Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”


Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog:


Mechanic #4

I take Mechanic’s sunnies with me to work, I figure he’ll want them today, like I said I cannot survive without my sunnies for a minute so he’ll want them back, surely. I put them on & send a picture of me in them & say something cheeky about him leaving them behind. He makes a joke but doesn’t ask me to drop them off or ask to pick them up. Well he is at work so maybe he’ll want them back tonight.

It takes him almost another month to finally want to come pick up his sunnies, we’ve been chatting every day on the chat app, but I guess that him leaving them behind didn’t have any meaning, besides he actually forgot them. I love how my mind made that into something way bigger than it was. We chat about all sorts of things though, I talk to him about the kink that I’ve been getting into & he says that he’s interested in being ‘pegged’ (A woman using a strap on with a man.) It’s around this time too, that I am buying a lot of sex toys, so I buy a strap on online to see if this is something I am into. At this point in my life, I am open to trying anything a man suggests. Why not, this is all new to me as well.

The night he plans to come get them, he says he’s really busy at a friends then has to go to another friends also, he’ll pop in just for a drink but can’t stay. When he walks in with a whole bottle of Jack Daniels & 2 litres of coke, I wonder how much he thinks he’s going to drink. We talk for a while in the kitchen & the conversation flows easily over a couple of drinks, when he finishes his drink, picks up his bottles, says he’s running late to his friends house (yes that’s because he was also late getting to my house) & he gets ready to leave. I think surely he’s not going to leave without even kissing me. So I make a move. Yes unheard of for me, I never do that, I leaned in & kissed him, he kissed me back, so I grab the bottles & put them down, I feel like this is the last time I’m ever going to see him.

We move, kissing the whole way into my bedroom where we have sex, its quick & hot, not as good as other sex we’ve had but I still enjoyed it. He jumps up afterwards & says that he has to go. I am a little disappointed but he’s been saying this all evening. I’m not sure I believe it, I think that he’s not keen on me anymore.

We talk a little bit after that, but he never really makes an effort to chat to me when I try, which I do message first sometimes, to show that I am interested. But that doesn’t seem to help. He’s obviously not keen on me, or he’s found someone else, who knows what happens with men. I’m genuinely sad, but I have others I’m chatting to so I don’t let it get to me. However this guy was my dream guy…

A few months later, I get given a new car at work & it needs some plastic thing added to the front, they ask if I will take it to the dealer. I say yes of course, not realising what I am saying, then I immediately freak out. What if I see him there? Will he think I am stalking him – like some sort of weirdo? I go there, into the shop, trying to look casual but also trying to keep an eye out for him. Will he pretend not to know me if he does see me? Would he say hello? Would that spark the conversation online again? Would I have to message to say I’m not stalking him? OMG… Overthinking overload! I don’t see his car anywhere, but I am at a car yard, so there a hundreds of cars there, I have no idea where he would park. Thank god I don’t see him, though a part of me is a little disappointed too… I don’t know where he parks but I didn’t see his car either.

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Months later, maybe 12 or more, at my family dinner (which we have every Sunday night at my house since my nanna passed away) my brother in law starts to mention a single guy that he met on the weekend, he is a friend of a friend who came over to fix his car, he said to me that he’s single & British, my ears prick up. Then he says he’s got a hotted up Ford Ute, I ask if it’s purple, he says yes, then I say ‘Oh, I’ve already fucked him in that ute’ FUCK as if I just said that in front of my mum! That was an accident! (Sorry mum! -Though hope she’s not reading!) I show my brother in law the picture of him on he chat app & it’s the same guy. My sister said that he did do a double take when he met her. Oddly they tell me that his kid was playing with my nephew quite well. Errr, ok? He’s got a kid? He never mentioned having a kid. Why wouldn’t he tell me he had a kid? I was chatting to him for almost 6 months. Maybe I got this guy all wrong.

My brother in law tells me that he just broke up with someone (well that explains him disappearing) I figure he wasn’t cheating on his partner because he slept over one night & was at my house really late the other times. But assumed he met someone else. I wonder if that’s why the last night he was here, he was late between visits to his friends house & his new girlfriends? Who knows…

My family egg me on to message him on the app, I do asking him if the chick he met the other day looked familiar. It takes him a couple of days for him to reply to me & he says yeah he didn’t realise it was my sister, but Adelaide is a small place (yeah no shit). We chat a bit & for a few days but it fizzles out. While this guy was my perfect on paper guy, he’s not my perfect guy, you know, he’s clearly got issues, I mean who doesn’t tell someone they’ve met a few times & that they’ve slept over about a kid they have! I leave this one alone, even though it is a hard one to let go! He literally had my whole imaginary Checklist!


Milky #7

We text a lot actually, at one point Milky tells me that I am good at sex (Yes… I love hearing that! Although, clearly I knew! hahaha) & we have banter about the bambillo empire I apparently have or of me falling of the bed that one time (like ages ago! Move on dude, these jokes are so old!). He shows concern for me when I tell him about a drunken night after a work function around Christmas when I was left on my own, ridiculously drunk, I remember falling over because I have bruises but I don’t remember how I got back to the hotel.

However after all the texting, it’s still another couple of weeks before we catch up again, at his house. Nothing exciting, yet again, we sit watch TV, drink wine & fuck. Wow, we’re like a fucking married couple unless I’m drunk AF! This is fucking bullshit. Literally the same position every fucking time we have sex… Where’s the guy who introduced me to a bit of kink? Lucky I am seeing other people, not like last time when I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

However in the morning, he asks to see my ‘toys’ (you know, the kind in your bedside table!), he pulls them all out & basically uses almost every single vibe on me & also takes a fair bit of time whipping my butt with a flogger at the same time, so much so that I get some instant bruises. FINALLY! Some kink… Well done Milky! He’s redeemed himself! That was actually a lot of fun! I discover that I actually really enjoy a bit of pain – not for everyone I know, but it’s a thing I have started to enjoy…. I also love a bruise from being cheeky, maybe for a week afterwards & I smile every time I look at it!

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I am away a lot for work, so I don’t get much time to see anyone, so it’s yet another couple of weeks later before we catch up again, by this time I have also recently got a pool table, from my Nanna’s house as she has just gone into a nursing home & no one in the family wanted wanted it, I don’t really have room for it at my house, but it was my Grandpa’s who I never met because he died years before I was born, however I was a bit sentimental about this pool table, so I got it & put it in the middle of my lounge room! I have an L shaped lounge, so I was able to put in part of the lounge without disrupting my living much. I was going to put it outside but didn’t want it to get ruined being it’s like 40 years old or something! (How cool am I? Putting a pool table in my lounge room… I mean I am the perfect girlfriend!)

