Fake Number

Years ago, Like I’m talking about 8 years ago now – long before I started dating multiple men, I went out with a friend & was chatting to a semi nice looking guy when my friend I was over with started chatting to him about geeky things & ended up kinda phasing me out of the conversation. Whatever, she can have him… I had just lost a lot of weight so was feeling good about myself but still also had some self esteem issues. One of my reasons for losing weight was so boys would like me. (Yeah fucked up I know) I figured if I lost weight & looked better, then I’d get a boyfriend… I wish I could go back to 30 year old me & tell her that it doesn’t matter what you look like, if a man doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you… DO THIS FOR YOU! Good advice now, but still working on it believing it.

Nearby was another guy, the perfect thing I needed that night after that swift move from my friend. A guy who was interested in me, he bought me all my drinks, every time I was at the bar, he was next to me with a $50 before I could pass over my $20 note (This was long before paywave!), he was completely adamant that women shouldn’t buy their own drinks. I’ve always been uncomfortable with men buying me drinks – not only could they spike it, but also because I don’t think I am that hot, people shouldn’t buy me drinks… But this night, I just let it happen. I did offer money, because that’s what I do, however he didn’t take it.

We kissed for a while, he was talking about how much he liked me but I wasn’t that interested in him – you know, for anything beyond this night, he wasn’t really my type but he’d served his purpose for the evening – not the drinks mule part that you’re probably thinking – I am not like that usually but he made me feel good about myself while I was a bit low… I clearly have issues, I know, you don’t need to think it. But when something crappy happens to me, I seek validation from someone else. Not a good pattern & I don’t know how to break it. (Clearly I still haven’t worked that out yet either, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog) So when he asked for my number, I got through the first 7 digits & wondered if I really wanted this guy to be calling me tomorrow. I don’t hesitate while giving out my number, but I gave him the last 3 but changed the last digit, good move! Oddly he must’ve sensed something because he then decided to try to call me & told me to answer it. FUCK… Who does that? I told him my bag with my phone was over with my friend, which was true, but I wasn’t going to get it.

Fake Number over the top too keen.png

To this day, it’s the first & only time I have ever fake numbered a guy, I mean lets be frank, I don’t often meet men in bars that ask for my number, I’m not the type of woman that men swan about like peacocks. Begging for her number… I’m still not really sure why I did it & I don’t think I’ll do it again because now I’m strong enough to just say “No I’m not giving you my number.” But that night, it was just what I needed… He seemed a bit possessive when I wouldn’t get my phone to show him that he’d called the right number & got a little full on… I decided to go grab my friend & get the fuck out of there…

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why my karma is so bad with men, because I treated his one so badly? I’m sure there are others I treated badly too, I’m not innocent & play a part in every story in this blog… But this is probably the worst thing I ever did to someone, that I can remember, I would hate if a guy did that to me, but then again, I don’t pursue people, if they don’t write back I don’t keep messaging them until they respond like some guys do. I pretty much write people off assuming that if they stop talking to me, then they died. Yes that’s right died, why else wouldn’t a guy want to spend time with me? Surely it’s because they died that they didn’t text me back or call me or try to see me again. I mean what other reason could there be? Hahaha.

#IBD4U

Noodle #12

I just want to start this Noodle post by saying that I am glad that you are all still with me on this journey…  I appreciate it! I know the topics I discuss particularly in this series has some triggers for some people & believe me, I am not proud of how far this relationship has evolved but hopefully you just stick with me, reading it, judgement free…!

The next day, as if either of us need sex after the 3 hours we spent yesterday fucking at my house & at his work, but apparently he can’t get enough of me as he’s sneaking into my house on the Friday morning for another two hours… I really don’t know how he does it, but he seems to get away with being at my house every few days. This is the most a man has ever seen me that wasn’t Boyfriend (& he only saw me because we lived together!)

This is also probably the most I have ever seen Noodle, his job has changed quite a bit being that the store is closed, so I am not complaining, I am just concerned because I know what I am like… I have a guard up, men start off seeing me all the time, like several times a week, messages all the time, I let my guard down & then kind of fade away slowly… I treat people the same throughout the encounter/relationship etc, so if I see them a lot in the beginning, I expect that we will continue like that. I know I have high expectations & my friends tell me I do expect a lot from them but that’s just who I am, I like to see people a lot when I am seeing them… Why wouldn’t they want to see me too?

