MilkyBar Kid

Being at Rope for a few months now, I have been stuck in the beginners class being tied by the wrist for months, it’s getting to the point where I am a little over it & want something more. I know that my new friends at Rope have been trying to find me someone to tie with on a regular basis but it’s not as easy as that as most people that go are couples. Yet another time I hate that I am not in a couple! It sucks big time.

Ripples tells me to post in the private group for a regular rigger sometimes people stop coming when they don’t have someone regular but if they see a post on the Facebook page they will reply & come along. I do but don’t get any response from anyone, maybe because my Facebook profile picture has been a bitmoji since Noodle’s partner found out about us as I knew she’d be stalking my page & I didn’t want her to see what I look like anymore than she already knew.

Ripples calls me one night to say that a guy called MilkyBar Kid, who I’ve seen around but has been tying with another chick, will need a bunny for rope week. Rope week is a week organised around the fringe in Adelaide, it’s a week long of events & parties, classes & you need to be a regular rigger/bunny couple to attend the classes. The chick that MilkyBar Kid has been trying with is actually doing rope week with Ripples so MilkyBar Kid needs someone to tie with. So I message him & ask him if he is looking, he says that he isn’t really but also sort of is. He doesn’t want to blind side his bunny on Monday night at rope, which I get, I don’t want to piss anyone off or steal anyone’s partner. He stops replying so I don’t really know what he wants. However on Monday it’s all ok, his partner goes with someone else & I am with MilkyBar Kid. It’s a bit awkward for me to be honest, I mean this guy is a lot taller than me & I feel like we’re awkward together. But now I have a regular rigger. Rope might be more fun.

However MillkyBar Kid & I are awkward, everyone hugs everyone at rope but I’m not much of  hugger, so I hug no one – you all know that I won’t approach someone first, so unless they come to me, I don’t really say hello to people I don’t really know. I do like that MilkyBar Kid asks me if I’m ok, if I’ve had a good day, all the things a rigger should ask prior to tying you, even if they know the answer because it’s your partner, they should not assume that because you’ve had a good day, that you’re ok to be tied in a fancy tie.

He also always shows me his scissors & where they are so I know that he has them handy should anything go wrong. But even though he does all these things, his tying is boring, I am standing there locked knees & thinking about other things I could be doing. Thinking about the blog posts that I need to write (Remembering that at this time, I was only just posting about Noodle, so I was reliving that relationship & drafting the posts constantly in my head.) Having been to Bossman’s & being tied by a teacher, a professional, I have realised that being with a beginner can be very hard & boring as while he is trying to learn, I am just a dummy there for him, there is no excitement for me, the rope doesn’t pass past my neck & make me move… It just is there. It’s just happening around me. Milkybar kid choked by intruderI am not really looking forward to Rope Week with MilkyBar Kid as its 4 full days of rope over 2 weekends with 2 events on the Friday & Saturday nights. Mainly because I have had an awesome rope experience with Bossman & now I’m going to go back to just being tied, while I stand there thinking about other stuff.

The first 2 days are actually a lot better than I expect. The teacher tells MilkyBar Kid that while his ties are impeccable, he can do it like clockwork, with his eyes closed, but his work is soul less… WOW.. So that’s what I’ve been feeling. He tells us that there is a moment he calls “The Cat Food Moment” which is when the bunny is standing around thinking about getting cat food, sort of like I explained I was doing. I wasn’t ever focused on the rope or what was happening to me, I was thinking about other things.

The teacher shows MilkBar Kid how he can get me to react, he understands that we aren’t partners but he explains that it can still be intimate & sensual. The teacher runs rope along my neck & the feel of it makes me move my neck & close my eyes, the teacher gets MilkBar Kid to see my reaction & shows him what rope should be like for a bunny. So as a further experiment, he blindfolds both MilkyBar Kid & I, then tells him to tie my in the usual TK. I think not another fucking TK but with my eyes blindfolded, with his eyes blindfolded, he has to feel me, not sexually as we’re not sexual partners, but he has to feel where he is putting the rope, he has to feel it all & to be  honest, it was the best time that MilkyBar Kid had tied me, up until that point. Even when he unties me when he takes off the blindfold is 1000 times better. I tell him that he’s improved a lot & it makes our time together a lot better.

