says oh sorry that’s not for you & so I get pissed off… I couldn’t care less if this guy is fucking someone else, but fuck me, accidently texting me while on a sort of date (or whatever this is) with me that’s meant for someone else is just fucked up… I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before. But whatever, I am over this date/meeting now, it’s getting late so I pick up my stuff & we all leave, I don’t want to be here anymore, so I stand at the car, hug him goodbye. Lucy & I chat, saying what a fuckwit for texting someone else about the beach to me accidentally, he had said that he hadn’t saved my number in his phone so I guess it could have been an honest mistake… Whatever…
While I’m standing there chatting with Lucy about Daizy & if he’ll be good for the podcast or not, which I think he will, Daizy then sends me a text “Wanna fuck or ill never bring it up again” then “Come to west beach boat ramp.” Well first thing I am not fucking this guy at a boat ramp after he’s just text someone else to meet them at the beach – is he fucking kidding me?! Not only that but it’s the first day of my period & I am in agony (my first day is always so painful!). I tell him to just meet his friend at the beach, which around 9:30pm, no stress. All good.
I’m on my way home now anyway. But he calls… FFS. He asks where I am, which I have already left & too far to turn back now to meet him at the beach – probably not but I can’t be assed with this shit. I also have a client in the morning at my little business, I’m a nanna so it’s time for bed. But by 9:40pm when he assures me that the message to meet at the beach was for me (yeah right, I bet whoever it was for said fuck off too, so he’s trying again with me!), but he says that I made him embarrassed in front of Lucy asking about it & so he panicked & said it was for someone else. WHAT? That’s so much worse than just admitting that he wanted me alone… I mean why would you say it’s for someone else if it wasn’t?! Does he not understand the woman’s brain at all!?
Somehow he talks me into letting him come to my house, I explain that I won’t be having sex with him. But somehow, I am texting my address to him. If he’s right behind me – which he is, he’ll be there shortly after me so I need to get home & sort the dogs out & tidy up a bit, I have no idea what my house looks like at this point… FUCK. I get home just before 10:00pm & listen out for every car that drives past, stalking my outdoor camera. I am getting tired, my wine buzz is wearing off, knowing I have to get up for work tomorrow… Fucking hell, it’s 10:10pm, almost an hour since we left the pub & nothing… I start to get angry, but I did tell him to get mixer as I only have wine or spirits in my house, perhaps he’s stopped at the petrol station for some soft drinks. But even then he shouldn’t be this long… So I text at 10:30pm “Are you far away?” because at this point, I’m about to turn the lights off & go to bed!
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