I know this can’t last & I am scared about how attached I am already… I haven’t fucked anyone else for a few weeks now, which isn’t long but when I started seeing Noodle I basically had 5 men in my rotation. I am down to one, who is showing me so much attention, the attention that I would want from a single man…

One morning at 5:50 am, I wake up to messages from Noodle, not unusual & not uncommon these days being that he’s always up earlier than me. We don’t take it in turns anymore, just whoever is up first! “Good morning hun, Your profile pic is stunning.” I know this is a joke message when I read that “You look like an angel. I’m 32 M down south that loves to eat pussy & can do it for hours” I laugh, this is something all men seem to say that they love going down on a woman & could do it for hours. Message me sexy baby when you wake up! I literally am laughing out loud & smiling like an idiot as I respond telling him that he has a problem. That ”sexy baby” doesn’t even sound right coming from him. I love that he has this sense of humor… I am attracted to people who make me laugh, a lot.

Noodle tells me about a conversation with Leblek (from Shark) & shows me a screenshot, where she has been messaging him & tells him that every chick has fallen for him on the chat app. FUCK, why would she do that? She knows I’m with him. I get jealous, I don’t want others wanting him… Well I don’t care if others want him, what I care about is him wanting them back… So all I can say to that is ”Don’t get a big head” but in only the way he can, he puts my mind at ease, as if he can sense the jealously, ”I should already have one, if I pulled you” I love that response… That makes me so happy that he can sense my jealously. When he realises that he’s being too nice to me, he says that ”You’re just ok” so I snap back ”Fuck you… Go find someone better than me then!” he quickly responds & I think he’ll say something equally as douchey ”I don’t think it gets much better than you…” he also says that ”I don’t think anyone would fuck me like you do” WOW, that was unexpected.

Noodle 12 jealous whore

I don’t see him over the weekend as his work is now basically shut & he’s working Monday to Friday. He comes over Monday morning for an hour, & then again on Tuesday morning – since he no longer is working late nights. On the Tuesday morning, I get up before he comes over & tie myself to my bed so that when he walks in, he sees me spread out for him. He always loves it when he sees me, I like to surprise him with something different. He spanks me & videos everything…

The next day I tell him that I checked our condom supply & its getting low, he says surely not there was 12 in the pack. I laugh & tell him not to worry, but we go through them very fast & that I still have some, so it’s all good. He tells me that it’s my fault… WHAT? My fault, how? ”Too irresistible. FUCK” Hahaha… He’s being way too nice to me! & why do I like it so much when he is so nice to me. Am I so starved for some affection that I am willing to lap up what this guy has to offer?

A couple of days later, Noodle is over after work for an hour, we fuck in the lounge room & as he’s pulling up his boxers, while I sit there recovering from multiple orgasms, he looks at his apple watch then at me & I can tell she’s calling him or messaging him. I’ve seen that look of horror before… He picks up his pants & digs around in his pocket for his phone & gets it out answering it, it is his partner – I can hear her & hear the way his voice changes. I wonder if she can tell too? He starts pacing around while on the phone. He tells her something about how she should’ve sent it back so I know she’s talking to him about a work related thing & it’s not about me or where he is. They both work for the same company, just at different stores & in different managerial positions – I’m not sure why she called him & didn’t ask someone at the store this question. I guess she has always been suspicious, I guess maybe she’s trying to catch him out? He hangs up & I don’t really pry him & ask if everything is ok, he seems stressed about the conversation, still pacing around while getting dressed & I again think that he’s going to back off a bit with me.

Again, it doesn’t stop him! In fact, it doesn’t even change how we are with each other at all… We even start with little nicknames for each other, I don’t really know how it came about but he starts calling me cute nicknames like marshmallow & lovebug after he says ”Just wanna squish you, you sexy white squishy little marshmallow” This is about the time that I start calling him “Gumdrop,” which he says he hates but I know he also loves it, I know how his mind works. It’s a bit like the nickname Noodle, he says he hates it & hates that everyone calls him that in the groups, but he loves it & it shows him that people care about him. Something he craves a lot after his childhood trauma.

It’s also around this time that he starts mentioning how I give him a weekly blowjob, he seems to think that its only weekly but he generally gets one every time we fuck! I love his cock & love it in my mouth. I never thought I would say that about a guys dick, but there you have it! We’re having sex more than once a week, so I’m sure he always gets a weekly blowjob from me!