The next weekend, I’ve been to the shows & been stood up basically by another guy (Story to come) that I am in a foul mood for the rope classes. Somehow the rope teacher this week either senses the low mood within the group or it’s just her style but she does a lot of floor work, she doesn’t suspend as much as other teachers. She basically does a lot of freestyle & she gets MilkyBar Kid to tie me in a ball on the floor & it feels great.

From then on every time we tie together, he is much better, while still learning, he is more aware of how it is for me, just standing around while he works out how to tie. I get it, I’m not criticising him because I mean I can’t tie at all. But it is much better for me & I hope it much better for him too.

We tie together for a few months before Ripples asks me to go to Rope event in Melbourne with him in September & tie with him until then. I hear that MilkyBar Kid is leaving Adelaide & moving to Canberra so I ask him if he minds if I change partners. MilkyBar Kid says that he was going to talk to me tonight anyway about finding another partner. Turns out the he has a girlfriend now who he wants to tie with, so it all works out in the end. (All single people get into relationships around me…) I end up tying with Ripples that night & we become rope partners.

#IBD4U

Bossman

So you all remember at Switch I bid at an auction for charity, which turns out that it was on someone as a slave for the evening, when I was drunk as a skunk! We postponed the slavery that evening, thank goodness because I don’t think I would have remembered it anyway. So I’m glad he & his partner were ok with postponing.

He asks me every time I see him at Rope to give him some dates, he even messages me on Facebook to give him my availability, but I honestly feel like a wanker. He’s become a friend that I think he probably would’ve done this for free, but anyway, I’ve paid $200 to charity (no receipt so I can’t claim it on tax. FFS) Anyway he suggest his place but says that they are happy to come to my house – ok so she’s part of the package too. I’m not really sure what he is planning, what is expected. But when he says that we’ll spend a couple of hours doing rope then we’ll have lunch, I relax. I have no idea what is expected & think I need a few drinks for this.

Turns out, I didn’t need drinks for it! Turns out it was an amazing day. I went to their house, met their dogs & we went out the back where they have a suspension rig set up. I had his partner talking me though what I should be feeling as a bunny & explaining where the ropes might feel tight & where she likes them being placed when she is suspended.

Having watched them in the show in rope week for the fringe, I soak up everything she tells me about being a bunny, getting her perspective is invaluable to me & I think it’ll make me better for my rigger. So far I have struggled to tell anyone when it doesn’t feel right, I just let it hurt, thinking that it should hurt. But quite the contrary it should hurt in a good way, but not in a way that hurts me or injuries me.

Bossman also talks me though his safety implements & asks what I like, what I dislike, what I want out of the session too, before we even start anything. It’s refreshing, having not been kinky really with anyone who is involved in the kink scene, I am glad that he takes the time to go though his ideas for the afternoon too.

We don’t need to build trust as I know this guy & I’ve met his partner a few times, I am not worried about that. However I think that if anyone is planning to meet someone for rope you need to make sure you trust them. Remember when Milky wanted to tie me up, I wouldn’t let him tie me to something, I worked my way up to that & then by the time I was with Noodle, I was tying myself up for him. Hahaha… But it’s important to have trust in the person that is tying you up.

Bossman Strong women.png

We try several suspensions with Bossman’s partner talking me through it. It is the best thing ever for a bunny because there is no Bunny school, rope classes are all about the Rigger. I always thought that I just had to stand there & try to look pretty, but when being suspended, there is a lot more to think about. Including being able to speak up when the ropes aren’t sitting right, sometimes they hurt & just need to be “dressed” which is just when the rigger runs his fingers between the rope & your skin to smooth out the ropes.

He tries one more tie with me, but I am up in the air for about 12 seconds when I say that it really hurts & I don’t like it, so he gets me down immediately. This is also what a good rigger should do, anyone who doesn’t get you down right away is just a jack ass – even though I didn’t safe word him.

Bossman’s partner goes inside to prepare lunch & Bossman says that he’ll do some more sensual rope with me. He ties me, including my pony tail (Which seems weird but it feels really good to be honest) He doesn’t suspend me but ties me up all over. I shut my eyes the whole time & as he unties me this actually feels like a massage, he runs the rope all over my skin, my neck & I reckon if I wasn’t standing up, I would fall asleep. When he’s done, I’m almost disappointed. That felt so good, I haven’t had a feeling like that since I last had sex or kissed Noodle… Out of all the men I have been with since, this is the first time I have relaxed & not thought about him.

