May 2026 – I've Been Dating For You

Obsidian #10

December 2025 – omg you got me a present?

1 December 2025 – I had wrapped the Lego Gameboy carefully not long after I got it, sometime in October so I didn’t have to keep looking at the words Gameboy on the box every time I walked past it, I wrapped it in bubble wrap, placed it in a postage bag & put it in my spare room where it stayed for the rest of October & all of November, until I decide what to do with it…

My intrusive thoughts allow me to suggest to Misty that if I was psycho, I would drop it off at their house, knock on the door or even leave it on the door step… I could post it with a card & a return sender address so if she’s home when it arrives she would recognise the address. I could post anonymously, he would probably know it’s from me but it would drive her crazy. I wonder what fucking dumb excuse he would give her. I told you about the cut on his dick excuse, right? That he cut through his pants & boxers at work with a knife… Yeah ok dude! I wonder what he would come up with for this, who gave it to him & why. She would believe what he told her because like me, she wants to believe he is a good guy & has no reason not to believe him – or no proof not to believe him. The only thing about this scenario, is she drills him about it so much that he throws it away… I mean I risk that no matter what really. I could go to his work, just rock up or leave it on his car… No note… no card, just the gift…

I decide that if I haven’t heard from him by the first week of December, that I am just going to post it to get it out of my house without a card or my name on it, I don’t want to do it too close to Christmas. I wish I took it the day he left his keys in his front seat, that would have been a perfect way to give it to him – however I didn’t know I’d never see him again & I wasn’t sure then if I was going to even give it to him. On the first of December I print out at work on a peice of plain white paper, his name & address, I fold it up & take it home, still not 100% sure I can do this. I am not insane, I don’t want to cause drama, I know I said I wanted revenge, but I am not that person, but I genuinely do want him to have it & I see no other way at this point of getting it to him – I never expected to not see him again, let alone never talk to him again. I am not going to go to his house or work to give it to him, he couldn’t even fucking see me to give me my key back. So I will just have to post it & hope he likes it, builds it & displays it. He has no empathy or sentimental feelings & clearly no love for anyone but himself, so he will probably just throw it away… I guess I may never know…

3 December 2025 – I put his printed name tag on the postage bag & even as I walk into the post office to post it, I am not sure I can go through with this? Obsidian barely comes online to even see if I have messaged him, so I figure there is no point reaching out, he hasn’t so why should I. The couple of lash client that know, have said not to send the Lego to give it to someone else or sell it, but this didn’t end because I hate him or because I don’t love him anymore… I still love him, I still want him, I still miss him. I just want to be disrespected anymore. I knew what I was, I was second to his family the entire eight years, but I am not going to be pushed down the priority ladder behind mowing his lawns, exercising, cooking, cleaning, working & his Facebook page when I didn’t ask for this.

This is going to go one of three ways. He could ignore it. He could message me & I assume that if he does choose to message me, it’ll be something accusatory because I posted to his house & his wife saw it or he could just not say anything & post me something back or drop something off at my house. I think the latter is just a romantic comedy scenario that I wish would happen, but it 100% won’t. I will not get a return gift from him – not that I am doing this for that, but I will never get any thing from him ever again. If I even get a message, I will literally be so surprised!

05 December 2025 – The next day comes & goes, I hear nothing, so I assume that he is just going to ignore it. I talk to a friend who says that it probably won’t be delivered that quickly. So maybe he isn’t ignoring it, maybe he hasn’t got it. I didn’t add tracking as I didn’t want him to know it was from me, at least before he opened it. I assume he hasn’t got it & I wish I added tracking, so I knew it was delivered at least. But this is probably for the better because I don’t want to know for sure if he is ignoring it or not. I would rather just think that it wasn’t delivered. Maybe it’s lost in the post. I may never know & sometimes that just seems like the best option.

Spotify release the 2025 wrapped which is all the top songs that you’ve listened to this year… Mine seems to depict the year I’ve had with Obsidian who turned into everything I wanted from Marvel into Phoenix, to as quick as he came, he let the fire burn out & returned to Obsidian.

Ironically my number one song that I listened to about Obsidian was Bad Habits by Nerv, which I’ve never posted on here. It’s ironic because it’s so fucking relevant to our situation… The lyrics are so fucking right that I had listened over & over again, but because I never thought it would end between us, this song was great but I didn’t post it because it talks about the end… When I found this song, I thought about it as the previous affairs, but now, even the film clip is literally eerily accurate.

Bad Habits – Nerv

It’s crazy
How did this start with fire?
Burning when I met you, with desire
It’s crazy
How did we get to this?
We both fell for something we didn’t know exists
Me to you, you to me
I’m loving every whisper
Love the way you tease
And me to you, you to me
I’m not one to get addicted
But girl, you got me

Closer we get, I’m losing my mind
Catch my breath, leave me behind

I don’t wanna, don’t wanna
I don’t wanna stop
Breathing you in, yeah
I don’t wanna stop
I feel something so electric
Overwhelming, unexpected
I don’t wanna, don’t wanna
I don’t wanna stop
Breathing you in, yeah
I don’t wanna stop
I feel something so electric
Lay me down and leave me breathless

Damn, I didn’t realize I was sleeping
Didn’t know you’re just what I needed
But now I’m just so deep and
Damn, I’m awake but you got me dreaming
And every part of me screaming
So come on baby, lean in

Me to you, you to me
I’m loving every whisper
Love the way you tease
And me to you, you to me
I’m not one to get addicted
But girl, you got me

Closer we get, I’m losing my mind
Catch my breath, leave me behind

And I lost control, you had it
We were alone, bad habits
We lost control, we had it
Now I’m alone, bad habit
I lost control, you had it
We were alone, bad habits
We lost control, we had it
Now I’m alone

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: David Jones / Dillon Jones / Jordan Grokett / Scott Buchanan / Tyler Clar

Bad Habits lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

06 December 2025 – At the time I write this, we haven’t seen each other since the 21 September 2025, 76 days ago. We haven’t spoken on the phone since 24 September 2025, 73 days ago. We haven’t texted since 25 October 2025, 42 days ago. But today, I wake up to a snapchat notification that says ‘Obsidian sent you a chat’ at 4:32am. Fuck. So I assume that he’s got the parcel… So there are two options here for what this message from him says, it’ll be a question why I got him a present, but what is more likely is some asshole accusatory comment about sending something to his house, especially if his wife saw it.

I don’t want to click on it, knowing that as it came at 4:30am – when he’s a zombie, remember, he’ll be up working today & able to chat – if he’s not too busy of course with LMA, so I just half swipe it & I see, “omg you got me a present?” An unexpected response to the gift AI thought was brilliant… He doesn’t say thank you – which I knew he wouldn’t, he’s not an apprective type of guy. He doesn’t say if he likes it or not, He doesn’t tell he appreciates the gesture… As if I expected any of that really… I don’t know her schedule anymore so don’t know if she’s working or not this weekend, I choose not to reply to Obsidian. Yet. Or maybe at all…

OMG it’s so hard not to click on it & write back…

07 December 2025 – The next morning, when I click on his message & see his profile, his snapchat score has gone up by one. I have looked his profile so many times lately to see the green dot, so I know the number… Remember that this is his fake account, not his real snapchat, so he doesn’t have family & friends on it, he doesn’t post to his story, like I do so my snapchat score goes up all the time & always has, his doesn’t & hadn’t changed since we stopped talking. So as I am thinking that I am going to write back, extend an olive branch, I realise that when he said he was busy, he meant it. With someone else. He said at the beginning I’m unreplaceable – I think he meant irreplaceable, but I use his words, but the day he messages me finally after a month of not talking to his best friend, he is snapchattting with someone else, no doubt, sexting at 4:30am, because all he sends is food or his dick, no other chick wants to see his food – he even admitted that he sexed with someone while leaving me on unread for weeks… So why am I so surprised? Why am I so hurt? I am so easily replaced, his wife doesn’t give him what he needs, I have never been able to give him what he needs, I was always stupid to think he would be heartbroken too, he always moves on so easily & moved on every other time without a thought about me. Remember the open relationship bullshit? Pfft… As if he was ever doing that to see me… He did that to get sex & keep his house!! I haven’t messaged or met anyone else for years & here he is snapchatting on his fake account to another woman, while being a fucking prick to me.

The extra shit part is, that his snap score hadn’t moved since we stopped chatting, so I was led to a false sense of security that he wasn’t messaging anyone else, being he had only come online once a week. So I felt like I could give him the lego & not feel like a fool for doing so, because he might be feeling like I am wondering how did things go so wrong. I haven’t been able to even have a conversation with anyone on snapchat, not even J-lo or Rob Rob, but I bet you that Obsidian thinks I am fucking everything & everyone right now. So when I posted the present, I felt ok about it, I didn’t feel foolish or scare, I felt that I wasn’t just one of the many women in his life, despite him not caring & being too busy to even download snapchat for a daily conversation.

So now, I will never believe that Obsidian cares about me, I know he loves me – if you can call what we had love, but he doesn’t care about me & there is a big difference between the two. He didn’t care I had surgery – he doesn’t even know what surgery I had or if I am ok to this very day (the day of posting!). I know I don’t know if he’s had surgery or something awful happen, but he hasn’t told me so I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t care that he would log off & not talk to me for hours & how I felt about it because I told him time & time again, but he kept doing it despite him telling me that if I asked him back then to stop talking to other women that he would have… Bullshit. He fucking publicly flirted with someone I didn’t even know & let her absolutely humiliate me in the group chat, just so he could see if I would get jealous – she would tell him she was actively trying to piss me off, because I fucked Cowboy & was fucking Obsidian, someone she wanted to too? I didn’t even know her or that she was Cowboys Mistress. Be pissed at him, not me. Obsidian even did it to his wife in the spa when they first got together & admitted that if his wife got out the spa, he would have fucked the chick that was cracking on to him – so bullshit he cares about me at all or anyone else…

I’m glad I saw that because I was going to write back, ‘I preordered it for you, I thought it would look cool with all your consoles, wish I was able to see it. No matter how weird things are, it arrived & I still wanted you to have it, I miss you. xxx’ but I don’t want to be so nice about it now… I feel like a fucking fool… Why the fuck did I want to give it to him?! I wish I didn’t send it. He has proven to me that I don’t matter, why did I want him to know that he matters to me?! As I sit here writing on my blog, procrastinating about what I am going to write back I get a notification ‘Obsidian is typing…’ & it takes three minutes for the ‘Obsidian has sent you a chat’ notification to come through. When I click on it, Mr narcissistic is ever so present “I bet you miss me a little 🤔” Do I? After that revelation only minutes ago, that he doesn’t care about me… I realised a while ago he doesn’t love me, but I figured he cared… Do I miss him? Or do I just miss what little time he gave me? I write back cold as ice, “I pre-ordered the lego in sept.” He writes back quickly, “How you been Miss Stubborn? And fuck me I thought I was a stubborn person…” I just say hours kater, “That you are.” He forgets that every time we’ve stopped talking, it’s been me that has reached out, he may have been the first one to say I love you the first time but I bite the bullet every time we don’t speak to push for the friendship to be rekindled. Yet he clobbers me every time… If I knew I was just one of the many & Cowboys Mistress was flirting in front of me to piss me off, I would have pulled back from Obsidian a lot sooner. She can have him. He fucking goes on about me not being loyal, he’s the most disloyal fucker alive! Though he’ll say he never claimed to be loyal. LMA is welcome to him. He is incapable of love & incapable of friendship.

He ignores my jabs & writes back quicker than I am (for a change), “You look like you have been busy working on your caravan.” FUCK. I don’t want to talk about my caravan with him, he made fun of me when I told him I was getting one, I tried to lighten the topic by telling him at the time I wanted to christen it with him, but now I don’t want to talk about it with him, I don’t want him to see it & I don’t want him to know anything about it. He doesn’t even know what it looked like so he wouldn’t know what I’ve done to it anyway… I reply after 10:00pm when I know he will be in bed & won’t come back online tonight & probably not tomorrow either “Yeah just normal people busy, not Obsidian busy, of course.”

#IBD4U

Obsidian #9

November 2025 – Revenge

03 November 2025 – After the Saturday ‘he was free after 12‘ without a message or him even coming online to check if I messaged, I start using snapchat as I had prior to the whole Obsidian/Phoenix fiasco – it wasn’t a relationship as I thought it was, he wasn’t my boyfriend, he wasn’t a lover, he wasn’t a friend. He played me when he was bored & not having sex with his wife, to pull me in & then make me walk away for good, cut the ties & feelings I had for him. It was a fucking cruel & immature way of dealing with what he got us both into. Instead of being an adult & letting us both walk away with dignity & the remnants of a ‘friendship,’ he has destroyed any connection or any feelings I had for him. What type of human hears their lover/girlfriend/best friend, fuck, even their FWB has had emergency surgery & their first response to that is, ‘I’ve been busy’ & then says that they hope you are doing well or asks, ‘how’s your health?’ but NEVER fucking once asks what the fuck happened!!!!! No one & I mean NO ONE… NO FUCKING CUNT IS THAT MEAN…!! Oh yes, Obsidian is, because he has to be the most angry & because I didn’t write back to his epic message of ‘how’s your week been’ at the start of the week, at the start of the school holidays because I was having a surgical procedure done while all alone, no one to support me, so he didn’t log back on for another week spouting his busy line.