Boy am I wrong about Noodle backing off, the next morning after the phone call afternoon, Noodle is coming over to my house for a morning romp as usual. He’s been to the store & opened it up returning to my house until I have to go to work. Seriously I love morning sex, it’s my favourite sex. We do it so well, he turns me on so much that I can’t stop this thing even if I tried… I have in my head so many times, tried to end it, how I would I do it, why I should end it. But I can’t… This is why, this is & this is literally the hardest thing that I have ever done! Do I have deeper feelings for this man?

As he standing at the door kissing me goodbye, he looks at his apple watch & pulls a face, while looking back at me, I again know that look… Its her… ”My wife just sent me a really weird message” I ask him what is it, which I don’t normally do because I don’t want to know what she’s saying, I honestly try not to think about her as much as possible. But he says that “She said that I’ll never see Linkin Park again.” Now Linkin Park is one of my favourite bands of all time, even my last car was named Chester after the lead singer. Noodle & I have talked about music, we have very similar tastes. Linkin Park is one of his favourites too. We had also worked out that we were at the same concert a few years ago too, not that we would have met, but I kind of think that as a bit of a sign, I mean the universe knows we should be together. Oddly the universe has put us in the same place at the same time a few times over the years… He used to date one of my employees when I was a manager at Foodland, I was with Boyfriend then so we wouldn’t have known each other but I find it odd that we would have crossed paths. Noodle & I have also worked out that we chatted several times on the anonymous app more recently, but because we don’t message people first, we both stopped chatting to each other. UNIVERSE! I don’t normally believe in that stuff, the timing wasn’t right then, but is the timing right now?

Anyway Noodle & I don’t think much of the text message & he turns to leave my house but smacks straight into the screen door, because it’s almost see through. I can’t help but laugh, but try not too because I know he’ll feel like an idiot for doing that. If I did that, I would laugh my head off & make them laugh too, being a bit of a larkin, but I know he isn’t like that. I laugh quietly to myself later all day but after he leaves I google what happened to Linkin Park only to find out that Chester has committed suicide. I literally message Noodle immediately & start playing their albums on repeat. Oddly all the lyrics to their songs, somehow, remind me how fragile this thing is with Noodle & how scared I am that I’m going to lose it…

#IBD4U

Foodland

Back when I was online dating, a few years ago, it was only a matter of time before I start chatting to someone who looks so familiar (with my recent ‘We’ve fucked before’ episode – I am weary of people who look familiar, scared of who they might be) I think shit, did I sleep with this guy, is that where I know him from? You just never know where it could be from & it’s unsettling. Was it just someone I worked with or someone who was a customer or did I actually fuck them at some point?

We talk for a week or so talking about going out for a fancy dinner to a nice restaurant but we end up agreeing that we are not fancy restaurant people & settle for fish & chips on the beach but I tell him that I’d prefer chico rolls & chips on the beach which he says “Now you’re talking” but we don’t lock in a time as I’m away for work.

I finally decide to ask him where I might know him from, he says he agrees that I look familiar & so I try a process of elimination of places I’ve worked because he could’ve been a customer or maybe someone that worked with me & then it hits me, Foodland! I used to work at foodland (a supermarket chain in Adelaide) in the service deli from when I was in school till just before things ended with Boyfriend. He says yeah he worked there & so I ask which store did he work at & it turns out he worked at the same one that I had worked at. He mentioned the store manager (who was part of the reason of why I quit…) & we realised that we worked at the same Foodland at the same time. However at that time I was with Boyfriend & we just chatted as we passed each other, but nothing of real consequence.

I ask him if the fact we worked together makes him want to meet me more or less – I am unsure but he says more, however that would’ve been his in to ask me out, but he doesn’t take it. I do something that I never do, I ask him a few days later what he’s up to & he says ‘I’m thinking about you, is that cool?’ I mean sure dude, that is cool! It’s so sweet, but if that were really true, wouldn’t he have messaged me? Not the other way around?

Despite this, I feel myself getting attached to the chats with this guy (What is wrong with me?!) & we haven’t even met & he’s not really what I’d be normally attracted too, but I’m trying to take my friends advice & go out with different people. Clearly the people I am attracted to aren’t working out for me, so I’ll go out with people I find attractive but not entirely 100% my type & see what happens. Try new things! Yes this is what I should be doing, I will see what happens with this guy! I really want someone to make me laugh & I think this guy might be able to do that.

