At this point in my dating life, I am fucking a few guys – maybe not all of them are regular, but they are on the books – so to speak. Max, Origin, Elvis & Milky… I am also chatting to multiple men, including Dom on a regular basis. I am a stone now, my heart is closed, with everything I have been through, am going through, I am not going to get feelings for another FWB, another fuck boy… Anyone… If I do die without ever being loved, then so be it… I am done. My biggest fear cannot rule my life anymore… I won’t let it. If the guys don’t want me for more than FWB, I am not going to be more than that for them. I do not want to find a boyfriend, I am so much more open sexually that I ever have been & I want to explore that with these men, I don’t think one can give me everything I want.

I don’t want monogamy, I want what each of these guys have to offer, something casual & fun, I’m sick of being hurt by guys… Guys that I am not even sure I like, I’m allowing to hurt me, what type of life is that? This is my time to shine! I will just be a bit more reserved than I have been in the past. The walls have gone up & they will stay there, I need a little less friend in the FWB & more of the benefits! My sex drive is through the roof & I need all these men (plus my rechargeable vibes) just to keep me satisfied at this point – since all of them seem to be “so busy” that they can’t fit me in to fuck me. I mean I am not asking for a lot from these guys, I never asked any of them to date me, I asked them to fuck me. I am not really looking for anyone else though, I think that these guys are enough right now, even though I don’t see any of them enough.052816 (18)On a work trip away – I’m a millions miles from everything, including decent internet in Elliston, I am bored as fuck around dinner time in this tiny town staying in a caravan park, when Sweetie (Max’s wife) says she’ll add me to a group chat she’s in, on the chat app. I thought why not, I had looked around the app before & had obviously seen the groups but wasn’t really sure about them, having used chat groups many, many years ago in the days of ICQ & MSN Messenger. I look through the members of the group & immediately one guy caught my eye, Noodle.

I started chatting in the group & got along with the people quickly, just general chit chat & fun. There are about 50 people in each group sometimes it gets so busy it’s hard to keep up. I get added to several groups & realise that Noodle is in all of them, well my chances of talking to him are increased – though my luck he’d probably be a north-sider who won’t travel or be fucking one of the hot women in the group already, married or even inactive, people join groups then delete the app but not their account.

But when Noodle finally comes online later that night, we have immediate banter together – I find myself enjoying the banter which hasn’t jumped to sexy talk & also I’m laughing constantly at my phone like a dickhead at just about everything he says. Most guys on this app disappear like all the others so I’m not holding out hope or even bothering to invest time in him. Plus there are rules in the groups where there is no PM (private message) without permission (remember Dom telling me this?!) – I’m certainly not going to ask anyone like a bloody fool. It’s brutal when guys ask & the woman says no. People get deleted from the groups for doing it too, I want to hang around so I am not going to be the douche PMing anyone. Yet I’m only in the group 2 or 3 days, when I am pleasantly surprised to find an unsolicited PM from Noodle waiting for me, so the banter continues privately too.

Now I’m ridiculous & I’ve said this many times before but I tend not to message men first because I don’t want to bother them if they aren’t interested – I probably need to work on that. When Noodle randomly tells me that he actually does the with women, because it shows him that they care about him, I joke around & say that we should take it in turns to be the first one to say hello everyday – I want to keep talking to him, (I’ve kept the conversation going by not replying to the last message at night & then reply in the morning so then there is no hello just a continuation of the conversation… Tricky…Hehehe…) So Noodle & I make this joke agreement about taking it in turns to say good morning every day, not at all expecting him to agree, but when he does, I feel a bit warm & fuzzy…

Surprisingly we follow it every day, taking it in turns to be the first one to say morning, every morning – even if we don’t officially say good night to each other. I even check sometimes when he hasn’t messaged me to see who started it the day before in case it was my turn – because I’m stubborn & refuse to message him if it’s his turn. I’m even more surprised that he follows our stupid agreement & never misses a day that is his turn to message me, considering how douchey he can be to people in the group – he’s very different with me in our private chat. We message every day via PM & we also chat in the groups too, which leads to a few people asking me (& probably asking him too) if we are fucking, because the chemistry between us is noticeable. Is it really? Wow. We don’t even make it obvious to others that we are chatting in PM, though I assume that everyone knows that we are. Though we are very flirty & I find myself screenshotting things he says in the groups like that when he says that I’m hot or that I’m sexy. I always send the blushing emoji back & say ‘Awww Thanks Noodle’ but secretly I am loving this attention.

