Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”


Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog:


Mechanic #4

I take Mechanic’s sunnies with me to work, I figure he’ll want them today, like I said I cannot survive without my sunnies for a minute so he’ll want them back, surely. I put them on & send a picture of me in them & say something cheeky about him leaving them behind. He makes a joke but doesn’t ask me to drop them off or ask to pick them up. Well he is at work so maybe he’ll want them back tonight.

It takes him almost another month to finally want to come pick up his sunnies, we’ve been chatting every day on the chat app, but I guess that him leaving them behind didn’t have any meaning, besides he actually forgot them. I love how my mind made that into something way bigger than it was. We chat about all sorts of things though, I talk to him about the kink that I’ve been getting into & he says that he’s interested in being ‘pegged’ (A woman using a strap on with a man.) It’s around this time too, that I am buying a lot of sex toys, so I buy a strap on online to see if this is something I am into. At this point in my life, I am open to trying anything a man suggests. Why not, this is all new to me as well.

The night he plans to come get them, he says he’s really busy at a friends then has to go to another friends also, he’ll pop in just for a drink but can’t stay. When he walks in with a whole bottle of Jack Daniels & 2 litres of coke, I wonder how much he thinks he’s going to drink. We talk for a while in the kitchen & the conversation flows easily over a couple of drinks, when he finishes his drink, picks up his bottles, says he’s running late to his friends house (yes that’s because he was also late getting to my house) & he gets ready to leave. I think surely he’s not going to leave without even kissing me. So I make a move. Yes unheard of for me, I never do that, I leaned in & kissed him, he kissed me back, so I grab the bottles & put them down, I feel like this is the last time I’m ever going to see him.

We move, kissing the whole way into my bedroom where we have sex, its quick & hot, not as good as other sex we’ve had but I still enjoyed it. He jumps up afterwards & says that he has to go. I am a little disappointed but he’s been saying this all evening. I’m not sure I believe it, I think that he’s not keen on me anymore.

We talk a little bit after that, but he never really makes an effort to chat to me when I try, which I do message first sometimes, to show that I am interested. But that doesn’t seem to help. He’s obviously not keen on me, or he’s found someone else, who knows what happens with men. I’m genuinely sad, but I have others I’m chatting to so I don’t let it get to me. However this guy was my dream guy…

A few months later, I get given a new car at work & it needs some plastic thing added to the front, they ask if I will take it to the dealer. I say yes of course, not realising what I am saying, then I immediately freak out. What if I see him there? Will he think I am stalking him – like some sort of weirdo? I go there, into the shop, trying to look casual but also trying to keep an eye out for him. Will he pretend not to know me if he does see me? Would he say hello? Would that spark the conversation online again? Would I have to message to say I’m not stalking him? OMG… Overthinking overload! I don’t see his car anywhere, but I am at a car yard, so there a hundreds of cars there, I have no idea where he would park. Thank god I don’t see him, though a part of me is a little disappointed too… I don’t know where he parks but I didn’t see his car either.

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Months later, maybe 12 or more, at my family dinner (which we have every Sunday night at my house since my nanna passed away) my brother in law starts to mention a single guy that he met on the weekend, he is a friend of a friend who came over to fix his car, he said to me that he’s single & British, my ears prick up. Then he says he’s got a hotted up Ford Ute, I ask if it’s purple, he says yes, then I say ‘Oh, I’ve already fucked him in that ute’ FUCK as if I just said that in front of my mum! That was an accident! (Sorry mum! -Though hope she’s not reading!) I show my brother in law the picture of him on he chat app & it’s the same guy. My sister said that he did do a double take when he met her. Oddly they tell me that his kid was playing with my nephew quite well. Errr, ok? He’s got a kid? He never mentioned having a kid. Why wouldn’t he tell me he had a kid? I was chatting to him for almost 6 months. Maybe I got this guy all wrong.