Funny thing happens, well really, this is my life, so it’s not unexpected, nor should I be surprised either or is it really all that funny, but I stop hearing from him… He knows I have come back from my work trip, I assumed that we were talking about catching up that coming weekend, yet I don’t hear from him at all, until the end of the weekend & I say that I’ve been out twice that weekend (which is so unlike me) but he says ‘Hagg’ I think he’s trying to make a joke, so I just brush over it but I don’t hear from him much again.

Foodland, love , sex , Past.png

He kinda disappears, he messages me a few times but I don’t pursue him after the Hagg comment, so it kinda just ends, I don’t go online much when he is on there so he doesn’t message me.

I honestly don’t know what happens in these situations, I really don’t! If anyone can enlighten me, I’ll be happy to hear your theories…. When a guy just stops messaging & just ghosts you, what happens? I used to pretend that they died, because lets face it I can’t have that many men not interested in me & dating someone else…

#IBD4U

Noodle #11

While Noodle & I talk every day, it’s a bit longer between the Saturday all day visit till the Wednesday when he comes over in the morning. I’m in bed of course when he gets there, after all it’s 6:30 am & my alarm doesn’t usually go off till 7:15 am, though I’m usually awake before he gets there anyway because I know he’s coming & I’m excited…

He climbs into bed with me & starts the usual rubbing my side all over till I roll over & face him, kissing his ridiculously minty breath. He smells divine that I think that just the smell of his deodorant (which I’m pretty sure is just a supermarket antiperspirant spray) will tip me over the edge. When we fuck he reaches over to get a vibe out of my draw & uses it on me, I cringe but also enjoy his cock in me wile he has a toy on my clit. I am almost cumming on his cock when he turns the fucking thing off… I cry out “Prick” but he just laughs… Fuck you Noodle… I actually say his real name, which I never do with a guy, I never say their name… He starts going again & I am almost cumming when he stop again… What a fucking jerk… I call him more names while he just chuckles… Finally I start begging him to let me cum & this time he does, the build has been so intense that I am cumming on his cock so hard, arching my back & eyes going blurry. I am so sated after that, that I don’t know how I keep going & cum again right before he does – but I do!

We’re texting the rest of the day (of course) & he says that he’s about to finish work, I am home so I suggest that he comes over for a afternoon delight, even though we fucked for hours this morning, I find that that more I get sex, the more I want it… I want it daily… He says that he can’t & he should go home & I can’t help but hide my disappointment, I mean I guess this guy can’t just fuck me whenever I want, he does have a family, with a phone tracking partner… So I write it off, hating that I even asked him because I don’t ever ask him to come see me, I generally wait for him to be free.

Sitting on the couch, waiting for him to respond & feeling like an idiot, I hear a car pull up in my driveway, I am tempted to look, but I don’t want to be disappointed that it’s not Noodle & just a mail man or a neighbour, but before I even get to the window, there’s a knock at my door, I open it & Noodle is standing there… Before I even register I say, “What are you doing here?” as I open the door, which is stupid because I just asked him to come, he grabs me as he says “This” kissing me & walking me backwards into my bedroom, we’re naked & fucking within less than a minute of him being in my house… Jesus this man is just as taken with me as I am with him! We fuck, connecting so quickly with such passion that I think that no one else in the world has the chemistry we have, no one else has ever fucked like this… He later tells me that he thinks this was the most risky fuck we’ve ever had, I don’t really agree, since we’ve fucked in his work before… But he seems to think so, but his partner is at work, so I’m not sure why he thinks that. However, it was so amazing, I don’t even care!

Noodle communication

A few days later on Friday morning, Noodle is sneaking into my bed at 6:00 am again, I ask him when he has to be at work but he tells me that he’s already been to the store, unlocked it & come to my house, so he can leave when I need to go to work. Hmmm… This is a new thing… If his work finds out, he’s fucked! The following Monday he does the same, sneaking into my bed, he’s doing this so much now that I am leaving my keys under the mat the night before in the hopes that he would rock up & genuinely wake me up for sex. I am already awake sort of when he does get into bed with me at 6:00 am, he’s done the same again, gone to the store, unlocked it & come to mine… We have sex usually him on top & pinning me down because that what’s gets me going pretty quickly, since we only have a short time together & he likes to see me struggle. We’ve both become more vocal during sex, this is probably the first time I have been ok with chatting to a guy while fucking, telling him what I want & asking him to do things or begging him to make me cum.

