Marvel #6

So who hates me for leaving it a week to find out if I go inside his house or not?

It’s an odd feeling being here, his house looks exactly the same but oddly different. I sit in the car, having moved it twice, parking a little down the road – I have a different work car so no one would know what I drive around here anymore. I swore to myself I would never be here again. Yet here I am, heart pounding. Legs shaking. Getting more & more turned on.

Let me ask you this, have you ever had a piece of cake in front of you, or chips or chocolate, whatever your vice is & you’re holding it in your hand, knowing you shouldn’t eat it, knowing you will feel crappy for having that second piece of cake but also knowing how good it tastes. So regardless of all the reasons you shouldn’t eat it, you find your hand is moving mindlessly to your mouth to take a bite of that second slice…

Well, this is how I feel right now as I take a step after step down his driveway, my shoes crunching aganist the rocky driveway, my heart pounding, feeling myself getting more & more turned on as I walk up the step to his front door, which is covered in painting tape that looks like its been there a while & the painting is done to an amateur level…

I knock & it’s not long before he answers the door… His face is fatter, his body is fatter, he’s wearing daggy clothes but I notice his wedding ring straight away, it’s shiny & gold, not exactly what I would expect him to wear… His house is the same, not a tidy house as you know but a lived in house. There is always a clothes rack in the front door way, that hasn’t moved since I was here last – 6 months ago & it’s always covered in clean clothes. I can’t help but notice her clothes on it. I’ve never really seen her in person or photos but her clothing style tells me a lot… You can tell she’s a mum that goes for comfort. Her shoes around the house depict the same thing too, she’s a comfort girl. I get it she’s working full time while her new husband works part time, I’m sure there are still the other household duties she takes care of to but I remember he was the one who cooked & cleaned the most, from what he told me. I don’t know what reality is but she was always asleep so I can only take what he’s told me at face value.

He says as I walk in the door something about not being able to keep away, we’re kissing before I answer & while there is nothing that feels right about being here, this feeling, his hands on me, kissing him is right, it fits. The passion I have for this man is ridiculous… While I can tell he loves me from the look on his face, he won’t say it. I know this. I definitely won’t say it but I feel it… It’s not as strong as it once was, we’ve both hurt each other, perhaps even beyond repair at this point, but the passion & desire for each other has not diminished in any way! We kiss with passion, stripping each other in seconds, I push him on to the couch in his little gaming area that he takes me too, I show him my sexy white lingerie set that I am wearing & I see the look, the look that is like a drug to me, his eyes pop out of his head, he grabs my waist – something I know he loves about my body, how small my waist it & he likes to feel it…

Then the other drug, the sound we both make as he enters me, a little moan from me & a manly sound from him in unison, How can this feel so good… Why has no one else ever felt like this inside me before, why has no one else ever made me feel this way? I know for men & me too with some men, sex can just be sex no connection – but there is feeling here, we connect & the intimacy, while it’s not there verbally, this is about as intimate as you can get with someone…

This time I get to call the shots about how long the interactions last, as much as I want to stay & I want to cuddle him, I want to feel his hands run all over my skin, I want to kiss him till he’s hard again & fucking me for a third time, but I get up & get dressed… I need to keep the distance. I’ve done it before, I can do it again… As I do he’s is babbling to me saying that I can’t get too attached to him… This pisses me off & I say ‘don’t worry I won’t, I don’t care…’ This reply must piss him off because he keeps saying ‘don’t get too close to me’ & then asking why I don’t care… I am trying to act like I don’t care & to be honest, the more he says I can’t get attached to him, the more in the moment that I hate him…

I am not stupid, he married this women less than 6 months ago, her wedding flowers are sitting in a jar at the front door, dusty & drying, they don’t look like a nice wedding bouquet, it looks like a dead bunch of dusty flowers, so I am well aware of the situation I am in… I expected to see prints of them around the house too, but there are now. But the marriage or wedding day is very apparent in this situation… I’ll call it a situation because relationship doesn’t seem like the right word this time…

His warnings have me leaving his house with just a quick kiss goodbye, he says ‘see ya round’ & I shut the door, walking to the car with just fucked hair & a rosey face, anyone that saw me would know what we just did… I refuse to message him first after this… He was clear, that I shouldn’t get attached. I know he wasn’t going to leave her before they got married, now he’s tied to her by a legal document, that he is not going to walk away from her this time either… I am well aware of that & while my love life hasn’t been going so well, I am also aware of what is out there… At least with this interaction with Marvel, I know what I am getting… Great, amazing sex which guarantees me multiple orgasms, I don’t have any of the drama, the worry about where he is, what he’s doing, what he’s spending money on…. It’s just sex… Isn’t it?

Since he was clear not to get too attached to him, when not too long later the infamous beep of the app goes off & it’s him… “See I told you I got fat” Fuck it makes me smile that he caved first & messaged me… This means a few things to me, that he is sitting there thinking about me since I just left him – I mean how could he not, with super hot sex we just had… But with his comments over & over about not getting attached & him messaging me first, I feel like I am not the only stupid idiot in this situation – I realise that he is saying don’t get too attached to me but it’s as much to himself as he is to me…

#IBD4U

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