My brother in law tells me that he just broke up with someone (well that explains him disappearing) I figure he wasn’t cheating on his partner because he slept over one night & was at my house really late the other times. But assumed he met someone else. I wonder if that’s why the last night he was here, he was late between visits to his friends house & his new girlfriends? Who knows…

My family egg me on to message him on the app, I do asking him if the chick he met the other day looked familiar. It takes him a couple of days for him to reply to me & he says yeah he didn’t realise it was my sister, but Adelaide is a small place (yeah no shit). We chat a bit & for a few days but it fizzles out. While this guy was my perfect on paper guy, he’s not my perfect guy, you know, he’s clearly got issues, I mean who doesn’t tell someone they’ve met a few times & that they’ve slept over about a kid they have! I leave this one alone, even though it is a hard one to let go! He literally had my whole imaginary Checklist!


Milky #7

We text a lot actually, at one point Milky tells me that I am good at sex (Yes… I love hearing that! Although, clearly I knew! hahaha) & we have banter about the bambillo empire I apparently have or of me falling of the bed that one time (like ages ago! Move on dude, these jokes are so old!). He shows concern for me when I tell him about a drunken night after a work function around Christmas when I was left on my own, ridiculously drunk, I remember falling over because I have bruises but I don’t remember how I got back to the hotel.

However after all the texting, it’s still another couple of weeks before we catch up again, at his house. Nothing exciting, yet again, we sit watch TV, drink wine & fuck. Wow, we’re like a fucking married couple unless I’m drunk AF! This is fucking bullshit. Literally the same position every fucking time we have sex… Where’s the guy who introduced me to a bit of kink? Lucky I am seeing other people, not like last time when I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

However in the morning, he asks to see my ‘toys’ (you know, the kind in your bedside table!), he pulls them all out & basically uses almost every single vibe on me & also takes a fair bit of time whipping my butt with a flogger at the same time, so much so that I get some instant bruises. FINALLY! Some kink… Well done Milky! He’s redeemed himself! That was actually a lot of fun! I discover that I actually really enjoy a bit of pain – not for everyone I know, but it’s a thing I have started to enjoy…. I also love a bruise from being cheeky, maybe for a week afterwards & I smile every time I look at it!

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I am away a lot for work, so I don’t get much time to see anyone, so it’s yet another couple of weeks later before we catch up again, by this time I have also recently got a pool table, from my Nanna’s house as she has just gone into a nursing home & no one in the family wanted wanted it, I don’t really have room for it at my house, but it was my Grandpa’s who I never met because he died years before I was born, however I was a bit sentimental about this pool table, so I got it & put it in the middle of my lounge room! I have an L shaped lounge, so I was able to put in part of the lounge without disrupting my living much. I was going to put it outside but didn’t want it to get ruined being it’s like 40 years old or something! (How cool am I? Putting a pool table in my lounge room… I mean I am the perfect girlfriend!)

He comes over just before Christmas, I am just sitting on the couch drinking vodka (I usually have a rule not to drink alone, but I decide that since he might be coming over, I won’t be alone) Milky is not one to bail, he is dependable, so I know that he’ll be there later. When he comes over, he gives me a bottle of wine – a dessert type wine, which he gives me as a gift. I am a bit perplexed about the gesture but it doesn’t spark anything in me. If he’d done that a few months ago, I probably would’ve been picking out my wedding dress (well not really, but you get me… Hahaha) but I felt nothing, I didn’t even feel bad for not having something for him in return. Not even a box of regifted chocolates or anything.

We watch tv & eat dinner (pizza) as our usual ritual, we kiss on the couch, then have sex as usual at the end of my bed, with my legs in the air. But early hours of the morning, he gets up & I think nothing of it till I sleepily see him by my bedside, fully dressed & staring at me. He says that he’s been vomiting & he needs to go home. I, of course, agree, I don’t want to get sick. I message him later to see how he is but he says that he’s not any better & he ends up taking the Monday off work.

We text a lot over Christmas, he makes a Toblerone cheesecake & I say that I want one & he should make me one then invite me around. This year I am on the skeleton crew at work so I am working everything except the public holidays, as he’s now a contractor at his work, he has the time off… He tells me that he’s saved me some of the cheesecake but because I am working, he’s going to eat it! Jerk! (I actually wonder if he did save me some or if it was just banter! I’ll probably never know…)

We have banter over the fact that I only ever watch 9Life (a TV station basically of home improvement shows) & my new computer which I needed his help resetting – I have to eventually take the thing back to the store & replace it with my current computer, but he gets fired up about me actually taking the old one back & getting a refund because it’s faulty (It’s not turning on properly or holding charge.)