We all eat lunch & chit chat, they are so lovely & I am glad to have met them. But as all things that happen in my life, this friendship gets infected with the private play party crew & I stop feeling comfortable around these people. Even when Bossman is chatting to me about applying for a position at my work.

Later than night, when I am taking off my gym tights, I see the bruise on my upper thigh, that is actually 3 different shades of purple. I’ve never seen a bruise like it before, it looks like a sunset! It is there for weeks & every time there is a rope on that leg I feel it. It never really goes away because after this, I find a regular rigger & I am suspended a lot more… Stories to come, stay tuned!

#IBD4U

Switch

I’ve been to a few Switches now, it’s a kink event at a club every month in the city. It’s a bit similar to SleezeBall. I have become friends with people so I have people to hang with when I go & I get to play a bit, mainly with Rope & Ripples.

There is a few stories to share in this post as all the Switches aren’t long enough for their own post like I originally planned, so I’m condensing a few into one post instead.

Again, like I’ve said before Noodle wouldn’t have ever gone with me to Switch, I’m pretty sure he’d call me lame for even wanting to go. But I don’t think that I would even want to go if I was with him, but I’m all about trying new things now. Opening my mind to new things & opening up to the possibilities… Not because I am super kinky like Noodle thinks I am, but because I have lost my best friend & I want to find something to replace that.

Anyway one of the switches is a black & white theme. I don’t really do themes like everyone does, they all go all out, but I usually just wear a skirt & corset. However, just before Noodle’s partner found out about us I bought some lingerie for him that I never wore, one “top” was a gold rectangle piece of glomesh with 2 chain straps. That is all. Literally I wore a gold hanky with no bra out in public! I was so nervous about wearing this top that I got wasted before we left my house like an 18 year old… Not just a bit drunk, I got so wasted, like trashy wasted, so terribly wasted that it’s not pretty for a 37 year old to be! I am so drunk that Ripples refuses to tie me, I try to pretend I’m sober so he will, but he doesn’t suspend me – which is a very wise decision looking back now.

There is an auction going on & I somehow find myself bidding on a man we’ll call Bossman, who runs the Rope classes. FUCK… What am I doing? It’s up to $200 when it stops & I win… OMG What did I just win? I have no idea what I am bidding on to be honest. What the actual fuck! Why didn’t someone stop me. FUCK. $200… Jesus.

I don’t really know what happens the rest of the night but when Bossman comes up to me to ask me what I want to do with him, I think what the fuck! I have apparently bought him as a slave. Oh good! (I wish you could see my face as I say that!) I actually somehow am able to get the words out that I am too drunk to do anything & hope that we can do some rope another time. He tells me that he has to ask his missus if that’s ok with her, which I agree. She comes over & I meet her too, she’s super lovely & I think she realises how drunk I am too that she says that we can catch up another time. Oh thank god… I cannot believe that I have done this to be honest, I don’t have fucking $200 to give to a charity!!! Anyway look out for the blog post titled Bossman to get the next instalment of this story! Fuck I can be such an idiot!

Switch been through bullshit.png

The next switch I go to I am going to drive in because of how embarrassing I was at the last Switch. Ironically I don’t drink much after that evening, even now, I don’t drink a lot. I cannot believe how drunk I was. I have been drunk before & I have been wasted like that before but not at a kink event where I could so easily be taken advantage of. Luckily I know enough people to be protected but I never want to be like that again.

Anyway a friend says that she is going in too, her friend picks us up & a few other people & I meet my usual switch crew in at the club. I watch the shows with my friends, it’s the fringe version of Switch so there are lots of non kinky people there, including a friend who has just come along to check it out as they sell tickets via the fringe website. People think they’re coming to a show, which they are but they don’t realise that people attend these every month!

