Month: Jul 2021

I didn’t even notice but Marvel #1 was my 450th blog! What a milestone… Only seems fitting that he be a milestone blog. Also this posted this morning accidentally with no content! Hahaha. So here is the blog.

So this is a hard story to share, to review the messages & write about it, relive it. I don’t always write as things are happening but sometimes I do, so there is sporadic information I have written & other is from memory or screenshots I have.

This doesn’t spoil anything either, but I also know what happens, good or bad, I know because this was a year ago… So that makes it harder. There are still feelings there for me. I know they are still there for him – I’ll admit they aren’t as strong as they were, but they are there… As stupid as it sounds I can feel it in his replies… I can feel the need he has to want to write back to me & I understand why he didn’t immediately reply when I messaged earlier in the week. I hurt him. He hurt me. He’s trying to protect us both, I just need to see this through. One thing about this man, was he was not only my lover – the best & only lover I’ve ever had, he was my best friend, I told him almost everything about me. He got me, he got my personality. He got my sense of humor. He supported me, told me the truth & looked at my like I was the sexiest woman on the planet.

Let’s not forget the chemistry I had with him it’s hard to forget. It’s a drug. The love I had for this man is a drug too, but the chemistry, that physical attraction is unparalleled. Unless you’ve felt it, honestly really felt that feeling, you cannot judge this story. There is wanting someone & there is a need to have someone, this is more than a want, this is more than a need.

So Marvel & I fall back into a daily chat again… This isn’t healthy – I know he would say that to me if he gets the chance. The next day he asks me if my network of spies tell me yet. He’s joined groups again. I don’t care if he is in groups, I only care if he chats to me – I need that right now, I want it right now. MY life is falling apart professionally & I want Marvel to know everything that has happened in the last 5 months since I ended it & since he got married. Oh yes, I need to remember that this man said “till death do us part” to someone who blackmailed him & to someone he loves – I don’t deny that – but to someone he doesn’t truly love either.

He says that I never answered his question about being friends, I ask when because we just agreed yesterday that we would be friends. I am so glad he agreed to being friends. He clarifies that he asked me last year. This needy moment from him – reminds me he’s still in love with me. But I told him last year I wanted to be his friend. I want him in my life, I know it’s fucked but I want it. I tell him that all he wrote to me was I hope we can still be friends & that he would message when he could. I never replied to that – I mean I had sent a video pouring my heart out & that’s all he said, knowing that he was getting married 4 days later. He said because I didn’t reply to that he said to him self “fuck you” & was said he was being a stubborn cunt & wouldn’t write back to me. We’re both stubborn. I was waiting for him to “message when he could” I never got another message so I was being stubborn too… How fucked up are we. Though things happen for a reason I guess, what would have happened if I rocked up to see him & he was suddenly wearing a wedding ring? A wedding ring I so desperately wanted to put on his finger, the only man I’ve ever wanted to marry & he would have one from her. Or would he take it off to see me? Would he hide the wedding photos before I got to his house to fuck him on their couch?

I hate this topic, thinking about what we could have been & telling him how much I cried over him. So I send him pictures from when we were together the first time & he sends me the first dick pic of the chat… That was quick! We’ve been chatting for less than 2 days & I’ve already made him hard enough to send me a dick pic. Then I can’t help myself – I ask if he still uses me to jerk off too & he says that he does. I can’t help but smile. He could easily lie & say no, I know it wouldn’t be true but the fact he told me the truth, makes me smile more than it should.

An odd conversation comes up though about this woman who lives on my street. So she apparently works with his wife, but she also runs a beauty business from home too, his wife went there & apparently this woman knows all about my sex life & told his wife. The story doesn’t add up to me. How would anyone know anything about my sex life unless they read my blog, I am anonymous on my blog so no one would know who I am. He tells me that his wife openly tells everyone he had an affair. With my beauty business, I used a different number, I didn’t put my street address on the pages. No one would know who I was & couldn’t put 2 & 2 together, I was super careful about that. He tells me his wife told this other woman who has a beauty business on my street my house number & to look out for his car at my house. What the actual fuck! I ask him why she would marry him if she’s got people on the look out for him. He says he doesn’t know… but this whole story sounds fishy to me. How could anyone know it’s me? He says he knows nothing more but it doesn’t make any sense to me… He says “my wifes exact txt message was your ex gf runs a beauty business” I question more & he says that she doesn’t know the name of the hobby business, but that she knows I have a hobby… I probe him for answers but he says that he never listened when she talked about it which apparently she did for ages – I mean why would you even text your husband to tell him anything about his ex, I would want him to forget her.

