I didn’t even notice but Marvel #1 was my 450th blog! What a milestone… Only seems fitting that he be a milestone blog. Also this posted this morning accidentally with no content! Hahaha. So here is the blog.
So this is a hard story to share, to review the messages & write about it, relive it. I don’t always write as things are happening but sometimes I do, so there is sporadic information I have written & other is from memory or screenshots I have.
This doesn’t spoil anything either, but I also know what happens, good or bad, I know because this was a year ago… So that makes it harder. There are still feelings there for me. I know they are still there for him – I’ll admit they aren’t as strong as they were, but they are there… As stupid as it sounds I can feel it in his replies… I can feel the need he has to want to write back to me & I understand why he didn’t immediately reply when I messaged earlier in the week. I hurt him. He hurt me. He’s trying to protect us both, I just need to see this through. One thing about this man, was he was not only my lover – the best & only lover I’ve ever had, he was my best friend, I told him almost everything about me. He got me, he got my personality. He got my sense of humor. He supported me, told me the truth & looked at my like I was the sexiest woman on the planet.
Let’s not forget the chemistry I had with him it’s hard to forget. It’s a drug. The love I had for this man is a drug too, but the chemistry, that physical attraction is unparalleled. Unless you’ve felt it, honestly really felt that feeling, you cannot judge this story. There is wanting someone & there is a need to have someone, this is more than a want, this is more than a need.
So Marvel & I fall back into a daily chat again… This isn’t healthy – I know he would say that to me if he gets the chance. The next day he asks me if my network of spies tell me yet. He’s joined groups again. I don’t care if he is in groups, I only care if he chats to me – I need that right now, I want it right now. MY life is falling apart professionally & I want Marvel to know everything that has happened in the last 5 months since I ended it & since he got married. Oh yes, I need to remember that this man said “till death do us part” to someone who blackmailed him & to someone he loves – I don’t deny that – but to someone he doesn’t truly love either.
He says that I never answered his question about being friends, I ask when because we just agreed yesterday that we would be friends. I am so glad he agreed to being friends. He clarifies that he asked me last year. This needy moment from him – reminds me he’s still in love with me. But I told him last year I wanted to be his friend. I want him in my life, I know it’s fucked but I want it. I tell him that all he wrote to me was I hope we can still be friends & that he would message when he could. I never replied to that – I mean I had sent a video pouring my heart out & that’s all he said, knowing that he was getting married 4 days later. He said because I didn’t reply to that he said to him self “fuck you” & was said he was being a stubborn cunt & wouldn’t write back to me. We’re both stubborn. I was waiting for him to “message when he could” I never got another message so I was being stubborn too… How fucked up are we. Though things happen for a reason I guess, what would have happened if I rocked up to see him & he was suddenly wearing a wedding ring? A wedding ring I so desperately wanted to put on his finger, the only man I’ve ever wanted to marry & he would have one from her. Or would he take it off to see me? Would he hide the wedding photos before I got to his house to fuck him on their couch?
I hate this topic, thinking about what we could have been & telling him how much I cried over him. So I send him pictures from when we were together the first time & he sends me the first dick pic of the chat… That was quick! We’ve been chatting for less than 2 days & I’ve already made him hard enough to send me a dick pic. Then I can’t help myself – I ask if he still uses me to jerk off too & he says that he does. I can’t help but smile. He could easily lie & say no, I know it wouldn’t be true but the fact he told me the truth, makes me smile more than it should.
An odd conversation comes up though about this woman who lives on my street. So she apparently works with his wife, but she also runs a beauty business from home too, his wife went there & apparently this woman knows all about my sex life & told his wife. The story doesn’t add up to me. How would anyone know anything about my sex life unless they read my blog, I am anonymous on my blog so no one would know who I am. He tells me that his wife openly tells everyone he had an affair. With my beauty business, I used a different number, I didn’t put my street address on the pages. No one would know who I was & couldn’t put 2 & 2 together, I was super careful about that. He tells me his wife told this other woman who has a beauty business on my street my house number & to look out for his car at my house. What the actual fuck! I ask him why she would marry him if she’s got people on the look out for him. He says he doesn’t know… but this whole story sounds fishy to me. How could anyone know it’s me? He says he knows nothing more but it doesn’t make any sense to me… He says “my wifes exact txt message was your ex gf runs a beauty business” I question more & he says that she doesn’t know the name of the hobby business, but that she knows I have a hobby… I probe him for answers but he says that he never listened when she talked about it which apparently she did for ages – I mean why would you even text your husband to tell him anything about his ex, I would want him to forget her.
When Marvel blames Sweetie for going to this beauty lady & telling her everything about my sex life. I ask Sweetie in random message as I haven’t spoken to her in a while, but she denies it… This story doesn’t make sense… Why are people in my street talking about my sex life & how do they know? Yeah I know I post a lot on this blog, but a random person on my street couldn’t put this blog, my hobby business & my address all in the same basket. Also I hate that people are talking about me, talking about my private life. Because if this woman was reading my blog, I’m certain his wife would have it, I know he would read it too as she wouldn’t keep it in & I highly doubt he’d be talking to me now…
Something is very fucking fishy here! Oddly I have had random people book in for 3 hour appointments obviously after I’ve work 9-5 at my main job & then I come home to do this hobby, but when the people don’t rock up or ask me really weirdo questions – I am now wondering, was it her?! Is she playing with me to waste my time? I guess we’re all fucked up in our own way…