Obsidian #16

June 2026 – All Too Well

29 April 2026 – It’s almost been a year since I have been in this new job & ironically, as they say, you can’t have it all… When my job & career were shit, things with Obsidian were good & got really good. As soon as I found a great job, things went to shit with him.

He’ll say that I am just a typical winging girlfriend. I’ll say that he was distant & cold. We needed to work harder on our communication than other couples because we didn’t get to see each other like regular people do… So I either just let it go, let him pull away or I talk to him about it, which is what makes me a typical whinging girlfriend. It’s a no-win situation.

I also wonder if the downfall of us was me telling him things like when I had my period or a upset belly, even the shit about my work or family, just made me human to him… He’d built me up to be this woman in his head, this syborg of a woman who didn’t fart, vomit, burp or get a period who was just the sexual equivalent. He built me into something that his reality version of me couldn’t deal with. He really didn’t know me at all, when I truly think about it & it’s why he hasn’t tried to fix us… He didn’t want me, he wanted the version he thought I was…

I’m not a massive Taylor Swift fan but, this song hits a bit too close to me… Did I make it all up? Was this all just a dream? The movie version of this song – the driving in the car, the kissing in the forest just fucking kills me to watch as if our life was a movie, this is what it would look like – complete with the dude with a beard! Hahaha… But then she does seem to crack the shits at the dinner party because he wouldn’t hold her hand & watching it, I think fuck she is a bit over the top, like he was with friends but do you know what? That fucking disrespect & gaslighting is so fucking real that I can’t even cope with watching this…

You know what’s funny? Is for so many years, I never really thought that Obsidian took me for granted until he started v2.0 & he admitted that he did – I mean I may have thought it but I just always put it down to our situation… But this last time, that’s all he did, was take me for granted, treated me well when he felt like it & when I fell for it, he changed the game again… Just expecting that I would always be there.

Taylor Swift – All Too Well (10 Min Version)

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But somethin’ ’bout it felt like home somehow
And I left my scarf there at your sister’s house
And you’ve still got it in your drawer, even now

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We’re singin’ in the car, gettin’ lost upstate
Autumn leaves fallin’ down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it’s long gone and that magic’s not here no more
And I might be okay, but I’m not fine at all

‘Cause there we are again on that little town street
You almost ran the red ’cause you were lookin’ over at me
Wind in my hair, I was there
I remember it all too well

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turnin’ red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed
And your mother’s tellin’ stories ’bout you on the tee-ball team
You taught me ’bout your past, thinkin’ your future was me
And you were tossin’ me the car keys, ‘Fuck the patriarchy’
Keychain on the ground, we were always skippin’ town
And I was thinkin’ on the drive down, “Anytime now
He’s gonna say it’s love, ” you never called it what it was
‘Til we were dead and gone and buried
Check the pulse and come back swearin’
It’s the same after three months in the grave
And then you wondered where it went to
As I reached for you, but all I felt was shame
And you held my lifeless frame

And I know it’s long gone and there was nothin’ else I could do
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

‘Cause there we are again in the middle of the night
We’re dancin’ ’round the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there
I remember it all too well
And there we are again when nobody had to know
You kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath
Sacred prayer and we’d swear
To remember it all too well

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece ’til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there
I remember it all too well
And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of bein’ honest
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lyin’ here
‘Cause I remember it all, all, all

They say, “All’s well that ends well, ” but I’m in a new hell
Every time you double-cross my mind
You said, “If we had been closer in age, maybe it would’ve been fine”
And that made me want to die
The idea you had of me, who was she? An ever-needy, ever-lovely jewel
Whose shine reflects on you
Not weepin’ in a party bathroom, some actress askin’ me what happened
You, that’s what happened, you
You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
Sippin’ coffee like you’re on a late-night show
But then he watched me watch the front door all night willing you to come
And he said, “It’s supposed to be fun turnin’ twenty-one”

Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still tryin’ to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
‘Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can’t get rid of it
‘Cause you remember it all too well

‘Cause there we are again when I loved you so (loved you so)
Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known
It was rare, I was there
I remember it all too well (oh, oh)
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there
I remember it all too well

And I was never good at tellin’ jokes but the punchline goes
“I’ll get older but your lovers stay my age”
From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones
I’m a soldier who’s returning half her weight
And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?
Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?
‘Cause in this city’s barren cold
I still remember the first fall of snow
And how it glistened as it fell
I remember it all too well
Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well?
Just between us, do you remember it all too well?
Just between us, I remember it (just between us)
All too well

Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there (I was there)
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it (all too well)
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there (oh)
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there (I was there)
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it (all too well)
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it
Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there
Down the stairs, I was there, I was there
Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there
It was rare, you remember it

Source: LyricFind – Songwriters: Elisabeth Wagner Rose / Taylor Alison Swift – All Too Well: The Short Film lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

So this is where #IBD4U ends… While I love writing, there is literally nothing going on in my dating life, it’s almost been a year since I had sex with anyone.

I am not ok with it, even now being we haven’t spoken for over six months. I remember it all too well… I remember giving my all to get 50% of him. Maybe I asked for too much, but then I remember it all too well, that I didn’t ask for this… I certainly didn’t want him completely out of my life & if I knew that it would end up this way, I wouldn’t have allowed him to get close. But I remember it all too well, him saying that he wanted me in his life & he was going to make an effort – I believed him.

Our love was rare. Or should I say, my love for him was rare… I am not sure he loved me, but I don’t believe that he has had that type of connection with anyone before & he never will again, this thing between us was a masterpiece that he just tore up because he was running scared. He ran so fast from ne multiple times, destroying any chance of us remaining friends…

I wish nothing but the best for him & my little romantic brain holds out hope that one day, just one day Obsidian & I can be friends again… But for now, I’ll remember it all too well…

#IBD4U