He comes over just before Christmas, I am just sitting on the couch drinking vodka (I usually have a rule not to drink alone, but I decide that since he might be coming over, I won’t be alone) Milky is not one to bail, he is dependable, so I know that he’ll be there later. When he comes over, he gives me a bottle of wine – a dessert type wine, which he gives me as a gift. I am a bit perplexed about the gesture but it doesn’t spark anything in me. If he’d done that a few months ago, I probably would’ve been picking out my wedding dress (well not really, but you get me… Hahaha) but I felt nothing, I didn’t even feel bad for not having something for him in return. Not even a box of regifted chocolates or anything.

We watch tv & eat dinner (pizza) as our usual ritual, we kiss on the couch, then have sex as usual at the end of my bed, with my legs in the air. But early hours of the morning, he gets up & I think nothing of it till I sleepily see him by my bedside, fully dressed & staring at me. He says that he’s been vomiting & he needs to go home. I, of course, agree, I don’t want to get sick. I message him later to see how he is but he says that he’s not any better & he ends up taking the Monday off work.

We text a lot over Christmas, he makes a Toblerone cheesecake & I say that I want one & he should make me one then invite me around. This year I am on the skeleton crew at work so I am working everything except the public holidays, as he’s now a contractor at his work, he has the time off… He tells me that he’s saved me some of the cheesecake but because I am working, he’s going to eat it! Jerk! (I actually wonder if he did save me some or if it was just banter! I’ll probably never know…)

We have banter over the fact that I only ever watch 9Life (a TV station basically of home improvement shows) & my new computer which I needed his help resetting – I have to eventually take the thing back to the store & replace it with my current computer, but he gets fired up about me actually taking the old one back & getting a refund because it’s faulty (It’s not turning on properly or holding charge.)

He asks casually the week before New Years about catching up on New Years Eve (err really?!). But I say that I’ll be too drunk to drive anywhere, I assume that he’ll want to stay where ever he is for midnight then we’ll catch up when I’m home like 1:00 am or 2:00 am. On actual New Years eve, he messages me to say “Hey still want to catch up later on?” at about 8:00 pm, I say I can’t drive (already drunk!) but I am a few minutes away from my house. Just before 10:00 pm he says he’s done & I say I won’t be leaving till after midnight (how would I even explain that to my friends) but he says that he’ll let me party & hopefully see me tomorrow night. Did he really think that I would leave a NYE party before midnight? I don’t see him obviously, but I get a happy new year text from him just after 12:00 am.

On new years day he asks me if I want to write a list of all the things I want to do, I think that’s a bit crass as I want my kinky life to evolve, (I am still relatively new to this but now I know a list is a common occurrence in a kink relationship, to establish boundaries & understand what each of you may or may not want to do) I tell him that my Fetlife has a lot of information on there & he should check that out, which he says that he has, but I should be more open with him.

We seem to bicker about the fact that he thinks I am not open with him, he can’t understand why when we’ve been seeing each other for months but like I say to him, he once he pulled out a rope, butt plug & flogger & all I said was that I am not ready to be tied to something so he put it away & never used anything on me that night, then we ended. Another time, he said he’d tie me up & cane me, I said I wasn’t ready for a cane & he didn’t do anything kinky that night either. So I am not as open as I want to be but can’t help it… I’ve never done a lot of this stuff before. I am in uncharted territory, I don’t know what to expect or what to do & he’s not a great teacher – when I say no to one part of what he suggests, I get nothing at all, so I’m reluctant to say anything. He says that it’s hard for him as he has social interaction issues & that’s why he doesn’t have a lot of friends but he also feels like I am so reserved with him. I tell him that besides Boyfriend over 10 years ago, he’s the longest I’ve ever slept with a guy, he says that because I have dicks pics being sent to me I must have a million guys interested in me. Is that what a dick pic means? Really? I always thought it was because the guy is a fuck wit! Hahaha.


Mechanic #3

I don’t hear from Mechanic for a while, when he randomly starts messaging me again – well he’d been messaging sporadically but not as regular as he had been. So we chat a bit & he wants to see me again, I am not just going to just let him come over to my house & fuck him after all this time, he can meet me for a drink first – be a gentleman. I need to have some self respect here. It’s been over 2 months since we saw each other last, yes I was overseas for 4 weeks of that, but he could’ve seen me since I got back, I mean he could’ve even been consistently messaging me, but he hasn’t.

We meet at a different local pub to the one we initially met at, but still nearby my house, he dicks me around with what time he can get there, which fucks me off since I am giving this guy another chance. I’m there already (which I hate being first) when he rocks up, in his dirty work uniform (because he’s been doing a cash job for a friend that took longer than he expected, apparently) looking grubby, greasy & a little older (somehow) but hot as fuck! Whoa…

We have a couple of drinks at the pub, the conversation flows really easily, like there was no 2 month gap. He tells me how good I look & he wishes that he had time for a shower. I find myself piecing back together my life plan I had in my head with him.

He talks a lot about his new Ford ute that he just got, it’s a hotted up purple thing – I’m a Holden girl so he loses points for getting a Ford but it’s not a deal breaker, if it is as HOT as he says it is. He challenges me to drive it… I silently thank my dad for making my siblings & I all learn to drive manual cars when we got our licenses & I take Mechanic’s keys, kissing him quickly on the lips as I give him mine. I figure it’s ok for him to drive my work car being he works where these cars are serviced, so he’d probably driven it before anyway. I get in his car, put the key in & turn it, but it won’t start, I try turning the key with my foot on the brake, with my foot on & off the clutch. But I can’t work out how to turn it on. FUCK. I don’t want to look like a blonde bimbo who can’t even start a fucking car. He drives up next to me & winds down the window with a fucking cheek y look on his face, just as I find a power button. I press it & the car starts, it’s loud & sounds so good. I hear him laugh as I accelerate out the carpark, showing off, hoping I don’t fuck this up, I am in heels! & I’m trying to impress this guy.

We get back to my house & he is impressed. He says that he didn’t think I’d be able to start it without his left, let alone drive it & was surprised I even knew how to start it (well that was a fluke that I found the button but I’m not a compete idiot). But of course I didn’t tell him that my dad made me learn to drive a manual & all my cars have been manuals, I drive an automatic because that’s what work give me. But I just smile smugly. He asks if he can have a shower because he’s really dirty from working at his mates place, so he’s kinda covered in car grease. I get him a towel & show him to the bathroom. I get us both a red wine & wait for him to shower. He takes a lot longer than I would’ve if I had a shower at his house – but I hope that’s because he’s comfortable or maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.