Anyway as I head out to lunch for my nephews birthday, I look at Snapchat having posted just before I left home & see that he’s been online. My location is off, but he’ll see that I have posted a story – which he doesn’t look at, what a surprise & he doesn’t message me. He ended this, I wanted my keys & he chose to give them to me in the most heartless & horrible way that he could, so I am done. I am just angry, hurt, foolish & broken.

As I have said for a number of years, I am just one more heartbreak away from my goal weight. Thanks to Obsidian, I am literally now 6kgs away from where I wanted to be, now having lost 15kgs in the last two months. While I’m now on weight loss injections myself, not cheap Wegovy, but I admit when I have help with weight loss, using weight loss drugs but after every break up – Boyfriend, Noodle & Silverlining, I don’t eat well because of the stress, the upset & the hurt that I naturally lose weight, but paired with the weight loss drug, it’s a lot quicker than I expected.

I wasn’t going to write anything following October & getting my key back, but that wasn’t an end for me, maybe he thought it was which is why he acted like he did, but it turns out that it was the death of Obsidian & #IBD4U. But as I am writing as a journal, he has had almost nine years of airtime & fucked up every single opportunity he’s had with me – taking me for granted again, yet I’m the biggest fuckwit for sticking around & letting him… The posts have returned to a monthly synopsis, if that… I’m done letting him treat me like an option, letting him say he’s busy & not chat to me, letting him act like the narcissistic prick that he is & that he is the victim here.

I’m not & have never claimed to be innocent in this, I could have done things differently, I see when I could have let things go & I didn’t, but I was in it, in it deep that I couldn’t see that then (reading back I could have been more relaxed & just let him walk all over me even more) but if he had told me that he had surgery – emergency or not, I would’ve dropped everything & done anything I could to make sure he knew I cared, valued & loved him – then I would have seen him as quickly as we could arrange, given the circumstances to physically show him I cared. But I get the Obsidian party line ‘I was busy’ oh yeah, doing what? Painting? Cleaning the house? Working & commuting to work? Making dinner that you’ve done every night since you met the woman you married…? Yeah all those tasks were always in your life. He made it crystal clear that I am & never was a priority, not even my vagina was a priority, only his dick was.

At this point I am so fucking angry that I am ready to do something to fuck up his whole life, he has ruined mine, destroyed my faith in anything positive, wasted almost nine years of my life – regardless if he never said that he was leaving her, he always gave me nuggets of hope that I was special & meant something – not that we were going to be together but just dangled the best friend carrot – that now, I figure that he doesn’t deserve his miserable life with his wife & kids!! His wife deserves to know that he’s a cheating cunt for almost nine years & for the entire (they just celebrated their six-year wedding anniversary) marriage. That I’m probably not the first or will be the last. He trusted me with a lot of information, but I trusted him with a lot of information as well & he never gave a second thought to bring his mentally unstable partner to my house & then let her message & stalk me for years. I never did a fucking thing to her. Or him. He let his fucking friend – Cowboy’s Mistress publicly humiliate me in chat groups, while he was planning when & where to fuck her… All the while, spouting his love for me! I never did anything to him, besides ask for better communication… So maybe it’s time for some real payback. Especially since the way he pushed & pushed the Phoenix style relationship on me & how he ended it in Obsidian style thinking he’s got off scott free…

I can see how it will play out, if I did do something, like leaving this blog (& e-books) – as that’s all I have left now on her car in the form of a USB or write the link on a piece of paper – I don’t know… But afterwards he would message me, the first chance he gets, accusatory of how I fucked up his life & he’s lost his kids, his house & life… It will 100% be my fault & I will be the wretched one. Do you know what? He’ll have also lost me too. I was his fall back, the place he could come (keys or not) & I would take him in… But I can see that I will be the bitch & the one who ‘ruined’ his life, nah mate, I am single & am allowed to be online, fucking anyone I want, I am not in a committed relationship – where I married the person I cheated on for a year & also while planning my wedding to her, I was fucking my side piece on my soon to be wife’s couch only ten days before the wedding… Fucking gutless cunt. You get everything you deserve Obsidian! I only hope I am that fucking psychotic to actually do this to him… He deserves it, but you know who doesn’t? Their fucking innocent kids. However, if I believe what he’s told me, his wife brings me up or him cheating regularly in front of the kids… So it’s not a happy home really is it? So I’m not going to be fucking up the kids any more than they already do… But also, NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM! Don’t want someone to ruin your life, Obsidian? Simple, then don’t ruin theirs!

22 November 2025 – As you can tell when I wrote the above I was in the angry phase of November. He hasn’t spoken to me at all since the key incident & has only been online twice in those two weeks, so even if I did write something to him, he wouldn’t even know anyway, so what’s the point in me reaching out? He just proves to me daily that he started V2.0 to get rid of me for good… I don’t know why he chose to do it that way, come back with full force & pull away so much that he can’t even fucking see me when he’s on a break & knows I’m at his work… So yeah…

Another week & two days that his little green dot doesn’t come on Snapchat, when it finally does, the best friend emoji disappears. He is now nothing to me… No super BFF, not even a best friend. It’s been 17 days since he chose not to see me when I got my keys & he’s been online twice in that time. He’s not bothered to reach out, he hasn’t even tried to find out if I’m OK after surgery, not even a hello… Can you imagine, spinning your mistress all that fucking bullshit he did as Phoenix & then ghosting her? He is so fucking lucky I am not crazy because I am so fucking hurt & angry, if she finds out, I won’t have the same courtesy from him & certainly won’t from her.

23 November 2025 – I started posting again on the blog, in August 2025, not knowing at the time what was actually gong to happen with us, I was writing about the good times still then, posting in the hopes that he is reading & remembers the things he said & the good times we had at the start of this. So at the time of writing this, in November 2025, I am editing the posts & writing more detail where I can & I note there is something that I wish I never said… He said it first actually about not saying I love you all the time… I then didn’t want it to be an obligation & something we just say when we left each other or hung up the phone. I realise later that he reminded me that I said it to him, when in actual fact I was following his lead… Could that be part of the reason? I doubt it. I doubt I will ever fucking know.

A lash client asked me the other day how I feel about posting about our story knowing he is probably reading… I mean I like to think that he is, but Mr Stubborn probably wouldn’t know I started posting regularly again. I doubt he would check now, once he read it all… I definitely don’t think that I write differently, because this is my journal & words come out my head onto the computer screen so quick sometimes that I really don’t even realise what I am writing. It’s not till I read it back that I think ‘did I really write that? Do I actually think that?’, didn’t Bridget Jones say ‘It’s only a diary… everyone knows diaries are just… full of crap.’ Mine is the epitome of that quote!

25 November 2025 – It’s now been a full month since I got my key back, we haven’t spoken since, but at the end of November, for the first time he looks at my snapchat story. FFS. I didn’t post a lot in October, so much so a few friends noticed & asked if I was ok – random fucking snapchat friends asked if I was ok!!! Just let that sink in! I didn’t post much in November either because I didn’t want Obsidian to see, but I did post a few stories, he didn’t look when he came online, on average once a week so I thought I was safe that he wasn’t going to look at them. I had been posting about my ongoing renos of the caravan, something I didn’t want him to know about but something I wanted so badly for him to see, for him to christen with me… Guess that it is never going to see sex & be christened. Of course, this is the snap he sees, not one of me looking hot, he sees one thing I didn’t want him to know about. But you guessed it, he doesn’t message me.

When I look back at all the things he said to me & all the signs, particularly when I’m not in it anymore & reading what I wrote back when it was happening, I see things more clearly – or I over analyse things trying to make sense of what has happened & how it went so fucking wrong that he’s not even talking to me, but I can now see when he started pulling away. Shortly after ws confirmed the boyfriend/girlfriend status, in early June I started noticing it but didn’t get it at the time, & by the end of July, he told me he was planning a trip to Japan & his wife had clearly booked holidays for it in October… So instead of managing my expectations, Obsidian chose to start pulling away, knowing that when he was in Japan & when she was off work that he wouldn’t be able to talk to me because his wife was home (yet if you recall, he was able to message me while lying in fucking bed with her!). There is always a reason this man pulls away, I just never know it until afterwards & every time he could have just told me the truth, not spin bullshit & we could have managed how we will communicate while he’s away – but no doubt he wouldn’t have been able to message because they would share a hotel room & of course he wouldn’t have a second alone – because when she showers, she quite obviously takes his phone with her… God he fucks me off! I mean I don’t know if this is the ‘big’ thing, but it’s definitely obvious that we change our relationship status & he’s planning a family holiday, that doesn’t include me, obviously, so he pulls away.

I keep saying that I am shattered & that he’s shattered me, a song comes to mind that I listened to a lot when I was in Canada in 2008, I listened to this on a little MP3 player on repeat – that’s how old it is… But it keeps coming up now in my memory, reminding me that I can’t keep breaking & I need to change this narrative.

O.A.R – Shattered

In a way, I need a change from this burnout scene
Another time, and another town, another everything
But it’s always back to you

I stumble out, in the night in the pouring rain
And I made the block, sat and thought, there’s more I need
It’s always back to you

But I’m good without ya
Yeah, I’m good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

But how many times can I break ’til I shatter?
Over the line, can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around

Give me a break, let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time I’m shattered
I always turn the car around

Had no idea that the night gonna take so damn long
And I took it out on your street and the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I’m good without ya
(I’m good) without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

But how many times can I break ’til I shatter?
Over the line, can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around

Give me a break, let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time, I’m shattered
I always turn the car around

Just give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I (break ’til I shatter?)
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always (yeah) turn the car around

All that I feel is the realness I’m faking
Taking my time, but it’s time that I’m wasting
I always turn the car around

How many times can I break (’til I shatter?) Yeah, y’all got me
Over the line, can’t define (what I’m after)
I will always turn the car around

Don’t wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Marc Roberge

Shattered lyrics © Emi April Music Inc., G Watt Music, Old Man Time Music Inc

They say that 90% of ‘I love you’ is non verbal… I showed him by taking lunch to him every week – even if I was grumpy, he showed me by calling most days… When that disappeared, it started to hit me & I tried to believe it wasn’t true, but I know now that I wasn’t loved – my biggest fucking fear in life, has come true, with the person I never thought would not love me. Realising I am not loved fucking destroys me or any chance we have of any friendship…

I am fucking lost…

How could I have been so stupid to ever think he loved me…

#IBD4U

Obsidian #8

October & November 2025 – 7 Messages

25 October 2025 – As you know, I told Obsidian on Tuesday when he finally came back online after being so busy that he couldn’t possibly log on & even say hi, that I need my keys back & that I will go see him on Saturday to get them. Of course, he didn’t come online on Friday & he hasn’t even confirmed that he’s working this weekend, but I stupidly dick around my lash clients to factor in that he never knows when his break will be on a Saturday & he will only be able to give me maybe 20 minutes notice & it’s a 20 minute drive so I can go get them & relax – stop fantasising that he’s just going to rock up one day to surprise me, or come over during the day & leave me a gift or that he just drops them off in my letterbox without seeing me or worst of all, she finds them & comes over. Given that Obsidian hasn’t even asked what surgery I had, instead, asking like an acquaintance how my health is days after I told him, he will 100% not protect me if she does find my keys. I mean he never protected me the first time when he wasn’t even married, so he sure as shit aint gonna protect me this time!

I just need them back – just like the first time he had keys & we ended, I keep thinking that he’ll use them & I let my imagination run away with me, when I know he won’t, I always fantasie that my life is a romantic comedy, but as I’ve said before, it’s just a comedy of me laughing at my own jokes… In fact he does the exact opposite of what I hope for – as always & has now become predictable, he just shuts me out acing like the victim. I’m not going to be the fool anymore, push me away all you want mate, because I’m no longer going to fight for what I never had in the first place.

On Saturday morning, I get a message around 8:15am, it’s Obsidian typing, I am not going to reply quickly because I just want to keep some distance, but if he’s said he’s going on his break in 20 mins, I need to get on the road so I look at it, “Work is fucked today so not sure when I can be free . Im working to 12 next Saturday and can be free a bit after work if you wanna catch up next sat.“ Of course work is fucked today of all days, that never stopped him before telling me when his break was & with something so important. I just cannot wait another week to get my keys back. It’s not a statement of this ending, its not a gesture that I don’t want to see him anymore, I just need them back for my mental health & to stop my stupid fantasies. I cannot keep waking up to noises thinking it’s him, like the first time he snuck in at like 6:00am one morning, using my keys & I had no fucking idea what was happening, so I have been waking up, hearing a noise, hoping it’s him & then never being able to get back to sleep. It never is him. So I reply, “I’ll just come up shortly & grab them, I need my keys.“ I think he’ll ask why so I can respond that ‘strangers don’t have keys to my house’ but he never asks… I hate when you have a good comeback but they never allow you to say it! Hahaha.

