At this point in my dating life, I am fucking a few guys – maybe not all of them are regular, but they are on the books – so to speak. Max, Origin, Elvis & Milky… I am also chatting to multiple men, including Dom on a regular basis. I am a stone now, my heart is closed, with everything I have been through, am going through, I am not going to get feelings for another FWB, another fuck boy… Anyone… If I do die without ever being loved, then so be it… I am done. My biggest fear cannot rule my life anymore… I won’t let it. If the guys don’t want me for more than FWB, I am not going to be more than that for them. I do not want to find a boyfriend, I am so much more open sexually that I ever have been & I want to explore that with these men, I don’t think one can give me everything I want.
I don’t want monogamy, I want what each of these guys have to offer, something casual & fun, I’m sick of being hurt by guys… Guys that I am not even sure I like, I’m allowing to hurt me, what type of life is that? This is my time to shine! I will just be a bit more reserved than I have been in the past. The walls have gone up & they will stay there, I need a little less friend in the FWB & more of the benefits! My sex drive is through the roof & I need all these men (plus my rechargeable vibes) just to keep me satisfied at this point – since all of them seem to be “so busy” that they can’t fit me in to fuck me. I mean I am not asking for a lot from these guys, I never asked any of them to date me, I asked them to fuck me. I am not really looking for anyone else though, I think that these guys are enough right now, even though I don’t see any of them enough.On a work trip away – I’m a millions miles from everything, including decent internet in Elliston, I am bored as fuck around dinner time in this tiny town staying in a caravan park, when Sweetie (Max’s wife) says she’ll add me to a group chat she’s in, on the chat app. I thought why not, I had looked around the app before & had obviously seen the groups but wasn’t really sure about them, having used chat groups many, many years ago in the days of ICQ & MSN Messenger. I look through the members of the group & immediately one guy caught my eye, Noodle.
I started chatting in the group & got along with the people quickly, just general chit chat & fun. There are about 50 people in each group sometimes it gets so busy it’s hard to keep up. I get added to several groups & realise that Noodle is in all of them, well my chances of talking to him are increased – though my luck he’d probably be a north-sider who won’t travel or be fucking one of the hot women in the group already, married or even inactive, people join groups then delete the app but not their account.
But when Noodle finally comes online later that night, we have immediate banter together – I find myself enjoying the banter which hasn’t jumped to sexy talk & also I’m laughing constantly at my phone like a dickhead at just about everything he says. Most guys on this app disappear like all the others so I’m not holding out hope or even bothering to invest time in him. Plus there are rules in the groups where there is no PM (private message) without permission (remember Dom telling me this?!) – I’m certainly not going to ask anyone like a bloody fool. It’s brutal when guys ask & the woman says no. People get deleted from the groups for doing it too, I want to hang around so I am not going to be the douche PMing anyone. Yet I’m only in the group 2 or 3 days, when I am pleasantly surprised to find an unsolicited PM from Noodle waiting for me, so the banter continues privately too.
Now I’m ridiculous & I’ve said this many times before but I tend not to message men first because I don’t want to bother them if they aren’t interested – I probably need to work on that. When Noodle randomly tells me that he actually does the with women, because it shows him that they care about him, I joke around & say that we should take it in turns to be the first one to say hello everyday – I want to keep talking to him, (I’ve kept the conversation going by not replying to the last message at night & then reply in the morning so then there is no hello just a continuation of the conversation… Tricky…Hehehe…) So Noodle & I make this joke agreement about taking it in turns to say good morning every day, not at all expecting him to agree, but when he does, I feel a bit warm & fuzzy…
Surprisingly we follow it every day, taking it in turns to be the first one to say morning, every morning – even if we don’t officially say good night to each other. I even check sometimes when he hasn’t messaged me to see who started it the day before in case it was my turn – because I’m stubborn & refuse to message him if it’s his turn. I’m even more surprised that he follows our stupid agreement & never misses a day that is his turn to message me, considering how douchey he can be to people in the group – he’s very different with me in our private chat. We message every day via PM & we also chat in the groups too, which leads to a few people asking me (& probably asking him too) if we are fucking, because the chemistry between us is noticeable. Is it really? Wow. We don’t even make it obvious to others that we are chatting in PM, though I assume that everyone knows that we are. Though we are very flirty & I find myself screenshotting things he says in the groups like that when he says that I’m hot or that I’m sexy. I always send the blushing emoji back & say ‘Awww Thanks Noodle’ but secretly I am loving this attention.
After talking to Noodle for a while I don’t seem to realise that he is only ever online during work hours, goes offline for a few hours & then is back on again later at night. I never notice the pattern until Noodle mentions that he has a partner (A fiancé) that he calls his wife (she calls him husband) of 10 years & a 3 year old son. (Please note, I will call her his partner, but he always says ‘my wife’ whenever he talks about her.) My hopes of him being anything are dashed. I am not getting involved with a married man again. I am not going to meet this guy now. I am having trouble keeping up with what I have… I don’t want a boyfriend, I know that, but I also don’t want to be the other woman. I am already in a situation as the other woman, admittedly the wife knows about me, I mean its bad enough Noodle is on this chat app anyway. So I ask him why he doesn’t talk to his partner now about his unhappiness – I encourage him to talk to her but he says he’s not unhappy, just lonely & they have boring couple sex – she’s never cum with him… What the actual fuck! She’s never cum in 10 years?! He says yes, never in 10 years! That’s fucking ridiculous. How does that even happen, he says when she’s about to cum she hits him to make him get him off her because she feels likes he going to pee herself (Ok, as a squirter, I am 100% certain that she’s a fellow squirter… because that’s what it sort of feels like – I only do it when I’m comfortable with men, so Milky (once) & Max are the only ones to experience that so far. So I get the fear, but they’ve been together 10 years, surely she’s comfortable with Noodle by now?) Hmmm, well that sounds like a happy relationship! (NOT) I don’t believe he’s happy in the slightest but his self-esteem is so low that I don’t push it with him, I guess I don’t really know him that well. Or do I?