He gets out & I’m waiting for him in my bedroom, so he walks in & I drop to my knees & suck his cock straight away as he lets the towel drop. We have sex, which is kinda wild sex including my 2nd experience with anal, before I say to him that I want to fuck him in that hot little car of his. I’m not really sure why, I mean we’re at my house in my beautiful king sized bed, we’ve both been drinking, but I think he likes that idea because minutes later we’re back in his car, me bra & pantieless driving down to the beach to fuck in this sexy ass car. We get to the beach, we kiss with such passion, to be honest I am probably more drunk than I should be for this, but we work it out in a tiny ute cab when I slide the condom on him & we fuck for a bit before he takes it off & cums all over my bare chest. I’m covered in cum when we’re done & oddly I kinda like it. I think that’s a first for me, a guy cumming on me, I definitely won’t just let any guy do this, but I do like it with him.

We go back to my house & we fuck again, drinking more, getting more drunk that I spill my red wine in my bed & all over my carpet in my bedroom. (The stain still remains!) Fuck I am more drunk than I realise & I wonder if he should’ve just driven us to the beach & back. I’m not sure how drunk he is. It’s 1:00 am when we stop this sexcapade session & he rolls away & he ends up sleeping over, so I’m assuming he’s either crashed out or he’s too drunk to drive or maybe, just maybe he likes me enough to sleep over.

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We wake up in the morning & I am a little worse for wear, I can’t believe this guy has slept over… It’s a school night too (aka weeknight). I basically begged Origin to sleep over & after months he still wouldn’t. This guy, I didn’t even ask nor did he ask, yet he’s just spent the night at my house, including spooning me a little. I like having a man sleepover – though I don’t sleep all that well when they do. I haven’t had a guy sleep over in a while. I am very aware not to let that poison my mind into thinking that I like the guy just because he sleeps over.

He gets up & has another shower, I am very aware now as I wake, that I slept covered in his cum (something kind of sexy & naughty about that), so I think about joining him in the shower but I chicken out, we’ve woken up late & both have to get to work. I wait for him to leave before I jump in the shower myself. When I get out, I see his sunglasses sitting on my chest of draws in my bedroom. Was that intentional? So that I have to message him? Or so that he’d have to see me again? He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy to play this game, I mean if he wants to see me, I think he’s the type to just see me. But I go anywhere without my sunnies, they are always on the top of my head, even at night sometimes… (Yes at night!) It hurts my eyes when I see other people squinting in the sun, so this must be a deliberate act, no one leaves their sunnies behind, surely?!


Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog:


Milky #6

I know! I know, I know what you’re all thinking! I’m thinking it too. Trust me! Why am I even talking to Milky again? What does he want this time? Again the guy who I haven’t spoken to in 5 months is back, for what? He couldn’t get a root elsewhere, so is now back for more? Who knows I don’t bother asking, I just engage with him, while keeping my guard up.

We see each other once before I go away to the UK, but I have just met Mechanic & am keeping my options open, when I see Milky for the first time in 5 months since I said goodbye, I am SO not attracted to him at all – I am not sure what I was thinking. Especially since I think that the Mechanic is so much better looking. Milky is a little scrawny, only a tiny bit taller than me, hairy & kinda shy. He comes over to my house, we go through the same routine of watching TV, drinking wine, having the same sex as we always have – him standing at the end of the bed, me lying on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… It’s boring. Sometimes he mixes it up, but not all that often.

He sleeps over & it’s kind of annoying actually this time around because he doesn’t sleep with the fan on & I do – Every. Single. Night. I don’t think I told you this but once in the very beginning, he actually went to sleep on the couch because he got too cold sleeping in my room. So I never used to turn the fan on when he slept over & he’d only turn his on if it was hot, because I thought I liked him, it didn’t bother me so much, even though I’d sleep like shit. Now when he stays over I don’t turn it on, making me grumpy! So I start to hate him sleeping over, I mean I never sleep very well with a guy next to me anyway because I’m not used it but I sleep with the fan on for the white noise. I know it makes no sense in August to have the fan on while sleeping under blankets, but I don’t care.

Milky #6

In the morning, we have the usual sex, then I kick him out to go to the gym by 9:00 am on Saturday morning, I am determined to get fit this year! I am not going to let him distract me with sexcersie!! & after last night just hanging watching TV, I’m kind of bored with him… It’s like it took me getting some distance from the first guy who really was the first friends with benefits (FWB) I have had, that I thought I liked when actually, I was just caught up in the fact that he was a repeat caller, not that I actually liked him. OMG does that even make sense? Hahaha.

Anyway, I go away for the whole month of September to the UK & see him shortly after I get back being that he is the only one that I seem to be able to see, Mechanic has been stuffing me around so I just catch up with Milky at his house. Again, it’s the same. We hang, watch TV & fuck the same way we always do. Why is this guy boring me, I mean only a few months ago I thought I was having the best sex of my life, now I am bored with him? Is it me or is it him? Or is it that the sex with Mechanic is way better, or even other guys recently, am I better in bed because of Milky round 1?

We message every now & then, we have a joke about my pillows & the bambillo range you can buy on infomercials, my pillows on my bed are expensive as fuck, they’re Sheridan memory foam, I love them. But Milky hates them & brings his own pillow to my house to sleep. I am so funny & crack jokes, mainly because he thinks I’m so rich – which is weird being that his house is probably worth more than mine. But I crack jokes about owning the bambillo empire & he plays along, it’s probably the only time he has a sense of humour I like. I’m probably making him sound worse than he is. But I am feeling like I am beyond what he can offer me now. We talk about this website called Fetlife, I didn’t know what it was but basically it’s a kinky facebook. I join & see what it’s all about. Milky is on there too & we become friends. He doesn’t have regular facebook, so I think this is a fun site to possibly make some new friends or share pics, learn a bit more & show a different side of me. The profile consists of recording all the fetishes I have, things I want to try & I start writing some erotica. (I actually have written quite a bit of fiction in the past, mostly like teen romance stuff, however this erotica I shared on Fetlife is the first time I had ever shared my writing with anyone – I get quite a bit of positive feedback. I am considering posting them here…)