After talking to Noodle for a while I don’t seem to realise that he is only ever online during work hours, goes offline for a few hours & then is back on again later at night. I never notice the pattern until Noodle mentions that he has a partner (A fiancé) that he calls his wife (she calls him husband) of 10 years & a 3 year old son. (Please note, I will call her his partner, but he always says ‘my wife’ whenever he talks about her.) My hopes of him being anything are dashed. I am not getting involved with a married man again. I am not going to meet this guy now. I am having trouble keeping up with what I have… I don’t want a boyfriend, I know that, but I also don’t want to be the other woman. I am already in a situation as the other woman, admittedly the wife knows about me, I mean its bad enough Noodle is on this chat app anyway. So I ask him why he doesn’t talk to his partner now about his unhappiness – I encourage him to talk to her but he says he’s not unhappy, just lonely & they have boring couple sex – she’s never cum with him… What the actual fuck! She’s never cum in 10 years?! He says yes, never in 10 years! That’s fucking ridiculous. How does that even happen, he says when she’s about to cum she hits him to make him get him off her because she feels likes he going to pee herself (Ok, as a squirter, I am 100% certain that she’s a fellow squirter… because that’s what it sort of feels like – I only do it when I’m comfortable with men, so Milky (once) & Max are the only ones to experience that so far. So I get the fear, but they’ve been together 10 years, surely she’s comfortable with Noodle by now?) Hmmm, well that sounds like a happy relationship! (NOT) I don’t believe he’s happy in the slightest but his self-esteem is so low that I don’t push it with him, I guess I don’t really know him that well. Or do I?


Max #4

It’s weird, things are weird. Max doesn’t message me the next day, it’s the first day in almost 3 months that we haven’t chatted. I can’t even be bothered wondering why. It was weird with the kayak thing, he should’ve just told me. I mean even Sweetie should’ve told me. Funnily enough, Max & I never go kayaking ever again. I’m actually sad about that, it was kind of our thing, the thing we had that they didn’t. But he chose to make it weird.

He talks to me the next day just saying he was busy, (yeah whatever dude), he doesn’t really apologise & just makes it about him. It’s another week before I see him, I have been talking to Sweetie constantly, that we are even talking about going to Switch (the kink event monthly in Adelaide) together this Friday night. I don’t want him to come. I don’t want him at my house, so when he asks to see me, I suggest we get dinner out somewhere. He picks me up & we order fish & chips (well chips only with no chicken salt as he’s vegan) & sit on the beach. I ask him behind the safety of my sunglasses why he is being weird with me? He says that he’s dealing with some personal stuff, which he explains to me about the loss of a baby & it was the 10 year anniversary – he also explains that he almost lost Sweetie at the same time. Ok, that explains the weird behaviour, but fuck he didn’t need to ghost me for days & just say he was busy. I fucking hate when men say “I was busy” like they can’t pick up the phone to send a quick text… & also how insulting, like I wasn’t busy! I was just stupidly making time for him.Dating texting MaxI am going to Switch with some new friends from the chat app, I had already decided that I don’t want Max to come so I am being weird with him now, though I offer to pick Sweetie up from their house to stop him from coming to mine with her. I get to her house & she says she’s not ready & invites me in. I stand there awkwardly in the kitchen until Max walks into the room even more awkwardly & shakes my hand, saying hello. The kids are around so I know he’s not going to kiss me but fucking hell, this man has been inside me & he’s shaking my hand hello, pretending not to know me!? Bahaha.

We get back to my house & I have a message from him telling me how good he thinks I looked & that was awkward for him. I pay him out for shaking my hand. Both sweetie & I are wearing coresets to Switch. This is my first time at the kink event, I am excited but also a bit scared as I don’t know what to expect. This is also only the second time that I’ve met Sweetie too, however I feel closer to her right now than to Max. (This should probably be called Sweetie, not Max… Hahaha)

At switch we drink & dance the night away, watching some kinky stuff like spanking while someone is tied to a wooden X & some very different outfits, some nudity & rope tying. We’re sitting upstairs of the Mars Bar (Now no longer) when Sweetie starts to looks weird, like she’s going to vomit. She says she feels funny & I start to get worried, it’s almost like she’s about to faint, so I usher her out the side door where a bouncer lets us out. In the fresh air she perks up a bit, I suggest we head home in a cab right away but she’s not ok to get in a car, she says she thinks her corset might be too tight, so I loosen it off, get her some water & we sit outside the club while she regains her composure. We go home shortly after when she’s better. Max messages me to thank me for looking after her. Of course I would, she didn’t look good at all!