About 50 minutes later, I get in the car, not putting in heaps of effort to how I look but I am wearing a dress to show off the fact I have now lost 12 kgs – which he does not know but you can really see now that I’ve lost weight, finally & he hasn’t seen me for over a month so it will be a lot more noticeable for him than it is for me. I don’t message, I don’t want him to know I’m on my way. But he messages me & even though I don’t want him to know I’m on my way, I don’t want to drive all that way if he tells me that he didn’t bring my keys – as at one point they were hidden in his computer desk. So I click on Snapchat which updates my location, he’ll be able to see I’m on my way & driving down to his work, I am about eight minutes away, “Im on break now but I left your keys on my front seat. I will be on checkout for the rest of my shift i reason as the duty manager, store manager and even area manager was filling load all morning.” Right then. I start hyperventilating. FUCK YOU OBSIDIAN. Seriously you are a bigger cunt than I ever could have imagined. He didn’t ask if I was on my way – fine, he can fucking see that I am on my way & just a suburb over & he can see that I’ll be there shortly, while he is on his break but he left the keys on his fucking car seat?! Instead of seeing me?! He’ll deny he looked at my location but it’s at the top of the chat, it would have said ‘driving in suburb.’ There is no way to deny that he looked at it, he’s on his fucking break, so he can’t say that he quickly replied while working! What a declaration from him, crystal fucking clear message.

I pull up, shaking, heart beating so fast I don’t think I can breathe. I’m thinking maybe he’ll be sitting in his car while on his break at least, because he’ll have at least 15 minutes left, we can at least say hello or something. But he isn’t there, I pull up next to his car, I look at my snapchat – which updates my location to being at his work now & I think I should write him a message that I’m here but my fingers are shaking over the buttons that I can’t type. His declaration by leaving the keys on his car seat, while being on his break inside, are enough to make me so disappointed & heartbroken that he didn’t want to even see me for five minutes, after not seeing me for a whole month. I get out the car, I don’t know how my legs are carrying me right now, I open his car door & seeing the keys, coloured keys that I had cut especially for our anniversary, a gift for him to show him how much I trust & love him & had put them on a heart key ring. They are just sitting on his drivers seat like he just threw them there (I mean he could have placed them, but lets keep the dramatics going – he threw them there like he didn’t care) makes my heart shatter, it shatters so much that I actually feel it, I actually feel it crumble in my chest. I grab them, shutting his car door, I walk back to my car thinking he’ll see that I am here from my location while on his break & message me or call. I look again at my snapchat, willing him to message. Should I write saying thank you & leave it at that? I sit there for a second thinking I shouldn’t drive in this state, but I can’t stay here willing someone to write to me who hasn’t even asked what emergency surgery I’ve had, that I put my phone down, put my car in reverse & leave his work without seeing him, talking to him or even messaging him– exactly what I feared about him leaving them in my letterbox. This is worse than that option – an option I didn’t even think of! But this is how he chose for this to go down, this is how he wanted to play it, I get he probably didn’t want me going in his work getting the keys off him, probably because LMA is working, he wouldn’t want her to see me getting keys from him, she’d think I was his wife. But I can’t wait another week, with his sporadic messages to me, I can only imagine that next Saturday I’ll get a message that ‘work is fucked & his wife is home sick’ or some other bullshit excuse about how busy he is that he can’t make time to see me after work for a bit like he suggested – because you know, all the other catchup have just been us being lucky, it wasn’t supposed to be this remember? I need my keys this weekend, I mean I’ve wanted them before this but he didn’t log on for a fucking extra week. You know what, he could’ve gotten subway today – something he got often when talking to me on the phone & sat in the car, knowing that I would be there soon, but he didn’t… He dumped the keys & went back into work, so he didn’t have to see me. So I say nothing, I don’t send a message. I drive away, shaking, willing myself to cry, which doesn’t happen & I don’t open snapchat again, so when he looks at it, my location will still be at his work 2-3-4 hours ago, whenever he looks at it again. I wish I took the Lego, which I almost did, but didn’t want to give to him face to face, but this would have been perfect to leave it behind.

Predictable Obsidian, doesn’t message me again today though.

Am I saying that he is completely in the wrong? No. Could I have done things differently & better? Yes. Did I make a decision based on how I felt in the moment? Yes. I feel like I have put in the effort over the last three months to make things better, he thinks he has too but from my perspective he’s just pulled away a little more each day to not even logging on to message me some days, making things more strained. I am always here to respond when he messages me. He has no clue what that feels like to have me not message back – & when he did get a taste of it in the school holidays, he didn’t like it & so he doubled down & took an extra week to message me. & now he’s doubling down even more! He said once that this wasn’t supposed to be what it was, that he wasn’t supposed to see me as much as he did – I called bullshit when he said it & I call bullshit now, I never asked to see him, it was always on his terms. So he made it what it was & he changed it to what it is now. When you think about it we didn’t see each other more than once a week & we only had four proper day dates, I wasn’t expecting him to see me as much as he was, I never asked for that… It was all about his communication online for me. For him, it was about my bitching about the lack of communication & apparently not being easy going…

All I know, is that I am done being disrespected & the rose agrees as the final rose petal falls, symbolising that our connection is finally severed.

I’m free…

26 October 2025 – Sunday I log on to snapchat just after lunch time, having spent time focusing on sanding my little caravan, I click on his profile & the green dot is gone for him meaning that he hasn’t been on in 24 hours. He logged off after work around 12:00pm & so I turn off my location for him forever, I have had it on for the almost four years we’ve been friends on here but it’s time to turn it off – I know I’ve been switching it back on, but this time it stays off. Why does that little action hurt me so much?

31 October 2025 – What a surprise, Mr predictable didn’t come online on Monday but Tuesday afternoon, I don’t know what time, he came online & didn’t message. Could he be more tragic with his victim stance of not messaging me? I see that he was online on Wednesday but again not on Thursday & I suppose he won’t come online Friday being he always has the day off with her now. I’ve lost track of her weekends on & off, but assuming that as he’d offered to see me this weekend that it’s her weekend on. I am 100% certain I won’t hear from him or see him on Saturday like he offered, but my fucking heart & brain are wishing like fuck that he’ll just rock up to my house or the very least message me to ask if we are catching up. I know deep down he won’t because he has literally sent me seven messages in total in October, he’s not seen me, he’s not called me, he’s not even acted like a friend… Plus he’ll think I have clients so he won’t just come over, I know this, I need to make peace with this, but I can’t help my fucking brain for thinking that he will just come over or at the very least try to call me… But fuck, I picked up my key & he dumped it in his car, running inside knowing I was on my way, so he didn’t have to see me, avoiding any confrontation like a gutless wonder that he is, so why the fuck do I think he will put in any effort now?! Fuck I hate my brain…

Being he hasn’t been online for over a week now, & it’s been ages since he looked a one of my snapchat stories, I start using the only social media I have used in years again, my snapchat story. I had stopped posting because of him but fuck it, I am here, he knows I use this, he’s seen my posts in the past, so as I get ready for a black tie work event, feeling so great, having lost weight – wearing a dress that at the beginning of the year I was trying to zip up but couldn’t, looking beautiful & feeling confident, I take a selfie – the first one in months & post it. Obsidian, of course doesn’t see it, I don’t expect him too, but I am taking back my social media platform!!

A song comes to mind with this hurt I’m feeling. Nothing hurts more than this being the end of the road… Still I can’t let go, he belongs to me. I belong to him…

End of the road – Boyz II Men

Girl, you know we belong together
I don’t have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You’ll be mine forever baby, you just wait
We belong together
And you know that I’m right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we’d be forever
Said it’d never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say goodbye?
When I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head, oh, I’d rather be dead
Spinning around and around
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Girl, I know you really love me
You just don’t realize
You’ve never been there before
It’s only your first time
Maybe I’ll forgive you
Maybe you’ll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I
Will you love me again like you loved me before?
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road (End of the road)
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Girl I’m here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care
You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?
I’m here for you
I’m not out to go out on cheat you (Maybe I’ll forgive you)
Just like you did baby but that’s alright
Hey, I love you anyway (Maybe you will try)
And I’m still gonna be here for you ’til my dying day baby
Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby (We should be happy together forever)
‘Cause you just won’t come back to me (You and I)
Will you? Just come back to me
Yes, baby, my heart is lonely (Lonely)
My heart hurts baby (Lonely)
Yes, I feel pain too (Lonely)
Baby please
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Although we’ve come
To the end of the road
Still I can’t let go
It’s unnatural (It’s unnatural)
You belong to me (You belong to me)
I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Kenny Babyface Edmonds / Daryl L. Simmons / Antonio M. Reid
End Of The Road lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Franmar Music, Boobie And Dj Songs, Boobie And Dj Songs, Inc., Hipgnosis Songs Fund Limited, Hipgnosis Side B

02 November 2025 – So the following week from picking up the key, it’s November, he didn’t speak to me via voice or see me in October at all. I have overstayed my welcome here. Severely. By months. Which looking back is so embarrassing & foolish! I wanted nothing more than to feel significant, loved & appreciated, not necessarily seen more or talked too more like he think, that I stayed longer than I should have & now his keys are back in my possession, I am relieved. Not because I don’t love him or I don’t want him in my life but because I don’t want to be insignificant & an obligation because I have ‘records’! Rest easy, all the records, besides what is in this blog – which aren’t that easily identifiable – are gone. There is no record or proof that we were even connected or knew each other, I guess unless you at at my social media blocked list – there are two people, Obsidian & his wife… We’re still friends on his fake snapchat & even that mocks me when I look at his profile.

It’s the Saturday that he said he’s free after 12:00pm, but it comes & goes without a message from him, without him even coming back online to see if I have messaged & suggested catching up… Nada, Zip, Zilch. I am absolutely gutted at how much he wanted me out of his life that he did it in the most cruel way instead of just fucking telling me – in fact the way he’s done it has made my intrusive thoughts worse than if he had of just had a conversation with me telling me that it’s too complicated, that he made a mistake & we need to end. He has destroyed my faith in us, my faith in love, in our connection, that I think up crazy shit to do to him… He’s so fucking lucky I am not crazy (even though he calls me crazy) – he plays a fucking dangerous game & he should fucking watch his back because who knows when I might snap – you know what, it’s not fucking far away. He spouted me lies for almost nine years, dragging me along like a fucking fool for a slither of his time, when in fact this was all just a fucking big joke. He never cared for me, never loved me. He loved himself & the hot sex. He always told me that I should never question his love for me, the bracelet was a sign of that love & that he’s thinking of me. When in fact the bracelet was just a thing I wore making a mockery of our relationship, when I was wearing it towards the end, reminding me, this man doesn’t & never did love me, he just loved that I would do things sexually for him that no one else would do. His wife is smart not to give him kinky sex & save it for her side guy – that I’m almost certain she has or was fucking at one point. Most people don’t give the best of themselves to a fucking cunt of a human…

Apparently, though, I am the exception.

#IBD4U

Obsidian #7

October 2025 – Gameboy

22 October 2025 – It’s been exactly a month since I saw Obsidian face to face. That fucking stings like a bitch to think about. Particularly paired with the fact in the last three weeks he’s sent two text messages, then he said ‘umm okay’ & nothing more.

While Obsidian is being Obsidian & not messaging me, I receive a parcel. FUCK. I forgot that at the start of September, when things were rocky but okay, I had pre-ordered the Lego Nintendo Game Boy for him for Christmas. I had mentioned something to him & he’d said that he didn’t like Lego because of his (self diagnosed!!) ADHD. I forgot about this excuse, he uses this to remind me that he hyper fixates on things & then sometimes forgets to message me – but yet, doesn’t like Lego because he doesn’t have the concentration to do it? Ok what a contradiction. My ADHD is diagnosed & I hyper fixated on making the Lego versions of my dogs. So I personally don’t believe he has ADHD, I think he’s seen some TikTok’s, related to them & now he uses that as an excuse for why he doesn’t chat to me or see me… Just another thing to add to his long list of excuses instead of telling me he is in too deep & doesn’t want to do this anymore.