I don’t see him for another month, I am drunk as fuck at my house messaging him while I have friends over, this is a blatant booty call. I have friends over for a home cheesefest since they cancelled it (my favourite event of the year) this year, I was devastated so I had my own at home with a few friends. He says that he’s coming over & I think he’s going to meet my friends but by the time he gets there they’ve all left. He was jumping in the shower at 8:00 pm, but doesn’t get to my house until 10:00 pm. I give him some wine & I drink more, but upon reflection of photos of me that night put up on Facebook later, I did not need more wine! Finally we have different sex, We have sex in the kitchen, in my accent chairs in my lounge room, the floor & on the ottoman… It’s good to not just have sex on the edge of the bed again. We somehow break the chair legs of the accent chairs, probably because I am so drunk I am fucking him like a crazy drunk chick, straddling the chairs.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days until he messages me to tell me that I left claw marks on his neck… (oh well, not my fault, he likes it kinky!) I was covered in bruises, which isn’t hard really, I bruise so easily. I don’t remember much from the night, so he reminds me that he suggested fucking on the bonnet of my friends car (a work car) in my front yard, apparently I agreed to that. (WTF – my front yard isn’t private!) I also apparently fell asleep holding his dick in my hand… Oh well done! Fuck. He also reminds me that my jaw locked while I was sucking his cock in the kitchen… OMG I forgot about that… Now let me explain this, I do have jaw issues where it locks when I yawn or open too wide for food (yes food), I have exercises to help & ease the pain, but this is the first time it’s locked during sex. How fucking embarrassing. He was so good about it though, making sure I was ok. I also apparently asked him to tie me to something, which he knows I am not ready for yet, so he knew to back off, I’m glad he isn’t a wanker that just took advantage of me being too drunk to function.


Dom Dom

I meet Dom Dom on the anonymous app (seems to be working out for me more than bloody online dating!) & the first thing he asks me is if I am kinky, I say that I am but that I am also still new to it & he asks to add me on the chat app. I agree & he immediately chats to me & says that he has a kinky group that he can add me too, but there are rules. Rules, really? I’m semi new to this app too & I don’t know what this shit is. He sends them to me, about not private messaging (PM) someone without permission & that I must send a live face pic to him to prove that I am real. I think this is bullshit & I am not going to send it. But he keeps talking to me & I do eventually send him a face picture. (I learn later that the rules of no PM thing & live face pics is very common on this app)

He says that I am “too hot” to be added to the group (Errr, what?) & he wants to keep me for himself, he says that he doesn’t want other people talking to me. I don’t think much of it, in fact I feel pretty special that he’s chosen me – his picture is pretty cute. But as we talk, the main question I ask men now is if they are single, because I hate that they don’t tell you. He says that he is married (OH FFS!) but that they never have sex (So that makes it ok to look elsewhere?), that she’s not kinky at all, so when they do have sex it’s very vanilla & boring for him because he’s very dominant but he loves her & won’t leave her. I figure that this won’t go anywhere & so I make no effort to talk to this guy, I do ask him to add me to the kinky group when we do chat, about 1000 times but he won’t, he says that he’ll get too jealous if other guys hit on me & he can’t have me. What a crock of shit!052816 (11)He messages me ‘Hi’ everyday & I find myself actually liking waking up to his message every morning, like some sort of loser. This guy is married, what is the point? He’s a school teacher (if that’s even a true fact about him) & I chat to him most of the day, obviously when he’s available or not with his wife. We eventually swap skype accounts, where he helps me create my fake name, I become Kristy Cumsalot, my alter ego (mainly because we don’t swap real names) & it’s not long before the chats turn into skype calls.

The calls… Oh the calls, almost every morning he asks to call & I stupidly let him. He knows how to get me going, his voice, there is something about his voice, like velvety butter or something, so sexy & he knows how to turn me on… He makes me call him Sir, which I hate, maybe because he’s the first man to ask me to do that, maybe because it goes against my feminist side to let a man tell me what to do, but for some reason, I find myself obeying him… Every time I say Sir without being prompted, not only do I shock myself, but he lets out a little hmm sounds followed closely by Good Girl.

What’s so bad about this is that he’s the only guy showing any real interest in me at the moment, I mean I have just fucked a potential felon (See Unemployed) & I am at an all-time low with how I feel about myself & this is the type of guy I attract – a guy that can’t hurt me. How desperate am I for a bit of affection & love that I am so willing to chat to a married guy & have phone sex with him every few days? What kills me is that I am always available, I am always waiting for him to message me, always allowing him to call. When will there be a guy waiting by his phone for my message? FFS!

Around this time too, I’ve been watching a lot of porn, like I’ve said before I go through stages with porn, but I usually find a couple that I like & watch them over & over, I am more specific about what type of porn I watch.  I also become obsessed with different sex toys, buying just about everything, thinking maybe when/if I ever meet this guy we can use them. He tells me of a fantasy of meeting me on a hotel room, he’ll be there already & I’ll rock up in a tench coat, he’ll then be dominant & give me a true submissive experience. I buy some lingerie, some corsets, high heels, masks, toys… I buy so much stuff in the hopes that he & I will live out this hotel fantasy.

I also literally crack the shits with him at least once a week – so much so, that I wonder why he keeps messaging me, he’ll ask me if he can call whenever he is free & I’d run late to whatever I am going to because he wanted to jerk off while listening to me cum down the phone line. It pisses me off… When I want to chat to him, he’s offline, it’s always on his terms. He says that he’ll try to make more time for me, which of course we know is not true, nor will he. Its just a little carrot that he dangles & I chase like a stupid white rabbit. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

We chat for months, this routine of us chatting every day because he says ‘hi’ before I wake up every single day – I never initiate a chat with him ever, then him calling every few days or so to hear me cum while he shows me him rubbing his cock in his work car park. He says he wants to meet me, but every time we try to, one of us chickens out. I was sitting in the car chatting to him on the phone one day, when I finally say “Fine, give me your address” then he says that his wife will be home soon & he’s got to go to Tennis. What a fucking idiot I am. I finally get the courage to meet this married guy & go against all that I believe in & he chickens out.

I talk to him the whole time I am in the UK. In fact I end up sexting him when I am alone, which isn’t often but usually when my Aunty is in the shower or I find a bath in the hotels. When I have to return the hire car, I leave my Aunty in the hotel & leave with the intent to have phone sex with this guy, but he dicks me around & isn’t online, so I crack the shits. I also get lost getting to the fucking airport which just makes me angrier. It’s always on his bloody terms, always when he’s free… Here I am in the fucking UK still trying to get this man in Adelaide. Seriously!

