This guy is super-hot, he’s ripped but he’s one of those guys that I am not sure if that’s really if that’s how he looks right now or 10 years ago. I’ve been caught out before, when men send a picture & you think they’re cute & hot but then they’re not at all. I was always thinking that Crows would be the same, kind of hot in his pictures, but too good to be true… Crows was hot so maybe Goodwin will be too?
I start chatting to Goodwin (yes I make the first move as we’re in a group together) I even tell him that I never message anyone first, so he should consider himself very lucky if he likes me. He says he does so we chat a bit, I tell him about the recent break up with Noodle, not the ins & outs but I what I am looking for is not something too serious right now, he says the same – this could be the thing that I need right now, it’s just after I stopped talking to Noodle.
But Goodwin stops talking to me for a few months, I just assume he’s got someone else or whatever, it’s it the chat app after all. I have been seeing Crows on a regular basis at this time that I don’t really care too much. Men on the chat app are a dime a dozen. When Goodwin comes back I ask where he’s been because I am not going to be someone’s 2nd option but he says that he was with a chick for a while & they broke up because he realised that he didn’t want a GF. I don’t respond to a lot of his messages because I am not going to make it easy for this guy. We chat on & off for a few months to be honest, I talk to him about all sorts of shit, but we never meet.
So after my epiphany last blog – Leader of the Broken Heart, I’m hoping that it would my goodbye to Noodle, I’d be able to close that chapter on Noodle & it’d give me the ability to move on, even though I want to message him so badly (even months later) & I that am not over him in the slightest. I’m still listening to that song & every other song by the band Papa Roach, so much so that I even subscribe (pay) to have premium YouTube so I can watch their film clips with no ads. I basically listen to song after song of theirs & listen to Periscope & Leader of the broken heart over & over again. I don’t know why I am torturing myself but it honestly seems to be helping. By avoiding anything Noodle, I was hurting myself even more.
At my work function, we get to have a few drinks… It’s a little emotional as there is a restructure going on & things are tense for everyone, I have drunk my weight in alcohol by the end of it, however this time I’m not puking in the toilets so at least that’s something!
Walking to the next bar, one of my colleagues bursts into tears, while consoling her, I follow suit (WTF I seriously never cry – I’ve gone from being a stone, but post-Noodle however now I’m a fucking wuss & now cry at the drop of a hat!) I figure tonight is going to be a tough night, I consider briefly hitting on a male colleague that’s being a bit cheeky with me but decide against that, so on the way home, I look online for someone to come over & keep me company tonight. I message Goodwin but I realise that it’s 2:00 am on a Thursday night, he doesn’t reply. A few people on the anonymous app do but they aren’t attractive to me, so I sadly buy the taxi driver hungry jacks & get dropped home alone.
I put on YouTube when I get home & the instant that Leader of a broken heart comes on, I burst into tears. I sob – I sob though Periscope too, I howl until I can barely breathe. I am so alone. I don’t even have a FWB I can call. I cry while singing, I usually am able to control myself when I look in the mirror so I stand in the bathroom looking at myself, but that doesn’t work. I just have to cry. Let it all out. This type of crying doesn’t happen to me often or ever really, but I must need it.
Finally sleep finds me about 3:30 or 4:00 am, I wake up at 7:00 am (WHY?!) with sore as fuck eyes from crying so much & lack of sleep. I also wake to find a message from Goodwin asking why I was up so late, I explain I was at a work function & he said he’s going out tonight & what time am I picking him up. We talk for a little more when he says he can be at my house at 10:00 am this morning. I agree having had a shit night, I needed some good sex & also hadn’t had sex since the Cowboy debacle. I need to erase that night! I say that if it’s good this morning, then we can also fuck again later, after his party.
As he’s on the way to my house, he says that a notification just popped up & he has an appointment – oh right, the old appointment excuse. I feel like an idiot but he says he’ll be 20 minutes. I stay in bed thinking I am just going to have to sort myself out when he messages to say he’s on his way. Wow, that’s a surprise! I ask if he wants me to stay in bed with the door open or if he wants me to meet him at the door. He says that he wants to door open – good because that’s what I’ve done anyway.
He looks exactly like his pictures – a young Heath Ledger, his body is hot AF. He is ripped. Hard abs, muscly arms. His body is hard as a rock, he definitely works out & takes care of himself. He’s dressed a lot like Crows always dressed like, white t-shirt, dark shorts, hat & street shoes. (if they’re even called that anymore.) He definitely looks a little like Heath Ledger. He puts his stuff down then I move over in the bed & lift the covers up, he sees I’m just wearing panties & says how hot I am but he’s going to be cold. I say that’s ok because it’s toasty warm in bed, we kiss for a few seconds before he gets up to get rid of his chewy. He gets back into bed with me, then gets up again to take off his top & shorts. He gets back into bed with his jocks still on (yeah he has Calvin Klein jocks – not shorts, actual jocks! Milky was the last guy I ever saw in jocks) we kiss for a bit more but he asks me if I have any toys (if only he knew!) I get a vibe out for him, he goes down on me all the while making this Mmm sound every few seconds, then he fingers me & asks if I like his fingers in me, which of course I do, then he slips the vibe in while I cum really quickly.
He jumps up for me to suck his cock, which I don’t think it my best work but within a few sucks he’s saying he’s going to cum. He cums, wipes himself up then starts getting dressed asking me a lot of questions like how long have I had this house, where did I get my bruises on my leg from, how last night was & how is my investment property is going. He kisses me goodbye & he’s gone. Right?! No sex, but I guess at least he made me cum. Though I could’ve just made myself cum with the vibe, saved him the trouble of coming all the way to my house.