When I first embarked on this kinky journey, I have watched enough porn to know that I would absolutely never be ok with a guy slapping me across the face or degrading me by calling me names like ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ nor would they ever force me to suck their cock… Well it turns out that I love being made to suck Noodle’s cock, that it turns me on A LOT. I also have found that I love when he calls me ‘His Slut’ – I still don’t like bitch but I do like it when he refers to me as his & the fact that he likes to call me slut. I know it’s not derogatory as if he’s calling me a name, but it’s all part of the scene. I know he likes it & I grow to actually love it. I mean even when he calls me ‘His mistress’, I feel like there’s something naughty & hot about that… I know that I shouldn’t be enjoying this at all, but fuck it turns me on!

A few days later Noodle is sneaking into my house, this time I am up & waiting for him, I am naked this time, finally building up the courage being that he’s seen me naked so many times, in so many different positions, that I shouldn’t be self-conscious of my body with this man, he knows every inch of it, he’s touched every inch of it, he’s basically kissed every inch of it. He likes what he sees of course, I mean what guy wouldn’t like walking into their mistresses house to find them naked waiting for him? We fuck in the chair in my lounge room before I suck his cock while he video’s it… Why is videoing so hot? I hate seeing myself in the videos but I do enjoy how much he enjoys it!

I have been buying so many condoms, as you can imagine, we use several per session, so I tell him that we’re running low, knowing that I will pick some up this weekend when at the shops. I usually buy them online because the pack sizes are bigger & cheaper, but I need them right away.

On the Wednesday I’m off work again, (Am I ever at work? Hahaha! While he has more time, I have been taking some days off for other things but in the hopes that he would see me too… Which he does.) He rocks up at my house at 11:00 am with a packet of condoms, the correct brand & latex free ones that I buy – he has told me that he hasn’t used condoms in a while (Obviously) but these ones are really thin & they apparently don’t feel as shit as condoms used too… I am a bit excited that he’s paid attention to the condoms I use & taken the initiative to buy some! We fuck at my house for two hours, but again my favourite part is just laying with him afterwards & just chatting in person, cuddling each other. We’ve actually been lucky that we haven’t had that many miscommunications while chatting online & ghosted each other, because we don’t often get to talk face to face.

Later that day we’re still chatting of course & he says that everyone has left the store & he’s there by himself so he suggests that I come over to fuck him in the office again, I jump at the chance… When he tells me to bring a vibrator, I instantly get wet… I slip a condom or two in my pocket & head over to his store at 4:00 pm. There is no one in the back carpark, so I park next to his car & message him to tell him I am there & wait for him to pop out & get me. He takes me straight into a different office, telling me that this one is the only one that’s still got stuff in it & the one he’s using. He shuts the door, even though we’re the only ones here, I am still conscious that any manager could potentially rock up unannounced. This time we’re both naked & he’s fucking me facing him while sitting on the desk & using the vibrator on me over & over again, till I cum so many times I lose count, before pulling me up & turning me around roughly, grabbing my hands behind my back, I think what the fuck is he going to tie my hands with or will he just hold them – I didn’t bring rope or cuffs… He reaches in front of me for a computer cord, when I feel him using that to tie my hands behind my back, I moan with excitement & feel the excitement between my legs build. He fucks me from behind till I am cumming (As if that takes long with this guy). He’s not done so he sits down & with my hands still tied, I am fucking him, straddling him in the chair. He doesn’t cum, saying that he came this morning so finds it hard to cum again. He doesn’t seem to mind & it’s not the first time he hasn’t cum with me.

FUCK that was hot! I tell him later how impressed I was at his improvisation & he is proud that he did that… I know he’s not really that experienced with kink & he’s always worried about looking stupid with me, so I need to give him some reassurance too… That was seriously the best improvisation I’ve ever had…

#IBD4U

Italian

Many years ago in my early twenties, way before I was ever with Boyfriend, I used to go out with a group if people that I used to work with at Foodland. Italian used to be best friends with one of my good friends so he was always around, coming out with us, which was cool because he was cool… One night, he & I worked out that we actually went to the same primary school & knew each other from there too as well as work. This is Adelaide for you, everyone knows everyone. I’m actually surprised that so many people get away with cheating! Hahaha. But anyway…

Nothing ever happened with Italian because I ended up with boyfriend & they were good mates too being that they worked together. We kinda lose contact a few years while I am playing house & living with boyfriend – boyfriend & I didn’t go out as much when we bought the house but then when we broke up, I started going out with the friends again & Italian was always around again because he is friends with my good friend.

