Motocross #26

Who knew this guy would come back? Over the course of about the last 2 years, Motocross has looked at every snapchat story I post & it’s like he has a notification that I have posted one because he generally is the first one to look at the story. Every. Single. Time! Now I don’t post much exciting stuff, since getting dogs, most posts are about my dogs (Yes I got puppies!) Hahaha but I mainly post to see who’s stalking me still, which Foodland is too! Hahaha… Weirdos.

After I have a friend live with me for 3 months at the end of 2020 & it ends disastrously, by her moving out like I had been the partner that abused her, I post a snapchat of the room back to how it was before her & her daughter moved in. Motocross replies to this snapchat – which he doesn’t normally do, so I am intrigued. He asks if I’m living alone or something similar. It’s odd because we haven’t spoken in years but this simple question leads to us having a week or two long conversation & him trying to be cheeky but failing, him insinuating that he wants to come over etc. But when I say “Aren’t you a little far away to come over?” because remember he’s from California & he says that he’s been back for 3 weeks but he’s in Melbourne this weekend. Of course he is! This is the weekend I go away for much needed rest to visit a friend with the dogs in country Victoria so I am not available anyway & I wish he was available just
so that I could say no.

Another week of chatter goes by, including a little awkward cheeky talk – talking about sex in his car or sucking his dick, but it’s hard to be cheeky with him for some reason, like he doesn’t give it back or seem interested when you do talk cheeky, maybe he’s embarrassed or something but I don’t know. But he always insinuates that he’s talking about sex, until I’m direct about it then he acts coy.

So when asks me if he can ask me a personal question, I’m intrigued about what he could possibly ask, but it’s just the standard question if I am on the pill that he’s asked me before, so instead of going into all the detail of my tubes being tied etc, I just say I’m not on the pill but I have contraception covered. I reckon this may have been a question the first time around too, almost the exact same way. He talks about the fact that he’s had sex since me (not sure why he needed to tell me that) but he hasn’t has sex without a condom since me… I’m not sure I believe a word that comes out his mouth to be honest but I have no reason not to believe him & I think that if this time if I do end up seeing him, I just won’t get as caught up in it all, like I did last time. I did really like him, I lusted after him but then Silverlining happened & I was pulled back to the harsh reality of the hilariousness that is my life!

On a Thursday after we’d been chatting daily for weeks, he says to me that he’s made a decision (as he struggles with decisions) & says Friday. I just say it’s Thursday dude & he says that he’s decided that he’s going to see me Friday. So of course me being me, thinks about what I will wear, what I will do, I shave & wash my hair, clean my house, make sure the house doesn’t smell like dogs but he starts acting a bit weird. So we’ve been chatting constantly, he’s also been saving the chat. On snapchat you have to click on the chat to save it, I have it saved for 24 hours but he’s been saving each block of conversation. However, he stops doing that & it all deletes… I don’t even know how this happens but only my side of the conversation is left behind & I can’t unsave it… He stops writing messages that I can reply too, his messages are short & sharp, no reply necessary but I try to keep the conversation going thinking he’s either going to bail on tonight or he’ll say I didn’t invite him over. Whatever I can’t even be bothered worrying. He’s got a screw loose!

As you all know I have a small hobby beauty business & it’s Friday night I have a friend/client in the beauty room to do her lashes & as we’re finishing up about 7:00 pm, I hear my phone vibrate with the tell tale sign of my motion detector camera at my house (which I put up after the T**y debacle & probably should’ve had for a long time with Noodle/Silverlining drama too) & I say to my friend, surely he’s not just rocked up at my house?! I look at the camera & see a white car on the road, I can only see the tip of it. He hasn’t even looked at my last message, surely he’s not just rocked up without a word?! It’s been almost 2 years since we last saw each other & he’s just rocked up at my house… WTF.

He messages me on snapchat… I click to his message on snapchat & miss him walking off in the camera but I get a notification that someone is at my front door, he says “so I guess you’re not home then.” I explain that I am at the gym & will be home soon that he should come back or to just wait there (not knowing that he’s actually already left).

However as I’m driving home realising I have no make up on, the dogs need feeding & will be nuts when I get home, when I see his car at the lights opposite me, I am going to have to drive right past him. FUCK… At least I know where he is & I will have some time to get some make up on & the dogs settled before he comes back, if he comes back!?