He asks casually the week before New Years about catching up on New Years Eve (err really?!). But I say that I’ll be too drunk to drive anywhere, I assume that he’ll want to stay where ever he is for midnight then we’ll catch up when I’m home like 1:00 am or 2:00 am. On actual New Years eve, he messages me to say “Hey still want to catch up later on?” at about 8:00 pm, I say I can’t drive (already drunk!) but I am a few minutes away from my house. Just before 10:00 pm he says he’s done & I say I won’t be leaving till after midnight (how would I even explain that to my friends) but he says that he’ll let me party & hopefully see me tomorrow night. Did he really think that I would leave a NYE party before midnight? I don’t see him obviously, but I get a happy new year text from him just after 12:00 am.

On new years day he asks me if I want to write a list of all the things I want to do, I think that’s a bit crass as I want my kinky life to evolve, (I am still relatively new to this but now I know a list is a common occurrence in a kink relationship, to establish boundaries & understand what each of you may or may not want to do) I tell him that my Fetlife has a lot of information on there & he should check that out, which he says that he has, but I should be more open with him.

We seem to bicker about the fact that he thinks I am not open with him, he can’t understand why when we’ve been seeing each other for months but like I say to him, he once he pulled out a rope, butt plug & flogger & all I said was that I am not ready to be tied to something so he put it away & never used anything on me that night, then we ended. Another time, he said he’d tie me up & cane me, I said I wasn’t ready for a cane & he didn’t do anything kinky that night either. So I am not as open as I want to be but can’t help it… I’ve never done a lot of this stuff before. I am in uncharted territory, I don’t know what to expect or what to do & he’s not a great teacher – when I say no to one part of what he suggests, I get nothing at all, so I’m reluctant to say anything. He says that it’s hard for him as he has social interaction issues & that’s why he doesn’t have a lot of friends but he also feels like I am so reserved with him. I tell him that besides Boyfriend over 10 years ago, he’s the longest I’ve ever slept with a guy, he says that because I have dicks pics being sent to me I must have a million guys interested in me. Is that what a dick pic means? Really? I always thought it was because the guy is a fuck wit! Hahaha.


Mechanic #3

I don’t hear from Mechanic for a while, when he randomly starts messaging me again – well he’d been messaging sporadically but not as regular as he had been. So we chat a bit & he wants to see me again, I am not just going to just let him come over to my house & fuck him after all this time, he can meet me for a drink first – be a gentleman. I need to have some self respect here. It’s been over 2 months since we saw each other last, yes I was overseas for 4 weeks of that, but he could’ve seen me since I got back, I mean he could’ve even been consistently messaging me, but he hasn’t.

We meet at a different local pub to the one we initially met at, but still nearby my house, he dicks me around with what time he can get there, which fucks me off since I am giving this guy another chance. I’m there already (which I hate being first) when he rocks up, in his dirty work uniform (because he’s been doing a cash job for a friend that took longer than he expected, apparently) looking grubby, greasy & a little older (somehow) but hot as fuck! Whoa…

We have a couple of drinks at the pub, the conversation flows really easily, like there was no 2 month gap. He tells me how good I look & he wishes that he had time for a shower. I find myself piecing back together my life plan I had in my head with him.

He talks a lot about his new Ford ute that he just got, it’s a hotted up purple thing – I’m a Holden girl so he loses points for getting a Ford but it’s not a deal breaker, if it is as HOT as he says it is. He challenges me to drive it… I silently thank my dad for making my siblings & I all learn to drive manual cars when we got our licenses & I take Mechanic’s keys, kissing him quickly on the lips as I give him mine. I figure it’s ok for him to drive my work car being he works where these cars are serviced, so he’d probably driven it before anyway. I get in his car, put the key in & turn it, but it won’t start, I try turning the key with my foot on the brake, with my foot on & off the clutch. But I can’t work out how to turn it on. FUCK. I don’t want to look like a blonde bimbo who can’t even start a fucking car. He drives up next to me & winds down the window with a fucking cheek y look on his face, just as I find a power button. I press it & the car starts, it’s loud & sounds so good. I hear him laugh as I accelerate out the carpark, showing off, hoping I don’t fuck this up, I am in heels! & I’m trying to impress this guy.

