A long time ago, I decided I didn’t want kids. I have talked about this many times in the blog. I do love kids & I see kids in my life but not my own kids. I know this is hard for people to understand that I don’t want them, usually they say that I’ll change my mind but I hate even more when people say “You don’t understand because you don’t have kids” in actual fact, I understand what having kids means so much that I choose not to have them of my own. I understand how difficult it is, that they have their own personality, that they will do what they want when I am just as stubborn! So I hope my future partner has them – if he wants them so the pressure is off me.
I know this isn’t my usual dating blog post but I want to talk about this because it’s quite a significant thing for my life & I think this will affect my dating life moving forward.
Noodle always threw in my face that I didn’t know what it was like to have kids & that because I don’t want kids of my own that he’d be a burden to me, but that was his issue, not actually about me – it was an easy excuse for him, I know that…. I mean I’m the one that told him that he’d get full custody & the kids could live with us, so fuck knows why he thought I didn’t want his kids…
Anyway as you may remember the day Noodle said goodbye to me the first time, I stopped taking the pill & lost another 8kgs. (Admittedly I wasn’t eating for 4 months while going through that turmoil) but I realised that when I am on contraception I put on a lot of weight, easily. So I spoke to my doctor about permanent contraception ie: tubal ligation (Basically clips will go onto my fallopian tubes to stop the egg from descending into my uterus) It can be reversed (as everyone seems to point out) however, why would I go through with this surgery if I ever intended to reverse it? The reversal surgery can cost thousands of dollars & has very low success rates – this is not a short term plan for me, get a tubal ligation that I plan to reverse… It seems so odd for people to say that. But literally the first thing people say when I say I am having it done.
I finally get my GP to refer me to a gyno & on my first visit, I never thought she would agree, however she did say that she believes in a woman’s right to choose & if I allow her to talk to my GP – who I’ve been talking about this with for a while, she will book me in. I have tried other forms of contraception & all the same, I have a lot of easy weight gain. Since stopping any form of hormones, I am much more regular & I also am able to lose weight a lot easier. This is also not advice for anyone, but hormones are just not right for me. I have been taking the pill since I was 17 & like you all know at one point in my life just before I turned 30, I was over 100kgs. So hovering around a normal weight of 70ish kgs, always seemed like a distant dream.
The surgery is next Monday. I have just paid the hospital the fee, my boss asked if I am nervous. I am not. I am excited & can’t wait for it to happen. Even though I am not currently having sex with anyone, I am happy to be getting it done. I always freak out during sex & am scared that I’ll get pregnant. I don’t really believe in abortion as a form of birth control & having tried a lot of other contraception methods such as being on the pill since I was 17 to basically mid 30’s then going off it, losing 35kgs, then going back on it & putting on 10kgs. Going off it & losing the 10kgs, I am happy to have this done in the hopes that my weight will stabilise but my anxiety when having sex will be reduced.
I guess the one concern I have with this surgery & making this final decision, is telling a future partner. I mean I always have had it on my online profiles that I don’t want kids but if I had a dollar for every time someone said “You might change your mind” I’d be rich enough to retire. Hahaha. But going through with this now, without Noodle, it’s the only time that I really think, am I doing the right thing?So the surgery went well, besides being excruciating pain for a couple of days after, I think because my insides were screaming to reject the clips just clasped on them. I still get asked when I tell people if it’s reversible. I’m not sure why I would go through all that pain to reverse it! It was the most painful thing I have ever had done & I had a breast reduction 7 years ago, this was way worse!
Fast forward to today – Almost a year since the surgery, I haven’t regretted my decision & my weight has stabilised – even loosing more weight. There is only one down side & that is that when I am seeing someone, I can’t just skip my period & have sex whenever I want. I have to plan carefully when I can see a guy.
I tell this story as part of my blog as it is part of my story. I guess you will have to wait & see how much the will affect future relationships.