So I am invited to a Private swinger’s weekend, I know a few people just from the chat app but I’d met a few in real life too now through Rope & Switch, even Sleezeball, so I felt comfortable in going to meet people I didn’t know – meeting some people I didn’t know or hadn’t even chatted to ever before. I knew I was safe as it’s all about consent but was still glad I told a close friend where I was going, just in case – You never know right! This is why I think it’s really important that anyone kinky or embarking on a kink journey to tell people around them about what they are planning. I mean I’ve said it before, what if something happened to you & no one knew where you were because you were trying to keep your life a secret. I’m not saying you should all start a blog & tell everyone you know to read it, but at least tell one person close to you that someone is going to tie you up.
Unfortunately a month before, I get my period & when I look at the diary, I realised that the weekend away with these new friends, will be smack bang in the middle of my next one! Damn you Mother Nature! I am not on the pill anymore – I stopped it the day Noodle & I ended because I don’t like the hormones as I’ve discovered they cause a lot of my weight issues & lucky for me shark week is very regular & is only 3 days long, so I didn’t want to mess with that by starting to the take the pill for a short time while I am waiting to have my tubes tied (I don’t think I’ve told you that story, but I have seen a surgeon to start the process of having my tubes tied. I will have a blog on this later.)
So I pull out of the weekend & get my refund. The best part about leaving the group was that I didn’t have to see that suburb keep popping up on my phone as the group name when someone chatted, as it was the same suburb as where Noodle lives, I also wasn’t sure I wanted to go, because I was so scared I’d see him & he’d definitely think I am just driving past to stalk him because there is no other reason I would be in his suburb really. Not that I’d ever know what he thought but I don’t want him thinking that!
A couple of weeks later, people were still trying to get me to go to the weekend, a few people private messaging me, I explain why I can’t go but they tell me just to come anyway, I don’t have to play with people, I can just come meet others. I end up giving in after meeting a few more people at Rope, who will do some candle wax drips on my back for me that weekend. I am excited for this so I get re-added to the group. I guess I don’t have to have sex or I can warn the guy, being up front & he can make the decision himself. (Some guys are weird about it. Noodle was probably the weirdest, but he was wuss with needles & blood.)
I have a work event the Friday night that they were all going up, I don’t want to be there too early on the Saturday so I get my eyelashes done, wash my hair & I rock up about 3:00 pm on the second day of the weekend for everyone else.
After having to drive past Noodle’s street & freaking out a little bit (a lot actually) – pretty much hyperventilating that I would see him or worse his partner. I don’t want him to see me driving though his suburb & wonder if I am stalking him. Thankfully I don’t see him or her, so I calm down in the car before I walk in, I need to regain some of the equilibrium before I go in & pretend to be happy, pretend to be ok with walking into a house they have hired like I haven’t got a broken heart still.
I walk in & some people recognise me right away, others introduce themselves, everyone comes up to hug & kiss me hello & I reciprocate. I feel at ease straight away with this simple gesture from everyone. It’s just like hanging out with really touchy-feely friends.
I know a few people from the chat app but I haven’t met them all in real life, so I get a drink & start chatting to everyone. I feel a little awkward at first but think that I relax into it pretty quickly. Or I hope I do. There are a lot of people asleep apparently because they all had a big night last night, it’s 3:00 pm & so I just start drinking, working out if there is anyone here that I want to have sex with if the period gods are kind to me. I have told a few people that my period will come this weekend, one of the ladies I have become friends with on the chat app says that her husband won’t care & that he wants to play with me, his name is Mav. He’s never private messaged me but she says that he’s keen.
I drink a bit as people get up from their naps. Meeting a lot more new people, there seems to be more people than beds here, but I guess this a free for all kind of thing. There is a woman there who I didn’t really like to begin with on the chat app, she is an exhibitionist & shared a lot of pictures – I guess jealously was the reason why I didn’t like her, when I look back. I only kept her in the group because she kept it active, but I grew to like her a lot as we chatted more & I finally meet her today at this party when she woke up. It was an instant friendship & now she is one of my best friends, we spent all summer at the beach – much to my disgust throwing the tennis ball. Hahaha. (She’ll love reading that!) She is the type of woman who will give you confidence to do or be anything you want to be, I need her in my life right now, it seems little but she made me wear a bikini & only my bikini on the beach… I usually cover up with shorts & a singlet, but she is the type of woman to build up another women, not make them feel insecure, not bring them down with judgement… Honestly she is the best thing for me right now & I love her for that all forgiving, motivational friendship she gives me.