But this guy somehow draws me in, I try to say goodbye several times but I never can, I don’t know why. Is it because I am such a fucking loser just wanting a guy to want me? Is it because I know this guy won’t hurt me because I can’t get attached? Is it just that this guy keeps messaging me, even when I’m a complete fucking bitch to him? This is a fucking real low point in my dating career, I am not even sure what I am doing. I mean why am I still talking to this guy on a very regular basis…


Mechanic #2

Mechanic & I talk all week, it’s a great week for me. I am smitten with this guy. I know what you’re all thinking, wasn’t I just saying “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” over & over last week? Yep, I was! But somehow I get caught up in the fact that this hot guy likes me – not as hot as his pictures but he was still very nice eye candy! He sends me dumb work pictures of car motors & the computer on his lap while he’s working, or his lunch & I find myself doing the same. He sends a pic of his banana & I send a pic of me suggestively eating my banana – so cute we both had a banana that day for lunch! It’s like it’s meant to be! OMG, get a grip! Its fun & I seriously enjoy this time of a interaction with a boy, when you can be cheeky & secretly planning your wedding in your head but also knowing that in a week, he probably won’t even know your name!

I explain to him that I am going away for a month, 4 weeks to the UK (where he’s from) but that I do want to see him before I go away. He says that he wants to too! Eek, that’s so good! We can’t seem to get a date that works well for both of us & the day we’re supposed to catch up, the night before I leave for the UK, my sister goes into labour & has my baby niece. FUCK, I want to see my new baby niece of course, because she’ll be a month old when I get back from the UK, but also my vagina won’t get any action for a whole month while away with my aunty too! What a dilemma!

It’s later in the afternoon, even early evening, when we are allowed to go to the hospital to visit, so I suggest to Mechanic to come over my house later this evening when I get home, he says that works for him, (thank god) but says that we can do it another time if it’s going to be too rushed. I don’t want to wait that long to see him, being that tomorrow I am flying out for 4 weeks away, I don’t want him to forget me.

So when everyone starts leaving the hospital about 8:30 pm, I mentally thank everyone for giving my sister some time to rest – purely selfish reasons, of course. I message him as I’m walking out the hospital doors, speed home & he meets me at my house shortly after I get there. I open some wine & he bring some beers, we just kiss on the cheek hello & stand in the kitchen talking. I ask if he wants some music on which he decides that he’s going to be the DJ. Usually this is my forte, I hate others picking the music – music is my thing. We move to the couch & he goes through my Spotify, making me guess the names of the singer or name of the song – he should know not to play this game with me, I know too much about music, weirdly! I guess them all right, which impresses him. I am secretly smug!

The music he chooses is seriously the most hilarious music – old school 90’s, lots of it is dance music, very much old school tunes, like Dj BoBo – Love is all around

& Dj Scooter – the logical song

I’ve attached the YouTube songs for you that want to reminisce! Absolute fucking gold tracks! Hahaha. He literally played almost every song from Dj BoBo going on & on about him & imitating the way he talks… I’m in fits of laughter the whole night! It’s probably the best date I’ve ever had with a guy.

052816 (4)

We sit there playing music for ages, it’s hilarious, I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to this guy, how much we have in common, how easy it is to have him here at my house, helping himself to his beers in the fridge & more wine, rather than waiting till I offer or asking for another. OMG. I am starting to like this guy too much… Why do I do that? Why does my brain automatically imagine a life with a guy I’ve been on 2 dates with?

He tells me that while I’m in the UK that I need to try all these different snack foods that he loves & a certain brand of peanuts. I tell him that I will definitely try them & I memorise what he said so that I can message him while I’m away! (OMG you loser!)

It’s been a great night just chilling out, without the TV on at all, like Milky & I always did. He leans into kiss me & we have great sex, again we have to get into certain positions for it to be comfortable for me, but we get there with a bit of communication. (communication is key to a good relationship, sexually or otherwise!)

I feel like I say this too much, but I really like this guy! (In all honesty, I’ve only really liked – or seen myself with 3 guys since breaking up with Boyfriend over a decade ago) I like that he isn’t quick to jump up & run home, he’s not scared to stick around, even though I know I am getting attached to this guy, luckily tomorrow I fly out for the UK.

We actually talk a lot while I’m away! I send him pictures of me eating the snack foods that he recommended & I find myself packing a small packet of the nuts into my suitcase for him, when I show him me eating them & he says bring me back some! (What the actual fuck! You’re a creep!) We talk when I get back from my holiday too & I tell him that I brought him back some nuts, he’s says that I’m a legend. But we never catch up. I try to arrange something for before I go back to work, but can’t seem to lock it down. I get a bit pissed off & you know me, I stop initiating texts because I think he can contact me if he is interested.

Obviously he’s not.


Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog:

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!


Unemployed #2

I am not sure why I keep chatting to Unemployed to be honest. He is a stereotypical ghetto type boy needing someone to help him. I mean he’s struggling to get a job, that I even help him with his resume because he sounds like an uneducated man who has no idea how to apply for a job. I also enlist my best friend to help him as well, but I think she sounds too smart & I tone down her version a lot.

I feel sorry for him for some reason & take him on like a little project! I really do believe his story that the young girl lured him in. I’ve seen it before, I mean he is totally in the wrong for even thinking it was ok with a 15 year old, I get that, I’m not justifying it at all, however I just think he needs a friend.

Have you seen the movie Dead Man Walking? Great movie, a real tear jerker but definitely worth the watch, such an amazing film – I suggest you watch it. (Not that it makes a difference to this blog, but everyone should watch it!) Right now, I feel like I am Susan Sarandon, helping a convict, not by judging or by offering advice but just being there for him. (However, I’m clearly not a nun!)

unemployed #2

We go out for lunch one day in the city, I meet him while on holidays, we order food & drinks & I end up paying for the whole thing (OMG I am such a fucking loser!) & I don’t even enjoy myself to be honest, it’s forced & I feel weird, like a counselor or something – even though I just said that’s what I felt like he needed, but I feel like I am going through stuff too & probably not in the right mind set to be counselling someone. I vauge out, listening to him talk about what he wants to do with his life, he has about 20 different ideas on the go at once.

Around this time, I get into kayaking with a friend & purchase 2 of my own. I am keen to introduce others to the activity & I do with a bunch of different friends over the following months. He says he wants to go with me, so I say he can come with me one day, so one weekend he drives the hour & a half to my house to go kayaking. He’s not that good at it but he tries, which is good. We have a nice day on the river, it’s a great activity because I don’t have to entertain him or feel awkward about the fact I have had sex with this dude who may be going to jail!