I enter a competition at my hairdresser, I can’t even remember what it was, but I won it. So I decide that I am going to use the hair appointment for a hair do for the next switch being that it’s about the only time I go out these days. I can’t remember the theme but I decide that I am going as a ladybug so I also get my makeup done & go all out for this switch – my mum had given me a nail voucher for Christmas that I decide to get my nails done. I wear some glitter tights & I look amazing, I feel amazing. Ripples ties me up suspending me & then using UV wax on my shoulders, this is the first time I have had public proper display like this where I feel good & don’t think about how fat I am. I fucking love it. The photo’s taken & shown to me later are amazing. I can’t believe that I look that good. (A moment of high self-esteem – don’t get used to it! Hahaha) I have a great time not drinking much & find that I really enjoy myself!

The next day I am going to Ripples house to do a photo shoot with him & his partner’s step mum who is trying to build her portfolio. I wipe off my ladybug spots on my face but leave the eye shadow & leave my hair done. Ripples ties me a few different ways, I feel uncomfortable with one of the ties but other than that, I do love the photos I get with rope.

For the first time I am distracted, I am enjoying my life again, even if I know what Noodle would say if I told him… I am really just enjoying life…

#IBD4U

Maslin #2

My first venture to Maslin Beach included an invite to return with the couple who I went with in the first place. I knew they would fit in with some of the crew from the Private Play Party (little did I know that I wouldn’t fit in with that group of people for much longer!) that I thought I would ask if they mind if I invite a few other people down too. I particularly wanted them to meet the organisers of the weekend, obviously because they have been swinging longer than anyone I know & I’m not exactly a swinger being that I’m single – but felt like they could meet some new people & get into the groove.

I ask the Private Play party people if they want to come & some say they will come. I am hoping that I’ll get down there with a few for the day & then others will come at night, however the couple say they have to work & won’t be there till later, another couple says they won’t be there till later either, I invite LJ with me too, since he said he was going to go anyway. So I think it could just be him & I at this point.

A few of us end up at the beach, I again refuse to take of my bather bottoms, I mean I had at this point lost about 30 kgs, from over 100 kgs, so I am still conscious of my gut & the overhang, that at least the pants cover that bit that I’m worried about. We have a really good day & I actually end up enjoying going to Maslins. More than I ever thought I would, I guess because I know that Noodle would hate it.

It’s a really fun day & also the first time a few of these friends have ever been to a nude beach, which really surprises me. I mean this is only like the second or third time at the beach myself but I would have expected that people who swing on a regular basis would go to a nudist beach.

Having been a nude beach virgin only a few months ago, I heard about the Nude Olympics (however they apparently aren’t allowed to call it Olympics anymore) & thought that it would be a fun day out. I knew people going, but didn’t really have people to go with. A friend that I feel comfortable with wasn’t going so I ask a couple of other friends & head on down to see the nude Olympics. The funny thing about this day is that I never actually see any Olympics! The people I went with went later in the afternoon so I wasn’t there as long as I would have liked. There is obviously lots of nudity on the beach & also bloody new cameras, so I hide away from them as much as I can.

It’s this day that I realise just how much the private play party dislike me, I am still not sure what I have done to them but it’s obvious that I have done something… Every time I’m in the water, some of them get out. Every time I am on the beach some of them get in the water. I try not to let it worry me, not everyone has to like me of course, but I am kind of hurt by this being I still don’t know what I have done.maslins ex something.png

I guess I really want someone I can go to the beach with & just hang out. It’s mostly couples & older dudes down there & even though I know that Noodle never would have come down there with me & lets face it, if I was with him right now, I wouldn’t have ever gone down there. Like I have said before, the only reason that I am trying these new things & fucking so many other guys, is to get over him, to forget him, to find something else to focus on. But yet again, none of it is working.

Being at Maslins with couples, just makes me sad for a partner. Regardless of if I ever come to Maslins with this partner, I fucking want one! I want someone to talk to every day, I need to replace my best friend. I need to replace Noodle somehow… I can’t call him my ex, I don’t want to replace my ex. He isn’t an ex, but he was my best friend. I miss that more than the sex…

#IBD4U

Tubes

A long time ago, I decided I didn’t want kids. I have talked about this many times in the blog. I do love kids & I see kids in my life but not my own kids. I know this is hard for people to understand that I don’t want them, usually they say that I’ll change my mind but I hate even more when people say “You don’t understand because you don’t have kids”  in actual fact, I understand what having kids means so much that I choose not to have them of my own. I understand how difficult it is, that they have their own personality, that they will do what they want when  I am just as stubborn! So I hope my future partner has them – if he wants them so the pressure is off me.