I race around, I put on a little make up as while I was away this weekend I got mozzie bites on my face, I cover them up & race to feed the dogs & settle them down, when I hear him pull up & I am shaking, things have always been awkward with this guy but I did really like him. At a time in my life when I thought I couldn’t like another guy ever, I actually liked him. This time I am going to keep my emotions to myself, I am not getting attached.

Besides he’s already told me in his message tonight, even though he’s coming back that he can’t stay long – not this old chestnut! Doesn’t matter, I don’t want him to stay long, to be honest I am not even sure what I am doing. Do I even want to do this? This guy was a compulsive liar… One that I couldn’t even figure out. Maybe that’s the intrigue there, I figure out most men, I mean I figured out T**y within a few chats but this guy, I can’t work out what his deal is… I want to know if his story is true & I wonder if we chat if I can catch him out.

He looks exactly the same, only now he’s 35. He is wearing baggyish cream shorts, socks pulled up with slide shoe things, he’s got his usual racing style jacket & a hat on – he looks like he’s trying to dress like he’s 25. He looks identical to how he was & I wonder if he thinks the same about me being that I am the smallest I’ve ever been & I honestly think this is the best I have ever looked including my face & body.

He walks in & doesn’t hug or kiss me or really show any signs that he’s interested in me or happy to be here – his usual entrance. My dogs are excited to see him & he doesn’t pat them, he keeps his hands in his pockets & tells them to get down. He tells me later that he hasn’t patted a dog since his dog died on his birthday – which is something he told me almost 18 months ago so at least something is true to him.

Although this is weird to me because I had joked about the fact he used to fall asleep on my couch & that he wouldn’t be able to sleep himself because the dogs would want to cuddle him & he seemed ok with that. But now seeing him with the dogs, the way people are with animals tells you something about a person. Even when one of the puppies (remember at this time they are only 5 months old) one of them has been outside in the dirt & comes running in & jumps on the couch, he jumps up saying “mud” or something & I’m like calm down it’s just mud, but the way he reacted was like she had shit on her paws or something… He stands up with his hands in his pockets & acts like a fucking animal hater, not someone who adored their dog.

He keeps saying that he won’t pat them because of his dog…I don’t really understand how you can be in the presence of a puppy & not want to pat it, if you’re a dog lover… No matter what happened with your dog or what, all the dogs want is to be patted then they settle. Remembering that I had just walked in the door so they are nuts for a bit until then get their pats with dinner & then they settle… This is weird to me. They say never trust someone that your pets don’t like, however my dogs love everyone, they’re puppies but I wonder if the saying is the same in reverse, never trust someone who isn’t kind to animals? I mean it’s not that he’s not kind, but he’s just weird around them… I ask J-Lo about it later which he doesn’t think it’s weird, saying that people react to their dog dying in different ways…

Motocross leaves after an hour of being awkward, just sitting on the couch, talking easily with me about life, my job how I was fired, what I’m doing now, what he’s been up too – there are no holes in his story from what he said to me 2 years ago, to now… As he leaves he says he’ll message, which he doesn’t – of course…

I message a few days later mainly because I am so intrigued by this guy & he says that someone from the race this weekend is in a coma so he’s been at the hospital for days… I don’t know what it is about him, but it’s weird that he’s come over & now not talking to me again….


Marvel #8

So as you know if you read all the blogs not just the ones in this series, you’ll know that it’s April in the Marvel story time but I told you in Tom Cruise #2 that I am still seeing Marvel in October… So I will go through some key points but like I said the story this time is boring… Well it’s not boring, it’s still the most exciting sex & best sex I’ve ever had, but the crap between sexcapades is a bit of a bore.

Marvel does tell me one day when I am at his house that his wife has unblocked me on Facebook, so I immediately look & block her, while he watches me do it… I also block him – as much as that upsets me to do, I think she might use his account to look me up. I mean I’m sure she’s got other people looking me up – but at least to her & him, I am safe. She can’t do the “special trick” she does to look at all my pictures.