Anyway, back to the party, (Sorry this isn’t a blog about my friend, but more women need to be like her!) so, a bunch of the women seem to know each other & head off inside, I want to go see what everyone is up too, but I feel like I might be intruding. Another friend from the chat app & her husband who I’ve talked about before Holden arrive. I meet them outside, they are quite shy & even though they know everyone, they are a bit shy about coming in. I was too, so I meet them out the front. I introduce them to everyone, remembering how shy they are around new people.
It’s a good night, I drink a lot but don’t seem to get drunk considering there isn’t a lot of dinner around, I do eat a lot of Cheezels as they’re my favourite & the guy who did the grocery shopping, let’s call him Melon, bought a couple of boxes for me! What a legend!
When I go to the bathroom as the night wears on, I realise that I have my period. No one has asked to fuck me anyway so maybe it’s awkward or they’re letting me settle in. I had told them on the chat app that they would have to make the first move, that I am too self-conscious with no self-esteem to do that, plus there aren’t many single people here. Most people are in a couple, so I don’t know the rules here either. Mav’s wife has said the same thing on the chat app, however she starts talking to me quietly about how much her husband wants me but he’s also shy, the 2 of them are shy, I’m shy when it comes to the first moves, so yeah this seems like it’ll never happen! Hahaha. But Mav comes up to stand behind us, putting his arms around us both, he says something about making moves & so I lean in to kiss his wife as he’s being a smart ass. He says that “Well that backfired” & we both giggle. The 3 of us go to find a room, his wife isn’t going to stay, I quickly go to the bathroom & come back to kiss them before his wife leaves us… That was a bit awkward for me, but they seemed to be ok with it. I have pretty hot sex with him, considering I am freaking out about my period the whole time, I am able to let go & cum a couple of times. He doesn’t cum which is lucky in the then end because he realises that the condom has broken, so we stop.
After that, no one else asks to fuck me. The 2 that were going to do the wax animal on me leave early & so I don’t even get that experience. There are people there that say the next day that they could’ve done it for me, but they all knew as I’d talked about it on the chat app but I don’t want to bother people to do things that they don’t want to do – so I don’t ask…
After the weekend, we start planning another one for June long weekend next year, we find a place to go & start talking about planning it. I make the admin of the group change the name of the group because I’m sick of seeing Noodle’s suburb come up in my chat all the time.
However, the June long weekend never happens… I end up leaving that chat group… Something happened that weekend that caused a bunch of the women to not like me, I still to this day, almost a year later have NO CLUE what I did or apparently said but I said something to upset someone & then a few of them decided not to like me.
I have no problem with people not liking me, I do have a strong personality when you get to know me but I would at least expect some respect from the person that I upset or people that were there, they all know what happened but no one will tell me… I feel like I’m in high school when I see some of them & they ignore me but kiss my friend hello… Fucking awkward… Well I can’t apologise or explain myself if I have no idea what I said & no one will grow up & tell me…
This elephant in the room eventually eats it’s way into some other things in my life too, relationships on the chat app & also interferes with Rope – which I hate, people that I used to be good friends now don’t even look in my direction. It makes it horrible & I start to hate going…
The kink scene is a clique, I thought I had real friends within the clique, I knew I wasn’t the cook kid, I’ve never been a cool kid, but I didn’t realise that I would end up on the outskirts… Makes me fucking sad & reminds me that I am so fucking alone & still in love with a man who hasn’t spoken to me in months… I now also have to drive past Noodle’s house home from the weekend, that I had fun at & thought I was friends with these people, only to find out there was this drama a few months later… Yeah… Things are good for a short time, then they’re shit again & I can’t stop thinking about Noodle…