This is my 500th post!
As you know, I don’t honestly think I can or even want to continue my story anymore – so this is the end… The final day of a year seems fitting, so I can start a new year fresh without my blog… So this is the final post – that’s not to say I might not come back from time to time, but I won’t be posting weekly or every story I have. I might be the John Farnham of blogging! (OMG, I’m showing my age with that reference!) I will re-blog my posts from the beginning in the future – after a little break so you can all either re-read or read for the first time & it might help you understand why I am doing what I am doing at the end…
I promised myself that I would keep dating & writing about my love life until I found the guy that I can say too that “I’ve been dating for you”. Then perhaps I would continue to write more of an advice blog on dating the man you’ve been looking for for 30+ years & about our life together – I never thought it would take over 30+ years to find that I am happy alone… But with the curse of never getting the second date always looming over my head I pretty much have given up at this point…
Let’s have a look back at who I dated in 2020 & 2021 – this is just a few I wrote about…
I mean I have 500 blog posts! Yes I know some are guest posts & some are articles, not all are dating stories & there is my fiction & erotica amongst all the dating stories. But there are a lot & I still have notes on a few stories that remain untold!
I want you to understand my life choices… I don’t owe you an explanation obviously – you read at your own risk, no one forces you to read my crazy life, so if you don’t agree with my choices or my life, you never had to read! Hahaha, but I do want to explain why I am ending this blog, the way I am ending this blog, especially before I got the ending I wanted…
Marvel isn’t committed to me. I am not committed to him either. Not in the way we once were. I know what I’m getting, multiple orgasms once or twice a month. There is no drama (from him at least) & I can do what I want, when I want too. I don’t have to compromise on spending money or making a life changing decision – while I wish I had a partner to build a life with, there are also some good points, which I don’t think are deal breakers. But lets also face it, there is no knight in shining amour nor is there the retard in tin foil.
I honestly didn’t think my blog would end this way, I didn’t think I wouldn’t have a final dating chapter quite like I have had. But as my 40th birthday looms (Was in August when I decided not to keep writing!), this blog is about a women dating in her 30’s. I am soon to not be in my 30’s & knowing that there is something about me, that makes it impossible to have a second date.
Is it because I have given my heart to someone else & never fully got it back? No because I even had this problem before Noodle.
Is it because I am too independent & strong for a man to be comfortable with? Well who knows, I’m sure it scares some dudes off
Is it because I don’t need to be saved? I don’t need a man to be fulfilled?! Again, who the fuck knows… I’ve tried the damsel in distress & it didn’t work either.
I have honestly lost all faith in everything. This is also a little odd for me, as I had done some mental work with NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) before Valvoline, before the Engineer & I discovered that I am lovable. Something I always feared I wasn’t… Something I confessed to you a while ago – my biggest fear that I would die without being loved. Something I always believed that I am not lovable. That’s probably why I always make so many jokes about my love life – to ease the uncomfortableness of being alone since 2007. I just figured that I wasn’t loveable. Now that I know that I am though the help of NLP – it’s not so funny anymore. I am loveable. I deserve love. So now I don’t make as many single jokes in real life, I don’t talk about being single as much. I know that in the last almost 5 years that I was loved, I know that Noodle loved me, I could feel it, I could see it, I know he loved me. No matter what anyone else thinks, no can take that away from me. But the timing wasn’t & has never been right with him…. I don’t know if it ever will be right to be honest… Who knows.
But having wiped those fears of being unlovable using NLP techniques & doing some work on myself mentally, I really thought that I was on the right path with someone, I was serious (about dating) & was more open & inviting of the idea of love again – perhaps Valvoline might be the right guy, given the way we met – it wasn’t on a seedy dating site. That was a serious meet cute & I was keen to not waste any more time wondering if a guy likes me or not. So I put all my cards on the table, not wanting to waste time or fuck around, telling him what I want & not settling for anything less. Only to have it shoved in my face… This being the first time that I have really done this too – so I think it’s going to go in my favour, but my life isn’t a romantic comedy!
With my life not going as I planned, I decide that at 40 I am going to stop dating. Which I can tell you is going well – so far – hahaha. 4 months in. I have my puppies who are spoilt & like my children, I have a great career even if it’s not the career I thought I would have, I have a great family, I have a great close knit group of friends, I am working towards being a foster carer, I have a small business, I now play netball & go to the gym. My life is too busy to be worrying about chatting online, to be looking for the next guy to ghost me. I am done.
I will miss this, but there comes a time in your blogging life when you are still fucking your married ex boyfriend on the regular that you to need to just stop writing about it. Look out for the reblogs of my earlier stories, coming in 2022.
For the last time…