Which by the way, I don’t believe that she has looked at all my pictures but oddly she’s been painting the doors & frames in their house & has painted them the same colour scheme as my house… Coincidence? If she hadn’t of left that note in my letter box & he hadn’t of written that note on my fridge, I would have bet money she came inside that day he brought her to my house, but I’m certain she didn’t…

So perhaps mrs-technologically-retarded (In Marvel’s opinion) has hacked Mark Zuckerburg & able to see all my private pictures & is now copying me because she knows that’s what he wants… Her hair at tbeir wedding was almost white blonde, blonder than me but considering every picture I’d ever seen of her she was brunette, also single white femaling me here?!

Another time I am there he tells me that I would be murdered if she comes home o find me there… Oh good… Here I am vulnerable & naked & he’s telling me she’d murder me if she comes home?! I work out the settings for my watch to send my location to my sister if I send an SOS… I have to of course explain this to her why I am doing this & finally someone knows I’m seeing Marvel again.

He starts doing this thing where he stops coming back online, sometimes for days, sometimes for almost a week. It bothers me at first but he’s been very clear every time I’ve seen him that we can’t get close again. My walls are back up – I trust this man so much – like 1000%, to do anything to my body he wants to never go to far with my sexually, but I will not trust him with my heart again. I don’t even trust him to defend me if his wife came in & did have a weapon.

During this time I also get fired from my job for having my hobby business – yes the job I once loved, I get fired from. Well at least this gives me more free time to be available when Marvel is free. I guess there’s a silverlining for everything! (Hahaha, get it?!) I am unemployed for about a year, with him working part time, it makes it easier to meet with him… We make time generally once a month but sometimes twice a month. There is always multiple orgasms for me, so I don’t even bother looking for other sex, but I will let you know what else happens in my life in this time, we’ll get there before the end of #IBD4U, I promise!

When my birthday (39th) comes around, I make him say happy birthday to me online before the day & in person when I’m sitting on his couch. However on the day when I know she’s at work he doesn’t come online to even talk to me – he doesn’t come online for almost a week after my birthday. This hurts me, but to be perfectly honest, I need to not let the hurt consume me this time. I can’t say I don’t care because I do, I fucking hate that he doesn’t want to get close again, that we have both destroyed any shred of friendship we could have had that now all we talk about is sex. Like real fuck buddies I guess, again that hurts when I allow myself to think about it, but that isn’t often… I pull myself back to reality.

There are some times that are sweet with him though, when he hurts his back during sex & I massage it for ages. I think he likes just being tenderly touched, I doubt once you’ve been in a relationship forever that you touch each other like I am doing to him now… Or when he holds my hand without realising or touches me tenderly, usually it’s rough hot sex but sometikes he let’s his guard down & I feel his love for me… I of course can see it in his eyes but I feel it too. It makes me worker if he can feel it from me too, because I think I am doing so well to be a stone.

There are times I remind him to message me first, to make an effort with me that I might go crazy & when he asks what I’d do, I just say that I’d shop in the store his wife works at with a cheeky laugh. He asks me if I am threatening him, but I’m not – it’s just a friendly reminder that if he is going to keep fucking me, he better treat me with a little respect sometimes. I have done everything he has ever asked me to do – all I asked of him was for him to protect my identity which he failed miserably in some many ways… I am not going to ruin his life for him, he’s doing a bang up job if that himself!

Weirdly one day we talk a lot about T**y & what a liar he was & I go into a lot of details. But as a hilarious twist of fate in my story, Marvel happens to meet T**y’s partner on a chat site (assuming the anonymous app – but he won’t admit that to me) a few months later & she tells him about me, well the little that she knows. This actually makes Marvel come back online a lot & even late at night, he’s such a gossip that he copies & pastes things she says to him & sends to me… I actually like the conversation I’m not having with Marvel because it’s not just about sex. However it is about some fuckwit I dated & fuck me she sends Marvel a picture of them both so then Marvel acts like a weirdo about how fat he is & how buff T**y is, that I should be with someone like T**y. Well maybe I should be with someone like that looks like that, but I am not & nor do I want to be with someone who looks like that.

When Marvel asks me over to his house on a Sunday morning, I am intrigued. I don’t think about it, I just say yes but I do ask where the kids are, he says they’ve had a sleepover & she’s at work. Seems weird to me that they have a sleepover only a few weeks before their first wedding anniversary but I don’t think much of it. When I get there Marvel has made a little bed in the lounge room with his sons mattress… FUCK!