Max & I remain with this sporadic writing, we’ve lost this every day messaging that we were doing before. Which is probably a good thing, I don’t want to get attached to this guy…

It’s been ages since I saw Max, I’ve been away for work, would you know it but with Port Lincoln – I also stay in Tumby Bay with my family who happen to be over there for a family holiday. I have been semi fighting with Max all week about the fact I haven’t seen him, when Max tells me that he’s coming over Saturday night & he’s staying over. I tell him that he doesn’t have too, but he tells me not to tell him what to do, that he’ll do what he wants. I actually laugh out loud. This is just like my fantasy erotica, I actually like this assertiveness.

He comes over & it’s a little weird, it’s been just over a week since I saw him when he shook my hand & probably about 2 weeks since we last fucked. We chat for a while before he takes me into the bedroom, he has bought candles from the sex shop, this could be exciting… Max gets me naked then tells me to get moisturiser (What for? he snaps not to ask questions. Oooh that turns me on a bit!) & then lays me down tying each wrist to the bed, then each ankle. It’s darkish in my room with just candle light, I’ve got music playing, when he goes through my bedside table & finds a piece of material that is a blindfold, he runs the material up & down my skin making me shiver as he kisses where it’s just been. Fuck that is so hot! As he gets to my head, he kisses my lips then ties it over my eyes… Eek, this is also a first! How do I trust this guys so early on in our relationship? (If that is what you can call this!) I hear noises but have no idea what he is doing. I can’t even figure it out but he gets some toys out of my draw, a wartenberg pinwheel & runs it up & down my skin while I moan & pull against the restraints. He tells me to be quiet & I can’t help but call him names… I feel him get off the bed, I of course ask what he’s doing, but he tells me to shhh. I hear the lighter & smell the candle being lit… I brace myself. This is also a first. Wow, we’re having lots of first here tonight!

When the first drop of hot wax lands on my naked skin, I jump. It hurts a little, but it also feels good, within a second of the first drop, a drop of cold liquid follows right next to it. What is he doing? It takes me a second to realise he’s got the lotion he asked me for earlier, which I assumed would be for a massage. He continues to drop a hot drop of wax then a cold drop of lotion all the way down my body, down my leg then back up the other side, I squirm the whole time, biting my lip trying not to say anything but also whimpering the whole time… Why does pain feel so good?


Erotica: Scene Five – Blindfold

My fiction erotica… If you follow my blog, surely by now, you can definitely tell why I was writing this?

Here are the other instalments to read again or for the first time… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call.

Scene Five – Blindfold

I lay there feeling so sated but he hasn’t cum, so I know there is more in store for me.
“You never told me that you could squirt”
I go bright red, I am still covered in his now dry cum & also my own.
He touches my blushing cheek
“Don’t be ashamed of it, I love it. Knowing I turn you on so much. Fuck it’s sexy.”
I smile feeling reassured.
I love that he can read my emotions so well & does everything he can to make me feel at ease.
I trust him wholeheartedly.
Before my breathing is back to normal, he gets up off the bed.
I hear a draw open & close, I can’t move, I am so spent from my multiple hard orgasms.
Plus who even knows what time it is.
I feel my head dip a little where his knee hits the bed, he’s kneeling by my head & I open my mouth thinking he wants me to suck him.
One of his fingers rests on my chin & closes my mouth.
He puts something on my head & I realise he’s blindfolding me, as everything goes dark.
I wriggle in my restraints.
What does he have planned for me?