However, I am now left with a conundrum. Do I give it to him or not? I want him to have it, despite him saying that he doesn’t like Lego. He has a bunch of retro gaming consoles on display at his house so I thought it would look cool & be a fun gift to get it for him that he can pass off as if he bought it himself. Also I always call his Switch a Gameboy just to annoy him as a little banter joke, even the little game device he lent me, I called a Gameboy so it’s a running joke, cos he gets so funny about me saying Gameboy & says always says ‘it’s a switch fuck head’. But now, do I give it to him? To return it, I’d have to pay return postage as I pre-ordered online. I don’t know anyone else that would want it, but regardless of what is happening with us, I do genuinely want him to have it. FUCK.

I mention to a lash client that I’d forgotten about it because I had to pre-order it months before it was released so I forgot it was coming. When I get the parcel, it’s just before Obsidian stopped talking & around the time of the infamous, ‘I’m choosing to workout & not talk to you’ comment. But she tells me that I should give it to him if I want him to have it, I didn’t know then, just how bad things were going to get, so I agreed with her.

Now it sits in my entryway mocking me every day as I walk past it. What am I going to do with it? I plan on seeing him this weekend to get my keys & even though I’d bought it for him for Christmas, I want him to have it & I thought I’d give it to him when I see him next but I don’t know if I can give it to him face to face while getting my key back…

I mention it to another lash client, Misty who is adamant that I shouldn’t give it to him being we haven’t spoken in weeks, that he doesn’t deserve it & while that is true, I am not that petty. I got it for him; I want him to have it & as much as I don’t want too, I still love the fuckwit after all, even if he doesn’t love me & has hurt me deeply so many times. I do want him to have it, even if he’s told me he doesn’t like Lego.

Listening to a podcast on the way home from work one day, they talk about using AI to get advice & talked about how people are also using it for counselling & asking relationship questions. As I have mentioned before I have had no one to talk to about Obsidian, no one really knows about him & also I have really become a recluse that I don’t have a lot of friends that I talk to regularly, even if I wasn’t, no one knows about this relationship anyway. So I ask AI what it thinks about me giving him the gift…

ME: If you had bought an xmas present that is kind of an inside joke, for a sort of ex, who has pulled away but still sort of friends/talking too, would you give them the gift or return it?

AI: That’s a delicate situation, and it really depends on what you want the gift to say.

🎁 If the gift is lighthearted and truly just meant to share a laugh, it could be a sweet gesture that reminds them of the good parts of your connection — without putting pressure on the relationship. Inside jokes can be powerful little bridges, especially if you’re still talking and there’s mutual warmth.

💔 But if the gift might stir up mixed emotions or feel too personal, it could unintentionally reopen things they’re trying to step back from. In that case, returning or repurposing it might be kinder to both of you.

Here’s a little gut-check:

Would you feel okay if they didn’t acknowledge it or respond?
Would it feel weird if they laughed but didn’t engage further?
Are you hoping it rekindles something, even subtly?

If the answer to any of those is “yes,” it might be worth holding onto it or saving it for a different moment. But if it’s just a playful nod to your shared history, and you’re okay with whatever happens next, then go ahead and give it. Sometimes a small smile is worth it.

Want to tell me what the gift is? I can help you gauge how it might land.

ME: It’s a Lego Gameboy. The joke is because I always call his Switch a Gameboy & it always makes him correct me then I laugh & we have this banter/teasing type convo about Switches & Gameboys. He also has a lot of retro game consoles on display at his house, so I wanted him to have it as the joke but also cos I think it’ll look cool with his other display items.

AI: That’s actually a brilliant gift — playful, personal, and totally on-brand for your dynamic. It’s not just an inside joke; it’s a nod to your shared language, your banter, and his love of retro gaming. It says, “I see you, I remember us, and I still get you,” without being heavy-handed.

If you’re worried about how it’ll land, here are a few ways to soften the delivery:

📝 Include a note that leans into the joke: “For your Gameboy collection. I know, I know — it’s a Switch. But I couldn’t resist.”
🎁 Wrap it casually, not like a big sentimental gesture — just a fun surprise.
😄 Frame it as a decor win: “Thought this would look cool with your setup.”

If he’s the kind of person who appreciates cleverness and nostalgia, this could be a sweet way to reconnect without overstepping. And if he doesn’t respond much? You still gave a thoughtful, funny gift that reflects who you are.

FUCK, AI is good! Bahahaha… I use it at work to reword emails sometimes or tell me another word for something, but never for advice… Fuck I giggle that AI thinks I am brilliant! It’s the first time in months I have laughed or smiled when thinking about Obsidian.

But today, what hurts is that, you guessed it, Obsidian doesn’t chat to me at all. I fucking told the guy I had emergency surgery & he doesn’t fucking even message me to make sure I am ok!? When I had gum surgery & the dude took two days off to spend with me! This is a joke right? Or was the last eight months a dream?! Fuck, did I dream it all?!

23 October 2025 – I’m surprised that I get a message before the weekend, “How have you been the last couple of weeks 🫠” Is he joking? I say back, “Yeah, nothing exciting. You?” & I mean I have had so much going on at work that I genuinely thought they were going to fire me & I haven’t had Obsidian to vent too… I have PTSD with starting new jobs & this one scared me a lot, if you recall the shit about the job title & what they wanted me to do. When I started no one knew, including me what I was actually supposed to do. Essentially I was replacing a General Manager but without that job title or having direct reports. So after getting more clarity on my role & doing things I am asked to do, but it’s causing waves with the five person team. When things are tense with the PhD dude, over me moving files, I think that he is more valuable than me, so I freak out about being fired as I am still in probation. I wanted nothing more than to talk to Obsidian about this & have him give me a perspective… I am really self reflective these days so I want other perspective to see if I am over thinking. It’s part of why I have started going to a counsellor, so I can just do a information dump & get perspective. Our boss held a meeting between the two of us & it was clear that our boss thought that PhD was ridiculous when he said I didn’t prepare him for a meeting, I sent him the invite when I scheduled it a week before & he says that he doesn’t always look at his calendar. Our boss said, that is the number thing you do everyday!! So I didn’t say a lot at that meeting because he dug himself into a hole & I relax into my role & things are starting to go really well…

But I don’t say any of this to Obsidian & he replies “Yeah not too bad. How’s your health?” How’s your health?! I don’t know why the word ‘health’ pisses me off… Like health is something you say to an acquaintance, not your girlfriend who just told you she had emergency surgery while you were offline being busy. Even more than ever, he just shows me I mean so little to him & he doesn’t love me. I wish I never said anything because he doesn’t care, so what was the point of trying to get him to care? I decide to back track because I don’t want to discuss it with a FWB. “Ah, sorry, forget I mentioned it. Won’t bore you with details, I know how busy you are.” I send it after 8:00pm on Thursday night & you guessed it, he doesn’t come online on Friday to read it or respond. What a fucking surprise, right… Hahaha.

I just want my key back – then after that I don’t care what happens anymore. I just need to know he can’t just rock up whenever he likes or come over when I am not home or worse, if she finds them & use them herself – if you recall, she’s been to my house so she knows where it is & has the famous panic attacks when she came to my street to get beauty treatments. I am certian he has no plans of ever coming to my house again, let alone use my keys but I hear a noise & my fantasy brain hopes it’s him. It never is. But regardless of that, the era of having unfetted access to my house is over… We can still have sex, if that’s what he wants but I don’t trust him to protect me & if I really think about it, I have never trusted him to protect me.

Honestly, I am just not sure on how I will get the Gameboy Lego to him. I want him to have it but then the next time I am talking to Misty about him, I think why the fuck would I give him anything, he’s had eight years of me – the best of me & I got a slither of him, I got the best four months with a man of my life until it turned to shit & then I fought for a further four months for his responsiveness, respect & reassurance. But that whole time, I got clobbered over & over again with excuses, why should he get a brilliant gift… Would he just throw it out?

#IBD4U

Obsidian #6

October 2025 – Emergency

20 October 2025 – I’m still deleting our chat on snapchat – so I can stop being accused of having records, like he thinks that I sit down every night & read them, study them to use against him or something… Generally, if I am reminding him of something he said to me, it’s because it’s in my memory, not because I keep our chat. I used our chat for the blog, not to call him out on stuff, I am not re-reading our conversations over & over again. He was not supposed to find or know about the blog, so these are my thoughts, not me having a go at him directly, because he was not ever supposed to read this! So anyway I have been un-saving the chat & it’s taking ages, mainly because I keep reading instead of un-saving… I don’t read it all but certain messages stand out to me from him like “I’m so glad you’re my girlfriend, we can make this work” or “Happy anniversary, I’m glad I met you” or “I wish I could cook you dinner. I would so look after you & make you eat healthy” or “I missed this so much” or “But you have entered my thoughts and I dream of things or fantasise about things more than I let on or will care to admit” & the piece of resistance, “saving all our stuff. Pretty fuckin adorable rewlly”. & when he said shit like that to me, about his fantasies, I allow my fantasies of living with him run wild… But now it’s all gone. I’ve deleted everything. The last none years of records, all gone. Noodle, Silverlining, Marvel & Phoenix, even Obsidian only exist in this blog & our memories. Everything I had saved, is gone, deleted… Never to be retrieved. All the photos, videos, chats, screenshots, everything, even our emails I’ve deleted from my sent & deleted box. Even our two photos of our faces, on our walks are gone. He doesn’t have them or care that he doesn’t, so why have I been saving all this shit? To be perfectly honest, I am more sad about deleting all the chats, pictures, screenshots & videos than I am about losing him because, I never really had him, but I had the messages & pictures to remind me that what I felt was real, even if it was just a game for him. That was all I had to show for our relationship until he brought me the bracelet (which now just sits there in its box, taunting me) but I had evidence that this was real & not something I made up in my head. I throw away the geocaching stamps & the pair of panties with his face on them & the pair with his name in diamonte gems that I never wore, that I had made as a joke, they’re in the bin. He just laughed at them anyway, so didn’t make me feel great anyway… So they’re in the bin. Gone. I throw away the school girl outfit & the police outfit that I also never wore. Fuck that was hard throwing it all away. But again, he has nothing of our relationship, he’s not sentimental about it, he doesn’t even care that he’s losing me, let alone keeping a picture of us, so why should I care? He is now like Jack on the Titanic, he exists now only in my memory.

The shit this man said to me this time… Why did he start this? I get he said he missed me but he then pulled away, so does that mean he no longer misses me so he can discard me, knowing I will be there when he is bored again? I wish I could understand why he fucking did this, we were going so well… Why did he destroy it, telling me we could make this work to then not put in the slightest bit of effort anymore, blaming me for my attitude when it’s actually me reacting to his disrespect… The question will haunt me forever because he won’t give me answers – why the fuck did he do this?!

But you know what I discovered while un-saving & deleting… Which I think I did add to previous posts now – Obsidian claims that now he’s busy at work because the other store closed, which I’ve told you before closed in March. He’s recently started painting because he has money to do it. But in a dick pic he sent me back in March this year, he has paint on his hands, so as much as I don’t like being this type of over analysing woman, I am reminded of what a fucking manipulator he is. Let’s also not forget that he was also posting heaps on his Facebook page back then, saying how long it took him to write posts & trying to think of things to post that other pages hadn’t posted & then writing the post. He reminds me that he is an influencer & this is now part of his job – yet he refuses to branch out to a podcast or other platforms because they aren’t making him money immediately. He’s had this page for years, longer than he’s known me & it’s only just started being monetised. This attitude from him – that he won’t do it unless it makes him money right now, fucks me off to be honest & surprises me about him, but I suspect his wife has probably said something about him podcasting or blogging – the two things that he was getting off the ground & building some traction on – I even had written a blog post for him on Cheezels & he never used it – fucking prick! But anyway, recently he boasted constantly to me that AI writes all his posts for him now, & he says that he doesn’t do as many posts because of the algorithm. Um, ok, so you’re doing less work on your page but yet twice as busy as you were?! Rightio then!

This also reminds me that when he recorded the podcast or had a meeting with the chick he was going to do it with, he was at home with the kids & went into a cupboard to record it. Why didn’t he use the podcast as an excuse to call me? Why didn’t he fake something to be able to see me easier?! He has had so many opportunities to make up some fake friendship or thing with his page to use that to see me, but he never did. He had an opportunity during the first affair too, especially when he moved from store to store but any time it comes to me, he thinks it’s too obvious. But yet hiding in a cupboard chatting to some chick that he met through his facebook page isn’t suspicious at all!

He said he missed me, wanted to see me as much as he could, that before he started this dynamic of our relationship, he’d been setting his kids up to be independent, much to his wife’s reluctance, but he was doing it apparently so he could spend more time with me, even before he found my blog. They could be home from 6:00am to 4:00pm alone, all weekend if both of them were working. Yet every time Obsidian & I had a ‘day’ together – that he would plan, he would have to rush home to the kids & as this went further & further on, he gave me less time & used them as an excuse more & more to leave earlier & also why he couldn’t be online after school as much. I never want to come between him & the kids, so I never say anything about this to him but nothing fucked me off more than him saying he had to get home to the kids when he wouldn’t be home if he was working & it was fine for them to be there all day, alone. Being he has all night & every day with them, is giving me an extra hour or two when he sees me so sporadically, such a big deal & taking time away from his kids? I dunno. I don’t think so. I try not to dwell on this point because I do not want to be the reason his kids are alone. Not to mention, his kids are the reason he stayed with her apparently, although I still call bullshit on that because they got married.