When Marvel blames Sweetie for going to this beauty lady & telling her everything about my sex life. I ask Sweetie in random message as I haven’t spoken to her in a while, but she denies it… This story doesn’t make sense… Why are people in my street talking about my sex life & how do they know? Yeah I know I post a lot on this blog, but a random person on my street couldn’t put this blog, my hobby business & my address all in the same basket. Also I hate that people are talking about me, talking about my private life. Because if this woman was reading my blog, I’m certain his wife would have it, I know he would read it too as she wouldn’t keep it in & I highly doubt he’d be talking to me now…

Something is very fucking fishy here! Oddly I have had random people book in for 3 hour appointments obviously after I’ve work 9-5 at my main job & then I come home to do this hobby, but when the people don’t rock up or ask me really weirdo questions – I am now wondering, was it her?! Is she playing with me to waste my time? I guess we’re all fucked up in our own way…

#IBD4U

So have you worked it out? Do you remember who Marvel is?!

A friend on the chat app (who has never rated a mention so I haven’t nicknamed him) tells me that Marvel is back online. I don’t believe it until I get sent his photo of him doing the live picture entry to get into the group, you have to suck you thumb to prove you’re real. There is his face. OMG my heart sinks… His fucking face… He’s looking a lot chubbier than I remember – much like his wedding photo I saw only 2 months before, but it’s him. His face that is so attractive to me, why is he so attractive… I can’t believe this… Have you guessed it yet… It’s fucking Noodle! It’s mother fucking Noodle. On my turf, again!

It’s only been 5 months since he got married & he’s already back online?! Surely not… But the picture proves it… I don’t know what to do. This doesn’t make any sense… So one thing about this, is that he’s using the account that he created at the beginning of our second affair – the one he catfished me on, the one he created to stalk me so I didn’t know… So this tells me that he wants me to know who he is, if I see him joining groups etc. If he didn’t want me to know, he would have created another account & pretended he was someone else & I would never know he was back online… However the friends I have would have told me anyway if he joined with a new profile & when he did the live pic thing, I’m sure someone would have told me…

I decide to not do anything though, as much as I want too, I even tell the other guy that I won’t… I mean I am hurt still, I am not over him… This hurts me too knowing he’s back online… I can tell you though,  I am not as in love with him as I was, but I do still love him – I don’t think that will ever go away, no matter how much he hurts me, it’s always been unattainable so it hurts, but I still want it. I can’t help it – as much as I try, I cannot stop loving him. This time this information doesn’t stop me from eating – that’s the only reason I know it’s different. I know I am different. I have grown from the previous experiences.

He joins on the Friday, I do toy with the idea of using a fake account to play with him – like he once did with me but I know that will just do my head in – I don’t need to know what he writes to other people, I know he likes to chat, I know he likes to be cheeky, I know he likes to flirt…. I need to talk to him as me or not talk to him at all. It’s that simple. I am no catfish… I would only ever chat to him as me or not at all, he knows that about me (whether he believes it or not, he knows I am not like that.) I think it, but I wouldn’t do it.

I wait till Tuesday night when I am level headed – maybe I’m unhinged, I don’t know, I send him several messages & get nothing back. “Imagine my surprise to be told several times that you’re back on here & quite active, only 5 months after saying to me I’ll chat to you when I can & then getting married 4 days later.” I can see that he’s been online because of the little greyed out d but he doesn’t look at any of my messages, which fucks me off & makes me so angry.

Finally I just write “Just reply to me Marvel,” he leaves some groups & I am told that too.. I never thought he would just ignore me, I even say that. I tell J-lo that if he doesn’t write back to me today, I am going to text his mobile number when I know that she is home so my number comes up on his phone. I am so fucking done being ignored by this guy.