Erotica couples sex

I feel him retreat from the bed & I can hear noise but I can’t work out what he is doing.
Then I feel something tickle my foot, I twitch, I realise he has a feather as it runs up to my knee, making me squirm & moan.
“Do you like that baby?”
“Hmmm, yes sir!”
He runs the feather up my leg, over my belly, across my nipple then up my arm, where he moves to the other arm & comes down doing the exact same on my other side.
When he reaches my other foot, he takes the feather away, I lift my head to try & see but of course I am blindfolded so I listen intently for where he is.
All of a sudden it reappears at my hip, he runs it from side to side, across the top of my pubic hair.
I am quivering & squirming with every delicate touch.
When he lowers it between my folds, I jump & moan, I pull on my restraints.
Without warning he hits me across my belly with a flogger.
I hear the snapping on the tails hitting me as I squeal out, in pain, in ecstasy, in anticipation.
He hits me again across my breast, I arch my back & let out a moan.
I feel the feather still tickling my clit as the flogger comes down on my legs.
in quick succession, he hits all three places again, I keep pulling on my restraints, crying out louder each time.
He keeps the flogger quickly moving up & down from my belly to legs to nipples.
I don’t even notice that he is kneeling between my legs until his cock is at my entrance, dipping in & out while he flogs my breasts only.
I arch my back trying to take his cock in deeper
“Greedy Girl” he chuckles as I beg him to be deep inside me.
Suddenly he stops flogging me & I feel him undo the cuffs from the bed at my ankles.
With my legs straight in the air, he slides his cock deep within me, I cry out as I’m finally getting what I want.
He starts off with a slow rhythm, deep & long.
He builds up some speed holding onto my ankles wide by his face. My arms still restrained & my eyes still covered.
I bite my lip, he tells me how much he loves to see me bite my lip.
He spreads my legs wide, pulling his cock right out of me then slams in deep, draping himself over my body to kiss my lips, holding my legs out.
His cock pounds me over & over, relentlessly.
He doesn’t let me come up for air, his tongue invading my mouth.
Without even trying I am close to cumming trying to pull away from his mouth to get some air.
With only a few more strokes deep inside me, I cum on his cock, moaning in his mouth.
It doesn’t take long before he is riding my orgasm though to his own.
Finally he stops kissing me & I breathe hard trying to regain some normality.
Once we are both breathing almost normally, his cock still twitching in my pulsing pussy, he leans back over to sweetly kiss me, deep, long & with such passion, I realise then that I don’t ever want to kiss anyone else.
He slides the blindfold off my head, looking deep into my eyes, he rubs his nose back & forth on mine before he kisses me on the lips again.
As he pulls out of me, I suddenly feel empty.
He moves to undo both wrist cuffs from the bed & he pulls me against him with his strong arms around me, almost pinning my arms to me.
I know I am safe. I know I am home.
“Sleep now”
But I barely hear his words before I am asleep again.


Guest Blogger: Why Pain Makes Us Horny

As I have been very vocal about the exploration of the kink world & my sex life, including talking about how much I enjoy pain, I have been looking around for some articles to share with you about why I do…

It’s definitely not for everyone, I get that. & I’m not asking you to try it, especially with just a random or inexperienced man/woman that your dating… If you do want to try, make sure you trust the person inexplicably before venturing into this, also lots of open communication!

I never thought it would be for me nor did I think I would want it, but somehow, I really enjoy it. The more I do it, the more I get out of it.

This article really makes me feel better & I hope it gives you more insight as we delve deeper into my kink scene!

Why Pain Makes Us Horny: The Process That Turns Pain Into Pleasure

“I enjoy getting my ass beaten until it bruises. It turns me on a lot.”

This statement isn’t strange in the kink community, but it can sound rather extreme for those who haven’t been initiated into the rituals and activities of BDSM.

“How can you enjoy being spanked like that? It hurts!”

Most masochists would answer something like, “I don’t know why. It just turns me on.”

Not content with this answer, I decided to look a little deeper into the mechanism that can turn pain into an orgasm.

The Mechanisms of Pain

Pain perception, also called nociception, is the mechanism that triggers a response to potentially harmful stimuli through the nervous system.

Pain can have three sources: chemical (like an acid burn), mechanical (like crushing or cutting) or thermal (hot and cold). Any of these three stimuli strong enough to activate the nociceptors (pain receptors) of the affected area will trigger the transmission of the stimuli to the brain. The reception and processing of the stimuli occurs in different areas. The brain then gives you an impulse to move or do something to avoid or stop the pain.

So, when you put your hand on a hot stove, the nerves in your skin send a message to your brain to tell it that it’s burning. Your brain screams “BURNING” and you remove your hand as a result. That’s generally how it works.

Pretty simple, right?

Pain and Neurotransmitters

The way pain is processed by the brain also triggers other things in your body. Most importantly for our discussion, endorphins, serotonin, melatonin, epinephrin, and norepinephrine can all be released following a painful and/or stressful stimulus. These hormones act as an analgesic (painkiller) and stimulate the fight-or-flight response. So, when you get hurt, your brain makes its own Tylenol and gives you a boost of energy to fight your attacker or run away.