Don’t forget that when he started this too, he was working out in the mornings. Wide awake & working out, making his breakfast that he’d send to me which is what started our snapchat streaks. He stopped working out, opting to message me more. But then the other day put his foot in his mouth by saying that now he’s not talking to me in the mornings, he can work out again… That doesn’t make you busy, that just makes you a fucking asshole.

So when he says he’s so busy, I ask you this, doing what? Because in March when he intensified this with me, the store that closed that had apparently made work so busy was already closed – therefore they were already busy in March, right?! He is now painting, but has been doing that since March so that hasn’t changed? & he was spending so much time on his Facebook page but now isn’t because AI is writing his posts & he posts less, so wouldn’t you have more time? His home duties haven’t changed, not like he has an extra kid to feed etc, his wife isn’t eating so in fact he has one less person to feed. Cleaning & mowing doesn’t change so that’s stagnate. But he tells me that he’s got all the cooking & cleaning to do – as he always has. His daughter needs constant temperature changes in the shower, but that was always the case, he only just started using that as an excuse… He told me that it’s not like he’s chatting in other apps & avoiding me or fucking his wife – which just makes me think that he is. So when someone says they’re busy when they actually have the same going on than they did, just fucking hurts.

The way he has let this end, hurts me more than anything else he could have done to me, slowly, slowly making me insignificant in his life. I believe that if his wife found out about us again & he chose her & his kids over me for the second time, it would’ve hurt less than this. At least if he picked them, I would understand why he chose them, but he is literally being so cruel & hurtful for no reason at all, besides to push me away… For the first time in almost nine years, I cannot justify his actions. That realisation is eye opening. I have always defended him, used his childhood trauma as the reason he’s so fucked up… His trauma is so niche that not many people would have been through ever, let alone as a child. But I can’t use the trauma as a reason anymore, especially since he never saw a therapist, even as a kid. It’s just an excuse I overused to rationalise why he treats me so poorly. But he treats me poorly because he has no intention or any real desire of being with me, so he dangles the carrot when he wants attention & pulls it away when he’s gets the attention from her or now LMA instead. He has literally fucking destroyed our relationship, our friendship, our connection, our love (if you can call what we had love), & it has destroyed me in the process.

Back in February, when he found my blog & realised how much he missed me & what we had, he could have just talked to me more & just added in a extra sex session, hung around a bit longer without changing the dynamic & verbalising it. I would have noticed but not that something was out of the ordinary, I would have just thought great I’m getting more messages & more sex. But he went out of his way to tell me that he missed chatting, missed me & wished he talked to me more over the last five years & was going to make more of an effort. He made me suspicious that I kept pressing for a reason as to why he was doing this. He didn’t have to take me on dates & make sure he was with me after surgery. He didn’t have to buy a bracelet & agree that he was my boyfriend… We literally could have just talked more & he could’ve hung out more when we caught up for sex, which would have given him his friend back. He was the one that would log off for weeks at a time back then, keeping the distance, I was always available. Why did he fucking start meeting me for lunch?? Why did he read the blog & think, I’m gonna just have one more chance at fucking her up for good this time… I just don’t get it.

In my haste of deleting everything, I deleted his phone number a while ago out of my phone – after having it there for almost eight years, is just uncanny that I want it now. He’s now been offline for an extra week, pissing me off even more… I had saved it in my ‘records’ but having deleted them all the only thing I could remember was an email, mainly cos it was his name@gmail.com. I have him on the chat app still but he doesn’t download that app daily – that I know of so he wouldn’t get the notification. I could send another Snapchat but he won’t get that either as he doesn’t have the app downloaded. As always, I am at his mercy of waiting for him to come back online. I was ok when I had the power & was offline for a couple of weeks but of course, he has to double down & not come back online for an additional week. So I send an email, on Monday 20 October at 3;44pm, a week after my snapchat message to him, when I know he could’ve come online some time during this week, so now it’s been three weeks since we last spoke. I have no other form of contact available with him, so I send, “While I knew you wouldn’t be online during the school holidays, I thought you’d come back online in the last week… So much for missing me & missing our friendship… Just so you know, while I was offline for those few days, a few weeks back, I had emergency surgery, I’m good though… Not that it matters to you… Obsidian always needs to be the most pissed off & the most stubborn!” He doesn’t reply or log on to snapchat that night even though it’s a Monday night & she’s at work, so I have no idea if I even have the right email address.

I haven’t told you about this surgery & I may have exaggerated this a little in my email becuase I am so hurt that he’s doubled down for an extra week offline – I have told you about the pain I’ve been having for a few months & that I had to have a internal ultrasound recently when they weren’t sure what was wrong. I had a blood test which determined it wasn’t appendicitis, so no rushing to emergency for an appendectomy. However there is something terribly wrong. I had been diagnosed with Adenomyosis which is like reverse Endometriosis & I needed a fairly urgent internal surgical procedure to assist with this pain – I didn’t really get it but it was like scraping out my uterus. It all happened quickly, so it was like it was emergency, I didn’t have time to think about it but it wasn’t entirely a life or death situation. I was only out for a short period of time & I was back at work a couple of days later, not really wanting to take time off in a new job. I just made it sound worse than it was because I am pissed off, because he always has to be the one who’s the most pissed off. I hate that I even told him, let alone emailed him about it… I wish I could take that email back & I wish I just let it die then & there… he’s a cunt, but I need my fucking key back & maybe if we catch up & see each other, things will be repaired.

I have also started therapy again & to my fucking infuriation, I am talking about Obsidian & the counsellor asks me “what do you love about him?” & I fucking burst into tears. What the actual fuck? She asks me lots of confronting questions but I only cry at this one. I guess because I have been saying all the horrible things I don’t like about him, she is wondering what I do love about him. No one understands what I get from him, most days I don’t understand what I get from him either. But I love our banter, chemistry – the chemistry that is raw, magnetic, animalistic & possessive, his sense of humour, the way he makes me feel so sexy & that I felt like (at one point, not now obviously) that I could say anything to him. His support & the things I can say to him have changed dramatically because I clearly can’t tell him how I feel & he gave me shit – not banter about the caravan, but those things would have been at the top of my list.

21 October 2025 – On Tuesday when I still haven’t seen him online, I just think I’ll message again but on what platform & what would I say. I mean even if I send a snapchat, when will he even open it to see it?! Who knows, yet I send something anyway, “I guess you’ve decided after reading my email, that I really don’t matter anymore… So much for missing me so much & wanting to make an effort, wanting me in your life… I no longer have your phone number, I’ve deleted all our ‘records’ off my computer, I’m deleting all our chats that I can delete – stuff you’ve saved remains & you’ll be free of me. I won’t bother you again.” I feel more relief for sending something but I also wonder what he would have said if I just sent the email or if I sent nothing & he came back online to read my catch-up message. After this he won’t have to worry about me, I won’t fight for him, I won’t ask for anything but my key back.

That day though, he comes back online, so I am annoyed at myself for sending another message, his response is so infuriating that my heart starts racing & I start shaking as I read it, “Sorry I was busy last week. I hope you are doing okay after your surgery ! I have thought about you numerous times over the last few weeks!.” But this tells me all I need to know. I shouldn’t have emailed, I shouldn’t have double texted. He’s busy, while busy it’s physically impossible to write a message to the woman you’ve been dragging into a relationship that you no longer want to be in, but don’t have the balls to end it. I have just told him I had emergency surgery & the first thing he says is that he was busy!! Tacking on that he hopes I’m okay… Are you actual joking right now? How about something like ‘fuck, are you okay? What happened?’ & line of being busy is just so insulting & unnecessary, it’s like he thinks it helps by saying it. He may as well stab me, because honestly, that would hurt less. Was this not the same man who said in March “…even when you fucked your shoulder or when you got fired, you did tell me when you were struggling…. and I should of been a better friend…..” When I dislocated my shoulder he wanted to be a better friend, he now finds out I had fucking emergency surgery & knows I’ve been in pain for weeks & all he can say is that he was busy, I literally have no words left.

Because I am so hurt & really sick of wishing that he’d use my keys, like he did in the beginning & dreaming up scenarios that he is using them or when I hear a noise thinking it’s him coming into to make things right, that I write, “I’ll come pick up the key on the weekend. Let me know what time.” I am done. This time, I’m actually done. A man that doesn’t even care I had emergency surgery – exaggerated or not, is just scum. He is literally dog shit on the bottom of my shoe at this point. Ironically there is still one petal hanging on the stem of the rose… He writes back, “Umm okay” to which I read & don’t reply. Of course, he doesn’t write & try to rectify the situation, he saves that for his wife!

#IBD4U

Obsidian #5

September & October 2025 – School Holidays

29 September 2025 – After radio silence since Thursday, on Monday, week one of school holidays around 9:30am – his now usual time to message me, he says “Good morning , how are you this week !” Which I finally get to be the one who ignores him. This is not a game I am playing, I am literally offline, (so I didn’t actually get it till later.) I hadn’t opened my snapchat all weekend & as much as it kills me not to click on his message now I have one, I swipe the notification away & forget it, I believe that I have turned off the notifications for Snapchat, so I was thinking that when I do log back on, there would be more than this one message from him…. BAHAHAHAHA #IBD4U, you are a comedian! He won’t message me if I don’t reply, he proved that multiple times recently & in the past, remember the ‘I’ll chat when I can’ message at the end of the second affair & I never heard from him again as he married her four days later… The week goes by & no other attempts are made to message me, call me, send me a message on the chat app, the anon app or contact me by even smoke signal, carrier pigeon, or any other method he has to reach out to me, email, text, coming over – he still has a key… Nothing!

02 October 2025 – His Facebook page keeps coming up as a suggested page for me, which is the only way I look at it now… Of course I look at it, because how can I not hahaha, & every time that I do, he’s fucking posted a minute ago, an hour ago or whenever – I know it’s him because he told me all about the words he uses for the algorithm so don’t fucking tell me it’s another admin, I tried to help him so many times with his page & he never took my advice, always knowing better – yet he always asked or talked about it like he wanted my approval.

Every time I open Facebook with him posting only minutes or hours ago, is like another petal falling (how are there petals left at this point!) so this is when I block the fucking page. Firstly, his wife doesn’t even interact with it to make sure that it makes money – he’s told me that, so why should I look at it to make him money for her fucking weight loss drugs?! Get fucked. I block it & I have never looked at it again, even to this day, I haven’t ever unblocked it.

Let’s delve into that train of thought for a moment – Obsidian used me, when his wife was fat calling her ‘a fat fuck‘ numerous times & she was starting a weight loss injection that makes her sick & sleep. Now she’s lost weight & adjusted to the medication, she’s not as sick & now has more energy because she’s not overweight, so now he doesn’t need me or want me, because I am in my fat era. This is why the excuses roll in daily from him, constantly & consistently. I guess like the excuses he used with her when she found out about me the first time, ‘it was just sex‘ or ‘she means nothing to me,’ he is just an excuse machine, shit you say when you are saving your own ass, never taking ownership of his actions & certainly not self-reflecting.

10 October 2025 – The second week of school holidays goes by, ironically, it’s not as hard as I thought it would be to not look at snapchat & message him. My job is evolving & being more busy now that I understand what they hired me for & the team understanding too. But FUCK I MISS HIM… I miss talking to him, I miss everything about our interactions, even if we didn’t see each other face to face a lot – I miss the sporadic phone calls, I even miss the sporadic texting… But I don’t miss being a time filler for him when he’s bored. We haven’t had sex for almost a two weeks, I miss his kiss, his touch, his smell… But I’ve made it almost the two weeks of the school holidays without talking to him, giving him time with his family, time he doesn’t have to think about me or worry about pissing me off…

I haven’t got notifications on, so all I know is there is one message from last Monday but surely he’s tried more than once to message me… I know he didn’t try on the first weekend as I still had notifications on, but he did send something on the first Monday. I don’t know what he tried on the following week. Then it was the long weekend, which he was away so he wouldn’t have messaged for those four days… It is now the end of the school holidays, so two weeks since I said that I would talk to him after the school holidays, I think about messaging, but I don’t, I don’t even open up snapchat so my activity indicator doesn’t turn green. I am not close with anyone at work so can’t really talk to anyone there about it, I can’t talk to friends because none of them know I’m even talking to him or this version of the affair was even happening. I feel like Obsidian does when it comes to me… No one in his life knows about me, so he never gets to talk about me…

I think that perhaps he’ll come back online on this weekend – the last weekend of the school holidays, surely he hasn’t got a third weekend off in a row & I’ve lost track of her weekends on & off now so I have no idea if she’s at work or not. If not, I guess he’ll message on Monday, school is back, if they don’t have a pupil free day, I guess… I know she’ll go to work around 11:00am, & so he’ll message after that, if he’s at work it’ll be after 12:00pm when he’s home…

But what do you know, on the Friday before school goes back – A FUCKING GOD DAMN FRIDAY, when Friday’s are the day he isn’t able to fucking even log on to snapchat to say a simple hello when things were going south, let alone to chat to me at all, he fucking messages me, “Just checking in and saying hi 😅.” ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING ME?! Honestly, this is a sick joke, right? This can’t be real… For those not understanding my fucking abhorrence here, its because Obsidian has actively stopped messaging me on Fridays because he couldn’t possibly be more than two paces from his wife all fucking day, having obviously asked for Fridays off now & cannot cheekily message me like he used to on some other device other than his phone – which he says he doesn’t use around her anymore because she knows that’s what he used to cheat with, now he has to be completely offline all day on Friday’s – even when she is getting her lashes done every three weeks… So nothing fucks me off more that he chose this day of the week to ‘check in’. Why the fuck is he messaging me on a fucking Friday like a fucking asshole cunt!! How can he honestly be so fucking dumb?