We’ve only been having sex on his games area couch & it’s been good but fuck I am so excited to fuck him lying down. The thing that fucks me off – not in a good way is that he’s gone to this trouble of getting a bed, putting towels on it for me to squirt & had been talking about fucking me multiple times, hard… But of course, my period comes & he gets blood on his cock & he won’t touch me again… This is when I discover the sponge! Next time I have sex with him & my period is due, I pop in the sponge & it works amazingly! However this time, Marvel won’t touch me again & I am super horny, he’s seeing me at 9:30 am when we usually catch up around lunch, mornings are my favourite time for sex… Hmmmm Morning sex! Hahaha… Fuck I love morning sex!!

Are you happy with this style of update with Marvel, or do you want me to go into more details in the next one?!


Tom Cruise #2

So I’m going to jump ahead a bit & I’ll mix up my timeline moving forward because let’s face it, the Marvel story is boring & predictable… Chat for days, tease each other till he asks when I’m free, then have hot sex – the hottest sex anyone has ever had then chat about it for days until we fuck again… So this is around spring 2020, I’m still in this cycle with Marvel (spoiler alert!) & for some reason – since it’s gone so well in the past (Hahaha) – I decide to give online dating a go again…

I see Tom Cruise pop up & we match, I only swiped to see if he’d swiped & he had, so we matched… We chatted & we decide to meet… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I am now dating the same men again years later – 2020 really is fucked!… I have dated everyone in Adelaide that I am now going through them again!? OH MY FUCKING GOD! Hahaha…

Do you remember this freaking character? Well if you don’t I suggest you go back & read Tom Cruise, then you have every right to scream at me “What the fuck are you doing #IBD4U?” before you read this! I do also talk about Tom Cruise in the podcast I am on – have a listen.

So I mean my life choices aren’t great, lets be honest. Don’t think for a second that I think I am completely sane, I know I must be some sort of crazy to be going back here again… But I am stupidly involved with my married ex-boyfriend who I still have feelings for but refuse to admit that to him & no one knows I am seeing him again so what else do you do? You find a weirdo that you match with – that you’ve disastrously dated before & you date them again! Life choices are not my strong suit, apparently!

Again this dude, who looks exactly the same as he did, who seems to be either pretending to not know me or has genuinely forgotten me. I can’t decide which is worse… I never say anything about having dated him before, waiting for him to say something but he never does.

He is hard to pin down for a date again, not this old chestnut – he always wants to meet a a pub near his house. Since I last saw him he’s had a kid who is about two years old – that he barely talks about, he’s living with his brother which seems like an odd story & he’s so blaze, about it plus his job seems a bit weird too – nothing adds up, yet I still make the choice to meet him. But this time as I am not really fussed about meeting any guys for anything, especially a drunken night of sex – I have Marvel for that. I can actually date & make a man wait. I’ve been told I should have sex with a man for 3 months. I thought 3 dates was a bit extreme but 3 fucking months?! No way… But this time I refuse to be the needy stupid bitch who rushes down to his local pub while he gets to walk there!

He does offer for me to spend the night at his house, he’ll sleep with his brother apparently, or his brother isn’t there – I forget but it was but it was supposed to be an innocent invite & I could have his room. I tell him I have to be up early as friends are coming over to help me paint my house before my new carpets are installed the following week & he says that it’s ok, he has to be up at 4:00am! Oh good, what an awesome sleepover – having to leave at 4am like a booty call or hooker. NO THANKS.

We take a while to make the time to meet, it’s not easy when I’m a stubborn fuck & he’s a weirdo. Finally he agrees to meet me at a pub closer to me. It’s during a Covid-19 bullshit time (around the time that Adelaide’s 6 day lockdown was only 3 days in the end) where you have to sit & drink, the pub is packed & so we have to sit in a doorway/hallway on a stack of chairs away from everything & the atmosphere of the place.