I’d just moved back into my parents house for a while while I rent out the house I own & save money to go to Canada to live for a while. Italian lives around the corner in the same suburb so we swap numbers, messaging every now & then. He seemed to be available to pick me up from parties when I’m too drunk & then he takes me out for long drives when neither of us have anything to do. (This is obviously before petrol cost more than a kidney transplant per litre)

We kiss many many times over a few months of this routine of him picking me up, us chatting & driving then going parking. One night when he pulls up, switches off the car we are kissing with heavy petting, he then pushes my head down to suck his cock (that was a pet hate back then, I always hated when they pushed your head down to suck them, like I always preferred to do it because I wanted to, not because they pushed me down there!) We’re sitting in the dark & I’m sucking his cock, I remember asking him if he’s going to cum, he says no, so I stop. But after all this action with him we never go out on a date, like dinner & a movie or even just drinks, just the 2 of us. When we go out with friends – which was most weekends, we’d always end up in the taxi together because we live so close to each other, yet we never actually sleep together – that could be because we’re both living with our parents at that time, we somehow just become friends who kiss once in a while & share cabs… If that’s a thing!

One night while I am house sitting my friend’s house, he’s texting me as we usually did & I invite him over letting him know that I am in bed already & in my PJ’s watching TV. He says that’s ok & he comes over. I figure that this is the night that we will finally have sex. He comes over, we kiss for a while, a long while before he takes off my top, he pushes my head down to give him a blow job but then he stops everything. He hangs around for a few minutes but then leaves. I sit there putting my top back on, feeling like the worlds biggest idiot… What the fuck just happened here & what the hell was I thinking?

He texts me later that night to say sorry that he left but his cousin went missing & his head isn’t in the right place… Rightio, at least is wasn’t me?! I don’t know if I buy his story especially since it’s about the last time we ever really see each other… He stops coming out & we lose contact again. I hear that he’s married now & here I am like 10+ years later still single & struggling to get guys to go on a second date with me!! Then the ones I do get to go on a second date with me, decide they don’t like me anyway or I am so bored on the date that I never want to see them again, yet stupidly I always give them a second, third & fourth chance.

itallian

Am I so scared of being alone that I am that willing to just let guys walk all over me all the time?

#IBD4U

Noodle #10

Noodle is constantly saying things in the groups about how hot I am, I always say that he’s lying – that’s our banter, when he says stuff about me but then he says to the group “Ummm one dude just called you hot another beautiful, I don’t think I’m lying somehow” I am secretly loving the things he says, that I screenshot his comments… I’m not sure why, maybe because I want to remember that feeling when I initially read it. When he tells everyone that I’m the hottest in the group or when he uses heart eye emojis when I update my profile picture & he tells me in private that he likes my picture but he also tells the groups the same, making it so obvious that he’s into me. I like it & it makes me feel so special. *Screenshot!*

Before all this, I don’t think I mentioned that Sweetie is probably one of the only ones I’ve told that I am actually fucking Noodle, she’s become more a friend than Max & I tell her a bit, but not too much, when one day I see a message pop up on my screen from her “Do you think Noodle would sleep with me?” FUCK! That’s unexpected… I feel my heart beat faster & this weird feeling come over me. Would he fuck her? I don’t want him too… I don’t want to ask him but I also don’t want her to ask him… I have to deal with this… I don’t know what these feelings are, but fucking hell, is it jealously? Why do I care who he fucks? I’m also a little upset with her, she knows how much of a struggle it is to meet men & has seen on all the drama on the chat app of people who share men, that I don’t know why she would ask. I tell her this, but I also decide to have a conversation with Noodle about it too… I’m scared about what he’ll say, will he say that he wants too? Will he want her over me? I mean she has 4 kids so she doesn’t have as much time as me, but I don’t want him to choose me over her because of convenience.