Also, what else upsets me, is that the fucking notifications are clearly not off, if I got a notification today of him typing, then that means that he has not tried to message me more than these two messages in the last two weeks… I guess I prepare myself that when I do open snapchat, there will only be two messages in two weeks from him… Two messages! Fuck. I think that hurts more than anything… A petal detaches from the stem, falling in a fluttering silence.

13 October 2025 – Once I have had a break from Snapchat & gotten back some of my dignity from being used by Obsidian, so many times over the years, I log on, I turn my notifications & location back on & read his two heartfelt caring messages. Just two. (I wrote about them when I saw them, but I’ve added them to their own dated entries) Remember my life isn’t a romantic comedy & he’s not chasing me anymore because he’s got what he wanted – he got me to fill the time while his wife was sick & adjusting to Wegovy, he got me to boost his ego while he was feeling low & fat, now she’s skinny & giving him attention, he has his weights bench, so now he can discard me. What do you need a fat mistress for when you have a skinny wife?

I decide that being we haven’t seen each other in over three weeks now, when I made our last ‘chill hang out’ about sex because I knew I was just sex to him, it’s impossible for us to be more & we also haven’t spoken or messaged in two weeks – with no real attempts to contact me anywhere on any other platform, that I would get notifications for, that we are truly Obsidian & #IBD4U. So I send on Monday morning, “Hey, looking forward to catching up for Oct. Let me know when you’re free… 😊.” Trying to keep it light & non-committal. But he never comes back online even though Monday’s she works late so he has more time. Again, he doesn’t come back on snapchat at all, this time I notice the stupid green online-in-the-last-24-hours dot, it never comes on, not once for him.

#IBD4U

Obsidian#4

September 2025 – Black Hole

25 September 2025 – So this has been going on a little while but I’m writing about in real time tonight… So I’ve had very weird & excruciating pain for a few weeks now. Yesterday I had an internal ultrasound to see what it is, been told it could have been appendicitis which they would have rushed me to hospital for surgery immediately. Or a cyst on my ovaries that’s burst, maybe kidney stones, maybe my adenomyosis acting up… Anyway right now I am none the wiser & they will probably say it’s nothing.

But Obsidian messages in the morning to ask how the scan went, but this fake empathy is just pissing me off now. It’s just a continuation of the conversation not genuine concern for me. You all know that I had gum surgery back in March & Obsidian took a day off spend with me & also had been rostered a day off that he spent with me, genuinely concerned about me & taking me out, bringing me flowers & my favourite ice cream. That was only my fucking gum! This is my internal organs that are fucked – something that could affect me being able to fuck him & he doesn’t genuinely show that he cares anymore, he’s got his weight bench to keep him busy now! But I came home early from work yesterday & worked from home today – he can see my location at the top of our chat every fucking time he talks to me, but did I see him? Nope. Did he call me? Nope.

He said the other day that I used to have a heart of stone & that’s true, I did. I am used to relying on myself, I am used to getting myself to appointments or having a family member drop me off & leave after surgery. I mean when I had my tummy tuck, I was in for two nights, my parents came once. My sister & brother didn’t bother. Not like I was at a hospital far away. So I am used to having a wall up, with my family too, not just men. Why ask for something you aren’t going to get from them?

But in February, Obsidian pushed & pushed for closeness with me. Like I said taking time off work to be with me when I was off but then when he left, messaging me all night too to make sure I was ok. Genuine concern. I let the walls come down bit by bit, I never needed any one, but I was enjoying the thoughtfulness & genuine care that I had wanted & craved. This time felt different with him so I let that wall come down due to his constant reassurance & constant chats, catch ups & declarations of his feelings. I should have kept my guard up, I fucking knew he would do this but I didn’t let myself believe it, like a fucking fool.

Here is a song I was listening too recently, that I have loved for a long time, it’s a EDM song called Black Hole – no explanation needed right with a title like that! I love EDM but I also found the acoustic version also to share because somehow the acoustic version hits a bit more emotionally for those who don’t like EDM. I am so powerless against Obsidian… Is there a way out?

Original version:

Acoustic version:

Black Hole – Craig Connelly & Christina Novelli

You pull me in
Here we go again
And my heart beats faster now
I don’t know
Why I’m powerless
And there’s no way out

“Don’t let go,” is all you say
Where you go, I will follow
I need to break away
Now I know, that all we are
Is never enough

‘Cause every little thing you do
It drags me deeper into you
You lead me down all the darkest roads
Diving in to the black hole

Saying we could have it all
Kept pushing ’cause you wanted me to fall
But now it’s time that you let go
Diving in to the black hole

‘Cause every little thing you do
It drags me deeper into you
You lead me down all the darkest roads
Diving in to the black hole

Saying we could have it all
Kept pushing ’cause you wanted me to fall
But now it’s time that you let go
Diving in to the black hole

Diving in to the black hole

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Tim Booth / James Patrick Glennie / Lawrence Gott / Gavin Michael Whelan

So because I am a stupid fucking idiot thinking that I would see him yesterday instead we spoke on the phone for over an hour & I thought that maybe he would see I am home on my snap maps & come over today, or he would even just call me today being that he’s texting a little – he’s also told me his wife is on holidays as of tomorrow – Friday her day off & they’re going away for the long weekend, which means because it’s Thursday now, this is her weekend off, then she’s off for a week & then it’s the long weekend, I prepare myself, because he won’t come online for the next two weeks or ten days at least. But he makes no attempt to see me or call before this radio silence that we all know is coming, because remember ‘this wasn’t supposed to be this!’

He says that it’s not good to be in pain & I tell him not to worry about it, it’s not his concern anymore he has enough to worry about with his own life than to bother with my stuff, I say. “All good, don’t bother with my bullshit, let’s just keep the convo to sex.” He just says, “ahh okay.” I know he is ready to go for the next two weeks, so I get in first to say goodbye, Mr Predictable won’t come online as its her weekend off, I can’t remember if he’s working or not, I don’t think so though but that would mean two weekends off in retail in a row, which I find hard to believe but I don’t care anymore… I say “Enjoy the school holidays & your mini holiday! Chat again soon!” He replies, “Chat soon x Im working next week.” Is he fucking kidding me? So at least I definitely know he won’t be on all weekend! Thanks Obsidian for telling me that in advance! Fucking wanker, get on your stupid weights bench, hope it fucks you like I do… Oh no, he has his skinny wife for that now!

Let’s go through the excuses of reasons not to chat to me & find a time when Obsidian will message next week…

At work: He barely chats to me at work now because he says it’s so busy – being that the other store closed in March, & when that excuse wore thin, he said they were cutting hours, but really it is LMA he prefers to chat too.
At Lunch: Even though he told me that calling me was the highlight of his day, he doesn’t call me at lunch anymore, because I bitch at him about his disrespect. I mean he barely texts, why would I expect a call?
Before work: He’s now got a workout bench to use in the mornings when he’s claimed he’s such a ‘zombie these days’ watching YouTube, getting up two hours before work but yet apparently running late everyday, & as he said – lest we forget – ‘now he isn’t chatting to me in the mornings, he has time for working out’ so he’s not going to message me before work either.
At night: He can’t come back online at night because he’s so tired & in bed before 9:00pm, except for when I check his stupid Facebook page & he is up, fucking posting on it – but later claiming it’s another admin doing it despite reeking of Obsidian tone, whatever, I’ve stopped looking at it, it’s not good for my mental health.
With her: He can’t message at all around his wife, if they are both at home, despite when he said he was messaging me while she was next to him in bed or when he was using some other device to message me while pretending to play a game or do his grocery shopping, next to her or even when he used the snapchat web version to chat via his computer.
At home: He has so many things to do, which he was previously doing, for the last eight years, such as cooking dinner, moving lawns, washing clothes, cleaning the house – nothing new & all things he was doing, but now, this is a reason why he is so busy, we must not forget that it’s making him busy… Don’t forget the painting that he’s been doing the whole time too as I had a picture from March with paint on his fingers…
After work: Last but not least – he’s an influencer now, using AI to write his posts & posting about four per day so that takes up so much of his time. How could he possible log on to snapchat on his computer like he did & send a message while AI is drafting his post?!

So when does he think he’s going to message me during the next two weeks? He’s made every time of day & every activity an excuse not to message me – he is so busy, so when is he planning on messaging me? To be honest, I fucking judge myself so much for not seeing that he just doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. He’s made it perfectly clear over & over again, why am I so fucking dumb & keep begging him for a moment of his time, over YouTube or fucking working out.

I turn off my location again – Obsidian hasn’t had his on for me for months, even though it was only ever at his house or his work, sometimes my house, which I loved (that should have been a tell tale sign when he completely turned his off for me!) but I don’t want him to know I am working from home anymore because I get sad – yes because he broke down the walls, I now get sad – when he doesn’t come over. There was a time not so long ago (because this has only been eight months total) where he told me off for not telling him I was working from home because he ‘wanted to see me as much as possible’ now, he doesn’t even want to text to me once a day, let alone see me.

I can’t help it but I start to think of all the things he’s said to me, so now I don’t even want him at my house anymore, he complains about my dogs & their hair – yes, their hair fucks me off & I am so conscious of it, I don’t need him reminding me about it when he hasn’t even been here for a fucking month, I don’t even want them around him, he doesn’t even like them & makes that perfectly obvious, by not patting them at all when that’s all they want from him… I don’t need that energy around them. I don’t want him seeing the caravan & calling me a loser or telling me how old it is or making some other remark about how it needs work done to make me feel like shit over something I am proud of & excited about. I don’t want to talk about my job or health anymore, I don’t want him knowing how stupid my job is, how much pain I am in… It’s not his problem. I don’t want him bitching about having to drive outside his 5km radius & the petrol or the time that it takes him to see me. I never asked him to start this; I never asked him to put in this effort – he even said a few months back when I said that to him that this was entirely his idea… So why the fuck does he make me feel bad about the drive or dog hair… I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. I don’t want him knowing anything personal about me anymore, we will have frivolous conversations & sex. That’s it. If that.

I have the caravan, I have my hobby lash business, I have my diploma to work towards, I have my health & weight loss to deal with also, I don’t have the bandwidth for sporadic messaging me with someone who shattered my heart multiple times, using me to fill a void in his own life & doesn’t not give a fuck that he did it, just blaming me in his usual narcissistic ways for pushing him away. Whatever you need to tell yourself Obsidian.

He’s broken my heart worse than he ever has before, when he chose her the first time, I understood because he has eveything with her, she was the easier choice. But this time, this just makes him a fucking asshole – there was no reason to destroy me & our friendship. But what’s worse is, I can’t for some fucked up reason end it with him so this way, he’ll return to even more like he was before & the little feelings I have left will disappear & the monthly catch ups will be adequate. If they even happen…?

