February 2026 – Stuck in my head
04 February 2026 – I cannot get him out of my head, even now months after we last spoke, maybe because I’ve been posting on my blog about our latest version of the relationship as Phoenix & now as Obsidian – watching it slowly sink while I fight like hell to keep us afloat, maybe it’s because of how it ended, without an actual ending… Maybe it’s because of all the things going on in my life at the moment…
My boy dog has had this weird wincing thing going on since the end of October. We went to the vets over five times but they had no idea what was wrong with him, so they ordered a full body CT scan. But of course, around Christmas, after being with my sisters’ dogs & a time when I would expect a lot of wincing, he isn’t doing it at all, so I cancelled the CT as it was $2300 on top of the almost $1000 I already paid for visits. But of course, as soon as I cancel it, he starts doing it again, but finally I can see it’s his toe. I have basically been pushing, poking & prodding him for months every time he does this wince but can’t find anything wrong with him. So we go back to the vet & get a CT on his paws, which is about $1000. They say that there is a mass on his toe & the only course of action is amputation… Um, WHAT THE FUCK? Surely there is something in between swollen toe & amputation?!
But after much deliberation, with no one to talk to about it, I also get a second opinion & lots of heart ache because it took four months for a fucking vet to even find something wrong with him, now they want to cut it off, my dog goes in for a toe amputation, which literally kills me so much that I am screaming out to contact Obsidian… But I know firstly, he wouldn’t be online or see it for days, maybe weeks, but his heartless attitude to my own emergency procedure, can you imagine how much care factor he’d have for my dog, a dog he hates?! But this dog is my life & Obsidian was my person, I wasn’t ever his, but he was mine & I need some support here. I just know that I won’t get the support I need – even if things were good, he wouldn’t be supportive. So as much as I want too, I go through this alone… Freaking out that my dog has cancer because his lymph node is inflamed as well, they don’t know what this mass is, so I am worried it’s something more sinister. So after thousands of dollars, weekly to twice a week vet visits, time off work & drugging my dog with tranquilisers for every appointment, I am at an all time low.
When my dog comes home & the toe is gone, they biopsy it, because they saw that his lymph node was swollen too, but that all looks ok. However, when I get the results of the biopsy, they say it was an infection. A FUCKING INFECTION! They cut off my dog’s toe for a fucking infection!!!!!! I am so fucking pissed & it makes me want to speak to Obsidian even more! I think the worst part is that I have to give my dog a tranquiliser every few days to take him back for bandage changes & more meds – costing me about $200+ per week. The poor dog is just drug fucked for so long… Almost a month later the poor fucker is still having antibiotics as his other toe has a welt like his now removed toe had…. I just wish I had someone in my life to chat about this kind of stuff & just help me work through the decision. But again, there was only a brief time when Obsidian actually cared about what I said, that was when he decided to change our dynamic.
Obsidian is still stuck in my head with every problem I have & every song I hear, reminds me of him, reminds me of our phone calls, the way I could talk through this shit with him, for a very short period, I was blissfully happy with him, until I called him my boyfriend… That’s when he pulled away… So I had to cut him off when I couldn’t take anymore, but he’s still stuck in my head, every fucking day, even now…. I guess, I can’t pretend that we never met.
Stuck in my head – Sleep Theory
You see me walking away
And I know that the last thing you said
Was another regret I won’t feel
But it’s not what you say
It’s the look on your face when you say it
That keeps on replaying the scene
You’re still stuck in my, stuck in my, stuck in my head
Unlike anything that you ever said
You’re still stuck in my, stuck in my, stuck in my head
Guess I can’t pretend that we never met, not yet
No, Oh, yea-yeah
It’s got me running in place
And I know if I hear one more song
On those streets we drove on, I might break
I cut this off when I was through
How could my mind be stuck on you
I don’t miss what we had before
And I don’t need this anymore
You’re still stuck in my, stuck in my, stuck in my head
Unlike anything that you ever said
You’re still stuck in my, stuck in my, stuck in my head
Guess I can’t pretend that we never met, not yet
No
After everything you tried to make believe
You couldn’t make me feel a thing
So then why am I still stuck on you and me
It happens even when I try to go to sleep
Wake me up from this dream, and
Just get outta my, outta my, outta my head
Just like everything that you ever said
Why are you still stuck in my stuck in my stuck in my head?
Guess I can’t pretend that we never met, not yet
No, Oh, yea-yeah
No, Guess I can’t pretend that we never met, not yet, No
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ben Pruitt / Cullen Moore / Daniel Pruitt / Dave Cowell / Paolo Vergara
Stuck In My Head lyrics © Concord Music Publishing LLC, Mothership Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
27 February 2026 – Another thing that has been going on, is that work is going so well, but also its stressful. A chick who thinks she is so overworked, has no flexibility & doesn’t get paid enough quits. I am not sad about it but when my boss doesn’t want to replace her, I agree to an extent, but I need help getting the business running smoothly! I hired someone to do a different job & she worked 15 hours & text me to tell me that the job wasn’t for her. I have a trainee who is right out of school, who is doing well but basically hasn’t produced a piece of work yet & hasn’t started her traineeship because she wasn’t available for the days allocated to school. So I have to have a serious chat with her & she almost cries.
Also the woman who employed me, who worked for another company – that I’d be confiding in, also quit her job with the other company. So I take this opportunity to talk to my boss about my job title & my pay rate. She agrees to a new job title, we go back & forth, hilariously, I end up with Chief Executive Officer – which fits the job I am doing however, the funny part is , that I do not see myself as a CEO & I don’t have any other managers! When we talk about pay, she asks me to tell her what I think & we’ll negotiate. So I add an extra $4k thinking that she’ll say a bit less, but she agrees to the amount I said. A couple of weeks later, I don’t have my new pay or job title, that I bring it up again & she tells me to contact the accountant, so I do & she processes it & I become a CEO!
I have severe imposer syndrome, I don’t feel like I belong in this realm of management, I make jokes about it with the team, which in turn, I realise they are making jokes too. But ultimately this is because I have no one outside of the office to talk to about what I am doing. I need a parter to vent too, I can’t keep saying things to other team members at work, but for some reason I can’t keep my mouth shut. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t ever been this close to money in a business or what, but I know everything that is going on – money in/money out, invoices & I am running it all… I feel like this is what I should be doing but I also feel so out of my depth!
This is when I am desperate to chat to Obsidian… He & I think alike, so having someone to just hash out the details of this business & how I am going to approach things would just be super helpful. & because I don’t have a colleague to talk this stuff out with, I am a bit lost with things sometimes at work. He’s still stuck in my head so much that I don’t know how to move on…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 