Years ago, Like I’m talking about 8 years ago now – long before I started dating multiple men, I went out with a friend & was chatting to a semi nice looking guy when my friend I was over with started chatting to him about geeky things & ended up kinda phasing me out of the conversation. Whatever, she can have him… I had just lost a lot of weight so was feeling good about myself but still also had some self esteem issues. One of my reasons for losing weight was so boys would like me. (Yeah fucked up I know) I figured if I lost weight & looked better, then I’d get a boyfriend… I wish I could go back to 30 year old me & tell her that it doesn’t matter what you look like, if a man doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you… DO THIS FOR YOU! Good advice now, but still working on it believing it.
Nearby was another guy, the perfect thing I needed that night after that swift move from my friend. A guy who was interested in me, he bought me all my drinks, every time I was at the bar, he was next to me with a $50 before I could pass over my $20 note (This was long before paywave!), he was completely adamant that women shouldn’t buy their own drinks. I’ve always been uncomfortable with men buying me drinks – not only could they spike it, but also because I don’t think I am that hot, people shouldn’t buy me drinks… But this night, I just let it happen. I did offer money, because that’s what I do, however he didn’t take it.
We kissed for a while, he was talking about how much he liked me but I wasn’t that interested in him – you know, for anything beyond this night, he wasn’t really my type but he’d served his purpose for the evening – not the drinks mule part that you’re probably thinking – I am not like that usually but he made me feel good about myself while I was a bit low… I clearly have issues, I know, you don’t need to think it. But when something crappy happens to me, I seek validation from someone else. Not a good pattern & I don’t know how to break it. (Clearly I still haven’t worked that out yet either, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog) So when he asked for my number, I got through the first 7 digits & wondered if I really wanted this guy to be calling me tomorrow. I don’t hesitate while giving out my number, but I gave him the last 3 but changed the last digit, good move! Oddly he must’ve sensed something because he then decided to try to call me & told me to answer it. FUCK… Who does that? I told him my bag with my phone was over with my friend, which was true, but I wasn’t going to get it.
To this day, it’s the first & only time I have ever fake numbered a guy, I mean lets be frank, I don’t often meet men in bars that ask for my number, I’m not the type of woman that men swan about like peacocks. Begging for her number… I’m still not really sure why I did it & I don’t think I’ll do it again because now I’m strong enough to just say “No I’m not giving you my number.” But that night, it was just what I needed… He seemed a bit possessive when I wouldn’t get my phone to show him that he’d called the right number & got a little full on… I decided to go grab my friend & get the fuck out of there…
Maybe that’s one of the reasons why my karma is so bad with men, because I treated his one so badly? I’m sure there are others I treated badly too, I’m not innocent & play a part in every story in this blog… But this is probably the worst thing I ever did to someone, that I can remember, I would hate if a guy did that to me, but then again, I don’t pursue people, if they don’t write back I don’t keep messaging them until they respond like some guys do. I pretty much write people off assuming that if they stop talking to me, then they died. Yes that’s right died, why else wouldn’t a guy want to spend time with me? Surely it’s because they died that they didn’t text me back or call me or try to see me again. I mean what other reason could there be? Hahaha.