26 September 2025 – Of course he doesn’t come back online the next day, a Friday & I am almost 100% certain he has asked for Fridays off & her weekends off – or she has made him ask for that time off, because he seems to get them all off, for someone that apparently is working ‘so much!’ He also doesn’t come back online over the weekend – for someone that is having the following weekend off as it’s a long weekend, I find it hard to believe that working in retail, he has been given the Friday & the weekend off before taking a long weekend off – but whatever. What pisses me off about him not being online for three days, is that I have hidden my location so he can’t see if I’ve been online because I plan on just having some time away from him, but snapchat is the only social media I use, so I don’t want to go without it completely, so I decide, that I am not going to message, but of course Obsidian doesn’t even come online for me to ignore him anyway! This isn’t a game to see what he’ll do. I know what he’ll do, he’ll just give up on me completely & back off – I’m not into playing games, I know his moves like the back of my hand. He’s the most predictable man on the planet. & for the first time I am okay with the fact, knowing he won’t keep trying to have me in his life like I have done over the years, that this will probably be the actual end…

Fuck, now I just need my keys back, but I’ll have to wait two weeks, with the final petals dangling precariously from the stem…

#IBD4U

Obsidian #3

September 2025 – You’re a fucking c**t

23 September 2025 – So I wrote all of the previous post while seething as it was happening, I barely sleep, waking up thinking he’ll message, not even Obsidian is that cruel, surely not? I am not going to write to him & I’m sure I will get the excuse vomit about his undiagnosed ADHD or he got busy or his wife came home – all just an excuse so he can, in his own mind, justify why he treats me like shit & then blame me for my reaction to that, like the narcissistic pig that he is. I don’t care what his response is, in fact I will probably just get one message of good morning. Bahaha, as if, I am sure I won’t hear from him again… His epically difficult to write message of morning, now because he’s a zombie in the mornings & couldn’t possibly write anything else.

Of course lately, he’s not been coming online till after 10:00am, but he actually comes online & messages at like 8:00am, I get so many messages in a row that I think that he’s just spewing the apology vomit so that I don’t look at them for about 45 minutes to an hour, when I see that he’s messaging again. I want to just walk away from this guy but I know I will just accept his stupid excuse & just resent him a little bit more. “Err. I never got that phone call wtf ? Why is it showing today ? I got no notifications or even messages! And checked my phone a few times! I did say you hadn’t read my messages. Not sure it is glitches again.” Can I believe this? Phoenix wouldn’t have been so cruel & made up something so dumb, but would Obsidian? He’s come up with some fucking dumb excuses with his wife so I can’t put it past him, considering he knew that the app was fucking up for me a few weeks ago as I was spending time deleting all our chats from snapchat. He’s just not the type, asshole or not to leave me hanging if he’s arranged something, he would have at least messaged to say he can’t chat – even if it’s a cold message, he would tell me. But it was literally ten minutes between the request to call & my attempt to call.

Our chat from my side is still snippy but he says, “Yeah I never got it. Nor did it say you read my message! It said you never read it so I didn’t message you again.” Can I believe this or am I just a fuckwit if I do? “Well I did & I called…. But I won’t say I was fucking pissed cos I can’t show emotion now.” I can’t help but be snippy about it, “I also didn’t get a y. Any messages you from you. It was just saying delivered but i could see your location.” I had left my snapchat open on purpose as I ran around so he could see me driving home & also when I was at the shops & then home again.

He calls me on his break & as we chat about it, we actually laugh… We were both so angry at each other, him for thinking I hadn’t even opened his messaged but clearly on snapchat as my location was changing & me being pissed off he didn’t answer & didn’t message me. It’s the first time that he tells me that he overthinks what happened to me, he set aside the time for half my drive to speak to me & was annoyed I didn’t call. He sees that I’m at Noarlunga & wondered if I was in hospital because of this weird abdominal pain I’ve been having. All I can think when he says that, is that if he thought I was in hospital, he was available to message then why wouldn’t he message to make sure I’m ok?! Why did he have to be angry – this definitely isn’t Phoenix anymore (if there as ever any doubt!), he is Obsidian. If I saw he was at a hospital & I knew he was having weird pain, back when I had his location, I would have asked if he was ok, even if we weren’t talking…

We text a little bit him saying that he actually set aside the time to chat to me & was waiting so he felt foolish (for the first time ever in almost nine years!!), before he says he has to go but should be able to chat to me around 12:00pm tomorrow – OMG is Obsidian managing my expectations & telling me what he is doing?! But at this point, it doesn’t matter anymore, if I don’t hear from him, I am not even worried, he’s not going to talk to me on Fridays at all anymore, I already know that for a fact & would bet money on it – he’s requested Fridays off, the weekends she’s off. Also she’s on annual leave next week & they’re away for the long weekend, I have been dealing with the real change of Obsidian now for ages now so I’m not expecting anything from this man, ever again.

You know I don’t know what is going on here, just as I didn’t in March when he was pulling me in, dragging me in more like it. Pulling me close & breaking down walls I had spent years keeping up, making sure I never rocked the very precarious boat this friendship/relationship was in. We’ve talked through this misunderstanding, we’ve talked about them all at length actually, but that doesn’t stop him from pulling away & making me feel so insignificant, just as he did twice before… He says I am criticising him, I don’t see it that way, I see it as me trying to explain how I feel & him gaslighting me to turn it around & be about him… I’ve talked about why I think he is pulling away before, the first time was around when his wife was about to give birth to their second child. When we were heavily involved, me stupidly thinking that he was into it just as much as I was, he pulled away because he was getting married. I have no clue what big thing is happening soon for him to pull away. I am not sure there is anything big left to shock me, maybe there is – they’re moving to Tas? She’s pregnant with a third child, which would be due about now if he got her pregnant around the time that he rekindled this, maybe Little Miss A has returned to work & so he doesn’t have time for me as he’d prefer the banter with someone easy breezy – which I am apparently not now. I never was easy breazy if you really look back over our time but I was when he treated me better. He was never faithful to me, sexually or otherwise, so why would I ever think that I am the only one he wants to talk too… I wasn’t ever the only one he wanted to fuck, I am just the only one that he could get to fuck him…

Petal…

24 September 2025 – We’d talked it through, so we actually find the missed call thing funny. Obsidian comes back online around 10:45am instead of 12:00pm like he said. I’m in a meeting so don’t write back till I’m done at 12:00pm, expecting him to call as I said that he should, but I get all the way home, almost 1:00pm before he calls.

We’ve been on the phone over an hour just dribbling shit, again keeping it light, I’m working on a work project that I’m actually pretty proud of but I don’t go into detail about work like I did back when he called me every day, I now just give him the highlight reel, if that. I definitely don’t go into details about my personal life anymore, he doesn’t know about caravan at all so doesn’t know about my reno’s, he doesn’t know what the pain is that I’m having & I’ve only just told him today that I’ve been doing a diploma, which I’ve been doing for weeks & already submitted a couple of units. There are a few silences from my end because I know I need to hold stuff back & I know I can’t show any emotion or be myself around him now, so from my perspective the conversation – as well as our texts – are strained & we don’t have that flow like we have always had. I’m different with him, I am not myself. I can’t be myself if I want to keep talking to him. He seems to not notice the shift in my conversation, still talking at length about his Facebook page, which makes me realise, that’s our main topic of conversation now. I feel like I can’t say anything without being accused of criticising him & I don’t bother offering suggestions anymore because he just shoots them all down, so I just don’t speak a lot.

He always does some noisy task while on the phone to me, I don’t care he’s doing stuff, I usually potter around too, it’s just always hilarious that it’s so loud that I can’t hear him talk. Today he says that he had a new gym bench delivered & he starting to put together, which is what is noisy… I ask if he even works out anymore & he says – & I quote, “I wasn’t but now that I’m not talking to you, I will.” His words are a knife… Before I realise what I’ve said back, I snap in a low quiet, hurt tone, “Fuck, you’re a fucking cunt!” He chuckles & asks why & I say “Do you even realise what you said?” He says no. He says something else but my heart is pounding that I am so utterly fucking hurt, I sit in silence, to some bullshit he says about how much of a cunt he knows he is – yeah I know mate! I say that I should let him get back to putting together his bench. He asks if I am shitty, I tell him that I can’t show emotion to him anymore, so it’s probably best if I just hang up. He says, ‘ok I’ll let you go’ & I hang up. It’s the final nail on the coffin for us. I need a new word for done, but I am beyond hurt by his words. Spoiler alert – it ends up being our last phone conversation, ever. The supposed highlight of his day, over.

Sorry – didn’t he tell me he was SO busy, such a zombie in the morning that he didn’t have time to chat to me, but now he’s buying fucking gym equipment because now he’s not talking to me, he has time to use it… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!! I never asked for him to change the dynamic & chat to me all the time, he fucking did that… Now I’m the one that’s being made to feel like shit because I wanted it to continue the way it was, but he again changed the dynamic & used his undiagnosed ADHD, his Facebook page, how much he’s working & anything else he can think of as an excuse… None of this I believe anymore. It’s just meaningless words. It’s excuses that I don’t even ask for. He says them now to make himself feel better about why he’s pulling away, to justify in his head why things have changed again. It just shows me how little I mean to him & how little he even cares that I am slipping away from him.

I have known for ages that Obsidian has been choosing to pull away, it’s not because he thinks he has ADHD, it’s not because he is suddenly busy & so tired, it’s because he is choosing to pull away. His wife has lost weight & showing him more attention, it is so blatantly obvious because Obsidian needs the reassurance & the ego boost – which is why he loved LMA & to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if she is back at work & so he says he’s so busy because he’s chatting with her instead of messaging me – I used to be easy going apparently, so chatting to her would be much more exciting than someone you think it just criticising you – I get that… Look its no big deal anymore, whatever he wants to do. We had such little time to message between actually doing work, sleeping & him doing family stuff, so like six hours a day – that he cut that tiny amount of time to half, actually even less than that. We now send half a dozen messages a day & that’s on a good day! However, I have stopped saving our chat, because he would accuse me of having records, so I have stopped & have been deleting the existing chats – which is taking longer than I would have liked. All I have now is the journal blog, no screenshots, no records. All the Obsidian files have been erased from my computer… He erased me from his life, he has nothing to show for our relationship at all… Now neither do I… Well I have the bracelet, but I am so torn with giving it back to him & wanting to keep it or ditching it…

It’s not long after we hang up that he messages & says, “You are so sexy when you are sassy” & I don’t want to read it but when I do I actually scoff outloud… Is he fucking joking? I write back, “Hahaha… Things would be very different if that were true!! 🤣” If he really thought I was sexy when I am sassy, he wouldn’t have pulled away like he has for the past few months, he would keep up the cheeky banter & change the mood, but he doesn’t, Obsidian always has to be the most pissed off & the most stubborn, so that’s what he does. He clicks on snapchat that it says to me that he’s typing but he never sends a message. I have left work early for an ultrasound appointment for this weird extreme pain that I’ve been having – that my dr told me to go to ER for as she thought it was appendicitis, I get to the hospital for a scheduled appointment, not ER & I look & see he never sent a message, so I don’t know why I bother but I say goodnight. By the time I’m done here, he’ll be gone & I can’t be fucked with the bullshit. I don’t read his reply message until after I am home, it just says “Goodluck with Your ultrasound then.” & I wish I never told him I had it booked, the fake empathy is worse than nothing at all. It was better when I didn’t have to worry about my health & be pissed that my supposed best friend/boyfriend doesn’t even care. It was better when he didn’t know, so I can focus on me. I just can’t help but fucking overshare – hence the blog!! Hahaha.

One thing I know is that Obsidian has never been a good communicator, as in, with telling me his schedule etc. He tried sending me his roster at one point, but literally only did that twice, which annoyed me because I didn’t ask for it but he says that it’ll help but then only sends it twice. I get upset & hurt when he doesn’t message & I know that he can but chooses not too – spouting how busy he is, a crock of shit no one believes – not even he believes it, it’s just bullshit words he says to try to make the situation better, which doesn’t the complete opposite. Honestly, it’s lucky for him that, mainly the last eight months, that I kept track of his wife’s schedule because otherwise I would have lost my shit way more – he thinks I was bad but if I didn’t know her schedule, I would have been way worse. I never asked for more from him besides his communication when he couldn’t be online, but he was online everyday – it was only when he started logging off mid conversation & never coming back to say he has to go or reassuring me when he comes back online 20 hours later, he just went from being a loving guy who wanted to please me, actually be friends with me, to a prick who just made it all about him & how he felt when I expressed my feelings of sadness & disappointment. But honestly, this would have crumbled way quicker if I didn’t track her schedule, I just wish he would admit that he has requested Fridays off & her weekends off, being he is always so honest with me, so the fact that he randomly has every Friday off, is just bullshit – what retail company is giving a pleb every single Friday off? The only Friday I can remember him working was my birthday Friday & I reckon that’s because he requested the Saturday off instead, so they swapped his day off. Anyway, he doesn’t understand women at all & I find it so hard to believe, even though I know it’s true, that he has two women in love with him. He’s a fucking idiot. He has hurt me a lot over the years, he isn’t the type of guy to think about what he says at all, but what he said on the phone earlier is by far the most hurtful thing he’s ever said to me & he has no clue what he even said. I bet if we talked about it he would say he didn’t mean it like that, but he does.