Despite my previous experience with his dude, I actually enjoy talking to him face to face, he’s different & while he makes it awkward a few times by telling me I’m difficult or something like that, but it’s more banter than him being a complete ass. The most awkward part is that we are basically sitting in a fucking hall way. He drinks 3 beers pretty quickly & I am reminded that I think this guy has a drinking problem. When he says that he needs to go fairly early in the evening, while we’re having what I think is a good time, I think he’s obviously not had a good time.

He’d been going out for cigarettes, not having to go far being we were in a door vestibule of the hotel & he always returned quickly, engaging in the conversation & apologising for his filthy habit… Something he didn’t apologise for on the first date. I mean I am about 15kgs lighter, I do dress differently, I am very different to when I met him the first time. I look the best I have ever looked, I feel the best I have ever looked – despite some personal issues (mainly work related) which I’ll tell you all about soon. Maybe I was part of the problem last time? Well of course I was, I mean I was seeing Noodle & trying to not fall in love with him but this guy is also different to the first time I met him. He seems to have more feeling – perhaps having a daughter changed the way he dates too?

When we leave, he walks me to my car, having a cigarette on the way, we stand outside by my car, I see clearly for the first time that night, that he’s really cute, quite tall & as he leans in to kiss me, properly kiss me, I find myself kissing him back… It’s the first man to kiss me besides Marvel in a really long time…. I’d like to say that it felt good but he tastes like cigarettes – as a non smoker myself, it’s foul & makes me pull away. We go our separate ways but I am surprised to find a text & texts all evening from him – but it begs the question ‘why did he have to rush off?’ Well my theory because his messages get more garbled, I know he’s home drinking. I felt like this dude had a drinking problem when I dated him last time. I see nothing has changed.

We try to catch up again but yet again he wants me to come to him at his local pub which I refuse so he tells me I am being difficult but I am not trying to play a game, I am just not that interested in watching someone get smashed while I have to drive home. We never end up catching up again. A few weeks later he messages me randomly asking me if we’re ok, it makes me laugh, so I say that we’re not ok as it’s our 2 month anniversary & he forgot. We laugh & message a few more times but to put you all out of your misery – Tom Cruise, is not my ever after… If I get an ever after!

But between now & the end of I’ve Been Dating For You (which is happening!), I never hear from Tom Cruise again, nor do I try to reach out. This is why I am so entwined with Marvel & refuse to give him up – it’s easy, not fake, he’s not committed to me so if he’s lying to me it doesn’t really matter, there are no games. It is what it is. Nothing should be that hard to try to meet up with someone, imagine trying to have a actual relationship with Tom Cruise? As much as I enjoyed the date we had, there are too many red flags & while I usually just see them as obstacles that I just put to the side, this time I see them for what they are. WOW, see how much I’ve grown! Hahaha… Maybe it is possible for me to have a successful relationship that I deserve after all?!


Marvel #7

I know what you’re thinking, I know what I am thinking, this rabbit hole isn’t a good idea to explore but as I fall so easily down it again I can’t catch myself. He can’t catch himself either… There is a force that pulls us together. I don’t know how this is going to end, but it honestly can’t end well!

We talk the rest of the day after we first collide again, about using a condom, I shouldn’t be fucking him without one & he says that as much as he doesn’t want to use them (of course) because he say he knows how good I feel without them but he’ll respect me & my wishes on that subject. Which I know he would if I asked him too or if I put one on for him, he’d still fuck me with it.l & love it. He’d also joked before we caught up again that there would be no kissing & so I suggested no eye contact. Lets get some limits out in the open. Good idea! Unfortunately we failed on both parts, I’m not going to lie, fuck it was so good to kiss him again. It was even good to have that eye contact with him too, during sex, afterwards it was harder as I didn’t want to see the love in his eyes…

The spell with him is broken, later in the day when my boss rings me to tell me off about work I’d been doing this morning. I tell Marvel about it, of all the things to be told off for today about working from home, I was actually told off about doing work… I mean, I fucked my married ex boyfriend on my lunch break, cracked a wine at 4:30 & I somehow get told off for actually doing work. Marvel doesn’t get it & neither do I. Before Marvel came back on the scene, I have been a target at work & it’s killing me. I love my job, I do it well, when I’m allowed to do it. As you all know I am a childless, partnerless women with a lot of time, hence the small hobby business – which was closed down temporarily due to covid in 2020, to occupy my time so now I don’t even have that. My career is everything so it’s hitting me hard. It makes me thankful that I have Marvel back in my life, even if he isn’t going to support me like he used to do.