Remember how chemical cocktails influence our sexual and romantic behavior? By receiving pain, you are activating a lot of those same chemicals, especially serotonin and adrenaline. In other words, the same chemicals that turn you on when you’re sexually aroused flow into your body when you’re being hurt.

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How Do We Actually Get Pleasure from Pain?

If we follow this train of thought, applying painful stimuli the right way activates nice, floaty, pleasurable hormones in the brain. If the pain is applied gradually and for an extended period of time, you can get someone very high on endorphins. In the BDSM world, this is called “subspace.”

Here’s how it works, from my experience:

At first, the pain level is low: a nice flogging on the upper back usually gets me nicely started. It doesn’t hurt a lot, but there is a little sting. It feels a bit like pushing your body through a tough workout.

Then, when the intensity goes up, it can really hurt. It hurts to the point of cringing, even screaming. Somehow, it’s bearable, because you already have a little flow of endorphins going. When you’re tied up and can’t fight or flee, the rush of adrenaline is also quite a rush.

As this pain is administered, there’s a point at which I start resisting. This is when the adrenaline has kicked in. I start hissing, cursing at my top, kicking, trying to escape my bonds. (I like to be tied up when I get beaten). The pain rises to a peak, and so does my resistance.

Then, somehow, I give in. Once another burst of endorphins floods my brain, I relax into the pain, and it suddenly – and literally – turns into pleasure. My mind has found a new way to cope: by turning pain sensations into pleasure sensations I can withstand the “torture” longer.

Best of all: I get very, very horny.

Nobody is quite sure how pain can literally turn into sexual arousal. It may be one of the ways that the body interprets the sudden rush of endorphins because it is so similar to “typical” sexual arousal. What we do know, though, is that masochism is no longer considered pathological by the DSM (the bible of mental disorders), and that masochism that’s expressed in a healthy and sane way doesn’t require intervention.

If you find that, after exploring some kink, you’re definitely getting a kick out of being creatively hurt by kind sadists, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your body is reacting to what’s happening to you with hormones and chemicals that make you feel good.

You should enjoy every second of it.

The article link :



A dude, Elvis, adds me on Facebook & I was like who the fuck is this? He’s super cute but looks young but I have no idea who he is, so I look at our mutual friends, we have my friend & her partner. Must be his friend? I ask my friend, while I’m at their house why she thinks he would add me on FB & she says because her partner thinks I am this sex feind & will be able to teach this young gun a thing or 2. Oh good…

Firstly why does her partner know about my sex life & second, who says I want to teach anybody anything? I’m more submissive than a dominant, I do like to switch but I don’t really want to have to teach someone how to be kinky – I mean I’m still pretty new at it myself.

I decide to add him because he is very cute but I know he’s young, he says he was “talked” into adding me, which is a hit to my ego! I try to end the conversation because I don’t want someone to have to be talked into getting to know me. But he says no, he added me because I seem like a fun chick to get to know, WTF does that mean? I ask & he says that it’s just boy talk. Yeah dude, that’s what worries me!

He says that he was asking if my friend had any single friends & my name came up so he asks me if I am happy. Well am I happy? I have decided that I do not want a relationship at the moment, I am so hurt from all this bullshit I’ve been through, that maybe a FWB is what I need.

He says that his friend told him that I am quite sexually active & experimentative (as if that’s even a word!) – Well I guess that is true! But he says he takes what his friend says with a grain of salt because boys do embellish when they talk. But he seems a bit shy & when I ask what my friends partner has said he tells me that he been told ‘that you may have some toys & like to use them with company, if you get what I mean?’ Yes I get what you mean & yes it’s true! Hahaha. I explain that I am still fairly new to kink really, in the scheme of things, like only 18 months or so that’s why I am now looking to explore more & not entirely ready to settle down with just 1 guy now.

He says that recently single out of about 7 years of relationships he now has lost his sexual mojo. I say that he just needs to get back out there. I went from having no sex or boring sex to the kinkiest sex I’ve ever had.

He agrees that he felt better in a relationship than when he was trying some casual sex, because you know the person’s body so well, it makes a difference than when you just fuck someone once. But I explain that I am never looking for an ONS. I want something more ongoing, it doesn’t have to be a relationship but I don’t want to just have another notch on my bedpost. We chat freely about sex a lot more. I don’t want to oversell myself. So I try to bring it back real life, maybe I’m really shit in bed, that’s why I’ve been single so long? I also am conscious that this is my friends boyfriends friend. I don’t want stuff getting back to him, so I try to reserve myself a little, but I also have this problem with oversharing. (hahaha, you’d never guess that would you? Writing a blog about my dating/sex life!)