I explain to her that I don’t want a guy to come between us & that I didn’t think that she’d ever pursue a guy that I was seeing. (I guess this is completely nuts to say to someone after I have just fucked her husband for the last 5 months!) But FUCK I am jealous… Ok I admit it… I am jealous… FUCK I am jealous… Damn it. I know that Noodle doesn’t find Sweetie as attractive as he does me, that’s been established by him telling me how much he likes me. I tell him what Sweetie has asked & he says that he wouldn’t fuck her without me. PHEW! I toy with the idea of a 3sum with him & her. But I am not ready to share Noodle yet… I feel like I don’t get enough time with him as it is, despite how this blog seems, it’s seems like I never get to see him… However I mean we talk all the fucking time, so I probably talk to him more & see him more than his partner does! What a relief that he doesn’t want her…

A couple of days later, I am seeing him again, he comes over much earlier at 5:30 am. I mean, for him, he’d have to get up at 4:30 am to be dressed & at mine by 5:30 am, he lives about 20-25 minutes south from me, so he has the drive & also has to get ready for work too, so not to raise suspicion with his partner.

I’m in bed with the door unlocked & he meets me in bed. We don’t have long this morning, he’s only at my house just over an hour, he wakes me up with his cold body, rubbing his hands all over me, kissing the back of neck as I always like him to spoon me when he gets into bed with me, once we fuck, with him doing his signature move with me, my legs on his shoulders, pinning my wrists to the bed, I am unable to move or stop myself from cumming, I briefly wonder later how his partner stops herself from cumming with him, I find it impossible… There is no way I could even stop if I tried… I roll over & take charge again, sitting up on him & riding his cock. I stop to grab a vibe when he grabs my phone & takes picture of me, which of course I hate but he loves… He tells me later “You look amazing on top of me arched back riding me” with a heart eye emoji. He tells me that he likes when I am confident & that he “Aims to make you feel as sexy as you actually are! Confident #IBD4U is fucking hot” Wow… This is unexpected for Noodle to be saying to me, he usually isn’t like this, but recently, I guess he knows that if he wants this to keep going, I need something more than just sex with him. He tells me that “Sex with you is amazing” that “Horny #IBD4U is fucking hot, sex with you is amazing! – Yeah I wanna fuck you again…” JEEZ! We are in so deep here… I love when he says stuff like this to me – more screenshots, do I actually like this guy? Does he like me? Am I just a fuck to him?

This week Noodle has been planning being with me all day Saturday, his partner is at work, he’s pretending to have to work & so he just has to get someone to look after their son so he can come to my house. He works it out that his mum will have the kid so he says he can come over whenever I am free after around 7:30 am. Now remember this is the night after the last time I saw Origin, I didn’t have sex with him but we’d had the weed muffin, I was so tired & I barely woke up to message Noodle to tell him I am awake. I hope that I wake up when he gets here… I don’t like this lethargic feeling. It’s fucked, I want to wake up. Noodle crawls into bed with me & snuggles into my back… This is where I want him to stay, this feels so good when I am this sleepy. He is constantly rubbing his hands up & down my sides, it feels divine, I want to wake up properly & enjoy this but my head doesn’t seem to want to cooperate.

I don’t tell Noodle what I did last night with Origin because I don’t want him to judge me for taking drugs & I also know that he gets jealous of other guys, even though we aren’t exclusive. I try to be awake & just blame it on drinking too much & having a hangover, we fuck & lay there just chatting, me facing him & him stroking my hair.. Have I died & gone to heaven? Fucking hell I adore this… Around lunch time Noodle says that he’s going to get some food, I start to panic, thinking he’s not going to come back – I don’t know why, I mean he can’t really go home now being that his kid is being babysat, but he does come back & brings me back Hungry Jacks (Burger King for those places other than SA) which we eat in bed. I have perked up a little, but this is not what I had planned for this amazing day that we planned. I didn’t expect to want to be comatose the whole day, I also tell him I am dreading going to Sweetie’s birthday tonight too… WAKE UP GEOFF! Fucking hell, this guy is here for the whole day with you & you can’t wake the fuck up for him.

When Noodle suggests a bath, I think yes, that’ll wake me up, we’ve had sex several times but it’s not really kinky or different… I hate this – I want to be kinky with him all the time, I don’t want to give him straight run of the mill sex… I run the bath & we get in, this time I am down then other end & face him with my legs up on his chest. We sit there chatting & relaxing, let me tell you that this is by far my favourite thing to do with Noodle! I love this day, I mean I wish I was awake & I can’t wait till we somehow do it again but this guy just makes me feel so good that I am fucked… Am I catching feelings for this guy? No, shut that fucking down, right now!