There is a lot of conversation but it’s mainly us talking about fucking next time… Yes… Fucking next time… OMG, will there be a next time? Have I have enough? Can I walk away now, having one last hit? I want there to be a next time so badly… I want him more than I want anything in the world… I love that feeling, the look on his face, the sounds that he makes, the way he touches me – like he’s never felt or seen anything as sexy as me in front of him before.

He backing away again & his replies are a lot of “No comment” “Stop making me want to fuck you” “Shhh You” “Grrrr” & “OMG #IBD4U” his catch phrases that start to piss me off… At this point I don’t know why but I am working so hard to keep the conversation going with him… He could disappear at any time… I don’t know if he would say goodbye this time if she found out or if he decided to stop seeing me again…

When I find out my dad is in emergency with kidney stones, I message Marvel – why is he the first person I message? He’s not online till the next morning & just says that he hopes my dad is ok, I realise that we don’t have that type of relationship now & we probably won’t again in this instance, so I change the subject, showing him a picture of a vibe inside me. Stress does weird things to me, makes me horny & lose weight… I need to keep the distance from him, as much as I want to talk to him about my dad being in hospital & as much as I talk to others on the chat app about it & not mean anything, but it means something when I confide in Marvel – he’s my best friend, my lover.

There are some times that we do talk to each other like real people though, he tells me he’s been delivering catalogues while he was off work & trying to find a job. I talk about how stressful working from home is, the goal posts change so often that I can’t keep up with the directions I am given…

It’s also around this time that I apologise to Marvel for being nuts last year & ending it the way I did, after another year of therapy I realise that work is my issue, not Marvel. He says a usual Marvel type reply like “eh” & I know because he keeps talking & engaging in this conversation that he is thankful that I apologised to him. I know how his mind works, he’ll never sincerely apologise to me for how he’s treated me, he’s either genuinely doesn’t see it or he’s so self-involved all he does is protect himself & thinks he’s in the right so I know I will never get the same back, however I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t try to make amends for what she’s done wrong.

He’s started his new job too at another retail chain, part time, I fall in love with him a little bit more when he talks about his family life & getting to spend more time with his kids & working less, also now having less of a commute to the store. I know one of the main reasons he chose to stay was because of the kids, so it’s heartening to hear that he’s actually spending the time with the kids & doing things he likes. He’s not online as much as he used to be, that’s for sure & he goes offline without saying goodbye a lot earlier in the day than when I know she’s not home but the kids would be.

However it isn’t long before he is asking me back over to his place, he has a late shift, starting at 1:00pm. I take an early lunch & head over to his house. It’s been just over 2 weeks since I saw him last. I am wearing gym gear, one of his favourite looks on me. He hasn’t seen my new smaller frame in gym gear. It always surprises me that I would spend ages planning an outfit, getting my hair perfect & doing make up only to find out that he likes me best when I am in my tight gym gear?!

I am shaking as I walk into his house, scared of everything that could happen while I am here, nervous to see him again, scared of what he or I might say, but knowing that I am in for multiple orgasms. He says as I walk into his house “Couldn’t keep away huh” & we kiss, hands everywhere, the passion undeniable. Sweetie was the only one who ever saw us together who said she could feel it radiating off us. It’s still there, as strong as ever. His hands feeling every inch of my ass & I know he likes what he feels when he tells me how good I look.

He leans me back & I am being gently taken to the floor, to his carpet, where we do a 69 with him on top. I am begging him to fuck me, so he takes me over to his couch we have epic sex as always & I am sort of glad again that I am the one that gets to get up, getting dressed & go home – walking away from him this time. As I leave though he reminds me not to get too close to him. I tell him not to worry about that, as I kiss him goodbye & walk away…

While I leave, walking up his driveway doing the walk of shame in the middle of the day, so many things run through my mind, but when thoughts of who will message first or will he ever tell me he loves me again, I push those thoughts aside & remind myself that I won’t get close to him again. I am a heart OS stone again. I want it more than anything, but I am going to keep my distance – just like he tells me too…