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He tells me he hasn’t really done anything kinky. I tell him I’m usually the one tied up & he says that he loves that idea. I talk about how I like pain & what I am open to trying. I realise that he’s much younger than me, but of course he says that he’s always wanted to fuck an older woman & that it would be hot (As if he’s the first man to ever say that to me!)

I show him some toys that he’s never heard of like a warternberg pinwheel & a flogger which he kinda freaks out a little thinking when I meant toys, that I meant I only had vibrators, but he’s glad I’m open to more & am willing to discuss it with him. I talk to him about the open relationship with Max & how I talk more to Sweetie than him now, it’s also around the time that I tell him I am looking at threesomes & really opening myself up. That’s about when Elvis stops replying to my messages.

Unusual for me, I send him a message the next night asking if I scared him off, he says no it was exciting but doesn’t offer much so I say that I’ll think I overshared & that I’m sorry. He says that ‘it’s ok, only thing it did leave me wondering, how the fuck am I ever going to satisfy this woman’ I explain that’s why, at the moment, I have more than one guy on the go, because I’ve become too sexual & am not getting enough from any of the guys. He asks if I’ll take him on a project & be his sexy teacher.

I explain that sex fortnightly isn’t going to work for me or him leaving right after we’ve cum. He agrees that it might take him a while to get back into it, but he wants what I want too. We talk about sleepovers & aftercare, he jumps at this topic asking if kissing if ok. I mean I am not Vivian in Pretty Woman, I do like to be kissed & touched, I even say that he can spoon me, but that doesn’t mean we’ll have feelings for each other (Stupidly, been there, done that!) I say that I will care for my FWB (of course) but I won’t catch feelings for him – I’m done thinking I’m falling for FWB, however I will want to know more about him as we are going to be friends. He says that he wishes more women were like me.

He tells me that he’s terrified of another relationship as he’s just gotten out of something with a drug addict & he’s also gotten off the hard drugs recently himself. But for me the most important thing is that he keep his mouth shut to his friends about me. Kinda reminds me of that chick Coral in the movie Cocktail when she says:”too bad you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about our sex life…it only gets better!” If I do this with him & I hear that someone else knows, I will be furious! (But here I am now writing about it! Hahaha – Sorry dude!)

I explain that my hard limits include: animals, kids, degrading stuff, bloody play, fire play & scat (shit), he agrees with all of them though he says he’s not done much to even have a hard limit list, he’s also concerned that he won’t even like any kink, which is also ok. It’s not for everyone, I didn’t think I would ever be this open about my sex life.

I feel sorry for him when he says that he’s nervous about meeting me, I’m not trying to scare him, I’m just being open & honest about what I want. I mean with Milky I wasn’t & then we pretty much didn’t do much kinky stuff at all – I don’t want to make that mistake again! I ask if he’s the jealous type because I’m finding more & more guys are not ok with me fucking other guys, they say they want to hear about it & Elvis says he wants to hear about it, but in reality, I don’t think they do!


Origin # 13

The last time I saw Origin, I forgot to mention about our conversation in the shower after we had sex, we were both standing in there, kissing & cuddling, washing each other when he starts having a bit of a D & M with me, writing numbers in the steam on the glass of all the women he’s been with. He tells me that I was the first chick that he slept with after the break up of his long relationship – well that explains why he never could (or didn’t want to) commit to me… He says that he hasn’t slept with that many women either, but that I was the most adventurous he’d ever been with & he really likes me. Awww, that’s so cute, that I melt while standing so vulnerable, naked, in the shower with him. But of course, remember he left that night, while I was disappointed, I don’t say anything to him.

We chat everyday via snapchat & text, working out that we should catch up next week. I am going out with a friend & suggest that he comes along. He declines to come to karaoke with us, but he offers to pick me up from the hotel & take me home. I jump at the chance, I am messaging him the whole night, while getting so legless that even for me, it’s ridiculous. I was chatting to some guy & their friends, drinking some sort of green drink (WTF? I only know this because of the pictures on my phone later) when Origin appears to take us home. He drops home my friend first then me…