We get back to my house & he is impressed. He says that he didn’t think I’d be able to start it without his left, let alone drive it & was surprised I even knew how to start it (well that was a fluke that I found the button but I’m not a compete idiot). But of course I didn’t tell him that my dad made me learn to drive a manual & all my cars have been manuals, I drive an automatic because that’s what work give me. But I just smile smugly. He asks if he can have a shower because he’s really dirty from working at his mates place, so he’s kinda covered in car grease. I get him a towel & show him to the bathroom. I get us both a red wine & wait for him to shower. He takes a lot longer than I would’ve if I had a shower at his house – but I hope that’s because he’s comfortable or maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.

He gets out & I’m waiting for him in my bedroom, so he walks in & I drop to my knees & suck his cock straight away as he lets the towel drop. We have sex, which is kinda wild sex including my 2nd experience with anal, before I say to him that I want to fuck him in that hot little car of his. I’m not really sure why, I mean we’re at my house in my beautiful king sized bed, we’ve both been drinking, but I think he likes that idea because minutes later we’re back in his car, me bra & pantieless driving down to the beach to fuck in this sexy ass car. We get to the beach, we kiss with such passion, to be honest I am probably more drunk than I should be for this, but we work it out in a tiny ute cab when I slide the condom on him & we fuck for a bit before he takes it off & cums all over my bare chest. I’m covered in cum when we’re done & oddly I kinda like it. I think that’s a first for me, a guy cumming on me, I definitely won’t just let any guy do this, but I do like it with him.

We go back to my house & we fuck again, drinking more, getting more drunk that I spill my red wine in my bed & all over my carpet in my bedroom. (The stain still remains!) Fuck I am more drunk than I realise & I wonder if he should’ve just driven us to the beach & back. I’m not sure how drunk he is. It’s 1:00 am when we stop this sexcapade session & he rolls away & he ends up sleeping over, so I’m assuming he’s either crashed out or he’s too drunk to drive or maybe, just maybe he likes me enough to sleep over.

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We wake up in the morning & I am a little worse for wear, I can’t believe this guy has slept over… It’s a school night too (aka weeknight). I basically begged Origin to sleep over & after months he still wouldn’t. This guy, I didn’t even ask nor did he ask, yet he’s just spent the night at my house, including spooning me a little. I like having a man sleepover – though I don’t sleep all that well when they do. I haven’t had a guy sleep over in a while. I am very aware not to let that poison my mind into thinking that I like the guy just because he sleeps over.

He gets up & has another shower, I am very aware now as I wake, that I slept covered in his cum (something kind of sexy & naughty about that), so I think about joining him in the shower but I chicken out, we’ve woken up late & both have to get to work. I wait for him to leave before I jump in the shower myself. When I get out, I see his sunglasses sitting on my chest of draws in my bedroom. Was that intentional? So that I have to message him? Or so that he’d have to see me again? He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy to play this game, I mean if he wants to see me, I think he’s the type to just see me. But I go anywhere without my sunnies, they are always on the top of my head, even at night sometimes… (Yes at night!) It hurts my eyes when I see other people squinting in the sun, so this must be a deliberate act, no one leaves their sunnies behind, surely?!


Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog:


Milky #6

I know! I know, I know what you’re all thinking! I’m thinking it too. Trust me! Why am I even talking to Milky again? What does he want this time? Again the guy who I haven’t spoken to in 5 months is back, for what? He couldn’t get a root elsewhere, so is now back for more? Who knows I don’t bother asking, I just engage with him, while keeping my guard up.

We see each other once before I go away to the UK, but I have just met Mechanic & am keeping my options open, when I see Milky for the first time in 5 months since I said goodbye, I am SO not attracted to him at all – I am not sure what I was thinking. Especially since I think that the Mechanic is so much better looking. Milky is a little scrawny, only a tiny bit taller than me, hairy & kinda shy. He comes over to my house, we go through the same routine of watching TV, drinking wine, having the same sex as we always have – him standing at the end of the bed, me lying on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… It’s boring. Sometimes he mixes it up, but not all that often.