Noodle Sex feel together cheating.png

Later Noodle tells me that he felt like I didn’t want him there that day (OMG if only he knew how much I loved it…) & also how pissed he was that I told him that I didn’t want to be with Max & Sweetie that night, yet I did play with them… WTF? NO WAY… I wanted him there more than anything, I actually loved it, just relaxing in bed & the bath with him, it’s was a pure bliss day for me, besides the fact I was completely wiped out… I do eventually confess to him that I had a weed muffin the night before & that’s why I was so out of it, that I did want him there, more than I wanted anything. I also meant what I said about not wanting to play with Max & Sweetie, that wasn’t a lie… At this point, I haven’t ever lied to Noodle about our relationship, I have told some white lies but I haven’t told him anything to boost his ego. I do love fucking him & I did want him there. I feel fucking horrible that he felt that way, it definitely was not my intention… FUCK!

Ironically after this day, I never see Origin again, nor do I see Max again. I am down to this one guy, the one thing I was trying to avoid was only fucking one guy… I was happy exploring the kinky side of things with everyone, but now I am down to just Noodle… Do you want to know the fucked thing about that? Is that I only want Noodle… I could find another guys to fuck me, I could probably find a distraction easily, I could even end things with Noodle, but even writing that hurts me… I can’t end it with this guy, I have to see this through… I have to see where this goes.

#IBD4U

Donkey

During my time on the chat app, I made a few friends. I apparently became quite influential in the groups & am the owner of quite a few, some because I created them & some because I inherited them when the original owner left the group, the chat app just give the ownership  to someone else. I was quite open in the beginning to chat to people via private message but I became jaded very quickly & stopped replying to people in private message, because usually they’d ask for nude pictures of me, they’d get really dirty chatting trying to sext me or send a cock shot to me. At some point throughout all this, I did chat to Donkey before I found out he is married with a pregnant wife & actually the brother of one of the girls I had become friends with, who I am not sure is 100% all there – like not playing with a full deck of cards all there & I’m almost certain she has a crush on Noodle. Noodle & I would cringe when she shared a tit picture in one of the private groups, I always almost felt like I was encouraging a mentally disabled person to share nudes, which of course we never asked her to share, she just did to fit in with everyone, but it made us both feel very uncomfortable.

Now, I’m not a saint, I am in the midst of an ongoing sordid affair with a Noodle also – so I’m not judging Donkey for cheating, but Donkey was different to Noodle, he was a cocky guy telling everyone in groups about his conquests etc, apparently taking pictures of him fucking them & then sharing them without their permission. There was also some drama apparently about a chick that fell in love with him & because he was sleeping around with anyone that would fuck him from the app & also this chick, it caused a big rift, I heard that people were going to tell the pregnant wife & all sorts of shit… I also didn’t really understand why the sister wouldn’t say something to her brother or to the sister, I guess that does say something about her mental capabilities. But this all made me so happy that Noodle only wanted me & even though I wanted everyone to know about us, it was good that didn’t need to tell a lot of people either.

I put up a very cheeky picture as my profile picture for the longest time, it just so happened to be just my face & a some of Noodle’s cum on my cheek (story to come!), which got me lots of attention from everyone, I got so many people trying to chat to me, it made Noodle so jealous, but at this point, I am only fucking him & I don’t want the attention – well I do, but I don’t… Hahaha… This picture even got me banned twice for a 12 hour stint. This is when Donkey uped the ante & he asked his sister to private message me & show him what I respond to her. (She actually showed me what he was asking by screen shotting it – see below) then he asked her to ask me to fuck him. Like a pimp?! He also offered to pay me to fuck him! WTF!!

Disclaimer: Pic is real!

Now I don’t have a problem with people offering me money, at the time it seriously went through my mind for a split second at what I would actually charge for my services… But I don’t think I could go through with it anyway… I should have asked how much he was willing to pay & work out what my going rate would be. I still wonder what he would actually pay & what he would expect me to do.

However I am happy with what I have right now, I don’t want to jeopardise what I have with Noodle, because I know he hates Donkey with a passion, I think it’s just because he’s so into me & because he was a complete asshole to the other women. But I have made a decision, that I am not going to fuck anyone else. Not that I was was even considering Donkey seriously, he’s not even my type… But he is so keen & willing to pay me. I mean seriously, who would even ask their mentally challenged sister to ask her friend to fuck him for money? Desperate!

UPDATE: Donkey has messaged me on my new profile recently to ask if we could start fresh, putting everything behind us & chat. I ignored him for the 184503 time!

#IBD4U