He writes back saying that he’s stayed clear of me & that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea that we chat – is he fucking kidding me? Steered clear of me how?! He’s on the chat app, he could be anywhere else, he could have created a new account. But he’s on here & he’s being obvious about it. He tells me that he has no intention of cheating, that he’s a terrible friend & terrible partner that I shouldn’t miss him. I tell him that I feel like a fool for messaging him at Christmas & new years thinking that he was still thinking of me, not realising that he married her, 4 days after I said goodbye for the second time. I ask why he married her & he simply says “Mother of my kids” WOW so heartfelt, I know he has no empathy or compassion but really… I am so angry & drill him, which makes him turn the conversation to me fucking other men & my dating – because he thinks I’ve fucked everyone again. He tells me that he never wanted to fuck me the second time & I laugh & say “your face at Hungry Jacks told me a different story!” He asks if I want to chat him or not & my heart wrenches… I do. But then he says that he can’t be my best friend or my lover, which I know… Could I even see him again this time?!

I tell him I started a little hobby business, something I wanted to tell my best friend since the moment I started it & he says that he already knows… WHAT? How? He says his wife knows because someone on my street works with her… OH FUCK. Like Adelaide is ridiculous!

He asks me to promise that I won’t tell anyone that we’re talking… Believe me, if I told people, they would kill me… They saw how destroyed I was, both times. What could he do to me this time?!

He tells me he’s finally got a job, it took him a while & he’s gone back to retail, part time. I know this is a kick to his self esteem & another reason why he would think he’s not good enough for me. He bitches about he fact that I won’t tell him who told me that he’s back online, he says he doesn’t like people knowing his business – well do you think I like the fact that his wife is talking about me & telling people who live in my street about my little hobby business? So I know now that when I got all these weird messages, it was probably her playing with me. I hope not but now I know she knows about the business, I’m sure she would have. He tells me that someone told him that I fucked cowboy – someone he hates, he says when I question him “that it came up in conversation” but omg he is pissed that someone told me that he was back online. I mean someone is talking abut my sex life, all anyone has said to me is that he’s back online. How can he even be angry at me right now…

When he starts to really piss me off I simply say “does your wife know we fucked 10 days before your wedding on her couch?” & he tells me that he’ll be quiet about it. He doesn’t see the difference, someone is talking on the chat app about people I have had sex with. Everyone knows I used to fuck Noodle as he told everyone when he left the chat app the first time – he made it perfectly clear. It’s ridiculous… I can’t believe he’s angry at me about this! He says that he asked me specifically not to fuck one guy, “one single person on the chat app” I get why he’s hurt about that, I hated myself for it afterwards as you all know. However he can’t see that everything he’s done to me has been way worse… Fuck he’s so self-involved.  He says good bye saying he’ll chat soon & I agree that I want to chat with him… Do I want to chat with him again?! As it is, I finally got him to reply to me today & we’ve chatted all day, every second that we could… Mainly as a fight but we were chatting – so easily…

SIDE NOTE– So one of the reasons why I have been struggling to write, is that I knew this story was coming up & this story is very difficult to write… I really don’t want to go back through the messages (yes I’ve screenshotted every single chat with him) & have to relieve everything thing we ever said, remember this is all a year ago now & it’s very difficult for me to keep travelling back to this epic love story gone wrong. But I do want you to read it… But please bear with me if I can’t get a blog post done!

So I’ll ask you… -Do you want to hear what happens next with this story?

#IBD4U

At this point, I haven’t spoken to Dom Dom in a little while but he pops up every now & then, we chat, he tries to phone sex with me, I am not always into it, I think he realises that something is up with me – why I’m not interested or getting involved & so then he disappears for a while.