I know this isn’t my usual dating blog post but I want to talk about this because it’s quite a significant thing for my life & I think this will affect my dating life moving forward.

Noodle always threw in my face that I didn’t know what it was like to have kids & that because I don’t want kids of my own that he’d be a burden to me, but that was his issue, not actually about me – it was an easy excuse for him, I know that…. I mean I’m the one that told him that he’d get full custody & the kids could live with us, so fuck knows why he thought I didn’t want his kids…

Anyway as you may remember the day Noodle said goodbye to me the first time, I stopped taking the pill & lost another 8kgs. (Admittedly I wasn’t eating for 4 months while going through that turmoil) but I realised that when I am on contraception I put on a lot of weight, easily. So I spoke to my doctor about permanent contraception ie: tubal ligation (Basically clips will go onto my fallopian tubes to stop the egg from descending into my uterus) It can be reversed (as everyone seems to point out) however, why would I go through with this surgery if I ever intended to reverse it? The reversal surgery can cost thousands of dollars & has very low success rates – this is not a short term plan for me, get a tubal ligation that I plan to reverse… It seems so odd for people to say that. But literally the first thing people say when I say I am having it done.

I finally get my GP to refer me to a gyno & on my first visit, I never thought she would agree, however she did say that she believes in a woman’s right to choose & if I allow her to talk to my GP – who I’ve been talking about this with for a while, she will book me in. I have tried other forms of contraception & all the same, I have a lot of easy weight gain. Since stopping any form of hormones, I am much more regular & I also am able to lose weight a lot easier. This is also not advice for anyone, but hormones are just not right for me. I have been taking the pill since I was 17 & like you all know at one point in my life just before I turned 30, I was over 100kgs. So hovering around a normal weight of 70ish kgs, always seemed like a distant dream.

The surgery is next Monday. I have just paid the hospital the fee, my boss asked if I am nervous. I am not. I am excited & can’t wait for it to happen. Even though I am not currently having sex with anyone, I am happy to be getting it done. I always freak out during sex & am scared that I’ll get pregnant. I don’t really believe in abortion as a form of birth control & having tried a lot of other contraception methods such as being on the pill since I was 17 to basically mid 30’s then going off it, losing 35kgs, then going back on it & putting on 10kgs. Going off it & losing the 10kgs, I am happy to have this done in the hopes that my weight will stabilise but my anxiety when having sex will be reduced.

I guess the one concern I have with this surgery & making this final decision, is telling a future partner. I mean I always have had it on my online profiles that I don’t want kids but if I had a dollar for every time someone said “You might change your mind” I’d be rich enough to retire. Hahaha. But going through with this now, without Noodle, it’s the only time that I really think, am I doing the right thing?Tubes cheering you on.pngSo the surgery went well, besides being excruciating pain for a couple of days after, I think because my insides were screaming to reject the clips just clasped on them. I still get asked when I tell people if it’s reversible. I’m not sure why I would go through all that pain to reverse it! It was the most painful thing I have ever had done & I had a breast reduction 7 years ago, this was way worse!

Fast forward to today – Almost a year since the surgery, I haven’t regretted my decision & my weight has stabilised – even loosing more weight. There is only one down side & that is that when I am seeing someone, I can’t just skip my period & have sex whenever I want. I have to plan carefully when I can see a guy.

I tell this story as part of my blog as it is part of my story. I guess you will have to wait & see how much the will affect future relationships.

#IBD4U

Kangaroo Island

On a weekend away with 2 girlfriends, I know I am annoying them by talking about Noodle, but fuck I just can’t help it. I mean I still talk about Boyfriend & Milky even Origin. Especially since starting this blog, I talk about these men more than ever. We talk about my blog a lot because we’ve also been looking at developing it into a podcast. This weekend is a bit time for us to plan & develop this.

During the weekend, with all the talking about exs both my friends ask me why I don’t fight for Noodle? It’s been 5 months since I last spoke to him, I’ve just had my leader of a broken heart epiphany, Why don’t I fight for it? I honestly think this every day. I know he’s thinking I don’t care for him & that I’ve moved on – he said that to me several times when he was trying to end communication with me the first few times & so he’s making his life what he can with her, still believing he is happy.