I will tell you what happened, however I don’t remember ANY of it… This is all pieced together from talking to Origin afterwards & looking at my texts… FUCK! Origin & I go to my house & all I remember him not staying over. So at almost 2:00 am, as he’s probably still in my driveway, I text him “Thanks heaps Origin, I appreciate you staying over, it means a lot” How passive aggressive! Jesus… I’m surprised he even wrote back to that to be honest. “Dude” (That’s not a good start to a message from a guy) “You made me wait until like 12 to pick you up, I pick you up, I can’t even get a sentence out of you & then drop you & your friend home, I have to go to a family breky at 7, if you wanted me to stay or hang out longer you should have called me & said come get me, but it’s my fault? I don’t wanna argue talk toms xx nightDOUBLE FUCK! I reply – yeah good idea! (I feel you rolling your eyes with me right now) “I don’t want to argue either but you could’ve stayed…. It’s not your fault at all… but you left me feeling like a hooker… tonight was weird” FUCKING HELL, please stop texting while drunk!!! But he replies “Your right, sorry I thought u were heaps drunk & didn’t want a shower so I thought I would just leave. Certainly didn’t mean to have u feel like that. Agreed weird as write it off ok xx night.” Seriously, thank fuck I read it but fall asleep! Why oh why the fuck am I such an idiot when drunk… But why oh why doesn’t this guy never spend the night!

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The next morning, I wake up just before 10:00 am, feeling like shit, not only because I am supremely hung over but because even though I don’t remember what happened, I have this feeling something isn’t right, I fucked up last night… I read through the horrifying text messages… I know he’s been at breakfast with his family since 7:00 am but hasn’t text me, that he is not going too, I don’t blame him at all… So I swallow my pride & text him “Thanks heaps for dropping my friend off & picking me up. I appreciate it, truly. I didn’t realise I was so drunk that I couldn’t even talk?! I’m sorry for last night, everything I did or said or snapchatted. I hope you had a yummy breakfast this morning.” I don’t really expect him to reply either, I mean I was fucking insane. “Hahaha you’re a tripper you were blind. Meh it’s all good, yeah was sick thanks, talk soon you can make it up to me lols” I respond to him “Yeah I don’t remember much TBH… I have a bruise on my elbow. There are weird photos on my phone. I’m glad you’re still talking to me hahaha. I will make it up to you for sure.”

We eventually arrange to catch up the next weekend after my family dinner, but I end up texting him to bail as I’m not feeling well, my biggest pet hate is when people bail on me, so I apologise a lot, which he is ok with it & wishes me to get better. We decide to catch up a few nights later, I am out for dinner with friends, so text him on the way home & he says that he’s bailing on his friend to come over for a red & a movie.

We start to watch a movie that he chooses but it is so crap that we end up playing pool & talking about that infamous drunken evening. He tells me that I was biting him & when he asked me to stop I didn’t (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK) & that I was trying to suck him off when he was driving up the expressway, he said that he tried to get me to shower with him before we went to bed, but apparently I wouldn’t get in the shower so he decided to leave… OMG I am mortified… Why must I ask like a douche when drunk!?

Anyway, we drink a lot of red wine before he makes a move. We go into my bed room & I get some condoms, when he asks if I like anal, I have only done it with 2 guys a couple of times who had much bigger cocks than him so I say yes we can do it. Unbeknown to me, Origin takes off the condom & slips his dick in from behind me, unbeknown to him, he is not fucking my ass… He’s sort of fucking my leg, sort of in me, but definitely not my ass. I cum from my own fingers, he cums, happily thinking he’s in my ass & that’s when I realise, he didn’t have the condom on. I ask him & he says that he took it off… Why do men do this without asking? FFS. I’m not on the pill at this point in my life so I have just had unprotected sex with this guy, who is jumping up & getting dressed, yet again not staying over! I’m quite drunk, how can this guy be driving home?


Max #3

The next night after work Max wants to catch up to take the kayaks out, I’m surprised that he would want to or be allowed to do that activity with me, being that Sweetie wants to do it too. But it seems like he can, it’s a school night so he meets me at my house right after work. We take the kayaks out for a long time, until the sun is setting low in the sky. It’s actually really nice. We of course go back to my house to have sex after we’ve packed everything away. He stays at my house till quite late… but then leaves to go home to his wife. How does he get away with not going home to help with the kids? I don’t worry about that, they seem to have it worked out I guess. I must remember he’s married though, because as he left, I find myself annoyed that I am disappointed when he leaves, a bit like every time Origin left me late at night – brings up those feelings again.