It’s a fun day; I actually have a good time with him, showing him my new passion, I’ve never been good at sports but I like that I am able to show him what this is like & how fun it is. I really feel like he’s had a sheltered life. He says he has a really good time & wants to do it again. We hug goodbye, that’s about all I can handle & I get the vibe that he doesn’t want to do anything more with me anyway but is happy to have a friend.

A few weeks, maybe months go by, I chat to him a bit online or via text, but we don’t talk about catching up again. When he messages me to tell me that his court hearing/sentence date is coming up and he wants to go out for a special dinner. I say that’s a good idea, not thinking that he meant a special dinner with me, assuming his last day of potential freedom would be spent with his family & cat!

He invites me dinner at Windy Point Restaurant (Fancy! – for those not in Adelaide, it’s a beautiful expensive restaurant that has magnificent views over Adelaide) & not really a place you go with a random guy, more like the place you go to when you are celebrating an anniversary or when you are going to propose to your partner. It’s quite hilarious that he’s taking me there, well not taking me, he’s made it quite clear he has no money & I am paying for myself. But he wanted to spend the last night with me.

When the bill arrives he works out exactly what he has spent & not a cent more, I don’t have enough cash so I have to transfer some money to him via internet banking, I think it was about $20. He actually sends me his bank details too, so I transfer the money to him.

I never hear from him again, so I can only assume that he got jail time for his relationship with the 14 year old, but I guess I will never know. Maybe he will pop back up one day? I don’t know. I will wait & see… I hope by then I have learnt to ignore!



My luck may have changed; this very cute guy, good looking, like hot AF good looking, probably a dream guy in the looks department for me, he is just my type! Tick. Like more hot than normal, I’m totally punching above my weight here. I can’t stress enough how cute he is in his pictures! I’m so surprised when he actually chats to me?! Tick! OMG, he’s also bloody funny. Tick! & He’s my age, not a ridiculously young dude, not an old fart, he’s only 2 years older! OMG. Wow, this one is too good to be true! I’m sure of it. So I say my new mantra over & over “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” firstly this guy probably isn’t going to be keen on me & secondly it’s only been a few months since the Origin debacle.

I can’t even remember what site we met on, but it had a terrible name like ‘’ or something equally stupid, I got a lot of attention on there, maybe because I was the only normal looking one or because I wasn’t a scammer from overseas, or because I was the only chick who knew about this site. I was surprised that he was so interested in me, surely there were other people online that would be better than me. (Serious self-esteem issues, I know, I am working on it!) When he tells me that he’s British, I almost cream my pants, seriously I don’t think he can get any better (Remembering my imaginary checklist).

“I must not get attached, I must not get attached”

We stop talking on the stupid website that we met on & switch to the chat app. I delete my account on that site. Like it’s so dodgy! Mechanic suggests that we meet, which makes my tummy twist in knots, but I say yes, of course I want to meet this guy! We choose a less dodgy pub near me, but let’s face it, it’s the south, so it’s still dodgy. We decide on a game of pool & a drink. I remember thinking wow when I first saw him, this guy is bloody hot (a bit older than his photos, he kind of has a bit of salt & pepper in his hair, few more wrinkles, probably not as buff as the pictures but still very attractive), he’s very funny & can actually hold a conversation, plus he’s British! (Must not forget that!) He has a slight accent, it’s so sexy! I’m so surprised that he keeps offering to buy more drinks & to play more games of pool. He pays for most of it too, maybe, just maybe this guy could be genuine! Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am?! He hasn’t run for the door yet!

We play pool, I am not too bad at the game but when I am losing, I try to distract him by bending over & pulling down my top a little bit to show my cleavage, then giggle. It works. We enjoy some friendly, cheeky banter. It’s really a fun night & I remember a friend once telling me that I need to show my fun side, well here I am showing my fun side! I’m relaxed & having a good time without overthinking anything I am saying or doing. He is so naturally funny, saying one liners that I love, a little like Origin did but this is the first date I’ve been on that I haven’t sat there thinking about someone else.


As the bar closes, yes the bar closes, he walks me to my car, we stand outside, making small talk, before he leans in & kisses me… We are so good at everything that I wonder if we’ll be good at kissing… YEP! We are!! He’s so super fucking hot (Calm down!) Then I can’t help it, the words are out of my mouth before I even realise what I am saying, I ask him if he wants to come back to my house. Of course, he says yes.

We go back to my house & I offer him a drink before he’s kissing me again, I take him into my room, we’re both naked quickly & I kneel on the floor & suck his cock. For the first time in a long time, maybe even the first time… I swallow a guy’s cum, which I would NEVER do for a random, I figure if they want the best of me, then they need to earn the best of me. I’m not sure what made me do it with him to be honest. Maybe this chemistry I’m feeling, maybe it’s the fact I find him so attractive, I’m not sure or maybe it’s just the little bit of liquid courage…

We have sex & it’s really really good sex, though his cock is quite big & hurts me in some positions (I’m personally not a fan of a huge cock, they seem to hurt me – must be something to do with the way my insides are, it’s all about the width & shape for me. I know others don’t agree but that’s just me. Also in my experience guys with giant cocks usually aren’t that good in bed as they think a big cock is all it takes… Guys with smaller cocks seem to work a bit harder & are far better.) But it’s still good with Mechanic once we work it out & shift into a comfortable position. He hangs around for a little while but then he gets up to leave, we kiss goodbye & I hope that I see him again, but I’m not holding out any hope.

He messages me the next day… EEK! That puts a huge fucking smile on my dial that I can’t wipe off! We continue to chat, the banter is cheeky, but not gross. I find out that he actually works as a mechanic (I’m sure you did not see that coming! Hahaha) at the dealer where our work cars are from & serviced, yeah that’s bloody Adelaide for you! I don’t ever have to go to the dealer because they pick up our cars from work when they get serviced, but all of a sudden I wish like hell there was a reason to drop my car off!


Flaccid #2

So what is it about me, that I am good enough to sleep with once, forget about & then when they see me online again when I stupidly reactive my accounts that they decide that they want to see me again. Or is it that they just have had no other options & I’m stupid enough to let them back into my life?!

Well this guy Flaccid who couldn’t even keep hard when we had sex a but he did almost make me cum – I mean almost isn’t as good as making me cum, I am not sure why being close to making me cum is a good thing (I guess I’m trying to be positive), but I guess it was the way he was going to make me cum… Read the previous blog about him…

When I give him my number again I think what the hell am I doing? He calls me one night & we almost end up having phone sex, but I’ve never done that before so it feels a little weird for me, especially with a random dude but I’m not sure I am very good at vocalising what I think they should do or what I would do. I mean I’m not mute when I have sex with someone, I can do it when they are touching me in real life a little & I sort of do it over text but I don’t know if I can do it with a random over the phone.