I do want to fight for him, I want him so badly, even now… But I also can’t – there are too many things that happened that I can’t forgive right now. I am not in a position when I can really handle him telling me for the 4th time that he is not leaving her, giving me bull shit excuse after bull shit excuse as to why! I get that he’s scared of losing his kids & scared she might hurt them, herself or him, but I’m not sure I can hear the excuses again.

That night, after a few drinks, I am in bed thinking about it nonstop, “should I fight for him?” I decide that I need to ask a magic 8 ball for some guidance… I am not usually like this (or believe in a magic 8 ball) but I need something to make the decision for me so with Phoebe Buffay’s Voice in my head “Ohh it’s not a toy” Hahaha. So I download an app on to my phone, saying to myself, whatever it says – I will do, even if it says no, no questions asked. I will drop it.

Download complete, I open the app, shake my phone & say “Should I fight for Noodle?”Fuck! I was not expecting it to say that!

Immediately, I think of ways I will get in contact with Noodle. If I text him she might see it & it might cause drama or he might not respond. If I call when I know he might be at work then he won’t have time to chat. I think I could stand at his car on a Tuesday night & wait for him to come out of work, tell him I am still in love with him & never stop thinking about him. I think about using an app that I don’t even know if he is on anymore or not. I think about going to his house, I just need to follow what the magic 8 ball said.

I struggle to sleep that night, I wake up numerous times thinking about what I could do to see him, to actually make him listen to me. I know her maternity leave is coming to an end, their oldest would be starting school at the same time, so maybe even I could go to his house?

I am now insanely overthinking this… I was in a better position before my friends confirmed what I have been thinking for 5 fucking months! Now that I know that they are thinking I should fight for him, I can’t stop thinking that I should fight for him!

When I wake up from that shit sleep, it’s almost like something has switched in me. I am not ready to face Noodle & I know that he is not ready to face me. I know I can’t live my life thinking that he & I might be together in the future (& I am not living my life like that) but I don’t want to ruin the chances of that happening by trying to push it too soon, before either of us are ready. Although if he ever reads this blog, I’m pretty sure he won’t want to be with me anyway… or maybe he’ll actually realise the depth of my feelings for him? I hope the latter, but again I’m not holding out hope that he & I will be together.

So while the magic 8 ball told me to fight for him, I choose not too… To be really honest with you, the only reason I won’t fight for Noodle is because of his children, but not because I don’t want kids. I was actually so excited to have his kids in my life, but because I am scared what she might do – to him, to them, to herself… However the kids deserve better than to see their mum & dad fight, verbally & physically. It hurts & pains me, but I know, magic 8 ball or not, that I am making the right decision.

#IBD4U

Goodwin #2

Goodwin messages later that afternoon to see how I am, but I was napping. He doesn’t reply – yeah I knew I wouldn’t catch up with him twice in one day. I don’t know what it is about men, why wouldn’t they be open to casual sex twice in a day? Is it that he has to travel to me? Why didn’t he message to see if I could pick him up from his party? Did he pick up or did he ?

He messages the next day saying that he is hungover as fuck, I respond then I get nothing in return. He reads my message that he could reply too but doesn’t… Fuck, this guy is fucking annoying!

After Christmas I get a message asking how my Christmas was, but then he doesn’t respond. After a day at the beach with friends & a couple of beers, I’d had a wine & beer when I got home because I was bored & was sitting there a little horny & so I message him. He doesn’t respond till the next day (what a surprise) saying that he was out with friends & what did I get up too. We message a little bit & get onto 3sums but he never offers to see me again. It makes me realise how much I want a proper FWB, but what I really want is an actual boyfriend. I am sick of this messaging about what I want sexually with 20 different men but never actually getting it.Goodwin want a husband.pngIn the new year I get a message asking if I’m back at work, I toy with not replying because this guy isn’t a FWB at all, he’s not even a benefit at this point – nor is he a friend. I stupidly reply because I haven’t had sex since I saw him last & I have no one on the roster. When I reply he says that he is hoping to see me today in an hour, about 12:45 pm, so I figure, I can squeeze him in before the beach, then at least I have some fun for the new year. I’m constantly thinking about Noodle & his sex life. (WHY I HAVE NO IDEA!)

