I know what you’re thinking, I know what I am thinking, this rabbit hole isn’t a good idea to explore but as I fall so easily down it again I can’t catch myself. He can’t catch himself either… There is a force that pulls us together. I don’t know how this is going to end, but it honestly can’t end well!
We talk the rest of the day after we first collide again, about using a condom, I shouldn’t be fucking him without one & he says that as much as he doesn’t want to use them (of course) because he say he knows how good I feel without them but he’ll respect me & my wishes on that subject. Which I know he would if I asked him too or if I put one on for him, he’d still fuck me with it.l & love it. He’d also joked before we caught up again that there would be no kissing & so I suggested no eye contact. Lets get some limits out in the open. Good idea! Unfortunately we failed on both parts, I’m not going to lie, fuck it was so good to kiss him again. It was even good to have that eye contact with him too, during sex, afterwards it was harder as I didn’t want to see the love in his eyes…
The spell with him is broken, later in the day when my boss rings me to tell me off about work I’d been doing this morning. I tell Marvel about it, of all the things to be told off for today about working from home, I was actually told off about doing work… I mean, I fucked my married ex boyfriend on my lunch break, cracked a wine at 4:30 & I somehow get told off for actually doing work. Marvel doesn’t get it & neither do I. Before Marvel came back on the scene, I have been a target at work & it’s killing me. I love my job, I do it well, when I’m allowed to do it. As you all know I am a childless, partnerless women with a lot of time, hence the small hobby business – which was closed down temporarily due to covid in 2020, to occupy my time so now I don’t even have that. My career is everything so it’s hitting me hard. It makes me thankful that I have Marvel back in my life, even if he isn’t going to support me like he used to do.
There is a lot of conversation but it’s mainly us talking about fucking next time… Yes… Fucking next time… OMG, will there be a next time? Have I have enough? Can I walk away now, having one last hit? I want there to be a next time so badly… I want him more than I want anything in the world… I love that feeling, the look on his face, the sounds that he makes, the way he touches me – like he’s never felt or seen anything as sexy as me in front of him before.
He backing away again & his replies are a lot of “No comment” “Stop making me want to fuck you” “Shhh You” “Grrrr” & “OMG #IBD4U” his catch phrases that start to piss me off… At this point I don’t know why but I am working so hard to keep the conversation going with him… He could disappear at any time… I don’t know if he would say goodbye this time if she found out or if he decided to stop seeing me again…
When I find out my dad is in emergency with kidney stones, I message Marvel – why is he the first person I message? He’s not online till the next morning & just says that he hopes my dad is ok, I realise that we don’t have that type of relationship now & we probably won’t again in this instance, so I change the subject, showing him a picture of a vibe inside me. Stress does weird things to me, makes me horny & lose weight… I need to keep the distance from him, as much as I want to talk to him about my dad being in hospital & as much as I talk to others on the chat app about it & not mean anything, but it means something when I confide in Marvel – he’s my best friend, my lover.
There are some times that we do talk to each other like real people though, he tells me he’s been delivering catalogues while he was off work & trying to find a job. I talk about how stressful working from home is, the goal posts change so often that I can’t keep up with the directions I am given…
It’s also around this time that I apologise to Marvel for being nuts last year & ending it the way I did, after another year of therapy I realise that work is my issue, not Marvel. He says a usual Marvel type reply like “eh” & I know because he keeps talking & engaging in this conversation that he is thankful that I apologised to him. I know how his mind works, he’ll never sincerely apologise to me for how he’s treated me, he’s either genuinely doesn’t see it or he’s so self-involved all he does is protect himself & thinks he’s in the right so I know I will never get the same back, however I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t try to make amends for what she’s done wrong.
He’s started his new job too at another retail chain, part time, I fall in love with him a little bit more when he talks about his family life & getting to spend more time with his kids & working less, also now having less of a commute to the store. I know one of the main reasons he chose to stay was because of the kids, so it’s heartening to hear that he’s actually spending the time with the kids & doing things he likes. He’s not online as much as he used to be, that’s for sure & he goes offline without saying goodbye a lot earlier in the day than when I know she’s not home but the kids would be.
However it isn’t long before he is asking me back over to his place, he has a late shift, starting at 1:00pm. I take an early lunch & head over to his house. It’s been just over 2 weeks since I saw him last. I am wearing gym gear, one of his favourite looks on me. He hasn’t seen my new smaller frame in gym gear. It always surprises me that I would spend ages planning an outfit, getting my hair perfect & doing make up only to find out that he likes me best when I am in my tight gym gear?!
I am shaking as I walk into his house, scared of everything that could happen while I am here, nervous to see him again, scared of what he or I might say, but knowing that I am in for multiple orgasms. He says as I walk into his house “Couldn’t keep away huh” & we kiss, hands everywhere, the passion undeniable. Sweetie was the only one who ever saw us together who said she could feel it radiating off us. It’s still there, as strong as ever. His hands feeling every inch of my ass & I know he likes what he feels when he tells me how good I look.
He leans me back & I am being gently taken to the floor, to his carpet, where we do a 69 with him on top. I am begging him to fuck me, so he takes me over to his couch we have epic sex as always & I am sort of glad again that I am the one that gets to get up, getting dressed & go home – walking away from him this time. As I leave though he reminds me not to get too close to him. I tell him not to worry about that, as I kiss him goodbye & walk away…
While I leave, walking up his driveway doing the walk of shame in the middle of the day, so many things run through my mind, but when thoughts of who will message first or will he ever tell me he loves me again, I push those thoughts aside & remind myself that I won’t get close to him again. I am a heart OS stone again. I want it more than anything, but I am going to keep my distance – just like he tells me too…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 