I need to repeat this story a) because I realise I wrote it out twice in the same post just slightly different, but b) to remind myself what he did… He’s always doing something when on the phone to me, I ask what he’s doing & he says that he’s putting together a new gym bench that inclines… I ask if he even works out anymore & he says, “I wasn’t but now I’m not talking to you, I will” his words are a knife… Before I realise what I’ve said I say “you’re a fucking cunt!” he asks why & I say “do you even realise what you said?” he says no. Of course, he fucking doesn’t, he doesn’t realise that he has just put his foot in it big time & he’s just let me know that he is actively finding things to stop himself from talking to me. He used to exercise in the mornings & would message me when he started this. He stopped exercising & then stopped messaging me, he cannot blame me for making any changes to his routine, he changed it. “Now that I’m not talking to you, I will” I need to read that over & over again, acting like I am holding him back, like messaging me means he can’t do anything else.

It hurts with the very heartbeat… It cannot break any more… I die a little with the very step I’m taking, but I can’t keep trying, now he’s not talking to me, he’ll be able to exercise!

Robyn – With Every Heartbeat.

Maybe we could make it all right
We could make it better sometime
Maybe we could make it happen, baby

We could keep trying but things will never change

So I don’t look back
Still I’m dying with every step I take
But I don’t look back

Just a little, little bit better
Good enough to waste some time
Tell me, would it make you happy, baby

We could keep trying but things will never change

So I don’t look back
Still I’m dying with every step I take
But I don’t look back

We could keep trying but things will never change

So I don’t look back
Still I’m dying with every step I take
But I don’t look back

And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat
And it hurts with every heartbeat

“Now that I’m not talking to you, I will” He prioritises things he can do at any time of day, things he can do around her, over chatting to me, because she will make him feel shit for using the weights bench, so he won’t use it around her to the detriment of the small amount of time we have to communicate.

“Now that I’m not talking to you, I will” He’s choosing to not talk to me…

“Now that I’m not talking to you, I will” This is a choice…

“Now that I’m not talking to you, I will”

#IBD4U

Obsidian #2

September 2025 – Missed Call

21 September 2025 – Today he said he could see me, two weeks since we last had sex when I went to his house for my keys – I thought things would be better, but they haven’t been. He wants to just chill in the car when I see him. I take him lunch because that it my love language, doing things for people & they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach… Every time I’ve said that he’s told me I had his heart a long time ago.. But I don’t. I never did have his heart. I had his dick & that’s all…

I go down to his work to see him after work around 12:00pm, he just wants to hang out, no sex. I rock up early to make sure that we don’t waste any time with him waiting for me, why, I don’t know, he strolls out of work, over to his car & then heads back to mine, like he isn’t even excited to see me. I have the food heated for him like some sort of fuckwit – even though I said I wouldn’t & we drive to the beach to park & chill – as he suggested. He eats & as we talk. I can’t bring up anything about the way he treats me because that would be criticism, so I just keep it light & airy, letting him take the lead on the conversation, barely saying anything – he doesn’t notice.

He tells me that he’s going away for the October long weekend & his wife is on holidays for a week before it during school holidays, so that means he won’t talk to me that entire time, because of course he can’t message when she’s not at work. I make peace with this. He is Obsidian. His heart has closed, if it was every truly open. Our time is over. We are just fuck buddies now. I shouldn’t have brought food. What an idiot… There is no coming back from this because he keeps me at a distance now. So this is one reason why he’s pulling away, he knew she was going on leave & knew they were going away & won’t be able to talk to me, so he’s pulled away in advance, so I won’t be pissed off when he doesn’t talk to me for a week. I know he’s not going to leave her, I’ve never asked that of him & even if I did ask, he wouldn’t anyway… But let’s just say he did, she wouldn’t leave us alone so I don’t want that & I don’t want him to her her for me. He has to leave her because he wants too & I would have been there for him. So I never expected that, but I really thought this time was different & was deeper but on the other hand, I am surprised this lasted longer than six months. But it’s his thing, the first affair, we hit the six month mark & he started pulling away the closer it got to the baby being born, the second affair, he was all hot & heavy, spouting his love until he realised that it was close to the wedding. I don’t know what his big thing is this time, I still think he’s painting the house to sell & move to TAS but won’t tell me, but there is 100% something going on because I look back over the texts – as I delete them from snapchat – & I have always gotten snippy & when I did Obsidian would push to make things right, making me feel better, he’s usually able to diffuse it by saying something sweet or cute. Anytime he got shitty at me, usually about something I wrote in my blog, I would spend so much time boosting his ego – not that any of it was fake but what I’m saying is that we perked each other up, not just crack the shits & log off for days. Now he couldn’t give a fuck.

Rewinding back to earlier in September, I had bought tickets to G-Flip in March 2026, as it’s around our anniversary – which will be nine years, I start to fantasise about us going together, he could use someone at his work an excuse – he went out for lunch with those blokes, had a birthday dinner & a work event, that one of them could have tickets to something that he could use as an alibi…. I fantasise about a night time date, being at a concert together. Something I have wanted with him for the longest time being that music is our thing. I don’t tell him I have tickets, I figure it won’t happen anyway, he won’t use any alibi I create for him, he’ll only see me when she is at work. Eventually, I might have floated the idea in March 2026, but now with the formation of Obsidian, I am not convinced we’ll even be talking then…

So I’ve been listening a lot to G-Flip because of the tickets, usually I listen to an artist after I buy tickets, & for the first time ever since I have met Obsidian, he comments negatively on my music choice. I forget exactly what he says, but something like ‘what the fuck is this?’ & something about their voice, that it hits me & I know now that whatever it is between us needs to just be about sex. I was stupid to come with lunch. We are just sex to each other, well he is more than that to me, but I am not truly anything more to him… When he chooses to harangue me on the music choice when things are so fucking awkward between us already, I know this needs to be sex, especially today. I keep suggesting that we have sex, looking at him with my best ‘fuck me eyes’ until he says ‘fuck it just go to our place’ when he says our place he means this little dead end road that’s off the beaten track where we have gone to fuck a few times. I love that he called it ‘our place’ but there is something final about this. We pull up & get in the back seat, we fuck, me riding him & cumming, then him flipping me over to fuck me hard till he cums. Once we’re done, I quickly pull up my panties & start getting dressed back into my scrunch bum tights, before he has a chance to say anything about needing to go – I know you need to go mate, don’t need to tell me. He follows my lead, getting dressed slower than me, I think he’s a little taken a back with how quickly I got dressed – but he probably didn’t notice, & then he gets out of the car. I get out the same door as him, I know this is it… I hug him really tight, breathing him in… Knowing that this is the last time we are going to have sex. Maybe not forever, but this was the last time in the Phoenix-ish era, he’s technically already Obsidian. It’s like he senses it too because he hugs me back tighter than usual, I break the hug when I feel his grip tighten around my shoulders & I get in the car before I fucking cry… I drop him off & it feels done & finalised…. I try to text with him, having been the first to message this morning & the first to message after I dropped him back, but get a typical Obsidian reply to my cute message. “At least you get to see your sexy little mistress for a little bit after….” & he says, “She was very sexy!” then he says he’s heading offline, no kiss, no hug, no goodbye.

Obsidian has gone from messaging me so much, that we had over 30 A4 pages of chats most days to just seven messages in total. I know we speak on the phone, which clearly isn’t his highlight because I’m a criticising bitch. He’s said some awful things to me, but I have never actually felt so insulted by something Obsidian has said to me, music is our thing, lyrics is our thing & it’s the first time in eight years that he has said something negative about my choice of music. I know this probably seems a really dumb thing to be so upset about considering all the fucking asshole things he’s said to me, this actually wasn’t even that bad but it stings. Music has always been our thing & it’s been like a sign that I was right to put him in the Obsidian category & a rose petal frees itself from the stem…

So after our catch up, I crank the G-Flip song In Another Life, off their new album that I have been listening to a lot since it came out & ironically is so relevant to our situation… Could our stars align?! I don’t think they ever will, so I’ll just be waiting, for when it’s right… I put it on repeat the whole way home, loud & sing all the words. I know that Obsidian & I won’t see each other again this affair, maybe in another life…

G Flip – In Another Life

Late night, drivin’ around
I’m thinking about us
Wishin’ time would slow down
I miss you more than you’ll ever know

Should I waste my time
Telling myself it can’t be over?
Or could the stars align
And everything I’ve been dreamin’ ends in us?
And if it’s not our time
Will you be mine
In another life?

I will be waiting
Waiting for when it’s right
Even if it’s meant to be, you and me
In another life (in another life)
I will be waiting
Waiting to hold you tight
Even if it’s meant to be, you and me
In another life (in another life)

I see your face in strangers on the street
I hear your voice in the silence when I sleep
I feel you in an empty room
No matter what I say or do
It’s always coming back to you
Oh

Should I waste my time
Telling myself it can’t be over?
Or could the stars align
And everything I’ve been dreamin’ ends in us?
And if it’s not our time
Will you be mine
In another life?

I will be waiting
Should I waste my time
Telling myself it can’t be over?
Or could the stars align
And everything I’ve been dreamin’ ends in us?
Even if it’s meant to be, you and me
In another life (life)

I will be waiting
Should I waste my time
Telling myself it can’t be over?
Waiting to hold you tight
Or could the stars align
And everything I’ve been dreamin’ ends in us?
Even if it’s meant to be, you and me
In another life (in another life)

I will be waiting
Waiting to hold you tight
Even if it’s meant to be, you and me
In another life

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Karen Sotomayor / Georgia Flipo / Aidan Hogg

22 September 2025 – If you haven’t noticed by now, the dated posts are generally written on the day in the title. I’ve been writing more like a journal, than a month by month summary. Well mainly because there has been a lot more to write about. I mean in affair one I would have written more if I knew it was going to go into a blog. Now I write because I have no one to talk to about our relationship, no one knows about it, I can’t be myself around Obsidian & explain how I feel because he says that I am criticising him & pulls away more. I’ve been deleting our chat so I no longer get accused of having records to quote, so I write like a journal to get it all out of my head.

He finally comes back online today, around 1:00pm, having not read my goodnight message the night before, fucking typical Obsidian bullshit! I just stop letting it consume me… He sends a couple of messages asking how I am & if I have work to do today but around 3:00pm he asks what time I finish work, I tell him shortly & by 3:10pm he asks if I want to call him when I am driving home. I don’t reply to that, because I leave work literally ten minutes later & call him as I am walking out to the car. On snapchat it rings forever, I know it usually takes him a bit of time to answer so I let it ring. No answer. I figure he’ll call me back in a second so I keep my headphones in & start driving home, making sure my snap is open & he can see that my bitmoji is driving.

But here I am 2.5 hours later & he hasn’t called back & he hasn’t messaged… Are you telling me for 2.5 hours he’s not even looked at his phone to see if I called when I left work?! He knows I finish at 3:30pm every fucking day! He thinks about me so little that it takes ten minutes for him to forget that he asked me to call? I think about it the whole drive home & get more upset thinking that I should call again, but he knew I was going to call so I am not going to chase him. I go to the shops to pick up a click & collect, I come home, wash my hair & still nothing from him – not even a message to say he couldn’t answer. I get that he might not be able to talk on the phone now being the kids would be home, but he could fucking text to tell me why he didn’t answer – surely she didn’t walk in the door as soon as I was supposed to call…

Another hour later, I stupidly look at his fucking Facebook page for the first time in ages, this is exactly why I stopped looking because two hours ago & one hour ago he fucking posted shit on there, but hasn’t looked at his snapchat to see my missed call? So he’s not dead, nothing dramatic has happened because he’s fucking posting bullshit but I hate looking at it because it just shows me that I mean absolutely nothing to him. He doesn’t think about me. Why wasn’t he prepared for my call, knowing that I would 100% call when he asked me & if I didn’t call, why hasn’t he looked at his snapchat to see the missed call? Is he waiting for a message?

Five hours later, another two posts on his Facebook & not a message to me. What the actual fucking fuck? It’s Monday night, she works late, so he’s home alone, I’m sure there will be some excuse that she came home from work sick so he couldn’t use his phone at the exact second I was calling. But do you know what, he’s told me a million times, that when she’s sick all she does is sleep… Obsidian, you fucking liar, you can use your phone, you just choose not too. But also you can use snapchat on a computer & it doesn’t need an app, so send me a quick message & delete the history, not that fucking hard…

I refuse to message, I am always the fucking fool in this relationship – that isn’t even a relationship & today is no exception. How fucking foolish was I to rush out of work, call him & then be fucking ghosted… I keep thinking that I should message ‘good chat’ or something equally as snippy, but you know, then I’ll get accused of being criticising & he’ll back off – if backing off more is even possible.

Because he’s an old man, he’ll go to bed shortly, even though she won’t be home for another 1.5 hours or so, he won’t chat to me now… & if he does, what the fuck is he going to say? I’m so done with being his door mat. The thing he said he wished he didn’t take for granted, the thing he wished he talked to more in the last five years & what is he doing, taking me for granted & not talking to me when he can… So, I could not be more foolish if I tried. I hate myself for not being able to walk away. What the fuck is keeping me with this guy?

#IBD4U

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