He texts me a few times over the course of few weeks, but I end up ignoring him after a while, I assume that it’s just going to be sex & I am over just being a sex toy for men. I want something more; I want to be taken out on dates & shown a good time. I want to be spoiled, I want someone to look at me & think they never want to see anyone else, that I am it!

If I keep this casual thing going then a I ever going to find that one person who wants me? Is there actually someone out there for me? I stop talking to him for months.

flaccid #2

So with this in mind, I’m not sure why I talk to this guy again when he pops back up months later… How & why he keeps coming back into my life but he does & I seem to be only too keen to let him. WTF is wrong with me? Clearly there is something wrong with them as they are still single, but then I mean I am still single too, but that’s also because these are the types of guys I am left with!

He tells me that he wants to catch up with me as soon as he can, he’s leaving to go to the UK for a year for work. Right, so what is the point of this? Why am I even considering this? We message & message but he always has an excuse as he’s sold his car already & can’t get to my house, he’s living with family so I can’t go to see him. Blah blah blah.

It’s been almost a whole year since we fucked the first time, when I allow him to come over. This time we’ve talked about what he should do if he goes soft & I remind him how good he was when he actually almost made me cum – just to boost his ego. When he comes over, we will just fuck, there is no small talk or anything because well lets face it, I’m never going to see him again after tonight, he leaves in a few days to go overseas & I’ll probably never talk to him again after tonight either.

So he comes over & the sex is actually really good, it goes for a while, he goes down on me & he makes me cum, which surprises me, I mean I figured that he would get me close, but I can tell you that I was convinced he’d get me over the edge! I’m glad he did. He hangs around for a little while, just lying there naked, chatting. It’s actually kind of nice. He’s a pretty nice guy.

When he gets to the UK, he starts messaging me on what’s app for his UK number, we message, I think mainly for him to get validation from me that I had a good time this time. I put his mind at ease. He starts his convo with a dick pic asking me what I think, I mean I hate when they ask, what are you supposed to say? I say it looks big & try to move on.

We talk a lot about porn, I have been watching a lot lately, not sure why, I seem to go through phases of watching lots or not watching it at all. But in this phase, I am watching it daily – I have very specific tastes on what I watch, I won’t just watch anything & I hate home made porn… It’s about this time that I am heading to the UK with my Aunty. I keep in contact with him because I think that we might be able to catch up, if we’re in the same city. Not sure how I’ll get away from my aunt, but I’ll work something out since I probably won’t have sex for a month while away.

I also suggest to him that he buys himself a fleshlight (A male sex toy, basically a hole in a tube that they can masturbate with) because he seems to jerk off a lot, which is odd being that his nickname from me is Flaccid but oh well. He buys one & I regret suggesting it because he sends me videos all the time of him using it. Why do men do that? I don’t give a fuck if you cum. I cum every day by myself & don’t video for any one… Actually I’m certain guys would love it if I did.

We never meet up while I’m in the UK. We message the whole time though but it never happens. We talk even more when I get home from the trip, but he still has another year or so away. We talk about when he’s coming home, but I will be in Hawaii when he gets home. I’m also talking to multiple other guys (stories to come) that I don’t want to meet him so I ignore his final messages to me on his UK number.

He has messaged me about 2 years later, he found my phone number (I’d been though a lot – stories to come) & so we messaged a bit but he again didn’t have a car & then was drunk & wouldn’t catch a taxi/uber, so I’ve ignored everything since then. He messages again & I finally ask “why are you messaging me?” he replies that he just wanted to say hi, I ask “just hi?” but he never responds… All I wanted to know was what he wanted… Did he want to just fuck or does he want more. Maybe I didn’t word it right but seriously I don’t even care that he never responds, I’m sick of games.


Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog:

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!



Meeting a guy on the anonymous chat app seems to be the best way to meet men while I am not really looking for a relationship at the moment. I struggle with actual dating apps. So when I travel for work, I think I will try to see if I can find a casual thing in the hotel room while I was away – kinda like a little sneaky fantasy. I hadn’t ever met someone on a work trip before because I had calmed down a little bit with the casual sex thing.

Dildo sent me his pic & we chatted a while before my trip. I thought why not be a little big naughty while away for work. It seemed like it might be fun. He talked a little dirty with me, kinda in a creepy way that’s not fun, including talking about sex toys with me but I persevere with the convo, maybe because I am so keen on this little fantasy, I don’t know why!

He decides that when we meet, he’s going to buy me a vibrator or dildo and use it on me. Rightio. Not the first time a guy has used a vibe on me but certainly the first time a guy has offered to buy me a toy to use on me. He also informs me he has a magic tongue. (Bahahaha – yeah sure you do, dude.)While I don’t believe this magic bullshit, I am a little intrigued to meet this guy.

After work I buy a bottle of wine to curb the anxiety of inviting a random guy to my hotel room when I am miles from home. He’s told me that he’s been to the one & only sex shop in town to buy me a dildo. I have half the bottle of shiraz before he gets there. Maybe that was a major mistake.

He doesn’t look like his pic at all, he is dirty including his fingernails, he’s young & not at all like his pictures. He’s in work clothes that are also dirty (like as if he didn’t change before he came to meet me.) I wonder how I’ve got this so wrong & I immediately start to wonder how I am going to get out of this. I start to feel really bad for this guy. Once he takes his filthy beanie off, his hair looks like a cancer patient would… I wonder how he’ll ever get anyone to have sex with him (fuck I’m a bitch). He shows me the box that the dildo came in, but he never uses it on me but we talk about its features & what settings it has, as it was some sort of electronic dildo. This is so awkward, that I give him some pity sex where he uses a condom that has tingling gel on it… That’s a first for me & it feels weird. I do not enjoy that.


When he uses his “Magic Tongue” I feel no magic whatsoever & I get him to finish because this is not doing anything for me, I am so done here… He stands up afterwards looking at his phone saying his mum has been calling & he has to go. I don’t even hide that I am happy about that.

A few days later he’s messaging me when I’m back home. I decide to unbox the dido & have a look at it, as I untangle the cord, it comes straight out the base & the thing is deemed unless, broken – or maybe it’s just a regular dildo now (hahaha). I tell the guy since he’s messaging & he tells me that he goes back into the sex shop to tell them it broke & they gave him 50% off another dildo or vibrator. I can assure you, he’s never going to use it with me! I throw the broken toy in the bin & stop replying to his messages.