I’m sitting at home one Saturday afternoon when he asks what I’m doing. I say nothing, because that’s true. Next minute he’s on his way to my house saying that he’s in the area. I don’t know what it is about this guy, before Milky, Dom Dom was probably the most influential in my sex life, however I hadn’t ever actually met him until recently. But when he comes over, as much as I want to see him, I also don’t… I know he also reads these blogs so I will be honest – I’ve told him not to read but one thing about this guy is hard for me to say knowing he reads, but I always give you honesty. This guy as you know is married. He’s not leaving his wife either. He is also very dominant, which I love. But is always on his terms. His time schedule. I used to run late for work because he would call me for phone sex, then he’d hang up like I meant nothing & would say later he had to go to work or someone came up to his car – there is always an excuse, he’s done, he hangs up. Of course I’ve cum too but it’s always on his terms. I fucking hate that. When do I get a change to be the one calling the shots?

Anyway this Saturday he rocks up to my house, he sits on my couch, again I am just still heart broken & unlike last time, I am trying not to fill that void with meaningless sex. But there is also a pull with this man too, he has something over me. I don’t know what it is but he has it. A connection I seem to only find with married men.

I end up sucking his dick but I refuse to have sex with him, as he leaves – once he’s done I fucking hate myself. I have been dicked around by man after man & here I am still trying to get over someone & here is another dude just messing with me, just using me.

After the whole T**y debacle I am in a really low place, lower than I think I have ever been, I mean I knew men lied & I know they lie to their partners, I am not stupid but his lies to me were next level. I haven’t experienced lies like that before. Dom Dom is chatting sporadically as he does, he decides that we need to see each other in the city. I don’t even know where, he keeps suggesting club x, but I refuse to go. I don’t know what’s worse, where we do meet or club x?! Because of how low I am, the last person I had sex with at this point is T**y, the lying fucktard so I agree to meet with Dom Dom after much persuasion from him.

We meet in public toilet, one of those smart loos, he’s in there when I arrive, thinking why the fuck am I doing this… We’ve chatted on the phone my whole drive, he’s made me take off my panties & show him. I admit that it turns me on but I still have this voice inside my head telling me not to go, but my vagina telling me to go & get it some action.

As soon as I walk in & the door locks, I am grabbed & kissed. We kiss for a while, he then pushes me down to suck his cock, I do not want to kneel on a foul toilet floor so I don’t. When we have sex with a condom, from behind, me bent over touching the wall, I am thinking that I am never going to cum from this, public sex was fun with Silverlining, but this isn’t that… This isn’t that can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other type of chemistry that makes me want to fuck in a public space. So when Dom Dom surprises me with my ultimate fantasy – that not many people know, I don’t think I’ve mentioned it much here, but I want a threesome with Silverlining & Dom Dom. I wanted it when I was with Silverlining the first time & I still do. Two men I trust that won’t do anything I didn’t want them too – however it would be a bit of a pissing contest as I know Silverlining would want to be in charge but wouldn’t want to look like a dickhead in front of me or another guy, so when Dom Dom starts saying to me while fucking me “You know you want Silverlining in your ass & me in your mouth, fucking you at the same time” He keeps talking so dirty to me about what the two of them would do to me that I imagine Silverlining is there with me & I cum pretty hard, it’s probably the hardest I’ve ever cum with another guy who wasn’t Silverlining.

As we’re leaving the public toilets, his phone rings & he says it’s his wife, so he scurries off, leaving me without a kiss goodbye, without the thought of how I might be feeling after that… I guess I don’t have to matter to him really, I mean I am just a piece of ass – I know he says we’re friends but lets face it, the guy lies to the woman he loves every day, so what makes me think that he’s honest with me!?

I try to explain to him a few months later about how I felt when Dom Dom actually asks me if he’s done something wrong & why I haven’t made time to have phone sex, why I don’t just want to watch him jerk off while I sit there trying to be interested… Because I want more than that… I deserve more than that. I don’t want him to leave his wife for me, but I don’t want to be the side piece that always gets hung up on & forgotten about. I am not sure if he even understands how that feels… I still don’t even know if he really gets it… I don’t think he’ll ever truly get it…

A week or so after I fuck Dom Dom in a public toilet in the city, my gut wrenches…. He’s back… Do you remember who Marvel is?! OOOOH, I love a good bit of intrigue! Hahaha… He’s back… He’s mother-fucking back!

#IBD4U