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Max tells me that his wife wants to chat to me, I must say I am intrigued, more than I thought I would be, mainly to see if he’s been telling me the truth about the open relationship etc & about her. I mean he’s told me about the previous woman that they called his girlfriend & that he still talks to her but his wife no longer gets along with her. But that could also be some story. I also wonder if I do talk to her, what will we talk about? I am also suspicious, is it actually her or is it him with a fake account? Bit of an elaborate scheme – but I’ve thought this before about Notorious Sir, but who the fuck knows what people do in their spare time! Max is also a computer programmer, so he gets technology… Finally, after much internal debate, I allow Sweetie to message me & I know I have a guard up with her, I am suspicious of her intention of why she wants to talk to me, but as the days go on, I actually don’t mind chatting to her. I know it’s her too because she sends me a live pic which proves he does have a wife – not because I ask her to prove it, but she is showing me some picture of herself or something. I actually let my guard down more with him too, being that I now know he’s not full of shit.

Max chats to me daily, of course, him starting the texts with a good morning, you know me, I never text first… Especially with married men, Dom, Max & even Sweetie have to definitely text me first because I am not chasing them! He comes over one night after work for a couple of hours, it’s the first time we don’t have sex & I think WTF has happened here… Why didn’t he want to fuck me? Is he turned off by me somehow? Should I have made a move? I talk to him about it later when we’re texting because I can’t bring it up to his face & he says he doesn’t want me to think of him as just sex, he calls me his girlfriend… Ohhh, I’m not your girlfriend, but sure whatever you want to call me. I mean I’ve only seen him like 8 times in a month or two, is that really boyfriend/girlfriend quality? I don’t think so, but ok, whatever.

The next night we go kayaking again, I hope that Sweetie is ok with this. But I don’t bother asking her – nor do we ever talk about kayaking, she’s chatting to me most days too, so it seems to be going ok with her. This night we have sex again which is good. When I say sex, it’s really not traditional sex, he generally is fingering me to make me squirt or spanking me till I bruise, just with his hand, sometimes toys… He tells me that his hand hurts, I’m like poor baby, imagine my ass!

A few nights later he says he wants to see me, but his car is getting fixed so he can’t get to me & so I offer to pick him up from his office then drop him home later in the night. His office is only a few minutes from my house, so I don’t mind & I am intrigued to see where he works, is he neat & tidy? or messy? I am interested in seeing how he operates. Maybe it’ll give me some more insight, I mean he’s been to my house a lot, I live alone so my house generally looks like a show home (according to friends) most of the time because there is no one to mess it up – even I’m away for work so much that I am never home to mess it up. I walk into his office, my eyes quickly dart around the room, taking it all in, but I don’t notice anything other than the 2 kayaks lying on the floor with everything you need to kayak, lifejackets, paddles etc. WTF? Why didn’t he tell me he already had some? I feel like such a fuckwit now. He kind of gives me a cheeky grin & says he didn’t know how to tell me but Sweetie was so jealous we’d been out so many times together & she wanted to go, so they bought some off gumtree a little while ago. I tell him that he should’ve told me & remind him that I also suggested he could of borrowed mine at any time to take her out. This is weird as fuck. I feel like a fuck knuckle.

It’s weird, now things are weird… Why wouldn’t he just tell me? I feel so stupid, thinking that we had something special that he didn’t have with her, when now he’s had these kayaks for fuck knows how long! & been out with her fuck knows how many times… The next night after this revelation, I’m feeling stupid still, but Sweetie is messaging me to tell me that her date bailed on her & she’s really annoyed as it was her night out of the house. I get it, she’s got 4 kids, plus a young interloper staying with them & her husband has been seeing me while she’s stuck at home.

She tells me about how she met Max’s last ‘girlfriend’ that the same thing happened, a date bailed on her & she ended up at the girlfriends house & they sent a picture to Max of them together, but he didn’t know that Sweetie was going there. She mentions that she’s got nothing to do, so I suggest she comes over my house for a drink – I don’t want to see him, so if she’s at my house, he can’t just pop over… I just need to rip the band aid off & to be honest after the kayak thing, I’m thinking this isn’t going to last that long anyway, I’m still weirded out by that!

She comes over to my house with a bottle of wine, I’ve already started for some dutch courage. She’s different to her pictures, she’s actually cuter in real life. She’s shorter than me which surprising since I’m basically a midget & Max is like 6 foot tall or something. We sit outside since it’s summer (I have my new outdoor setting) & drink wine. I am so uncomfortable… I have no idea what we talk about, how long she is at my house or how much we drink, but I’m pretty sure that this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done to fuck someone… – met their wife!