He says I’m an aggressive kisser, I ask WTF does that means & he says that it’s a compliment & I should take it. Not many people kiss with their tongue & I use mine a lot apparently (don’t they? Who doesn’t kiss with their tongue?) but when I say maybe he could’ve said I was passionate not aggressive, he agrees that he used the wrong adjective – I’ll say…. OMG who wants to be aggressive?! He says he’ll finish up work & let me know when he’s on his way.

2 hours later, I still haven’t heard from him, I’ve cancelled the beach trip for this guy at this point but also because the wind has picked up & it’s not so hot –  so my friends & I decided not to go. I organise to play pool with a friend, so I need to leave in 45 minutes. He finally messages saying that he’s about to leave work, almost 2 & a half hours later. I say that was the longest hour in history when he replies “Give me a break, first day back at work, more to do than I realised” I’m like dude, it was your idea to leave work & meet me, not mine!

20 minutes after he says it’ll take him 25 minutes to get to my house & I say that I can stretch it (because I know my friend will understand as she likes sex as much as I do & also it’s not set in stone that I meet her at 4:00 pm), he messages to say that he’s just leaving… Like seriously WTF? Does this guy want me to just say no? Why didn’t he start messaging me at like 11:00 am to catch up if he didn’t really want too. I don’t even understand what is happening right now.

I stupidly write back ‘speed & allow him to come over even though I have less than 10 minutes to fuck him, but seriously, there is something wrong with my vagina! Hahaha… It wants sex when it can get it, which lets face it, isn’t getting a lot lately. Last year I had like 5 FWB in the rotation, fell in love with one of them, this year I can’t even find a dude to fuck me when I’m free. But again I don’t want to keep adding notches to my bed post, I never wanted to fuck as many men as I have since Noodle, so when I find someone that’s good in bed, I try not to let them go. I am constantly thinking that Noodle didn’t love me because he is probably out there fucking other women. But I am out here fucking other men to get over him… So I can’t keep thinking about the women he might be fucking.

Goodwin gets to my house & we kiss, he tells me that I’m shorter than he expected, I suppose last time I was in bed the whole time lying down. He takes a while to get his shirt off & as he’s pulling down his very tight pants he tells me that he came off his bike & has broken both his feet, as he peels his pants down & shirt off, he’s covered in band aids. He struggles to take his pants off & I say that’s probably because they’re so tight. I have my dress off & am waiting for validation that he thinks I am hot in my undies but he doesn’t say anything. His eyes don’t pop out of his head like Noodle’s always did…

We fuck & it’s good, he uses a vibrator again to make me cum then gets me to suck his cock to cum himself – which doesn’t take very long. Lucky that he used the vibrator otherwise this would have been a waste of time. I am all for using a vibrator during sex however if that’s the only way this guy will get me off, do I really need him? I can do that myself. Although I always say that a vibrator doesn’t touch or kiss you but right now I am scared to kiss him because I don’t want to be too aggressive.

Afterwards he leaves & I don’t ever message him & he doesn’t ever message me. About 3 months later, he sends me a shirtless picture… At least it’s not his cock I guess. He tells me that he hasn’t had sex in 2 months & that he moved to Byron Bay for a few months, I end up send some pictures of me at Switch (stories to come) & we don’t really chat much after that. I guess my kink scared him off.

He comes back after another few months & tells me that he didn’t think I was into him which is why he didn’t keep messaging me. What the fuck would give this guy that idea?! I mean I replied to every message & invited him over, what more does he want?!

We agree to catch up the next day, he says that he can’t wait to see me & get some of my “dirty kissing” I write back saying that I am excited to see him too, that I woke up thinking about it today.

At 6:00 pm, I still haven’t even heard from him, nor has he read my message. I am so angry, he was only just saying that it’s shit when men bail & as if anyone would bail on me – blah, blah, blah! The next day, yes the next day at 11:00 am he messages to say “Fuck. I just got home. Had a huge weekend in the end. Phone went dean & no on had bloody google phone chargers. Stayed at my mates  & we ended having a Sunday sesh as well. my apologies.

I ignore & he tries yet again a few months later after I have been though a lot with me – more stories to come… & He says that he was around the corner from my house. I ignore him again… I am done with this guy. Why the fuck do I keep giving these douches such a chance?!

#IBD4U