Italian

Many years ago in my early twenties, way before I was ever with Boyfriend, I used to go out with a group if people that I used to work with at Foodland. Italian used to be best friends with one of my good friends so he was always around, coming out with us, which was cool because he was cool… One night, he & I worked out that we actually went to the same primary school & knew each other from there too as well as work. This is Adelaide for you, everyone knows everyone. I’m actually surprised that so many people get away with cheating! Hahaha. But anyway…

Nothing ever happened with Italian because I ended up with boyfriend & they were good mates too being that they worked together. We kinda lose contact a few years while I am playing house & living with boyfriend – boyfriend & I didn’t go out as much when we bought the house but then when we broke up, I started going out with the friends again & Italian was always around again because he is friends with my good friend.

I’d just moved back into my parents house for a while while I rent out the house I own & save money to go to Canada to live for a while. Italian lives around the corner in the same suburb so we swap numbers, messaging every now & then. He seemed to be available to pick me up from parties when I’m too drunk & then he takes me out for long drives when neither of us have anything to do. (This is obviously before petrol cost more than a kidney transplant per litre)

We kiss many many times over a few months of this routine of him picking me up, us chatting & driving then going parking. One night when he pulls up, switches off the car we are kissing with heavy petting, he then pushes my head down to suck his cock (that was a pet hate back then, I always hated when they pushed your head down to suck them, like I always preferred to do it because I wanted to, not because they pushed me down there!) We’re sitting in the dark & I’m sucking his cock, I remember asking him if he’s going to cum, he says no, so I stop. But after all this action with him we never go out on a date, like dinner & a movie or even just drinks, just the 2 of us. When we go out with friends – which was most weekends, we’d always end up in the taxi together because we live so close to each other, yet we never actually sleep together – that could be because we’re both living with our parents at that time, we somehow just become friends who kiss once in a while & share cabs… If that’s a thing!

One night while I am house sitting my friend’s house, he’s texting me as we usually did & I invite him over letting him know that I am in bed already & in my PJ’s watching TV. He says that’s ok & he comes over. I figure that this is the night that we will finally have sex. He comes over, we kiss for a while, a long while before he takes off my top, he pushes my head down to give him a blow job but then he stops everything. He hangs around for a few minutes but then leaves. I sit there putting my top back on, feeling like the worlds biggest idiot… What the fuck just happened here & what the hell was I thinking?

He texts me later that night to say sorry that he left but his cousin went missing & his head isn’t in the right place… Rightio, at least is wasn’t me?! I don’t know if I buy his story especially since it’s about the last time we ever really see each other… He stops coming out & we lose contact again. I hear that he’s married now & here I am like 10+ years later still single & struggling to get guys to go on a second date with me!! Then the ones I do get to go on a second date with me, decide they don’t like me anyway or I am so bored on the date that I never want to see them again, yet stupidly I always give them a second, third & fourth chance.

Am I so scared of being alone that I am that willing to just let guys walk all over me all the time?

#IBD4U