I met Unemployed on an app not for dating, it’s an anonymous app where you post bullshit “secrets”, it’s really designed for teenagers but old farts like me get on there too, like sad old losers… but he & I started chatting a lot. It was quite easy to chat to him, but I was cautious because he was so much younger than me. But he seemed to be going through a rough time, his fiancé had just left him, she left during the night so when he woke up, she was gone & the ring was on his pillow (bit dramatic!). He was also back living with his grandma because he couldn’t live with his parents & I think at some point he’d been living with her family too. He’d also lost his job in the process of all this & was struggling to get a new one. But every day that I talked to him, he had a new idea about what he was going to do with his future or what courses he was going to take. He was just that type of guy, who couldn’t work out what he wanted to do or was just after a quick buck.

Just after I met him online, we hadn’t obviously met in real life yet, I was travelling for work to Mt Gambier about 5 hours from home, he says that he’ll come down to the South East to meet me. Now this is weird, firstly, because I actually live on the other side of the city to him, about an hour & a half away which has been an issue for him regarding petrol, so I don’t know why he thought a 5 hour drive was better. I knew I had someone lined up while down there (see next post) & I also didn’t know what this guy would be like, knowing my luck, he’d be a douche & then I’d be stuck with him in my hotel room while I work for a week & I’m too nice to say that he needs to leave. I somehow get out of meeting him in Mt Gambier.

Because he lives with his Grandma, the only option to meet is at my house. (Well I guess we could go out but he’s got no money.) I am on my way home from a different work day trip, a few hours away from home, he starts to freak out that I’m going to give him the wrong address as he’s had that happen to him before (OMG women are mean!) I reassure him by sending him a picture of my house. When he arrives at my house, I have a work crisis going on & I need to send an email urgently, I feel a bit bad but work is a priority for me, so I get him a drink & write my email while he waits patiently.

He is younger than me by about 8 years or so, I think he is about 26, his pics weren’t really that great so he does look better than his pics (Yes, I am aware I say that about most guys!) however he still isn’t my usual type. Not that I think I have a type but he wasn’t really that attractive to me.

We watch Netflix & talk a bit. I’m bloody tired from a long drive (people don’t realise how tiring driving can be for work, plus the actual work you have to do once at the location then drive hours home) so as it gets later & later, I start to fall asleep. In the end I realise he isn’t going to go home so I suggest we go to bed. I honestly can’t remember what I wore to bed that night (I’m assuming I wasn’t naked), I fall asleep instantly & kinda feel bad because I can’t stay awake. It’s probably the first time since Boyfriend where I have actually slept next to a man without having sex with them.

Next morning however, he’s trying it on, spooning me, rubbing my sides, so I wake up & we have sex. He’s really thoughtful while we have sex making me cum many many times before we do anything else – I did actually get a record of 28 orgasms that morning – why I count, I don’t know… But afterwards we’re lying there & he says he has to tell me something. WARNING! WTF could he tell me after sex? That he’s got a wife? An STI? That I’m shit in bed? What? What is it? I lie there with a million thoughts going through my head, this is possibly the worst time to tell someone something. I never saw this coming!

“If I disappear for a while,” OMFG, what the fuck! “Don’t worry, I will come back” Ok dude, what on earth is going on. Guy’s disappearing isn’t something new to me, however, guys telling me they are going to disappear & come back, is new. Curiosity gets me & I ask what he means. He hesitates before saying “I might be going to jailOH HOLY FUCK!!!!!! I want to jump up & run away, this dude is in my fucking bed! I’m naked. He’s naked. I have just fucked him! I ask ‘why‘ as calm as I can, scared about what he might say. He tells me that his last girlfriend after his fiancé, that he met online – on the anonymous app, told him she was 15 however she was actually only 14. Well FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Have I just had sex with a child predator?


He explains the story & says his lawyer says he has a good case as he letters & emails from the 14 year old girlfriend about her love for him & that she didn’t want her mum to find out. However her mum did found out & that is how he was in this position – he says he’s got a good lawyer, I’m assuming it’s a pro bono type situation or legal aid, but he seems optimistic. I don’t really remember how I get this guy out my house but he leaves & I have a shower for an hour.


Jerk Off #2

So before I met Origin I was chatting to this guy Jerk Off on snapchat, you may not remember him or the story, as he was no one really of significance. But he of course sends me unsolicited dick pics including a video of him jerking off which I rapidly saved (why do I save them?!), but a few friends would ask to show them pics, especially ones who had been in relationships for a long time. (I’m still not 100% sure why men send them or what they think we do with them but I get a lot, at one stage there I was getting an average of one per day!)

This guy lives so far away from me, yet he constantly snapchats me every few days to hook up with him. I’ve kept him in the loop because you never know what might happen & look I’m still single after all, after disaster after disaster & the recent disaster with Origin, I figure that he might be a good rebound (so to speak) since I’m going to be staying in the country town a few over from where he lives in a few nights after heading out to a local pub for a friends birthday.

He snapchats me all through the night, I shamelessly ask him to come to my friend’s house to have sex with me, but he says no. (WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!) I don’t get this guy, he knows that we live far apart & this is probably the closest we’ll ever be, distance wise, but he doesn’t want to come over. I go to bed feeling like a really big fool, another guy I offer myself on a platter too, rejects me. Could things get any worse?

He snapchats me the next day to see how I’m feeling asking me if I was wearing cute underwear, which I tell him I was & that it’s his loss. He agrees but I stop talking to him. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I can’t keep offering myself up for just no strings sex & still end up in bed alone. I feel so stupid. I can’t even believe that this is happening to me again, for like the twentieth time in my life.

It was probably for the best to be honest, I mean how would I explain that to my friend or their friends the next day that I had some random dude come over & fuck me. I mean that would have probably been the worst walk of shame. Though I probably wouldn’t have let him sleep over, I would’ve kicked him out. But I have no idea where people were sleeping, I mean he could’ve walked past anyone.

Jerkoff #2

We keep snapchatting for a few weeks – why I don’t know, I don’t really know why he keeps messaging me, I never initiate a message with this guy. It’s clearly never going anywhere. I delete him off my account after a few months. Every time I am online dating again, he pops up as a match. But clearly we’re just never going anywhere. This is a colossal waste of my time, as usual!

UPDATE: I deleted him from my snapchat but he pops up online ALL the time whenever I fall back into the trap of online dating again. I never accept his requests every again. I need to start making decisions for myself – not with my vagina!