He sleeps over & it’s kind of annoying actually this time around because he doesn’t sleep with the fan on & I do – Every. Single. Night. I don’t think I told you this but once in the very beginning, he actually went to sleep on the couch because he got too cold sleeping in my room. So I never used to turn the fan on when he slept over & he’d only turn his on if it was hot, because I thought I liked him, it didn’t bother me so much, even though I’d sleep like shit. Now when he stays over I don’t turn it on, making me grumpy! So I start to hate him sleeping over, I mean I never sleep very well with a guy next to me anyway because I’m not used it but I sleep with the fan on for the white noise. I know it makes no sense in August to have the fan on while sleeping under blankets, but I don’t care.

Milky #6

In the morning, we have the usual sex, then I kick him out to go to the gym by 9:00 am on Saturday morning, I am determined to get fit this year! I am not going to let him distract me with sexcersie!! & after last night just hanging watching TV, I’m kind of bored with him… It’s like it took me getting some distance from the first guy who really was the first friends with benefits (FWB) I have had, that I thought I liked when actually, I was just caught up in the fact that he was a repeat caller, not that I actually liked him. OMG does that even make sense? Hahaha.

Anyway, I go away for the whole month of September to the UK & see him shortly after I get back being that he is the only one that I seem to be able to see, Mechanic has been stuffing me around so I just catch up with Milky at his house. Again, it’s the same. We hang, watch TV & fuck the same way we always do. Why is this guy boring me, I mean only a few months ago I thought I was having the best sex of my life, now I am bored with him? Is it me or is it him? Or is it that the sex with Mechanic is way better, or even other guys recently, am I better in bed because of Milky round 1?

We message every now & then, we have a joke about my pillows & the bambillo range you can buy on infomercials, my pillows on my bed are expensive as fuck, they’re Sheridan memory foam, I love them. But Milky hates them & brings his own pillow to my house to sleep. I am so funny & crack jokes, mainly because he thinks I’m so rich – which is weird being that his house is probably worth more than mine. But I crack jokes about owning the bambillo empire & he plays along, it’s probably the only time he has a sense of humour I like. I’m probably making him sound worse than he is. But I am feeling like I am beyond what he can offer me now. We talk about this website called Fetlife, I didn’t know what it was but basically it’s a kinky facebook. I join & see what it’s all about. Milky is on there too & we become friends. He doesn’t have regular facebook, so I think this is a fun site to possibly make some new friends or share pics, learn a bit more & show a different side of me. The profile consists of recording all the fetishes I have, things I want to try & I start writing some erotica. (I actually have written quite a bit of fiction in the past, mostly like teen romance stuff, however this erotica I shared on Fetlife is the first time I had ever shared my writing with anyone – I get quite a bit of positive feedback. I am considering posting them here…)

I don’t see him for another month, I am drunk as fuck at my house messaging him while I have friends over, this is a blatant booty call. I have friends over for a home cheesefest since they cancelled it (my favourite event of the year) this year, I was devastated so I had my own at home with a few friends. He says that he’s coming over & I think he’s going to meet my friends but by the time he gets there they’ve all left. He was jumping in the shower at 8:00 pm, but doesn’t get to my house until 10:00 pm. I give him some wine & I drink more, but upon reflection of photos of me that night put up on Facebook later, I did not need more wine! Finally we have different sex, We have sex in the kitchen, in my accent chairs in my lounge room, the floor & on the ottoman… It’s good to not just have sex on the edge of the bed again. We somehow break the chair legs of the accent chairs, probably because I am so drunk I am fucking him like a crazy drunk chick, straddling the chairs.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days until he messages me to tell me that I left claw marks on his neck… (oh well, not my fault, he likes it kinky!) I was covered in bruises, which isn’t hard really, I bruise so easily. I don’t remember much from the night, so he reminds me that he suggested fucking on the bonnet of my friends car (a work car) in my front yard, apparently I agreed to that. (WTF – my front yard isn’t private!) I also apparently fell asleep holding his dick in my hand… Oh well done! Fuck. He also reminds me that my jaw locked while I was sucking his cock in the kitchen… OMG I forgot about that… Now let me explain this, I do have jaw issues where it locks when I yawn or open too wide for food (yes food), I have exercises to help & ease the pain, but this is the first time it’s locked during sex. How fucking embarrassing. He was so good about it though, making sure I was ok. I also apparently asked him to tie me to something, which he knows I am not ready for yet, so he knew to back off, I’m glad he isn’t a wanker that just took advantage of me being too drunk to function.